Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 361- Beach ViBeZ

Episode Date: September 4, 2021

The D.A.W.G.Z. have transitioned to B.R.O.Z. for the week and have been horsing around down at the beach. Beers, vape pens, microdosers, paddle ball, skim boarding, HARD seltzers and everything.  God bless you dudes and keep it tight. The love is real. Don't for a second trick yourself into thinking it's not.  Also...please keep in mind that the universe (according to science even) is comprised of indestructible, eternal energy. You, my friend, are also made of that same energy. Don't ever forget that.   

I got to tell you something, brainstorm, be away from there What's up, bro? What's up? Yeah, we're on mobile setup. So at any point dude, I can just do We had a nice plan, a really classy plan. Oh, nice. We got that pool boy out there, dude.

So me and Matt, the fellas are down at the shore. They're at the beach. Me and Matt snuck away to our little secret hideaway to record a podcast and of course there's a stunning pool boy working on the pool. He's tall. I don't know if you get hornier than when you're at the beach. Coming out of the Sun? Yes.

Oh, for sure. There's that. Hotels I get like. Hotel? There's a weird sexual energy. Hotel, airport, beach. Yeah. You get very horny.

Yeah. If I see a pool boy glistening, something about it, dude. I don't want to make love to him, but it makes me want to make love. It makes you want to do something. It makes me want to do something bad. It charges me up. It's like when a cat sees another stray cat and has to just take out a regression on something.

It makes me want to be bad. For sure. You were bad last night, dude. I was pretty good. I was pretty bad. I was parodying. That was a good parody last night. Yes.

We are live from the beach trip. This is 2020 beach trip. Our friends are pounding around on the beach, dude. We came back. We said, you know what? We got to give it. We got to give some of the people, bro. We got to go talk to our friends, our real friends.

Yeah, dude. Not the beach friends. Losers on the beach. Our real friends. You. My friend. I can't wait to call you later. Yeah.

We last night went to the beach and Shane, you were doing good. You basically. I would say I handled myself with class and dignity. You handled business. So we were all kind of getting after it and then. No, you guys were up doing activities. True. I was standing and delivering, dude.

You and Spud actually. Me and Spud sat and actually each other. You guys dug in. Rack. I was skin boarding. I was swimming. You were doing activities. True.

You couldn't swim. That was tough. That was kind of bullshit. We were not allowed to actually swim. Yeah. Double red flags. There's a damn hurricane, Ida. $500 fine.

They tried to get me, dude. I'm above the law, though. Yeah. They got me several times. You didn't encounter with the law. The law approached me. I went out to take a whiz in the water. Sheriff had that, dude.

The sheriff had to come down and try to restrain me because I, dude, I'm salt-life. We tried to scare you. You guys tried to scare me straight. No, he did. He tried to scare me straight. Sheriff, we went out for, we had to do a run because Shane drank all the seltzers. I really, I really put a pretty impressive hurting on those seltzers. I mean, you, the second batch that, so before you were, you know, getting in trouble with

the police, when we were coming back, when you drank all the seltzers and got in trouble with the police, we were not. We were like, go, dude, I'm just always in trouble, dude. I don't mean no harm. You're a magnet for controversy. I don't know what it is. You were being fucking C. I was a magnet. I mean, dude, I heard you were being respectful to the officer.

Thank you. Very respectful. That could have gone. He was jacked, dude. He was such a tall prick. He was like guile. He was so mean, dude. He was an asshole.

He was trying to scare me straight. Well, I was carrying on the way back. So you guys were there. Me and Billy ran out to do just replenish your troops. Thank you. So we got just a ton of, I was carrying like a tower of high noons and I walked by the guy just after he had admonished you. I didn't know this.

Yeah. So I, you know, obviously I see a man in uniform by just paying my respects, sir. Yes, sir. He, nothing. He was mad. He didn't give me anything, dude. Dude, I didn't do anything. I literally walked.

I laid down like shin, shin height water. Yeah. To pee. Now it was bad timing because I got hit with a wave. He tumbled. He took a tumble. So he saw you. He saw me getting ripped apart by the waves in like one foot water.

I was struggling. My C leg. Did it take out your shin? It hit your ankles. No, I was just laying down. Hit a pressure point. I was laying down and I rolled. It was bad.

And so I got out of water. Oh, you weren't standing. No, I went out and laid down and shallow water. So it just tumbled you. It just tumbled me. Come on, man. Yeah. So I get out of the water and he's like, come here.

There's a cop. And I was fucked up, dude. Yeah. This is sunset. I was dead. Yeah. And he was like, you're not good enough to swim out there. I was like, brother, you don't know those fucking half.

You should have been like, what's your training, sir? Sir, respectfully. Yeah, what's your badge number? What's your aqua training? What's your water training? What do they call that when David Goggins had to do like his? There's like parts of it when you're. Buds.

Buds. Navy SEAL training. I believe so. Yeah. And there's the water aspect. Like how long can you tread water for? Yeah. I should have hit him.

Sure. I've asked him how long can you tread for, sir? Sir, Goggins had a hard time in the water too. He stole the Navy SEAL. Yeah. Goggins. Difficult time, dude. He had to drop out.

That's one of his greatest regrets. Dropping out because of the swimming? Yeah. He did have like a medical thing, like a heart condition pop up and they gave him the chance. And he said, he's like, I use it as my excuse. Yeah. Then he got fat as hell. Like I would just get fat as hell and like screaming himself in the mirror and just run

ultra. And then run 100 miles. That was his life. Yeah. That was his whole life. I don't like that. He would get fat as hell. And then he would like go in the Army and just like bop around and then get, then like,

you know, he ripped and he would get out of the Army and just fat as hell. Blow up. Fat as hell. Yeah. I do respect that. I like that. I like being able to turn it on and be like, I'm just going to be an Army man now. Yep.

And then go become that. And then be like, I got back to being a lard ass. He was like a, he was doing, what was he doing? Extermination. He was going around like killing bugs. He just got fat and was going around like killing bugs and waffle houses. I mean, that's kind of the life. It was being a unit going to waffle houses.

You ever see that dude fall out of the waffle house? Yeah. He was living up there. That must have been so good, dude. To live above that and eat all the fucking hash browns you want. Falling out. We went to a waffle house, dude. Yeah.

Waffle house is great. You guys were eight. Oh, you didn't partake in the waffle. You're above. It gives me a greasy bellyache. Of course it does. I've been, I've been removing. Be like Goggins, dude.

Don't just be like, I'm fat as hell. He probably ate with the same tenacity. I got on. Yeah. I went to the waffle house. You guys didn't even notice it. I was like, part of me, I have to use a bathroom. I went and screamed in the mirror.

What are you doing? You're blowing it. You're blowing all your hard work. So I get out of water. This police officer, he scared me straight. I can't believe I was nice to him. He told you a scary story. You should.

That's a nice, that's, I get a good source of pleasure out of just being nice to police officers. I couldn't believe. Because everyone's shitty to him. And the fact that that guy I gave him my most, dude, I get, I get real buttoned up. I'm like, sir. Oh yeah. Sir, how you doing?

I thought I was done for. He, he scared you though, bro. All he did was try to scare me. He said, you're not good enough to swim out here. He said, oh, also. Sharks. This is when he was walking away. He goes, oh, by the way, there's sharks out there.

And I was like, whoa. Whoa, dude. Whoa, dude. What's going on in the ocean? You tell me the sharks in the ocean. Like what else in the ocean? And then I blacked out. Then we came with reinforcements.

So then by the time you guys had your encounter, which obviously I would say you won. I won. Yeah. No ticket. He lost his cool. No ticket. You're just respectful. He ran your shit too.

That's, that's an aggressive. That was kind of aggressive. Yeah. For like a beach sheriff to come run you for warrants. It's like. Yeah. What if you had like an unpaid fucking speeding ticket in Connecticut? Oh my God.

It's got locked up. They won't let me out. Dude, you would have been too, too. I would have been a lover boy, dude. I would have been a lover boy in the fucking. Really? I was a lover boy last night. True.

I got your call. Be able to held you down. I would have had to call. You got tossed. Because I was speeding ticket. True to held you down. It would have been just you. There would have been no one else there.

Pain in my city? Yeah. Yeah. Although yeah, we're a little, we're far enough out of the season. Dude, I think it was just me and Kyle. Honks, dude. Oh my God, dude. That would have been.

That would have literally been. That would have been bringing a fucking fox into the henhouse. Oh my God. They would have accidentally locked up a fucking fox with the hens. I would have ripped through those boys. It would have been unbelievable. Boys would have been in the drunk tank for five hours and I would have had them. They would not.

They'd be passed out. Who knows what I'd do. You'd be able to prey upon them. This is drunk college boys. Just kissing, dude. Twitters, sleep. Nothing else. Just like make it out.

Just reaching through the bars of your cell and grabbing the guy's dick. Get off. Get the fuck off me, man. Dude, if you're in there just grabbing ass in the cell. Just a zombie, dude. Reaching through a window. Just like. Have you ever been in the drunk tank?

Yeah. When did you go to the drunk tank? When I was in Ed Elon. How'd you, how'd you handle it? I was fine. There was a lady stomping her feet all night in the tank. You had girls? I didn't have girls though.

Yeah. Stomping her feet all night. So mad. How would you get picked up for? Little underage drinking. Chugged it in front of the cop. What? Yeah.

And they picked you up. You can't have that. And I chugged it. Dang it. He said, actually, he was like, let me see what's in that cup. And I was like 20 yards away. So I just chugged it as fast as I could. Was this when the song Tipsy was in full effect?

Oh, of course it was. I said, yo, I got a fake ID though. Now this was throw some D's on that bitch. That was about, it was about 07. And then they locked you up. And you got locked down. I got locked down. Overnight?

What'd you do overnight? Yeah. I left early in the morning though. Yeah. Anyway. Beach trip. So beach trip. You get out, you get the, you know, the officer, try some shit.

