Lovett or Leave It - Outwit, Outplay, Out First

Episode Date: September 21, 2024

The tribe has spoken, and they’re loving this week’s Lovett or Leave It! Kamala Harris (Allison Reese) stops by once again to fight fire with fire, with some shocking-if-true rumors about JD Vance. Guy Branum and Uzo Aduba cast their vote on Lovett’s Survivor performance, and we spin the The Runt Wheel, in honor to our adorable lord and savioress, Moo Deng, the viral baby hippo.For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast.Tour dates & cities: crooked.com/events

Hello, Los Angeles. Welcome to Love It or Leave It. The tribe is smoking. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to demonstrate my balance. Something I did not have the opportunity to demonstrate on the islands of Fiji. Welcome to the show. You might recognize me as Survivor star, John Lennon. And while you might've hated to see me go,

I'm sure you'd love to watch me leave. All right. This week, first of all, just so I understand for my planning purposes and subject to change, how many people here saw Survivor? Woo! Woo! Okay.

Only watched for you! You only watched for you. You only watch for me? Okay. This week Kamala Harris returns to spread some disgusting rumors about the Republican Party. Sadly, they might just be true. Later, Uzo Aduba and Guy Branum will watch me on Last Night Survivor and honestly review my performance.

And we'll close it out with a spin of the Runch Wheel in star of this week's real star, Moodang, the baby pygmy hippo I and everyone on the internet is obsessed with. Bet the Godda Tribe would have kept Moodang around. Sweet, sweet Moodang. Not a threat to anybody. Just brings joy wherever that little creature goes. But first, let's get into it. What a week. At a rally on Tuesday, Sarah Huckabee Sanders kicked things off by attacking Vice President

Harris for not having biological children. So my kids keep me humble. Unfortunately, Kamala Harris doesn't have anything keeping her humble. Disgusting. It's just ridiculous. You don't have to have children to stay humble. You can also go on survivor. That's also what Republican politics has become saying Kamala Harris is name wrong on purpose while insulting her for not having biological children. Oh, is Kamala Harris not showing you Sarah hookabay Sanders, enough gratitude and humility?

That's how it's pronounced, right? Hukabaya? You're not getting enough humble pie from fucking Kamala Harris? I'm like, your candidate? How many kids does Trump have to have before the humility kicks in? Once Donald Trump took the stage,

he was ready to deliver his pitch perfect message about the economy. What the hell does COVID mean to China virus? And a lot of people think they did that because they were not happy with me as president. In the immortal words of Carly Simon, you're so vain, you probably think this once in a generation global pandemic is about you. Trump talked about President Biden calling him after the second assassination attempt.

President Biden called me yesterday. It was very nice. We had a very nice conversation. I appreciated that he called about, you know, what happened the other day. And he says, he's committed. He's committed. Ha, of course, Trump supporters are baffled by a polite phone call between people who can't

stand each other they haven't heard from their own children in years. Trump also shouted out Vice President Harris for calling him as well. And today, a little while ago, I got a very nice call from Kamala. No. It was very nice. It was very nice. It was very nice. It's it's it was very, very nice. And we appreciate that.

But we have to take back our country. We have to win. We're going to win and we're going to make America great again. That's all there is to it. Trump is a pretty simple guy. Just check in on him. Some friends you can see once a year and you pick up right where you left off, Trump is a check-in friend.

He will never reach out to you, but he appreciates the call. Kamala should call Trump every morning. The only problem is his advisors would stop putting her through because he's basically madly in love with any person who is nice to him for about an hour after. Speaking of people Trump is madly in love with, Melania Trump's press tour for her forthcoming memoir rolls on. The former first lady posted a video titled, Why Do I Stand Proudly Behind My Nude Modeling Work?

Said Melania, It's because if I stood in front of my nude modeling work, you wouldn't be able to see my bazangas. You know what? Melania should stand proudly behind her nude modeling work. Nude modeling is not the shameful portion of Melania Trump's life. But let's find out why together. Why do I stand proudly behind my nude modeling work? The more pressing question is, why has the media chosen to scrutinize my celebration of the human forum in a fashion photo shoot? Are we no longer able to appreciate the

beauty of the human body? She has a point. I'm sick of the double standard where Doug Emhoff can do nude modeling work and nobody bats an eye. Did I miss something? Has the media been talking about this lately? Feels like she brought it up, you know? Like why has the media chosen to scrutinize my perfect SAT scores? Are we no longer able to appreciate a student who excels in both verbal and math? Don't worry, there's more. Throughout history, master artists have revered the human shape, evoking profound emotions and admiration.

We should honor our bodies and embrace the timeless tradition of using art as a powerful means of self-expression. Sure. No amount of nudity could be as offensive as this freshman compass writing throughout history. Get out of here. Since the dawn of time, man has longed to see a boob. Speaking of boobs.

America's Goblin Rudy Giuliani opened for Trump at a rally in Uniondale, New York on this message for would be assassins. Go ahead and laugh but this is word for word what Giuliani screamed at the sky after 9-11. You know what? There hasn't been a 9-11 since. You couldn't find your way to a chair at the Republican National Convention. If he wasn't one of the world's biggest pricks, it'd be sad. Then, when Donald Trump took the stage, he made a bold promise. It hasn't been done for a long time, but we are going to win New York. Start spreading the booze.

After the rally, Donald Trump brod out with the crypto crowd using Bitcoin to buy a round gathered at Pubkey, Manhattan's unofficial cryptocurrency bar. Sick of going out in New York City and meeting gorgeous, interesting single people? Try Pubkey, Manhattan's unofficial cryptocurrency bar. Here's Trump handing out crypto burgers. This is a crypto burger. No, it's a bitcoin burger. Actually, name them.

Name a bitcoin and a crypto. They're like regular burgers, the crypto burgers, but instead of beef, they're made of Sam Bankman Fried. Earlier this week, Trump touted World Liberty Financial, the new crypto venture founded by Eric and Don Jr. Trump told the crowd it was Barron who encouraged him to embrace crypto, saying this. Barron's a young guy, but he knows he talks about his wallet. He's got four wallets or something.

