Loremen Podcast - S4 Ep29: Loremen S4 Ep29 - Jan Reynolds and The Devil

Episode Date: January 12, 2023

Crash! And the church steeple crumbles to dust. Parishioners - dead! The sermon - a write off. This episode raises many questions. Is James Shakeshaft folklore's answer to Quenetin Taratantino? Was The Great Thunderstorm of Widecombe-in-the-Moor the work of ball lightning, or the Devil himself? Can the loreboys go a full episode without a Bowie impression? (Sadly, only one of those questions is answered. And the answer is: no, of course not.) For lots more nonsense check out patreon.com/loremenpod Loreboys nether say die! Check the sweet, sweet merch here... https://www.teepublic.com/stores/loremen-podcast?ref_id=24631 Support the Loremen here (and get stuff): patreon.com/loremenpod ko-fi.com/loremen @loremenpod www.instagram.com/loremenpod www.facebook.com/loremenpod

Welcome to Lawmen, a podcast about local legends and obscure curiosities from days of yore. I'm James Shakeshaft. And I'm Alistair Beckett-King. Alistair, this is a doozy this week. Yeah? It's a doozy from the South West. South West. South West. South West.

Sorry, I misheard you. I didn't mean to correct your pronunciation. A doozy, you say? It's a doozy from Devon. Doozy from Devon, indeed. I reckon so, sir. What be this tale, James? Oh, gather round.

Am I just doing pirates? I'm not sure. Yeah, they mostly came from there. Okay. Gather round, me arty. Arr. I have a tale for thee. A tale of Jan Reynolds and the devil.

Oh boy, Alistair. Hello. Oh, hello. Is that a new nickname for me? Oh boy, Alistair? Oh boy, Alistair. Do you think of me as your little boy? No. Ah, Alistair. Hello. Oh, hello. Is that a new nickname for me? Oh boy, Alistair. Oh boy, Alistair. Do you think of me as your little boy? No. Ah, that's disappointing.

No, I think of you as a kindly wizard that I visit and try and dazzle with my tail. So you're seeking my approval. So am I the father figure? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. As I send you out on quests to come in with stories. Bring me a little pouch of rubies. Yes.

But James, the real treasure was not the rubies. What was it? Friendship. Oh, oh, that's good because I've lost the rubies. You got loads of mates. Yes. Oh, thank goodness. I have got such a ruby for you today.

Oh, it's glinting. We're starting the new year with a bang and in my role as the quenetin tarantino slash christopher nolan of the folklore storytelling world or i've messed around with the form once again oh you haven't you haven't have you oh i am you're not mixing up the form oh big time okay but I think the results will be quite pleasing. Okay. Well, if you start playing with listeners' expectations, on your head be it.

So, Alistair, what I want to tell you about is the story of Jan Reynolds and the devil. Wow. Yeah. Who's Jan Reynolds? Because it sounds like the name of a woman who works in a post office. It's a man from Devon.

So it's probably not Jan, because they probably don't say Jan in... What's Jan short for if it's an English name? Or is that just how they say John in Devon? John? Jonathan. Jonathan. Jonathan Reynolds. Yes, that's how people used to talk in the past.

Welcome to Devon. Welcome to Devon. Put the jam on after. I realise now that you said put the jam on after, but I thought you said German, so I was really confused. But we're going back in time to 1638, specifically October in 1638. Even more specifically, the 21st of October, 1638.

That's really impressive. We don't often have specific dates. Do you know the day? Yeah. It's Sunday. Oh, the Lord's Day. And it was the afternoon during the church service, which I guess in the old days when more people went to church,

they had to sort of stagger it throughout the day. They did like a matinee performance of mass and then did it again i guess this is the church of saint pancras in widdicombe widdicombe in the moor is also known as the cathedral of the moor it's massive it had never occurred to me that saint pancras was a saint as well as a train station no and i forgot to look up what he was the saint of uh was it eurostar no eurostar ah for listeners who don't know the eurostar? No, Eurostar. Ah. For listeners who don't know, the Eurostar terminal is in St. Pancras Station. Yes.

