Loremen Podcast - S4 Ep53: Loremen S4Ep53 - The Great Bed of Ware

Episode Date: July 27, 2023

This four poster bed was built for royalty, but take our word for it - it's a lot more than king-sized. This bed is big. You might ask, how many butchers (plus partners) can you fit in it? The answers will surprise you! James gives Alasdair the old 'come to bed' podcast tale. About a big bed. The biggest bed. Bigger than you're thinking of. Oh, and bad news: it's haunted. Loreboys nether say die! Support the Loremen here (and get stuff): patreon.com/loremenpod ko-fi.com/loremen Check the sweet, sweet merch here... https://www.teepublic.com/stores/loremen-podcast?ref_id=24631 @loremenpod www.twitch.tv/loremenpod www.instagram.com/loremenpod www.facebook.com/loremenpod

Si vous faites vos achats tout en travaillant, en mangeant ou même en écoutant ce balado, alors vous connaissez et aimez l'excitation du magasinage. Mais avez-vous ce frisson d'obtenir le meilleur deal? Les membres de Rakuten, eux, oui. Ils magasinent les marques qu'ils aiment et font d'importantes économies, en plus des remises en argent. Et vous pouvez aussi commencer à gagner des remises en argent dans vos magasins préférés, comme Old Navy, Best Buy et Expedia, et même cumuler les ventes et les remises en argent dans vos magasins préférés comme Old Navy, Best Buy et Expedia. Et même cumulez les ventes et les remises en argent.

C'est facile à utiliser et vous obtenez vos remises par PayPal ou par chèque. L'idée est simple. Les magasins paient Rakuten pour leur envoyer des gens magasinés. Et Rakuten partage l'argent avec vous sous forme de remise. Téléchargez l'application gratuite Rakuten et ne manquez jamais un bon deal. Ou allez sur rakuten.ca pour en avoir plus pour votre argent. C'est R-A-K-U-T-E-N. Welcome to Lawmen, a podcast about local legends and obscure curiosities from days of yore. I'm James Shakeshaft.

And I'm Alistair Beckett-King. Oh, Alistair. Oh, James. I hope you are ready to go up the wooden mountain to Bedfordshire. I am, actually. We're actually going to Hertfordshire. Oh. And we're going to the biggest bed you've ever heard of.

Wow. It's the great bed of where? You tell me. Well, I will. Well, do then. Continue to listen after the music stops. Well, I will. Hello there, Alistair. Hello there, James.

How are you doing? I'm well, thank you for asking. Actually, thank you for taking the time to ask about me. Not a problem. I, for once... And how are you? Thank you. I, for once, am not too tired.

That's wonderful news. It is, but I'm suspicious now because I've been tired for so many years. Is it like when the sound of air conditioning stops and suddenly you hear actual silence and you're like, whoa, what's that? Exactly. Is that the sound of nothing? Yeah. Is this what it's like to not be tired? What happened? Did your children grow up and leave home today? No. I'm worried I've had too much caffeine and I'll not sleep tonight. That's my real worry.

Could easily have happened. Yeah. These are real middle-aged guy troubles. Exactly. Yeah, a little bit too much caffeine. You didn't drink in the afternoon, did you? James, did you have a coffee this afternoon? I had a cup of tea.

What were you thinking? What were you thinking, man? You're not 19 now. And a biscuit. It was a custard cream. You had a couple of custard creams. You had two custard creams? They're packed with sugar.

Yeah, well, it was three, but I'll say two. Bouncing off the walls. I know, I know. Silly of me. You know what is actually topical for this episode oh so is it research those custard creams not really well no it was it what they were research but i'm related um just researching to what it would taste like to eat a few custard creams yeah yeah and it is fortunately same ever. Because you can't assume.

What a relief. No, no, no. Sometimes they change. Sometimes they change. But Alistair, what I want to talk to you about today is a big bed. A big bed? A big bed. The great bed of where? What?

Of where? Exactly. The great bed of where? Is this W-A-R-E? Yes, that's right. The bed of Ware? Ware? This has really got procedurally generated RPG vibes.

