Loremen Podcast - S4 Ep23: Loremen S4 Ep23 - Ghosts Over Ilmington

Episode Date: December 1, 2022

The Cotswold village of Ilmington is home to a surprising number of spectres. True, several of them might be the same horse seen from different angles, but when have little things like "proof" or "reason" stood in the way of an episode of Loremen? This outing also includes a couple of lessons in old-timey film-making and the fundamentals of time travel. (Just basic stuff like whether driving into a cart full of manure is good or bad.) To support our endeavours and get access to the bonus episodes (including the outtakes from this episode) join us on https://www.patreon.com/Loremenpod PS: That drizzly day out in Swaffham... https://youtu.be/mh_AffvghsM Check the sweet, sweet merch here... https://www.teepublic.com/stores/loremen-podcast?ref_id=24631 Support the Loremen here (and get stuff): patreon.com/loremenpod ko-fi.com/loremen @loremenpod www.instagram.com/loremenpod www.facebook.com/loremenpod

Welcome to Lawmen, a podcast about local legends and obscure curiosities from days of yore. I'm James Shakeshaft. And I'm Alastair Beckett-King. And once again, due to scheduling errors, we've not managed to record the intro together. What are you talking about? I'm here, James. I'm right here. We do record the story together, don't you worry. I know that, I'm here. It's a very spooky one coming up. And that is a very spooky one.

I just said that. Coming up right now now which i have named wait wait wait wait stop ghosts over ilmington he can't hear me am i a ghost i'm really ready i've got two books in front of me folklore mysteries of the cotswolds the other book i've got is ghosts and witches of the cotswolds uh what i want to talk to you is ilmington oh the warwickshire village of ilmington which is within the borders of the cotswolds hence the books and we are in the venn diagram of ghosts witches folklore and mysteries that's very much what the podcast is about and

this is squarely in the center of that apart from no witch right not that much of a mystery oh no there's a couple of mysteries actually we'll spot those on the way but folklore and mysteries are part of their histories along with the secret of gummy berry juice wait that was the lyrics are from the gummy bears that is the lyrics from the cartoon the gummy bears yeah which i guess is a tv adaptation of the suite great question i don't know me neither but i don't think the actual suite was ever officially tied into the the wider gummy bear cinematic universe into the gummy bear canon. The GBCU. Yeah, I don't think they ever did a tie-in.

They either missed a trick or there was a lot of litigation going on behind the scenes. You're probably in a real Ghostbusters situation. We're in a real, real Ghostbusters situation right now. If you want to understand any of these references, just... Just become in your late 30s. Or get a time machine and um follow me around in the late 80s early 90s so there are two options there so also another side bar we haven't even got to the main bar but um maybe this didn't happen to you but i have a quite

maybe this is because i have quite a generic face but when i was younger i'd often see grown-ups who i felt looked a bit like what i would look like when i was a grown-up yeah i did that a lot obviously only with ginger occasionally i would see a sort of long hair ginger guy yeah i would think i wonder if that's me from the future come with a message but they tend to just go about their own business is that is that a universal experience i assumed it was just, I was about to ask you if you ever had that feeling that is that me from the future about to deliver me a message? All the time. Okay, good.

Either... So it's either just us or it's everyone. And that is why we are making this podcast. Or it is a really big universal, and that, Alistair, as a gift from me, that can be your Michael McIntyre's man draw. I remember when you were a kid and you thought you saw yourself from the future,

come back to warn you not to start a podcast. If this podcast becomes too powerful, then we would have a reason to go back and, but it probably made more sense for me to go back and warn you and you to go back and warn me to avoid a paradox. But then what if this is that bit of material and future you needs to go back to the past to tell you that bit of material in order for you to be able to do that joke?

Yeah, if I'd just had a good joke before now, I feel like it would have helped my career. So I could just pop back having thought of one. Yeah. But then in this scenario, I've just made myself you from the future by telling you this i can't believe you've biffed me i absolutely biffed you hey i've almost griffed you i'm sorry you've griffed me have you i can't remember i mean they're all the same guy it's very it's a confusing film it's buford blank blank grandma

biff someone Griff. Yes. Is how it works. Because I think there must be someone between Biff and Griff. Because Griff is like going to be a teenager. And 2015 Biff is an old, old man who dies in a cut scene. Oh, really? Yeah.

