Loremen Podcast - S4 Ep56: Loremen S4Ep56 - The Pie Man of Datchworth

Episode Date: August 17, 2023

A little Loreman met a Pie Man, going to the fair. Said little Loreman to the Pie Man, "Is Datchworth Green near Ware?" And the Pie Man said, "Yeah, but it's closer to Knebworth." James takes Alasdair to the many-spectred village of Datchworth in Hertfordshire - a hamlet terrorised by both spirits of the dead and a flesh-and-blood highwayman. From poor farmer Pennyfather, to Oakenvalley Bottom and the vigilantes of Queen Hoo Hall, this episode is replete with classic Loreboy gibberish. The boys meet the Pie Man of Datchworth fair, and learn why you can't solve all your problems with beheading. We hope you'll think twice, in future. Join us for upcoming London live shows: At the Bill Murray - 17th September https://www.angelcomedy.co.uk/event-detail/loremen-live-again-17th-sep-the-bill-murray-london-tickets-202309171830/ At Cheerful Earful Podcast Festival - 31st October https://www.designmynight.com/london/pubs/balham/the-bedford/cheerful-earful-podcast-festival-day-1 LoreBoys nether say die! Support the Loremen here (and get stuff): patreon.com/loremenpod ko-fi.com/loremen Check the sweet, sweet merch here... https://www.teepublic.com/stores/loremen-podcast?ref_id=24631 @loremenpod youtube.com/loremenpodcast www.instagram.com/loremenpod www.facebook.com/loremenpod

Welcome to Lawmen, a podcast about local legends and obscure curiosities from days of yore. I'm James Shakeshaft. And I'm Alistair Beckett-King. And Alistair, this is a delicious episode in a way. Mmm. It's all the way from Hertfordshire. It's about the pie man of Datchworth. That sounds delicious.

Doesn't it? Serve it up to me with some thick cut skin on chips. Ah, it's rather a mash. A mash? Pickled cabbage on the side. I feel we need a bit of sharpness. That's what vinegar's for. That's true.

Okay, the pie I'm on a Dutch with. Yep. Now then, Alistair. James. Now then. Now, it's your story and you normally lead things in that situation. Yes. But I've already seen the name of this story that you've sent me.

Yes. I'm very excited. You're in the same position as the listener who will have also seen the name. But normally they're ahead of me because I have no idea what you're about to say. And then you say, it's the big bean of slough. And I go, hey, it's the first i'm hearing about this well alistair we've got a couple of little um amuse bushes before we get to that titular pie man i love to have my bush amused well i've got a little what have you heard

of datchworth before i don't know what datchworth is no it's a little village in hartfordshire i was given a book called haunted hartfordshire a ghostly gazetteer by ruth stratton and nicholas connell by law folk justin thank you justin thank you very much justin no gift for me i noticed well do i get this as well you sort of get the gift by proxy all right because i'm going to tell you all about the pie man of datchworth the pie man of datchworth what a name amongst other things is he a man made of pies is he a man in a pie is he a man who sells pies probably yes but i'm still excited to find out like i say there's a few little um starters before we get to our big main course of pie

wait can i be clear here we're talking about real pies aren't we not the kind of pies you would get in a pub not just a little bit of puff pastry or potato on top of the stew that's not a pie it's not a pie it's not a pie it's a stew with a lid but no we're in datchworth the most haunted village in hertfordshire no less how have i not heard of this place? According to Haunted Hertfordshire, a ghostly gazetteer. Well, who would know better than them? Can I read from Haunted Hertfordshire, a ghostly gazetteer's introduction to the country? Yes, yeah.

Will you do it in Gazza's accent? In Gazza's? Or not? As in gazetteer. Will it have to be a ghostly gazza? How are we? not as in gazette well it'd have to be a ghostly gaza that was that's enough for me you can do it in your own voice i enjoyed that i got what i wanted okay datchworth is celebrated for being hertfordshire's most haunted village boasting over a dozen ghostly inhabitants you cannot fail to notice the unquiet, brooding air of the village, as if it is waiting for something to happen. The curious little church with a witch's hat spire

observes all from the top of Rectory Lane, which weaves its lonely way through the fields. Datchworth was featured in 1998 on Carlton's London Tonight programme and the TV crew concluded Rectory Lane to be one of the most unsettling places they had visited Wow I don't know what kind of a programme that was Was that like a serious news programme? Carlton's London Tonight, yeah London Tonight? Yeah, I think it's serious-ish

Wow, and look at this small street in Datchworth. A bit scary. Probably one of the most unsettling places I've been. And I've been to London, is what I guess the TV crew concluded. Yeah, famously terrifying place. You wander the streets of Piccadilly and masks of Mr Bean stare out of every shop next to tasteless Princess Diana's faces. Eyeless The Queens watching you.

