Loremen Podcast - Xmas Pig with Bethan Briggs-Miller!

Episode Date: December 23, 2023

It's the second day of the Five Pigs of Xmas. James is joined by Bethan from the Eerie Essex podcast for a few Xmas pigs in a blanket (of folklore). Grab a sausage roll (vegan, of course) and enjoy these hamtastic tales! Join us for access to the Lorefolk Discord and exclusive bonus episodes at patreon.com/loremenpod

Law Folk, we've got Bethan Briggs-Miller of Spectre of the Sea podcast and Eerie Essex podcast. Two excellent supernatural podcasts. Would you class yourself as a supernatural podcast? Yeah, in general weirdness. General weirdness. Yeah, anything that makes you go... Oh, yeah. Fair enough.

Like a bite of a lime. Yeah, like it makes you go The bear The bear The bear Oh The Mets If you're from the 90s Which I know I am

Oh the Mets advert Well The judder man The judder man It was him From What's it called Mighty Boosh

Was it Yeah do you remember The early Mets advert Where it was Hi I'm a freelance scientist That was Yeah Julian Barrett From Mighty Boosh.

Oh my God, it was as well. This was technically known as a judder. I'm also a massive fan of the show. So I am fangirling so much right now. To be a law person and actually sit and think about the 90s and misremember things. Yeah. You could do it from the comfort of your own home,

but today you're doing it not live because this is a recorded medium. We're very, very happy to have you on, Bethan. Thanks very much. Thank you for asking. And of course, Christmas pig to you. Christmas pig to you too. Happy Southernalia. Very nice. And also Christmas pig to everyone that celebrates. And those that don't actually, you're just going to get one deserve a christmas pig too yeah the blooming pc brigade hasn't got to us yet the woke punch yeah the anti christmas pig woke brigade yeah ruin it for everyone else yes but i think you've got a bunch of horse-eyeing tales for us as it is the the run-up to christmas pig also i'm not going to explain why it's Christmas

Pig, listener. You're going to have to do your own research on that or I might do it in the outro. If you don't know by now, there's no hope. Basically, at this time of year, our thoughts turn to the porcine folklore, our piggy friends. I mean, there's loads of pig folklore at Christmas, so it's quite natural that we would turn our thoughts. To the pigs, to the stye. Our minds are in the stye. Oh. You've kind of snuffled around, you could say.

I have. And found a bunch of stories in the rotting vegetation that is the world or books. The law of the land. Yeah. There were some good offerings. Yeah. What'd you find? Well, I found some good ones. I found the one I know you particularly like this one. Okay. Let's kick off with the spider in the chimney. The spider in the chimney. Neither of those things are pigs.

How are we going to get a pig in here? Let's find out. You've got to hold on and wait now, James, because you know, there will be pig. You've just got to wait. Okay. Okay. I got this story. It's a story I knew anyway because we've discussed it on Eerie Essex, but I found a book that went into more detail with this one, and this was in Essex Ghosts by James Wentworth Day, who could tell a tale.

He almost Tolkien-esque. JWD? JWD. He knew how to spin a yarn. Nice. So, as I said, this is about a spider in the chimney. And in a village called Stock, there's an inn called The Bear. So there was a little character, and he was known locally as the spider.

And he was a little ostler who used to groom the horses. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Is this a human? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is a human. This isn't an actual spider. So this is a little fella. Well, no, I don't even know what an ostler is.

An ostler, to me, sounds like a large rodent. No, that would have been even more fun. How many animals can cram into this story? What is an ostler? An ostler is someone who takes care of the horses like an inn. Oh, okay. That's what it says on there. Right.

They ostle, ostle the horses. And I'm going to guess he was called the spider because he could groom loads of horses at the same time it was like he had eight arms. No. Okay, fine then. But we'll get to why he was called spider soon. Did he poo silk?