This doesn't sound like a real thing or a real place. It is a real thing, this Great Bed. Is it? Of Ware. If you want to go see that bed, you can. So it's a real thing I could see with my human eyes? Yeah, it's in the victorian albert museum the victorian albert museum the vna oh it's in there the big is it

yeah it actually is at the time of recording so it's the great bed of there now i suppose yeah yes over there do you want to know how big it is it's massive of course i do yes that is the one thing i want to know about this bed how is it so big well it was built in 1463 by a journeyman carpenter called jonas or jonas fosbrook i don't know what a journeyman carpenter is that he was right it means he was rising up the ranks he was he was grinding away on his stats yes trying to become uh probably a master carpenter and then probably after that like uh an excelsior carpenter oh yeah then he's probably able to make things out of glass and you know and um elven platinum oh blimey. Is this Dungeons & Dragon Age? No, I'm inventing this from my imagination.

There are no games where any of these things happen. Oh, good. I don't wish to infringe any copyrights. You don't want the podcast to start appealing to nerds. No. Oh, boy, oh, boy. So, yeah, back to the story of a bed. Back to the history of a bed. Sorry, yeah, yeah, boy. So, yeah, back to the story of a bed. Back to the history of a bed.

Sorry, yeah, yeah, yeah. So a journeyman carpenter... Jonas Fosbrook made a massive bed, which was 11 by 10 feet big, which is big. That's quite big. Pretty much three metres squared. OK, that's quite big. I think I could imagine a bigger bed.

It's three metres squared. That's three metres by three metres, isn't it? Yes. You don't just go like, oh, that's one and a half metres down each side. No, no, it's three metres. Three metres squared is three metres by... It would be nine square metres, I think. Right. Well, that's how big the bed is. Nine square metres. Nine square metres of bed. That sounds like you and I could probably roll around in it quite comfortably.

I think so. I think I wouldn't complain about that would be the first bed that you'd ever fit in yes exactly i've been i've been in one oh in my life one comfortable bed maybe two that i had absolutely no there was no overhang what about How do you feel about a footboard? Because I feel like nobody over six foot enjoys a full stop at the end of the bed going, nope. They disgust me. Frankly, I don't take many strong stances on things, but footboards. This is the first time I've heard you express an opinion. I think, is it called the sleigh bed or something? Yeah. I like the look of them because they look like a sleigh.

I don't like them because I look at them and I think, I'm just being squashed. It's like sleeping in that compactor from Star Trek Wars. I nearly upset the nerds. Watch out. Luckily, there's no nerds listening. See, that was a genuine mistake because I genuinely don't really know much about Star Wars.

No one would believe that, but it's true. There's a trash compactor in the film Star Wars, or one of the other Star Warses. Which one's it in? It's in the first Star Wars. There you go. It's in Star Wars, A New Hope. Star Wars 1, The Great Star Wars.

The Great Star Wars. Some people call it. The Star Wars to End All Star Wars. Yes, I Star Wars. The Great Star Wars. Some people call it. The Star Wars to end all Star Wars. Yes, I think that was what it was called. To me, being in a sleigh bed is being a book on a bookshelf with bookends. It's being slain by a bed. That's right. But I've got even more of a problem with those wrought iron ones.

Oh, but your feet can hang out the gaps like prisoners. Oh, yeah, your feet can hang out there like prisoners. What happens if you roll over in the night? And you say, boom, pop, pop, two dislocated knees. Yeah. It's a booby trap. It's a booty trap. It's a booty trap.

A booty trap. A booby trap, that's what I said. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's one of those other films. That's a Goobies reference. The Goobies, yes. Yeah, so he made it in 1463 and gave it to Edward IV. Oh, great. Wow.

How did you know I wanted a massive bed? Well, actually, Edward IV was so impressed that he gave this guy pension for life actually thinking back on it he basically said to the guy don't make any more beds just have some money and don't make any more beds you gotta you got a bit too into the whole bed thing there mate it was really great but that's enough now yeah come on jonas gave it to the king for princes or nobles of gentle blood to sleep in but it seems like i wanted all of them to sleep in it because yeah as as pointed out it's massive think of the storage underneath as well oh yeah you could get some right old plastic crates on wheels under there. Yeah. You could get nine or ten truckle beds.