After he uses the time machine to create Bifferific 1985, the alternate version of 1985 where Biff is all powerful. Yeah, which is just like the normal version of reality now. What I imagined America was actually like. Yeah, exactly. In the late 80s. Probably with less, not as many bikers, probably. I figured bikers were prevalent.

I figured America was thick with bikers, which is why I did so much research into their gang names and learned of my favourite biker gang name, the Bandidos. I forgot about the Bandidos. In saying that, I don't wish to offend any other biker gangs. I think all your names are lovely. So anyway, Ilmington, this is where the Venn diagrams meet. And first of all, I'm going to tell you a fun little case of false witness. So in 1848, there was a murder trial. There was probably more than one, but there was one in particular of a chap called James Blomfield Rush.

And a man from Ilmington, this little village, gave false witness. And subsequently, James Blomfield Rush, who was an author... He sounds like an author. ...was hanged. He was hanged? Yeah, he was hanged. It is said that false evidence was given at that trial by a chap from Ilmington. The Ilmington villagers made an effigy of that guy, the perjurer,

and hanged it from a poplar tree in Crow Yard. Oh, so they all knew he'd lied. They made up a rhyme or rap about it. of that guy, the perjurer, and hanged it from a poplar tree in Crow Yard. Oh, so they all knew he'd lied. They made up a rhyme or rap about it. Would you like to hear that rhyme or rap? Yes, I would, James. I was about to ask. Please, could you relay that to me?

This old bloke to Warwick went, false witness for to be. James Bloomfield Rush was for murder hung. This man for perjury. This man, he wasn't actually hanged for perjury. They're talking about the effed for perjury they're talking about the effigy yeah the man in sort of sort of a guy forks thing but more of a harrowing image so it's somehow even more of a harrowing image than making an effigy of a man and setting it to light every single year with kids with kids present not using them like firelighters. No, no, oh God, no, no. Not as kindling. You've confused kinder with kindling.

A tragic typo. Which must be a real issue in Germany. There's no ghost associated with that. Just thought you'd like a little rhyme. Yeah, I did enjoy the rhyme. So he was never brought to justice except through the medium of rap. Through the medium of rap and effigy. Right, yeah.

More ghosts? Or actually some ghosts, question mark? Yes, please. Would you like? Mmm, civil play. So there's a night coach. Well, that sounds just convenient, a coach that you could pick up at night time, James. Yeah, and it goes all the way from Mickleton, your friend and mine, Mickleton, home of the

Mickleton Hooter. Of Mickey Hoots fame. Mickey Hoots! And I think it carries on to Ebrington, home of the Yubberton Yornies. Yubberton itself. When you said Ilmington, I was wondering if it was pronounced something like Yarnbra. It may well be. Based on the Cotswold Conventions.

It better not be, because I've had my fill of being told how to pronounce things by people on the internet thank you very much he's mad as hell he's not going to take it anymore the bad side about um if you wanted to catch this coach is it only travels in an easterly direction so it's a it's a one-way coach that's a little mysterious from mickleton um and then they disassemble it at one end and build a new coach back in the west you say they disassemble it when they rebuilt it they made a little error because i think the horses were all headless oh made a real error there scraping around the bottom of the lego box can't find them can't find the heads just put it out we've got to put the night coach on. There's two coaches around here, and they're both on pig lane.