And I'm saying, what is a wallet? Donald Trump has made it very clear he has absolutely no idea what cryptocurrency is. Here he is just a few weeks ago. Have a good time with your Bitcoin and your crypto and everything else that you're playing with. But the beauty of Donald Trump is he knows a scam when he sees one. Game recognizes game. Cryptocurrency and Donald Trump were made to go together. Look, could I be wrong? Of course.

I just have this feeling there's gonna be indictments related to the Trump family venture into cryptocurrency. I don't know why, I don't know how, I have no evidence to support this whatsoever. I have a feeling. Speaking of game, recognizing game. When pressed for evidence that immigrants are stealing Ohio pets for food, Jingo Dingo Vance's spokesperson gave the Wall Street Journal a police report

filed by Springfield woman Anna Kilgore, who alleged local Haitian immigrants might have stolen her cat, Miss Sassy. Oh, so now Vance is standing up for childless cat ladies? However, when the Wall Street Journal followed up with Kilgore, she admitted she eventually found Miss Sassy alive in her own basement. That's always the thing with cats.

Every day it's like, has she been stolen and eaten by Haitian immigrants, or is she under the couch? Then the interview took a turn when Kilgore shouted, wait, where's my phone? Have you seen it? Oh my God, the Haitians ate my phone. Probably in some kind of voodoo curry.

Oh, nevermind, it's in my hand. I'm talking to you on it right now. Meanwhile, Jellicle Dad Vance absolved himself of any responsibility for the spate of bomb threats in Springfield and blamed the media for reporting on them. And you know what the governor of Ohio came out yesterday and said? Every single one of those bomb threats was a hoax and all of those bomb threats came from foreign countries. So the American media for three days has been lying and saying that Donald Trump and I are inciting bomb threats

when in reality the American media has been laundering foreign disinformation. It is disgusting. And every single one of them owes the residents of Springfield an apology. Reporting on a bomb threat isn't disinformation just because a bomb didn't go off. The bomb threats happened and are newsworthy. Oh, you say you got a bunch of death threats because of something insane I said, and yet you're still alive? I'm ready for my apology.

Also, and this is an aside, hey man, at least pretend to be a human being. When bomb threats turn out to be a hoax, that's the part of the speech where you sound relieved. Not furious. All these fucking bomb threats, they're hoaxes. Thank God. That's the best case scenario for bomb threats. The latest anti-immigration news cycle really represents the fundamental change between Trump's first run for president and his third.

Every Republican is a conspiracist now and every liberal podcast host is hot. I don't make the rules. Prior to, yeah, prior to Trump's first term, there was at least some Republicans who could and would stand up to him. Now we're left with Republicans who don't even know how to stand. Photo of Robert Sanders and Donald Trump. The January six hearings were essentially interviews with Republicans still willing to refuse Trump's unconstitutional demands. Now those Republicans might as well be in a museum.

The most annoying museum in the world. Just suburban middle-aged moderates coming in to take pictures with wax statues of Adam Kinziger and Liz Cheney. A VR setup where you get tag teamed by the Vindman brothers. Tag teamed in a hearing, you freaks. Now those Republicans are gone or they have abandoned their integrity, reformatting themselves to fit the Trump-shaped mold all conservatives must cram themselves inside. And there's a distinctly unfuckable shape to that mold. So we've got Republicans spreading baseless conspiracies about Haitian immigrants, election

fraud, ABC News, sneaking the questions to Kamala, and social media is not only a vector for conspiracy theories, one major platform is now owned by a conspiracy theorist. Sarah Palin, running for office on 2024 Twitter, would have been a completely different person, the most monstrous possible version of herself. Instead, she was just quaintly awful in a way that no longer really exists, like a racist lawn jockey. Speaking of someone who would say, oh, jeez,

if a kid saw a racist lawn jockey and would do his best to explain it in a way that's age appropriate, but also appreciative of how much children can actually understand if you give them the chance, Tim Walz spoke at a rally in Asheville, North Carolina this week. In his speech, Walz pointed out the obvious reason the GOP is spreading lies about immigrants, because their policies are wildly unpopular. Here he is. They asked him if maybe it was an accident and he didn't mean it. No, he said, I admit it.

I'm willing to create stories to spread fear to drum up support for us. Ooh. The reason you do that is, is because if you told what you really stood for, no one would vote for you. Ooh. It's not just about the awful eyes they're talking about,

it's about the terrible policies they're afraid to talk about. You don't pull the fire alarm at a restaurant when you want your date to get to know the real you. You pull the fire alarm at a restaurant because you were trying to impress your date in order to see food tower and then you saw the price and sweat it through your clothes and then when you were in the bathroom freshening up you zipped your fly over a big chunk of your shirt and now you're completely out of options.

Speaking of self-sabotage, the head of the Teamsters said Wednesday that the union won't endorse a presidential candidate, the first time they haven't endorsed the Democratic ticket since 1996. They've worked seven elections in a row. Read the contract. They're on a break. You want to tell them they're not? You can fucking try.

And I just want to say for the record as a traveling tour show, we love the teamsters. We support the teamsters. Speaking of trying, our patients. Senate Republicans blocked an IVF bill supported by Democrats for a second time in three months Tuesday, to which Senator Tom Cotton offered this. IVF is not at risk in any state. And the Alabama example proves the point. The legislature acted promptly to change what was an old law to ensure access to...

Because of Supreme Court decision. That happens all the time. That imperiled access to IVF. Courts make decisions. What? What an embarrassing moment for Tom Cotton, probably the most humiliated anyone's been on television this week. John Dullinger Vance missed the vote, but did have time to complain about the bill at his Rally Tuesday saying this of Democrats.

They shoved through a vote today knowing it would have no chance of passing because they wanted to be able to say, We support IVF and the other guys don't. Yeah, you got it. Weird to have you say it's like that, but yeah, that's it. That was easy. We got him. And then on Thursday morning, rumors began spreading that a major outlet was about to drop a damaging story about Mark Robinson, North Carolina's sitting Lieutenant Governor,

and the Republican candidate for governor himself. And the story was rumored to be bad enough that Robinson canceled two events and Republicans in the state were pressuring him to withdraw from the race. That story was hard to imagine in light of all the damning news that we had already learned about Robinson.

