Mark Bell's Power Project - Jessica-Rose Clark - From Alcoholic to the UFC, How Fighting Saved Her Life || MBPP Ep. 783
Episode Date: August 11, 2022In this Podcast Episode, The UFC's Jessica-Rose Clark, Mark Bell, Nsima Inyang, and Andrew Zaragoza talk about how Jessica found freedom in fighting. She had an addiction to alcohol that was crushed w...hen she found fighting and is now in the UFC. Follow Jessica on IG: https://www.instagram.com/missjessyjess/ Join The Power Project Discord: https://discord.gg/yYzthQX5qN Subscribe to the new Power Project Clips Channel: https://youtube.com/channel/UC5Df31rlDXm0EJAcKsq1SUw Special perks for our listeners below! ➢https://boncharge.com/pages/POWERPROJECT Code POWERPROJECT for 20% off!! ➢https://thecoldplunge.com/ Code POWERPROJECT to save $150!! ➢Enlarging Pumps (This really does work): https://bit.ly/powerproject1 ➢https://www.vivobarefoot.com/us/powerproject Code POWERPROJECT20 for 20% off Vivo Barefoot shoes! ➢https://markbellslingshot.com/ Code POWERPROJECT10 for 10% off site wide including Within You supplements! ➢https://mindbullet.com/ Code POWERPROJECT for 20% off! ➢https://eatlegendary.com Use Code POWERPROJECT for 20% off! ➢https://bubsnaturals.com Use code POWERPROJECT for 20% of your next order! ➢https://vuoriclothing.com/powerproject to automatically save 20% off your first order at Vuori! ➢https://www.eightsleep.com/powerproject to automatically save $150 off the Pod Pro at 8 Sleep! ➢https://marekhealth.com Use code POWERPROJECT10 for 10% off ALL LABS at Marek Health! Also check out the Power Project Panel: https://marekhealth.com/powerproject Use code POWERPROJECT for $101 off! ➢Piedmontese Beef: https://www.piedmontese.com/ Use Code POWER at checkout for 25% off your order plus FREE 2-Day Shipping on orders of $150 Follow Mark Bell's Power Project Podcast ➢ https://lnk.to/PowerProjectPodcast ➢ Insta: https://www.instagram.com/markbellspowerproject ➢ https://www.facebook.com/markbellspowerproject ➢ Twitter: https://twitter.com/mbpowerproject ➢ LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/powerproject/ ➢ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/markbellspowerproject ➢TikTok: http://bit.ly/pptiktok FOLLOW Mark Bell ➢ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marksmellybell ➢https://www.tiktok.com/@marksmellybell ➢ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkBellSuperTraining ➢ Twitter: https://twitter.com/marksmellybell Follow Nsima Inyang ➢ https://www.breakthebar.com/learn-more ➢YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/NsimaInyang ➢Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nsimainyang/?hl=en ➢TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@nsimayinyang?lang=en Follow Andrew Zaragoza on all platforms ➢ https://direct.me/iamandrewz #UFC #PowerProject #MarkBell #FitnessPodcast
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Bad Project Family, how's it going? Now, as you guys know, we have been talking about cold therapy for a while.
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Let's just get you on that microphone.
You got like some special
juice with butterflies on it and stuff.
This one's really good. It's so
good. All the juice ones are my favorite.
Does that one have
like 70 grams of sugar in it?
Yeah, that's what I was looking at.
48.
48. It's not that bad.
You don't care. You'll fight it all out of your system, right?
I'm a big fan of carbs.
Drop that mic a little bit.
I think everybody's a fan. Oh, I'm very short. I'm sorry.
I think everybody's a fan. Oh, I'm very short.
I'm sorry.
Everyone's a fan of sugar.
Oh, yeah.
No, 100%.
I just have the benefit of training enough that I can eat as much as I want.
Right.
That's the goal.
I'm sure my organs probably don't like it, but my body's fine.
Do you get everything checked out?
Do you get like blood work done?
And like, are you pretty meticulous with trying to get as much health markers?
I just had all my blood work done recently.
I used to be a bad alcoholic.
And so I was concerned about my liver, even though I know the liver regenerates.
But there's like a certain level that it can get to where it doesn't regenerate anymore.
You might've been to that level.
It was pretty bad.
But I had like a couple of months where I was sparring and I was getting hurt to the
liver over and over and over again.
I was like, oh my God, something's wrong.
And so I got my blood work done and they were like, your liver's fine.
You're just being a baby.
You just got punched in it. You just got punched in it.
You just got punched and kicked in it.
But yeah, they just said I had kind of low testosterone,
but I'd just gone off birth control.
So I think it was that and I haven't had it tested again.
But there's not a whole lot I can do about having low testosterone.
There's a hack for us if we want to get on some testosterone.
Just take some birth control.
Get birth control, lower your testosterone, elevate your estrogen.
There you go.
You're welcome.
Why do you think it seems like there's a lot of fighters that have had a past where they've been addicted to certain things.
Do you think that fighting somehow lends itself to maybe people that have some addictive personalities or something like that?
Oh, 100%.
maybe people have some addictive personalities or something like that?
Oh, 100%. Like there's a, there's a very common theme with fighters and, and majority of them come from a history of drug and alcohol abuse or like actual physical abuse, you know? Um,
and I really think that for me personally, fighting gave me something to channel that energy
into. And there, there's like, yeah, I don't know. It's so addictive. It really
does. It really does replace whatever it was that created the addiction to alcohol. For me,
it was always alcohol. And the way that I was able to go sober was focusing on fighting and like
setting goals within fighting that became bigger than my desire to drink alcohol. But it is,
it's such a, I have so many friends in this industry that do have that exact same history of drug and alcohol abuse. And I think something
like wanting to beat the hell out of another person kind of takes a certain, a certain sort
of mentality, you know, and a certain sort of person. And so I definitely think there's a
correlation between that type of person and having an addictive personality.
Because it is.
It's like a weird amount.
It's like, I want to say like 90% of people I know in this sport, with the exception of
someone like GSP, who's a legitimate martial artist, majority either currently have addiction
issues or come from a history of addiction issues.
I think maybe it's a little fight club-ish, like where you're fighting yourself almost.
Yeah, no, for sure. For sure. Well, think about it. Like what is drug and alcohol addiction? Like
we, I used it to not have to deal with any of my issues, you know, and I've, I've definitely
noticed, um, I actually just went through this recently. I want to say 2019, uh, where coach and
I had had to have a big discussion about it, where I realized that I was using training the exact
same way I used to use alcohol.
You know, like I was feeling a lot of really negative feelings and I was struggling internally.
And so I would just try to physically outwork how I felt.
And then that wasn't the answer either because I still wasn't dealing with whatever it was
I was upset about, you know.
So I definitely think that kind of makes sense.
We go from running away from our feelings and running away from our issues
by numbing them with alcohol to then going to physically outwork them.
And you have a certain level of success with that until you get to the top.
And then you're like, oh, this is actually really, really mental as well.
So if I'm mentally off, it doesn't matter what physical shape I'm in or like how technical
I am.
If I'm still feeling those negative feelings, like they come out in that moment when you're under the bright lights and when you're in front
of everyone, then it's like, oh my God, every negative thing that I've ever said about myself
comes out in this moment when I need to not, I need to not be feeling that, you know? So
it is that, that's kind of been, um, the battle for like the last couple of years. And honestly,
having a coach like Kirian has helped me get through that so much,
but I know I'm definitely not the only fighter that experiences that.
How long was alcohol a problem for you and like how early,
and then how long did it take for you to kick it after fighting or did it
recur come back here and there through the career?
So I didn't start,
I didn't start drinking till I was 19 till my grandma died so
when my grandma died that's kind of that's when i started when i spiraled and then i was working in
nightclubs for a long time back in australia so definitely didn't help people would always give
me free drugs like i would get free free drinks you know i managed the nightclubs everyone was
like oh let us in i'll give you a bag of pills bet let's do it, you know? Um, and then, so I was still doing that when I found
kickboxing and I was just kind of making them exist together. Like I never, I think at that
time I didn't really realize how much of a problem it was. And it was only, um, I realized it was a
problem in 2018 cause I went sober in July, 2018. And it was because I lost a fight I fought Jessica I
on UFC Singapore um and that whole camp I was so unhappy and so I drank the whole camp the only
time I didn't drink was in fight week when I was in Singapore yeah and then I lost that and went
man I gotta make some changes the first thing that went was alcohol so I've been four years sober now
um so I got rid of that and then once I got rid of that. And then once I got rid of that, I was like, oh, I'm in a really toxic work environment. And then I had to
leave my coach, leave my gym and make a bunch of different changes. But if I hadn't have realized
that the alcohol was such a big issue, I don't think I would have made all those other changes.
Like it was real hard for about a year, but then my body started working better. Mentally,
I felt better.
I finally made the decisions that I needed to make to get to Coach Curie,
and I'd been trying to get up here for eight years, you know,
and my life 100% got so much better when I quit drinking.
But it was a big problem.
Like I had tried going sober a couple of times before that,
but I think it really did take that loss. And just, I remember one night sitting
in my house, I had an apartment by myself and I just had my puppy and a cat. And I was like sitting
drinking a bottle of Jägermeister by myself. Cause I used to convince myself, I was like,
oh yeah, I'll just drink a bottle of tequila. Cause it has fiber. They say it's good for you.
It has fiber?
has fiber they say it's good for you oh that's fiber yeah i'll drink a bottle of vodka it has no calories i'll drink jagermeister because it's a digestive you know like start replacing that with
these legendary tasty pastries yeah but no but it's like it's crazy when you like it's crazy
yeah you can convince yourself of anything right and then yeah there
was one night where i don't know why i was sitting in my i was sitting in my apartment with my dog
and my cat by myself drinking jagermeister in the dark and like filming videos for youtube and then
i went back and watched them the next morning i'm like what is wrong with me like there's a serious
issue here like who sits in their house filming videos for
youtube wasted and they were just me rambling to my dog like it wasn't even anything it just yeah
that sounds entertaining i mean i always had a good time but but yeah i kind of realized after
that i was like oh i don't think this is that healthy. And then I started trying to make decisions to better my life.
I was like, okay, I'm going to start going to coach.
My strength coach at the time was Bo Sandoval at the UFC Performance Institute.
And he and his wife and his kid used to always go to this church in Vegas.
I was like, all right, I'm going to start going to church with them.
And the first time I tried to go, I was too hungover to get up and go.
And I went, you know what?
This is a moment for me right now where I was actively trying to do
something to better my life. And my alcohol, my alcohol addiction stopped me from being able to
do that. And it might seem like a small thing, but it was like the straw that broke the camel's back,
you know? And then that's when I went, no, I'm done. I'm done. And I haven't, I relapsed
at the end of 2020 for five weeks.
And outside of that, it's been smooth sailing.
Yeah.
How are you made aware of Kyrian Fitzgibbons and CSA?
So I remember, so I had a really bad injury back in 2012.
And I remember I couldn't train for like a year.
And so my coach, Igor, back in Sydney, my gym.
That sounds dope.
My coach, Igor.
My coach, Igor.
I actually had two coaches, Igor.
Igor Breckenbach and Igor Proporchikov.
Oh, that's me.
Igor Breckenbach?
Yeah.
His name's actually Igor Smiljevic.
Okay.
Yeah.
But his name is,
his stage name because he's a stuntman.
Man, I'm already terrified
of the guy.
I've never even met him.
He's five foot four.
He's like a little,
he's a little Austrian dude
with a ponytail.
Ponytail.
Ponytail fuck you up.
Ponytail's it.
He's mad.
He still fucks us up
Steven Seagal style.
Well, he's done stunts
with Jean-Claude Van Damme
with Jackie Chan.
Yeah, like he's been around
for a long time.
He's a stuntman.
He owns his own stunt company.
That's actually why his name is Eagle Breakin' Back.
That's his stage name because he broke his back
doing stunts on a movie one time.
We need to have a stuntman on the show.
Oh, we need to have a few.
That would be really cool.
If he ever comes over, I'll bring him out.
That's why we got Melvin here today.
Yep.
Yeah.
But yeah, so I remember I was like sitting.
So when I got injured and I couldn't train,
I was really depressed and then diving into my alcoholism. And then my coach, remember I was like sitting. So when I got injured and I couldn't train, I was really depressed and then diving into
my alcoholism.
And then my coach Eagle was like, hey, why don't you come and clean the mats every day?
So at least you're in the gym.
So he like gave me a job.
And I remember I was sitting on the mats one day after cleaning and I was going through
Facebook and I saw this like highlight clip of Gina Carano and Kevin Ross.
And then it had coach Kieran.
And I was like, oh my my god like these people are amazing
that's where I want to go and I set that I set that goal then I'm like okay whenever I can get
to the US I want to go to Combat Sports Academy and then I finally got to come out here in 2016
my old manager flew me out I had a visa so he just got me a one-way ticket and I didn't know
anyone in Vegas but I just walked into a gym,
got a job at the gym, was sleeping on someone's couch. You just have to walk like three hours to
get to the gym every day. And I was like, my whole goal was, okay, I'm going to make the money to get
to California. Like that's where I want to go. I want to go to California. And it took me three
years. And then I finally got brought out here with Hans from Monster Energy for one of Gaston's
fights in San Jose. And so he took me into CSA and I met Kieran for the first time
and he held pads for me and yelled at me for fighting at 125
and said I needed to fight at 135.
