Loremen Podcast - S4 Ep47: Loremen S4Ep47 - Scams in Old Time Japan

Episode Date: June 15, 2023

James dazzles Alasdair with a selection of grifts, scams and swindles from Edo period Japan. Marvel at the adventures of the legendary Hikoichi, featuring a bucket of fish-guts, a red-faced demon (literally and figuratively) and pub-based nudity. This marks the Loremen's long-awaited return to the shed / garret livestream format. If you want to witness it all with moving images (and an hour of extra "content"), head over to https://youtube.com/live/9rVYXOTMrKQ. Loreboys nether say die! Check the sweet, sweet merch here... https://www.teepublic.com/stores/loremen-podcast?ref_id=24631 Support the Loremen here (and get stuff): patreon.com/loremenpod ko-fi.com/loremen @loremenpod www.twitch.tv/loremenpod www.instagram.com/loremenpod www.facebook.com/loremenpod  

hello hello hello james hello alistair i nearly said hello alistair because i'm left and on your description on the right i said hello alistair and hello james but um that's wrong that is wrong i remain james good for you actually james in these crazy topsy-turvy times good for you and um hello to the law folk of course hello there in the chat we can see some people jumping into the chat hopping about so it's been a while since we've done a live stream and i have forgotten how they work so if this is working at all i mean a big pat on the back for you and me there james well mostly you to be honest i've done the same as ever which is run a cable through a cat flap

is that part of the live stream or is it just for look it's now unrelated and wherefore have you been recently james Shakespeare? Why have I been recently? Whither, whither come ye, James Shakespeare? Yes, I have been around the world, actually. I went to Japan. Ooh, very nice. Because of certain geopolitical situations, the route is slightly altered from what it normally is.

And so on the way there there we went sort of down to imagine in a globe we went over the stands so we kind of came across europe down a bit and across those sort of mountainous bits and then just popping off to japan and then on the way back we came out of japan turned right sorry we came we came out of Japan and turned right is, I think, you're going to have to hand in your dad card, because that is the worst direction anyone has ever given me. Come out of Japan and turn right. Came out of Japan, turned right, went over Alaska,

into the Arctic Circle, down over Iceland, your Greenlands, your Scotlands, and then we're back in london so i went i've circumnavigated the globe wow screw you willie fogg phileas fogg took me like two days phileas fogg sorry took me two days and had a two-week holiday in the middle he was a talking lion so we're all dealing with different challenges, aren't we, James? Yes, yes. With his little friend, the cat, who had a little friend, the

mouse. We never found out if the mouse had a little friend, did we? Did it stop there? Yeah, because it's past part two, the sidekick, and then they gave him an even funnier sidekick. His sidekick had a sidekick, and the sidekick did the sidekick. Did he have a little shrew? where does it

end a flea all the way down to just bacteria you can't have a bacterial sidekick they're not they're not going to be doing backflips hilariously yeah that was uh of course a reference to willie fogg a cartoon which days around the world to find a pot of gold it was around the time of your mysterious cities of golds and ulysses which was clearly in french where as listeners to this podcast know well to my i'm gonna uh shock here allister all right that a mysterious city is a gold did not like them what yeah i didn't You didn't like Mysterious Cities of Gold? No. James, he has an amulet that has the power of the sun.

What is a condor? I know they had the condor, but you're not going to see the condor every episode. Well, it's very expensive to animate the condor, so you could only really... Many episodes, you didn't see the condor. James, we've segued into our parallel podcast, men remembering things so early on.

We haven't even touched upon it. Men memberances. Yes. Men memberances. Quickly register that, Earl. Men memberances. Yep, yep, yep, yep. Chicka, chicka, chicka, chicka, chicka, chicka, chicka, chicka.

But I must... That's the sound of Earl being registered. I must drag you. I must drag you. Yeah, people are mentioning D'Artagnan. That's a dog-tannion. Sorry, that's what I was going to say. That was Spanish.