Babe, something damning is about to come out about the Holocaust denier nostalgic for when women couldn't vote, who castigates gay and trans people for their filthy lifestyles while reportedly going to a porno booth five nights a week. What could the story be? Well CNN finally published their report detailing online chats in which Robinson talks about liking transgender porn, peeping in a woman's locker room when he was 14, and wanting to own slaves.

If a Republican can't run for office because he's misogynist, racist, and sexually objectifying of trans people, I don't know what the GOP is going to do. Lisa Murkowski is going to have to be eight senators and four governors at this point. In comments on the message board of this porn website, Robinson referred to himself as a black Nazi and wrote, slavery is not bad. Some people need to be slaves. I wish they would bring it, slavery, back. I would certainly buy a few. Again, these are comments on a pornography website.

I go to the comment section of pornography sites for peace. Mr. Robinson for harmony. To goon with my brothers and sisters of all colors and creeds across this great nation of ours. How dare you, sir? How dare you? Keep your politics out of the nude Africa message boards. What do you think this is? Facebook? Read the room you're masturbating in. Speaking of beating, if you'd like to beat Mark Robinson and help make sure that we

win in North Carolina, a state that is in play, part of the reason Republicans are starting to clamor for this guy to step down is because he's hurting them in North Carolina both up and down the ballot. That gives us a chance. We can win in North Carolina. This guy is still on the ballot, right? Republicans love this guy. The only sin for these people is the fact that somebody might lose. That's the only sin that for these Republicans now, and there's a real

chance that this guy can lose. There's also a real chance that he can win. So please go to vote save America dot com slash vote to sign up now. We are past National Voter Registration Day. We have less than seven weeks until the election. If you haven't signed up and most of you listening haven't, please do me a favor and sign up. What a place for that kind of a discourse. The comment section of a porn website. It's a lot of politics. of a porn website. It's a lot of politics.

I don't appreciate the comments really in any forum, but that forum, it's never the place but it's not the time. Also, sir, this is a porn website. This is a place to get in and get out. To drive through, my friend. It's not a Michelin restaurant. I've brought a book. What?

An eight-year-old girl in Bedford, Ohio stole her family's midsize SUV and went on a joy ride to Target on Sunday, a crime known as Granddaughter Theft Auto. She was found in the store nearly two hours later after successfully getting herself a drink from Starbucks. Weird that they served her, even though she had driven an SUV through the front door, but it's pumpkin spice season, so anything goes.

The police department wrote in a Facebook post, this is real, this is a real post, they said they finally found someone who quote, is in more of a hurry to shop at Target than my wife. So just so we're clear, the entire police department of Bedford, Ohio shares one wife. Little girls drives a car into a mailbox into a Target and you're like, women be shopping.

That's crazy. That's just not appropriate. A zoo in Thailand is begging attendees to stop harassing and throwing water at Moo Dang, their baby pygmy hippo, after she went viral globally on social media. Hey, leave her alone. She's not a flight attendant. And finally, shoppers in a Northern California Costco were surprised and delighted to find

Michelle Obama there promoting her new healthy beverage, Plezzy Fizz. Said the shoppers, I didn't even realize you could be back here without a membership. When there's a crowd on the floor at Costco, it's one of two situations. An adult man is boxing out a group of people waiting for a rotisserie chicken, or the former first lady has clogged an aisle

promoting her new health soda. Shoppers were somewhat less surprised to see Hillary Clinton since she was just there to buy a hot dog for the third time that day. Something lost? The White House. Something gained? Hot dog time. Plesi fizzes, of course. Italian for please. Take a piss.

Sure the soda's good. I'm sure the soda's good. All right. Up next, Kamala Harris is here to take down the Republican Party, and she is not kidding around. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. And we're back! In effort to distract from their various unpopular policies, Republicans have spent the last two weeks spreading vile, dangerous, untrue rumors about Haitian migrants in Ohio, eating local pets. They know these claims are baseless, but they're doubled and tripled down anyway, and Springfield

has been inundated with bomb threats as a result. With liars as cruel and reckless as these, fact-checking and debunking only gets you so far. At a certain point, you have to go for the jugular. Here to do that tonight in a segment we're calling Rumor Has It, it's Vice President Kamala Harris. Who the heck is it? Oh, wow. Madam Vice, Madam Vice, Madam Vice President,

it's great to see you again. Well, well, well, if it isn't survivors, John Lovett. Did you watch? No. Of course not. Of course not. You could. You're incredibly busy.

Yeah. You know, last night was actually pretty quiet. You know, Doug and I were just hanging out. We watched Made in Manhattan. Jennifer Lopez, heard of her? Oh, yeah. I mean, okay. I mean, that sounds like you could have watched it.

And Doug was like, babe, you want to watch the new season of Survivor? I think John Lovitz is on it. You know, from the Wedding Singer. Yeah, yeah. No, I know who John Lovitz is. And then I corrected him. And I was like, and then he was Yeah, yeah, no, I know who John, I've obviously, no. And then I corrected him, and I was like, and then he was like, oh, nevermind then.

We can just jump into the segment now. John, the right wing lie about Haitian immigrants eating cats and dogs is unconscionable. I, for one, have had enough. It is time for these creeps that they got a taste of their own medicine. And that's exactly what they'll get. Tonight, we're starting the kind of false, nasty,

conspiratorial rumors that the ghouls on the right would spread about themselves if they were us. You get what I'm saying? You get what I'm saying? All right. I get it. Yeah, we get it. All right.

Madam Vice President, take it away. America, did you know I have it on good authority from a number of concerned citizens on Nextdoor. Great, perfect start. The good people of Nextdoor say they have inside information that Donald Trump and JD Vance want to poison the national food supply and expose your children to deadly foodborne illnesses. I've heard from reliable, okay, anonymous sources that just thinking about a multi-state listeria outbreak gets them rock hard. Oh, well, Madam Vice President...

Rock hard. Oh, sorry, was that too far? I mean, I don't know about the rock hard part, but the rest of that is basically true. Trump's 2018 budget proposed cutting food safety funding for the FDA by $117 million. His EPA Administrator, Scott Pruitt, reversed a ban on a pesticide linked to brain damage in children and weakened school nutrition standards. And Project 2025 calls for a regulatory rule box that would increase the risk of food contamination and make outbreaks harder to trace. Look it up, dear listener.

