Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 385 - Master Chief Ferrari Truck (feat. LeMaire Lee)

Episode Date: March 2, 2022

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support lemorp & P*nties in the Mouth @ patreon.com/pitm Everybody plz welcome LAMAR JOE!!!! The D.A.W.G.Z. are blessed by lemorp this week AKA LAMAR JOEEE. LaMeezy sips some MGDz while breakin down train death and geoplotics. We also learn that although the situation in the Ukraine is definitely bad, Matt's been having a ruff couple days himself. Bless you all. Please enjoy.

Hey, what's going on? What's happening guys go? We're here with the Lamar Lamar James Shout to my goobies your host for this evening Call me something completely different the first thing was like Justin Joseph's He's just taking shots. Yeah, I try to go to the piece of paper and where your name They actually wrote it down. I went up and try to put Lamar Joe He fucked with him again the last show really he called him something else again. Yeah, it's all goofy or it's all Osmosis Jones

I heard there was a fucking there was a rumble of my goobies. I heard through the grapevine Oh, yeah, Christopher Titus fucking rumble to somebody in the crowd I just I heard this today Christopher Titus guy. I heard Titus. Who's the man by the way? Yeah, probably He's like a kick-ass liberal now hot rods. He's a badass liberal. Is he really? Yeah, dude Who likes hot rod? Where's a headset on stage and he's like kind of rules not gonna lie. Sorry. Sorry. I'm not racist Definitely coming down from the stage. Yeah, I think he brought up Trump and a guy was like And he was like, hey, I'm a kick-ass liberal you motherfucker

But I also love hot rods. I love hot rods hot rods stings and the Democratic Party Hot rods are the worst I don't like the look of them. They're not gonna work on it. I'm not gonna work on that. They're too sharp, right? Like they're like, I think they're extremely ramps. It's like punch. They look like PT cruisers Oh, I think they're incredibly round but like a 1970s Mustang is a hot rod, right? Nah That's just a muscle car. I think muscle cars bro. Damn. Yeah hot rod looks like a PT cruiser with just like pipes coming out of the top They stink. Yeah, they're the worst. Yeah, I would never devote my time to them Yeah, Carlisle you said the auto the auto show. Yeah, just be 10,000 hot rods with the send upon central Pennsylvania

Like you guys better take the vaccine We're kick-ass What's cooler than a kick-ass damn that I retract my statements on Bill Maher, dude Yeah, I was pumped on him for a day He had some good points and then Yeah, he had a rough showing last week. Well, I think it's you know, you got a swing back You know, he's a he had a swing back to make sure he didn't get labeled as right wing. He's kind of a badass damn He's a bad. He's a badass damn. He brought one good point that I think

So tonight's the state of union dude. Yeah to see Joe. Yeah, we get to see Lamar Joe president Lamar Joe Biden He gets to come out and talk his shit tonight He's gonna come out and be like I told you it was gonna be good. It's going well Trill I do a good bud. What do you think? Oh, yeah, I forgot. Oh, but here the Democrats are doing one of the members of the squad Yeah, yeah is doing a rebuttal. So usually it's the other party So after the state of union usually the other party So when Trump was giving it a Democrat would give a speech that night as well like they did Schumer and Pelosi together Now a Republican is gonna do it and a Democrat from the squad because Biden's not liberal enough

Really gonna be tight. So he's gonna get opposed on he's gonna get opposed. Yeah, it's biting in third party. I Would say the squad's probably closer to the third party. He seems to be pretty Democrat. Yeah Damn, he's gonna get they're gonna rip his speech shred. He's gonna be sad. Yeah, he's gonna be I hate thinking of Biden sad though Just a guy like come on Points coming at me there's gonna be a lot of points dude There's gonna be a lot of good points a lot of good points Yeah, two different sides that'll if you had to mention and people came with you like two sides of points and be like hell Yeah, that's how I mean

I don't have to mention if somebody who's like someone's like you're being a liberal pussy. I'm like I love Republicans then someone's like your racist. I'm like, I love black people shut up Shane You hate making Biden sad because your family is responsible for some of their greatest sadness Yeah Lay in the lumber Actually speaking of which La Mer is trying to state that most Train accident subway accidents specific are not fatal. Yeah Yeah

Yeah, most subway accidents are fatal like you get hit. You don't get like killed you get like you get run over by the train Wait, is this a statistic or are you just coming up? No, I saw a statistic one I would imagine the statistic is like someone standing too close and getting hit by a door or something like that That's what I said. That's just that technically counts as a subway accent. Dude. If you're talking about people in front of the train How to be 99% What's the reasoning because it you think you can lay Think you're a little homework bound to where you're under the truck at the end You get hit and you're like on it and it pushes you instead of like piercing you true so you could stand in front of a car

If you got hit by it, you would just stay in front You become 2d and it's hilarious You get smushed you get flat you like your arms going for sure and you can't die from a smush. Yeah, it's just a big And then it runs you over and it just protects you You just stay on there on the windshield till the next stop is you ever see a dog get run over by a car Yeah, that's what it's kind of like. They just keep rolling You just keep rolling under the train. So when if the train stops on you, you'll die for sure But if it like rolls past and you're like a speed bump you speed over a speed bump you barely feel

Train definitely connected to a track Little man, this this could be the dumbest thing you've ever said. I'm telling you dude. It's the truth I swear and you are chock full of dumb statements I'm telling you dude. It's true. There was a comedian like a couple years ago Who got hit by a train and survived? He tried to kill himself. He jumped in front of the track It was a lady and I think she got chased So but she survived I want to make a movie where a guy just dies takes a super high jump as scm. He died

He's dead. I would like that. That'd be nice That's just a climax of the chase He dies fbi grabs a briefcase back and then I got it. Thank god. Yeah, we did it Thank god. Give me that dumb ass jump He's dead Yeah, god damn, dude. Yeah, I don't know. So, lemera, obviously this you're wrong, but um What else you got because you you wanted to start talking about russia ukraine No, and I said, please save it for the podcast because I cannot wait to hear

Oh, I was you guys were making fun of me for drinking, but I haven't been drink. I've been drinking since the russia war started It's just oh Really? Yeah, I don't know why you fucked up. Yeah, they got me spooked. Yeah It's a little spooky. Yeah the specter of nuclear war. Yeah. Yeah I was like shaking for like the first three days. I was just shaking. I really got you nervous. Yeah Yeah What what about it? I don't know. It's just like because the I don't want to like I don't know it's Okay, so one thing I noticed is like I feel like this is the first time where like money has like, uh, I don't know

I'm not gonna keep going keep going. I don't feel like this is the first time where like all the like money people are like Yo russia, what the fuck are you doing? We're going to take away all your funds And I feel like that's going to stop them from doing crazier things or encourages them to do crazier things because they got nothing to lose now Yeah, yeah, and then uh, that was spooking me and then uh When uh, there was the they took Chernobyl. That was pretty crazy. Yeah, you don't like that. You want to control Chernobyl Yeah, I don't want to control the Chernobyl. It's just like what are you going to do with it? What are you going to do with Chernobyl? Yeah, clean it up. Maybe they want to take it over and clean it up

You know, they want to make up for their past mistakes like this flourishing in Chernobyl right now actually What's what's growing there like a three-eyed frog god dammit dude. La Mer's the la Mer's getting hit with clickbait on facebook And being like oh this is true They're watching vice articles I'm heavy into vice. I know a lot about bbls and Chernobyl livestock. What's bbls? Brazilian butt lifts. Oh nice when they take the fat from the guts and put it in your butts true Yeah, dude BuzzFeed

BuzzFeed has unleashed a really nice article about like it was like 10 movies or shows if you're if your guy is into the red flags They just took every oh no all the cool movies They do the brave heart brave hearts one of them. You're not supposed to like brave heart no brave heart No scar face no american psycho scar face truly is the number one red flag though You know that watch scar face if you have a scar face posting. That's a whole different thing Scarface post if you like this is my favorite movie scar face Well, you're that's kind of racist, but go ahead. Why is that racist? You're describing like a bunch of black dudes from 1995. No

They like belly. They like belly, please belly. Yeah belly american psycho fight club pulp fiction V for vendetta Those are all good rules dude the punisher Clockwork, yeah the social network is like all right I don't know what scott pilgrim verse the world is The world's great. And if you like that if you're a guy, it's just you're gay It's like a funny anime rock and roll. It's literally like yeah family guys. It's bad. Yeah. We're talking about family. Yeah Yeah, 50 shades of gray. No guys like they're actually right about that family guy has to be the number one background like sex show

