Loremen Podcast - S5 Ep22: Loremen S5Ep22 - Mr Stead and the Coal House Ghost

Episode Date: March 7, 2024

What does it sound like when a spooky story has James Shakeshaft quaking in his (big giant's) boots? You'll find out in this episode, because Alasdair has torn two hair-raising mysteries from the pages of W. T. Stead's book of Real Ghost Stories. Meet a hard-as-nails northern ghost in a train station cellar, and swim frantically away from the eyeless lady of Willington Mill. Grab your gilets and slankets, and prepare for your spine to be tingled and/or chilled. Content Warning: References to self harm / suicide and some imagery that might be unsuitable for younger lorefolk. Join us for another Loremen Live in Oxford on 25th May: https://oldfirestation.org.uk/whats-on/loremen-podccast/ This episode was edited by Joseph Burrows - Audio Editor. LoreBoys nether say die! Support the Loremen here (and get stuff): patreon.com/loremenpod ko-fi.com/loremen Check the sweet, sweet merch here... https://www.teepublic.com/stores/loremen-podcast?ref_id=24631 @loremenpod youtube.com/loremenpodcast www.instagram.com/loremenpod www.facebook.com/loremenpod

welcome to lawmen a podcast about local legends and obscure curiosities from days of yore i'm alistair beckett king and i'm james shakeshaft james brace yourselves brace myself oh god james comma the listener, brace yourselves. Aye. We've got a spooky one. Yeah. We've got a spooky story in the chamber. Okay, I think I'm ready.

I'm wearing a gilet to stop my spine being tingled. Are you actually wearing a gilet? No, I'm wearing a hoodie when I've rolled up the sleeves. That's the working man's gilet, James. This is the tale of a Victorian newspaper man, a haunted mill, and a very rambunctious train station ghost. It's Mr Stead and the Coal House Phantasm.

Oh, I love a train ghost. James Shakespeare. Alistair Beckett King. Come with me to the North Country, if you will. scotland the north of england oh okay yes the south of scotland as it is culturally if not technically all right then all right then i will i have three impossibilities for you rough almost two and a half at least from the casebook of wt stead that's william thomas stead the former editor of i assume your

favorite newspaper the northern echo echo echo what the stead yeah that's all right i have no idea what you're saying there because like wts yeah yeah that's what that's what that stands for he was born in 1849 in embleton which i I assume is pronounced Hurlububur. It's just one of those places where there's no way it's pronounced like that. No one can know. Embleton. Embleton. Northumberland.

And he died on the 15th of April, 1912. He is an English eccentric, James. Of course he is. Of course he is. What the stead. And he was famous in his lifetime as a crusading newspaper man, spiritualist and liar, basically. Well, not exactly a liar. He got carried away very easily.

Didn't always get his facts straight. Did go to prison for six months. Don't look into why. Oh. Basically, these days he would have his own YouTube channel breaking down the agenda and addressing the allegations against him himself he's okay don't stop liking him i mean it's it's complicated okay george bernard shaw so complicated we can't get into it right it's so complicated we can't get into it george bernard

shaw worked for him he said um he was incapable of keeping faith when excited. And his hyper, I assume that's how he sounded. Yeah. And as his hyperesthesia was chronic, he generally was excited. Oh, nice. So that's an excessive sensitivity of the skin he had. Oh. So he was quite a highly strong guy, but it wasn't just coarse fabrics he was sensitive to, James. Go on. In 1897, he published a revised and expanded book of real ghost stories.

That's how he starts his book. Of all the vulgar superstitions of the half-educated, a slightly more, hopefully, slightly more accurate accent, none dies harder than the absurd delusion that there is no such thing as ghosts. But, says What the Stead, before reading the contents of this book, please note that the narratives printed in these pages had better not be read by anyone of tender years,

of morbid excitability, or of excessively nervous temperament. Ooh. Yeah, I mean, he's basically describing himself there by the sounds of things. But after Stead's content warning, I should have my own, there are going to be references to self-harm and quite frightening spooky business. Oh, gosh.

So this might be a bit much if there's little ones listening to this. This isn't for children, is it, this podcast? Do children listen to this podcast, James? We've heard that there were some young people listening. If you are a child, stop being a child. Either stop listening or stop being a child. And then listen to this. Yeah.

It could be too scary for you. Whoa. I mean, the first chapter we're going to is called Evil Spirits and Phantasms Which Touch. Oh, what the stead. Wherein you will hear the tale of the Coal House Ghost, which appeared in Darlington in the 1850s. Right.

This is a real ghost, James. It's a real ghost. Mm. And this is the story of James Durham, a night watchman. James Durham? Yeah, his name's James. I know it sounds like I'm just making up a name based on looking at you and thinking about Durham.