He can tell you like served, obviously. I think he could tell I was a trick. He picked that up. He could probably tell from the way I was moving in the water that I did have some tactical training. He was probably more pissed that you didn't complete your bud's training. If anything, he's probably like this guy. I was laying like a seal.

I was just laying on my back. You're a frog man. Yeah, you're a frog man. I was basically a frog man. So then I come down past the guy. You had just gotten a scuffle with him. I walked by him. I hope this guy doesn't fucking, he looks stern.

I hope he doesn't stop me. I was like carrying all that alcohol. It's like, it's like kind of nighttime. I was like, this guy might stop us. We go right by him. And then that's when the mushies, little mushy caps, you know, always hit the mushies. Yeah. The vitamins come out and we start gobbling.

We didn't, I don't know if we gobbled. Spud's been gobbling. He got spuds. Spud's been gobbling, dude. Spud. I'll look at his face sometimes. And he's like, he was bug-eyed, dude. Well, that was, I think that was a wee pet.

Well, he also was, he was going, he was going sells for sells. He was, he was with me. Yeah. He was hanging. He can drink. So I think he hung with you. Obviously, I don't know if he gobbled that hard. Then when I'm saying gobbling, I mean, there's, you know, bros at microdose.

They pig out sometimes. They gobble. They take a little too much and it's not so much a microdose. Yeah. You gobble. And bees are in Schaener on the microdose program. Yeah. The bees, obviously the bees is gobbling the first night, dude.

It's like, what the fuck? He's going to gobble the shrooms. So, there's like two ways to do it. And one of them, Paul Stamets has a thing called the Stamets Dac. He puts niacin in the cap. So if you gobble, you pay the price. How so? If you eat a lot of niacin, your skin gets red and like it is like, it gets flushed.

So you can't have too much. What? I might have to start a safeguard in the cap so the boys don't gobble. All of our boys will be red, dude. The whole squad will be dark red. The Knights of Columbus red. I mean, we kind of, we will be today, dude. The whole group is going to be sunburn.

Fun in the sun with the guys, dude. It's so much fun. What a podcast. It's a great podcast. This is the story, dude. So we're going down. Spud hit gobbled. And then everyone, the whole squad gobbled a little bit.

Everyone had a little, you know, a couple of too many of the caps. And then Sunset hit. And that's when I think Spud started to fall apart. We were all doing stuff and we brought all of those like reinforcement seltzers. I think you drank 80% of them. I did. Because we were all like sitting there doing stuff. So you crushed like a lot of them.

Wild. How much I drank for six hours. I know. The mushroom slope pumped the brakes on half the squad. I didn't take the moshies. I know you didn't. But so it was half the squad was wizarded out. Most of the squad was wizarded out.

You were just completely on the verge of black. You were your consciousness. I don't remember the ride home from the beach. Yeah, exactly. I was lover boy though at that point. You were plotting on lover boy love. Yeah, dude. Yeah.

Went up talk. We went to the grocery store. Did you ever go in a grocery store and you're like really, really high? No. It's bizarre. What happens? It's just so bright. I mean, I've been high on weed in a grocery store.

I don't like it. I don't like being in public at all. If I'm high. Yeah. It just happens to me unintentionally. The target and it's just bright as fucking Mannequin's there and there's so much fucking shit. You know, fuck is this stuff.

Yeah. So we went in there and got parsley. Parsley. Yeah, Pope was on Pluto. Spud was on Pluto. O'Connor was on Pluto. The squad was on Pluto. You were blacked out.

Big Bill sober. Big Bill, the devil was sober. He's putting in work right now that was. He's boozing. Yeah. He's been sitting himself. You gotta get down though. He'll be loosened up by the time you get down.

Now I'll be sober. It's time for a sweet revenge. He might be B for S by the time. He might be Bill for Shane. He has been B for S a little bit. He's Bill for Shane. A couple of times. He was picking on me.

He was trying to pick on me. Yeah. He was kind of getting in you. I'm at zero though. He can't get to me. No. So we came back and then yeah. I got the hot tub up and running.

Fire at the hot tub. Light show. So the hot tub didn't. We didn't have the controls for the hot tub. So it was just cold. It's cold tub. I drunk messaged the lady who owns the Airbnb. I was like, can my hot tub please work?

Well, you thought you said her a coherent message. I thought it was nice. I just said, can my hot tub please work? It's crazy. She probably thought you were international. She definitely thought I was international. This guy's a Bulgarian. Can my hot tub please work?

Can I make a hot tub please work? Yeah. So we get back. That's when Bill tried to pick on me in the tub. He was picking on me. Everybody was picking on me. I got the light show up and running. So it was just changing colors.

We're in the tub. I was like, I would say about 90 degrees. Bill came at my physique, dude. He came at you. He criticized my body. He was on the periphery. He came at you. He was like, yeah, how's the peloton going?

Yeah. It was a sneaky PA. That was an attack. That was an unwarranted out of nowhere PA, dude. Bore line OL. I believe so. Yeah. Well, I think before.

I was probably just doing something. Yeah. I think before you were calling us all turbulence or something. Oh, yeah. What was that? I remember thinking it was so funny. What was that? You're calling us space junk and you're just blasting by us.

It was very funny. You're space junk. It was something like turbulence. What a rocket ship. It was very funny. It was so fucking funny. So Bill, and Spud's still like gathering his marbles as he hit that bait pen and sent it.

That sent Spud from fucking. That makes sense, actually. Because the coming in and out of remembering what happened, I thought it was an unprecedented. I mean, it was just a sneak attack, dude. It was a PA on the peloton. It was good out of nowhere, though. Yeah, he did. It was a very funny attack.

It was. I thought to myself, how's the peloton going? Smiling at it. I was in the pocket, though, dude. You couldn't touch me. You were just fucking sung songs of love, dude. You're basically had a lute upstairs. You called and you're just like, I love you so much.

That's the best, dude. That's the best. Yeah, we're outside. Then you fired back. I fired back. You obviously commented, brought the attention that Bill was on trip for a long time. So then it hit like somewhat of a stalemate. I just remember when I responded, I lowered my head to water level.

In the hot tub. It was very nice. The most powerful way you can insult someone is just your head sticking out of a hot tub. And going, do you even talk to girls? I just remember spud me like, whoa, dude, or somebody was like, take it easy. I was like, I'm fine, dude. I'm at zero. It was so funny.

It was like, dude, we need to all take it down. You're like, dude, I'm on zero right now. So then you started just having like very normal casual conversation. I mean, we can do this or we can say the meanest things we can think of. It's like, I'll start now. I want to fucking kill myself. It was just your head above the water. It was just pure Wizard of Oz status.

Dude, you're fucking. I'll fucking kill myself. And then you just go right back to like, yeah, this is pretty nice guys. What do you want to do tomorrow? When you're on zero, this might be the funniest thing in the world. I might be on zero today. If I get down there and Bill will try to fuck with me. Oh, he'll be.

This morning I came down. I woke up to pure anxiety. I woke up. I literally laid in bed just sitting there thinking to myself like, dude, I'm a fucking loudmouth. I'm a obnoxious bitch that came downstairs. I was like, all right, I'm going to chill. Of course, Bill's yapping, dude, pulling on my toes.

He peppered you up his mouth. Punched me, gave me a dead leg. Yeah, he's trying, dude. And I said, don't be rude. Yeah. I said, do not be rude because I'll fucking be rude. It's been a very competitive week, dude. We played pool football.

Yeah, of course it's competitive. I lost my fucking wedding ring. Everybody here's a psycho. Oh, you want to bring it up? I wasn't sure if you were going to talk about it. Yeah, I've already lost it before. Lost the wedding ring playing pool football. Yeah, man.

I think Billy ripped it out. He kept, he does these tricks. He'll pull your finger while you're trying. He was a fucking dickhead. God damn it, dude. He fucking. He would splash. He would stand in front of us when the ball.

So we were just playing up for grabs. Tommy was on one of the pool thrown in the air. Me, Matt, and Billy would see who brought it down. Yeah. It's like the pool version of smear the heterosexual. Yes, it was smear the heterosexual. Or it was, we call it smear the bill. Yeah.

So Bill was, he's dirty, dude. He was splashing us in the eyes before the, when the ball was in the air, he would splash and then jump. And he is strong as hell, dude. Yeah, he's strong as hell. Crazy. It's unbelievable. If he wanted to push me, he would just move me.

I mean, dude, his gay rage. His gay rage is like nuclear strength. His gay rage is, someone's going to split that at him and he's going to erupt one day. It would be the worst thing. It would be a force that unleashed on the earth. Someone fucking released his gay rage. Oh, fuck.

Yeah, there is a Manhattan project right now. Dude's just trying to figure out how to split the atom and figure out how to crack Bill's rage. His gay rage. All you have to do is just cut him off at work. The drill is. He's like, I'm not gay. Yeah, if you see him driving a roll-off container,

just fucking cut him off. No, this is mean. This is mean. We're being mean to Bill. Not being mean to Bill. Bill's going to listen to this and be mean, dude. He's going to laugh. He's going to laugh at us.

No, he's a mean jerk, dude. No, he's going to have fun. Oh, you think he's going to get the DOS? By the time he gets the DOS though, you'll be in the clear. Unless he listens back to the playback. True. He might be like, let me listen to that before you guys play out. Let me hear that.

I know you guys have been back home. Yeah, I know you guys have been back home. Fucking talk shit over. One thing to say. What? That Bill's gay. Yeah, it's just so funny. Completely unwarranted and it's so funny.

It's so funny. It's, yeah. So pool ball, I won. Not a big deal. True. Now there was a little controversy. Now you guys are, no, this is bullshit because you and your brother are both cunts. You guys are.

