Loremen Podcast - S4 Ep46: Loremen S4Ep46 - More Moreton-in-Marsh

Episode Date: May 25, 2023

In April 2022, the Loremen recorded their shortest episode ever: Dame Creswyke’s Spectre. Did you think one haunted hotel was all Moreton-in-Marsh had to offer? Well, you were wrong! That sleepy Cotswold town on the Fosse Way is a veritable horn of plenty. Plenty of ghosts, that is. Expect spectres, mists, coughs, sensations and a bevy of airborne phenomena. Loreboys nether say die! Check the sweet, sweet merch here... https://www.teepublic.com/stores/loremen-podcast?ref_id=24631 Support the Loremen here (and get stuff): patreon.com/loremenpod ko-fi.com/loremen @loremenpod www.twitch.tv/loremenpod www.instagram.com/loremenpod www.facebook.com/loremenpod

Stampede Tac is all about the classics, and there really isn't anything more classic than the Storm Rider Jeans Jacket. The Storm Rider lined jean jacket with its corduroy collar features the classic Storm Rider styling that has become one of the most popular jean jackets of all time. This jean jacket is perfect for late night campfires. Whether for work or play, you'll find it at Stampede Tac and Western Wear in Cloverdale since 1966 and online at stampede.ca where shopping online is still shopping local. Welcome to Lawmen, a podcast about local legends and obscure curiosities from days of yore. I'm James Shake Shaft. And I'm Alistair Beckett-King. And hey, Alistair. Hi, James. You remember we did an episode about Morton in Marsh in the past?

No, but I believe that we probably did. No, it was our shortest episode yet. Oh, yes, of course. Our very popular shortest episode. And people were screaming for more Morton in Marsh. Clamoring, I believe they were. Clamoring. They were. Well, you know what? We've bowed to that public pressure.

Finally. Give the fans what they want, James. Well, here you have it. It's more Morton in Marsh. Alistair Beckett-King. Hello, James Shakespeare. Hello. I've got a sequel of sorts. Yeah? Or it's just more.

It's more Morton in Marsh. More, more Morton in Marsh? More, more, more Morton in Marsh, Morton in Marsh. More, more Morton in Marsh. More, more, more Morton in Marsh. Morton in Marsh. Great Grandmother in Swedish. Tön in Marsh. Is in a marsh. Just Grandmother.

I don't know. We talked about the fact that the word for Great Grandmother in Swedish is more, more, more's more. More, more's more. We talked about that before 4-4, right? Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Wow. It is more Morton and Marsh, James.

More, more Morton and Marsh. Every day we get emails saying, when are you doing a sequel to that Morton and Marsh episode that I remember so well, indelibly seared into my mind. It was the Dame Krezic's Spectre episode. Okay, that is ringing a distant bell, like the tinkling of a fairyland which came in as i think the shortest episode ever the shortest episode we've ever done it was like 20 minutes wow and yet there's more and that one's getting a sequel that's getting a sequel maybe

this should just have gone in that episode. Ork it out a bit. There is a bit that should have gone in that episode that I'd forgotten. So that all centred around... Are you going to do a wiki-wiki record scratch previously on the Lawmen's recap of who the flip Dame Krezic is? Previously on Lawmen, who the flip Dame Krezic is. Thank you. You could probably listen to the episode. It is only 20-odd minutes long.

Yep. So in Morton-in-Marsh, there was Creswick House, and Dame Creswick was allegedly moided there in one of two ways. This Dame's been moided. Did we do that? We already did that joke in the 20-minute long episode? Yep, yep, yep. Oh, yeah, apologies for any jokes that we do repeat.

Not just in this episode, but across the entire podcast. Oh, well, I wouldn't go so far as that. I think I'll apologise on a case by case basis, please. Okay.

Sometimes they're really good. Eventually it becomes a callback if you just keep doing the same joke over and over again. Exactly. Yeah. Crescent house. It became the manor House Hotel, and I've actually stayed at that hotel. Since the recording?

No, before the recording. Okay, before the recording. But it made such an impression on you that you saved it for the sequel. Really could have bulked that episode runtime up to 21 and a half minutes. Yeah, well, tell me, Jamesames tell me the story of the manor house hotel oh i just stayed there and that's the whole story went to a wedding i can't believe this didn't make the final cut of episode one uh went to a wedding and an elderly relative started talking to me about marijuana oh yeah yeah it was fun the old amusing cigarettes

as i call them. The kooky taboo key. That's not how you say tobacco. That's not how anyone says tobacco. No, kooky taboo key. Yeah, that's what we call it around here. Kooky kaboo key. It's a Japanese form of satirical theatre.

