Mark Bell's Power Project - Mark Bell's Saturday School EP. 13 - Relationship Advice

Episode Date: August 29, 2020

Hey Class, today we're covering THAT topic. Uh huh. Mark and Andee Bell have reached their 20th Wedding Anniversary, congratulations to them! What better person to ask relationship advice from than someone who has had a healthy happy marriage than Mark Bell? Today we learned it wasn't always perfect, but they made it work and we learned how to be better partners. Subscribe to the Podcast on on Platforms! ➢ https://lnk.to/PowerProjectPodcast Support the show by visiting our sponsors! ➢Piedmontese Beef: https://www.piedmontese.com/ Use Code "POWERPROJECT" at checkout for 25% off your order plus FREE 2-Day Shipping on orders of $99 ➢Icon Meals: http://iconmeals.com/ Use Code "POWERPROJECT" for 10% off ➢Sling Shot: https://markbellslingshot.com/ Enter Discount code, "POWERPROJECT" at checkout and receive 15% off all Sling Shots Follow Mark Bell's Power Project Podcast ➢ Insta: https://www.instagram.com/markbellspowerproject ➢ https://www.facebook.com/markbellspowerproject ➢ Twitter: https://twitter.com/mbpowerproject ➢ LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/powerproject/ ➢ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/markbellspowerproject ➢TikTok: http://bit.ly/pptiktok FOLLOW Mark Bell ➢ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marksmellybell ➢ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkBellSuperTraining ➢ Twitter: https://twitter.com/marksmellybell ➢ Snapchat: marksmellybell ➢Mark Bell's Daily Workouts, Nutrition and More: https://www.markbell.com/ Follow Nsima Inyang ➢ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nsimainyang/ Podcast Produced by Andrew Zaragoza ➢ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iamandrewz #PowerProject #Podcast #MarkBell

In the house. What about leaving the building? That's pretty good, too. Elvis has left. Did somebody actually say that? Is that where that came from? Like, Elvis has left the building. I don't know where it came from, but it's amazing.

I know that Nick Platinum, when we did a rap together, he talked about leaving the building. He talked about being in the building, too. I think in the building was like an early 2000s thing. Yeah. Like, Mark Bell's in the building. In the building, yeah was like an early 2000s thing yeah like mark bell's in the building in a building yeah i don't really hear that anymore it should always be a thing i think it's great i think so too but kids just make sounds in the house oh yeah kids just say like yeet and things like that like that's not quite as powerful but maybe it's saying the same thing i don't know it could be but at least back in my day, we actually used words

and pronunciations, even if they were, like, lazy. Words won't be around for much longer, according to Elon Musk and his Neuralink. We won't need to actually... I guess there'll still be communication, but we won't actually need to talk.

I wonder how people... We don't need to make noise. I wonder how they'll be able to send send emojis through this neural link yeah i don't know like you just see a sad face i just sent you three of them just now i just sent you three eggplants yeah it always goes back to that yep maybe though maybe the future will have something wow i shouldn't be too optimistic but maybe the future will have something. Wow, I shouldn't be too optimistic, but maybe the future will have something more than eggplant. Eggplant parmesan. Yeah, yeah. We talked a lot about corn dogs recently on the podcast, so maybe that'll make its way in. The phallic symbol podcast.

Anyways, welcome everybody to Saturdayurday school this is in the building yeah saturday school's in the building uh this is mark bell saturday school a little bit different than mark bell's power project podcast uh this is a different different format where uh we the people ask the people's coach a question we let mark go off on a huge rant and we learned just a ton. If you guys missed the last class session, it was gigantic. I really encourage you guys to check that out. If you guys are watching this on YouTube, check the cards right now. And of course, if that doesn't work, check the YouTube description. And then if you're on Facebook, check the description for the links to that episode because I think it was very powerful.

But today is, what's today? August 26th. Mark, do you know what today's significance is or why today's so significant? It's the first day of school for my kids. Is it really? Yeah, it is. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, that's pretty significant.

That is. That is not what I was getting at, though. Oh. Something else. August 26th. Is it your birthday? Not my birthday, no. But that was April 15th, if anyone's asking.

I think it might be my 20th wedding anniversary. Yes, it is. And that's actually what I wanted to dive into, because 20 years. Let's not dive in too much. Well, I don't want to literally not dive in. I want to, like, you know. Like, you didn't dive in, like, to our bedroom? No she wouldn't now yeah i don't know never know maybe if she's out of town yourself out bro maybe when she goes out of town we can make that happen um but in today's day and age you know like social media um it's i don't want

to say it's almost weird if you meet some, a couple that didn't meet through an app, but it's definitely seems like it's, uh, it's going back to the, uh, like the hippie days of free love and, you know, people are more open. We've kind of gotten to, uh, the point where people have open relationships and they're open about that, you know, before they would have like a, a pink flamingo in their front yard if they were swingers or something like that. I think I remember that correctly. So things are different. They're more of the same, I guess, if you want to say.

But 20 years, that's really significant. So congratulations to you and Andy. Thank you. I just recently was married, so I look up to you guys in so many different ways. But that being one of them, you guys are a power couple, you know, literally, like you, you hear that term thrown around a lot. And normally, it's just when somebody's trying to be nice, but like, how did you guys meet? And then from like a guy's perspective, speaking to other men, women will definitely be able to take some benefit out of this. But like from guy to guy, how the hell did you guys keep it together for 20 years? I think that so many women are going to listen to this just wishing they were Andy, right? They're going to be like it's going to be like their dream, you know, like like I'm Henry Cavill or something, right? Could be. I don't know. Maybe not.

Anyway. Yeah. So Andy and I, we met probably like 22 years ago or so. We met at a bar in Hermosa Beach or actually, I guess it's more Redondo Beach, California, a bar called Sharky's. called Sharky's and, uh, Sharky's is now like, you know, infamous because, um, the Bell brothers worked there. I worked there. My brother Chris worked there. My brother Mad Dog worked there. We had a lot of friends that worked there and it was just a fun, it was a really fun place. It was a bar slash restaurant and it kind of had, um, like, I can't even remember how it was described in terms of the food, but it was like Mexican, American, Hawaiian, kind of all mixed together

and it was so good. The food was amazing. People love the drinks there. Just one of those places that mixes up those giant, disgusting drinks and people just get hammered there. You know, big old, people drink out of like literal buckets, you know. They had like like my ties and things like that, but just a place that was like, uh, it was just a lot of fun. And, and I was obviously a lot younger. So I was in my early

twenties and, um, yeah, I just have a lot of great memories from that place. Like now that I'm even thinking about it now, like I'm thinking about, we had another guy that worked there. Um, I just have a lot of great memories from that place. Like now that I'm even thinking about it now, like I'm thinking about we had another guy that worked there. We just called him Big Mike. He was from Canada and he was almost seven feet tall. I'm sorry. I actually called him the Big Show. He was he was almost seven feet tall. Our manager that we had was amazing.

This guy, Brian, he was always making fun of me and my brother. And he was always talking trash. And he would like he always made things worse, which you're thinking like a manager would like be there to make things better. But anytime there was a fight, he'd like kick somebody's ass or like, I don't know. He just, he was very scrappy and he made things like 10 times worse. But also, uh, John Cena worked there and, uh, we were all bouncers and, yeah, it was a lot of fun. So anyway, I'm working at this bar in Redondo Beach, California, called Sharky's, and some people may have been there.

The original version of it has since burned down, but they're in the same location. They rebuilt it and everything, but yeah, I was just working one night. I'm there in my board shorts and my Hawaiian shirt. And probably just about 15, 20, maybe about 20 or 30 pounds lighter than I am right now. Wasn't on PEDs around that time or anything like that. So I looked a little different. Obviously, I looked a lot younger as well.

or anything like that. So I looked, I looked a little different. Obviously I looked a lot younger as well. Um, just didn't have the same exact size I have now, but it was still 210, 215 pounds or something like that. Still had, you know, uh, pretty good physique and was in good shape and was obviously, you know, I started power lifting when I was really young. So I was lifting. And, um, uh, anyway, so Andy, Andy had a, Andy had a job where she worked for a company called Westwood one and she sold, um, air time, uh, on the radio. So, so commercial time, uh, on the radio. And while she was there, um, her boss was from New York and he was very energetic and a very loud and fun guy. And, uh, he invited her out to, uh, what they call in that area, even though it's Los Angeles, they call it the Bay area, which is now weird to hear that because the Bay area here is San Francisco. And so, um, he kept saying,

Hey, you gotta come to this, you know, I gotta come to this place. You gotta come to this place. It's a lot of fun. And she was always the guy, whatever.