Yes. In a much less good Madame Doubtfire style. But that was his name, James Durham. And James Durham said, I'm going to try and distinguish his accent from, what, the Steads accent? What, the Steads? By doing what I think of as a Winnett accent, which is like the, you know when there's a group of bullies, there's always a tall one.

Oh, yes. Yeah. So that's the Winnett's accent from when I was in school. I was a night watchman at the old Darlington and Stockton station at the town of Darlington, a few yards from the first station that ever existed. I assumed you meant in Darlington. Yeah. Because, I mean, where would you go? I looked it up. It actually was the first train station. The first train station? Yeah.

It never occurred to me that one of them had to have been first. I never would have been like, yeah, this is useless. Yeah. This is rubbish. Quick, build the other one before the train gets there. Build another one. Oh, they've built Peterborough. No!

I'll get back to it. Basically, Darlington Station, been there for a while. But this is the new station. This is Darlington and Stocktonton station, been there for a while. But this is the new station. This is Darlington and Stockton. He's worked there for a long time. This was 40 years ago at the time he was telling it in 1890. About 12 o'clock or 1230, I was feeling rather cold with standing here and there. I said to myself, I will a wear down and get something to eat. Now there was a, down the stairs, stairs, there was what's called a porter's cellar with a fire and a gas bracket for the fire,

and he could make himself a little bit of food. I went down the steps, took off my overcoat, and had just sat down on the bench opposite the fire and turned up the gas when a strange man came out of the cool house followed by a big black retriever. As soon as he entered entered my eye was upon him and his eye upon me you'd think we were intently watching each other as he moved on to the front of the fire there he stood looking at me and a curious smile came over his countenance

he had a stand-up collar and a cutaway coat with gilt buttons and a scotch cap. Watch out, he's Scottish. He could be Scottish. Take precautions. A bread-crumbed hat. He went for him, James. Why? All at once. We don't know. He struck at me and I had the impression that he hit me. Oh.

I up with my fist and struck back at him. Didn't even wait. Pachah! Good. Well, you've got to be quick with your fists if you're meeting a man in a basement. A little bit tasty, I think, if you're in the old Darlington

Stockton station. But my fists seemed to go through them and struck against the stone above the fireplace and knocked the skin off my knuckles. The man seemed to be struck back into the fire and uttered a strange, unearthly squeak.

I wish they'd used any word other than squeak. Yeah. For the scariness used any word other than squeak. Yeah. For the scariness. It makes it sound like this was an inflatable man. And he went, all around the room, James. It got smaller and smaller. Yeah.

Until he ended up behind the bench. So he did a big squeak. Immediately, the dog gripped me by the calf of my leg and seemed to cause me pain. The man recovered his position, called off the dog with a sort of click of the tongue. Or squeak of, yeah. Yeah, it might have just been tutting

because he was annoyed about the punch. Easily, yes, yes. Typical. Then went back into the coal house followed by the dog. I lighted my dark lantern, which is the slidey kind, so you can hide the candle, I think. You can have a little peek.

Yeah. Just having a peek. And looked into the call house, but there was neither dog nor man and no outlet for them except the one by which they had entered. Oh. Signed, James Jimmy Durham. I've added the Jimmy. Oh.

December 5th, 1890. Now, at his leg, savaged by a large ghost dog, James, you would expect probably tooth marks and gore. Don't look for them. They're not there. What? Even though he felt the dog upon his ankle,

there were no marks left. Does he need to get a ghost rabies, Jan? I mean, do you think that was quite scary? Yeah, definitely. Do you think that's the kind of story that would cause a commotion? It depends where it was told. It was told to the people who worked at the station and in the general area of Darlington. Do you think it would cause a commotion there? Yeah, you'd think. At least people would want to come and have a look and see if there

was another entry to the coal hole. Interesting that you should say that. Well, James, let me tell you, it caused quite a commotion. Oh, thank goodness. I was worried you were going to say they actually all took it in their stride. They were like, oh, yeah, yeah, happens all the time. Yeah, probably. Probably one of them balloon men like in the film Dune that will be made. In fact, he was interrogated by old Edward Pease.

Oh, of Pease Pudding? Not the inventor of Pease Pudding, but it is spelt that way. Oh. But it's still funny because the Pease in Pease Pudding is just Pease. That's just the old spelling of Pease.

Oh, and it's not a pudding. Like black pudding, it's not a pudding. It's not a dessert, no. No, you would not want that as a dessert. You would be outraged. Old Edward Pease, disappointingly not in the pea business eddie peas how many peas i'm gonna make you a star he was the father of

the railways oh yeah so he was the he was responsible for the being a station there i guess him and his three sons i have not bothered learning the names of so i'm just picturing scrooge mcduck's nephew how is he is he the father? What about Robert Louis Stevenson and all that mob? I think he built... I mean, George Stevenson. He didn't do the trains, James. He did the railways. Oh, so, right.