But no, there's loads more about Morton, Alistair. Actually, for a start, and I definitely told this story before, but not in that episode, it's the town that I had to walk back from in the dark because I cheeked a taxi driver. Oh, yes. That time. Yes. The famous James taxi driver cheeking incident. Yes, because there's a town nearby called Broadway.

Just a quick recap. The taxi driver said... Yeah, let's just do that anecdote once more. Is this a clip episode? Is this like a best-of episode? It's a recreation episode. This is a Crimewatch episode. And the crime was you checking a taxi driver? Yeah, because he said he was in Broadway, which is the name of a town, and I said, I don't want to hear about your theatrical dreams,

or something to that effect. And then he didn't come and pick me up and I had to walk back in the pitch black dark. What? Ironically, quite a diva, really. Yes. Very good point. But Alistair, I want to talk to you about the infamous Morton Fire College, previously the flight training school, previously an aerodrome in World War II, previously a bit of a golf course. What a career path. Yeah. Golf course, aerodrome, flight training, fire. Was there an accident with the planes and they just pivoted to fire station? I don't know if they did it like on the hoof live, but there were a number of tragedies on the premises. Does premises include fields? Yeah.

Can premises be outside? Are they by their nature inside? No, I think premises can be outside, definitely. Thank goodness. But I tell you what they don't include, the sky. Oh, really? Ah. So if anything spooky happens in a plane, that's not on the premises.

Ah, okay. Well, something spooky happens involving a plane on the premises, we'll get to that. But I think you're putting two and two together already. Also, we're going to have a bunch of stuff happening off the premises, but potentially linked to the premises at the end these riddles will make sense by the end of the episode good which should be in about 10 minutes yes don't yeah don't worry it's we're nearly there are we talking about ufos james we might get onto

that oh nice oh hello do you remember when people started trying to say UFOs for a bit? Have some people persisted with that? I think it's like gif-jif. I think there's a few people out there who are hardcore UFOers, and it's like, it's not a word. It's not going to become a word. It's UFOs. Although that is how Germans pronounce Yoo-hoo glue, isn't it?

It's ooh-hoo. And Wi-Fi's Wi-Fi. What? Oh, big time. You want a Wi-Fi password in Germany? You want the Wi-Fi password in Germany? Password? You want the Wi-Fi password in Germany? It's the Wifi.

The Wifi. And I don't know what the German word for password is. I bet the German word for password is great. I'm going to have to look it up. Yeah, we're all going to have to. Passwort. Come on, Germany. Make an effort.

Oh, come on. Oh, I've actually fact-checked myself mid-episode, and I've come out wanting a Wi-Fi password. According to Google, it's WLAN password. They call Wi-Fi WLAN. WLAN? W-L-A-N is what they're saying. WLAN. Because, I guess, is Wi-Fi aLAN. WLAN? W-L-A-N is what they're saying. WLAN. Because, I guess, is Wi-Fi a brand name or something?

If anything, it means wireless fidelity, which doesn't make any sense. I think it is a brand name, like Bluetooth. Yeah, or Eurovision. Eurovision. Let's not get onto that again. Yeah, I was furious when I found out about that. Yeah. On this podcast in a previous episode.

Yeah, you can look at it. I can't remember what episode we didn't complain about the concept of Eurovision being made up by a satellite company to sell satellite companies. I like the way we've moved the podcast on from two aging guys remembering things to two aging guys remembering things about the podcast in which they remember things. And complaining about Eurovision. The company, not the song contest, I don't mind the singing. Right, so Alistair, let me soothe that angry beast,

which are your opinions about Eurovision, by taking you back to 1917 which is way before eurovision it's almost 40 years before eurovision it's around 40 years before eurovision it's just under 40 years before eurovision i'm not sure exactly when eurovision started so i've given myself some options so in 1917 the fire college was not a fire. It was a golf course that was not on fire. It was only a nine-hole golf course, which is half the amount of holes a normal golf course has for any golf novices. Yes, yes, that's odd.