Finally, she went and met him there and she got a couple of drinks there. And I think maybe the second time that she ever went there, uh, she ran smack dab into me. And I actually think that she did like, like physically run into me. I,

um, I think that that's actually one of her like moves, you know, she'll like bump into you and say, sorry, and then start a conversation with you. So, um, luckily for me, she started a conversation with me because otherwise, uh, you know, I, I just, I did notice that she was looking at me a lot. Um, but I just, I don't know. I just didn't know what I was doing when it came to chicks though. I didn't know what was going on. I was like, didn't know if I had like a giant zit on my face or,

or, or what was going on. But I was like, she is kind of, I think she might be, I'm like, nah, she ain't checking me out. Why would she be checking me out? She's like six feet tall. She's blonde. She's gorgeous. Why in the hell would she be checking me out?

Like there's gotta be, something's gotta be wrong with me. She must be looking at me because something's weird, you know. Anyway, she started talking to me and I lived in Santa Monica, California. And normally around that time when I met somebody, especially at a bar, like, you know, L.A. is huge. And this area is kind of a party area, party town, party city kind of thing. And people would be from all over. So I, you know, meet a girl here or there and they would be from like Chicago or they'd be from San Diego or they'd be from California's massive as well. So people would be from all over the place. Just happened to Andy, um, you know, happened to be in close proximity to me and we were also attracted to each other. Um, from there we went, um, you know, I think we exchanged numbers or whatever. And from there, I think a couple of days later we went and saw a movie.

The movie was snake eyes. Um, and, uh, yeah, pretty much just hit it off from there and went on a couple of, a couple of dates. I really liked her. She really liked me. Um, I think every relationship has like a little point where you're like, oh, okay. Like this is this way. And,

um, Andy was going to go back to Kansas for some sort of school reunion type thing or something like that. And I was like, Oh, well she's going there. And I think I was going back to New York or something. And I was like,

you know, I probably just won't really see her because it would probably be like a week or two before I get an opportunity to see her again. So I was just kind of thinking, like, I don't know if anything will ever really come of that. But then when she came back from her trip, she called me and she was like, hey, you know, I had fun on my trip. And she explained, you know, what she did and stuff like that. And anyway, we continued to go out from there, but once kind of that happened and there was a few other instances where, I don't know, something happened where I don't think I had a car at the time.

And I think my brother needed to like, I usually would hitch a ride with my brother and I think he had to like take off. And then she gave me like a ride home and just these little things where she was just kind of like there, um, that ended up making a big difference. And then I was just like, well, shit, like I'm starting to fall in love with this girl. And so I remember specifically like calling her and saying like, Hey, like this should be like a thing. Like, how do we cement this deal? Like, can we get you to sign a contract or something? You know, can I, can I, uh, you know, so you're not available to anybody else or whatever. And, didn't agree, which was actually kind of funny because I don't, I just don't think she knew how to react to it.

I don't know if she's ever had anybody really ask her that before. I don't really think that, I think she did have like one other boyfriend in her lifetime, but she just, I don't know, like maybe, maybe you just wasn't thinking that way. She was just kind of taking it day by day. And so I kind of just, I was like, Hey, like, I really enjoy being with you. I just, I only want to be with you. I don't care to be with anybody else. I don't know how you feel.

And she was like, uh, well, yeah, I think I got to go. And I don't remember exactly what she said, but I do remember that it took her until like the next day to call me to be like, yeah, I agree to those terms, you know? And, uh, yeah, she basically just said, no, I, I agree. Like I had to just think about it a little bit more. I wasn't really sure, but I wanted to make, I didn't want to say something to you that wasn't true. And so I got to thinking about it a little bit more. She's like, you know, I, yeah, I want to date you, you know?

And then we started, um, we started going out from you know, yeah, I want to date you, you know, and then we started we started going out from there. And I think so even before that time, I skipped I skipped a segment here. So before I came to that realization, I think I had like, I don't know, I was dating a couple of girls. It wasn't like I was some sort of player or anything like that. I, you know, I, I, it wasn't anything nearly close to that, but I, at the time I just happened to be seeing a couple of different girls and I came home to my apartment one day, me and my brother, we would always have the weirdest things happen to us. We'd have like a friend of a friend would live with us or like a buddy would

live with us. And then like that guy would like leave. Like everyone's always like mooching off of us. Like no one ever had a job. Everyone's always super, just like total bum. And, uh,

we ended up with like a friend of a friend of a friend living with us. And his name, uh, was, uh, was Vincent. And we called him Vinnie goombatz and vinnie goombatz is from new york he's uh five foot six on a tall day really fiery but vinnie goombatz is

like we just a weird random guy like he he would um not even he's not a random he's like a new yorker through and through got the accent and everything cusses every other word a chain smoker just smoking a mile a minute. But he also trains all the time and he's super jacked and he's in great shape. He's like he was telling me and my brother's like I'm going to do a bodybuilding show. He's like I'm going to I'm going to kick everybody's ass and we're like you don't know shit about diet dude like you're going to suck. He did a bodybuilding show and he looked amazing. Like he, he did kick everybody's ass. He'd like, I don't know how he did it, but he was just like head to toe. He's just covered in veins. He looked, he looked amazing. Anyway, Vinny ended up, he ended up living with us for a little while. And, um,

and so my, my, I was doing something that day, working out or going to school, or I don't know what I was doing. Um, working, I don't know what the hell I was trying to do, but I was doing something. And, um, Vinny, Vinny was there and Andy came over and Andy's like, Oh, is Mark around, you know? And, uh, he's like, nah, he's like, he's, he stepped out. I think he's working out. And she's like, it's like, well, I'm going to go to the beach. So she's like, if you want to go to the beach, you know, that's where I'm heading. And he was like, oh, cool. It's like, all right, well, I'll meet you down at the beach.

So they hang out on the beach. And Andy's whole thing was she was like, I'll get in good with Vinny because this is obviously Mark's friend, you know. So Andy's hanging out on the beach with Vinny Goombatz all day and he's cursing a mile a minute, smoking cigarettes on the beach, like smoking everybody else out, killing everybody with smoke. And Andy's like completely like appalled

and just like, this is horrible. Like she can't like lay out or can't do anything because she just smells smoke the whole time. And this guy's embarrassing with how he's you know cursing the whole time so anyway um i talked to andy like the next day and she's like oh she's like i came over your house the other day and she's like and then you weren't there and um she's like but i ran into your friend vinny and i go vinny i go vinny's not my fucking friend i was was like, I hate Vinny. She's like, what? She's like, I spent all day with him.

She's like, she's like, I thought that you guys were really close, you know, or whatever. But anyway, it ended up paying off because, um, I had at that time, I had like another girl that I was like talking to Vince Vinny, uh, uh, to, um, and we were talking about, you know, different girls and stuff. And he's like, I don't even know why you bother. He's like, I don't know why you even messing around with any other girls. He's like, doesn't make any sense. He's like, he's like, she goes, he goes, uh, Andy's really, really cool. I was going, yeah, she is really cool. But I, I said, I just started seeing her, so I don't know. And, um, he goes, yeah, but he goes, you know, I'll make it simple for you he's like i got a saying

either you're in or you're in the fucking way and he goes and andy is in and i go yeah you know what you're right she's in i'm like i'm gonna call her tonight and that's when i called her and that's when i called her and so like her uh you know her her beast trip with uh vinnie goombats even though she had to figure out a way to endure that, it worked out well. So, and we've been together. I mean, I've communicated with her or talked to her every single day, you know, over the last 22 years.

