Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 376 - The Sponge (feat. Chris O'Connor & Tommy Pope)

Episode Date: December 30, 2021

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support Stuff Island @ patreon.com/stuffisland Sup. Matt is totally fine, he's not sick at all. He's just taking a much needed vacation. No need to worry. In our beloved Shaman's absence the Big D.A.W.G. sat down with Tommy and Chris of the Stuff Island podcast. As expected - a good ol' time was had. RIP John Madden. Long live The Sponge. 

Hello, welcome to Matt and Shane's secret podcast Unfortunately Matt is not able to join us. He is at home with an undisclosed illness That there was never a vaccine for No, I don't know I don't know what's wrong. I think he's taken some personal time But I'm sure he'll feel you need a vacation. He needs a vacation. Yeah So in lieu of Matthew, I'm joined by my two adult male roommates Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope your caretakers. Yes my men my boys Chris's hairy feet as a third guest dude Yeah, what is that on there? They're fucking disgusting. What is that?

It's a piece of fuzz. It's all the dirt that he brings in from the street Collects on his bare fucking feet. No You know what you just ate a fucking sandwich as soon as you're like, I'm gonna go take a shower That's actually a spot-on Unbelievable you did your a lady walked like Three pieces of meat no way. Yes three pieces of me We're all fucking ham Plain no, this is fake. Hold on. I haven't checked. I haven't checked in a while. Is that

Nick Diaz t-shirt No, it's not a check. It's not that lasted. I don't want to be a jerk. I kept tabs on a piece of trash middle of your floor Three months, do you know why I know it you remember it you saw it every day I can't believe it's gone that thing was part of the apartment Because his girl slept over Yeah, that impression of you is pretty good Which is funny cuz Chris tries to fat impression me. Yeah, he won

You know when you when you want to make fun of a fat guy you go. Oh, yeah, Chris will do that You got a low baritone though. Maybe he's just trying out. No, it's a fat impression. I understand it But turns out the fat impression I think is better It's a good impression of you. It's better impression of me Chris is just always sleepy beepy. All you got to do is you just got he's like always running out of battery You know what I mean? I had a job once where I was like answering the phones for the company. Oh my god Hello, and it's like and we were hey, whatever it is. I don't want to buy it We were at we're all at like kind of basically sharing one big desk and we had computers on it

And so I would be transferring people to the guy the actual workers and I every time I would transfer someone They'd have to like I could see them answer the question. What's wrong with that guy? I would be like they'd be like you got to cheer it up a little bit. I don't know. What are you talking about? Yeah, I've never experienced joy before. Yeah, I can't I got home from not seeing Chris five or six days was at my girlfriend's for Christmas not a single We sat out here in dead silence. Of course. It was insane. I had while I was playing a video game I was like Iowa was nice. Yeah, that was I was like you want to talk? Yeah Yeah, I always just think he's mad about something

Yeah, and then after the second time you ask him because we've been sitting in silence for 30 minutes I'm like what what's wrong? You're right. He goes. Yeah You guys had a wild night last night. Yeah, we got fucked up. I came out You're clean normally, of course I do I put him in all the time. No, no at night usually you clean up like everyone smile Oh, yeah, yeah, I know when you had a bang it's like gummy bears sitting here I'm gonna fucking three-pound today trolley in the bedroom today was why I came out here It looked like there was a party

Dude, I think I went in I think I went in like two two o'clock two thirty, which is not that bad No, that's not bad. I fell asleep for an hour, and then I got up and I was like ham. I need ham Well, if ever runs out you can just check the couch cushions for this fast Cushion me There's no way there was ham on the couch. Why would I fucking bring that out? I I can't tell you how much I guarantee you there was Promise so I didn't see it, and I know it was there. No way. I'm fucking starving So I'm gonna go make myself a ham sandwich. I buck this corner, and I can't tell you how sad

How sad the view was Like this Somebody watch watch in the dark hour the whole way through that Netflix say it was the whole way through You watch the dark hour after The darker the darkest hour How depressing is that? Yeah? You want to know something funny when when I was getting canceled by SNL that whole thing you remember that I got

Yeah, you guys were here for it, and I Steve's our old roommates his Amazon was hooked up or maybe it was yours Somebody's and I bought the darkest hour like while I was going through it Yeah, it's almost like in our group text was like who bought the darkest And he was like chewing like a like a llama Shit just dropping everywhere, and then I sat down next to eat this depression sandwich And we didn't say a word for 30 minutes of that movie, and then I just went back in the hole phenomenal movie It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's not something you watch

You know what that it is. I guess it does That's also when I knew it was trouble I opened the fridge this morning. I saw that Indian was gone Yeah, and I was like that thing went at 3 a.m.. We're eating Indian food watching. I mean this is chaos My view is as bad as he is he bucked the corner Wondered out For oh like no joke like for me. I want you to know what was going on in my room I hit the Peloton yesterday I heard that fucking dude. Yeah, it sucks so embarrassing. We think you're watching like a clip. I'm like that's not funny at all

What's he talking about? You want the Peloton? Yeah, so embarrassing that guy yelling I Downloaded that book that audio book of the Franklin scandal Okay, dude. No no terrifying what I did about this coming out like government officials Doing a pedophile ring. Yeah that happened. It's very scary. I overheard some of that I just hear that one or two whatever they're talking about just the darkest should ever Myself up I've been taking melatonin. It's been fucking me up. It's why I'm so quiet all day That doesn't I don't know what it does it knocks me out really, but I was falling asleep to like this pedophile ring

I just listened to billion spuds pizza gate podcast And then they start talking in this book and they're like and all the addresses were on one street in Washington, DC And I was like, oh, it's real Like I was like, I don't know what happened. I was getting like scared I was like, this is fucked up and then I'd like start to fall asleep and I'd hear one of you like Off of like a putt you made in your fucking oculus and I'd wake up like He's been yapping about this golf game and the potential of oculus It's like the only thing that brightens his kid's eyes. Yeah talking about how about this game

