Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 453 - Tough Guy Heaven

Episode Date: July 26, 2023

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How my mother freaking God back in the hands of a consummate professional Sean Gardini Throwing a parts man. I'm just don't fucking oh livin. I'd be I'm fucking hard a gram right now your hard a gram you might be bam. I might be the devil, dude. Let's get it started I am I'm a band face right now. Dude. I got fucking I got band face myself. I got fucking fucking band face I feel I dude, I got fucking... I got band face myself, dude, I got hungover, fucking band face. I feel bad. From the hangover?

Yeah. You look good. Thanks, Tom. Usually when someone's hungover, they're weak in the eyes. Your eyes are blazing with intensity. Your eyes are blazing with intensity and purpose right now. My purpose is to fucking plow through this. I guess.

So I can play Vigia games quietly Yeah, be fun though if we die and like you get to actually do like the real life review they talk about it It was be hours and it's like what are you sitting on a couch right? Like talking or like dog has kind of thing. It helped people some people had helped people had really boring jobs There's also people that fucking hated us. Yeah. People's work was so boring that rather than sitting there focusing on their tasks,

they were talking about people talking about, listen to people talking about nothing. My life, yeah. That does give me a joy though. It gives me a perverse satisfaction. What? That looks like I've always hated every job I've ever been at and the fact that we can mentally liberate people

for just two hours. Fuck yeah. I do enjoy that. That was like, that was like, that was when I liberate people for just two hours. Fuck yeah. I do enjoy that. That was like, that was like, that was when I got into OP and Anthony. Yeah. I was, my head a job, my friend Brennan hooked it up right when I moved to Philly.

I didn't have any jobs and he was like, he was like manager, he was a manager in an apartment complex. And he was like, I need somebody to just come assemble. Fucking IKEA furniture in every single room with this gigantic complex day after day Just show up put together and all I did was listen to podcasts and I actually that's kind of nice Loved it. Yeah, just listening. I didn't the joy of podcasts. It is a joy Sorry, you triggered me. I was thinking if I keep you said it assemble like key furniture I was just thinking of my wife yelling at me about the instructions the whole time

She did she's always like you got to read the instructions And I'm always like fuck that and then I fuck the couch up I do I bring myself a world of game every time every single one up I told her that's the point of it I was it then you realize you fuck it up and then you fully comprehend the couch I was like if I just do the instructions, I'll never comprehend it. And you go, Brad, you fully see it. You go, it might be up and up.

You are up and up. I'm telling you. I was, I saw up and up. And I was like, Matt, can never see this movie. He's gonna get it. I gotta see it. Uh, yeah, I don't think I've ever put together one piece of furniture without it being completely fucked. Yeah. And I don't think I've ever put together one piece of furniture without it being completely fucked. Yeah, I am I don't fix it

You leave have a fucked up piece of furniture in my house for four years I mean you can't sit on that Just put together a chair that just it's a decorative chair at this point. Yeah, she crushes me with that Because there's sometimes like we I put together stuff like outdoor stuff and she's like you're missing this bar and I'm like yeah, but it's like you don't even need that structurally. It's not totally needed. Sit down. You didn't even notice. Yeah. It's over time. I'm like we're gonna throw this out in six months. It's like key of furniture. It's a shit. Yeah, we're gonna fucking break this. Someone's gonna sit on this. It's gonna break. I want to throw it out and forget about this chair forever. Isn't that weird though? I thought about

that before how like, as stuff, stuff that there's like more stuff to be had, but I feel like stuff is genuinely getting kind of shittier. Like couches are shittier and cheaper because every company is trying, this couch is obviously a classic Italian leather. But as every company tries to go for it. The most expensive item I have.

The couch is beautiful. It's actually a nightmare of a couch. Oh, this couch is comfy. It's comfy a nightmare of a couch. Oh, this couch is comfy. It's comfy to lay, but to sit with like your seat. Yeah, you can duck business. Conducting business in this couch. This is a, this is a Turkish couch, this is a lounging man's couch.

Just like an opium, then couch. Oh yeah. So I should have just eat figs. No, but dude, it's like, is every company strives to further the bottom line? Everything gets shit here like every house is plastic and positive floors which by the way are good for flooding I'll give them that but it's like everything gets shit here in faker So then like as people get like trillionaires will just be buying like Lego houses in the future. Yeah, it's like jerking off into a virtual sock which

What the fuck now that I said off into a virtual sock, which what the fuck? Now that I said it. Did you prepare that? No, no, I think about this all the time. Every time I go into a key, I'm just like, you try to kill off into a virtual sock. But where's the come go then? So I'm going to fucking plastic.

Into another dimension, dude. On a plastic floor. True. Actually, that's, yeah, you think they come up with a strict containment thing for that. Jizz? Yeah. We're the wild, wild, less than Jizz containment.

You think it would be like a... I'm not ready. I'm not ready. But by the way, to folks listening, I woke up at one. I woke up to they're here. Yeah. To be fair, I'm jared out of sleep every single day. I got woken up today with my kids just kids in your face. No, no, they're in the room. We have they're totally contained and locked up. I woke up to this. My one daughter is going, oh, oh, and it's hitting their head against the door.

And I was like, she's just fucking Christ. Just wake up like, oh, you're looking to monitor and I, oh, fuck. She's slamming her head against the wall. Fuck, we gotta get in there. I'm pretty sure that's a bad thing. That's bad. It's a hollow door, so you just gotta sit against it and go,

boom, just rocking it. It's like, dude, calm the fuck up. And those kids They do they have a concept of the surveillance state that they live in yeah They think my daughter thinks that she you're big brother. Did you Like daddy? She thinks there's a robot that watches her in her room that we can like we'll talk in a robot voice But like Maya, please go to the bathroom and she'll like, she listens to this fucking robot. But if I'm like, Hey, what's up? She's like, Danny comes out here right now.

So you have to do a robot voice and she's like, yes, robot. She's so nice. And fake robot. That's like, I tricked that. Remember that? That fucking, there was a Netflix show about a guy who tricked a girl. He was like, he fucked like the whole family. And then he said he was an alien or something?

Oh, yeah, he told you about that. No, you told me about that. He said he was an alien. And he jerked her dad off. He's jerked him. Him and the dad jerked each other off. He fucked the mom. He fucked the whole family.

If somebody hacked that surveillance thing is like, this actually is a robot. I could see myself stumbling into a gay hand job. It's being like, hold on, who's out there? That's watching TV. That guy wasn't wrong for that. Yeah. You're like, wait, you're an alien.

You need a sample? I mean, the fact that he, my dad, he turned the dad off and then fucked the guy's kids. He fucked the guy's kids. His wife. Oh my God. Oh my God. All the dad had to do was just say no to that hand job.

I know. All he had to do was. But once he said yes to the hand job, he was locked in. He's locked in. Yeah. So, anyway, I like where you were headed with a come containment and the future of this nation. I'm saying you think there'd be a little thing.

Like sheets, obviously sheets could absorb over pellet or just like mercury, it'd all just be together real quick and it's like quick silver. Come. Yeah. They figured out sheetset, or just like mercury, it'd all just be together real quick and it's like, quick silver. Come. Yeah. They figure out sheets where like come just like mercury. Yeah, mercury and... Yeah, and it comes together in a little glob

and you just go, shove it off your bed and it turns like dust on your floor. Hahaha. What do you say? And a room that comes around is vacuum, so it's a room that says, then you just blacklight it. So like some type of adhesive or like some type of like your

Loub congeals with the jizz to make it. That's a good idea. Yeah, that's a good idea to have your jizz. The Loub is a good point. The Loub could have some type of caliber. I'm still fucking caveman, dude. What do you mean? Just turn.

Yeah, you still turn on your side. Yeah, you still let on your side? Yeah. You still let it rip on the shirt. I'm more aqua play. I'm more of a shower man. Pretty much an aqua play. I'm on an aqua play. You get the aqua play, dude?