Actual Gordon Ramsay, potentially. The real Gordon Ramsay gorging himself in Eminem world. And then yelling at people. You call these... This one just has an M on it. You flipping nutters. That's the kind of thing he says isn't it you don't put the greens next to the browns it's clashing what the f word are you doing that's exactly what he's like yeah

so such a cross man yeah do you want some excitement then? Yes, please. Okay. How's the headless horse of Burnham Green grab you? Right in the grabbing places. With its hooves. Yeah. The headless horse of where? Burnham Green. There's a little poem. Please, go ahead.

Tis but a couplet. At Burnham Green, where the recent dead ride a white horse without a head. That's it. Yeah, I think you oversold it just a white horse without a head. That's it. Yeah, I think you oversold it just a little bit as a poem. This ghost is seen, unsurprisingly, on Whitehorse Lane. The ghost of a headless white horse.

You'd think the headlessness would have got itself into the street name, but it evidently wasn't worth mentioning. Yeah, you want to warn people about that. The ghost is seen galloping up from Mardleybury. Mardleybury. Mardleybury. Mardleybury, I'm guessing, is how it's pronounced. M-A-R-D-L-E-Y-B-U-R-Y. Mardleybury. Mardleybury.

Mardleybury. We'll get corrected. We will. Whatever we do, we'll get corrected. Oh, in North Mardlebury, they call it Mardlebury, but down in the South, they called it Mardlebury. Mardleybury. But the horse belonged to a royalist farmer called Pennyfather.

Pennyfather? Pennyfather was his name. His name was Pennyfather? Yeah. Let's just cut straight to the scores now. Flash forward to the scores. It's five out of five. Flashback to the episode now.

He lived on Welch's farm. Welch? Welch's farm. Welch. Like squelch, but without the squelch. Oh, Mr. Welch, our poor penny father, our car for rent. Oh, but I'm the penny father. I think the penny father seems like he'd be someone who would be rich.

Oh, maybe the penny father. Who would be the richest? I hope you're prepared for this, because the roundheads attacked his farm and decapitated that farmer the penny father what and they spiked his head in the stable yard as a warning about being a royalist and that actual spike was said to still be there in 81 is that 1981 the sands head but avec spike i'm generally on the side of the roundheads but i feel like just getting going after one farmer nah he's not the real enemy is he well they didn't just go after the farmer alistair

oh the horse as well the horse resisted capture you're telling me they beheaded the horse it says here the horse resisted capture but i think it just acted like a horse yeah and so they also decapitated it come on yeah you've lost the crowd now big time a lady living in two in orchard believes she saw the spectral stallion one evening in the 1960s however alistair yeah there's a fatal flaw in this she saw what she thought to be an ordinary horse grazing in the orchard behind her cottage and then she went out and the horse vanished and there was nowhere it could have gone horses noted for their jumping yep also let me just go back over that yeah yeah yeah yeah can we just can we just spool back a um detective show zoom

in on the word grazing yeah she saw what she thought to be an ordinary horse grazing this horse famously decapitated if you saw that grazing you would not thought to be an ordinary horse grazing. This horse, famously decapitated. If you saw that grazing, you would not confuse it with an ordinary horse. It would be some sort of horrendous four-legged white hoover. Yeah. Pumping up apples from her orchard. Awful. Yeah, you get one apple in.

Dunk. It's blocked. Rattling round. You have to turn the horse off. Poke a chopstick. The apple thuds to the ground. Yeah. Yeah, you'd have to cut it into pieces and just... them in one by one.

Like sending a message through a pneumatic tube in the 1930s. Yes, I wish I could ever get the chance to do that it would be so good i think the closest thing you could do is to work on a till and they have those capsules that they put the money in have you ever seen them putting the money in the capsules that is exactly what i thought in beamish um there was an old style shop that's awery? No, Beamish, Britain's favourite open-air museum. Oh, yes. In Durham. And they have a preserved street,

like a Victorian street, I think. And you can go into the shop and they have little balls that they put the money in, and it rolls on a tiny little train tracks-type thing around into the back room to take the money. Nowadays, they seem like little sort of plastic spaceships, small spaceships for money. And I don't know what happened.

