Loremen Podcast - S4 Ep33: Loremen S4 Ep33 - Jenny Collier - The Flower Maiden

Episode Date: February 16, 2023

It's (just gone) Valentine's day, and the Loremen were planning to stop off at a petrol station to buy you a box of chocolates. But instead, we bring you Jenny Collier! And a fresh story from the Mabignogion. This year's Welsh valentale is especially romantic. If you think an entire person made out of flowers is romantic. The lorebois (and lore-gal) brave a challenging combination of dodgy microphones and Welsh names, and come out smelling like a person made out of roses. Also, if you were dating a person made entirely out of flowers, would giving them flowers come across as a threat? Finally, don't forget to buy tickets for the Leicester Comedy Festival LIVE show on Saturday 25th February 2023 (2023): https://comedy-festival.co.uk/event/loremen-live/ Loreboys nether say die! Check the sweet, sweet merch here... https://www.teepublic.com/stores/loremen-podcast?ref_id=24631 Support the Loremen here (and get stuff): patreon.com/loremenpod ko-fi.com/loremen @loremenpod www.youtube.com/loremenpodcast www.instagram.com/loremenpod www.facebook.com/loremenpod

Welcome to Lawmen, a podcast about local legends and obscure curiosities from days of yore. I'm James Shakeshaft. And I'm Alistair Beckett-King. It's Valentine's again, Alistair. It just was Valentine's by the time you're listening to this. Happy Valen-thens. Mmm. Is this in the past?

Valen pastimes. Yeah, good. First up, we do need to make apologies for the sound qualities that you're about to hear. This episode was recorded in extremis, under very harsh conditions. Oh, big time. We do explain those harsh conditions, but just a sort of double apology, really, going into it. Yeah, I'm going to pop an apology on top of that. So it's treble apology now. Trapology, nice one.

But aside from that, enjoy Valentine's 2023. 2023. Yeah, Alistair. Hello, James. You're still in the well, right? Yes, as listeners to last week's episode might remember. You were in a well for a bit of it. I was briefly in a well.

I'm in a hotel room because I'm on a very small book tour because I wrote a book. Not to go on about it, I wrote a book. And now I've built a little fort in the bed, a la Homer Simpson. I've built a bed fort, which I'm sitting inside trying to record sound with you. Thank you very much, actually, for getting in that bed well.

Yeah, well, you're welcome, actually. It's been a whole faff. I've got that thing that you're supposed to put luggage on, and then I've covered the duvet, creating a sort of igloo. That sounds like quite a good tip if you just want to have a nice bed fort. That's true, yes. If you wanted a bed fort, this would be a great way to go about it. However, Alistair, i didn't get you here

to burn through your mobile phone data to chat about bed forts you didn't no we could we could do that later it's once again it's become valentine's day has it yeah and once again we've got guest deputy valentine's welsh spokesperson jenny collier welcome jenny Deputy Valentine's Welsh spokesperson, Jenny Collier. Welcome, Jenny. Yay, thanks for having me back. Happy Valentine's Day. Hello, Jenny. Merry Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day. I hope you're on good form, Jenny, because before we started,

James said your mic sounds really bad, so try not to speak during this one. So we're expecting a lot of good content from the two of you. Okay. I just said don't speak at length. You said get back in your well get in that comfy comfy well get in that toasty igloo it's actually getting it's getting hot in the igloo maybe text us your hotel and your hotel room in case we need to alert paramedics absolutely yeah if i stop responding we'll call a first responder but jenny yes ignoring alistair's plight the ticking time bomb uh on

this podcast how are you doing how have you been we haven't spoken since what edinburgh times well yeah august to the layperson well i've been up to all sorts i didn't make it to the Cow Palace, unfortunately. What? That is what everyone has been on. Tender hooks? I think it's tenter hooks. They've been on tent pegs. Which is what I presume tenter hooks are. It's just an elaborate way of saying tent pegs. We've already got a word for it.