So yeah, maybe this is some kind of kink. Not sure how else to explain it. Damn, you're right. You know, I really thought I was of kink. Not sure how else to explain it. Damn, you're right. You know, I really thought I was making that up. It's OK. It's OK. You'll find one.

You'll find one. Let's try again. OK. America, did you know they're saying over on Pinterest that Donald Trump was hypnotized by big oil executives at a Bacnalian Coke orgy and will do anything they command up to and including sucking their big oily dicks.

I'm gonna stop you right there. No, I'm sorry for saying big oily dicks, John. That was off-brand. No, no. For sure, but the big oily dicks are fine. It's just aside from the hypnosis and the fallatio, you're kind of just describing reality again. Girl, what?

Yeah, so Trump gave big oil 25 billion in tax breaks in his first term. At a Mar-a-Lago dinner earlier this year, he straight up told more than 20 oil executives that he would shred the Biden administration's environmental regulations and block any new ones if they gave his re-election campaign $1 billion. No, this is impossible, John. I'm pulling the wildest conspiracy nonsense I can think of straight out of my beautiful ass. And it's all just the truth. How am I supposed to start a vicious viral rumor, okay, about a bunch of freaks who are doing all of it for real?

Hey, come on. Madam Vice President, you've got this. You've risen to every challenge so far. America. Mm. Did you know Republican elected officials are walking around murdering adorable puppies with guns? Kristi, no. Fuck. All right, I'll with guns. Christy, no.

Fuck. All right, I'll do one. All right. All right. Take it away, Island Boy. America. They're saying on the Subaru app that the GOP wants to kill your beautiful wife. Abortion bans, John.

You're right. This is impossible. Fuck it. Should we just say they're lizard people wearing human suits? Have you seen R.F.K. Junior recently? Well, I refuse. All right, well, I give up. I'll just stick to telling the disgusting, God-forsaken truth, I guess.

Hey, we gave it our best shot. It's Vice President Kamala Harris, everybody. You know, they're saying on Goodreads that Donald Trump eats corn on the cob vertically. Oh my goodness. Oh no. Yeah, I did it. She did it everybody. Vice President Kamala Harris, go to vote safe in America dot com slash vote to double check your registration. Everybody needs to double check their registration. All right. Tell your friends to use it to double check

their registration and then sign up. Has anyone here not signed up? Be honest. You can be honest, it's dark. One person fell right in the trap. You shouldn't have been honest. When we come back, Uzo Aduba and Guy Branum weigh in on my new found reality TV stardom.

Will they vote me off the podcast? Find out on Survivor. And we're back. I don't know if you guys saw, but I was on Survivor. Here to help roast my sandy ass to my sunburned face, please welcome to the stage the hilarious Guy Branum and the incredible Uzo Uduba. Come on in.

Hi, thank you for being here. Oh my, oh you brought, you brought the Emmy. Emmy award winning. Oh, I'm so sorry, I forgot that I had this in my hands. It just... Uzo, you won an Emmy, didn't you? I did. Wow.

What was it for? It was for a guest actor in a comedy. Oh, John, you'll be up for that this season because you were in less than four episodes of a season and it was hilarious. Is that a fucking loophole? I'm going to get my, I'm going to get, I'm going to get the crooked lawyers on that. All right, let's get right into it.

I'm going to show you several clips from last night's Survivor from here, which is also my last episode of Survivor You're gonna rate my performance in a segment we're calling the tribe has misspoken All right in the first clip I introduced myself to my teammates and find out if we have any fans on the island. I started a podcast called Pod Save America. Hi, Harun. What's the name? Well, have any of you listened to it? I haven't listened to it. I haven't. How many?

Maybe. I feel like your podcast is huge, right? You're right. That's super cool. John grabbed Andy and took him away, and I'm like, okay. And they're great vibes, but I'm just saying, I just think, you know, we just have that. We don't need to try. I love it.

You know what I mean? Did you talk a lot about your pop-tits? No. No, Uzo Aduba. I talked about it one time and they put it in. We were together all the fucking time. You really never break off. And it was a moment where it was like, that's one little flash of time before everybody was doing tasks. And it was like, we were all breaking off to do things.

And it just sort of, I went in so, like truly never wanting to be not in the big group. And that was maybe one moment, one moment. All right, next clip. I'm old. I'm not old. I'm old. I'm old.

Wait, I want to know that reference. Do you know that one? Okay. I'm not bad at it. Oh a vine. I love vines. Wait, how would you all know that reference? Do you know that one? Okay. I'm not bad at it. Oh my God, I was just wondering. No, I love vine. I remember vine was awesome. Vine was dirty when vine was popping.

That's right. I was still a young person. Looking at my tribe, I'm realizing I'm not getting to know a group of people. I'm getting to know a group of young people. Being 41 years old, okay, so I'm old now. I'm 41 years old. Okay, so I'm old now. That is rough.

That is rough to show up to Survivor imagining yourself twink, twink adjacent. Realizing, no wait, I'm supposed to be the cop on this season? Uzo. I'm the dad. You are a Real Housewives person. Love. Do you, are you,

Thank you. Do you feel any similarities between the Real Housewives universe to the Survivor universe? Yes, the only difference is you can't get voted off. Oh, that seems right for me. Well, no, there's, Andy can vote you off. Well, and has. And has.

Yes, yeah. Guy, where are you with reality TV right now? Oh, I'm watching a lot of Alone. Alone is an amazing program where they drop nine men and one woman in the Canadian wilderness, and they survive with only 10 items and their wits. And then in the 10th episode, somebody carves their children's name into their shelter, and you realize, uh-oh,

he probably has very strong feelings about immigrants. Because the names are like Thor and Freya and stuff like that, you know? Um, let's roll the next clip. Yeah. I'm on the bottom. and stuff like that, you know? Let's roll the next clip. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm on the bottom. I see it in their eyes when they don't, I crack open a coconut and they didn't cheer for me. They cheered for John. And they, And they, They don't like me. I don't think.

