Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 386 - Cursed Is The Man (feat. Mike Rainey, Jon DelCollo, & Charles Blyzniuk)

Episode Date: March 9, 2022

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod What TF is rly gud !! New Stuu. A bit early. No big deal. Shane's hittin' the slopes so 3hree elite bros in Mike Jon and mf Blyzz join the shaman for the first offical cast in our new Philly HQ. Bless you all, please enjoy. Blyz patreon.com/theblyzard Mike & Jon patreon.com/lilstinkers Shows mssecretpodcast.com/dates/ shanemgillis.com/ Support the show by downloading the DraftKings Sportsbook app, and use promo code DRENCHED to get $200 in free bets when you spend $5 Support the show and get 20% Off with the code DRENCHED at Lucy.co Support the show by going to https://sheathunderwear.com and use promo code DRENCHED to get 20% off your first order.

Wow wow Damn, dude, I think probably never jumped that high Got deep palms. What's up dudes? What's up? Like for having us man. Hello Charles motherfucking bliznick Thank you for having me podcast Shane's on a little ski trip. I'm here in the news, dude New Philadelphia headquarters, dude. I feel I was good. Thank you. You got the pussy eating chairs, dude We should we should all get blacked right Yeah, when you buy these chairs, you know how when you go to like the mattress through you lay down you're like, yeah I can do this

Yeah, it's a work. I'm gonna buy a new genre just for podcasters getting blacked Yeah, I had a feeling welcome to the good basement on the way black for something Reg black regger raw reg. I don't like roll black for all is for absolute animals Yeah, blacked rolls too much like a folding chair. I need the storyline. I need like a bratty wife to be like Not just some like chicken a hotel getting like no, can you be braddy? What does wrong in this sense blacked roll there's there's like Okay, so no so regular I'm pretty sure her regular Regular black is like narrative driven. Yes, and then it's like production high production

Yeah, and it's not it's like and then blacked are always filmed like like a DC It's like it's like all like dark and then there's like There's like a flashlight Yeah, it's all found footage It's just some lady like oh my god, I'm in this hotel It's just that running shot of like Although I will say this I wish you did keep the bisexual lighting to know ahead on what we got here. That's true We had I mean we could have filmed euphoria for men. Oh

euphoria It's me That would be pretty tight actually with the power we'll mess with the lighting for the page We'll go like a little deep purple. Yeah, another great idea, too. Yeah euphoria Just but it's all 40 year old dudes being like terrible gay sluts. Yeah Just like one workplace. It's like, I don't know. It's like takes a pill and like blows some dude There can't be anything worse than admitting cheating to your wife with another dude. Oh Yeah, I mean, well, I don't know getting caught doing it. Yes

So sorry, I'm gay. I'm so gay. I'm so well actually I don't know getting caught doing it might be better cuz it's like look Yeah, it's pretty plain to see the band-aids off True and you have your boy there to defend you I He wasn't even gay when you guys met you fucking bother. Yeah, who do you defend? It's like your gay lover socks your wife. Do you fend defend him or her? That's quite a dilemma. She walked in was being a bitch. Obviously you got his back

You already have Dude imagine you're with your boy your wife comes in like oh my god I'm done with this shit. Yeah, I'm fucking gay I'm being fucking gay with my boy. Yeah, boy. So are we gonna combine our bank accounts and be fucking loaded? He doesn't spend frivolously Fuck dude imagine if you locked eyes with your wife while you're a gay coming You know what a dog takes a shit and looks you right in the eye Oh

Because he knows he's vulnerable True just like when you're coming in your boy's ass true Well, we were coming up here in the elevator a dog really took a liking to John. Yeah, he was never I got the elevator He's fucking tailwind. Yeah, I would say he chose me, but I don't know Matt He tail whipped hard, but I think he I Think he sniffed me sniffed all of us and then got John and was like what a great group of guys And then he whipped his tail It was like a brown people. Yeah, it was like a weird. Oh pit bull. No, it wasn't a full pit bull

It was like an SPCA had pit in it. Yeah, one of those. Yeah, I would have chosen to put it down, but Dangerous as hell. That dog was dangerous. Why can't she wait for that the elevator come back dude? Yeah, that was a lot. Yeah, she was trying to get whited You saw the White roar or white rake No, I would have the storyline pop and dude I'm like, I think your dog chose me That's actually hot one elevator from the lobby

There are one elevator per wings. This is one wing of the building. Okay. Yeah, this building a little fun fact The building we're now used to be an insane asylum very spook crazy And I said this really got mad. It's like this looks like Gotham He did then he's like used to be insane at times. So I was like Arkham Arkham, dude It's nice that they let the insane people have their own fires in their quarters You had to although This could have been like the you know could have been set up. This could have been like the orderly quarters. You know what I mean? Saint the insane the insane those are probably down the basement

We definitely walk through the area where they were like lobotomizing people for sure No, that's really down there. They're probably doing it in the woods around here Do you think maybe that's why the dog was going nuts because he felt an apparition? Possibly. I mean my dogs come here and they freaked the fuck out There's probably tons of crazy ghosts. What do you think he freaked out because he knew his owner was about to get whited by us true Was that a boy dog or a girl dog? I thought it was a girl. She had girl. If it was a girl I would have both of them

There's too many guys here for that dog I That should be whited come over like a little bit of dog play. It's the same thing There's a little bit of dog play nothing nothing illegal nothing illegal, but just like uh, just make it out Just like sex with a platonic play with a dog It was like petting it like rolling a ball to it and just getting sucked It's actually yeah, that's fair. I mean if you're not eating a peanut butter and the peanut butter just happens to be on your Dicking balls. Yeah, that's a big oops. I spilled it, but I don't want to waste it

Well, can a dog you can't I think by law you're not allowed to penetrate a dog But a dog can definitely lick something off your body. Yeah, like a dog can't not like it seems like the cops could walk in Guns drawn and they don't have shit to say That's one of those situations where like a lady thinks she has fucking good intel and they bust in they're like god damn it Yeah Must have fucking got out of here No, I think you're just not allowed to penetrate your dog, or I don't think you're allowed to suck your dogs a dick I Think there's just no general play because you could do you can do a heavy glove on can you drink them off?

