Lucy & Sam's Perfect Brains - Ep 16: Seasons

Episode Date: July 12, 2024

Almighty creators Lucy and Sam have added a new season to the calendar and all must abide by the rules, festivities and transport systems of the newly instigated 'Yamba'.Recorded and edited by Naomi Parnell for Plosive.  Artwork by Sam Campbell. Theme music by Paul Williams and Sam Campbell. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Wendy's small frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment and not because it's cool and creamy and made with fresh Canadian Dairy, it's also refreshingly cheap just 99 cents until July 14th. It's a treat for you and your wallet Acas powers the world's best podcast. Here's a show that we recommend Here's a show that we recommend. Hello in Tansi. My name is Joel De Moncran. I'm an actor and I'm indigenous and I've created a podcast called Actors and Ancestors. It's a podcast all about indigenous actors here on Turtle Island and our experience in the industry.

So if that sounds like something that your ear balls would be happy to listen to, then check out actorsandancestors.com and go to any of your favorite podcast players and we're there. Ego se! acast.com The Holy Spirit is the name of the game. It's Lucy and Sam's perfect brains. One, two, three, four, five, six. Oh, I've got nothing but love for the boys from above. Have you got sunscreen on? No, but I'm in the shade. Oh, that's good, that's good.

I'm inside and you're outside. Who would have thought it? He's just, he's such a nice day and you don't get that many of them in the Northern area. Well, not to let listeners into too much of the sort of the behind the scenes, but I tried to go outside to record. I got so jealous that you were outside recording that I went outside, but there was a hose that was too loud and also a man was there.

Oh, you don't want that. And he did look like a dropper, an eavesdropper. Oh, you don't want that. And he did look like a dropper and he used dropper. Oh, did he? Oh gosh. He looked like he wouldn't, he wanted to drop in. Did he seem like he had a bit of chat on it? I don't know if he was a chatter. I think he's just one of these guys who sort of listens and rubs his stomach.

Oh, I know them. I know those. Yeah. I've met them. Yeah, they're around. Do you touch it? Some people touch their lower back. People touch different areas when they chat to you.

Do you? Hmm. Oh, I wonder. I think I sometimes put my hands on my hips. Oh, do you like him? Well, maybe I don't. I don't know if I do that. Oh.

People who are lawn mowers do that. Do they? Yeah. Yeah. Once you've got a lawn mower, you start doing it. Down with my granddad. My granddad lives on this cul-de-sac and they're all, they're all, they are, it's not, it's not rude to say they're all old, is it? Oh, no, no, no, you can say that. Yeah.

If there's a grandparent and they get caught old and they're offended. What are they thinking? A lot of them had lovely lawns out the front. And then slowly as they got older, one person replaced it with Ashter turf. And then everybody else replaced it with Ashter turf as well. So now everyone's- Oh, they've all gone that way. Yeah. And then they all copy each other. So one guy hoovered his Ashter, came out with the Hoover. He vacuums it. Yeah.

And now they all do it. And it looks mental. When you go down the drive and there's just all these people with Hoovers, Hoover in there. It sounds like there's a lot of peer pressure on this cul-de-sac. Oh, there totally is. Yeah, there is.

Yeah, I know when my grandma moved into her retirement village, yeah, there's a lot of hierarchy there as well. Oh, God. Yeah, like prisons, do you think? There's affairs. People think, oh, there's no affairs. There's affairs. What are you kidding me? There's affairs. Yeah, well, they've got nothing going on. So it's like a damn soap opera in there with a lot of sex. Wow. And death, sex and death. Shakespearean.

Yeah. Well, yeah, they are often bedfellows, those two topics. And yeah, when we go through, my grandma loves to go, he's dead, she's dead. She points to the houses. He's dead, she's dead. He's going to die, she's going to die. Pointing out. Do, do, do, do, do. Do, do, do, do, do. Do, do, do, do, do. Do, do, do, do, do.

Do, do, do, do, do. Do, do, do, do, do. Are you enjoying the summer? Yeah, it's lovely. It's nice when you go and pick up your child from school and everybody's in their shorts and all the moms and dads. Oh, yeah. They're all in the shorts and t-shirts.

English people know how to dress for the summer. I'll tell you that. We finally get to see those knobbly knees. I've only seen the outlines and finally I get to see the full bulb. Oh, oh. I used to work for a guy. I had so many jobs where I didn't really know what we were supposed to do. Did you have ones like that?