It's a collaborative thing. He built the stations in that area. Hold on. Get that ladder over here. Pop it on the ground for a sec. George, I think I've solved your problem. Yeah, that's what happened, except that the person moving the ladder was three cartoon ducks.

So old Edward Pease summoned James Durham and interviewed him. Durham goes on to say, what increased the excitement was the fact that a man a number of years before who was employed in the office of the station had committed suicide and his body had been carried into this very cellar i knew nothing of this circumstance nor of the body of the man but mr peas and others who had known him told me my description exactly corresponded to his appearance well it wasn't just eddie peas who was interested. I mean, I don't... Obviously, this is a very delicate subject, so I don't wish to make too light of it, but was this man a balloon? He was not a balloon.

He was a real man, a real ticket clerk. He was a real boy. As you will learn, because you wanted to go in and check the room, like a proper detective, James. So did the Reverend Henry Kendallry kendall are you looking at a different person and a different place in the north another yeah everyone here has just got place names yeah all the names of vegetables martin halifax the reverend henry kendall believed

him he took his story down and he immediately got in touch with the president of the Society for Psychical Research. Is that President Sweet Potato? Henry Sedgwick. Okay. That's also a place though. Sidgwick, actually. Professor Henry Sidgwick. Pretty good.

Henry Kendall wrote, I forwarded his strange narrative to Professor Sidgwick, the president of the SPI, who expressed a wish for fuller assurance that Mr Durham was not asleep at the time of the vision. That's a good point. Get that ticked off first of all. Yeah, great point. Were you asleep? And he said, no, he wasn't asleep. I gave in reply the following four reasons for believing that he was awake. First, he was accustomed as a watchman to be up all night and therefore not likely from that cause to feel sleepy. Secondly, he had scarcely been a minute in the cellar and feeling hungry was just going to get something to eat. Thirdly, if he was asleep at the beginning of the vision, he must have been awake enough during the latter

part of it when he had knocked the skin off his knuckles. Fourthly, there is his own confident testimony. I strongly incline to the opinion that there was an objective cause for the vision and that it was genuinely apparitional. Nice. Was that Henry Kendall? That was Henry Kendall. That was a very good impression of what I imagine Henry Kendall would have sounded like.

Thank you. Thank you very much. So those pencil-necked pen pushers at the SPR may not have been convinced, James. The desk jockeys. Yeah, but the Reverend Henry Kendall was convinced. He's a wild card. He's a loose cannon.

He's going to investigate this himself. They're saying, no, Henry Kendall, give us your, whatever it is a psychical researcher has. You're off the case. Oh, chuck in your, yeah,'re um i don't know holy what no a bible an ev meter yeah one of them that thing egon has with the antennae that go yes give us that it's going in a drawer you can have it back hand in your pamps he went and investigated himself on october 22 22nd, the Reverend Kendall visited what he called

the scene of the battle with the ghost. And slightly annoyingly, he determined that you could probably get out of the coal house if you tried. Well, yeah, because the coal's got to get in. Well, that would be through the door, though. Oh, yeah, you're right, there'd be like a hole. No, they'd just chuck it in through the street, don't they? Yeah, you're right.

They're not going to bring the coal in through the main door, are they? There's going to be some kind of sluice. You're not going to walk coal in through someone's house. Well, it was the porter's cellar. It's not that luxurious. But anyway, so that's kind of annoying. But he was guided by an old official, an old official who was at the North Road station

during all the period in question. He visited the porter's room, which was still there. He visited the coal house and he said, my guide remembers the clerk who committed suicide and he showed me the place where he shot himself with a pistol. His name was Winter. And not only did Winter dress just as James Durham had described. James, he had a large black dog.

Just like the ghost. Just like the ghost. But, I mean, did he... I presume he didn't kill the dog, right? Well, no, the dog probably died. Of natural causes. It's just the classic animal thing. What happened?

What's the logistics? If it's a human that's associated with the animal... It's just the loyalty of the dog, though, isn't it? When the dog dies, hopefully of natural causes... Yes. ...probably finds him and starts getting into fights. Yes, and starts protecting him against people that try to, yeah, chin him. In a book called Crossing the Line,

Trespassing on Railway Weirdness... Oh, lovely named book. ...by none other than the Scretoniser, Paul Screton. Oh, yeah. Paul Screton, a welcome return. A welcome return. This is the Hexham Connection. Paul Screton wrote about the Hexham Heads.

The Scretoniser's still around, isn't he? Yes, I believe so. At the time of recording. I believe and hope so, yes. This is a relatively modern book. Do you think we'd ever get to meet the scrutiniser? Perhaps even be scrutinised ourselves? The reason I'm a bit nervous quoting

is that this book is printed by Albion Press and it's got like a really clear thing about you're not allowed to quote from it. Ah, okay. Well, do you want to give us the gist? The gist of it is that there was a follow-up investigation done later on by olive how of the friends of darlington railway museum sorry olive how

yeah she's like a hill sorry just to point out there what you've done is you've you've cleverly disguised your pattern of naming people after either a place or a food stuff by using the first name as the food stuff. Olive. Olive. Yeah, I'm mixing it up. These are all real people. And so was Munro Winter.