You get the temperate. You get the temperate on the shower head, dude. If the shower head's hitting you, it's like, it's a beach, bro. That's a beach. You're crowning. I use a shower. a shower. Yeah, that's the thing too. It's like every, you get to start low with a temp because like, you like acclimate to the warm temperature of the water. So you start chasing the drag and you get into like a

real hot temp and you're like, bro, I've come too far. So you got to start low. If you're going to try to better play, if you're going to try to catch the temperature of the shower to match a woman's mouth, you're going to you're going to acclimate to 98.5. Yeah, but I'm saying you're going to get used to that. You go, I need to feel that warmth again. So you keep heightening the temperature of the water a little by little until you're just fucking boiling your bird. You know what I'm talking about. No, you never simulated a beach. Never simulated.

Use the temp of the shower while fapping in the shower. I'm not using an attachable. I'm not a pervert. I'm not using it. I'm just I'm just standing under the water. That's what that seems worse. Why? I feel like a detachable is like Direct but then you burn in your shoes up your butt. You'll be

Obviously you shoot it up your butt That's not gay If you weren't jerking off and shoot it off your butt that is No, I'm saying you got like something important to do. You get the touchable shower head. Just shoot it up your butt real quick. Then head out the door. Head out. Start today. Yeah. That's normal. I'm saying your the water's just falling on you and you're just you're you're fapping your your backs to the water because then when you put your if you're

fapping into the water, it's you hear the the pitter pattern. You can hear someone that that cursed you your brother hearing you jerking off his curse you. You know that though if you're fapping in the water the water falls a certain way and it's very noticeable. It's like water at you know what

I'm talking about the water accumulates the water accumulates and then it just goes. It sounds like you're just dropping buckets of water. Hmm. Yeah, so I don't jerk off in the shower of water. Mm. Yeah, so. Don't jerk off in the shower.

Oh, brother. That might be the future. I hate jerking off in the shower. Do you really? Yeah. Love it, bro. The water is too, it makes every, it fucks my dick up. It's like having sex in the water.

That's fucked up. I hear what you're saying on that, yeah. Present. You put your back to the water. You put your back to the water. Back to the water. That's fucked up. I hear what you're saying on that. Yeah. Present. You put your back to the water. You do put your back to the water. Back to the water. I've never even considered this. You're being held from behind. I was a lay down in the bath, Jericho. You can't you're going to bath up. I certainly it's impossible to come in a bath. But when I was a young man, I back when I could fit in a tub.

Now I'm like, present Garfield, whoever that got tapped. Yeah, I think when you when you're balls heat up from the tub you you can't crumb You can only sure I mean for me wrong unless you've crumbed in the bathtub I mean it's back when I was in my height of crumbing. I couldn't crumb anywhere in the tub My crumb in the tub Not taking a bath layinged in the tub. Not taking a bath, laying down in the shower. Oh, you just laid out an empty bath, huh? Yeah, I point the shower head as low as it goes. So it was just like, on my feet.

I had... Oh, that's different. I'm talking about being smir... By the way, respect. Because I'm not into hockey play. I'm the one who... You just tickled your toes and wrapped in the thug. Oh, feet. Well, my titsies were getting wet. toes and fact of the

My titsies were getting wet. I Told you I got into historical play for a while where I like went back just thousands of year into BC mode Well, I'm like I can go anywhere in my mind. Why am I staying in this time time frame? And I went back to like ancient Egypt and Faftas of young prince I was young you never told me this. I never told you this? No. Yeah, I got into like fucking quantum time weeping. When I first got off the porn, I started late time traveling.

While fapping, I was a young prince, dude. With a serving girl, beautiful serving girl. It wasn't even about me. I was just thinking about this situation that happened in like 60 years ago. A BC, yeah Yes, servant girl. I I Hash that out. I hash that out. I was like yeah, Jeb Sonean sex play

Just a young back that before is like a big deal. It was fucking sick to be back on it's not a big deal Prince of your servant girl of the prince. That was like awesome and what would you say to the servant girl? I would say, what are you doing? I was such a young prince. Oh, you were young prince and she was like, Innocent dude, innocent. So it was basically like step mom play, which is like you need to be, you're so under so much pressure.

Pretty much. I need to release you, Mike. Let me introduce you to the ways of the erotic delights and I was going, put on just a young prince. Because I'm trying to master all the hieroglyphs. Then what would you say when you just, you say, what is this? I instantly just jumps back to the present moment.

I went, ha! I have problems. I ran into my bed wet. I got scolded by my wife. I get into bed, so I get into bed. Oh, you're into historical play. Bro, lately. Oh, this was in that long ago.

This was in my, yeah, this was like maybe five months ago. I get into bed wet, I get into bed wet as hell too. I love getting out of the shower. I don't like to fully dry off. I like the lane bed wet. And my wife fucking hates it. That's fucking crazy. No dude, I work it off to it in your mind

being an Egyptian prince and then getting in bed soaking wet is fucked up dude. I hate it. I get to do that. I get a bad wet. I never I fucking buried the time capsule. I've never traveled back I broke the time you cannot do the time machine again. It's too good. I might get the time I see myself was a French aristocrat. I was just said dude. I was just about to say dude I was a trial in a polyonic error bro. You know polyonic yeah, oh French aristocrat would be nice powdered face and wig. Oh, what a delightful treat. Oh.

People must have all just blown their load in like two seconds back then, right? I don't know. I think they were like really into it. You think so? Yeah, they were all there. They're very, they, it seems to be all they were like really into it. You think so? Yeah, they were all, they were very, they, it seems to be all they fucking talked about. True. Was like, yeah, everybody's cheating on everybody.

We're headed there again. Yeah. And you know what that ends? Everyone getting their fucking heads cut off. Yeah. All you hear about is the rich and famous people fucking and sucking each other. Yeah, you're right.

And you're some poor guy with no food or come. Yeah. You're going to be like, we're getting, we got to get in there. Dude, me and Lamar are listening to a modern rendition of Socrates defending himself at the trial on the way up here. Unbelievable. I mean, that was basically RFK in front of the committee. Dude, I was listening to it. I was like, he has to know why doesn't he just say I'm socrates and just be like, you guys listen to this. This is what you're doing to me. Dude, I watch that whole thing by the way. It was awesome.

You watch the whole. I didn't watch the entirety of it. Oh, you watch his opening speech. I watched the opening speech. I watched several clips. You saw the highlights. I didn't let him talk that much. They were like, kept jumping back and forth. See the girl behind the black lady. Yeah. Let me see that one. The lady nodding. Oh, no, I'm talking about. There's a white chick behind. I forget her name. Yeah, the lady who was like the leading the leading spokesperson. The head and clear. She's stonk, bro. person. The head and cleaver. She's stonk, bro. The girl behind her clearly wrote every single question in speech and couldn't stop lip-syncing what she was supposed. So there's just a girl behind her. I see that. There's a girl behind her like it's almost, yeah, it's scary. What? Yeah, it's fucked up. Dude, that lady was just a little bit of a white That lady is the white witch behind her was saying this is like now, those are names. Stacy Plaskit.

Yeah. That's her dude. Jim. I watched that whole shit list. I watched that whole entire thing. They're like, there's just some people that people there, the way our fk just goes there being like,

yeah, you guys are slander me, knock it off. Please stop. This is not what I believe. Stop your, you know, it's liable. Comes up with a great speech like, let's stop attacking each other.ering me, knock it off. Please stop. This is not what I believe. Stop your, you know, this is liable. Comes up with a great speech like, let's stop attacking each other. Let's just like stop turning on each other. This is bullshit. This isn't and they're just going like, your racist through the whole fucking time, the whole time.

Your racist, you hate the Jews. And you also the, that lady, what a plastic name. Her name is she, uh, she was like, and you had the nerve to bring up the Tuskegee trials, or the Tuskegee experiments in related to the COVID vaccine and tell black people not to get the vaccine. He's like, I never told anyone not to get it. I'm saying like, let's make sure these are safe.

And then she went on this whole thing like that's just that's lower than low to spicable through RFK Jr. comes out and goes, by the way, they would never let them talk. Yeah. Finally gets to talk. Every time he talks to you, reclaiming my time. Yeah, I can't respond to this. Yeah, you guys responded that that was mean. She said I was racist.