He did. Okay, sorry, spoiler alert. No, spoiler alert, he pooed silk. No. So as well as like looking after the horses and making sure that they were fed and what have you, and sleeping in the stable loft, he'd come into the pub and he would have some party tricks. And one of the party tricks was the landlord said, if you can down this pint

without taking a breath, you'll get your next one free. And I think his record was 14 pints. Without a breath? I don't think he did the whole 14. I think each one he drank without a breath. And then when he got to the 14th, he, yeah. I'll be all right. Actually, thanks. That's all right. Yeah, I'm done.

Did someone hold his nose, I guess? I'm just trying to think of the logistics of how you'd prove or disprove. Oh, the sort of like the rules around it. Whilst chugging. Right, I hope someone did. Otherwise, I'd have been a very easy 14th pint. But that wasn't the only trick he did. So he also used to take one of his pints and climb up the chimney.

Hence, spider. That's the thing spiders are most famous for, being in chimneys, necking beers. If you ever miss your pint, that's where it's gone. So he used to go up there and he would, there's a little shelf inside this fireplace. And he would sit there with his pint and often not want to come down because it was cozy up there. And, you know, it was cold outside. If you're cold, they're cold. Bring them in.

Spiders. So they used to shove a bunch of straw up the chimney and set fire to it to smoke him out. We'll get to why they used to do this later. Because there's a twist in this tale. A twisted tale. Do you see what I did there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The puns are starting. That's good. That's good. out we'll get to why they used to do this later because there's a twist in this tale a twisted tale do you see what i did there yeah yeah yeah the puns are starting that's good that's good and then sometimes um even that wouldn't do it and there was one christmas eve where he was so full of beer he wouldn't even budge for the straw smoke so they rammed a bunch of sticks up the

chimney and set fire to them and that actually knocked knocked him out. Oh, I was going to say. And he died of smoke inhalation. I thought it might have been like the next one would have been bricks. It had a real sort of Big Bad Wolf vibe. They started with straw. It really did, didn't it? Especially with the... Moved on to burning sticks. Next one, they're going to put some briquettes,

maybe a charcoal briquette. I mean, you know, Christmas Eve, that's Santa's entrance. And they're playing with fire here, literally and figuratively. Both literally and figuratively, yes. One go. So he was up there and he passed out from smoke inhalation and died, as you do. Very easily done. Fire kills in millets.

Fire kills in millets, I said, which is, is millets still a going concern? I think it is. I think it's fire kills in minutes, smoke in seconds was the old adverb, wasn't it? Fire kills in Millet's. Back when they did scary adverbs. Smoke kills in mountain warehouse. No, I mean, this is just... But they left him up there, didn't they?

They couldn't figure out how to get him down. You know what they need? They put a spider up a chimney. They need to put a bird up the chimney to catch the spider. But probably the bird would get stuck. So they're going to send a cat up, presumably, to catch the... Anyway, he did die.

Long and short of it. Perhaps he died. He died in his little cubbyhole. And when they were doing some refurbishments in years later, they did try to see if they could get what was left of him down, but... Oh, he was still there.

James, he's still there. Now what? Yes. Surely that stunk. They couldn't game down without bringing down the chimney stack. So they just bricked up that section. So he's still up there. Genuinely? Genuinely.

And as you asked, what has this got to do with pigs? Did they get to the point where they put the bird up, then the cat, then the dog, and then forgot the rhyme and stick a pig up there? No. They stuck a pig up there. No, they didn't do that no but the little shelf that he used to like to sit in was the bacon smoker oh so yeah that's i forgot that he was still there it's quite sad but i do like the nursery rhyme aspects that you got the big

bad wolf factor and then you've got ticks all the box the old lady that swallowed that spider perhaps she'll die i've got even more animals for you in this. Oh, wow. If you want more animals, I've got some more. Oh, yeah. JWD went and spoke to some of the people in the pub who knew him or remembered him. And they said, I've got to do a Norfolk accent, no, a Suffolk accent. He was sharp as a fox and as cunning as a wagon load of weasels.

Oh, nice. Sharp and cunning. That is both sharp and cunning. And they said, I reckon he's still there. And there he stops and we don't want to lose him. So it's become sort of like

an emblem of the pub. And customers still say they see him dodging about. And I love this. He has shrunk since he's become a ghost. It's also got a Gremlins vibe as well, hasn't it? The Christmas and the stuck up the chimney.