So you didn't go to Cow Dorado? Cow Dorado, no. Even though there was a cat display at Cow Palace when I was there, but I found out too late and I'm allergic. To cat displays? To cats. But Jenny, I've got your back. Yes.

We need to chat some Welsh romance. Yes. In the only way that Welsh legendary romance can be be chatted it's mabinogi time it is time for mabinogi it's a romantic one this one tell you what in a way yeah it's the fourth branch it's they i get the feeling they're really casting around for ideas Now they've got to the third sequel of the Mabinogi story. It's got quite probably the closest comparison would be the, is it the Friday the 13th ones? Is that Jason?

I'm not really familiar with that franchise. No, I think that's Halloween. I think I'm what passes for an expert on such things, and I don't even know. But yeah, basically they've run out of ideas. Are you telling me this is the Mabinogi, the crystal skull? Yes. Yes, that's more like it, Alistair.

Thank you. The fourth Indiana Jones. Have you heard they're bringing back Fawlty's Howard? Yeah. Popular demand? Both of those words in inverted commas. Yeah, if popular means John Cleese's Twitter account. Are they de-aging him so that he can walk around like a young-faced old man

like the irishman yeah the film the irishman it sounds like you're just having a pop at a particular person that we don't know yeah this de-aging thing do they know it doesn't work no i don't think they know it doesn't work? No, I don't think they know. Why don't they know? I haven't heard about this de-aging thing. I'm a bit out of the loop. Botox? No, it's sort of like this deep fake, but they do it with people so they look younger.

It was called The Irishman, wasn't it? It was that martin scorsese film all right and they did it to joe pesci and to robert de niro who were probably 70s when this was filmed but they made their faces look they were like they were 30s and joe pesci was really ill at 30 was he meant to be ill or did he just look ill? Not on purpose, I don't think. I didn't think that was part of the plot. But the consequence of this is you have people...

You know the gait of a 70-year-old man is different to the gait of a 20-year-old man. So they just sort of shuffle around. Like, they try and do a run, but they just can't. They just can't. It's just a fact of ageing. But with a young person's face, it's frightening. Yeah.

And no one seems to have told them. For the nerds listening, I have to clarify, they didn't use deepfake technology. They used, like, CGI heads, which is part of why it looks so weird. Wow. And, in fact, some people have then gone and done deep fake on it and annoyingly the deep fake is a great deal more convincing than the uh than the cgi in the actual that's a lot of effort

prosthetic heads oh no cgi heads yeah it was like good fellas on bobblehead mode um i don't wish to make it all about me but did i tell you about the casting i had to be in a film that had a funny age uh problem going on i got a casting to be in a dc movie right sounds exciting yeah except the first line of the script said a camera pans across a hotel room to a bed which has in it a very old woman she is so frail and old and she is 55 going on 85 she is so much older than her years because she's so ill and frail oh and did they tell you that they were going to use deep fake no? No. So I emailed my agent back saying, thinking there must be some mistake. So I just thought I'll mention it. So I said, I guess I'll try to channel my old lady.

And he said, I believe in you, Jeff. Like, there's been no mistake here. And the worst part is so so he must have looked at the casting breakdown and gone who have we got on our books that's 55 going on 85 oh jenny collier and then he showed my spotlight to the casting people and they went yeah perfect They went, yeah, perfect. So it went through those hoops before it got to me. Anyway, I didn't get it. I would have liked to have been part of the ageism in Hollywood problem.

I hope they didn't go for someone younger than you. That would be awful. I mean, glad also your agent didn't sort of say just be yourself that would have been that would have been too much but jenny yes mabinogi four what what what on earth happened to this because i've read i've read at this story i've read out this story and there's a few things that stuck with me, but most of it confused the heck out of me. Yeah, yeah, it's a funny one, isn't it? They've just gone to town. It definitely does seem quite CGI heavy.