We're I sit next to him for an hour and a half and dead silence the kids depressed as fuck the kid and then I hear him go Out and put on an oculus. He's like, hey guys, what's going on? Oh, man, I'm just having fun out here. Yeah, you cock sucker. It's like he's getting plugged in. Yeah those lights come on dude Chris turns it on camera Red light turns on he's a different guy rest of the time my battery's charging Yeah, we gotta record a good charge. We gotta record him after the pot just watch this dude slope around Hey, now there were podcasts and I don't like talking if I'm not getting

Yeah, yeah, you got two hours. I can't wait. I have like, yeah, I have like eight thoughts a day I can't burn them as they're all wild as fuck. No, that's true. I'll do that with Matt I talked to Matt on the phone all the time and we'll talk for like a half hour and I'll be like, fuck And then we'll sit down and so every story I start with is like, I've told you this before I think I've said this before and then I say it That's what I say on every podcast we do. I'm like, did I say this yet? I think I've said this We do it for four fucking years. I've told every cool story. I have you've been pretty good though. You've been mostly new stories Yeah, that's what's nice about stuff island

The podcast stuff island we're 20 minutes in we got ad read. Yeah, our first There was a nice little ad for apartments.com earlier I was sitting here trying to watch South Park Chris comes in farts and he's like, oh, that's terrible I'm sorry about that. Tommy walks into the shower and starts scream singing I was like, dude, I gotta move the fuck out Dude, it's a carnival and this fuck is like, I have to move out He said, I'm a scream singing guy and say the language he doesn't know It was a Spanish song. He's in there

You can hear him I'm trying to disappear from the monotony of the living room It doesn't even know the English it's a different location in my mind and soul in there It's my opportunity for some sunshine and humidity. And also you're not Tom, you're not wrong. You're not wrong next to this pit of hell. No, I mean, that's not like I'm a fucking daisy Sitting out here. You don't talk to me. I'm like, you're seriously upset. Yeah, you asked me yesterday Are you okay? Did I do something? Yeah, I was just sober when you do it. I'm just like, yeah, whack ball get out of your darkness I told him today like feel bad for me for two seconds and you find ham somewhere

Let me check your crack for some ham, bud. Let's clear that with a garden hose Let's go out back and wash you down like an old fucking dirty dog It's crazy how dirty you are I mean, it's a pretty impressive. It is It is it's been bad. It's like one of those those dogs you just put on a chain and let's sleep outside It's been rough. I gotta meet your parents. I gotta meet them. You would you'd be shocked. Yeah, you'd be shocked Have you been tested for like autism stuff? Something

We've been testing it. Guess what you failed. I don't know. I don't know what it is It's something something's off. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, dude. He rolled the carpet last night I never said this to you yet You rolled the carpet because he doesn't like me putting my feet on this thing because I slide the camera He bugs out the only thing the other thing he cares about He rolled the carpet and then tripped over it multiple times getting to like the light. It's true. Yeah He rolls true. He doesn't have any vision beneath his chin like he doesn't look down. That's why he never cleans the floor No, most of the time I'm looking down. That's why I'm not used to if I'm looking up bad things happen

I do I do exclusively look at the ground when I'm walking. Yeah, if I'm walking around the city, I'm looking at right too many times It's a long fall. I can lose balance for 10 feet before I hit the funniest thing It's never comedy. It's like middle-aged women falling Will make me lose my breath. Yeah every like America's funny some videos just like a lady falling backwards And they act like they don't they're like, I hope it works out like they they don't know how to like recover Or like dude, I try and block their my mom fell down the step I've told you this Yes, dude

She I think I see here it is. I think I've told this on here She fell she hates this. She like cries if I tell this story Which is she needs to get over it, dude Yeah, it's a fun. They were my whole family was out getting fucked up and I was I was in the basement playing NCAA Legendary that was the best. Oh, I love there was no tv stand. You just lean against the flat screen against the wall Sitting on the ground and I pulled up a chair in front of it. Oh my god played xbox 360 at the base of the Five hours of that. Oh my god. That's what I did over kovat Anytime I'd go home. I'd just play NCAA for

seven hours And it used to be bad before comedy was going well. My parents would be like you are a fucking loser Now they're like, dude, how are you doing? How is this working? I don't know. Yeah, I'll come up the steps. I think I'm gonna buy this house Yeah, one more word out of you dad. I'm buying this fucking house. No for real. It's funny. I make fun of filth or money now Real cunty thing Donate to the patreon. Would you well put

Put some in his place, you know, well what a gift for years. He was correct He'd be like, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah, I'd be down there playing xbox It makes it so much more powerful when you find it back. I told you I told you They ask for the first time you're doing it every day to You're slamming on your dad every fucking day with a while So I was downstairs my parents came home and my mom was excited to see me right ran down the steps Midway through dropped the cookie She was eating Oreos

Midway through dropped the cookie and reached down to pick it up on a lower step bro bell I'm talking five steps Flat parallel head first into a wall. Oh my god. Oh at the joint at the base of the steps in the basement So she was knocked out unconscious Katie was behind her. It was like mom's dead. Oh And I I didn't know what happened. I was locked in This fourth course. Oh, I heard it was Shane Then oh god mom's dead

So I ran over and where was phil phil was upstairs hammered he was hammered And I don't know how they got home So katie's panicking my mom's unconscious, which if she if you see a glee's lady unconscious, you're like, oh They're dead especially if she hit the the wall. She hit head first dude And uh, yeah, and then she bowled down real quick. Yeah, Katie was like you gotta you gotta give her mouth to mouth I was like I'm not doing it Dude, she had a mouth full of oreos