Spanish-Japanese. He looked like are mentioning D'Artagnan. That's a dog-tanyan. Sorry, that's what I was going to say. That was Spanish. Spanish-Japanese. Really? He looked like he didn't have any trousers on. I'm not sure I trusted that. Have you ever seen a Spanish dog wearing trousers, James? Good point. Have you ever seen me trust a Spanish dog? That is true.

You got me there. You got me there. So while you were in Japan... I did a little bit of research. Did a little bit of field reporting. I did a little bit of research, did a little bit of field reporting. I found out some folk tales from an area I went to called Kumamoto, which is an area of Kyushu, which is the sort of the big island that's got your Fukuoka's,

your Nagasaki's, your Mount Aso's, which is a big active volcano oh I see yeah a practising volcano and it is it is an angry mountain mmm

they're like a mountain with an asbo volcanoes they're causing trouble and people have to keep an eye on them asbos don't still exist do they

no asbos haven't been around for a while but volcanoes very much still a present threat. Not so much in England. I don't think there are any English volcanoes, are there? Edinburgh used to be a volcano. Of course, Edinburgh is in Scotland. Whoa, yeah, that was a good save.

But it used to be a volcano. Ben Nevers? Ben Nevers? Did that used to be a volcano? I don't know. I mean, this is now... We've segued from men talking about cartoons

to men guessing about volcanoes yes men speculations men speculations volcano edition yeah yeah yeah right go on

volcano we've guessed about volcanoes and we've talked about cartoons well let's bring it back down to earth with some folklore from Japan. This is a story about Hikoiichi, who is a figure from Japanese folklore. According to this lovely book, Folk Legends of Kumamoto by Takumi Tsukamoto.

There may have even been a real Hikoiichi uh about 200 years ago they found a grave of a guy called hikawichi yeah so this gravestone has an inscription stating the grave of hikawichi popular hero is in yatsushiro city uh which is in actually i haven't fact checked that it is on kyushu it is in japan it is it is in japan it is it is a thing it's in japan fingers crossed so according to this book the last day of the year was the day that you had to have paid all your debts. So in the ye olden times, 200 years ago, in Japan, or at the very least in Kumamoto, the last day was the final day that you had to pay your debts. Hikawichi, he's got some debts.

It's New Year's Eve. What we're going to learn about Hikawichi, he likes a bit of drink. He likes a bit of a sake. And he's not saved any money. He's worried. His wife goes to him, are you worried about worried about something basically you're biting your nails uh and he's like yeah uh if i had some money it would help because the debt collector's coming around and i

haven't saved any money and she pulls out a little kitty with a bunch of coins in it and he's like what now now to be clear we have had a dog with coins in it. And he's like, what? Now, to be clear, we have had a dog with coins in it in the past on the podcast. When you say a little kitty with coins in it, how disgusting is this? Not a living kitten piggy bank. No, this is a small purse. Good.

He's like, well, where have you got all this money? Where's this money come from? And she says, well, what happened is whenever you sent me out for sake, I would pocket a little bit of the change because I thought it might come in handy one day. And he's like, that is brilliant. That is fantastic.

He had enough money. He paid off his debt that New Year's. And that New Year's Eve, as he was drifting off to sleep, he thought to himself, so since my wife can save up this much money in spite of my evening drink, if I stop drinking we're gonna have more money economics genius he is he's the quasi-quartang of his generation he decides from

that point I'm gonna give up drinking so he doesn't drink all year long he's still racked up fair bit of debts because it comes around to new Year's Eve again. Oh, come on. And the debt collector's coming round. And his wife's like, why are you... Your nails, you're bitten your nails again. You're worrying at the tatami mats. What's going on? And he's like, well, look, the debt collector's coming round,

but I've given up sake, so you must have loads more money saved up in your kitty, right? I've got a bad feeling about this james you see the floor she's like no because before as i said the kitty money came from the change from the sake if i'm not buying a sake i'm not generating any change i've not got any money just basic basic sake kitty fiscal propriety yeah so he's like ah right okay i do have a little bit of money what i want you to do is go to the market and buy a bunch of sailfish guts she obviously first of all she she questions this which is why do you need fish intestines so early in the morning