Just to explain what I was getting for there. He was a Roman citizen who converted to Christianity and was beheaded for his faith at the age of 14. 14? That's a bit hasty. His name means the one that holds everything. I think that would be more of a complaint. I always have to hold everything. God.

All I can see is he's the second of the ice saints. Oh, yeah? Don't know what that means. Well, there's two ice saints, and then there's a desert saint, and then there's a lava saint, isn't there? And then a jungle saint. An underground saint. Yeah, a futuristic saint.

Mirror mode saint. Yep. One-hit kill saint. And then the boss, which is God. All I can see is he's maybe the patron saint. He's the saint of children, I guess, because he was a child. Yeah, bad luck being headed at 14. Yeah, terrible business.

But fortunately, that doesn't play any part of the story. Apart from it's the name of the church. The Church of St Pancras, a.k.a. any part of the story heart from is the name of the church the church of st pancras aka the cathedral of the moore massive granite church building in quite a spread out parish so a lot of people went there but there it had quite a large catchment area. In fact, so big that there was a stone that was called the coffin stone because when people had to bring people for funerals, bring the coffins for funerals, there was a stone that they could pop the coffin down on and have a little break. Just for a rest.

Just for a rest. It's currently split in two. And the story goes that there was such an evil man was being taken to the church to be buried that God threw a thunderbolt down, atomised his coffin and split the stone in two. Wow. Yeah. Like, I mean, the guy's already

in hell if he's dead. Yeah. So it seems a little petty. Well. Other people were using that stone, so. Well, now too, lots of people can use the stone. Oh, yeah. Nice. But this day, Sunday, October 21st, 1638, in the Widdicombe Valley were using that stone so well now too lots of people can use the stone oh yeah nice but this day sunday october 21st 1638 in the widdecombe valley in devon there was a massive thunderstorm and it hit the church the northeast pinnacle was struck by lightning and collapsed into the church ball lightning flashed throughout the church. Four people died instantly, and 62 were injured.

Wow. Some of them later dying of their injuries, slash dying with their injuries, depending on how those deaths were reported. There was a particularly graphic description of how one man's brains were knocked clean out of his skull onto the pew behind him. Oh, dear. Yeah.

There's a really grim account from the time by Masters Wikes and Rothwell. And I found this article that has quite a decent synopsis of it on legendarydarkmoor.co.uk. I'm going to read a couple of bits. I'm going to edit as I go because some of the stuff is very grim Really? Too hot for the pod? Too hot for pod The paper is entitled A True Relation of Those Strange and Lamentable Accidents

Which Happening in the Parish Church of Whittacombe near the Dartmoors in Devonshire Now what sort of voice should I do? Because this is 1600s time person So so i don't think the classic victorian voice man works no i i think you probably want some kind of a wallet does it have to bother devon man pebble land stand man i don't think that's a devonian accent i think you want more of a um verily sire you know uh mythinks the dungeon master from the cartoon

dungeons and dragons fight yeah i here present thee with a second relation of that wonderful accident which the printing of the former book hath given occasion of having now received a full and perfect relation as is possible to be hoped for or procured assuring thee it is not grounded on information taking up at second hand, but those persons being now come to London, who are eyewitnesses herein, and the chiefest discoverers of the effects of these terrible accidents. Just to recap, that's saying this is a true version because the people that told it me came all the way to London.

Yeah, yeah. And nothing is important until it has reached London. Like the snows. Yeah. Upon Sunday, the 21st October last, in the Paris Church of Widdicombe, near the Dartmoors in Devonshire, there fell, in time of divine service,

a strange darkness, increasing more and more so that people there assembled could not see to read in any book. And suddenly, in a fearful and lamentable manner, a mighty thundering was heard, the rattling whereof did answer much like unto the sound and report of many cannons, and terrible strange lightning therewith greatly amazed those that heard and saw it. The darkness increasing yet more, so that they could not see one another.

The extraordinary lightning came into the church so flaming that the whole church was presently filled with fire and smoke. The smell thereof was very loathsome, much like unto the scent of brimstone. Some say they saw at first a great fiery ball come in at the window and pass through the church, which so affrighted the whole congregation that the most part of them fell down in their seats and some on their knees, There's some very graphic descriptions of people getting very badly burned. Right, okay. Which I will skip over. Just skip them, skip them.

