Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 455 - Heebie Jeebies

Episode Date: August 9, 2023

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com YO. Here we are, we're here. Back to bless you with your weekly podcast. Matt's back in FF (full force) after a succesful surgery and a glorious spesh release. He heard your T's and P's - glory be. Thank you kindly. The D.A.W.G.Z. are on location this week in Westchester. Home of Bam and Big SGs old stompin grounds. THE BIG MANS BACK ON CAMPUS !! Please enjoy. God bless.  This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try for 10% off your 1st month at betterhelp.com/mssp & get on your way to being your best self Get 20% off your first order of Liquid Death @ liquiddeath.com/drenched Support the show and get 10% Off with the code DRENCHED at https://Lucy.co Support the show and head to https://www.birddogs.com/DRENCHED & use promo code DRENCHED  

Keep an eye on that shot. Now he's pressing that red button. Yeah, he'll never forget. He's gonna go, you gotta press that red button for the twerk. What are the biggest mistakes you can make in the filming industry? There's not recording. Not recording.

Cutting someone out of frame. LAUGHTER Eating constantly off camera, louder. Well, the only thing left for you in the film industry to do, the next big thing is to be like horrible sexual crimes. That's your only other mistake you can make in the film business is like coerce women. Even the wine scenes press record.

This is out of control. In my mind you're worse than a rapist. These rapists don't waste my time. Is he still in jail or wine sign? Wine sign. There's no, he's like El Chapo. He? Why is that? There's no. He's like El Chapo. He went out of the fucking tub.

He tunneled out. Yeah. Did he have a defective, totally defective dog? Yeah, I was one of the, yeah, they brought that in front of the jury that everyone was like, look, he's fucking gross penis. He's definitely a rapist. He even, couldn't he be like, he didn't even work, my dick doesn't even work, dude. He could.

But I'm sure I didn't really work. Yeah, he got made fun of for having a weird penis. Yeah. On top of the entire country. Live by the sword, live by the sword, die by the sword. Yeah, you live by the, yeah, you live by the, the form penis. You die by that.

God damn, that's good. It's good to be here, dude. It's good to be here live from an Airbnb in Westchester, Pennsylvania. Back to. Room of the, the Rams. I'm with the fucking BAM Rams. Yeah, BAM is, BAM's cool now, right?

He's good, or is he still? I have no idea. At large. According to, I think he's chilling. Nice. Blythe's reported a sighting. Really? Yeah.

When do you see, Blythe said he saw BAM in Westchester. Nice. Like two days ago. Nice. It's gonna be back Right away reaching for something plastic Jesus Christ get a water dude Yes, open it up. It's totally fine. Well wait We'll hold the production anyway. It's oh, I should use that water for the fucking nitty pot. No, dude You need distilled water. That's distilled. That's purified water bottled water

Maybe I'd have to say they say use specifically distilled like nothing in it. Yeah, because you can get a brain infection That's what I heard you be shane the brain infection. Yeah, I used fucking Westchester tap water No, yeah, no idea and then I got done. I told people yesterday I was like I use a nitty-pot. They're like did you use distilled? Oh? No, because you can die from that bacteria gets in your brain. I was like that use a nettie pot. They're like did you use distilled? Oh no. Because you can die from that bacteria gets in your brain. I was like that's impossible. You true. And then I googled it and some guy in Florida died from it.

But I think he was swimming in a swamp. Yeah. And they're like we don't know where this bacteria came from. Probably the nettie pot. I don't think you get ocean water. I've got ocean water way up my nose. Yeah dude. I think I was kicking around when I broke my nose,

I was like, damn, it's probably ocean water. Speaking of noses, did you get back on top? Right back. Yeah. It'll be good. It's airflow, bro. That's my deviated nost. I hear that whistle.

I hear that whistle. That's clean. That is clean, it's all I can hear that. I gotta get the nitty-pot out. You gotta get it back out. Get some pond water. Yeah. You know, whole micro-organism.

I'm just gonna get pond water. Yeah, dude. Fill it with worms. Yeah, they say to put salt, you can get some salt water too. Or you can boil it. If you want a boil, you can boil. Yeah, you can boil up some time. I didn't feel like doing it for a long time.

Yeah, true. Also, with a fucking deviated septum, it doesn't really work the other way. Like I couldn't. didn't feel like doing it for a long time. Yeah, true also with a fucking deviated septum It doesn't really work the other way like I couldn't it takes a minute It was very slow dripping out the good natural true, and that one was fucking it in all of a sudden It's like yeah, I think that's one of my favorite feelings in the world Having his liquid poor like booger's and those feel good out of my nose. Oh my god Yeah, you ever travel those earwax ones now. I'd like to I haven't either to pull the earwax out of your nose Yeah, just god. You ever travel those earwax ones? No. I'd like to. I haven't either. To pull the earwax out of your nose. Yeah. Just point it, Sean, and say it was him. You guys got to work on your bond, man. It's, it's so cutthroat right there. Well, Meezie, still here.

Unbelievable. This guy's still here. I know. I got an important mission for him coming out this week. You do give him missions, which I do appreciate. I'm sure he appreciates. The missions, I mean, he does missions. He's the best. What type of missions do you have for him, Plant? Or does he not need to know? Oh, I know you got to clear out that beach house. Oh, well, no.

That could be a little measie. It could be a bash. He would just turn that into a party at your house. He had a little party on. You had a party going? To him and his brother party. Ice cream in the fridge. I threw all your junk out. You guys got ice cream in the fridge. It sure was. He had and his brother party. Ice cream in the fridge. I threw all your junk out.

You guys got ice cream in the fridge. It sure was. It was over here at Orange Cream, Sherbert Ice Cream in the fridge. Or like Orange and Cream pops like a whole ice cream. What the hell? Wait, they went to the beach house or your house? My house. What did you guys do in his house?

We were just watching TV. We were just watching anime. We usually hang out on Sunday. So watching anime. It was pretty awesome. I had to throw his junk away. It was ice cream in anime. Yeah usually hang out on Sundays and watch anime. It was pretty whole, it was pretty whole. So my to throw is jungle. It was ice cream and anime. Yeah.

That dude, that fucking, I can't argue against how nice that is. Orange, yeah, orange cream sickle ice cream dude. He laid a trap for my wife. I had to go, Tony did that. Tony did crap. She was, dude, she kept opening that and being like,

oh, that's how it goes. Yeah. If you have ice cream in the fridge, which only women do, yeah. They're gonna go at eight o'clock, they look after dinner and they go, I'm not, I shouldn't. Cream sickle ice cream too?

It's all watching Netflix, 10 p.m. rolls around. They go, I'm gonna have, you go, what are you doing out there? Why are you scooping that in the dark? Oh, dude, yeah. I immediately threw it. I love throwing away sweets in her face. Right here, this is what it's junk, throw it in the trash. Don't do that now, it's a waste.

That's aggressive, throw it in the trash. I'm like, you're not gonna want, you don't want to eat this. Yeah. Just taste it and spit it out. That's true. True. Why do you have to swallow ice cream and take it?

Women should be, every woman should be believing. That's not even believing, that's just being, that's just being swallowing. No, I mean, swallow it, enjoy it, but. But that's the weirdest part of that is like, spit up. Why do you need to like, completely incorporate that into your physical existence, swallow it, enjoy it. But, but that's the weirdest part of that is like, spit up. Why do you need to like completely incorporate that into your physical existence, taste it,

and just go, that's all right, spit it out. You can go through a whole gallon of ice cream, you can munch it down to liquid and just go, get a spittoon. What is it about swallowing and incorporating the food that makes it so pleasurable? That's a weird part you don't think. I mean, it is usually your animal instincts. Yeah. The best part is just like, that's feel good. Yeah,

it hits your fucking throat. Although they say I've read a thing recently, they said 55% of your calories are spent just pushing the food down from here to your hiding. Yeah, in your body, you mean what you burn off? Yeah, just by just like moving that food around, they claim that half the calories that you eat are going to spend just pushing it down into your bowl. They don't know what I'm eating. To your butthole. True. Yeah, I might never make it down there.