he says don't ask so many questions just go and buy them so she goes off buys the fish cuts and she comes back and he's like brilliant now i can do my plan what i'm gonna do is i'm gonna pretend i've committed howdy kitty oh it's just quite extremely yes yeah basically i'm gonna pretend i've disemboweled myself so when the depth collector comes around he's not gonna be able to get any money off me because i'm gonna be all you know disemboweled myself so when the debt collector comes around he's not gonna be able to get any money off me because i'm gonna be all you know disemboweled disemboweled i wasn't expecting bowels to appear so soon in this story so can i ask you a question about that about the concept of disemboweling because yes it implies the existence of emboweling like which can't have been disemboweling seems like the concept of emboweling was established and disemboweling is the opposite of it.

Yes. I can't think of how you could reasonably embowel anyone. Unless that would be eating? No. That would be inboweling, maybe. Then you've got tummy in your tummy. That's bowel-ception you're talking about there.

Yeah, these are the sort of ideas that we shouldn't be giving away for free. Yeah, let's just quickly register a few websites and move on. So he sort of lies half over in the bedroom, gets all the fish guts. I've been killed. Underneath his kimono. And then the debt collector comes along, knocks on the door. Is Hikawichi home? And she's like, yeah, he's not going anywhere.

Look at this. Look at this. Get a load of this. Look at this from one angle for not too long. And she's like, he was really worried about his debt. I think he's committed harakiri to apologise. Someone in the chat is disputing whether it's seppuku. The book says harakiri. Take it up with the chat is disputing whether it's seppuku. The book says Harakiri.

Take it up with the book. That's what I say. Yeah. And the guy's obviously, oh, God. He sees all the guts hanging out. He goes, oh, God, that's really sad. Okay, don't worry. Quite an emotionally intelligent debt collector, this guy.

Oh, God. Oh, no, this is awful. I'm really sorry. I'm genuinely quite upset i didn't think he would take it this far i tell you what mrs hickorichi i'm scrubbing the debt you don't you it's not like it's going to pass on to you that's fine very reasonable i tell you what i'd like to actually give you some money as a as an obituary present so you can and she's like no no no no no no no no no it's like no because you're gonna you obviously haven't got any money for the funeral so you're gonna need some money for the funeral she's like no no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. He's like, no, because you're going to... You obviously haven't got any money for the funeral,

so you're going to need some money for the funeral. She's like, no, no, I couldn't. I probably shouldn't. At that point, she feels a bit of a nudge in her back and Hickorich is like, take the money. Take the money. So she does take the money and, well, basically Hickorich gets back into sake in a big way that New Year's Eve.

And so the year passed again. What? Don't tell me that's not the end of the story. There's a third scam or possible scamola. Hikorichi! So, well, basically, they've not got any money. So they're like, well, let's have a decent party on New Year's Eve. Let's have a big old load of rice. And she's like, well, let's have a decent party on New Year's Eve. Let's have a big old load of rice. And she's like, well, you can't even buy rice.

And he's, well, hold on, Mrs. Hickowitchy. I've got an idea. And he goes and he cuts down a big bamboo and he makes what looks like a traditional rice scoop or as he would have called it, a current rice scoop. But the very clever thing about this rice scoop is it doesn't have a back of the scoop it's basically just a tube and he goes to where the rice guys uh are coming in to the market and they've got their big packs of rice and he's like oh you come here sell rice let me

just have a little look at that rice let me check it's any good scoops up a bit looks at it yeah that's good rice and a little sample yeah he's he's filling his sleeves he's going into his sleeves i knew it he's got two sleeves fulls of rice those low i've seen them in drawings the long sleeves full of rice both of them a lot of rice although it would be so hard to walk you'd be like a rice popeye hmm register the website rice popeye rice we just need to get the the license for popeye and the concept of rice yep then we're away so they have a lovely rice party there uh but i mean the standard of party here is low they still need some money so he comes up with a very clever idea early in the morning on new year's eve as it says here hikawichi began to smash roof tiles with all his strength behind his