And there was a path that ran across the course, which went from Tottenham Road to Leamington Grange. And the person who reports this story was a child at the time and his father was in charge of the upkeep of the greens the boy would often find his father on the path which was bordered by thorny hedgerows and the father would be like digging out golf balls that got lost in the spiky bushes yeah yeah no not from his body parts. Yes. Not pulling them out of ears and wedged in his gut, but from the thorny bushes. Exactly.

I don't play golf, but it's not just posh people whacking golf balls at employees, is it? They try not to hit the people. No, they do shout four. And they throw four balls at you. Or an abbreviation of, I'm aiming for you. The kid was 12 and he was walking along the path and he saw something he was to remember for the rest of his life i'm taking this as ever from folklore

and mysteries of the cotswolds by mark turner i think he lived in morton in march for a bit because it's by far the longest section of the book. So at that point on the path, where the boy expected to see his father, he saw a grey, ashen-faced phantom hovering through the hedge. Through it? Moving towards him. Its eyes were closed as though in death. Whilst it was moving through the hedge, it wasn't disturbing any leaves. It was passing through like a sort of mist.

A scary mist and the boy was so terrified he ran away and he later came to regard the phantom's appearance as a premonition of his father's death in the war in france a year later oh dear so there we have it a little boy seeing the ghost of his dad who's alive at the time yeah future ghost future ghost future ghost what you got to tell me future ghost well sad news and then during world war ii this became an aerodrome it was the 21st operational training unit which was used for the training of wellington bomber crews which through wellies at people now for people who remember the previous episode that makes sense as to why there's a

wellington aircraft museum that if you remember correctly was only open for four hours on a sunday oh yeah by previous episode you mean the previous morton and marsh episode yes from ages ago so the first story comes from a woman who lived in Morton during the war years and worked for a local jeweller. This is jeweller, not dealer, right? Yes. Yes. Very good point.

That's a really good point. That is a mistake you do not want to be making. No. This spectre, this apparition happened down by the aerodrome where it ran next to the london road and this fella was passing on his motorcycle when a ghostly white shape began following him from outside the aerodrome he accelerated on his motorbike to leave it behind and was relieved to find it did not follow him into the town centre. Now, Alistair. Yeah? A ghostly white shape.

A grey ghost. Yeah. Around the same part of the world. What is grey but a pessimist's white? Good point. Mm-hmm. You're drawing a parallel. You think there's a connection between those two apparitions?

Could be the same thing. But they do go on to point out that that area of ground used to be quite boggy hence the name morton in marsh that's kind of the boggy bit and that's where you sort of find marsh gases like we're talking about willow the wisps yeah and now we come to the first of the tragic tales from this area during World War II, whilst this was an aerodrome. Well, a cheeky young pilot took one of the WAAFs out for a joyride. No, you crazy flyboys.

Those WAFs, that is the Women's Auxiliary Air Force. I don't know how it was pronounced, though. Was it pronounced WAF? I think it was pronounced WAF. WAF. Yeah. With a sort of Reese Shearsmith inflection, I think. Yeah.

Now, this is a bad intro for a sad story. Yes, I feel like we've veered away from the impending tragedy yes uh because they crashed into the trolley act room and they both died well that's really sad but sorry what room the trolley act room trolley act yeah it was the room where they kept all the trolley acts what's a trolley act well i googled that it is a it's a trolley accumulator a trolley accumulator yes oh okay i still don't really know what it is well well it is quite neat because it's like a battery on wheels in order to start the plane's motor you need electrics yes of course but it's quite inefficient to keep a big heavy battery on an airplane if you're only using it to start so why

not keep that on the ground on a set of wheels wheel it over to the airplane jump start it wheel it over to the next airplane so on so that was that was a trolley hack. And they were kept in a room. I'm no expert, but I would have thought crashing into a room full of them would be less than ideal. Oh, it's really bad. They rebuilt the room and continued to use it as a storage bit for trolley hacks. And that room was haunted. They would malfunction quite regularly these trolley acts and sometimes people said they saw the ghost of a woman very sad it's probably not true oh great you know good you know take it with a pinch of salt i felt much better about that yeah no no i'm feeling fine

now yes and and then uh after the, this became a flight training school, but still the equipment malfunctions continued and the ghost of the WAF was still seen. Yeah. Then, in 1959, it evolved into its final form. A fire college. a fire college and in the 80s there was a ghost which sounds really annoying yeah i wasn't a big fan of the 80s either so this ghost haunted the e block a residential area for the college staff because

basically it's it's quite a cool training college it's really is a really big area obviously it's in a former aerodrome near golf course and they've got like a bit of motorway where they do training for doing fires on bits of motorway there's a bit of an airplane there's a concrete ship set in a dock a multi--storey building, a bit of railway, and various other complex training aids. It's like Disneyland for fires. Yes. For places where serious fires can occur. Exactly that, yes. Wow, it's like digger land. Sort of digger land. And there's a swimming pool there, which I think is just used for fun. Yeah, yeah. It's not particularly dangerous. I would say that's the least dangerous part of the fire training area.