Can I defend myself? No, dude, and even like some of the Republicans, I was waiting from the volume. The dude, the head guy in charge, river's name is Gordon or something. He was down. He was down. He was down. There was the other guy from like, uh, fuck, the other guy dude the head guy in charge river's name is Gordon or something he was down he was down he's down there was the other guy from like fuck the other guy the big bald dude he's like is our federal man dude he's the man he was cool as a public in federal man yeah he's we need it we need a true Republican federal man he's nowhere near the he doesn't come closer he's just a big bald

dude he's like nasty as hell I'm glad we have one. Thank God. But dude, he So this lady's like flaming him being like you're telling black people about you're bringing up Tuskegee That's like the worst race baiting ball. You know this kind of stuff And he was like I never told anyone not to get it I'm just saying like you know make sure it's safe make your own decision and by the way dude by the way Wild the Tuskegee experiment was happening The CDC was ignoring pleas from the people from like leaders in the black community being like, something fucked up's happened and they were going like,

Kornarf Kaye, going like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's like, and it was my, either my father, I think it was his father or uncle. They brought it the matter to him and they looked into it and they fucking shut the thing down. He's like, by the way, dude, the lady was just fucking. Fuck, yeah. Fuck.

Again, whether that happened I mean I'm sure that probably did happen but it was funny for him to be like yeah by the way guess you turn their blind eye to the Tuskegee experiment you guys get you shut down me in my family my familia my family yeah so again it was something of that line I don't know if it's got a C.D.C. but it's one of those like health agencies you know they used to lock doctors up the 1950s for bring up the mind body connection You would go to jail in the 1950s. I lock them up. Dude, do you know what chiropractors hours are?

I'm a bit of a McCarthy area politician myself. Well, at least you embrace it. That's safe. All right. What are you fucking comments to shut up? Go to jail. Domaz. Go to jail. Dude, that's the whole time during that thing. They were going, those dudes were talking to be like, we have emails of them being like, hey, I'm from the government, take that down, ban that guy shit, do this, do that, and they would just be like, we don't talk

about active investigations. So they had proof that the government was censoring people through Twitter and all that stuff. Which by the way, if you notice this, they brought the social media companies in Congress a couple years ago And we're like we're gonna fuck your shit up. Yeah, so I think they were like we're gonna antitrust you guys or Field our emails do our bidding. I genuinely believe that happened but whatever So so now all of a sudden they're there and it was dude. I remember that we remember in zuck got in front everybody

Yeah, and they're like he looks so weird It's like did you ever see the reverse angle that one? It's 10,000 cameras Not if he looks normal he'd be a freak He's a freak he's obviously a freak but he's up to freak 10,000 cameras directly in your face Yeah, dude, you're gonna look like a fucking alien. And he's already a sweaty butt nerd, dude. He is a dude. He's a sweaty butt. The sweaty is butt. Yeah, I know it is.

The soaked butt. I know it is, at all. Actually, what we're doing here is really neat. I don't know if you've seen it. We're bringing people together. It's just a bunch of sweaty. It's a bunch of sweaty. It is impressive how much he can focus with that sweaty ass.

When I have sweaty ass, the only thing I'm thinking is I gotta leave. Yeah, but if you've had it for 14 years, probably, he probably as soon as his testicles descended, his ass became just a fucking rain forest. So from puberty, his ass has been sweating non-stop. I get it, the only time I get it is the mall. At the mall? If I go to the mall, there's sweaty ass,

dude, I get anxious. Now imagine in the mall. If I go to the mall, I'm just sweaty ass. Dude, I get anxious. Now imagine in the mall, 45,000 cameras, they're trying to take a billion dollars away from you. That'd be crazy. Yeah. Oh my God, dude. Yeah, but that was they literally sat there the whole time and we're like, you're racist, you're racist.

And they would bring up very valid points in the lady of the, uh, general lady from, uh, wherever New York speak, being like, hate crimes are up 40% since this. And it's because of the stuff. Or if you can't do your sex, and the one guy, when they were doing the, yeah, your name part, when he was like, the fucking, when he was like, no, to hate speech, the fucking he was like no to hate speech the one guy and they're nay to hate speech and then the one guy was like no to this

Soviet Yeah, wait, you're the Soviets dude. Did I fuck this up dude? I'm telling you it was scary watching. Yeah, they tried to the Soviet Politboro or whatever they try to cut it off right away. Yeah. And it's also like, dude, so everybody, you mean everybody, God bless you. God bless you. Anyone who points out corporate collusion with the government is a racist somehow. Yeah.

Anyone who's against who thinks like corporations might be tricking us to make billions of dollars now, hates the Jews and black people. It's like, dude, it's named me one guy who's like going at, actively going out against like the, like the current political propaganda, like corporate machinery kind of thing. He was not, they're like, yeah, he's crazy. He races, wants to shoot up synagogue. It's like, no, dude. Yeah. It's insane. They do that. To fuck up. I was deeply, deeply

unsettled. Watch, I watched the whole thing. Yeah, it was fucked up like I spaced out over three nights It was like I knew you're gonna get pumped on it though Dude, that's what I'm watching the fuck I was watching. I was like Watch that watch the Socrates trial Socrates trial when he goes up with the penalty of death and they put it in a modern language So it's easy to understand Flames his political opponents and then he got there like dude What would you okay? So if you don't want to die like what do you want to do? He goes? Fuck that dude. I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna kill me. You want to kill me kill me go ahead?

Yeah, it'll be worse for you guys than it is for me do it and The fucking I don't know he was fucking dead. Well, he didn't care. He didn't care because his the old thing was like he can't do He was like he was front Dude he goes he's front he was afraid of death they come and go fucking then right before he killed himself he was like who shit is this he had fine he had every opportunity to overturn it he goes mad dude he's on he goes I'll I believe in democracy he goes honestly I thought more people would vote for me to die I'm pumped that's so many people voted for me not to die although I still didn't

win he goes it is what it is they accuse them of atheism and he goes they accuse them of atheism and they accused them of like Not teaching state sanctioned gods but bringing in other gods He was like how can I be an atheist if I'm bringing a non-state sanctioned gods? You guys are clearly fucking idiots in there just like fuck you dude. Yeah, yeah, he crushed the this speech is fucking nasty. I believe the speech is nasty It's so nasty dude. He goes against he just rails against dudes not telling the truth You know his whole story was he went to the Oracle the Oracle goes You're the wisest man all the land he goes that can't be true

But it is a word from the God so he goes I have to go and find someone who's smarter than me And he would go talk to all the experts and he'd be like yeah, but how do you know that and they'd be like well? Well, when he goes oh You're just making this shit up cool and he would go to other experts and make what the experts and he'd be like, yeah, but how do you know that? And they'd be like, well, oh, well, and he goes, oh, you're just making this shit up cool. And he would go to other experts and be like, what about this? And they'd be like, oh, okay, so you're just making this shit up. And they'd be like, fuck you, dude.

So finally, they're like, you're dead. Yeah. Because I am the wisest man in the land because I know that I don't know anything. And that was this whole thing. He's like, I'm just trying to be nice. He's like, just be nice. And they're like, fuck you, dude.

He said he was corrupt in the youth. He goes, he goes, all right. So the funny part of the argument, he was like, so would you say like a judge is here, they're not corrupt in their youth, right? They're like, the guys, the people who are persecuted and we're going, yeah, for sure, they're not, definitely not, he goes, yeah,

and definitely not like the prosecutors. And they're like, yeah, they're not corrupt in the youth. He was like, what about the merchants? They're corrupt in the youth, and they're like, merchants are corrupt in the youth. So it's just me, I'm the only guy not at cruffin' the youth. He's like, what about the merchants? They're cruffed in the youth, and they're like, merchants are cruffed in youth. So it's just me, I'm the only guy, and I'm cruffed in the youth. Everyone else isn't, everyone's-

I'm Marilyn Manson. Who's everyone else is a net benefit? They're actually- Call them as my fault. By their actions is a net benefit for the youth. But me alone, you want to do every type of dude. He's like, and how exactly am I doing that? Like atheism, he's like, dude, I love God so much.