On every born hub. They're always watching family. Yeah, dude. He always hear peter laughing. So maybe that is a red flag If you're if you're gonna date someone that's gonna talk you into making sex dates for porno He's gonna be watching family. What do you think about uh, wolf of wall street? That better not be on red flag. I like all the red flags rick and morty joker What on the bottom is a barrister. Yeah, sorry. I'll give you the last one Yeah, braveheart american history. No american history x is like The reason why they say it's a prime example of a movie that goes the distance to teach you a lesson

But people inexplicably walk away from having gotten the wrong message. I remember the first time I watched it I was like, yeah, I think I might get into white nationally That was pretty cool. I'd like to get fucked in my ass like that guy What about the mid 90s? You ever see that movie the jones hill movie with all the kid sex? Is that is that bus feed approved? It's probably it's bus. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's probably bus feed approved good They have kid sex in that. Yeah, dude. Yeah, they have a lot of it out. Yeah They had sex with the kids have sex with each other. Yeah, there's like two kids who have sex in that movie How old are they in real life? I don't know but in a movie they're 10 and 14

Sick It's pretty sick it's pretty tight now they're completely uh Trying to Put a vice grip on people's mentalities now. Yeah, this is not cool None of this is cool. If you like this, you're a loser and you will be ostracized So if you put napoleon dynamite on that list No, that'd be war that then i'm getting active in the streets. Then i'm organizing. I am getting active Then i'm they don't want to mobilize me to put up a blockade because i'm coming

There's gonna have a bunch of fat cow signs Yeah, dude, there's a war against our culture right now, dude. It's not okay. Hold on. What does that mean? Tina you fat cow oh you're fat lords I just watched that It's so funny recently. Yeah, it holds up. I saw it the first time ever and it was like I was I was a youngster And I went the fuck was that I saw it again. It was like that's the fun I saw I saw napoleon dynamite about four to five times in theater and water boy about four to five times, dude Couldn't stop going to the theater

Water boy crushes water boy is so fucking. Yeah, that was pretty great. I'm going back. I'm I'm standing by cubie halloween, dude People still that fucking ruled cubie halloween does rule the same guys trashed me for saying the warrior. It was fucking redogs Which it was what was the warrior the one I talked about last week about the ufc Tom hardy two brothers. Yeah, that was a larry so it's a bad move a lot of people like it A lot of people like it. Yeah, that's all my red. That's all my fucking red flag buzzfeed list Your dude that's like the warrior is so good. You are brain dead. Yeah, it sounded pretty bad, but Water boy and cubie halloween Tell you what dude. Who would bound to lawson san francisco. That's good. Whoo. What about big pig in the big city

I didn't catch that one again yet. Yeah Babe one recently pretty great. That's actually very good. Isn't that a bit of a tear jerker? Yeah, I mean the old man goes the old man does take a risk at the dog show Everyone's like he's bringing a pig. Yeah, that's our hog Dude the tears that'll do pig that'll do dude. Dude. I watched uh, babe fucking kills it Babe's the best dude tens all across the board. Yeah, of course What about uh, you see you catch up on the American tales and he five of those western of those yet Damn five of those west. I'm looking up every talking dog movie. I can find

All dogs go to heaven. Is that talking dogs? Yeah, I'll fire that up next. I'm sick I've watched homeward bound no lie nine times in the last like Billy Madison has a talking dog for one scene. I need I need to hold speak for yourself Maya needs like 80 to 20 ratio What's that 80 to 20 talking dog? If humans start talking for too long. She goes Shaggy dog, dude with tim allen. Yeah Yeah, it's all talking dog. Really shaggy dog. Yeah Tim allen turns into a dog

What? Oh, you know, you need to watch his uh, my own notice. Oh, was that a dead dog pug and cat? Okay, that'd be good. I know one of them the dog dies and it's super sad not old yellow There's another one. I don't know. Is there a marley and me marley and me trying to avoid though She's she's picking up on bad stuff now. So if something bad happens, she goes, no So the dog dies. It'd be trouble. That's tough. Yeah, it is. You had no problem with killing dogs You have no problem homeward bound the cat almost dies in the first one. It's kind of a Is it the live action? No shadow the dog the golden retriever Shadow falls into a mud pit, but don't forget sassy almost drowns. Oh, yeah sassy falls in the river

Sassy no They kill so many animals in the live action Milo knows Milo knows the one where the it was the partner Tokyo partners just were tossing Pugs at bears They're lodging cats and down though the cats do like fucked up stunts Nice, I think in two they rolled a cat in a tube and the cat's dizzy when it comes out I used to make my cat dizzy. Did you really hold him? You could get lame on his side and spin him on the hardwood

And he would get off and it was very fun We had a retarded cat. I just his name was onyx. His tongue would always be on the block like this Did you name him after the club? Yeah We're getting we're getting off track. I mean don't get me wrong guys. This is good stuff But uh, I need to hear the marriage takes on the war bro. So chair noble Basically like an iceland greenland type of thing. It's it's luscious. This is all this is all twitter updates too True like I don't know. I saw on the thing they said

On the twitter like I was like, I hope I didn't I was we We the us who wrote this Joe Biden Who wrote this speech? Dude, I think the us we needs uh We I don't want to go but we have to go because we made a deal with the ukraine that we would protect them if they gave A dog and nato and they gave up their nukes to russia and shit. Yeah. Yeah, but you know, we gotta you gotta go We're going in Boots on the ground. It seems like there's a real heavy push for us to go in

To russia for the oh, yeah, it seems like there's a pretty heavy push trying to get that. Oh Trying to get that. Oh, what's wrong about bitch you cook it? I don't know yellow cake Obviously guys, obviously I stand with ukraine. I I've always stood with the ukraine Oh, they're talking about the fucking everyone about that here. Yeah years before everyone was big on ukraine I get a little I get a little weary wary when I see the media fully lockstep like come on guys Are you a social justice warrior? Join us. Yeah, I get weary when I don't like that. They put the crying kids on tv

I always get kind of like that's sad and all but I go what these what are these motherfuckers? There's kids crying. There's kids dying of starvation 24 7 No camera. There's no camera like check that out. You see sam hide made it to fox news. Hell again He uh, some dumbass posted him a picture of him. So they said he was the ghost of kia and they photo terrible photoshop Yeah, samuel and uh Somebody I think it was a democratic senator Reposted it was like this guy's absolutely owning the russians

Get many more kills samuel And then talker covered it. It was pretty tight talker talker. I was like that's that is not the ghost of kiev That is comedian sam hide Dude, was the uh, was the artist of uh kiev real Here's some kid who's just fucking killing russkies. No, none of that is real. That's one of those things is real It's crazy. That's the other concerted part. What it's like. Why do you guys want us? It's a marvel reddit brain. Did you see that? Yeah It's very funny. It's why do you want us to think the war is so cool? Yeah, post that the Good god. Yeah, it's strange. It's strange for sure

It's also like I don't think ukrainians are winning at all I think I But see yeah, you never know it seems like they're holding into the tough so they're dug in I think Yeah, and all the other forces are on the way too. So they're gonna have Who the other the the other natives germans? Uh, does germany have to go through? No, it is not going to ukraine. No. No, I felt they were sending fucking troops They're not sending troops. They're sending weapons. Yeah. Okay, which that would be good. Yeah But it's poll it's germany has to go through poland to get to ukraine, right? No, okay good

No, oh wait germany. Yeah Yeah Yikes Yeah Hey, remember us Oh, and the russians are on the other side. So remember what happened last time a little tug of war of uh Rape. Yeah, it seems almost just ridiculous now. Yeah, just uh

I don't get it. That's what I'm struggling with. What the war? I don't understand why Why putin would do that? That's what I don't understand. He needs some he needs some plus dude. He's warning. Yeah, that's a good answer I guess I never thought of it that way Have you ever fucking horny you'd blow up the ukraine too? How horny are you dude? I blow up the ukraine That's why you're mad. You wanted Chernobyl You wanted Chernobyl for yourself I wanted all those three eyed sluts