I was playing. I was playing good. You were only, you were swatting every ball I was about to catch. I was just trying to knock. You were afraid of Bill. I didn't score. You were afraid of Bill, dude. No, dude.

Dude, I was swatting everything. Just pulling them down one handed. Dude, that was tough. I was at a strength disadvantage or a fucking height disadvantage. So no, I was up. I was up big. You're doing well. And then it was like, all right, now we're playing for real.

We'll start over. Once I was up like four nothing. You agree to terms? No. You agree to the terms? I gassed, dude. You agree to the terms? I had the first 10 throws and then I was gassed the rest.

And now I managed to pull out the win because it was a gutsy performance. True. I figured out how to just push you guys and wait for the tip. That was the move, actually, to just kind of hang back. I was jumping in there and just getting clobbered every single time. And you lost your wedding ring in that? He was pulling fingers. Bill was grabbing fingers.

I think he might have popped it off because I don't know, man. So either way, I think it's gone, dude. I looked, it's gone. I might just get a tattoo wedding ring. I lose it all the time. I'm just going to get the line across. It is unfortunate with your wife. It just looks, the optics are bad.

Yeah, but I thought about that. Me and the fellows on Beatstrip, first of all, I lost my wedding ring. Thankfully, it was funny when we were in the pool doing wave pool. I was like, it's funny to think the women are at home. They're probably out at a strip club or something. It's just seven dudes in a pool like wave pool. Just pushing the fucking tube and making waves. Yeah, it does sound weird, but it's always like, you know,

you're not going to take off your wedding ring and be like, I'm going to get fucking pussy and put it back on. If anything, girls would like the fact that it's on. Yeah. Girls are devious, dude. They're disgusting. They're so fucking evil. They're pigs.

They're absolutely fucking pigs. They're so devious. Girls love, like their sexual fantasies have to do with like betrayal. Yeah. And like backstabbery. They don't even like sex. I don't know, dude. I'm getting into that a little bit too, dude.

Half the porn's I watch are like girl cheats on her boyfriend in this audition and I'm like, yes, do it. Yes. Really? Do it. It's it porn disgusts me when I turn it on. Not all of it, obviously. Like, you know, little bratty steps is obviously like, no, come on.

Get out. We got to share a bedroom. You ever have your lady tell you what she watches? No, she doesn't really watch. It's a nice thing. They do. Get into what they watch. Just be like, what was the last one you watched and have them send it?

I'd love to know. It's nice. I don't think she watches porn though. It's kind of hot. Oh yeah, dude. It's very hot. There's a whole category. I'm so horny.

I'm sure that. Horny for everybody in here. It's a sunlight, dude. You can't help it. If you had to kiss someone in the house and you can't say me, dude, obviously. Okay. Now I got to think about it. That was my first question.

Connie's would be a nice little treat. I might. I might walk in the wild side with Andrew was spud. Yeah. He's probably a great jissor. True. I just you could bulldog until you could hold him up. You think he's a dude to hold him in the air.

We got to talk about the podcast. We got to do the podcast. We can't talk about having sex with our friends. I don't know. I was talking about. I'm like whispering this whole. No, it sounds fun, dude. All right, good.

I just played the horn. Oh, you weren't recording. I was like, God damn it. But no, yeah, that was that was fun, dude. We did that. We did the sunset. We had a we all I would say we all had a mystical experience on the beach. The sun came down and was reflecting the like the waves would like the wake would come

in and the sun would reflect. The whole it was pink. Yeah, it was pink and purple. That's probably why I was full lover boy. Yeah, dude. It was just Valentine's Day on Earth. Dude, I'm telling you the world was we were on the beach at nighttime and the world became purple.

It was a purple and pink. Purple. Purple. The world became purple. You've been crushing high news, dude. Not today. That's a drunk. Last night.

Yesterday I crushed him. Today. This is my first one. We're going to have a couple. That's my first one. We're going to have a couple tonight. There's going to be purple tonight. But the dude, yeah, it was fucking.

It was purple, dude. The world was purple. Was it Tommy asking how I was drunk? Oh, did you say he asked you that? He kind of he was like, how the hell do you get drunk of those things? That's like 4% alcohol. Oh, yeah. It's because he drinks IPAs.

That's all that's just go-to every time. It's like, oh, you drink those? Those have nothing. It's like, dude, I drank 20 of them. Yeah. You know, you did. I would say that's how it works. I would say that's an understatement.

It could be. I'm pretty sure. They were flowing. I saw nobody was touching them. After people took the mushies, the alcohol hit a hard break and then I peeped that cool and it was going. Really? Yeah.

I was, yeah. Once I bit the top off one for no one. You did though. No one liked that. Everybody said that was, no, I remember. I was genuinely impressed. He was impressed. I saw you bite the top off of a seltzer and I was genuinely impressed.

I was like, oh, nice. He got it. He's having fun. He got it. I mean, this is my goal. This is what I said I would do. This is what I do at the beach. Go down.

During the day, it's nice. If you can swim, it's great. Right now, the damn hurricane. We're not even allowed in the water. You get scolded by the law. Dashes, pigs, dude. I do. Every cop is a bastard, dude.

Oh my God, dude. Big time. You're a domestic terrorist. I'm ACAB, dude. All that. I might join Antifa. Now I might, dude. Now that I haven't been able to get in the ocean, dude.

I'm fucked up. I mean, my civil liberties are just being screwed. DeSantis would be pissed. DeSantis? Yeah. I might tweet him. We should tweet him. Yeah, let us in the fucking ocean, dude.

Yeah, they're saying we have to. Why do you think we came down here? You want us to destroy your tourism? True. Because we can. We easily could just wipe this out. With our reach? Yeah, dude.

With our fucking platform. We're like number 69 on top 100. Nice. We hover around 69. Awesome. Pretty big. Yeah, dude. They're going to be devastated because the season is pretty much over.

Yeah. So they want us to add that. And nail on the coffin. They want us to add to that? Yeah, let us in the water, dude. Hey, guys, if you're in, where are we right now, exactly? Santa Rosa? Yeah.

Don't come to Santa Rosa. Don't come here, dude. It stinks. Yeah. That's actually really nice. Yeah, it's great. I like it a lot. But yeah, dude.

I had the same thing. I had this fucking crushing anxiety. Yeah, this morning. Jesus Christ. It was, dude. Well, technically, yeah, that's what it was. It was like, I was so tired to watch Burnhampton reading. Like, man, I'm going to pass out.

It's going to be so nice. I laid in bed and just got floored with like adrenaline out of nowhere. It was like the, I was like a, I was like having a hangover because I stopped drinking so early. Yeah. So I was like a nighttime hangover. I was like, fuck, this sucks. And obviously the mushrooms are still kind of coursing through my brain.

And it was just like, I laid there and I was like, fuck, dude. It was just nonstop hyper speed of just thoughts. I wasn't even my thoughts. It was like everyone I'd hung out with. I was just hearing them still talk in my head. It was terrible. Oh my God. It was horrible.

Yeah. It was the mushies then. Yeah. Plus with, you know what? Like alcohol anxiety. So I'm sitting there. That's just for like two hours, dude. I would like lay up and just kind of, you know, now, now I know how to like diaphragm

atically breathe. I can obviously control my heartbeat and slow it down, but I would do that fall asleep and then just wake up and just like fucking just full sweat and it's like, go take a piss, lay back down, chill myself. Dude, this was like all fucking night. I eventually fell asleep. It was the worst. It was it was so bad that I started like whenever I get really bad anxiety like that, which

is rare. Whenever it comes, I just wake up and start looking up social worker jobs, like fucking social. Really? You did that today? Oh yeah. I'm out of the game, dude. Not even that.

It's like, I'm like, I can just do that part time. It happens to me all the time. I just go, fuck dude. I can just go chill and just talk to veterans or something. I can just get. Oh yeah. Talk to the vet. Yeah.

That's what I would do. You're used to it. You talk to one every week. What do you think this is? I'm just fucking trying. I'm just trying to quell your PTSD. It would be funny if I did serve. It was so bad I blocked the entire thing out.

I keep telling people on the troop and they're all like, yeah, you actually were. You went and just like murdered an entire village over there. I don't know what to think about Afghanistan, dude. You got a lot of opinions. A lot of opinions floating around. Yeah, I don't. I have none. Yeah.

I don't like it. That's my opinion. I don't like the country. I don't like us being there. I don't like us not being there. I don't. I want to be there. I don't want to be there, too, though.

True. It's both. Yeah. I mean, it's a tough, it's a tough dilemma, dude. I love being in Afghanistan, though. You liked us. It's like my favorite thing for the last 20 years. I've been like, dude, at least we're over there laying down fucking law and order.

True. After we stormed Iraq. That was good. I was very pro storm Iraq. Definitely in your fucking face, Iraq. The theoretical WMDs. The theoretical WMDs are just icing on the cake. I didn't care if they had him or not.

I'm like, no, we need to get it. Get in there right now. Some fucking shop. Yeah. That was dude. I was, oh man, I'm still pissed about nine. If I see Iraq, I get furious. Oh my God, dude.

If I see that on the map, I fucking freak. Yeah. Now they have our Black Hawks, dude. I might go back and get one of them. We should go. Or just disable. I should go there and disable the Black Hawks. Cut the wires.

Dude, how long do you think I can make it over there without getting my head chopped off? In Afghanistan? Yeah. If I flew. Can you fly there right now? I think Tim Panady did. What? That guy.

He was like a former Army Ranger. What the fuck? What did he do over there? He just flew over there. I don't know exactly what he did. I know he was talking about like, this is bad. And then he was like, I'm going to take care of this. And he flew to Afghanistan.

Well, they did. I could be wrong. I don't know. He's just there? Yeah. Flights are probably good right now. Flights to Kabul? Yeah.

Get on there. What do you think they are? Like 400 bucks? No, I have no idea. Can you even get there? Yeah, you could. You probably have to, you usually have to do, you have to fly into another country. Fly from there.