I'll die right now now because it's probably sick Or I'll sleep forever either way I win. Yeah, they're just like fuck you man Yeah, it's fun. They do that that Socrates in modern terms or whatever that video was had me fucking gas stuff. Yeah By the way, I'm, I'm okay. It got me fucking flying this morning, dude. It was so cool. I'm watching, dude, I'm watching these guys

in the seat of power lie. It is lie and it's go racist, race. Now I see why they're fucking, something like what does it, what does like these corporations have? What's like the benefit of them doing all this weird, like promoting all this identity politics stuff. And now I see it's like, oh, dude, these guys are able to like

defend pretty evil corporate machinery by being like racist racist racist racist. And it's like, so you have to do. Yeah, dude, it's like working. They did it with communism. They get communist. You're, you're, dude, they do it. Yeah, they always do it. It's totally fucking working. They've always done it forever. Yeah, that's the new one. This is the new one. It's the average new one, but it used to be, what are you not, Christian?

Yep. Yeah. Yeah, it'd be so easy. It's happening before our eyes. I am convinced that's what's occurring. And it's just, no, it is. It's crazy. Absolutely occurring.

It is, for sure. And occurring for seven or eight years now. Yeah, yeah. It's going. It's I'm telling you though Immigrants they're gonna be foiled by immigrants gonna rise the prominence in this country and they're gonna go Fuck this shit. Yeah, and they're gonna just pull the gloves off and everyone's gonna be like where are we at now? We're gonna be in where we're headed is it's gonna be an Indian guy headed to the Manifesto of every Uber driver. Every single one of their opinions is what? What are countries going to be where you're like, what do you think of this? I like I did not like a black guy. Alright man, take it easy. That's why I don't say anything. I say these guys have guns. Can't even go to neighborhood anymore. They shoot.

I literally happened to be yesterday. Yeah, every time. There's a dude riding a bike with no shirt on. Flute blue thing. And the guy was like going on like, and like they hit like he had to like jam his brakes. I'm like, bro, you know that guy wasn't gonna stop. He goes, yes, but I do not want to be hit from the back. And he said, I don't say anything. Usually before I say, fuck you, but now these guys have guns. It's shooting. Yeah. I was like, damn, man. Yeah, those Uber drivers, they must be getting hit. Back he said I don't say anything usually before I say fuck you, but now these guys have guns. They shoot me Like day man. Yeah, those Uber drive they must be getting hit with their algorithm must be just videos What are those guys is gonna get the beer hall? What are those guys gonna hit a beautiful?

It's gonna be beer hall time with just the ubers and they're gonna rise out and it's gonna be rough dude Those guys they're not gonna take any guff No, dude, it's coming. I'm telling you, I saw Vivek. So if you're black, listen up, dude. You better start being nice to those guys, because they're coming. They're quietly taking out. Quit noughtin' off in the Uber.

Because they're calling, they're gonna execute Beezer, too. He's a man, isn't it? He's the worst in the Uber. Yeah, true. Yeah, he'll get it. He'll be against the wall. Okay. Is it everybody's afraid of this Chinese social credit score? It's just gonna be whatever you're overrating us. If you're below a four, you're gonna get you're against the wall.

Last meal of it Cheetos. That piece of it's last meal. I don't have long enough, my card lemonade Cheetos. I'll be able to remember talking last meals on the way up here. I'm going with a baking egg and cheese on a long roll. I thought about it long and hard. And I was like, that'd be probably my favorite thing. That's a good one.

Baking egg and cheese on a long roll. The long list roll too. I might, you also, you might plan ahead and think about the most vicious dump for whoever executes you. Whew. Just to be like, yeah, you think you guys wanna deal with this when my carcass is still laying there?

Oh, good call. I said chili dogs. Chili dogs. Yeah. After he had chili dogs all day yesterday, and his brother made chili dogs. Chili dogs. After he had chili dogs all day yesterday, and his brother made chili dogs. You guys last meal at yesterday. Lamar, that's what I was saying.

That's like a last meal. Lamar, what would you guys do together? You guys join forces just to make your brother tag, dude. Listen to what they did. We made chili dogs, we made chili fries, and I made a grap cracker apple pie. Listen to what they did. We made chili dogs, we made chili fries, and I made a grap cracker apple pie. You made grap cracker apple pie?

Yeah. Chili dogs, chili fries, any straight chili? It was, it was being used. People were getting in that pan. The left of a chili was actually true. I guess you can't make chili dogs. The left of a chili was ad. What were the farts?

The farts were catastrophic. He's got different chili was had what were the far the far the far the farps were Traffic we all parted before we got the farps together. We all like oh We're going to our individual homes Hey, you guys all four me at the same time around like city hall. That was a new unlep Spread those how are your parts and all that rest? powerful those how your parts and the way all that rest of their pretty powerful God damn that was I that was the Trinity that was Los Alamos did you guys had chili dogs chili fries and you make a Graham cracker cross the apple pie

yeah why the wild departure from the chili that's like yeah that departure into the apple pie is crazy that that's fucking insane me and jibbier walking through the grocery store and I just saw pie creases like I'm gonna make a pie you know I just wanted to make a pie Tony you guys together are the fucking best yeah I tell you I came home to them just came home the mayor is watching the dogs appreciate that I come home to la mayor and jibbier and it was just like there's something about the two of them together that's just so fucking perfect. Yeah. It's just it's just debris laughing at Lamar. Yeah. And it's feeling everywhere where Lamar has knowledge gaps. Jibri feels the man. I've experienced this for you. How do you

12 years? It's the best dude. Yeah. I've watched them twice a week for 12 years. I watched them interact. I mean that's why them popping fucking air mattresses is like, that's my favorite. And again, I've said it a thousand times. Jibri tells us, he told a story about, he was just laying in bed looking at a spider's nest above him and fell. And he got covered in spiders.

And then the other one's just farting and snoring on air matches and occasionally an air matches and just I think between the two of them they know how to do everything talking to the mayor to the mayor's like I can fix your fucking website I'm like sick you're definitely looking to that I had my pan was fucked up oh my god fuck throw that pan out to breeze like hold on one second if you put a level on sea salt it'll actually put a coating. I was like, yeah, but that's for like cast iron I like no works for non stick as well. He's like this doesn't work my fucking time at culinary school has been a waste Dude I do it fucking that pan lives again. Yeah, he fixed my pan

He's totally militant the kitchen He's totally militant. The kitchen is totally melted. Yeah, they're the fucking lamar. Your video game show you have to do it. You have to have a little Tribrido. Yeah, you have to have him laughing at you lose the pro gamers while he goes, uh-huh. You understand a chance on there. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's really good to. Yeah, he's really good to obviously he's good, dude. He's black and autistic. I'm telling you, they're all black in Yang. Dude, they fit perfectly. It's crazy. You got to you guys got a chili dog. She for every episode. Yeah, make a guest with Stan your far. Yeah. Right now. Just some Swedish gamer like, oh, yeah, I might just step out

for a second. I was getting really sick in here. What were you? I think a chini dogs. There's some American that I think in here. Yeah, every Swedish gamer that says the N word online has to face your

forest. Has to. Yeah, that's their fucking penance. They have to sit in black stink. They have to sit in the blackest stink. Jolly dog parts from the big brothers dude The brothers Yeah, that was what a time dude back when we watching these two operate like I can't I was so jealous that you got all that time I never got so much dude. They're out of control. It's the best It was yeah, you take it for granted, but I got to watch them operate in a world of it was such an interesting world we had. It's the Camille and the Lysard Lounge, too. We weren't like in the world. We were just learning the world. You guys are machine learning? Yeah. What was your car? Fort Folk. No, Fort Fiesta. You of course. There's probably a focus that turned

into a Fiesta from all the far as soon. They also, they were also both significantly bigger. Dude, they were huge. And both of them would roll up in a fucking Ford Fusion or Fiesta. Like the smallest car you've ever seen. They're both cut out. you've ever seen. Yeah. They both get out. To be able to have to sit in the back seat so we weren't hit shoulders. You guys are driving, we're still. It's like when you have to wait balance on a small plane. Yeah. It's insane, dude.