Yeah You wanted the girl from future drama. Yeah, I did lila. You wanted a bunch of lilas giving you a head That's good. But cherinobles good pussy, dude Who's Chernobyl pussy? That's why they said Chernobyl. Is that Chernobyl pussy? Oh, that's that's that's that's that Chernobyl pussy. You got a good those Chernobyl poosies Yeah, it's uh And those guys remember the thing about those guys on snake island telling them to go fuck themselves Those guys didn't really die. Blew out. Blew out, dad

Yeah, I know next to nothing about it. The only thing I the only thing I think about it last night I had to move to our temporary location while we remodel And I was just kind of I would complain and get pouty. Also, by the way, I'm very tired Short fuse if you tease me Dude, manamos fucked this guy up on the traffic. So don't waste your time What happened half bar of dark chocolate in right now and having like shoulder pains Oh, yeah from our hard fucking hotel workout. Yeah, dude. Well, no, I'm saying probably like pre heart attack stuff Pain in my shoulder that comes every now and again

No, that's just from us doing gay batch probably certainly But the um, yeah, dude, I was up all night moving stuff plastic-ing off. That's my one It's my one thought my mom fucked me up having to image having to know every time I started complaining and getting pouty I'm like, I mean, obviously this is inconvenient. I'm very tired But it's like I'd be so much more peeved if I was at war right now Yeah, if you were in a train station underground with your family for fucking a week. Yeah, I think about that And I still am kind of like, yes, what I'm doing is pretty sure. I mean, it's not a 10 out of 10 It's stressful, dude. So, I mean, you know, don't let the fucking Ukrainians steal your stress

That's what I was that's what I was saying. I didn't talk myself out of last night I'd be like, I mean that is annoying. But dude, what you're going through is genuine genuinely You can be hungry Just because I'm fucking I didn't have dinner last time starving doesn't mean you're not hungry. I didn't have dinner last night That's tough. Yeah. I mean, I wasn't hungry But I do like to eat anyway before I go to bed and I denied myself that because I was too stressed You wanted a nice treat. I've seen you much dude. You much. I knew on the road. It's much It was party time, dude. I was tired from being you know from doing comedy in Salt Lake

I was basically comparing my situation apples to apples and I was like Yeah, they had me beat on a couple of metrics. Yeah, but we're both very stressed out right now I'm doing a remodel and I have to live in an apartment for two months. Yeah Dude, I had to hang fucking uh Sheets up for curtains last night. Actually that kind of I do kind of like that though I don't know dude. I was doing it last night at like midnight and I was like If someone would hire me to hang sheets up in their house with thumbtacks instead of curtains I could do that for the rest of my life

It's so satisfying. Yeah pushing that into a fucking wall right through cloth into fun That was my only reprieve, dude. You're gonna be a professional crack house remodeler I'll sell Brittany. I want to design the trap. Yeah, come on That's exactly I told Brittany. I was like, dude, I just want to go and design the trap Carface posters that would be That'd be a great remodeling show. Do we have two different fucking colored curtains? She wanted to replace them. I said no leave green and blue Let people see what's up

Yeah, hang one of them is a fucking rubber bit like an elastic sheet. Yeah, you need to hang like a grippy sheet Hang a 24 inch screen on the wall Get him a nice small tv with the wires hanging down Big boys, you got some big boys. I'm sure they like big tv's. No, I used to inspect like fucked up Like houses people were squatting in it would be like two inches of water on the floor Little kids that are underwear running around you go to the bedroom and it'd be a big boy Catch one of those on there. That's nice. Just a fucking just a fat lazy dude Just a tired fat just in bed like who the fuck are you and I'm like, uh

I'm here with the guy who owns this house and I have to check out how much I'm here to kick you out your house I was there to kick I was I was there to see like how much renovate like how much Damage was done. I had my little clipboard. I'd go into like Families in desperate crises. Yeah, I'd be like, hi, I'm here with investors and I'm here to look at the roof Don't mind me and I definitely won't tell anyone you're living here illegally That's when I spotted dead dog in a basement one time. Oh my god, dude. I I didn't know how dangerous that was I just smell it. No, dude. It was that dead. It was fucking it was like

Bones and fucking it looked like fluff and bones How the wait where was this it was a it was like a basement of north How big was this dog? I would say judging from it was hard to tell without how big was this woofer, dude I'd given it like a 40 pounder looking back at it is 40. Yeah It was dead in the bit. They just left it in the basement terrier. Oh, yeah, dog died Some sort of terrier died in the storage dude, dude. I would these dudes these investors I went to a real estate seminar I was I was such a demon for getting money when I was like 20 years old back when I was a realtor for one year

Perfect, uh, perfect record sold zero houses I try to get it from every angle. Dude the wolf abroad I was The investors had me they were like, dude, all you got to do is just buy I forget what they used to do They would buy contracts for houses and leave in a weasel claws So they would put in like a check saying you'll get this money If we after we have a contractor come through and okay it

We'll buy it and they would send out offers for like Hundreds of houses and in the meantime try to and they put them in for super low And then try to flip the contracts to like new york guys So they never put any money down and took zero risk, but they would get to buy and sell houses So I had to go through with the clipboard and check it off, dude It was like dudes will come home. What the fuck are you doing in my house? I'm like, I'm just here to fucking check Oh, god, it was terrifying. It's an easy way to get murdered. You'd be down there with that dog They're true

There was one neighborhood one time where there was just 40 like 17 year olds on one porch playing music And I was across it was the craziest site. Oh, no, that's like That's like cute. Let's like see those rushing troops. It was dude. It was yeah I was just there with my little I was like hiding my clipboard But it's kind of fucking you can't be seen with the clipboard although they might have responded that you might have coached Carter though They might be like, I'm not gonna play for you Get out of here then the rest of you. I'm gonna make you a champion true

Then he would come back and be like coach. I'm sorry coach. I'm sorry. I'm actually on problems. My mom's stressed from work Yeah, true. That would have been I should have coached. I should have just went up on the porch I was like boys. What are we doing? Put one leg up on a step higher a couple steps higher lean forward boys Do you guys want to make 25? Yeah, I could be like dude You guys want to make 25 dollars a house and then not get paid by the investors. They fucked me Investors fucked me Matt. You're more of a counter eaves hardball type. Yeah, definitely. I can see that I love it when you call me big pop, but I can see you in the crowd, dude. Appreciate that

La Mer, you know, sometimes you say really nice things and I really appreciate it. Yeah Yeah, dude, that was a sick gig Just risking my life and then not getting paid They fucked me They be certainly seems like they fucked everybody. I think they did. Yeah, but La Mer if you want to get into that It's a good way to pay. Yeah, La Mer. What are you doing for money right now? You got a job? I am a warehouse manager. Oh, that's right. No That was right. Are you still doing it? No, I knew it. I told you. Hold on. I fucking told you. You did tell me that

I got rid of it and I got another play another place is now. I'm a warehouse manager in that For medical stuff. That's good. That's what what what's what's the pace looking like because it was what were the hours before? It was like was it 430 to As soon as he told me that was like zero chance. Yeah, how long did you go? What for a while for the last one how many weeks? I know you were right You're right. I didn't show You were right. It was too How'd you guys part? How'd you guys part? I just stopped showing up. I just stopped showing up. Yeah

They were still going to like I didn't I haven't showed up I didn't show up in like three weeks and they were showing me sending me paperwork last week Like you're eligible for medical benefits now. Nice. I'm not there I bet you can get those benefits. I bet you can get those benefits. You can still get the benes here. Just calm racist True. So you you slept in was the manager white? It they were all uh, they're all from they were all Asian. Ah, they're gonna tell you to fuck off They won't give you no quarter, dude Cain me

It's awesome. They don't know you're there though. Yeah, that's one thing you could trick them on. You can be like, I'm working, dude I'm still here. True. I didn't receive a paycheck. I never left So how'd you how'd you did you use that experience on your resume for your next warehouse? Yeah, yeah, no, I think I was it was just a temp job and I was like, you know, please and they're like, all right, we got you Nice. Yeah I'm glad I was absolutely correct. You you're a hundred percent right So what's the new you remember that you told me you told me what the hours are I was like, you're never doing that He's like, yeah, huh

I was like you and I'm not judging because I would do the same thing. I would not have made it two weeks I would have slept day three. I would have been like fuck this Yeah, I'm gonna be a comedian What's the new gig like is you're in logistics right now? Yeah, I'm in logistics. Oh, yeah, I got a Chevy, Colorado Whipping a big Chevy, Colorado. Yeah, but that's you got to keep that. I gotta keep it out the office though. I can't take that That's your baby. Yeah, nine to five. That's your baby. It's my baby nine That's nice You should show them how good of you should get it like detailed and like tell them I'm taking really good care of the wrap

