Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 459 - Wett Spesh (feat. Colum Tyrrell)

Episode Date: September 14, 2023

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support Collie @ patreon.com/columtyrrell Go See Colum LIVE at Helium Philly weds 9/20 https://philadelphia.heliumcomedy.com/shows/222247 Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com YO. Sup. We're back with your weekly hot cast. Our dear pal Collie joins us this week. He just put out a brand new stand up comedy special. Go watch it NOW on his YouTube channel, it's a great spesh. You'll love it. He may or may not be drenched by the end of it. God bless you all. Please enjoy.  New customers can bet $5 on college football and score $200 in bonus bets. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code DRENCHED Support the show & get $20 off your first Gametime ticket purchase. Just download the Gametime app & use code DRENCHED Support the show and get 20% Off and Free Shipping with the code DRENCHED at https://Manscaped.com Get 20% off your first order of Liquid Death @ liquiddeath.com/drenched  

We're gone we're locked good like this I'm like this talking about a panaceous nasty little fucking you little fucking grandma Is that grandma that is a grandma Jackoland her dude you are great. It's almost spooky time. I know we've reached a spooky time a spooky cycle Yeah, it's almost spooky time. We just wait for Halloween over and over Yeah, I love how we did what are you gonna go at this here? Oh Dude, I don't we had a couple ideas. What the fuck my ghost federman and just wear like fed him in me nice might just my normal outfit swear already at gym shorts

I just saw Federman he was talking he sounds all right. He does. He's a lot better. Yeah. Maybe he saw Jamie Foxx recovering from that. Yeah, true. They've been saying Foxback or you think I don't want to start political talk, but you think he got cloned. That's a tough one. That's a tough one. Federman might be the hardest. Yeah, true. It's a tough guy to clone.. It's tough one to recreate. Is that a man? Fatemans a giant senator from Pennsylvania. Yeah. He had a stroke and then he... I can't put him on debate stage. Was he on mind? He literally couldn't talk. Yeah. The first debate he went on, they were like,

all right, opening comments are to you, Mr. Fatem, and he goes, Pennsylvania, good night. There I go, man. And he beat the other guy. Yeah, the other guy The other guy sucks so bad that he won Yeah, there's a lot of strokes and Alzheimer's are all the rage right now. Yeah, the other guy who's the guy who's having a stroke that everyone was like I hope you Fucking die

I gotta get my Twitter you might as well if I pause right now go to Twitter and say I hope you fucking time Yeah, I hope he dies. I hate that politician so much. I'm sick of him. I already voted on abortion. I want to kill him. Yeah. My allow the wish death on your political enemies.

Yeah. That's a big thing. Pretty humiliating. But if you go on and say, I hope Nancy Pelosi dies, they're like, no. Yeah, true. Or the who's the other lady they all love to Ruth. Ruth A. She did die and she actually cost them a lot.

She cost them abortion. Oh, really? Yeah, she should have retired. She should have retired under Obama. She's like chocolate Del. She wouldn't get out of there. No, no, don't fight a guy named rampage Jackson. You don't know your name anymore, Jack. The days are gone.

I'm glad you know. Could you give up that seat? I think we should have term limits. Like, dude, if I got in there, I would not be able to step down from being like, no, it's just too powerful. The gentleman from Rhode Island, no. No, absolutely not.

You're gonna give that up. I'd be like, no fucking over my dead body. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna give that up. I'd be like, no fucking over my dead body. Yeah. Yeah. I've heard the same thing about the motion. Yeah. It's like we should they should not be able to inside or trade. Oh, now you're saying it.

Now my no, I said I should change shores. My penis is not. I don't care if you're a penis. Is that I don't want my penis out? Why? Mine's securely nestled in my groin. Mine will be nestled nicely. Mine's a baby bird in his mother's nest.

It is just Kali fresh off the special the how do you feel? It's been very well received nice messages. I want to tell you today And I thought it was really great. Thanks. I didn't share it yesterday because I think the good move was sharing somebody special Is the next day. True. Everybody shares it at once. True. You gotta wait a couple of days and then you give it a nice little ball.