Yeah, just stay somewhere. True. Your belly, your cells. No, not if I've been taking that. Yes. I still can't remember what it's called, Sila-Sylamhust. Sila-Hust. So is that corn?

Is that just grounded up corn? I have no idea. It just blows your ass out, it feels great. Fuck, that's so tight. Taking massive shit. Oh, that's all I want. Thanks to Sila-Hust. Sila-Hust.

I'm regular. Dude, I'm telling you what, I was on those, I mean, I wasn't even on real opiates, I was on fucking Tram at all. Dude, four days of that what, I was on those, I mean, I wasn't even on real opiates, I was on fucking Tram at all. Dude, four days of that. Do you go no dump? I heard it doesn't. I didn't eat that for four days. Oh, okay.

I mean, again, I wasn't eating much, I couldn't really eat because every time I like, took a bite of swallowed something, my ears would pop, and then a little bit of mucus which is like, forced to be burst out of my nose, out of like the tube, it was truly hellish. Let me see it, the swelling's already down a little from yesterday. No, it's down by the time. Yeah. But dude, the game he traumaed all, didn't shit for four days,

then I was like, I was like, I'm done, I think. You don't shit. I don't shit at all, dude. Yeah. And then I thought it was gonna be a great, like I was thinking of the scene from train spotting where he stops doing heroin and just like blows it out.

Dude, I pushed like a tree branch out of my ass on the fifth day. I was just like, ah! McKebrue is one of those. Oh, really? Yeah, McKebrue was on Paypal's from something. And he had to go to the hospital.

Four of his turds. He was fucked up, something's wrong. No. And they did like a fucking sonogram. Oh, football, and his butt. He had to dump out in front of like a hot nurse. He had to go to the bathroom. He said it looked like a bundle of oranges. Oh, no. You just dropped cannonballs in front of the plane. Dropping the footballs. Tom, you're a little rude. Dude, I've had the pig skin a couple

times. You need the football shape dump. It rips your butt. You blew spot. It's so weird. It's we need the football shape dump it rips your butt you spot It's worth it. It's worth it. It's about worth the pain The pleasure of far outweighs the pain. It sucks our modern technology. I love like women give birth I love that you're on a football to feel just fucking squat and go back out the collecting nuts If you you had a football drop it outside If you had a football drop it outside would be so fucking funny. She's putting it on a sidewalk. Some people would be like, oh my, what the fuck was that? Who did this?

Have you tasted it football recently? I guess football, like a football turn, like a foie... I'm trying to think, I mean... The first one I saw was in high school. A guy dropped a footballer, a generator, had to come and break it up into funny stick. It was the funniest thing in the world. School janitor is the fucking gig, dude.

That was the best. That's a gig. Dude, it's our dude with smoke weed. Wood chips on puke. Oh. Just, it'll elementary school kids, just puke and shitting and pissing all day. Yeah, it's,

and you're just some drunk. Yeah. That's like, fuck. Yeah, it's just, there you go. Wood chips out, these kids are throwing up. Ugh. But yeah, they're like security guards for construction.

They just like look at it, toilet, like we're gonna call a contractor. It's like you call the police. Yeah, we need, we definitely, we need the guy to come in. Yeah, what do you need? We definitely need that. We need the guy to come in. Yeah, they do. They clean up like puke and turds and then like,

yeah, mop up. All the, it's a sick fucking gig. Mopping is the finest gig. Mopping so much. When the kids finally leave all the fucking oh, all those little punks get out of there. That's you know. They call you losers, the bad kids are like,

nice job. You fucking janitor. Well, that's the vicious circle. Those are the, those the janitors become, you losers, the bad kids are like, nice job. You fucking janitor. Well, that's the vicious circle. Those are the janitors become, you know, the bad kids become the janitor. And then the janitor has kids, and he's an alcoholic, and he just has bad kids. Yep, that is the same family.

I bet you, like, you know, you can, like, site every president goes all the way back to the same like, king. Yep. I bet every janitor's kids Come from one janitor What do you think of that it's like the house of hatred dude? So I had a shoe horn Mama they're talking about generational curses and it was exactly like that It was like your great great-grandfather would like chop up someone's kids and feed them

to his brother. And like that brother would like, for revenge, fuck his sister to make a kid to avenge his, it was fucking insane. They'd give like seven generations deep of like Greek royalty. And it was like by the end of it, it's like this guy's definitely on a chop

one of his kids on the cast. We gotta watch this guy, cause he's so fucking funny. He's gonna chop up some kids. Dude, chopping someone's kids up, feeding into him and being like, how are they? How are those little beasts? How was the meat pie you just had? And then you go, you walked away. The secret ingredient was your children. Your first born. Then he goes, all right, I see you. And he's like, I'm gonna fuck you. No, he fucked his daughter. He got one of his daughters and fragmented his daughter.

All right, impregnating it. Yeah. But then he got to raise a baby, which you know, he fucked his daughter. He got one of his daughters. It's pregnant. He's his daughter. And pregnant. Yeah. But then he got to raise a baby, which, you know, he had a fucking daughter. He was an exile, you know. Snizz was fucking. Well, exactly. Hard to come by.

Hard to come by. Yeah. And then he got a baby and from day one, it was like, you're gonna kill my brother. You're gonna kill my brother. Sick. Making an assassin, you know, making, you know, making good out of a bad situation.

It would be cool to craft an assassin from like infancy. So your one job is to fucking kill your uncle. Damn, you had to munch his kids. Yeah, you munched them. Oh, that was in, that was true. But they did that a couple. I think that, yeah, I think that. That was in, uh, Carlin's fucking like King of Kings thing.

Oh. He went through like all the fucked up things, all those ancient kings you should do. It's pretty terrible. Yeah, I think they used to do that. They're like, all right, now munch your kids, and then we're gonna torture you to death. They would like kill your kids and like rape your wife

in front of you and then take your eyes out. Yeah. So that was the last thing you ever saw. And then let you live. For real. For real. For real. For real.

Yeah, it's pretty brutal, dude. Fucking jerks. It's, I mean, it's unbelievable. That's that's why you whenever, whenever people are like, that's always going to be it's like, dude, no, we've made some sick, incredible progress, significant progress. Yeah, especially think of those kings that they had to like see now shitty, they had like a king Biden.

Oh, yeah, I was like, bring him around. Fuck his kids. Dude, guys will go nuts. Those guys out. Come on, we got that. Dude, if your kid went nuts, it's like you were just fuck. Yeah. He's one dude to go nuts.

And be like, yeah, dude, my words, the word of God, never would have been like, fuck. Yeah, we all agreed. Fuck. Everything you say is true. Someone will be thinking straight and just be like, stab him right in the back. But they got it in this whole family.

And it was just like generations of just like uncles killing their nephews, killing their parents and the kid would come back and kill their, it was so fucking tight. That is tight. So much. That's fun to listen to. It is fun. That is drama. Right before I go to bed I go, yeah, it's ancient Jerry Springer. Trill. Trudeck. We have a guest, we have a surprise guest to you. It's that boy that was raised to assassinate you Well, you're gonna a bitch. He seduced agamem moms wife agamem all agamem not agamagnol Agamemnon he seduced agamem moms wife and then agamem mom came back and then he was like He said agamemnon

Yeah, poor agamem all agamemnon. I think you're gonna like that. Yeah, four agamemnon. He was just a vangin hell into the guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was Troy. Yeah. How about, how crazy is that? The Trojan of Wine. The Trojan of Wine.