There hasn't been a day where there wasn't like a form of communication of some kind. I would maybe say with maybe the exception to like when I went to Japan years ago for some pro wrestling, I think there was just like a particular day. I don't know. I don't think there was cell phones at the time, or at least I didn't have one. And we didn't have an opportunity to talk. So we got that one day that we didn't have a chance to communicate. But yeah, we've been going for 20 years strong.'s kind of how it uh how it all kicked off and was she the uh first girl

no i whatever yeah was she the first girl that you like kind of like formally asked to be like exclusive with yeah i was always very i was always like like, first of all, I'm very shy. And then secondly, I was just always pretty annoyed with girls. Like, I just couldn't, I just didn't figure, I didn't figure them out. I grew up with two older brothers, you know, and none of us ever talked about like dating girls or anything. So, yeah, I didn't know anything about chicks. And when I did get around them, I was like, they seem really annoying. Like, seem like they need a lot, seem like they need a lot of attention, you know? And

I know that all girls aren't that way. So that, but that's just the way that I, uh, kind of thought at that, at that time period. Yeah. So she was kind of the first one. And I think, I think, I think the reason that it was that way, uh, between us is because she has two brothers. She also has two sisters. And so I think with her just having the experiences that she had, she was just a lot easier for me to talk to and communicate with. And I can be my normal gross self and say things that were maybe a little bit off. And it just didn't, I just didn't feel like I had to alter myself at all to talk to her. And something else that I actually did, which probably is not recommended to anybody else, but something that I would do when I worked at this bar is like I would always introduce people, I would always introduce myself as smelly or my brothers would introduce me as

smelly. And anytime somebody like thought that was dumb or thought it was weird or was like unattracted to that or whatever um i just knew it wasn't going to be a friend of mine like right away because i was like well if they can't be light-hearted and have humor i got the stupid nickname because as a kid i hated to take showers and my brothers gave it to me but this is my fucking name and so you know i would even introduce myself to girls and girls would be like frustrated like they want to know your real name you know and then it was always like so it was it was actually like a good gauge just to kind of see like you know what's somebody's uh

personality like that kind of thing yeah it's a good filter um so that house that your buddy vinnie was living with you guys with so i heard heard a story earlier today talking to Jesse Burdick where he was saying your brother would take a shower and while he was in there, your brother Mike, while he was in there, he would use the restroom one and two and then just kick everything down the drain. And what Jesse was explaining to me was Andy's face when she heard that story or whenever you tell that story, how she just gets mortified.

Oh, yeah. I've never heard that story before. Yeah, my brother claimed that it would save time, but I don't know what, where. I don't know how. He was like, oh, yeah, you never shit in the shower and just stuff it down the drain with your foot? I'm like, that just seems so disgusting. I don't understand. And he's like, oh, it saves a bunch of time.

And I'm like, it doesn't. I was like, if you want to do that because you somehow think it's more convenient, that's fine. But don't try to sell people on that it's going to somehow save time. Because I'm like, I'm not buying it. How can you, like, can't you just take a dump? He's like, well, I didn't have to take a dump before I got in the shower yeah it's just i don't know it was really weird but in explaining this story to several people over the years like oh yeah do the whole time it's like oh my god it's disgusting i know mike ryan he was like he was like oh yeah kidding me he's like you know he goes sometimes

it's a mistake because sometimes the poop's a little too big. You're like, oh, my God. Like, that sounds terrifying. Like, what is wrong with you people? I don't think that's how, like, a drain works. It's not a toilet. Like, it doesn't. Yeah, I don't know, man. It just sounds all terrible.

Yeah. All of it sounds terrible. Dude, okay. So then, all right, so you guys are together now. You're still wrestling. How does, I don't want to make this sound mean because this goes for anybody. If you're The Rock or if you're Mark Bell, you can get them too confused, by the way. But you're not making a ton of money. You're super busy, devoted to wrestling, working out, probably not that much free time. Wrestling, working out, probably not that much free time. I mean, maybe you did have a lot of free time.

I don't know. I guess you can explain that. How were you able to keep Andy happy to where she's stuck around? Yeah, so that was kind of just the thing. Like, I wasn't going to be around someone that I had to try to figure out how to make them happy. You know, I was going to, hopefully me being me was going to be enough. And that's all she ever needed. And that's, you know, where that speech from Vinny Goombas, even though he's a complete idiot, you know, he's a complete moron. It really meant a lot. You know, it meant a lot

to me because I was like, you know what? He's, he's totally and completely right. I mean, she is, she is in and she's just, she's like supportive. She's behind me. Um, yeah, you know, I went through many years where I always had a work ethic. So I think that,

um, I think that, uh, if somebody is squandering away talent that they have, where it's like super obvious where you're like, you know what, dude, like,

come on. If somebody is squandering away a talent, then I can see how that would be really frustrating for somebody, male or female, uh, your partner, uh, or whatever is just,

isn't really doing much and not pulling their own weight, but they're not even trying to pull their own weight. They're not doing anything to get better. Um, that would have never worked for Andy. Um, I just happen to not be able to figure out how to make money. You know, I just, um, I'm, I was still in recovery is what I would call it. You know, I was in recovery of, of the shell shockness of school. Like, I don't want to over-exaggerate that, but school did damage me, and that's my own, kind of my own doing. I allowed it to do that. I allowed it to, I'd allowed my experience in, you know, formal education for me to formulate this idea that I was dumb. There wasn't anyone at school that said, you're an idiot.

Nobody really specifically said that, but I was put in special classes and stuff like that, and I felt that way about myself. So I was crippled. It could be the simplest job, and at 19, 20 years old, you could have said, hey, Mark, I can get you a job at like the movie theater or something. I would have, I would have, I would have been like, Oh yeah, I'll go. But I would have never went because I would be scared that I wouldn't know how to do it. I'd be scared that even after somebody showed me several times that I just wouldn't know how to do it because

that was my experience in school. And so I thought that that was always going to be, um, you know, I always just thought like I need to do something probably physical because I can't, I'm having a, you know, I would use the words, I can't, I can't figure out how to do these, these other things. But, you know, luckily I was obsessed with fitness and luckily I, you know, I started working out at a very young age. So I was really fortunate that that was always a passion. That was always a thing. I mean, I started reading, um, some magazines and stuff like that when I was a kid about nutrition and about, I mean, I remember reading about, um, Dr. Barry Sears zone diet and the podcast we just did Lane Norton mentioned briefly the zone diet, the zone diet is still used, utilized today, uh, by the people

of CrossFit. It's, it's often referred to her at least in that, uh, in the people of CrossFit. It's, it's often referred to, or at least in that, uh, in that space of CrossFit, but like, you know, I have been reading this information and absorbing this information about bodybuilding, about training, about, uh, building up of muscles and getting stronger and all these different things and for, for a long time. And so, um, even though I didn't have a, like a formal education, so even though I didn't have a like a formal education and even though I didn't have a quote unquote real stable job, I was a personal trainer and I was a bouncer and I I worked hard. I tried to my days were always full, Like I was always doing something. They were like just as busy as they are now in some weird way. You know, some of that time was burnt in the gym because I would spend a lot of time in the gym. I might lift and do cardio in the same training session. So I might be there for

an hour or two, but then it was get home, take a shower, get ready for work and work at night at Sharky's. Um, maybe the next morning and depending on what day it was, maybe the next morning I had personal training clients. I worked at a personal training studio for like five, six years in, in, uh, downtown Los Angeles and would open the gym up like every morning. So it wasn't like it wasn't, I wasn't the hardest worker and I definitely had a lot of room to, uh, be able to be more disciplined, but I, I, I put in a good effort, you know, I wasn't, it wasn't like I put in an effort just to slide by

either. Cause even like when I, even when I was a bouncer, I remember, uh, Greg Newman, the owner of Sharky's by still the owner of Sharky's. And I'll never forget this. I remember, I'll remember this the rest of my life. He's like, I, I was just a bouncer, you know, but I'm sitting at the back door. And, uh, then I, I would see a bottle or I'd see this, I'd see that. And I'd always clean everything up because the first bar that I ever worked at, I saw somebody get hit over the head with a bottle. And I'm like, that will never happen on my watch ever again. I'm not going to ever allow that to happen. Cause that was horrible. It was horrifying. You know, the guy like got seriously injured and it was just, it was an ugly circumstance, you know? And I was like, if people just threw away empty bottles,

maybe that'd be less likely to happen. So I would go around and bust the tables and throw around, throw out alcohol. But there'd also be food at those tables a lot of times. So I would pick up a lot of the, you know, when people were done with their food, I'd pick those up and I'd throw those out too. The other bouncers would never go near any of that. Like they might throw out a bottle or two here and there, especially if it's on the ground just for safety purposes. Um, but the owner, he's like, I've been watching you for the last like two, three weeks. He's like, man, he's like, you clear this whole place out. You throw away all the garbage all the time. And I would

even take out the actual garbage bags and throw them out back. And that's how I ended up in the emergency room one day because I sliced my knee open to the point where it splattered blood all over the side of the, this clear garbage bag that we had. Cause my, when I went to spin the bag to tie it in a knot, the, yeah,

the piece, a piece of like vodka bottle was broken and it just went and just, it just sliced me open. It looked like something out of like a Friday the 13th movie or something. But anyway, uh, Greg Newman, he came to me and he was like,

he's like, uh, he's like, I barely know you. He's like, I know your brother. Cause I went to USC with your brother. He goes,

but man, he's like, I really appreciate it. He's like, you really give a fuck. He's like, you really care. He's like,

you're going to turn into something someday. He's like, that's care. He's like, you're going to turn into something someday. He's like, that's awesome. He's like, that's the right mindset to have. He's like, you, he goes, you care. He's like, these other guys don't give a fuck. He's like, they don't care. And I didn't really even know what he meant. You know, I didn't really.