If you share that big, I appreciate it. Of course. Someone go watch it. Most importantly, you big, Philly fan base here. I'm gonna be a helium and September 20th.

No. Tickets plenty available. To the point where I may not actually be there Lazy late Filming flyer walk by did you my neck of the woods? Lisa from home that was up on the front part. That's cool. Okay. I was so happy when I saw my fat face on there for the first time Yeah, I said mama. We did it. I said baby Break out the red Baby we done it. I said, baby. Break out the red panties. Baby, we done it.

I called my mom actually. Did you really? Said, Mom, break out the red panties. I didn't quite understand what that meant. Yeah, break out the floral pattern. Break out the big floral pattern. Break out the giant stain down the pants. Yeah, yeah.

The shit straight down the pants mom What point do you think women just give up their sexy? I don't think it's up to them. I think the vagina's give out Mung shit flies out of it for years The vagina's eat them probably the vagina's give out Yeah, they probably claim one the vagina's gonna be like all day the vagina is just Although it is a period of rest and recuperation Geese yeah, they don't break those things out all the time. No, it might zap them every I think they get hit with the bugs Apple yeah

Although they get they probably get slammed When they get when they find 50 year olds probably slam as hard as possible At that point it's probably nothing but just it's either like general Kenny logins love making or Especially at that point you hate your wife's guts Using your you think a cracking hard That might have seen amateur home videos I think I was going to slam and free fact that might have seen amateur home videos. Like, okay. Violence, but short of like a football game.

Like intense violence for like, classic, 30 second break. Intense violence. This is scrum. Yeah, it's scrum. That's actually how I make it. Oh, I'm so fucking driller. Why are breaks frowned upon? Why do you have to do the whole thing? And why like can you spread love?

I don't know. I try not to let anybody get in my head. I try not let any outside forces dictate how I make love. Yeah, you're an angel. This is how I make love. This is unique. Get out, start the day, dip in in the effort, and get out a nighttime bust.

Go to hell. Oh, you're talking about all day. Pretty much an engine. Yeah, just a little bit of fucking thing. See what this feels like. Yeah, that's it. Pop it out. Sorry, I have to go. Yeah.

It might just be a latent kink of mine. I don't think I've ever stopped fucking for anything. Like I've never stopped them, like let me go to the bathroom, come back in, keep going. I'm like, won't come in. I'm like, that's it. That's where in the thing. This is what we're doing.

Yeah, it's. I like working myself up to a nice pee. And pee and going to bed. Spring actually has to pee. That's a fun time. I like to pee, I like to get as hard as I can and then pee in the toilet and go to bed.

That weird pee where your penis looks weird after you dump pee. You guys get leopard spots. You ever get the leopard spot dickhead? Does anybody else have that? No, that's just me. You guys brought the russes out of your penis. You got leopard spots. You ever get the leopard spot dickhead? Does anybody else have that? I'm gonna rushes out of your penis. You get leopard spots? Yeah, not.

I'm trying to explain this. I was hoping somebody else knew what I was talking about. Yes, Cardini. Yes. What's with it? I don't know. Is it like the tip you're talking about? Yeah.

What happens? Well, it's a spotty. It's tough to explain. Like, bro? No, it's blotchy because all the bloods are rushing out. Oh, okay, okay. If that makes any sense. I have over-analysed my dick.

I'm over bowling pin, man. Bowling pin, I also, I've experienced that myself. Dude, I got a, me and Brittany did MDMA. Obviously, sorry about all the problems. I was on the receiving end of that. Jesus Christ, we started going through our phones. Never take the high-pitched phones. We're just texting them when you love them. Oh call never yeah

Yeah, it was actually really really sweet. Yeah, it was nice dude I took a piss halfway through and I came back out and we both laughed my I'd like Furious Adderall whatever type of penis that looks like it was crazy looking it was like purple My dick was like purple and just like it's wild completely misshapen I drug genus is it reaches a lot especially if you don't take that drug yeah then you take you're like holy shit I didn't know my dick could look like this Molly's all time you go what yeah yeah yeah like that's I don't know Everybody talks about fucking I know I hear that all the time not even close now. I yeah Maybe people are just taking like amphetamines and then just dude by the way that was miraculous. Yeah, we squashed all of our beef.