house which i think this is going seems i've no idea why he's doing that but completely in character with everything i know about him and he fills some wooden boxes and he gets his neighbour to write the word Goyokin on it, which means government funds, and he sticks that on the box. And he goes out to the rough part of town. Wait, you're telling me this guy doesn't live in the rough part of town? Evidently not. He goes to Matsubaba, which now, as it says in this book, this place was rumoured to be haunted by robbers.

Sure enough, as he's going down there, a robber comes up to him. With a big box of government funds. Yeah, Hickowitz has got his big box marked government funds and he goes into the wrong side of the tracks. Oh, Hickowitz. And a robber comes up to him and says, wait, stop there a minute, mate.

And Hickory's like brilliant brilliant i mean yes i mean yes of course how may i help you sir and he says look these government funds i've got to get these across town they've got to go from kumamoto to kagashima and the robber's like oh that's a that's a big journey you seem pretty tired hickory's like i'll tell you what i'm not gonna make could really do with a hand uh and the robber's like well i'll why don't i carry them for you this is such a nice guy i can't believe people said this area was haunted by robbers well you're in luck because i'm i'm a friendly guy i'm a friendly robber i mean guy so he just adjusts his little eye mask yeah and then helps him he rolls up the sleeves on his striped jumper yeah and the guy's

like why don't you trust me he's like you know what yeah hickory she says you know what that was a bit rude of me i trust you if you can tell you what whilst you hold these government funds for me i'll carry those heavy swords of yours and he so he grabs him takes him off in the robber site brilliant tech gets the funds as soon as he's got grabs him takes him off in the robber's side brilliant tech gets the funds as soon as he's got his hands on him he starts running away and hickory she shouts oh you're running really fast well done but as he does it he starts sort of leaning backwards oh that's really good you're going really fast and they say oh wait a minute stop stop and hickory she's running backwards so the robber thinks he's getting away he's running backwards to give the impression that the other guy is

running faster even faster than he thought he was and then hickory ends up with two prize swords which he takes down the pawn shop gets a load of cash it's another classic new year's party down at hickory cheese i just wish he would plan ahead a little bit better instead of just doing it at the last minute and risking his life every single time. It is the classic grift sort of paradox, isn't it? The amount of energy spent on these grifts is probably like, just have a real job.

Just have an actual job. But Alistair, that is not the main story i want to tell you about no i want to tell you about young hickorichi so this is back when he used to live with his parents this is now a flashback flashback to young hickorichi that's our young indiana jones a la young sheldon. A la Rugrats? What was Rugrats young? The later version of the Rugrats where they were older. Yeah, the later series of Rugrats. But the Rugrats really aged forwards in linear time

in the conventional manner. Yeah, that's true. It's like watching any programme out of order. Yeah, so this is of Muppet Babies of Hikawichi. Yes, people in the chat, I also hate young sheldon don't worry carry on i hate all the sheldons no matter what the age to be honest not a fan of any of them this is young hikawichi hey he's like indiana jones the bit where you see him get scared by snakes, this guy still likes sake. It's not really the same.

Okay, we're not going to find the origin story of why he likes sake. No, he just did. But he's a kid and he doesn't work hard. He's not a kid, he's not a kid, he's old enough to drink. He's young, he doesn't work hard and he's not a kid he's not kid he's old enough to drink uh he's young he doesn't work hard and he's got no money but he still wants to enjoy some sweet sweet sake this is a predicament i think many young men have found themselves in well he has a solution for this that i don't think many young men have thought of he remembers that on a mountain near him lives a tengu which is a goblin demon