So I'm thinking they might just be the same ghost coach. Yeah, yeah. Unless you see the two ghost coaches simultaneously, two sightings of a ghost coach on the same lane, I would say that's the same coach. Unless one of them's travelling in a westerly direction. Yeah, maybe that's the return coach. So it was first seen in 1782 in the daylight which is i mean it's already running late for a night coach yeah it was seen by a local farmer uh a person of some education and reading

and an able and successful man of business is that one person or three people no that is one person that's one person good well done to him with three hats because it's often it's often the case that someone's got a job someone is intelligent and someone does well in business and it's not always the same person um no this guy he was uh walking the downs and he became conscious of a large vehicle nearby a heavy coach drawn by four dark horses passed silently by him yeah so close he felt he could have reached out and touched it but he didn't and it went over the brow of a bank and it vanished into the mist and it was such rough ground with bushes and whatnot

there's no way there's no way a coach that big could have got through there and certainly not without making a sound is what this farmer said and uh need i remind you he's a person of some education and some education yeah he didn't mention that the horse is being headless to be fair no i've i've conflated that with the second coach uh also in the pig lane area uh this one the drivers and the horses are all headless and there is a passenger who's presumably got ahead thought to be the ghost of a local man who murdered a business rival so he was presumably a person of of not much educational reading some business acumen which was murder business is business james yeah that's what happens our podcast we grows very acrimonious as as the patreon increases oh yeah increasingly tense and that's why i have

to travel back in time to warn child us not to murder each other not to murder each other just for two seconds stop murdering each other please for a minute guys those are not the only horse based spookies horse based spookies is that horse based is that all right for a minute guys those are not the only horse based spookies horse based spookies is that horse based spookies is that alright for a new term yep

there is a single horseman who haunts the paths and lanes around the village on Christmas Eve and New Year's Day

are those the names of his horses no he's only got one boss it's a little joke it's a little joke because you said he haunts them on Christmas Eve

that you call a on Christmas Eve. You call a horse Christmas Eve. They probably have. You've seen the racing post. I haven't. I don't take the racing post. Well, you've seen horse names. Yeah, yeah, they've got funny names. Where do they get those crazy ideas from?

I don't know. You know what? If I ever meet, generally, if I meet a horse person, that is going to be my question, is where do you get your ideas for crazy ideas from it belongs in the same area of quote unquote humor as pub quiz team names beer names oh yeah yes nowadays although the golden age of the punning beer name i think is gone yeah old maid's chin some very foul images conjured oh yeah that was the best i could do that would be podcast

acceptable yes thank you very much so yeah this guy he was a big fan of hunting and you know what alistair he was more of a fan of hunting than he was of god well god's not gonna like that at all no he went hunting on the sabbath not on the sabbath aka sunday yeah if you're christian which this guy is other sabbaths are available yes other deities other monotheistic and multi-theistic multotheistic i mean multotheistic is the italian word for it um i think polytheistic yeah that's what we might say i think i'm gonna stick with my one multi-theistic this keen huntsman who hunted on the Sabbath. I think we might have touched on this guy before, though, in our big dog episode from series two.

But this guy, one night, his hounds were a-baying. No, his hounds were baying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A-baying. Yeah, they were at baying. And he went out to see. It was like, oi, dogs, what's A hyphen baying. Yeah, they were at baying. And he went out to see. It was like, oi, dogs, what's going on? Calm down.

Trying to get some sleep. I've got to get up early tomorrow to go hunting because that's what I love. The hounds ripped him to pieces. Ooh. Killed him dead into pieces. Right, into pieces, did they? Yeah. I'm not sure it was collops because it was

presumably it was they did it with their mouths probably too much tearing involved with uh yeah with dogs jaws and the dogs were seen in church the next day i assume yeah no the guy was seen out hunting again with a with a pack of ghostly dogs oh right right and if if you see him out on christmas eve or new year's day which is coming up so if you find yourself out in ilmington on christmas eve or christmas day and you see this ghost huntsman and he says to you you there you boy you boy you there open that gate for me don't do it why shouldn't you what happens if you do it? You will fall into his power and be made to ride with him forever. Oh, like the Wild Hunt.

Yes. Is that a reality show? Yeah, it's like TOWIE for the afterlife. But this rider in particular, the Ilmington one, who's obviously trying to set up his own Wild Hunt, is not doing very well because he rides alone. No one has obeyed him. Except maybe the dogs or the horse.

Maybe first of all, he had to get the horse. You know, like in Minecraft or something, where you sort of start off with a low-level thing and you have to work your way up. Yeah, he was just in the woods with a wooden sword and a bucket. He had to punch down a tree in order to be able to make a sword. So true to real life. That's not the end of the ghosts, though.