Right, right, right. Yeah. What they were saying is that the. I'd be surprised if there were direct flights from like LaGuardia. Southwest doesn't take you to fucking Kabul. Afghanistan. Yeah. That would suck.

You'd have to circle the runway, still fucking flash mobbed. And it's like, yeah. Oh man. You can't touch down. They were saying that the roads over there, even while we were occupying it were so bad that like you had a like helicopter from like the airport to the base, which was only like an hour away. That makes sense.

Yeah. And we'd be like, yeah, dude, we got that under control. And then the whole time they were like, dude, we can't even drive here. Yeah. But you know, there's a lot of people. But let's focus on our victory, which was Iraq. True. Everybody wants to focus on, which I would consider a victory.

Dude, we won Afghanistan. Big time. I'm not going to let anyone tell me we didn't win. Yeah, for sure. We just went home after we won. Yeah, we're done. We had enough. We won.

I mean, think about it this way. We left and it just completely fell apart, which proved the point that I think we went over that approved that we ruled. We do. We're like, yo, check it out. This is how cool it is. You know, when we're here and then they have some of our cool stuff and everyone's like, whoa, now they rule.

It's like, dude, that's not even all of our stuff. Yeah. You might have forgot all of our stuff over there, though. True. It could be all of our stuff. No, it's not all of our stuff. It's nothing. It's just funny to think.

Did you say they were trying to drive the helicopters? They, yeah. The broskies are trying to drive the helicopters. Yeah. And I think they're doing all right. They filmed one. They got one guy that can fly. They got it up in the air.

They're going to figure it out. They will. They'll get it. I mean, obviously it's, you know, if one of them has to crash and die, it's not like. Yeah. That'll be pretty cool for them. Yeah. They'll be like tight.

It's Mad Max, dude. Mad Max. I don't think they're going to be, they're not going to be able to rally the country into like just like rapid, like fucking Muslims. It's now like, it's like, no, Muslims are cool, but it's like, that's not going to work. They did work. That did work. First time that worked.

For a long time. That worked great. They're like, you know, fucking Muslims. I don't like Muslims. It's a bad religion. Yeah. Yeah. People were pissed.

Although I did, I read a book, they talked about like how all the world religions calibrated according to like, like the power of their message, like the level of consciousness level brings or the message brings a religion. Sorry to say Islam ranked not the best. Yeah. Do you ever, do you ever tell you about applied kinesiology? No. Dude.

So if you want to know if something's true or false, you hold your arm out. And if it's, if it's like, you ask a yes or no question, and if it's, if it's a false hood, they'll be able to push your arm down a little easier than it was if it's true. Really? And this guy swears by it, dude. And then so they, they test it. He went and tested like as many things as he could. He tested all the great religions and he was like, yeah, it didn't come out.

Well, what if just people from Afghanistan are malnourished? It's easy to push their arms? No, no, no. You can, you can take. Was he like, do you guys like God? And then would push people's arms? No, you could test. You would just test like, you would ask a person, you would say how much, like how good

is this thing? Cause you would say is it level 400 and it would go, it would, you know, your arm wouldn't bend. It was the best. It's level 700. I think Buddhism. Evolve Buddhism. Buddhism is cool.

I'm more of a Hindu, you know, more of a Hindu. Really? Yeah. They're cool. They're both tight. I'm just Catholic, bro. Catholic, the early Christianity ranked pretty high, but it's since has fallen into a kind of like a, a fucking, makes sense.

Yeah. Something pretty nasty. It's turned into a pretty bad thing. I can't believe we won Iraq and Afghanistan. Oh my God. It's crazy. It's crazy. What's next?

I don't know. Is it true? I don't know. Probably. That's fucked up. Africa better not step out of line, dude. We're hungry. You think we're going to, that's a, that's a.

America's Conor McGregor right now. We just broke our leg. We're sitting there. We're like, fuck you. Fuck your wife. Your wife's a whore. That'll be a interesting thing to spin. If you start bombing Africa, you're like, wow.

Yeah. I think the only reason that would be is cause China, China is big in Africa. Yeah. We're going to have that new Silk Road coming. We're going to have to, we're going to try to disrupt a couple things. And also, isn't that where like the batteries are from? Yeah. Like lithium, all that shit.

They got a lot of mines over there. Yeah. That'll be tough. And we love our cool stuff. True. We need cool stuff. True. Sorry, Africa.

We need Teslas. We need cool stuff. We need Teslas. We need fucking bigger cell phones. Oh, you guys want drinking water? No. We want flat screens in our Teslas. True.

We need to take better. So our selfies have to be better. Our selfies have to be the best. See the campaign that Apple does where it's just like a picture, it's just selfies like huge billboards of selfies. Yeah. This is John. Yeah.

From this place. You like that. I don't like that. Tony, man. This is going to be, we're dealing with the new cigarettes. Like the internet, social media, it's like a, it's proving to be a thing that can easily ruin your life. I heard that.

Oh, yeah. Like you're going to be in like 20 years and like, dude, you, you do social media and it's like, yeah, dude. Sometimes, you know, like, fuck around. It's like, damn, it fucks people up, dude. Yeah. Of course it does. And like it fucks you.

Like rewires your brain. That's what I was kind of hitting that this morning. In my anxiety. I was just laying there. I was like, I'm just like, I don't even enjoy life. I just look at my fucking phone. Yeah. I mean, that's a pretty dog brain simple thing to ponder upon.

I mean, it's not like it's the most in depth. I mean, it's like an eighth graders level of like, whoa. You ever think of this? Well, there's the reality of it though. I mean, it sounds simple, but there is the reality of it. It's like, I catch myself all the time when I pee. Every time I pee, I put my phone up. Really?

The whole time I pee. While you're peeing? It's weird. I need, I need pure accuracy, dude. I'm built. I'm built for precision, dude. Do you sit down? Is that how you look at it?

I have the perfect flaccid penis, dude. I barely have to touch it. Oh, really? It just goes straight down and you stand still. Perfect. That's nice. Perfect. That's still the question no one's able to answer.

Was it no hand pee? Is no hand pee mean you have a fucking micro bird? I mean, I know the answer, obviously. It's a micro bird. I walked in, there was an old man in the urinal, a Kimbo, dude. Hands on his hips. Yeah, man. Pissing.

It's a perfect penis. I couldn't believe it. Dude, I can do, I can do a no hander. I could not believe he was doing that. Yeah, dude, you can do a no hander. Big time. I've done that since I was a small boy. It's the perfect penis.

It's the perfect size. My penis is the perfect size. Ew, man. I told you, dude, don't get me started in here. About the perfect size? About anything. What's the perfect size of you? Perfect size?

Three inches. It's three inches. It's been confirmed. Oh, yeah. I've talked to several women that have said, wow. You have the perfect size. This was the perfect penis. Oh, yeah.

A lot of people say that. That's what you're going for. A lot of people say that about me. Oh, dude, I'm Tony. That's all you want. I'm going to get fucked up here as soon as this podcast ends. Oh, yeah. Come on.

Where are we at, dude? We're doing pretty good. We're doing pretty good. No, dude, we're fucking... I'm trying to get blacked out. We're 34. God damn it. Start drinking.

I can't start drinking yet. Oh, yeah, you got to... It's going to be a long night. You got to motor us down. Yeah, and we got to go to the airport in the morning. Got to pick up my dad. You pick up daddy. My dad's coming to the beach.

So this is the last night I can really let loose and act a fool. I can't act a fool in front of my father. I can get a little... I can get it banged up, but I can't. Last night, he would have been disgusted. Yeah. If you saw that head floating in the hot tub, dude. Talking shit.

I would have said mean things to my dad. Yeah. I would have been... That head was pure evil, dude. That head floating in the hot tub. You were Dr. Evil last night, dude. Yeah. You were absolutely Dr. Evil last night.

What? You were so lover boy, dude. I was in love, dude. You were just a yin-yang last night, dude. You know, I came downstairs. Well, I came back down to boys yapping. No. People are trying to yap at me, dude.

Really? Probably. I don't think so. I probably just saw someone looking at me. I was like, fuck you looking at that motherfucker. I don't think so. Yeah. I think everyone was just pumped on you.

I hit O'Connor with a fucking funny sigh-up when we were watching the movie. I like set up those pillows and O'Connor sat down. I was like, what the fuck? You're gonna take my seat? He's fast. And Spud was on mushrooms. He was just like, dude, your sigh-ups are like next level, dude. It's just so...

It's constant. What was the... You sigh-oped him earlier in the week and he was like, stop. Don't do that. You hit him with an early sigh-up. I forget what it was. I can't sigh-up, O'Connor. Really?

It's too much. Dude, I do it when it's just me and him. I fuck with him when it's just me and him. That's another level of sigh-up. I can't stop doing it. Just alone? Just two people alone? And one of them's bothering him?

Yeah, man. Well, it's because he spazs easily. Yeah. And I can't let it go. It's tough. It's tough. It's tough. It's just like a weird release of energy.

It's enjoyable. Yeah. I noticed the bees was starting to get ticked about things, too. Yeah. When I started, I had to back off. Yeah, yeah. I started sigh-up and the bees a little. Yeah.

I was like, dude, this is bad. You can get the bees fired up. Anyone can be sigh-uped. Yeah, of course. Anyone can be sigh-uped. But yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone has their limits, dude. Yeah.

Well, I had a friend who used to do that in high school who would just like, dude, he would pick one person. We'd all be out and he would just focus on one person and just fucking crush him the whole night. It wouldn't stop. It would never end. And it was just never ending. If I'm doing that, tell me.

I will let you know. I'll let you know. Because I'll do that. I'll let you know. Every once in a while, I'll be on someone's ass for no reason. It's so fucking funny. It is funny. That's the problem, man.