Oh God, yeah, I did, yeah. He would, so he, we were ripping up carpet, I think. That's what I was doing. And he had like this crazy lump, like it was a bulb. It was like a fleshy bauble on the end of his finger. Like at the end of his finger was this strange meatball that he would sort of point. And he'd, I'd almost like, almost looked to get in trouble. So he would point at me with it. I was fascinated with it. I just didn't know what was inside it.

Puss. Do you think it was puss? Yeah. Did you ever want to trap it in something? See what comes out of it. Would I have liked to have trapped it? Yeah, yeah. Maybe in my darker moments, I did imagine biting into it.

Oh, what when you were bored? Just, yeah, I can't, I can't. Yeah, well, it makes you crazy those jobs where you're sort of just ripping up carpet and it's like late at night. Well, today we, speaking of sort of, I guess, summer and the seasons and this kind of thing, we are designing our own perfect seasons.

Yeah, yeah. And you're right, because you said to me before we started this podcast, there's only four. Isn't that a crying shame? It's mad because how many days of the year? It's 365 days and only four seasons. So are you adding more days as well, or are you sliding in your season

among and using the days that we have? I think using the days that we have, but personally, how do you feel? Oh, I think I'm going to add a few more days. Oh, okay. Oh, so we're not combining this to make it. So we're having our own. Oh, up to you. We could collab on the season or we could have rival seasons and then sort of,

let's combine, let's go. I'll jump in on your season. Are you sure? Yeah, I think so. That could be kind of nice. Do you want to still add some days if you do, you can. Okay, and I'm not gonna go crazy. Let's just round up.

Oh, let's round down. 360, let's go to 360. Yeah, 360, because that's the thing, isn't it? 360. It's a huge thing. Ask any skateboarder, ask, yeah. And don't you't it? 360. It's a huge thing. Ask any skateboarder. Ask, yeah. And don't you think it'd be good like, you know, some-

Ask a spinning top. Ask a frisbee. Sorry. How long have you been going out with your girlfriend? 360. 360, yeah. Two times 360. We've done the full 360.

Yeah. Oh, it sounds so much better. Which days will we lose? Oh well, I mean if we're only using five days in the whole year I don't think anyone will even notice. Yeah, yeah. Maybe we lose a few of these 31s, the 31sts. They're weird aren't they? Yeah, do we need them? Can we shave them off? Where did this all come from anyway? Because I don't like to be tied down to times and numbers. Julia Caesar.

Oh, he did it. Yeah. And that's the problem is that's why it's so scattergun because he was worried. I think someone had predicted that someone was going to stab him. Whoa, really? And what? Oh yeah, big time. Brutus. And he made a calendar. A soothsayer was saying like, oh, you're going to get stabbed soon. So it's not, if you're planning any kind of project or any kind of system, you don't want that

hanging over you. Can I just ask you something? For years I've heard the word soothsayer. But it's not the same as sabertooth, is it? Okay, big differences between soothsayers and sabertooths. Okay, so I- They're not the same word but people say them differently, are they? Soothsayer, sabertooth. I sort of, I know what you mean because whenever someone says the name Sarah Millican to me,

I go, I think in my head, Mayor of Silicon. I don't know why. I go, Sarah Millican, the Mayor of Silicon. The sabertooth is a prehistoric beast with very, I think, longest teeth that an animal has had yet. Is that where they got lightsaber from? I'm not, I don't think, or a potential, yes. I was about to say that's the worst thing I've ever heard,

but that's actually true. I think the saber, the tooth inspired sabers in swords and blades, which has led to the creation of the lightsaber in that universe. A saber is a sword. And a soothsayer, that's a guy in a tent who tells you if someone's going to kill you. A soothsayer, are they always in a tent? God, on a day like this. I think they are often in a tent? Um, God, on a day like this. Um, I think they are often in a tent.

Yeah. I think you go in, I think they're in the same school as fortune tellers, but they're more, they only do the tough stuff. And are they still, is that still a profession now? Like if on LinkedIn, like what would it be? So it's there. I don't know if there's any modern soothsayers. God. Cause I think, I don't know if there's any modern soot sayers. God, because I think, I don't know, I wonder if world leaders are looking to that kind

of thing anymore. I think they've got analysts. Yeah, there's all that now in me. Yeah. That's a shame. Hey, instead of having all these analysts, have a soot sayer. See what they think. So we've got, so just to recap on the seasons we've already got.

Oh, that's a great idea. Yeah, spring, summer, autumn, winter. What season? So we've got this whole new season. Do you think it's got to have any elements that we like from the other seasons or let's just go totally new? Anything in the seasons can happen in other seasons, but they've all got some thing that's original to them, haven't they?