The Trojan of Wine is just over a lady. They're like, we can't have a thousand fine. Yeah, parishes. Yeah, parishes. Parishes went in and scooped her up. What could he do? I don't know. Hector. He was promising. I have the fucking. I can tell you about that world. Hector was their champion. I have a there's a fucking total war about Troy. I can tell you all about it. I can tell you about silver tongue. Odysseus. Yeah, dude. Hector was their champion, right? You like it. You can play three modes.

Oh, you can play regular human mode where it's no myths. You can play fucking life. Why would anyone? You can play like why they thought it was a myth. Like Cyclops was just ejected or you can play full myth mode. Achilles. And you can have, I mean Achilles is of course in it, but you can have, you can hire sirens to be on your team.

What? Yeah, they can come sing and trick sirens to be on your team. What? Yeah, they can come sing and trick the other guys. You like this game? I would fucking love that. Yeah. Sounds awesome. I bought a new gaming laptop just for this. Did you really?

Yeah, I'm going to get into it when I get home. I forgot about it. Where's the day? I brought it. It's in my fucking apartment in New York. Dude. Dispatch it. Dispatch the bro.

I might dispatch. You want a new mission? Give a mission possible do 40 bucks Although no game in on the game the laptop do not open the box That game he's gonna leave with the yeah, he's gonna loot me He's gonna fucking loot me and I'll never see him again He's gonna fucking loot me and I'll never see him again. He's gonna secure his booty. True, I think I'm gonna let you find it.

You'll find it, you'll stay police, you'll find it. I was being a bag just completely glazed. Yeah. We can believe we can. Yeah. Once you've finished your gaming, now it's time for the real game. Chasing in the woods on a laptop. Jesus Christ.

Dude, I came across a disturbing online, online finding where, so he obviously I've been following RFK stuff and you know he came out with all the Israel stuff. Yeah, he loves Israel. Yeah, he loves Israel, dude. And it's like, you know, it's like, I don't know anything about it. I'm watching it, like, oh dude, that's like, I don't know anything about it. I'm watching it. Like, oh, dude, that's pretty cool. This guy's all about this. And then I'm like looking at his light counts on all his videos.

Dude, he's like, I'm here with the big three league, like 27,000 likes. I'm here with the 27,000 likes him defending Israel. That's like 1600 likes. Oh, he doesn't get you to get likes. He got no love for that dude. Oh, damn. I was like, damn, dude, the internet's so fucking racist. I get like the likes. He doesn't even get likes. He got no love for that dude. I was like damn dude, the internet's so fucking racist. I get like six million. Why sorry?

Well I started watching it being like, God damn dude, that's wild to get the numbers. I'm like who was like, yeah, I'll fuck you, dude. You were like, you're talking with Ice Cube for the big three basketball. True. People did not like Israel dude. You get, it's a hot button issue.

It's just like,'m just I noticed the phenomenon I went whoa that's fucking it's crazy getting nothing on it. I got the numbs That's not even the point that was like I saw that and that led me to thinking about like like CIA stuff And I don't know how I got to just like wondering if Ireland has secret service or not secret service like a CIA Yeah, probably dude. They must be the worst They can't think you were secret. They spill the beans. Secret whiskey.

They spill the beans, everything. I give a laugh at thinking about it, but I'm having a secret mission this week. Just a call, you've done it again. And spill the beans out of the home. Country finds them, puts them in a room with just two beers, like, ah, I can't take it. Drink too, and look, I'll tell you what you want to know.

I'll tell you something. It's your true story. I'm giving him two beers. He's like, oh, it's awesome. We're gonna kill the queen of England. We're gonna get her and she died and we do it. She said we'll kill the black one and get a black lady. Yeah.

I kept laughing all day. I was doing the Brittany all day. I or CIA. We're gonna go to black lady. Just getting hammered. I fucking killed a queen. James Bond going to the casino. Doesn't leave the bar. He gets ruined at the crowd's table.

Fuck. Fuck. We're fucking ruined. They got to keep stuff sending me to missions and casinos. You just get like a robot lady pregnant. It's like, fuck, we gotta get married. Hey, mom. Boom.

Yeah, it was making me laugh about them just being the worst CIA in history. That gave me a giggle that I went, oh God, what are you gonna do about this? Puller secret service would be funny. Yeah, I true. She's just get lost on the way to every mission. Yeah. Especially if you know that it's cool, like CSI, where it's like the little like script on the thing, like 323 Egypt.

Yeah. Oh, fuck. Yeah, he sees it somehow. Oh, man, I'm not supposed to fucking Egypt. Fuck. I'm supposed to be in Poland. I wasn't even supposed to leave. Did they're trying to like secret code? They're like, I'm on to be in Poland. I wasn't even supposed to leave.

Did they're trying to like secret code? They're like, I'm on your team, brother. You're with the Polish CIA? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, yeah, it's like lovely weather we're having today. Are you CIA? I'm CIA. We can skip all this. I think you seem like a fucking trustworthy guy.

Yeah, not many countries I feel like can do it. Africa CIA will be nice. I wasn't gonna go it. It'd be so flat. Oh, it'd be so flat. He's one guy gets a phone. He's a fucking superhero. Oh, God.

He made me two fly. One guy just gets American clothes. It's just the man. Why is this guy in a tuxedo? Yeah, that's my favorite part of that. That's not my, you know, nothing's great about it, but those, those fucking warlords that are just like, yeah, we're wearing wedding dresses in tuxedos, the whole gang. We're wearing whatever cool wild outfits we, they just go full village people. Yeah, true.

They're like, yeah, I'm gonna wear this, they're like sick. I'm gonna be a construction guy. That would feel good winning one of those wars though Yeah child war. Yeah, you just do Insane and fedamines. Yeah, eat the other guys hearts. Everybody's having fun. Oh your uncle is so proud of you Everyone's proud. That'd be so fucking tight tough to lose one of those. Yeah Lose it all. You lose it all. Yeah. I mean it's total war.

Yeah. Yeah, when you're vanquishing your enemies, objectively speaking, it's got to be a fantastic feeling. Yeah, it's got to be so sick. So those are your resources or scares. Yeah. That's when it counts the most. This Russia Ukraine stuff doesn't even count.

Yeah, it's bullshit. Yeah, I was talking to a guy from Russia the other day and I was like, oh shit, like, I forgot these countries that were, you just like forget it. It feels so weird. It feels so weird and embarrassing. It's just like, yeah, fucking forgot. He was having a good time.

This guy from Russia is having a good time. He can't even be like, you guys, it was like, we're also invading countries constantly. So it's just kind of like, I see you out there, player. Yeah. I see what you're up to. You guys of like, I see you out there, player. Yeah. I see what you're up to. You guys are on your grind. You go to your Grizzly.

We wanted everyone to respect our Grizzly. We're like, dude, we're going to an Iraq. You guys are going to love this shit. Everybody turned on us. Now Russ is doing it and they need our help. They need us to be like, true. That actually is. We got to, like, what time are you guys getting up? Like, we're going going up 4 30. Be like, got to respect that. Yeah. I respect that.

Let's get it again after it. We've got a spring offensive plan. Awesome. You got goals. I can appreciate that. Yeah, they're on the grind. Yeah, they absolutely are. I hope it comes to a swift end. Yeah. Yeah. guys, I remind you. Peacefully. Peacefully, dude. Yeah. Just everyone drops and goes, what the hell are we doing? What are we even doing, guys? Let's go home.