It keeps getting funnier. And then when someone gets you, you're just like, oh, man, I wish this would stop. Yeah. It's instantly, I'm telling you, it's a Chinese finger trap. If you completely go along with it, you're like, yeah, it stops immediately. Of course. But as soon as you push back, it's your snare. You've got to be funny back.

You're in snare. If somebody tries to sigh-up me, dude, I'll just be like, this isn't what we're doing here. Yeah, we're not doing this. We're not playing. Like Billy was trying to get me this morning. Was he? Yeah.

What was it? What was this? What was he running by? We were make eye contact with each other. What did he give you? One of these. It's just us flirting. It's us flirting.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Last night I kept texting him. I was like, dude, are you mad at me? Oh, man. Yeah. He'll get you. He'll give you a kind of a disproving glance. Just giving you kind of like, that's tough.

Yeah. I'll be like, fuck you. Look at that. What do you mean? Look at that swirl of insecurities that's like just floating around in the back of everybody's head. Just with one glance and just being like, just activate, just turn it someone on. Just being like, what the fuck's wrong?

Yeah. Connie's is the best one to do that too. It is. Literally walk down. You can see O'Connor and be like, I'm going to be like, what, dude, what? He really is John Malkovich in Burn After Read. He's John Malkovich in Burn After Read. Just getting hammered and then waking up and be like, what the fuck?

What is this? Yeah, that was one of the best movies I saw in a while. Yeah. Burn After Read is awesome. What the fuck? Yeah. Everyone in the movie is just going. The whole time is like, wait, what?

What the fuck is this? What? That was great. Guys, we're having fun. It's beach trip. It is beach time, dude. This is a relaxed vibe. This pod?

This is a vibe. This is amber. I would say amber is the energy of this vibe. Amber was the color of the fucking ocean last night, dude. That was wild. Yes. That was fun. This storm took me away from the norm last night.

Oh, dude, I'm telling everybody, dude, go watch a sunset with your boys. Yeah, especially on the golf, dude. Yeah, man. Have I talked to you guys about the sunset? We didn't see the Emerald Flash. You told us about the Emerald Flash. I'd say it every 10 minutes. Maybe seven times last night, and then at a certain point, the sun dips, and there's

the Emerald Flash. Not always. Just wait. Just wait. I don't even know if that's the correct term for it. I got it. I'm calling it. I like it.

It's the Emerald Flash. You're going to see the Emerald Flash. I might be speechless. You're going to be speechless. You might be blinded. I'm going to blink and miss it. Dude, I want to take a valve silence so bad. There's dudes that do that.

Yeah. There's dudes I've been studying. There's dudes I've been studying. They're like Ramana Maharshi. I needed one last night. I was yapping. Take a valve silence. I was yapping.

Dude, there's guys that are just like, yeah, I'm not talking this year, and they just don't talk for an entire year. Those dudes are fucking rule in India. A lot of them. Some of them are bad boys. That's fucking annoying. No, it's annoying. No, it's annoying.

Kind of rules. You can't be caught up in conversation. How arrogant do you have to be to assume you're balancing the forces of the universe? Have a chat, dude. Quit being a dick. Maybe, dude. Get a damn job. Quit walking.

One guy, yeah, a guy will be like, I'm going to walk the whole year. It's like great. Well, those guys, there was dudes that were- The dudes that roll? You ever see those dudes? They literally roll. They literally roll. Not whirling dervish.

They literally roll instead of walking for like 100 miles. It's ridiculous, dude. It's all this mumbo jumbo you like, the Hindus and the booties and stuff. They're good. The booties. Nah, dude. Give me the cats. I mean, dude, the cats tonight, the cats, if they just, if they embrace their mystical

tradition would be sick. They just, they got- I agree with that. There's another arm in the Roman Empire. I agree with that. They embrace mystical Christianity that still fucking rules. Yeah, back in Latin mass. You ever go to one of those?

No, I wish. They're awesome. You would like it. Be sick. I had to go to a Latin mass. Really? Yeah. It is cool.

They should. He faces the other way. They should. It's crazy. What were they facing? What were they facing, the older boys? Just staring straight, no boys asked. Damn.

Good for them, though. You get so mystical that you end up fucking a kid. Yeah, that's one of the downsides, dude. Well, I think those guys, the Hindu guys don't- Dude, the guy who wasn't talking for a year, how much you could do to that, dude? You just break into his house all the time, push him. Yeah, he doesn't have any stuff. What are you going to do?

You're not going to tell anyone. You probably wouldn't. Yeah. He refuses to tell. He refuses to tell. Usually surrounded by a bunch of dudes, kind of like surrounding him. Bunch of dudes who are talking. Real pen and teller type.

Kind of, yeah. Like he's just silent. Well, it's like the words themselves are just kind of like, you just want to avoid them all together because they're just symbols. And as soon as you start to use them, you're stepping out of what actually is into the simulation. So those guys are kind of, they have to use words and they're just like, I'm fucking going back in this dude, I'm fucking dealing with this.

I was trying to just sit here and embrace what actually is. I was kind of just pointing at things and trying to use his eyebrows and eyes to tell you where shit is. Just being finally being like, what dude? Say it. Say it. It's probably just gruel. Those dudes don't really eat.

They just eat like. I do like the gruel. Oh yeah, dude. It's like. They do have that right. I love when you make gruel. Oh, dude. You make good gruel.

That's all I eat. I just mash. Dude, the way I cook now is just. You make good potatoes too. Oh yeah, bro. Yeah. Oh yeah. I put a little bit of meat.

I put vegetables and then put rice like that's already cooked and I just turn it up high and just dump water in there and steam everything. And I eat. I do see it like mushy rice and. That's nice. Pretty tight. I like that. Dude, not not eating sick.

I agree with that. Every once in a while, I'm happy. I haven't eaten. Yeah, it's nice. I'll go. I'll go. I usually actually go pretty far into every day without eating. Yes.

And then I'm munch. Get him munched at night. Yeah. Munch, dude. Munch at night time. That's the power. Then the burgers. Dude.

Yeah. If you don't eat all day, that's the tough part. If you don't eat all day, it's like. Get him munch. You had double dinner. That's what I'm going to do tonight. Oh, really? I was telling you.

I'm going to get a lobster roll. I'm going to get a nice lobster roll and then I'm going to drink 20 Bud Lights. I'm going to take it easy on the drinking tonight and just abuse my body with food. I was telling someone the other day, dude, when I like, I think it was only New Year's. I just sat in my house and I get like the compulsion just like I was telling someone. I just wanted to like drink hot sauce. Just fucking chug something. You want to hurt yourself.

I just want to hurt my body. I get it. I just want to fill my body up. You got to shock the body. Just pure toxins constantly. Yeah, it's weird. It's nice that that's how your brain works. Yeah, dude.

It's like, yes, destroy it. Destroy everything. I'm going to drink apple cider vinegar. Yeah, that's what I'll do tonight. I'm going to pick. I bought a bunch of food. So I have this thing too. We're like, I'm like, I have to finish.

You got to finish it before you leave. So I'm going to pig tonight. I wish we knew how to play Settlers of Catan. We could play. We should absolutely. No, we cannot. We should absolutely play. We cannot play.

I tried to read the directions. It can't be that hard. It is. Dude, I played it. I played it when I was in like eighth grade and it was great. It's very fun. Just Google the directions. It'll be easier.

They have a full book in there. What? There's nothing you can do about learning this game, dude. You have to learn it from just a fucking Antifa dude that works at a coffee shop. They're the ones who play this. Just freestyle it. I like that. Just make the rules.

That's how it was with Legos as a boy. Yeah. I'd buy a cool thing. I'd be like, nice. I'm going to build the Millennium Falcon. Not even close. Just freestyle it. What'd you build?

Build like a raft. Connected like five blocks. Just playing with the guys. Never did Legos, dude. Yeah. It just seems so. I was a micro machine guy, too. You ever have those?

No. What's that? You don't even know? No. What is that? Damn, dude. You must feel like I'm fucking. That's wearing headphones.

That's why I keep whispering. Oh, yeah. I can hear you. Great. What's that? Micro machines? Just tiny, like Hot Wheels? No.

Like they're like cars. They're just micro. They're micro machines, dude. Get military ones. You get Star Wars micro machines. What? Yeah. Yeah.

I had the green plastic army figures. I used to play with them in the bathtub, dude. Yeah. Lot of fucking water sounds. I played with those types of things late into my life. Yeah. Which is always tough because then somebody has to be like, you have to stop. My dad kind of started kind of nudging me like, too.

Which is that stinks. Yeah. I get it. Dude, put away the fucking toys, dude. You're in high school. My toys culminated in me doing like very sexual play with my, not me myself. That's when toys end. The toys.

Once you start crumbling. The toys start fucking each other. And then it's time that your dad comes down here. What are you guys doing down here with all these beanie babies? You're like, oh. Nothing. Beanie babies were incredible. Oh my God.

I never got any. No, they were. My parents would never get me a beanie. You wanted a beanie? Of course I wanted beanie babies. I love those fucking things. That was, they were pretty cool. My sister was.

I wanted a Furby. Furbies. Okay. I could never get one. I remember one time. I think I told you this. No. My sister was like at Easter.

She was like, grandma bought us all Furbies. I was like, oh my God. You got the Furbies. This is going to be the best fucking Easter. Of course there was no Furby, dude. What? I was lied to. You serious?

Yeah. An Easter Furby should have set your. An Easter. Yeah. I should have known there was something. Something was off the foot. Yeah. I was lied, dude.

I mean, I was Furby hungry, dude. I was blinded. I was blinded. Nobody gets a Furby. There was no logic, dude. I was just like. Nobody gets a Furby. Somebody said Furby.

I'd be like, I'm in. I heard they can talk and they know things. It sucks to be a kid because you're constantly. You have absolutely no economic resources. So you're just being tortured by commercials. And you're just like, oh fuck, I want that. It's up to your parent. Your parents are like, no.

