Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 430 - The Stupor Bowl (Feat. Dan Soder & Lemaire Lee)

Episode Date: February 17, 2023

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support Dan @ dansoder.com Support Lamizzy @ patreon.com/pitm Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com YO. Matt is away road dawgin on his funny biz grind. But have no fear! SG held it down with 2 of our most elite bros walkin' - Dan Soder and Lemaire Lee. Let's go. God Bless Dan. God Bless Lamar Joe. Please enjoy this week's episode of the podcast.  Support the show and get 20% Off and Free Shipping with the code DRENCHED at https://Manscaped.com Visit http://athleticgreens.com/drenched for a Free 1-year supply of Vitamin D Support the show and get up to 34% off some sweet new metal art with the code DRENCHED at: https://displate.com/mssp?art=6247403451297 Support the show, and try Honey for free at https://JoinHoney.com/ DRENCHED  

Don't look at my stuff. I love your stuff, dude. Don't look at my stuff. I love what you wrote it with. Oh, that's got good stuff. That's great. Oh, that's awesome. It's got good stuff.

That's fun. The door outside, the wall outside, you got some nice stuff, dude. Wall outside's got all my stuff. Yeah. This is slowly becoming more of my stuff. But my girlfriend came in and took out all my cool stuff. Yeah, man, that is cool stuff.

That's cool stuff. You can't even put the boobs over there with the books? No, the boobs has to go out in the hallway. I don't even like the boobs. The boobs was, hey. Dan Sotter, Lamar Joe. What's up with the boobs stuff? I'm Sean Gillis.

Welcome to Matt and Shane's secret podcast. Boobs stuff is just this company sent us a, what was the name of the company? Displate sent us a thing of a lady with boobs. Yeah. As a thing. I don't know. It didn't really take off.

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Fine, fucking thick bitch. Thank you, display. Matt is out of town. Matt's road dog in it, dude. Go see Matt, dude. Is he married? I see him doing fucking standing ovations shit. Hell yeah.

Matt's killing. That's awesome. I love that Matt. He's spreading his wings. He's finally starting to post clips of the stand up. He's posting some clips. It's time for him to fly. Yeah, dude.

Hell yeah. Unfurl those wings, you beautiful son of a bitch. Yeah. Took him long enough. God damn. Let that mullet go. He had to have children. He had to make sure he had a lineage.

He had his lineage. Now it's time to ride. Yeah. He's out there. Now he must leave the nest. Yes. So yeah, Matt's out there. We're here.

I just got back from the stupor bowl. And let me tell you. Is this the first episode you've done since you're back? This is the first episode I've done, yeah. I wasn't here last week. Matt carried me towards last week. I have so many questions for you. I have some questions.

What the hell? Me and Christian McCaffrey. You knew BFF. Move over, Gabe Davis. Oh man. There's a new white running back in town. I love it. The jealousy that's flowing through the NFL.

You got NFL players playing bachelor for shades. Christian McCaffrey's like, you mind if I cut it? No, Gabe's my guy. Gabe's my guy. I was just looking at the Gabe photo. Gabe's my guy. Gabe's the man, dude. Well.

Gabe's our guy, dude. We'll take this rose. Take our rose. You know what you're going to do? You're going to end up doing the thing where you go like, well, my AFC guy is Gabe Davis. And my NFC guy is Chris. That's my AFC guy.

Yeah, dude. So I'm your AFC guy. Your NFC guy, one of my favorite guys, Go Niners. But your AFC guy is a rival of my AFC guy, who's a coach of the Dolphins. Oh, your AFC guy is the head coach of the Miami Dolphins. I have nerd guys. You have cool guys.

Yeah, Christian McCaffrey might be the coolest dude. Gabe Davis, Gabe Davis, Gabe Davis. Gabe Davis said it. Gabe's pretty cool, dude. I haven't been to Christian's house. Yeah. Yeah. What a week, boys.

That's got to be insane. I talked to you right for all of the shit. I talked to you right when you got to Arizona. It was great. I took a night off right when I got there. I took one night off. I was like, you know what, I'm going to be responsible this week. So I had, we had shows in Dallas and San Antonio.

They were great. So I had a show in Dallas on Sunday. So I had to be in Phoenix on Wednesday. I was like, I might as well just get out of the hotel on Monday, Tuesday in Phoenix, take it easy. So I got to Phoenix on Monday, took it easy. Tuesday, I was like, you know what? I'm going to take it easy.

And then all the barstool guys were like, why don't you come hang out? I was like, I'll have a couple of beers. Oh. And I'm getting fucking obliterated. On Tuesday? Yeah, on Tuesday. Did you say, when did you go to Bert's Airbnb?

It was out on Tuesday. Wednesday. So the next day, that's when it all starts. Then you get there, then it's lights, camera action for the next fucking 10 days. Did you feel like you're on a reality show? Yeah, a little. But I, he's, I'm not trying to trash.

Yeah. That's, that's how they do it. Yeah. They, they're fun. They're excited. I'm the one who's being a fucking sourpuss the whole time, which makes me feel bad. Cause they're like, come on, let's go do this.

Let's do this. But I don't think you should feel bad about that. Cause I think that's normal. Like I think I would be a sourpuss. I would like, come on Bert, let's just play some fucking video games to chill out. Do you want to group Bert? At this point, Bert leaves me alone.

Yeah, he does. Yeah, he knows. He knows. He knows I, I, and then they try to, that I went and did like three or four podcasts. I didn't talk. Yeah. I'm literally deathly hungover.

Yeah. I'm just sitting around. Do they lure you, do they lure you out of your room with like Bud lights and stuff? They start, everyone's wanting someone to come jiggle the handle in my door and I'm just like, God damn it.

What? What? Stop. Leave me alone. I yelled at a bar stool. They came over to do one of Bert's shows. I walked out of the room, hung over, and there's just a bar stool dude holding a camera.

Literally like as I'm opening my bedroom door, there's a guy with a camera and I'm like, turn off the fucking cameras for one minute. And the kid was like, Jesus. Oh God, if that guy has that footage, please send it, please send it to me. Just stop. That like, Jesus, dude, we're just trying to work.

Yeah. But that moment where someone gets real with you, you're like, all right. And then you gotta be fun the next time you see him. And you're like, ah. So you came out of the room hot. You came out of the room so hot. You should've grabbed there like a paparazzi.

It was like Kenny Powers in the beginning when he's like, I'm not a fucking Steroids. But the noise of your hand hitting the camera and it being pushed down. So, but outside of all the content, which is, I get it. It's what we do. It's the business, dude. It's the business.

It's the business. We're starting to sound more and more like strippers. We were like, God came on me last night and he got, that's the business, baby. It's part of business. That's the way you make your money. Yeah, they can't be all rich business men. But every, so that's the thing.

During the day, it was content time, which is definitely my least hungover content. Nothing, literally nothing gay. Like a good day when I was still drinking. I got, they asked me to audition for this thing for Yahoo called Mansom, which was like daily videos. Man, although you guys, yeah. When you guys were in the content, like early content.

This was like, dude, this is brutal. 2010, this is early, this is early, early content days. And it was the day after my birthday and I got blackout drunk with the Rosa. And then I had to show up and act like I cared about the World Cup. I just remember being like, hey everyone. You know the fake host energy?

But you're like, I just wanted to throw up the whole time. Or I'm like, today we're going to learn about Columbia. Who the fuck is this guy? And then so just being around it every time you left your room at the Burt House, had to have been like, was there a bathroom in your room? Yes. That's huge.

Praise Allah. Go to take a hangover shit and someone's got a camera in your face. Yeah. And that's, but. How was the Airbnb? That was every news all. I mean, it's hard to complain

when Bert fucking hooked it up. Yeah. And then not only that, the shows we did for arena shows. I got to do like 15 to 20 every night. Oof, my phone. Oh, I got to do a Trump impression. You're doing that 20 minutes. Just treat Bud lights and then have compliments rain.

So it's your hungover all day. And then you go do an arena, which you got to get fucked up. All the everybody in the NFL is at in Phoenix. And they're bored during the whole like, yeah, come to the show. Let's go show. So then it's a bunch of hot hunks coming to the green room. Did your did your men's bump into each other? No.

Because this is when this is when you got your new. Your NFC. Oh, oh, oh, my base, Matt. All right. I'm not on the ground. We got all your hoes in the same room. You got to be like, baby, hold on. Baby, baby, hold on real quick. She'll game the way you catch it.

Ooh, baby, you got a foot out of bounds. That's not what's going on right now. You got to go. You're giving out. You see, you understand. Baby, you're dragging your left foot. You know, Christian don't mean nothing to me, baby. Because you don't mean nothing.

Come on, baby. You're Christian on a fade route. Come on, baby. You give me one on one right now. You give me press coverage. I think it's because you look like a coach and they're like, they're like running to you. You look like a coach.

You look like a coach, dude. You could be a coach. We're pals, guys. Don't try to make excuses as to why I'm so cool. NFL guys like. I think it's rad, dude. But I think it's when I saw that you were hanging out with CMC. CMC is.

CMC is the man. Too sweet, dude. It's because he's too sweet. I saw you. I saw you hit the dude. Yeah, I'm too sweet to myself at rock. Oh, yeah? By myself.

And I was in between Graves and Vic. And I was like talking to someone who has looked in the camera. It was there. You know what made me instantly think of and regret was when Shane and I went to NXT takeover. Beth was sitting in front of you. Yeah, but then they gave a thing and Shane was like, we should kiss.

We didn't do it. It would have been so funny. It would have been the funniest. Edgy, Edgy, Beth Phoenix. But yeah, dude. I mean, CMC. I saw the thing because someone tagged me in a tweet. We were like, dance.

And I was like, no, dude, that's. People think I'm jealous. We're like, no, that's the plug. Now Shane's friends with the running back. Guys. Of my friends with all these guys. Now Lamar is friends with fucking Gabe Davis. My boy.

Now you're a Bill's fan. Yeah. Sass was rocking Bill's here last night. Sass loves the bills, dude. Was he a Bill's fan before Gabe Davis? No, he loved. He loved the Buffalo lady. He loved the Buffalo lady.

Oh, man. But. So they're coming to the shows after the first night. Chief. So line comes in, which I'm in. You're talking past pro all night. I'm saying, guys, you don't want to see my past set. Did you show any of them?

Did you get drunk enough to do everything? Did you get drunk enough to do your stance out of your stance? Yes. Did you wake up the next day like, what the fuck? Every day I woke up like that. Crazy. Were they? Were they?

I'll tell you, this is the most embarrassing one. Because if you hang with Shane, for those of you who have it, when you hang with Shane, he can't get drunk enough. Well, he will show you his past pro. He'll line up in run protection and past pro. In run block and past pro. 3.2 points. Yeah.

You can see him come to stand off his hips. I'll do it. You fucking hang along with me. Early on, who the fuck was it? Oh, it was like Gabe and them. It was the second night shows. Gabe, Bert, all the bros. They're at the show.

Spencer Brown, the bros. And Gabe was like, after this, Saquon Barkley's having a party at his house. Let's go to that. And I was like, yeah, yes. Biggest quads in the game. Of course, Christ and Norman are like, who's Saquon Barkley?

Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. He's one of the most dynamic running backs of all time. He's awesome. Yeah. We get to the party. We are pretty much the only honkeys there.