If you're in a veterinarian parking lot, I think you're No, I think cuz you can do pretty heavy petting with your dog you can spoon You might be able to fuck him if you got the dog catcher loop over him and you're still able to put your dick in his butt That might be the loophole you do everything besides all the way you just can't go all the way with your dog What if you get hard while you're expressing their anal glands? That's on you all right, but I'm not going to jail for that I want to bring my dog to the vet and to do that like express the anal glands and jump in front of it I have a cousin

We used to hang out with her all the time we were kids and when her cat was in heat She used to stick a pencil in its pussy What to relieve it of its symptoms to relieve her of her symptoms probably So she would why why you have to wait till the cats and heat is it supposed to like completely locked down? It will come out sharpened Why in heat though, I guess I guess because she was like yowling Just trying to get waited the cat the cat was being fresh as hell Cats penises have like a prong or something. I think they're barbed barbed. Yeah

Sadly, probably wasn't there like I'm done with that pencil Trill your cat's penis is like a Joker. You got to do one of that Yeah, you got it. You got to do one of the five-color bicks. Like, you know, there's like silly pens Yeah, that's the worst part about fucking the cat is like when it looks back at you and let you know that you're not even coming Close to pleasing it. Yeah, Trill What is this? This is fill you up. Mr. This will you up fudge? I Mean that would rock a cat's world

Weird cat take your whole life and you get this like a fucking Animal perspective, I mean the cats in heat is gonna be like, okay, yeah, not what I was expecting but I ain't mad God dude, that's a lot for yeah, it looked like a snake swallowing and Like an animal what what a dick going into a cat. Yeah, dude, it'd be fucking cats are a lot of work, man They'd be gripping It'd be on his back. Just like oh showing you where you were Is that why you kept your cats fucking pervert No, I'm telling you you can be as sexual as you want with your cats

You just can't pen you can't penetrate. They are sexual animals. It's time. We should tell people, you know, we should spread the word I think we are doing Yeah, like yeah, yeah, there's a lot of people listening to this looking at their cat a little differently You're gonna check your analytics and it's gonna be like twice the downloads with this episode What's the Nambla for like just like like stroking it with your you know Association National meow boy Let's just do cat cuddle club and then it's like spell it with like three K's or something

Just to be like quirky, you know true just to take the KKK that'd be a good thing to take them out like no We don't fuck cats. Yeah, that's not what your website says. It's not with all the stickers on the back of my car, so You have good-looking dogs Matt Jackson's pretty handsome Matilda if I was drunk When I have a couple of me Matilda starts looking pretty good I've come home a couple nights from dinner like two glass of wine deep me like damn Till is a good-looking dog That would be the one for that for the lady to walk into just be like what what's up? It makes me happy

Well by law I'm allowed to go to third base What's the penalty for real? What's the penalty for like for beastie out? What's none? I'm not full beastie out You just like fucking around But they take you to the pound Okay, not fine. We said we know we already established that's illegal we were gonna do that Yeah, that's not happening over here like heavy bedding Maybe some light fake stuff like femdom just fucking extra time in the cage

Well, no a Jesus man, what about exposing yourself? What if my dog, okay, yes, I'm never gonna call how far up on my leg and I put the Nutella Knee is fine, but Yeah, you're saying Gouge is no man's land enough No, no you're saying this like a dog I Mean of course well common pizza I think animals are fruit snacks

Send a couple little boys in a cat that would be sick you have that much power you're like Is that where the convoy was in DC this weekend? Yeah, that's true. They're there mostly to fuck their pets and not To stand and sell solidarity with the Canadian brethren that I don't know who's freakier truckers or that high-powered Dems They're both sexual perverts 1,000 percent Republicans. They just love their wives. Do that's it In New Mexico, it's totally okay everything goes Can you look up praises to Santa Fe for me I'm gonna start a literal bunny ranch

I Imagine that you could fuck a rabbit and eat it totally legal when you get there. They just walk all the dogs out They do all their tricks right in front of you, I think I'm gonna write homework bound three for real I think that's what I've watched homework bound one and two like 40 times That's some solid footage of the Syrian about a mountain range Talking to no one one. Yeah, two's lost in San Francisco. Excuse me. There's no mountain lines in San Francisco, Matt Dude the best part of homework bound if you guys watch HP one recently a couple years ago Yeah, homework bound one there's a part the whole the whole story line is pretty funny

Because there's a family who thinks their dogs are dead the entire time. There's just a stepdad who's new to the family being like I Think they're all right. He calls people. They're like, there's no fucking way these dogs are alive So the kids don't accept them at one point the kids have a change of heart and they're like, all right, dad And the dude just perks up and he goes I Saw the witch doctor. He told me what they do. Oh, that's what he wanted. It was so fucking funny I don't remember that part. It's like a dramatic musical. No, they're leaving the vet They're they're leaving the shelter because they were just in the shelter, but they escaped. Yes

Yeah, the fat baby guard couldn't catch chance, of course. Well chance thought he was dying and you know shadow It's like, oh my god, he's broken out sassy came broke him out So they all get out of there, but the people did see him so they had hope so they finally accept their stepdad They're like, they're basically praising him being like, thank you so much. And he just pauses. He's like, I saw the witch doctor He breaks in a song. They all started singing And then they get there and the dogs are still gone again and the dogs. Yeah, the kid thinks his dogs are dead again But yeah, I don't find them you can spoil it for me. I haven't seen in a while. That's it That's the only funny part. It's not gonna be that parts are gonna be funny to literally anybody at all

They said a peanut butter trap I Guess scarecrow in the woods with peanut butter, although they do save kids every in every movie They like save a kid. Oh, they pop in and like find a kid in the woods save a kid from a burning house That's what they should have done with the comic pizza kids. There's just said a bunch of cats and dogs in there 101 Dalmatians Like has the kid in its mouth Yeah, that's the island was pretty much remaking 101 Dalmatians every now and again the may would come out

And that seems just like Brings out a dead kid He blows it But you rescue you I'm sorry Prince Andrew proud that one true Prince Andrew be the Wait, he was he was the teen girl fucker, right? Andrew was the teen girl fucker well, let's be fair He just settled outside of court for a large amount of money to put this behind him Okay, yeah, give them the benefit of the doubt. I didn't fuck a team, right?

Maybe he just paid, you know, maybe Teens right They're all under 18. I don't know. I gotta imagine saying younger than teens was it thing I'm gonna imagine you got an island has like Russian nesting dolls Yeah, you got to imagine somebody yeah, they're not gonna be like whoa hold on bud We don't do that here. You know how you go to like in pervert island. It's true Yeah, you go to like Buffalo Wild Wings you can ask for off the menu items Yeah, I want the five chili like we it's not on the menu. I know you got five alarm chili

Well, I know the staffs got that hot hot sauce back there Imagine how exciting that is. Well, like you guys have this that's not on the menu. Yeah. I mean, they're like, yeah, we got it Yeah, we still have some left Let me go check the back That's got to be really awkward though because like when a child sex slave enters your quarters There's probably a little bit of like It's like a food challenge a little bit of like light chatter just kind of like Playing any good games these these days

Just get a shadow Elden Ring yet Hey, bud, just like hey bud just finishing up an episode of which is a way of reading plays if you want to join me I See really wicked. No, can you cancel John's ticket to Santa fang in one of the Epstein Islands? You'd be good there. There's gotta be people hit that fucking running like that landing way every now and again Like right when I was going down who are like, oh, no, no, no, no Actually, we'll just be out of gas in the sky. I don't care. How sick do you think the arcade was at Epstein Island? It's probably was just legends of the Hidden Temple. That's probably where they filmed it

What was that one or that was that one arcade game on Nickelodeon kid arcade arcade? Yeah, where you got to like be in the game in the video games talking about this the other day. Yeah, is that game over? Is that a movie? That might be a movie There was a there was a show on Nickelodeon where you got to be in a video game. Yeah, Nick arcade Yeah, yeah, you had to like win at a real video game in the beginning Yep, and then if you won you got to be like B wasn't the prize like a trip to like to Epstein I Yeah, that was Prince Andrews like apology was so fucking funny for that. He's like I admit