You're like, you just burn with desire for a furby. I need it. My sister had Tamagotchis and that was so funny. That was cool. I had a knockoff one. What'd you have? I don't know. Whatever some shitty knockoff of the Tamagotchi was.

My dad only buys knockoff shit. Yeah. I would take my sisters and just let it shit itself to death. Dude, it was so. You pile up the dumps and it gets sick. So I'd hide it for a while and just let it dump. And I wouldn't clean it and give it back to her. And she'd be fucking.

She'd be furious. I think I did have one. I feel like mine was a dinosaur though. You had a dinosaur Tamagotchi? Yeah. They were nice. Just sitting there. I remember I took my sisters to school with me and I'd be like in school just like checking

out my gotcha. Just being like, no, it's good. The thing's good. Yeah. So I did. They're cute. I did. I sat.

I don't know what I did with myself in school, but I didn't do school work. No. I just sat there and did other stuff. I would like scribble on a thing. Look at stuff. You scribble. You would literally go to school and scribble for six hours a day at least. I would do nothing.

And still never got good at drawing. No, I'm so bad. So bad. I did that in graduate school. I would doodle. I thought I started sneaking in a Game Boy towards the end. Oh, I had a baseball, I had baseball on Game Boy and I'd play it. I'd play a full season.

Damn. It was incredible. That's actually. Yeah. It's hard not to get caught though. Yeah. I would get caught a lot. What'd they say?

They would try to take it. Did you tell them it was because you didn't have? And then my senior year I had a PSP. What? Yes. I don't even know how I got that. That's that's probably probably. Yeah.

My teacher principal principal stole it. My friend was in the principal's office getting in trouble. He snagged it for me. Snagged it back. Yep. He saw it in her desk. She thought she could fucking rip me off. Yeah.

Right. She got it back. I got it back today. Did the principal ever bring up the fact that it. I don't think. She was playing for keeps. I didn't notice it. True.

Yeah. Damn. Imagine how much cool stuff you get. Being a principal. Yeah. Especially back when you could spank all the children. Did you get hit by a teacher? No.

I got struck twice. I had a second grade teacher kick a kid. I remember that. She was like spazzing and she was like trying to drag him out of the classroom and he like laid on the ground and was like kicking and she was like I can kick too and kicked him back. What. I remember being like that's crazy.

Even in second grade. I was like that's crazy. Yeah. I got smacked by the principal and I think first grade she smacked like smacked like my back or something. It's weird. Yeah. But in her you know I've talked about it before.

It was a fire drill. I launched out of the back took somebody down on purpose. Oh. Out of the out of the. Jumped out of the. It was so sick. Yeah. It was nice.

I basically jumped out and like grabbed someone's head and brought them to the ground. It was not K.O. Principal principal came out. Yeah. It was British Bulldogs basically. Principal smacked my butt and I was just like uh yeah okay. That was weird. Yeah it is weird to hear.

Totally unaffected. I was just like. That's odd that you did that. Yeah. You can tell it was a grown man. Touched your ass. It was a lady. It was a hot ass lady.

I got hit by a nun. Oh man. A nun. Mrs. McGeever dude. Really? No it was Mrs. McGeever. Of course. Of course.

Our first grade teacher was like 75. Yeah. She was so fucking old. Yeah. It was crazy because now they're dead. Oh. Dead. And I forgot like you forget how old they were and how long that's been.

Yeah. All my teachers are dead. Dude push me to the edge. Push me to the. All my teachers are dead. Yeah. True. Poor teachers dude.

I don't think there's any more geezer for. I think now it's just young chicks. Now it's all young hot chicks. Yeah. It's just Miss Appleberry dude. They really are hot though. From Coco Mel. This is Miss Appleberry.

I love the teachers. Dude young. Fucking kids all day. Give me a. There's no hornier girl in the world. Than a teacher. Yeah. Around like five year olds all day.

They need to be filled. Oh my god. They need to start their own batch. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. They start getting. They get fucked up dude.

Yeah. Being around cheering like that. Yeah. They love the chair. 25 year old chick. They start spinning out. They become so cumbry dude. They do.

They are cumb hungry. Every teacher is a cumb. My mom was a teacher. Every teacher is a cumb hungry. Every teacher is a cumb hungry. Fucking pig. Yeah. They see babies dude.

I'm telling you. I walk around with my daughter all the time. Girls see it and they go. It's not even. I wouldn't even say they get horny. They just get like. Nice. It's like Ursula energy.

Just like feel me. Really. They say that to you. Not me in particular. They say they come out. Is that why you took your ring off? No dude. That makes them.

That's even better for them. Yeah. No I know. Perfect. Perfect. Now I'm saying it's not even a sexual thing. You can see them just go like. I want one.

You can see them get cumb hungry. I want one. I hate the fact that I have sex with them. It's like me with furbies. You want a furby dude. I would just do it. All the kids had furbies. They want a furby.

Did you get a furby? No. I didn't get a furby. I wanted a furby. I think that all that stuff was Kathleen got like that wave of toys. I was Pogs bro. I'll tell you what. That's what I was into and that's what I was doing.

I had a lot of fucking Pogs. Yeah. I told you before. We've talked. We've talked. Three pound bronze slammer dude. That's crazy. Nobody stood a chance in the recess yard.

My slammer. It was OJ. It was OJ. Plastic. Yeah. Probably. Excuse me. I mean it was an OJ Simpson slammer dude.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't care what it's made of. That's cool. I wish I had it. It's literally said OJ's in the slammer. That's so good. And he was free.

Really? Someone jumped the gun. Yeah. Damn. OJ didn't go to jail. I know. Yeah. It just said OJ's in the slammer.

I remember. My uncles were furious. Yeah. All the uncles. I remember I was furious. It was an uproar bro. Yeah. I think they were going to start protesting actually.

The Whites. They almost took it to the streets. I don't think they knew they could do that back then. Yeah. I'm telling you the Whites sat there and watched the summer protests and they were like we can do that. Yeah. They were like alright.

I got an idea and they did it. And everyone was like boo. No you can't do it. No. Well they took it too far. Not the capital. They took it too far. Yeah I mean dude.

They could have stopped at the steps dude and the march would have been fine. Yeah they wanted to take selfies on Pelosi's desk dude. I get it. They wanted to take selfies. I understand how cool that is. Fucking lady got shot and died. A lady got shot and died. Nobody gives a shit dude.

There's a lady got fucking shot and died. Have you seen the video of that yet? No. Oh it's wild. I mean dude it's not. Dude just sticks his hand out. And just caps the lady through like a hole in the door. Jesus really?

Yeah. And then everybody starts speaking tactically. They're like Corbin medic. We need a medic. It's like they didn't shut up. That's the question. What were you guys real? That's what I went up.

They all thought they were called duty. What were you guys really doing? Same applies to people going bombing cars and shit and breaking stuff. It's like what are you guys really up to? I mean if you feel righteous I bet it's fun. Yeah. If you're like what I'm doing is good and it needs to be done I need to blow up this car.

Yeah true. Probably feels pretty cool. That's true. You know. I need to distribute these TVs. It's time for me to get into this. I got to rob and hood these TVs to the people dude. True.

The uncles that must have felt good for the uncles. You would have gone into the target. Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. You go into the target now. Dude if you. Oh yeah.

You steal from target. Yeah I don't have to be politically outraged to fucking take what's mine from target. If the target was open you're getting this. You're snagging a TV. All you got to do is just go to self check out. You don't have to riot. Yeah. Just take what you want.

Just take what you want. Walking flat screen straight out. I've stopped. I've really chilled on it. Why? I was. Dude I just. It's not worth it anymore.

You got to. You got to have a child now. It's just shitty. You can't risk going into slammer for paper towels. Well they won't even. They're going to do the bottom of the shopping cart. But I've tried just to stop. Just because I'm white dude.

It's just a bad habit and. Yes. Being a thief. Yeah. Being a thief. Although from a gigantic corporation. You're a thief. It's kind of like.

No you can justify it however you want. Matt you're a thief. I was a thief. You're a crook. I was a thief and I was a crook. I was. I was a bad dude for a while. I was okay.

It was almost like a compulsion. It's funny that you're shitty. Yeah I know. I'm telling you. I think about it all the time. You're like a shitty dude. You're so good. Every now and again.

You're bad dude. I just rerun it. I go. I was really shitty. Sell drugs. Crook. Yeah man. Criminal.

Nonviolent for the most part. Nonviolent. For the most part. Other than the time you. Choked him. Yeah. You're a bad dog. Fuck that guy dude.

I agree. Fuck him. You're bad dude. He hired a fucking gunman. He fucking attacked me. A gunman got you. A gunman attacked me. A ski mask gunman.

Dude. You're a bad boy. I was a bad boy. We can't even be doing this. I can't believe we're doing this. You think we're going to kiss? Just you and me in this house. We might kiss.

If the boys are back. No. We're going to go down and get those dudes to the thing. We're going to need to get them. We should just release a page. All my loyalty. All my fealties go to the boys on the page dude. Sure.

It's up to you. No let's put this out as regular audio. Right. Yeah. And then hit a page this week. Yeah. To our listeners. I'm going to be gone for a while.

Yeah. I'm leaving from here to go to LA. And then to Louisiana and then to Texas. Yes. So I'm going to be gone for a month. Yes. So we're going to be doing some split podcast for a couple of weeks. Yep.

It'll be fun. So please don't belly ache. Yeah. You can belly ache if you want. It's just you know. Yeah. I'm just I'm. Complaint.

You ever see those things. File complaints here and it just goes into the trash can. Yes. So that's a complaint. It'll be fun. You get more banks. People like that. When we do the double we do a double split.

People like it. Of course. So that's a cool special is coming out. Hopefully September 7th. So I got to go to LA. I got to go do cool podcasts. That'll be fun. Yeah.