All right, next to you, we should be neighbors. Dude, this is crazy. Yeah, what do they like? They need something cool to have and they can all stop. I mean, they, huh? Metal music. Yeah. Or we could do a false flag and fake them into thinking China bomb them and they can just turn them both against China

Yeah, yeah China would go nuts on them now China would wild out China is ready to wild out Yeah, but dude China versus Russia. That's still fight everyone wants to see They need to stop Russia needs to stop fuck. I would go nuts They built butt fuck Russia. Yeah, yeah, but did the US was step in and help them Dude in the USA Russia, we've like dude. We forgive you guys. We've also fucked up like that a bunch of times Not that long ago me get it you saw really poor indefensible country dude. We get it We know how fucking so easy it's so easy dude. It's just right there

It's so easy dude. It's just right there. It's fucking right there. I know, they got all the stuff you want. They have a fucking natural resources. And it's like if you just kill like about 200,000 people, you get to have them. It is funny. Yeah. They're just sitting there at the border. Yeah. When you get food out in front of your dog,

it's just don't. This is a string of troll leave it. Dude, you can't have this leave it leave the room They smell natural It's natural gas leave it Drop it drop you crane I dude yeah, I like to, I like to, now if we're talking red army,

we're talking throwback Soviet Union. Yeah. They'd put a hurtin' on China. Yeah, true. But it would be the worst war of all time. Oh, it'd be so bad. It'd be the worst war of all time. Both of them would throw bodies at each other.

I'm just trying to figure out how we as a country can make money off of such a large scale destruction. We would make so much money off of such a large scale destruction. We would make so much money off that. We fucking get paid. We would, yeah. I mean, again, I hope it doesn't come to that. I'd be like, World War II, we'd be like, well, we're at number one now, so you guys are

going to listen to us for a century. Our dollar is the currency now. Yeah. Yeah, I'm telling you, I've got a lot of people talking how China's now like, I don't, I just don't see it, dude. It's not happening, bro. Yeah, I don't see it. I think it's just fucking fear-minded. I don't I just don't see it. It's not happening. Yeah, I don't see it I think it's just fucking fear my I don't know shit about anything, but yeah I'm just operating off of faith in America. I'm going bro. We're the best. We can do anything

Come on. Yeah, dude. There's no way like you know, they're not using our dollars like who gives a fuck let them go broke Dude more dollars for us Exactly that's what I'm saying That's not even think about that national debt turns out we only have dollars for that, dude. Sorry you guys don't want them. All is now. We're not paying, there's no way we're paying them, man. We're never paying them back.

That's crazy. I also, I don't even think that's how it can't work that way. What, that we owe them like 17 trillion dollars? I don't understand, there's no way they just were like, on good faith, you guys promise? No. I know. There's no way they're that bad.

I can't figure it. I don't know what that means. We're gonna get you 30 trillion. Don't fuck us on this deal. Yeah, true. Yeah, though, we want to position ourselves. So us going under would be the best thing possible for you guys.

Yeah. It doesn't make any money at all, or it doesn't make any sense. I think it's a thing that you just like hover over. Doesn't make dollars or cents, man. True that. I think they just hovered over their population's head. You're like, we're in fucking debt, dude. Yeah. You want, of course you want more money. We do too.

We're in fucking debt. Things aren't going well. We're in a print more. We'll give you more money when we get out of debt. Yeah, dude, you're getting paid the same thing. I'll just free. Just kidding. We got your votes. Yeah, they're going to hold that one over for a while. They're gonna have to figure out something It dude it's fucking it won't dude you see these guys true. See McConnell getting fucking what happened? I have broken why you stuck he's stuck he got stuck dude. He's like a stepson wasn't there Fucking got him out

But did they ever say what happened to that guy while I froze? I think they... Was it the Hebe Jebys? I heard it was Stroke, but yeah, he did have a bad case. He stroked up. Or the Hebe Jebys. Senator McConnell has come down with a horrific case of the Hebe Jebys. Please pray for him.

Certain doctors are trying to say it might've been the willies as well. We've combed the area for kudis. Kudis have been rolled out. I do like to, it's funny whenever that happens. Just seeing Twitter and seeing all the people like, good, fuck it, die, I hope you just like. Wait, I'm gonna get not like, you know, for sure, we don't whack off and yeah.

What was his thing? He was like, I'm guessing it was hard on abortion. He's like the head of the Republican. Okay, he's the guy. He's like done everything. He's gotten all the judge. He's like, he's a true mastermind. Yeah.

I mean, yeah, that's nice. Until now, now his mind's not a master. He mastermind. Yeah. I mean, yeah, that's nice. Until now, now his mind's not a master. He's gone. Yeah. He's like a, what you call it? Like a cicada. He's like a cicada shell hanging on a tree. I saw a thing he was getting chanted at.

He was trying to give a speech, and I was like, retire, retire. Yeah, it is. Call it in Kentucky, in his hometown, in his home state of the Ken, like in a cheerful way, like you did it or just like, fucking, no, like you did, you gotta go. Yeah. It's time. Yeah, they're gotta figure out something

with these geese dude. It's gotta be once you're 80. We all need to, we need to swap. Yeezy's, we go, you guys get rid of Joe, we'll drop Mitch. That's a good point. Pelosi and a rock and tits, it's time to go. I'm sure there's a bunch of geese we could trade in yeah, that's a good idea. We should just go look No Trump get rid of the geese

True, let's make a deal right now everybody in the country. We all agree Binds that don't run him for fucking real action. Thank you somebody old shoot somebody old I don't know. No, they have to put them in the guillotine. Yeah. That's the thing all the old.

If you may, if you don't like relinquish Senate power and you're like 85, they should be sneakily just tossing into the guillotine. I might Napoleon out there. Maybe I could. I've been playing total war. Rise the power. I could. I could say to you guys want me to handle this.

I can shut down the mob right now. You do. Open up some great shot on them. To be fair, you could make probably a decent foray into the American political system. Yeah. You could probably become a congressman, like now. If you fully turn on the jets and you started going,

like, we need to cut these old motherfuckers heads. I was losing a debate to Feterman. No, Feterman would wipe the floor with it. He'd be two Fet two veterans going back and forth. You know, Pennsylvania, good night. That'd be my turn, but I could fill it up, y'all. Whoa. Stay dude, I get stage fright.

Not if it's not stand up, I can't talk. I'd have read it my brother's wedding for maybe 50 people and I was, I thought I was gonna pass out, dude. I had to read it, my brother's wedding for maybe 50 people. I thought it was gonna pass out. I was dying. I was like, yeah, I was like, let it pro do this. And I went up there. I was like, like, God, I spoke according to John. My head was like, God, I spoke according to John.

Yeah. They were like, hand the mic to Shane, my sister's wedding. I was like, yeah, my sister's so fucking good. I'm a fucking loser. The Egyptians were all going, blah, blah, blah. Everyone was like, what the fuck? My other, I was like me and my other sisters were both losers and she's the only good one.

My other sister was like, what the fuck? Why are you saying this? She just got done being addicted to drugs. I was like, he heard of losers. No one knew I was just fighting back tears. So I just sounded insane. I had it all planned out and then I got up there and almost cried. So I just sped through it, just fucked it up.

Years, if I would have given a heartfelt at years, I would have cried. I was cried on the phone the other day. Really? Yeah. And I was like, congrats, dude. Oh, thank you, man. I was like, I would have cried. I was cried on the phone the other day. Really? Yeah. When? And I was like, congrats, dude. Oh, thank you, man. It's like, I love you.

I was like, I love you. I don't know if you noticed how quickly that phone call ended. I was like, yeah, I do love you. It's so sweet. Yeah. Yeah. I was proud of you, dude. There's no need.