I let the guard down as I let my side down. That was his apology He's like I mean it must be like an English expression for being like Yeah, yeah, it's like yeah, I fucking I fucked up. I goofed Messed up. All right. We're only human I goofed a couple hundred times over the course of a few decades. I'm sorry dude Bill Gates his wife Not to get this into a political space Bill Gates his wife came out and we're like I'll let Bill explain his His relationship like why we're divorced She get the divorce this through it's I think it's been through but she was there she got out

She did like a big interview And they were like like what's good with him and Epstein? She was like I met Epstein once and was like yo that guy she said her quote her quote was evil personified Oh, no, like don't hang out with that dude Yeah, I mean I I would assume I don't know She's got a good normal person. It was like the fuck. Yeah, you know the fucking villa like a vicious pedophile Yeah, she knew she knew yeah, she knew that Bill had the quarter holster at the Epstein arcade He probably had the any problem that was probably like the high level you got to like open up the thing and be like

No, it's taking the tickets out dude. Oh, you didn't hit the 50 pop it open Rules But yeah, no, apparently she was like I'll let Bill Bill can explain his relationship with Epstein and I'm betting he hasn't yet He said he was like I was fundraising You know billionaires go around they're like I fucking need money so bad Fundraising for medicine Was Chris Tucker just so high on fucking Tucker was there Yeah, that's my yeah, that's my favorite of the flay logs. Yeah, they might have brought him down there just to come down

They bring a kid in the room for Jackie Chan. He's like I don't ain't trouble Do you know how to fuck one of these They probably brought him down there for a big Put my dick in his ass I mean if that's how rush hour two got funded then I'm kind of okay with this true That's actually a fair point. So Chris who else was down there Chris Tucker was down there Spacey like yeah, he's a real face. He probably swam there Hold the dolphins

It's like I'm gonna do a parasailing towards like I Came in hot dude. Oh man. I would love to see like the deposition just to see who took the most fucked-up way to get to Get on the plane, you know, what's it? What's the what's the most difficult way that you took to get there fanboat? Yeah, what'd you say? Just you yeah, yeah, spacey probably stormed it like D-day No private Ryan, they're just walking around picking up their boys arms like spacey's just walking around picking up kids dicks They'll never get old just goof like what really happened there. Maybe it was all innocent

Maybe everyone's wrong. Maybe people just keep killing themselves in their cell because they're just misunderstood They actually weren't pedophiles because jail is just so bad I mean if you're not being in jail, you know, he's like, I just had a fun place for my friends to hang out What the hell everything's on a pedophile. I'm gonna hang myself Well, I hope nobody's I'm none of the guards are looking while I hang myself And then his buddy hung himself to same circumstances. Yeah, he somehow looted French guy Some Luke some yeah, so French pedophile just kind of

You know It was like number three after ghee Lane, right Lane, what's he doing? I can't say her name, right? It's got to be jizz Lane Yeah, John Lee Burdell. He's a Frenchman. Apparently he was tied into the whole pedophile business It's a sick business if you ask me they should had to be he was like tried in America, right? I feel like France was like Oh, yeah, is that what those people at the mall were trying to get me into Yeah, yeah, that's actually yes because Abercrombie is less stop Waxner And then they were yeah, didn't they do did you say that your mall where they were like you can be a model if you

Just take your shirt off and stand by the entrance. How is it not illegal? That's me Teenage boys, yeah, I didn't get the invite, but they had a teenage boys They should have done more body positivity at Abercrombie. That would be cool. Yeah some fat boys just some young They should do that at Coles Matt. You got the invite still eating you got the invite. No, hell. No fucking invite Did you really you fucking that's good, I like that you get it on video you put it on youtube They're really good guard dog like you're deviously handsome though. I could picture you being able to get away with it for a little while Yeah, yeah somewhere though. Do you have good amps?

Yeah, he's got groundskeeper Willie body under that shirt That's where I recognize you from what do you think was would be worse like if you had to go to like Fucking Epstein cave in Antarctica or Epstein Island? Where would you rather get molested? We had a cave in Antarctica. No, but I'm saying if if you had the option of the two Set me up to say the island's not that bad But warm. Yeah, it's like maybe they got like a some people prefer A snowy retreat and some people prefer a little sun Well, if you're getting butt fucked against your will I would take the cold weather one hoping their penises would be a little bit

Small, yeah, make it like less pleasurable, but you might be in like a hot natural Oh No, it's even bigger than it would be on the island. Yeah, I would take the cold weather. Uh, could you imagine get molested with sunburn? Dude, I would just sunburn I would cook myself in the sun to be peeling to be a mass like chat lips I didn't think about that. Yeah, like the medics got a comment. It's like he labels you un-molestable for like four days I'll tell you what guys speaking of little boys. Matt and Shane secret podcast is proud to be brought to you by sheath underwear What's going on in your underwear guys? If you reach your hand down your pants Your pants nobody else's

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People molesting dogs like don't mean and going all the way with them. Not just like, you know, not just not getting there Established is cool. Yeah. Not. I mean to stay within the law. Just grooming them. Yeah. I'm like an old testament I I like the old testament rule back then before Jesus came across and like like when it was just follow the rules Don't question them Good, what do you think the old testament had to say about molesting dogs? They probably didn't give a fuck To be honest If you fucked the dog, I mean they would probably be like, you know, you probably wouldn't be able to become like the highest level priest or whatever

But you could probably have a nice farm like yeah, he fucks his dogs or whatever You think when like dog fucking became a problem somebody went to God was like, yeah, we should really add an 11th commandment True. Maybe that's what the golden cap Oh Oh Really He didn't hear me the first time Exodus 2219 is the first one

Okay, so they're I mean that's Now that it's in the but now that i'm seeing it in God's word that makes perfect sense I take back everything I said on the spot everything even about the peanut butter But what which section of the bible like where's that from? Exodus, bro. It's early Oh, wow What What if uh

Is your lady allowed to get stuffed by the dog? Yeah, Leviticus was in the horse pool So exodus, that's when they were wandering the desert. They just got freed. Yeah, that was like Knock it off. Yeah, people are trying to sleep. These are just fucking donkeys like what? There's literally no rules against this. They're like that's death penalty. I'm trying to sleep and you're coming loud over with this sheep But women can That makes sense and the wife I'm sure Even if she was gone, so just just so you're saying in both things the bible is clear from old testament onward No, fucking animals

Wow, oh, yeah Cursin is the man who has sexual relations with that. I might get that tatted dude I might get what is exactly is like deuteronomy 18 I might get that tatted Deuteronomy Cursin is the man who has sex with any animal any fucking animal Yeah, and that's competition. That's the latest one. Yeah, dude imagine the guy who got who got the last one written about it Or she's like, he was just fucking the shit out of it. Like he must have went ham. That dude was so cursing, dude