Purple tongue from the wine just snoring. I thought about it. It's There's not a family member. I would give mouth mouth or any human being I would do it for except like Yeah, you're supposed to do chest compressions now. I think Is that what the cdc says? That was coming but this is the best part katie's like oh god mom's dead and my dad's upstairs hair Everybody's like what you hear his voice crack. It was actually very sweet. He's like, oh god. What? She's like calling ambulance. He's like, okay. All right. What's going on? I was down there like it's all right. Everybody relax. I was the only sober one. I was like relax

But I did think relax. I'm up 30 Dude, I did finish the game. I press pause I paused I paused my game for this uh And then uh, yeah, my mom started to come too, but the ambulance was already on its way Oh, no fucking emt guys come down. She's like laying. I have no idea. She's laying there And she's like she's like i'm okay And then sits up and her hand was shattered. No, she was like, oh my hand hurts. It was like, oh my god She an old woman's hand just

Gnarled dude, gnarled every even everybody my dad was like jesus christ You have to use your puking She was so embarrassed. She was so embarrassed that the adrenaline of her shame like brought her she she didn't feel anything Yeah, she was so ashamed that an ambulance was there. Oh my god. She was like, i'm fine. You don't have to take me Yeah, do you want me to make you some beer? You gotta fix your hand. It was like Like dan marino kind of like spent literally one of the figures was like that Dude, was it broken or dislocated or something? I'm not sure. I don't remember. I think she has to get surgery

I think she had to get surgery, but I I vividly remember her laying on the ground with like an e fd guy Like kind of kneeling like is everything all right? How do you feel? She was like, i'm fine She's got a fucking nfl quarterback. She's gonna be very upset. I told that if I haven't every quarterback to the vodkas No, but somebody will yeah Somebody else send it Like look what your son said about you Listen to immediately. Yeah. All right I can't believe sorry for that break

You can't see guys. What else you guys got you can't take the story. No stories in that is so fucking funny What else you guys got, huh? I don't we working on I've only 15 minutes of don't look up a what don't look up. It was too liberal for you It was just all around like bad, you know, yeah What bothered me the most was in the beginning when they find out the asteroids coming Like they just figured it out. They're like just doing the math. What's the plot? I don't know the plot. There's an asteroid that's gonna hit earth And it's better supposedly based on a true story or something like that

I thought it was I thought it was like an analogy for climate change I think a bunch of people like deny that the asteroid's coming. I guess yeah or something But in the very beginning they find out that it's gonna Hit earth and they like the scientists go into like full panic They're like tell me this isn't happening. This is happening. Oh my god. Oh my god, and it's like no one would do that Nobody would do that. You'd be like, all right. Well, we got to tell the president You wouldn't you wouldn't start panicking until someone told you there was no plan and we're fucked

Right. Well, aren't they the trajectory of of these things are are noticeable for years, right? I think that's normally how it is, but this one What year is this the 70s? No, no, this is like present day. Why'd you guess the 70s? Because he said they didn't know what they were doing. Nobody knew what they were doing in the 70s Except the president was it 1850 What year was it? My dad had a telescope. I know about space Yeah, we had a telescope. Yeah. I saw haley's comment. I don't think it worked once

Once every 75 years it comes around. I couldn't get my eye. I could never I could never focus the telescope It's it's hard when you're an adult to get your eye in the right spot to see the image Let alone if you're a kid, you're like, that doesn't work. Well, he had a nice one. Yeah Like an amazon overnighter. You guys are true waps, dude real galaos Hey, it's uh, not even flat Did it but did what nothing the what what did it bum you out when you uh Did bum your dad out when you stopped giving a shit about space? I never really cared. He cared Yeah, like on the toilet next to you know, he had a ashtray and always like a nova magazine

Or scientific america where like he just had space magazines where we read when he smoked and shit Really? Yeah, that's where that was his little study room because the only place he could go when we weren't bothering him My dad never read on the toilet Again, this was his like break from the house. How do you know that? He never had any literature in there. That's crazy. I don't read on the toilet Was he a you were shit without your phone? Now it's a disaster. I did it all the time as a kid. I never read anything in the toilet and the shits were quicker Now I just sit there for a half hour. I know this is how I got hemorrhoids

Yeah, as a kid I would sit and pretend that I was a whole thing to talk show And my knees your knees would touch the tub from the toilet And I pretend that like Johnny Carson and I would bring an item from my bedroom like a sneaker And then I would explain To the audience The shower curtain about my sneaker. Oh, I'd open the shower curtain and be like the show's about to start Did the show ever did it go wrong? Sometimes the audio was off

No, and then I would sit there. What are you doing? The fuck That could be look like an asshole. I wish I had an old wop voice at like fucking eight So you're just sitting there talking to the tile. I would talk to yeah I would pretend I was talking to an audience and I would sit there for way too long and I developed hemorrhoids As a kid as a young boy. Yeah Yeah That's wild. Yeah, so now I have to tuck him in every time

Oh, no, oh because of the game show That's good that you were an entertainer even as a yeah, I was always I would always I would make faces a lot In the mirror. Yeah. Yeah, I still do that. Yeah, which is crazy. I always think about the I smile in the mirror You know how fucking wild that is because how happy you are. No, I look in the I'll be like It's the most insane behavior and I'll catch myself doing it be like Dude, if I ever cracked the door open you were smiling yourself, you'll see it now that you know, I do it You'll see it. Oh my god. Yeah. I mean I admitted it. I know it's a problem I used to play with toys in the bathroom

It makes me avoid doing I avoid doing homework What kind of toys are we talking and what age like action figures like high school? Wait, like middle so much worse middle school eyes and smiling in a mirror. Oh my god You had action figures in high school. Yeah, I would like well, no, we had like Hold on. Can I say I figured out today. I was like, look, I've never experienced or been around someone That consistently knocks it out of the park with a crazy comment Like I know a guy like every now and then like one out of a hundred comments. You're like, that's fucking nuts. Yeah

