Loremen Podcast - S3 Ep88: Loremen S3 Ep88 - The Tale of Crazywell Pool

Episode Date: November 25, 2021

In one corner of Dartmoor, things just ain’t right. Could it be James shouting into a different cupboard? Perhaps lockdown madness is returning? Or… is the the craziness of Crazywell Pool catching? Prepare yourself for lads on tor, a misleading witch and a bottomless pool that does not live up to its name. Learn why James will NEVER EVER buy a copy of the newspaper from the day his child was born. And take care… if this pond calls your name, you’re for it! Loreboys nether say die! Check the sweet, sweet merch here... https://www.teepublic.com/stores/loremen-podcast?ref_id=24631 Support the Loremen here (and get stuff): patreon.com/loremenpod ko-fi.com/loremen @loremenpod www.twitch.tv/loremenpod www.instagram.com/loremenpod www.facebook.com/loremenpod @JamesShakeshaft | @MisterABK

Welcome to Lawmen, a podcast about local legends and obscure curiosities from days of yore. I'm James Shakeshaft. And I'm Alistair Beckett-King. And I've got a spooky story for you, taken from a booklet called After Dark on Dartmoor. Oh, that sounds very spooky, James. It does, but I've just realised that after dark, that's just day. The morning. Tomorrow. This is tomorrow on Dartmoor.

Oh, the future of Dartmoor. Sounds a bit more like a current affairs local news programme. What's the name of the story? The Tale of Crazywell Pool. I've had to record in a different place today. Where are you? I'm in a different cupboard. It sounds, I think I can feel it.

There's something about it. I don't like this cupboard. This is a former airing cupboard that's been turned into a just linens cupboard. Right. And so it should be quite deadened. From the linen. But eagerly listeners may notice I'm not in my normal cupboard. I could just see someone sitting on the bus going, oh, linen. That's very linen-y today.

Got a little bit too much linen there. Can we take down the fader? I think I'm overly concerned because we've had some good reviews. Have you seen we've had good reviews? No. On like- What's this? On your podcast platforms. Oh, yeah?

We got one. You know they have a little title, subject headings. Yeah. You know, they have little title subject headings. Yeah. This one's called Law Kings is more like it. And I didn't write this. Wait, wait, wait. So you wrote all of them up till now, right? As many as I could be bothered to create new email accounts for, yes. That's by an American. So we haven't alienated all the Americans. Wow. Yeah. Americans are fulsome with their praise. And another American says,

what a soothing podcast. Soothing? Yeah. This is yet another person who falls asleep to our podcast. I'm sure he is. Wake up! You're not falling asleep yet.

Let's just lull them in, James. Let's get nice and soothing. Maybe talk about folklore. And then bang! Wake up! Something's over there! No, it's not. It's fine.

It's just a podcast. Genuinely, had some really great reviews recently. Nice. Thank you for writing reviews of our podcast, listener. Yeah. Let's not make you change your mind and take down that review. Oh, are you saying I shouldn't keep shouting, wake up, something's on fire? Yeah. At random moments during the podcast, because people don't like it.

I'm just concerned that all the reviews are going to be changed to, to linen-y. Linen kings are more like it. You know just concerned that they're going to, all the reviews are going to be changed to too linen-y. Linen kings are more like it. You know what's quite flammable? Linen. Wake up. You want to watch that. But I've got a new tale

for you, as ever. Lovely. Would you like to hear about it? I'd love to hear it. I'm rubbing my hands together. Oh, good. With glee. Actually, I've got a bit

of PVA on them. Partly, I'm rubbing the PVA off. That's glue. That's glue, listener, if you don't know what PVA is. Yes. I'm guessing the A is adhesive. Plastic, very adhesive.

I think it's polyvinyl acetate, but that's just what's in my head. I'd say that's more likely than plastic, very adhesive. It is polyvinyl acetate. Sorry. It's not got a silent colon in it. No, sorry. Yep, yep. It says polyvinyl acetate, colon, plastic, very adhesive.