Munro Winter. Munro's a place as well. A winter is a time. Yes. They found the death certificate of, sorry, monroe winter age 29 who had died in 1845 oh screech and sums the story up by saying we had found the ghost commented the sleuths so he's a real guy really happened oh nice one screech and isa can i just can i suggest a podcast for the screech and isa if he does listen? Word on the Screet.

But Screet's got a kind of a bit of a nasty quality to it as a word, Screet. I think it's because it sounds like excrete. Oh, yes, I suppose so. Yeah, I'm glad I didn't. That wasn't how I asked if he was still with us. I'm sorry, Paul Screeton, sir, Mr. Screton. It's just that most of the people we quote on the podcast died 100 years ago. It's not, you know, we're not trying to be weird.

No. It has gone weird. It's good. Yeah, we're now speaking to one person who probably doesn't listen to the podcast. Hopefully doesn't listen. It's pretty clear he doesn't. He would have mentioned it by now, surely.

I would hope so. So if there was only one ghost in the darlington and stockton porter cellar two ghosts well one and a dog one one ghost and his dog let me tell you a tale from that self-same book that has a lot of ghosts james too many too many ghosts too many i'm not even gonna have time to do all of them i'm looking at the clock i'm not gonna be able to cover all of the ghosts in the haunted mill on willington gut what willington gut now what you've done here is you've you've got confused with your naming conventions and you're naming a place after a part of a person now. Willington Gut. Willington Gut. Stead says, all these hauntings of castles and halls

fade into insignificance compared with the famous haunting of Willington Mill. Willington Mill stands on what is locally known as Willington Gut, a sluggish tidal stream

which empties itself into the tine between Willington Quay and Walls End. I've never read anybody less impressed by a river. He is not happy with that water. Sluggish. Lazy.

It doesn't even pour out. It empties itself into the tine. The valley is crossed by a railway viaduct. The mill itself is said to have been built on the side of a cottage occupied 100 years ago by a witch, but that is a hazy and nebulous tradition which has never been verified. So the mill was owned by a Mr. Umfang and a Mr. Proctor. Right, okay. They were partners and they lived there. I can't quite make out the situation.

Their living arrangements seem to be they lived in the mill in alternating four-year stints because the house was so blimmin' haunted with spooky noises nobody wanted to live there for more than four years. Four years at a time. That's quite a long time to put up with an amount of ghosts. That's what I thought, like week on week off maybe, but four years on, four years off. You'd get used to it, I suppose.

Yeah, after a few years but i'm not going to cover all the ghosts james i'm not even going to mention the the lady in lavender oh who went upstairs i'm not going to mention the lady in gray i'm not going to mention them what did she do i'm going to get straight on and talk about the noises so this all comes from a mr robert davidson a normal name I think you'll agree. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah, for now. For now? And he was the son of a housemaid who spent eight years in the haunted

house in the service of Mrs. Proctor and he is, therefore, the natural heir and depository of the local legends on the subject. Sometimes, says Mr. Davidson, the noise was like the... Right, I can't read this word. It's pavia. Do you know what a pavia is? No. Is it a window? It's a bit like a glazier.

Oh, but for the ground. So as a glazier is to windows, a pavia is to paving. Oh. Yeah. Very nice. That is good. But it's spelt P-A-V-I-O-U-R. Oh. So I was reading it as Pavois. Pavois. Excuse me, Monsieur Pavois. Please lay your stones more quickly. I'm walking. Monsieur. He's like, you're making me crazy.

With your hammer thumping up on the floor always. Monsieur Pavois. Now my paving has come out crazy. Oh, la la la. The noise was like a pavier, or pavois, to you, James. Yeah. At work, with his rammer thumping on the floor, making all things rattle and shake that were not fixtures.

Again, it was like a donkey galloping round the room overhead. At another time, it was as if a shovel full of scrappy iron had been thrown upon the fireplace and fender. By association, it's clear he doesn't think much of the old pavois. No, no, yeah. It could be a pavia or an angry donkey. Or just a load of metal. Or scrappy iron.

Yeah, just a load of scrap metal. Which is to iron as scrappy-do is to scooby-doo. It's quite annoying. You could imagine how annoying it would be to as scrappy-do is to Scooby-Doo. It's quite annoying. You can imagine how annoying it would be to have scrappy iron just being written into a show that worked. So, heavy footsteps were heard going up and downstairs. Door handles turned doors creaked as if they were opening. Occasionally the room would be filled with bluish smoke.

Ooh. It was an infernal charivari or chivalry. I didn't know that word either. No. I don't know if I'm saying it right. It's a folk term for rough music. You know, when people do like discordant singing as part of a celebration. Oh.