Yeah, so the first bit about it is, so you know the hero, Clay. Is that how you say it? You start and I want to hear you say it. Well, so it's about a chap whose name is spelt L-L-E-U, and then a new word, L-L-A-W, and then another word, G-Y-F-F-E-S, which I would presume, with my limited knowledge of Welsh, is G-R-U-C-H-O-R-G-I-F-S. Is it GIFs? Yeah, I've embarrassed myself there. limited knowledge of Welsh is chru chwr gifs.

Is it gifs? Yeah, I've embarrassed myself there. Well, shall I tell you my interpretation? Because a lot of the Mabinogion rely on sort of interpretation by the reader or translator. Thank goodness. So what I'm getting is chle. So his name's chle, his first name is chle.

And then chlaw guffers. But then chlough means hand. And guffers, I don't know, so I'm going to say guffs. So I think his name is Clay. Hand guffs. So that's how I'm going to refer to him. So chlough guffs clay clay clow clay clay clow yes i think it's more like guffers cool clay clow guffers it's just clay

so unfortunately for clay for clay he was placed under a curse by his mother, Ariane Hrod, that he may never have a human wife. I mean, a lot of mums and their sons are weird like that, aren't they? Yeah, it seems a bit much from the mum. That doesn't seem to be setting him up for a good life. I've had exes where their mum doesn't want them to have a human wife their mum wants to be with them but interestingly so when i first read this i thought oh it's a case of um the mum wanting to go out with um clay but what it actually is so i looked a little bit further back into ariane rod's history i won't dwell on this too long but i just wanted to know like

what the crack is with her and how come she put a curse on him her own son her own her own son she doesn't like him because in the 12th century ariane rod's uncle called math vab madonwi would die if he didn't keep his feet in the lap of a virgin when he was not at war. Oh. He'd die if the feet aren't in the lap of the virgin when he's not at war. So he can either be at war or his feet in the lap. Those are his only two defaults. There's nothing in between. I mean, the logistics of it.

Oh, it's a nightmare. Presumably there needs to be a virgin right there for as soon as peace breaks out. He's going to be on the chaise lounge. Yeah, what happens if they play a game of football on Christmas Day? What's he doing? Well, he's not playing. We know that much. Oh, dear. doing well he's not he's not playing we know that much oh dear yeah there's a lot of logistical questions um with this and then sure enough um difficulty does come up when somebody else fancies

math's original footholder um who's called going and she's pretty but somebody engineers a war so that Math has to go away and do a war so that they can steal the footholder so then they go and have it off with Gowen so she's no longer a valid footholder

she's no longer like you could put your feet there but you die so now he's got to find he's got to find a new virgin to hold his feet. So Gwydion, who's like a wizardman, suggests his sister, Arianrod. And so to test her virginity, so Math and Gwydion are wizards, like the uncle wizards. And they tell her to, in order to check whether she's a virgin, they tell her to step over the magician's rod. And on doing this, she immediately just gives birth to a baby

and a blob-like entity. Oh. And the blob-like entity becomes Slay. He's the Danny DeVito. Exactly. In the Twins. That was the reference I was going to use. he's the crap left oh i'm sorry no it's perfect that you did with some it's it's it's flowing we're in a flow state and so yeah was she but she's so embarrassed that not only is she not a virgin but she's just done two babies in front of them

one of them isn't even a baby but then she's like i'm gonna punish this this entity ble and um one of the uncle's places lay in a chest and before long it becomes a boy who grows at twice the normal rate when he is four he's as big as an eight-year-old. Again, my nieces and nephew are of that ilk. But they started out as babies. They were babies, yeah. So then Ariane Rod is so embarrassed by the humiliation of being shown to be like this and then one of them not being a proper baby

that she puts a load of curses on to clay and the things that she wants for him are for him to not have a name not be able to be armed and to not have a human wife um but then she gets tricked into arming him and tricked into naming him and so the only one that remains is to not take a human wife. And that brings us to the beginning of the story. What an amazing preamble. It occurs to me that as suspicious groups go, you've got wizards and you've got uncles.