Yeah. It's not even that adhesive. No, you're literally rubbing it off. It's entry-level glue. Children can eat this glue. I think they can, but they shouldn't. Yes. It's one of the ones where it's not that bad if they do,

but it's not one of their five a day. So, a story. Yes. I've cast my eyes to Devon, to Dartmoor specifically, because remember we talked briefly about the hairy hands of Dartmoor. Yes, I do remember that. I ordered a book, nay pamphlet. Sorry, are you telling me this pamphlet was born a pamphlet, but then married into Bookton? Yeah, I think it's a pamphlet with big ideas it's it's a it's a meaty pamphlet but it is held together with staples but it's quite bookish it's called after dark on dartmoor

by john pegg wow all of these sound really rock cast my eyes to dartmoor after dark on dartmoor collected legends and tales the devil's ghosts witches pixies and other stories oh hairy hands hairy hands you lose credibility if people don't know it already they're very prog yeah i bet there is definitely a song about the hairy hands of dartmoor there must be this book this pamph book didn't arrive in time booklet the booklet yeah booklet that just. There's already a word. Yep. It didn't arrive in time, and then I was just sort of flicking through it, and I came across the Legends

section, and I saw the heading of this section is Crazy Well Pool, near Sheep's Tor, and I thought, I've got to do this just for names alone. Is that Crazy Well Pool? Crazy Well Pool. Crazy Well Pool. Crazy Well, one word.

Crazy Well, all one word. Crazy Well. Too much of a well for crazy town, too crazy for well town. Crazy Well Pool. It's a crazy well pool. It's a well crazy pool. If it were in Warrington. And this is near Sheep's Tor.

To be clear, that's Sheep's Tor, not the Sheep's Tor. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Tor being like their name for the hills around there. The Sheep's Tor, like an Ovine version of the Apple Store. Yes, yes. You've got a lot of Tors around Dartmoor. Can't move for Tors. It's thick with Tors.

Some great names. I may as well just list these off now and we'll just rack up the points. Oh, yeah. Just drop in a load of names, James. Just do it. We've got Yes Tour. We've got Hound Tour. Nice.

Saddle Tour. Rippon Tour. Sheep's Tour, of course. Vixen Tour. Bit of a saucy tour. It actually looks like a woman's face. Oh, not a fox's face. Not a woman fox's face, no.

Brat Tour. Lynch Tour. As in David Lynch, I. Brat tour, lynch tour. As in David Lynch, I assume. Yes, very odd up there. Rot, ching, yeah. Rot, ching, yeah. Oh, does he say each word individually backwards, or does he say the whole sentence backwards?

Yeah, he memorises the entire lines backwards, and then they reverse it. Right. So he's speaking, but it sounds weird. Because you've got to know what you're going to say, what you're going to get to. It's very much the opposite of how i speak yeah but not unusual in the world of acting to be clear this is why i'd never made it to be or i genuinely still have anxiety dreams of it's the first night of a Shakespeare play and I don't even know what play it is I have that but it's always I'm always on the other side of Edinburgh and there's like a motorway running through the middle of Edinburgh so I've got to try and get across town I don't

want to pull rank here so my anxiety dreams are Shakespeare based and yours are Frogger based yeah it's exactly like a frogger and my favorite hay tour oh it's gonna hate hay is gonna hay sheep tour gonna sheep and i found out that i'd actually been on a stag do here on stag tour on stag tour no on sheep's tour yeah so and we climbed sheep's tour as part of the stags it was it was one of the more modern stag do's that isn't about yeah going on the lash this was more about no hilarious inflatable sheep for sheep's tour no good for you for resisting that even when we got to the top i don't think anyone said lads on tour now i'm really disappointed with the lads on tour now I'm really disappointed with the lads

yeah but we did climb it and it was absolutely lashing it down with rain like coming in sideways there were these sort of outcrops

of rock at the top and we were like crouched down cowering behind them as though we were under gunfire and we looked over to this other rock

and there was a couple of sheeps there also on a stag do. Yeah. They looked at us like, yeah, wrong weather, isn't it?

Cause they were like cowering in the same way we were. Really felt connection with those sheeps. But what I didn't realize when we went there is not only is this a site of massive folklore, but the town of sheep store has had some other names. I'm going to read a list of names again. Would you like to hear them? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Go for it. So at one point it was known as Skidistore, Shipistore. A Shipistore? That's just an Italian saying its current name. Excuse me, where is the Shipistore? Maybe that was it. It was the guy that does the mario voice was lost and very much in character how would you pronounce sch i'd go for sk but if it were german i'd say

okay i think it's kind of got the germanic vibe so i think at one point it was called shit store oh in 1695 and now it's called the works at one time store actual name wow so do we need to bleep that i think we're gonna have to partially bleep that yes oh unless you said in an italian accent in which case i don't think they can touch you and there was a lester as well what a sheet lester let's store like the French shop, or Leicester like Leicester? I think it's spelt more like the French shop. It might just be like this bloke that was getting bullied through the format of town name.