What book is deuter in Older now that's old. That's ot. I thought that's ot right dude's ot I think deuter i'm i think new testament says something like The yorkie is the original fleshlight or something like that if it's yorkie you can porky Guard dog. What is the karan say about dog fucking? Oh, definitely not dude. It's like you better not you devil Dude, yeah, don't you dare? I'm pretty sure every single religion forbids Dude, it's so funny that that was a thing like the spiritual traditions had to like tackle head on be like, all right

We got to do something about this. This is a fucking problem Yeah, it wasn't a commandment though. They didn't that's why they had it. Yeah, this is like the bill of rights Obviously, you know, they had to like flesh that out an amendment Yeah, you can't do that. What curse it is the man who has sex with Oh, come on All right, what does the tourist say about it? Cursing is he who curses his father

Okay, what if you're yelling out a lies name while you're fucking people What's L. Ron Hubbard had to say about it Well, dude, you know, what's got to be fucking in the future, right? I was reading yesterday I was reading yesterday about like the old like ancient hinduism back in like bc era Like, you know, I always saw like we talked about like yogis and stuff like oh dude like so chill Just like chillin on a mountain dude. They were like up until I think the 1800s. They're doing human sacrifices in India According to this book, I should say and the the yogis would fucking

So they would sacrifice a human and the yogis would eat their lungs would fry their lungs up and eat them And like they what happened was in 1830 the English were over there Colonized and being bad boys, but they needed to I think in Calcutta And again, I'm just going off this book But Calcutta was the like the the central deity there was Cali the goddess of destruction Who like you really needed to give like good human sacrifices every now and again And like dude, they were like you weren't supposed to do it But every now and again people were like super religious like dude

We got to fucking cut someone's head off and give it to Cali and they took four Englishmen They kidnapped poor Englishmen and then the English like where the fuck those guys go and they investigate it They're like, yeah, we cut their heads off and they were like you guys no more. No, none of this anymore Leftover lung It was pretty funny. I was laughing about that last night. I've been told 1835 Well, what 1835 when did when did the Salem witch trials and the shit stop 1600s? Pretty much it right around there. Yeah, so I mean No, it was like we there we had

150 years before that, right? I gotta I want I want to I wanted uh, I want to charge someone with witchcraft. There's somebody in my woods I'm dead serious. I thought about this recently dude. Where are your woods? So there's a stretch of woods near my house Well, right now we're living in a temporary place because our house is getting all like Remodeled at the top levels getting remodeled. So we're in a temporary setup But I would frequent in these woods before that. That's how I know about them. So if you go up kelly drive

There's a little sliver of woods So there's a little like If you're on like, where the fuck is this? If you're on like 29th street And like I don't know what that would be right right off where like, uh Callow Hill me. I don't know where it is. It's around 29th where there's like green stairway that goes over the train tracks I chill in those woods. So if you guys want to meet me in those woods, I'm there For the next two months, I'll be there every night letting my dog shit. You have to find me. I'll be there

But there's a witch in those woods Dude because someone and someone brought up my someone brought up to my attention someone's spacing out white powder Like evenly in little in like a little trail. I want to rehab for that Ha ha ha ha ha ha Might not be witches Yeah, true you might have been a warlock Oh my god But then there's there's like a fucking evil house of sticks too. Oh

In the I oh that's like someone's practicing. We and dude. There's other shit There's like little shrines and like there's like carved out hollows of trees a little like Shrines. There's a fucking witch in those woods on the boathouse side of the scoogle Not on the other side, right? Yeah. Yeah. It's on the city side of it. Yeah There's like little uh Freaky shit not far from here. Do you like east falls? Nobody believes me? I saw a fucking native american one time full headdress Sitting in a teepee and I thought I was lose. I thought I fucking lost my mind

In those woods in the whistahicking now. These are deeper woods. I was in yeah If you're d. I was in pens woods. That's what pennsylvania means by the way I know that would you guys want to go down to the woods and rearrange all these bones? What do you want to go down to the woods and rearrange all the bones? I might start I might start sprinkling a different color powder just to try to Subdue her witchcraft I'm gonna call the cops on her crush up some matter on it. That's creating over to mr. Bean I might subdue her witchcraft

I'm gonna find her and throw in the scoogle So you weren't playing when you posted that picture asking people if they dared you to go into the darkness Yeah, dude. I was entering. I was in the witches woods That was that light coming from Tracks if you see the light, that's where I chill you go over those tracks It's a well lit area, but only for a little bit then you can walk into like dark wood I'm gonna buy a witch's costume and come find you one night. Dude. I'm telling y'all attack. I will attack Yeah, you'll get I'll attack

Yeah, I hold it down. I'm still on I'm on Salem style dude if I see a witch I'm I'm gonna at least subdue her and tie her up until the authorities come until the original religious authorities come I'm gonna steaming cauldron Fucking newt size dude, you're gonna You're not gonna mistake me. I like I I like I like how you changed it to newt size instead of I It's like that's like the that's like the wing stop version Matt if I may I sure bring up a piece of your history. Yes, didn't you go on a date with the witch? Yes, blizz. I did. I didn't know right right. Yes. Exactly right. Yeah, are you picking you're picking blizz up good, right?

Make sure it's okay. Can you hear me? Okay. Yes. I uh, I want to say that again Yes, blizz. We'll talk about my most shameful uh, most shameful. You don't need to I just wanted to not do I don't care I've talked about this a hundred times. Okay. I countered a fucking total witch 1000% witch. Maybe it's her She could be her it could be her dude But you guys broke up who got the brew we We never went on another date. She tried to seduce me. Oh, yeah, dude. Could you feel a spell? Squirting vids homemade squirting vids

Whoa Yeah, only witches can square it. That's for sure. That's 100% that's an imagine the horror in 1635 your wife squirts on you You're like, holy shit It was the coolest thing ever. It was the coolest thing ever but fuck Fuck that sauce Matt after you'd make her come what she turned into a bag We never had sex. We didn't even kiss even though I thought about kissing her, but I didn't Why didn't you kiss her pretty witch? Well, she I don't want to you know I don't want to be smirks this lady, but it was not the most difficult thing not to restrain myself, but

But I am a hot-blooded man. I have a very strong libido. So but the problem was she was also somewhat I'm gonna say somewhat. I've talked about this before but she was something of a Nazi sympath. She was a hitler sympathizer. She looked like a bet midler witch. Huh like a bet midler witch No, she was She's a latin ex-witch who Wasn't totally against hitler and she made her case to me on the way back after we left Jesus she explained to me like why he was you know Good first aid stuff. It was pretty wild dude. It was it was pretty nuts. She read her um

She had erotica. She like read for me. Oh, that was like it was like demonic erotica. She wrote it. Oh my god She read it was on her phone. She's out now. We're like a crowded little outside bar and people were like hearing her say this and I was like Fuck man. I was it was a that was a weird sent you vids the first squirting. She showed him She was after this after she she read you her friend So she told me no, so it was it was demonic erotica And then she told me she was pro giving uh people with down syndrome lsd. That's something she wanted to do She would give it a try. I mean the lady she was ahead of her. She wasn't in a vehicle. She's a head shaker too She told me that read me her erotica

