Lucy & Sam's Perfect Brains - Ep 5: The Kingdom of Animals

Episode Date: April 26, 2024

Lucy and Sam blag on about God’s finest creations, the critters that he sent to this world to calm us down. No animals were harmed in this episode but they were discussed AT LENGTH. Thank you so much. Please put headphones on your pet and make them listen to this episode and let us know how they react.Recorded and edited by Naomi Parnell for Plosive.  Artwork by Sam Campbell. Theme music by Paul Williams and Sam Campbell. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you are interested in seeing a live show, you really need to go to our respective and respectable websites. To buy tickets to see one of my performances, I might be coming to somewhere near you. I'm doing a bunch of different dates. It's samcambletour.com. I have a new tour starting in September and for information about tickets, you can go to my website. It's Lucy Beaumont. I can't remember the website. It's dotco.uk. But if you just Google Lucy Beaumont website, it'll come up with it. Okay, thank you. Bye.

You got to know your website. As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors, like when our estrogen levels drop during menopause, causing the risk of heart disease to go up. Know your risks. Visit heartandstroke.ca. the boys from above I'm talking God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit. The word is good, are you ready to hear it? God always finds you if you're feeling lost. Jesus died for you, he was on a cross. The Holy Spirit is the name of the game. It's Lucy and Sam's perfect brains. One, two, three, four, five, six.

Oh, I've got nothing but love for the boys from above. And action! Lucy, how are you? I'm really good, how are you? I think I'm feeling really good. Dear, I'm on antibiotics. Oh, I'm on antibiotics. I have tonsillitis, so bad. You're just saying that. I'm serious.

We're both on antibiotics? Yeah. What ones have you got? Oh, I cannot remember. Through the liceocine. It's a penicillin one. It's the tonsillitis one. Oh, right. How long have you got to take it for? I've only got two days left. Oh, congratulations. But how long was the course? There's a big tub of pills. Well, the big tonsils. Well, it was your sickness, so you're rid of me not to ask. No, it's okay. I wondered where we'd get them.

I had a water infection. Oh, that's where the water in your body becomes infected. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. And I knew it was a water infection because it felt like one. Hold on a second. Where is the water in your body? Well, it's sort of, you feel it in your tummy. You

feel like cold inside and that's how you know. How it got in the water to poison it so to speak? I think it's from the culture, the toxic culture we're in. Oh yeah that does, it is wearing on me. Social media. This is not a woke podcast. Welcome to... What's the sickest you've ever been by the way? Oh God. Are we talking mentally or physically? Oh let's go physical. Okay. Flu in about 2008 was the worst I've ever been. Oh yeah. I thought I was dying and it was three weeks in bed. It was horrific.

Which one? Monkey, swan, bird? I don't know. It won't, oh, will it, it won't have been an animal, will it? Will it? I think most of them come from, come from beasts. What, no, not flu that you get in Yorkshire. Oh, your big time, butting flu. What's the worst, most ill you've ever been? I think I had swine flu and it really laid me out. Really?

Yeah. And you knew it was swine flu? I thought I was, yeah, with some of the stuff I was up to at that time, yeah. I think so. I was shaking a few trotters. When did you get it? This was in the 2000s. What, when like indie music was big? Yeah, there was a lot of that stuff around.

The Fleet Foxes? Fleet Foxes, yeah. The Editors. Yeah. Scissors Sisters. Oh, Scissors Sisters were huge. Yeah. The editors. Yeah. Scissors sisters. Oh, scissors sisters were huge. Yeah. Well, they were big in America. Where are you from? Australia. I'm from Australia. Did you get it in Australia? Scissors sisters. Yeah. We got a lot of popular music. Did you get swine? Yeah.

I got it from Australian swine. There's big pigs in Australia. Razorbacks they call out of the bush. They're huge. I've heard. They can kill. These big bush pigs, their nostrils are so big. So a normal pig you could put probably three fingers into their nose. These pigs are so big, you could put your whole head into one of their nostrils. Yes, I'm serious. That's how you get swarmed. It's just the nostrils are big. The whole pig's big. The eyes are big. The eyes are beady but big. Are they in proportion or are you talking like just massive?