But then I kind of examined some of the other people that work there. And I was like, well, yeah, like, OK, I get it. Because like, even if there was like a fight or something, the other guys would always be kind of late to it and stuff like that. But it's because I was always like paying attention to what was going on in the place. And I could very easily, you know,

it's very Patrick Swayze. Like I could very easily kind of identify like, okay, this guy's starting to get pissed at his girlfriend. Something's going to, something weird is going to, and I could go over and talk to the guy before anything really turned into anything. I could say, Hey man, what's going on? You doing okay?

Like seems like you're kind of shouting like, you know, I'm sure you came out here with a different intention. You're probably having a good time. And I'd even say, Hey, can I get you a drink or something? Or like, you know, and, and they'd be like, they'd usually say no, they'd be like, no man, what are you talking about? Uh, cause, uh, our owner, he said, yeah, he goes, whatever way you got to do to calm somebody down. And so anyway, I, you know, I had some self-respect for myself at that time to, you know, push myself. So it wasn't like Andy

was with a complete bum, but, uh, there was times where, yeah, she was like, hey, you know, because I didn't really do anything until later on, you know, in terms of slingshot and and all this stuff. So there were times where she was like, yeah, you're going to get like, you know, how about like a job? You can get like a real, you know, job. Are you ever going to do that? But no, I never did. Yeah. So then what goes through your mind when she does say that? Was it more of like, man, you know, she's right, but I don did. So, yeah. So then what goes through your mind when, you know, she does say that,

was it more of like, man, you know what, she's right, but I don't want to hear it. Or was it, damn it. I thought she was the one cause she wasn't going to,

she loved me for me. Or was it, yeah, I do got to get my, my shit together. You know, it was usually just because she was like stressed because she was the only one bringing in the main income, you know, and living in Los Angeles is really expensive.

And she was the breadwinner. She was the one that paid her bills. She paid her cable. She paid her electric. She paid, you know, I had some money, but it wasn't much, you know, it was, it just, you know, in LA to try to make a dent, you know, you, you need to, you need to work a lot or you need to have a, you know, a pretty damn good job to be able to really, you know, in LA to try to make a dent, you know, you need to, you need to work a lot or you need to have a, you know, a pretty damn good job to be able to really, you know, contribute. So I could contribute in terms of like us going out to eat and I can contribute for food and I can pay some of the smaller stuff, but some of the bigger stuff, I just, I didn't have enough dough to be able to figure that out. So I usually recognize it like, ah, she's just kind

of stressed. And I was always working towards other things. So I knew that eventually I was going to be able to, you know, land on whatever the hell it is I was trying to do at the time. But the problem is I didn't know what I was trying to do and she didn't know what I was trying to do. I do remember, you know, the first time meeting her parents meeting her uh stepdad and meeting her mom uh i do remember them kind of like questioning andy like well what does he do you know and i think at the time i was a pro wrestler and a bouncer and they were like um you know they're like well you know he seems nice and i think my mom, I think my wife, I think actually told her mom, I think she actually was like, Hey, like, just forget it.

Like, I love him. That's it. Like, don't, you know, like I just, because her mom was like, Hey, like, you know what? Like you, I'm concerned about this, you know, because he doesn't have, you know, that side to him. And, you know, I just, you're my daughter and I care about you and I want to, you know, because he doesn't have, you know, that side to him. And, you know, I just, you're my daughter and I care about you and I want to, you know, make sure you're going to be okay. And yeah, Andy just basically told her like, back off. Like, you know, like I got this,

this is the guy that I like and we'll see how things turn out. And so now, you know, it's interesting, you know, kind of where, where things, where things ended up, you know, it's interesting, you know, kind of where where things where things ended up, you know, because we can kind of, you know, laugh about that. Or I can make fun of Andy and say she's a gold digger or something like that nowadays. But, yeah, back then it was, you know, it was. It was a serious thing. One of the issues is that, you know, when you have people come from different backgrounds, I never cared about money. And as much as I say that, I don't think that people really understand.

But, you know, my example is my own son. Like, he doesn't give a fuck about money either. And why is that? Because we have tons of it. So he doesn't need to concern himself with it. But I also think that he slightly resents it. I grew up in a similar way. You know, my, my, my dad did really well. We never, never had a Christmas where there was like a lack

of presence. We never, um, I don't remember anybody in the family going hungry. In fact, everybody's pretty beefy. And, uh, you know, so I, I, it's not like i grew up with uh tons of money not like we were overly wealthy but we had everything like we had um you know we had we had a pool we had weights i mean we just you know my dad kicked ass he did he did he did a great job and uh so i never felt like i needed uh needed anything extra but but yeah, I never cared about money. But then when you meet somebody else, they have a different set of beliefs. Andy's dad died when she was 10,

her real dad died when she was 10. So she's forced to like, kind of maybe not completely forced, but she's put in a situation where it makes sense that you would be that you would be worried about your future. You'd be worried about stability. You'd be worried about. But also because of that experience, Andy also recognized, you know what? I'm not going to rely on anybody else. I'm just going to do my own stuff my own way. And I'm going to, you know, she got a full a full ride scholarship to University of Kansas. And then she took the money that her parents saved for her to go to Kansas to buy a car, you know, so she was so she

was able to go to college, have a car. And then she later on, she just, you know, got a job that paid well enough to where she could figure stuff out. So she's not she didn't really need to rely on anybody, but I did. And so the match ended up working out really well because, you know, you've been around her a bunch because she runs the company. She's a fucking beast. You know, she really is. She's like, I know people say the word strong woman. She kind of hates that kind of stuff just because I think her concern over that kind of language is like just a strong person, period.

You know, like, fuck it. Like, don't go and, you know, don't go and don't go and add woman to it. Like, I'm, I'm, I'm good at what I do, period. You know, that kind of thing. Because then you're kind of drawing attention to the fact that there's a, that may, maybe women are weaker, which we're obviously seeing is not, doesn't, it doesn't appear to be very true, right? Yeah. Well, I mean, it's just like, if you said, oh, wow, you're really strong for a girl what does that mean exactly and if i had anybody that has to like negotiate something for me i'm gonna see if andy can do it for me right because she's she's badass and yeah dude it's so dope

that like she's your uh she's your strong-ass chick i don't want to say your down-ass chick is what i meant to say. Because when she's like told her mom, like, hey, it doesn't matter. Like, I love him. That's it. But I want to emphasize all the stuff you said just before that. In case somebody is listening, that's like, dude, come on, man. Like, you might need to get your ass up off the couch or whatever it is. You know, like Mark had a bunch of habits and disciplines already in place.

She could see that he was not a piece of shit. So if you don't have all that and your girl doesn't stand up for you the way Andy did for Mark, don't be mad at her. Like that's not exactly what Mark is explaining right now. So I think that's really important for people to understand that you are already on your way to being a savage, if not already a savage. important for people to understand that you are already on your way to being a savage, if not already a savage. Yeah. Like I would have the discipline to wake up super early and maybe work out or, or wake up super early to, uh, you know, work for that particular day.

Like I used to open up a gym at like five o'clock in the morning every day. Uh, and I'd get, get my boss bagels or, uh, coffee, or like, sometimes I would get like, you know, a bunch of bagels and shit like that for people that were working out in there on like Saturday morning because it was a Saturday morning, kind of had a different vibe or feel to it. And it's like all those things like that's not hard to do, but it does take, you know, you got to, you wake up 25, 35 minutes or so before you normally would. And it takes a little extra, takes a little extra something, a little extra detail. Yeah. So when did Andy meet your parents?