with a red face a long nose big black wings right there was a rumor that this tengu had a kakure mino which is an invisible straw raincoat and it's kind of like a cloak of invisibility so what he realized was that if you've got this kakure mino it makes the wearer invisible and if he could wear that when he was down the pub no one would see him yeah not sure how does that help well the situation first of all he's got to get the invisible we'll just get the invisible cloak first and then we'll deal with how that could be useful at all yes right and he's like oh what's a good way to trick him i've got it he goes up to a piece of bamboo he cuts the bamboo up again he's he's always he's using this the things around yeah he's like a

protagonist in a point and click adventure game by which i mean really annoying yeah oh that doesn't work unless you click on some bamboo it's like yes that that works for everything yeah you use knife with bamboo i don't know how to use all right cut knife with bamboo oh I don't know how to use. All right, cut knife with bamboo. Oh, yeah, I'll do it now. That's the same thing. That's the same thing. So he gets a length of bamboo and he goes up the mountain. He got up there and he heard a voice hitting a tree with a wooden sword and shouting, yoo-hoo, yoo-hoo.

But he couldn't see anyone. And he realised this is probably that demon. Evidence of the invisible harker. Yeah. Yes. He pretended to be unaware of its presence. And he stood on the rock. And he held the bamboo tube up to his eye.

And he said, wow. In the voice of Christopher Walken. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. This telescope is magic. I can see things

I can see the Lord having lunch in his castle and there's some soup and some yams soup? is he scouse? is he scouse Christopher Walken here? he's got some soup and some yams

so he's basically saying he's got a magic telescope he's pretending it's a magic we know we know it's just a bamboo tube that's an example of dramatic irony yeah and then he he hears a voice say hey can you really see things in faraway places and he said yes i can i can see the hunting sharks over in Amakusa. Wow. Gigantic shark struggling to escape.

The Tengu's like, wow, let me have a go on it. And he's like, whoa, who's there? I can't see anyone here. I literally don't know if anyone's here. Yes. How am I supposed to know? And the Tengu says, it's me. Since I'm wearing my magical um i've got this magical uh invisibility i'm a tengu you've probably heard about my jacket yeah i'm wearing it

actually quite quite a famous jacket actually can i ever borrow on your on your magic telescope please and can't hikoi chief he says however many times you may ask I cannot lend it to someone who's invisible obviously and so the Tengu takes off his coat and he pops into visual existence he says now let me have a go he says oh

you are that Tengu but this telescope, this magical special telescope is my treasure I don't mind lending it to you, but if I give it to you and you pop your magical invisibility generating raincoat back on, you're just going to disappear with my magic telescope. I'll be really upset.

Yeah, and the Tengu's like, oh, I really want to go on your telescope though. Okay, I'll tell you what. You hold onto my coat for safekeeping on your telescope though okay I tell you what you can borrow my you hold on to my coat for safekeeping and please let me have a go on your magic telescope please let me Hikawichi and he goes

alright but only for a few seconds he's like alright okay you can have a go can I make a prediction about what happens yeah I think the Tengu gets the tube, looks through it, goes, this is just a bamboo tube. Hikawishi says, sorry, and he gives him the invisible coat back.

Oh, you're so close. That's what I would do. You are so, you know what, you're so close. It's like, ah, it was a prank. It's just a tube. Here's your coat back. Thank you for a lovely evening. Absolutely not.

That is not what happened the Tengu puts it up to his eyes it's not working puts it up to his other eye yeah maybe it's the eye that was the problem he's probably using the wrong this isn't turns it round probably

yeah that might be it it's just a tube at that end as well hold on this is just a tube at that end as well. Hold on. Something in this tube. This is just a bamboo tube. There's something in this tube. It's not a bamboo tube. It's my lost dignity.

Yeah. This isn't a magic telescope. It's just a piece of bamboo. And he goes, We're right, Hicko Itchy. We're... Oh. He's gone.