Really? What's a truckle bed? Do you know what a trundle bed is? Is it a camp bed? It's the rolling little bed that comes out from underneath another bed. Oh. As an only child with no friends, I had no cause to know such things. As I believe previously discussed, I had a pirate bed,

which is a bunk bed for people with no friends or relations but it's a pirate it gives you that oh yeah pirates are cool right yeah they are cool and and they've all got friends on the high seas no they haven't they don't have friends now just maybe a maybe a seagull with a sort of love-hate sort of relationship. Their friend is a little desk. For making maps. That is what I did. Actually, Alistair, you know what?

The word trundle bed does appear in Friend of the Show, Law of the Lands, summation of this tale. Well, there you go. I told you trundle beds were a real thing. And also trickle beds are a real thing. And footnote, they are the same thing. In 1706, it was said that the bed could lodge a troop of soldiers if supplemented with a trundle bed.

Well, so it couldn't really then. But I think that's the joke. Like, it only needs a little trundle bed and you could do a whole army. Yeah. I mean, they'd not be happy. I know they're used to being in close quarters. Think of the blanket tugging. Oh, you could not share a duvet.

You'd have to have individuals. Let's say the two people either side of you get a little hot in the night. They throw theirs off onto you. Suddenly you're roasting. I want to be popping a leg out. You like to pop a leg? I need to pop a leg. Do you have a preference?

No, not really. No? You'll pop either leg? Either. I'm like Angelina Jolie. In which respect? On that red carpet that time. Yes.

Yeah, I'm going with that. You know the one. Nope. I don't know what you're talking about. Fine. Just me. Angelina Jolie famously likes to pop a leg. She pops a leg. She can't sleep without popping a leg. So, also in 1732, it was said that it could hold 20 couples that's 40 people you can't get

40 people in three meters square are they standing upright on it it says that in 1736 26 butchers and their wives slept in it on the night king william the third was crowned there must be some kind of polygamy going on to make that possible i think there's 26 butchers and their wives in a bed that's three meters square that's only about a meter wider and longer than a normal bed these are some of the more fanciful tales are they about the bed to be honest these are these are lies these are bed-based lies yes these are cozy fibs they are snuggle some fabrications i put it to you that you can't get that many butchers. If you're a butcher and you're watching this and you're married.

And you've got 25 other butcher friends who are also married. And you know, bring 25 other butchers to the V&A right now. Yes. We'll sort this out. Yes. They'll be like, you can't come in. I'll be like, ABK, Lawman Podcast. And they'll be like, this way, sir.

Flash your badge. I'm James Shakespeare. And they'll say, we don't know who you are. you are i had a pirate bed oh the pirate bed guy this way sir and i'll just pop you in a little room with a pirate bed oh well alistair the facts are the facts okay in 1500s it became the property of Thomas Fanshawe, the Lord of where, Mama? Tommy Fans. He was the remembrance, he was the remembrancer of the exchequer. Wow.

So did they not write things down in those days? I guess not. They just said one, I'm pretty certain it was a pretty big number. His job was to go, oh, yeah. Ah. Mmm. No, he did have some jobs, which are, to modernise, pretty kooky.

And I believe still done today. There was a thing called the quit rent, which was these three, like, historical rents that were paid from the City of London to the King for bits of land one of them dates back to 1211 where the city pays for two pieces of land one of which is in shropshire with two knives right one blunt one sharp so there's a small piece of land in shropshire that is paid for by the city of london to the crown i guess with one sharp and one blunt knife yes and don't worry it doesn't end there oh good since 1235 there's a

forge near the strand that's paid for by six horseshoes and 61 horseshoe nails. So that's a spare. I'm guessing it's 10 each and one spare. One spare nail in case you lose one nail. That doesn't seem like a large enough margin for error to me. I don't think so. And oh, sorry, they're presented on a cloth, which is made up of black and white squares, which is where the exchequer bit comes from.

Oh, so the checker and exchequer. Yeah, refers to this cloth. Oh, wow. And that still happens now. I think some of these still happen now, yes. It's like an itsu on the strand. I've never seen a forge. Maybe they pay for it now with like a bunch of mackie rolls.

