Loremen Podcast - S3 Ep93: Loremen S3 Ep93 - The Loremen Almanac 2021

Episode Date: January 6, 2022

Join us for a celebratory Lore-nanny, showcasing some of the listeners' favourite moments from 2021*. Recorded on Dec 31st, the Loremen accurately predict all the major podcasting events of the previous year. Raise a glass with deputy lorepeople Amy Gledhill, Robin Ince, Jenny Collier and Marjolein Robertson. In Dulci Jubilo! Usual (and unusual) service will return next week. * (2021) Loreboys nether say die! Check the sweet, sweet merch here... https://www.teepublic.com/stores/loremen-podcast?ref_id=24631 Support the Loremen here (and get stuff): patreon.com/loremenpod ko-fi.com/loremen @loremenpod www.twitch.tv/loremenpod www.instagram.com/loremenpod www.facebook.com/loremenpod @JamesShakeshaft | @MisterABK

Welcome to Lawmen, a podcast about local legends and obscure curiosities from days of yore. I'm Alistair Beckett-King. And I'm James Shakeshaft. And James, do you know what I really hate? Do you know what gets my goat? Oh, injustice. Also, apart from injustice? Um, bad grammar. That's right. Compilation episodes.

Don't you just hate, like, like Shades of Grey in Star Trek The Next Generation, where Riker goes into a coma and remembers things that happened earlier in the series. They did a Shades... Was it all sexy memories? It's not like Fifty Shades. It's not like... Sexy bondage with the Borg.

I wonder what you would name the captain in a sexy Star Trek The Next Generation, if any. Like a really obvious pun to do with a surname. Nope't think of one better get on with the episode then well that reminds me of a time when i slipped into a coma i think it was back in october oh yeah we did sort of a series of very spooky stories because october is the spookiest month from a wonderful book called ghosts over britain ghosts over britain i've forgotten what the noise i'm making is now the spookiest month from a wonderful book called Ghosts Over Britain Ghosts Over Britain I've forgotten what the noise I'm making is now

I've just become an old man laughing Is it a ticker tape? Is it the Morse code? Yeah yeah yeah that's what I was trying to do Maybe it was a funny

ticker that the man was reading he was really laughing at those stock market prices I think the episode you're thinking of James was

The Ghost and Mr. Chicken. A very, very sad story, as I recall. Yeah, it was sad. So in 1937, John Mahan died of bronchitis. Oh. We're into the tragedy here.

It's got real downbeat all of a sudden. He lived on Sherbourne Road and he died leaving behind his wife Jane and their five children. So she, in straitened circumstances, took on a lodger. And that lodger's name was Mr. Chicken.

Mr. Ben Chicken. Mr. Bee Chicken. Mr. Bee Chicken. I just want to be clear. He was a human. I've seen the picture of him in the book. Well, because it sounds like the naming conventions of kids' books, whereby everyone's surname is the animal that they are.

Yes. Which I always thought is impractical, because it means you can have one of each animal. Yeah, or they're all related. Yeah, exactly. Mr. Wolf. What's the time Mr. Wolf? Yes, for example.

Mr. Chicken was a human man. Not a sort of chicken boo from animaniacs situation he's not seven chickens in a trench coat no he wasn't he was it was a minor from usher moore which should be pronounced usher moore um but i pronounce it usher moore because it sounds like something that your boss would say if you worked in a cinema. Yes. Apparently, it means wolf forest more. Oh. Yeah. So Mr. Chicken probably wants to get right out of there.

He would have been glad to leave. Yes, Sherbourne Road might be a little bit down market, but at least he's free from the wolves. The terror of wolf. So that's our Mr. Chicken, the Ushermore Mr. Chicken. Now, I tried to corroborate this story, and I came upon a completely separate Mr. Chicken. London has its own Mr. Chicken. It's just like a chicken shop mascot now.