I presume they go into a tube, but I don't see what goes on underneath the till counter. I'm not allowed. Are you seeing people put money into tiny little spaceships in shops? The more I think about it, the more I think I might have dreamt it. It sounds a lot like a dream, James. Who was there? George Bush, James. It was there. George Bush.

Yeah. And Tony Blair. And they'd been playing squash. And afterwards you did a maths exam. Yes. With no trousers. I'm going to have to find out if that still happens. Anyway, less of this cash spaceship chat.

Whitehorse Lane. Locals believe that no animals can be persuaded to walk along it at night well let's hope the animals don't not cooperate if you try and make them go down that street and then you have to behead them that's the only reasonable response of an animal's being uncooperative yes definitely no i disagree with that wholeheartedly there are other ways there are other methods james james shakeshaft endorses the decapitation of a truculent pet. There's a pub called the White Horse Pub. Again, there's a vital piece of information, I think, in that name.

The picture, though, does have a spooky headless horse on the sign. Oh, good, good. And it's got a rider, so that is six in the pub game. Oh, the pub game. The pub game got a rider, so that is six in the pub game. Oh, the pub game. The pub game from Lawmen on the Road. Yes. I played that on the weekend on my own. Everyone else in the car was asleep.

I just played against myself. I got 18. I got a coach and horses. I almost woke everyone up. Because I got a coach and horses, which, as we all know, is 10. Because you've got minimum two horses and you've got to have a driver. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Could easily be more with a full complement of passengers. I know, but I play fair. You go for the minimum allowable. That is true. That is true. Say what you will about you you're fair yes unless you're a horse that is resisting arrest very very strict he immediately goes to beheading i will not and have not decapitated a horse okay but the fact that you had to say that on a podcast it it just doesn't feel believable.

It subtracts credibility from the statement. Me thinks James Shakespeare doth protest too much. I have not and will not. Decapitate his horse. I'll never say never. That's true. I don't want to do that. I don't want to go on with a riff where I might get in a situation

where I have to decapitate a horse although it's very obvious that you can clearly think of several situations where you would decapitate a horse yeah if someone commissioned me to make an ungodly four-legged messy hoover for sucking up apples inefficiently then i i would have to i'd have to go with my second idea which i don't know what that is yet moving on to hawkins hall lane which is haunted by an old lady oh did i mention she was headless i should have because she is headless she has got no head on her at all what is happening in this town i don't know i don't know what is going on i don't know. I don't know. What is going on? I don't know what she said to these royalists. You can't solve all your problems with beheadings. She shuffles along Hawkins Lane in, some say, a purposeful manner.

And from the back, she just looks like she's all bent over. But you come around the front, she's got no head on her at all. Absolutely no head. You hold up a little scone and... She'll have it. Now, we've got some ghosts which I believe all have heads now. There's the many spectres of Dutchworth Green. I'm going to hit you quick with these.

Boom. One night, woman seen standing by the swings. She was dressed in an odd way. Old-fashioned clothes and that. Her feet seemed to stand above the ground level and then she vanished now up until the point where she vanishes could have been someone on a swing or in the middle of a jump mid-jump another time a lady living in the village was walking towards the green and had a noise like a horse and cart approaching but she couldn't see

anything the noise got louder and louder she heard heard galloping of horses she pushed herself into a hedge basically to get out the way but nothing went by just the noise oh good there's a house on the green called i'm gonna probably pronounce this wrong pet it's pet tits pet pet it's i'm sorry pet it's pet tits p-e. P-E-T-I-T-S. Petit. I tell you what, that's how you get an animal to do your bidding. Yes. Not beheading it. Petit.

Don't behead it. That's haunted by the sound of ghostly footsteps on the stairs. At dusk, a figure of an old woman gathering sticks has been seen on the green. X has been seen on the green. And in the late 90s, the landlady of the Plough pub was troubled by a middle-aged man who used to appear behind her whenever she looked in the mirror. Oh, that's creepy. That's pretty creepy.

A lot of pubs probably have weird regulars, but that's creepy even by the standards of pubs. And apparently she went to a spiritualist church and a clairvoyant told her that she had a spectral admirer. All right. And the ghost introduced himself as Jacques from around the 18th century. A bit vague there, Jacques. All of that has been but a bunch of starters.