That'll be very fun. How many how many are you doing out there? Probably like four. That'll be nice. Four or five. Are you going to try to time it like how are you going to. Oh because then it will release and that thing will be out like. Yes.

Hopefully it comes out right before I do all those podcasts. Yeah. That'll be sick. That'll be tight. Hopefully we'll see. I hope it doesn't suck. It's good dude. It's tough to tell at this point.

I know I ramble about it. Well you've seen it too many times. Yeah. I've seen it and said it so many times. You said it. I'm like is it funny. I liked it when you watched it with me. That was the first time I was like oh this is good.

You need to have someone else. It's too much man. Yeah. It's too much to watch your own material. That you've been doing. Also the new stuff dude. The New Brunswick. Yeah.

I like the new stuff. It went for a while too. It was. You were rocking. I'm excited about my new cool material dude. It's fun. I'm an art. I do art.

But that was fun. But yeah. So September it's going to be basically. Oh no. I'm going to be gone for your helium. It's all good bro. September 22nd dude. It's going to be packed.

It's going to be packed with my entire family. That's going to be crazy. It's going to be fucking crazy. September 22nd at helium. It's going to be nuts. Yeah. It'll be it'll be fun. It'll be fun.

Just want you know a whole one night dude. It'll be great. I'll get done immediately. Put on headphones and walk out. You're going to get some bread bro. I'll be tight. Yeah. Breaking bread dude.

I don't even. It's so funny because it just all just. My money at all just kind of just goes in a thing and I just. You know I just ask my wife like do we have money. She's like yeah we're good. Yeah. Yeah. I don't fucking look at it.

Every like once every four months I'm like. How are we doing. She's like we're good. And I'm like all right. Yeah. Thanks. It's all I do. I just buy.

I just buy books off of Amazon. And I just. Sit in my basement all day. Work on shit. It's all I do. Yeah. I'm telling you guys. I've had points in my life where I was making like.

Boku blocks every week. And then points where I was making like no money. And it just. You know. Although I will say when I have zero dollars it's. It's significantly different. Once you feel it. Yeah exactly.

Yeah. I'm not saying. You have no money. Fucking sucks. Yes. With your friends and you're like fuck dude. I can't buy this beer. Or I can't even go out with my friends.

Yeah. It's like I would. You got to show up and be like yo can you pay for me. Yeah. Dude. I had a period where I was eating mighty minis in college. It's the first time I got all my money wiped out in the world. So it's happened literally I think like five times.

I've went from like having a bunch of money to having no money. That's that was the program. I would just fucking scrounge. I would make like a hundred twenty dollars a week. And I would just buy like mighty like twenty five cent ice cream sandwiches. Like burgers from the corner store. And that was that was a diet. Dude the Borgs and the mighty.

Mighty minis will fill you up and eat like four of those things. And a Borg. You're good. And then I get my. I get my paper back up. I get the mitties would start flowing. And then I'd be going to the grocery store. Then I'd be going to Chipotle.

Chipotle is the come up. You will crush Chipotle during the come up. Oh yeah. When you start making money. It's Chipotle time. I was Chipotle every day. We used to destroy Chipotle. Yeah dude.

That was nice. So walk down. Yeah. It's good. Chipotle slip dude. Chipotle did slip. It sucks. Maybe because we started stacking bread.

I think maybe you love Chipotle when you're a poor person. For sure. I used to wake up at like late when I was a youngster and I would eat one Chipotle. That was all I ate all day. I would eat a burrito and eat most of it and save the rest. That would stuff you dude. It would fucking fill up. I would like to stuff you too.

Dude you would stuff me. If me and Billy might stuff. You would spit roast me dude. You. If you and Billy double pen me. If me and Billy had sex with you. Dude if my dad gets down here. If somebody hooks up with my dad.

Oh my god. You're pretty. You're pretty like a like territorial over here. My dad. Sexually. Oh yeah dude. I don't want anybody. The one thing I'm worried about is my dad getting eaten by a shark.

True. What would you rather have though? My dad getting eaten by a shark. The one of my friends. Fuck my dad. If I get cocked by one of my friends. Dad cocked. Is that you getting cocked?

The only way I can get cocked is if my dad gets boned by a friend. That's the ultimate cock dude. People worry about their girlfriends. It's like worry about your dad. Yeah. They get old. If your dad gets stuffed by a friend. Gads get old and get gay as hell.

It happens all of us. It's coming down the pike for all of us. I will say getting eaten by a shark. Yeah. If your old man gets devoured by an animal. Yeah. That's a sad way for you to lose a dad. Yeah.

I would say. You know what I mean. Pretty horrific. If your dad gets lost. That must suck too. If your dad gets lost like in the woods. This gets lost forever and disappears. I don't know.

Seeing your dad get eaten by a shark would be tough. Yeah. Especially if I was. If I have as many white claws as I did last night. Yeah. And I just see my dad out at sea. Yeah. Help.

And you're both out at sea but you made it back first. Yeah. You have to live with the survivor skill of being like damn dude. I was so much faster than my dad. I fucking shark ate my dad. Yeah. I just munched him up. How many dads do you think?

How many sharks have eaten dads do you think? How many dads have been devoured at sea? Decent amount. A lot. Decent amount. Yeah. A lot of dads have been eaten. Decent amount.

Bears were on the rise. Bear attacks were like. Really? It's just one of those things where like whenever things happen in the news it seems like they're happening more but there was like bear attacks in like four different areas that like hadn't had them for like 40 years. Just like a month ago. That's because they're pushing that fucking climate change bro.

They're like that's because humans are disrupting their habitat. Yeah. True. They like now we're entering hurricane season which is climate change season. Yeah. It's time for us to discuss climate change for three months. Yeah. That doesn't pop up that much in the news though.

It's coming up. It's coming up. It's coming up. Yeah. I guess it'll be. We just had the first hurricane. Yeah. First big boy.

There's a couple more coming. Yeah. It came and flooded. Yeah. Hitting all of us. How. New Orleans didn't get hit. They got like hit.

No they got hit. They got like crushed as hard as before. It was no Katrina. No. Yeah. Yeah. You know what's funny? Who the fuck said this?

They were talking about climate change and they're like meanwhile. Oh Larry Elder. I've been watching Larry Elder clips dude. I don't know who that is. I hope he fucking wins so bad. Oh is that the guy in California? He's a black conservative. Yeah.

He was talking. He was like man if Obama believes in climate change so much why do you buy a fucking like $15 million house on Martha's Vineyard right on the coast? He's like kind of weird. I don't know. Dude he does this thing as a 50 minute video. Dude I'm telling you Republican party guys if you guys are listening all you have to do is just go straight black conservatives.

Yeah. That whole podium dude. That was just nothing but black conservatives. Dude the Dems would be. I watch it in action. He attacks. He not attacks. He talks to the press and they're fucking nailing him with questions and he just keeps

responding and dude it's like Teflon against those dudes. Yeah. Like white pussy reporters hit Larry Elder and they come at him they're like oh I mean this false equivalency you're drawing and he just dude facts facts facts facts facts and he can you know he can say shit other people can't say and dude and it like I mean that's literally that's it. Of course. That's it.

Yeah. And he and he also like dude he's making a very good case for things and it's like you know it's not the whole it's not the whole picture of reality but it's like it fucks those dudes up man and you can tell they're like oh and it whenever he makes a good point to go okay thank you next question and they just drop it instantly. You think one of them be like oh shit I know that's crazy. What? Just the fucking he hit stats that are just like.

Yeah of course. If we if like yeah it's like being a black dude during Trump all you have to do is be like put out a YouTube video and be like yo I love my president you're gonna have a million dollars. Yeah true. You're gonna be you're gonna literally shake hands with the president he's gonna invite you to hang out. True big time.

You just have to come out and be like Trump rules but he's gonna get your picture with him. Oh yeah that was people people picked up on that that was like a viable business thing too. Elder's been in the game for years though. Really? Yeah Elder's been stunting for 10 years he's had a conservative talk radio show. He's been like a staunch black conservative for like way before it was cool.

It's a lot of radio. He's gonna get hit with some clips. You can't touch the man. No I know he's black he's gonna slide right. Can't touch the man. They're trying to hit him with like he talks about Soros a lot and they try to hit him with that and he's like look it up he gave like Soros funded the DA's it's on he's like they wouldn't have gotten hired if it wasn't for him and they're like whoa.

I was disappointed I clicked. Vice is Wikipedia Soros. The what? Vice you know the news. It's owned by Soros? Yeah. Is it really? He's got a solid chunk.

Disney. Man. Yeah. This is weird. Yeah man. I mean dude it's funny because they kept trying to hit him with anti-semitism. They try to hit the black conservatives with anti-semitism and this dude just went just full on talked about how much he loves Jews and like and he hit he had the receipts for

loving Jews and they're just kind of like like they're dude it's 50 minutes of this guy getting hammered by the press and just fucking just I gotta watch this Bob and it's great. That's exciting. It's great. Is it as good as Larry Bird highlights? It's up there. Bird highlights are it's just a different type of fun I would be honest.

Yeah. Like bird highlights are one type of fun. This is a different type of fun. Bird highlights is it's literally watching a guy from like the YMCA just ball out. It's crazy. For no reason. It looks like it shouldn't work. It's the mechanics of it are.

Yeah. He does like dad pump fakes. Yes. Like puts the ball between his legs and he's like look over there. It does a layoff. He plays like hard knee brace basketball. Oh big time. He plays double knee brace.

Yes. Just like leaning forward. He plays Rex Sprex headband an unironic head they're not like a not cool headband. Nothing. He genuinely needs a sweatband. Nothing ironic about the guy. Yeah. Yeah.

He wants to shield his eyes. Yes. For sure. Dude. How about when we were watching that interview with Larry Bird and it was like his dad killed himself. He was like he did what he had to do. Yeah.