Yes. First of all, there is a branch of chicken shops called Mr. Chicken. This is all about chicken shops. Mr. Chicken is a pseudonym. This Mr. Chicken, his real name, I just can't believe this is true, his real name is Morris B. Casanova. That's his real name. How do you get a pseudonym if your real name is Morris B. Casanova? Oh, wow. He is the graphic designer who has designed every chicken shop graphic in London. So his sign company make all of them, and they refer to him as Mr. Chicken.

You need a chicken shop sign doing you go to mr chicken this was discovered by the graphic designer sharon hughes who was writing a book about the aesthetics of chicken shop signs they're much more common in london than they are in other parts of the country if you haven't seen them the chickens are always thrilled to be serving you chicken they're like really happy cartoon chickens i used to have a bit of stand-up about how they should replace them with you know know, those holograms which sort of change as you walk past. Yes.

So that as you go past the chicken shop, the chicken gradually undergoes a slow dawning realisation of everything. He's been selling out his chicken family. Yeah, he has. It's like, it's just the enthusiasm of them is way too much for a chicken selling you fried chicken.

It makes you think that maybe it's not actually chicken in them. Yeah, like why is the chicken so pleased? Is he getting one over on us? Yes. So Mr Casanova, aka Mr Chicken, reckons that 90% of London chicken shop signs were either designed by him or plagiarised from his designs.

And we're talking about big names here. We're talking about Chickenland. Yeah. Chicken Point. Hen Cottage. Favourable chicken. Are we talking about any state of the. Chicken Point. Hen Cottage. Favourable chicken. Are we talking about any state of the United States of America?

Fried chicken. Dixieland chicken. Carolina chicken. Idaho fried chicken. And of course, the pizza chicken combo shop, Chick Piz in Stoke Newington. My favourite shop in South London is in Brixton. It's hairdressers or barbers, and it's called Haircut Sir? With a question mark at the end.

Wow, that's great. I love that. So back to the tragedy. So a year after Mr. Chicken moved in as a lodger. He's probably just need to pop some new newspaper down for him every week or so fill up his grain silo a year after he moved in he and june were married and peter moss gives us a beautiful quote from mr chicken it was not love then says mr chicken just convenience real love

came later which is quite sweet they married as a marriage of convenience, but they came to love each other, and he came to feel great affection for her children. Flash forward to 1944, and I've got to be honest, Peter Moss's writing is really good, so I'm going to quote him directly here. Dreamed, or perhaps saw, he is not sure which, the figure of a perfectly ordinary working man in modern clothing standing silently beside the bed, staring hard at the occupants. The apparition stayed long enough for Ben to register every detail of face and dress, and then vanished. Okay, a dream. A one-off dream of a working man watching him and his wife sleeping, and at breakfast the next morning, probably eating eggs, I don't know. Oh.

He might feel a bit weird about that. Is like the logo is he sort of coming to the realization yeah just doing a big thumbs up and a smile but with sadness in the eyes he described the apparition he had seen to june little realizing that he was point by point describing the very visage of her late husband john ma Mahan, who had died just a few years earlier. A man who Ben Chicken had never seen. Sorry, so she's now married to Ben Chicken and she used to be married to... John Mahan. So she used to be married to a man and now she's married to a chicken. Yes. Which side is the bridge of convenience? Because there's nothing more convenient than marrying a chicken.

That was episode 82, James. Of series three. Of series three of Lawmen, the podcast. This is a long series, isn't it? It's been going on for a while. A lot of people are confused about how long this year has lasted. Two full years? Series one was eight weeks.

Series one was one episode, if I recall correctly. Like Ghost Duck or something. Who is the guest that has appeared on our podcast the most? Serial killer Jesus Christ, because he's everywhere. I didn't say friend of the show. I was, of course, thinking about deputy law people. Oh, it's Jenny Collier. It's the right honourable Jennifer Collier.