You're really going. You were light and a dark tunnel. I didn't know what to do That was nice So what I do is put it on we've come it's pretty crazy. I'm at coffee shop That meeting yeah, yeah, I was a serious I'm gonna fucking go there dude. We're gonna do it Come to school. There's the sucks I swear I believe you do well. Yeah, yeah, you're like, you're

going to do school. I hate this. Yeah. It sucked. Yeah. You were the truth is you were right. Something crazy happened. Yeah. The odds were you were totally correct. Well, wasn't it, it wasn't even just that that wasn't what bothered me. It was just like I got so disillusioned where I was like yeah No, that's what I mean. That's yeah We'll go talk to like headlight when I be like feature and I talked to headliners I'm like man, it's fuck socks that that's these guys kind of bum me out. That was the that that's the best case for almost everyone Yes, is your a fucking old headliner that's like don't get into stand up. Yeah, I fucking bitch wife. Fuck this crowd It dude. It was fucking fucking.

You're a, or you go the officer out. What I was peeping a lot was like leather bracelet, 45 and 50 year olds. It was like gel hair, leather bracelet got, and I was just like, oh, I was staring out the barrel that and I was going, oh god dude. There's a part of me that envy's the leather bracelet, 45 year old fucking job like tonight. We're gonna rock it

This is fucking sick It was giving the he be jeebies. I was on my air mattress in the high season Every night I feel my air mattress just fucking deep Yeah Gebes are tough he be jeebies will get you Yeah The TVGb's are tough. He be jeebies will get you They are the governing force of life though. He be jeebies can set in on anyone dude and completely petrify you If you don't have the he be jeebies, that's that's where you run into some trouble. Yeah, that's when you can really fall

I am the fucking man. Yeah, true. Yeah, you can truly fall off a cliff But that was fun. That was a fun. Yeah, the specials doing great, man. That was a fun treat to release that and go, yes. Yeah. Well, the thing was I was like, because I didn't want to go around all summer and like, yeah, I didn't want to do one. I was like, I'm going to go to the beach. I don't want to like fucking run around all summer, due podcast. So I was like, I'll release it. See where I'm at. And then I was like, oh, sweet. I don't have to do any. You don't have to do any podcast. It's fucking sweet. Yeah. I like, I would love to go to podcast, but I don't want to be like on a time crunch.

And the whole thing was like, the number doesn't affect that. It's just, it would just be my ego. Yeah. Just being like, I want it to be at this amount. It's not. But like, to when it got there, I realized I'm like, doesn't matter. Now.

Now, yeah. Now if it was sitting at 40k, you'd be like, and the heavy jeeps would come in. Yeah, dude, dude, oh, at 40k you'd be like The he be jeebies would come in yeah dude it every dude. Oh, yeah You get especially you get the cousin brigade can swoop right in be like hey man these things take time Oh, fuck dude hold on a second underwater I didn't even think about it was pressure on it now there was pressure But I just completely white pill myself being like bro. It's on your head and then yeah

Thank God it like the number started to end up and I was like oh wow good. Oh well I wasn't even gonna care. It wasn't even a big deal to me. No I mean that makes sense. One something's going good you're like I never even cared about that. Yeah it is. You don't remember how badly you wanted it to go well. Oh yeah. It's one of those it's one of those things. Luckily for me, I am pretty good at like tricking myself. It's been my greatest skill in life. And like, don't care.

Whatever. Yeah, that's cool. I can hold that. It's like it's just like thousands of pounds of water above your head and eventually it just fucking breaks through and you're like, what the fuck am I doing here? Yeah. That's good for you. I go around and go. I care. I say to everyone, I go, I don't care.

Yeah. I don't care. Then I lay in bed. Well, you care so much. I fucking care so much. I was in the care. You have to care. I realize you don't have to care.

Not care after certain points. It starts to freak people out of you. What do you know? Yeah. Like, whatever. I'm like, yeah, that's kind of fucked up, dude. You eventually just gonna die and be like, whatever. Yeah.

Well, I don't care. Oh. Although, there's a philosophy behind that. That is a nice, that there's a fucking death never conquered you, dude. True. You're just like, who gives a fuck, dude? Fuck you, dude. None of it's real anyway.

True. That's actually a fair point. Yeah, but I feel like you can't, you got at least do something kind of cool and then go, you don't fucking care. Yeah. Or not, or do nothing cool ever, you know, fuck, fuck, care.

You could also do nothing cool ever. Kind of tight. It's like that one book I read, they talk about a guy who like his whole, his biggest claim to fame in life is that like if life was a pool, he emerged from it and jumped back in without making a ripple. And I was like, fucking, that kind of rules. Is that an Asian?

No. Sounds like a very Asian. Well, it is funny. He did, he did go on a search for the wisdom of the East. That was a part, that was the whole thing in the book. They were French aristocrats. And this guy came back from World War I and was like, Oh, yeah. I don't agree with any of this stuff

I went to India and came back and he's like yeah, I just like to chill and they're like what the fuck's wrong with you? Yeah, no guys you could chill. Yeah, I mean you could have a world rule one you're loud the fucking you have to jump back in the pool Fuck was that he's like I'll be here if you guys need me, but I'm not doing anything The race is edge coming home from world war one just like holy fuck. I you got to deal with like the roaring 20s. Yeah, he was he came back We're starting a business with my uncle. It's gonna be gangbusters. It's gonna be gangbusters Hey, come on old spot. I just like I watched a whole village die from poison gas I watched all my friends strangle. Strangle on their own blood. Yeah, it's pretty fun to choke on it from mustard gas.

It was like, ah, we're getting a bit. Dude, to be fair, it is- Got some lucky strikes. It is the thing that polices the entire global market. It's like free shit, it's like, yeah, it will plus like dudes absolutely shooting like villages from the Sheen Gons, and then you get to be like

free trade. Let's go. Handshake deals. Yeah. Pretty fun. I bug out on that. That's what the one thing I bug out all the time I go. Is there no way around that?

Not in our lifetime. No, probably not. Just being like, we gotta fucking. No, this thing was all built on that... That exact thing. Yeah, true. All of you made it. True, it is.

It's nothing's... It is the ultimate dude. Shoot a village? I was saying, it's like the... Oh, it's the final say. You can have lawyers, court, money, all this stuff. Oh, yeah. And then the guys like, that stuff's not working for us?

I got a thousand guys with guns. We declare war. Yeah War the courthouse not working you guys aren't listening It's kind of like mass-level school shooting It absolutely Yeah, there's school bombings. Yeah true. Yeah true that we've hit some people with just some a school bombing To go to school. Yeah, it's crappy. I could be wrong, but I think Columbine happened on a day we hit a school in Bosnia.

Really? Yeah, our own government. I think Clinton hit a fucking, I could be wrong on that. That was you don't bomb in Bosnia for? April 20th, 1997. Ah. What's that put the Clinton body count at? I mean, it's cool. That's terrible.

Yeah. Damn, I didn't know that. That's a really freaky fact. I could be wrong on that. Guardian, Lamar. It was definitely April 20th. I think it was 97. Yeah, school bombing.

Bombing in Bosnia, day of Columbine. I think it was 97. Yeah, school bombing, bombing and Bosnia, a day of Columbine. That's a Google search. Yeah, yeah. Get rid of the day of Columbine, see when they hit a school. Yeah, true. That's a good point. Whatever.