Well, you say that. What? We'll get to that. Okay. This place is just... So the residential area was haunted by a mischievous ghost of a man who died in the 80s. And what the ghost would do is when the cleaners went through, the ghost would open all the windows behind them.

Windows have been found open several times on occasions when no one could have been in the room after the cleaning staff. And the window opening activities were put down to the ghost of the former resident, who, when living in the building, would follow the cleaners around the block, opening the windows to let fresh air into the rooms. Oh, so he was annoying in life as well as in death. Yep. Just get some interests of your own.

Don't just follow cleaners around undoing their good work. Just being annoying. They just cleaned that floor. You're tramping around in it, opening windows. Come on. Chill out. Enjoy a dip in the pool. Now, Alistair, do you know what you were doing at 6.30pm on Thursday, the 17th of May, 1990?

I do not know. No. I would guess I was probably watching the Fresh Prince or something. Oh, yeah, yeah. If Fresh Prince was on, I would have been watching that. 6.30? Or was that 6 o'clock? I think 6.30 was... The Simpsons was on at 6, wasn't it 6 30 or was that six o'clock uh i think 6 30 was the simpsons

was on at six wasn't it not in 90 no nah nah simpson had i don't think simpsons had made it to terrestrial by then no you're right misremembering which house i lived in in 1990 tuesdays would have been tng bbc2 60.45 but Thursdays we're too early for Party of Five? probably I never watch Party of Five I'm slightly younger than you James very slightly well

at 6.30pm on Thursday the 17th of May 1990 one of the members of the college cleaning staff saw a ghost sorry were you asking me for an alibi there? I didn't realise. That was really vague.

I didn't realise that I'm now implicated. Well, actually, you could fit some of the description here. Oh, yeah? Now, while this cleaner was working in one of the main blocks and walking along an interior corridor with another member of staff, she suddenly saw walking towards her a young lady with long brown hair aged about 18 or 19 dressed in clothing typical of the 1960s so i mean you could could you have been mistaken for an 18 or 19 year old young lady

with long brown hair dressed in clothing typical of the 1960s at the age of six in 1990 no no no you're not wearing flares no i that was it was the it was the late 80s and early 90s we just wore shell suits children at that time full shell suits full shell suits that's the sound of a child moving if it wasn't fireworks night we'd be wearing shell suits. The young lady said nothing but smiled pleasantly and simply passed by. She was not seen by the second member of staff, who was looking the other way. And as soon as the girl had passed, the witness felt that something was not quite right. Perhaps it was a six-year-old boy. So she turned to look again, and the girl had completely vanished.

There was nowhere she could have gone to she couldn't have gone down this really long corridor there was heavy swing doors which would have been still going if she'd have gone through them and the witness did not recognize the girl and was certain that she'd never seen her before and they asked around the presence was unexplained and remains a mystery. Seems like a happy ghost, that one. Yeah, seems pretty chill. Now, Mr Paul Swallow, the head of security at the fire service,

has another story of a ghost. So on one occasion, he was with a fellow security guard and they were checking the buildings last thing at night, secured the admin block, turned off all the lights. He was with a fellow security guard, and they were checking the buildings last thing at night, secured the admin block, turned off all the lights. Then they looked back and saw the upstairs lights come on. So they go back into... Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. I imagine it was exactly like that, Alistair.

That's an excellent sound effect. Thank you. It's almost as good as my record scratch sound effect. Is there a donkey in this fire college? So they go back into the building and they hear the sounds of people moving around and hear a door close. They give a thorough check of the building and prove beyond a doubt there's no one present.