Fucking sesame. Oh, God. Did you guys have no idea what a treasure. I walked into my house and was like, just like, oh, it it was the best like 20 I think it was 20 minutes. I don't do chill chill out So take your time. I need you boys to hang serve my I got to show the music videos and it was just like God it was so fun Their mom them and their mom came to my show Oh, you got the charge up. I mean, the mom's the third brother. Oh, there are moms and now there are a lot of them. Oh, it was awesome.

They got, they were ordered food, they ordered dinner and then we're like, we need more to take home. How's it going? Immediately fucking smoked. It was very nice to watch them off. Wait, so they put that thing on them? Family unit, family unit, or food. And then we'll like get us a bunch to go.

And then they went outside and the three of them's, well, I don't wanna. No, yeah. Would you guys walk away with? Would you walk away with? In terms of loot. In terms of food. Yeah, in terms of sandwiches,

what kind of sandwiches do you like? I think my mom got a steak and debris got wings. Oh, it's perfect. Yeah, so sick. Yeah, as soon as Real-size smoking bees came out and my mom like said to be she was like, Lamar was it funny when he was a kid? That was like the first thing she said was not funny. Yeah. How do you get so damn funny? Were you a serious child? Yes, dude. Even fun. You were just training. You got to be serious when you get here gun shots

like a round away. They would just like, we would like a, she said, we would hear a shot and we'd be like, we're fine. That's around the corner. We got a little bit of time. But he really, he really had to waddle. They're shooting their shots.

How did you guys avoid bullets, dude? So the gunshots would go off into Detroit. We're just playing video games. It's probably M&M bucking off. It was probably cheddar Bob shooting themselves. Yeah. Damn. It's cheddar Bob.

Shit. Trying to say M&M M8 from 8 mile dude, get the fuck out here with that guy. That was obviously from the 8 mile dude. It's from a fucking trailer park. That was sick out of the game like cool for white people like yeah, the hood's cool. How about the trailer park? I'm also from the trailer park. The trailer park? I'm also from trailer park. trailer park is pretty rough.

trailer park is fucked. It's just people on math. Well, people try to claim he wasn't from the T.P. People try to come at him like this is where he's actually from. Yeah, so I don't know man. Maybe Still in trailer park value or value Yeah, that is crazy. I think he spent some time in the T.P. I'm not really why I've time in the T.P. I'm not really why I've been in the T.P.

It is a sick move that is to have like a billion dollar industry around a huge lie that you wanted the T.P. Yeah, every night. I have a collapse. Be gone thoughts Be devil. Everybody's gonna find out that I grew up okay. Not great, but still not as bad as I've been saying. Everyone's gonna find out it wasn't that hard. Yeah, yeah. Whatever. I wanna go to the team. That's like, my dad's friends are all about that. Trailer.

Sellin' older shit and then getting a trailer in Florida, trailer in PA, and you just chill. And they're like, that's the move. Yeah. Two trailers, TP, hold it and then you can go wherever you want to do whatever you want. I mean, to each of their own. I don't know if that's the move for myself,

but yeah, they're all about like. Everybody talks about that game. I don't think they're about it though. About that? Everybody's always like, I just want to get like a cabin in the woods. It's like, yeah, spend a week up there. Yeah, true.

You're gonna go, I miss my friends. There's nothing to do up here. here it's freezing that's when it's time to put a gun in your mouth yeah wait the pilot light thing is I'm flicking the button is not coming along those things fucking those things are scary to fuck around with what you're like fucking with one of those pilot light things like a new fireplace in a different location yeah stand back oh dude I even talk about bringing my fucking face oh yeah Matt broke his nose. Whether you're running a marathon or you have big plans to spend all day binge watching TV, it's important to stay hydrated.

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me what happened. It was. I actually was laughing very hard and then I stopped and I was like, I hope he's alright. I was fine. I was like, are you alright? I knew how funny you were. As soon as I was on the in an Uber on the way to the hospital, I went, that was kind of funny. It looks fine.

Yeah, it's all right. Let me see it. Yeah, you can't really see it that much. Hold on, get a better look. Yeah, you see it. You weren't lying. It's, it's reef, it's like going back to where it was,

but my septum, dude, I went to the ear nose and throat guy yesterday. He remembered, he goes, you were at 25% dude. He's like, you're at five right now. I went, just some of the bitch. Damn it. It's a cut me. Yeah, the same, it was funny.

I went to the ear nose and throat guy yesterday, and he has the same last name as my mom. Like, mother's made it. Yeah. Not gonna say what it is for you freaks, you hack my credit cards, my mother's name, and made a name. The ultimate key to all my fucking kingdom first pet you ever

out what dog what was the same sharky what was my childhood best friend yeah shit spilling the secrets the uh yes I was like chatting this guy up like I knew that we had the same surname thing going on so I was like hitting him with like Ken I was talking to this guy he's a Kim foe. Kim foe. He didn't know. I'm gonna, I still haven't told him. I'm gonna tell him right before going to the knife. I say, look, we're

Kim. Don't fuck some fucking foe. Me, dude. Dude, I'm, yeah. So he, uh, I was with him yesterday. He goes, bro, you're like 25% you're at like five now. Yeah. Yeah. And I actually floated a couple theories. I was like, dude, is it true that different, not sure breathing activates different hemispheres of the brain? He just went, no. I was like, fair enough and I waited. Dude, then he goes, he goes, actually, now that you say that he goes, there's a guy, I like, who's work,

I've always followed closely, he's like super renowned. He did write something about like activating different areas of the brain. He's just being polite. No, he goes, it's not, you're not, you're not brilliant. He's not brilliant oxygen to it, but there is activation. He goes, I read that and thought like, that was a weird thing for this guy to publish, but he goes, so maybe, I don't know.

So he left it at that. He was being put. No, this guy was doing this. He was being put. He says, he goes, no. And then he was like, well, I shouldn't have been that harsh. He waited a couple of minutes and was like, actually, he's in my throat. He's in my throat.

Something like that. Me and this guy are basically two people. We're a kid. We're related. We're cousins. Dude, in our surname also means warrior when you translate it. Cool. Now people crack the code.

Yeah, your mother's main name is Guerrero. Well, this made a name is Nancy Plaskin. He's made a name is gentle lady from Vermont. They're it a gentle lady. They're not called gentle ladies. Do they call it fucking girls? They're gentle women. Yeah, fucking women. Yeah.

Lady. Hey, fucking lady. Yeah, hey, lady, make it quick. Okay, she's done talking. You raised that from the record. Yeah. He's whilst she's talking. You don't have to type. You don't have to type.

You don't have to type. You're wasting your time typing. She's just being, she's just mad. Just let her find me like, oh, no dude. So then talking to this bro, he's, dude, he started telling me what they're going to do. First of all, I broke my nose fucking body surfing to the bros. I had my family gathered to watch me. I said, this is going to be inspirational to my kids. Talking to Wave, Maya wasn't paying attention. She cried because I came off and she said that she was, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I gathered to watch me. I said, this is going to be inspirational to my kids. Token a wave. Maya wasn't paying attention. She cried because I came off

and you see that she was, I missed it. I was like, don't worry. I'll get out there and do it again. Big wave comes. You know, when you see a big wave, but there's a bigger one behind it. Yeah. Everyone thinks I'm crazy. All the boogie borders are one is going to take this. He should take this. This is sick. You guys can't see the one I'm seeing. Let that one go It's me out there big at bigger waves coming a lot of times. There's a second bigger wave coming I'm a study ocean patterns forever. I'm like arcade junior. We document all the stuff. I'm a journal So the wave comes I fucking I paddles fast like that. I say, please let me miss this wave in front of my kids.

Do I time it perfectly? Watching boogie borders just lose themselves in the bubbles. I'm fucking ripping on this thing, dude. I go to pop my head, I'm about to hot dog. So I pop my head out the water. You're hot dog looking to look for your kid. Periscope, water on the wave. I did it already that week.

Periscope and now to look for the kids. As I pop my head out of the water, it just felt like I hit a brick wall. I look and there's a 12-year-old girl sitting there and I come out of the water. I didn't even know it yet. I look like fucking slo-thed. I'm like, I know she's holding over here.