Their trademark. Okay. And also there's a lot of traditions and strange happenings around seasons as well. Yeah. The winter solstice and the sort of things of that nature. Yeah. The summer solstice. Are you not into all that?

Do you celebrate the solstice? I don't, but do you know what happened with these druids recently? They were going to on their way to a solstice at the Stonehenge and these protesters sort of sprayed sprayed it all down or spray painted it. Oh no, why? You don't know about this Stonehenge?

No. Lucy, have you been living under a hench? This was big news and it was quite controversial. The Just Stop Oil people spray-painted Stonehenge. Oh shit. Well, they interviewed the druid and he was like really filthy. He was like, oh my God, how could you? You don't know how important this henge is to us druids. Like he was furious.

Well, but it's important to everybody, isn't it? Stonehenge. Why would they do that? Well, there's a lot of theories. I mean, my goodness. And then everyone said, oh, the lichen, the mossy lichen. Everyone got, it was a strange thing to pick up on. A lot of people were like, oh, I can't, what does this mean?

There's a rare mossy lichen on the henge and they could have damaged it, which I didn't really understand why there was so much emphasis on the lichen. It's clutching at straws, isn't it? Do you think it's people trying to see him a bit? You know, they're like, oh, well, there was actually, they like to add a thing. They're like, and did you also know that there was, and did you see that there was a mossy lichen on the, on the hinge that could be incredible? Yeah, I do that.

Like if I'm telling someone a story and they're not impressed, I'll add, I'll add something else. Yeah. Yeah. and they're not impressed. At a level. I'll add something else. At a layer, yeah. Yeah, I've got some celebrity stories about celebrities that have done horrific things. And I've basically merged lots of things together. Now I've got this one celebrity. He's done terrible things. And it isn't.

He's done unspeakable things. Yeah, and what I've done, I've just merged like lots of stories together. So now for his birthday, he hires lookalikes and hires them and they all have to be in a jungle and he gets airlifted into the jungle and they all have to chase him. And whoever gets him gets to do terrible things to him. Oh. But it's completely made up from lots of stories

and like I can't say the name on the podcast but when I'm telling people out and about I say, I say the person's name as well. So on that person's birthday they, how many lookalikes? 16. 16 lookalikes who just chased them through the jungle. And so what happens if you catch another one of the lookalikes? I guess that's there in the game, the game of flies. Oh God, well exactly. I mean, I mean, it's all factually incorrect, so I don't think it actually happened. I think we include this in our season. What you, this is the season where you can, how you look alike and they can, if they catch you, they could, but you're right, Sam, like, how do you know if they all look really like the person, how do they know they're catching?

Surely it just ends up a big orgy. Yeah, yeah. Let's, let's kick off the season with a blast. Let's, let's, yeah. Day one. This's, yeah. Day one, this is day one. Yeah, so day one of the season. Oh, we got to make sure that people look like the person as well.

Yeah, but then maybe they can't look too like them because they need to know who the real person is so they know who they're catching. Well, that can also be done through DNA testing. I don't think in the moment they've got time to do a swab. What if everyone had a little kit? So once you've caught someone, you've tackled them to the ground, you do a quick test and you go, yeah, I think this is all, but then you'd also need a sample from the, you'd already need a sample. Maybe

everyone gets given a sample. Is that crazy? What about he wears a different colour t-shirt? Okay, what if he has, what if it's a different coloured singlet? So they all look the same, but you can sort of, once you see the singlet, that's when you know that you've caught the real one. What's a singlet, Sami? You know, a singlet? Yeah. A singlet? Oh gosh.

It's like a little shirt underneath your shirt with no sleeves. A little shirt underneath your shirt with no sleeves. Am I back on the pipe? You don't know a singlet? Oh, how do I explain a singlet? A singlet. Oh, like a vest? But it's on the inside.

It's like really private. So this is day one then, day one. This is like a nationallet. Oh, like a vest. But it's on the inside. It's like really private. So this is day one then, day one. This is like a national day. Like, could we have a bank holiday where everyone gets to, well, everyone over. What does that sound? Is that a bird in the background? What the hell is it? What kind of bird is that? Big, big one. It's an annoying one, isn't it? This is where it comes undone, isn't it? No, it sounds like a maraca. There was a man mending the washing machine. That's why I'm outside, I forgot to say. Oh no. It was so quiet a minute ago, but I think I am, I think I'm annoying the bird. I'll just take you inside.

Right. Is that better? That's awesome. Has the bird come inside? We're shooting the windows. All right. Right, we shot it. It's dead.