He bats a thousand Yeah, the second he reveals anything about himself. You're like, oh my god, literally I squint all day long all day long Just squint at the shit he says Tell us about your action figures in high school to avoid homework Yeah, yeah, yeah Well, I wasn't getting good. I wasn't getting good grades. Yeah, oh shit Playing with action figures in the tub You're failing art

Damn, imagine your teacher bringing their parent teacher conference going we feel like your son needs to stop playing with action in the bathroom Yeah, so I wasn't getting good Failing calculus. Yeah, and my mom my mom was like on my ass about like homework and shit So I would go into the bathroom and we had this like cabinet or bathroom that just had like toys from we were kids That just never got cleaned out. Yeah, also very weird. Yeah, and I would uh, I would go in there I turned the bathroom fan on and I would just play with

Just play with toys for like 45 minutes. What are you doing with they definitely thought you were whacking off Yeah, sure. And you laughed at me about the autism thing Yeah, that was this is not autism. This is This is just a slow tell me you were on your belly like crashing these things into each other like a fine No, no, no, I would just like, you know on the counter. I would just make up scenes and stuff Like near the sink, you know, I'd like it. No, what do you mean? No, I don't Fill the sink up with water put a boat in it. It's pretty fun

I can see that That's pretty nice I like the way the water, you know when a boat's going fast like the way the water like breaks behind this versus yeah And it was cool to me that like in a little boat in my sink That was the same it looked the same as like a boat out in the water like a big boat out in the water A big boat out in the water I'm sweating. This is giving me such anxiety that because I'm thinking about you as an adult Playing with a boat in a boat in a bathtub

Did you tell your parents you were just taking a bath in the middle of the day not doing homework? They probably believed you old ham on your cross knocking the door and be like, what's going on in there? I was like, no, I was just taking a shit. I'm taking pooping Damn, did your brother know about this? How you behave at this point? I think he was in college Yeah, he moved out. He had a family We gotta get rid of our guys the guys we use for the Look at them over there. Chris is gonna get a hold of us. You've been eyeing up those figures They've ended the waste or no, uh, I don't think so. Did you ever tell somebody this? No, this is the first time

I kind of forgot that it happened until you guys started talking about the bathroom. I forgot that that was like a thing that I did How does it make you feel It's a little it's upsetting. It's upsetting to think about I kind of can't believe that it's real the most but I did do that I remember doing that for like because I just like I just couldn't do homework. I just couldn't Just the idea of sitting down and doing it was like impossible to me. Yeah, so you tell your parents. Yeah, I did it That that no, but I had done I had done. How'd you get the Drexel? Were you like a cross?

Oh, okay. Yeah, what were your grades in high school? Terrible, but I good SAT scores. I had like high SAT scores. Oh, okay. So they yeah, they got me in So you're naturally gifted naturally bright autism Inability to pay attention Toys at a very old age. Yeah, can't focus on anything Yeah, but awty Chris isn't awty I don't think so I have none of the talents. I feel like we'll take it to the chat the chat. I'll tell us some of them are talentless

Some autists are truly talentless. Yeah, it's really. Yeah. Yeah. Well, maybe they just haven't cracked their uh, Their spirit out. Well, you know, you ever throw a violin in front of one of these fucking animals. Yeah It's just drawing I Look good at drawing sometimes too. Yeah. Are you a good artist? No Fuck Rubik's cube Can't do it. Yeah, you can't do any of I can't do a Rubik's cube. I cannot I don't understand it

Math was always I like math. Did you have any passion outside of chasing other guys along here with a stick? No No, I like Calvin and Hobbes Yeah, all right All right, I like the far side Far side rules far side does rule. We've covered that Yeah, that was my favorite recently covered that Um, you know what I'd like to talk about is that guy's fucking tweet. Oh, what guys tweet this guy fucking tweeted about John Madden

Oh my god, it might be the worst tweet I've ever seen in my life worse than Wakanda Yeah, Ruth Conner. Ruth Conner. Yeah, my daughter came in the room. Yeah cross her arms. Get the fuck out of you I have lots of opinions on John Madden. The creation of Madden video game was not a great development for the us It further glamorized violence and dehumanized black athletes helping to establish plantation Jesus plantation cosplay that has grown worse in the era of fantasy football Cosplay it's great. Is that a that's a real person. That's not just like someone who's doing a bit If it's if it's a bit this guy rules. Yeah, I mean either way. This is pretty great Any person that puts doctor in front of the name is going to be some pretentious con that's going to come up with some

Analysis for attention. It's funny. This is it's hard to imagine thinking football is bad for black people True. It's not right. It's not bad for anyone. Yeah, I mean my memory's gone Carl Man, it's funny that video games has a seph Yeah, it's a guy just ruining something everyone's like, yeah, this is fine. There's a couple of those actually it's a plantation Yeah, well, that's didn't so many recently do this with the combine. They said the compines is equivalent to Colin Kaepernick Oh, yeah, god, that was which is totally unoriginal. I've heard a thousand people say yeah, of course, but it's like It's not even close. I mean, what are we doing? Yeah, why are we pretending this? Yeah, it's like what is every job interview a fucking

Yeah, what about the fat white lineman from the fucking 70s when Madden started this game? Yeah. Yeah What what are we doing? Yeah, what about Joe Montana sports talk football? That's the game That was the game I still say that constantly. I still in my head. I'm always like, uh, oh, what a mistake I can't stop doing it There's a couple of those I have reoccurring memories that I constantly bring up I always do tech mobile ready down hot hot hot hot hot. Yeah pass three Yeah, marino and Joe montana. Yeah, dude. Yeah

I like that. I remember playing it in my basement steps when my mom come trouble down the fucking Dude, dude, that's a fucking black and white infomercial. God. It's so funny. Dude. I I got She got a concussion while you were playing yeah, I was playing football True, maybe this guy's right Maybe it is bad for us. She's probably gonna say my fucking mom got a concussion. She tackled the wall I'm fucking throwing flags brought her back to powder puff days. She had a flashback Dove down the steps. Do you remember your worst concussion? No, I don't remember any