That is the end of the horse-based ghosts, so apologies. Although there is a little bit of horse trivia. Go ahead, please. There was a notorious place close to Ilmington on the Stratford Road at the crossroads by Bruton Barn. You know it. Yeah, you can probably pull in and buy strawberries there or something these days.

Eggs. There'll just be a sign that says eggs. At that point, when farmers returning from Stratford Market during the night time, their horses would just refuse to budge and they'd just stand there for an hour or more. And this was blamed on Betty, the local witch who lived at Darling's Got. I was blamed on Betty, the local witch,

who lived at Darling's Got. I was going to say, oh, Betty, but you can't say that. You can't say, ooh, Betty, these days. What has he done? No, because of Frank Spencer, I mean.

It's just, it's an overused impersonation. It undermines your actual sympathy. It was quite a serious story and I didn't want to just interject with ooh, Betty. Well, she lives in Darling's Got. Oh, that's nice. It's lovely.

Lovely little village. Quick fun Betty facts. She used to cadge off her neighbours. I'm quite in the book here. Ghosts and Witches of the Cotswolds by Gerald. She used to cadge from her neighbours who grew tired of giving her free clothing and sent her packing. But after that, nothing would go right. The butter wouldn't churn.

The cheese would fail. Fires refused to burn properly oh yeah she was said to take the form of a hair at night and someone shot it in the leg and then the next day she had a bad leg as well yeah yeah yeah some some really scientific and conclusive proof proof you want some proof one night there was a big thunderstorm and the farmer and his groom went out to calm his horses. Calm down, my lads. And they distinctly, distinctly saw Betty ride off on a hurdle. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Wait, on a hurdle?

Yeah. Sorry, I was doing sound effects. On a hurdle? Yes, on a hurdle. Can you ride a hurdle? I don't know. She could, evidently. Why would a farmer have a hurdle?

What does a hurdle do on a farm? I'm trying to could evidently why would a farmer have a hurdle what does a hurdle do on a farm i'm trying to look up hurdle to get a definition there's a lot of knockoff versions of wordle that are called that evidently so it could be a portable panel uh usually of wattled wives that sounds like a tongue twister is it could be a portable panel of wattled wives for enclosing land or livestock. I think that might be withies. Oh. Could that be withies?

The very thin strips of willow? Yeah, I'm guessing. Maybe they're not always called withies. I know them as withies. I just read, I just read, I just played it as I saw it. You wouldn't have read just the start of a word, would you? No, I got all the way to the end. You got all the way to the end. Well done, I'm sorry to patronise it. You wouldn't have read just the start of a word, would you? No, I got all the way to the end. You got all the way to the end.

Well done. Sorry to patronise you. Shouldn't have. Or another version is it's a frame or sled formerly used in England for dragging traitors to execution. Right. Either way, you can't ride one on your own. No.

Can you? No, you'd need something to pull it unless... The devil. Yeah, you've got the power of the devil. Yet she rode off on it up and down ridge and furrow disappearing into the distance sounds like a sled to me i like the idea that it's just one of them hurdles from like school sports day yeah just basically a bamboo cane and two of those plastic things with the multiple ridges you know the ones yeah it might not have been metty because at that precise point

in the road where the horses would stop it was the burial place for a highwayman who it says here was particularly evil and was laid to rest there with a stake driven through his heart wow that i that because a lot of them were in it for sort of romance and being quite cool and seductive. Or buttons, as discussed. And the stealing of buttons, of course. But I guess some of them had to be quite evil. In the evil side of being a highwayman. Land pirates.

Have we called them land pirates before? Essentially just land pirates. We might have. We should continue to call them land pirates. They're just land pirates? We might have. We should continue to call them land pirates. They're just land pirates. Those land pirates. And the final ghost, the final ghost is a little bit more M.R. James

and a little less... Who writes about horses? Jilly Cooper. That's it. So a little bit more M.R. James and a little less spooky Jilly Cooper. Spooky Jilly Cooper. Spooky Jilly Cooper.

