Lucy & Sam's Perfect Brains - Ep 10: Summoning Richard

Episode Date: May 31, 2024

Lucy and Sam have been hunting for special podcast guests. Big un's. This episode is full of sordid behind-the-scenes showbiz skerricks that will ENVELOPE you and make you feel like the most important birthday card in the world. Don't drive while you listen to this, it's just tooo INTOXICATING.Recorded and edited by Aniya Das for Plosive.  Artwork by Sam Campbell. Theme music by Paul Williams and Sam Campbell. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you are interested in seeing a live show, you really need to go to our respective and respectable websites. To buy tickets to see one of my performances, I might be coming to somewhere near you. I'm doing a bunch of different dates. It's samcambletour.com. I have a new tour starting in September and for information about tickets, you can go to my website. It's Lucy Beaubon. I can go to my website it's Lucy Beaumont I can't remember the website it's dot co dot UK but if you just google Lucy Beaumont website it'll come up with it okay thank you bye you gotta know your website Boys from above, I'm talking God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit. The word is good, are you ready to hear it?

God always finds you if you're feeling lost. Jesus died for you, he was on a cross. The Holy Spirit is the name of the game. It's Lucy and Sam's perfect brains. One, two, three, four, five, six. Oh, I've got nothing but love for the boys from above. Lucy just ate something as we began recording. So, so.

What, what are you sort of chewing on there if you don't mind me asking? A strawberry. Wow. This could become a tradition, I think. A strawberry at the beginning of each record. Oh, that'd be lovely. Ever seen the really big strawberry? What massive one? Where it's almost like it's two have fused.

Yeah, yeah. I love that. I love it when things like that happen. Love it with the fusion. Oh, totally. Yeah. I love it. If my mum gets a double yoke, she takes a picture and then uploads it on like,

you know, like a drawing app and makes it into like basically like two breasts in a bra. She like draws a bra around, around the like, so the two yokes are the nipples. And she's been doing it, I'd say for about three years. I'll upload the picture so people can see what I mean. Yeah. I mean, she is an inspiration, your mother. I was just in a taxi recently and the guy was, he said, Oh, you're from Australia. I said, yes. He goes, you're like Nicole Kidman.

I go, I mean, who doesn't? And you know, he said, he goes, she's my hero. Oh, she's my hero. Yeah. Quite angelic looking, I think. She's aged very well as well. Yeah, she's got a very gossamer, gossamer wrists. I think she's got very thin, like her wrists could fit through a keyhole. Yeah, and her skin is lovely, isn't it? She's got lovely skin. Oh, she's got fantastic skin. Yeah. I wouldn't mind any of the stuff that sheds from it. Yeah, you wouldn't mind living on it. Things live on skin, don't they?

Yeah. Like tiny, if you were to look under a microscope, there's actually organisms on the skin, isn't there? You would know where on lovely skin, I think, if you were an organism living on Nicole Kidman's skin. Lucy, are you still up in Sheffield? No, no, I'm living on Nicole Kidman's skin flake. Oh, yeah, it's a nice area. Amazing.

God's country. Translucent. You know the Roomba, that little robot that goes around vacuuming? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What if you were so rich that you had two on each shoulder to get all the dandruff? The tiny ones? Yeah, little ones. Oh, oh, that bit, I think that's lovely.

This is already a really cute little episode with the strawberry and the little vacuum, the dandruff. Yeah. I've got an idea for a guest, by the way. Okay. Do you know I used to live with a really little guy called Amman? No. Oh, so he is, he's a comedian. He's quite little, like he has primordial dwarfism.

Oh, I know this guy, comedian. You might know this guy, yeah. Do you know this guy, Amarn? Yeah, we hung out in Edinburgh at the Edinburgh Festival together. We were in a bar, really late, it was like four o'clock in the morning, and we were both drunk. And I was sat on an armchair, and he was sat on the arm of the armchair. And then I basically knocked him over with my elbow, but I didn't realize.