These are huge pigs. You could ride one if they weren't so ferocious and volatile. They just run around the bush causing trouble. And the bush is a real place. Have you got a pet at the moment on the go? No, but I've got a pet at the moment on the go? No, but I've got a fur coat. No, but yeah, I think it's made of mink. I think that's yeah, wow.

And you've got a coat like that. From a long time ago. How did you get it? Was it inherited? From a charity shop. Do you know, I've got a fur coat. Guess what the fur is from? What is it from?

Furby. The fur, the... That little talking creature. I think you could sell them. Do you reckon that's a good idea? Have you? You haven't, have you? I don't know if that could be a good invention.

You would be able to sell Furby fur coats. Yeah, Furby fur coats. I've been on the lookout for a business venture. Well, this is a perfect one. No, I have been keeping my ears open because you hear about people, don't you, they just set something up and then it goes mad and then they just retire and they live off the earnings of it. Oh I would love to be a billionaire would you? And I would be graceful if I ever was one. Would you? I wouldn't want to be a billionaire.

Why not? I just think it's too much pressure. Yeah. I'm not very good with, are you good with money? Not so much. I struggle yeah. I make crazy purchases. So do you have any money? Not so much. I struggle, yeah. I make crazy purchases. So do you have any pets? Not for a while. I have had pets. I've had scandalous pets. Oh, what? My axolotl.

What? I haven't told you this story. So I had a pet axolotl. So, I'm sorry. What is an axolotl? It's a Mexican walking fish. So it's like small. It's got gills. It's got g walking fish. So it's like a small... It's got gills.

It's got gills. Gills. It's got a lot of guilt. This is a humiliated animal. No, it's got sort of these nice red gills and it's got, it's got arms and legs, but it's a, and it sits in a tank of water. It doesn't move much. It's kind of the perfect pet. Sounds it. And if it gets sick you just put it in the fridge and it gets better.

What? Yeah. And I had one and his arm got ripped off in the water filter and it just grew back. Oh Sam. They're regenerative. Was you living at home? Yeah. With parents? Yeah. Okay. That's exactly at home? Yeah. With parents? Yeah.

Okay. That's exactly what happened. What do you mean? That's not what happened, Sam. You think that they replaced the axolotl? I would put a mortgage on it. I think, I mean, are we allowed to Google this stuff? Type in producer, axolotl, grows it back, can it grow it back?

What do you think? In the fridge. In the fridge, not in the fridge. The fridge is another thing they do. I've never Googled anything for myself. What the... Wow. I'm so sorry.

Yeah. I'm sorry. Okay. What, but it has to be in the fridge. I'm so sorry. It doesn't have to be in the fridge. I'm so sorry. It doesn't have to be in the fridge, but they do like it in there. It's a really no-frills pet. That's mental.

Yeah. Why hasn't every kid got one? They're quite slimy. Why are we messed about with hamsters? Yeah, maybe that's something romantic about having an animal that will die just if it gets scared. Oh my gosh. It just grows back. I'm sorry to doubt you, I just didn't think it was possible. Well believe it, you know, believe it now.

Gosh, but that's the only, had any pets with fur? Had any pets with teeth? Yeah I had one of these little dog called Sally. She lived to be 18 and she was a nightmare. Oh really? She was just feral but we all loved her. Did you? Yeah. And we, I think my dad maybe was trying to strip like we had this big, big, big ham and he's trying to maybe strip the last bits of meat off it or he left it in a bowl of water.

Yeah. And she was so ravenous. She drank all of the water to get to the bone. This whole huge bowl of water. She was just like this plump little animal and just couldn't move and we'd go and poke her and she'd just grunt. It was so funny. And it would have been quite salty water, was it? It would have been, but yeah, she was just mental. She'd always jump on the table. She could jump really high. She'd just go on the table and had no respect. Yeah. That's animals for you, isn't it? Yeah. Unless you train them. What have been some of your pets? I had a hamster. Oh yeah. Yeah. We called it Houdini

because it would escape on a night. It's so clever. He used to put his little plastic house underneath, you know, the door for the cage, climb up on the roof and lift, lift the little latch up and get out. My mum, my mum killed it on impact. Sorry? My mum was watching, there was a program called the X-Files. Did you get it in Australia? Big influence. Was it?