Yes. Yes. She's our Welsh correspondent. She's our romance correspondent. She's our Jenny correspondent. We don't know a lot about a lot of things. At this point, I think from this episode, she was helping get the nation vaccinated single-handedly this is back in February

of course Valentine's Day Wales and yeah she was she was at that time working for the old NHFS

we were doing nothing absolutely nothing to help I was cowering definitely you should be warned this episode sounds rude

but it's not oh yeah because it's just Welsh yeah but if you're sensitive to that sort of thing, watch out. It's amazing how sweary Welsh sounds. Do you think we got our swear words because we just thought Welsh people were swearing? Are you suggesting that Wales is some kind of bigger boy leading England astray?

Because I don't think that's historically accurate. I think it's just it's just whisper i think i think they're whispering about us is jenny with the lady of the lake not that one it's also important to know that jenny is welsh even though you don't sound that way i don't sound that well yeah so say hello to us in welsh to prove it hello do you want to know what 500 is i might have told you this already it might be too rude for the podcast no tell us i'm desperate to know do you know what 500 is pimp cunt i think i have told you i must have told you that before that's my one of my favorite facts

that's a bleeping challenge a blallenge i yeah i mean i might have told you does it need bleeping though because it's just a welsh word for 100 uh yeah out of respect to the welsh do we have to leave it unbleeped or out of respect to literally everyone else do we have to believe it yeah okay here's one that's slightly family friendlier family or friendly do you know i might have told you this already as well carrot what's carrot moron oh nice moron 500 carats is just a string of insults. Yeah, buying in bulk at the grocery is a nightmare. It's not a riot.

This story, I've also researched it, Jenny. It's another hard-hitting Welsh romance, isn't it? It is. What would you call it? What's the name of it? I'm saying that because I can't pronounce the name. The way I pronounce it is rude. It's rude? Well, I definitely want to hear your version

before I say mine. Lleny fanfach. I had no idea you were going to make it sound that rude, but you really did. How should it be pronounced? Llenyfanfach. Oh, the f is a V. Yeah.

Llynyfann Fach. Llynyfann Fach. And I don't... I'm sorry, I just said but in Welsh then. I was saying but. Llynyfann Fach. But I don't know if that sounds rude to you, but I've got rude blindness because I just hear the Welsh.

But mine didn't sound rude, did it? No. Just delightful and elvish. Yeah. Yeah. Llynyfann Fach. Am I saying that right? No. No, no. Just delightful and elvish. Yeah. Yeah. Llynne van Vach. Am I saying that right? Yeah, that's correct.

Lovely. Or you could say the legend of Nelverch and Gwyn. I could say that. With a bit of a run-up. They're in a place called Midfai, about 750 years ago. Llynne van Vach is a lake in the area where Gwyn resides. It's up a mountain, isn't it? It's in the Brecon Beacons, I believe.

Some people believe it to be bottomless. Magical, in fact. There's a farmer called Gwyn, and now a farmer in Welsh is ffermwr. Okay. With a double F at the beginning. And he is tending his livestock,

takes them down to graze around near Llyn y Farnfarch around near Llinnafanfarch. Llinnafanfarch. And so I'll tell you what happens. Yes, please. Oh, shall I? Okay. So he's there with his animals.

And then one day when he's there, he just sees this unbelievably beautiful woman coming out of the lake. Not to be mistaken for the other lady of the lake in wales they look they've got a few ladies of lakes so this is not the classic arthurian here's your sword mate exactly lady of the lake different lady of the lake different lady different lake different lady different lake really fit woman the other one was just an arm really wasn't she but this one she's just hanging around being fit being really fit being in gwyn's eyes the most beautiful woman

he's ever met um i think it partly might be the fact that she's naked i think that might contribute to him thinking that like being so blown away she's also wearing sandals interesting choice and yet when i'm naked with sandals it's a court. As in you then have to do a court appearance. That's not how you tend to show up to court. So he tries to like tempt her out of the water with some bread. A bit like she's a duck. That was episode 57.