I can't believe how well that worked. That's amazing. We were beefing, dude, for years, beefing. And it was like we sat there for now. I was like, yeah, this will be cool. Dude, we get along now. We're both like this is weird. Yeah, it's gonna wear off, but that's when it's time

to hit the molly again. Yeah, he'll do it. No one that double it does just talk. You're capable of that. No one that's when it's time to hit the Mali again. Yeah, he'll do it. No one that doubled it does to stuck your capable of that. No one that's in your back pocket. I'm like, dude, I was like telling her, I'm like, we can make it two more years and do Mali again and like each other. Yeah. No problem.

I mean, dude, we just solved the fucking divorce rate in crisis. We got a hotel room at 10, 30 in the morning, took it and just laid down. Yeah, I started getting phone calls at about 11. Yeah, like 11, 15. I started getting phone calls at about 11. Yeah, like 11. 11 and 15, I started getting a lot of phone calls. And you guys were like, come on, come on, just answer. Answer the phone, come on, please. I was like, guys, put the phone, this is about you guys.

We'll talk when you're done. And then you guys were like, all right, we're cool now. Give us a call. Yeah, you guys are still, you guys are still a higher shit. We went to a PTA, it was really nice though. It was very sweet. Yeah, it was. Dude, we went to a PTA. It was really nice though. It was very sweet. Yeah, it was. Dude, we went to a PTA meeting.

You guys make me cry quick, dude. Really? Well, it takes me somebody calling me and saying they love me. And I'm like, yeah. Dude, we were fucking love you guys. I was in the fucking no snakes allowed drugstore when you guys called. Were you really?

Yeah. So I got teared up in there. I was trying to buy some citrus coal. That's my plug in the city. Dude didn't hit me and I don't like the oncoming at all, dude. That shit kicking it. That was terrifying. That's a scary way. Dude, you should hold me like a baby. Dude, that was just like, I was sitting there like, all right, when's he gonna kick in? When I'm gonna shed all my defense mechanism?

Dude, my brother was like, yeah, you take it and you start like you're like, you talk all your defenses drop and I'm like, did my defenses drop? Yep, nope, nope, nope. All of a sudden I was like,, you take it and you start like you're like you talk all your defenses drop and I'm like did my defenses drop Yeah, nope nope nope all of a sudden I was like I don't like this you got hold me She's like I don't know I don't tell anyone I have problems. I need open up more Oh fuck that's what the house house man did the same dude dude dude I want out of this. I don't want to do this anymore My god shut up pussy So this is your first time ever doing money? Never done it before.

Oh my God. Never done it. I don't know how you do it out. I only have to be indoors. Yeah. Doing it at a party, I would have fell apart. The time we did it at a healing massage. Yeah, you were on stage.

Well, went on stage. That was a disaster. That's all I was like the first time I ever really did it. It's crazy. I mean, it was big J got me. He got revenge after the dosing. Yeah. That was already it was big J got me. He got revenge after the dosing, the acid dosing, that was Ari, that wasn't even me. Sure, what?

Yeah, he brought me on stage and he was like, see, it's not that funny. That's what I was like. Oh dude, I'm sorry. Oh my God, yeah. But then anytime at healing, I would go to the manager's office. No, I was sitting there.

I couldn't be around the guest, it was little groundlands. That is the harshness of the party. Even though they're the ones supplying the Molly, so I can't be mad at them. That's what I was curious about. What is the harsh, I was curious how it could be the harsh because I was there.

Dude, we were sitting in a hotel room like coiled around each other like, and we were just like two snakes. Completely coiled and being like, I love you so much dude. I'm like, dude, I was pure, I went surgal ahead instantly. and being like, I love you so much dude, I'm like, dude, I was pure, I went surgal had instantly, I was like, I love you so much, girls are the best, I love girls.

Yeah. You guys are so fucking weird, but seriously, you're so cool. Yeah. It was, dude, it was four hours of just, it was, I do think it is the best thing in the world. It is. For a married couple, you have to do it.