Do you think he was dressed as Santee? I know, he's got everything. Yeah, the text is very rich. It's very rich. It's rich, this text. Wow, that was great. Thank you. I know you like that story.

Would you like more pigs? Yes, please. More pigs at a faster rate. Okay, okay. So these are spectral pigs. These are actual pigs now, not just bacon fodder. These are actual ghosts of pigs.

This is from Haunted East Anglia from Joan Forman. Oh, I know her well. I have a Joan Forman. I think I have one of those counties around there. I think you've got Haunted East Anglia because we talked about how the front cover had this weird, creepy, spectral figure on it.

Yes, and Neath the Weeping Willow. That's it. Yes, lovely stuff. Classic. A classic of the genre. So again, this is Christmas-based. Lovely. It's a Christmas pig.

It's Christmas pigs, plural. Nice. So hold on to your socks. A litter of Christmas pigs. So on a Christmas morning, a local man was walking from Cawthorpe to the pub in Leghorn Village. As he drew level with the plantation

gateway, he heard the sound of footsteps approaching, feeling sociable. He slowed down to enable the men to catch up with him, thinking to have a pleasant conversation. The steps came nearer, drew level, and then passed him, but there was no person to be seen. Immediately followed a herd of pigs!

They dashed past him and forced him off the road. What? So there was no person to be seen. Immediately followed a herd of pigs. They dashed past him and forced him off the road. So there were some ghost presumably humans and then some bonus pigs. Bonus pigs, yeah. Wow. Ghost humans and then pretty hefty pigs. When he regained balance though to look around, there were no pigs in sight

so they were ghost pigs too. Or vanishing pigs. Either one is special. When he got to the pub he told his friend who far from laughing cried just stopped and asked about the spot all he said was hi and then went on to tell the story when he was ditching there a lady in a car stopped and asked about that spot and she said there was a stone nearby to commemorate a murder i'm trying to guess whether it was by pigs or of pigs but carry on well you may be onto something here so hang on sometime in the 1800s a drover had taken his stock to louth market and come back with a herd of pigs he'd bought and a pocket full of money from the sale of his own stock oh wow he's flipping what was he what's a drover do past tenths of drive i imagine he's with a herd of pigs he'd bought and a pocket full of money from the sale of his own stock. Oh, wow.

He's flipping... What's a drover do? Past tense of drive. I imagine. He's flipping livestock. But somebody was lying waiting in the gateway. The gateway where our guy had seen the ghost pigs

and jumped out on him and cut his throat. Whoa. Oh, no. Yeah, it's got dark. Yeah. And the pigs witnessed all this, I guess,

and that's going to be quite harrowing. And that's why they haunt the place still, trying to search for their drover. Or the drover's murderer. Maybe they're ghost slash invisible pig detectives. Oh, I'd watch that. Yeah, even if they haven't made up their mind in the pilot, and it's still just ghost or vanishing pig

detectives. So this stone. Yes. Don't go and look for it. It's not there. Perfect. Well, proof if proof be need be. I know. It was taken away during the Second World War where they widened the road. Probably quite nearby, they just shifted it. So there is the stone. Still

don't go and look for it because we don't know where. I just nicked your tagline there. No, it's good. It is stolen in itself, don't worry. It's a reference that no one knows. Do you want to hear about some Welsh pigs throwing shade? Yes. So this is an amazing book.

If you ever want to know about Welsh folklore, it's by someone called Elias Owen. It's actually just an essay, but it's a book. It's that thick. Quite thick. Again, this is a podcast you can't see. It is a good shot worth. And it's amazing.

It goes through everything about Welsh folklore. He covers the section on pigs. Yes. Lucky for us. So there was a man called William Davis who wanted to get home from his journeys in England before the end of the harvest. So he decided he was going to try and get home as quick as he can. But he was running late, which meant that he had to travel on a Sunday.

Now back in day... Oh, no, no, no. Yeah. That gets you turned into stone. Mm-hmm. He said he dreaded meeting anyone on his way to... anyone who was on their way to chapel, and he felt guilty with every step.