He's gone. He hasn't. Yeah. He's popped on the old not there duds yep he's gone invisible trench coat he's basically he's hot-tailed it straight down to the pub everyone's got like bottles of sake on their table and he just took up one of them and poured himself a cup and he had a lovely drink and he found some sardines and he starts eating them he's drinking from everyone's bottles taking a gulp taking a gulp and then one of the customers like wait a minute my sardines they've just been turned into some sardine bones now presumably with a little sardine head and a sardine tail on the end yeah on his plate and then they're whoa this sake bottle's

floating around get a stick uh let's knock this flying sake bottle down and hickory realizes it maybe needs to be a little bit more subtle but he's had a decent drink so he goes home his mum's out he's he's a little bit tipsy he takes off his kakuremino the invisible jacket he's like all right okay i'll hide it at the bottom of this basket he pops it down in the bottom of this this basket puts the lid on it goes to bed has a lovely lovely deep sleep and then his mum comes home and she sees that all her kimonos have been thrown out of the basket not happy she is not happy she opens up the basket and inside is this rotten old straw raincoat. Oh, I thought it would be invisible.

I think you can see it when it's not on someone. Oh, I see. You never know where you left it. She finds it. She's like, this is disgusting. It's made out of straw. These are my prized silk kimonos. She chucks it in the fire.

So it was all for nothing. Yeah. What did he get out of it? A little bit of sake and a few pilchards. And Higawitchi is gutted when he wakes up. And not for the first time. Well, no, wait, actually for the first time. And he goes over to the fire,

but the raincoat has been completely reduced to ash. He's so upset, he, like, digs his hands into the ash. And as he brings his hands out his fingers have disappeared oh the ash has still got the magical powers so what he does he gets naked and covers himself with ash and he's disappeared he calls his mom he says mom come in have a look at this. She comes in. Where are you? Don't know why he had to get naked to do that.

Maybe he didn't want to muck up his clothes. He just didn't want to get his clothes all dirty. But then, ironically, you wouldn't be able to tell that they were dirty. Because they'd be invisible. It would clearly be preferable to rub the ashes into some piece of clothing and not your naked flesh. But it's easy for me to judge. It is. And I have.

That's a terrible idea so that night he goes back to the pub still invisible but still naked it'll be important to remember he's naked as well okay and there's these two blokes in there they're already a little bit tipsy and he's careful to do it when people aren't looking and he has a little bit of sake, puts it back down. I don't think this is a healthy approach to alcohol. You know, it's not drinking socially, is it? He's slathering himself with magic ashes and then drinking alone.

That's not good. He's ironic he's with other people, but he's probably never felt more alone. They're looking right through him. However, it's not all doom and gloom because these two men, they start, how come this sake's going down a bit quick? If you're drinking the sake when I'm not looking, mate.

And he's like, no way, mate. You're drinking the sake when I'm not looking, mate. And he's like, no way, mate. You're drinking the sake when I'm not looking. They start to have a fight. And this, unsurprisingly, amuses Hikawichi. He's laughing, but he realises he can't laugh out loud because he's going to get hurt.

So he's chuckling away to himself. He's laughing so much, he starts to cry. Ooh. And the men, they sort of hear something. They stop their arguing and they look over and they're like, oh, no. As it says here, oh, my, a ghost of eyeballs a ghost of eyeballs and he's like yeah you're right there's just some eyeballs floating in the air oh so obviously the tears have

washed the ash from his eyes and now he's just a pair of eyes the two the two drunk mentors are like ghost of eyeballs we can make money off this let's catch those eyeballs uh and we'll be out we'll be able to make a fortune so they go they chase after the it's not clear what the market for the you wouldn't pay money to go see a pair of ghost eyeballs well yes you've got me i would hold on i'm just gonna register website ghost of eyeballs.com so they chase after him he's very disturbed about the fact that he had rubbed the ash right into the crevices of his eyes which is horrible to imagine but if you want to get free booze when you and considering he had to rub into all of his crevices i hope he started at the top and moved down yeah because you can't wash your hands halfway through there'll be no

hands washing no so he ran and ran and he was like, whoa, that was close. He was running. It was summer. He was sweating. And little by little, Hikawichi became completely visible and stood stark naked among the bushes. As the story finishes here,

consequently, Hikawichi stayed in the grove until dark. It was rumoured that Hikawichi suffered a terrible cold accompanied by bouts of sneezing for a few days after that. The end. Oh, so justice was done. He got a mild cold. He got a bit of a cold. Well, let that be a lesson to you.