But wizard uncles really take the cake. Definitely. Magic men. These guys are up to no good well they're looking out for slay he's like cursed to not marry a human wife and then they sweep in and they're a bit like the guys from queer eye where they're like we're gonna sort this out for you pal ah okay i like this take i like this take they're like this take. They're like, your mum's evil. We want you to be happy. Let's fashion you a wife of flowers.

Wow. And so that's what they do. They conjure up the fairest and most beautiful maiden anyone had ever seen. And they baptised her in the way that they did at the time and named her Blodeweth. Oh, how you say that word then? Oh, I wish I got you to say it first. I thought it was bloody nude. The word, when you mentioned this story, um story blood with actually brings fear through me

because i once went to a pantomime of it when i was a child and it was what it was quite scary yeah so you know those paintings where it's a face made out of fruit and veg oh yes do you know those scary paintings guceppe akimbaldo i thinkdo, I think is just off the top of my head here. Yes. So the pantomime, that was what the people put me in mind of. And it was quite frightening. And I was a child and it was a musical. And as you can imagine, like from this story, it's not uber lighthearted.

And so we're watching it and it was all in Welsh, which I'm not utterly fluent in. So there was quite a lot of not knowing what the heck was going on. And then there was a moment where the scary characters came out into the audience with microphones and got you to sing. And they came up to me and held the microphone in my face and i was like ain't happening mate it's it's haunted me to this day do you think because we're thinking why is this 55 to 85 year old woman being so reluctant to get into the spirit of the pantomime yeah surely this is her last day out. Because Bledeweth, what is it? Bloody nude.

Bledeweth. Bledeweth. As far as I understood, that translates as flower face. The face of a flower. Yes. Flower face. It's a bit weird science, isn't it? They make the ultimate woman,

but they've sort of made her out of wood and flower and bits of tree. It's a bit an oldie worldie. I thought the same thing. So Clay marries Lodewev and they are happy together. They move to a place called Dinoding. Dinoding. Dinoding. Dinoding.

Dinoding. Dinoding. Yeah. I don't know how you say it. Dinoding Dino-ding Dinoding Dinoding Dinoding Dinoding Yeah I don't know how you say it Dinoding I live somewhere When I go back to Wales I go to Dinodwig But this is a place called Dinoding

Ah Anyway They live there And then Flea goes away On business Sorry Flea

Goes away on business It's really going to be hard to be looking at a book now and do the plow guffs. and there's a warrior comes through chasing a stag and um kills the stag oh sorry have i missed a bit it's quite late in the day so he's like um bloodayweb says we're going to get scorn piled upon us if we don't let this lad in at this hour um coming past our country of their home place denodding so we're going to invite him in do you want to say what you think he's called yes um i think his name is um gronald pepper g-r-o-n-w-p-e-b-r yeah fair enough got our new pepper isn't that what waiters say when they approach you with the big pepper in an italian restaurant in an italian restaurant how much pepper is in that thing did italian waiters get sick of refilling pepper mills is it like an rsi thing and it actually, it's just an elaborate attachment

to grind a normal-sized pepper grinder. If you look closely, the very end is just a normal-sized pepper grinder, but it's got a really long top so they don't hurt their wrists. So Granu Pepper is fit. I did read that. And Lode would look at him, and there was no part of her that was not filled with love for him

Is it like all her flowers kind of bloomed in that pantomime you saw? Oh I don't remember I mean I'm going to say I don't think they had the technology to do that in Welsh language panto and based on Jenny's age that would have been the 1920s so no

Yeah so she like every part of her wanted him there was zero ick like there wasn't anything even like the way that he everything he did made her fall in love with him and the book that i read has got a certain everything's quite literal i don't know if it's like a weird translation but it said and they did not put off making love to each other any longer than that night. And then a little hyphen just to be clear, that night they slept together. And the next day he asks permission to depart. And she was like, God knows you will not leave me.