And I thought he'd disappeared, but he'd just fallen. Right. So this guy that you once toppled, I used to live with this guy and he said his friend is coming to visit, who's a bubbleologist. Right. Do you know bubbleology much at all? No. Professional bubble creator. Right. I don't say bubble blower because he uses a wand, a bubble wand to create bubbles.

Wow. Okay. Rather than... Rather than just his mouth or something like that. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, like, have you ever blown the bubble? Oh yeah. Yeah. or something like that. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So you know, like, have you ever blown the bubble?

Oh yeah. Yeah. I've blown a bubble a bit. Yeah. But you're not pro. This guy's pro. Yeah. When you say pro, I mean, you don't study for it though, do you? Oh, I think you do. I think you sort of get your mixture. You get that perfect mixture. Like, oh, his bubbles are lasting. You know. I think his bubbles last for almost a year. But you know, if there was an apocalypse and then there was just a few people left on earth and then they wanted to make a village, to get into the village, you had to say what skill you can do to recreate a new civilization.

I think he's maybe the fourth guy in. what skill you can do to recreate a new civilization. I think he's maybe the fourth guy in. So you get a doctor to treat people's medical needs. You get someone who's tough, a fighter, MMA fighter to fight off other attacking gangs, you need a chef, someone to cook things up, nice little chef. Then what did I say? He's the fifth? Okay. So we need a teacher.

Fourth. Oh, he's fourth. Okay. No, he is the teacher. Everyone in the village, the people are depressed, the kids, they're upset. If only we could see a bubble. Get him in there. Okay.

Sorry, tell me about him. So, Eman, this guy we know, he says, oh, my friend is coming. He's a professional bubble-ologist and we're excited. We want to see the bubbles. This guy is about to do a silence retreat called Vipassana retreat, where you don't talk for a week. Do you know about these retreats? Yeah, I'm going to do one.

They sound amazing. No, are you serious? Yeah, yeah, definitely. Yeah. Wow. What are you going to think about? I don't know, but I do yoga and it's a really good thing to do apparently. Oh, wow.

Let me know what week that is. I don't know if we'll be able to do a podcast. That could be good actually. We should try it. Should we do a silent podcast where we don't talk for the whole time? Yeah. There's a guy, there's a musician called John Cage and he had a song that was just like four minutes of silence and it went to number one, like it became

like a really famous track. I think people started listening to it like, oh, this sucks, this is nothing. And then they're like, keep listening. And they start their own thoughts. They go, oh, I should ring my dad. Well, this is the thing about meditating. I think what stops people is they think they have to not think anything. And in fact, it's absolutely fine for thoughts to come in your head. So do you think that we think of our minds like a boat and that the thoughts are like in control of

the boat, like the captains of the boat, but really they should be, our mind should be a cruise ship and they should just be people who are like tourists. So your thoughts are like linked to basically help you survive, they're quite animalistic, but within there there's a higher being like your soul and sometimes you need to connect to that rather than that sort of brain chatter. And is the soul a thought who that sort of brain chatter. And is the soul a thord who has sort of graduated? You know how there's some ants that have wings? Yeah. Your soul is like that thing that will never go, it'll never go.

It'll just, it'll leave the body and go somewhere else. My soul is going to go to the Latitude Festival. We're at Latitude. Wow. We should do a live podcast. I thought we should do one at Glastonbury. I'm at latitude. Wow, we should do a live podcast. I thought we should do one at Glastonbury. I went last year, I weed in a nappy to Elton John's Yellow Brick Road. Oh, are you into that sort of adult diaper, nappy, are you sort of an adult baby? It was so packed, so I needed the toilet and a girl overheard me say, Oh God, I need the toilet.

But if I'd have gone, I would have never found my way back. So she said, I carry nappies and you just wee in a nappy. I've heard of two celebrities who are adult babies who love to dress as a baby and my friend. Who? And, but these are two adult babies. And I don't think there's anything wrong with it. And I'm probably going to become one soon, but yeah, they love to dress as a baby. And like, like being like, I'm ready for a nap and I don't know what they do. Okay. So this bubble all that just came to stay and we are shocked because he turns up. I'm not even kidding.