My best friend out here is John. And as they were finishing the puzzle, I was thinking I was gonna throw him under the bus to try to stay. You're so unimpressed by your best friend. Did you realize that Andy was reality show gold before that moment? Yeah. It was, you know, you say,

hey, what if I went on Survivor? And then the next thing you know, you're pushing a rowboat up the sand of a beach filled with incredibly heavy objects. You're winded, you're exhausted, you've lost. And then the person you're playing with has an implosion in front of everyone. And you literally like you've watched basically all of Survivor. You've never seen this happen before. I like you've watched it.

I can't think of a moment like this. No, I mean, the thing is, if Andy had been voted off this episode, him whining about people not being impressed that he opened a coconut would still go down in Survivor lore. Like, it was amazing and iconic, and I have never seen anybody, like, gestalt meta

throw someone under the bus like that. Your head snapped. Yeah, because it was so wild. It was amazing. Yes, it is a sort of like in my reverie, I imagine doing something bad and now I'm doing it. That was so strange. It feels like a lifetime ago. This, you all saw this yesterday. This was for me months ago. Do you know what it's like to put on your calendar, like in May, that in, or like in June, that in September, there's going to be a night where people make fun of you? Like you've never done that. I want you, I texted John, who amongst us has not been drawn into a cute bisexual's

instability? cute bisexual's instability. Oh my god. The... Happens to the best of us. How far do you think you'd make it on Survivor? I would not to the rowing the boat up the sand. I know that. Not that part. Do you at this point think it is a well constructed game, John? Yes. point think it is a well constructed game, John? Yes, I look, I think, I think that I paid the price for what makes the modern seasons more interesting,

which is shot in the dark, beware advantages, small tribes. You know, you never feel comfortable and you never feel safe. And the challenge I faced that, so there's something called shot in the dark, which means that if you think you're gonna be voted out, you can play your shot in the dark, which means you give up your vote, but you have a one in six, basically a roll of the dice

to whether or not you'll be safe. So basically, if you really think you're screwed, you do your shot in the dark and you got a one in six chance of staying. What that means is in the old era, people would just be like, guy, we're sorry, but we're voting you the fuck out of here. And you'd be like, damn, and then you'd go

and it would be uneventful. Now they look at you and they're like, we're voting for Uzo, but they're not. And so everybody is telling me they're voting for Andy. No. And this was a circumstance, I truly hadn't considered this, I really didn't. Which is, it's one thing to knock on somebody's door

and say, hi, we're here to try to get a vote for Kamala Harris. And they're like, well, we're supporting Trump. You can have a conversation. But what if they're supporting Trump, but tell you it's Kamala. You're like, I think you should vote for Kamala. Well, I am. Oh, and then what?

No, but I mean, really. So that was a really interesting challenge that I hadn't expected. Did you believe it? No, not even for a second. Not even for a second. Not even for a second. Who was the guy who called himself a wolf in wolf's clothing? Sam.

Were you as turned on when he said it as I was? I think that Sam and was her name Annika? Annika. Sam and Annika were both alphas. And I think that when you started strategizing far too well, far too quickly, when you started strategizing far too well, far too quickly, when you started strategizing, I think both of them were like, there can't be three of us here.

No, well, what's interesting is they don't. That's interesting that that's what you get from this, because in one of the ways the edit is very fair, but they actually couldn't show that, like, really, I had built a very good relationship with Annika in the first day. The reason that the vote kind of turned to her was in part because her name had been thrown out for complicated and boring reasons. But if Andy hadn't melted down or if we hadn't lost, there was a natural thing happening where I, Annika and I were talking Annika would pull in Rachel, I'd pull in Andy and we had a four. That was the direction

I thought we were heading and why I wasn't as maybe as nervous. I wasn't, it wasn't until Andy implodes that for a couple reasons that path closed. I mean, and the, the edit gives you none of that because while watching it, I was just like, why is John not girlfriending the girls? And because what I said I would do is I would be working on it. So, so I was, I was, I was in a good stead with Annika and I was in good stead with Annika, and I was in good stead with Annika,

and then Andy kind of had pulled me, and this is like, we're talking about one or two conversations, very soft, very early relationships, but basically I thought, oh, this is the natural four. It wasn't until watching the episode that I realized how much Andy had alienated Rachel. Yeah. And so once Andy alienates Rachel,

you have not seen any of this. No, but let me tell you, I'm super in because I watched the first season of Survivor when it, I know, I watched the first season. I did too. I watched like religiously, we had a family that we could not watch it, and my best friend Crowley, we could not watch an episode and my best friend Crowley, we could not watch an episode

without every single person being present. So I'm clear on the rules of the game and the world. So I am, like, diving in so fascinated. Here's my question, though. So after the vote, what happened with you and Andy? Like, did you genuinely, were you like, he's like my bestie, but are you like, whatever? There's a moment in there, I have no ill will

towards anybody in the game, because it's just a game, and if anyone takes it too seriously while you're in the game, I think you've lost the plot. This is a competition, anybody, anything is fair game, who cares, but there's a moment where I think Andy's like, like where he says he's bi. And you can see in my face, I'm like, okay. And it was like what Rachel said I think was kind of true,

which is like, you just feel someone coming on a little bit strong, but it's like, he wants to work together, great. But I was really trying to have something with Andy, something with Annika, something with Rachel. That felt like the path for me, not realizing that the Rachel, Andy thing was happening. Because having a somewhat unstable, goofy person

is a good solid strategy. Many people have had that person there to sort of like take the arrows, take the attacks on their behalf. It like, he was, I think I understood why they kept him around, even though he was clearly a weakness to the team. I just think it wasn't that complicated in the end,

which is Sam was very strong in the challenge. We would need him for the next challenge. Sam was tight with Sierra. Annika and Rachel were kind of in the middle. Sam and I were on the other side. Andy breaks down because Rachel was down on Andy and I would either have to pull in Andy or pull in Sierra and this is getting too much. Uh, I'll just say, let me say it faster. By the time we got, once we got off the mat, what Andy had done, whether inadvertently or,

or on purpose was basically say, I'm no longer a threat. And John continues to be one, right? He just sort of went prostrate. He just like laid himself out in front of the whole entire season. And so from that point forward, it's like, of course, he's, you know, bring him on. Bring him along. Uzo, do you think there was some Real Housewives wine-throwing strategy that John could have done as a Hail Mary? You mean like, let's talk about the husband? Yes. Yes. Yes.