Yeah, get it wrapped with your face Comedy stuff. Yeah big county symbol. Yeah your Instagram on it Just on the back. You never went by one. But if you did go by a black comedian name, what would it be? Oh You should get that for the wrap. Yeah I don't know what it'd be. Lemisey Lemisey the god Dude, he was we pulled up on uh, gardeni's house. La Mer was like Winnie the Pooh going into the fucking Mer's in search of soda

He was milling around the house dude I love Sean's parents He's like Winnie the Pooh for high fruit toast points here Time for something sweet Did you find anything sweet? No, I didn't get it. He has a bottle of water. Oh, that sucks Yeah, that's okay, dude. I heard you you were whimpering on the ride when they said they weren't gonna go You know genuine drafts. No, I would never do that. One single tear rolled down the face in the liquor store when we said We don't really feel like genuine drafts that dude today

I was a little disappointed Now you're happy. Yeah, I mean, yeah, so you just have been well, you're a working man now. You're driving. You're driving the not the Silverado Parked Colorado. It's like a big Chevy guy. It's their Ford Ranger, but it's not it's better. It's a little bit bigger. I think I've had my eye on a Colorado for a while CRV is obviously my favorite car next to that is a Ford Ranger or Colorado. I love small Damn, that thing's fucking sick, dude. That's what I wanted, dude I wanted a small pickup when I drove they gave me a fucking Silverado and I was scared, dude

Now that's a big that's a big boy toy. I was scared. I'm not a big boy, dude. I need small toys Tony dude, I love So my my trajectory. I need a nice Honda truck. You see those little guys. Yeah, they're nice CRV our civic was my dream car got that back in 2008. Not right When I actually it was a that was like more like 2014. It was a 2008 car That was my dream car got to the CRV now. I'm just in the stratosphere like beyond my wildest dreams I want to go to the odyssey That's me after I retire. The odyssey is nice, bro

Dude, it is really nice and then I want to get like a I'll be pickup truck It's moving stuff around. I can't even imagine the new odyssey last time I saw one was 2014 expensive, dude They're like, yeah, they're so expensive. Yeah, they're like fucking they're up around four you should get a pilot Honda pilot sick That's a just a big CRV. Is that one of them trucks? Oh, yeah You'd like that was a mini van It actually kind of looks like a crossover vehicle. They smoothed it out a little it does kind of look more like a van Yeah, what's Toyota has Toyota has their thing that kind of looks the sequoia

Toyota has a fucking ton. They have a lot of different types of cars Honda was easy If god blesses me, I'll put bay in a pilot. I'll be in the fucking odyssey. Yeah, that's I mean at that point, dude You're gonna take the odyssey. Oh, of course. Really? I want a minivan I love minivan dude in terms of fitting you can fit gear in there the seats fold down You can put so much shit in there watch a movie. They come fully loaded pretty much all the time See how easy those odyssey seats fold Bro, I have not seen first. I've seen getting in ubers and stuff actually CRV does it

They fold easy. Yeah I had a I had a fully chinese man come into the Dealership and just made me do every like take the chairs out I want to see how it works in the showroom Oh, and I couldn't do one thing. Oh, he tested you and he was so angry. That might have been your teacher Dude, he gave you a furious and I was like, I don't care dude. I'll quit. What? Yeah He reported me There you know, that's a big that's a big part of the culture is passing the test

I failed dude. If you watch like the anime the old anime's lemur. You're on the clock, dude Is that pot? What That's a dude. I've noticed that when I got it. I got into like anime. I would never had a brief stint of anime That's a common theme of failing the test Oh, yeah, there's always the test if you're if you're a partner the test lose of the rooms of your head Test and you just get a huge beat of sweat and you go You have to pass the test what types of tests are we talking to the real total aptitude tests the real test is actually trying the test though

What it's always actually trying the test is the real test You know, it's like an anime. You they're like, we want you to fucking go. You know what i'm talking about, right? The test dude. Yeah, it looms over their heads all the time. The test is on is all it's coming You gotta work about the test dude, especially for your japanese kid. Yeah, you gotta worry about the test He probably was like, why is this guy not been working his whole life for the test? Yeah, I was not I was not prepared I couldn't take the chairs out. It was so fucking hard to take those fucking bucket seats out They were 95 they were they were they were a hundred fucking 50 pound chairs I was sorry. I had a beat of sweat. I remember I was sweating

I was wearing fucking tucked in polo and the khakis. My ass was sweating Some fucking chinese guy was yelling at me. I was like, dude, just please Don't tell on me Because the manager just already knew I didn't care Yeah, like and I pretended to know things Did you try to pull the seats out first or did you fold them all the way down? I I showed him how to fold the back row. Yeah. Yeah, and he was like, did these come out? You know, so I didn't do an accent I learned from that snl sketch. Yeah, he would that be funny to impersonate chinese

These chairs come out of here. He said hey partner. These damn chairs come out of there or what? You know chinese guys be like He's got damn chairs moving out They did not come out I couldn't even I want to see these chairs I would unlock like the front and just try to rip dude. Yeah, it was terrible. You failed the test partner I failed the test he left he went to a different dealership. Did he? That guy probably disassembled it like a fucking m1 like a

Gump DONE Yeah, dude, they need to get all their stuff in there. Yeah It's a thousand small boxes Yeah tiny boxes What do they do with those boxes merchandise dude the type of merch that's the merchandise The type of merch like fucking cell phone covers and shit. Yeah, I almost worked for one of the bros at a cell phone place

He gave me the lowdown. He was like, dude these things cost us like 10 cents And we sell them for 30 dollars. He's like, do you want to work for us or not? I was like, yes, and I think I missed that. I think I missed my first Yeah, I think I was like, I don't want to walk all the way to 30 street stations. Yeah, you don't be a kiosk guy I was a kiosk guy before scooped these nuts or scooped the nuts. That was candy. Yeah How long how long did you go the kiosk? That was that was lucrative for me. That's when I was stealing from the register heavily That was I was grounded for drinking for a month. So I was just locked down anyway. So I secured the job my parents Okay, 30 days 30 day suspension got caught drinking Captain Morgan and wine. I was fucked up. Yeah

fucked up, dude So I chilled stacked my bread while I was locked up and then it was so lucrative I did it for like I think probably three months. It was a three month. That's a good gig That was when I got in high school. Yeah, man. It's nice. It was very good. I was reading I was reading a like huckleberry fin. I would sit there and read books play video games Would you spend your money on after the stint? When you got out the bed off when you got off your bed, would you spend your money on it? It would have had to have mostly been on weed

And pretty much gas. I was weeding gas. I was at my only at fruit, obviously Don't get me started on gas, dude. Yeah, Colorado probably guzzles No, you got the card though. Oh, yeah You got the company card for the rotto. They give you a they give you a they give you an employee You can only get gas at one spot and they give you the number for it That's such a pain in the ass to type that in. Yeah, that sucks stinks. I had to refill fucking cars constantly What's it cost these days to fill up a rotto? Colorado 60 70 bucks. What like to fill it up. Yeah, for sure. What would you do if that code bounced?