Yeah. They're hitting him like then my dad you know he just felt like he couldn't provide for us and he took his own life and they're like what do you think about that he's like did what he had to do. Did what he had to do. And then literally the next scene is them talking about him losing to Magic Johnson. He's like that haunted me for the rest of my life. Yeah.

Him losing the NCAA tournament. Do you think he just channeled all that into that or he was just kind of like. Yeah. I do. Yeah. I think so. He's like if I just win. Yeah.

If I just totally black the rage that's I mean it's Billy's gay rage. Yeah. True. Larry Bird had his the death of his father just deep inside of him. Yeah. And it fueled him to being able to play basketball black dude. And win. Being so good.

It was crazy. Yeah. Do yourself a favor. Watch a Larry Bird highlight video and just listen to him talk shit to people. Dude. He would call dudes homes. Unironically too. But what's up homes.

You can't play out here homes. Yeah. Dude. He's like what are you doing out here to just dudes in the NBA walking on the court. Oh it was so funny. Yeah. It was it was funny how they said they branded him as like the last white hope and he was just kind of like you know yeah funny brand.

Yeah. Converse TM. Yeah. The last white. It was funny when the dudes when they were interviewing the white guys and they were we just don't like watching basketball anymore because frankly I don't want to see a bunch of black guys dunking on us and they're just coming out dude in like even in the 90s like if you watch that one thing of Farrakhan on Donahue dude the white dudes back then were

getting it was insane. What the way they would talk. Like dude it was go back to Africa like they would be like go back to fucking Africa. Well if you don't like it and Farrakhan just and he was there and smile and just be like yeah I don't know if that's going to age well yeah it must be nice being like that's not going to age well. Dude. The thing you're saying to me right now I know in 10 years that'll be bad.

It was just Nanas dude just sitting there being like I don't fucking like this guy at all. Yeah. This guy dude you're the one dude there was people who didn't know black people were Muslims at all. 1991 they're watching Donahue like what the fuck and he just sat there and just dude it was very funny very funny but then you know they fired they fired Farrakhan up on the Jays and he fucking yeah you see some of those Nanas and their fleeces just kind of like I don't

know what to think. Yeah true. What to think. Maybe don't go back to Africa sir. Maybe we could maybe we need you to say that. Yeah it is the black conservative trap dude I fucking hate when people try to use me as a black conservative like all dude you can say this yeah hate it dude they try to take your truth and corrupt it.

True. Pisses me off. All right. It's beach time. What time is it beach time. We're at an hour and seven. Oh my god. We did it bro.

We did it. I'm sorry if you feel like we mailed this one in our friends are at the fucking beach dude. I got a pee. Matt has to tinker. He's been drinking high noons all day. We got yesterday that was a party dude like yeah that was a fucking it was a whole ass vibe.

It was a movie. It was a whole ass vibe yesterday dude but yeah we got we got to go down to our buddies dude they're probably very sunburned right now. You literally you are a Labrador. You are a dog dude at the beach. Oh for sure. He is a you ever see a video of like a golden retriever running straight into the ocean. I can't help it.

I can't help it. He is a dog at the beach. Flips. Balls. You guys chase balls around all day. Skimming. Yeah. Oh your skim board.

I was sweating bro. Yo did you see me supporting you. I saw you supporting me. I was supporting you. Every fucking ride I looked back. I would hold the fucking hang tent. I would see whether you're looking or not. Every single ride I stopped.

Yeah. Nice. You had some good ones. You were hitting fucking 360s. I did a pop shove it. It was crazy. Landed it too. And that other dude that dude that fucking dumb hippie.

He didn't have enough to fight. He had the gall to be like you know how to do that. And I was like this guy is probably nasty. So I was like. So I watched. I watched the show. He stunk. He did stink.

He fell right away. His friend was absolutely garbage. Yeah. When people try to like pussy foot a skim board. You got to jump on both feet. Yeah. I was telling Pope. I'm like bro.

You have to jump on both feet. You can't. If you put one foot on that thing you're fried. Yeah. People try to push off like a skateboard. It's very funny. It's a total leap of faith. You have to just jump on.

If I even try one of those it's going to look like when Mike Tyson rode that hoverboard. Everyone do try to hoverboards if I even look at a skim board I fall down. If you don't time it right. The water runs out and you hit that sand and you just get. Yeah. I like it. Do you see me launching the waves. Yeah.

I would ride into the waves and a couple of times. It was nice. Fucking launch me. Yeah. It was tight. You look good. I need to get a better quality. I'm getting like 30 dollars.

I might have the drink and do up downs tonight. That's actually. Tonight could be a line drills by myself. We fucking race dude. That was a three series race. We were written yesterday. We're put on a fucking show out there. You were close to Bill.

The first. The second one he did turn on. Yeah. Well but I had been drinking all day. He was fucking sober. That was. I've been drinking. I've been smoking.

I think. Oh yeah. Him and Tommy tonight. That has to be the race. It has to be because they're both drunk. Yes. I was drinking and smoking weed all day. And I almost beat him.

The first race it was neck and neck. It was. It was me drinking and smoking. And I already ran against O'Connor. And you and you dusted O'Connor. I'm telling you I can beat Billy in a race. I'm surprised how fast you were. Dude I can.

I can smoke. I can smoke Billy. You're mad fast. You're a very fast guy. Fastest guy on my rugby team dude. Yeah. 2014 team captain. No I was like 20.

Oh six. I put that. I used to put that on my resume. Fastest guy on my rugby team. No. Team captain rugby team. When I was in college I went in. Internships of like team captain rugby team.

Yeah of course. And I can't remember putting it on like way after one point I was like this kind of stretch. I think. Because I could obviously I could never make a resume. Yes. I don't know how to do that. My sister would do it for me. Yes.

I could include that. Girls. Girls are good at it. Girls are great at resumes. I've never I've always had girls just figure like fix it for me. Tommy and Billy in the race. Yeah. That's the showdown.

It's going down. If Tommy loses he's going to be sad. It's going to be a bad night. If he loses he's going to be sad. He's he might be. I don't know. I don't think he won't show it. Billy's been drinking all day though.

Billy's been partying. Yeah that's good. I can't wait to see Tommy. Tommy's called Billy dude. High noon Billy. Yeah that's high noon Billy. Oh. Everyone's on the high noons dude.

I'm telling you there's a period. Yeah they're great. There's a period. They're great. I didn't want to drink them because I saw everybody else was drinking the high noons. Dude I'm you know. I didn't want to. I saw you guys like the high noons.

So I'd drink the clothes. I saw what you did. And then when the high noons came. I saw what you did. When I was just down the high noons I finished all the high noons. I saw what you did. I saw you're working. You're just working the outside.

Yeah. You're just kind of you're just like the fish on the side of the tank just sucking the fucking shit off the side. Oh my God. You got to get in for daddy comes. When daddy comes. No more fucking around. Just a couple beers.

Yeah. It can't be. In fact I'm going to hide the seltzers. Yeah true. My dad can't see me drink a seltzer. Really he'll get pissed. They'll say what the hell. I didn't raise no damn queer.

True. Yeah. You know. Yeah it's just polos on. It's going to be a red sunburn face and polos and just use them with the dead. Although he might break out the whisker. No he won't. You don't think so.

I hope not. He might break out. He might come down here and get fucked up dude. He will get fucked up but I can definitely see him being like no no no. Like he's going to definitely be like I can't. No. Yeah. Maybe.

Yeah. I got to make sure he doesn't die. True. There's a solid chance the boy drinks to death. You think so. You think he'll take this. I mean if he did what I did yesterday he'd be devastated. Oh yeah.

True. You think he'll take the moshies. He would take one probably. Yeah don't give me that. No he won't do that. He'll definitely be like no no. True yeah. I don't want anyone to have the experience they had last night of just like a hangover

kicks in. My poor dad. All that's left are like the end of the mushrooms and like two o'clock in the morning confusion. Think about your daddy laying in bed with those thoughts. You don't want you don't ever want your dad to have that type of dread. I don't want anyone to have that kind of dread I had last night. It was so brutal dude. Just sweat dude my body was and I think part of it was when I kept I was fucking hot dog

last night in the hot tub laying in the cold pool back in the hot. I think I did. I don't know what the fuck I did it myself. I shocked my system with the running. I did. I just did everything. Yeah you were an Olympian. I did all my favorite things.

I did all my favorite things. That is my sports hero. You did the Decathlon. Which is unfortunate for me because that is the person I look up look up to most in sports and it's like. Yeah did you ever look into how you killed that person in the car accident? Never. It wasn't that bad.

What do you mean? What happened? You killed a person. As a girl driver. Yeah it was a lady driver. It was Caitlin. That's not it. Yeah that's not it.

Rear ended a guy into a intersection. Okay. And they died. But it wasn't negligent. It wasn't like she was looking at her phone or anything like that. Like there was nothing to prove a manslaughter. Yeah. That's why there was no.

Well it was the most beautiful woman of the year too so. And it was the most powerful woman in the world. Lot on the mind. That's yeah. And then yeah. And you're a woman for like two weeks and all of a sudden you're the most beautiful woman in the world and you're like sweet. Yeah.

Nice. And you ended up rear-ending a dude and killing him. Yeah you know. Something like that. Yeah. You think that's how it went. That's part of the chain of events. That's wild.

Yeah dude. All right. And it got brushed under the rug. It did. People were like that doesn't fit with a beautiful kick ass. You know a beautiful brave woman narrative. Yeah it doesn't fit. Look guys thank you for listening and we're going to head down to the beach.

Maybe we're going to the Bee Gees. You might get a podcast later. It might be a 30 minute Patreon. I'm just like. True. And then Billy won and he was so fast. Yeah we'll leave it all. We'll leave this stuff out.

It could be a Patreon episode. Very possible. All right. God bless you. Thank you for listening. 01:15:22,300 --> 01:15:23,300 Bye. Bye.