I think the great Sandra Diaz Twine once overturned a bucket of fish to upset attention. I think it might have been a time to shit in the rice, John. You should have considered shitting in the rice. I want to address that point, but before we do, Uzo, so Uzo, you just wrote a memoir about your mother. The Road is Good. And I presume it was mostly about this reality TV. It fully centers the entire book. What would your Real Housewives tagline be?

And can you relate it to the book? And can I relate it to the book? You don't need Nigerian pepper for all this spice. I like that. I like that. Well Uzo, we have to let you go. You have to go. Yeah. I'm so sorry that we had such a brief time together. Oh no, but this was amazing. I love- congratulations. Oh yeah, that's what's the word. Yeah. It was so lovely to meet you. Thank you for being here. Congrats on the book. Thank you so much.

Thank you. The book is, The Road is Good. The Road is Good. All right. And it is good. Thank you. Uzo Aduba, thank you so much. Guy's going to stick around.

Goodbye. Watch out for the Emmy. Guy, can we pick this up and put this on a table? Emmys are so pointy. They are pointy. They are. Look at that beautiful Emmy. Oh, man. I don't know.

It's harder for me to get. An immunity idol or a fucking Emmy? I'm sorry to be second guessing you. It's just, it's how you watch the game. No, no, of course. And we'll edit it out. So it's fine. No, I, uh, let's roll one more clip.

Right now it's either me or Andy, or I can try to vote on it. If I'm going to be on this show for one episode, one glorious and perfect episode, I'd rather go out swinging and and and making some kind of a move rather than just hoping for the best. I don't want to hope for the best. I want to try to figure something out. I look good there. You look. You. That's the truth. You look real fucking good.

You've got to name the episode. You look real fucking good. You got to name the episode. I know, I know. And what's funny is Travis, friend of the show, texted me when he saw the episode title and said, I know you. I know what happened now. Oh wow. Because he saw one perfect and glorious episode

and he thought, well I know who said that and that's not a good sign. It's beautiful to be known. It is beautiful to be known. It's beautiful to be known. It is beautiful to be known. It is beautiful to be known. And then sometimes beautiful to not be known, to never have been known.

Like one thing people wanna know is, why did I wear Todd Snyder knits? Sean, let's be fair. This is not a show for stars, okay? Some people shine so bright that everyone notices them. And that's not what you're supposed to do on Survivor. Is that what you're supposed to do on Traders? It is what you're supposed to do on the Traders.

Watch this space. Hey guy, you won an Emmy. I won an Emmy. Thank you. Hey guy, you won an Emmy. I won an Emmy. Thank you. Along with like 10 other people who worked on Hacks, but still. Great night for Hacks. A great night for Hacks.

It was a great night for comedy. It was a great night for Hacks. It was a great night for friend of the show Travis. Yes, it was a good night for friend of the show Travis. I talked to Jodie Foster, Ricky Martin, and I got quality time with Connie Britton. I drunk, I drunk said, you know, I never watched the football show. To which she replied, to which she replied, why it's the best one. And I was like, good for you Connie Britton. Oh and political news, I asked Ricky Martin, are you gonna be

governor of Puerto Rico one day? And he said, fuck yeah. What a night. What a night. It's TV's biggest night. Do you think it was worth it, me going on Survivor? I'm stunned that you took a month off of work for what could have been done on like a summer Friday hack day. No.

This was a, this was a source of, I would say discussion today with John and Tommy. No, I think it is very beautiful because you have had some success in your life and it would be very easy for you to insulate yourself from challenging experiences that push you out of your comfort zone. You got pushed out of, like you, you went and you did this thing. Essentially, other than, like, a really, really bad MRSA, the worst thing that could have happened happens. And it's fun and awesome. Like, I am so proud of you.

And also, usually, they come back and they can never eat coconut again because they had to eat coconut for 30 days. Not me. You probably didn't eat that much coconut. No. I'm just a guy that missed three dinners. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Can we retitle the episode? I think that is a better episode. That is funny. What was, okay, no, here's the real question. What was your time in the Ponderosa lake? So this is interesting.

So okay, so all joking aside, I really tried. So you talk about having a difficult experience. Part of what was interesting to me about it was the competition, but also like the fact that like I am so I put a lot of insecurity into how I look, into how I seem. And so I and you know, I get to host this show and I had a lot of control over what I sound like. There's parts of it. I can't control my talent level, but, but, but like I do the best control the infinite. That's right. Thank you. Beautiful. But I really like, and like some things I just let go, even though on some level I kind of wish I didn't because I like, I want everything to be

exactly how it looks. And I'm really sensitive about how I look physically, just my physical appearance. I have a lot of anxiety tied up in looks. And I'm really sensitive about how I look physically, just my physical appearance. I have a lot of anxiety tied up in that. And there was something about seating over control. Like I could not, I don't think, do some of these challenges just for the physical effort of it. But if you tell me this is gonna be on television,

whether you like it or not, I'll do what is demanded. Like I will have given over myself to this process and I'll have given up the right to edit. Like even when we were in the run up to shooting it, they took pictures of us and I was like, can I see them? And the photographer was like, this is Survivor. Like you don't know what's going on, you don't know what's happening,

it's a really fascinating process. But so I was really trying to enjoy that experience. You hand over your phone and then all of a sudden, you're kind of, like, kind of no longer knowing what's gonna happen next, and I just tried to be at peace with that, like I don't have the ability to connect to the internet, I have the books that I brought, I don't even really know what time it is.

And so, the days leading up to the game are fascinating, you're not really allowed to talk. All these things have been publicly talked about before. And then after the game, you get to this place called Ponderosa and you're in you're like kind of shocked you you try to parsing you're alone kind of going over what happened though. They have really great people there. And then one by one other people have the experience you had two days before and what's really interesting about it is everybody who gets voted off of Survivor or any reality show, myself included, you tell a story of it. That's the truest thing you can get away with that makes you feel as good as you can

feel about the experience without exception. I'm doing that right now. But for the first couple of hours, you haven't done that work yet. You're still surprised. And so you're sitting in this place, and one by one, someone's coming down the stairs, and they're just raw. And they're talking about what they did right,

what they did wrong, how could I have done this, how could I have let this happen, how did this person pull one over on me? I thought I could trust that person. And that experience of being there for every single person who was voted out was one of the most fascinating experiences. I learned more about the show from those moments

than from any viewing of it or even like podcasts about it or information I could gather in the run-up. That was fascinating. Do you, like, having only missed three dinners, do you feel connected? No. in the run-up. That was fascinating. Do you, like, having only missed three dinners, do you feel connected? No, but like, do you feel connected to this community now? Because the people who have been on Survivor are a really interesting community.