57. Or 7 and 50, if it was the olden days. Two score and 17. Or French, where it'd be like two twenties and seventeen. Yeah. To be fair, I know you've got a lot of anti-Gallic sentiment, but I agree with you on the numbers thing. They make you do a lot more maths than you need to.

I don't like maths either. Which leads me almost neatly. No, this link doesn't make any sense at all. I think the most scientific investigation we carried out in this series was for the Ghost in the Window episode. Oh, yeah. Where I reconstructed a Victorian

phantasm, which remains unexplained to this day. And even after I did all that work, stayed unexplained. You must have used maths. Angles is maths. I used angles, I used numbers, I used all the used maths. Angles is maths. I used angles. I used numbers. I used all the top maths guys. The big maths hitters.

And then annoyingly, the standout moment in that episode was, of course, well. We're not going to lie. Well, here it is. Made of Beezus saying, didn't expect to learn this much German from a folklore podcast. Not going to lie. Not going to lie. Not a lot of that was actually German. So do watch out.

Is that what NGL means? I assume it means not going to lie. What do you think NGL means? Nigel. I thought it was a thing. Can anyone confirm if I'm right? I just assumed it was not going to lie. Could anyone confirm if I'm right? I just assumed it was not going to lie. Could anyone confirm if I'm right?

That was from episode 74. So I spent hours and hours painstakingly researching something only for you to blunder in with your ignorance, James. Also, it was a visual thing that you did, so it only works for the YouTube Live version. It got completely cut from the audio version. Yeah, I did reconstruct in stunning lawnmower man style 3D the church, a Victorian church, which has been, well, changed.

So you can't go there now. You can see all the lives on our YouTube. They're archived on there. You can see my face realising how I'd been wrong for all this time. The NGL doesn't stand for Nigel. I've now realized that there might be some people that think DVD means David. But that is not me. At the very least, I know that DVD means digital versatile dish.

Wi-Fi is a brand name. Like Tannoy. It's not short for anything. It's just, it's called Wi-Fi. I didn't know that. Just sounds like hi-fi, so I thought it was cool. Speaking of brand names, did you know that Robin Ince is actually a brand name? Really?

Yep. We use it to refer to any pretty naturally bookish gentleman. But it actually refers specifically to the comedian Robin Ince. Right. That's what it was named after. Yep. Yep. He's what it was named after. Yeah. He was a good guest.

We actually never got to talk about what he was contractually there to talk about. Yeah, the episode was so good, we didn't get around to the story that we had intended to do with Robin Ince. Can you imagine Robin Ince going off on a tangent? And we had like 30 solid minutes of extra stuff that went on the Patreon, I think. Yeah, that's basically, it's like a sort of Mirror World episode, isn't it?

That's Robin Ince in the Upside Down. Let's listen to about 30 tangents then, which takes place over the course of like two minutes. He's got an amazing mind. My understanding is that, you know, some creepy stuff has happened down your manor. I mean, one of the things that's very beautiful here is the local manor house, which also for fans of The Crown, doubled up as Churchill's House Chartwell. There's one of those, you know when you see an oak tree or a large tree that you cannot believe it's still alive because so much of it, it's this incredible hollow. So the whole of the center is gone it's a very i i would say it is probably uh for for an average adult human it's

probably about one and a half arm spans in terms of the the girth wow of the trunk and that was apparently where uh when queen desmond first visited the manor house she hid in uh in that tree and jewels were hidden there um or indeed her jewels merely fell off i heard that she lost her jewels why was she hiding in that oak that's it's you know what back in the old days there were a lot of oak trees and the virgin queen i'll tell you what i don't know an oak tree where she didn't lose her jewels for the listener's benefit you took a little sip of tea there after that one. Black coffee, mate. I'm a beatnik, okay?

I beg your pardon. You don't read this much Kerouac and have tea at this time of day. Say he drinks black tea. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said he drank tea. That was episode 64 of series 3. The next clip, this is from another live episode, which was called The Penryn Tragedy, which was a Cornish...