Nice. And it is every cool NFL player. It's like CD Land. There any Cardi Buffaloos in there, dude? A lot of Cardi Bs. Are there a lot of cool sunglasses on? Yes. That look like snow goggles?

Everyone looked cool. Everyone looked very cool. Everyone looks like they're in the future or they're about to go skiing. And no one was excited to see us. No. Although a couple of the bros recognized Christchurch. Did they call you quality control?

The quality control coach? I went outside. Really? I was like, I'm not hanging out. This is crazy. And then I got blacked out and went inside. Dance? Dance in the living room and they all ignored me.

Werewolves of London. Why would they? Put on werewolves of London. I mean, I had to. That's so fucking great. You're literally a dork in a high school party. You're like three losers at the coolest party on earth. And then the only thing you do is just turn up.

What is Burt like in that situation? Because Burt's the party. He's like a party hurricane. Yeah, he was like, did he get in and then all of a sudden like mix it up? No, we were hanging out together and we were all talking. Like he was, he can, he can turn it off. Also, you have no choice at that point.

At that party, you can't turn that on. Taking your shirt off in front of a bunch of random black dudes. And they go like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. What the fuck? But I saw a birdie like, where? Shoot the fire, dude. Fruity motherfucker out here. Beat his head.

Hey, why are your nipples out? He's like, oh, that laugh. Freaking out dudes with CTE with that laugh. Sounds like a whistle. They all start running. They're doing fucking drop downs. So we're leaving. I'm gone at this point.

Yeah. I see Michael Parsons is walking through. I'm like, he's from Harrisburg. I'm from Harrisburg. I walk up to him. He's talking to somebody like this. I'm walking by. I was like, Micah, and he totally ignored it.

And then I was like, Micah. And he was like, what? And I was like, I went to Trinity High School. And he goes, all right. I kept talking. Oh, no. Oh, no. He got to leave.

Oh, no. He had to walk out of the party. Dude. I went to Trinity High School. And he just went, OK. He was like, all right. He didn't go like, oh. Also, also, all I had was that fucking Jalen Hertz hoodie.

Yeah. And that eagle's hat. I'm in there in full NFL gear. Yeah. Everyone else is just at a regular house party. Yeah. I look like a big fat fan idiot. Dude.

In that moment, you feel, I mean, you got the merch on. The merch hurt. The merch on at the party. And you're like, huh? And they're wearing like Balenciaga. They're wearing the Conchonis Hoodie. They're wearing the Donut outfit you've ever seen. Yeah.

It's a garbage bag with mesh in it. They're dressed like insane people. Yeah. You know who was, Ceyclon was fucking awesome. Really? Ceyclon was very cool. He was like, hey, welcome to my house, everybody. Like, yeah.

And you were like, I used to hate Penn State. And now I like you as well. Yeah, no. I didn't say. I didn't say. I grew up hating Penn State. The only person I took a chance on interacting with was Michael Parsons. Which is crazy.

I went to Trinity High School, which I'll give him credit. That's a fucking insane thing. No, but I understand where you're coming from. But when it gets shot down, you're like. Yeah, that was dumb. It kind of makes me hate that guy. No, no, no, no. Man, I can't.

You needed to understand the context. He's out of context. He was totally in the right. Also, you're wearing. I also like tapped his arm. Philly shit too. Yeah. You know, it's.

You're wearing rivals. You're wearing his rivals clothing and then being like. I went and also I went to a high school. That's one of the 30 high schools around yours. We were like. Much, much, much lower level. I'll pop for anyone that's like. I went to overland.

I'm like, all right. Me too. Me too. It's almost like I went to red land. I'm like, fuck yeah. All right. I went to Eagle Crest. It graduated or five.

You're like, well, look at that. But you also don't know the conversation he was having. In that moment where they're like, Michael, I'm telling you right now. The cowboys are thinking about trading. You go Trinity High School. He's like, what's that? They're like, they're going to move through the deck. I went to high school near you.

Yeah. That's awesome. You're going to the Cleveland branch. Trinity High School. Put her there at class. Put her there at partner. I know the press doesn't know about this ankle injury, but it could be debilitated. She's pressing charges.

Trinity High School. She has to call them still. Are you tapping them? The tap first. He's like 20 tail. Mr. Parsons. I was a big dumb kid at every part. Every thing we went to.

I was like, that's Super Bowl week though. I was like pulling down my shirt to introduce myself to people like Christian. It's nice to meet you. Dude, I get that way whenever I've been around wrestling. I'm going to get to that in a second. I'm going to need your boys' advice because I'm going to need to make the switch over to wrestling where the good guys win. Yeah.

Because I'm tired of watching the good guys lose. So, Sequan's party. Then I'm like, Jesus Christ. That was the next night we did a show. I'm the most hungover I've ever had. Every time I see Michael Parsons. Every time next season I see him just fucking barreled out on a quarterback. I'm just going to think about you tapping him.

Trinity High School. Just so funny. Scores of touchdown and end zone. You're there. You're hunting him now. I'm going to find him. Yeah, you're going to be friends, dude. It's good to be friends.

I don't see that one working out. The next morning when you woke up after Sequan's party, were you like, did you have that feeling of like, oh, shit. No. I was like, it was good. Every one of these nights was so cool. The hangovers weren't that bad. Yeah.

But it was a combination of, you know, seven, eight nights in a row. Yeah. Of like 20 plus beers from eight nights. Like I was. You put away 140 plus beers too. Easily. God damn. Yeah.

I've been drinking water every day since the Super Bowl. I've been going to the cellar doing spots, drinking just water. I don't know how you guys do it. It's gay. You have to put water in a Bud Light bottle. Yeah. So your body. No, you got to drink.

I've been drinking 20 sparkling waters a night. It sucks. I keep ordering them like they're Bud Light. Let's do it. Burpen. So the Sequan party. Next day, we're like, all right, we got to, there's a Drake party tonight. I was like, so I talked to you.

I'm going to the Drake party. I talked to you on Tuesday. We had a conversation and I was like, dude, this is going to be the coolest fucking week of your life. You're on fire. You're going with Bert who's like, you know, a fucking arena act. Yeah. You're going to be killing and all these NFL players are going to say, and then I was

like, it's going to happen. You're going to meet Drake because from the time I've met Shane, the goal has been. Don't tell everybody the goal. The goal has been for him to become friends with Drake from the beginning. The goal is for Shane to become friends with Drake. You see, he's about to get deposed. What's that? He's about to get it depositioned.

Oh, for the XXX. Oh yeah. Don't talk about that type of shit. Don't bring legal matters. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly.

Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. The Drake party, were you doing, were you practicing your Trinity high school shake for the Drake party? All day we were going like this. I've loved you. I've loved you.

I've loved you. I thought certified lover boy was incredible. I listen to certified lover boy every single day. Certified. I was actually 0.05% of your top listeners on Spotify. Drake. I'm certified Drake fan. So what's up with the, we're in the six.

You just started using Drake. Shit. D dot O dot. That's cardinal officiel. Fuck. So you, the Drake party. No. So Drake party is going on.

Do you think there's a chance? That's a very exclusive, but it was a show. It wasn't a party. It was, he did a concert. A Drake show. Yeah. Okay. Which was, it was awesome.

Very cool. Yeah. But it's very exclusive. Yeah. So now everyone, everyone in the green room that we're with is like, how are we getting in? Who's going? I was, we're with busting with the boys.

Taylor. Will. Those guys. Hullary. Top notch guys. Yeah. I'm, I'm, I've never even met them. Just a fan.

I get like happy when I see those boys. So we're, we're all like, everybody's like, I got, I got two tickets. I can get a sandwich. Who was your hookup? In the end, no one can get in. We get there. The whole building is, it's like a quarantine. It's like from a zombie movie.

Just cool people outside like metal gates, like climbing over each other. All NFL players. Like a king rat situation. Everyone's just like, yeah. And then who's the coolest person you saw that couldn't get in? Like, do you remember seeing someone that you're like, you're not getting in? I don't remember that. It was, it was very dark.

Also, there's no lights outside. It was pitch black in a crowd. And it was like, we're all like holding each other's shoulders, trying to like navigate through it. Don't hold. I get, who do you think hooked it up? Obviously Christian McCaffrey. CMC coming through.

Christian McCaffrey is like, don't worry, I'll get you in. God, I hope Gabe skips this episode. Gabe was holding my shoulder. He was relying. No, actually, was Gabe? I don't know. Gabe might have been in. I forget.

All I'm saying is I hope Gabe skips this episode of the podcast. Why? Everybody knows I love Gabe. I know, but you just, you know, your CMC affair is really starting. I mean, this is how good of a guy CMC is. Yeah. It was so hard to get in and like where to get in. I was like, I'm going to send my guy out.

I'm going to come out and find you. He stayed on the phone with me for probably a half hour, trying to get me in while he's inside. Damn. I met him the day before. If I were him, I would have been like, yep. All right. Well, here I get.

All right, guys. See you later. The comedian from the podcast is trying to get in. Fucking losers. So he touched Michael Parsons is here. Stayed on God. He was like, I can get you two tickets. So I got it.

And we ended up stretching that to like three or four and we got in and we're like, we can't go. We can't go in without will. We can't go in without a norm. We got to get all the guys in. So you got a bus with the boys and pull all the guys in. So now we're in. We go to Richie incognito's table.

Hell, which was chaos. He fucking lifted my tit like right when I walked in. I was like, all right, cool. You're like, so those things were true. He got in trouble for bullying and he walks in. He slaps your dick. I love that he lifted. It was crazy.

Just when he walked up, it was like, nice to meet you. No, I don't know if it was initially, but it was like within 10 minutes of being like, I was like, what's up, man? Grabbing a guy who's not in shapes. It is such an aggressive act of war. When you know someone's not in shape and you touch their. He hit me with a bean dip. I need a bean dip.

And there is nothing you can do to that guy. He is. That's why I do. That's why I would shoot him. Oh, you think you're a funny guy? When he bullied that Zach Martin guy on the Dolphins. Yeah. Not Zach Martin.

Not Zach Martin. Don't put smile on their name, dude. No name. No name boys. Don't get bullied. Who was the guy? What was the guy's name? Zach something.

I'm not sure. But he like couldn't do anything. And he was a lineman. I gotta go to the press. Incognito is huge. Yeah. And he's still that barrel chested. He is gigantic.

He hit me with a bean dip. I was like, all right. I'm going to start running. Yeah. Awesome. But it's like a guy who could just like pick you up and pull you in half. He could. He can draw and quarter you just by himself.

Anyway, this whole episode is just me talking about cool NFL guys. I love it. I hope it's not gay. No. You're bringing us there. Yeah. You're bringing us there with you. We're at cool Richie Incognito's table.

It's me, Will, Taylor, Gabe Davis, the bros, dude. And then first off. We're just watching Drake. That protection at that table. Yeah. If you put that table in front of you, obviously Christian is the one. Obviously Christians. Yeah.

I bet he's sitting up. I would bet he was sitting up in the booth. If I'm picturing. Then you don't know Christian. He's right by my side. The tape. Fast forward. Fast forward, Gabe.