Look, whatever stands. Fact checkers find it. Yeah, true. That's fucking terrible. Yeah. I mean, if you're thinking in terms of optics and like political strategy for Bill, oh, huh, y'all, that's like, what are the odds? I mean, if you're thinking in terms of optics and like political strategy for Bill

Yo, that's like What are the odds? Oh my god being like what happened? I mean like That's perfect jackpot, but it must be pretty easy though to block the story from Bosnia I just like probably I mean it's dude. Yeah, long communist dude. We're fucking bomb Cominists, I think we were in there saving Muslims. What are we really? I mean, yes, dude, yeah, long communist dude. We're in the fucking bottom Cominists, I think we were in there saving Muslims. What are we really I mean Here we go. Well, I saw there was a Muslim massacre in Bosnia 1995 but there was a war in 95. Yeah, and yeah Damn, I guess I'm wrong, but was it slick willy? It was certainly was slick willy. He dropped some beams. He got some head and he said we need to go to war. I true

Nobody look Nobody look at me. I stuck a stogie in a fucking chick's pussy. That had a hurt by the way stogie Yeah, dude, this thing's hurt my mouth not to sound like a huge fucking posse, but that's spicy. Yeah, although Yeah, it is a little spicy. Yeah, although if I were a little sweet little intern I wouldn't mind spicy myself up spice from the press especially if I was a political intern That's like it feels you know, yeah whiskey and cigars. That must be like the biggest effort easy I for you you're like a move to DC. You're like I I'm with the movers and shakers Oh, one of them just plugged me plug me with a fucking with a stoke Garcia Vega

with a stoke. Garcia Vega. The black and white. If Bill Clinton truly was the first black president, that would have been a black amount. What do you got, Goddog? Didn't want to say you had something? Yeah, well, it looks like NATO bombed Yugoslavia from March 1999 to June of 1990. Oh, no, that was us. So there was a lot of schools and hospitals and things like that. Oh, crap. We're casualties. The hell was our problem? You go sluv-y, eh?

There's a conflict there. I don't know much about that. They were here on it all. Crushed in the Muslims. Oh, they were. Oh, I got you. They were getting a little routier, I think. Got you.

Yeah, in Kosovo. Yeah. Why was it built? So, build is bomb the Muslims, being like... No, he helped. We helped the Muslims. He helped the Muslims. Yeah. Okay,, okay nice and how they return the favor True freaking not eleven thus. Yeah, man

Just when you think you know somebody do just when you think you're helping everybody out We only did that for good certainly bomb schools to save the Muslims We're gonna tell you don't leave those guys. Yeah, you have to break a few eggs. How about you guys fight someone in your own size, bomb school? You think you're tough, huh? Watch this shit, we're nuts. That's terrible stuff. Anyway, that's war, we've covered it.

Covered war, figured it out. Next. Oh, necessary, but also. We got the economy already. Now the economy. Done. What's inflation at right now? How much you got to stay above? How much you got to make to stay above? Next. Oh, necessary, but we got the economy already. Now the economy. Don. Inflation. What's inflation at right now?

How much you got to stay above? How much you got to make to stay above? Well, I'd be listening like, Gerbin and them talk about. Talked about inflation. Inflation, Francis was going, I was just sitting there like, I'm done. Oh, we were just talking about it.

Inflation? Why are we just talking about money? We were talking EFTs. Yeah, I was just like, EFTs. EFTs. EFTs. EFTs. We're talking blue just like, I don't know a single fucking. We're talking blue chips.

Talking blue chip stocks. Blue chip stocks. Yeah, no, that pink slip stuff. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, episode, hey, you know, this episode now is brought to you by BetterHelpNow. When you feel like crap, it's easy to start believing that you don't deserve amazing things. BetterHelp's online therapy can help you change self-sabotaging behavior so you can move on to the, to live your best life. Learn positive coping skills, set boundaries, and raise your self-esteem all without leaving the comfort of your home That's always the best way to do it

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chemical. Yep. Now let's get back to that show. We were having such a good time. Such a good time. I told you about the history of Coca-Cola. A little. It might be some of the cool shit in the fucking world. Yeah. History of Coca-Cola. It started out as like a quack, like health serum. And the guy was making quack health serums. And then he literally just combined like Coca-Cola. Out of hot. Yeah, I believe so.

Yeah, I've heard the guy's name, but he combined cocaine and cola nut, which is like a thing people were chilling. People were feeling it. And then he started just putting it into like jerk soda machines, crushing it. And then these two like two butt-fuck brothers came along. We're like, yo, we'll fucking bottle this shit. And then these two like two butt-fuck brothers came along and we're like, yo, we'll fucking bottle this shit.

And he was like, nah dude, and they're like, we're gonna bottle it, we'll pay you, and then just became like a around the country sensation. And then everyone started liking it so much that they almost got shut down because the American Health Association was like, yo, I don't think you guys could put cocaine and stuff for kids and they're like,

shut up. And eventually they're like, oh, we took it out. It could put cocaine and stuff for kids and they're like, shut up. And eventually they're like, oh, we took it out. It's out anyway. Don't we run? We swear to God it's out. But yeah, the reason they spread, they became a multinational corporation

was because they, I think it was World War II. They promised the soldiers, the doboys, like we'll have a cold Coca-Cola to you guys in the battlefield all the time. Was it the doboys? Do you remember doughboys? I think so.

That's one. Is that one? Yeah. It might've been World War I, but they promised something like, we'll get you ice cold Coca-Cola in the battlefield all the time. Was it the double? Do you remember double? I think so. That's one. Is that one? Yeah. It might have been World War I. Yeah. But they promised something like we'll get you ice cold, Coca-Cola, colds in the battlefield. They like promised America.

And then they were trying to ship them like that was too much. They started setting up plants everywhere they were fighting. And that's where they got their car on the fucking double. Some cocaine. Bro ice cold. They like go get the Han dude. Ice cold, Coca-Cola.

These dude and then Pepsi came out Pepsi started to bless you Pepsi started selling twice the amount of soda as Coca-Cola That was the thing like you know Coke's full shit. We'll sell you double for the same price and Something happened where I see Cola was like how about triple? like, how about triple? No, it was like, no. No, I see cold. Well, Pepsi did this like weird shit where they, so like a Coca-Cola actually had like values

where these other companies that, other countries that we'd be fighting would be like, yo, we wanna bring Coca-Cola in our country and Coke would be like, absolutely fucking not. Pepsi would keep swooping in and just selling to our enemies. So Pepsi was selling to the I think the Russians Doerling like the Cold War what the for the well wall fell so Pepsi was in there to slang and Pepsi to the enemy Yeah, and then Coca-Cola so like and they still they could never beat Coke

So then they're like fuck yeah, we're selling a Russia They were selling to like just other places we were fighting and then when the wall finally fell Dude came out of that side of Germany where there was Pepsi It's coke roll time. They started snagging ice cold coke and call as a pop. She was just like what the fuck? What the fuck yeah, one of the one of the Russian generals He's like he's he's he's tasted coke. He's like it's just better than Pepsi's one of the Communist guys He was having it shipped discreetly during like when they were talking peace out or talking doing peace talks He had little kegs of Coca-Cola sent to him

He was just like powing up fucking sipping it quietly at his desk. He was all about it, dude. He was one of those holidays. He was so legal. He was getting trapped in bar wire on the Berlin wall. They had it like, there's shitty fountain sodas. And then the country itself, I think they started sounding like Muslim countries too.