I mean like worse hit where you're like, I definitely had it Definitely got a there was there was a kid who played it was just a one week. It was an all-star game My senior year and this one kid played lineback and he led with his helmet Not even like I'd be blocking and he would dive his fucking head into me every practice And we it was an all-star game. So it was in like December. So it was like fucking 10 degrees outside And this kid was diving his head into my head every play and then before the all-star game in the locker room He smashed his head on a locker and started now. He started bleeding everywhere before the before a fucking all-star game Do you have any poor little women? He's fucking confronted in like a little dorm room

Yeah That's the crazy thing is like forever every NFL player that you see is like a psycho like that Who like will like headbutt someone with a helmet on and cut their forehead open? There's a million dudes who are the worst player on the team that do shit like that. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, they're just like they have no other skills. So their only thing is to be the most jacked up Yeah, and every day they're just they're smashing something. They're spaz. I hate bands from the locker room Dude when someone sucks and they spaz like that, it it bothers me immensely. Yeah, it makes me play worse It's like the dude on a it's embarrassing in a dugout for baseball. That just won't shut the fuck up

But he's never played in anything Stop stop yelling at everybody a comic shadow boxing in a green room. Oh my god. I got one Don't say their name. Just explain the story. Well, he's a headliner. Some of you know Italian don't name And he would legitimately shadow box and do push-ups and then jump on his feet Was he good though in front of you? Uh, he's not bad. So was he killing? He he had potential to kill. He'd kill like half the time. Yeah If somebody shadow boxes and then murders, that's fine

Well, it wasn't I I couldn't I can't even connect to that better than what I do I go in the bathroom and smile in the mirror And then I walk out I go, I'm gonna fucking bomb Chris fills the sink with a little boat I want to start doing that again I just haven't lived in an apartment with a good sink in a while. I want to I want to take a bath I miss bath days. Yeah, I had a bath two weeks ago at somebody's house and it was fucking wonderful baths are nice I put a little bath bomb in there Little fizzies and like skin was like a salamander, dude. It's like all the moisture. I can't too big too big

I just get in there you gotta get a big tip of my penis sticks out It's terrible the downstairs literally my from here. It's just above water. Everything's above water and I sit there just like Oh, man, that's the best is we gotta make what have I done your first house? You just gotta get everything giant like the midget house. Yes. Yes a little people on me Yeah, it's nice when you go to like I like I remember going to like a nice hotel once with a big tub and getting in it Filling it all the way up because like and rally No, I brought my boats in but uh

Because my at my at my at my parents house Like we have like barely a tubs full of hot water Yeah, geysers get a fucking water tank. Yeah, get a good yard Good there's old men are so fucking stupid. There's one and a half showers worth of hot water Yeah, like if you're going fast I remember one time I went to these people's house that were rich and I was like somebody was showering before me And I was like is there gonna be enough hot water and they laughed They laughed. Yeah, and I was like it's a poverty question. No, but my family's fine. Yeah, it's just my dad never bought a fucking

Also, what it happens to you once is the biggest fear you never forget that cold blows, dude Because I would always I had two sisters and they would shower before me saying and then I'd have to take a cold shower every morning I'd have to wait you'd have to wait an hour and if you had something to do you'd be like, can you get it? I'd be showering and screaming Turn off the water Remember that fucking cadence too every time Turn off the water my dad would come out and and lean over the bannister and go gene Gene you got the water on

And she's like no steven on the water on you're like, are you running the wash? Just like a dog in the hallway on the carpet. Oh running the wash would fuck you Yeah, and then like yeah, and I would panic because I would just think about the little pilot light And I don't know how big the flame is and the tank of water. It's like that's got to take forever to heat up Yeah, dude, I'm calling somebody when I I didn't know how it worked. No, neither one. Yeah, I had no idea how it worked I had no idea the problem was it was a small water heater. Yeah No idea how I was at a friend's house who just got her house built and She had to call the place because we couldn't figure out the hot water in this upshot upper

upstairs shower And the guy was like walking me through all like the steps and I was like, I can't do you got to come over here I can't do any of this. Yeah, it turns out the guy put it on backwards. So cold was hot and hot was cold Oh my god. Yeah, well that took like two hours to figure out Is there anything more embarrassing than not being able to pace the shower? Getting the correct heat. Yeah, just stand there naked adjusting it took a while for ours. Yeah, it's tough. Yeah I got a turn heat the whole way up. That's what I do. How far do you go with the cold? Uh, 90? No, no, no, no, no. Oh, of course

Yeah, maybe. Our show is hot as fuck. It does. Half? Yeah, you know what's funny? If I'm ever mad I used to, I would be mad at our roommate. No, if I was ever angry mad magazine, what the fuck? We were just talking about our side. I'd say if I was ever mad. Mad magazine? Yeah, if I was ever, if I was personally ever mad magazine In my head Your mic is blocking your mouth. In my head, I would blame dude I would blame steve

I would blame steve for washing the dishes if our hot water ran out I'd be like steve's out there running the fucking dishes because i'm in here showering. Yeah, cocksucket crazy time Then I come out of here. He wouldn't even be in the apartment. I'd be like, dude What am I doing? But if you do run the sink, this turns immediately cold regardless. Yeah Yeah, so somebody could be fucking you. Yeah, you know what I mean? It's like you're a motherfucker. You think you're better than me? Turn off the water

I'm gonna start yelling it again. It's one of the most embarrassing parts of my brain. Like Is that is how quickly I start accusing people of like like in my head? Oh, I know farious activity Oh, I know like well if the water goes out like if it gets cold I do the same thing. Yeah, so I'm a fucking Who could be using the sink right now who like or if I if I lose an item I'm like fucking tom. He's cleaning the fucking place. So yeah, this is my favorite one And then he gets angry. He yelled at me. He goes you he does dishes too loud. I'm like, oh, do I do your dishes too loud for you? You fucking slob

No, but then I'll find this thing like in my room You know, that's nice. He puts it in your room. Oh, it'd be right where I left it. He won't have touched anything But in my head, I'm just like, yeah, dude I mean, these are all problems that we have because we live together. Yeah, but you know I do with every when you live with a woman. You'll just transfer it to her and be like my girlfriends have dumb You're gonna beat her down until she leaves you. Yeah, dude. I mean when I when I lived alone in an apartment I would do it like if the hot water ran out. I'd start thinking about other people in the apartment What the fuck they were like, they're just other floors. Yeah. Yeah. Would you say you have maybe an accountability issue?