And I was like, okay, I really want to come train with you.
And he's like, you're not fighting for me unless you go back to 135.
And, yeah, and that's kind of history.
And we've had three major injuries and a lot of evolution
and a couple of losses and a couple of wins but
i'm pretty happy with where i am that's all the time we got okay bye thanks coach
um uh hans is always kicking drinks out of people's hands what's the deal with that that's
it that's his why is he always doing that that's his thing you know like he has that would be like
you know someone like if i walked down the street and someone would kick out you know something out of my hand i would be like on the fight but then i would be like he has. That would be like, you know, someone like if I walked down the street and someone would kick something out of my hand, I would be
like, want to fight, but then I would
be like, he actually kicked with like
really good form. I'm not going to fucking touch that guy.
That's what he does. That's like his thing.
He's like, you ever see these videos?
No, I haven't. So I'm actually quite curious.
What's his IG handle?
Just Hans Mollenkamp, I think.
M-O-L-E-N-K-A-M-P.
It's spelled how it sounds.
But he does.
That's his thing.
He just walks up and kicks monster cans out of people's hands.
Kicking the shit out of people.
Yeah.
But people love it.
It's like his shtick.
What do you think separates out a coach?
What is something that you notice with Kieran?
Because he's world-renowned.
One of the best in the world.
As a striking coach, I think he's world-renowned,. One of the best in the world as a striking coach.
I think he's world renowned, right?
So what do you think is something that separates him out from other coaches?
So something that I've experienced a lot is that a lot of coaches like to tell you what
they think you want to hear instead of what you need to hear.
You know, there's a lot of yes men, particularly in my sport.
There's a lot of yes men that will tell you what you want to hear
so that they have an easier path to making money off you.
Coach doesn't make any money off you.
Coach loses money.
Coach won't even let me pay for his meals when we're in fight week.
Coach loses money on every single one of his fighters.
But the thing that I love about him the most
and that I really think sets him in a league of his own
is that he's always honest like he doesn't he doesn't just tell you stuff because
he thinks that you want to hear it like he generally wants to see us evolve as human beings
not just as athletes and he understands that if we're not happy with who we are as humans we're
never going to be great athletes anyway and that really the only other coach I've had like that is
my coach Igor back in Australia you know so um that was kind of the biggest thing I noticed aside from his like technical ability and his
his accolades within the sports as a person like I know that I can go to him with any problem with
any issue asking for advice and he's always going to give me an honest opinion he's never going to
go like oh I think this is what she needs to hear right now so i'm gonna tell her that he'll he'll be like no i'm gonna black and white it's just honest like
he's called me out on so much of my shit and i think that's made me a better person do you think
there was a time as an athlete that you would not have been receptive to that because you know you
hear about strength coaches for professional athletes and a lot of these coaches they know
that okay this athlete just doesn't like training this way and if i tell them not to they'll say fuck you i'm gonna find somebody
else right yeah would you have you always been receptive to coaches that tell you how it is or
have there been times where like you just like you're like if this coach tells me that i'm done
with them like you needed a coach to just kind of say baby you be a yes man yes man honestly i've
left coaches because i felt like they were
yes men i felt like they weren't being honest with me um one thing i really pride myself on
and i and i have for my entire life is just being honest about things and i want people to
to treat me the same way you know so um i think that's why my journey within this sport has led
me to so many different gyms and schools and coaches because I've been searching for someone like Kyrian, for someone like my coach Eagle back home.
Just people who aren't just trying to make me happy because I don't need to – whatever.
I can make myself happy.
I don't need my coach to make me happy.
I need my coach to tell me how to get better.
I'm in this sport to be the best athlete that I can be.
And if you're just telling me things that are to make me happy, how is that going to
make me a better athlete?
You know, I want to know if I'm if I'm messing up like I want you to tell me, hey, Jesse,
like you're messing up.
Do better.
That's that's what I respond the best to.
How do you lift for this sport?
Because it's a it's not an easy thing to figure out.
And people do many many
different ways of lifting what do you think has been most effective for you that you've actually
noticed with your punches or with blocking someone from taking you down and feeling strong in the
ring um honestly i love power lifting like i power lifted before i started fighting um and when i was
fighting at 125 pounds as opposed to 135 that i'm at right now
i couldn't power lift i couldn't i wasn't allowed to lift the way that i do because you know some
people just genetically they put on muscle a little easier than other people and i'm one of
those people um and so i wasn't allowed to lift and i felt the only times i ever got rocked in
fights were at 125 you know and i really feel really feel like. And Kieran was right.
Yeah, no, 100%. I had no power and I was getting hurt a bunch and it was the weight cuts and not being allowed
to lift.
And then when I went back up and could start powerlifting again, like I noticed like my
grip was stronger.
My chin was better.
Like just everything.
I'm, I'm really little for my weight class.
Like I'm short and I have short arms, but I think what I do have over a lot of people
is physicality and strength, you arms, but I think what I do have over a lot of people is physicality and
strength, you know? So I love powerlifting. I am very upset whenever I don't get to do it.
Um, sorry, it is, it is really one of my favorite things to do. Uh,
do you end up training with Jesse Burdick? I've done a little bit with him. You know what?
Jesse and I, Jesse and I are on like these alternate pathways.
I love Jesse.
He's one of my favorite people.
And we always talk about training together.
But it's like then he's away, then I'm away, then I start training with someone else.
You train with Amadeo Novella quite a bit, right?
Yes.
Yeah, I'm with him three days a week.
So I love Amadeo.
We don't power lift as much as what I would like to. but that's also me kind of trying to feed my own ego you know what i mean i do a lot of single leg
single arm stuff balance stability with amadeo and that's been a game changer in so many different
areas and i absolutely would not be doing that i hate it so much i'm sorry i'm a dare but there's like it's so repetitive and boring um but it's like
translated so well into what i'm doing so i'm like ah all right all right but yeah i would love to
train with jesse so jesse actually helps me with a lot of my rehab he's made me cry more than anyone
else by like making me you know those big like heavy steel poles or whatever oh my god oh my god he puts those on you
and like rolls you out with it right it was the it was the worst thing i've ever experienced in
my life was him doing my legs with with those poles you know why he does that because he enjoys
seeing women cry don't we all though it's kind of a nice sight oh Oh my God. I think he does. Hand phone.
I think he is getting some pleasure out of it.
But I also think that he just doesn't want to work on anybody.
So like whenever you ask him for advice, he just kills you.
Yeah.
So you don't come back. Even if you ask him like an exercise, like, hey, my ankle's been clicking weird or something,
you know, and he'll say, you know, hey, do this this way.
But he'll give you like 5,000 reps to do or something.
Something crazy.
I think unless he likes you
I'm not going to ever ask him that again
I think unless he likes me because I feel like he likes me
because he once gave me like an ankle massage
so I think he likes me
that's kind of the drug deal I think
the ankle massage was like
something to get you to come back
to apologize for how much pain he put me through
every other time
I don't know why he does that to people.
He's mean.
He is so mean.
He is so mean.
I love Jesse, though.
Mega mind.
He's got a big head, doesn't he?
Like right here.
I have no comment.
Yeah.
Right here is just a huge, huge pouch.
Battery pack.
He might wear two XL hats, but I don't know if that...
But you have no idea.
...has a side of his head.
The one size hats don't fit his head.
No.
Definitely not.
About your injuries, though, because you've mentioned you've had three major injuries.
In a lot of sport, a lot of athletes, when they get a major injury, it's like they usually just stop after that or they are never the same.
So for you, what are those injuries that you've dealt with and how have you in your mind dealt with that rehab?
Because actually it's tough when your body doesn't move the way you want it to move oh yeah especially when you're used to feeling
really athletic yeah it sucks um so the first one i think it was the beginning of 2019 i said these
have all been in the last three years i had a liz frank fracture my right foot so i had three torn
ligaments and five bone fractures is that in a fight? No, it was in training. I was getting ready for a fight and
it was like extra credit round, right? Like I was done with my training and then I was like,
you know what? Like, yeah, there's this little Israeli boy. Like he's, he's really fun to work
with. Yeah. We'll do one extra round. And then 10 seconds before the end of the round destroyed my
foot. So I was throwing a kick or something like that. No, no, we were wrestling against the cage
and he wrapped my leg up and took me down.
And as I fell, my foot kind of buckled backwards underneath me.
And it was like there was a golf ball on top of my foot.
I think I was on crutches for almost six months.
Like I was in a castle on crutches for so long.
And then the second one was I tore my ACL in a fight and then my elbow in a fight as well. But I don't know,
like, I don't know what else to do with my life. So like, I like having a job to do, you know,
and even if I can't actually do my sport right now, my job is to get healthy from this injury.
And that in itself gives me a lot of freedom and a lot of solace. Um, it's more like the in-between
fights when I'm healthy that I struggle with than actually the injuries.
Like, yeah, it sucks.
And I said, you know, before this last one, I'd said like, hey,
I'm almost 35.
I don't want to fight that much longer.
If I have another major injury, that's probably me done, you know?
And then when this happened, I said to coach immediately,
like my elbow had just popped back in.
I was like, coach, am i allowed to cuss
yeah okay sweet i've been holding it in i don't know you know i'll let it all out i was like coach
fuck this i'm fucking done and he's like what he wasn't even in the cage yet no i'm like nah i'm
fucking done like i'm not doing this anymore um and he's like he's like calm down calm down like
let's let's talk about this later and i'm'm like, okay. Went over and shook, shook the hand of the girl I just fought and whatever. We left, I get in the
ambulance. I'm like inconsolable crying. Like I couldn't even control. I couldn't even stop
myself from crying. You know, I think a lot of it was shock as well, um, as well as disappointment.
And then we were in the ambulance. I'm like, fuck this. Let's go to Asia. I just want to fight
Muay Thai, Jiu Jitsu sucks. And I was. And I was like changing my entire career plan, you know.
And he's like, okay, like whatever you want to do, we're going to do it.
We're going to make it work.
I support you, but I'm just going to suggest you wait
until your emotions are a little lower and then before you make a decision.
And then I was in the hospital for like three and a half, four hours.
They gave me a ton of Percocet.
And I was like, all right, I'm cool.
Like, let's go.
I'll start training again, you know?
So yeah, I don't know.
It's, it's, it's always hard.
And in the moment, like in that moment, I didn't want to fight anymore.
I'm like, I don't want to, I don't want to go through this again.
Like there's been three massive injuries in three years.
Like that's, that's a lot.
And I'm, I'm going to be 40 in a couple of years.
Like, I don't want to fight when I'm 40.'m going to be 40 in a couple of years. Like I don't
want to fight when I'm 40. I want to make the most of my athletic ability right now. And now I have
to have another year off. Like that was, that was kind of what I was most disappointed about was
just having to have another year off. Cause I feel like I've had, you know, in three years, I've had
nine months worth of being able to train and fight and the rest has been just rehab and rehab and
rehab. And that's frustrating but
I don't know what else to do.
I'm not ready to hang it up yet.
I think I still have a lot of fight in me
and once I kind of got over that initial shock
and emotions and whatever, I was like, okay, now I
got a job to do. You can't dance
like Kieran? I'm the worst dancer.
I can moonwalk. I cannot dance.
You guys ever see him dance? No.
He's a stud. does like break dancing and
stuff if you go through her instagram there's like he's dancing with her and she's got like
a sling on i think yeah yeah he was trying to teach me how to moonwalk sideways and forwards
yeah and i was imitating him poorly i want to know though because when we were talking
a little bit ago you were mentioning about the elbow how when the arm bar was pulled you were
tapping and you know
you see in fights that they usually you know they usually wait for the ref to come before they stop
now was that a situation where you were tapping and it was apparent you were tapping or was the
situation where like she really just wanted to rock your elbow off uh it was it was a combination
of everything like the ref took too long she didn't she didn't want
to let go she also said in her i guess a lot of people been shit talking her because i saw that
she put up an instagram video where she was like explaining why she why she kept going to break you
know and whatever but um apparently i haven't re-watched it i really struggle to watch my losses
but i haven't re-watched it but I really struggle to watch my losses, but I haven't rewatched it.
Apparently, I tapped eight times before she finally let go.
I remember tapping.
I remember feeling my elbow dislocate, felt it pop out, and I went,
oh, yeah, I'm done.
Oh, I'm done.
And tapping, and then I felt everything tear before she finally let it go.
And then, yeah, and my elbow was out.
It was dislocated.
Then I was sitting on my knees, and I was holding my arm, and I flexed my hand, and my elbow was out. It was dislocated. Then I was sitting on my knees and I was holding my arm and I flexed my hand
and it went straight back in, which I'm grateful for
because I think it would have been worse if it hadn't have.
But, yeah, I think that was – like I get it.
She was probably going to get cut if she lost that fight.
Her only way to beat me was with that.
Like I understand it sucks, but I understand.
I'm going to fight her again i'm gonna
knock her out next time and then she's gonna get cut so my payback it's cool wait is that a known
thing because can you explain what you just said you flexed your your hand and then the elbow popped
back in i don't know if that's i don't know if that's a thing i've never had a dislocation i
remember sitting on my knees and i was holding my arm like this and I went like that and I felt it go back in
because before that I was feeling my elbow
and there was like a gap here.