Well, by Sunday evening, he had reached Flanvihangelkryden, where he was known, and so he determined to wait until they were all in mass good idea well he got to the village okay but when he got to a barley field he suddenly found himself surrounded by a large number of pigs oh no the most pious of all the farmyard animals the pig the way they just like jumped at him they were waiting from lying in wait. Imagine they've got cigarettes hanging out in their mouth and just idly playing with little flick knives in their trotters.

Yeah, it looks like you're... Like clicking. Looks like you're missing mass, Mr... What's he called? Mr. Davis. Mr. Davis. Run along to church now, pretty boy. Is exactly how it went down.

No, really? Well, no, they came up to him, stared at him, grunted, and then walked away. To be honest, I've seen pigs. That's standard pig. M-O. Is it standard pig? Well, then it went on and he met. Oh, no.

Judging pigs. Judgy pigs. More judgy pigs. No, gets worse. Judging mice. This is like a reverse Swallow the Spider. Judgy pigs. More judgy pigs. No, it gets worse. Judging mice. This is like a reverse Swallowed a Spider. Oh, yeah. And even more, a tutting dog.

The worst of all dogs. Yeah. And then your favourite kind of animal. Another pig? A dolphin? A tiger? I don't think you'd meet a dolphin in Wales. A monkey in a field.

You'd say my favourite animal. I'm just running through my... They sort of sound... It could sound like a very quick number of tuts, wouldn't it? It could, yeah. Maybe that's what dolphins are doing, just tutting at us all the time. And we're like, oh, look, they're playing. That little grin on their faces. Don't trust them. Yeah, it's not a grin. It's a grimace. Wait a minute. So a dog did it as well. A dog. Now there used to be that sort of myth

that dogs can't look up. I think that was put about by the TV show Spaced. I do believe it was Shaun of the Dead. Was it Shaun of the Dead? Mm-hmm.

Ah. And I tried it with my dog. They can look up. Yeah. And it turns out they can also look down on you. Oh, yes. And tut. Mm. But the next animal you're going to with my dog they can look up yeah and it turns out they can also look down on you oh yes and tut

but the next animal you're gonna absolutely love this a headless horse oh of course a headless horse what happened there of course of course a headless horse it's a headless course of course wow yeah i don't know how a headless horse would like look disapproving. I imagine it might just like paw at him or turn around and like, you know, really like swish his tail sort of like in a. Yeah, I can't really. How do you throw shade if you haven't got a head? I mean, anything you're doing is it's tinged. It's got an edge to it if you're a headless horse.

Yeah. Yeah. It's very difficult to read emotions on anything I'd say that's tinged. It's got an edge to it if you're a headless horse. Yeah. Yeah, it's very difficult to read emotions on anything, I'd say, that's headless. You can assume terror and pain, at the very least a sense of ennui. Do you know what? You said it was like the reverse of the nursery rhyme.

Reverse your nursery rhyme. What's the last person he would meet? The old woman. Yes! He met an old woman who had a mouth full of spiders. Terrifying she was. I assume she had because she was sitting on the wall to the boundary to his house. So he was that close to home and he met the old woman.

Apparently the headless horse. He was like, eh, but an old woman. He just like collapsed. Through shame. Did he die of shame? He didn't die. Oh, thank goodness. But he did faint of shame. like incapacitated by shame i

think he's found by his parents um who were just like you what instead of like they hadn't seen their son for months and they were like you came here on a sunday i did have another one but then you you went and like dashed all my hopes because apparently you've spoken about it before which one's this this is the ball head ceremony oh in oxford yes yep go on let's remind everyone it's christmas pig everyone you like a story that you've heard before at christmas pig well yeah i mean yeah we like you know you tell the same stories every year that's part of it isn't it you listen to your granddad or your grandma telling the same story that they've told you a thousand times but it's still good and it's not just because you don't go back and listen to old episodes this is from a dictionary of british

folk customs by christ in a hole it's christina hole so there's this tradition that's actually carried out across britain um it's since the middle ages a boar's head would be paraded and decorated and garlanded with like high ceremony and then brought into a hall of feasting to the sound of trumpets and singing and poems and a general palaver. I think it still takes place even today. I mean, when Christina, or Christ in a Hole, Christina Hole wrote this book, it was still being done at Queen's College, Oxford.