Who switched the lights on? It sounds more like they just missed someone. Who am I to judge? They're security guards. They know their job. Yeah, Jamesames didn't you learn your lesson with that taxi driver stay in your lane that's a good point that's what i was telling the taxi driver that's another story about a taxi driver i offended and and then on another

occasion one of the security guards was scared out of their wits by a ghost coughing near them one time now back in 1987 so we're just skipping back a couple of years there's an excellent story that happened on the edge of the fire college knee so on flight training school aerodrome golf course so he was parked on the edge of the old aerodrome on what would have been one of the old ends of one of the runways and it was between 10 p.m and midnight and there was moonlight and some thin cloud and he heard an almost deafening sound of a plane traveling very low towards him and looking out on the runway he saw a large plane going right for him there were no lights on it it's going right for me a bit like um north by northwest yes but he's in a car not in a field yeah it's good this is the account from folklore mystery of the cotswolds by mark turner

which was published in 1993 now he also Mysterious Gloucestershire in 2011. Which was the original Peter Andre title for that song. And then at the last second, they switched it to Girl. Oh, Mysterious Gloucestershire. And they're like, something's not working, Peter. It doesn't scan, Peter. Is it the way the water makes your legs look short? No, it can't be that.

So there, there's no explanation for why the man is there on the edge of the runway. By the time Mysterious Gloucestershire, by the time, oh, oh, oh, oh, Mysterious Gloucestershire is published, to give it its full title. Yes. Incredible to write an entire book while waist deep in the waters of the Caribbean. That's just incredible work. Well done, Mark.

He was parked up on the edge of the former aerodrome with a female companion. Mm. Mm-hmm. And they found their quiet time together disturbed by the roar of an aircraft engine. And he saw the large plane coming towards him in the moonlight. And it appeared to be an old-fashioned machine.

And it was so low that they dived down in the car. The plane passed overhead. And then they had a very loud bang, followed by silence. They got out of the car convinced that they've just witnessed a plane crash. You've just witnessed a plane crash. You, sir, have just witnessed a plane crash. You, sir, and female companion have just both witnessed a plane crash. You've just witnessed a plane crash. You, sir, have just witnessed a plane crash. You, sir, and female companion

have just both witnessed a plane crash. But they got out, looked around. There's no sign of anything. There's no sign of an accident. However, suddenly, from a road nearby, came the sound of voices, and they saw a group of cyclists heading towards them. And then they realised those cyclists, they're dressed in odd clothes.

They're not in Lycra. They appear to be wearing RAF uniforms and are completely unaware of the man and his companion's presence. The cyclists then proceeded to cycle straight through a fence. What? And continue until they were out of sight. That's really good. Yeah.

I think that's one of the best ghost visions ever described on this podcast. Nice, because we've had a lot. We've had a lot. Up until now, they've been terrible. And do you want to know the real tragedy that happened in 1990? What was it? The 3rd of December, 1990. Little Jimmy Shakes is turning 10,

and he's got his birthday booked in at the Fire College pool. Yeah? They're going to get the big inflatable dog out and everything. Yeah? You know the big inflatable dog? Not really. It was like a big inflatable dog out and everything. Yeah. You know the big inflatable dog? Not really. It was like a big inflatable dog that you'd have at a pool and you'd spend the whole time just trying to get on that big inflatable dog

because it was a bit too big and inflated. Sliding off, yeah. Massive. Yes. But that Saturday, it snowed really heavily. Roads were too icy. In fact, the fire college cancelled all bookings for that day no yeah so i had to cancel my birthday party oh having a birthday so near christmas you can't rearrange it

no you can't really because oh come on three weeks out of christmas is like the limit yeah which is exactly pretty much exactly where my birthday lies. Nothing's going to be available. So, Morton Fire College, site of tragedy. So many tragedies, yes. So many tragedies. I can't believe that you forgot all of these personal tragedies. No.

You're like the character in season three of a TV show where it's like, oh, I've got loads more backstory I've never mentioned, just to give us some more stuff to do. You're like, oh, by the way, I nearly went swimming in this haunted location. What? How did that not come up? To take the taste of that tragedy away, I've got a bunch of oofos. Oh, I forgot about the oofos. The 50s and 60s proved a fertile period for reports of flying saucers. Are you reading or is this how you talk now? No, this is how I talk now.