Yeah, that probably took a little longer because I am from New York and my parents didn't move out this way just yet. But they probably knew of her by then, right? Yeah, they knew of her for sure. I remember, yeah, I remember like kind of telling my mom about her and my mom, like, I think I mentioned that Andy was older, but I think I may have said it in like a weird way i was like oh she's kind of an older lady or something and then and then my mom thought that i meant like she was like really old so then my mom was all concerned she's like asked chris and

chris is like well she is older and she is a lady but he's like i think she's like just like two or three years older you know i don't think it's that big of a deal my mom's, but he's like, I think she's like, just like two or three years older. You know, I don't think it's that big of a deal. My mom was like, Oh, she's like, I thought he met somebody who was like 20 or 30 years older. She's like, I didn't know what was going on. Um, but yeah, I don't remember, uh, her first interaction with, uh, I don't remember her first interaction with my parents, but Andy, you know, Andy is amazing in terms of like our family structure and stuff as well.

Like she's the she's the glue. She's the one that kind of gets everybody all together. Often, you know, she'll have an idea for like a party and then she'll, you know, make sure that, you know, she invites all the right people to it and stuff like that from a family perspective so that we can all get together. And she's like, she just does that a lot. Like she'll make sure that we, she'll make sure that we hang out with her sister a lot. Then she'll like, she'll bring up, she'll be like, oh, we haven't had your brother over in a while. Like she, I don't know if she like just makes mental notes of it or, well, hey, your parents

haven't been over in a little bit. Let's make sure they come over. Then she'll invite her mom over. Like she's very, very much into kind of keeping that chemistry of the family. And it's, it's, it's great. It's great to have somebody that, that does that in your family. If you don't have someone that does that in your family, you might have to step up to the plate and figure out how to get some of that done on your own. Yeah.

So we've been tilting the scales pretty heavily for Andy being an amazing person. You know, she helped you out so much with so many different things. We can quickly go over the Power Magazine if you want to and how that whole thing came to be. But, you know, again, from the bros perspective and the bros side of things, you know, again, from the, the, the bros perspective and the bros side of things,

what's something that you did that like you went above and beyond to help make sure like she had everything she needed. Yeah. You know, it's, it's, it's funny. Cause like,

uh, you know, it took me this, it just took me a long time to like grow up, you know? And, and I've been lucky that, uh, she allowed me to to

take to take that amount of time i i do think that men in general do develop a little bit later than women do and uh i certainly i certainly did she just gave me time to like time to grow but in But in terms of like making sure her needs are met and stuff, I mean, I just I just think about her a lot, you know, and I mean, I still do. Like we have something cool arranged tonight. You know, I I think about her often. I always have. Hopefully I always will. And I don't think there's anything like particular, you know, there's nothing like, oh, I buy her flowers every Friday or something.

But, uh, we, we have, I guess, I guess we have a shared sense of purpose and that helps a lot. Um, and what I kind of mean by that is like, I don't mean like purpose, like in our, like life purpose, like that's too deep of a question or too big of a thing to kind of propose but yeah we we just have we should we have these shared beliefs on how the relationship should work and how it should continue to go and how it should continue to get better and when we when you have shared but like neither one of us give a crap about like Valentine's Day. We don't care we don't really care that much about each other's birthday. We kind of like

I think we only care about each other's birthday just because you kind of have to care about someone's birthday and you know we'll buy each other something nice or whatever but like we just don't, we don't really, you know Andy this year we did like a you know, Andy this year, we did a, uh, like a surprise party for her this year. And so I shouldn't say I don't care about it.

I do think about it. I do think about, um, I think the last two years, I mean, I sound, it seemed like such a bum, but I think the last two years I haven't bought her anything for Christmas.

Yeah. I just don't like, we don't, neither one of us, like, that's not where our thought is. I guess I't like we don't neither one of us like that's not where our thought is. I guess I'll say it that way. Like, it's not like I shouldn't be buying our stuff for Christmas. I probably should be buying our stuff for Christmas. But neither one of us

really care that much about that. In particular, we care about each other's happiness. We care about our children's happiness. And what I'm the most proud of is the fact that I feel like I love her more all the time. I feel like I love her more every day. Like it's, it's more fun to hang out with her now than it was two or three years ago. And two or three years ago, it was fun to hang out with her. So I don't know, you know, I, I'm not sure why it's working that way. Like I love hanging out with my brother, but it hasn't exponentially gotten more fun to hang out with him. You know,

he's my brother. I love him. I love seeing him. I love hanging out with him and everything, but it's, it's, it's different when you find, um,

you know, some people believe in kind of a concept of like a soulmate, I guess, you know, maybe I've been lucky enough to, to find that person to, um, you know, maybe I've been lucky enough to, to find that person to, um, you know, it is literally, you're sharing your life with somebody and it's really cool because like, uh, especially with being successful and wealthy and stuff, like I don't, I just

don't even understand. Um, cause when you are, when you, when you are wealthy and or successful, you can't really share it with people because people don't want to hear it. You know, like, if you're like, oh, I bought another new house. Oh, I bought a boat. Oh, I bought a new car. Like, if you say that to your friends, your real friends, some of your real friends from, you know, if they knew you long enough, they won't, they'll be pumped for you. Right? friends from, you know, if they knew you long enough, they won't, they'll be pumped for you.

Right. But other people were like, dude, like I'm tired of hearing about your shit when I, you know, can't even go to a nice restaurant on a Friday night, you know, must be nice. Yeah. Yeah. And so you do need people to, to, you know, kind of share some of that stuff with and, and things like that. But yeah, Andy and I, we just have, we've, we've gone together very, very well. And then I will also say that in, um, you know, in times where we haven't gone together really well, we had to get therapy, you know, had to get, go like, you know, like, Hey, let's, uh, this isn't going well. And like, are you pumped? Like, Nope. Are you pumped? Nope. Okay. Well, uh, I don't know much about any of this, so let's go and see if we can have a mediator and talk about it more. Cause I don't know what to

say. Cause like, you don't want to say a bunch of crap to hurt each other's feelings and this and that and and then it's like uh it's impossible it's like it's impossible not to get um until you learn how to deal with it it's impossible to not get offended by you know by what your significant other says. I mean, imagine if your significant other was like, and this happens in relationships, right? They kind of laugh or, or snicker or something at something that you put on that, that you thought was good. You know, you thought you looked good in it.

And they might not have necessarily said you looked bad because most people aren't like, you know, most people aren't mean enough to say something like that. But maybe they said something, maybe it was their reaction, maybe it was their face. And you're just like, wow, that shit like, OK, that that hurt pretty bad, you know. to have to talk to one another about important issues, you know, when to be home, who's watching the kids, you're not around enough, sex. I mean, like, nobody wants to ever talk about sex, but sex is huge. Sex is a huge, important thing. And I know even just the mention of it, people are kind of cringing, but your partner needs to know what you enjoy and you need to know what they enjoy and you need to be on board with you if you're not if you're not sexually compatible uh good luck like that's going to be you know

there are people that have like a sexless marriage and they make stuff work um because they have children or because they've just been in it for too long or something like that. That's just something that wouldn't work well for me. I know that, and I don't think that would work well for Andy. And it's a part of it. It's not everything. It's just another part of it. And so you have to, unfortunately, walk through all parts of it, it and you got to communicate about everything.

You got to communicate about who you're texting on your phone. You know, are you texting somebody in the middle of night at two in the morning? You're not single anymore. You're not on your own. That's totally fine that you're texting somebody at two in the morning. I think, right? Like because you trust each other and stuff like that and so it's not a it's not a big deal but now you do have someone to answer to because what you know if they do ask you

oh who are you texting like they could be asking because they're inquisitive they could be asking because they're wondering if there's something wrong because it's two in the morning and it's random they could also be asking because they think that something weird might be going on. But, you know, these are all things that it's not about you anymore. You're now kind of almost one with another person. And I think that you have to, and these are things like I had to learn some of these things the hard way, like making certain posts, like, hey, you big dumb idiot, Like you're not in this world by yourself. You know, your, your wife gets affected by these things. Your kids can get affected by these things. And

you know, luckily I'm not a real celebrity. Otherwise, you know, you're, you're, I know, I know some celebrities, they, uh, have all kinds of nasty stuff said about their children and crazy shit like that. So luckily, um, I'm not, I'm not in a harm's way when it comes to that kind of thing. But, um, you do have to think about everything that you do impacts one another. Everything that you say within the relationship is really impactful.

You have to be really careful with your words. If you, if you need time, if you need a moment and you need to just, you're mad, frustrated, pissed off, whatever it is.