Was it really? I like that stuff. Yeah. Big influence on? Just the? I like that stuff. Yeah. Um, a big influence on... Just the way I see the world. This so-called reality. And my mum was watching that in the dark and the hamster ran along the back of the settee just in her right line as there was a really scary bit on X-Files. And she said she kung-fu'd, she like did a kung-fu chop on it and instantly

just killed it. Stunned it and it just died there. Wow, why did she tell you that? Because it was the truth I suppose. If I had a child and I had karate chopped their head to death, I'd go, oh yeah, it escaped. Oh yeah, no sorry, she didn't tell me when I was a child. She told me later on, like just drunk. Oh, yeah. Oh wow. She karate chopped her ditty. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Has she had training? She's a ninja. Is she? Yeah. She, she, she, she is like got like the amazing skills from a mum and her reflexes are unbelievable. Wow. She's like really incredible in that respect. Quite quick. Oh yeah, but she's never trained or anything. She hasn't

had training. It's just inner. Quick to anger. Yeah. Violent woman. Yeah. And do you have reservoirs of anger inside you that they were robbed? Yeah, but I'm from the north east of England so it's sort of of like a train to do that. That's an angry people? Warm-hearted confrontational people. Warm-hearted confrontational people? Yeah. Oh yeah.

Well I guess when the heart gets too warm it becomes hard to handle. Okay so really quickly, this is what happened to my axolotl. Right, yeah. quickly, this is what happened to my axolotl. Right. Really, really quick. So I had a pet axolotl called Joe and I left to go to university and my mum was a teacher, she's a chalky and the axolotl went to live at her school and all the kids loved the axolotl, big fans of Joe and then he died and they buried the axolotl and had a big funeral and it was a beautiful ceremony,

really classy. The kids did speeches. Then a boy dug up the Axolotl's corpse and was mucking around with it and it all got covered up because it was the principal's son. Oh my god. Why haven't I seen that on Netflix? They want the rights to this badly but out of respect for my fallen fish they haven't done it.

Wow. Oh my gosh. Yeah so he'd like figured out where it was buried and had dug it up and was sort of... I think that's a cartoon you know. Anyone who mucks around with a corpse is no good. No well they do say that teachers, the children of teachers... Are often... Are often insane. Do you think so? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because

teachers generally are good teachers but they don't make very good parents. Oh, it's like chefs where they'll make a dark orange and then go home and have KFC. Yeah, yeah. That's basically, you're getting the sort of dregs of their parental abilities because they just use them all for money. Yeah, I'd be like, oh, teach me the alphabet. They'd be like, how much have you got? with their parental abilities, because they just use them all for money. Oh, yeah. I'd be like, oh, teach me the alphabet. They'd be like, how much have you got? But the principal's son, because he's going to feel a sense of entitlement, isn't he?

So that's not exactly, thinks he rules the roost. Well, guess what? I'm calling you out on this podcast, boy. But didn't regenerate itself. Oh, wow. That would be great. And then it could sort of haunt this boy like Lady Macbeth. Yeah. I know what you did. You sicko. That's a great story. How did you feel about him doing that to your pet? I was quite shocked and also what a justice, but the guy's untouchable. I thought about enrolling in the school and pretending to be a student and tracking him down, but, um,

We did, we did. had too much on. After uni, after uni. Yeah. What did you study? I studied animation. Did you? Yeah.

Well, I think you should make a cartoon of that. I can see it as like a quirky cartoon. Axolotl's Lament. Yeah, well, yeah. It's not bad. I can see it. It's very visual. I mean, yeah, if anyone has, if anyone wants to put in some cash for this damn thing. How did you end up being a comic then if you studied animation?

Oh, I just got into it. I always liked it. And then I went to watch a few things. And I loved like going to see Ross Noble. I saw him and I thought he was crazy. Yeah. You know he eats two barbecue chokes before he goes on stage? Two barbecue chickens. Yeah. He eats two of them. Before he goes on stage. Did he tell you that? Well, I'd heard about it from his like tour manager like years ago. And then I met him in Adelaide and I said, is it true that you eat two barbecue chickens before you go on stage? And he said, I haven't done that for a while. Now I just eat the arms, the wings and the legs.