She told me a very vicious story about a time She did lsd with a gentleman on an online date and then proceeded while they started having sex told him Like you have the smallest penis in the world and I have to stop Oh my god while the guy was tripping and then she took a nap in his apartment And then left It's a witch dude, and I was like you realize you destroyed the man's psyche, right? That's a powerful witch, dude It's just yeah, she just told you that story and you're like oh, so you're a witch. She just Introduced you guys think when latin witches turn 15. They celebrate a kimchi ascara

I think it's a possibility. Yeah, I think so. I think she's so many kids. You're scared, dude But yeah, she did all that she told me about the hillar stuff told me she basically psychologically devastated a stranger for no good reason I can't believe that's a first date conversation We talked about it all I had sex on lsd, and I told the guy it was the smallest penis She said it was so small She had to stop and tell him and tell him and when she woke up from her nap She wanted to be like all right. I'm out of here. He was googling like self-esteem stuff

On acid and then she was like i'm catching an uber. I'm out of here. She didn't think anything was wrong with it I was like you realize you're like no. I was just being honest. It's like Dude, that's a fucked up thing to deal with even when you're not tripping on lsd This is the other lady's bad shit, but she's wild dude But then on the way after all of that toilet hitler thing on the way back we're driving home I can't wait to drop her off. She's like do you want to see videos of me squirting? I was like, yes I mean, yes, I don't want to be rude. I will look and I looked and I said, okay very well You can play into my ox

Is there a pussy just like steaming? Dude, it was you know it was doing a she have a witch's bush I don't recall I might have been in a trance at that point. I don't recall Dude, yeah, that could have been that could have been like hit landing strip probably Yeah, it probably wasn't a landing strip or like Freshly mode. I think it was freshly mowed a little something there, but it was uh very well maintained day two of letting the grass grow Yeah, it was I don't recall wasn't if it was a bush. I have a perfectly photographic memories for bushes I remember every big bush I've ever seen brother. Exactly. Yeah, I'm sorry. It was this like years ago

Yeah, this was several because I was about to say like every dumb bitch who celebrates brunch now considers himself a witch Like this sounds like it was a time when like this was serious I don't think she considered herself a witch. That was the most fucked up part. This lady was just a witch Like she never once said the word on the witch. I mean if I had pressed her on it, do you think you're a witch? She would say yes, obviously But she never once said witch. She was just like this is what I'm into and it was just all witchcraft Jesus, it was crazy. It was the most insane experience in my life I'm a pretty open-minded dude. I was like, you know, I was like, this is obviously a weird date

But I could have like a lot of people like I would have left. I like, you know, I was a gentleman about it Oh, yeah, and you had to see the squirting videos because you stuck it through. That's true. I did I got the dropper off and be like, goodbye Fairly well She told us she had a tiny clip the what she had told us that tiny clip I would imagine hers was large and in charge just just a level of attitude. She had was she making herself square Yes with a little toy. Yes I feel like I'm on Epstein's deposition, dude Take the thing off

Yeah, take my lord. He doesn't have to answer this. This is over. Stop answering whenever you want, but I'm getting info out of you and I'm gonna use it. That's yeah That's what happened, dude. I we didn't kiss unless I somehow repressed the memory. We didn't kiss I think I was like I was thinking about I was a horn dog, dude Yeah, and even if the lady was not a witch, she probably wouldn't have kissed either No, it was just kind of in my head. It was like Probably not the best idea. I'd had enough bad experiences to be like, dude Don't do it. Can you just write down where you dropped her off for me, please?

Clark park filled off it. I dropped her off. Just at the park at the park. That's that is which which behavior Just leave me at the park. I'm gonna Drop to the park. Wow. I live in the Clarkness Yeah, it was a uh, I thought it was, you know, it's a crazy date. It's a crazy online. How's tinder these days? Don't ask me I don't have a dude. I want to fire for profile so bad not for fucking around just for like seeing what's up Is that how you found it the first time? Uh, yeah, all my online one of those apps. I forget which one

I was I was a fucking terror. I was the ghost. I was the ghost of plenty of fish. She's like, oh, she's yeah She's like a margin of poor inside out. It's like fuck a witch tonight Me too. She's the only one squirting witches in your area A very five year old witches want to fuck Ever been told you have the smallest penis that someone's ever had? True. Fuck all last 20 seconds. You'll come immediately when you are insulted by this Witch I don't think I don't have a squirting witch around. Yeah, I've ever heard a witch mate I don't think I would have lasted 20 seconds with that witch

Yeah, yeah, first of me. No, you wouldn't have that dude. You wouldn't have lasted 20 seconds with that witch, dude That witchy pussy just squeezing to come out of your dick. Oh goodness. She had she had like a like a An erotic pen pal it lived in Denmark That was something I got more information out of this fucking lady on one day Some of this stuff is like hot You're like an old man She's like, are you okay with the fact that I'm writing like erotic letters to an old man in Denmark? She's like, you know, he's kind of my soulmate, but like that's all we can do right now

I was like, yeah, I guess that's cool. I don't know. You want to see a video of him squirting? Well, he builds a boat a wooden canoe. Oh my god Wow It was that's a story that never ends. I've told it like three times and I always come up with things I totally forgot. Well, I'm sorry to make you repeat it, but that yeah, thank you That's good, man, that was a It had some pretty sick online dates one time I went out with a girl who just got fucking hammered and cried at the I just got like taught like drinking we went mini golfing and she was drinking vodka out of a water bottle

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, she had like a opened four loco chilling in the fridge An open carbonated beverage in a can a four loco that was open she popped it out. I was like, I saved this It was like god damn it lady. I save this. Do you want anything? No, I'm good. Oh, I'm telling you dude. I have I don't know what it is. Dude. I like somehow Intermingle I would intermingle with like There's something where like my radar is so low for just like the darkest female energy Because I we've got mini golf and I'm like, maybe she's nervous and she wants to drink on the day

Maybe she likes to black out her on children I'm like, yeah, I mean, I guess they don't serve drinks at the mini golf Yeah, dude. Yeah, that was that was an absolute nightmare. Just you fill up a like a deer park bottle with vodka Yes, it's like raspberry flavored vodka I think to be polite. I was like, I'll take a nip off the fucking off the razz vod Dude, how much did she drink throughout the 18 holes? She got she drank the bottle of the water bottle vodka blackout Like that's enough. She was she held it down. She followed me in her car. Oh, shit

Yeah Followed me in her car And then we went and got like a hit a restaurant got a couple then I let my hair down. I had a couple drinks my turn to have fun I destroyed her mini golf and then uh And then we went back to her place That's when she brought us out the four loco out of the can and she just fucking was like, I don't know what I'll do with my life She had a sign above the bedroom that said 19th hole

She should have said Yeah, I that was uh, that was terrible. Yeah, that's a point. Yeah That was my online dating experience was that and then like, you know the classic going on plenty of fish and like Watching like some movie with a lady and like begging her for a blowjob It's like a one bedroom apartment. Come on. I drove all the way to Palmyra. Come on Just holding your jeff cap to your heart It's cool as he is Come on. I'm so hard right now. Come on