Which is, you know, they say not to be be like that but there's no right answer is there and for three mornings she won't allow him to leave i'm a bit like he's a grown-ass man and why does he want to leave she's a grown-ass flower they're having a nice time together even though he keeps saying he wants to leave he just doesn't know what he wants i guess though he's he's a man-sized pepper grinder and she's a woman-sized bunch of flowers. Too much made in heaven. They decide there's only one thing to do

because she's saying that Clay is going to get back soon. So we're going to have to figure out what to do. And Gronu says there's only one thing we can do is find out from him how his death might come about. We've got to murder him. That's the only way. That's the only thing we can do is find out from him how his death might come about we've got to murder him that's the only way that's the only thing that can happen next is we have to murder him he is a blob man so he's magical so presumably he's not able to be killed by normal means yeah we haven't really found out why he can only be killed by these means but the means by which he can be killed are odd so when granu comes back she's like uh clay i need to talk to you um because she shows she makes out like she's really happily married to him and they spend a day in conversation

song and carousal and then when he tries to talk to her, she won't answer. And he's like, what is the matter? And she said, oh, I was just thinking, I'm really concerned that one day you might die. And if that was going to happen, like, how would that, how would that happen? And so he explains to her and the way that he may be killed is he can't be killed in the day or the night nor indoors or outdoors neither riding nor walking nor clothed and not naked nor by any weapon lawfully made so it's tricky she's like I don't even understand. You're going to have to show me. He says he can only be killed at dusk, wrapped in a net with one foot on a bath and one on a black goat by a riverbank, by a spear forged for a year using the hours when everyone is at mass.

So it's an illegally made spear. Yeah, when the smith should have been in church, really. sphere yeah when the smith should have been in church really and then blodewa is so good at pretending that she is worried that he like acts out and he's like right come down to the river with me run me a bath to be fair it does it does need some sort of visual aid it's a very confusing set of circumstances i can't picture a billy goat unless there's a billy goat here and i can't i don't know what it would be i don't understand one foot in a bath one foot on a billy goat unless both those things are happening simultaneously i don't understand that how that is neither indoors nor outdoors though it's like it's got to be in the act of getting out of a bath. But they also put a little peaked roof over the bath. They build a little structure.

Oh, right. But what's the bath got to do with it? So it's by the riverbank. Yes, because he's neither riding nor walking. He's standing on a goat. And he's sent to a, this is the situation. Yeah. this is literally the only way i could die granu goes away and makes the spear and then on on the day to the very day

on the year later she's like right show me this thing again and here's a billy goat and he's like bring it over here and like and so poor sleigh is just doing everything up to the very, like, up to it. And then Gronu's up on a hill with a spear, wangs it over at Flea. And does it kill him? It turns him into an eagle. Of course. I tricked you. Well, maybe he was tricking them.

Maybe, well, I mean, he didn't enjoy being an eagle it was it turns him into a wounded eagle oh no and so um he flies away but then gwydion one of the uncles um tracks him down by singing a poem at him oh in a tree well that's how they lure him i've got a little information on how the magic uncles find out where he is. Because they're like, I don't know where our nephew is. He must have turned into an eagle and flown away. But where could he be? Oh, by the way, my pig, whenever I open the gate to my pig pen, this sow runs out to the bottom of a particular tree

and starts feasting on rotting meat and vermin. Do you think that's related? And basically, up the top of the tree is clan... What? Clay. Clay. Clay sow, guffers. Guffs.

And every time he sort of shakes his feathers, rotting meat and vermin falls off him to the ground. So yeah, that's the obvious way that they locate the nephew that's been turned into an eagle by all those things that we talked about earlier. And then Gwydion lures him down with this poem. And he's like, yeah, it's me. And then he switches him back into his human form with his magic wand.