Tallest person maybe in the world in terms of his height. Wow. And a man who's maybe the littlest guy I've ever seen never mentioned it. Never mentioned it. Wouldn't you be like, hey, my friend, the tallest guy ever, who by the way is a bubble ologist, is coming to stay. I mean, I got asked to take a photo of them and I had to stand pretty far back for them to share the frame. Well, this is the thing is I just walked past a tent yesterday

and appearing at the tent doing as part of the bubbleologist is in town. Wow. So I'm saying, do you think you'd make a great guest to get this bubbleologist on? Oh, can we? Can we get a man on as well? We could ask him on. Yeah, absolutely. My recollection of his Edinburgh shows, they're very rude. Oh, he's a rude bastard. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. So don't you think the bubbleologist, I just thought that was like a sign from a coincidence

that God hadn't scrubbed yet. I was like, the bubbleologist is in town. Wow. We've got to hunt him down and talk about bubbles with him. Well, as long as you make a promise, some of this stuff about bubble ology isn't real, your bubble denial needs to sort of. So yeah. Okay.

Yeah. I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll have a word with myself. So Sam. Hello. We are going to have a really big guest. You've got a guest bigger than mine? My guy is the tallest, the tallest bubble-ologist in the world. You're not getting bigger than that.

I think we're going to bag someone bigger. What the hell? But this guy is not only tall in height, he is tall in the showbiz world. Shall I tell you who it is? Because I think we need to think about what we're going to talk to him about. I'm starting to get really excited. And I had 10 oysters for breakfast. Oh God. This is like a pre-episode to the episode.

Okay, so this is us preparing for this guest. Yes, yeah. Let's see if you can guess who it is. He's got a house of games and he likes writing about old people murdering each other and he used to own the production company Endermall. I'm going to need some more clues. Come on, hold on a second. This is tough. It's all pointless, Richard. It's all pointless, Richard. Are you serious?

You've got Richard Osman to be a guest on this tiny podcast? Richard Osman is going to be a guest, yeah. Oh my God. This is stunning. How did you cook this up? You know when someone agrees to something, that can also be if they've read the message and you've had two blue ticks, can't it? You've got the two blue ticks?

Yeah. One tick is thinking about it. Next tick is in the bag. So has he replied saying, yes, I can be, I guess? He has replied with the ticks. Okay. I feel like the ticks are, yeah, that's, yes, I can be again. He has replied with the ticks. The ticks. Okay. I feel like the ticks are, yeah, that's, yeah, that's, I mean, that's probably good, right?

Two ticks. That means he's definitely seen it. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's ticked. Yeah. Oh my God. This is stunning.

How did you cook this up? I don't know. All I tried to do is work hard and turn up on time and then it just gets you, it just gets you, it just gets you places. Hey, if you're colorblind, don't catch the sushi train. Sorry, you were saying a little inspirational quote, so I got excited. You know, I've been on, um, on House of Games recently. Oh, I know, I know. I know every show've been on House of Games recently. Oh, I know.

I know. I know every show you go on. People tell me. I was just on that. Do you know who I was on with? A guy whose eye got punched out called Anthony Ogogo. Who have you been emailing, by the way? And then a lady who does amazing, she's in mental health.

She helps people on cruise ships who have mental health. She goes and mental health. She helps people on cruise ships who have mental health. She goes and does seminars. Also a very beautiful woman who was involved in a scandal. She got all these cakes made for a party she had and she didn't pay for them. She said, oh, it's good exposure because I'll post photos on Instagram. Then the bakery were like, how dare you? We make work really hard on these cakes. She got, it was in all the newspapers and I think she was going on House of

Games to like rehabilitate her image. And can I just say she succeeded. She was so kind and gentle and she didn't, didn't put a foot, a foot roll, was a perfect gentle woman. They've really scraped the bottom of the barrel there, it says again. You can see how many series they've done by that. This is a problem with successful shows. You eventually run out of guests. They are actual celebrities then are they? Oh yeah, these are like the cream of the crop. These are famous people.