It's spelt sharevari, but I think it's said shivery these days. Now, I know what you're thinking. We've been here before. It sounds like your basic, your bargain basement poltergeist. It's a classic pol your basic your bargain basement poltergeist oh it's a classic poltergeist classic poltergeist i'm annoyed at myself for saying poltergeist because i have written poltergeist in my notes and i still said poltergeist oh no it's a is it a poltergeist no it's no it is not james i would not bring you here for just some noises, the noises of a donkey or a bavois. Oh, la la.

No, we've got proper apparitions. Allow me to take you into the section of the story that W.T. Stead calls... What the Stead? Cat Rabbit Sheep. Now, he was usually very good at titles. This is not his best work, but I think you'll agree it really covers the main features of the story

he has not buried the lead here i'll have to listen to find out so this involves thomas and mary robert's parents is that their surnames because you're that you are scraping the bottom of the barrel if that is your made-up name thing they're called thomas and mary robert's parents no no they are called th Davidson and Mary something else. Eventually Davidson. Because they're not married yet. Ah. They're courting.

It's the past. Right. But it's the past from the past when this was written. Right. And Thomas was coming around, but he wasn't allowed into the mill. There's the mill and there's the mill house, and he wasn't allowed in the buildings when he was courting because you know what servants are like. Yeah, you cannot

trust them to be in the same mill as a woman. No, things are good. Shenanigans would occur if he had been allowed in. So he's just standing outside the window looking in at her, waiting for her to finish work, I think, on a cloudless night.

Stars beamed forth their light from a cloudless sky. When looking towards the mill, he saw a cat walking towards him. He beheld what he supposed was a whitish cat. It came walking along in close proximity to his feet, thinking Miss Puss very cheeky, he gave her a kick. Oh, right.

Yeah, I've immediately lost enthusiasm for him as a protagonist. Yeah. Just kicked it straight out. The cat, it didn't go, Puss, Puss, I'm going to... It walked over to him so arrogantly that he immediately tried to kick it. I think it just walked like a cat. That's not fair. He didn't succeed in kicking it.

The cat wins the story. Good. Because his foot felt nothing and it quietly continued its march. So his foot seems to have passed straight through the cat. Right. But I suppose cats kind of do do that. Like if you ever stroked a cat that doesn't like you and it just limbo's under your hand. Yeah.

It sort of maintains a dis... It's got like a... Well, it does have a sort of sensing thing on it. That's what the hairs are for. It just a sort of sensing thing on it it's that's what the hairs are for it just phases through your hand yes so maybe that's what happened there that might explain that but it won't explain the rabbit uh-oh minutes later something the ghost approaches in the form of a rabbit coming just as close as the cat did does he go to kick this as well? He went straight to kick the rabbit.

What a cheeky rabbit. It hopped along decadently, so infuriatingly, and he was angry because he'd missed the cat. And anyone who's seen the live show knows that I know what that rabbit was thinking. That'll be a little joke for the listeners to get after this when that episode comes out yes that's a little that's a little sort of throw forward what was the what was the rabbit thinking we'll never know no we don't know yet it was carrots carrots that's what rabbits think um he determined to have a good rap at it and took deliberate aim,

but as before, his foot went through it and felt nothing. Probably the end of the story there. Yeah, maybe. Not if the title's anything to go by. Okay. A minute later, a glowing sheep approached. You cannot miss that. No.

It walked towards him, but did he kick the sheep, James? Right, okay. miss that no it walked towards him but did he kick the sheep james right okay if there was if there was an animal invented that you could definitely kick and it probably won't hurt it too much and it and it's not quick enough to get out the way it would be a sheep well james he didn't kick the sheep because he was too scared it was luminous my father was fixed to the spot all muscular power seemed for the moment paralysed. He says that the sheep moved on, disappearing at the same spot as the preceding apparitions.

My father declared that if it was possible for hair to stand on end, his did just then. Pretty scary stuff there, James. It is possible for hair to stand on end. It is possible. I thought that was weird because it is possible yeah has he never had a little play with a balloon or had a slightly bad quality jumper yeah i feel like he thinks that hair standing on end is a figure of speech rather

than a thing that happens he'd try and kick it though if he saw it so it's probably probably best he hasn't seen if he saw a balloon yeah and it would zip away and he'd be like, oh no, a ghost. A ghost. Okay, that isn't scary. But James, I want to warn you, it's just going to get scarier from here on. If you found a sheep, a rabbit and a cat scary, prepare yourselves. The children, James, often saw things. Stead describes them as the chief ghost seers no one was allowed to tell

them anything about the ghost and any servant who told a fairy tale in Willington Mill was instantly dismissed no conspiracy of silence however would prevent children from seeing the ghost and yes they saw your monkeys they saw your cat but it wasn't just cute little animals that the children saw they saw ghost monkeys they saw ghost monkeys yeah I don't know if anyone tried to kick them They saw your cat, but it wasn't just cute little animals that the children saw. They saw ghost monkeys? They saw ghost monkeys, yeah. I don't know if anyone tried to kick them. I don't have that information.