Yeah. And 61 pieces of ginger. The remembrancer has to count the horseshoes and says, good number, and then he has to test the knives. To make sure that one of them is blunt. Yes, by he gets a piece of wood. Just to be clear, I know I've run off out of the pedants lately. We both know that knives that aren't sharp are dull, not blunt.

But we're saying blunt so as not to sound like a pair of geeks. I'm going off Wikipedia. Oh, well, Wikipedia, probably right. I'm just saying that to annoy the pedants. It's a hazel stick. Ooh, famously straight wood. One cubit in length. Oh, yeah.

And it's bent over the blunt knife, which leaves a mark. And then it's split in two with the sharp knife. Ah, I see. To represent a tally stick, right? Yeah. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Apparently the way a tally stick used to work is you would mark off the payments with a blunt knife

by marking the stick with a blunt knife. Then when you'd fulfilled the payment, the stick would be split down the middle with a blunt knife then when you'd fulfilled the payment the stick would be split down the middle with a sharp knife one half given to the payee one half to the paid yeah and then you've got a receipt there i'll receive i mean some to some eyes a twig yeah you've got a bit of wood it would be awful living in the old days but just check in on the mortgage open a cupboard just like a nest falls on you. It's like, oh, still actually quite a long way to go.

Still just paying off the interest at this point. It's six years I can get rid of some of these pieces of wood. Yeah. Wow. And then the remembrance of pronounce is good service, when he's done that test.

And then the third quit rent from 1327, just £11 for Southwark. What, the whole of Southwark? Yeah, the whole of Southwark, £11. £11? There's an IMAX there. It costs more to see Mission Impossible than that. Yes, but that's how much it is. All right.

Yeah. To be honest, the Remembrance here, they do have a lot to remember. Yeah, I mean, the details of this. Thomas Fanshawe, he had it in the 1500s and in 1575 it was sold and began a tour of the various inns of wear so i guess with the size of it it's got limited portability yeah because it doesn't seem to be moving out of this area really no it's still in the same town. It's just in a different pub. It was in the Crown.

It was in the Bull, the George, and finally the Saracen's Head. Now, are these definitely separate pubs and not the same pub undergoing rebrands? I don't know, because it's a big bed. It's like a four-poster as well, so it's got a top and a back. Oh, so it could be three meters cubed i don't think it's three meters high no that would be ridiculous it's like a couple of meters though looking at it i mean anyone could just simply go to the vna and see it and send send us a picture if you do actually please this was a famous bed this is possibly i think somewhere let me i want

to find the exact quote it's certainly the most famous bed from where? From where? I can't find the quote. But basically, the quote was, it's the most famous piece of furniture in the history of the world. Is it? The most famous piece of furniture in the history of the world? No, maybe just in England.

Maybe in England. I don't know who I'm disagreeing with, you or the person who wrote the quote that you can't remember. What's, yeah. To be fair though, I'm stumped now. I can't think of a more famous piece of furniture. Maybe probably the manger from Away in a Manger. But is that a piece of furniture?

But yeah, that's true. Basically a manger is for eating out of, isn't it? Yeah. So is that furniture? It's an animal's plate. Basically, a manger is for eating out of, isn't it? Yeah. So is that furniture? It's an animal's plate. Is a trough furniture? I just don't know. The round table, King Arthur's round table, that is a famous table.

That is a famous... That's a blooming famous table. Apparently in Winchester. Is it? Yeah, there's a round table in Winchester that they say is King Arthur's round table. To be honest, it's a table topper. It's not even got any legs. It's on the wall.

It doesn't even have any legs. I think they put it on top of their normal table when the guests came round the nights of. Yeah, the nights of. They're coming round. Get out of the table. Don't trap your fingers. Oh, no. Do you want to know who wrote about this bed?

Yes, I do, James. It's in Twelfth Night by Billy Shakes. Billy Shakes mentions it. Gets a nod from old Checo. The big lad. Pew, pew, pew. Shakespeare reference. That's what that noise means.