You're begging for a blowjob. It's so fucking funny. I'm so fucking hard right now. I'd be a great game show Yeah, who can yeah, who can do it and like the quickest to beg for a blowjob Or otherwise ellen hits him with like a giant foam fish The landscape changed on that before in the 80s you were allowed to ask me every like two minutes Yeah, let me come on now Now you're four and then it gets in it, you know, then you just gotta start You gotta start walking around the apartment and knocking shit over with your heart penis I don't know how to make it go away. Maybe you do. Let me how that goes

It's so funny because that's when you're when I was a youngster I'd be so bothered by the fact that I was hard. I can be so hard now and just be like whatever I don't give a fuck just be totally Unbothered totally unbothered. It's like waiting for a kid to like unload with a tantrum. It's like he'll get over it Hey, I can be so hard now and it's just like I I'd rather if I could not have sex I'd stop What if I could stop having sex I'd stop but you would your dick would just be hard all the time

I mean, I would still obviously I'm gonna please my wife. He just said he could deal with it though I'm saying my dick would be hard I I want to please my wife because I love her but if I could just take all the feeling out of my penis I would take it out. Yeah, why not? Take it all out. I would just please my wife. Like yes, ma'am Just please and you would never achieve a sexual orgasm. I'm done. I don't want to have any more I hate when I have orgasms They bother the it's such I'm like

Yeah, in five years you're gonna be Jordan playing for the wizards You want to get your best you've already got your best nuts out I'm Jordan playing baseball dude I'm four or five right now. Would you consider creating a robot in your likeness? Yeah, for sure for sex purposes for sure. That's for sure in AI Matt. Just watch hold the remote control That's hot. You would you could sit downstairs and watch like watch your robot. I'd watch the game dude. I love sports Like babe, I'm watching the game That's yeah, babe. Just suck the sex robot. I'm watching the fucking game right now

Although do you think you could refrain from sucking your own self off? Oh, definitely not That's taking it all the way back to the beginning. That's what I that's total recall. Yeah, they're turning on us That's what we're turning on them. Just fucking my sex robot 69 with the robot. That's how you destroy them That's like the yeah, that's Guys speaking of the big game Man shame secret podcast is brought to you by draft king sportsbook. Are you ready for the conference championships? Turn your team's victory into your own Uh, turn your team's victory into your own win with draft king sportsbook guys. Who do you got in the conference? What are your picks?

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So do I dude. I'm rooting for every big time. I love his instagram shit Does he still post like the african paintings and shit? Oh, I thought you're talking about the fact that he didn't get vaccinated Well, yeah, that obviously that too, but like the uh It's like Anyway guys new customers bet five dollars on any team to win and get 200 dollars in free bets if they do Pretty that's a good deal for you You bet five dollars and win that's what that's what they're saying when they win

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Matt, I actually use draft kings to been on chris benwalk killed his entire family How'd they pay was that your five dollars? I couldn't cash out. Yeah, you're free $200 Can you I would wonder that can you bet on like like geopolitics stuff? You can definitely bet on more than sports, right? I don't know about more than sports It's definitely like weird sports. Like I've bet on like fucking polish soccer and shit like that But I don't know if you could bet on Polish soccer the uh The

You can't do like a death pool. Yeah, I don't know if they have that not all sports Not yet until you said that idea. It sounds like there's room for a new app in town True. Maybe me and my investors you guys will yeah, you're thinking of military draft kings True Yeah, I mean right now What do you guys think about uh the conflict in ukraine? I love it You big fan What do you think? I don't call I want your take on russia ukraine. Why do you want my take?

I love burning you with like the most pressing topic I was gonna say you did the same thing. I know I did this with kovat. But right now just be honest You can you can you know totally speak your mind. It upsets me. They say you're a russophile What's that mean? saying this Those guys are saying it russophile. I don't touch kids. It's all over the internet. You're a russophile. You love russia um No, I mean you're a big z guy

Kind of a marxist perhaps but No, seriously, that's not funny. Are you marxist real? Uh nah, dude No, I just wanted to do that. Just to fuck with you. Um Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I don't know what's going on with that. I don't follow the news at all I heard it's I heard they're not winning very I heard ukraine is not winning right now Um, I mean, but there's second half faded second half It's kind of by the rush losing situation. Yeah, for sure. Any way you cut it for sure. You think that guy's gonna die They're gonna kill the president the president. I noticed he's wearing like the green. He's wearing his military greens wearing his flagship, right?

Yeah, he's fatigues. He's dressed up. Yeah You know, I hope look you could be in that position. I think it was a comedian, you know What do you think the point of this is dude? I'm gonna get I'm gonna defend us from russia. I also I was trying to put a positive spin on it today And I thought about it. I'm like, you know, it's it's for sure sad. It's terrible Although the suicide rate in russia. I think it's the highest in the world So You know glass half empty. Maybe if they win a war

Less people will kill themselves in russia Glass half glass half, you know glass half full. I'm saying. Yeah, it's a bad. You know, I'm just I'm a bright sider So I'm saying like it's why are people in russia so sad Because they don't have fucking any natural resource They still haven't gotten here bud No, apparently people in russia killed themselves big time. Do you know it's cold and dark and Shitty there. I mean they came out of like a totalitarian regime that failed. That's fucking bummer They're like, we're the best buy into this and they fucking ruin your whole life is dedicated to just like

Totally owning you and it's like, ah, fuck that fails. I do kind of like the idea of having a uniform If we had less options for clothes, you could get that working to chuck a cheese job I'd be down for citizen uniforms to be honest. I mean, it's the next level assigned to me a job. I'd be Dude, you think that dude, you think that then they're telling you what day you can work with Which a job kind of does. Yeah, but every job I've ever had. No, no, no, but you don't get it. You can't switch jobs That's the thing. I know I'm gonna be fucking making pink dildos for my whole life and I love it Come home. You know in russia, they tried to the fuck did they try to do a thing called the continuous Work cycle or like the factories are going seven days a week. Mm-hmm. And it just completely

Fell in his face Yeah, that's like you and you live in a household you and your wife would never have the same days They try to get rid of like the sunday beat of like saturday and sunday pretty much everyone's off for the most part Yeah, you'd have whole families that would just never see each other because their days off wouldn't align Just see each other's shift change. That was it two ships passing in the night Apparently it failed. They thought like we'll get the factories going seven days a week But the problem was They would assign people like so I would leave my post and like you would come in

But like you, you know, they would just move they didn't let anyone specialize They would just move you around to whatever needed to be done. So everyone just stunk at everything they did The whole thing fell apart I don't think it's a good idea to run that machinery for 24 hours a day 365 days a year, right? You should give it a rest just miss. That's not like well, maybe But you know, they were trying to win So could be that that could that could get you in the zone of like never having sex again, though That's true. It's super busy

If the Russians sent me to space, I would go there and do whatever they said for the rest of my life You are a fucking roosa file I just want to go to space and I'll do whatever it takes. So you you're you would like though just to be Just a face among the crowd show up clock in The totalitarian regime if I knew I was going to be able to see the earth from space I'd be fine with it. I'd be I'd be happy that might be you might not come back They'll call they're not sending you space dude. You're going to be in the factory