Even as soon as like, almost like the bag desk sound, it could be wrong, but it was like, there was something that's won Muslim country and the Muslim country just fucking like Solid started taking off didn't pay Pepsi and then made their own type of Pepsi and fuck them and Pepsi stays getting fucked over Coke is going no bro. We will not sell the enemy kind of makes you like Coca-Cola a little bit I love Coca-Cola. I'm very anti Pepsi. I preferred the taste of Pepsi now I know the traitorous now and now it's just Coca-Cola I've always preferred Coca-Cola. Oh man. I wish while cherry Pepsi And now you're talking a little bit of my language

We have so funny. You're wrong there while chip while cherry trumps co-c- cherry coke I would say But I am and it's I want to solid vanilla coke run when I was a young man now that shit. I tried it's disgusting The vanilla coke was reserved for the illest dudes. I knew I was a vanilla coke The illest dudes are seven note. I've fucked with heavy pepsi Kona dude Pepsi Kona Pepsi Kona And it was a coffee flavor Pepsi what never fuck a Pepsi Kona dude Pepsi Kona came out for one summer And I was the only one I knew drinking it What was surge? Who was who was pumping out surge? I don't know

Surge I think Wasn't that like mountain do kind of yeah, it was like a quadruple the caffeine wasn't really Coca-Cola was surge Find out I'm gonna need that information Pepsi Kona. I'm telling you might have been the most it was coffee flavor Pepsi. It was so fucking good Coca-Cola was surge. Yeah, that was a fucking that was that was the four loco's of soda This is too powerful we kids get it was jolt was surge stronger than jolt Because we still walk to the pizza shop and jolt up it's same. It has the the same. It has to be a limit. Oh boy. Oh.

So I'm recovering from a medical procedure, dude, please. That's those mashed potatoes. That's fucking pump that, bruce. That's those mashed potatoes, dude. Man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man. That was down to the buy you. That was burger, that's dated. Man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, I mean, that was, he put his mashed potatoes on top of his burger. So good, dude. So fucking good. I was jealous. I haven't done that I don't think in years, too.

Yeah. And that was like serendipity. I was like, I don't even fries. And like, you want some other potatoes? And I'm like, talking like a big potato? Yeah, I'll take that like, now, a mash. I want, send him right away. I have an idea. Send him, hurry up before I forget. Mash potatoes on a burger. Oh my God, I just experienced it. If I had just had some barbecue sauce, dude,

I would have been in heaven. I need some barbecue sauce. I should, I don't know why I didn't ask for barbecue sauce. A1 or a butt barbecue. It was right there, I don't know why I didn't ask for barbecue. What the fuck? Why did I do that to myself? Well, you know why?

I don't have a million views. If I had a million views, I'd have been like, barbecue sauce please. Then you'd be sharper. No barbecue sauce on my I exiled a million views. Vita million views, I'd have been like, barri sauce, please. Then you'd be sharper. No barri sauce on my burgers, so a million views, dude. Tomorrow. I don't deserve it. Now I think it's gonna be a couple more days.

When this comes out, we'll see. We'll see. It was all right, next one will be good. This one. Don't. This one's great. This one's great, dude. This one's great.

I hadn't seen it. Your hour of change is so much. I hadn't seen it. Your hour of change is so much. I hadn't seen, I knew the material with the way you tell jokes changes. Yeah, that's good. I wasn't done that one yet. I put it out the literally. There's funny Connor, which Connor was editing my toe

and he was like, every single show, both shows are the exact same. I do the same thing every single, every mannerism. Really? I get. I do the same thing every sin. Every mannerism, I get a drink at the same time. Every I do the sip, yeah. The sips are crucial. Sips are nice. It's like, all right, there's a laugh.

I'm gonna definitely cue everyone to laugh. Please laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh. No one laughed. No one laughed at all. You have to drink quietly. I was fucking this week was the ultimate test of metal. It was almost, people come by the way and they expect you to do the same stuff. Sometimes, yeah.

I had a lot of people go like, yeah, we didn't watch it, we figured you'd do it. I said, brother. Oh, damn. Brother, I'm not gonna do it. Yeah, sometimes they come and they're like, do that joke. Yeah, true. I liked that joke. True.

Yeah, it was dude. I was like, this could, that was risky. joke. I liked that joke. True. But yeah, it was dude, I was like this good. That was risky. Last weekend was a risky one. Yeah. I went, we'll see how this goes. That can be fun. That's fun though.

For everybody in the room, did you explain like, hey. I did in the beginning. Yeah. But it still got the blood pump, dude. It's, I hear you, but it's the nicest, it's the nicest move to just be like, look, just put it out a special. That's all, yeah. I'm doing my best right here.

And they'll all be like, yeah, fuck you. Yeah, it was fun. People were very, that's fun. It's, you forget how nice people are, because you just assume in your head and your little lizard brain that everyone's going to go, everyone's going to hate me. Yeah. Everyone's going to be mad at me.

Yeah, that's a, that's a thing. It's what it paid to see me are going to be mad at me. They don't like me It does put you front and center with like the weirdest parts of yourself to do stand up and it's like you're like Yeah, just being like yeah, these guys don't hate me Yeah, you really think like these guys are pissed as soon as you walk out there You're like yeah, these I've wrote these guys hate me. Yeah, I walked out. I can't I don't It's weird. I did it I don't know literally take a weird fucking part of yourself and be like

Dude, I know you make a good case for this, but just never hear for a while. Let me finish this by the way You're definitely right. I shouldn't be up here Don't fucking tell anyone shut up Then you lay in bed at night. Go you were right. I'm sorry. I'm gonna listen to you Hey, do you want to jerk off with me? Okay, let's do it together. That is not that's a good way to fight off the heavy duties. Just be like, when you're in my world, you're the one who can't escape me. Watch this.

I can't believe you watch that. You're the gay one. You've been watching me jerk off for years. Then as soon as the comes out, the HVG is like, what do you do? You're right. I shouldn't have been looking at that. You're right, HVG.

Oh, it's gonna be all tracked one day. I'm gonna get in the shower. Oh, there's a full body mirror in the hotel. Oh, the HVG is in the eye of the HVG. That's you. Look at you. These hotel mirrors are fucking me off, dude. None of them, they're all full-length.

And every shower is a fucking glass. There's no curtains anymore. You just open it, the steam is only on the inside of the shower. It's just a clear mirror of your fucking gross naked body. You try to run away from reflection, you see your ass, you're like, no! No! Put my ass pimples in a way in high school!

Oh, man, I saw that ass pimple. Yeah, ass pimples. Oh, fuck, it's crazy. They just come about. Yeah, summertime. Yeah, that's when they pop up again. Yeah, my mommy told me. I was complaining to my mommy about my ass pimples recently.

She says, your father gets them in the summer all the time. Everybody gets them in the summer. It's from working all the time. It's like, you're father gets him in the summer all the time. Everybody gets him in the summer. It's from working all the time. It's like, you're right, mom. I'll have hard work, you've been up there. You're right, mom. My ass pimples are like trophies for my hard work. You're right.

True. It's a bit of a trophy case. My mom was like really like. You have a pimpleless ass. True. What are you a fucking loser? Yeah, that's crazy, dude. If you don't have pimples on your ass, what's up?

Yeah. What's good? Meet me outside. Catch me outside. Catch me outside. Catch me outside. I got some words for you, dude Like I mean pimples on your ass dude must be nice dude That would be so nice to have just a nice pristine ass I'm I'm fantasizing about this in high school, dude. Really? Yeah, my my friends would fuck around be mooning each other

Be my turn to do it. I be like you just a little just a tiny bit like what's matter? I'm like Fine like what the fuck dude? I'm like dude I fucking people's my dad got some me works hard. It's down generations It's fucking house of atriest dude. It is to vicious cycle of ass pimples Yeah, yeah, man. I can like audibly pop pimples on my ass. It's literally like by the way That shit rules true. We know it's around you get nice fucking when you lay in bed at night. Oh I mean that's disgusting shit, but no, it's pretty great There's no denying I enjoy it especially when you have your wife going stop it leave them alone you go I

I am leaving my own Yeah, I am hostage, but don't fucking move. I'll Yeah, big old fucking ass, but what has your fucking ass? You got a hairy enough ass to cover it up I mean you fucking walkies You do have a dog I actually have a bit of a dog ass myself Total pimples pimples coming go, you know, they're covered though. You have that nice protective cover No, no fan to the me see what's going on down I mean I swear to god cover. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Dude, I'm gonna I'm gonna point out the culprit What's going on with your ass somewhere I had a

Pylondio sis Yeah, it's just like if I could see ultimate shit. Yeah, dude It popped when me and Dory were in Rhode Island. It was the worst smell First smell Disgusting is on your asshole. Yeah, like right next to, like it was, yeah. It was like, you fucking water broke with Dorian? You're water broke in Rhode Island. We have to go to a hospital, it's happening.