I was like, are you okay? And the girl's like, yeah, I'm fine. I was like, what the fuck did I hit then? Brittany thinks that she let go over a boogie board. And as the, she like, the wave is so fucking tubular. I guess she bailed Boogie board and as the she like the way of is so fucking tubular I guess she bailed on it. She tried to catch like the little currents of it bailed on it. Let it go. And as I came up the Boogie board.

Thwackley with the hard plastic bottom. But I'm telling you, it felt like I hit like a wall. So I think the Boogie board shelfed in the water. Oh, I was pushing against like a stable Yeah, yeah, because there was no gift of this fucking thing. but who no one will ever know it's mr. Forever will be a mystery Could have been beside is tried and dude. I think the side is trying to get he saw how arrogant you're getting with the periscope He said you will not periscope on my snorly waves See I broke it note the lifeguards checked me out and they were like, that's fucked. And then they're like, hold on, we have a medic, a guy came and he was like, yo, dude,

do you want us to call an ambulance and my wife goes, yes, and I was like, fucking no. Absolutely fucking not, dude, my, there was a part, it was really cool. We're like, I'm totally fucked and there was that part of me that was like, what if like a fucking sliver of my bones sitting in my brain right now and I could die at any second dude, so I was like, we gotta hurry up. I was dealing with like, I could have a bone in the perfect spot in my brain

that if I move a certain way I die. I also don't believe that. You know remember that one when we were kids? Yeah, I know. They were talking about if you hit someone in the nose. Yes, I do don't think that's true. I lived it. I fully was like, if you get hit hard enough

for the nose to nose bone. Don't get me to hit you brain. Don't get me to hit you brain. Don't get me to hit you brain. I'd be like, that's definitely true. lived it. I fully was like, if you get hit hard enough for the nose to nose bone, you're all going to get to hit brain. Don't get me to happen to me. I'd be like, I think that's definitely true. I had it. I don't have this. My nose bone, I think, just slid out of my brain.

I'm moving right now with no consequence of that being true or not. I thought I was going to be a skinny escape. Do you remember a skinny escape? Yeah. So if I fucking railed to the fucking dome. Yeah. I thought I probably went through my prefrontal cortex.

I'm fucked. I don't know. Whatever it did, it joked something loose. You're today doing great. It's mushroom. I think I made you I'm not sure. Although you know what happened though after the accident I was I went to play pool and I was nasty at pool. You might be it might have made you even better. I think so. It might have made you even I was better at everything. I was hoping to God. I hit my nose back over the other way so that my deviated septum Work when I came out and I finally saw it. It was a crowd of that side I said that's the last thing I need that was the last thing I need I already had a deviated symptom

Damn it dude, I I was sitting there my daughter was pretty was scared the fucking medic was like Jesus fucking Christ And I watched my daughter's lip start to tremble Total steeled up and was like I'm fine. I'm driving to the hospital totally steeled up. Yeah, total stilt up and it was like, I'm fine. I'm driving to the hospital, totally stilt up. Yeah, you have to. I was proud of that. Totally stilt up. The guys, come on, we're getting ambulance.

I don't need a fucking ambulance. Like, my, I'm fine. Can I fucking ambulance? Yeah, my gonna need a fucking ambulance or no. He's like, well, you might be dizzy. I'm like, yeah, I'm fucking dizzy. I just got to whack my fucking- Yeah, I got a concussion in front of my family.

And I said, you shouldn't drive. I said, I'll get a new breath out. So I got wet and it's almost over. The dude was the man. He took me to the hospital. Dude, I said, it galls on my face in a town of bathing suit. And I brought a tank tops. I wouldn't be shirtless, no shirt, no problem

in the hospital, it's all life hospital. With dude, I go in there and it was just me and a fucking pregnant lady. So there's a lady about to give birth to hospitals so shitty there Dude, everyone was very nice, but like a lady was there like the doctors like just come like those they schedule births Like they're guys that were cutting her own forever and she waited for like seven minutes for someone to come I was like sitting there with my nose and I was like maybe she's just having like birth pain. She's pretty far along So then I was like do you want to go? And she's like no, no, so I went up and I was like all right, she's pretty far along. So then I was like, do you want to go? And she's like, no, no, no, so I went up and I was like, all right, no, like, you know,

let me get seen. And then they're like, oh, we're bringing you up for a birth. And I'm like, what the fuck? Why did like take this lady back? Yeah. It was crazy. But then then that now she was probably like, you have a deviated septum go. I mean, to be fair, to be fair, I went back to get triage. There was four nurses and they all went, oh my god., and I was like you guys please be professionals. Please stop this about the septum or the broken nose I know They were fucking the whole time going like you're a five percent I was still I was still joking with the lady there's probably didn't fucking hit you with the Charges did you are even about dumb bro. I had four ladies. I should you think they would have dude

They you know they got to ask me met up personal medical questions, which I got to respond Hell no babe next question about what it's like you ever get this I said to get a what? Not this guy. Let's keep a movie. What do you mean? They're asking me about certain injectables and if I got them I said the what oh They asked if you got the vaccine I said this why I don Oh, they asked if you got the vaccine. Yeah, I said this. Why? I don't know, they always ask you. It's like, you guys don't hype,

they're just hyping me up, so I get to go, Psh, nah. Yeah. Psh, that one? No. Yeah. That's sick. For the record, it doesn't mean I'm antivax.

That's very weird, they ask that. They ask you all the fucking times, still, dude. Cause I think they want to, like, try to get you still. They'll be like, do you want it? It's's like no. Yeah, yeah, I'll give it now I'm still later. I'd like to get it now. I'd like to get blood clots now dude. Oh, I P Torey Kelly's not RIP. She's still alive, but Torey Kelly she's a singer. She's fucking like 30 years old blood clots hospital Which again who knows what calls blood clots but I've never because sometimes when things, the news does make it seem like they're happening more.

But also, like, dude, did people ever get blood like this? It's fucking weird. I'm with you. But either way, you know, who knows? Ooh, it does feel like some severe weather has headed this way. Hold on, let me check my nose. The lady said I'm going to start feeling it, my nose. Fuck.

That pulled me back into the text weather. Let me check my nose. The lady said I'm gonna start feeling it. My nose. That pulled me back into text weather. Dude, it was my, it was literally my dream. I think I still might be dreaming. Four ladies were like, that's so gnarly. I was like, it's nothing. Like, did you get the Vax? I went nah. It was tough guy. That's about as cool as a guy. I was in tough guy. I haven't dude. It was the best dude. God, it's nothing more shameful when somebody's like did you get it? Yeah, I had to

Yeah, but that was so embarrassing. It was equally brave. I was so afraid of it dude if for me was less scary not to get it I was so sure it was full lazy. I was just like yeah, I get it if it, but I got to walk over to Dwayne Reed. That's like three blogs. That was funny. The seller called, the guy called the manager there, the owner there was like, you gotta get it. You're the only, you're like,

it was just me and like four black comics that were like, we're not getting it. And we don't trust the government. Hey, force you. Yeah. He force you. Yeah, force you Kind of he was like you got a get it. He can't work here. It's like fine. I'll go get it right now Yeah, I just got in there too. Yeah, it was like I'll just get it. Yeah, fuck it Well, at least he didn't thank God he didn't fucking I only got one. I never got to follow up That was kind of that's kind of G. Shit. That's bad boy shit. I got one so I could get it past the club and the shout out to G

Shit, Gardini I got one so I could get it past the club and the shout out the G Shit Gardini only got one. I filled out the other half of his card for Right these letters in your card. Yeah Bro I'm solo of Patriots are in the fucking There's a lot of Patriots right now in complete control. Can't wait for fucking X dude X Twitter X Twitter No, it's not to X X it's just X I'm gonna buy everything on X It's gonna be a marketplace dude. It's gonna be a market. I'm stoked on it dude. I can't Stand people hating on musk dude if you'd have saw what I saw you saw the starlings

I saw starlings dude if you see starlink you go actually musk is God Oh by the way, he's just trying to make the internet free for everybody Yeah, trying to give africans fucking Wi-Fi Please God let them the police Please let the africans get Wi-Fi dude. Please make our job 50 times easier So we can bring up clips of those dudes doing funny stuff to you. They're gonna be the funniest guys possible Huh That's gonna be tough to compete with AvA pockets bro, I think those guys got some real issues.