Spooky Cooper. Jilly Spooker okay all right the church in ilmington and i'll give it its full title in just one second once i minimize the hurdle tab and open up the ilmington tab ironic that the hurdle tab would have created an obstacle in your way that's nothmm. That's not ironic at all. Apt. Fun, not fun fact, residents of Ilmington are called Ilmingtonians. Are they? The parish church in Ilmington is the Church of St Mary the Virgin. Classic.

Yeah, another one of those ones that sounds like a school insult. Yeah. Ooh, there is an embroidered map in that church, which is a copy of old maps, which showed where all the orchards were. Oh, that's famous. It's called an apple map. Oh, the original apple map. It's the original apple map. Oh, that's sweet.

On Ilmington Apple Day, there's a guided viewing of the apple map. On Apple Day? On Apple Day. What day is it today? Apple Day, sir. Go down to one of many orchards and get the biggest apple you can find the apple as big as me sir that's not likely you're a grown child you're not gonna get an apple that big be realistic and what they do on apple day they have a guided viewing of the apple map uh and then they search for some of the 38 different apple varieties that are grown in the village.

38? Wow. Yeah. That's a lot more apples than you think. Yeah, I mean, this is Wikipedia. It's citation needed, but I would blooming love that to all be true. I mean, citation needed is the catchphrase of pretty much every podcast, and we are no exception. Yeah.

But 38 is pretty good. The good thing about folklore is if there's no evidence for it that's what makes it folklore or dust just yeah two things just or no evidence just you know when you you know when you go to a wikipedia page and you look for our favorite category personal life slash controversy or scandal yes the one for ilmington goes history parish church amenities 50s, notable residents and notes. Oh, yeah? Did they have a the 50s in Ilmington? It turns out they did.

In 2012, they began a project to record the memories of people who lived in Ilmington during the 50s. Right. No real explanation why. They just did it. Someone had a tape recorder and loved the 50s. A tape recorder in 2012? Okay. Someone had a tape recorder and loved the 50s. A tape recorder in 2012? Okay. Someone had a wax cylinder.

He had a Zoom H4. And a quill pen. And he loved rock and roll. Rural rock and roll. Yeah, I can just imagine the greasers tearing around. Whoa, whoa, boys. Have a bit of respect. It's Apple Day.

Screw you, old man. We don't care about apples. Stop kicking those apples. They may well be windfall, but still you treat them with respect, sir. We're going to Yobberton to eat pears. Oh, you bandidos. Well, anyways, where did we begin yes so that church is haunted by the ghost of a former parish clerk or clerk what would you say i'd say clark clark former parish clark edmund golding

great name eddie gold died in 1793 but was seen in the church after that date right walking up and down the aisle muttering oh muttering away muttering muttering seen several times during the 60s and 70s once by the verger and a lady was arranging flowers in fairly recent years and turned to see this man in the aisle muttering away and walking towards her and then he vanished i was gonna say how did she know he was the ghost because she wouldn't know what edmund golding looked like or muttered about but the vanishing is the clue yes that's the big clue there i like the idea that the tearaway 50s teens would see the ghost and it might scare them straight yeah definitely or

they'd be drinking some illicit liquor yeah Yeah, cider probably, made from apples probably. Probably peri. They probably eschew the apples. I'd say that using them in a cider is still respecting the apple. So I'd say they've got a fancy peri. So they've got their bottles of baby sham and they're hanging around the gravestones on the north side of the church, if you know what I mean.

So they see this ghost muttering away and they stare at their baby sham, throw it away. on the north side of the church, if you know what I mean. So they see this ghost muttering away, and they stare at their baby sham, throw it away. Or hop into their, I want to say jalopy, but I think that's the 1920s, olden days American car. I thought it was a type of shoe, to be honest. Well, it could have been. It could have been, for all I know.

Then they drive away full pelt, the ghost's after them, You've got horses, ghosts crash into a cart full of rotten apples, falls down, goes in their mouth, and he has to spit it out and be like, I hate the taste of rotten apples. Oh, good. I'm glad you pointed that out, sir. This was an unpleasant experience for me. A hater of rotten apples. Well, I think that's brought it round full circle.