Crime doesn't pay. Old Hikawichi. Old, young Hikawichi. Mmm. Mmm. Extremely low-level crime doesn't pay. Well, it does for a bit it's fine it's a good laugh for a while i'm i'm just pleased i really thought that we we was was moving towards that story and i'm really pleased that there was no we we involved oh because he'd been drinking the sake he needed he was drinking so much sake he was in the nip. Yeah. And they'd be like, oh, my God, it's a ghost of a urethra.

Yeah. People would pay to see that, James. That's true. That's where the money is. So, Alistair, you ready to score me then? I would love to score this tale of a Japanese trickster. Mm. A human trickster, not a trickster spirit.

A human, not a trickster spirit. A human, an unhistorical figure. Maybe a little bit too human. Yeah. Right. We've all been there. Very relatable. First category is names.

Oh, well. I mean, I would be impugning the entire nation of Japan if I complained about the names in this story. I can't remember any of them because I don't speak Japanese and they're unfamiliar to me. There was Hikawichi. There was Tengu.

Tengu, we loved Tengu because it sounds a bit like Pingu. So we all enjoy that. But it's like 10 Pingu's. But it's not... I mean, I would say they're not funny. They're just nice. No, it would be very offensive for us to laugh at japanese names we wouldn't do that it is a little bit funny when you when you try and say it correctly and you do it in a slightly japanese

way that's kind of funny but i feel like we're laughing at you rather than at the nation of japan all right i think it is a two out of five for names. Yeah. And you talked me down from a three by pointing out that they weren't funny. Yeah, no, I think that's fair enough. What's Japanese for the number two? Ni. Ni. Ich, ni, san, shi, or sometimes yon, because shi is the word for death. Fun fact.

Yeah. Some hotels don't have a fourth floor because it's an unlucky number because they're only three stories high itchney san she got go for five so just got all the way you have done some research so well you know fair play although quite a lot of people in the chat also knew the answer so yeah yeah yeah well they've got they've got they've got the internet they've got the internet. They've got the old chicka-chicka-chicka. They've got the old chicka-chicka-chicka. All I've got up is log a website.com. That's good. There's another one. Log a website.com is the one-stop website for logging websites.

Is there a website for browsing the internet like Google? But I want a website that does Google inside the website. Is that a website? Are you doing website-ception? I think so. What I want is, I want an iframe of Google inside another website. Anyway, I'm very warm. And you're giving away gold for free.

I'm giving away solid gold, which is my idea of google.com.com. Google.google.com. That is just Google inside an iframe but with different borders that you can do your own thing. Now we're getting somewhere. Right, so, my second category,

Supernatural. Second category, Supernatural. Well, obviously the story of the Tengu is big time Supernatural. His latter day scams in later life are very unsupernatural. Yeah, they're gritty, realistic.

I don't know about that. They're very sort of the bicycle thieves. So yes, I suppose, yeah. They're a little bit paper moon. So also a film about scams. And I think, though, they were quite evenly weighted in the in the episode but i think that the supernaturality of a red-faced demon with a giant nose and an invisible coat yeah should be

given extra weight i think yeah so i think it's i think it's a four out of five for supernatural because that final closing story was so supernatural. Ever so. I forget all about the rubbish putting tiles in a box. Why did he need to put anything in the box? Oh, because the guy would have known from the weight. Yes. Yep. Nope, he sorted through.

He probably blew all the money made on swords on tiles, though, ultimately. But we'll come to that on the next category, which is Scamboo. Scamboo. Do you want to explain that category title? Yes. Scam.. Scamboo. Do you want to explain that category title? Yes. Scam. Yep. Bamboo.