Maybe please Or For possibly having an accountability. Yeah, right somebody else did it. That's another thing. You can't call him out No, I'm a count. We're really upset. I'm gonna count. I hate myself. No, you don't I do you're getting there. I'm accountable You turn it around. I have an accurate selfie. Your boat is slowly turning in that Pretty clear picture of where I'm at. That's what I'm always looking at the ground That's what I'm always staring off into space. Yeah, next time you look at the ground grab a broom That's all most of the time when I'm staring off into space. It's just like, I don't think I'm ever gonna be able to change this

Yeah, you're not. Yeah, you're not you're getting worse. Yeah, you're fully grown since I've met you. Yeah, you've deteriorated Really? Quite a bit. Yeah, really, right? No, I think you just know me better. Yeah, that's usually how that works That's absolutely how that works. Yeah, I do remember a phone call where there was a pizza crust in your house for like You told me this we were on the phone. You're like, this Pete this thing's killing me And I was like, what you're like, there's a pizza crust that's been on top of my toilet for a week and a half I'm like, dude, you just gotta throw it out Like I had to talk you into it. Wait, was it yours? Yeah, he lived alone He just was eating pizza in the bathroom and put a crust on the toilet and let it differ a week and a half

You know how many pisses he and shits he took just looking at it and just be like I gotta turn things around. All right. Let's dissect this. Where do you think that comes from where you can't pick up and clean stuff? I don't know. I just feel like I'm always working on something What are you talking about? You know, yeah, real workaholic That's what I'm saying. It's even if it's just a thought it's like I'm I'm turning something over and I can't like Do you know that's probably why you're so cluttered up here is because all your space is cluttered There's a psychological component there where like your workspace is A mirror image of what's going on in your mind. I don't know

This is kind of the happiest I've been in a long time in my room because I'm cleaning up air No, no, no, no my room has been the messiest it's ever been But this is I'm like agenda. I doubt that What no, she he cleaned it. He cleaned it because he needs a woman in his life to shame him because our shame He doesn't do anything. Well, I don't I try not to shame you. Yeah I don't shame you for that stuff I don't throw rocks in that glass house Yeah, you'll find another glass house. Oh, I find James you ran everything else

Any mood I'm in it's got to be changed. Well It's your favorite thing to do. Yeah, a lot. It's funny most of the time But when it's when it's you being a grumpus for no reason That's I then I'm genuinely like hey I'll just match his energy. Yeah Just give you an idea of like what what we see I don't even realize I'm doing anything Keeps somewhere else to come in and he goes like this

What And his eyebrows go up and go what like like I'm bothering him with life. No, I never get well. No, sometimes if I'm watching something well You always have this face like you like you're thinking about digging up the wife you just killed Like I want her back That's a recurring nightmare that I have every couple years What's that is I'm like walking with a group of people and we come to like a hill and uh

He's told me yeah, and I'm like This is where I buried all of those bodies Every one of them's in here and they're gonna find them How do I move them? Also, I gotta remember that I buried these people here because I'm gonna I gotta move them at some point Yeah, this is a recurring nightmare. Yeah, it's like every every couple years. I get it and it'll be like it'll be I'll be in like a totally different dream Having fine time and then all of a sudden that hill

Fine Having a nice time and all of a sudden that hill shows up and it's like Gotta get rid of bodies. Oh my god, dude, and I can't believe you've been living this whole time Like you didn't put bodies in this hill So that's like that's the feeling that I've had you've been walking around You actually forgot that you put bodies in the hill That's how fucked up you are good shame get on craigslist We gotta fill this room now. You guys look stuff islands taking off. Yeah, I know what's happening. I can spread my wings

You guys don't need a new roommate You guys are set. I'm just gonna FaceTime you go. Look what he's doing now Look what he's doing. I'm gonna spread my wings. Yeah, I'm gonna get a nice apartment Walking around like fucking Charlie Brown and turn the hot water off Punch you in the belly Um Well, what else is going on guys? How's everything you guys I will I will say since stuff island started Yeah, real better environment around here a little more

It is it is it's the first project of I've given a shit about in years. Yeah, you know since delco dived Yeah, it's like mine and ours. Yeah, I haven't had a cast or like a pod that it was like my product Yeah, yeah, yeah So I never really gave a fuck and I never had like something to look forward to yeah weekly basis And the response has been great. Thanks to you know, yeah Sharing in your support and support of all our other friends that are In this circle. So it's like it's kicked off to a point where like it's it's actually I haven't felt this happy in a while Yeah, it is weird that comedy is in the place where it's like if you don't have a podcast you feel like you're not

A person really I was always just trying to avoid it. What I was avoiding it for the wrong reason Is that a gay thing to say? I think it's kind of well you said if you don't have a podcast You don't feel like a person. No. No. Well like in the in the comedy world. It feels like you're like Not doing you know what I mean It's weird like you're like hanging out with people you're like talking to people And like I don't know when you don't have anything to promote. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, it's like you like I don't know. Well, that's just the two kind of the worlds in comedy right now It's either you're a fucking industry person that's getting everything