Yes, that's not fair. On one occasion, one of the little girls came to Mrs Davidson and said, excuse me, I'm going to attempt creepy Victorian Geordie girl voice now. Looking forward to it. There is a lady sitting on the bed in Mama's bedroom. She has eye holes, but no eyes. Ooh. And she looked so hard at me.

Yeah. How do you like them eye holes? That is very scary. She had eye holes, but no eyes. I can't really do it down that corridor. It's just becoming general old-timey guy. Oh, that's like that picture, you know, the picture of the monk by the altar? Mm-, you know the picture of the monk by the altar?

Mm-hmm. That spooky picture of the monk by the altar that's in all the books. Yes. Look, sounds like that. That wasn't the only time she appeared.

On one occasion, a little girl told Mrs. Davidson that on the previous night a lady had come out of the wall and looked into the glass. She had something tied over her head. She had eye holes, but no eyes.

Oh, that has got me. Alistair, you know what? If it were possible for her to stand on end. Please don't kick me, James. I'm real. I'm real. I am luminous. I'm the size of the sheep. James, it wasn't just children who saw the woman with no eyes.

Stead describes what he calls the last apparition. On this occasion, the mill was working night and day when the engine man, on going into the engine house at midnight, saw the eyeless woman sitting there. At midnight, with a wild scream,

he flung himself out of the window into the gut, plunged through the mud and water to the opposite side, and never stopped until he reached home at Shields, some three miles off. Blimey. Swam all the way to South Shields. And he jumped in

the gut. He jumped straight into the gut. Which we all know is a terrible river. It's a rubbish river. Ugh, sluggish. When that guy describes a babbling brook, he's having a pop. Giving it all that, never shuts up. So that's

some of the ghosts from the mill, but it's not quite the end of the story. What? Mmm. Allow me to introduce you to a clairvoyant by the name of Jane. Claire who? And her name's Jane? What? She's called Jane, and she's married to a Durham miner, the city, or county county of Durham this time.

The Platonet? The Platonet County itself? Yeah, the Platonet County of Durham, yes. Jane was a clairvoyant. Clairvoyant? Clairvoyant. Clairvoyant. Which means she could see, Claire.

And she could be mesmerised to travel to places she had never been and describe them. So in an attempt to solve the mystery of the mill, Eleanor Sidgwick, whose husband was Professor Sidgwick before, you know, the desk jockey. Yeah. Eleanor Sidgwick, Mrs. Fraser and Dr. F of the SPR. Oh, no.

Dr. F is abbreviated. Don't know why. Well, I think we all know why they used to abbreviate words in old books, especially ones that began with F. Okay, yeah. Dr. Dr. Dr.

Of the SPR. Mesmerised, Jane. I just feel that would be a bit off-putting if, like, we're meeting him. Jane, welcome. Sit down. This is Eleanor Sidgputting if, like, we're meeting him. Jane, welcome. Sit down. This is Eleanor Sidgwick and Mrs Fraser, and I'm Dr. Fuck. Of the Society for Psychical Research.

They're very same. So they mesmerised Jane. And, yeah, yeah, she had visions of dogs, of rabbits of rabbits of monkeys of a woman who was just like a devil but most terrifyingly she had visions of a man when asked if it could be a living man at the mill now jane said i'm probably going to do the same creepy child's voice here because this is really spooky stuff i've been watching a lot of Twin Peaks and this has got real Black Lodge vibes. Oh no. Could it be a living man at the mill, she was asked.

She said, no, it is a vision. He has no brains in his head. He looks very fierce. His eyes flash like a tomcat's, like a tiger's. He has a white dress on like a surplus. Oh, how angry he is. He is so indignant at being disturbed. He does not want the gentleman to find out what he is there for. It is the man who makes the noises in the house.

He goes stamping about. We did not like the woman, but the man is far worse. Oh, how angry he is. What a commotion there is in the cellar. They have not made the hole large enough. It's not close enough to the wall. They must make a wide, deep hole close to the wall and they should take down the wall.

That's what she said. Blimey, heck. Are you frightened, James? Yeah, I was actually quite frightened. It's quite scary, yeah. So, based on that,

they started excavations in the cellar. Is that as in they're going to put a hole in? They dug a hole and, well, it depends on who you believe. According to Mr Proctor, they dug a hole in the cellar and they found nothing. Mm.

But. What about Dr F**k? He was getting his medallion polished. But. Gosh, this is really scary. It's made me really scary, this bit. And the introduction of Dr. F has made it hard to take the spookiness seriously. No, but that's the thing. He's the cat scare that makes the real scare even more scarier.