Classic murder your own kid scenario. Not our advice. No, no, no. Oh God, no. Very much not the message of the podcast, but the plot of that episode. Absolutely not. Please don't take that out of context.

If you'd murder anyone, remember, that's someone's kid. Yeah, yeah. I think we have to fade up the clip quite early in this bit. Yeah. Final category, the Pirates of Penn's Bants. Oh! I think not since Dean Swift have we had such a rascalsome lad. Yeah.

Such a banter-saurus. He's Banter and Commander. I can't remember the rest of that film name. Does that work for any other... Boat-based films? Yeah, Mutiny on the Banty. That's really good. And Das Bant.

But that's about a submarine. Should we just end all the streams now with that one? Yeah, that's the end of the show. I think I'm going to end everything with that. It's five out of five, purely for Das Bandt. For Das Bandt. God, imagine being on that submarine. The constant...

And also, they're all German. German bants. Like, oh, I said we've got the normal scissors. These are left-handed scissors and they all fall about laughing. We have got you. We've got you with one of our jokes. But we really need the scissors because we're on a submarine. We can't just get some more scissors.

Are you making fun of me for thinking scissors will be necessary on a submarine? You might be doing cutouts. You might be doing a bit of craft. You've got to pass the time. That was episode 77. Clickety-click 77. And I think the banter, the laddy banter, is one of the things people enjoy about this podcast.

You know, the testosterone-fuelled laddishness of the podcast. joy about this podcast. You know, the testosterone-fuelled laddishness of the podcast. We're keeping the spirit of 90s lad humour alive, I think. Yeah. Our jokes whack you around the back of the head like a rolled up FHM. Yes, exactly. If you don't know what a magazine is, it was like a website. It's like a stuck website that you could hold in your hand. And if you don't know what an FHM was, it was a a magazine which is the further link you need to understand what we're talking about and if you said fhm magazine you were making the same mistake as saying pin number i might put my pin

number in at the atm machine then buy an fhm magazine a pin number was a sort of it was like a wireless payment but involving your fingers. Well, it's January now at the time this is released. We are recording this on New Year's Eve 2021. 2022. No, not, no. Oh yeah, New Year's Eve 2021. New Year's Eve 2021.

Preparing ourselves for 2022. Sorry, I think I was a little short with you there, James, and I'm sorry. I'd like to apologise. No, that's, no, that's. You did get short with you there, James, and I'm sorry. I'd like to apologise. No, that's... You did get the date wrong by an entire year. Full year out. Famously, it's a day of revelry. Mm-hmm.

Drinking. Mm-hmm. Cheeky, cheeky laddish drinking. That's us all over. Boozing, beer, carousing. Mm-hmm. Do you see what I'm setting up here? Mm-hmm.

What if I were to use the words, Indulge jubilee. Brother jacandus. Do you see what I'm setting up here? What if I were to use the words, In Dolce Jubilee! Brother Jacundus. Brother Jacundus. It almost is its own exclamation. Brother Jacundus. This was such a fun episode with the guest Amy Gledhill. Oh, yeah.

From television. We say radios, but by this point... She's subsequently been televised. I think she's on the Asda advert this Christmas as well. Is it Asda's? I think it's Asda's. I think it's the Asda's. Could be the Tesco's. Yeah, she's the voice of Asda's. She's the face of Amy Gledhill.

Yes, she is. She's in a lot of good stuff from this year as well on the telly. Alma's Not Normal is brilliant. That's got both of the delightful sausages in it, hasn't it? Double sausage. And this episode was a joy to record and features a reveal of coincidence. It was quite a moment. Serendipitous.

Serendipity? Yep, you betcha. And sauce. This chap, our hero, Brother Jocundus, he became a monk, sort of, it seems to be by accident from the tellings. He sort of, I think he got a bit hungover and felt a bit glum. So he became a monk, not really thinking it through. And then he had to be a monk. He had to live on veg, bread, small beer and only six hours sleep a night.