Oh, I thought you just meant like a woman who got into an argument about cakes, a guy who had his eye smacked. I thought you were meaning they just found these random people. Oh no, these are top notch celebs. No, these are amazing titans of industry. Oh wow. Okay. You know I only fraternize with people in the business. When you say cruise ship woman, who do you mean?

I could not remember her name. I've got it written down somewhere in my, um, in my gratitude diary. Cause her name might've been like Clarence Weeble or, no, it can't be that, but she had a beautiful name. Have you been on the house of games? Yeah, a long time ago. Yeah, I did. I did.

They asked me to go back and do a Christmas episode, but I'd done so badly, I couldn't face it. I keep doing these game shows and then they asked me back, like I did the wheel and I lost £98,000 and then they've asked me to go back on it. And I know that they're asking me to go back on it because I'm terrible. I can't keep going on TV and just being awful. It winds people up. I get loads of messages saying, why do you go on, you know, why do you go on a quiz show if you don't, if you can't answer any questions? And they're right.

They're right. It would piss me off as well. Can I put my two cents into this piggy bank and see if it squirms? I think they're having you back on these shows because you are such a talent and because you're a titan of industry. No. Part of it would be because you say maybe the wrong answer every now and again, but mostly it's because you've got the X factor.

I don't know, Sam. It'd be good to be funny and be good at it, wouldn't it? That's the dream. But we're God's clowns. You don't want to be, I don't like these people who are really good on the quiz shows and stuff like that. No, yeah. It's a bit of smug, isn't it?

Yeah. It's like, what are you fucking go to the fucking, um, Crompington Academy or something? Yeah. Yeah. No, you're right. I just, I found it quite interesting because of like, when you do the wheel, they say, what subject do you want? What's your go-to subject? Like what subject

do you know the most about? And I found that was a real moment of me going cars, films, traveling, like a time in history. I was like, crisps? And there was just this silence on the phone where she said, you want to do it about crisps? And I said, yeah. And she said, do you know a lot about crisps? And I said, no, no. Did you research? Did you research up before you went on? Yeah. Well, the second one that I've agreed to do is crisps. The first one, I wanted to do crisps the first time around and they said no. And I said, oh, North Korea. I do know a little bit about North Korea. And then again, there was just this silence.

Crisps and North Korea are quite similar fields, so they probably want very different topics. Yeah, and that's what I said. I said out, and she said, if you give us two, which, and The crisps in North Korea are quite similar fields, so they probably want very different topics. Yeah, and that's what I said. I said out, and she said, if you give us two, which, and then we'll let the producers decide. And I said, well, crisps on North Korea. Oh my goodness. Wow. What do you think, Chairman, wait, wait, who's the main guy over there?

Chairman Mao. Chairman Mao. It can't be. That's not the chairman. Is it Kim Jong-un? Kim Jong-un, sorry. Yeah. What do you reckon his favorite crisps are? Oh no, isn't he'm saying. Is it Kim Jong-un? Kim Jong-un, sorry. What do you reckon his favorite Chris is? Oh no, isn't he dead?

Is it not Kim Jong-il now? I think Kim Jong-il and now his son Kim Jong-un, who by the way, we worship, we fucking love the guy and we want to have him as a guest. And he's really good at turning lights off. There's no lights on in North Korea on an evening. He turns them all off. Will it be love candles? Is he a romantic?

No, it's just their poverty is so bad that there's massive area that don't even have electricity. He's just starving millions and millions of people on a daily basis and nobody does anything about it. Please tune in for our next episode. We've got a bubble all adjustist, Kid Joglin and Richard Osman. I am been trying to get on the wheel for so long. It's my favorite show.

You haven't, they'll have you on. Well, I've applied and I panicked. They said, what subject? And the same exact thing happened. I've said fruit. And you know why I said that? Because I'm like, well, how much can you know about it? Most people do have a subject that they know stuff about. I mean, this poor guy, I was so bad that I lost this guy £98,000. Are you still in touch? Like a life-changing amount of money. And because it's like a TV quiz show, when he went back down in the ground, he just looked up at me and went, I've had a lovely day Lucy, thank you. Oh, wow.