No, you must put a credit card. I'm sorry I quit How does it feel to fill up the tank though the mayor? It feels good. Just like good. Yeah, it's like In front of that and it's a brand new, Colorado. It's like maybe like 2015. It's still kind of nice It's clean dude. It's clean. It's like how many uh, how many miles do you got? Do the shorties look at you when you're filling it up? I don't know. I'm in doko dropping in a big truck You'll get the eyes of some shorties, dude. Yeah, yeah, maybe I'm getting some looks Have you have any shorties paid you a visit lately? No, dude. Have you been able to ejaculate? No, dude

So I'm trying to blow up the Ukraine So you're pro russian No, dude, I'm pro blowing shit up Well, you can't have sex. Yeah, that's how it works. Yeah, dude So I'm trying to beat tommy and chris at basketball Trills. Yeah Yeah, dude, come on. Yeah, it's sad when that like decided to destroy when you can't come and dive in you Wait, I know I know I know I'm gonna say this

I was a little offended when you picked tommy to play basketball over me guys He was just there Still dude, it doesn't matter. You I gotta be honest. You would not be on the list If I had 10 people really 10 people of our group of friends. Yeah La Mer would not be who would you say the kid? Say the kid is probably hotter than you Merit does have a wet jump. Oh give him that come on, dude. Yeah Now this is before I heard you could play somebody I heard through the grapevine that you were pretty good

I've only been challenging you for three years First you gotta go through O'Connor first First level, dude. I like the anime sound effects That's your test So wait, we come up here come up here on a tuesday and play against O'Connor. Yeah, actually we have a park right around here I'm playing dude. I fucking play you got playing those dungarees That's split your dungarees Dude, you're gonna throw it all the way to the mgd's

Throw away my career. Yeah, was that the guy who almost grabbed the net at the park? He grabbed a quarter out of that. I already tried to touch the sign I have a good video of the mayor's house. Please include that in the intro. Yeah, we'll make a nice intro of La Mer's What was it? La Mer's got a big parking sign right by stress factory. Yeah No, the mayor's got bunnies La Mer had such a fucking like it looked athletic the build up to him jumping Like he took like a side step and looked like he was about to jump high It was great during the build up. I was like, damn, maybe La Mer is that

Like he's been saying for fucking 10 years How high to get how I think He couldn't have cleared an mgd He could not clear one mgd Yeah, I failed I felt it was rough. It was very tough. My shoes were heavy. Did you stretch it before? I had some heavy shoes. You probably had your warehouse boots on True. You're probably tired. I was wearing I was wearing the Wolves. Yeah Yeah, steel toe. Yeah, steel toe. Steel toe Wolves. It's way down

Oh, man, there. Wow. It is weird. I feel like people like do expect The ukraine russia thing is like they expect to take on it and being like obviously dude. Yeah So, you know, they should stop shooting at each other for sure Certainly, I don't agree with russia invading a country. Yeah, sure. That's bad. Sure. I don't know why they're doing it Yeah, and I don't that's what I'm trying to figure out. I don't know anything He has to know that like there's no way Unless he mad dogs, dude And just nukes the rest of the world and then we just become russia world russia

That's his only play I can see At once you just send them all out just unannounced. Boom. Yeah, they're gone. They're gone right away As soon as they launch everybody else is launching. Yeah, but then you have an army of mutants against you Everybody's mutant I'm saying mutants like you hit I know but everybody's mutant if russia launches. They're they're gone They're more gone than everybody they launched against But don't we have stuff to like intercept them in there? Some of them. Yeah, Israel has a defense system. I know we're working under shield and stuff Yeah, I think the u.s. Has that we have to have we gave them that

They were built in the united states iron shield. Yeah, so we got the iron dome. Everything's built So we build everything dude if anything worse comes worse. We'll deploy a plane shoot the thing, right? Yeah, we'll deploy planes Shoot the shit out the sky, right? That makes sense, right? Yeah, we'll get a warning be like we're warning you this your last warning take that nuke back and turn around We will blow it up. I saw on twitter said they're giving a high They're giving a strike for a missile strike warning today for Kiev russia was missile strike warning. Yeah See, I get paranoid thinking like this is like the oligarchs of the world being like, all right

Covid's wearing off. We're gonna scare the shit out of them. Yeah, that's a little that's true Definitely. Yeah, it's kind of what I feel like man because I'm you know Yeah, I'm not trying to belittle anyone's situation again. I'm I if anyone gets it. I get it, dude. I was moving last night I was plastic-ing at 10 30. I was gonna go to 11 30. My wife was like, we'll just do it in the morning And I was like, yeah, you're right, but still it was fucking late. Yeah got home Tacked up. Yeah, tacked up the blinds Took my dogs back I mean, that is a pretty fucking tough. That was a lot, dude. I'm pretty sleep deprived right now

Yeah, and I was in Salt Lake City. I'm tired from that. Yeah, I was so crabby, dude I was so crabby towards my wife Feel so bad It's not the major And then you come home and it's like why didn't I didn't realize it till we're in the house and there's other people It's like there's other people there. They're starting to like demolish the root deck. Yeah, she calls me from the second floor I was on the third and I just went what? Yeah, I was like, sorry guys. Yeah, I was like fuck. I'm being a crab

Absolute crab. Were you getting hit with crab though? What was she? I wasn't that was a thing Was she yelling something nice? She's been a jolly joe She's been a jolly joe, but she will she will start being like the plastic's coming I'm like it always comes off the fucking wall when you do that. It's all right. Put more stuff She killed me today to actually I know why I was so crabby. You're right We're sitting there. I think you got here with the crab dude. She murdered me. So we're friends with the contractors Both fucking tall ass fucking man tall ass trapping man. So the plastic's coming down and she was like, uh, can you can you get that? She's like, no Matt Andrew. Andrew can reach it without a ladder and I was just like

I was like little Wayne, dude. I was like when someone was looking at Michael Jordan. I was like go ahead Go fucking date him then, dude. Yeah, it was hot I'm no sleep, dude. She's like, no Andrew doesn't need a ladder. I was like You don't even know what you're talking about crabs world instantly Of course went upstairs to check on the stuff on the roof and she called me up. I was like, what? Yeah, that was what I was wrong because she called him hot Not really, but it was just like no, he'll get it. He doesn't need a ladder to get it And I was like that was first of all, it's my work. It's my plastic

Let me plastic the house the big boys have the toys What I know how to do is tape up plastic the little pack up I mean, there's a long roll of plastic if you think about it. That was fucking. Yeah, it's a lot of plastic A thousand square feet of plastic and you know, I have like three rolls of penis. Oh my god And you plastics the whole thing I plastic the two sides right is a dust bear tick me the fuck off too What do you mean plastic it up if I was plastic and someone was like it said anything to me I'd hit him with a what it was her She was no if I was plastic and somebody yelled like you got to do this

I'll be like you need to fuck off Well, dude, when you plastic and you leave it up overnight a little bit's naturally going to start You're gonna get a little dog ear. Yeah, she came in like the plastic something like Slow down first of all for you know, I'm tired. I haven't had my dark chocolate yet. Don't even talk to me right now Don't I had at least 90 per 100 dark chocolate four squares at least Yeah, she I was in hell But I've been you know, I've been good I've been a good I've been good at being able to

Talk myself, dude, I'll start telling myself something sucks significantly more than it actually does. Yeah caught myself last night Yeah, I do that. I was like, you dude. I was sitting there like you're gonna be so fucking tired tomorrow You're gonna be sleep deprived. You're gonna fucking do and I was and all of a sudden I have to go Just tough it out. How do you actually feel right now? I actually don't feel that bad Yeah, I feel like you know, Ukrainian right before they fucking invaded russians invaded them I bet the Ukrainians are awfully sleepy, dude. Oh tired as hell But at least they have more fucking adrenaline I don't I could use some fucking respecter of some rockets hitting. Yeah, dude. Yeah, keep me up for like four days

I got nothing. Yeah driving actually kind of grayed out a little bit up here A couple times I fucking that's an easy one to fall asleep on dude Blanked. Oh, yeah the boys in the car clanking bottles the boys They were yeah, we gotta tell the boys to quit yapping or we're gonna turn this thing around That's my advice to Ukrainians, dude. It's just ask yourself. Is it really that bad? I know it's bad. You need to check it world war two bad. No, you need to check in with yourself Check in dude with your with your larger self bigger self, dude

I saw an article that was nice. It was like things are very stressful right now If you don't be ashamed if you're an empath Don't be ashamed if you need to take some time off exactly, dude If I'm an empath, you need to call that warehouse. That's me. Dude. Look at this. I'm fucking Yeah, you're you're off right now. What the fans understand if I took some time, dude Well, may you might have to de-throat that mgd Dude, exactly. I feel so much. Would they understand if I took at least like three months paid off I'm an empath. Could you guys actually increase donations because I'm an empath. You have no idea how hard this is for me

I'm an empath. Yeah, dude. I cried yesterday watching the show. Did you really? Yeah Would you watch warrior? It was sad. No, it was uh, it was about the March 11th bombing of uh, some trains in madrid, dude. My heart dude, my home city Dude, dude, there's a part where the the night after it happened. Barcelona was playing at Celtic in Scotland Yeah, and they all sang you'll never walk alone during the moment of silence and I was watching it upstairs. I was like Like it was a hard cry. It was a moment of solidarity. Yeah hard cry Pretty nice. But what was crazy is this documentary talks about how the government in power immediately tried to blame the opposing political party They didn't blame al-qaeda. Okay. This is 2003. There was a terrorist attack