Because this particular brand of monk used to get up before dawn to do monk stuff. Yeah, monk stuff. Monkey about. Matins, would it be? Praying and singing and stuff. And he did quite well, but it was a full year, and then it was coming up to Bar Follemnews Fair, which is quite a debauched fair.

The London version used to go on for three days. It was banned in the end because it was too carousy. Like Leeds Festival. A bit like Leeds and or Reading Festival. I think people have forgotten the real meaning of Bartholomew's Fair. I think it's got too commercial. Fun fact, St Bartholomew was flayed and then beheaded. That is fun.

That is a fun fact. Yeah, what a lovely little fun fact. St Bartholomew was flayed and then beheaded. That is fun. That is a fun fact. Yeah, what a lovely little fun fact. St Bartholomew of skin lack. Head lack. Behead me first, I'd say. And then you could probably bring the skin with it if you do it. Like when you do a satsuma just right, so it looks like an elephant.

And so from his cell, he could hear the sounds of Bartholomew Fair and he really wanted to be in that fair. He wanted to be chasing those greased pigs. He wanted to be looking at the little sideshows of oddities. York uni students. Call them by their name. York uni students. Smell pots and greased pigs have always inhabited York. And so he snuck out at night, and he got the keys off the porter and he was just about to

go out and he realized gonna need a little bit of cash here so he took the money out of the poor box and he ducked out into the streets to carouse and carouse it was I don't know any other time appropriate words for that. Tell you what he is, moral lack. Oh, yes. If anything, gosh. Out of the poor box. Which should be emptied every day anyway as a security measure.

With a little sign on it saying no arms kept in here overnight. Monks have no access to the safe. So he went out. He went out. He he got to the fair he's partying hard he's gone to the side shows he's looked at the spotted boy and the bearded woman and he had a go on the giant seesaw because that was what was fun in the past it was a big huge seesaw and he rode it with a beer in his hand sabine makes a point of saying he had a beer in his hand as he went up and down on this seesaw crying out in dolce jubileo up up up we go that was his um sort of chant in dolce jubileo means oh i looked

it up and i've forgotten sweet happiness yes it means in sweet happiness and then because he's drinking a strong festival ale he's been on small beer for a year which is quite low alcohol isn't it small yes yeah yeah it doesn't mean that the cups were actually tiny and delightful they probably were as well though i assume they were quite twee little hobbit cups but it mainly means that it wasn't that alcoholic it's like about under three percent or something like that but he's drinking festival beer carlin or summit yes your carlings your brother's pair ciders he's probably taking everything anybody has given him as well during whatever he's been

on offer he's in there oh yeah you're not getting on a seesaw without, you know, a bit of summit that someone slips you, are you? A couple of stink pots. I'll have half a smell pot. Come on, get me on a seesaw. Turn them screams up. Just nodding along to the screams. Back at St Leonard's Priory, the porter woke up.

His keys are gone. He wakes the friar up. He looks in the poor box. The poor box is gone. They get all the monks down. Brother Jocundus is gone. Oh, gosh. A quick tonsured head count.

Slap, slap, slap, slap slap slap slap slap slap slap that's not the right number of slaps wait a minute again like a slow hand clap yeah so what they did is they sent the two most boring monks to go and find him because they knew that they wouldn't get distracted by the fair that would be me i mean you've been to glastonbury with me, James. You know what I'm like. A very boring monk. A very boring monk, yeah. Yeah, so these two boring monks find Brother Jucundus

falling off the big old giant seesaw. He's drenched in the ale. He's leathered. So they have to take him back in a wheelbarrow. And he's still singing as he's going. He's in Dolce Jubileo. Up, up, up we go. He sings it to the porter as he goes by.