Whoa. He must have done it once and had a good gig and then felt he had to carry on. Yeah, maybe superstition. I have a pad thai before I go. Every time? Well, I have a lime and soda every time. Wow. And I can't go on stage without one. A lime and soda? Yeah.

Wow. That's in your writer sort of thing? Yeah. And then during my tour, I started having a pad thai and couldn't stop. And that's become your go-to. Yeah. But I mean, two barbecue chickens is a bit much in it. Well, and he improvises the whole thing.

So he's, imagine that that a belly full of chuck. We've got to ask him, why are you clogging yourself up with chuck? Yeah, yeah, chuck. What do you... Chuck? You don't call chickens chuck? No. You would never say that? No, never.

A mink killed my chucks. No, I like it. I don't know why we do it. That's just what we call chickens. You call them chuck? Yeah. Why can't, why do you call them chickens? It's called a chuck.

But it's not that, it's not like, it's not that much different to saying chicken, is it? Well, this is just something that's baked into me. I can't, I would just always say a chalk. Oh, that's lovely. Sometimes you just don't have time to say chicken. You got to go chalk. What was your second? So you had a hamster. Had a hamster. Who was karate chopped to death. Yeah, yeah. And then I had a cat and the cat ran away. We never saw it again. Shimi. Shimi?

Yeah. Oh, it's all to do with escape. Like shimi up the chimney and Houdini away. Yeah, they're all trying to leave. And then recently I had a dog that I gave away. Oh, why do you give him away? Because he tried to bite my child's face. Right. Yeah. And who do you blame? The child. The child. What was she, a torturing animal? Yeah. Yeah. And he was getting very jealous. But obviously you, it's harder to give the child away than the dog.

Yeah. So the dog had to go. The dog had to go, oh, that's sad. Yeah, I know it was sad, but it's in a better place now. Oh, where is it? It's with friends who are childless. Oh, right.

Who treat it as a child and it's having the best time of its life. They send me pictures as if like they've adopted it from me. So they let me be involved in like big, you know, like wedding and birthdays. The dog got married? When it's the dog's birthday and Christmas and big, big things like that. They said photos of it. Yeah. They let me feel like I'm involved. Yeah. And does the dog look at photos of you when you have major events? No, they brought the dog.

We decided to wait. When you hosted Live of the Apollo, did they chuck it on for the dog? No, but we decided to wait a year before the dog had contact with me again. Oh yeah, it's good to give it a year. Yeah. And he didn't know who I was. If you could get rid of one animal from the whole world, what would it be? From the whole world? Dogs.

Dogs would be the one to get rid of? I think it's the one that would cause the most ruckus. It would shake things up for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Do you know what I personally think? I think it's weird how we eat some animals and then have other animals as our babies. Yeah, yeah. It is. I mean, there's a big furor in Australia. A famous fish just died, a grower called Gus. Is this true? Yes. Okay. 100% hand on heart.

So there's this, so I think this is in Crenola. There's a few groepers around in Australia. I only knew the Cleveli groeper, who I think was called Bluey. Right. So there's a territorial fish. So you name all your fish? I didn't call it that. This is, everyone would call it this.

Right. Okay. So there's a big thing. So is everyone would call it this. Right. Okay. So there's a big thing. So these Gropers, they are huge. It's a big blue fish. Gropers. Gropa? Okay.

Carry on. It's an unfortunate name, but they, and then every couple of years someone will, maybe from overseas will spearfish the Gropa and kill it. And then all the locals will be like up in arms and furious about it. Why? Because they just, we just love them so much and they're such gentle beasts and you're just not, it's illegal to spear them. Oh really?

But someone who doesn't know the rules or who flaunts the rules deliberately will kill a Gropa and then they'll bring it up and go, I've caught this and all the locals will attack them. Oh God. It's happened and it just happened recently, this fish called Gus. And they want to give it a state funeral. It's a big deal when it happens. So how many groupers are there in the... So there's usually only one in each sort of area.