But it's still very damaged. It's not like
you're like, oh, I'm fine.
It's not like in the movies.
I've only just been able to pick stuff up
and open my car door and I still can't
like...
Yeah, I had no idea, Karinka. He's very proud of himself for his dancing ability he like gets in
like a circle sometimes right like and you guys like kind of chant him on and he does all kinds
of just floating that's actually very good footwork yeah watch as he gets going
hey i thought you did i thought you did pretty good
I'm very white guys I'm very white
we said you were a gypsy
I should be able to dance a little bit
I don't know that's my assumption
I don't know anything about gypsies
I know nothing about gypsies
this gypsy cannot dance
you're thinking belly dancer
what is a gypsy
gypsy like a vagrant, I want to say.
Like a transient.
Don't have a fixed address.
I have a PO box.
That's my fixed address.
I live in a trailer.
I actually am trying to build out a school bus so I can sell my trailer and have a drivable.
You like the outdoors type thing.
Or is it? Yeah. Yeah. I love it. I actually like my goal once I finished fighting, like I,
I want to have a lot of things I want to do. I want to learn how to hunt. Like
my dream is to have a, is to have my own TV show. That's about riding my motorbike to,
to places to go out hunting, you know, like that's what I want to do. Um, so I am trying
to get into the outdoor industry. I actually just signed an agent, uh, like a marketing agency where they have a bunch of
TV shows on the outdoor channel. So that's kind of the direction I'm trying to go in. I thought
for a long time I was going to be on TV, but I thought I would act. And then as I'm getting older,
I'm like, Oh, I fucking hate acting. Um, I just want to be who I am, but like build cool stuff
and go adventure outdoors and like go live in Alaska for 40 days. Like I want to be who I am, but like build cool stuff and go adventure outdoors and like go live in
Alaska for 40 days.
Like I want to go do all that wilderness survival shit.
Have you hunted before?
I have not.
I just got a bow.
So this,
so getting my arm,
getting my arm dislocated,
kind of like fucked up a ton of plans.
It fucked up a bunch of plans that I had.
I was supposed to be going on my first hunt in November.
Cause I,
I do stuff with Chad Mendes.
So he has his fins and feathers hunting company.
And so he got me my compound bow.
I've been practicing.
And then my goal was, okay, after this fight,
I'm going to go back to Australia, see my family.
I haven't seen my family in over three years.
I'm going to go see my family, get my visa, come back,
start, keep practicing, go to the boar farm, hunt some boar, and then go on this trip in November.
Right.
And I can't even pull my bow back right now.
So fuck Julia.
She ruined the rest of my year.
As a kid, did you move around a lot?
Yeah.
Like, yeah?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I grew up in a, like traveling around in a van with my mom and my brothers and sisters.
Yeah.
We used to
live on different so they have these things uh i think i feel like they have them everywhere but
they're called rainbow gatherings and so a rainbow gathering is where like the hippie community
there's they pick like a plot of land or something and everyone congregates on that plot of land for
a week or two and then it's like sorry communal cook-ups drum circles like everyone kind of lives
off the land contributes to the farm so like that's kind of how i grew up was in just on
different in different communities and different rainbow gatherings and living in teepees and tents
and tops and vans and yeah so i think that's where my fear of commitment comes from uh but also my
love of being on the road yeah people uh expressing some kind of like freedom probably in some of that, right?
Yeah.
Like you're probably – I'm imagining.
I have no idea, but people playing the guitar and like music and dance and stuff like that, right?
A lot of nudity.
Everyone's naked.
Everyone's naked.
I remember my dad – so my parents divorced when I was really young.
And when I was – I want to say I was like 10 or something
I don't know why my dad ended up coming to one of the we lived on a place called Mary Farms um
and Mary Farms was an actual farm they had like orchards and everything so everyone would
contribute to the farming and to keeping the land running um and he came up one time I can't remember
where I can't remember why and I remember he walked up to the main house and this woman walked up totally naked she was
beautiful like big breasts big butt beautiful woman and he was just like I don't know what I'm
gonna do here you know and he was like so blown away and then he got real mad that his kids were
around a bunch of naked people and well like that was all we ever knew you know but it was it was
that was the first time that I saw like an outsider come in and be like, this is really weird because that was all I knew growing up was being in different colonies and communities.
Some nudists, some not, you know, but it wasn't nudity wasn't a thing.
It wasn't taboo, you know, and then I saw my dad come in and he was weirded out by it.
Then I was like, oh, maybe this is weird.
Like maybe this is a strange place to be, but yeah, it was. What'd your mom think of fighting when you
started getting into it? Oh, she was so sad. She was so sad. And how old were you when you started?
23. Yeah. Old. Um, she, she had these high hopes. Like I, like I did really well in school. You
know, I had a scholarship to a private school um did really well in athletics and everything and I think she had these high hopes
that I was going to be the one who who kind of changed the direction for our family like
we grew up very very poor you know my my whole family a few generations back very poor and so
I think my mom like I'd said you know I want to be a lawyer and so then my mom had this had this
idea like yeah Jesse's going to be the one to kind of change change the family, you know, I want to be a lawyer. And so then my mom had this idea like, yeah, Jessie's going to be the one to kind of change the family fortune, you know.
And then I started fighting and she knew there was no money in fighting
and she's like, I raised you guys to be nonviolent.
And she was so sad and I had to explain to her,
I had to explain to her like, hey, yeah, I love being violent in this arena.
It is one of my favorite things about it.
But when I fight, it's not about that.
It's about, it's like a powerlifting meet.
It's like a bodybuilding competition.
It's like, was the preparation and the hours that I put in enough to help me win this?
That's what it is.
It's not, the violence, you know, and the injuries is just,
it's like an extra little sprinkle, but that's not the main,
that's not the key part of it.
The key part of it is my preparation right am i technical enough like
there's all these things it's almost the way that everybody else sees it except for you guys that
are actually doing exactly like you it as a sport yeah we see it as a sport you know and and the
outside world the outside world like what the ones who love it they want to see violence and they
want to see blood and they want to see injuries you know and that was all my mom saw and then once i kind of explained it to her she's been to almost every fight wow
yeah like she's been with me in south korea she's been with me in america she's been with me in
moscow like she's try singapore she's traveled across the world for me up until covert um that
was kind of one of the things that broke my heart about covert is because she can't get vaccinated
for health region reasons and then I was like,
she's probably never going to be able to see me fight again, you know, but she'd up until then,
she'd been with me for every single one. Like she went from being, Oh my God, my baby,
why are you doing this to being my biggest supporter? You know? That's great. Yeah.
So quick question about like when you were a kid living in those communities in school, I guess,
you know, in the United States, you know, people are just like, oh, normal, whatever.
Go to school, come back home.
What like did other kids know what your life was like or was the school within the community?
Like how was that?
So I was just like when other people saw.
I was homeschooled for a long time.
Yeah.
So I was homeschooled for a long time.
I finally went to school when I was 10 or 11
because my mom sent me away to live with my grandma.
My grandma worked a full-time job, so she sent me to school.
And I was such a weirdo.
I'd never been around kids before.
I'd been around my little brothers and sisters,
and they were random kids in the communities.
But I grew up with adults, so I went to school with a bunch of kids
my own age being told what to do.
I'd also never been told what to do, you know.
And I was lucky that I was very athletic and I was smart.
So I always got good grades and everything,
which kind of was the thing that I was able to throw myself into.
But I struggled with the – I didn't have any friends for a long time.
Like I was the weird hippie kid, you know.
I was like – yeah, like I had a bad boy baseball cap that I wore all the time. I was like weird hippie kid. You know, I was like, yeah, like I had a bad boy baseball cap
that I wore all the time.
I was like the weird tomboy.
I was in like the popular group and we would be the Spice Girls
and I was always the shit one.
You know, I was always Jerry.
So like I would be in the cool groups,
but I would be like the outcast in the cool groups.
But it definitely was always just the
the weird the weird loner like i never really cared because i'd never been around kids i didn't
know i still even now like i'm 34 and people be like oh you remember this show from when we were
kids or remember this toy or this ad or this song i'm like no i know i know none of that like
and that was always like so i could never relate to people i could never relate to
kids on the things that kids relate on which is like oh my god like the the tv show or this artist
or anything i was i would just kind of follow along because i'm like i don't know what you
guys are talking about oh jerry sure like spice girls one of the fucking the spice girls you know
yeah wow when you said you uh got into fighting at 23 Before that, have you been into fights before?
I got into a fight in school one time.
I got into a fight at school one time with a mentally handicapped boy
that was two years older than me, but I'm pretty sure he started it.
How did he start it?
I'm sorry.
How did he start the fight?
No, no, no.
How did he start the fight?
This is fucked up.
I know.
No, believe me.
As a 34-year-old woman, I know it is.
Oh, he was two years older.
As a 10-year-old, yeah, and he was huge.
He was extra strong, too, I bet.
He was very big.
I actually don't remember.
I just remember, the only thing I remember about it, because he ended up being a family friend for a long time.
His name was Stevie Garner.
He had you after the lawsuit.
But it was like, Stevie was one of my mom's best friend's sons.
And I remember when he was an adult,
my mom and him had these CB radios,
and they would talk to each other like they were truckers on these CB radios.
It was very strange.
I don't remember why the fight started.
All I remember is grabbing him underneath my skull.
That's it.
And then that was the one time I'd be in a fight.
When I manage nightclubs, I throat jam someone down a flight of stairs one time.
She was trying to make out with my boyfriend
I didn't hit her
I just like shoved her
she just fell down the stairs
like a Sith Lord
and then I think I liked
the throat jam because I did that to another girl
one time
I was working behind the bar
well I wasn't working behind the bar
my staff were working behind the bar
and I was superv behind the bar. Well, I wasn't working behind the bar. My staff were working behind the bar and I was supervising, you know.
And she, this girl, so the nightclub that I ran,
my brother and sister worked there for me.
And so my brother is a good-looking dude, like 6'3", 240.
Like even at this time he was 19, 20, but he was like a stud, you know.
And so this girl had been trying to hook up with him for ages.
My brother's such a player.
So I think he did, but he didn't want anything else to do with her.
And so she came in and started talking shit to me about my brother,
and I was like, oh, no, the fuck you don't, you know?
Like, that's my baby brother.
And then she, like, reached over the bar to put her hand in the ice wall,
and I just went fucking nut, like throat shoved her.
And then she told everyone that I tried to fight her, and and i was like you'd be in hospital if i tried to fight
you like yeah come on they're the only physical locations i've been in that i didn't get paid for
though did you know how to fight at all at that time no i think you like box or anything or you
know what i did i did four lessons of karate as a teenager and I hated it. But like I played football in school.
Like I played – I did a lot of athletics.
I power lifted for a long time.
So I was like always very big and physical.
Not big.
I'm not that big.
But I was always strong and physical, you know, but I never threw a punch in my life.
I still hadn't until I went to kickboxing.
Like I didn't hit any of those people.
Is kickboxing where you started?
Yeah.
Is that the first thing that you did?
Yeah, yeah. Like I was trying to,
I was powerlifting
and I was getting ready to compete in powerlifting, right?
My first competition,
I'd never done it before,
but I was like,
I remember reading an article in my local newspaper
about this girl who was my size
and I was like,
fuck her.
My lifts are way better than her
because I'm hyper competitive.
And she just won like a state championship. And I was like, fuck that. I'm doing this, you know, but I had to lose a couple
of pounds. And the guy I was dating at the time was a kickboxer. So he's like, oh, like, why don't
you come to kickboxing? You know, it'd be a good workout. And I went and I remember like the first
kick I threw, I was like, oh my God, no, I'm not doing like, I'm not powerlifting anymore. This is
it. Like I knew straight away that was, that was it.
Like best I ever felt was that first kickboxing class.
That's so interesting.
Like do you think it was just like hitting the bag or something like that or?
Like what made me love it?
Yeah.
You know.
I just find that part to be really interesting.
Like I never understood necessarily what it was about powerlifting that I liked so much i mean i guess i could say like the pressure like the you know when you pick
up a heavy weight there's like a lot of pressure to it yeah and there's a lot of things to try to
figure out like how am i going to manage my body with all this extra weight yeah but i still don't
really know what the fuck it was in particular that led me down that path yeah interesting for
for you do you know like if there's anything particular you got like feedback from doing certain movements or you know i there's something about
fighting that gave me freedom you know it was like a former self-expression that i never felt
in any other arena you know and there's like very measurable and tangible goals that you can hit
and accomplish and like kind of, kind of see where you're at, you know? And it just, I don't know,
that very first day, like up until then, like I was 23, I did a lot of drugs, drank a lot of
alcohol, like I, whatever, like I was kind of just fucking around and I was feeling very lost and like
I didn't know what I was going to do with my life because I tried going back to school.
Like I tried going to university to do sports marketing and I was around all these fucking 18-year-old kids and I'm like, oh, these people suck.
And I like did it for two months and went, no, this isn't – it's not for me.
I tried – I applied for the army.
Like I was just looking for direction.
And then that first day, that first day kickboxing, it just, it was like
something just opened up and I just felt like me for the very first time, you know? And that,
that's been the thing that's always provided for me is like, no matter what's going on in my life,
no matter what I'm struggling with, if I'm having identity issues or if I feel lost or I don't know
where I'm going, like I can, whoops, I can go, I can go to kickboxing. I can go to sparring and I know,
I know who I am in those moments.