It's a rare style of bullying, but shockingly offensive. So, sorry, there's also a witch of Sheepster. She would give out prophecies. Do you know who Piers Gaveston is? I don't, no. Sheepster. She would give out prophecies. Do you know who Piers Gaveston is? I don't know. He was a lad, French child, who King Edward I sort of adopted to be his son's buddy, but he became too close with Edward II. And there's a lot of rumours about them being lovers and stuff.

That's what I was thinking. In Christopher Marlowe's play, Edward II, they're sort of painted as being lovers and stuff. That's what I was thinking. In Christopher Marlowe's play, Edward II, they're sort of painted as being lovers and stuff like that and outraging the court at the time. And Piers got, like, I want to say banned from the country, but I know there's a better way of saying it. What's the better way of saying banned from a country? Yeah, cancelled, I think.

Banished. Banished, yeah. He was banished, like, three times, but Edward kept, yeah. He was banished like three times, but Edward kept, like, it was always other people making him get banished and then Edward would go, no, come on. I don't think Piers helped himself. There was a point where all the barons

managed to pass a law that meant that they had a lot more power than they had before and Piers would just gave them all, like, silly nicknames. Looking at the nicknames, some of them are a bit racist. Oh, well, I can see why he was cancelled. Yeah, he was then cancelled and fell out of favour a number of times. And this witch of Sheepstor said that his humble head shall soon be high.

That sounds good, right? Okay, yeah. You and I know Shakespeare a little bit. Yeah. Maybe not all of the words. We know that when witches make prophecies that are vague, like not concrete and specific in their terms. Yeah, check the small print of these spells.

Witches and genies are known for these sorts of shenanigans. You want to go on like the seer version of checker trade and find out if other people have had prophecies for them that sounded like they were going to end up well, but actually they end up being mugged by a forest or something. Yeah, like, yeah, one star.

Turned out my murderer was born by Caesarian section. Classic. And I still think by any standards that still is woman born, isn't it? Are we saying that people who were brought forth through Caesarian section weren't born

what do you put under birth certificate do they even have one no do they have a birthday and also some twigs moving it's not a forest moving anyway

carry on spoiler alert by the way for Shakespeare Macbeth I think yeah I think I see where this is going but I'm not going to spoil it

carry on he ended up at Warwick Castle nice friend of the show friend of the show Warwick Castle these barons were there he teased them again some more and they stabbed and beheaded him oh yeah well we all enjoy

a good tease yeah that's taking it too far yeah i think it is oh it says here with a footnote there is no historical basis for this tale yes but i think he was beheaded by some barons but it's just whether a witch in devon called it so did they put his head on a spike and that's how his head ended up on high yeah i think they put it on the wall on a wall and they really did that they really put there would have been a very awful people's heads on sticks around like towns i know we talked a bit about this when we talked about april fool's gibberting gibberting gibbet. I still think that's absolutely insane that that would happen.

Well, you come in and you've got a guy's face on the wall just staring at you. Well, you'd pop your shopping in his mouth just on the carrier bag. Just hang it in there while you take your shoes off. Yes, it's convenient,

but it's disgusting. It's the murderers that have driven you to that. It's not your own fault. No, no, no, yeah, no. And also there's this pool which has its own powers. It's apparently driven you to that it's not your own fault no yeah no no yeah no and also there's this pool which has its own powers it's apparently that the actual crazy well crazy well it's so crazy is it is it

like someone you meet at sixth form who's like um i'm crazy becky it's like you're just annoying becky is it just actually an annoying well well, it's an acre big. That is too big for a well. It's a crazy well. It's so crazy, it's not a well. Yeah, that's how crazy this well is. That's how crazy Becky is. Her real name's Helen.

Well, in reality, it is probably the remains of an old mine that was filled with water. I like a flooded mine. Yeah? Thick with ghosts. Oh, yeah. Full of ghosts. Wet mine. Yeah. Thick with ghosts. Oh yeah. Full of ghosts. Wet ghosts.

Yeah. Because mines were awful. People were constantly dying in mines. Yes, they were. I said were, because of course mines don't exist anymore. No, that's why they shut them down. Health and safety got mad. I think I'm getting two things confused.