No, this is from, oh, oh, oh, oh, mysterious Gloucestershire. Is it? It's weird that I can tell. I've just never heard you say proved a fertile period. now in the early 50s a woman from morton saw something in the sky from her garden in reedsdale place it was a clear evening and she saw a flying saucer suddenly appear in the sky and hover above a house nearby it was saucer shaped with a dome on the top classic flying saucer it glowed orange and its edges were lit by a bright yellow light she said that it was bigger than a house and it was seen by at least two other people hovered for a few minutes rose up and shot off towards stow on the wold

i've got business in stow on the wold i'm an alien gotta get to stow on the wold. I'm an alien. Gotta get to stow on the wold. In the 80s, a credible witness, Mark says... Sorry if that really implies that the previous witness was not credible. It was less than credible. He was stood on the bridge awaiting a train coming in from Oxford. Dusk had fallen and he saw a strange sphere-shaped orange light hovering in the sky some distance away above the village of even load and he remained stationary for several minutes before hurtling away across the sky at an incredible speed in the direction of i don't know probably i don't know maybe ship's non-stower there's no stow on the world there's no stow on the world

but we've got oh there are some tales there we'll get we'll get to that one day when we've completely exhausted morton in marsh one one day i'll tell my tales about snow on the world but not today not today and now this witness was a former member of raf aircrew was she a wife yeah this was a man. He was sceptical that any conventional aircraft could have accelerated at such a speed and remains at a loss as to what the light was. And there's one last UFO. In the early years of the 21st century,

so we're getting close. We're getting close to nowadays. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's this century. They saw a light in the sky above Hospital Road. They went out for a sig break, and they saw a bright white light suddenly come across the sky and hover above them.

It was high in the sky like an aeroplane, or a cloud, I guess. Other things can be high in the sky. And it was unaccompanied by sound, and it hovered for about five minutes. And then when one of the ladies went indoors and put on a light, it shot off at breakneck speed across the sky much faster than could have been achieved by an airplane or helicopter the size of the object was difficult to estimate but it was large and unlike the distant light of a

star planet or conventional aircraft so there you go they scare easy these u UFOs. They do, don't they? Always zipping off to Morton and Marsh. No, Stow on the Wold, sorry. Stow on the Wold. So, yeah, I've got no idea what could explain all those UFOs near the site of a flight training. It's a real mystery. It's a real mystery. I'll tell you what, it wasn't an inflatable dog,

because they'll dangle an inflatable dog in front of a 10-year-old and then whip it away. So are you ready to score me then? Yes, I am. Go on. I just really incredibly managed to mine anything more out of Morton in Marsh. Well done.

Oh, I'm sure there's more Morton in Marsh terror. As well as some classic Shyshaft backstory. Yes. First category, naming. Well, I noticed Reedsdale pop up. Yes. And that, of course, is where Parsi Reid of Pillow Slips Parsi Reid lived. Really?

Yeah, from the Reid family. There was Reedsdale and Liddersdale. So, yeah, I noticed that. So in terms of remembering words we've said on the podcast before, that counts for something. It's been a very remembery episode. It has been. It's been mired in the past. But maybe that will be a category later.

You never know. What else we got? We got Star in the World. Yeah. We got Morton in Marsh. We've got an even load. The names are colourful, but a little irritating. Yeah.

They're all a little bit quaint. Paul Swallow. Paul Swallow. Paul Swallow? Yeah, he was the security guard guy that heard the coughing ghost that turned on the light. Oh, mysterious Gloucestershire. Oh, yeah, that's good. All right.

So that's three names alike so far. Have you got anything more for me? No. No one else would identify themselves in these tales. You don't even know the name of the nine-hole golf course. What? Come on. Well, in the absence of a hilariously named credible witness, it's three out of five.

All right, then. Second category, supernatural. Well, I'm going to dismiss the UFOs from this category because I think they can be expliqued. Yes, by either being something to do with the WW2 aerodrome, the flight training school, or the fire college that has the capacity to simulate a fire in a multi-storey building. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, it's like Universal Studios for near-death experience. Yes, the backdraft experience or the Waterworld one. Yeah, and I can't but think that also the other thing that might explain weird lights is, I'm afraid to say, marsh gas. Something for which Morton in marsh is known. Yeah. All right. All right.

So we're discounting those. Fine. However, whole aeroplane coming overhead. Yes. So we're discounting those. Fine. However, whole aeroplane coming overhead. Yes. Cyclists going through a fence. Yes. That is just a gold standard, a smiley face stamp on your homework, quality ghost sighting. Yes.

It's really, really good. Yep. So I think it's four out of five just on the strength of that one. I'm not even counting the rest. They're dismissed out of hand. The other ones which were probably mist-based ghosts don't need to be brought up. Brilliant.