I think it's totally legal and totally within, uh, within reason to say, Hey, you know what? I I'm actually, uh, something's gotten me a little bit mad and I just give me five minutes and I,

and I want to talk to you about it and, but make sure that you do talk about it. Make sure that you do, uh, those things are there. I don't know why, but they're just, they're so hard to say,

but they're, if you're going to make it past a one year, then you're probably going to have to, you know, actually, if you're gonna make it past five years, probably one year, like usually everything's pretty, pretty chill. Yeah. Um, I do want to actually ask you you know, actually, if you're gonna make it past five years, probably one year, like, usually everything's pretty, pretty chill.

Yeah, I do want to actually ask you some stuff about like the romance side of things. But real quick, going back to the therapy that you guys did go through, what do you think was the biggest thing that you took away from all of that? You know, so in therapy, it's very common for them to like kind of just repeat stuff back to you you know and so uh i would say um i would say okay andrew uh i'd say andrew you're mad at ensima because um he came in uh a half an hour late and didn't even like he just didn't even say sorry. Right.

And now you hear it back and you're like, yeah, like, I don't know, man, I don't know how mad I should really be because he didn't say sorry. And now in SEMA sitting right here and I can say in SEMA, do you feel like you're sorry that you were 30 minutes late? And he'd be like, yeah, man, I, I didn't mean to encroach on anybody else's time. And now like whatever ammunition you had or anger you had, it's just like completely dissolved. Cause you're like, yeah, I don't, I don't really care that much about that. So, but it, but in, in a marriage,

you know, you and I don't, I don't really care that much about that. So, but it, but in, in a marriage, you know, you and, and Seema, you guys see each other a couple hours, a couple of times a week in a marriage, you're, you're together like on paper and you're together, uh, physically, mentally, emotionally. And so, um, every little step that you make away or every little actually, it's probably more like a. It's more like a tremor, you know, every little every little step that you take in the wrong direction is like creating a little tremor. And it could be, you know, making cracks that leave that make everything the rock scenario on the freeway, the rock hitting your windshield. Oh, that's no big deal. Oh, it's a little chip. That kind of sucks, you know, but you don't get it fixed.

And what does it do? It cracks the whole fucking thing, right? And so you have to, I think it's important in a relationship to take pride in the fact that you are together and that you are, this is a word that I'm going to steal from my boy, Charlie Zamora. You're a united front. I think it's great. Like, yeah, I can plant your flag in the ground and be like, yeah, it's me and my girl. And like, bam, like we're boom, we're here. Like it's me and her,

you know, and then make sure she's included in everything. Like make sure that if you do talk to another girl, especially the girl's really pretty, make sure you, you know, make sure you say, Oh yeah, my wife and I are going to, my wife and I would love to see you. That would be great. You know, make sure that it's always like, you know, Hey, it's going to be the both of us. Like it's that way you're not in some weird predicament or in some weird scenario that could.

And if you were to think about it, like what if you were in their shoes? And even when it just comes to that kind of stuff, what would you want to my thought process is, what would you want to walk into the room on? You know what I mean? Like if you're, if someone's real flirtatious and you know, if, if, if Stephanie walked in here and a girl sitting on your lap, even if she was kidding, even if it was a friend, that's like, that's not cool. Like, no, that's not that you ever even talked about that before, but you would just assume that there doesn't really need to be a conversation about that, you know? And so that's the kind of stuff that I try to think about, like, okay, all right. Would you, would you say that, you know, if your wife was here, you know, if she was right next to you, because if you're not, if you weren't going to say it when she's

there, then you're best off probably not saying it. And if you feel the urge to say a bunch of crazy shit all the time, then there's probably some issues going on. There's probably something going on because you shouldn't want to depart from that. You should, the, the interest level, the urge to stay with should be way stronger than the urge to flirt or mess

around. Cause what's the flirting really for, you know, what, what are you really doing? You know, you're probably, you're, you're probably throwing shit out there for a particular

reason. So I think in this day and age with social media and stuff, you have to be a united front and people need to really they need to know. A simple trick, you know, a simple trick. If you're going to communicate with the opposite sex, you don't have to do this all the time, of course, because, you know, you might know a bunch of people together. But whenever you don't know a bunch of people together, you might want to try to do this. Put them in a text thread together. You know, if you're going to text a girl and say, hey, like, I mean, I might do that.

I might text somebody and saying, hey, I'm coming into your town because I'm going to be in town for this expo. But I'm probably going to either include my wife or that person's significant other. I'll give you an example. Dana Lynn Bailey. I text the Bailey's all the time. I text Rob a lot more often back and forth. But every once in a while, I love the Bailey's. I want to just let them know that they rock and that I'm huge fan and they're

great friends and so on. If I'm going to need to say anything to Dana Lynn, I'll put Rob Bailey in there as well. You know what I mean? Little things like that. And that way you don't get yourself into any sort of weird jams or anything like that. Back to the counseling for a second, because there's another point that I want to make is that. When we went to counseling, the guy told us and.

I would also say, you know, don't don't give up on the person that you go to like try you might have to try a couple people we got lucky that we went to somebody great uh right away and he he was a uh a pastor but neither one of us are religious so be open you know be open like you i think he's um actually i don't even really know i don't know if he's catholic or christian i don't know what he is but it doesn't but it didn't matter to us we're like oh this guy he helps with marriage counseling great I don't care what religion he is what's what's it matter to me anyway one of the things he said is like and I mentioned that thing about Valentine's Day and he goes you know what you know people makes it a big deal about Valentine's Day he goes when you're married he goes, you know what? You know, people makes it a big deal about Valentine's day.

He goes, when you're married, he goes, every day is Valentine's day. Every day is Valentine's day. And the question that you need to ask your spouse is how can I love you more? He's like, you do that. He's like, you pretend every day is Valentine's day. Now, obviously you're gonna have your ups and downs, right? You're going to have, you're going to have some days where, you know, you're just not going to always be so pumped to be with each other all the time. But why not start the day out saying I love you?

You know, I don't ever, I can't, I mean, I don't even, it's not even really a conscious thing. But I always kiss my wife and tell her I love her before I leave the house. Even though I'm probably going to see her here at work. Um, we, we don't have a lot of rules, like when it comes to that kind of shit. But like, if we were to get mad at each other, like, but what we would probably do is I would say, Hey, we need to talk about this a little bit more. Or probably be her. Cause she's, she's more forceful on that stuff. Um, and I would say, Hey, we need to talk about this a little bit more or probably be her. Cause she's, she's more forceful on that stuff. And I would say,

yeah, sure. And I'd probably, you know, just, but I would communicate with her and I'd say, okay, well,

I'll see you, you know, I'll see you at work. And we, we may, may not in that moment have kissed and said, I love you. Right.

Because there might've been a strain or a stress, but later on when we, you know, solve whatever it is that was happening. Then everything's all good. We don't really. We don't. Andy and I. So if we made any mistakes along the way, I would say that for many, many, many, many years, we didn't fight at all. Like, just not, no, just no resistance at all. And I think that with no resistance, somebody's probably giving way somewhere, and it might be chipping away. So I'm not saying that it's impossible to not have anything to fight about and I'm not saying you should make shit up,

but somebody's probably given too much leeway somewhere. Like you not doing the dishes is probably starting to be annoying or whatever the thing is. So I still have a lot of growing up to do if I'm being totally honest, I still need to work on it. There's so many things that I do try to help a little bit more with the

dishes. I do try to help, but like Andy, the way, the way that I, the way that I'm admired for training, the way that I'm admired for some of the inventions and some of the credit that I get for stuff,

she kicks my fucking ass all day long. I mean, she can do, she's probably doing 20 or 30 tasks every day. They're not like strenuous. They're not crazy, but there, I would say some of the things that I do are a little more time consuming and

maybe a little bit more complex from time to time. But she's doing this, those same things that I'm doing that are hard and complex and time consuming, along with 50 other things. She's never doing nothing. It's like the most ridiculous thing. I mean, this morning she's getting the kids ready for school. She already she already came back from swimming. She swims at like five 30. She already came back from swimming. She's getting the kids ready for their distance learning, whatever, helping them with their computers and stuff. She's doing laundry while she's doing laundry. She's like, Oh, she's like,

this is great. The kids are doing something else. It's like, I'm going to mop. She starts mop. So like there's, there's no scenario where I'm going to ever catch up to her on any of that stuff. But can I help a little bit more? Can I, you know, while she's doing that, can I be like, oh shit, there's, I hate doing dishes, but I know that she doesn't love doing them either. So I'm going to do a couple of them. You know, those little things like, is there an area in your relationship right now where you can pull away a little bit of strain from your significant other? And even further beyond that, sometimes let's say that you argue about the laundry or let's

say that you argue about the dishes or let's say that maybe there's an option in there to where you start to teach your kids to chip in a little bit more with that stuff. Maybe there's an option in there to where you hire someone to do that, which some people are like, no, I ain't spending money on that. Hey, what if it saved your marriage? What if, you know, what if having somebody come and help clean the bathroom and clean the place up a little bit here and there. And, you know, while they were there, they did some laundry. Shit, man.