It's meant to be bottomless this well because they went to sheep store church which is apparently named after saint leonard who i think we've talked about before because he through helping a queen through childbirth was given the lands of knob black i can't believe i've never said that before i think you have yeah yeah, yeah, I've heard that before. So Sheepstall Church has six bells, and they took the bell ropes from those, tied them all together, and presumably a weight on the end,

and they popped them in Crazy Whale Pool, and they didn't find the bottom. There's about 80 or 90 fathoms. So did they have a weight on the end of the rope, and they just threw it in there like a plumb line to see how far down it went? Well, see, I was thinking about this, and I thought, oh, they must have done that. But 1890 Fathoms is 540 feet and they still didn't find the bottom. But in around the mid-1800s, it was a very hot summer and the pool dried up

and it was like 15 feet deep. What? Yeah, that's it. It was only 15 feet deep. It was 15, that's it. It was only 15 feet deep. It was 15... Were they just coiling the rope in? They just put some ropes in a pond. These people are fools.

That is crazy well. That is a crazy well. That's crazy behaviour. That's not the only crazy thing that crazy well can do. What, contain ropes is not the only thing it can do? Crazy well, at certain times of night, a loud voice can be heard calling from the pool and it names the next person to die in the parish.

Oh, nice. And people were to avoid it in case they heard their name called. Full name or just first name? I don't know. Alan! Alan! Gavin! Does that person then die by going to see what's happening in the pool

and falling in the pool? Ah, they're lured to the pool. Alan! What? Splash. Splash. Apparently another version says that if you gaze into it on Midsummer Eve, you'll see the face of the next person

to die reflected there. Mmm. Again, you. Splash. It's probably you just falling in the pool. This pool is a serial killer. I've never heard of a shouting pool, though. Shouting...

No, that's new. ...pond. Thinking about it, the sea is probably i know what previously i've said that jesus christ is the ultimate serial killer oh go on yeah but if you think about the number of people the sea has killed yeah and it's the same mo every time drowning it is and very occasionally smashing against a rock but mostly drowning mostly drowning the sea is the ultimate serial killer They should say that instead of harsh mistress. They should say ultimate serial killer.

Ah, the sea being the ultimate serial killer. They should say. They should put that warning. At beaches, they should say warning, ultimate serial killer. And then an arrow just pointing at the sea. I think they should give lifeguards better costumes then. Give it a bit more of like a superhero vibe. Oh yeah, I was thinking like the FBI.

Oh yeah, they also hunt serial killers. With a big board full of just pictures of the sea, all connected with string. It's like, come on, where is he going to strike next? It's coastal. It tends to be coastal. All right, go around the Caspian Sea like, we've got him cornered. Come on.

We can't do anything. Why not? It's international waters. Damn, he's good. Most of him's got away again. The sea, the sea. The sea, the sea. Just saying one of our catchphrases.

That's what you would shout, shaking your fist. The sea, the sea. The sea, the sea. Just saying one of our catchphrases. That's what you would shout, shaking your fist. The sea! Well, I think this is our B-movie, straight-to-streaming platform. The sea, the sea, colon, ultimate serial killer. Brackets, it's not Jesus anymore, it's the sea now. Just a picture of Jesus looking really upset. He's had the crown taken away from him.

What were you talking about? Crazy Whale Pool. Crazy Whale Pool. A noisy pond. So that's Crazy Whale Pool of Dartmoor. Great story, yeah. I've not heard of a pond yelling before. Even if I were the next person to die,

I think I'd be flattered that a pond knew my name. The sea strikes again. It's left its calling card, a puddle. I'll catch you, the sea. It's just going out with a net. Yeah. They get their guns out, freeze. I can't, too salty.

So are you ready to give out the scores? Yes. Yes, I am. Yeah? Yeah. You think you are? Okay, then. I've got a big old basket of scores.

Big old basket of scores. I've got a well, a well of scores and I'm ready to dredge up some numbers. Well, it's going to be more, I'm hoping for more than 15. Okay.

I'm hoping for near 80 or 90 fathoms worth of score. Well, we'll see. We'll see. Alistair. Yes. I'd like to see

your wriggle out of this one. Names. All right. Now, James, you know I respect you, but I don't think you can just come on this broadcast with lists of names. What? And expect me to start giving out scores for what is obviously just a list of names, several of which were just different ways of pronouncing sheep's tour.