To be honest, we've almost waved them away because we know what our main course is. This takes place on the 28th of december 1782 so in Hertfordshire they have as everywhere did probably around the time in England they had big fairs and they'd be a big fair lots of people would bring their goods to sell it'd be a whole kind of a party atmosphere but those people that came to them fairs and sold their wares especially in the dutchworth area were really worried about getting robbed on the way home by a highwayman or even worse as we know a footpad oh yeah a footpad as discussed being

a highwayman sans horse more likely to have to knock you out in order to get away fast. Yeah, a bit slower and therefore more deadly. And for some reason in the fairs around Datchworth the only people that ever seemed to get robbed were those that had done quite a good trade

at the fair. Interesting. What an interesting coincidence. Yeah. So it was like there was someone on the inside who knew who'd been selling well, who'd have a lot of money, who'd be worth robbing. And they would invariably get robbed.

Now on the 28th of December 1782, a farmer's son from Dutchworth was travelling back from the fair and he was attacked. He was attacked back from the fair and he was he was attacked he was attacked by robbers now fortunately he didn't put up a fight he just handed his money over straight away they took that they didn't rough him up okay he cooperated he cooperated and he ran on to the nearby queen who hall queen who queen who hall okay related back to an episode a couple of episodes And he ran on to the nearby Queen Who Hall. Queen Who?

Queen Who Hall. Okay. Related back to an episode a couple of episodes ago. This all takes place very near the town of Ware. So we've got the Queen Who, and we've got the town Ware. So this farmer went to see his uncle at Queen Who Hall and told him what had happened. Every time you say it, I'm hearing Al Pacino's voice.

Who Hall? And his uncle had a bunch of guns uh and uh him a lot of cocaine yeah well the uncle got tooled up along with the with the nephew the farmer and a servant and they went out looking quite literally looking for trouble. Say hello to our large and unwieldy friends, because it's the late 18th century, and these are the most compact guns available. They went out and they got jumped in Oaken Valley Bottom. These place names are great. And they got in a fight with three robbers.

So even though they were looking for the robbers, they still managed to get jumped by the robbers. By said robbers. I suppose they're not experienced. They're not experienced in these things. No, but they did manage to get the upper hand because they shot and killed the ringleader. Ooh. Of that gang of robbers.

And they unmasked the ringleader in what feels like a very Scooby-Doo moment. Yeah. And do you know who it was? I don't know who it was. It was Walter Clibborn, the pie man of the fair. like a very scooby-doo moment yeah and you know who it was i don't know who it was it was walter clibborn the pie man of the fair the the pie man the pie man the titular pie man i was going to accuse you of not having introduced that character when you said his name was walter clippers or

whatever you said walter clibborn's but you did of course you did chkhov's Pie. Chekhov's Pie Man. With the name of the episode. Yeah. So what he'd done at the fairs, he'd gone round ever so innocently with his pies, sussing out who was taking the most money, so therefore he'd know who to rob after the whole fair had been undone.

But he met his comeuppance when he... Was shot and killed. Was shot and killed, yes. Well, live by the pie, die by a gunshot wound. To this day, Alistair, the place of his death is marked by a post called Clibborn's Post, which has been replaced and done up. But it's still there, you can go see it.

It's near where? By Queen Who? So that, Alistair, was the tale of the piemen of Dutchworth. Great story. Fantastic names. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I'll think twice about buying a pie or beheading a horse now.

It's got good lessons for us all. Yes. You ready to score this? I would love to, yes. Thank you. Okay. So let's begin as ever well not as ever we kind of mix it up a little bit um let's begin with naming it's five out of five yeah come on we already flash forwarded to it so i can't change my mind now there have been

no names so bad that i'm forced to knock a point off. There have been some good additional names. Walter Clibborns. Queen who? From where? Mardlebury. Mardlebury. Tewin Orchard.

The Pennyfather. Yeah, great names. Great names. The Pie Man of Datsworth. Who would have thought it would be him? Of all the people. Of all the people it could be. The only person who'd been mentioned so far in the story who wasn't involved.

Yeah, who was yet to show up. Yeah, the only person who hadn't, yeah, appeared in the story. It was him. I can't believe it. It could have been that he was maybe a superhero that came in and saved the day. Yeah, he could have saved them, yeah. A pie-themed superhero. Yeah.

But it wasn't. He was a super villain so who had been who had been bitten by a pie and gained the powers of a pie mmm mmm

that's quite good actually yeah well we shouldn't be putting this out for free again we should be copywriting this what would his weakness be probably an overly

wet bottom yes that applies to a lot of people though yeah there's a a Japanese kids cartoon called Anpanman. It's like a kid's superhero, and his head is an anpan.