We get to lay around, complained about shit. Those guys, those African fellas, I think they got some real problems. Yeah, I mean, true. I wouldn't wish that almost, you know, star ring or deviated septum on my worst end. I mean, deviated, I look as a sufferer myself. True.

What's your journey been like? My journey's been so hard. It's a TV to set them. Yeah, I think I don't I'm stoked you know, I'm gonna have plugs in my eye to do so I got to Tough guy heaven with ladies and I have them like how are you not freaking out? I said guys when your daughter looks at you the tremble and limp and they said oh you you were being brave You're being a good daddy. Yeah, pretty much like that's so so I was like dude this kid is going on forever Then I went I just sat in the back What do the nurses look like? Three black ladies one white lady old white lady. It's like old white old scarecrow white lady

Three just pleasantly just kind of like roton black lady nurses, and it was just Perfect dude. I just was perfect. It looks like someone painted them in that triage dude. It was beautiful. They were just fucking, you're so strong and tough and calm. And I was, yes. Yes, I guess I am. Yes, I guess I am. The coolest fucking dude you guys ever fucking met. Yeah, I tried to let that pregnant lady go in front of me. I don't know if you guys noticed that. I felt so bad. When I just was like, yeah, she's fine. I was like, I need my head. It burns. She's not that far along.

Yeah, guys, you're seeing first, and I'm waiting behind her. Yeah, it was sick. It was very fun. I got back and they were just like, it's broken into, I thought they're gonna snap it into place so I could complete tough guy heaven and be like, do it.

You're like, it's broken into places who knows bones floating and I was like, oh, that sounds scary. Can you still go into my brain yet? Or what? Is that done? And then just went home. Went home. That was it. Is your bone still floating? Yeah, man, I just have a bone unattached to anything. That's why they're able to tomorrow. So the fucking nose doctor was like, yeah, we're going to piece of metal and just kind of bend that thing forward and pry it up. Then we'll go out and cut out your cartilage in your nose and we'll straighten it out

And reinsert it into your nose and then we'll they're gonna stuff me up with two Plug so I'll just have a plugged up nose for six days and that the end of the six days I'm gonna suck so bad because you know I love the breather my nose and I have the plug unplug him and then it's like Fucking I pull him out on that six day and then it's on but he said your septum can naturally curve again They got to cut me one in a hundred chance I Can lose all My front teeth which I'm like fucking don't care. He's like they could septum curve

And I told him I said dude for when you're on that when I'm on that table forget aesthetics I want pure functionality So you got a cut little gills on the side of my nose give it to me, dude I want a total functionality Don't worry about what my nose looks if it comes down If you have to make a choice between functionality or aesthetics I want you to air on the side of fucking functionality. Please of course guys just like You're the first guy who's ever said this fucking cousins, bro Fucking cousins dude. I was leaning into tough guy shit. I had double black eyes at the beach. So I was like walking to places just be like

This guy's sick. I'm so fucking tough. I just thought you were a crack head I know my family. This is a good looking homeless guy Got two black guys Yeah broken boogie board Body servant. Oh I imagine a fucking bbid except the man a boogie board in rash. That's how to inhale. That boogie board and rash is nobody can know. I'm the that's off. I would have sucked. They would have rushed you

in the or oh, dude, if I had a boogie board around, I'd be like, you guys think this nose is bad. Check out red my best stomach is. My belly is I knew I should have went in and put my rash guard on. I didn't. Oh, it's all of myself this weekend. You did. You read at the floor to where I Was actually it was there for a ceremony for my uncles salt death. He's the salt king. He's salt death. That's all King He was a salt he had a salt death they

My Solder all he fucking the way they, he got, they built, they have these things that are like booze. Yeah. For your ashes. Oh no, stop it dude. So they took them out on a boat. Chop me up, burn me now, put me in one breath.

Put them in a cremated booey that, it's biodegradable, it goes away in the water and on the way out, there was drinks we had. Dude, this guy's fucking to play that out my aunt. She took the billy. She's the one who threw it in. She had had a couple drinks. And she was her last words to him.

She was like, okay, go live with the fishies. No one handles death better than the Irish students. To be at home. Dude, nobody handles death better than the Irish. Yeah, I had to, there were at the end of one moment their life, their force to be sentimental, they can't do it. No one can do it. I watched my grandfather do it

for a, he had a throw of rose in a casket and he was like, all right, we're done and he's threw it in there and walked away. I got close to it. I was, there was a slideshow at the coffee and donuts. Everyone's hanging out, slideshow, my father was just staring at it, tearing up and I was like, get the fuck away from this thing Phil, don't look at it.

Don't look at it. Then I started looking at it. And I was like, oh, slide show. Slide show got me, it was me and him in like eighth grade. Like, he was my confirmation sponsor. That was my guy, dude. That was my fucking bro. Then they kept getting me every single person in my family kept coming up and being like,

you guys had a really special relationship. You guys loved each other and I was like, we did knock it off. Leading me big. Trying to go see Starlink again. True. I mean, that's a startling race across the night sky is cool as it gets to. Shit, fucking rules. It's Starlink.

It's very scary. I've never seen one yet. Spud saw one in Vermont. You saw one. If you see one, yeah, it's just, it's like, oh, shit. What the fuck is that? What's like a blinking red thing? No, it's a string of satellites.

It's like a long line going across the sky. It's very, yeah. What are they doing? Do we need like more of them to get the internet, right? Yeah, I was, I was supposed to witness a launch. I heard he got right now. They got rained on. Sorry for your loss. That sucks.

I mean, my uncle died in whatever. I never thought about it. I said, my uncle died in fucking whatever. Missing the SpaceX launch. Fucks me up. We're right on the beach. But we had a nice little beach house we're right I could see the towers I can see the Kennedy Space Station towers I was so excited I was like I'm just gonna fucking I'm gonna I stayed sober all day I was like I need to be sharp for

this long your national training yeah your action on training you know how hard you're dinner and you didn't drink you were ready for space I was ready to ready to watch it. Just in case you're like, dude, our astronaut tapped out. Have you ever had a single drink today? I haven't drank once. I had a few, but not really. It doesn't count if you only have a few. I've only been drinking vodka and tangs all day. But yeah, I rained out. I was, it would have been so, but they pushed it back. It was supposed to be seven. I was like, ah, this will be cool, but I'd rather a night launch.

I want to see the whole sky light up. And then they were like, the rain's coming. We got to push it back. It kept getting pushed back. I was, now by now I'm drunk. Yeah, sure. I was pretty, I was timing it, so I was drunk at seven.

Yeah. Now they pushed it back to like 11, 30, and I was like, you're just one eyeing the distance. Trying to see. Well, that thing go in a fucking space. That's crazy You guys ever think about Yeah, that was it another like launch is canceled I'm staying another day. I'm gonna watch it. Did you watch it? No, I left I should have extended my stay one more day Oh, dude fuck avis the rental cars. Yeah, fuck out of flat tire. Oh, that was a bullet. They don't do anything for you

Let me fire it up. They don't do anything. I always operate under the assumption is Brittany We have like check engine like cars and all the shit and I'm like fuck them If it breaks down they'll still come get us another car and that's their problem. They don't know they're like fix it. They literally, the lady was like, well, is there, you can fix the tire and bring it back and we'll get you a new car. It's like, I got to go to fucking Pep Boys and buy a tire and sit in a fucking, it's like, or is she saying just take it to the side of the road, jack it up and toss the donut

on? Yeah, they were. I can, I don't want to do that. You're there saying you can put the donut on and then drive. I was like, well, I'm an hour away. I'm not driving. Yeah, fuck that. What are you guys doing?

Don't get this goddamn car. You have, especially you said you left it, it was nail in the tire. Nail in the tire. If you blew the tire, even if you pull the tire out, I was like, come on. I got to coverage, dude. Fix it.

Yeah. Also, luxury, I got to fucking premium luxury vehicle I got the coverage, dude. Fix it. Yeah. Also, luxury car. I got the fucking premium luxury vehicle. And they told me. It was a goddamn Chrysler 300. What the fuck, dude? Chrysler 300 is a fucking sack of shit car.