That's what that means on our podcast. Ben Johnson. Which play? Epic... Or The Silent Woman. Something or the... One of his best plays, think that one isn't it a piece yeah a piece in a piccany a piccany or the silent woman let's call it the silent woman

epicene the only one of his i've read is volponi which i read as volpone volpone but i think it's volponi it's got really good it's basicallyadder, Volponi, if you haven't read it. Yeah, it's a scheming guy with a stupid servant. At one point, he owes money to everyone. He's sort of a mountebank. At one point, he has to hide in, he's got debtors or someone coming around

and he has to hide inside a hollowed, hollowed out giant turtle. Oh. So he hides inside the hollowed out giant turtle and then just for he hides inside the hollered out giant turtle and then just for the rest of the scene pretends to be a turtle and they just, oh, he's not here, is he?

I'll just hang out with this pet turtle for a while. It's funny. It's a good play. That's good. So his Vulpone means the fox and he's, you know, a sort of black had a like schema. Well, it's mentioned in Epicene

or The Silent Woman by bernie jay in here they list him by the name that i'd be surprised if anyone instantly recognizes who this is george gordon byron you can see why he adopted the name lord byron yeah yeah yeah no offense to any george's gordons or byrons in Don Juan or Don Juan. Yeah, I've heard that it's Don Juan. Don Juan. I tried to read it. It goes on a bit.

There's not as much hanky-panky as you'd expect. You must have missed the big bed bit. It's got the great bed of where. George Farquhar's Recruiting Officer is in that. I think I've been in that. Loretta Chase's Last Night Scandal. Sarah McLean's No Good Duke Goes Unpunished. I don't know these, but these are sounding much saucier as we go on.

And Charles Dickens' The Holly Tree. Chucky chucky dicks oh one of his absolute bangers there yeah the holly tree the holly tree what's your favorite line from the holly tree uh well just i mean just looking on this wikipedia page um it says the holly tree into a system of inexpensive eating establishments uh in america in the 1870s so it's set in america no that the link for the holly tree charles dickens the holly tree links you to some so we may never know i mean the only way to find out would be to read the holly tree but that's not going to happen is it even a book by him because the fact that it links to a series of restaurants i'm going to assume it's about a guy called Mr. Bum Twizzle.

And he probably gets thrown into debtor's prison. They all do. I'd love it if we'd stumbled upon an error on Wikipedia. Live. Our listenership would be on that, like soldiers and butchers on a bed. No, it's a real thing oh okay i don't even think he's read it someone gets snowed in at the holly tree and and he writes down some stories from other people's yeah that's what happens in it mr bum twizzle it's like but my

name's george snowed in because he's been snowed he's been snowed in. He's been snowed in, yeah. I was supposed to be meeting Mr Gritter. He'll just have to hang out and talk to the innkeeper, Mr Beersworthy. Johnny Pulsapint. Yeah, take that, Dickens. Yeah, Dickens. England's most famous novelist. We've spotted one of your tricks. We've rumbled you.

You may as well call us Mr. and Mr. Works Out Charles Dickens Secret. Mezzer's Works Out Charles Dickens Secrets. That's our names. That was the original name of this podcast before we went for the more confusing lawmen. Yes, exactly. But Alistair. Yes, James. Are you implying with your tone of voice that we've gone off track?

Maybe. Do you want to know what happened to Harrison Saxby? Yeah. The master of the horse to King Henry VIII. Yes. I don't know how it's connected to the bed, but yes. Well, he fell in love with the daughter of a rich miller who lived near where? Is it Job or his name?

Rich miller? It's not written by Dickens. Okay. Rich Miller, the Rich Miller. And he swore that he would do anything to make her his wife. And this is from Laura the Lamb's version of the tale. King Henry, who happened to be passing

through Ware on his way to Hertford Castle, heard this. I love it when people just hear this. The kings go, wait, what? I'd do anything to make you my wife hold on what sorry to be eavesdropping couldn't help but hear and he said well if you can spend the night in the great bed then you can have her hand in marriage how's the king in charge of whether he gets a hand in marriage what business is it of the king's king he's the big king oh the king can just make a decision about that can he it sounds like it why would it be difficult to spend the night in a large bed if anything it would be

easier than to spend a night in a small bed because alistair the bed's haunted no that's the one thing i didn't want to hear about the bed yeah yep yep yep those who try to sleep in it are kept away by pinching nipping and scratching all night long has it been like this the whole time i believe so he took up the challenge and he withstood the tormenting of the ghost even though the very next morning he was covered in bruises, very tired, having not slept a wink. But he did win the bride. And the ghost is said to be the ghost of Jonas Fosbrook. The journeyman carpenter who made the bed. The journeyman carpenter who made the bed for princes and those of royal blood.