I think it's a really cool aspect of,
uh,
martial arts is the fact that it's,
uh,
probably the most direct,
uh,
in terms of like solving a potential issue that you're trying to deal with.
Like people will try to lift,
you try to build up like an exterior.
Like if I build myself up,
people probably be less likely to mess with me. up an exterior. If I build myself up, people
will probably be less likely to mess with me. Or if I build myself up, I'll just feel better about
myself. But if you really know how to defend yourself and defend people around you, if there
are situations that call for that, then you would know how to do so. And I think that when I was
young, I used to kind of think like, I'm going to lift heavy and I'm going to be good at football.
And if anybody messes with me, I'll be able to take care of myself.
But I didn't understand.
I didn't know because the UFC wasn't around and stuff like that.
I was unaware of like wrestling and grappling and jujitsu and stuff.
As I got older, I was like, oh, that is probably where I should have went.
Yeah.
You know, when I was a kid, I probably should have went more that way.
But I just ended up doing what I did.
Well, I mean, it clearly has worked out
really well for you. Yeah, it feels good.
I still enjoy lifting and everything. I'm not
a fighter, but when I was younger
and I was a little
angrier, I think it would have probably
been something where I didn't get
into fights anyway, but it would have probably
been something that, I don't know, just might have had some different results, I guess. Yeah. I mean,
it's definitely a good outlet, like especially wrestling and jujitsu, especially for like
children on the spectrum or children that have anger or behavioral issues. Like it's, it really
is such a, such a beautiful way to kind of create control and discipline and develop the sense of self-respect, you know,
because like I said, like there's ways to measure where you're at.
There's like tangible goals that you can set and hit pretty much daily
with martial arts, which is amazing.
It's almost impossible not to be humble in that sport.
Yeah, exactly.
Well, that's it.
Like how many – there's – no matter how good you are,
there's always someone better, you know. So you can never truly be that that confident like yeah i'm the shit because there's
always going to be someone who's better at something you know whether they're faster
stronger where they have better vision whether they're more athletic like there's always someone
that's going to humble you and remind you that like i still have a lot to learn yeah you know
since you're around a lot of fighters i'm pretty curious about this uh do you think that since fighters fight so much in the ring and they spar and they're
professional i think some people think that fighters are just violent are actually violent
people um but i don't think fighters are actually violent people inherently i think that they have
their sport they have their practice but out in life they're not going to be the person who's
going to actually be the one to blow a gasket and fight somebody am i wrong in that what what are your thoughts
you know it's like there's yes and no in a lot of ways like i definitely know some fighters
okay i think once you get to a certain level within professional fighting it like creates a
sense of calm like like you were saying like
there's a there's a confidence that comes with knowing that you can handle it you know it's also
unfair in a way right like if you really if you really know what you're doing i mean you could
just you know someone is drunk and they start talking trash they just have no idea like it's
almost like you have a machine gun yeah yeah absolutely And then honestly, a lot of fighting in the street comes from having that fight or flight reaction, right? It's a fear response. A lot of it is a
fear response. And so when you're around it all the time and you fight every day in the gym,
you no longer have that fear response, which allows you to make conscious, educated decisions.
Now, there are definitely people within my sport who would still make the conscious,
educated decision to go and get into that fight but the majority don't have that like shit i need to protect myself they're more
likely to try to diffuse it and then like leave you know um but at the amateur level you know when
people are first getting into it still working things still working things out. Yeah. There's definitely a lot of people who,
who,
who start the sport as a way to like,
try to fuck people up.
You know what I mean?
Like as a way to give himself more ability to get into fights.
I've met a lot of people who've,
who are like,
learn how to fight in the gym so that they can go and fight in the street.
Those people generally don't make a profession of it though.
So once you get to the professional level,
majority of them will deescalate and leave situations.
You won't really see them in fights unless they're the crazy ones.
Professionals are like, let me get a paycheck for this if I'm going to.
That's the other thing, right?
Like I'm only going to fight if I'm getting paid to fight.
You know, like that shit's hard.
Why would I do it for free?
Yeah.
How long were you a professional fighter before the
UFC called you up uh so I went pro straight away in 2012 and then I got signed at the end of 2017
it's like five years okay what was that like that whole experience getting called up from uh UFC
oh man it was wild so I was getting ready to I was I was in the middle of a camp for an Invicta
fight and um I got a phone call to say that someone had dropped out of UFC Sydney I was
living in Vegas someone dropped out of UFC Sydney which is like where where my career started um and
they needed an opponent for this other Australian girl who fought the UFC and I I asked them to give
me time to think about it because I was like,
fuck, like, yes, I want this opportunity,
but I don't want to take it away from another Aussie girl.
You know, there was only four or five in the UFC.
So I'm like, that was my whole debate is like, yes, I want to do this,
but I don't want to fight another Aussie because there's hardly any of us here.
And then I said yes, and then I beat her and she's a bitch.
So whatever.
hardly any of us here um and then i said yes and then i beat her and she's a bitch so whatever to be fair it was like that that particular fight was was a perfect storm was a perfect
storm because on the regional scene back in australia like i i won all the australian titles
um she went she started fighting in the u.s before i did but there was always this like storyline
like jesse needs to fight Beck.
That was always, since we started, it was like,
these two need to fight.
And we were two weight classes apart.
I was 135, she was 115.
But that was like, through the Australian MMA scene,
it was like, we were the two that needed to fight each other.
So then when I got the call up to fight her at 125 in UFC Sydney
in front of my hometown, that was kind of like – it was.
It was like a perfect storm.
It was the end of this storyline that had been five years in the making.
Her and I weren't really friends.
We were kind of not enemies but just not cool. Like I remember I was getting ready for a title fight and I had to do like an in-cage presentation.
And she was drunk in the crowd and like shit-talking me while I was up in the cage.
And so there was like a lot of stuff leading up to this.
But like the weird thing is that six months before that happened, her and I actually kind of became friends because we – like I just went through a domestic violence situation and she came out of a marriage that had that.
So we kind of connected over that, you know, and she helped me get through mine and then I ended up fighting her.
So it was like there was a lot – there was a lot kind of culminated in that moment.
But fuck, that was like the best moment of my life like well i i dreamt for so
long of of being like in front of my friends and family and seeing my name up here and walking into
that cage and i remember like i'm in tears as i'm walking out i was just so happy and i walk out and
i see my best friend and my mom and my sister like everyone's there in the walkway as i come out and
then yeah then i won and then that kind of it was good because she was shit talking me all week too
so like it was just yeah it was just everything about that was was perfect and no moment has
matched that fight up until this last one where my arm got broken and even though I lost that like
that walkout that walkout was like it was like i know why i was addicted to
alcohol for so long because like that was the feeling that i was chasing you know and i think
that's why people get addicted to this sport because there's these like random little nuggets
where you're just forever just chasing it chasing it chasing yeah that was the one this website
blows okay here we go we're just the announcing the uh the winner of the fight she was so have you ever had um
have you ever had the emotions of the crowd uh sway what you're doing or like even just somebody
just i don't know maybe your opponent's uh frustrating you with certain moves that they're
doing like you ever have it like make you mad to the point where it kind of messes you up
or crowd reaction to something that the person is doing
but they're not even really doing anything that spectacular?
Have you ever had that shift your emotions around?
I haven't, and I think the only reason I haven't is because I'm a very happy fighter.
And I feel like the moments when you see fighters get swayed by the
crowd or get swayed by their, uh, by their opponent is when they're like overly emotional
and they have a lot of anger going into a fight, you know, because then that makes you hyper
reactive. But I think because I always go into fights really happy, it's very hard to shake my
energy, you know? Um, and, and honestly, when I fight, I don't even
hear the crowd. Like I hear nothing but my coach and her coach. Like that's pretty much it. And
that came from my coach Eagle back in Sydney because I had one kickboxing, I had this one
kickboxing fight with him and I was 100% brought in to lose this fight. Like it was at the Serbian
club. I was fighting a Serbian girl. I got in the
ring with no, I didn't, they didn't even turn the lights on for my walkout. Like I'd walked out in
the dark and got in the ring and then I turned around and there's like this slideshow of her
and these lights and music. And I was like, Oh fuck, I'm about to die. You know? And then my
coach Igor, he said to me, he's like, he's like, don't worry. Just see her and hear my voice. That's it. And ever like he's like don't worry just see her and hear
my voice that's it and ever since he said that to me that's all that's all that happens when I fight
like I've had 20 fights and said you know and that's it I see my opponent and I hear my coach
and nothing else I don't even hear the crowd sometimes I don't even hear my other coaches
because I can only hear like my main coach which kind of sucks but you sometimes forget a little
bit of what you're doing and then you might hear a cue from your coach that maybe calms you down gets you back
back on track a bit like maybe you go out of your game plan a bit or something like that
no you know what but no but something i did have i did experience recently not this last fight the
one before which i i also lost is like my brain just went blank you know like i like i don't remember that fight like
all i remember is i remember feeling real good i felt fucking great and i came out and i threw
two inside left kicks and i remembered nothing nothing after i didn't get hit didn't like it
was like my it was like fog of war like my brain just blacked out um and i went and
i went straight to natural instinct and because the fight before that i wrestled a bunch so i
went straight to wrestling which gave her because she was a judo black belt like at a at a like
world-class judo black belt and so i put myself into her strength you know um and that that kind
of that's the only time
that I haven't been on my game was that.
And I've done a lot of mental work since then
to try to like figure out why that happened,
how I pushed through it if it happens again.
Even rewatching the fight, it doesn't come back.
I haven't rewatched it.
You haven't rewatched it?
No, I haven't rewatched it, you know?
I do struggle to watch my losses
because like I always have so much disappointment around it that it's,
it's hard for me to put myself back to like willingly feel that
disappointment again.
And I know that that's,
that's a weakness and I do need to,
I do need to work through that and I need to be able to watch my losses
because that's how I'm going to get better and learn from it.
But,
um,
see if we can pull them up right now.
Right.
I'm leaving. Fuck you, you coach what did you do no but yeah i don't know it's it's uh it's easy to get distracted when you walk out and all those
lights are on you know but it's that this is and this is i think the hardest thing about our sport
like all technical aside like fighting people aside, whatever,
you want to get one shot.
That's it.
Like, you never get that chance back.
It's not like a game of football where you have 80 minutes
or whatever to play, and if you, like, fuck up one play,
you can come back from it.
It's like you make one mistake in my sport, and that's it.
You're done.
You're done.
And especially being in the UFC, like, that one mistake can be
the difference between you having a job and not having a job
the next day, like, which kind of makes it really hard. And then me being foreign as well,
and not being a resident out here was a US citizen yet is that if I lose my job, I lose my visa,
which means I lose my ability to live here as well. So there's always a lot of pressure that I
think, I actually think that led to that me blacking out was I just, I, I was so focused on like all these things that could
happen if I lost and it almost feels like I created it you know does it make a difference
that CSA has so many talented female athletes like because I know some gyms have predominantly
more like men and the girls sometimes will spar with the guys and so forth but is it more
motivating or is it different in
any way just to have because karen has a lot of female athletes that are really kicking ass right
that was a big appeal of going to csa honestly because i'd never i'd never really had female
training partners up until going there um we were actually just talking about this before where like
there's i've always trained with men and and men and there's things that training with dudes, it brings to the table, you know, but they never fight you.
Like there's no – there's a different level of intention there.
And so when you're with a woman, when you're sparring with a woman, when you're grappling with a woman, like they're going to fucking fight you.
And that's the only thing that's realistic to a fight.
Like I could grapple – I could do jiu-jitsu with a dude or spa with a dude that's my size and get beat up, you know, but it's like,
they're not trying to hurt me. Feels way different when someone's genuinely trying to hurt you and
you only get that from women. So I definitely think having female training partners was something
that I missed for a very long time. And when I finally found it, I was like, yes, this is a key point for me. And then we just had a bunch of girls leave, like stop fighting,
you know? So I lost a lot of female training partners and I've been searching for women to
train with again, you know? And then I do train with a couple of the girls at Team Alpha Male,
which I'm very grateful for. But that was it. Like having these women that were there when I first went to CSA to train with
and then losing them, I noticed such a big difference in my training.
Like I just wasn't getting the same.
I wasn't getting to fight.
Like it's hard to emulate the feeling and the pressure of being in an actual fight
if you haven't fought through KIP, you know?
Was there somebody there that maybe motivated you where you came in like first day
and you're like, I would love to be like that.'s pretty yeah zoila frouster yeah i love yeah dude like
she was i'd been watching her for a while before i went out there and and when i finally got to go
i was like fuck yes i get to train with zoila she beat the shit out of me for so long like
for the first year that i was there i just felt like I was constant I felt like I sucked and
I was already in the UFC I'm like how the fuck am I even in the UFC like this I'm the worst fighter
in the history of the world like this sucks you know but she was just that good and then but that
when I said like you can measure your progress with this sport that was who I measured my progress
against you know like the day oh I can defend now you, oh, I'm not getting hit as much. Oh, I can see if she's kicking and I can
defend it instead of eating it. You know, that was, that was how I measured, excuse me. That was
how I measured getting better, you know? So when, when she stopped, cause she's not fighting anymore,
you know, she, she went onto a different career path and when she stopped training with us,
like I definitely noticed, I definitely noticed the difference the difference you know i hadn't been able to train with her for a bit before she left because
i that was right when i hurt my knee um but man i loved i loved kickboxing with her she was she's
so great she's so great how do you guys control sparring intensity when it comes to striking and
fighting just because it's like with jujitsu sparring is easy you can spar it 100 in jujitsu
and nobody could get hurt.