If they're promising me Space imagine they promise you space and then the regime collapsed You'd probably fucking John. What if you had to make your dildos in space? Even better space dildos I thought you guys were turning the scene a whole fucking laugh matter. I'm trying to talk I'm trying to be fucking serious. I'm not joking about going to space I would literally be a russian fucking cog in the machine

If they were like, we're going to send you to space when you're 70 years old after you retire. Well, that's uh, that You wouldn't handle the g-force dude. It's a better chance of going to space than I got right now You'd be surprised. You don't I mean I'm gonna have to shell out cash That's a lot of money or work be like a space steward I wish it would have been a fucking astronaut instead of a fucking comedian. You it's not it's not too late It's not too late. It is too late. It is not too late. It is. I'm not gonna get Astronaut shape at this point. You could I ate a fucking hot dogs every day. You eat hot dogs every day. No, how many hot dogs would you eat a week?

uh How many packs you tell me packs? When it snowed, I was eating hot dogs hot dogs and grilled cheese. How many I didn't finish the pack Okay, over a snow week That's a decent amount of dogs Eight dogs in less than a week I don't know. I didn't eat eight dogs. There's three left. I only had five five dogs You're a dog all the business week. You're a dog a day

Once the stock market closed you you chilled on the dog. Yeah, russia had to tell them to stop the seven day dog cycle wasn't working out You think you're gonna live in russia and eat five fucking dogs in a week? Probably. Yeah, I don't know They might rule if I'm going to space No space space is off the table I'm bizarre and I just said I'm sorry it was spaces off the table. I'm digging a hole I'm going back to america then fair enough out of there. So that's your position on the conflict Yep What do you think about space are you gonna go?

Uh, no, I would stay here. You don't want to they want. No, they want me to but I'm like, no, I don't believe I'm not doing I'm not joining space. I'm a pacifist. They're militarizing space I was like ready to go to space and they militarize it. I said, I'm you know what guys you can't have me You can't have me up here. You you want you want real stuff that's here You got business to take care of not in space. Exactly Wow, you're more of a like give her think about that like we're not securing our borders and we're gonna go to space I'm an experienced guy, you know Yeah, can you imagine how many mexicans are in space right now?

I was a mountain bike Just in zero grab Do you think those delivery gloves are rated for like deep space? Yeah, do the uh, I watch fox news a clip of it about russian Ukraine. It was so fucking I'm gonna picture those guys flying to the moon next time I see Yeah, that would make that's like a grittier that's like an et reboot Check your grub hub. You're like, damn, I deliver guy et man Oh

Fuck my delivery guy went through the stratosphere Five bucks off my water That would be so fucking fun. Yeah, excuse me uber eats my fucking delivery drivers in space And there was no cheese sauce on my hot dog Oh How many so you're five dogs a week guy? No, that was just a snow week. I'm I don't need hot dogs every month Really? Yeah, I don't believe that

Fuck you. You're not a dog every month time for a dog once a month No, because you probably like when you Now to correct me if I'm wrong, but you would rather get it out at an event like an event I feel like cooking a hot dog at home is not It's yeah, it's not it's like out of the thing. I'm like, yeah, cool Just staring into the microwave hot dog. You're like, I'm gonna stick my head in here with it I'm scoring them. They're growing on the grill in a pan. Okay. Oh, you're a little uh, you're getting a little black to get plumping You're black enough. They're getting black

Yeah, yeah, like black wieners in my mouth I'm saying you're black in the dogs Oh black in a brawl What you're doing like uh, you're pan frying them. Yeah, are you slitting them getting a little half and half? Are you just sometimes most of the x is healthy? A little x x is on me. I put some x Not a z nasty I fuck around with my scores, dude

I'm funny z's now like the new swastika. That's crazy. What are you guys talking about z's? What does that mean? Oh, don't pretend you don't know, dude You know about z? No, so like apparently I just found I like I like glimpse this from my head That's all my news. I glimpse the headline and I just form a picture of the world So I glimpsed at like z's or like a aggressive thing or something Yeah, it's like a sign of like russian like military hit him with a zed Huh, yeah And some of you were saying you were telling me some olympic, uh, there was a uh, yeah, there was like a 20 year old like Russian gymnast who wore the z on his uniform

Munch the mic he wore he wore the z you you can pull you can pull it up 20 year old russian gymnast wore the z on his Uniform, I mean, I mean kind of got in trouble at the olympics. It's that's just fucking country. Yeah, I guess so So that's like, you know, I'm not gonna get into this Do they spell rusher with a z? Huh, yeah, that's just that's the mixtape rusher the bad boys do Yeah, I mean true true. I'll imagine watching the olympics when you're a rack. You're like you're watching like the 2016 or like

2012 olympics and you're like these fucking guys Like yeah, we win again Yeah, but john that's not to condone rusher out of the fuck I fuck I I get pissed off I want to take all the russian hockey players out of the nhl Wow, where would you put them? Canadian league Give him some tough tough fucking hockey up there. That's jesson's problem. There's boys. What yeah, give him what for dude Yeah, go to the chla

Oh Hey, guy. Oh, you think it's fun in grivet ukraine, buddy You think it's nice to do that bud But yeah, that they're it. No, it's it's dude. I'll joke it aside. It's a fucking very weird thing that we all of a sudden have got into What? Covid to be like ukraine. Oh, yeah I don't hate ukraine, but it's it's very funny that people were like that quickly

Well, I mean it is like the biggest thing in the world. I guess right now, right? Yeah, but you know, it's just I don't be talking about it like that But it is upsetting to see It's sad for sure. It's sad to see like I'm not like obsessed with it or anything Yeah, I don't like fucking watching seeing my thing is I mean for sure. It's it's a big deal. I'm not downplaying it. It's just very It's just bizarre It's bizarre. Yeah, your personality was covid restrictions before this and now your personality is Helped ukraine. It's like exactly. Why don't you start thinking about going to space you fucking dizzy, bitch

Exactly. That's that's all I'm saying. That's exactly. Thank you. John. That's what I'm saying So final word. What's the final word you got on the rushy situation? It's just such a funny hot button topic Yeah, I uh, would you would you like it to the Holocaust? Would I like to get into it? No, would you like say like this is out? Neither of them are funny things to joke about I know I don't know why I'm smiling I'm not smiling at all. I'm just I'm I told you I'm I'm a bright sider So I'm just trying to find the bright side of this whole thing. There's there's good. It's not as bad as the Holocaust We can all agree on that guys

Right, right. Yeah That's good. That is good It's about a positive spin the Holocaust was way worse than this John, would you ever like to visit any? I was asking John like he wants to go to space so bad. Would you like to visit any of the Holocaust sites? Maybe give like a Holocaust day after dark tour and talk about all the naughty stuff that happened there Oh There's probably to be at beer. Yeah, I'll tell you right now. Those eight-man bunk beds were creaking