True or you have to sit down and talk with your buddies about how shitty of roommates they are Those are your options. Yeah Which one leads to actually a fruitful respectful career Which one selling out clubs if I can if you have a successful podcast Yeah, I think you do sell a lot like you get you Everybody in the audience knows you a lot more. Yeah, I think has its pros and cons right Yippie and chatty. They chat a little but that's fine. But I mean, I guess they get jokes better Yeah, like they know where you're coming from on everything. So that helps like I've seen it with matt

Yeah, like matt stand-ups great now not that it wasn't then I hear what you say But now that everybody understand his perspective because he's a weirdo So he would go on stage and be weird and do goofy shit that is funny But regular people would see him and be like the fuck is this guy doing? Yeah, right and when you're only doing like 10 minutes or something somewhere It's like it's taking takes you five for them to be like, oh, this is Yeah, he's this is intentional. Why do you hear the boat bit? The boat bit roar the boat bit roar is gonna fucking be like you the boat talk about the boat

People brought boats to shows and people bought little boats to shows. I'd be fucking stoked. Yeah, remember when the turd took off That was the first glimpse of like oh shit How what's the story behind that it was something about a turd at a rest stop and then I opened the door At our the hotel room and chris was sitting there like the turd in the rest stop something like that And then me and bees are in the car and just started calling him the turd It was such a funny nickname. It is frightening the influence you have and it was a six hour drive. That was that was the first one You could just destroy someone because then we did shows And dudes in the audience like turd. It was like, yo, this is hilarious

Well, he was saying it in the car ride home because he was you're going home and you're gonna have to do the podcast And he was like he was like, I'm gonna call you the turd on the park And I was like, don't do that. You know what I should I should I'm gonna do it. I was like, don't do it I was like, no one's gonna get it. No one's gonna listen. No one's gonna care and you'd be like, all right I want I want I want and then the next time there was a silence in the car. He'd be like She only calls me wop, but I'm gonna next time I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna like write a song like m&m and eight miles It says all the bad things about You gotta get ahead of it, dude. I'm with you

Three verses of all like fucking just fucking hit list on me. I would love to hear you rap Dude, I've heard it. We heard it today. Stop it. I wasn't rapping. I was fucking humming and stuff Also sag allow is dynamite really at rapid dude. Yeah, I still haven't listened to I'm not kidding I he was on a fair one with with uh, Nick Cannon. Yeah, and cannon was saying like, yo Yeah, yeah, I would love Like I was ready for like cringe fucking city It was still cringe watching anyone fucking Yeah, you know rap, but he put on like a he asked the booth to put on like a random beat

And he even went not that one. I was like, dude, you better be fucking. Oh my god. He skipped the beat from the booth and then pulled up Wait and then he pulled up what lyrics of his own His own hand written not hand written the fucking notes. I don't like this dude the lyrics I'm telling you well written well constructed good flow I'm mad about it and this is a fucking a fat kid. I had painted nails when he was like 13. Yeah, I don't like it I don't like it. Like if he said he played with boats at 13 14 years old I'm like, yeah, I get it. Yeah, you're a boat kid. I didn't know you were a boat kid. Yeah, I like boats

He does like boats. Yeah I know he really does. Yeah, Connecticut. Oh, you got it, right? I never got to go out on boats really in Connecticut. Where do you go out on boats now? Uh, I don't really get to go out on boats very often. I've been on boats than anybody What are you talking about? Every other month you're on a fucking boat. When am I on a boat? I've been on three boats my whole life. You're on boats all the time I in the summer for a week. I get to go on you just sent me a picture of you and your brother on a fucking boat Oh, yeah, my brother just bought a boat. Oh my

I forgot. Well, he just bought it. I only went out. I went out on it once When I was a kid, I mean, I didn't really get to go. I never went out on boats as a kid You we had whatever you already, you know, you already buried it. You already buried yourself I think the fucking messaging is there. Everybody knows how nuts you are and you just Look at all he going nuts. He went in circles for a while. I mean, I don't go on boats Two weeks ago when I was on my brother's boat, my brother owns a boat. Every time you leave there's a picture of you on a boat It's every time he leaves that Last winter I got to go out on a boat a lot. I did some fishing

That was that was the other day you were complaining. You couldn't go fishing on a boat again. Yeah Well, I didn't get to go Still as close enough to be like I almost I never got a fucking boat My brother just got a boat. I got more almost went on the boat last boat. I was almost with you You're driving the fucking thing I rented a boat in virginia. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's gonna pick it up from the marina fills it up with gas and jet The confidence for a guy who's never been on a boat

Well, I study boat this boat needs gas. I'm dying. Yeah, it's over. We're done. We started hitting chop, dude The water got I was banking on him being a good pilot I started looking at the boat next to me. I'm like, I'm gonna eat you as soon as we fucking crack. Those are heavy seas. Those were I thought you were on boats constantly No, it was they got a little whatever they got around They got around. No, it was nuts. Heavy seas. Well, it was it was a filled in lake. It wasn't a natural lake Tom, you would have been shitting your pants

I'm sure you would have been like, oh god Oh god, it was the worst It was the worst I gotta see you. Yeah, tell me on a boat. It's gotta be like a cat in a car. Dude. I thought just crawling all over What the hell is this? Put me in a giant cage Just howling until it docks Absolutely

He's gonna call you as soon as you open the gate. He's gonna call you Hey, Diane, do not open that gate I got beer in one of those little rabbit suckers A rabbit sucker is pretty good. I'll go with that Rabbit sucker is exactly correct. That has to be what it's called This is the little marble that you lick Yeah, yeah, yeah Just crushing tequila in one of the suckers

This is crazy that that you're denying it boat. No, no, no I just mean as a kid growing up. I didn't I didn't do it. I'll fucking date the photos now. I'm getting out on boats a lot now But I was watching this rewind this And listen to him say I don't go on boats a lot now. He's Five minutes later. I now I do now. I go. All right. Here we go. I got the picture. It's literally like that rick james Just like, uh, I don't do cocaine Uh, yeah, I do cocaine. How do I date? You know how to show the data this?