A true horror film would have... And then carrots. The triple jump scare. God, right. So what? Yeah, they dug the hole. They dug the hole near the wall. Well, maybe not. Maybe it wasn't near enough in the wall.

Maybe it wasn't deep enough. Because Mr. Proctor claims that they found nothing. But local gossip always asserted that when the men dug down to a certain depth, they came upon a huge stone or slab beneath which they believe the mystery lay. At that point, however, Mr. Proctor saw said Willington rumour interfered, saying that to remove the stone would endanger the foundations of the mill, and so the mystery remains unsolved to this day. What was underneath that stone, James?

Oh dear, I don't know. A mysterious slab. It's so folkloric. Yeah. Oh, that is really... They haven't dug deep enough, James. That's what Jane said. They'd have to go... Oh God, there, that's well scary. Yeah. I promise you three impossibilities. That's just two. Ah. One last semi-impossibility.

Yeah. Stead was a truculent sort of fellow. He fell out with a lot of people. What the Stead? Including the Society for Psychical Research. Yeah. Mm. I think he thought they were too mean to the spirits when they came through.

Because I don't think he liked the way they interrogated them, sort of, and asked them questions and tried to test whether they were telling the truth. It's that classic ghost hunter thing. Yeah, just be a ghost, you know. Finder. Fancier. In Edith K. Harper's book, Stead the Man, from 1918, she describes a scene in 1909 in a speech which he delivered to the members of the Cosmos Club, Chandos Street.

Is that how that's pronounced? Or is it Chandos like Nando's? I think it's, I don't know. I can't, it can't be Chandos like Nando's. It can't be like Nando's, can it? Predates it, right? Chandos Street, West Central. In describing what he felt to be the barriers

interposed by the Society for Psychical Research against communication from the beyond, he drew a graphic imaginary picture of himself, shipwrecked and drowning in the sea and calling frantically for help. Suppose that instead of throwing me a rope, the rescuers should shout back, Who are you?

What is your name? I am Stead. W.T. Stead. I'm drowning here in the sea. Throw me the rope. Be quick. But instead of throwing me the rope, they continue to shout back, How do we know you're Stead?

Where were you born? Tell us the name of your grandmother. Well, that is pretty typical of the help, it's in inverted commas, the help given by the SBR to the friends who were trying to make us hear them from the other side. That's a real good point. Yeah. What the stead, actually. And hey, James, do you remember I told you that he died on the 15th of April, 1912?

Yeah. Does that date ring any bells, James? It's quite a famous date. The listeners are going to be shouting. Some of the listeners are going to know that day. the archduke franz ferdinand what a twist that would be no that's the wrong date from that uh 15th of april 1912 it's a pretty big one you might call it titanic oh oh oh i can't work it out wait a minute he drew a picture himself drowning in the sea he described himself drowning in the sea saying and i quote i am stead wt stead i am drowning here in the sea

and the 15th of april 1912 the google search has come to come through now that was the sinking of the tatamic that's right wt stead the crusading reformer, spiritualist, journalist, and challenger of mainstream media views. Yeah. Died on the Titanic. Wow. Yeah, I know. What the Stead?

I was surprised. Yeah. I mean, obviously, a load of people died on the Titanic, but I'd never sort of heard of anyone that wasn't to do... wasn't either, like, the captain or... Doing an Irish jig. Yes, or... yeah. Those were the main occupations on the Titanic.

Leonardo DiCaprio. Yeah, of the people that died. Or playing music. Yeah, yeah, the people on the fiddle and the squeeze box. What the stead. What a story. That was amazing. That was genuinely quite scary.

Yeah, they've got some real scary moments in there as well. The lady in The Others as well. Sort of a cross between that monk in that picture from the Osborne Book of Ghosts and the little old lady in The Others. The Ozzy Osborne Book of Ghosts. The Ozzy Osborne Book of Ghosts, yes. No point. We don't need to even do a riff, basically.

Just imagine it yourself. Yeah, that's the best. It's not necessary. We don't have to do all the work here. No, that's... We've said the Ozzy Osbourne Book of Ghosts. Now it's up to you to imagine how humorous that might be. We've done a whole episode here, so that's enough.

James, would you like to score this episode yes yes i would the tale of wt stead and the coal house ghost would you like to lay some scores upon it big time yes definitely what you're starting with i'm gonna start with because because you had a little bit of fun Got a little bit cheeky with it. Mm. Names. Naming. That's the... Even as much as I mocked them, they were good. They were good. Willington Gut. Jimmy Durham. What the Stead.

What the Stead. Clairvoyant. I may have become confused at a point. Proctor and Unthank. Unthank's a good name. Unthank, yeah. You've got Olive Howe. Olive Howe?