The interior of that car is a regular shitty car. Yes, I was driving a Chrysler 300, but then dude, I was upgraded to fucking Jeep thing. What do they send you? Like, sir, do you want to have the look like you have or selling five pounds of weed? Yeah. Yeah, it was. Yeah, it was. And one who's I watch people I watch it decent handful of people make a good amount of

money the first time their life selling drugs. Many of them went for the Chrysler or the Chrysler 200. A lot of them. Yeah, that was almost that was pre it was the go to dude. And the Dodge Charger came out then then the Challenger, the Charger. I know one specific guy. Whoever the fucking guy is. Somebody in there knows black dudes.

Somebody in there is like, guys, they're gonna fucking love this shit. It doesn't even have to be nice. Let's just make it look like they're gonna fucking buy it. You're talking Chargers, you're talking Chargers, challenge. even have to be nice. Let's just make it look like this. They're gonna fucking buy it. You talking chargers, you're talking chargers, challenge, although I will give them credit. That's also a white trash vehicle. Yeah, and that's the white trash.

Yes, because yeah, the one dude I saw in the glow up was that's the really white trash. Yeah, that is a fucking white trash. Yeah, then he did fucking dodge charger. Scrape the side of the. So sick. Scraped aside. So sick. Scraped aside. I was like a Greek myth dude, he was flying too close to the sun

and his crash was 300. Maybe did some opiates and fucking fucked it up dude. I wonder what the rate of how many I should say hundreds are scraped and damaged. It's gotta be like 85%. It's gotta be at 99%. Oh, what more fucked? Oh, the more the junkyard which is a twisted up driver's

Just some guy like what happened was fucking turnplank bullshit bullshit Bullshit happened to me they had the rumble the rumble strips to most of me four inches deep. This thing was probably one and a half. They fucked me All right, all right, we need let's switch over to the Patreon. Oh, yeah, I haven't also mean Lamar float over a sick idea for the Patreon. I'd like to hear it. Patreon exclusive live stream the whole drive up. Oh, it'd be very good. How much will try it? I would love nothing more than to see you two operating with no fucking with no me to be like dude what are you doing? I want to hear Matt be fully untethered it just like dude just it's just you cannot see Oppenheimer dude I have I forbid you for seeing I will see I will see the forbidden knowledge I can't

fucking wait you're gonna love it it actually Oppenheimer's sick I can't when you were I got him convinced I got him confused I thought you were calling me cheering I was going I'm yeah no you're not I was like Oppenheimer's sick. I can't when you were I got him convinced I got him confused I thought you were calling me cheering. I was going I'm yeah, no, you're not I was like Oppenheimer What's that? Oh, that was touring. I was like sick. I'm not rules. Dude. I can't fucking wait You're gonna love it. Oh, though. He's a fucking woman. I said dude Oppenheimer was banging everybody wasn't he really? Yeah You dropped the bomb home. He dropped it. Yeah, he was. He was fucking dropping. I mean, he was fucking everybody's wives, every scientist around.

He was kind of a fucking dog. That's a fox in the henhouse though. It is. Chad scientist making weapons. I mean, I'm gonna fuck these chat scientists then just he bought fucks. Yeah, how did he get him? Was he like, yeah, actually, you know what?

Like he doesn't exactly equal MC square in the big. Yeah, pretty much. I mean, it's that. That's what I was like masculine love this shit. Oh, I can't put him away., pretty much. I mean, it's that that's what I was like masculine love this shit. So it's just like dude, it's getting intellectuals. Yeah. It's awesome. There's a yeah, there's Truman. Truman at the end is the best part being like give me your bombs. Truman, I whatever it's not that much of a spoiler, Oppenheimer goes in

to talk to the president and he's like, the blood on my hands. And Truman's just like, he takes a hanky out and he's like, nobody gives a fuck about you dude. I dropped the bombs, get this fucking cry baby out of here. The treatment rules there. And made me love Truman. I think you're supposed to not like Truman in that moment. Truman fucking rules, dude. It's pretty nasty. nasty literally like shut the fuck up. Oh, dude

We did what we had I pressed the button dude get out of here That's kind of sick actually. It's also just I mean, of course it was actually a obvious dilemma that these scientists had Yeah, they're like we're creating a the thing that can end the world but There's such little babies that they're all fucking calm in this whole time. I think really? A lot of them, they're all like, Germany's out of the war,

we don't need to use the bomb anymore. They're having like meetings. They built it though. Yeah, they built it. This is a little bit nerdy. Yeah, there's fucking nerds built it. Yeah, what the fuck, don't do it. You guys are smart enough to build an atomic bomb.

Hey, here's a news flashback. Yeah, this is an atomic energy. It's not working for this bomb. Yeah. Don's built it. Yeah, what the fuck don't do it you guys are smart enough to build a atomic bomb Hey, here's a news flashback. Yeah, this is atomic energy. It's not working for this bomb. Yeah, don't do it Use your brains to be like yeah, we'll trick all these dumb guys into thinking there's no atomic weapons They wanted that shit to fucking explode dude get out of here. They celebrate it when it went off, dude Of course it is. I mean that's no one was thinking about this poor Japanese terms of pure physics dude Just whoa cool shit pretty cool But you know apparently there's more to life than just physical laws, but You know, I don't want to get in trouble with the scientific establishment, dude I'm already married enough to they're gonna get you dude

We have a real threat It's common you're gonna be one of the top I can see the day you're in front of that committee They get me trying to get you and you just like, dude, I believe in the Constitution. Believe in the Constitution. The only thing I'd ask is that they see my son's chasing fucking objects and power more than living a good life just to set them straight when I die. That's what he said for his sons. He goes, you know, they have any final wishes? Like, yeah, if you see my son's putting position and authority or whatever before being true and good, tell him not to do that.

And then he just drank the hamlock. Oh, I thought you were talking about Kennedy. I was like, no, no, no, talk about Socrates. You said that, no, talk about Socrates. They're gonna kill him. He was like, he's like, you clearly, you don't care about the youth. He's like, what is it about?

Then he's like, he's like, clearly don't give him, they're just sick as fucking speech. So fucking good. Baby, we did it. We did it. We did it right an hour All right, let us go into the Patreon. Yeah, so it's worth it. It's going to the fucking exclusive only sorry losers Sorry, the rest of this is you're never gonna be able to see this It's gonna be so much fun. Also sorry about last week. Yeah

That was a real bit that was half of me Z Full full culpability over on this end. Yeah, we thought we thought we could do a night cast. We tried our best. We did try our best though We stayed up dude. I ended up operating on two hours of sleep the next day. We tried to do it our best That sucked dick. It was just yeah, it wasn't the one man. It wasn't the one. No, it was not we stayed up all day and night Toiling to produce something and it and we didn't get it. We didn't get it, dude. And we missed a week. It's all good.

There were glimpses of comedy. There were never, bro. There were things. We did reach up and touch the heavens a couple of times, but we spent most of our time in hell that whole time. A lot of hell. And we got punished for it. I get broke my nose.

You got slapped in a nut's by a wave. Yeah, I got wrecked. Mayors from bad happening to the mayor would happen to you. Do you some better? Yeah, I'm a butt-sist. I'm a butt-sist. Oh, I'm gonna pop you style. He was describing it to you I'm like stop man. I think it was the worst smell ever when it pops. Yeah enough. Oh my god enough enough You've got it and you got a titsus, dude. Oh, you have a titsus? You've got it and you got a titsus dude. Oh, you've come down with severe That's what you're ordering. He's right a little earlier. Oh, you got punished Yeah, you would have loved see me get fucking racked and then not spy this wave Look at a beautiful sunset drinking. I was like I gotta take a piss

Went out like waist deep, and I was like, I gotta take a piss. Went out like way steep and I was like, I gotta bend over for this wave so it gets me to just, oh, I mean, I was leading forward like this and a wave just, oh, racked me in the knots. What happened to that boy dude? You got clad in it. It fucking crushed me. Yes. All right, Patrick on time. Let us go. Love you guys. It fucking crushed me. Yeah. Yes. All right, Patrick on time.

Let us go. Love you guys.