He just turns into the human form, but wretched. So he's not well. But then Gwydion and Math nurse him back to health. They give him a French tuck. They teach him how to make like a nice salad. And then they muster Gwyneth. And they're like, we're going to go and get reclaim the lands from Gronow and

Blawday with we're going to turn this around and get our happy ending so then so they go back to dinner for Mike or whatever it was called what was it called? Dinner Bell

Dinner Ding Dinner or Ding it's a game show we have to work out if a box contained a sandwich or a bell yes they they confront gronner the pepper guy the big pepper mill man yeah they confront him and he's like is anyone else gonna start you know stand in my way? Or am I going to have to take this fight on myself? And everyone else is like, you can fight him. And so they agree.

They sort of come to a deal. It's like, I will hit you the same way you hit me. So you need to be at dusk, getting out of a bath, getting onto a billy goat, wrapped in a net, so on and so forth. And then I'm going to throw a spear at you. And then Peppermill Man is like, all right, but can I hold a stone in front of me? And Claw is like, yes.

Yes, fine. If that's what you want. This set of rules is odd enough already. You can hold a stone. So they do that. And old handguff man. Yeah. He throws the spear at him.

He throws the spear. He's been working on his traps as well. He's been working on his body. Probably when he was an eagle, that that would work the arm muscles oh yeah and so he flings the spear i didn't know that he got he made him get in the bath and all of that as well um i knew he took him to the same place oh maybe well maybe i read into it but yours is a yours is like a good detailed translation mine seems to mostly be about the night times the saucy stuff you've got you've got

oh i chose wisely so he hoist the spear at him and it goes through the stone? Mm-hmm. Or was there already a hole in the stone? I couldn't understand that bit. No, I think it made... I think the spear made the hole in the stone. And obviously killed him. And that was the end of him, yeah.

Blodeweth has legged it with all her maidens, but while they were running away, they were all running away facing the way they're running from. They're running backwards. And then they fell in water and died, apart from Bloody Wave. That's not how you should run. No. More important to look at where you're going and just trust that the thing's not going to get you. Because what are you going to do if you see it?

You can't run faster. Yeah. And she wouldn't die from the water anyway, because she's a bunch of flowers. Anyway, she wouldn't die from the water anyway, because she's a bunch of flowers. Anyway, she doesn't die. And Gwydion says, I'm not going to kill you. I will do worse. What's worse than being killed?

Turn into an owl. But yeah, it turns into an owl because apparently the owls are hated by all of the birds. Yeah, birds hate owls. Did you yeah but birds hate owls did you know that no i did not know that i thought it was because biologically they because they're scared of them but it's just they just think they're birds this is the first time hearing of it that owls are unpopular this is where it comes from she was made into an owl but she had to still be called flower face so it's like the double insult of like not only you an owl and everyone thinks you're a tool but you're called flower face as well for the rest

of your days and apparently owls are still known as that in welsh now or something well owl in welsh is tullian or goody who well it's not true then this story is falling apart I don't know yeah I wasn't sure what it meant by that because I don't know unless the ones with like the really round face or something I don't know

that's pure speculation but it does say bodewydd means owl in the language of today maybe that's when mabinobion mabinobogion wrote it.

I don't know when today was, when my shorty Mabinogion was written. But that's why there's hostility between birds and owls. It made me feel like I was an idiot for not knowing how much birds think owls are dicks. Are you ready to score us from your well, though, Alistair? Shall we pop a few scores on this bad boy? Yeah, I think so. Okay, then, Alistair us from your well, though, Alistair? Shall we pop a few scores on this bad boy? Yeah, I think so.

Okay, then, Alistair, from your well, you think you can judge us from your hot well? I'll do my best, although bear in mind, you did ask me not to speak during this episode. That's a good point. Right, then, first category, Jenny, naming. Go on, say naming to him. Naming, please.

Very nice, very nice. Thank you. Very, very well done there. She's 85, you know. Normally when all the Welsh names come up, I sort of tune out because I can't make sense of them because I'm an arrogant Englishman. But I have to say, the little hand-guff noises have won my heart.