Do I have to save it? What are you doing? What are you doing? The last the last boat image you sent Yeah, it was probably my brother's birthday the day after my brother's birthday, which is what? November It was a quick trip Anyway, well, I wasn't boating. I was fishing Chris It's different God damn it, dude

Wasn't out there water skiing. We gotta get out our first sunbathing our first merch for stuff island's gonna be autism speaks And so does chris o'connor on everything's gonna be powder spoon in Autism speaks but never cleans the dishes Yeah, I could get into that though. Yeah cleaning dishes. I could get it. It is nice. Yeah I'm bad at the rhythm. Yeah, you just use your hand. You know, I just clean the fucking thing because like this Yeah, yeah, but I don't use dishes How do I read it does he and he should he uses 900 cups a fucking day. Yeah, that's two cups You know what I've been doing taking your cups

I just put them right back up there. Ah, fuck. I use those I feel like a lot of you ever look through one of the cups that you have you can't it's like being under one The foggy Yeah, there's plastic cups And I know when you actually do a dish because I have to redo it. That's from the brillo on the screen. I just have to redo it If you actually clean something I gotta redo it My mom used to say this as a kid should go just leave them just leave them and the father was like mom I want to help she goes

I just have to redo them anyway because you don't do it right. You should see me wash a dish. I could wash a dish Chris you've lived here for a year and a half. No, I know but when I choose to do it. I can do it really well. Yeah. Yeah But when you put your mind to washing a dish, yeah, you're knocking out of the park clean as hell. Yeah Also, I think that sponge any sponge is probably more disgusting than the food that was on it I replaced the sponge weekly Not you wouldn't know. How the fuck would you know if that's a new sponge? I'm saying you have to use a new sponge every time Okay, do you use a new towel every time you paint yourself? What you use to grow back here you were the filthiest human being I've ever met in my life

And you have the balls to say this this we're just talking about sponges here. You are you might be the sponge The sponge Sponge oh shit, dude. Look what you walk yourself into a new nigga going to phoenix this weekend Do not please yell out the sponge third Why dude you said you weren't gonna do this anymore the sponge, dude The sponge works. It's a fun one sponge is hard How did how did girby get gruel?

He brought that up. He was talking about girl's pussy juice is gruel. Oh my god Some subreddit. Yeah, he got into masturbating to that kind of stuff for a while Wait, that and like masturbating the women women lactating he got into that for a little bit. Oh god He said this publicly. No, he said it. Oh, you just had it. Yeah. No, no No, he was whacking off the gruel on us. Yeah Lactating is brutal. He was whacking off to just girls drippy drippy pussy's I guess it's pretty hot Yeah, drippy. Yeah, that's great. Yeah, it's hot when there's something else going in. How does it get going?

What do you mean? Is it artificial? They just like squirt stuff on it or is it coming from the inside? No, they just roll down the end think horny thoughts. It's it's like Your explanation was worse than his dumb question Wait, no, I think you're like videos. What are they showing? Is it like porn on shit? I'm not sure. I don't I never looked at it like leaky pussy Yeah, I think it's probably just a wet pussy and that's it. Yeah. Yeah, but I think it was a subreddit something You're right. It would be better if it was video. It's just like post-squirt though. Maybe it was video I'm not sure right. There's squirters that show you like the aftermath. No. No. No. No. No. This is like watching a pussy get wet

Going from dry to wet How is that happening? How is that happening? Yeah, you can do it untouched. Really? No, I'm saying is that what the gruel shit is? I I don't I don't I'm sure there's a whole variety, but that is yeah, that's one of them. You've seen it. Yeah You haven't no you just you watch the video of a vagina just getting wet No, I don't I don't watch that Yeah, this is impossible to talk to you just said you did if you weren't here before I would say he's clearly telling me When he did that episode on gruel stuff. I looked at I looked into it. Okay. That was the question

We just asked but I didn't I didn't yet. I saw one video Yes, that was the question. No, but you said you said you said you've never seen it. I don't watch those videos No, that's not what I jerk off to But you Chris I'm getting accused here a lot of stuff. It's not an accusation No, we're not saying how does it work? You watched one video never seen another one. You watched one video Yeah, someone's dry. What was the video you watched? Yeah, it was just a girl with her leg spread and you just watch her pussy get How I don't know you said what do you mean? How?

I don't know it'd be like if I if I said I saw a video where guys are sitting there as dick gets That's a lot easier and you go how a lot easier go. How did that happen? I don't know a picture of another like if you held up if we shot our own porn You just held up another point. Oh my you just see my bird go up. Yeah a woman doesn't act like that It probably could be similar. Maybe they do some women do yeah I don't know what they're doing on the other end of the other side of the camera. Maybe they're beating a kid I don't know whatever Chogan

All right, uh, where are we at here? That's about right That should do it chris with the walk-off grand slam choking a chicken God I love you dude. You're such a gem. You are a gem and it's genuine. You're genuinely fucking. I mean If none of this is orchestrated you can't possibly plan this you're not that smart You know what I mean? You'd have to be really in my room. I'm not good at playing Well, if you like this Check out stuff You know, we had a fun time. Yeah, this is fun

Um, you guys stuff island stuff. That's what we're plugging. Yeah. Yeah. What are you supposed to say like share subscribe? No, you don't do any like a shit. No. No. No. Yeah. Just go to stuff island. Yeah, YouTube page Yeah, I mean it would help if you did that stuff No, it wouldn't they know everybody that's watching this knows. Yeah, you can't ask for like a fucking good review If they like it, they like it. Yeah, that's true Yeah, definitely don't ask for a good review Can you imagine? That might have been a mistake. Yeah, that's gonna cost us Uh, yeah, that should do it. Thank you very much for listening to our podcast

Have a good day. Have a very nice day and a happy holidays. See you next year. Uh, oh