And in the 19th century, most students stayed at the college as winter journey home was too dangerous. So they just stayed over, you know, and they decided, you know, if they're staying here for Christmas, let's make a bit of a thing of it. And, you know, nothing says Christmas like cutting off a pig's head and bringing it inside, apparently. So, again, just like it is everywhere else, it's brought to the high table while stopping every so often to sing a verse from the boar's head carol by, and I love this name, Wynkin de Word. Oh, yes. Wynkin de Word.

Yes. I remember that. So he wrote, like, sort of customs and songs around Britain and it was printed in 1521. So it was like the now hits of 15, now 1521.

Now that's what I call folk hymns. That's what I call a boar's head. Volume nine. The reason they do it in Queen's College, apart from entertaining homesick students, was supposed to commemorate. And now this bit I know you spoke about, was it with Cantrell?

I think it may have been, or it might have been on the Cuthbert Shields episode, the return of Cuthbert Shields. Because I think he might have been at Queen's College. Ah, so that's why. Right. We'll talk about it again. Oh, yeah.

So this was supposed to commemorate a scholar from the college who had met a wild boar on the heights of Shartover. And being unarmed, apart from a book, a copy of Aristotle, he just went up to the pig and shoved it down his throat, crying, swallow this if you can. Cool. As you do. Yeah.

And the boar replied, I'm going to just guess how it says. And died. Wow. That was a good, that was believable. Oh, yeah. I bet you thought you were there. I thought I was murdering a boar with a book. But I don't know what it said.

I didn't quite understand that. Oh, that was Grichem S. And it means it is Greek. So this pig doesn't like Greek food? Like it's all Greek to me or something. It's all Greek to me. Yeah, he does like foreign muck. One of them.

Very picky pig. I mean, to die is a bit over the top, but you know. Yeah, that's a bit much even old davis didn't die when a strange lady scared him shamed him just fainted well this actually all i mean to bring essex in you know as i am one half of erie essex and it also took place in horn church but christina says it was a bit more boisterous oh the boar's head ceremony or the murder of a boar with a book? There is a murder of a boar

because how they did it. Well, I mean, if there's a boar's head at some point, the boar would have been murdered. Yes. I doubt it's not still alive. The existence of the head implies a body and it being attached. Well, they don't know what happened to the body.

I assume they cooked it. You'd hope so. Well, on Christmas Day afternoon, the head would be paraded on a pitchfork. You know, like getting to see the tall guys going this way yes yes except they don't you know they do it with umbrellas not not boar's heads on a pitchfork no not anymore so they'd parade it to a millfield near the church and then people would wrestle for it oh i mean that's how much people liked a boar's head is it the pearl or something like a bit inside the cheek that's meant to be the most delicious part of a pig or something i think so but my my knowledge of that comes off like uh silence the lambs oh really that's where most of my knowledge comes from

horror films if it's most of your cookery that's a bad thing oh yeah no not most of my cookery just random facts okay good your cooking tips don't come from noted cannibal. Well, the winner and their friends would then take the boar's head to the inn and feast on it. At least everything got used, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's nice. But imagine after being on a pitchfork for a while. I mean, it's Christmas and it'd be cold, but you know, it might be a bit musty by the time you get it there. I think so. And presumably whoever's at the very least worked up a sweat,

if not got covered in mud and they're going to be doing things. They're going to be messing around with it. Yes. It's not exactly going to be in a nice state by the time you get to the pub. I'm no vegan or vegetarian, but I, I'm not a fan of eating the face of things. That's a really good merch idea.

I don't want to eat the face of a thing. Not a fan of the face of things. That's a really good merch idea. I don't want to eat the face of a thing. Not a fan of the face of things. Well, yeah. Well, this origin goes back even further, apparently. And I found online somewhere, I think actually, this is so embarrassing. I think I found this on Wikipedia. That's absolutely fine. Is it?