No, dude. This is your NFC bay and you're putting them over. My NFC and NFC babies are friends, bro. No, I keep my bitches. I think CFC is fighting for your bottom bitch, dude. I think I'm a toss around girl. I think I'm the toss around girl. I'm not the boyfriend.

You think we got hoes? We got bros that we just squished. Go hang out with this funny bro. You come entertain them while they're getting over headaches. You're making them laugh. They're like, I got smack going across the middle. Shane, make me laugh. But man.

So you're at the table watching Drake. Just watching Drake. It was like a dream from us to like the refrigerator. Dude, was there ever a moment where he was the coolest shit I've ever seen? Where you're looking up at him like, I love you so much. Also, everyone was. Every single player, like, I think it was Gabe who said to me, he was like, oh, that's like, that's unbelievable that that's the guy.

This is all the most famous NFL players in the world, like every famous person's there. Yeah. Megan Fox and MGK are there fighting. Really? Like they broke up at that night. Nice. Was that the night they broke up? I think so.

At the Drake show? At the Drake party. No shit. Somebody should have swooped in there. You should have guys see him. I should have got in there. You're like, Megan, you want to be covered by me like a human blanket? How would you like to be with a big time guy?

Are you familiar with high school Megan Fox? Are you familiar with comedy? I'm like that. Are you familiar with Patreon? I'm a YouTube special. Patreon is a pretty big deal. I'm going to show you some numbers that I haven't shown anybody. And then we'll peel that fruit roll-up dress off you and get them on you.

I didn't make love to you. You come so fast with Megan Fox? My penis is not going to work. It's not going to work at all. Oh my God. Dude, the second you're apologizing to Megan Fox for not getting a butter. We go like this. I just loved you, Transformers.

Just tugging. Come on, penis. Work with me. Come on. The... penis activate. Half hard. Half hard kid.

Back down to zero. Oh no. I can't get hard. Dude, that's where you... I had my penis chance when I was like... Just a robot head comes out of the truck. It's a truck with a robot head. Did you ever make eye contact with Drake?

Because when you're close enough at a concert sometimes and they look at you... I don't get me wrong. I thought I did several times. I was like, did you get giddy? He looked at me. No, I didn't think people do at comedy clubs where you smile. You know when people don't think you're looking? And then when you turn your head and look at them, they go...

They go like this, the whole show. Then you look at them and they go... Hey, I'm here. I'm with you. I mean, you're that close. That's got to be a hell of a show. It was great. I thought about it.

Yeah. Dude, you could have tackled him. He could have got him. He could have got him. Hip-hop history. He's a spirit. You just give him a Goldberg spear and then have your life taken. They'd have put you into a hole in the desert.

They would have killed me. Jay Prince would have hurt you, dude. They would have killed me. Yeah, they would have got me. This is the last story from the whole thing was... So also, Derek Henry is just... This is the type of guy he is. He's walking around by himself.

He walked up to us. That's a man that initiates contact. We were literally at a bar just sitting there. Derek Henry comes up. I was like, because obviously he's friends with Taylor and Will. I mean, yeah, Taylor blocks for him. But then I was drunk enough that I was like, Derek Henry is very nice.

So I kept shaking his hand and he would be like, Hey, no matter how many times I did it. Did he have to look to Taylor and Will? I kept being like, watch this. I'm going to go shake Derek Henry's hand again. I kept going up and holding it as long as I could. He was like, okay. He's a nice enough dude.

He was like, all right. Anyway, I was taking advantage of that. Did he have a moment where he went... Did he have a moment where he went like, like you shake his hand. Stop. If he says stop, you're going to run. Stop doing that.

If you keep doing that, I'm going to fucking plow over you. I run grown men. I run over grown men for a living. If something, it also, it reminded me of Dave and Buster's where like, if something happened, there'd be so many dudes that couldn't be stopped. There's so many people in that room that if they start running, they don't stop you.

You were hit. Hypothetically, if a zombie attack happens and it spreads in that room, you're beyond fucked. Well, no, that's the most dangerous zombie room. That's what I mean. Richie and Cognito zombie. Richie and Cognito, Derek Henry zombie. Derek Henry zombie.

I mean, Taylor and fucking Taylor and Will zombies. No, Derek Henry zombie. CMC would be the fastest zombie. Oh, he would be. But then he would remember you and he'd go like this. That's just going to munch your brains. I'd be a fine feast for those boys. Oh my gosh.

They'd be passing pieces around. No, Derek Henry zombie is very comical. We call them infected now. The infected. We call them infected. Yeah. The Z word. The Z words out of the lexicon.

Okay. The infected. The infected. If there was a spread of infection among those people. Oh. And you had to protect Drake. I would stop them. No way.

No way. Of course. Your last moment on Earth would be Drake disappointed in you. Where you go, Shane, you were supposed to protect me. Shane, you listened to me so much. And now you listen to me once more. You failed me. This is an embarrassing episode.

That'd be like the best. This is awesome. Just me being a gable. Let me be the best getting turned into a zombie while Drake is playing. Dude, what's funny is at any point in this episode, if you feel gay, you should just know that Lamar and I would freak out if a wrestler walked up and went, if big show went, what's going on over here? Lamar and I would like, hi.

Hello, Mr. Show. Yeah. Hello, Mr. Show. Yeah. I went to Trinity High School. He's like, Roker. Yeah. Captain Insano is my favorite.

Oh, here's another. This is at the Drake party. This was a devastating news. So for the last 20 years, I've been telling people me and LaShawn McCoy are friends. Yeah. LaShawn's there. Like, Shady.

He's like. And I was like, what's up, babe? Something in my house a couple of times when we were kids. He was like, hi, man. Yeah. He was like. Damn. Who babysat him?

Oh, I don't know. He was, he went to the same school. That's what it was. We played like CIO together. So you played like Little League football together. Against him. And then senior year, yeah, we'd hang out a little. And so you like actually slept in my house.

You like actually knew him as a dude. Yeah. And he didn't put it together. He was going to Miami. I was going to army. We played each other in NCAA. There's the teams you're going as or you're going to. And I was like, that's not fair.

I'm going to the last team in the game. Oh, yeah. I'm not running. I'm not running the fucking student body the whole time. Yeah. But I mean, he remembered me. But I think things have happened since then. A lot of, he's met a lot of people.

So he was probably like. I feel, I still feel like. I remember he was hit me with the kind of the like, oh, you're everywhere. That type of energy. Oh man. But yeah. Instead of like the.

We grew up together. Yeah. We grew up in the same town. Is your mom still have apple jacks in the cupboard? Yeah. My sister scared you. Yeah. My sister went hog wild the night of my graduation party.

You're Sarah. Sarah went nuts. Sarah went nuts. She got wild. She was so funny. Yeah. He subbed to my house on my graduation party and then. See that.

He's something that couch him in my living room. And my sister came down the steps like. My dad, my dad was blacked out. He tried to like carry her. He dropped her. She's like. That hit me. People are screaming.

Dude. She went out. And then McCoy's is turning over. Yeah. He like woke up like scared. That sounds like a fun high school. Sarah went outside to smoke cigarettes. And I locked her out.

Very funny. I was sitting right by the. Like our. Back glass door. Yeah. And I was like holding the lock. I was sitting down. And she came over.

And just put her face right in the mirror. And went. Fat. I was like. God damn. Oh. I thought the T-Rex eye was hard enough. She's lowered her face right down.

She's like. Fat. You got harassed by the Jurassic Park T-Rex. But she was down. She was under the deck. Smoking cigarettes. And I kept going out. Glass of water.

She was like. She was like. Ah. Meanwhile, he's scared. Future NFL players terrified inside. It was. It was wonderful. So when you saw him, you were like disappointed because you're like, oh, I thought you thought

the pop was going to be bigger. I thought it was going to be a pop. He was busy. He's drinking. Yeah. But I was. I was. Next time.

Was everyone disappointed? It wasn't next time. It was the next day. I saw him again. Oh. And he was like. You're everywhere. And then he just left.

All right. When. When everyone was leaving the Drake party, did you feel like everyone there was disappointed that they didn't get to meet Drake because they're all famous. So like famous people have expectations. Yeah. Even if other famous people are there, famous people have this expectation of like, well, yeah, they're there.

But I'm going to meet. Yeah. Drake. Maybe. Like I wonder how much disappointment besides. Megan Fox and machine gun Kelly yelling at each other. People being like. That's pretty high.

She like really high in person. I didn't see him. Oh. They were there. They were there fighting. I didn't see them. I heard about the commotion. I watched that.

Oh my God. Famous couple fighting. Yeah. Drake. Yeah. And Drake was doing all the hits. He was doing a minute of every hit. Yeah.

And I'm saying he started with forever up till now. He did the hit. And he kept being like, I don't know. Do you guys want me to keep playing? Everyone's like. Yes. Of course. Of course.

People's crying. Yes. Even routine carnitos. I was like, please. Drake. Yeah. There was a. I think Megan said to MGK.

Who? That man was like, you bitch. I do rock and roll now. Pete Davidson. I'll never be Drake. Yeah. Pete said my rock and rolls just as cool as Drake. Hold.

Hold. Yes. That was the Drake party. Then the next day is Saturday. We do the show again. Go home. I can't go out again. Yeah.

I'm dying. Yeah. I'm literally dying. CMC is like, dude, come party. Come party. I'm like, dude, is that guy? I love you so much. I can't.

I mean, the guy can run. The guy can catch. He's such a big honk. Dude, you see how much we dream about that boy? He's such a honk, dude. So then Sunday, obviously, is the big game. Yeah. Burt takes us to Guy Fieri's Super Tailgate.

Big J told me about this. It was. So by then. But fuck of a fucking Super Bowl tailgate. 10,000 people. It was just 10,000 people. 10,000 people in the main thing. We were in like the 800 person VIP area.

And I mean, Burt and Guy. But Burt and Guy, yeah. There's different shades of the same. Yeah. We were talking. We were like Buffett. The food Buffett comedy Buffett. So funny.

They all meet up. They formed Jimmy Buffett. It just turns into Margaritaville. Yeah. But Burt's so famous. He can't be in that area. Like those people were like Burt, Burt, Burt. Like he was.

You see anyone in the VIP that was like famous, be like like nerd out for Burt? Do you see anybody like that's the guy here? It was like. Really? Yeah. So we went around. You know, Burt obviously gets on stage.

That sings the national anthem. I mean, unbelievable. He gets on rips and shirt off things. He wasn't even supposed to be on the show. Got up to a dominated. Met Diplo. Not a big deal. Kevin.

I mean, the history. It was so funny. I didn't say anything. You can't say anything. You could never say anything to him. Yeah. But the history of that. Yeah, it was very funny.

Is like. I saw the picture. Well, I was standing with him. I'm at home. I'm at home watching like pregame stuff. And I see you post that picture. Dip. Wow.

In my old man eyes. I went like this on it. I mean, that's why I posted it. I posted it for the boys. It's so funny. I was like, dude. No way. That was a good one.

Because I remember the drive home. From Philly. Yeah. When you were like bank Diplo. And I was like the DJ. Yeah. And then all these years later. Yeah.

Back stage. Back stage of the guy Fieri. Yeah. Guy Fieri. Fieri. That was pissing me off. So Burt. And all of his people kept saying.

Changing it. Guy Fieri. Yeah. They were saying it like he says it. Guy Fieri. It's like when my mom gets drunk at dinner. And she orders a sauvignon blanc. Yeah.