And he was so annoyed that not royal people were sleeping in his bed. And doubly annoyed that it was being used as some sort of marriage test yeah even though the the king did say to use the bed so it's still connected to royalty i'd be impressed the ghost wasn't no i mean my feeling is that like a 400 year old bed might have picked up a few bed bugs and yeah and creaks and sort of dis-design flaws made by a guy who had only made, as far as we know, one bed. And it's this one. Such a big one.

He concentrated all his bed-making skills into one bed. Maybe he didn't realise. Like, he just started making it and was like, oh, this, I've never made a bed before. This seems a bit big. That's why they say measure twice, cut once, not make a giant bed. That's why that's what that saying is. Also, it wasn't made in 1473.

It just had that painted on the headboard. It was probably a fair bit later. May have even not been made until after Henry VIII would have been knocking around giving out these things. So that story is perhaps a little fanciful. Does that mean that we don't really know who made the big bed? I think it was Jonas Fosbrook, but the dates are totally wrong. Right, OK.

Which is even more mysterious. It is a mysterious bed, actually. It's a very mysterious bed, yeah. So that's the story of the Great Bed of Where? What a bed. Great bed. No footboard on it. You ready to score my big bed?

Yes, I'll score that bed. I'll score the flip out of it. Okay. Okay, so first cat, names. Names. Okay, the Big Bed of Where is a terrible, terrible name, but it is quite funny. It is a funny name.

I'm amused by how rubbish it is. It's so bad, it's good. It's got a real who's on first vibe. Mm-hmm. And Harrison Saxby. I do like that name. Yeah, Harrison Saxby. Who was he again?

He was the guy that said, I'd do anything to marry that woman. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What was that? You do know i'm the king and i've got a terrible sense of humor sorry to king interrupt very nice yep jonas fosbrook yeah that's a great name fosbrook that's almost dickensian if his job had been getting fur in a small river yes thomas fanshaw tommy fans the um oh what is it oh he was the old uh remembrance uh the remembrance uh yeah that's a good name the remembrance it's a very boring

terminator ripoff isn't it i'll be back if i don't forget which i won't because i'm the remembrance uh that's a really yeah that's a really good catchphrase yeah it's the trial of Like, if I don't forget, which I won't, because I'm the remembrancer. Yeah, that's a really good catchphrase. Yeah, it's the trial of the picks. The trial of the picks, yeah. There were all of those plays and books that you mentioned. I did mention them all. Every one of them had a name.

Some of them I could say. So, come on then. I think it's a solid three. Solid three. A solid, a rock solid three. But a really big three. Larger than you would expect. I think my next category is going to have to be supernatural. What, there's a note of sadness in your voice there?

Yeah. The bed was haunted. Yeah. Don't do yourself down, James. The bed was haunted. Where Pinchy goes. He scratched a man up. Jonas Fosbrook's ghost.

Yeah. It may have been a tale told about him as a ghost before he died. james the bed was haunted where pinchy goes scratched a man jonas fosbrook's ghost yeah it may have been a tale told about him as a ghost before he died yeah which is how do you explain that that's even more supernatural isn't it this guy made a bed before he was alive and died and haunted it yeah as a pre-baby there's some real confusion there and And, oh, a bed that big, that's not normal. That's not natural. Yeah, it's cyclopean. It's like Lovecraft would describe a bed so vast that Euclidean geometry can't capture it.

It bends space-time around it. Drives men mad. In a reverse, Charles Dickens is like, it's a bed so big I can't describe it. Yeah, it's truly indescribable, yes, the essence of horror. The indescribable. Yeah. A bed so large and bland that it's almost featureless.

Spooky. Yeah, it's really spooky. It's two out of five, James. Oh, I'm crying. Don't try and fool me. It's just a big bed. It's in the V&A. It didn't even turn to dust at the end of the story.