What is an anpan? It's a type of sort of little cake thing. And one of his weaknesses is if he gets his head wet, he's depowered, basically, because his bread head gets wet. Of course, like a reverse kappa. And when his head gets wet of course like a reverse capper and when his head gets wet his uncle the baker or his creator the baker um has to bake a new head really quickly and then that head flies over to amperman knocks the old soggy head off and boom he's back to full strength and

no one knows what happens to the old heads yeah Yeah. He can also offer bits of his head to children if they're hungry. Right. But if he does that too many times, again, he's depowered. He's got no head, yeah. Because he's got too little head. So the uncle, again, needs to bake him a new, fresh new head. That flies off from the bakery, up the chimney, doodaloo, knocks the old one off.

And you're telling me this is an existing cartoon? Oh, it's been around for like 70 years. Sounds like an admin nightmare for him. Anyway, I feel that's distracted. So it was five out of five, right, for names? It was five out of five, yes. Long and short, five out of five for names. Great.

So that takes me to my second category, which is, of course, the supernatural. Supernatural. Well, a pie man who is a thief is not supernatural no no but this is guns is not supernatural yeah he's got no powers he is like batman yeah i did actually forget to tell you something about the old pie man oh yeah something supernatural well there's two different stories one that he was shot and killed by the farmer's son and unmasked like a scooby-doo as discussed yeah another is that he was just badly injured tied to a horse and dragged towards bulls green where he was set

upon by angry locals because he'd been basically doing a reign of terror and that's what the post signifies where that happened and locals today talk of the dim shape of a horse pulling a writhing body along the lanes and the sound of hooves and the moaning of the ghostly pyman and in the late 70s journalist evelyn hall king and her psychic friend Eileen Eisen visited the area. Now Eileen apparently didn't know these ghost stories and she wouldn't have had the internet but she suddenly bent double

moaning that she was being beaten on the head and shoulders and she said the horses, they're coming can't you hear them? That's very good. That's some late stuff to put towards the supernatural case that I forgot to say earlier. Okay, yes.

I mean, that's new information submitted at the last minute without me having time to really deal with it. Because I forgot to submit it earlier. Yeah, okay. Fair enough. All right. Please approach the bench and apologise for being late. That's quite good. Yeah, okay. Fair enough. All right. Please approach the bench and apologise for being late. That's quite good.

Yeah, that's pretty spooky. And then all of the spectres and... There were the many spectres of Dutchworth Green. Yeah, the many spectres of Dutchworth Green. An old woman gathering sticks. You got your headless old lady. You got your headless horse. The ghostly footsteps at Pet Tits.

Yep, the ghostly footsteps at that place. Yep. Jacques. Saucy Jacques. I mean, I think that White Horse Lane might be called that because there's a pub called The White Horse on it. But, you know, they could both be named after a spectral stallion. That back-chatting white horse.

A sassy but headless horse. Sassy but now headless horse.overing up apples from the orchard. Yeah. And then shooting them back out. Oh, yeah. Now, that would be good. That would be handy. I do feel like the woman who looked out of a window in the 60s

and saw something that probably wasn't there. I think quite a few people in the 1960s and saw something that probably wasn't there. I think quite a few people in the 1960s have seen things that probably weren't there. So maybe there are explanations for that. But we don't know. We don't know. We have to take her testimony seriously. Could have been a thin elephant.

Yep. Anyway, I feel I'm distracted. An elephant could suck up a load of crab apples with its trunk and then shoot them out. So I think it's a four out of five. Because the Pie Man story was not a substantially spooky story. No. It was mostly a crime caper.

It was, yeah. You want the Pie Man to have superpowers, don't you? I want Pie Man abilities, yeah. I want him to be able to glaze criminals we're gonna do the lorman cinematic universe we do need more powered up superheroes and villains yeah we've got that we've got the london monster we've got the pie man of datchworth gin men ken there's all them pigs in the sewer that time yeah those those pigs the sewer pigs sewer pigs queen rat in a sort of professor x role i'm seeing jeff the talking

mongoose oh i was gonna go with captain thickness but i guess he's more of a magneto i think thickness is more of a maverick uh loose cannon who probably doesn't work well as the leader of or a member of any team he's wolverine yeah he's a grumpy Wolverine. He is grumpy, yeah. Okay. All right, then I'll take that for. My next category is headlessness. Oh, okay. Too much. Mmm.

It was in excess. It was more than necessary. Yeah. It was beyond what was needed to deal with the situation. Mmm. It was heavy-handed. Mmm. But light-headed.