But when it comes to like kicking, punching, et cetera,
how do you guys keep that in check so you don't fuck each other out too much
before you actually have to go into the ring?
Or do you just fuck each other up?
I mean, it depends on who you're training with.
Why are you laughing so much?
What's coming to mind right now?
Probably get yelled at by Kieran a lot, right?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
No, I was just laughing because i actually
i'm i'm teaching a bunch of like very green people guys and girls how to fight right now they all have
their very first fight in nine weeks so i'm like i'm just teaching people how to how to do that how
to fight each other without fighting each other and like what we always say is you have free reign
to the legs and body like hit the legs and the body as hard as you want no one's gonna die from you leg kicking them super hard you know um but we keep we keep head contact pretty
light like we really do so one thing that i that i really love about csa and kyrian is that he
he always um he wants us to go like high intensity but low power to the head know. So we all learn how to be very fast and how to put combos together
but not give that like last little bit of impact.
Draw back a pinch.
Yeah, yeah.
Until a couple weeks out from a fight, then I choose my training partners
and then we kind of try to fuck each other up a little bit, you know.
But it's a mutual agreement.
That's the thing.
Like in general sparring, we keep it very light and technical to the head.
But I definitely have training partners that I know,
if I want to have a fight round, we can have a fight round.
But we talk about it before.
I don't just go in there and go,
you go really light and then I'm just going to try and knock you out.
There are definitely people who do that.
I don't do that.
It's funny because jiu-jitsu sparring obviously is not like fight sparring,
but it's hilarious when you're like, let's flow roll.
And they're like, let's flow roll.
And then they just go crazy.
You know what I mean?
I'm definitely not one of those people in jujitsu.
I would imagine it would happen a lot if somebody's not as good, right?
Because they're just like, I need to just fucking do whatever i can yeah to survive here so then they try to yeah they just turn it to 100 real quick yeah
yeah they probably start to do kind of like dirty shit yeah like it's not great for practice or they
don't or they don't realize they don't know how to control it is is what it is like i never spar
with beginners unless it's like no head contact because it's just it's too risky honestly because
like the white belts can hurt you the most right totally just because they don't know where the
stopping point is they don't know how to control their own body they don't know where to stop like
they just well even a couple things i learned i was like i have someone in a hold and they're like
yeah just do this and i'm like oh i didn't even know because you don't even know you know nothing
at that point you're like i didn't even realize I had an arm bar.
And that's what it is.
Like you don't know what you don't know.
That's it.
But yeah, I don't even really roll with white belts, honestly,
just because I feel like I'm hyper-injury prone lately.
So I try to mitigate that by not training with people who don't know what they're doing.
Because it definitely is.
It definitely is a risk.
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Let me ask this, because you mentioned how fighting was something
that helped you out with alcohol before,
and it's something that keeps you going.
Even right now that you're rehabbing,
you have your focus on your rehab, it's your next fight.
To knocking someone out.
To knocking someone out, yeah.
Have you thought about what fighting looks like
when you're not focused on fighting in the ring?
Maybe.
As in when your career does end somewhere down the line, fighting looks like when you're not focused on fighting in the ring or what like as in like you
know when your career does end somewhere down the line have you thought about what what else you
want to do because i mean i'm assuming you're still going to have some type of training within
that training and fighting but it might not be you might not be doing it in the ring anymore
have you thought about what that looks like yeah i i you know i go through waves because there's like there's a big
part of me that hates mma training where i'm like fuck like i'm so big it up and i'm so sore like
wrestling's hard man like i love wrestling but it's so hard on your body so honestly like there
are days in camp where i'm like fuck this after this fight i'm done like i'm not doing this
anymore this sucks but um yeah i'm definitely not at that stage.
I think once I finish competing,
I know once I finished fighting MMA,
I'm going to be on a journey to win a Muay Thai world title.
I know that I definitely,
that's definitely something I want to accomplish before I retire from
competition.
Um,
I think I will always compete in something though.
I have this idea that once I stop getting drug tests,
I'll take a bunch of steroids and do like strongman competitions.
But really?
Yeah.
Oh,
shit.
Wow.
Okay.
I just,
I like,
I like being strong,
you know,
and I like to compete.
And I think I'll,
I definitely know once I finished fighting,
I'm going to have to find something to compete in.
I don't entirely know what that looks like.
Yeah, I don't know.
It's hard.
I think I'll always do kickboxing because that's my first love.
I probably won't do jiu-jitsu.
I'm not one of those people who's going to be on a journey
to get their black belt once they finish fighting.
Once I'm not fighting anymore, I am not doing jiu-jitsu anymore.
I'm out.
Sorry, guys.
I would encourage you to keep athleticism.
For sure.
If you are going to lift heavy, hit the bag here and there.
Just get some rotational stuff.
We've talked about it before that when you are lifting in the gym,
the athletic stuff is not really addressed typically in regular lifts.
And so having some sort of exercise
or some sort of thing that you do that has reaction time
and then something that you do that has like some sort of rotation
and just different movement.
Because even with the heavy lifts,
if you look at like some of the greats,
they still can move really well,
or at least they did move really well during their career.
Like Brian Shaw comes to mind. Brianrian shaw was like he moved great like he would he would set up for
like a deadlift his uh his shoulders would be like down by his knees when he his legs would be
straight and you'd be like oh my god like that's incredible mobility for a guy that's six eight and
440 pounds so you want to try to keep the athleticism, I think, as much as you can so that way you're
not too stuck together.
Yeah, I agree.
You know, I like to think of myself as an amateur doomsday prepper.
Like I'm always, I have a bunch of videos on my Instagram of like running in converse
and stuff like that because I'm like, when the zombies come, like the shoes I'm putting
on is a pair of converse, so I need to be able to escape.
So I do like, i want to do like training
for life you know like a zombie apocalypse uh bus for real i mean well you get like the roll cage
on i'm absolutely not not planning that with my school bus at all um i did try to figure out how
to get both of my dogs on my motorbike so that we could so that we could dip when the zombies come
um but i
do i'm a big fan of like training for life you know like i follow a lot of people i have a lot
of friends who just train to be mobile and athletic like i never want there to be a day
where i couldn't run away if i needed to like that that's kind of one of my biggest fears and
that was what i that was what i realized with the with the foot injury and the knee injury
how like vulnerable i felt you know because i'm I'm like, fuck, like if something happens, I can't help myself and I can't
help anyone else. And I never want to feel that way again. So I think once I finished fighting,
like I definitely, I really want to get into trail running. That's, that's something that I
really want to get good at. I love, I'm such a big fan of Cameron Haynes. Like I love, I love that
he is a proponent of having athleticism for bow hunting. That's kind of what I want to do. You
know, like I want to, I want to go do like endurance races and I want to, I want to go do
survival, like survival shows and stuff like that. I just want to be capable for life, you know? So
I say like, yeah, I want to take a bunch of steroids and do strongman i still want to do that but i'm going to be able to to run 100 miles at the same time
not 100 miles i'm so full of shit
i like where you're i like where your head's at though i think that makes a lot of sense like have
have uh uh something that you you have to show yeah what your training's you know what your
training's doing for you yeah you have a competition to go to.
Well, I need to have goals.
That's what I was saying earlier.
What I struggle with outside of fights is just not having anything to do,
not having anything to work for, not having a schedule.
And that's why I'm not that upset when I'm injured
because I have things that I need to accomplish.
Trail running is something you can get into now. Well, you know what? Amadeo and I
I've said that to Amadeo a couple of times. What is up with Amadeo?
He's keeping you from doing all these great things. God damn it, Amadeo.
You've been trying to get on the podcast for a couple of years. He's been trying to keep you down from that.
We've been talking about coming in a train. I love that guy. He's so busy.
He's one of the busiest people i think i've ever met like he's he manages so many different fighters plus like a
bunch of public public students plus his kid like yeah he's all over the place i don't i never fault
him when he says we're gonna do something it just doesn't happen because i understand life happens
um but i actually have a friend who uh his name's dan he lives in montana who is a runner and he's
like been trying to help me get into running because i'm such a terrible runner like i'm built
for short distance i'm not built for long distance and i'm trying to get better at it but it's
it's hard like i would rather go and fight than go for a long distance run you know but he keeps
telling me that trail running is easier than flat running because you have so many different
very like so many variables and that makes it easier well because it's not like flat running you're just the same thing yeah
the whole time you know like trail running you have up you have down like you have flat you have
views like there's so much other stuff going on and i need stimulation like i can't that's my
excuse for not flat running is i'm like oh it's so fucking boring it can be it could be really boring and it is a
little bit more taxing on your body because you uh when you when you go up a hill it just
automatically slows you down yeah you know so but then you have to run downhill yeah which kind of
can fuck you or you try to push uphill and then you slow downhill because i don't want to fuck
up my knees either so that's kind of what i'm like a lot of coordination and stuff too a lot of balance a lot of stuff with the ankles like trying to position
yourself on like rocks and different things yeah it's actually it's great but yeah you can still
fuck yourself up pretty well that's also why i haven't really been pushing to go and do it because
i also feel like i'm out i feel like i'm quite uncoordinated and uh clumsy outside of my sport
so like i really want to learn how to skateboard i have a skateboard at home never been on it quite uncoordinated and clumsy outside of my sport. So like,
I really want to learn how to skateboard.
I have a skateboard at home.
Never been on it because I'm not.
Get a longboard.
A longboard.
It'll get you ready for that skateboard.
Trust me.
Why,
why'd you,
why'd you decide?
What's up?
What's up?
What's on your mind?
Should I go get some rollerblades?
Should I just get rollerblades?
No offense to anyone who rollerblades.
No surfing, huh? Nah. Oh, dude, sharks. No offense to anyone who rollerblades. No surfing, huh?
Nah.
Oh, dude, sharks.
Nah.
I have another friend in LA, Alexa, who keeps like, she messages me probably once every
two weeks.
Like, when are you coming to LA so I can teach you how to surf?
Teach me how to kickbox.
I'll teach you how to surf.
I'm like, bro, like, sharks, man.
It's not going to go well.
Nah.
Nah.
But it's so stupid. I don't want to surf because there's sharks, but I was's not going to go well. No, no. But it's so stupid.
I don't want to surf because there's sharks,
but I was just talking to one of my friends about doing a trip to Hawaii
to go swim with sharks.
But that's like controlled, right?
Like I'm making the decision to be around sharks.
And you're like in a cage, right?
No.
When you do the swim with sharks thing?
No, no, no.
So in Hawaii, there's this group that I follow.
I think they're in Oahu, and they do guided swims with tiger sharks and they have like behavioral specialists that swim with you.
Fuck off.
No.
You don't want to do that?
Okay.
So wait.
Wait, wait.
You just like swimming.
Yes, you just like chilling with sharks.
And sharks like cool.
Yeah.
But then there's people who like work with the sharks all the time where like if it starts getting a little frisky then they go up and redirect it it's so you'll put
your you'll just you know put your life in their hands like that yeah no problem okay wait so i had
this conversation with my friend the other day and i was like we were like yeah let's go to hawaii
i'm like let's go to hawaii i want to go swim with these sharks and he's like in a cage right i said
no freeze like free swimming he's like fuck that i want to go do great whites in a cage and then so i started watching there you go so then i started watching
cave like cave uh cage diving with great whites where the great whites are attacking the cage
i'm like why would you rather do that than do this look how peaceful this is you're gonna show
me someone getting attacked right no no i just, those are the sharks that are nice to everybody.
They're different kind of sharks.
Right, yeah.
Yeah, so the one that I want to go swimming with, they have tiger sharks.
Oh, fuck, dude.
I don't know.
You think that's worse than being in a cage with a great white?
That sounds terrible.
Have you seen 47?
Hey, I think it's all bad.
Have you seen 47 Meters Down? Have you seen that movie? Is's all bad have you seen 47 meters down have
you seen that movie is that the one with uh the franco guy with mandy moore no okay
i wouldn't uh i wouldn't even do a virtual reality was it actually with mandy moore is
that a joke it is okay i haven't seen this it was so funny i'm just when is mandy moore i haven't
seen her in a movie in a long time 47 meters down where they're in
mexico i think it's mexico and they go uh shark watching in a cage and then the thing breaks and
they get stuck at the bottom and they all get fucked up and die they're getting my shark so
no i'm not going in a cage sharks aren't really that dangerous it's propaganda from the news
and birds aren't real they're robots. That's right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I've heard of this shark swimming thing from six other people in my life.
And there's one through line that is the same with every single one of them.
They're like,
they're all white.
And every single time I have this conversation with them,
like,
why,
why?
There's a girl that I knew that she's very similar.
And she's just like, you know, I just want to be able to go out there and flow.
And they have people that will walk you through it.
And you swim with the sharks.
I'm just like, dog, y'all.
Dude, I don't even want to be in there with like a fucking stingray or a jellyfish.