They are bonded by a very strange experience. Yes, I mean, look, I am sure, like, I do in part because it's less that I feel like I don't think I would feel like, like, boy, poverty, survivor, we get it. But, but I do know. She went out relatively early on season 13 Cook Islands. Good point, such an important point. But I do, it is sort of like, no, you don't understand

until you've been in it what the experience is like, especially the parts that are never on television, right? The boat rides between challenges, the moments of silence, the time in before and after in Ponderosa. Like those are very memorable experiences. Just the boat ride in, I was like, how is John not terrified? Like, how is John not terrified? There was a moment where I saw the mud. I just like saw the mud. And it's the kind of thing where you just think there's going

to be more time. You think like this is a TV set. So there's going to be a lot of time. And it's just like, all right, mud, let's go. Jeff's hands are up, we're doing this. How can that possibly be? How could it possibly be that it's time to go in the mud? And yet it is, and then you're in the mud,

and then you're out of the mud, and there's a challenge happening around you, and it's all going to be on television. It's so exciting. It's amazing, and you live that, and you gave that to your life and I'm so proud of you. Yeah. And like, I guess like what I, what's funny too is it's like I was dreading, not dreading, dreading is not the word. I was very anxious about the coming

of the state because I didn't know what the episode was going to look like. You don't know. I fell out of a boat. It's not in the episode. Fell right out. Just could have been in there. Isn't. Thank you. So I was really, I knew what was going to happen, but I did not know how I would feel about how I was portrayed. Even though on some level I went in saying, I trust this on some level I trust that, you know, the good you do and the bad you do and the ledger of the edit, you come out, I think, fairly compensated. But then I saw it, and I was reminded of, actually,

how much fun it is. Like, there was one period of time that's not captured in the show, which is I was really trying to have fun and kind of be a little bit self-aware about how strange and unique this experience was, and reminding myself over and over again that like you caught this car. You ran, you, you, you ran full speed across the world to catch this car. You are in Fiji to catch this car. You cannot be like, do not be upset about this experience. And there was like one period

of time, like an hour, where after the immunity challenge, I felt the walls circling, getting closer, and I started getting really like kind of anxious and in my head and kind of panicked about it. And then I kind of like caught it, and I had like one or two conversations that I probably wouldn't be particularly proud of if they were in the episode.

Thankfully there was so much that they couldn't use it. And then I like had a moment where I thought, whew, chill the fuck out. Do not, don't forget that this is 100% optional. Yeah. This is an extracurricular. And that was very helpful. But other than that, it was an absolute blast.

When we come back, the Runt Wheel. Woo! Don't go anywhere. This is Love It or Leave It, and there's more on the way. And we're back. Before we get to The Runt Wheel, if you want to sound smart when you talk to your friends by whipping out a term like cross tabs, tune in to tomorrow's episode of Polar Coaster as Dan Pfeiffer and fan favorite Elijah Cohn dive deep into the latest post-debate polls. They're breaking down both national landscape and key battleground states like Pennsylvania and I guess now Iowa because there's a poll that showed Iowa pretty close.

I think that's a joke. And taking a closer look at the Senate races that could shake things up this cycle, go to Cricut.com slash friends to get access to this exclusive subscription series and more. All right. And everybody, if you are not listening to Stacey Abram's show, Assembly Required, everybody check out Assembly Required. Uh, great episode on tenants' rights this week, so everybody should go check it out.

Please welcome back to the stage to join Guy and me, it's Alison Reese for the first time. Whoa! Hello. Hello. Hello. Was it just the Elsa here? Great. I'll sit next to the Emmy.

Sit next to the Emmy. Wow. It's so pretty. Like everyone. I know. Hi, Allison. Congratulations. Hi.

Like everyone else on the internet, we here at Love It or Leave It are obsessed with Mu Dang, Thailand's adorable celebrity baby pick me hippo. Let's see her. ["Love It or Leave It"] We all love a viral animal, even more so when it's miniature, which got us thinking what other small things deserve some big love? So tonight we're spinning the runt wheel.

We'll spin the wheel and when it lands on one of our adorable faces, we will get one minute to open our hearts to something we love that is literally or figuratively small. Or both, I don't give a shit. Let's spin the wheel. ["The Wheel of Life"] Uh-oh.

And it's landed on Allison. That's not good. I actually think Mudang is disgusting. No! Hot takes! So sorry, I think that is gross. It's gross. I think that and Baby Panda's... I don't know, something about that too phallic for me. I don't get it. Something that's small that I do like is Bjork's voice. Oh, that's good. It is small. Yeah, it's very... Yeah, there's an alien in the television.

It's so small. It's so small. So tiny. Yeah. So small. So good. So small. So small.

So little. Not like that. Not like that. But like that. It's small. But like that. It does, Bjork does have a small voice. It's interesting, right? But then when she sings, it's big.

Right, so what is small about it? Just does feel like it's little. It's very little, it's very, it's small, it's here. Have you opened your television? And inside the television is not static. It's a little man. You know? Yeah, yeah, no. Yeah, and she's pooping.

But then when she sings, it's like, ah! Yeah, but there are no choruses. Okay. Something to think about. Something to think about. Something to chew on. Oh, there are choruses. They're just subtle.

Are there choruses, Guy? I know one Bjork song. It's Oh So Quiet. Me too. It has a chorus. Yeah. That's cool. It was ding dong a lot.

So quiet. Shh. Shh. It's oh so still. Shh. You're all alone. Shh. Shh.

And so peaceful until. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shhh, you're all alone. Shhh, shh, and so peaceful until baa baa baa baa, you fall in love.

Some people are zinging it. Zing boop. I went to a Bjork concert once with an ex and it wasn't for me. And I just was like, I'm sorry, I'm sure this is excellent. It actually reflects poorly on me. This is above me. This is too sophisticated for my taste.