Bitch you ain't French. You're from Fresno. No. That's how he says it. I was like, guys, it's fucking Guy Fieri. It's Fieri. It's Fieri. Stop with the Fieri.

They're like, guys, we got to get ready. Guy Fieri is coming over soon. I call him Convola Travola con Guy. Because when I went to Italy. I don't know what that is. When I was in Italy. That girl I was dating. Yes.

The only American show we got in English. Was Guy Fieri. Diner's Divers. And it was called D's. Yeah. Triple D. And in Italian it was called Travola con Guy. Travola Travola Guy.

Yeah. So we were just like Travola con Guy. Travola con Guy. When we come back a week. We're like, dude, we got a Travola con Guy. He's exactly what you think he is. The mayor of Flavortown is coming. We got to get ready.

Guy Fieri's. He is who you think he is. Yeah. He shows up. He's like, what's up guys? Yeah. I did a opian Anthony one time and they fucked with him. They only wanted his assistant on and not him.

And they like made him mad. So I didn't get to meet him. And I just wanted to meet Guy Fieri. Guy Fieri. I was like, can I meet Guy Fieri? He's wearing a jacket that on the back of it was like. Five. I'm in Miami bitch.

Oh yeah. You're such a fucking double. Dude, is he? He was awesome though. Is he Chef Kid Rock? You're also in Phoenix. What? Is he Chef Kid Rock?

He's. That's a good call. Mmm. No. Kid Rock's actually cooler. Yeah. He's actually cooler. Shane nailed it.

He's food buffet. He turns comedy buffet. He's food buffet. Yeah. Because to be a buffet, your fans have to have the feeling of like, I know I shouldn't, but I'm gonna. Yeah. Yeah.

That's the whole. It's a party. It's a giant party. It's the ethos of buffet. Yeah. I shouldn't, but I'm gonna. Yeah. My dad was a monk.

He was a buffet monk. He lived a lifestyle until he died. That's the conclusion. Yeah. He went to the temple. He abandoned his family and lived in seclusion. He took a vow of silence to his family. He moved into the parrot vow of silence to party until he could no longer live until

he gets to that cheeseburger and paradise. Yeah. Dude, he is. He's munching cheeseburger and paradise. I like mine. So when you're there at the thing, are you like. Diddies? Are you hungover at or because you took.

No, I took Saturday. I took it relatively easy. I was still hungover from all of them. Combined. Yeah. Dude, you're doing. I was hungover until yesterday. Do you have like a.

You ever like when you drink to it, you get your tongue like feels weird. It gets dry to dry tongue. Bro. And when you're in the desert, your skin's dry. Your mouth. Oh, and that heat is people are like, Oh, it's so nice in the winter. But you're like. I lived there for five years.

Yeah. It is nice. When you first. When you walk outside though. Yeah. If you're hungover, it's nice, but you're right. It's dry. It's very dry that you're like, Oh, fuck this.

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No, you're doing three or four days. That's got to be too much, man. Yeah, it was so much. I mean, I got to go to the Super Bowl in 2019 and I flew in the day before and left the day after and that was too much. Yeah. That was like. Yeah.

That was a watch. The whole city's buzzing. The whole city's like everything that's going on is Super Bowl. Everyone famous. All the big corporations are all there. Just throwing Pfizer was there. Yeah. All the dogs.

All the dog. I know this is a lot of name dropping. I feel lame about it. Listen, Lamar and I are here because I figured you guys would like. Yeah. That's fucking cool. The game was. I mean, incredible.

How was the Black National Anthem in person? I missed it. I didn't even know it was happening. Did you? When the fuck did they play it? I didn't even realize at the beginning. I was there. Yeah, I didn't even.

I would probably say 30 minutes for Chris Stapleton was probably even in the. Oh, OK. Yeah, I wasn't there for it. Stapleton murdered that American. Stapleton fucking rocks. There was people in the room crying. I was like, damn, this guy's good. Me and Jay looked at each other when Sirianni was like sobbing and we were like, dude.

Can I tell you right now? It's not great. It's not a great time. It's kind of an emotional wreck. Just something that I've witnessed as a football fan and a theory that I have is you cannot cry until you've won the Super Bowl. If you cry before that, it's like coming too fast. And then they're like, because Vernon Davis, this is the reason I remember, I remember

Vernon Davis made that catch against the Saints in the playoffs. They called the one where he got murdered. Yeah. He got murders in the middle. Oh, no, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no. That was in the Seahawks. That was the Seahawks at NFC Championship game rocking them.

But it was a sad one. Yeah. But I'm talking about the Saints game. He caught a touchdown pass after he had dropped like three and we won the game and he cried and I was like, that's not good. And then we lost the next week to the Giants. And I was like, you can't cry till you win the Super Bowl. And then I saw Sirianni just be like, stop it.

He's on the screen. Literally, I was watching the thing and then I looked, Jay like locked eyes. Jay was like, yeah. Dude, the meanest tweet right after you guys lost had to have been a Giants or a Cowboys fan. Someone tweeted out cry Eagles cry and it was Sirianni crying. And you're like, I didn't think I was going to take the loss as hard as I did. Oh my God.

You're there. I'm like, I still haven't watched highlights. I still can't watch that. I can't look at it. By the way, I haven't consumed media because it's all about the Super Bowl. It doesn't go away next season. The start of next season, you'll be like, all right, well, I'm over it. It's been a full off season.

And then they'll show you clips of the Super Bowl and you'll be like, I don't. Are you guys allowed to go to Super Bowls anymore? Because both times you guys went your team's loss. All right. It was the Chiefs. Everyone knows. I'm sorry. I'm just saying.

Yeah, we do need to. You mean need to. Rectify it. Get some guns and head. Show them that they're dealing with the fucking devil. Yeah. It was Andy Reid looks like that. He looked like Dr.

Robotnik does rule. I do love Andy Reid. I mean, the one thing that lifted my spirits after the I was there when the 49ers lost was the quote where he's like a cheeseburger went to sleep. He's awesome. All right, he's fun. Andy Reid rules, but the rest of that team is a bunch of fucking dorks. Yeah.

Oh my God. The old line. The old lines. Your friends. Travis Kelsey. He's not going to be your bae. You think? You think?

You think? You think? You think you and the big wig won't be friends? No. Haha. What's up, man? My boy Shane. And he's going to be like everybody down in us.

Shut up. You're a juju guy. You're a juju guy. You're more of a juju guy. I hate juju. Really? Did you see what he was talking? He was saying shit?

No. You didn't see him on Twitter? No. AJ Brown fucking body bagged him. Yeah. Really? After the shit was going down? So juju posted a Valentine.

Oh, I saw that. Oh. Of AJ Brown. Of no. No. The guy who did the hold and call. He was the hold and call. It wasn't Gardner Johnson.

It was. Oh, no, it was Bradbury. Bradbury. Posted it was like I'll hold you. Yeah. Kind of. Not after you beat this. Not after a bullshit call.

Yeah. A guy who had a pro bowl season. Yeah. You did nothing. Yeah. You fucking make fun of the guy who like lost the game on a fucking bad call. That's bitch shit. Yeah.

That is like, that's like you slipping and being like, oh, you can't catch your feet. You're like, fuck you. It would be like, it would be like a random player after, after Chris Weber called a timeout. Yeah. It's like nice timeout. It's like you were on the bench. Shut the fuck up. Watch, take a timeout to think about this.

Fuck you dude. The only reason you got North Carolina is because your fucking grades are good. Because you lift up the average. Yeah. So at the game, because as someone that's been to a Super Bowl and watched their team loss, lose specifically to the Chiefs. It's fucking brutal. I had to sit in the Chiefs section.

We were behind the Chiefs bench. Well, I was in the fan section. Oh. And Kathy got me a ticket. And she's like, I got you a ticket because McDaniel was still coaching on the nineties. Yeah. And I was like, Hey, can I get a ticket? I'm going to go down there.

And his wife was like, they're like $5,000. And I was like, I, yeah, I don't think I can do that. And then Kath is still working for Kath is still working for ESPN. And she was like, I got you. I got you a ticket. Come on down here. And then I got there and she goes, it's in the Chiefs section. And I was like, I don't care.

I'm going to the Super Bowl. And then Fred Warner picked Patrick Mahomes in the third quarter. And I stood up and yelled, suck my dick. Like in full red. I had my niners hat fucking hoodie on stood up. I was like, suck my dick. Cause everyone was like, he's never thrown an interception in the post season. And then Fred, I think it was Fred Warner picked them.

And I stood up and yelled at, and then this fucking section had so much fun. Watching the Chiefs come back and then watching me melt that. Like I felt it like them. Like there was like a wave coming over a wall. Like I sat there and then you guys lost in such a bullshit fashion that it was down to the last second. And I asked Jay this, were you there when the confetti was shot out? Yeah.

But we, we left right away. So you didn't get hit with any of the confetti. Might have been hit with some confetti. Cause here's the deal. Kathy, and this is why I'm making her my bride. She had her, she had her leather coat on. And she was like this cause she's a Pat's fan. She didn't give a shit.

But she cared. I was like sad. And it was like, they were running out the clock and she goes, we got to go. And I was like, what? She goes, we got to go now. Let's leave. And I left. And as we were walking out, she's like, I don't want to get hit.

I don't want you to get hit with that confetti. And I was like, oh, I didn't think of how much that would have fucking hurt. Oh, you had it because you were up 10. Like we were up 10. Hurt's played a nearly perfect game. He should have been the MVP. I texted you that. I meant that.

But he had fun. He had the fumble. He gave up a touchdown, but he had four touchdowns over 300 yards passing. He played his fucking tick off. He did. He looked, he looked pissed. He looked ready for next season though. Hurts.

I think, I think. Yeah, hopefully. When you're at the game, there's a thing. Cause you go through the stages of like, wow, we're at the Super Bowl and you're there with your friends. Yeah. You know, Burt and Jay and Norman. You having fun.

Perfect crew. You got a new, you got a new NFC Bay Christian McCaffrey, arguably one of the coolest football players of all time. Yeah. His friends with you. So you're like, what a win. You got to see Drake feet. So, and then like, and then.

Everything's perfect. And then the Eagles were balling up 10 and a half. I'm like, and if the Eagles win, we're going to the after party with the team. Yeah. Which I don't know if you know this, they have that party regardless. No, I know that, but I wasn't going to go to that one. I see the invite was still there. And I was like, I'm not going to do that.

I had to go because oh, McDaniel gave us family and friends and I was meeting up. And so we were up just like you guys, we were up in the second half and I get the text. Hey, if we, if the 49ers win, go to gate, whatever. Yeah. We'll go on the field to see Mike. And I was like, that's what I got. And now, yeah. And you're like, okay.

So then you start doing this. I'm still going on. You go, where's, where's 105? Yeah. I told Jay. I told Jay. I said, Hey, just so you know, if they win, I get a text that says we can go on the field. And then the comeback starts happening.

Although I will say I knew it was coming. My home's got hurt. I knew with that injury was real. You don't think it was real. I said the same thing. It was wrestling. He loved it. He loves limping for the camera.

And he was doing this. You know, he does. He does. Don't get me wrong. I would have quit. Yeah. All I'm saying is his ankle face is very similar to mine. When you're trying to make a girl feel good about a blow job.