Skip, skip, skip. If you could ask Hoggle from Labyrinthth is doing this reading to just skip those bits oh i think i will sir and then the point it's make hoggle's making is that some were scalded some weren't it was pretty. Some people had their bodies burnt, but their clothes were not singed at all. Being electrified is what... Yeah, basically. I guess these are electric shocks. Also, a boy sitting on his seat has his hat on,

and near the one half thereof was cut off, and he had no hurt. And one man going out at the chancel door, a dog running out before him, was whirled about towards the door and fell down stark dead at sight whereof he stepped back within the door and god preserved him alive so basically some people horrifically injured some people completely unscathed no rhyme nor reason so a kid had half of a hat whapped off. But apart from that was fine.

You shouldn't be wearing a hat in church, though. That's quite disrespectful, isn't it? He's a kid. He's a kid. I think you're right if you're a kid. Really? Oh, do you have to wear a hat in church? I can't remember.

Women used to cover their head, didn't they? Women are allowed. Men are not allowed. That's what I would have thought, yeah. But I don't know about kids. Okay, all right. And maybe it was like a really cool Jesus hat. I didn't mean to victim blame that kid who had half of his hat whapped off.

He got away, so... The other guy saw a dog twist around and die and decided not to go any further. He was going to run out the door, and as he went to the door, yeah, boom, dog died. He stopped at probably something like lightning struck the floor outside where he would have been. He wouldn't shut up about it, I imagine. Yeah. So hold on. If God hates an evil man and sends a thunderbolt to smash his coffin,

it doesn't reflect well on the people in that church. I guess not. When absolutely loads of lightning came in and smashed up the joint. Yeah, and some guy got his brains popped right out of his head popped out of his head onto the pew behind onto the seat behind for some reason i imagine it a bit cartoonish and like the brains kind of somehow sort of shrugged to camera and go like it's a living yeah it doesn't make any sense it's not a living to be popped out of someone's head i know but for some reason those brains had a little personality to me yeah it lands on the it slips off the pew onto the floor the vicar steps on it and then like roller skates the full length of the

church then face first into the font oh it's hot pulls back steam fluff coming off him in every direction half a hat lands on his head well listener if you think that was a disrespectful pulls back, steam coming off him in every direction. Half a hat lands on his head. Well, listener, if you think that was a disrespectful retelling of the story, on boards in the church inscribed is the account by the schoolmaster

Richard Pill, who wrote a poem about it, which I would like to read. And I would like to not read it in Hogwell's voice this time. Okay. Any other characters from Labyrinth? The little cockney snail?

Oh, come in here, have a cup of tea, meet the missus. Yeah. Oh, she would have gone all the way to that castle. So annoying. If she'd have gone that way. Yeah, it drives me crazy. Alright, well, put it from your mind with some soothing tragedy-based poetry okay a crack of thunder suddenly with lightning hail and fire fell on the church and tower here and ran

into the choir a sulfurous smell came with it and the tower strangely rent the stones abroad into the air with violence were sent some broken small as dust or sand, some whole as they came out forth of the building and here lay in pieces round about. Some fell upon the church and break the roof in many places, men so perplexed where they knew not one another's faces. They all almost were stupefied with that so strange a smell, or other force, whate'er it was, at that time befell.

One man was struck dead, two wounded, so they died a few hours after. No father could think on his son, nor mother find her daughter. One man was scorched so that he lived but fourteen days and died, whose clothes were very little burnt, but many there beside were wounded, scorched and stupefied on that so strange a storm, which who had seen would say t'was hard to have preserved a worm. The different affections of people then were such that touching

some particulars we have omitted much. It's something about a rhyming couplet that subtracts a lot of dignity from that story. Quite a lot of dignity from that story. Quite a lot of factual information there being delivered, but in the form of rhyme. Yeah, and in a couplet

it really undermines a tragedy in my opinion. And to illustrate that, I've written a couple. I've kept it to tragedies over a hundred years ago. Good, very tasteful yeah yeah no one should know anyone directly involved in these so everyone should be fine with these the listeners

should be reassured they didn't do several about recent tragedies that you've edited out for reasons of taste the ash cloud turned tonight the day as stone rained down on poor pompeii that's very good. Thank you. I actually quite like that one. Room on the door is what they lack. That's what split young Rose and Jack. That's about Titanic. Yes.