Okay. So this person who ever put this on Wikipedia said it was initiated in all probability by the Anglo-Saxons. So it? Okay. So this person who ever put this on Wikipedia said it was initiated in all probability by the Anglo-Saxons so it goes back that far in the Norse tradition

sacrifice carried the intent of imploring Freya to show favour to the new year so the boar's head with an apple in the mouth was carried to the

banquet hall on gold and silver dish the sounds of trumpets and sounds of minstrels. And then they would inevitably fight. Inevitably fight over it it yeah i mean it still happens a lot around i mean there's a boar's head ceremony in london every year you know of all like the list of thing christmas things to do in london it probably won't make that list but there is a ceremony which takes

place in early december very early on in the lord mayor's office. Oh, right. And then it goes from the Worshipful Company of Butchers to the Hall in Bartholomew Close by a cheap side. And yeah, it's a big thing. I mean, I've got pictures. I'll send them to you. You can do what you will with them. When's the next one? I was going to say it's December tomorrow, James.

Should we go to the Boarhead Ceremony? Yeah, when is it? I don't know. Have a look. Tickets. It's offering tickets. Boar's Head Ceremony, Yeah, when is it? I don't know. Have a look. Tickets. It's offering tickets. Boar's Head Ceremony, London, 2023.

And lunch. February. Whoa. What? The Boar's Head in 2022 looks very 70s. It does. It's a papier-mâché one

because of health and safety. Yeah? No, it's got like kiwis and oranges and apples on a stick sticking out the ears. Is it redhead with like all white dots? Oh, you've got another picture.

It's worse than that, sir. The tusk looks like it's made of marzipan or something. They've got the apple in the mouth. I think that's real, but they've sort of decorated. Oh, the one I'm looking at is definitely not real. Yeah, the one that they've got outside is like a toy, like a weird child's toy. But then there's another one and it's sort of surrounded by cress.

And then it's got, they've made an eye out of what looks like some marzipan and an olive or grape. It's gross. Like, I think there's radishes on there as well. There's radish and kiwi right next to each other. I think these butchers know their meat. But not their fruit and veg. Ooh. How much do you reckon

a ticket is? £25. Triple it and add VAT. Ooh, what is it? £70 plus VAT per person. I want the whole head for that. Yeah, yeah.

Looking at it, you don't. All that remains is for me to say thank you very much Beth and Briggs Miller. Where can people hear more of your stuff? Presumably less pig-based?

I don't actually think we've spoken about any pigs. Oh no, I did. I spoke about pigs on the road episode. I think possibly in the episode you were in when you came on on January. It was very animal-y. It was animal-y, I think, yeah. It was my mum's favourite episode. Really?

Yes. Wowzers. How come? Because of all the animals? She's a big fan of the animals. She's a big fan of the animals, yeah. And you made her laugh. Oh, oops. What are the podcasts then? It's Eerie Essex podcast, and you can find that on all usual places, sort of like iTunes, Amazon Music, Spotify. And I do Eerie Essex with Elsa Clarke, who's my bestie. And I do Spectre of the Sea

with Owen Staten, who has got the most amazing voice in the world. It puts us all to shame. So that's an audio drama that follows the folklore of the Welsh coastline. So we go along the Welsh coast in a story of itself, but tell stories on the way. Oh, very nice. It's immersive and it's soundscape so you feel like you're with us very nice oh that's that sounds delightful thank you hon now this is going to sound like a backwards insult but that i think would very much appeal to the snore folk because that sounds like something you would want to properly close

your eyes and listen to when you're nice and calm in a dark it has got a sort of like meditative like sort of well-being sort of edge to it so we we talk you through owen especially talks you through some relaxing um relaxation techniques that's it relaxing relaxation techniques yeah relaxing relaxation techniques yeah and uh yeah so you sort of like you after the episode if you've not fallen asleep to halfway, you feel like you've done

a really nice fart, you know. And a little bit sleepy. Nice. Well, thank you very much, Bethan. No,

I'm such a big Norman fan. So to be on here is like, I'm so excited. Wonderful deputy and Christmas pig one and all.

Thank you. Christmas pig to you too and to one and all.