Yeah. I don't even feel it. Yeah. I don't feel a single thing. I just know you're down there. I'm just making noises because otherwise I'm just going to lay here silent. Just to breathe through your nose blow job. Well, they showed him walk.

They showed my home's walk back to the locker room and he didn't live. He had that weird walk. He Kaiser Soze. Do you guys hate him? He was like walking and then he was like fine. He's like, I'm here. I know. Although I will say this.

I've come full circle to Jackson. My homes. Yeah. I like it. I think it's just because he causes chaos. I think no. I was just watching clips of people being like, fuck these two. And my home's wife in the box.

Yeah. Nobody can stop. Yeah. It's like, it's so funny. She's totally sensational. Sherry. Yeah. She's sensational.

She's like, you're going to pay. He can throw it. He can run it. Pop and champagne on a freezing cold. She's bringing on poor people from Kansas City. They spent all their money getting a ticket to a brother. That means my home has to be booked or teams. Super Bowl.

We're coming for you. Oh, shit. Jackson, my home's is hilarious. Okay. So that didn't bother me. So take us back to the game. So Rihanna's performing. How was that?

Wonderful performance. I couldn't believe how good it was. You see ASAP? I did not see ASAP. Okay. But at halftime. Collinsworth walked up the steps. Did I tell you this?

Did Jay tell you this? No. So me and Jay, we're joking in the car ride. We're like, if we see Collinsworth, there's going to be a fight. Collinsworth. Let me give a little back context. Shane, we would get together when I still lived in Astoria.

We got together and watched an Eagles game because I was living with Vecchione. Jay came over. We got sandwiches. We were all watching the Eagles game and for some reason. No, you ordered yourself a meal on Grubhub. It didn't get anyone else's food. That was Brown's Niners, dude.

That was Brown's Niners. That was Brown Niners. I invited people over from running our football. Single meal from Grubhub. No, I ordered my... I brought food back from a street car and I was like, I don't know. You guys can get something.

And everyone was like, you didn't get food for anybody other than I got myself chicken and rice. Word about goddamn self. I guess not. But Jay's... But the Eagles game, because Jay went and got sandwiches.

We all got sandwiches. Yeah. And I remember watching it and Collinsworth loves to talk shit about the Eagles. He just always... I've noticed it since then. He just always shit talks to Eagles. And then Jay was getting mad

and then Shane started, Shane and Jay, where he goes, dude, Collinsworth would fuck you up. Jay was like, no, you wouldn't. At first it's the laugh thing where he goes like, yeah, okay. Okay, Shane. And then Shane's like,

I'm serious, man. He's an athlete. He's like, long... You'd gas out. I kept telling him that they'd be in a hallway. Collinsworth would splash whiskey in his face and slap him and then pull him apart. Is that what you're saying?

No, I was saying it to him then. I was like, here's how it would go down. You'd come up. He would just... He'd say, peasant. He'd throw his $1,000 whiskey in your face and slap you in the face. So now you guys are at the Super Bowl.

So we're at the Super Bowl. On the way there, he was like, what if we see Collinsworth? I was like, I mean, we're not... We're no chance. Literally, I'm staying... I'm on the aisle seat. I see him walking up the steps.

I was like, no way. He's about to walk down. I was like, Jay. He sees Collinsworth and he was like... And I was like, what the fuck? That's crazy. That's nuts. So after half time, you're like...

Rihanna, what a performance. Wow, what a beat show. Wow. And now you're like, let's finish this thing up. Let's go. I was like, they get the ball in half. They're gonna... This thing's far from over.

Yeah. And then score. His score is nothing. And they score. And then they score again. And they have fucking like a punt return touchdown, defensive touchdown. I mean, they were...

Yeah, they were... With a defensive touchdown, I think it was the first half. But... You start rolling. You can't give up a defensive touchdown and a punt return. You can't beat them with that. But then you guys answer. Which the 40-hours were capable of doing.

Get the two-point conversion, but there's five minutes left. And it's like... And they start driving. They start driving. They get down to about a minute 15. Hopefully they score quick. And we get a chance. And you saw Siriani call it, like, let him score.

You want the ball back. Oh, yeah. Let him score. And then the Bradbury hold call happens. And then basically at that point, you're like... Oh, as soon as the hold was called, I was like, oh, it's game. Yeah. They're gonna be able to...

It's literally the flag left his hands and I was like, game. Yeah. I was like, it's over. Fuck. Fuck. You and the other Kelsey, too. And then they wasted the clock and kicked the field goal. Oh.

One of the gayest ways to win a game is waste the clock at the one-yard line. How quiet. It's like a technical wrestling match. You're just like... After the best match of all time. Yeah. And then so... Well, one of them.

It was a really great game. It was a good game. So you're... How quiet were you leaving? Were you like... You don't talk. I didn't think that was gonna hurt that bad. Dude, it hurts.

That hurts so bad. Katie said something to me that I snapped at her a little bit and then later I had to apologize because, you know, she's been to a lot of Super Bowls working for ESPN. And she was like, I'm gonna tell you this right now. She's like, I've been to Super Bowls. We're the Patriots of one. I've been when they've lost. And she's like, I promise I'm trying to say this to make you feel better.

It's not as good when they win as it's as bad when they lose. And I was like, what? She's like, this is the worst feeling in sports, what you're going through. Yeah. Because you're walking out and you're watching chiefs fans and their mashed potato faces. Just go like, oh my God, we did it. We did it. And they're hugging and shit.

And you're just like, all of that, all of that. And by the way, you had spent a week there having like unbelievable time. I had been, when I went to this role, I had been flying out to San Francisco and staying with McDaniel, going to the divisional game, and your guys coaching your buddies. It's my boy from middle schools coaching my favorite team. And it's like, I was, I was like, we're going to go on the field and that loss happens. And it's like instantly you're like, fuck. I got to get out of here.

I got to get an Uber for the next three hours. Just go drink. Yeah. We went to a bar. Put on Drake. No, that's not Drake time. That's not Drake time. Can you put on Drake?

Because it's a fucking Batman soundtrack time. It's just scores, just for known scores. And this noise a lot. Oh, you're doing the Batman. The Batman, the emo Batman. Shut the city's dark. You're just talking like Batman. Where are you?

I'm so sorry. Where is she? Where is she? So you go to the bar. Go to the bar. Are you just like... Turn on the jets a little. I'm starting to feel good again.

I drink my way out of this thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can fucking... You don't think I can get out of this? You think I can get it? What's that, sir? I said, how about you suck my ding dong, chiefs? But then, uh, that did not help.

The hangover did not help. The hangover did not help the loss. Did you stay there an extra day? No. You had to get on a plane home. Early? Bro. Can I ask you something?

Oh. Did you wear your gear at the airport? Fuck yeah. Yeah. Also, this was the craziest running. I'm at the airport. Yeah. Wayne Rooney.

What? The soccer star? Who looks just... He's like a short little fat guy now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No one cares. Yeah, no one cares about... I'm the only one that was like...

Holy fuck. Wayne Rooney. Just dabbed him up. He can't walk it. Yeah. I was like, big fan. He's like... I couldn't believe it.

That's crazy. That's like you being at a Premier League game. It was crazy. That is like you being at a Premier League game. Tom Brady. Tom Brady. But like Donovan McNabb. Yeah.

He's just chilling. And you're like, no one's talking to you? And he's like, eh, not really my scene. I'm just here getting loaded by myself. I can't believe it. Dude, that's fucking cool. What a cool run-in. The airport is, I would say, outside of leaving the stadium, the airport sucks.

Super Bowl, yeah. Yeah. Because you're watching Chiefs fans with that, like, gittiness. I was in line at TSA and had my 49ers hat on and this, like, old black dude was talking to these Chiefs fans and he goes, man, y'all had a hell of a season. That was a great game, too. You guys really took it from him. And I'm just, like, standing there.

And then he sees me and he goes, I see you in your colors. He's like, way to rep. And I was like, I don't want to hear that right now. Don't try to pick me up with the fucking participation. I spazzed on a guy at the bar after. Yeah. He was just some old guy, some old dude in the Chiefs jersey with, like, two Chiefs, like his sons.

And he was like, he said, EA GLES losers. And I was on the other side of the table, like, why are you talking? I got so drunk. I was so drunk I couldn't talk. I was like, you're doing a lot of this, dude. Shut the fuck up. What did he say? He left.

He was like, all right. I was like, actually, spazz. Yeah, dude. They left fucking bailed you out in the NFC championship. They bailed you out in the NF, in the Super Bowl. Fuck off. Get the fuck out of here. You fucking bitch.

Wasn't there one call where it was like defense isn't ready or something? They were. Substitution. You're, you're, they were, because the play ended up on the sideline, they were supposed to give the defense enough time to substitute. So they called, they like stopped the clock. Yeah, the rest stopped the clock. And which they then challenged Davante, uh, Davante Smith's fucking catch.

Yeah. It was a good catch. Yeah. It was a good catch that fucking killed us. I mean, pretty killed you guys. Yeah. Pretty getting injured, but it is. At least you knew that was over from the start.

Don't get me wrong. That's a shit way to lose. Well, what sucked is it was like, uh, I've spent like a lot of money on like paper views for boxing when I didn't have money and someone breaks a hand and they say they go, his quarter has a lot. He is fighting without a right hand and you're like, oh, it's over then. Cool. I get to watch him jab out of this.

Yeah. And that's what it was like. I mean, did you talk to CMC at all about it? Cause he was like about to play quarterback. No. Put him in a helmet with the green fucking butt. No. I made that mistake with Taylor Heineke.

Yeah. Oh, I forgot. Heineke's the bro. He's the man. He's the bro. Well, he's, he's like a fan of comedy. Yeah. He fucking rules.

He loves comedy. Taylor Heineke fucking rules. He came and got fucked up with us. Like Heineke rules, but that was the first thing I said to him was I was like, then I realized I should shut the fuck up about football to these guys. Cause it's cause I was like, oh, remember when he took that dive against the Eagles to cause he like the way the Eagles lost to the commander Redskins this year was a late hit. Yeah.

He like took a knee there. He was about to get sacked and he took a knee and then he got hit and he flopped a little won the game on it, which he's the only guy until my homes to beat hurts. Yeah. Yeah. Cause as soon as I brought that up to him, I was like, I should shut the fuck up. These are, that's, I'm a fan. Did he say, did he act?

Did he act weird? No, no, he was cool. He was laughing about it, but I was like, what if he wasn't? And I'm just a douche. It's like, you fucking cheated. Yeah. You cheated to win. And he's like, Hey guy, you cheated to beat my team.

He's getting drilled by brand of Graham. Yeah. Cause you don't want to bring like with CMC. He's, he's your new buddy. You don't want to be like, I don't want to, I don't want to take things too fast with CMC. I'm going to ease into this. I, I need to facilitate this.

Well, I'm looking for personal interest. I need to facilitate a Shane CMC mashup and ideas. Niner gang. Niner gang, dude. Bang, bang, bang. By the way, I show you our boy. Someone bought a fucking, uh, someone bought a, uh, cameo from homeboy. Oh, so now that's, I got it.

I got it locked. Okay. Oh, let's go. My friend got me one. Yeah. Yeah. But now I just, I just needed that clip. So nice.