Yes, that's about the Titanic. So that, Alistair, is the accounts of what did happen in slightly dry literary terms and overly disrespectful poetic terms yeah yeah way over the top incredible as the French say did that really happen like it sounds like it really happened yeah it was apparently that valley is known for like something to do with the geology of that valley. It is more prone to thunderstorms. And ball lightning is a real thing, isn't it?

Well, interestingly, ball lightning is a thing, but people don't really know what it is. Really? It's almost impossible to... Well, I did a bit of research. Scientists have proposed a number of hypotheses to explain it, but scientific data on ball lightning remains scarce. There's so many factors that go into it, you can't really recreate it. You have to have a thunderstorm in order to have it. You just have to wait and find some ball lightning. You can't make a thunderstorm. A well-respected doctor told me of a time that he saw ball lightning when he was a student.

It flowed in through the window and went up the tap or something weird. Really? Yeah. Normally it goes up the chimney if it's the title sequence to Tintin. Yes. Just for a fun little list of fun names, here are the names of some of the hypotheses of what causes ball lightning. Vaporized silicon hypothesis.

The electrically charged solid core model microwave cavity hypothesis hydrodynamic vortex ring anti-symmetry yep that's the one that's the one that's the one for me yeah it's the hydroelectric um dino dynamo symmetry that's the one i'd go for the nano battery nano battery yeah can i change my choice to nanobattery, please? I think you're going to want to change it to this one. The buoyant plasma hypothesis. Yes, the buoyant plasma hypothesis, please. Some people think, Kure and Kure, 2008,

put forward the transcranial magnetic stimulation theory. Transcranial? Is that how people are imagining it? Yeah. It's caused by the magnetic field and electric fields of a thunderstorm. It stimulates your brain into thinking that

you see a glowing sphere. You mavericks, Couré and Couré. It's kind of like the Grey Lady. Sleep paralysis. Mmm. Potentially. So that was just a fun little list of fun names for no reason whatsoever yes that's just a list of words we don't understand i did read some of them and i

didn't really understand some things like it's sort of like a bit like a san elmo's fire type vibe in yes the silicon one was like supercharged silicon gets bonded together by its electric field and glows. Don't understand. Don't understand. Ask a scientist. We're not scientists. We're not scientists. This podcast does not constitute scientific advice.

No, please. If you are affected by ball lightning or issues surrounding ball lightning, please see an expert. Is there a... You know the St. Elmo's fire is there one for everyone on sesame street is there a saint snuffleupagus is fire there's probably been a big bird fire unfortunately yeah that yes probably but alistair that very morning of sunday the 21st

of october 1638 five miles down the road in Poundsgate at the Tavistock Inn a couple of locals were having a cheeky pint before church when they hear the sound of galloping hooves outside and they come to a halt. Screech! Whatever the sound of brakes on a horse is.

And then a TDS entered. A TDS? A TDS, a tall, dark stranger. Dressed in black, and he orders a pint. As he quaffed it, the landlady swears. As it went down his throat, she heard it sizzle. We've got a black rider on our hands, James. Big time.

He asked the way to Widdicombe Church. Do you know the way to Widdicombe Church? The landlady wouldn't tell him. Oh, I don't know, James. Big time. He asked the way to Widdicombe Church. Do you know the way to Widdicombe Church? The landlady wouldn't tell him. Oh, I don't know, sir. They really need to know. Because she's noticed instead of feet, Alistair. What's he got? He's got blooming cloven hooves.

Cut to Widdicombe Church later that day. A young man sits on a pew. One of the non-brainy pews, presumably. This is pre-brained. Oh, right. Okay, okay. So it could be the pew from later.

It could be. He's sort of looking around the church. He's idly shuffling a deck of cards, maybe even with one hand, you know, like a cool dude. Yeah. His eyes start to droop. That Alistair. title card pops up. It says, that Alistair is Jan Reynolds.