What if that, you know, what if that turned, what if that turned your marriage around to the point where you still cared enough about each other to continue onward and you did so until the day you die? It's like, what fucking price are you going to put on that? That's got to be worth something. Yeah, that's got to be worth something yeah that's got to be that's invaluable um i think that's been some of the best advice i've ever heard you give um when you're saying about the um the window cracking and like the ripple effect of everything that's so damn true man like and and as dudes, we can't swallow our pride. We can't, you know, be the ones who say we got to talk. We're usually like, oh, get me out of here, man.

Like, this is too much. But so I'm really ecstatic with how this conversation went. So, yeah, I do want to ask. I mean, I've seen a lot of couples go through things. What do you think from what you've seen other couples kind of struggling with, what do you think it's something, what do you think something that dudes are not doing? Like, what do you think something that guys are lacking when it comes to putting in the effort to keep their relationship strong? I think on both sides, I think male or female, I think you can actually become very lonely in, in a relationship,

which doesn't seem to make any sense. But, um, that person becomes a, your significant other starts to kind of turn into like a family member, which they are a kind of a family member, obviously, but like they're also not a family member, obviously, but like,

they're also not, you know, um, Jordan Peterson in his 12 rules of life, one of his rules that hit me really hard was, and I've heard other people say stuff like this too. Don't turn, don't turn your wife into a maid, you know? Um, and some of us, like I'm 43, you know, so not that my mom was a maid, but my mom, you know, raised all three of us. She was the one that was always there. My dad was working to kind of a traditional, um, American home. And so I grew up with that. And then, so in return, I kind of expect that. Right. And, and it's like, well, it's things are, things are just different now. Don't expect anything. Um, and then the other thing too is, uh, you know, don't, you know, don't kind of, don't kind of turn your, which sounds really weird,

but don't turn your wife into like your mom either. You know what I mean? Like you're, and she can be your wife can be your friend and maybe she can be one of your best friends but i also don't think that she should be your only best friend because i think that sometimes you got to communicate some other stuff kind of with other people and and it's not shared not that you're hiding anything but it's not shared because not everything's always meant to be heard by everybody. No matter how transparent somebody wants to claim that they want to be full transparency, it would work out well for you. So I think from a guy's perspective of like, what's something that, you know, men can maybe, uh, improve upon a little bit. I think it's, you know, and you hear it so many times, it's just a kind of this communication idea, this idea of, you know, not being afraid to talk about stuff. Um, not being afraid to say you're unhappy or you're sad. Like dudes don't ever say they're sad,

you know? Um, I don't know. Talk, talk to your spouse about your stresses. Like what's your stress? You know, are you,

did your 40 hour work weeks turn into like 60 and 75 and you're just not saying anything because you kind of thought that that was kind of the agreed upon thing to do. Like that happened with my dad. My dad, you know, he, my dad worked and worked and worked and worked and he worked his way up the ladder at IBM. And my mom finally stopped him and said, Hey, you know, your kids are growing up and you're not around. And he was like, what? I thought this is what you wanted me to do. But without my

mom, you know, slowing him down or, or what, and my dad was super stressed. My dad at 40 years old had a heart attack and yeah, like, but he never, he was too stubborn. He was too strong, too hard-headed to mention anything, right? And he, you know, I don't know what he felt. Maybe he didn't even recognize. I don't know. Because maybe the way he was brought up. So I'm not really too sure. But if you do kind of start to, if you notice, you know, if there's a, like, I think it's The Matrix.

In the movie The Matrix, when he sees, like, he sees something happen. He sees something happen that happened before. And they're like, oh, you need to, like, let someone know when that happens because it's not supposed to happen that way. Yeah, he sees the cat walk by twice. He goes, deja vu. Yeah, yeah, deja vu that part right yeah and so like you might think uh you might think something really small is not that big of a detail but it is it it fucking matters it could be a glitch in the whole entire system of everything, right? So you need to really, like, you have to really be paying attention. And I think sometimes when we say that, hey, you know, being with somebody else is a lot of work,

I think other people that are really happy together and are happy at the moment are like, no, it's not a lot of work, it's a lot of fun. You know, we get to hang out a lot, we have a lot of sex, like a lot of things are cool or whatever, but like, yes, there is that side of it. Yeah. Like it's great. There's a lot of things that are great. Um, but if you're not communicating, I just think that, um, things can fall apart. The other thing I see happen a lot too is this, uh, like resentment, taking things for granted you know like if if somebody's role in the household if you have roles like this but if someone's role in the household is that they kind of they they basically always do this particular stuff or thing um could

you potentially do some of that for a day or like get your children to help you with it or, or, um, and also even beyond that, can, can't you just say, Hey, thank you. I love you. That's great. Hey, that's, you know, thanks for, I thank my wife all the time for when she cooks, you know? Um, I don't, I don't think you can love somebody too much. Um, I don't think you can give somebody too many compliments I don't think you can give somebody too many compliments. You know, they don't have to be like, you don't want to be dishing out fake shit all day, but you notice something. They look, you know, your wife looks good in a particular dress or particular outfit or something.

Fucking lay it on her. Tell her. Say, hey, wow. Damn. Like, I, you know, I do that a lot i think you know i don't know i don't know what i don't know from a woman's perspective but i know from a guy's perspective like i'm just gonna tell her you know i'm gonna say fuck man you look hot you know i'm gonna like and yes it does it has worn off you know like it doesn't have the same

and have the same power as you know um it's not the same power as you know her going out with her friends and some random person hitting on her or whatever right like it loses some of its uh allure you know not she would she would definitely tell me like if something like that happened she'd be like you wouldn't believe this this guy hit on me today you know and she'd be all excited about it but meanwhile i hit on her all the time she doesn't care but it doesn't mean that you don't still do it yeah all right so um yeah man for older couple not even older couples just couple couples in general how do they keep that spark alive how do they keep the flame going you know when it comes to the romantic side of things um you know as we get older it starts happening less because that's what we are known that's what we know but it doesn't have to be that way

that's what i believe you know kind of like how we see dudes that are older and they're still jacked like but you're supposed to have back problems you're supposed to be older and you know out of shape so as we age we're supposed to not be so, you know, jumping at each other and, you know, hitting the sack. But what's some advice for couples that you have to keep that flame going? I would think, uh, to lean towards, you know, what are things that they really like or what are things they really like in particular about you personally? Um, for example, what's, uh, what's something that your wife really enjoys about you personally um for example what's uh what's something that your wife really

enjoys about you that you either like do or she just likes about you period oh man yeah is there anything like like you do photography and stuff is she like pretty pumped and like damn like i love you know you do a great job yeah she she more so loves when i'm pretty pumped about something and when I can explain everything about it, you know, like if I do have a dope shot or whatever, if she sees it somewhere else or like she sees something on like your Instagram that I took a picture of, she gets excited. You know, she's proud of that.

She can see that I created that and that's, you know, getting so much appreciation on, you know, a different platform, that sort of thing. Yeah. She's into that. And then like, she texts me today and she said that the Ryan holiday episode was really good. So I'm like, Oh shit. She actually feel good.

Right. She actually paid attention. Yeah. It makes it, it makes it feel good. So, I mean like for, from her, so something small that she could do for you that would be, um, something small that she can do for you that doesn't have to necessarily cost a lot of money is she can just show that she's paid attention to you when you've

said these things to her. So she could like put together a collage of a couple of pictures. Pictures might not mean much to me or anybody else looking at it, but she can say, Hey, you know, this picture you took of Jasmine, I really like that because I remember when you said this. Or she could have like writing on it or something like that. You can do these like cute little weird things that are sentimental rather than she bought you the new Jordans. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, that would be sick.