So next season I just got it locked and loaded just to send it one week. Cause we're playing all of the NFC East. So I got, I got giants fans that I'm friends with. I'm going to be dropping it on. If we win the birds. It's going to be a good game. I think it's going to open the season. I hope so.

I hope it's the bad guys football niners cause it's at Eagles on Amazon. Is it always division? Uh, same conference? Not always. God, I hope it's chief Seagals. Oh, are you guys playing in the season? That run back. That run back.

I don't know. I don't think they already have the opponent. Yes, yes, yes. They already have the. Cause it, dude, you, you want that. That's what the NFL wants. The NFL wants to run it back immediately with KFC with KC and, uh, fucking Philly. Why?

Because that was Niners will be fun. Niners Eagles will be fun. There's a lot of, there's a lot of, you know, some grudge matches. Well, you know what, there's rumors. He's going to Tampa. Yeah. There, uh, what's funny is like you, like spazzing out how much better it feels. You know, I went nuclear on the Rosa, right?

Like it was a problem. Like it was a problem for like, it was a problem for like three days. Yeah. Like Jay had to see me. Jay saw me and Jay was like, come on, dude. Like he saw how mad I was cause the Rosa during the Eagles game was like, huh. Looks like the 49 in our group texts is like, huh. It looks like the 49ers didn't want it bad enough.

And I was like, Hey, I'm going to read you what I wrote to him. Such a cocksucker. He's the Joker cause he doesn't care about anything. But dude, you're going to love this because this is such a, Shane's watched me fucking flat out. You're spaz. Yeah. I've gone and like when you yelled at that old man, I was like, good.

Yes. Do it. Do it. Dude, I went like this. I was doing a lot of talking. Cause I was so drunk. I thought I wasn't that drunk, but then I tried to start talking shit. I was like, Oh, I can't talk.

Oh dude. I fucking, dude, he, dude. He scared an old man after the game. He was old. The Rosa text to me. This is like third quarter. Josh Johnson's out. Yeah.

Brockford. He's coming in with the torn elbow. I know it's like this game ain't happening. The Rosa text to me, man. The 49ers just did not bring it today. Very poor playing and some lousy sportsmanship to boot. It's a shame. Very funny.

Very, very funny. Not in the state I was in. I was by myself. Kath left to LA to film something. I'm with the dog at home alone. Oh, very angry. And I wrote, Joe, you're a chick. Go look up a recipe.

I wrote, go put on an apron and cook a casserole. You bitch. And then he wrote, your team needs a recipe for winning. And then he wrote, and these bums just started to fight on the field. I remember when this was a game. And I wrote, can't do this. Yeah.

This is me. I told you right now. This is me. Dude, I've been shaking angry intent. Dude, I was. Team losses. I was standing up texting this. I wrote, can't wait for your pussy ass to call me later.

Hey, buddy, I was just joking. Joe, you are an enormous. I would slap you in your mouth if you were in the same room with me right now. And dude, the fall out from that was like, they lose. And then like, I got days to come down. I'm still hot. And then Joe, I talked to Joe finally and he goes, you know,

it's the part that really hurt. I was going to call you and tell you I was joking. Because I was joking. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, dude, you. But it feels good. I said this. No, I get it. I said this publicly.

At the end, I end up thanking the Rosa for being a person I could focus my anger on that old man. Let you pop that pimple where you're like, I felt good. Fuck you do the fucking pussy. Because you're going to carry that around with you regardless. So just get it out. I had one of the worst spaz is over again. So this is a tough spaz.

Yeah. I was in the group, my college friends group texts at the time. The US soccer team lost to Portugal. I died Portugal in the last second and it fucked the US and the World Cup. And I was like in the group. I was the only one who cared in the group text. Fucking Ronaldo thinks he's so cool.

And they were like, dude, you're a fat loser. Ronaldo's the man. You guys don't want to do this. You get so mad. You get so fucking mad. All those awesome. You're a loser. Dude, the best spaz is with sports.

Whenever they make it happen. I remember when Randy Couture fought Brock Lesnar for the UFC heavyweight championship. There was this dude I was friends with that I waited tables with. Just a fucking street urchin from Queens. He was like a bus boy, but he was cool as fuck. And he would just get fucked up. He's like, yo, I'm in a story.

And I was like, hey, I DVR'd the Lesnar Couture fight. I don't want to know who won. You can come over. We're going to drink beers and watch it. And they're walking to the ring. We watched the whole pay-per-view card. They're walking the ring and this dude, Mikey, goes, man, can't believe Lesnar won.

And I just spazed out. I was like, why the fuck would you open your mouth right now? And then dude, he laughed. People don't know. Sotus. You look like you got a scary rage. I got rage, dude. My therapist calls it annihilation danger.

I've noticed it. You get some table punches during a video game. I don't do that. I had to stop playing more to combat because I'll punch holes in the walls. Right? I don't know what it is, man. Mortal Kombat is one of the more frustrating ones.

You're going to say move. You're going to say move. I got into the Mortal Kombat 11. Yeah, just scorpion doing the teleport punch the whole time. That's Matt's move. Is it really? Matt does the teleport punch with scorpion. That's like doing the...

Nothing better than catching him with an uppercut. That's like crouching with Dalsim and Street Fighter just kicking. Or using arms. But dude, I spazzed on that guy to the point where he left my house and then just seeing him at work the next week and being like, hey, my bad man. And he was like... No, it was his bad.

Yeah. He was like, no, dude, you paid for a pay-per-view and I fucking ruined it. Because then I'm just watching the whole match. I'm like, I fucking know how this ends. Yeah. Dude, sports. For some reason, sports get me riled up.

That fucked me. I was Randy Couture, the heavyweight champion anyway. I don't know. Dude, it was cool. You came out to Aerosmith's back in the saddle again. That was awesome. That was great. Volkanowski this weekend.

I got fucked on that. Yeah, me too. Yeah, I was the one. So on Saturday night, after the show, we just went home to watch the UFC. Fun. But I had to... I was like, I have an ESPN.

I'll buy it. And while I was searching it, obviously it was like... Oh, half a minute. You see Islam holding up the belt. And I was like... Shit. Fuck. I know what happened.

Did you watch the fight though? Yeah. It was a good fight. It was like a... It was very like... If it wasn't a title fight, Volkan would have won. I don't think Volkan won. He won.

I didn't watch it at all. He won. I just saw the result. Volkanowski was fucking him up the whole time. He didn't work as great as he usually works. True. But even when he got him down, Volkan was like fucking him up. Judging was crazy.

It was the judge. That's what I mean though. Because Patty will win that decision. Or like Sean O'Malley will win that decision. Yeah. But Volkan won't. Yeah. That sucks.

Yeah. Flash. That's true. By the way, the guy that Patty beat, Jared Flash Gordon, lives around here. He's in a story here. Yeah. He's in a story.

He got through it like born and raised. Nice. Jared Gordon rules. Should have won that fight. He should have. Yeah. He was cheering for him. Because it was like, oh man,

don't toss fucking Gordon to Patty. Like he's just a fucking guy. And then he had a good fight. Yeah. That's a sports spazzer. Sports spazzer. Very. Or so embarrassing.

So embarrassing. I did. I had to have a conversation with Joe where I was like, you mean, I'm going to work on this in therapy. I don't know where the fuck this is coming from. You think sports spazzers are more embarrassing than video game spazzers? They're the same. They come from the same place.

The exact same spaz. The same inferiority spaz. It just comes from. It comes from the. Why? It's that noise. Yeah. But at least a video game.

You can be like, run it back right now. Yeah. Pay me right. The best, the best move you can do is as the guy who won't go. No. Yeah. Walk away. Walk away from it.

No. No rematch. No, no rematch. You want to beat a couple other people before you get to play me again. Oh dude. I remember we got, I got a PlayStation 2. Matt used to fuck it. Matt's, Matt's a psycho.

Yeah. That's a secret spaz. Dude, secret spaz is unite. He's very public about how much he spazes. But we would play video games and then he would run up the steps after he lost. He's got, he's got that romp. He'd see it fucking. That ass.

But he's always so like, you know, you know, Matt, he's very, he's like, everything's cool. I'm chill. He's one of the chillest people I've ever met. But then you get him a good video game spaz and he'll run up the stairs. He's still got the little brother energy. Dude, I'm embarrassed. I'm embarrassed by a video game spaz 20 years later. My senior year at high school, I bought a PlayStation 2.

It was like my work money. And I got Madden 01. Nice. And I was just playing it. No. Stop. And all my boys were like, my mom was gone a lot. It was Madden 01.

Was that? Eddie George. Eddie George on the cover. Eddie George on the cover. And so I'm like, dude, this is going to be. 2000 call pepper. Yep. Good call.

No. 02. Sean Alexander. No. No. That was 07. Wait a line. No.

07 was Vince Young. Or was that 08? It might have been 08 was Vince Young. Because Vince Young was on the cover of the NCAA game. No, he wasn't. No. No. No.

No. That was Boise State. That was Boise State. That was Calamore. Yeah, it was. Can you do the... I can start 03 with Wanky. 03.

Are you sure that wasn't 02? Are you sure that wasn't 02, Wanky? I want to say... Hold on. Fire it up. Let's see if we can do it. 02 might have been... This is going to be tough.

This is going to be hard. I mean, I'm like trying to think back on NCAA. Which by the way, coming back in 2024. Cannot wait. Because I think at launch day... Cannot wait. Launch day, just get ready. Because I'm finding you.

Oh, yeah. And we're fucking NCAA in it. I mean, this is just a sports podcast now. Yeah. Yeah. No, they ain't seen it. So let's talk sports. Yeah.

Matt's gone, dude. Time to talk sports. Back to spazzing. I fucking got... I was playing Madden 01. Like I'd come home from school and just play it. All weekend play it. And my mom was gone for like a week.

And I was like, dude, Friday night, I got a fake ID. Let's go get a bunch of beers. We'll have a Madden tournament for money. Good day. Everyone will put in money. And I had like eight friends. And I was like, dude, I'm about to win every one. 02 is Wanky.

03 was Joey Harrington. I think it's reverse. Reverse. 02 is Harrington. 03 is Wanky. 04... No, no. Wanky would have been...

For the state. Oh, older though. Yeah, but he was an older quarter. No, but I'm saying they won. Oh, you're saying it was... Like 2000. He... Oh, fuck.

Is he 2000? They won like nine. They beat Vic. Yeah. Oh, shit. 01 might be... Harrington might be... Joey Harrington.

Yeah. At Oregon. This is fun, though. It's not great podcasting, but it's pretty fun. Fun to think back on who it was. So, Dan, this tournament. You had your tournament. I had eight.

I'm sorry. So, I had like seven of my friends. Even my friends that were like, I don't even play video games. I'm like, it'll be fun. It'll be fun to have a tournament. It'll be fun. It'll be fun to have a tournament.

Thank you. And I'm like... I'm a attorney. And I'm like, it's my house. It'll be fun to win. Bit of a gamer. It'll pay back for the beer money or whatever. Dude, I lost in the second round.

I remember Dante Culpepper was the quarterback of the Vikings. Yeah. And my friend would just do the same move. You said Madden. Yeah. All right. So, he would just roll right and then just fucking bomb it with Culpepper. And I remember a lot.