In Dolce Jubileo, up, up, up we go. And he's wheeled into where all the monks still are, fuming. The disapproval room. Yeah. And he's tried there. He's tried then and there. And they say, have you got anything to say in your defense and he goes and so they're right you're going to be sentenced for this

you're going to be walled up in the cellar what to death what yeah that is too much that is too much it's a lot in it i was having a look at another one of me one of my folklore books of the northeast and it seems to be a reasonably common occurrence just getting walled up it's what they do in in houghton castle is it houghton castle alistair uh houghton i think houghton castle there's the ghost of someone who's walled up with a lovely name screaming armstrong oh i like that oh that's the ghost of a night that was walled up one time anyway so they they take brother jacundus down to the cellar still in the wheelbarrow down down down they go yeah he sings down down down we go they prop him up in a little nook and they give him one cup of water and a bit of stale old bread. Why? What's the point?

The last thing you want is to be walled up in a cellar needing a wee. Why? Don't give him a drink. You're just making it worse. Apparently, they're so good at this warden up, it only took them 15 minutes and they'd walled it up. And by this point, Brother Jekundus is starting to realise this is not the end to the night that he envisaged.

Oh, dear. He probably wanted to cop off with either the bearded woman or the spotted boy. It's been a year. And he pushes against the wall, and it's solid, and he's trapped. He's basically been buried alive. And he starts to panic, and he pushes and he pushes, and he braces himself against the back wall to push off.

The back wall caves in. What? Yeah. The last thing I was expecting push off. The back wall caves in. What? Yeah. The last thing I was expecting. The old wall behind him caves in. He finds himself in a basement. In a basement of another priory. In a basement of St Mary's Priory.

They built two priories next to each other. Yeah, St Mary's Priory is where the museum is now. In fact, if you go to the basement of the Yorkshire Museum, there is still the basement of St Mary's Priory, where this took place. It had a very famous wine cellar. On the subject of that area, I once saw a policeman chasing a naked couple who were having sex in the ruins of the Abbey.

Oh, my God. I was literally thinking about whether to tell you or not that I had sex. Were you chased by a policeman? I was like, don't say that. Yeah. Well, no, it was a PSO, PSCO. What are they called?

Community Support Officer. Yeah, that's it. Can PSO, PSCO. What are they called? Community Support Officer. Yeah, that's it. Can't do anything to you. We've got no training. They could just have a look. I was doing CPR on him. Oh, that's so funny. I was like, don't say that.

Don't bring the tone of the podcast down, Amy. Well, I can't tell if you're joking about having had sex there now. No, I genuinely did. You didn't get caught though, right? Yes, genuinely by a PCSO. On a bike. I think, Amy, I think I saw you having sex in the museum. Yeah, there was just this creepy guy just staring at us.

There was this creepy monk. Just doing little drawings in my sketchbook. There's this creepy monk. Just doing little drawings in my sketchbook. There's nothing wrong with that. It's just an army. Wow. Well, the mystery is solved. Wow.

That... I think we can end the podcast forever. On that. That is a series ending. I think we can end podcasts. Lovely that. That is a series ending. I think we can end podcasts. Lovely that. You have been listening

to the Lazy Lazy Lawmen compilation episode with me, Alistair Beckett-King and me, James Shakeshaft. Plus deputy law people, Jenny Collier, Robin Ince, Amy Gladhill, and Mary-Elaine Robertson. Wait a minute, we haven't heard Mary-Elaine Robertson. Just keep listening

after the music, there'll be a bit more. Is it one of our world-famous post-credits scenes? It is one of our trademark post-credits bits, so keep listening. I think the MCU nicked it off us. Well, thank you so much for listening to this episode and every episode you listen to in 2021. 2021.

And thanks for listening to this best of, even if you'd listened to all the bits before. How far is the ferry out of interest? You have to go to Aberdeen and then it's about 12 to 14 hours. Jesus. I know, Aberdeen. Jesus. Since I've recently gotten loose on assembling the episodes,

I actually did a double post-credit recently. I know I couldn't help myself I was actually quite angry about that but you can't have a post credit

you can't have a post post credit bit it's too much