I'm such a pussy, bro.
Wait, stingrays and jellyfish are terrible.
Stingray killed Steve Irwin.
Have you ever been stung by a jellyfish?
I haven't either, but it looks like it sucks.
It looks terrible.
There are jellyfish in Australia that will kill you if they sting you.
Box jellyfish?
Yeah.
Yeah, Irukandji?
Yep.
Yeah, Australia don't fuck around with jellyfish.
Australia has a lot of just really wild, like those spiders that you guys got down there.
You ever dealt with any of that?
Like the big ones?
I don't know what they're called.
Yeah, huntsman's.
So, okay.
So, wait, wait, wait, wait.
So, Americans have this idea.
It's like, okay, story time about my mom.
I've been to Outback Steakhouse.
I know.
You know exactly.
You know, Bloomin' Onion?
Yeah, I've seen it.
You should see.
The first time I took my granddad to Outback Steakhouse, he was so angry.
He was like, this isn't anything like home. What the fuck is a woman up here?
Granddad, I told you. And you get a shrimp and it's like this big, right?
Yeah, we have prawns, like big prawns. So the other day I was
at the Red Hot Chili Peppers concert in San Diego and I sent a video
to my mom because that's who I grew up listening to,
right? My very first boyfriend looked just like Anthony Kiedis when he had long hair and I sent a video to my mom because that's who I grew up listening to, right? My very first boyfriend looked just like Anthony Kiedis when he had long hair,
and I fucking loved him.
So I sent mom a video, and she's like, oh, my God, I wish I was there.
I'm going to come back to the States.
I said, cool.
I have a friend, my friend Dan, the runner in Montana.
I'm like, he has a yurt that's an Airbnb in the middle of the forest in Montana.
When you come out, why don't we go up there?
There's like waterfalls and stuff near it. We can go hiking and blah blah she's like no there are bears and so that so her saying
no there are bears automatically is like you guys with dangerous animals in australia where you just
automatically assume that no matter where you are there's always dangerous yeah there's just
fucking spiders and sharks and crocodiles like no you guys are probably not going to see any of those things.
No kangaroos, not just hopping around the city?
You'll see kangaroos around the city, like on the outskirts of the city.
That was supposed to be a joke.
You'll see more wallabies.
You'll see wallabies everywhere.
Wow.
But like, you go to Sydney City, you might see a snake one time.
Like, you won't, you'll see daddy long-legged spiders. Like, you're not going to see any of the really dangerous stuff. You'll see daddy long-legged spiders. You're not going to see any of the really dangerous stuff.
You'll see sharks. There's definitely sharks on the
beaches in Sydney, but
where I'm from, there's
everything. Absolutely everything.
The big spiders, snakes,
crocodiles, sharks, everything.
Australia is fucking gigantic too.
Yeah, it is. And that's the other thing people
don't realize is how big Australia is.
I think it's like the same size as the US, right?
Wait, what? True, but every map and globe is made by the u.s and then they put this tiny little thing down the bottom wait us do pause australia is about the same size as united
states i think so i mean when i can google this shit when i flew there i went to uh i landed in
sydney and i was there for like two days i I did like a powerlifting seminar thing there and then this was like
10 years ago and I was like
oh cool I'm flying somewhere the next day
and then I just never looked at my ticket. I never
thought about it. I got on the flight
and they're like you got a six hour flight
to Perth.
And I was like
what? I'm like are we like flying
all over the fucking place? I look at the map and it's just
straight across. I'm like oh shit. United flying all over the fucking place? I look at the map and it's just straight across. I'm like, oh shit.
Australia is huge.
So the United States is 1.3 times bigger than Australia, but Australia is about 11 times
bigger than Texas.
So in my head, I'm like, yeah, it's probably as big as Texas.
I had no fucking clue.
Yeah, no, it's big.
On a map that looks smaller than Texas.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying because most maps and globes are made by the US.
So then you guys are like, fuck Australia.
US is the biggest country in the world.
But to be fair, we get them from China.
So it's really their fault.
Yeah, China obviously likes the US more than they like Australia.
But I gauge everything in how long it takes me to drive there
because I drive everywhere.
And so I was looking at that the other day.
How long does it take me to drive from west to east coast of the US and how long does it take me to drive from like west to east coast of the u.s and how long does it take me to drive from west to east coast of australia and it's very
similar it's like only a few hours difference yeah yeah australia went crazy town with uh
covid right oh my god they like had like internment camps they wouldn't like literally wouldn't let
people like leave their house and stuff right couldn't leave your house uh people that were
flying in literally got sent to these camps um forced vaccinations like forced vaccinations forced vaccinations
they had forced vaccinations of children yeah like it was wild my my mom didn't leave where
she was like my mom kind of lives in the in the bush a little bit you know so she just
kind of stayed secluded where she was it wasn't like that everywhere but a lot of like victoria
the state was 100 locked down you
couldn't cross borders like we thought we had it bad here you could still go to other states in
australia like you couldn't cross the border yeah you couldn't fly in couldn't fly out like and you
were here at that time i was here okay no no i was here i haven't been home i haven't been home
since like 2019 okay yeah i was supposed to be home right now and then that chick i fought
kind of fucked up all my plans is she do you think she might be one of your next fights because i
know you're 100 percent yeah 100 percent like my uh my plan so they're not the last girl i fought
the one before the judo black belt who unbind me the first time she's about to fight another girl
who's been training with us at csa so i'm kind of hoping that she loses because then i can call her out and try
to get her first get redemption on that win a couple then i'll fight this last one that's my
plan let's go yeah how many fights have you had in the ufc eight oh wow yeah eight it should be a
lot more but all my injuries have been since I've been in the UFC.
When you first started in MMA, the UFC didn't have women fighting probably, right?
Or is that just happening around the same time?
I think I started right when Ronda fought in the UFC.
I think I might have been training for a couple of years before she fought in the UFC.
Yeah.
It's changed so much.
And,
uh, I remember Dana White kind of had that statement.
He was like,
there'll never be women in the UFC.
And now people like crave it.
Now people are like,
holy fuck,
the chicks,
when they fight,
they're just going all out.
Yeah.
Well,
I think,
I think women always,
we always feel like we have a point to prove,
you know,
because like we're always battling acceptance, I think,
because there's still a lot of people who are like,
women shouldn't be fighting.
There's still a ton of male UFC fighters who are like,
women shouldn't be fighting, you know?
So it feels like every time we fight,
it's not just against ourselves and the person we're fighting.
It's like against that generalized idea that women shouldn't be doing this in a male sport.
So I think that has a lot to do with why we fight so much harder, you know,
because it's not as accepted yet, which is wild.
It's 2022.
Like it makes no sense.
Yeah.
It is interesting because we were kind of having this conversation the other day.
Even at my jujitsu school, there's a few women right there's maybe
about 15% of the school's women
and that's probably how it is in all schools but
when it comes to fighting
like for men it's a normal thing like
not normal but it's not
it's not weird if you see a guy
going and fighting in public
with another guy it's like yo right
but even when you see a woman go into a
boxing school or jiu-jitsu school it's like there's it made me think there's a special type of i guess courage
it takes to be a woman and then go into one of those schools where you are the minority
and train because it's like most of your training partners are going to be dudes you'll have a few
women to train with and sometimes you'll have no women to train with and you're only training with men and it's like there's there's something
a little bit different that you have to you have to really want it if you make that choice yeah
i mean yeah but it's such a like fighting is such a primal instinct yeah right like fighting
fucking feeding like the the three most primal instincts yeah um but people generally don't
see women as heavy like women aren't supposed to have fighting or fucking as their primal
instincts you know women are supposed to be nurturing and maternal and taking care of
things while while the man's out doing all that traditionally um but i think a lot of people
don't realize that we all have that instinct like true like
think about how many mothers would would give their lives to protect their kids like it's the
same instinct right it's just we've chosen this outlet to to release it that's really different
yeah and i think um when i first started like there weren't that many women doing it you know
and then as more of us kind of came on the scene and especially like in the public arena, it's become more acceptable.
It's not as taboo as what it was.
And so it still does make me sad when I see gyms that only have one or two women, you know, but it's becoming so widely accepted now, which is amazing that it's not like we're not the outliers like we used to be, you know?
And even like, I still, there, there've been women fighting way longer than I have that had,
that had it way tougher than I did. Like they were beating stereotypes every single day. They were
like fighting for their, for their right to be in this sport. I haven't had to do that. Like they,
they did that for me. Um, but yeah, it's like,
I think people are starting to understand that fighting is part of being a woman. Like we have
to fight for so many different things, you know, whether it's like acceptance, whether it's in a
gym, whether it's fighting for our kids, whether it's fighting for our family, like we've had to
do it our entire lives. Like it's, it's just, i have the benefit of having a physical way to express
all the fighting i had to do leading up to fighting kickboxing yeah on a good woman i think will
ground a man a lot of times yeah you know a lot of times uh the kind of uh i guess like bring the
guy back down to earth you know tame tame the beast, if you will. Yeah. And I think a way for a woman to be able to be that is for them to have confidence, you
know, and that's one really cool thing about like jujitsu, boxing, all these different
things is that it gives these women a sense of confidence that they might not necessarily
find anywhere else because there's something so powerful.
I get made fun of all the time because I road trip all the time.
But whenever I have to stop for fuel in the middle of the night,
I always try to call someone, right?
Be like, hey, just be on the phone with me while I'm stopping
at this gas station at 3 a.m., you know,
because you can't really trust anyone.
And my friends make fun of me for that, but I'm like, I'm being safe.
Like the day I don't do that and I get murdered in the middle of Montana,
like you guys are going to be like, oh, why wasn't she more careful, you know?
But there's like –
God damn.
But there's like – so as a woman, we always have those fears, right?
Like we're always smaller.
We're always physiologically weaker.
That's not sexist.
It's just a legitimate thing.
Genetically, like we don't have some of the physical advantages
that men do, you know.
So we're always having to be on edge in certain respects.
And so there's fighting, learning how to defend yourself,
doing jiu-jitsu, wrestling, you know, having strength,
being confident with being hit, with hitting someone else,
really does bring like an extra level of assuredness, you know, an extra level of confidence to be a woman.
And I wish more women would do it.
I think there's still like this stigma of like, oh, my God, like chicks can't be violent.
But it's not that.
It's just, oh, they definitely can.
But it's like the positive things that learning how to defend yourself brings to your life is, is there's nothing that really compares to it.
Yeah.
I think you mentioned earlier being in a domestic relationship,
domestic violence relationship.
How did that happen?
And like,
if you don't mind me asking,
interesting,
like if you're a fighter,
then yeah,
yeah.
I don't know. I guess I'm, you're not you're not weak you know you would be you i would think you'd be strong enough to be able to but i don't
know for sure well he he was a fighter as well you know um but there was you know like i was with him
for a few years we were engaged um he there was because we trained together a lot, there was like a lot of lines that were blurred, you know?
So we sparred together a lot.
We grappled together a lot.
We were both professional fighters.
Like there was definitely, there was definitely no boundaries when it came to it being sport and it being at home.
Um, it's just like, I knew, I knew what those boundaries were.
He, he didn't necessarily know, you know?
Um, but I think because I, because I was a fighter, it almost, it almost like gave him
a little more freedom to cross that line, if that makes sense.
And I can't say that like I 100% fought back.
Absolutely.
Like, I'm not gonna, like, um, I'm not gonna not defend myself,
you know? Um, but yeah, that, that was actually that, that event is actually what led me to move
into the U S you know? So I don't, if that hadn't have happened, um, I wouldn't be where I'm at
right now, you know? So like, I don't even really harbor any resentment
towards him. I still hear from him every now and then, like he still messages me on Instagram when
I fight and stuff like that. And it took me a long time to like, be okay with having communication
with him because of everything that happened when we were together. Um, but I've also realized that
like everything has a purpose and though those events in that relationship, I can't say I was 100% innocent in those moments.
You know, that was when I was a bad alcoholic.
I absolutely instigated some of our incidents.
Like I know that, you know.
He knows that.
I know that.
I'm very honest about that.
He just took it too far, you know.
Do you think it started maybe with more verbal almost at first?
Yeah.
Because with training, if he's coaching you,
then he can tell you that you fucking suck at it
or maybe put you down because maybe he's thinking
that's like a coaching cue or something like that.
Well, he wasn't my coach.
I was a much better fighter than him.
Sorry.
Well, I mean, yeah.
I was.
Like I was better than what he was, you know.
We were very similar in size.
He was a lot thicker, but we were like the same height and everything.
So we were training partners for each other a lot.
And they're definitely like I cannot train with anyone that I'm dating like it's not
it's it's just there's too much emotion there like someone's gonna take it personally and that
that was kind of what that relationship taught me is that like yeah there are some lines that just
can't be crossed like like work is work personal life is personal life, you know? Um, but it definitely like,
I think if we hadn't have both been fighters and those lines hadn't been so blurred because we were
training partners, it probably wouldn't have gone the way that it did, you know? But I honestly am
grateful for that because that, that is such an integral part of my journey and my story.