I don't even have to rock you. It was so bad. I was just laying on a bed and in a pot what type of smell are we talking here cuz it was like fart Esker was it like something it's got to be something crazy different it was like shit and then like dead Dead oh shit caught up in your fucking sis. No, I don't think so I hope not Yeah, maybe poop just miss a hole and no, it was like black chunks that came out. Dude, when I had this, oh fuck man, you had leprosy. Then you have that, I'm sorry. I remember you duct taped one, shut.

No, it was under, it was like a pimple. Oh, that was just a bad pimple. It was bad pimple. The pimple that went rogue. Yeah, yeah. I just got taped to a paper towel. Dude, when I had that thing, I sort of got it, it was even a hemorrhoid. It was something like beyond a hemorrhoid.

Yeah, you got so big, it was blocking my butthole. And like, it was just, I had to like, clean it every time. It was so fucking foul. That's it. That's it. So you had one of those. Like a bloodmur blocking, like, cyst, or venual thrombrosis, I think it was called.

Yeah, and it's like a sinus. It's a sinus that gets fucked up. Bro, and those things pop though. Good God, is that a relief? Butt sinus? Yeah, there's butt sinuses, dude. There's butt sinuses? Yeah, your butt can smell.

Your butt can smell. Wait a second, dude. Hold on, what do you mean there's butt sinuses? There's butt sinus in your stomach and you have taste receptors in your heart. It's the real mixed up, dude Hold on a second Am I dumb or is that the dumbest thing I've ever heard? No, there's butt sinus. Yeah, but there's a sign. It's like the butt sinus

the pylon, the Pylonidial, niddle, sinus is a small hole hole or tunnel in the skin and it usually develops in the area where the butt talks divide It's your butt nostrils. I think it might be that the the little but hole you have above your you have above your main level break. I got to touch my butt. I didn't know that. I guess I don't know.

We have like butt gills. Is there another? I don't know. I remember having a little hole up near my crack. I don't know if it was my alligator skin. If the sign it.

No, that's. I'm not going to touch my asshole. I needed to do. I want to touch my asshole. So bad right now. Let's see how to Fuckin rules

What that's so you gotta this can't be there's just we're just nothing of the word for sinus It's I yeah, it's all in the US So it's exactly spelled the same I believe so yeah I'm a sinus if you look at the room that probably has something to do with like something being cleaved in half So like sign up like your sinus up here. There's a sinus here. There's a sign already It's not the same, but if you look at the etymology of sinus it probably has something to do with things Yeah, I've been reading about Greek mythology right now. Did Greek tragedy Dude, there's so many words you just don't even know where they come from you go. Oh fuck track the word tragedy means goat song

Tragedy the original tragedy just meant a play didn't even mean like a come from. You go, oh fuck. The word tragedy means goat song. Tragedy, the original tragedy just meant a play. It didn't even mean like a Santa play, just a play. Pretty tight. Tantalize becomes from tantalus. Tantalize, or? Tantalus, try to steal, trick the gods. They got stuck in a fucking thing of water this big. There's like up to his chin where he couldn't drink,

and there was his fruit trees falling everywhere. He laid there forever, he couldn't eat or drink was his fruit trees falling everywhere. He laid there forever He couldn't eat or drink. It's try to eat ambrosia, dude Imagine trying to steal an ambrosia from the Greek gods. I would never and nectar He said I want to have next to the strip. Yeah, that sucks But that's where tantalized comes from like a guy who just got stuck and who was tantalized Hmm wanting something you can't have pretty cool Thespus who was tantalized, wanting something you can't have. Pretty cool.

Thespus. It's where Thespian comes from. Thespus was the original guy. Yeah. He started acting. He was the first actor ever. Jizz fucking wild. Athletic.

Athens. Oh. Hold up. It is. It's a lot of them. Isn't that crazy? So many. Thespus was a nice one though.

50 per... All play was before movies and for plays it was 50 people being like, Yesssous rules and a one dude stepped that was like, I am heee, I am heee. Just clearly the first gay guy back there like, though fuck, I'm not star. He was the first guy. Yeah, that caught on, thanks for that caught on real quick. Yeah, that one guy dude, I'd be getting rules.

Yeah, it's go, yeah. Yeah, it turned out to be the secret. Everything, the elucian mysteries. Mm-hmm. Where are we at? We gotta jump, huh? 59, dude. 59, dude. We gotta speed up, huh? 59, damn dude.

We got to speed up through the Patreon. Yeah, true. What did that guy say to you earlier? Oh, yeah, true. Big man's back on campus, dude. Big man's back on campus. I've been in my old stomping grounds in Westchester. That was devastating.

I was so, yeah, I do. What's up, man? Big man's back on campus. Oh, that's a tough one. Don't say that from my friend's seat. I thought that was, I thought he was being funny. There's no chance. I mean, there's a funny shit anyone could ever say.

If he was being funny, he was not. It was, I could read his nervous sound. He was with his babe. He was just like, I believe it was serious. Man. Big man's back on campus was the funniest shit I've heard all night yeah so many big minutes back on campus just like five feet away beast beast yeah that was nice absolutely fucking beast you know

you are I mean it's true dude I mean it is the BM C. The BMO C has returned. They're turned to the BMO C. You got it the last night you're here. Just go fucking nuts, dude. I mean, no problem. I mean, if you say so, I guess I will. I will go wild. No, yeah, I've been to a couple of bar at night.

It gets, it gets very awkward. Yeah, yeah. It was like me, Gerben, O'Connor, none. Yeah. We're just drinking at college bar. Before eight or nine, it's fine. Yeah. And then all of a sudden it's just college kids.

You're like, we are fucking weird. Yeah, the bro, they do filter in right around nine o'clock and you go. And then if you're with a girl, you go, my God, what is she wearing? And you go, yeah, I would never. Yeah, what the hell is that? She's wearing, we should get out of here right now.

You gotta get out of here. I have to go pay a visit to the Hebe G.B.s man. He's about to see some wild shit. Because turns out college chicks are hot. Yeah. You know, I think that's an age old consensus. Yeah. I think if, yeah, age old consensus probably like, oh yeah, I'm kind of out the pasture by that. Yeah, true. I mean, no, they're dude. I mean you ask

you to pause the like college babes college babes and it's like yeah, I mean everyone loves college babes. Everyone loves college babes and guess what? There's nothing wrong with love. There's nothing wrong with liking them. It's legal. It's totally dude. You like to vote. You don't have to have sex with them or anything. You did that. Yeah. It is funny, those people like, you gotta vote. You gotta do this.

It's like, you should also exercise your right and have sex with college babes. That's within your legal right. You know, don't, I mean, don't violate any sacred vows. Get a guy on vote. Get a guy on vote. Bank college chicks.

Have sex with women at the legal age. Yes. I mean, these government guys, I don't look now for me i'm like i would never thirty above obviously yet thirty for me thirty rule art uh... uh...