Oh right. So it's not like carp then? No, no, no. Oh, in the world, I don't know how many groepers are, there are probably hundreds. So you're not saying grooper with an Australian accent? No, like a groeper. I have no idea what a groeper is.

A groeper is a big blue fish with a very funny beak and a nose. A beak? It's sort of got a beak. Okay. It's got a funny fish, yeah. And you would really like, can we get up a grouper or is that going to, okay, there we go. Oh yeah. Oh wow.

They're lovely. So this Yahoo has been fined $800 for killing this grouper name. The, this name was Gus. Oh, it's gorgeous. It's beautiful. Isn't it? I see. So that's why it's famous because there's not many of them.

No, no. And people really get many of them. No, no. And people really get involved with them. Like I think a politician was like, oh, my family love the grouper. This is like a tragedy. He's probably looking for votes, but yeah. But yeah, but the guard, you can tell that it's got like a nice personality. Oh yeah. Very gentle, very inquisitive, very friendly. And there's a... I killed it. Spearfish, yeah. Ah, with a spear? Yeah, with a spear, yeah. And then did they get money for it?

Who? The people who kill it, do you think? Oh, well they get just get attacked by the locals immediately. They'll just get bashed as soon as they come out of the water. Right. Yeah. Oh, and is that where you lived? Yeah.

Oh. That made me a bit homesick. Do you feel like you grew up around lots of wildlife? Yeah, yes and no. Not as crazy as like the English people who think it's all, you know, that you live inside a zoo or something. Did you see a tarantula? Do you have one in your home? I've seen, yeah, like, not a tarantula.

I've seen golden orb spiders and I have seen redback spiders. Right. But I would like a huntsman spider. I would touch with my hands. I have seen redback spiders. Right. But I would like a huntsman spider. I would touch with my hands. I'm not afraid. Really? And they can kill? No, they can't kill.

They're gentle. Because you grow up in this country thinking everyone in Australia is mad. Yeah, I think there must be some TV show or something that everyone was, you know, watching. Like I watched Monarch of the Glen. I didn't think everyone was doing all that kind of stuff. I watched Darrell's Ellen Pascoe. I didn't think everyone was, you know, there was a riddle with crime. But did you have killer spiders in your home?

Sometimes but most of the times no. But sometimes? Every now and again. But just once is too much? You know, I don't think it's as bad as people say. But the threat, is the threat always there and you think about it every morning? But the threat's always, you know, a drone't think it's as bad as people say. But the threat is the threat always there. And you think about every morning. But the threats always you know, a drone could come and get you

anytime. It's not got eight legs. It's about the legs. Yeah, it is about the legs. Yeah, I would say it's especially if you live if you're living in one of the major cities, you know, you don't see him. You're not. You got a visit. When are you going to go to Australia? I'm just concerned about the flight time. Really?

Well, it's tiring isn't it, when you get back the jet lag. Oh, but you can just time shift. You can beat it using melatonin and using an app called TimeShifter. That's what I've done, it tells you what to do. Does it? Because you need light. Get yourself, you can be like a moth and you can just find a light and look at it and time it exactly right.

And does it work? And you'll feel as good as a peach. Does it work? Yeah, it's worked for me. Wow. Okay. It's worked for me and it's worked for people I care about. And you know, part of you haven't, you're not involved in it.

No businesses, no none of that stuff. No one wants, wants me to help promote their thing, but I will promote anything. But then how do you cope with being in the air for that long? You can watch some movies. You know what, I watch 12 Angry Men. Have you seen that movie? Yeah. It's so good. It's really good. But then, but isn't it like 12 hours or something? No, it's like a two hour. Oh, the flight. It's an hour for each man. Man two.

This, it is long. I can't remember how long exactly, but you get used to it. I've done it so many times now. Right, okay. It can be good. They can't get you in the sky. Who can't? Just people emailing, you know, like. Right, well, okay. I'm going to go then. You sure? You'd be welcomed. I've been worried about it, but I'm going to go.