And together they are... Scamboo. Scamboo, yes. Scamboo, baby. Scamboo. So he did two scams involving bamboo. There were two major bamboo-based scams. Right. And I think it's just the idea of scammage yeah so it's not specifically

just bamboo it's also well every one of the stories was a scam and how many were there loads loads easily loads uh top of my head i'd say there were loads yeah roughly loads what's the japanese for loads i only know i know what a little is because I know how to say I can speak a little Japanese, and I've never had cause to say. Right, so you don't know the Japanese, but I can speak all Japanese. Loads of Japanese. I can speak loads of Japanese.

All right, in that case, my hands are tied. I have no choice but to give you five out of five for Scamboo, because the potentially infinite number of scams, because neither of us can remember anything that's happened before this moment. Also, I've just sort of realised that the Hikaruchi that we met at the start of the story, I think the reason he thought he could do the fish gut fake out was because he'd already lived a life where he'd been interacting with demons and getting invisibility cloaks.

A bit of fun with fish guts is nothing yeah yeah the origin story of hikaru was pretty explains a lot about the older man you know it's like the the prequel to taxi driver being never-ending story like travis pickle is the kid out of never never-ending story and it was the horse going into the swamp that was that's the reason he's like that uh the chat is is i think i don't want to use the word furious but the chat is very unhappy about scambu having made it rather than bamboozled oh a huge support for bamboozled bamboozled but it's too late now i have to take your first choice of category and i've already given you five points for it. And yeah, my final category. Final category?

Embowlement. Embowlement. Embowlement. That's a bold final move. Because. Go ahead, please explain. What was Hikawichi after, apart from embowling himself? He wanted to get stuff in his guts.

Trying to get sake, right? Yes, he wanted to embowl that sake. He was getting rice he was he liked sake which is a sort of form of fermented rice it's still rice yeah it is basically just rice so that's two two examples of i just i just like the name embalmment yeah no really really good yeah yeah and um i suppose he embalmed himself when he put all the fish cuts around his... Yeah, he double emballed. He wasn't disemballed.

If anything, the bowels were... He had supernumerary bowels. Yeah. Circulus bowledge. Too many bowels. Too many bowels. Too many bowels. Okay, I'm going to say it's a three out of five for emballment.

Okay. Because you really did pick it on the fly yeah and uh i don't think you really thought it through no no i don't think i did james that was a terrific story that was a really beautiful story thank you to the guy who wrote it in that book what's his name yeah uh it is the folk legends of k Kumamoto by Takumi Tsukamoto. That's an absolutely cracking story. All the way back to the late 1990s. 1998.

But thank you very much for joining us, Lawfolk. Thank you so much. It's been so long since we've done a live stream. It's been great to get back into it and nothing major seems to have gone wrong. Bye bye. Good day everyone. Well that was End of stream. Well, that was the live stream. You might have noticed that I forgot to arrange time for me and Alistair to record the intro and outro.

I blame the fact it's been far too hot. In lieu of that, please accept this clip of me saying sorry sorry uh oh by the way the live stream of that episode you just listened to was an hour and a half long and that was only half an hour so if you want to see all the extra stuff head on over to youtube.com forward slash lawmen podcast an hour and a half to half an hour you do the maths and i am just off to register another domain see ya sorry can i tell you something there's a there's a quote from um god bless you mr rosewater the kurt vonnegut book which does the rounds on the interstate because it's a good quote where

he just sort of asked about his advice for newborn babies and he says something like god damn it babies you've got to be kind you know his sort of advice for what the way you should live your life and so occasionally you'll see the quote from kurt vonnegut, God damn it, babies, you've got to be kind. And for some reason, for the entirety of the past week, I've had that phrase being Chris Cantrell's voice in my head. God damn it, babies!

You've got to be kind! Oh, yeah. God damn it, babies! Because it's as if the babies are antagonising him. God damn it, babies! Because it's as if the babies are antagonising him. God damn it, babies! Babies! You've got to be kind!