And he was really appreciative. I was like, just come and slap me in my face. Your life is never going to be. Because you're the expert around the wheel are the experts in these chosen topics. So they said, you got to climb Everest and Lucy Beaumont's your Sherpa. Oh, my God. Yeah, the wheel is all, what do you do while you, while the wheel is spinning? If, if I may ask.

You have to dance and they really want you to dance. Yeah, they do. They do make you do it. It's my favourite show, but I'm worried about dancing while I'm on the wheel. Oh, what about that, um, that Celtic hand binding ceremony that the druids used to do? Hey, I was thinking instead of dancing to the latest pop hits, I could do a... A pagan hand tight ceremony. Is this episode two show business?

I think it's good. People want to see behind the scenes of like the showbiz, the wheel, house of games. We had the writer of Doctor Who on. He was on my episode. Of The Wheel? Yeah, and I really wanted to meet him because I was hoping we'd get talking and then he would write me a part in Doctor Who. And he knocked on my dressing room door to say hello.

And I was eating a veggie sausage at the time. I had too much of it in my mouth and I could hear it was him. I could hear him talking to someone outside. I opened the door and I said, I'm sorry, I'm just polishing off a sausage. Then he just carried on walking and we never talked again. Can I just say what he's really up to? He is running to his typewriter. Doctor Who visits the planet, Sausage Ocea and their alien queen. Oh, I was going to tell another show-based story.

Please do. Please do. Because this is useful for us meeting Osman Oh, I was going to tell another showbiz story. Please do. Please do. Because this is useful for us meeting Osman. Yeah. Because Osman is so ingrained in the showbiz world. We need to be thinking about showbiz stories. He's part of the furniture when it comes to show business. And guess what? He's the throne. Oh, yeah. So I recently was in America and I did a show at the Netflix festival. Netflix is a joke. Do

you know about this festival? No, but that sounds great. So I did my show and you know, I jump around on a pogo stick that's got a microphone stand attached to it. Yeah, yeah. So I left all my stuff afterwards, like downstairs or whatever, and went out and met some people. And then I came back to grab my stuff and I didn't know there was another show on at that time. And the person performing was the rapper T.I. Do you know the rapper T.I.? I do. And there's no point pretending.

I know. He's a really big rapper, but he's now pivoted and he's doing standup comedy. Wow. And I, but the problem is there's no like back door exit. So I had to sneak through and I thought I knew fear. I have never been more startled and frightened than having to walk through TI's crowd and with under the eye, like TI's like scanning, like looking, you know, he's making fun of people and stuff.

I'm walking through his crowd holding a pogo stick. I was so scared. Do you know what I mean? Like he's like making fun of me. He's like, look at this guy's glasses. And suddenly he like catches me. Did he say anything? He didn't say anything. I think I just looked so frightened. I think he was like, maybe he thought he hadn't even seen it. Like he just couldn't believe it. I thank you, the rapper T.I. for pardoning me and my Pogo stick. And was he decent?

Was he a good comic? He seemed like he was having a lot of fun. He was amazing. You know me, I don't besmirch. You don't besmirch? No, no, no. Everyone's good. I think if you've got the guts, if you've got the big pair of kahunas to get up there,

then I respect you. Yeah. That's a really good way of seeing it. I have the opposite view. I think there's very few people who are good at stand-up comedy. That's what I think. You can't say that, Lucy. I think literally, no, I think literally there's only really a couple in any one

country at any one time. Um, they're all dead. The ones I like basically. You're always beefing. There's no good comic in this country. There's nobody. That's not fair. You can't say that.