They need you. They need me. I think so. I knew someone who had a dog that only had three legs. Oh yeah. And the family would basically play bookeroo on it. Really? Yeah. They were riding it and sort of thing. No, not riding it. They were putting things on it. Oh, and seeing what would stay. Yeah, they would stand it up. And so, because there was a way to make it stand up. Yeah. And then they would just put only light things. Yeah. And then when it fell down that that was When the dog would fall down. Yeah. Geez. Yeah, but the dog seems to be really happy. You're right

Yeah, it was a it was a rescue dog and it was in a really really bad way. He's off finally I've been rescued by the oh, what are they putting on me? So you're just so grateful like they looked after it well. Yeah that, that, um, they did like to stack things on it. Yeah. I thought it was a bit cruel, but the dog seemed all right. He didn't mind it. I did see, this isn't really animal. I did see a boy with really hairy legs on the train. A boy? Yeah. How old? Maybe like 14. Okay. And he had the hairiest legs I've ever seen in my life. In your life? They were insane. So they like made you think of like an animal? Yeah and I'm looking at his legs and his dad's like looking at me and I'm like just sorry but this guy has the

hairiest legs I've ever seen in my life. Do you think the dad knew? His dad definitely knew. Did the dad, did you see the dad's legs? I didn't get to see it, he was wearing jeans. The boy should have been wearing jeans. I know, maybe that's their sick operation, who knows what they're up to. Maybe they're pickpocketing, did you check his pockets? That's what they're up to. Distract them with your hairy pipes. That's a great technique.

Clever way to do it. But yeah, they were hairy. How hairy? It's hard for us to imagine. Yeah. I'm trying to think of like... Could you see his skin underneath? Barely. Barely?

Yeah. It's like thick black hair. Wow. I'm trying to think of like... That's why he's wearing shorts then. He doesn't need trousers. Maybe he can't even wear them. Maybe it irritates.

Maybe he has to wear shorts legally. Not legally, but to feel comfortable. But yeah, he had really hairy legs. And what did it make you want to pet them or call them a name? I wouldn't touch them. I wouldn't touch them in a million years. And he was only 14. I'd maybe shave them. I tell you what animal I was most disappointed with.

Go on. A camel. Really? Yeah, it spat at me. Oh dear. Yeah, there was a demonstration at London Zoo when I was a kid and they picked me and the camel was really lovely to me at first and everyone was looking because it was like almost like nudging and it was like everyone was like, oh, and then it waited and then spat in my face.

And I feel like it knew what it was doing, you know. Really playing it out, playing the sweetie. Cause they've got long eyelashes, don't they? Yeah, yeah. And that was my first sort of experience that animals can be bad. They're not nice. No, they can turn. They can turn on a dime.

Yeah, they are cruel to each other. There's a comedian from Brisbane. This is where I started. And she, um, she went on, um, Australia's Got Talent and she spattered Brian McFadden. He like insulted her. Oh, I think she went on and she was doing that really rude material, like really blue stuff, and he goes, hey, listen, we got kids in the crowd. Can you cut it out with this filth act or whatever he says? And he goes, hey, listen, we got kids in the crowd.

Can you cut it out with this filth act or whatever he says? And she goes, oh, what do you know? May start getting into quite a bit of a squabble. And she spat at him. And then she said, she was like, oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have spat at him. Or maybe she denied spitting. It was this whole thing.

But then people looked into it and she had also spat at a hairdresser a few weeks earlier. She didn't like her haircut, she'd spattered a hairdresser. And then she went on Australia's Got Talent and started spitting at Brian McFadden. Oh my god. That reminded you, well it's the same. I know Brian McFadden feels. Yeah. What did he do? He was so upset. He was like, I come all the way out here to judge a show.

He's got talent and you know, he's just protecting the children. She's doing this disgusting. I've seen her act. It's all, you know, humping and all this kind of stuff. She's really funny, by the way. You'd want that on a t-shirt, wouldn't you? I spat Brian McFadden. I spat at him and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.

Well the public didn't, were not so impressed. Were they not? No, it's not nice. And we like Brian all that, because he used to go with Delta Goodrum. Oh, did he? Yeah. Who is Brian McFadden? He's a singer. Oh God, he went out with them, you know, she's got a big skip in her garden. She's got a big skip in her garden. Yeah. Like her own personal skip. Just because she buys a lot of stuff, so she's got a big skip in her garden. Yeah. Like her own personal skip. Just because she buys a lot of stuff so she's got a lot of packaging. She's got her own skip. She doesn't have a bin anymore. She just keeps a skip outside.