Yeah. Fortunately, that's the end of all my ghost stories. Oh, well, that was a lot. That was a a lot of stories that was a lot of little stories but you you got witches we did have a witch in the end i forgot we had a witch you had ghost as we had ghost as multi ghost molto ghost a molto spectro MoltoSpectro. Say that again. MoltoSpectro. I like that. I had to do the hand thing that time,

which is why the accent was slightly better. Is it too late to call the podcast MoltoSpectro? Oh, do you not know we're dubbed? In Italy, and it is called MoltoSpectro. MoltoSpectro. Great stories. It's licensed to Ilmington. So if you've come straight out of Long Compton and you head over to licensed to Ilmington,

and those are the only two Cotswold towns that I can think of that tally up with rap albums from the past that I've heard of. And now the scores. Yes. First category, I'm going to open with a bang. Supernatural. Tons. Tons.

Buckets. An apple cart laden with ghosts. You got horse ghosts. You don't like horse ghosts? You want headless horse ghosts? We've got headless horse ghosts. Yeah, so we've got four headed horse ghosts and six headless horse ghosts. I'm not sure exactly on those numbers, to be honest.

Despite that man being a person of some education and reading i don't know if we can trust the numbers there okay so it's many it's many it's molto spectro and molto spectro absolutely uh you got edmund golding uh eddie g Teddy Gold. He's a man who mutters in a church. But do go in. Oh, yeah. Do go into that church on a Sunday. Otherwise, you'll become a hunting specter. Yeah, and you'll miss out on getting to look at the Apple map.

Yep. And there was a witch's curse. Oh, big time. A stopped fire from working. A witch riding away on a hurdle. Yes. We don't know what kind of hurdle it was, so we don't know quite how magical that was.

It sounded like a sled the way I described it, going over and up and down and up and down. In which case, it could have been just a really long rope and they couldn't see the horse that was pulling that sled. That was pulling the, yeah. You know, you just see the rope unraveling and unraveling and unraveling. She's off.

There goes Betty. Bye bye, Betty. Well, I'd love to mark off. There goes Betty. Bye-bye, Betty. Well, I'd love to mark you down, but you've packed in so many stories. I mean, I saw what you did, but you packed in a lot. But you're unable to stop it. There's nothing I can do. My hands are tied. Much like a time traveller that is aware of the paradoxes.

I can't change the past. And I can't travel back in time and tell us to come up with a better scoring system. And name the first category, Molto Spectro. So I'm going to have to give it five out of five for Molto Spectro. Oh, grazie. Cinque.

What's five in Italian? That is five, yeah. Is it? Because if it isn't, edit that out. No, that's correct. Are you sure? Because I'm pretty certain I just made a noise. No, Cinque.

Cinque. Is that really five? Great. Great opening category there. And I'm going to follow up with a body blow of naming. Names. Well, were there any? You've already praised Eddie Golding.

Eddie Golding, which is fine. Eddie Golds. Darling's Cot. Darling's Cot is cute. It's not spooky, though though it's not a spooky name they don't need to be spooky they just need to be names but that has never been the category has never been are they names pig lane pig lane's good yes crow lane i don't even remember you mentioning crow lane are you just naming lanes that crow lane is where the poplar tree uh that

they hanged that effigy from was. All right. Crow lane's good. Oh, there's also prospect gate. No, that's quite good. But you didn't mention it. No, I didn't. You're dropping in some quite nice names.

I think it's a three for naming. I don't think it's distinguished itself on the naming front. Okay. My next category, then, day for night. Oh, now day for Night is a cinematic technique. Yes. Yeah. Probably obsolete in the days of computer graphics, right? In the days of computer, no, they've got their ZX Spectrums and their Amigas.