There's good stuff. No, there's nobody. No, there's some that have had their moments. They've had their moments. They've had a few good, maybe a year, like a flash in the pan. We can't. I feel like you can't say that. Be careful. Don't you do, you gig with these people. They'll be upset. No, they're all, no, they know. If you look in their eyes, you can see that they know. If you look in their eyes, you can see that they know who are, you know, you meet people who are naturally really, really funny and they must hear these so-called comedians and

just think, I'm funnier than that. But what these so-called comedians have done is they've worked really hard, they're grafters and they've stuck at it. But if you put them on a building site, they wouldn't be the funniest. There is no one in this country making a living from comedy, that if you put them on a building site or in a factory, they wouldn't be the funniest person. My goodness. I mean, I sort of agree, but that's a different environment, you know? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You've got to be, you've got to watch your back. Say all this kind of stuff, you know. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You've got to watch your back. Say all this kind of stuff. You could get taken out. No, but what they need to start doing is making it illegal, making it a criminal offense that if you put something out and you say it's comedy on TV and it doesn't make people laugh out loud that you should have served time prison sentence for that.

Hey, what are you in jail? What are you in for? I made a dramedy. Like how arrogant are you to think, well, I find it funny. So like they're not, you know, you know, laughometers. This is crazy. They don't use laughometers anymore. You sound like Kim Jong Un. You sound like Kim Jong Un saying we need laughometers if you're not getting huge laughs. What about stuff that gets smiles? A lot of my stuff gets really big smiles, by the way. I don't care that the people aren't really, you know, rolling on the floor. They're really smiling. But you can't hear a smile, can you? That's what I always say to my audiences.

Do you want to hear one of my gags? Yeah. Geez, I've been waking up really early. I've been getting up at 5am just because it looks like my name. I like that. The five looks like this. Osmond's coming on, not today. You know, you can't do it today, but you know, this is such a big hitter.

We need to think about what are we going to converse with this guy? Isn't he sort of in control? Doesn't he pull the strings? He pulls the strings to everything. He's the gatekeeper. Quite a charming sexual man as well. Oh, incredibly. I've got his calendar, I think it was from, I think it was 2018 and God,

I'm stuck on July. The problem is when he talks to me, I don't retain much of it because I'm too excited. I totally know what you mean. I met Jason Donovan, I worked with him and while we were like preparing to do the scene together, he just whispered in my ear, I'm so upset that they've shut down the Marks and Spencer's in Hull. Every muscle in my body like see, like I froze and was like, this is mad. Like, and he, he was really upset about it. I was like, how does Jason Donovan know about the Marks and Spencers in Hull? It's because he did Panta in Hull. But I was just like, you know, when you meet your idol and then they say something like that.

They whispered just the right thing. Yeah. I think that's what, at the end of Lost in Translation, when he whispers to Scarlett Johansson, I'm pretty sure that's what he whispered as well. Really? I can't believe. I'm so angry they closed the Marks and Spencers in whole. How upset would you be if you saw him whispering that to someone else? Oh God.

Oh, if he are. He wouldn't. I'm not saying he's got a reputation for whispering that, but. Oh God. Oh God. Could you imagine? That I don't want to imagine. No, we're not going to.

So we're not going to. So we're not going to. Okay. So we've got, we're going to get Richard Osmond on. We're going to get our own TV show green lit by the end of the episode. What about a show that looks into 2011? This is good. The years, because we saw that sort of a spin-off of the, we did the podcast about 2000.

Year Delve. Yeah. Yeah. Year Delve. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Delve. Oh my God. And I still get people coming up to me on the street with clipboards asking about knife crime, but I can tell that they're thinking about the 2011 episode.

Yeah. Yeah. Cause I think that's what our t-shirts all say. You know, like off menu, they say starter, main course dessert on the merchandise. Those guys have got more merchandise than Che Guevara. And ours will say 2011, I think. This is good. Can I quickly run through my pitch for Mr. Richards?