And the reason why I'm standing here in this room with you guys today, because if that hadn't happened, I wouldn't have felt the need to escape and I wouldn't have moved to the
US by myself, you know? So that, that really was like the event that kind of set everything
in motion. So that's why I don't have any anger or resentment or really any negative feelings
towards it because that was what led me, like, my life now that's what led me to be here
in this moment plus i'm doing way better than he is so yeah let me ask you this like do you find
that um since like since you have fought and you are a fighter like when it does come to being out
like later on when it does come to like being in relationships, do you have more control over like your emotions and stuff?
Do things are you good at deescalating or do you find that like is there any aspect of the fighting that makes relationships any any harder?
Yes to everything.
yes to everything um there there are definitely there are definitely issues with being a female fighter and trying to be in a relationship with someone right because like if i date if i date
another fighter a lot of the a lot of the guys that i've dated a lot i'm talking like there's
been tons there hasn't but like the couple of guys that i've dated who've also fought, I've been at a higher level and had like a, like a stronger following, all that sort of stuff. So there's,
there's, I think when you're both in the same industry, there's a little bit of competition
there. And especially being the woman who's doing a little bit better. I've just been doing it for
longer. That's all it was, was that I was more experienced. I've been doing it for longer.
But it does create like an unnecessary tension, you know, because there is still like the male,
female dynamics, you know? So when your woman's in a male dominated sport, she's doing better than
you at that thing, especially when that thing is fighting, which is inherently a masculine
aspect of life. I think it's, it's hard. On the other side of that, dating someone outside of the
industry, in my experience, it's been really hard for them to be okay with me training with the
dudes that I train with, you know? Because like, it's like fighters generally look a certain way,
right? Most of them have six packs and like good athletic shape,
you know, like physically they tend to look very similar. And that's not necessarily what I'm
attracted to, but the guys that I've dated outside of the industry haven't understood that. Haven't
understood that like, if I'm doing jujitsu with a guy, I don't see it as a guy. I see it as a
training tool. Like it's not, it's not man versus woman or like I'm training with a girl
or I'm training with a guy.
It's just that's a training tool, you know.
So that's kind of an issue when it comes to dating people outside the sport.
I don't know what the successful recipe is.
I'm very single.
But in terms of like the lessons that I've learned from fighting
and carrying them into relationships, since I've been sober,
I think I'm a lot better at handling conflict than what I was.
Like now I have the ability,
now I kind of understand my shortcomings, right?
I don't, I used to be very angry as I progressed in fighting.
I'm just not angry anymore.
You know, like I'm generally pretty passive.
Like I don't really like conflict.
I don't like confrontation. Like I'm going to speak my mind. I'm going pretty passive. Like I don't really like conflict. I don't like confrontation.
Like I'm going to speak my mind.
I'm going to tell you what I think.
And if you choose to escalate that into something, then that's on you.
That's not on me.
Like I'm not hurtful.
I know I'm a good person.
I know I'm nice.
Like I don't say anything to try to upset people or hurt people.
I just say what's true for me, you know.
And I do think that that's come from fighting because you can't, in fighting,
like you can't lie. I have this tattoo and it says one true thing. And that's about fighting
because it's like, when you get locked in a cage or you step in a ring, like you're, you're stripped
bare. All the preparation that you did is laid out on the table. Like who you are in those moments
is laid out on the table. You can't lie or hide anything, you know?
And willingly putting myself in that situation,
experiencing that has enabled me to be that way in my personal life.
Might not be working for me, but yeah.
But I definitely like, before I went sober,
I definitely used to like get into arguments a lot more than what i do now
yeah yeah got any tv shows that you're into or anything you mentioned when you were young you
didn't watch much but i just watched the office i remember dude
uh okay yeah okay i i i have this is no exaggeration i've watched it every single night for at least the
last seven years of my life every night it's a comfort show it is i watch it to go to sleep
that's it i know i can't i don't even have to watch it i just listen to it i know exactly what's
happening there's no stress it's so calm and happy um but i'm watching i'm watching criminal
minds right now which i love i love
criminal wines and i'm so addicted to it wait what's criminal wines about criminals uh yeah
criminal criminals but like is it like a doc is it a docu series is it a show it's a series it's
a series but it's about uh the bau the behavioral analysis unit they hunt serial killers why do y'all
love that shit it's a white people thing
no it's not a white people think it's a woman woman loves serial killers like
even every single one not everyone but like a lot it's very true why is it for you why is it
you know what i mean i gotta kill some people to get some attention around
what the fuck's going on i don't know I feel like there's something so interesting about learning about the mindset of a serial
killer, you know, because it's so, one, it confirmed that I'm definitely not capable
of any of that.
But two, like when I said people laugh at me when I call people in the middle of the
night when I'm on my road trips.
Why do they watch all that shit?
A lot of that's because I, and that's what they say, like, oh, you listen to too many
serial killer podcasts. You watch too many serial killer shows and i'm like yeah you're gonna keep
saying that until i get fucking murdered and then you're like why didn't she pay more attention
so y'all are just trying to be more careful y'all trying to understand what the fuck's going on i
don't enjoy it at all oh you do oh for sure hey every single episode of criminal minds has like this severe crisis and then it gets resolved and everything is happy at the end.
Like what's not to enjoy about that?
That's true.
Yeah.
It's just like a love story with people getting married.
It is interesting how most of those stories are so similar.
You know, the background of the – I kind of like some of that stuff too. I like the,
I like the background story
of any,
like,
whether someone's
like a hero
or whether someone's
completely demented,
I kind of like
hearing that story.
I do have a hard time
when it comes to anything
with like kids.
I don't like listening.
Yeah,
I don't like that either.
Any of that shit.
I forget what the series
is I'm watching right now,
but there's some shit
with like, young kids and I'm like, I don't think, I don't like that either. Any of that shit. I forget what the series is I'm watching right now, but there's some shit with young kids in it.
I don't think I can continue the series,
and I'm already a couple episodes in,
so I'm like, now what do I do?
Euphoria?
No, it's...
Do you watch Euphoria?
I finished that shit.
It was good.
I haven't watched it.
You haven't watched it?
Why not?
Why did you give me that weird...
Why was that? It's a good show. Because everyone I know who watches it is You haven't watched it? Why not? Why did you give me that weird... Why was that?
It's a good show.
Because everyone I know who watches it is a woman.
Zendaya killed that shit.
Zendaya killed that shit.
If you guys haven't watched Euphoria, watch it.
It's well done.
The show I'm watching is on Apple Plus.
What is it called?
Oh, man.
I need to get Apple Plus.
I don't have Apple Plus.
What do you use?
Right now, I'm on Paramount.
I just got Paramount. Watch The Offer. Watch watch the offer watch the offer the offer what's it about okay have you have you ever seen the godfather no okay well okay so the godfather was one of the top grossing
movies of all time it's like number 29 in total anyway it's about the making of the god what's
the whole list the whole i don't know all 29 movies but i know the godfather like at that time when it was made
it was like literally the it grossed the most out of it before any movie or more than any movie
at that point yeah so it's like it's still historic so then what's the offer the offer
okay so the godfather started off as a book by mario puso right you know a lot about the godfather
because i watched the offer and you know the fucked up thing i know a lot about the godfather because i watched the offer and you
know the fucked up thing i haven't even seen the godfather i'm gonna get flamed for that shit
because it's like i watched a movie about the making of the godfather it's one of those movies
that everyone's like i can't believe you didn't watch it i'm like i'm that guy i haven't even
seen scarface i haven't seen scarface that's really good though yeah yeah that one's really
good i haven't watched karate kid i haven't watched rocky well you gotta watch rocky you were born in australia you know what that's why i don't watch
it because everyone goes oh my god you gotta watch that they're like no fuck you i'm not watching it
haven't watched breaking bad me neither haven't watched suns of anarchy fuck son of a i haven't
seen okay the show i'm watching is called blackbird blackbird it's fucking awesome so
was that the kids one like yeah yeah there's some weird fucked up shit with kids in there.
You're not selling it well.
It's dope.
It's a prison movie.
Oh, I like prison movies.
It's pretty sick so far.
Like sick, like cool?
Yeah, it's awesome.
Someone demented us.
Watch The Offer if you have Paramount+.
So Black Bird and The Offer.
I can do that. I'm only four seasons left at criminal mind so
i'm sure we finish that by next week
i've done that shit i've got nothing to do i've done that shit when are you able to uh
like get back into full training i hope i hope i could grapple next month is what I'm aiming for.
Tried doing a push-up yesterday, hurt like a bitch.
So that's kind of going to be my indicator.
When I can do a push-up and be able to extend,
I'm going to try grappling.
It's hard to extend the arm all the way?
Yeah.
Like here, that's pretty painful. And then with rotating, I'm fine.
But that way I can't.
Punch Andrew for a second.
No.
She took it seriously for a second because I saw her looking at him like this.
At least until we finish the show and then if I get knocked out.
At least we did the show.
I wouldn't hit you in the face.
Where would you hit me?
Not in the face.
Liver?
Yeah.
Ah, fuck.
Liver punch.
I'm going to pee blood. Have you ever been hit in the face liver yeah ah fuck liver punch i'm gonna pee blood have you ever
been hit in the liver uh yeah but like just fucking around with like just friends but i've
never not not by a fighter fuck no it sucks it's what is that sensation like what do you want to
feel i mean we can make it happen do it do it that would make okay last last time i got dropped
so many views dude last time i got dropped
uh was by cody garbrandt and i was trying i was trying to kill him like i was trying to kill him
yeah i was like i was like fucking wild i love cody cody's one of my friends but i was like
fuck yeah we won't train with him forever like we got the spa so i was trying to knock him out
and he perfectly placed his toes on my liver holy shit that was one of the worst things i've
experienced this immediately makes you feel sick like i couldn't even breathe i was like
i was on the i was on my hands and knees i'm going and coach kiri's like get the fuck up
he's like yelling at me get off the ground because he refused he's like if any of my
fighters ever get hurt ever get finished or like lose a fight because of a body shot, you're out of the gym.
Yeah, off the team.
Yeah, so he makes us like, if we get hit to the body, he's like,
get up, you've got to keep going.
Yeah.
He's done that to me with a couple of injuries where he's like,
eh, you're fine, keep going.
And then I go to the doctor later and they're like, oh, yeah,
everything's broken.
Oh, Jesus.
Thanks, coach.
Makes you tough though and now i pass that on to my students and i blame it on coach if they complain about it some of those
body shots it's like a delayed response it is it takes it takes a couple seconds yeah like you're
like oh i'm not good yeah you're like ah cool i'm fine then you go to do something that's like, Oh my God.
Yeah. It sucks.
It sucks.
What's the worst place to get hit?
Honestly,
that.
Yeah.
For me.
Yeah.
That liver.
I mean,
terrible,
terrible.
I've been hit there a couple of times in a,
in fights and I'm like,
never,
whatever.
No one even knows,
but I've definitely felt it.
I've,
I've gone to like,
I've gone to coach after the,
I'll be like,
fuck,
did you see that?
That was the worst. And he's like, nah, yes covered it up no one's gonna know when it happened
so does it just hurt it like once it happens and you're just like or do you feel the residual
effect it depends and it really doesn't take much for it to be bad but it's like a it's like a
lingering thing it's like it like starts and then it crescendos
and then it just like stays up there it sucks you guys uh train your feet in some way or is it
mainly just because like you're barefoot a lot for your training that your toes and stuff gets
strong because you mentioned cody garbrandt hitting you with his toes he like got his toe
up underneath my rib cage it probably helps because your toes are kind of strong right yeah uh i think we all
have broken our feet so many times that it's like calcified that's a common thing that happens oh
yeah oh yeah yeah like i've broken my feet toes so many times like you kick elbows like
yeah kick knees um we also we have a shin conditioning bag which
it's like so we have this bag that hangs out right it's a four foot shin conditioning bag, which it's like, so we have this bag that hangs out, right? It's a four foot
shin conditioning bag. That sounds so horrible. It's a four foot bag. The bottom half of foot
is like concrete. It's, it's so hard. So like we start higher and then you, and then you condition
your shins and you work your way down. I had my students do it yesterday and I was like, all right,
aim for this point. Like I told him where to aim. I might do this. I had my students do it yesterday and I was like, all right, aim for this point.
Like I told them where to aim.
I might do this.
One of my guys there
kicked all right legs,
perfectly hit the spot,
turns around,
throws the hardest left kick
right at the bottom of the pad,
dropped him like a sack of shit.
I'm dying laughing.
I'm like,
you fucking idiot.
But it's so bad.
It's like kicking a concrete pole.
You should feel numb at this point like like
when you touch your shins does it have this do you remember what sensation feels like yeah yeah
yeah so uh it's taken a long time to get to like a lot of the ties they they don't feel anything
like the the nerves are just they can just smash a wall yeah their nerves are just they've just
done it for so long that their nerves are dead like Like there's no – their shins like – I've seen x-rays of like a regular person's shin where like bones are hollow inside, right?
And then you see someone who has done shin conditioning and it's just broken and calcified so many times that it's just solid.
It's just a solid piece.
So I actually only noticed recently I think in my last camp like I blasted someone in the elbow and I was like, oh, that didn't even hurt. Like, like it's like, I didn't, I didn't gradually notice how it's
getting better and better. It's just like one day I kicked someone full force in the elbow and hit
like the top of my foot on it. And I went, oh yeah, I'm cool. Like let's keep going. You know?