What about the 60s girl, though? Oh, I forgot about the 60s girl. At 6.30pm on Thursday the 17th of May, 1990. Well, it doesn't become spookier just because it's more specific. The 60s ghost is fine. I mean, did she have a cough? I don't know. I just, I'm not feeling it.

Just one second. I'm going to, I'm doing something. I don't know if it's going to work. Okay, okay. Go for it. Google, what was on TV 6.30pm on the 17th of May, 1990? Have you found it? I think it might have been the second episode of My Two Dads.

I remember My Two Dads. One of them was the old, the baddie from Aliens, Paul Reiser. Not the alien queen. Oh, yeah, I was going to say, that's not how I remember the film. It's not how I remember My Two Dads. A giant Geiger-esque creature, all wrapping people in stuff. Yeah, I think it was the second episode of My Two Dads was airing. On UK, in the uk so still

only four though yeah it's still four in spite of you claiming that the alien from aliens was in my two dads was one of the two dads yeah absolutely wasn't third category is i going to go with it, it's mired in the past. Mire, like a marsh. Mm-hmm. A bit of wordplay there. Mm-hmm. But this category ain't naming. Duh.

But, oh, it was so, like, we did a little bit of psychogeography there, didn't we? Is psychogeography when you just vaguely remember things? Yeah, from a certain place, from a town. From a town or a place yeah okay i mean it sounds really easy to do psychogeography but okay potentially the same spot the golf course the kid is scrumping for golf balls the gray or white mist that chased the motorcyclist the plane crash the lovers you're right it's a it's a rich tapestry the little boy crying on his birthday all these things they'll be lost like like tears in a swimming pool they didn't even

get to a swimming pool it was cancelled listener james um i'm sorry to inform you that um none of those memories are real they were implanted there what what yep Yep. You're going to tell me I didn't used to ride a unicorn around town. Yeah, okay. This has been one of our most nostalgic slash vaguely reminiscence-filled episodes. I don't want to imply that it was of low quality or that effort wasn't put in or that it isn't worth people

continuing to listen to the podcast. I don't want to imply any of those things. Good. But it was quite remembersome. It was very memories. It was very memories. So it's five out of five. Yes.

At least that's how I remember it. Yes, nicely done. I'm trying to do that like in the style of the main character from Rebecca. What, the queen from Aliens and the final category Mr. Bit Mr. Bit because basically at least three of them

were mists oh yes yeah yeah and one of them well a number of them annoyed cleaning staff that's true then that is annoying and what's the easiest way to annoy someone who's cleaning something is to just say the words missed a bit yeah yeah um i um i'm not particularly impressed with this category i think it itself is a bit of a miss. But does that mean that I have to give you more points for it? I'm pretty sure it does. Does it?

Yeah, probably. All right, I'll knock it up from a two to a three then. How does that fit you? Sounds like you missed a couple of points there. Yeah, I missed a bit, yeah. Three out of five. Yeah. I think I might have mentioned before,

it's a transition from boy to man is when people when you're cleaning a car stop saying to you or you can do mine if you want yeah two you've missed a bit missed a bit why is it culturally acceptable to command children to clean your vehicle children aren't butlers no although. Although. Although. They would be cute. I'll cut to like 1960s sitcom music underneath a montage of children being butlers. Essentially what we're talking about is child labour, but fun, whimsical. They've got cute little suits.

Bow ties. They live under the stairs. Can be summoned with little bell rings. You wouldn't need as much room for your servants' quarters. Because they're small. Because children are smaller. You'd just have kid-sized beds. I think this is how the Victorian times got started, James.

Oh, really? Oh, no. Okay, I'll rein it in. We won't have children butlers. All right. You've been listening to Lawmen, the foremost remembering things and child labour endorsing podcast on the internet

there you go chilling say what you will that was more morton in marsh that was more morton in marsh that was it would have been hard to do less yeah and if the listeners want to listen to even more morton in marsh and even more episodes of podcasts. If the listener wants to hear the sound of a barrel bottom being scraped into their ears. From Morton in Marsh. From Morton in Marsh. If they go to patreon.com forward slash lawmen pod and sign up for Patreon, they get bonus episodes. Which features all sorts of stuff.

Off cuts. Bits and bobs, things, and access to the Lord Men. It's just amazing, your ability to come up with these things without scripting it, James. Oh, just, you know what? I just riffed that. What? No way. Yeah. It's like a young Mozart composing self-promotion.

We're not endorsinging we're enforcing what i don't know i'm just i'm not legally liable for any of the things james says on the podcast