Bing! Jan Reynolds, arrow. And we're going to cut to a montage of him gambling, drinking, and what have you. And at one point, he reaches into his pockets and he pulls them out to invert them to show that he's got nothing in those pockets. You said Quintet and Tarantino,

but the style of filmmaking you're describing is very 1906. I don't think in any of Tarantino's films someone to indicate that they're poor pulls their pockets out and then shrugs to camera. Oh, all right. He pulls out a wallet that's got a swear on it and he opens it up and a little moth flies out. Fine.

And he says, I'll sell my soul to the devil for gold. And he can take it if I fall asleep in church. No. And he either looks back in his wallet or reaches back into his pockets. There's money there now. Cut him back to the church. There's money there now. Cut him back to the church.

And we see a limp hand sort of fall against the pew, holding a pack of cards. And one of the cards falls off and flutters down to the floor. Yeah. Revealing it's a joker. Like Bama. Kind of. Outside, the devil is tethering up his horse and the wind's starting to pick up. The man in black from earlier.

It was the devil. In case you didn't work out, it was the devil. I worked out that that was the devil. I worked it out. I worked it out. It's fine. Yeah, yeah. And as we zoom out from him tethering up his horse,

we see that it's in midair because he's tethering his horse to the top of the tower. Sorry, this is a zoom. So it's like it's a 70s film now. Yeah, we're zooming out. We're on a zoom lens. We're not tracking out, we're zooming. Okay.

But it's done from a helicopter, like the beginning of The Wicker Man, and it's really shaky, to reveal he's tethering his horse to the top of the church tower, that massive granite tower. That's impractical. So they're floating in mid-air.

You probably don't need to tether a horse. Or maybe you do need to tether a horse more if it can fly. Yeah, flying horses are the most, it's most important to tether a flying horse. Yeah, yeah. Because they can get away in three dimensions. Yep. And the devil crashes through the roof,

picks up the slumbering body of Jan and dashes him against the pillar. Pulls him away. Gets back on the horse. Rides off so fast he doesn't even unhitch the horse. The top of the tower snaps off. Tumbles back into the church. And as we see the devil

riding over the moors we see a couple of tiny little things fall from it and they flutter softly, gently through the sky probably using CG we managed to zoom in on them the four aces

we're following them down like the feather in Forrest Gump yes, exactly that that was CGI, so yes, you're right practically you couldn't shoot that and as they flutter down to the moor, specifically near Birch Tor, they land and they form the four ace fields

that you'll find there to this day. To the day when the pamphlet I'm taking this from was written, which is, we've had it before on the podcast, Friend of the Show, After Dark on Dartmoor by John Pegg. Oh, good old Pegg. The Peggster. So, Alistair, those are the story of Jan Reynolds and the devil. So that's two versions, really, of how the church got smashed up.

Yeah. It's weird that nobody saw the devil swoop down and smash Jan Reynolds into a pillar. Well, some say that he came down in the format of a ball of fire. Of a ball of fire. Okay. So basically, we've had the same story told from, one, the point of view of some scholars, two, a bad poet, and three, quenitinteritinitinan.

Yeah. So, yeah, that's my tale. That is fantastic. That is an absolute banger, that's my tale. That is fantastic. That is an absolute banger. It's got fireworks. It has almost literal fireworks. Mm-hmm. Good way to start the new year.

You ready to score it? Yes. I would love to score it. I almost feel inadequate. So then, my first category, Alistair. I'm going to start with naming. Names. Okay.

Well, Jan Reynolds is a little bit of an annoying name it's a bit of a Jan Trig Eagle Trig Eagle it's not as good as Jan Trig Eagle doesn't trip off the tongue it does not but what have you got your Widdicombe in the Moors Widdicombe in the Moors we've got the Cathedral of the Moors we We've got Poundsgate. There's somewhere called Postbridge, which sounds like some sort of pretentious attempt at a bridge. Yes, it does sound like a rebranding of a Ford. No, your ankles aren't wet. It's Postbridge.

And these are all fine, but there's no real meat to them. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What about the Rydberg matter concept? Transcranial magnetic stimulation? The nanobattery hypothesis? Oh, now that seemingly extraneous list of funny names is irrelevant. Okay, yeah, yeah.