You can't have the name sheep's tour and also the name a sheep's tour. Sheep's tour. It's the same name said differently. You've cheated, surely. A sheep's tour. Store. Sheep's tour. Sheep's tour.

The same name pronounced in an offensive Italian accent. So I'm knocking points off for that yes i am we've got north hessary tour which is written as n hessary tour which i keep misreading as necessary tour okay i like that one but to be fair you didn't tell me until just now cox tour yeah there seem to be two villages called mary tavi and peter tavi that's odd that's interesting mary and peter yeah these are these are names i'll give you that much and they're odd they're just weird like calling a town peter is just weird it's like calling a dog simon he's got a surname as well as peter tavi down the road his wife mary tavi that's very odd that's very

weird i don't know if that's one of those you know where they put the fake places on maps to check if you've copied them yes yeah that's very clever i don't know if they've done that and it was just the author and her husband i don't think they're called authors are they cartographer perhaps yes i'd love to find those and then go around making them to freak out the cartographer and they would think they had penny crayon abilities. I think it's a three out of five, four names. What? Oh my god. Hator? Yes.

Hator, is it going to hate? Yes. Yeah, you used a classic ABK move, but I just don't think you did it with the level of flourish that I usually use. I can't even have knob lack again, because I've definitely

used that before. It's firm but fair. I don't think it's fair. It's definitely firm. It's firm. Crazy Well Pool. That is a good name. Alright, it's a four, just for Crazy Well Pool, because the name is really good. And to be fair, I'd grown accustomed to it,

like when you're in an overly hot bath. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the frog. Or an annoyingly shallow pool. And you get used to it. Fine then. Supernatural. Supernatural well.

Yeah, it is a supernatural well, actually. Not intentional wordplay there. Okay, so it says people's names and then they die. Yep. And all people have visions in the well i don't think several men in a village getting ropes down from a church tying them together and then pointlessly throwing them into a pool for no real reason yeah and drawing wildly erroneous conclusions i don't think that's supernatural i don't even know that they tied them

together you know what he just threw them in one at a time. It's like very deep. I think they just didn't understand how you measure things. I hate these guys. I hate them. They had a good day out though. I bet they're having a whale of a time. No one will ever find out the truth so we can say what we like.

Imagine it's bottomless and it's 15 feet deep. Ridiculous. Humiliating. So just to be clear, is there anything else that's supernatural? The witch. Oh, the witch. Who predicted that the most annoying man in the region

would have eventually... You know what? In the country at the time. That guy who everybody hates, something bad's going to happen to him. He was banished three times. He was exiled. That's the word.

Exiled three times. Exiled. Even the French wouldn't have him. He had to go to Flanders. I think it's a two for supernatural. A shouting pond. Yeah, a shouting pond. That's not spooky, is it?

Chris! Chris! It's not necessarily scary, but it ain't right. It is supernatural, I grant you, but it's low level. This is basic stuff for a haunted well. I wonder if no one's there to hear it, does it still just shout into the night? Anyway. Yeah.

In conclusion, two. Two. Far right then. Next category, stag don't. Oh, well. That's an excellent pun. Every decision you made on that stag do was bad. Didn't look up if

there are any witches nope didn't listen out in case someone's name was shouted you weren't carrying an inflatable sheep so when you had that moment of looking over at those sheep there wasn't an extra moment of between you and the sheep that would have been more awkward yeah and and to be honest i don't think they would have joined us. Invited to the wedding. Yeah, and there were no stags. No stags on the sheep store. I think it's four out of five for stag don't.

Stag don't. Because I actually think it might have been a good bonding experience. That's the reason I'm knocking it down from full five, is that I actually think it probably brought you closer together. I think it did.

Not just to the sheep. Okay, final category. Your mileage may vary. Oh. It's one of those internet phrases. Is it? And what does it mean on the internet? It means you might not get exactly what you thought you were going to get.

Right. Doesn't do exactly what it says on the tin. Non-ron seal. More like wrong seal. Oh. So could you give me an example of my mileage may varying the uh witch telling piers that his humbled head shall soon be high oh yeah sounds like it's gonna be a good thing and he's like that sounds great and she was like why mmv and he's like i don't

know what that means she was like lol oh by the way piers gaveston piers gaveston. Piers Gaviscon. Piers Gaviscon. You might recognise his name vaguely because the Oxford Dining Society, the Piers Gaveston Society or whatever they're called. Are named after him, are they? Was named after him. And that's the sort of quite debauched one that your enemy and mine, David Cameron. Enemy of the show, David Cameron. It's the one that he was meant to have been in that led to the alleged incident with the pig's head. Ah.