They're like it was the eta, which was the northern terrorist group from like the 60s Damn, they're like it was definitely them. We're all over it And they had to have people like be like, no, it's We found it. We found a bomb. It's in arabic So somebody the bomb is in arabic. They found like a phone that had arabic. Oh, shit. I thought it had a little bit of Oh, they said it was austere a little bit. You know, they took credit What was that store things forever? Were they engraved stuff? What's it was like the hottest engraving store? I don't know jerry things remembered

Things remember. I might start an engraving kiosk, dude. That's a hot business Good statues Imagine that Your things remembered and the fucking al-qaeda calls you like, yeah, we got a couple g's for you You're like, what is it? Like, don't worry about it. Don't worry. We're engraving some fucking train bombs Why nothing? Maybe watch the news Maybe you see us and your wives

That's my ISIS impression my wives Dude, like you imagine though if you genuinely believed people laugh at the hundred virgins thing Yeah, if you actually believe that that's nothing to fucking sneeze at. Yeah, bro That's nuts, dude. If you actually believe that, yeah One hundred. Are you a virgin going to those hundred virgins? 72, yeah 72 virgins. I thought it was a hundred slightly under a hundred 72 Innocent civilians you kill true. Okay, a lot. Oh, 77. Maybe a lot. I'll toss you a little bonus couple. Yeah, a little bonus

Oops, twins. Oops. Twins. Yeah In twins. In twins. Can you imagine if you get there and get twins? You'd be like, my wives, my vaginas. Some of them statistically are related to you, but it doesn't matter because it's heaven. It doesn't matter because that's very negligible Yeah, you know like this You see that commercial recently? The in twins commercial is so fucking mad at us. Yeah, it's the best. It holds up. In twins party said never in America used to be the best. I think it was Budweiser. Budweiser, Budweiser, yeah Dude, in twins. There's there's a poster if you go on those twins

I think it was it's either American Airlines or Delta, whatever one it is It's like when they was airlines try to like convince you like they're the best and like those posters on the way in There was two guys, both of red hair. Yeah, cuddling. Did you fly Delta? I think so. Yeah I see it every fucking fly Delta. Talk about comfort every time I looked at it And I so badly wish Britney was someone was there where I could be like, oh, that's cool. Like I have like brothers Yeah There's two brothers fucking There's one that says, uh, this is easy going

For Steve Spears. I just took a nice selfie easy going behind my head. Do those dudes both have red hair Yeah, there's two they could be bro. I don't know. I think it's no those are guys having gay sex No, I think they're brothers I think it's just like you and your older brother like getting comfortable for a movie. How many gay gingers are there? A lot. I would say almost every almost every ginger It leaves a double gay life. Dude, remember that ginger we saw the jazz. That was nice. Yeah, dude I forgot how sick it would be to be a full actual ginger. Oh, yeah, freak I forgot about you. You're not a real one, dude. Yeah, you're not you're not a real ginger

I'm talking this dude was my dad used to threaten me with that He used to be like if you don't behave you're gonna look like that kid. It's like a really pale orange-haired orange eyebrows kid What else would he threaten you with? You actually are your dad threatened you with the belt. Would he choke himself? Wow, wow You are like a Italian man Merge emerging through like the clear canvas of a ginger Have you think about it?

Yeah, I've thought about that before I feel like if I hit you with a different light You would just almost like a hologram you would reveal Like an exo layer of like a pure orange ginger Maybe like if you put 3d glasses on If we saw avatar together, I looked over What the fuck happened to you? Yeah, we played laser tag Dude, I uh, yeah that guy was like a legit ginger and it was nice because it was on the court

Not a big deal me a matter of kind of court side, but Watch them warm up, but uh I kind of prefer that by the way to the game. Yeah, I just want to see warm-ups, dude The game would have been sick. That's what we did Watched warm-up and left Coach a coach from the utal jazz came to our show Yeah The night before and then he was like come we got a game tomorrow come check it out. True. It was awesome. That was awesome

It was fucking and cool. Did you get the DAPA Joe Ingalls or Rudy Gobert? Joe Ingalls isn't there anymore. Is he? I think he is super close though. I think he is I mean he's just her. Donny Mitchie. We got to Fucking Hassan Whitesides the man. Yeah, he was goofing off. He was probably my favorite guy to see Talking about he was having a good time. My favorite part was driving in through like the security Like I didn't know there's that much security. Yeah back make sense. Yeah, then you get to see all their cool cars And then we got reminded like oh that all these guys are so rich. Yeah Yeah, like the coolest fucking cars you pull in you see all those how many test list

I think it was we wrote in on the tesla. Oh, we did right. Yeah, we did actually Donovan Mitchell's I think I think it was Donovan Mitchell's was like a matte green It looked like the fucking helmet from halo. Yeah, it's like a Ferrari suv Yeah, it's pretty sick. It's like orange. It was fucking crazy. I just like thinking about those guys being like Wildy rich. It's kind of nice. Yeah master chief Ferrari truck, dude. That's what he had. Yeah, that's badass. It was fucking crazy That's badass dude. That's rap bars. All right, so Yeah, we see Yeah, and then uh, we got to see the billionaire owner walking around on the court

Wait, what are rap bars? Master chief Ferrari truck. Master B Ferrari master chief Ferrari truck. That's wrap I'll give you the next bar, dude. What's the next line? You in the coop, I'm in a master chief Ferrari truck. All right, what's the next run? Uh, uh, uh, Trucks are pretty easy one, dude. You which you which troop? There's the anime You found the test dude Part of you failing the test is built into your redemption story, which is the larger test I think that's what you're talking about. It's because of that fucking moss oak you're wearing, dude

Otherwise you'd be able to freestyle Yeah, I gotta get my you wearing the moss oak the day you try to jump and touch the sign It might have been underneath I'm just out here in the woods now trying to hide You're trying to hide from the russians. Yeah Easier to come get that. He's coming for me. Why do you think pootin's mad at you? No, pootin's not mad at me Me and pootin are boys, but hey, dude. Well, it's all goons. Call him. They get the hell What's your fucking end game here, dude? What the hell either it is either?

It's just like a wild thing where it's like, all right, we back off But we come up with all these cool things going forward like maybe he'll make some sweet deals out of it But or it's like you just press the button. I don't think they'll give him sweet deals You know, they say it's pretty difficult to reward someone for that dude. They've already taken all of his money Frozen all of his assets and here's this is my question, but you think pootin's got to know that he's got to know Like I don't stand any chance So the question is do you do some political theater? Do you invade you get your peepee smacked and then it's like, all right, I'm going to sell my country off

I'm going to secure the bag for my family And then Russia's going to basically get auctioned off between NATO's going to just divvy it up I think Russia or they're not going to they won't divvy up Eventually they will dude. It's a Chinese smokescreen. Why what do you mean? They'll go they'll go in and grab just like we got the only like control the natural resources and like a rack now and stuff Uh Probably but dude, it's a Chinese smokescreen. Oh, I thought you meant like divvy up the country itself

Yeah, yeah, what do you mean? What do you think like East Berlin West Berlin like how we did at the end of No, I think that's still germany. Yeah, I think what is divvy Russian still, you know, true True, I think what is I'm thinking like divvy up control get the contracts. We own this, you know, maybe Maybe Get the Earl get that gas gas gas I heard they were I heard some reports of them dealing with China. Oh really start just starting their own economy I've heard that as well. Just being like, we'll just do our own economy China gave they did do a seven billion dollar

Oil deal between China and russia But China is number one right now. I think number one. Why would they fool around because why do they fuck with the money? They want to be big number one. It's gotta be next level It's a good time to strike too. They said they're coming towards the end of their hundred years playing What is century is long playing or whatever? Yeah, if they go if they if they link with russia, they're fucking dumb Dude, it's the Chinese smokescreen dude. They're over taiwan Taiwan's in trouble. Taiwan's in trouble. You need to support taiwan All right, that's enough of this guys

Why would I quit smoke? Why would shayner quit smoking and lucy instead? I'll tell you why shayner would quit smoking. You did quit smoking bravely I I smoked for a little and lucy because I was just not dipping anything lucy Even though you didn't know about at the time. I think you I had a feeling lucy was coming down the path coming down the track And I was gonna stand in front of it and survive What flavors do I recommend me personally? I like a good mango I like a nice mango Thankfully lucy makes a variety of products nicotine gum lozenges and pouches

It's a better more responsible way to consume nicotine. What matter would you read the bold part? The bold yeah the bold Okay Check out the full line of products at lucy.co. That's lucy dot co Use promo code drench that check out warning this product contains nicotine nicotine is an addictive chemical If you're interested in a better way to use nicotine go to lucy dot co and be sure to use that promo code drenched Nice job. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Great. Thank you lucy Appreciate y'all. Yeah, appreciate what you guys are doing over there guys. What else is on the table?