My friend, Mike Foojack, beat me. He's quiet. Very nice man. Fooj. Dude. Foo Tang beat me. I stood up and put four holes in my wall in front of him. What?

You see that combo? I was like... Dude, I was like fulking out. I was like... Four holes in my wall. And dude, I swear to God, all my friends went like... Not even laughing at me. This is what was worst.

I don't want to do this anymore. And I was like... Why? You guys won and they're like... Finish the tournament. Sit down. Sit down. Finish the tournament.

And then I just like... I spat so hard that I remember being out in the garage smoking cigarettes and they came out and they're like... Foojack won. And I was like... At least I lost to the winner. I got second. I was second by Steve.

I took up the distance. I caused a video game spaz. I was at the mall with my mom. So I had to go to the mall with my mom and sisters. There's nothing worse as a young man than being dragged to the mall. Because you're going to lady stores. They're going to lady stores. I would just go straight to the video game.

Hit the Funko Land? I don't even know. Yeah. It might have been Funko Land. It was like... Katie Toys used to have some video game here. Well, they would have the screen in the plastic bubble and then the tubes out. So I would just sit there and play.

But I went to one and they were just having an NFL 2K tournament. NFL 2K RIP. Let's go. One of the most fun games. I was like, can I be in the tournament? They were like, yeah. They ended up being like six people. And the winner got a copy of the game.

Yeah. So I get to the finals. It was two-minute quarters. Yeah. I got the ball in the second half and ran the clock out. I was a kid. I ran like... Who are you going against?

An adult. I ran the clock. He understood what you were doing. I ran the clock the whole quarter. He goes, you know, it's not cool to do that. Who is that kind of thing? He grabbed the game off the shelf and ran out of the store. No.

They got him. They got him. Security got him. Damn, dude, you got a guy in a fucking case. Yeah. Dude, you got fucking charged. Yeah. And he was right to be upset.

You just being like, running and then looking at it. Yeah. Just be like, off tackle. Off tackle. We're going off tackle, right? Good luck pitch. Three yards. That's another minute off the clock.

That's the one. You got to punt it. Or just run it. I'll just run a quarter of an XC. Yeah. I can just get through it. First down. Did you look up what the NCAA was?

You got the list of them? So I think, I think 01 is going to be winky. 01 is winky. All right. No. I think they won the... I think they won the... I think it was 2000's winky.

Okay. 01 is... 2002 is... I think that's Sean Alexander. I think it's Chris Leake. No, no, no. I think it's Sean Alexander from Alabama running back. It might be.

So I think it's 2000 winky. 2000 is Sean Alexander. Sean Alexander. 01. 2001 is winky. Winky. 02 is Joey Harrington for Oregon. Yes.

03. Oh. 03 is... Delaware, I think. Oregon player. Oregon. 03. Is it Harrington again?

It's Carson Palmer. Oh, no. It's USC. Oh, sorry. Carson Palmer. Carson Palmer is alert. Yeah. 04.

This is a tough period. 04 is tough. Reggie Bush? Reggie was 06 or 07. I know, man. 04 was the Mike Vickier. Oh. Oh.

Larry Fitzgerald. Larry Fitzgerald. Yes. That was a good year. Yeah. 04 is Fitzgerald. 05 has got to be Reggie Bush. 05.

Who is it? Desmond Howard. The Heisman here. The Heisman here. 06 is Reggie Bush. Because that was the first Xbox 360 one. Yeah. In 05...

Yeah, that's when I moved here to New York. And I remember the 05, Desmond Howard, you could do career mode. The better you played, you had girlfriends. Do you remember that? What? Dude, they started to note that EA used to have cool shit. As the head coach in Diocese mode, you could be like, a dude got in trouble for academic stuff.

You could be like, nah, he's playing. You get sanctions. Yeah. And then if you did the solo career mode, you got a better dorm. The ugly girl at first. Yeah. Your freshman girlfriend was like, ugly. And then by the time you were a senior, you were like,

yeah, dime pieces. Yeah. That was awesome. Yeah. Bring that back, dude. True. Yeah. I thought it was...

If it's in the game, it's in the game. It's in the game. Where's the nerd that's helping me with my test? EA Sports. Yeah. I thought it was in the game. In the game. Oh, damn, dude.

Remember EA Sports big? EA Sports. Oh, yeah, where they try to do... They try to do NBA Jam for everything. Yeah. They're doing that now. They've destroyed video games, dude. Yeah.

Because video games are destroyed online. Yeah. They're like, oh, you want to bowl with bumpers? Everything. You have to fucking dismiss or like offer for new cars or whatever. Dude, Madden is so hard. Can't even play Madden. To franchise.

Yeah. Just to get to franchise. Just to run a franchise. I'm telling you. I like scouting draft picks. You do. I like having a good time. Dude.

I like planning this organization. I do that in 2K. I rebuild. I go to my GMO and I rebuild like the Sacramento Kings all the time. Yeah. You got to rebuild. I like to set the concession prices. I go there and these are high prices for peanuts.

Yeah. You go, come on, man. The working man needs to have a beer. This is really... Come on. Give him a couple brews. Working man's got to have a beer when he's watching us. I just always...

Now I just run dynasties with McDaniel because it's weird to see your friend animated on Madden. Yeah. And then like, I'll tell him what I do. That's awesome. In real life. That's awesome. I saw him at the Jets game.

I go, dude. I'm in the AFC championship game with the Dolphins and he goes, so why haven't you won it? I was like, say less. I go, you know what? Don't worry. I go, you got this situation handled. Skyler Thompson.

I'm going to get us a trophy. I'm going to head back. Send me a picture of this trophy. And then when we went to the Browns game, me and my boy, they were like, because when you're like the access you get with a head coach, you don't get a ticket. You don't have a lanyard. There's just a guy that walks you around. That's like, no, he's with me.

Like the head of security. Yeah. And he was like, do you guys want to go? You guys want to go watch the players get introduced, like to me and my friend Chad. And we're like, what do you mean? And we're down next to the tunnel where they run out. Oh, it was fucking sick. It was against the Browns like week, fucking 15 or whatever.

And every time a guy would run by, I go, he's killing it. My franchise. I don't fucking care. Six overall. I traded him for draft picks and he's like, all right, I don't give a shit. Yeah, dude. It's fucking. You get pumped on the videos to get excited about, like when you watch wrestling, you're

like, those are my guys. Do you play like, do you play 2K, WWE get GM mode stinks though now? Yeah. But do you play like, I just play like random matches. The last one sucked. Yeah. Yeah. Like match them up every time you have a big guy, you have a small guy, you have a, yeah.

Well, the new ones coming out this week. Oh, maybe like next March, March, March 14th. Yeah. Sorry. Preordered. I preordered the expensive one with Cena. I don't know how much of this was just a conversation and not like a funny. And then I met this guy and then I met this guy and then I like sports.

You guys like sports? Yeah. But what? No, it's perfect. You think they want to be like our next topic. I'm just. Yeah. Listen, Matt's gone.

We're going to talk about East Palestine, Ohio, when the shamans away, the bowl will play. Yes. Time to talk sport. Time to talk sport. Dude, you went to the fucking Super Bowl, right? Drink party, dude. You became friends with the most dynamic running back.

I got to take it easy. I don't want to have a hot girlfriend or like a hot girl you're talking to. Yeah. Like I tagged him in a picture yesterday and I was like, do you think his girlfriends can be like that's Shane guys talking about Chris Godwin from the rafters? Who would have thought? Anytime. Like I get when I'm in our fans or like a white dude, I'm like, yeah, yeah, I know

you're a bro. Of course. You're one of us. But when like Chris Godwin from the box hit me up, I was like, big fan, can I come to the show? I was like, absolutely. Yeah. You're dangerous.

You're awesome. Dangerous one on one. Blackest guy I've ever seen. Be my friend. How do you like me? Be my friend. I'm into white running backs, but I could find a place for this. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. But I mean, spazzing on video is wrestling video games are hard to spaz on. Yeah. Unless the computer beats you and you're like, that wouldn't happen. I start talking about it. And I play on legendary. I don't lose. I think I'm a man.

I need to have a little. I think we could settle this. Yeah. Well, it's like a jamboree. Oh, these guys try to beat me in UFC every week and God damn, I put a hurt on these words. Yeah. Smash.

Smash. I say now we talk. But do you think do you think they're afraid to beat you? No. I'm not. I actually don't video game spaz. You don't. I don't video.

Our first hang. Like you actually got me to spaz and I had the series. I don't video games. I beat you. You were. I mean, those were neck and neck and then one game there was a quit. Well, first off. First off.

First off. I kick it half. Shane wanted a bullshit way and I was like, we're not going to continue this 31 to 10. I was like, we're going to run it right back and you go, you quit and then he just had me that whole weekend. I got you to quit. And I was like, no. Made his ass quit.

It was a bullshit reason and we all know that. Was there anything that would get you more like, I know wrestlers would geek us out. Yeah. Yeah. What would like Wayne Rooney is a good example of something that where you would be like, oh, shit that no one cares about. Because in an ad dog Maddox, you go nuts. Yeah.

In an airport, you don't want to just draw attention. Yeah. If it was anywhere else. Can I get a picture? Yeah. But an airport. You're just like sup. Is there anything like, is there anybody that's like a scholastic would have been here, but

like scholastic that would get you to pop? Is there like a writer or something? Cornel West. Oh, shit. I saw Cornel West. Really? He was on my fucking flight. I swear to God.

That's an easy mistake though. Cornel West looks like every old black dude. He was just crazy. I was on a flight. You're gonna love it. I was on a flight with Cornel West. And that's a racial slur too. If you saw it back there, you're like Cornel West.

If I do say motherfuckers, my name is Doug. Yeah. Cornel West was on a flight. I had a transfer from Minneapolis to New York. Cornel West and Greg the Hammer Valley. Oh, yeah. Let's go. It's like different.

Not even at all. Hammer Valentine? That guy was so mad. That's not a fucking NHL. Who's that? He's old school WWF dude. And I saw him and I was like, I walked up. I was like, I'm a bit, not Cornel West.

Greg the Hammer Valentine. Yeah, I was a big fan. He was like, he's all old. He's like, all right, all right. And I was like, all right, you look like an old lesbian. Can I just be your old lesbian ass? Shut up dude. You're hurt now.

We get knocked out. Yeah. Puts me in a fucking, in a hold. Greg the Hammer Valentine, stop. Give us his full name. Greg the Hammer Valentine, please stop. Let me go. I saw Cornel West.

I don't think anybody scholastically would. I think there is a guy though, because you're in the history and shit there. It's probably one person you're not thinking about. That if you saw or if you realized those terms. Ken Burns. Ken Burns would be tight, but I wouldn't even recognize him. But I'm saying if you saw him. Dan Carlin would be tight.

Dan Carlin. Carlin would be like, excuse me. He goes, this steak is not cooked. I ordered a meaty. Heavyweight fighters. Now the Japanese are more than the Japanese. Are you Dan Carlin being racist? Dan Carlin would make you.

Some politicians. Yeah. You can. You saw Obama. Obama. I saw Trump. Yeah. At Mar-a-Lago.