Yes! We really put a human face on these Welsh names. I'm happy to offer a four. One for every Mag Benogi so far. Nice. Second category, Supernatural, please. A lady made of flowers by a mysterious uncle. Yeah.

Impossible. The weird math play with the ghosts. I don't know if that's supernatural, but it's not natural. But it turned into an eagle. Transforming into an eagle. Also clearly supernatural, yes. Maybe it's just the heat in this well, but... Magic wandered from an eagle back into a human.

Yep. That was supernatural. With a pair of poems. And then... Yeah, double transformation. I think it's... And then Blood Eyewitness gets turned into an owl. And that's why we have owls.

That's why we have owls. I think it's five out of five for supernatural. Yes! Come on, you're on a roll, Jenny. Got it. I have a category, the category of caveats. Because, yeah, there's a lot of caveats in this story. Like, you can only be alive unless you're at war or have your feet on a virgin.

Yeah. You can't have a human wife. If I didn't want someone to have a wife, I would say you can't have a human wife if i didn't want someone to have a wife i would say you can't have a wife yeah i've seen some louis theroux documentaries i think i could find a way around this the whole death thing yeah that can't be killed indoors yeah or outdoors can't be killed during day or night not riding nor walking not cloth nor naked, or by any weapon lawfully made. That is some fine print. Yes. And I would give you

five out of five, James, but if you refer to page 73 in your manual... Yeah, he's got me. You'd love to. He'd love to. His hands are tied. His hands are tied, Jenny. So three out of five. Good Lord.

Yeah, alright, alright. You you got to pull it back jenny with the final category the last category is how much everyone hates owls but how much birds hate owls we everyone knows that everyone hates owls yeah birds hate owls. We hate birds. And some of the hatred of birds passes on to owls because they are a subset of the set of birds. That's probably a high score, I suppose. Yes, come on. Come on. Like a four?

How does a four sound to you? I'm happy with it. I'm pretty happy with a four. Oh, you're not happy with a four? I'm doing that weird sort of owl dance, you know, when you put it to music and they look like a like they're from madchester i do i do know that i'm stopping from foot to foot furiously yeah well i'm swooping in soundlessly like an owl and snatching a four ah i'm shrugging off rotting meat and vermin, the feeling of that, but it's better than a three.

Great. James is now coughing up the furry bones of a four. Saving a little pellet. Thank you very much, Jenny. That was, once again, on that lovely picture, let's end our Valentine special. Thank you very much, oxygenarian comedian Jenny Collier.

Thanks for having me. And happy Valentine's Day. Yeah, that Mabinogion didn't get any more grounded in reality, did it? No, it just gets worse and worse. It's just sort of spun off. They've seen what worked from the earlier ones, which was disembodied talking heads,

and then they just... I feel there's not even any justification within the story for some of these choices. It's just riffing by this point. Yeah. But it's a lot of fun. There are some extras for this available to Patreon subscribers. Would that be patreon.com forward slash lawmen pod?

If you get in quick, there's still tickets to see us live at the Leicester Comedy Festival on the 25th of February 2023. 2023. You strongly implied with your tone that we've sold some of them, is that right? Yeah! We have! Oh, that's news to me.

It's like selling like hot, hot Welsh cakes. I was trying to think of something that was themed to the episode. A Welsh cake is a thing, right? Welsh cakes are a thing. I don't know if they're meant to be hot or cooled. Buy them hot, let them cool, eat them in your own time. Yeah. If you buy them hot, then cool eat them in your own time yeah if you buy them hot then you've got the option if you buy them hot you've got the option oh somebody's at the door someone's passed a

letter uh underneath my door there's not another ransom note how intriguing oh it's a lovely picture of me it's from my kids oh it's from your kids of me it's from my kids oh it's from your kids of course it's from your kids of course it's from the kids