Ooh. Heavy on hands, light on heads, this story. Nice. So it should be five out of five but I'm going to just take the top off it yeah

and make it four out of five that does make sense it does doesn't it can't fault your logic I'm as cross as you are James but there's nothing I can do

my hands are tied fine then in which case my final category is pie pie pie

okay so we've played this game before. You've cleverly not said pies, because then I would just start counting the number of pies. Yes. You're just saying pie. But it's pie, the idea of pie. The idea of pie.

Alistair, can I just open the creaky gate to Etymology Corner? Yes, yes, you may. corner yes yes you may the word pie as in the pie like a meat pie not as in pi pi not as in the maths thing i can't stress that enough no if anyone has been misunderstanding this that this was a guy who's freelance mathematicianing this that is not what happened this podcast is not for you it is for you if you've thought that all the way through to be honest he's robbed me how much did he get 3.14 shillings keep going so pie like as in the meat pie is origin the words origin is linked to magpie, and it's about how a pie has just lots of little bits of different things chucked in it. I see.

As in pied, like I said a couple of episodes ago. Yeah, and I think I said this, didn't I, then? Did you? I didn't know. Probably explained it better. Or piebald. Piebald, the pied piper. Mm, means many. He wasn't a man who had previously been pied with a pie yes he hadn't been hit in the face with a pie he was multi-colored

yeah two colors yeah ah who knew well you did and wasn't this episode quite the pie this episode is a pie because it was just like a i just i just put a load of random stories that just happened to all in the same village really and then there was a simple tale of um well mob justice frankly at the end horror horrific mob justice our episode construction techniques have been laid bare just jumbling a whole load of things together. Like a pub pie that's not a pie. We've lifted the lid on it. Yeah.

There's not as much there as we thought there was. No, there's a big gap. Perhaps. A big airy gap there. Mm. Mm. And that's some potatoes. Well, I mean, you've bamboozled and perplexed me, James.

Mm. I'm not sure how I can score this one. I think the answer's highly. Because I've sort of forgotten what the argument, even as you were saying it, I was already forgetting the argument you were making. The category is pie. Yes, that's how you should score it.

It is highly. Oh, highly. Okay. That's five out of five then. Yes. For pie. For pie. Because this episode was a pie.

The episode was a pie. James, we're just a bit of an onion and a potato. On the side. Stewing away inside. Oh, we're in the pie? Yeah, we're in the pie. The music is the pastry. Oh, here it comes.

Because it's at the top and the bottom. Because it's a proper pie. Because it's a proper pie, actually. It's not just ceramics. It's not just a dish underneath us. Pastry. It's not just ceramics. It's not just a dish underneath us. Pastry. It's not a hot pot. I'm going to eat a pie now.

Just go and have a pie. Just have a pie. I'm going to sauce and eat a pie. Maybe I'll make a pie. Am I mad? Of course you're not. Every pie that's eaten has been made. That's true.

It's quarter to ten at night, though. Seems a bit late to start pie construction. Yeah, it's a bit late to make a pie. You can't make a pie now. Alistair, you know these lovely law folk? Yeah. Do you know what they want to do if they want to see our faces while these words come out of them?

What should they do if they want to see our faces while words come out of them? Well, they've got a couple of opportunities coming up. Do you want to say record scratch? Record scratch. Errit, errit. First of all, on Sunday the 17th of September, 2023. 2023. on Sunday the 17th of September 2023 2023 at 6.30pm

BST Bust at the Bill Murray pub they can see us just google it just google it well we'll put a link in the things

just google it if you can get on down to London just google it just google it yeah come and see us just google it just do yeah just do it

and then again we're doing another show. Should we tell them about the other show? Oh, a second live show? Yeah. On the 31st of October. There's nothing special about that night. Oh, the spookiest night of the year.

In London's Balham as part of the cheerful Earful Podcast Festival. Again, those should be all your keywords for your SEOs. Stick them in your Google or look at the links that we will put in the show notes. Hop onto the old Usenet and buy some tickets. Does Usenet still exist, isn't it? Basically where people sell drugs and stuff now. Oh, I don't know.

Get on your GeoCities then. Keep it legal. Keep it now. Oh, I don't know. Get on your GeoCities then. Just keep it legal. Keep it legal. Yes, please. Please don't buy tickets to us on the dark web. Come on. Now let's probably get the music going again. Mm.

Room. Four brooms in an actual hoover and then yeah there you've saved your horse all right i'm doing i'm saving horses now if anything right okay