My dad has a really eclectic taste in music and he introduced me to Bjork. And now it's what I show people if I want to know if they can hang with me. Oh. Well I can't. No. That's too bad. The Bjork cat music video? Nobody here knows it? Sorry. We can't be friends. Let's spin it again. It has landed on Guy. Some game shows are big, like Millionaire or, say, Survivor. But my favorite game show on the entire planet is extremely small. It is a BBC2 game show called Only Connect that is so hard it is insufferable. It's just a lady, my favorite person on the planet,

Victoria Coren Mitchell, showing you four things and you have to figure out how they connect. And it's so hard you will only get like one of them the entire episode and like a third of the questions are about British things that you would never understand. And the season just started, and it's so good, and it is a reason to live for the second half of the year. So I would encourage everyone who does not find it frustrating

to be stumped by things to go to YouTube and watch the episodes of Only Connect that have not been pulled down for IP rights violations. Of course. And this is like a game show version of the New York Times game? No, no, no. The New York Times game is a theft of IP

that was then watered down for American audiences. My joke is always that New York Times Connections is like, those were four computer words. And Only Connect is like, those are the nicknames of the Stuart King's mistresses in order of BMI. Like, it's always just how on earth could a person figure that out? But if you figure it out, you're like,

I'm the smartest person on the planet. It's, wait, it's a game about connections, and there's four things, and it is not called Connect Four. No, it's not, because Connect Four is an American board game and only connects as a hilarious reference to the works of E.M. Forster. And the BBC has to be much higher brow than Connect Four. Wow, what a country.

Their talk shows are so much more sophisticated than ours. I didn't tell you the most important thing. Would you like to know what the people on Only Connects are competing for? Yes. Nothing, because it's the BBC. They cannot give any prize. There's no prize. On the Great British Bake Off, it's just like, wow, job well done, righto, great baking,

see you next time. They get flowers and a plate. They get a plate that says way to go. I think they get a plate on all the connectio. Wow, that's, you know what? That's why they lost. Yeah. Right, like they are like, they're are game shows who wants to be a millionaire and

their game show is like, who wants to have a nice time? Who wants to get a handshake from their dad when they get home? Let's spin it again. It has landed on me. Here's something small that I would like to celebrate. The one onion ring in the fries. Praise be to the one onion ring in the fries. Praise to any restaurant or food conveyance that gives into our primal demand, which is not one big thing but as but an infinite supply of everything. That on some level when we go to the Cheesecake Factory, what we want but know for some logistical

and hard to comprehend reasons, we know we can't even ask for what we want. We know that there's no place on earth that can give us what we want, which is, we want one bite of everything on this menu. And we've even had moments, either in the privacy of our mind or among our friends where we say, what about a restaurant where every single thing, you just get one fork of it? We've all had a version of that conversation, like every single thing, but it's really small. It's a la carte. You get, it's like a dollar each,

and you can get anything you want, but it's just one bite of everything. It's like an hors d'oeuvres style restaurant. Now that I say it, I do realize it exists in the form of dim sum. But back to the single onion ring in the bag. No, no, no. Because dim sum requires you to get four of the things.

What you are proposing is dim sum for one. Lonely dim sum. One onion ring in the bag. Oh my God, it's beautiful. Do you eat it right at the beginning? Do you save it to the end? Do you take a bite of it, eat the fries, then finish that onion ring?

Do you wonder how it got there sometimes? Do you wonder if it's an accident? How, how? What's the process? Or is it on purpose? Is it someone doing a little kindness in a broken world for you in this moment? Maybe it doesn't matter.

Maybe it doesn't matter because there was one onion ring in that bag and you in this moment, maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe it doesn't matter because there was one onion ring in that bag and you wanted onion rings, but you knew that you wanted fries more because really what you wanted was one onion ring. And I hope we all get it. I simply hope we all get it. All right, that is the Runt Wheel.

When we come back, we'll end on a high note. And we're back. Here it is, because we all need it, the high note. Hi, Lowly. My high note is that I just beat my personal best time for finishing the Sunday Crossword and the mini and I got the wordle and I hit Queen B and I got Strand's hard mode which is when you find the spangram first and you don't use hints and most thrillingly the Mount Everest of NYT games a perfect connections hard mode which is when you find the categories in reverse order purple to yellow and I did all this while cackling through this week's episode with Jane Fonda. A+. It's just a banner day. Thanks!

Hey, I love it. This is Brittany in Seattle, Washington. And my high note is the love of my life took the big brave leap to leave a job where he had been underappreciated for far too long. The day that this airs will be his first day of freedom and I couldn't be more proud of him and today as I record this is our eight year wedding anniversary. I can't believe this is possible but I feel even more excited for our future together today than I did the day we got married. I love you so much, Perks. There is no one I'd rather be doing life with.

I'm so happy to be entering this next chapter with you. Thanks, we love the pod. Thanks to everybody who's on a high note tonight. If you wanna send us a message about something that made you hopeful, send a voice memo to lowlyhighnotes at gmail.com. One day we'll have a crooked address for that. One day we'll crack that code, but not this day.

I've got a big company now, Gmail. It's fine. And if you're a friend of the pod subscriber, that'll be my high note when we switch this to an official corporate address, a domain I bought when Paul Ryan was around. All right. If you're a friend of the pond subscriber, you can also leave us a message in the Love It or Leave It channel or the High Notes channel. That's our show. Thank you so much to Uzo Aduba, to Alison Reese, to Guy Branum. There are 44 days until the 2024 elections. Have a great night and have a great weekend. Let's love it or leave it. Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer, Chris Lord is our producer, and Kennedy Hill is our associate producer.

Hallie Kiefer is our head writer, Sarah Lazarus and Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, Will Miles and Mahana Del Shiki are our writers. Evan Sutton is our editor, Kyle Seglen and Charlotte Landis provide audio support, Stephen Colon is our audio engineer, and Milo Kim is our videographer. Our theme song is written and performed by Shure Shure. Thanks to our designer, Bernardo Serna, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast.

And to our digital producers, David Tolles, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroote for filming and editing video each week so you can. It's love it or leave it. It's love it or leave it. It's love it or leave it.