And that was this, whatever they're called, dining gang. Ooh, right. The Piers Gaveston. Yeah, the pig probably would want a bit of Gaviscon. To me, that story, which is obviously not true and was obviously just a stitch-up with no evidence that should never have been published and should have negatively affected Isabelle Oakeshott's career, but didn't. That story, though, is still the most likable thing I know about David Cameron. By a long way.

That's the most relatable story I've ever heard about him. He was bullied into doing a thing at school. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Although he wasn't, apparently. Although it definitely didn't happen. As we have to say, because we're a podcast,

rather than a book being serialised in the Daily Mail. That story broke the night my child was born. The night before my child was born. So your child will never know a pre-Piggate world. Well, no, if I'd have bought... You know, like, sometimes people buy, like, the newspaper that happened on a certain day that is what would have been the front page if i'd have bought the newspaper and piggate i i mean if any listeners don't know what he

supposedly did google it yeah incogn. Incognito. Yes. What was the category, though? Your mileage may vary. Your mileage may vary. He got bad advice from the witch. Any other examples of bad advice? Your mileage in fathom-wise may vary between 540 feet and 15. Oh, very good.

Yeah, excellent. And you might think it's nice, as you say, that a body of water knows your name, but it turns out they're calling your attention. It's got a downside. To call you to beyond. To your death. Yes. That's good.

I think that's four out of five. Yes. Well done. I was very sceptical to begin with, but you won me round. There's even a poem that I didn't go near. Because the poem shouts your name and you fall into the poem.

I'm in a poem. That's my impression of you in a poem, I don't know why. I'm trapped in a poem! I'll never go home. That's me trying to rhyme poem with go home. That's the sort of annoying thing that poem do. Crazy Well is well crazy. Yeah.

So, yeah, if you're walking near a body of water and you think you hear your name, better make sure you've done your will. Classic aphorism there, James. Yes. And while you're writing endowments, consider the lawmen. Yes. And while you're writing endowments, consider the lawmen. Yes. We need money.

You can give it to us at patreon.com forward slash lawmen pod. That's right. Probably don't wait till you die to do that. Don't put it in your will. Let's not. Let's get it up front. And probably before you go near the sea as well,

because it's got previous. Have we talked about the Midsummer Murders episode with the Pudding Club? No. Do you know that episode? No. Well, I'm going to spoil it for you now. It's one of the good ones. I've only seen two episodes of Midsummer Murders.

It is literally filmed in my town. Yes. One was for a podcast that we were asked to be on. The second one, it featured the town hall. Oh. And I really was very giddy when that came over. This is town hall. Oh, that's us on the telly. No offence, but it was more of a reaction

than even when I saw you on Mock the Week. What? A town hall? I was was giddy that a town hall was on the telly i'm afraid offended you can't no offense you're aware of that you're more impressed i'd like to see that town hall plug away for 10 years on the circuit getting to that point i mean it's been there for a while how long has it been going it's been town hall in for a good hundred years oh fair enough it worked its way up from a shack. In the Pudding Club episode, there's a murder connected to a boarding school dining society

where they all eat a pudding. And at the end of the episode, it's revealed that the murders were committed with a giant spoon. Like a half a metre long spoon. Is it like a big wooden spoon is it like a big wooden spoon no a big metal spoon it's like a it's like a teaspoon but scaled up right there's no like it's a prop for the borrowers yes that's exactly what it looks like for americans honey i shrunk the kids and the other episode of midsummer murders i saw was the one where one of the motives was that someone wanted a desk. A big desk. An antiques dealer is killed with a desk because the person wanted a desk, but not that one.

They'd sold the desk to someone else. How do you kill someone with a desk? There was a stack of desks of about three desks high and they pushed the topmost desk. I mean, this is why you don't stack desks. That's why you don't stack desks. People who live in glass houses. Live by a stack stack desks. That's why you don't stack desks. People who live in glass houses. Live by a stack of desks.

Yeah. I bet a witch said, that stack of desks will see you in the newspaper. And I'm like, oh, thank you very much. I think I've done quite a good job. Excellent. Or one of the drawers sort of creaked out and went like, Martin.

Martin.