We've covered russia ukraine dude We've covered animal know what uh, you guys got a lot that one black painting. It's pretty surprised. I didn't expect any Why I don't know what the hell dude. I don't know that's crazy I'm you know, I'm just you know, you know what? I never even looked at it and thought oh, that's a black painting Yeah, I thought I was sad you operate in that fucking world, but I was like those are three hobos dude, the best was the uh I was telling the bros on the way up here the the local news segment I caught about ukraine when I was in salt lake

They showed that the local host and he was like apparently this guy spent time in ukraine for like Five years and he's like I learned the language the food It would just be him eating soup and like him hanging with like old ukrainian ladies They go back and forth. It's like the bread. It's like the beautiful blue skies and the yellow grains of wheat That's what their flag symbolizes and it's like it's such a beautiful place and I miss it And they cut back to him in studio with the other dude the guy's like, yeah, well, I'm pretty sure it's not looking like that tonight Dude and the guy just go literally they're just showing him with like this family and then they cut to the guy like No, yeah, no, I guess not. Yeah, it's probably not

And I sort of got a custom just eating soup. It was showed another still Local news is so good local utal news was the yeah, what was some other Dude, I was harping on it all weekend dude. The other story was about a cold hot dog Local man shows up First of all the slopes are fucking packed and like the slopes are packed and the dogs are cold. It's a real Cold the hot dogs pack slopes is a real thing on fox 13. You probably affected gardenia though True you love hot dogs. Yep. Love hot dog. Love a hot dog. He likes slow Yeah, well, I wouldn't say slurp I punch

Really, what's your first attack on a hot dog? Do you actually just to taste it? Do you just put your lips around? I just kiss it real quick Do you slap it get it going? Yeah, slap it against my face What do you think would happen? What do you think would happen if you were just like hanging out with like, you know The folks or whatever and you had a hot dog and you just just real quick. We're like I just took the tip in and just didn't say anything I don't know. I'm not sure. Yeah, they feel Phil will make

A plate of like 40 hot dogs And it's like dude, no one wants these fucking hot dogs And then I'll just stand there and just slurp them down If I walked over and deep turned a hot dog in front of Phil He'd be here. He'd be fucking hit my arm. What the hell? What are you doing? You're fucking off like a month. Yeah, baby. You coming one of those throat goop masks. You just like You don't know the throat goop mask

No, it's like It's a ski mask with like a a mouth hole cut out in it. Like You guys don't know throat goops. You guys gotta get the you guys gotta look up some throat goops, dude It's just head porn. Yeah Yeah Sounds good. She ain't coming like a throat goop. Yeah slurping blizzies No, if you just if you just gave it like a mile just a taste if you just poked the dog out from the bun and just went Pasted it and popped the back. Yeah, I was checking it out. Just sucked it down in front of your pop

Or you split it She loves to be in the middle and eat it. She loves me No, if you're hanging is there like a legitimately is there a penalty if you're hanging out with little kids like a family party Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, I start throwing hot dogs. You just gotta be ready for the little kids I eat my hot dogs like this vertically That would be the best can't that would be the best You eat them like corn That'd be the best cancel of all if you were just throwing hot dogs in front of kids and kids started doing it

You're opening up burgers like you're eating pussy. Yeah That and you had to just be like, I'm sorry. I'm learning. I'm gonna You gotta get your burger on a on a plate put it on the floor lay down with your ass up Like you're praying to mecca and start sucking that thing like it's a pussy. Oh my god The kids fired up You gotta get naked to eat it. You're gonna spread your asshole That'd be that's like a good party trick Hold fucking strawberries up

So you gotta do that the reunion. That's not illegal again. It's it's all about what's illegal It's not illegal to fucking you can eat your hot dog. You need as sexually as you want as at a child's party. That's what I'm saying So you can be as sexual as you want just about no physical touching exactly I Get milk out of the fridge is just I think you're not I think if you were to splash milk on your pants and be like, oops Yeah, guys, doesn't this look like semen But it's not illegal people. Let me tell you what semen is in terms of like a legal jurisdiction

They couldn't do anything to you. They would probably slowly be like, dude, you can't I'm sorry, but you can't go The fact that you have to be sexual when you eat in front of my kids We don't want you here anymore. I like food, dude. I love food We can't take legal action against you nor can we report you to the authorities, but We don't think that you should come to these parties anymore. You're like, what? I love those fucking parties, dude You just send them videos then. Is this because I'm gay? Yeah, then you got them Now you've got them

Oh, because I'm gay. I'm not safe to be around your kids. Okay. Yeah That's fucked up. No gay kids. No gay guys. My last kids, dude. I'm just trying to eat a hot dog the way I like to eat a hot dog Just raking your teeth. Just raking your teeth along a frog, frankly my uh Dude, I eat grapes really I eat grapes Like very sensual. Yeah, you got like I like to peel the skin off. Oh, dude. Can you get me fucking hard? Don't look me in the eye when you do that Dude, that's a shame

I Did yeah, that used to be my favorite thing and then you chewed just the skin Yeah, it's got a nice taste the worst part. I want to get to the flesh. I deal with the skin to get to the flesh Okay, well, you're the man Okay, well then you're the coolest I'm saying we're all different and it's time you guys accept me No, dude rushing number one. There was a girl my my cousin's but mayor you better knock that off, dude My cousin's girlfriend

Slurped a hot dog at the tailgate sucked the meat out of the skin, dude Yeah, wait, what? No name tailgate my girl my cousin's girlfriend Slurped the meat out of the dog, dude. How that you can do that. She was showing out, dude She did show out and I think he was upset. I think he was like what the fuck That's for me. That's everybody else was like First off Ew

The innards of the dog is disgusting. Yeah, I don't like hot dogs in general We're talking about the stuff the stuff not the skin not the case. She just swallowed it sucked the in the meat, dude When you say sucked in you mean like it was gone like a tube like a tube of a hot dog And then she was a hollow dog after it was the condom sucked it out. That's a pro She's a goat. She needs one of those masks, dude Yeah, they're still together. Yeah, I think I think I mean obviously dumb dumb question. Sorry. She probably gotta go Yeah, once you saw that he was like gonna wipe her up Damn

Yeah, it's pretty off-putting What was her end game like I suck dick so good everybody nobody thought it it wasn't about sucking dick I mean it is but once she did it. Yeah, of course it is But when she was doing it she wasn't doing it like guys watch how sexual this is she was like here's something I can do Look how powerful everyone was kind of like I want to see the I need to I need to see this to I can't I'm having a hard time Can you give me a video? Just sucked all the skin off and it was just no no the skin stayed on it's like a fucking tube

Of she sucked all the insides out left the skin Are you talking about like a roller-burger? Was this a cheese dog? A hot dog, dude But all the it's one thing is just it's a case like a sausage. Yeah the casing stayed the meat was in That darker part of a hot dog is a casing the outside of a hot dog is a casing. Okay. I didn't I didn't say it's a sausage It's like a meat. Yeah, it's a brown dog. When I burn a dog. Where's the casing go? Did it melt? No, it's it hardens the black charge Some of the hot dogs don't have the casing the casing is edible. I think I've never had a casing hot dog, dude Maybe I don't I'm not you know, I don't want to be difficult, but I don't think I've ever had a casing

Maybe I don't think you're being just like the casing out of a sausage Or or maybe someone maybe there's somebody sucking the casing off all my hot dogs. I didn't know First In your own family, I got an idea who it is. Don't you dare, dude, don't you dare? No, I was gonna say Billy Billy's a throat goat He used to do a party trick when family parties we would take a cupcake and just go billy goat, dude He's the billy goat, dude. Billy used to be able to swallow cupcakes whole. You can probably still do it Billy's a throat goat, dude