Whereas only a few months before I did the exact same thing and I couldn't walk for two days. So
it's like, you definitely build it up. I can still feel everything, but it's like
it's just not as debilitating.
Yeah. It'd be really interesting to see
you under a DEXA scan. Right. See any of those people
under, yeah, see what their bone density is like
in those areas.
It's like a white. You know what I mean?
Jesus Christ. Yeah.
The ties, for sure.
The jump rope, kicking poles,
kicking trees, kicking pads. Who are some of your favorites? Fighters? Yeah. Mas jump rope, kicking poles, kicking trees, kicking pads.
Who are some of your favorites?
Fighters?
Yeah.
Masato. Do you know who Masato is?
No, I don't.
So Masato was a Japanese kickboxer,
and his style was like power boxing and heavy leg kicks.
He's so beautiful.
My coach, Igor, used to train with him.
He used to be one of his.
I said I was going to marry him.
I fucking love Masato.
How do you spell the name? M-A-S-A-T-O.
Very handsome Japanese
man.
Doesn't fight any war.
Super good looking.
I'm curious.
He is. He's a handsome dude.
But stud. Like absolute stud.
Power boxing and leg kicks are my favorite
style.
Liam Harrison, who's an Englishman who fights for 1FC right now,
exactly the same.
Power boxing, heavy leg kicks.
Yeah, I'm my own favorite fighter,
but they're two fighters that I try to emulate that I would love to fight like.
Power boxing, heavy leg kicks.
My dream finish is to break someone's leg with kicks.
I'll put you on the spot here.
We'll watch this guy for a minute here.
I love his freaking...
He was quite tan in that first one.
I pulled up the Google
images of him and I'm just like, oh my gosh.
Yeah, he was
so good.
He was so good.
Looks very technical, huh?
Yeah, just a stud like quick question because i'm i am naive and unaware when it comes to kickboxing what are like the the rule sets
versus something like mma obviously kickboxing you're not grappling yeah but you're punching
and kicking is there anything else specific that fighters need to be careful of
or they're not able to do?
Yeah, well, so there's different styles of kickboxing.
So there's kickboxing, K-1, Muay Thai, European kickboxing.
There's a lot of different styles.
Basic kickboxing is just punches and kicks, right?
I think K-1 is punches, kicks, long knees.
I don't – there's like – they have clinch rules.
So you can't knee in normal kickboxing?
I can't remember.
Don't quote me on that.
I know that Muay Thai is everything.
Muay Thai is clinch, elbows, knees, sweeps.
There are styles where you can't clinch or you can only clinch for like 10 seconds and you have to break.
There are styles where you can't sweep.
There are styles where you can't elbow.
Like kickboxing has no elbows.
I don't know if it has knees or not.
Don't quote me on that.
Yeah, yeah.
But yeah, like so Muay Thai is the art of eight limbs.
That means like fist, elbow, knees, kicks on both sides is eight weapons, right?
Art of eight weapons, sorry.
And then a lot of the other styles take some of those weapons away.
But Muay Thai is like MMA of striking.
Like you can do everything involved with striking.
Yeah.
How is Andrew Tate?
Are you aware of his career at all?
I don't know who that is.
You don't?
He's like a famous YouTuber guy.
But he used to be a –
Once you type his name in on YouTube, all your recommended videos.
He used to kickboxing and stuff like that, I think.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know who that is.
I'm also really bad with names.
Is Kevin still fighting?
I don't think so.
I don't think.
It's such a shame because he's so brilliant.
He's so amazing.
He's inspiring to anybody that's ever watched him fight.
Yeah, he's incredible.
He was my favorite fighter for a very long time he's also
so handsome which helps but uh he's a stud like he's just such i love just savage like
gritty dirty fighters my favorite he had a he had a one video that he posted where he just like ran
on his treadmill it was like after a fight it's like the next day yeah he went to the gym and i
think he lost and he just he just went all out on the treadmill.
He's like, this is what I need.
He just went for it.
And I just thought that video was so inspiring.
I'm like, this is sick.
This is what the great people do to get better from their loss.
Oh, yeah, he does that shit all the time.
He's so good.
Who is this person?
This is Kevin Ross.
Oh, Kevin Ross.
Oh, okay.
So he was with my coach for a very long time.
He's the first one that I ever saw from my gym was Kevin Ross.
When he puts everybody down like that, it's so degrading.
Yeah.
He has like a demeanor to him like, fuck you.
That's exactly it.
You're going on your back.
That's why he's the soul assassin.
Love that guy. He's cool as fuck too but that uh that like that like going like going all out of the treadmill like when i was talking about a lot of us just try to outwork our demons like
that that's it you know it's hard to sit there and deal with your loss and figure out mentally
and emotionally like why things happen the way it happened it's easy to go and
just outwork the way you feel you know but eventually it's going to catch up and you have
to deal with it how do you pull yourself back then like what do you do first off as far as
recovery stuff since you train so much but when you are on that oh you laughed okay so you don't
do shit i just had this conversation with coach yesterday and i was like hey coach when i come
back to training like i gotta figure out my schedule more i said because i'm not my 20s
anymore like i can't i don't recover the way i used to you know like i need to i remember being
in my 20s and partying all night and going and doing four sessions and being fine you know i
used to smoke cigarettes like i was like yeah fuck let's go now now i thought now i go to sleep at 10 30 instead
of 9 30 and i'm high five so i i i uh i'm not that great at recovery but i am i am making a
conscious effort to prioritize that was the second part of your question. Yeah. So there's the recovery thing. But then, damn.
Coming back after a loss.
Was it coming back after a loss?
Wasn't it?
No.
No.
I mean, that sounded like where he was going, right?
I thought that's where he was going.
But yeah, I thought that's where he was going.
What about your sleep and stuff like that?
You sleep okay?
Or is that shitty?
It's something I'm working on.
I have notoriously, I think from years of working in nightclubs and cause I've
always had two or three jobs and tried to train around them. So, um, for, for like,
fuck probably from when I was like 17 to 30, honestly, I would survive on two, three hours
every night and it would be broken. Like it would be between, between work or between training
sessions. Um, so I'm still a little bit in that habit but i i can't i can't
handle it the way i used to so i really try to make a conscious effort like to be asleep by 10
you know because i'm up at five every day so i'm like if i'm asleep at 10 that's seven hours i can
handle that you know um but it's a struggle because i also have dogs and they wake me up in
the middle of the night you know uh which is i love them so much but they're so fucking annoying sometimes what kind of dogs i have australian cattle dogs blue
hairless okay yeah they're so cute they're so mean so naughty they're so cute i love them so much
um but yeah i uh i i am trying to get better at sleeping like jesse burdick and i actually talk
a lot about creating better sleep habits like he's always on me every night he's like, you've got to stop watching The Office to go to sleep.
Like you've got to stop doing this.
You've got to do this.
You've got to do this.
And so I try.
I try to implement and then I go to sleep.
Like last night I went to sleep.
I didn't take any melatonin.
Like sometimes I take Tylenol PM.
I didn't take anything.
I just tried to go to sleep, didn't watch The Office,
slept for about 32 minutes, woke up and was awake for like three hours.
I have a question for you.
Two questions actually.
As far as your sleep is concerned, do you have any like blue blocking glasses at all that you use at night or not?
No.
You know, I keep looking at them to buy them.
We'll get you some.
You'll get me some.
We'll get some sent out to you because we use that shit.
We'll get you some.
You'll get me some. We'll get some sent out to you because we use that shit.
I've been looking at that a lot lately because I feel my friends swear by them and I'm like,
I think I look cute in glasses.
I'll wear them.
Especially if you find yourself looking at screens at night, which I do too.
Like those screens, the blue light from it, that shit can fuck with you falling asleep
and staying asleep.
Yeah.
Even when I like, I have the brightness turned all the way down.
I have it on like the sleep tones, but's still it's still not good the glasses are just a good cue and a
good reminder like hey it's time to go to fucking bed yeah i try to remember i wrote myself like a
list yesterday to put up above my stove that says like take your magnesium you know like
do all these things before bed and then yesterday i so i wrote it yesterday morning
looked at it last night while I made my dinner,
went,
eh,
nah,
I'm going to go to bed.
Just do it.
Fuck all that.
Do you know if you snore?
So I have asthma
and chronic allergies
and mild sleep apnea,
so I 100% snore.
It's like,
ugh.
Yeah,
I sleep with my mouth open.
Terrible.
Actually,
I'm trying to get surgery
on my sinuses soon,
and hopefully that fixes that.
Do you have a hard time breathing in and out of your nose?
Oh, yeah.
I have like a 95% blockage in my left nostril.
Oh, Jesus.
And then I have –
From getting hit or allergies or a combination?
Everything.
I like randomly developed asthma in 2018,
which was pretty cool to get asthma as a 30-year-old.
It's pretty awesome.
Like this will help my fighting period. Yeah. So sick. And then that kind of like everything spiraled after that. So
yes, I'm trying to, I actually just started going to the doctor to see if I can get surgery on my
sinuses and I got a CT scan and they said that I have one of the worst cases
of nasal polyps that they've ever seen, which is pretty cool.
So I think once I get the surgery and clean everything out
and straighten my septum, I might be able to breathe.
But they said that it might go back to that within five years.
So I would just have to keep having surgeries.
But I'll probably be retired from combat sports in five years.
I don't think I'm going to care about it as much.
Have you tried hanging upside down?
No, should I? No think I'm going to care about it as much. Have you tried hanging upside down? No, should I?
No, I'm just kidding.
I was like, damn, I haven't heard about this yet.
Hold on. I feel like that would make everything worse because I know when I'm like
when I'm on a massage table
face down, like, oh my god,
that's the worst. Why does that happen?
What is that? Like everything just ends up in your face.
Yeah, I don't know. It sucks. It's so weird.
I don't know. I get snot and drool.
Everything just comes out.
Well, that's, I wasn't going to say that, but that's gross.
No, but like I don't get massages, but the last time I was on one of those beds, I was
just like, fuck, I need tissue because that shit's getting.
I said, I just jam it up.
I was leaking.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What you got, Andrew?
You got anything over there?
Well, you had said that you were going to ask a tough question.
I'm not sure if you got it out yet.
I like tough questions. I think I forgot what you got it out yet. I like tough questions.
I think I forgot what it was.
Fuck.
God damn it.
Well, I guess I'll ask an easy one.
Just your diet.
What's that like these days?
Let's go.
This is fun.
This is fun.
I'm the worst person to talk about diet and recovery.
So since Coach made me go back up to 135, okay, I used to always fight at 135.
And I was like, in Australia, food's really good.
So I was a little husky, you know?
And then I moved to the US and food's not as good here.
I'm really sorry, America, but it's just not as good.
Like I have less desire to eat out here than what I did back home.
And then I started fighting a weight class lower. So then I had to run low distance every day. So I
was very little and then coach made me go back up a weight class and I like struggled to put weight
on. I couldn't get past, he made me fight at 135 again. I couldn't get heavier than 143. Like I
was stuck at 143 for like a year and a half. So then I just started stuffing my face
full of burgers and now I eat pasta every day. Um, and now I'm pretty consistently 148. Like I
still can't, I'm trying to put weight on, you know, cause I'm so little for 135. Like I last,
last fight week I cut in water less than two pounds you know whereas most of these girls are cutting eight to ten and i cut less than two so i'm like little i'm on the eternal quest to get jacked yeah so i eat a
lot of bacon a lot of pasta uh-huh yeah it's good for you a lot of six ice creams at a time apparently
you're an elite athlete you burn a lot of fucking calories you can do that that's what it is and you know what it was like it was so weird when i turned 31 my body just went from storing everything to processing
like it was it literally felt like an overnight thing where like i had to i had to really watch
what i ate you know in my 20s like if i ate anything off i was chubby you know and then i'm
in my 30s and i, I like the other day,
I ate two full meal, pasta meals and six ice creams. And I woke up two pounds lighter, you
know? So it's like everyone, all the girls at the gym get so mad at me. Cause every time that
happens, I come in and I'm like, Hey, guess what happened last night? You know? And I'm like, I
ate a whole family size lasagna. And then I come in and i have abs and they're like what the fuck like
everyone gets so mad at me yeah but it is it's like i turned 31 and my body just went like hey
let's all this hard work that you've done like we're gonna we're gonna let it pay off now i
think i need to chill out because i feel like as i get into my 40s it's probably not gonna work
that way or it just might get even better for you maybe i'll just be jacked all the time yeah
i won't even need to take steroids to do strongman Maybe I'll just be jacked all the time. I won't even need to take steroids
to do strongman competitions.
I'll just be a strongman.
Let's go.
There'll always be a need for steroids.
Andrew, take us on out of here, buddy.
Sure thing.
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for checking out today's episode.
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and twitter is at i am andrew z and also you're not the first australian that had said that
australia's food is just happens to be better than what we have here in the states yeah so it's
definitely true and sema where you at and sema ending on instagram youtube and sema union on
tiktok and twitter go to the discord join it's popping over there jesse where can people i could
even understand what you said hey it's cause that's
it just rolls out
it just rolls out
it's cause of his accent
it's cause I'm like
mumbling everything
it's his accent
so smooth
yeah
smooth panther
miss Jesse Jess
Jesse with a Y
on everything
on everything
yeah on everything
at Mark Smelly Bell
strength is never weakness
weakness never strength
catch you guys later
bye