Please do, Sam. It's called Vent, Vent, Vent. Right. We'll learn from Richard if three is good, but three rounds. Yeah. Vent, Vent, Vent. The first round, so first they vent about their week. So it's like, you know, oh, I'm sick of the shop or like, oh, what's going, you know, stuff like stuff that's been happening to them. Funny, but like funny rants about what they've been up to. They get a score out of 10 by our judging panel. The second round, they have to build a ventriloquist puppet and learn

ventriloquism and perform a ventriloquism routine. Oh God. The third round, they crawl, they race through vents above the studio. Translucent. We don't, I know metal, when you think of event, you think of metal. These are translucent vents so we can see their writhing bodies. I think that's amazing. I thought of another round, we show them pictures of vents and they have to say if that's a vent that they have.

So we go around their house and take photos of all the different vents. Yeah, but then we say, yeah, can you guess which one is your vent from a lineup of lots of vents? This is so good. Recap then, Sam, for the listeners. So the first thing they have to do is... Let's get rid of that first one. What was the first one? They just vent about their week. No, don't you think it's a good icebreaker?

It could be done as a get to know them. Yeah, and it's on quite low. The volume of the first round is quite low, so you can sort of relax and have a conversation with your friend and stuff like that. Oh, that's really good. Yeah, yeah. The second round, they have to build, construct, and learn to operate a ventriloquist puppet. I love it.

I love it. And Richard spins a wheel and the wheel is one to 10 and that's of how rude the puppet is allowed to be. Oh, wow. So if you get like two, it's like a nice puppet who's like, oh, how have you been? But if you get 10, that puppet is saying the most fucked up, insane, offensive shit ever. Wow. And you're like, please don't. Yeah. Well, that's the thing with that. They're like, please stop saying this, but it can't

help it. Their puppet just goes wild. What's a venture capitalist? Maybe the audience is made up of venture capitalists. Everyone in the audience is a venture capitalist. Everyone, yeah. Most of them. Family and friends as well. That's it.

No, what about the race through the vents above the studio? Like a rat, yeah. Oh, there's rats in there, absolutely. And would Richard Osman be like in a vent when he, so he hosts it. Yeah. Does it all take place in a massive vent? At the end of the show, that's what we find out. He goes, Hey, can we just zoom out with some of these cameras?

Zoom out. The whole thing has been in a vent. God, he's going to go wild for this. And I didn't mention this. People are playing for their favorite charities. What would you call it? The show? Yeah. Oh yeah, Vent, Vent, Vent, Vent, Vent. Oh, sorry. Yes, Vent, Vent, Vent, Vent, Vent. Yeah. Vent, Vent, Vent, Vent, Vent. What about Vent, Vent, Vent, Vent, Vent, Vent, Vent, Vent? Vent, Vent, Vent. Wait, so are you adding comments? I can't tell. Seven

vents. I love it. I love it. So we're going to pitch this to Mr. Richard. This is going to blow his massive mind. He will. When he passes away, they will keep his skull in a museum and people like this is one of the greatest we ever heard. Oh God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll really understand him then, I think, once we see his brain compared to everyone else's. And are we having the bubbleologist on as well at the same time?

Could we? Yeah. Well, let's, yeah, let's do it. So you keep, keep sort of needling at Richard. I think five messages a day or like just really, you know, sort of, yeah, let him know we need him on the show and I'll go and track down this, this bubbleologist. I just couldn't believe it. Like someone from my past, a blast from the past is in town in a tent doing his

bubble ology. I feel like as much as I want a bubble ologist on as well, the fact is Richard Osmond is a genius and is one of the most successful men working in the industry. I feel like he is enough and it would be a bit undermining to have a tall man who blows bubbles on the same. Do you know what I mean? Because I think I understand. Let's get them both.

Oh, I've got nothing but love for the boys from above. Hello, it's Rob Orton here. Now I've got a podcast called the Rob Orton Daily Podcast. It's a short poem or story or amusing on a particular subject every single day. What if you commissioned Picasso to paint your house and he just painted it white? Would you be annoyed? Wouldn't it be good if you could pour Miracle Grow onto other things such as pizzas? Have you ever thought about what a beach might be like if it was made from digestive biscuits? Have you ever tried to cry about something you're not thinking about?

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