Loads of different names for how ball lightning comes into existence. Ball lightning. I like the transcranial electrotherm. You would. I like the buoyant plasma hypothesis. You like the buoyant plasma hypothesis? Sounds a bit... It's four.

Not hydrodynamic vortex ring anti-symmetry? Yeah, yeah, it's four. It's four. You don't have to keep saying those words we don't understand. Just repeating them like magic words. Yeah. Okay then. So that's a four. Thank you very much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was going to try and make

it a three, but... Category two. Supernatural. Okay, so we're in a tricky situation because you've got two explanations. One of them scientific, one of them supernatural. Whoa, whoa. Ball lightning is still not 100% scientific. Ball lightning is, in a way, the same as ghosts.

Is it the same as ghosts? A lot of people have said they've seen it. It can't be recreated in a lab under laboratory technicians. I don't think that's the phrase. And a lot of people have a lot of theories about it that have very silly i don't think that's the phrase and a lot of people have a lot of theories about it that have very silly names yeah that's true stone tape theory yeah yeah gray lady syndrome all right cheese before bed do we not have a small piece of potato do we not have video footage of bull lightning happening have we not got video footage of orbs

just dust or that guy shutting the fire escape that time yeah or an actor walking through a scene yeah no we've got no decent video footage of ghosts but the cardboard cut out of ted danson okay i feel like i have to betray my principles here because absolutely we don't have any good video footage of ghosts and i think ball lightning's real isn't it well i don't i suppose i've never seen it myself the thing is i mean the first video that comes up if you google ball lightning video is well the video is called with capitals on the first letters of all the words because they're all of equal importance the proof is out there unexplained lightning phenomenon caught on camera i'm looking at this now too oh this is from history but the

history channel is not what it was facts wise yeah yeah that's true have you ever seen any of them pyramid programs they do ancient aliens don't they i tell you what this ball lightning caught on camera looks fake as flip i could do that in after effects the top comment i can see uh reads in 1994 when i was chilling in my grandma's house i saw a round ball lightning rolling through her house and suddenly vanished when it hits the wall i thought i was crazy and no one would believe me Today I learned that such a thing exists and I was really lucky to have witnessed it with my own eye

With my own eye? There's a backstory there Sounds like there's a backstory, yeah That's a pirate who saw that I'm not sure I'm going to believe anyone who's chilling at the grandma's house I think that's a euphemism for drugs I don't know how you can relax at grandma's house because she's lovely, but you're on your best behaviour. Everything's bedoylied.

Yeah, you've got to be on your besties. Otherwise, you are not getting a sniff of those Werther's Originals. It would be tablet for me. Oh, really? A Scottish treat, yeah. Some iron brew and a bit of tablet. Is that made in a drawer? It's rectangular rectangular i can't

say it's just showing the same video again all right james you've you've flipped me i'm now an asset i'm now an asset working for you oh um i think ball lightning is no more real than ghosts now i don't believe any of these videos i think ball lightning is a fascinating phenomenon and someone very trusted told me that he'd seen it. Oh, yeah, the trusted doctor. The trusted doctor. It was when he was a student, so he might have been, for want of a better phrase,

chilling at grandma's house. Yeah, he was probably also on the special Werther's Originals. Some jazz tablet. All right, yes. It's five out of five for Supernatural. You've convinced me that this is all... Bunkum. Yeah, absolute nonsense.

I'm going to leave this wizard's cave with a Sprigamostep. Yeah, and a jingling bag of rubies. That's five rubies for you there, boy. Cling, cling, cling, cling, cling. The important thing is the rubies, it turns out. Yeah, the real treasure was the rubies you collected on the way. This category is called The Devil's Jim Henson Creature Workshop. Okay, that feels like a strained category title to me.

We ended up with a few more Muppets in this tale than I'd accounted for before. Way more Muppet heavy than you would have expected based on the source material. I should have known when I got Hoggle in to do a reading yeah that was that was the mistake all right we had him we had saint we had saint elmo's fire we had big bird on fire unfortunately yeah saints enough for look up because his fire yeah unfortunately i think when the storm hit the church people were tossed around like like muppets and uh I think probably quite grouchy about it. One of them might have ended up in a bin. Could have landed in a bin, yeah.