Eleanor Sidgwick, husband of Professor Sidgwick of the SPR. The president of the SPR, I should say. Mm-hmm. Doctor. Miss Puss the Cat. Yeah. Robert Davidson. Yeah, it's five out of five.

There were a lot of names. A lot of names and a lot of great names. Even if some of them sounded like they were made up for you looking at an atlas we didn't even do eddie peas eddie peas or huey dewey and louie i'll take the five take it i'll take it and i'll bet i'll bury it deep beneath a mill too deep oh that's yeah it's it's real it's got real sometimes my arms bend backwards okay my next category yeah supernatural oh i mean off the scale off the scale if you just had animal ghosts yeah there's loads you'd have at least four we've got your monkeys your cats your dogs you'd have five yeah that's just for animals yeah dog rabbit cat sheep although it's not that sheep could have just been passing by

yeah we didn't actually test the solidity of the sheep yeah and really scary ghosts yeah i i put like the the animals in as like fun light relief but then there's some really scary ghosts on the other side of that scale the lady with eye holes but no she's like the devil she's got no brains in her head they both they both had no brains in their head i didn't tell you but she also hadn't i was saving the phrase they hadn't he has no brains in his head because i wanted to scare you i suppose you could tell with her because of the old, yeah. And that, ooh, I'm getting shivers. I'm getting actual shivers.

That's actually... Yeah, it's a five. Dr. F's catchphrase. I'm getting shivers. I'm getting actual shivers. Is it five again? Yeah, that's got to be a five. Okay, all right.

I wasn't expecting it to go so well. Category the third. Don't look for it. It's not there. Oh. So there is the three animals as they passed. They all vanished. The three animals, yes.

The three animals, they vanished, didn't they? The lady's eyes. Don't look for them. Because they're not there. Don't look for the brains. The marks, the dog's marks on the foot of the man who was bitten by a spectral hound. They're not there.

The original Darlington station, that's gone as well. That's, yeah. Don't try and look for what the second station is. It's fruitless Google search. It's just not information that you can find out, really. Don't look for a list of stations in chronological order. That's a dream. That is but a dream.

Alistair, it's another five. I can't argue against it. Ah, okay. I'm getting really nervous now. And considering there was so much stuff there as well, it's amazing that you managed to score so high on things that aren't there. Yes! It is amazing amazing isn't it

i'm really really nervous now i don't know if i've ever been in this situation i'm right riding high on three fives i think if you've had a you've had a full house before it might have been it might have been lockdown fever during the laissez-faire days of uh lockdown all right final category what the doctor f lockdown. All right. Final category. What the Dr. F? Because that has been your reaction to almost every new revelation as I've laid upon you. Sensational story upon sensational story. What the, what the flipping flip.

These are real ghost. These are really spooky. It's got to be a five. I can't not give a five if Dr. F's getting involved. No, Dr. F's given, but five points in this case. Dr. F for five? Yeah, it turned out it was five all along. Congratulations.

Thank you. And the secret was setting something up at the start that I paid off at the end. I've discovered. That's the secret of, it's like doing a stand-up show. Just do a joke at the end that reminds them of something at the start. And everyone's like, what? Structure?

I love structure. I've got a memory. I love noticing things I've seen before. I didn't realise it would work. I mean, we're, what, about 19 years into doing this podcast. A bit late for me to realise that's a good way of structuring a story, but it worked well. What was the structure?

Just because I told you at the start that he was born on the 15th of April. So I just dropped that there as a little clue, and then I brought it back right at the end. But the fact that you didn't remember... I forgot that bit. It's ruined it, frankly, for me. Oh. Those fires are bitter to me now.

I mean, I don't want to give you notes, but I'm going to. If you'd have said he died on the 15th of April, 1912, and he was pretty chill. You'd be like, ooh. It'd be like a riddle. You think that would have been enough? A little call forward, like your thing about the noise rabbits make.

Yes, yes, exactly. Seriously, listener, please just bear with us until you hear the live episode where that joke is set up. You're going to love it. Four fives James unheard of apart from that it may have happened

before and I just can't remember genuinely my spine actually was tingled this gilet slash hoodie with rolled up sleeves

is rubbish do you know how listeners can get a load of bonus stuff from that episode Alistair what yeah

can they yeah if you go to patreon.com forward slash lawmen pod you can sign up and you can get bonus episodes you can join patreon.com forward slash lawmen pod you can sign up and you can get bonus episodes you can join the law folk discord and chat with other

like-minded law folk it's gonna be great I'm gonna be really offended if my attempt to do Dan Aykroyd's voice ends up in the bonus but on the other hand what a treat

if it does maybe some of it will and thanks to Joe for editing cheers Joe Maybe some of it will. And thanks to Joe for editing. Cheers, Joe. I've got Dan Aykroyd's dad's book. He's a ghost guy, isn't he? Yeah. Dad Aykroyd, I think he's called. Dad Aykroyd i think he's called dad akroyd