Wendy's Small Frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment. And not because it's cool and creamy and made with fresh Canadian dairy. It's also refreshingly cheap. Just 99 cents until July 14th. It's a treat for you and your wallet. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Hello and tanse. My name is Joel de Moncran. I'm an actor and I'm indigenous and I've created a podcast called Actors and Ancestors.

It's a podcast all about indigenous actors here on Turtle Island and our experience in the industry. So if that sounds like something that your ear balls would be happy to listen to, then check out actorsandancestors.com and go to any of your favorite podcast players and we're there. Égose! any of your favorite podcast players and we're there. Egoci! Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com. No birds in this new season. All noises I'm just so sick of.

And light, I'm sick of light. Okay, so we've got our new season. I feel like the birds sort of threw us off track. This is neither here nor there. With our, there's so many expressions to do with trains like off track, off the rails, blow off steam and buses or throw under the bus. There's none with trams. There's not.

I think they're maybe too modern or people don't rate them. I know not every city has them but I think they have a few. They're a bit weird though, aren't they? Yeah. I always feel weird on one. Yeah, you can't really relax on a tram. And whenever they do the inspection, I feel like on other transport systems, they can really clearly just be like, yeah, you don't have your ticket, you're in trouble.

But on a tram, if you go, oh, I didn't know how to get it, they go, yeah, no, no one really does. I've never, yeah, you're right. I've never bought a ticket for a tram. I just don't know if it's possible. It's just, you're like, it's it. It's just the lowest form of transport, isn't it? Yeah, no one thinks about it.

No one cares. Well, you don't get any tram spotters, do you? No. People look away when they see a tram or they go grew they go oh it makes everyone feel a bit uneasy doesn't it it's like it's like when you wear socks with sandals something not right about yeah they are amphibious they're strange there is a tram in sydney one of the stops on the light rail is fish market that's a stop how could you be taken seriously if one of the stops is fish market That's a stop. How could you be taken seriously if one of the stops is Fish Market?

To stop at the Fish Market, like it's got its own stop. They're just not serious. A lot of places have trams but they don't anymore. We should all have tram lines up in the sky and we travel up in the sky and there's no traffic. Could we do that in the months? Could we only have advanced technological things? Perfect. In our new season. Yeah advanced technological things in our new season?

Yeah, so there's a new season. This was my idea for the season. And tell me if I've gone too far this time. You know, those accusations have flown before. But I think, so you know, you have in winter, the days are very short, in some of the days are very long. What if in this new season we go an hour on, an hour off? Explain what you mean. So it speeds up very quickly. So we have an hour of sun and daylight, then an hour of at night and of course moon. So just an hour of light, hour adapt, what would just keep going hour, like that, like that. Just for this one season. That of like, is that a bit like trippy? I think we get used to it. We adapt.

Man grows used to everything. The scoundrel. That does sound really drastic, doesn't it? Yeah, but you've got to, you've got to, you've got to really change your attitude. Yeah, you've got to be bold. You do have to. Fortune favors the bold. You're fortune favors the bold. to be bold. You do have to fortune-favours the bold. You fortune-favours the bold.

And would we have, so like electricity would come on though for the dark bit. Yeah, we'd have to do some fiddling with that, yeah. What would we call this new season? Black and white. Black and white. But shade and unshaded. I think it needs a bit, like just needs one word. Like yamber. Yamber. That's a place in Australia where people, yeah, yamber. Why don't we call it that? Yamber.

Spring, summer, autumn, winter. Yeah, I like that. Yamber. Yeah, where are we gonna slide it? What month would you have it after? What about having a mini one in between each one? A mini yamber. That's not bad. How long? A couple of days? Five days? How long is a season? Well we can shorten some of them to make room for the ambers in between. Okay so

five so four times five? Twenty. Twenty. So it's twenty days but it's in sections so it comes after each season just for five years. Oh right yeah, yeah. That's great. I think that that makes sense. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so a little yambo to reset. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so it's five days where it's sort of flashing between day and night very quickly. It begins with a doppelganger,

where sort of someone is chosen and everyone who looks like them is allowed to hunt them in the forest and if they catch them they've signed something which means they are allowed to do messed up things to them. Yeah, yeah and we'll have some for children like maybe a merry-go-round or something, you know, they need something as well. What about those like, yeah maybe puppets, maybe some puppets for the kitties? Oh yeah, what they like make their own puppet, could they make their own puppets?

Yeah. Yeah, that'd be nice. And then like, is it like a puppet festival? Yeah, that's pretty good. Yeah. So, and the people who don't want to be, have things happen to them by their lookalike, they can help. Well, that's tough. tough on you. If you look

like this person you have to compete. But what about the people who want to help the children with the puppets? Do you think they need help? Can't we just get all the suppliers and... Who supervises them? They get sent to an island, so whatever your closest island to where you are is, that's sort of where the children go on the during yamber. Oh right. And they make puppets. Like animal farm. There's elements sure. Always something goes on with the trees and plants during the different seasons. Anything for yamber?