When that guy had his brains knocked out of his head, his head would have been hollow, like a puppet's head. And then the little eyes on the brain. It's 11. It would be better to achieve that effect practically, wouldn't it? So the brain would be a puppet, the cloven hooves, that's a creature effect. That's like, what are the red things in Labyrinth

that chuck their heads around? I think they're called fireys. One of them is played by Danny John Jules from Red Dwarf. Thank you. That was the fact that I could not get out in time. Sorry. No, it's good. I'm always telling people.

But the way their feet sort of don't quite seem to touch the ground properly. Yeah. That's what I'm imagining the devil's. Yes, he'd probably be done on dodgy green screen just like that. Dodgy 80s green screen. The bit where the horse rides off with the devil and Jan on its back. I'm imagining Jan is like, is it Didymus? Sir Didymus, yes.

Sir Didymus. When he rides off, it's like Siridymus on the back of the dog. Yeah, it's just a puppet tied to a dog running away. It works so well. The way it's got the voice on, quite a voice that's maintaining dignity, even though it's being chuckled around with that sort of Muppet neck. Okay, I've really enjoyed this category. I love puppets.

I love the Muppets especially. It's two out of five, though, because this has nothing to do with the story. Ambrosius was the dog's name. Ambrosius. I don't want people writing in, because we do know it's just, we've had a lot to think about today.

Just a couple of busy gentlemen. Yes. Okay, then, in which case, I'm annoyed at that. I think I'm also going to be annoyed at my score for this next category, which is entitled Goodness! Gracious! Great Balls of Fire! I mean, what else were they going to say?

You can't swear in church. No. You can't be bleeping and effing and simoning in church, can you? No way. You can't eff or, Geoff. You and simoning in church, can you? No way. You can't eff or Jeff. You'd have to say blimey. No, you won't. You better not say that.

Gore blimey is God blind me. Oh, he'd do worse than blind you. And you don't want that done via the format of lightnings. Oh, not my eyes. They'd pop out and they'd roll up and hit the font and then they would have little mouths and go it's a lemon i don't understand how it's a living but yeah that is what they would say no i don't either but i laughed inappropriately well first of all this is a great category it it's so apt it's the opposite of the muppet category and also i'm

pleased that you're formally endorsing the music and actions of Jerry Lee Lewis. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Sorry, you are. Well, do you want five out of five or not? Whoa, whoa, whoa. No. No.

No? Jerry Lee Lewis. I can't believe, to be honest, I can't believe that Jerry Lee Lewis had a career, really. Yeah. Seems like a real sort. Yeah, there was some behaviour behavior all right okay well i accept that you i accept that you aren't endorsing jll himself in that case though i'm gonna have to

knock it down to four out of five goodness gracious fine then i hope that's okay i didn't mean to shake your nerves and or rattle your brain wow oh wait because the guy's brain did get rattled. Oh. It's five out of five. Yes. It's so apt. I can't make it four. Too much ball lightning drives a man insane.

Or too much gambling drives a man to the devil. Yeah. Well, thank you very much. You're very welcome. I will take those rubies in my pouch. Now come this way into another part of the labyrinth. And, um, yeah, just shuffle on

back to my swamp of eternal stench. Are we really going to go out without you doing a bowie? You know what, Alistair? Yeah? You do remind me of the babe. What babe? The babe with the power. What power? Power of voodoo

who do you do do what remind me of the babe I can't believe we got all the way through the episode without a bit of Bowie nearly a Bowie free episode well done

for bringing him up yeah well done me oh also on the day of release it's the end of the show, Deputy Lawperson Chris Cantrell's It's His Birthday. Aww.

Says he's 28. Alright, he's gone through some stuff. 28 years lashed to the prow of a ship. Should the listeners wish Chris a happy birthday? You know what? Whenever you listen to this, it's his birthday, so send him a message whenever you listen to this saying happy birthday.

Whenever you hear it, immediately message Chris saying happy birthday. And for loads more Bowie open quote marks impressions, close quote marks, do check out the bonus episode on patreon.com forward slash lawmen pod. Forward slash lawmen pod. and you you did say quentin tarantino a quinnison tarant you said quentin i can't even say it wrong i wouldn't do that if i were you hoggle