Do you think so? No, I know so How did you know so? I once stated a witch you told me I like that video there's videos on like on the internet of uh Like Ukrainian guys shooting down like helicopters and shit. Really? Yeah, and it's just them It's like something I'm Ukrainian John

apologize I've been biting my tongue You're fucking seething right now. Yeah, I'm furious Dude, it's your mother someone invaded Ireland. I'd be crying right now. That's your mother land. Yeah What's the fuck? What the fuck? I carry my John. Yeah, is this your military uniform? Yeah. Yeah No, dude, this is just like the Marlboro Man Stepson Oh my god, dude, have you you see like there's pictures of of dudes who were who were just like In Ukraine, they're just like we just picked these guys up off the street. They're wearing like kids and e-pads

It's like they're hitting the front line tomorrow I hope Ukraine wins. I'll be honest. I'm rooting. I'm genuinely all fucking around aside. I'm rooting for Ukraine You know, you know, he's Ukrainian. No, no, no I mean, look, I was just trying to make you comfortable You're doing it It's just such a funny thing I mean, it's such a it's a terrible thing It's just so funny to make people like the covert thing was obvious

It's funny to put me in the hot seat about that that I don't really know about I know the covert thing was obvious. You can get into that. But like it's just like, hold on. Wait. What now? It's like, yeah, dude Blizz, as a Ukrainian, can you give us any kind of inside info? What might be happening next? True like something that nobody's going to expect like fucking Puerto Rico coming off the top rope to help you guys or something That'd be sick. Oh my god. No, I don't I don't have anything. I mean, no That's thanks. I hope Russia loses to be honest. They will According to that book I read. Yo, how about that that book I read I talked about

Yeah, if you looking at it from your perspective, you're kind of just like I mean, here's the long game the wild card is I mean, it's definitely a terrible thing the wild card is Will rush us use those nukes because they're they're fucking talking shit, dude about using nukes And then now they're saying if you sanction us, that's an act of war And they're like, we will do Shit that you can't even imagine We'll shove a nuke up your fucking butt. We will fuck you with nukes dude. That's your fucking butthole I mean, dude, I think world war two was kind of like this. Like shit was going on in Europe. We're like, well, we'll help out

We're not going to get involved I don't want to get people skirt But something really we might get drawn into this and the thing that draws us in might be nuts, dude I say we just nuke every Every place that Putin might be you think so. I think we're hitting his computer with gay porn and shit For sure You're sending him a lot of spam emails. He's only getting simpsons porn that nobody wants to see Like maggie taking out the pacifist suck over stick

That's why he went there in the first place Gardini. What are we at time wise? Guys Let me let me ask you guys this. Let's get off the topic Hey What do you hate about smoking cigarettes guys? What do you hate about this? They're stinky. John actually just saw a pregnant lady smoking them recently. Oh god, dude. You want to talk about that? Should have called the cops on her

I call us Child protective services. You should have Well, the baby's not born yet, but the baby. No, that's fine You can do that. You can call it cops I should have I'll call him right now. John. You think she should be on nicotine mom That's pretty good. I'll tell you what she I'll tell you what she could do I'll tell you what that smoky mom could do. She could get loosey

And what's that a different way to combust Something and breathe it in. No, no, no, it's John. Let me tell you this Lucy makes all kinds of nicotine products like gum, locenges and pouches Lucy is a better more responsible way to consume nicotine And then you know, what flavor do I like? I actually avoided nicotine addiction. I'm not gonna brag, but I just kicked the habit. It wasn't that hard. Um So I don't know but guys check out the full line of products at lucy.co That's lucy

Dot co and use promo code drenched at checkout warning This product contains nicotine nicotine is an addictive chemical If you're interested in a better way to use nicotine if you're a pregnant woman Although you should still probably chill in the law. Are you allowed to use a patch if you're pregnant? probably But a pouch or lozange You probably should yeah, it's nicotine is the issue But don't let that stop you from getting loosey

If you're interested in a better way to use nicotine go to lucy.co and be sure to use the promo code drenched Thanks guys You great job. You can use lozenges, but you just got to give one to the baby too true Yeah, what does nicotine do to babies? Really Yeah, who would say yes piece of shit ladies that are bad to their babies Every day health

Every day health That's philip morse. That's fucking philip morse and maybe it is now doctors are really again stressing out babies You were saying something like that. Yeah, dude when you have a baby. They're like whatever just don't get stressed Just going to cruise for nine months pretty much, dude They're like you can literally all the shit they said you couldn't do they're like as long as you're not stressed Like if you want to do this you're gonna have some wine go ahead. They're like just don't get stressed out All right, okay guys before we go to the patreon. What do you have? What do you have to uh What should people catch you on all that other stuff? Oh check out uh

My podcast with mike over here little stinkers on itunes spotify youtube patreon Follow me at johnny delco on twitter and instagram Hell yeah, please um on on social media It's just at the blizzard which is like bl yz ard um And uh, and I have a patreon where I just do writing which is

Not as exciting. It's fucking don't downplay yourself. Do you know? Freak out right now. It's good. It's good writing and while i'm not doing stand-up. That's what i'm doing So hell, yeah, if you want to see it Uh, it's there nice Patreon, what's it called? How do people find it? Oh, it's just patreon.com slash the blizzard. It's the same as my social media Perfect. Um I'll be in buffalo new york this weekend. So come out to that. Yes. I believe it's saturday. It's one night I'm bringing my whole freaking family. Oh, yeah, I'll be fun

Also, where else am I gonna be? We'll put actually there'll be a link In the show notes to all the shows coming up. Austin. I think I rescheduled to april 14th So I'll be in austin now april 14th on one night all the shows combined in the main room And other than that bananas comedy club april 29th. That's a big one Hell yeah, north jersey. What the fuck? All right, dudes. Thank you. Let's go on the page and get the lights Mike. Oh, yeah, I just um Check out dad me if you don't already john and I mentioned that we do a podcast together called little stinkers

Um, it's about fucked up people mostly serial killers doing fucked up shit But who also happened to be very funny and then we also just started a new podcast called little smokers about babies whose mom smoked And usually baby smokers first words are most be nice Um But yeah, check out those three podcasts Hell yeah, thank you real quick. I just want to add some dates that butter league column terrell and I have March 23rd will be at helium buffalo and april 12th will be at helium philly. So come check out one of those Hell yeah, also also. I hope shane's having a nice time on his trip ski trip, dude

He's skiing skiing right now. He's backing you tall. We just got can the bull ski I think he can he's more he's told me he's more of a You know take it on the easy slopes. He's more of a lodge guy. He's more of a lodge lizard He tells me he likes to chill in the lodge. He's got too big body hard I mean, you don't want to he was saying it's like the skiing you tall is like terrifying. It's like the edge of the cliff So he was like he wants to kind of pizza down a green circle hit the lodge I like camelback. I like it easy, you know, save here. Oh camelbacks jack frost. Come on, man I'm not going down back diamonds. I'm a green blue. How are you gonna make it in space dickhead?

true I'm gonna die up there And i'm fine with that. You gotta get up there, dude. My last glimpse will be of the flat earth John you're gonna get us fucking Oh, fuck there are the flat fuck good