Edible. What about edible? Oh my god that is really good. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so all plants become, and we just descend on them like locusts. It's sort of a black and white, so we're constantly darting between day and night.

No birds, or yeah, no birds. Well, I feel a bit mean about that, because I feel like came off the back of being interrupted by a woodpecker. I feel like- Was that what, that was a bird? It was by a woodpecker. I feel like... Was that what... That was that bird? It was definitely a woodpecker. Oh, wow.

And he was pecking or he wanted you out of the way so he could peck? I was just annoying him. The tone of advice. He doesn't like Northern women. Like some TV execs. Okay, so all the children are sent away to a special island to make puppets. They return on the final day of Yemba. How do we bring this season to an end?

A fire, an effigy. Incredible. I was waiting for you to say it. I was hoping, I was praying. And everyone has to set fire to stuff. Everybody. Yeah. No one's left out.

Yeah. You do have to, so what is it? You have to burn something and you have to prove that you've burnt something. Yeah, but like safely of course. Oh, I controlled, yeah, I controlled fire. Is it that you burn things that are not natural? Oh.

Like shopping centers, airplanes. A scanner. Yeah, scanner. Do you know what I mean? It's like a celebration of like bringing bringing us back to feeling like we're all connected to the earth. Yeah. What if you bird one thing that you really like and one thing you don't like? Oh, you're sick of giving me little things because you don't want too many fires. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, I like that. And I'm sick of bonfires, where there's one big fire. I think everyone has their own individual fire.

That's what I want to see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought we were celebrating the fact that Guy Fawkes wanted to end... Bar Parliament. Yeah, but apparently we're celebrating his death. Oh, really? Yeah, it's sort of gone, this this tradition but you used to make like a big doll of Guy Fawkes. Would you? And say Penny for the Guy and you used to go around

houses and knock and show them. Who would you say that to? So on Bonfire Night you'd make a big doll of Guy Fawkes and then you'd knock on houses and you'd say, a penny for the guy. You know, like chicken tree. You say, a penny for the guy. And then they'd give you a penny and you'd keep going. Based on how good your guy was. Yeah, yeah, basically, yeah.

Yeah, let's bring that back. But you don't have, it doesn't have to be Guy Fawkes. It can be any guy. So it could be- What about Guy Ritchie? It could be Guy Ritchie. It could be Guy Sebastian, who won the first series of Australian Idol. It could be Guy Richie, it could be Guy Sebastian who won the first series of Australian Idol, it could be Guy Pearce from Memento, yeah any of the big three guys. There's a lot going on isn't there? Okay so the only public transport allowed are trams. Trams yeah and they need

pimping up don't they? They need to feel like they're steam trains or something don't they? Yeah, yeah. Well the whole of Yamba is really futuristic so we're adding like all kinds of gizmos and gadgets. Oh we can eat, yeah you can eat whatever plants you want that's how we get rid of all the plants so regrowth can begin. Yes, yes. The children have to go to the island. And they're not allowed to come back till they've made a puppet. And then the adults that want to part take, have to have a look alike. Yeah, so someone is chosen and if you look like that person, and that's shown on giant screens, then you go into the forest. And surely that's televised.

Oh, it must be, mustn't it? Because they'll want to watch it back if they were taking part as well. And would it be the kind of thing that's on BBC and IGV at the same time? Yeah, and then we can maybe get a bit of revenue in, you know, like when you got a roller coaster, they take a picture of you. Yeah, we could do that, like as they're being caught. And then there's like, then they all line up and see. That's good. Yeah, he's not wearing the singlet. I got the

wrong guy. Yeah, we are alternating between day and night. Every 20 minutes. Someone email us at lucyandsamsperfectbrands.gmail.com if you have a problem with that. Oh, I've got nothing but love for the boys from above. Hello, this is Nishkamar and I am thrilled to tell you that I'm back on tour doing the thing that I'm second best at. I'm not telling you what I'm best at, that's my personal business with my new show Nish Don't Kill My Vibe.

Yes, that is a Kendrick Lamar reference. I'm so cool. If you enjoy classic humor about subjects such as the climate crisis and income inequality, why not come down? Tickets are available right now at nishkamar.co.uk. We are travelling the length and breadth of the United Kingdom and doing a show in Dublin from September till November and it's going to be a huge amount of fun. Get your tickets at nishkamar.co.uk.