He could take that's girth too, dude a cupcake. That's girth Wider than hell Are you wider than a cake a cupcake? No your penis. Yeah. No. No. What are we talking? You can flare your ball the skin of your balls too I count That's my move in a urinal, dude the velociraptor Someone's in case someone's peeking me. I just fucking fan out Like the Jurassic Park dinosaurs the spitter

I do I want to get I want to patent a technology that like just blocks perfect old view from ever So you can you can purely be in peace. It's it's terrible a dog cone. Yeah have pure protection to pee Yeah, I do it. Dude. Every time I piss at the stand, it's always next to somebody that's like, yo great show I'm a big fan and then the urinals are right next to each other And I'm like, dude, this guy's definitely gonna see my fucking tiny penis And then go over and be like, he's got such a small penis. That's all it Yeah, I'm gonna be ruined Because right now my reputation is purely on that. I have a huge dick. Yeah, dude

You john mayer Yeah, who else is it? Who else is a homie lee? Tommy lee pete davidson. Gardini pete davidson. Guard dog actually has a huge penis I saw it. I fucking I did this at the stand with gardeners. What the fuck? True I am under cyber attack right now. Oh, yeah What happened there? Nothing. It's just spam email. I see that might be the real deal Podcast I'm more of a podcast. I can read it. Would you like to hear? Yeah, please? I want to hear this in verbatim. Okay

Also, what were the what were you doing? What did he say he caught you doing? Uh nasty acts masturbating. That's all he said. He didn't specify. He didn't say masturbating. He said master no masturbating But he didn't specify when Further or like why It was he hacked in your webcam. He hacked into my webcam. So he said sometimes your nasty habits can destroy your life Think about it And at this point i'm thinking about

Because of because of your love for self-pleasure i'm getting to feel disgusting when looking at you through your web camera Everyone sometimes pleasures him or herself, but why do it so much as you do? I'm going to give you chargeless advice Take control over your online safety. In fact I have no I have no intention to dole out advice. You have 42 hours to satisfy these requirements Sends me some weird link

And that says 1044 us dollars If I don't get my money within 84 hours, your contact list will see the video clip I shot Wow, dude, you got to do like a benefit show True Yeah, I should benefit show Where it goes. I want to see where this guy's from. I want to put it out myself and become kim Kardashian Oh, you could send him a picture A fake picture obviously photoshop yourself naked and be like do your worst

True Maybe I think it's his name is andre pa dia send him a picture of buck angel True What's his email? What's his email? Should I dox him? Well, I mean well tell me after and I'll help you find him if you want. Thanks Yeah, we can't yeah, yeah, so I haven't heard from him yet, but um He's on it, dude. He's on it. Yeah, so everyone in my contacts prepare to see the sexiest video ever

In 42 hours, it has to be one part of you. That's like, oh, shit. Oh, dude. I told Matt I masturbated twice yesterday and I told I told everyone not just man I masturbated twice yesterday, but I did put tape over my camera each time. Yeah, you better now Yeah, I'll try to take better care. He gave me advice That's totally okay The foot I was laughing pretty hard at the footage of myself from my selfie camera Because I don't beat off on my laptop

Yeah, it's just the It's my cell phone. So it's just uh My penis isolated in my face isolated on the other side. I think about it Yeah, but I think about that cam the double straight on parents. It's tough. I suffer the parents to get that grandma That was my boss somebody up your boss boss is ideal though True I might get a raise now, but if that email found its way to like Phil for example, that'd be a big problem. He'd be tricked. Well too bad he's

I mean Phil's probably got like 1044 us dollars to spare though, but he would yeah, he would be tricked into paying That's what I'm saying. That's the phone. He's down his office down his office down the basement Just he must be cranking them out dude. I was a little scared myself. Yeah, I'm sure you were Wait, dude, I told you the one time I was in Spain. I was whacking off on pornhub in the Yeah, I got one of those like this is child porn fucking authorities are on their way No, it's not And I delete I close the window and went for a walk Yeah, yeah, you gotta go for a walk dude

Related to email walked my dog You gotta go for a walk You know, I'm not nasty. You're a sad music playing behind you. You're looking at the water. Just like, what do I do? Yeah, what do I do now? I can't be the only one that would know Ralph is the only one that wouldn't see the video and the dog. I know a dude that happened to him real life True that dog seen you masturbate more than anybody on my dog is nasty, dude If the door is open, he'll try to smell my pee pee and stuff like that. Jesus. Jesus You know dogs don't do that try to smell my dick

No, but I mean I don't know if I'm taking like a shit. I guess they've come up before. Yeah, that's what I mean Yeah, I'll come check out your dick for sure But I don't put myself in those positions To have your dog check out your dick. Yeah Do you ever masturbate in bed next to your dog? Absolutely not. Why was this disgusting in the room? Yeah Eat freak out. No, they wouldn't know. No, they chill. They chill out. They have a decent idea. They have an idea of what's going on They're cool. They'll give you a little look that little side. Uh, yeah, they don't like it. They don't care at all

They're like you let me do it. I'm gonna let you do it. Yeah, I've had a lot of coitus with cats around Yeah, cats are watching from the closet And just curged up on a thing Cats don't mind taking a look cats are cunts. I don't mind that but uh, I do feel bad that the cats have to Have to see me really they love it. It's nature, dude. They don't mind it Well, if they don't mind then I don't mind but I just don't want to Cats are boy hairs, dude. You know watch the movie cats Or the play cat. Yeah, they're all fruits

And fruity ass cats Yeah, well guys, where are we at? I think we're done. We're over Oh, we're done. I got a piece so bad. I got a piece so bad. I got a piece of peaches and cream guys Motherfucking patchy on what are you uh, lemair what you got to plug bruh? Oh, dude March 27th at city winery in philadelphia. I'm hosting a show there with Tyler Rothrock Please come through and then panties in the mouth podcast. Please listen to that Uh, it's fun. We're having a we're having another big titty brawl soon. So please check that out

What's a big titty brawl? It's uh, it's just swindler and andy fight each other It's what we play video games against you. It's when we compete. That's what we call big titty brawl Yeah, and yeah patreon.com slash pitm. Please Yikes, it'll probably come out tomorrow or thursday. Yeah, tomorrow. Um, I'll be at levity live the third fourth and fifth Then 17th 18th night never mind sold out 24 25th 26th of march. I'll be at the edmonton House of comedy in canada

Damn i'm going up there to support And then the 7th 8th and 9th of april. I'll be at the palm beach improv Florida 14th 15th and 16th. I'll be at raleigh's good night's comedy club Go ahead. North carolina. Here we go 22 23 nashville. I'll be in nashville then 28 29 30th indianapolis Dude, when you go indian

Yeah, baby when you're going overseas. Do that's all that. Um, yeah the 12th I'll be in dublin may 12th. I'll be in dublin the 13th. I'll be nice to London london london's already sold out Dublin hasn't gone on sale yet But by the time this comes out, it should be getting pretty close. Nice, dude. I'll be in buffalo, but 312 march 12th nice buffalo, but new york Uh, also ruthersford, new jersey. That's the mother of all shows. That is that's gotta be close to sold out I don't think so. I bet you it is the nanis comedy club. We've been promoting it 429 430

You'd be surprised 429 430. Also mcgubbies Yeah, mcgubbies is coming up. Uh, when the hell is that? Oh, nice. That was quick. Yeah, that was quick. Yeah, let me say I got mcgubbies up here also Austin right now they're having problems with the hVAC. So I might have to reschedule austin To like move that back to just like a weekday and just move it to the main room. Yeah That actually might not be that bad. Um Um

All right. Yeah, mcgubbies is going to be Oh, here we go 421 the day after Oh my god, I don't know if I'll even be able to make see if you can get a 420 in there That'd be tight. Actually, I'll do it a 420 show. He's probably got somebody for 420 But yeah, 421 mcgubbies and baltimore slash timonium timonium. Maryland dude get down there That's one show and again. I'll let people know what's going on with austin. I might have to switch it around But who knows dude? Who the fuck knows?

Although that will open it up to more people if we get to use the main room because We're at Awesome cap city. Yeah, it'll be nice main room during the middle of the week. That'd be pretty sick actually so Go to msecretpodcast.com. Click on dates Yeah to get the dates. I'm very sleepy guys I'm basically At ukrainian. I'm at war

with like 13 boxes That's tough. Yeah, well, let's see myself. We gotta do the patreon. Yes Goodbye. I gotta gotta be