Those are great. You throw out the box, though though and you throw them on and somebody steps on them and you're done right then they're they're dirty but you could do something like you could do something um she could do something simple like that for you or you can you can personally think more about like what are the things that she gets excited or pumped about you know when you guys are together what is is her particular trait, uh, that she really just, um, that she really likes. And then you can kind of figure out, how do I package that into some sort of, uh, you know, uh,

gift or present or presentation or, you know, some, something, you know, something of that nature. But I think whenever you show somebody, whenever you show somebody that you were paying attention, I think, I think, you know, it's, it's always going to hit them. And when it hits them, the experiences that we draw from, I think really open up, it kind of unlocks, um, it can kind of, it can kind of open up your heart, you know, to maybe some of the things that they're going to say that night or do or or just gives you some insight. Maybe it opens up your own heart and they get to kind of see inside of it, if that makes sense. But I try to do stuff like that.

You know, when I can, I try to think about, you know, okay, what are things that she really likes? What does she really enjoy? And like, yeah, sometimes I can think about the kind of physical things that she likes, like wine or something like that, right? But like how much would it like blow her socks off if she's in like a book club? She reads all the time. I don't have any idea what books she reads really. I kind of ask her here and there, you know? Um, but what if the next time I asked her, I had the intention of being like, I'm going to pay attention to that,

what, what that author's name is. And I'm gonna see if I can get her a couple, Hey, you know, and then it's random though. It's not even for like a birthday or something. You just say, Hey babe, I got you a couple of books from this books from this you know author it doesn't always have to be like a present like that doesn't always have to be a financial commitment of any kind really could just um i think you mentioned that your uh that stephanie likes bodega bay let me just freaking tell her shut up and get in the car and you drive her to bodega bay and you have something set up you know it doesn't always have to be this like romantic giant setup like that but uh those things are fun and to do them out of nowhere and to not tell jasmine because she's

gonna spill the beans she will and yeah and to not tell them early like i've done that so many i'm the worst with this i've gotten better i'm getting better yeah surprises um uh shit man you know change your clothes every once in a while and change see if you can change your look a little bit here and there and kind of mix things up a little bit like you know pay again pay attention like did you ever dress up and wear like a suit and tie or something like that? And your wife was like, yo, like that's working.

Like that's looking good. If she did, well, fuck how you feel about it. You know, just, you know, just lean into it.

Just figure out a way to do it. Yeah. I know. Um, I had looked at a, uh, you know, Instagram has the,

the like on this date a year ago, whatever my beard was like a lot shorter. And I was like, Hey, how do you want this face for, do you want it long the way it is? Or do you want it short and trimmed up? So, well, whatever you want. I'm like, no, I'm asking you. Cause I don't care. She's like, I like it longer. I'm like, all right, it's going to stay longer. And then not to throw you completely under the bus, but like when you're saying like, Oh, we'll just find, you you know the author of the book or whatever one up you and just like what if you were to take

that book that she's reading and you read a chapter and you talk you talked about it right she would freak the fuck out like that would be like such an amazing gift for her that you actually didn't cost you anything all you did was take some time and read a book and say like hey i thought this was pretty cool like imagine the connection that that somebody could make with that yeah could it yeah it could be any like any of those possibilities or even just your favorite show that you watch together is gonna be on tv and you buy them their favorite snack or make them their favorite meal or just you know all these things they just. They just, it makes that day, it makes that moment slightly different than a lot of other moments.

And so anytime you have an opportunity to make something, you know, just a little different and I would say, I'd say go for it. Yep. So I got no, no further follow-up questions. If you have anything else you wanted to add, um, please do. But I think this was, this was incredible. I think, I think this was, uh, last week's was really good. This might be even better than that one. Oh, cool.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, this, this kind of stuff, I think it's maybe just important to add that, um, I think that some people might not think of themselves as creative. Some people might not think of themselves as they might not think that they like make stuff. But you really do like you when you're when you're in a relationship or you're making and creating all the time, you're like a content creator. You know, you see people on Instagram that say they're a content creator. Well, you're creating content. You're creating history. You're creating a lot of love, affection. You're creating a lot of things that are really,

really, like, they're way more wonderful than you can even imagine. At the moment, They're way more wonderful than you can even imagine. At the moment, you don't think they're that big of a deal, but they are a big deal. And for every time that you move a little bit closer to the goals that you may have together as a couple, if you don't have goals as a couple, that might be something to think about and to work towards. think about and to, you know, work towards. But as you continue down that path, like you'll both just continue to feel better about what you're both doing and it will both make everything that much more worth it. And when you have kids, it gets to be really fun because now you're helping to create memories for them. Like who doesn't remember every single person listening to this podcast right now can draw right now,

you know, the second that I say it, you're going to be able to draw a particular moment from a particular Christmas that you just never forget. You never forget like a particular present that somebody got you, whether it's your mom or your dad or your aunt or your uncle. Somebody did something on Christmas that you got really excited about.

Maybe your grandpa, like my grandpa, used to always pretend he caught Santa. So he'd have like Santa's boot and he'd like pull down a rope every year and he got Santa's boot. And then he got Santa's like, I don't, I don't know, like a part of his outfit or whatever. And like those things,

they, they stick with me forever. And so you might not think of yourself as creative or a creator, but you are. You're making stuff all the time. You're making these cool memories together. And you're making these memories together. And then you might even be making these memories for people in your family, your nephew, your niece, your son, your daughter, those kinds of things. So I think a relationship is a really, really, really powerful thing.

And like I said earlier, you know, work on making that united front strong. I actually have a friend. I didn't see him or talk to him for like a really long time. And I was like, man, I haven't heard from you in a long time. And and I haven't even really you know I this is like a friend of mine in New York and I was like I don't even really remember anybody even like you kind of like went off the grid and he said yeah man he goes I got married I had kids and he goes just I just shoved everybody else out the door that wasn't productive towards that. And, you know, he's like my he's like my house, you know, like that's it. You know, that's all I need.

The people in my house. And he's like nothing against anybody else. He's like, but that he's like, we decided that that's what's going to be best for us. And that's that's what we and that's what we care about. And hey, look, some people need to do that. And for some people, something like that might work. Amazing. So we won't go over class notes cause we did go pretty long on this, this episode, but I mean, that just shows how passionate you are about this certain subject, which of course is your wife. So obviously you're going to be very passionate about it. But again, Mark,

just as somebody who sees you guys pretty often, see you But again, Mark, just as somebody, uh, who sees you guys, uh, pretty often see you guys both in the office and as somebody who looks up to you, I sincerely appreciate everything that you said today. Cause yeah, dude, I want to, I want to be right up there in 20 years, you know, just being able to have this conversation with whoever the hell else that I'm working with at that time. Cause, uh, all of this stuff was, was, it was heavy and it was really, really valuable. So thank you. Awesome, man.

Thank you. And just to kind of finish off this podcast for today, I pointed this out to Andrew before and I think this is just an important thing for people to know and recognize. So we're all at different stages and different points in our life, but Andrew doesn't matter any less to Stephanie because of who I may or may not be, uh, in the eyes of society, uh, just because I make more money. Um, maybe it makes me of more value for something, uh, but not necessarily to particular people. And so I think that that,

that's a really weird, but interesting thing to understand. You fucking matter a lot to somebody, whether hopefully it's a significant other. Hopefully you found that in your life. And if you haven't, then you matter a lot to your brother, your sister,

your, you know, maybe, maybe you're a son, you know, your, your parents, your sister, your, uh, you know, maybe, maybe you're a son, you know, your, your parents, you know, somebody. And I also believe I'm a huge believer that everyone has somebody, even people that are adopted, even people that, um, end up in, you know, end up, um, you know, without a whole lot going on, they, they usually end up some, like everyone ends up with, with

somebody. So somebody cares about you. Somebody gives a fuck about you. And I think as it comes, as it pertains specifically to like a relationship, um, don't think of yourself as any, as mattering any less the rock and his,

uh, significant other. Like he, the rock doesn't matter exponentially more than you matter because he has, you know, 300 million followers on Instagram or whatever. I think it's important for everyone to understand that the actions and the things that you do on a daily basis because of that matter just as just as much as anybody else. So everything that you do, it matters every time that you do something in the wrong direction. It can make a difference. And every time you do something in the wrong direction, it can make a difference. And every time you do something in the right direction, it can make a difference. So,

you know, be on your best behavior. Strength is never a weakness. Weakness is never a strength. Catch y'all later.