You saw him just like walk through the room. I saw him like talking to a table from like us to that chair. Yeah. Did you want to do your impression, Adam? No, he started. He was doing the hand. I was like, he's doing the hands. He was entertaining a group of rich people at a table.

And he was like, that's great. He had a case. He's doing it. He's doing it. I mean, here's the thing. You can talk shit about any politician. Hillary's in the room with you. You're like, oh, fucking Hillary.

Yeah. Even if you don't like him, you're still like, oh, shit. Oh, shit. Like if just randomly like George W. Bush. Rogan is up there. Rogan? Rogan when the first time. But he was one.

Chappelle, obviously those ones. That's comedy. Yeah, it's like you're. I'm trying to think of comedy. You're just like, because I remember the first time Chris, like Chris Rock just walked by when I was at New York. Crazy one to see when I was in like, I was doing open mics and he came in on a Monday show that I was on just to do a set.

And I was like, like seeing him. The craziest one was the 49ers sucked. This was like 2008 maybe. And the 49ers just were not good. And they beat the Rams, Sam Bradford in the Rams. And I was excited about it. And I was like a little drunk. And I was like, I'm going to go by the cellar because I just got in there.

And I was like, I'm going to go hang. It was Sunday night. And I walked and sat down at a table and Robin Williams was chilling there. And Robin Williams was like sitting there talking to Jim Norton. And I was like, oh, shit. And I didn't talk to anybody. And Lenny Marcus went like, so did the 49ers one, right? And, you know, Robin Williams from the Bay Area.

So he goes, he just looks up. He goes, 49ers one. Look right at me. And I went, they did 3121 over the Rams. I got the 3121. It was a great game. It was like 75 degrees. Alex Smith was 17 to 31 with 231.

It was like, Robin Williams got me this. That was the one where I was like, oh, shit. The Niners one. Robin Williams is big. That was you. I told you about, you were with me when I saw rock. I was, you brought me to the cellar. Oh, Chris.

Did I say Velrock? No. You said rock. You said rock. Yeah. You brought me to the cellar. I was, that was always so funny. You would bring me to the cellar and I'd like sit at the bar.

Yeah. Because you would sit at the table. But then I would do my chair. I was like in between the. I would literally like look back at the table. I'd try to bring Shane into conversations. And Voss knew you. So Voss was there.

It was easy. But like other people are like, well, my friend Shane, you just moved here. I like direct the conversation. He would be like, okay. Who's this white guy that soders? That's a big bro move, dude. It was a big bro.

So then he. So Soder and me and Michelle Wolf were sitting at the table. Soder goes to do a spot. He runs downstairs. I was like, fuck, should I sit here? And then as soon as he walks out, Chris Rock comes and sits down and him and Michelle Wolf are just talking. And I'm just sitting there like.

And then they said something about, I don't know. I said, Sandy Hook was a hoax. And I was like, yes. Yeah. Yeah. That was like, I remember Seinfeld walked by when I first moved to the city and I was like, I was like, I'm going to, I'm going to talk to Seinfeld.

I was outside smoking a cigarette and he was walking to stand up in New York. And I was like, crowd's pretty good in there, Jerry. And he's like, it's walked by me. And I was like. It's devastating. Fuck. I don't know how you get to that though.

Like I'll still, you know how when you walk around the corner and from the village underground. There's always the guys, there's always the guys, like comedy show parking. And I would never be like, they're like, hey, how's it going? I'd never be like. Seinfeld does that though. And then, and then he came out in the press and he was like,

I'm autistic. And I think, I think he was just like trying to cover. I bet that dude's autistic. He notices a lot of stuff. He does. He notices a lot. He notices probably those train schedules and notices little small stuff.

That guy notices a lot. Yeah. And he probably gets real mad when stuff's out of place. I bet. Yeah. Oh yeah. He definitely. Somebody was just telling me, like when you hang out with him,

everything's a schedule. Oh yeah. Like everything's a schedule. So maybe he wasn't bullshitting. No, I don't think he was bullshitting. It was like from nine to 10, we'll have breakfast from 10 to 12. We'll write from. That's crazy.

And then he was like, and then we're going to go see a movie. And I ran it out the movie theater. I'll sit here. You sit there. And if you don't, I'll flip out. I believe. I don't know how true any of that is. You stem in Jerry.

Yeah. You're stimming. And he's like, yeah. He goes, Kramer's not supposed to come in the door. And that show would have been so much better if they wrote him his autistic the whole time. I think they did. Yeah.

It was pretty. I mean, all the women he broke up with was because of autistic reasons. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She slurped soup. Yeah. I don't like it.

I don't like it at all. Dude, can you imagine being cool like Jerry Seinfeldt and just breaking up with women for no reason? Yeah. Just be like, you were the wrong sneakers. Yeah. Get out of here, bitch. Get out of here, you devil bitch.

We've got to be well over time. All right, let's. You know, though, I got all the NCAA covers wrong. I want to say that live before you make fun of me. You got them wrong. I misread the list. Oh, you know what they spazzed on me for the last time I was here? Bill was gay in the video game.

I knew that. I should have said that. Oh, by last weeks? Yeah. Oh, my God. I haven't played that game. Was he in two? Was he in last week?

Was Bill in last week? No. He died. He died in one. Oh, I don't remember one. I don't. I mean, I played it. But it was years ago.

Ellie finds his gay man. He found his gay man. His gay man. Yeah. By the way, the show is so good. I'm two episodes behind. It's so good. I did watch the.

Two are fucking incredible. I watched the Bill episode, which is great. It's so good. I didn't know I could cry over a gay man like that. Gay man. I didn't know. I didn't know. At the dinner.

I'm going to drink one and I was like. I was cutting it. I cried on one of the recent ones. Oh, the. Yes. I cried. Oh, I'm going to. Don't tell me.

And my girlfriend should be laying here. I lay there. You can see the divot. It's a huge divot. I've destroyed this crowd. My mare's in the divot. It's a deep divot. So you're in the divot.

I'm in the divot. But she knows like she can tell when something. Because I was like. The. The. The. The. The.

The. The. The. The. The young boy in that. I was like here. Oh, yeah. I know.

He reminds me of my nephew. Yeah. As soon as I said it. She had already seen the episode. I was like. Well, here we go. I was like laying there watching it. She knew it was coming.

It would have happened. I was like. I tried so hard. Not to cry. During the bill episode. I was like. I was gutting it. Just.

Jock lunch. And then. Kath just hit me with it. Oh. That was like. I was like. Yo. 2

Is the. Kitchen. Hey. I. I got one time I saw the movie. Yeah. That's a. So.

Brogan and. Joseph Gordon Leavitt. Yeah. Leavitt has like cancer. Cancer. Yeah. And I arm around this girl and we're watching the movie. And then he like is saying goodbye to his mom because he might not survive the surgery

and I was trying to hold the crying so hard. And I. Like when it broke. I was like. My whole body. She was like. I think we've told the story before on something, but the moment we had where Shane and I were on the road and we went and saw Creed 2 and it's like a dad movie and dude at the very

end will Sylvester Stallone goes to his like son's house and he's like his grandson answers like. You want to play with the ball and then like Apollo he's at Apollo's grave crying dude the movie ends and Shane and I are on the brink of both crying and then there was a there was just a. That guy had farted during the movie. But dude. I didn't hear it.

Oh. Oh. You told me the very the tail and when he read it there was a retarded guy that came in to watch the movie. He was just standing by himself. I don't know if he got away from the group. He was just zipping up his jacket the whole time. Yeah.

And at the very end where it's like. I guess it is about loving is whatever the thing ends and then he just goes. And Shane and I both fell out and we laughed and we're like we almost cried in front of each other. I saved us at the fucking final. The governor made the call at the last moment. We had so many cries. Every time we went on the road we almost cried.

We never fucking one of us cried. All right. Every time it was great. One time I broke up with a girl and went to do a show. It was fucking insane. We're in Albany. Broke up with a girl. I was in Albany in a butt fucking terrible hotel room.

Oh my god. It was cold. It was a shitty hotel. Shit time. The girl was back home like breaking up with me so she could go out. That's what it was. And I was just like oh fuck this is terrible. Get to the green room.

We had this dude that was opening for us that I think was autistic. I think it was. I walk in the green room. I'm like I'm so sad. It just like doing the thing where the manager comes in and they're like OK guys got a pretty good show. These I'm saying can I get you guys anything to drink or eat. We're like I think you got like a beer and I got like coke or something we're like waiting

and they laughed and it's just me Shane and the MC and Shane is bumming hard. Yeah. And we're talking about it and the dude just goes you guys just broke up and I was like yeah and he goes did you cry. I was like in a way where we were like what. Like am I going to have to fight you. What. Why would you do that.

Dude it was the biggest Chris Farley. What. What. What. Did you cry. Did you cry when you broke up. I was like yeah. And then he left the room for an hour.

He left the room and Shane did the thing with the door. The fuck was that. And the guy came back in and we had to talk about it. We're like why'd you say that. He goes oh I realized that could have came off. Oh yeah he was like I've just never been in a relationship. He had a wild fucking answer. Do you cry when you break up.

And I was like. It was like. I was like why do you cry. Shane what does what does pain feel like. I was looking to take it out. I was looking to take it out on someone. Yeah. And I get a gift.

Oh yeah. A sweet gift. Did you cry. Like I'll kill you. But what do you mean you fucked up the NCAA. You got the dates wrong. That was a year off for each one. So.

So let's go. 2001 was Sean Alexander. O2 was Harrington. Winky Campio 3. No O2 is Winky still. Yeah. O2 was Winky. Alexander was 01.

Ricky Williams 2000. Ricky Williams. 2003 is Joey Harrington. Joey. Yeah. He goes before. Carson Palmer. Then Larry Fritz Gerald in 05.

Desmond Howard 06. 07 was the first. Reggie Bush 07. That's the X. Then. Hold on. After Reggie Bush. I think was Boise State.

Kelli Moore. Zebranski. Zebranski. But Boise State. Yeah. And then 09 was a multiple athletes. So they had four different covers. I don't remember.

RG3. Oh shit. It was RG3. Yeah. Because I had the RG3 cover. Vince Young. No. It was all the Heisman candidates that year.

It was RG3. Fuck. I'm blanking. Is that a Colt McCoy year? No. In 2009 it was Deshawn Jackson, Matt Ryan, Owen Schmidt, and Darren McFadden. Oh McFadden from Arkansas. McFadden was the one I got.

Yeah. That was the one I had. And also Sparty. The Michigan State Baseball. Oh man. Imagine if you got the Sparty cover. Kill yourself. On the Wii.

No. You know what? It was. Sparty was for like a handheld one. The Wii. It was the Wii. Yeah. Oh man.

I'm so excited for them to bring it back. I love it. Heck. So fun. All right. Let's switch over to the Patreon. Dan Sotter. Thank you for joining us.

I love you, dude. You're the best. I haven't done this. Go see Dan Sotter. Do stand up. DanSotter.com. Dates coming up. Everywhere.

Lamar Joe. Yeah. Please come see me too. I'm going to be in Virginia very soon. What are you going to be in Virginia? Blacksburg. Yeah. Port Sound's about right.

And Raleigh. Going to Blacktown. Hey. Hey. Hey. Yeah. Going to Blacktown. Watch out for Lynchburg.

Hey. Hey. Hey. All right.