No, I know. I know. We could be looking at it right now if we had broken into the V&A. Yes. Late night podcast? Maybe late night. Fair enough. Mind how you go, they'd say.

Next category. Ooh. Are you building tension here? Butcher capacity. Butcher capacity. Butcher capacity. It's off the charts, James. It's got to be. 25 plus wives.

26 plus wives. 26 plus wives. So if we were to take those wives out, let's say that each wife is, let's be generous, three quarters of the size of a butcher. Yeah. I can't do the mental arithmetic. I'm no remembrance, sir. What is that? What quarters okay six yeah so we've got 26 20 and a half no i'm getting a total of 45 and a half butchers whoa wow because butchers are famously or

stereotypically yeah not the slimmest. They're not, yes, they're not that slender. They tend towards the rotund. Yes. The ruddy-faced. Certainly, if you were to use the term butcher, butchers in a bed, to conjure up an idea, it would be, that bed's going to be pretty full of butcher. Just like thinking practically, in order for those butchers to be identifiable,

they're going to need some sort of butchering implement. And you've got to have a bit of safety room for the... For cleavers. Yeah, cleavers minimum. Or maybe, would a bloody apron not do that? No, because how would you tell them apart? You don't want that in your bed. Do you want 45 bloody aprons in your bed? No, no, you wouldn't. So, yes, category butcher capacity. Five out of five.

Yes. We've never had anything so capacious vis-a-vis butchers on the podcast before. I agree. Okay, then. Final cut. This might sound like I'm leading myself down a merry path, but posters. Okay, right. Well, there's an obvious yeah you're thinking number of posters here there's an

obvious answer here which would be the number four but but it's a very famous bed i'm imagining there was probably some merch well the local teens would have pictures of the big bed on their walls. Yeah, pinups. Yeah? Yes, that is what I think happens. And is there any reason to believe that the swoonsome, spooky teens of Ware, in whatever century it was made, had pinup posters of a bed? You could probably get a postcard of it from the vna

okay i'm i'm i'm gonna employ the internet search engine of my choice i won't name it but i'm gonna i'm gonna use it you're gonna ask james let's out that fester bed of where post i'm just going to search poster and see if it'll send me a poster it's showing me the number of posters on the bed that's not surprising well i don't know if you can hear me scrolling here i'm not i'm not seeing a lot of posters okay let's go for i'll move down to postcard. Early 1900s, Shorty's Publications advertising postcard featuring the Great Bed of Wear. Yes.

Yes. So that's four posters plus a postcard. Which, if it had been posted, would I suppose be a poster? Or the person who posted it would be a poster. That's right. You've done much better than me, because I Googled... I mean, I internet-searched bed-of-wear merchandise,

and it said, did you mean God of War merchandise? I love the way it can just sort of get the general noise of what you said. Bed-of-wear? God of War? God of Bed-of-wear? God of War? It's like a confused Nana. I know you wanted that god of war, but the man in the shop gave me the great bed of war, which is a very large bed.

So you'll be the envy of your friends if you had any. Shakespeare mentioned it. It's in Twelfth Night. Get back up on that pirate bed. No way. I'm looking at it now. No way you could get that many butchers in there. Maybe butchers were smaller in the past. And we can only assume that in those days, butchers tessellated.

So it's five out of five. Yes! So that was The Bed Aware. Ooh, what a wonderful opportunity to join the Snorefolk. As the people listen to this podcast while they are asleep. Yeah. Wake up! Wake up, you Snorefolk!

They love it when I do that. They find that hilarious. Don't fall off your pirate bed. And they won't get that joke. And any callbacks will be squandered on the Snorefolk who have just woken up with no idea. Yes. Contrast with the Chorefolks. just woken up with no idea. Yes. Contrast with the chore folk.

Yes. Who listen while they do household chores. They're all of the genus of law folk but these are the sort of different

brands. I don't, I didn't really understand science at school. And if you'd like to join this blithe and merry band. Well you just go to

patreon.com forward slash lawmen pod. There we go. Simple as that really is. Sorted. Yeah. Bush. You could have all your friends round to sleep in it

if you had any friends. And they were all butchers.