Wow. Kerry Katona, did she marry Brian McFadden? Did you know? I think the Pope went to their wedding. The Pope went to that wedding? I think so. Wow. We've got to get this producer.

They played for the Pope. Maybe that's similar. Did he win a private show? I just remembered a really nice story. Brian McFadden's met the Pope. Wow. They were so famous back in the day. Was he Westlife?

Yeah, Westlife. And then he got with, and who's Delta Goodrum then? Delta Goodrum is kind of pretty similar. Like she's an amazing singer, songwriter, plays the piano and just, yeah, puts a feather in all of our bows. Is that who he's with now? I think they split. Oh, yeah.

Okay. After he got spat on. Oh, straight up to Goodrum. That sounds spectacular. Straight up to Goodrum. We know what you're up to. We're watching you. We're listening.

This is a, trust me, this is a peach. Okay. So do you know Eddie McGuire? Yeah, no. Oh, Eddie McGuire is the host of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire in Australia. Right. And he's also like, owns like a football team and he's like a big media power player sort of guy. Okay, so this is in Sydney. This guy gets booked to play a, he's an odd player. He plays an instrument called the wood.

It's like a medieval instrument. The wood and he gets really big and like suddenly everyone's into the wood and he gets booked for a private party. They say, we just want you to sit behind this curtain and play the ood. And he goes, oh, do I come out and mingle with the, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, mingling. No, no, none of that, none of that. You're just going to be playing the ood.

He's like, oh, okay. So he's behind this curtain, he's hearing a bit of chatter. He's like, I wonder how many people are even at this private event. He's getting paid a shitload by the way. So he's playing the o wood. And then finally, at the end of, you know, the evening, someone comes back, the person who booked him or whatever and goes, okay, do you want to come out and take a bow? And they open up the curtain, I swear to God, it's a big banquet table. It's Eddie Maguire, Russell Crowe, and Shane Warwin, all dressed as

kings, wearing crowns, having a big private feast and he bows. That's amazing. What's an hood? So let's have a recap of what we've talked about. A quick recap. We spoke a lot about animals. We did. Would you say animals, animooge has been the themes of this? Animals. Animooge.

Animooge. Anyway, well done that. I think animooge has been the theme. Would you say overall? Yeah, it's foggy looking back. I like the woman who's got her own skip in. I think we learned a lot about Australia. Yeah, we learned some Australia stuff. I think we've thrown a about Australia. Yeah, we're some Australia stuff.

I think we've thrown a lot in there. If you want us to discuss one specific animal, please send an email. What do you want us to do? Yeah, that's a good question. If you're not, yeah, what do you want from us? If you weren't satisfied with this, then give us some constructive criticism.

We're looking for suggestions of topics to talk about. And if you're a high profile celebrity, please get in touch and be a guest. I quite fancy going, you know, when you go on TripAdvisor, finding one star, um, historic sites. Oh, that's great. That people aren't happy with. Yeah. And then we'll decide if we're happy with them.

Do, would you be up for that? Oh, that's a great, that's a great plan. That we'll, we'll have to go and take a packed lunch. I saw the bog people in Ireland recently, 2000 year old people who have been preserved in the bog. And is it worth going to? It's so good. They cut this guy's nipples off because they didn't want him to become the king.

If you don't have nipples, you can't be the king. Oh, I've got nothing but love for the boys from above. Hello, it's Rob Orton here. Now I've got a podcast called the Rob Orton Daily Podcast. It's a short poem or story or amusing on a particular subject every single day. What if you commissioned Picasso to paint your house and he just painted it white? Would you be annoyed? Wouldn't it be good if you could pour Miracle Grow onto other things, such as pizzas? Have you ever thought about what a beach might be like if it was made from digestive biscuits?

Have you ever tried to cry about something you're not thinking about? If you would like to listen to a daily podcast that includes subjects I've mentioned there, then please listen to the Rob Orton Daily Podcast.