They probably don't need to do Day for Night as much as they used to. You can film at night time these days, yeah. What was Day for Night, though, for the listeners and me? Well, to explain. Film stock into olden days required a lot of light in order to register an image on the film. So you couldn't film in low light conditions like we can now. So to film night time scenes, they often used day for night, which means that they would film in the middle of the day and use a variety of techniques to make it look sort of like nighttime. So they would stop down so everything was a little bit dimmer and they would position the sun behind

the actors so that they're sort of, obviously you never see the sky. I want to say that again, because I said that wrong. They would put a grad in front of the camera a sort of graduated filter to to darken the top of the shot would they chase away any ice cream vans yeah children playing they didn't want that in the shot yeah yeah that really and what you would end up with is long hard shadows so if you look at any any film set at nighttime from the 1940s when they're not in the studio. If they're not in the studio, then you'll be looking at day for night most of the time. And then they'll go into a little tiny area of the woods that's clearly a studio, and the lighting will be much more controlled, and it'll look much more like night time. Postman Always Rings Twice has some very unconvincing day for night

when they're swimming on a beach. Oh. And then a very abrupt and obvious cut to them in a tank in a studio so that's what day for night is and in fact i was just watching a youtube documentary full of examples of day for night which i think were not day for night oh he used the orson wells film the stranger as examples of day for night and i don't think those shots are day for night sorry unnamed youtube channel i don't think that i think you're looking at night time with a big light in those shots.

So that was me explaining in too much detail what day for night is. And I said it because the night coach appears in the daytime. Yeah, very good, yes. And I'll be honest. That's the only reason. Yeah, I thought I had more reasons.

Right. You've tailored it towards my interests, thinking that if you let me squeeze in a little bit of nerdy film fact, you're going to get away with a high score. Did it work? Oh, no, this is the other one. According to tradition, Mr. Golding was always seen at midnight, but recent sightings occurred in the daytime.

Okay. I would have given you a two, but I'll bump it up to a three. Thank you. Don't try and trick me again. My final category is animal places. Thank you. Don't try and trick me again. My final category is animal places. Animal places. Having just got points for Crow Lane and Pig Streets, you're trying again

to cash in those chips. We've got Pig Lane, we've got Crow Lane and horses would get stuck at Bruton Barn. And what is a brute if not an animal? An animal, yes. barn. And what is a brute if not an animal? An animal, yes.

All right. And? And? Darling's cot. A darling? A darling is a sort of an animal, right? A human's the most dangerous. Is it? A darling is the most dangerous animal of them all.

The most dangerous animal of them all was darlings. No. No. No. No, absolutely not. All right, then. Just crow lane, pig lane and brute on barn. Well, how many is that, James? It's three.

It's three. And so I'm giving you two. What? Yeah, as a lesson. Ah, banisher. As a lesson to think your categories through more carefully before you come here with a shoddy, half-constructed category. Outrageous.

If only there was some way I could warn myself to think of better categories. Wasn't it spooky? Yes, it was. And I'm glad you can hear me now. And just to let you know, I'm glad you can hear me now. And just to let you know, I'm the future you.

Future me. And I've come here to warn you to join the Patreon. Oh, he's talking to the listener. At patreon.com forward slash lawmen pod. We get loads of extras. This is like when the ghost of Christmas past shows Ebenezer Scrooge, someone plugging a Patreon. You heard all the riffs that we kept in. Surely there's some sort of macabre interest

in the ones that we decided to cow. Well, you can hear those. Can you? In the bonus feed. Yeah. At patreon.com forward slash lawmen pod. Yes. And also, avenge my death.

Lovely story. Lovely story. Very, very poor showing in the scores. So that's not the people of Ilmington's fault. No, that isn't Ilmingtonians. I apologise to the Ilmingtonians. But it is actually quite near, and I might go and have a little nosy around there.

Yeah, sounds like a site for a potential field report. Oh, if you want to see any other field reports, do check out our YouTube channel. If you like to see a middle-aged man, usually in drizzle, failing to find something, you will bloomin' love it. Yeah, that is, you've really created your own genre. You know those sort of, the slow telly things, like somebody on a canal boat,

and it's just the journey down the canal? Yes. It's like that, but a man getting lost. But way more grumpy. Yeah, it's like, is that Drystone Wall? I think the grumpiest and wettest I've ever been is when I tried to find the peddler of Swatham. Oh, yeah.

Because everyone just kept lying to me about where it was. Liars. Yeah, I'm coming for you, Swathamites, which is what I believe they're called. The Swathamistas.