Yeah, prosthetic love. Hey, you're single. Good after. It's not real. It's not a sad, you're just having to. You're just having to. Dude, I'm telling you, that's whatever you think, but you're dropping defense mechanisms

that are also distorting reality. But it is also sending a bunch of whatever the chemical could have been. Sure, sure, sure, sure. It makes things feel, for sure, but it does, dude, I don sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, You're alright. Yeah, it's nice. We did Mali at the whole time growing up in Ireland everyone's on Mali in Ireland Like we eat so they're always after you guys lucky charms. Yeah Yeah, that's why you like everyone's like yeah, I take it and I'm like dude I had it like a profound effect on me all the home sensitive stuff. So I think everything no

It does have a really profound like if you take it it depends. I think it depends which kind you take Yeah, obviously some people take like a emphetamine laced or whatever. Yeah, it depends which kind you take. Yeah. Obviously. Some people take like him, Fedemaine Laced or whatever. Yeah. XC has all types of shit in it. But like, just straight Molly is. Yeah. It was crazy. Every time I've ever done it, I've been like, that was the best thing I've ever done in my life. And there's not really a hang of it.

Everybody talks about this. Oh, I get comfortable. I get bad. I'm really, I get like, I think it's probably like you said from Fedemaine. It's like the common aspect. Oh, yeah. I was in like, I was just cast for like you said from I'm fed me it's like the cum that's probably I was like I was just gasped for like a day and a half. I was just kind of like Oh Gasped out and then being like do we really like each other now?

Turns out we do or a weekend to like any other one week in a liking each other's pretty good But all these things every time I do shrooms and I have this new profound thing It's like one week of being back in reality. So you're like, fuck this, fuck that, you want to have me more stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That is immediately. Yeah, that's the trick.

The mushrooms of the worse, because you're like, I figured out my entire life. Yeah. And then you're all excited. And the months later, you're like, I'll track cocaine again. Yeah. What the fuck, and we're having fun.

Cokes to worse, I've never woken up the next day been like that was a great idea getting Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah stuffed fucking nose the next day. Yeah, just up all night shown at the mirror whatever. Yeah, yeah Yeah, I did that reason I someone gave me coke and Houston recently and I did a bump. I love it I was always someone gave me coke and Houston recently and I did a bump. I love it I was always someone gave me coke. Yeah, nobody's got it because I rang him and I gave him a hundred dollars It does add is always add a shoe. We're done with the show. You're drunk. You just got off stage. You're like, I'm the man This is never gonna end. Yeah, this is the best night of my life again. Let me wake up a little. Let's get a little pep in our cell.

We went back to the hotel room on my own and then I was like, trying to sleep but there's a bag of coke. I was like, I'll just do a bomb push something before I got the bed. And then it's like, it's 9 a.m. And I'm finished the bag and I'm like, ringing Sam Talind,

and then I'm like, good as book is. Yeah. And then I wake up at 6 p.m. that day and go, what the fuck was that? We're just doing a nightcap. Yeah, Then I read gop at 6 p.m. that day. I go, what the fuck was that? Yeah, I was doing a nightcap. Yeah, but it's like, I can't do it. I kept doing the line of coke and then I chuck out the bed.

And then I go, maybe I'll just do one more. And then I turn the light off and I close the up and go, every time. Well, I can't do half the bag. You got to do all the bags. That's what I do. I jump food. Let me eat all of it right now. And then I won't have it and I'll be good. Yeah, and I thought I really tasted the devil that night though because I was talking to myself going just

Stop go to bed. I was sad at to me and I was all right and then I was like Stupid I was just a one more yeah, that was like the closest I think I've ever felt to like a proper addiction addiction That one night and I was like that's nuts is bad. Yeah, that's stuff so much fun So fun while you're doing it, you guys. We're on by yourself as rough as you're off to. That's weird. Yeah, that's a little. Oh yeah, leopard dick.

Nah, that's normal. I'm gonna show you. Come on one time, internet. Be your mother's side. I have, I have fucked girls with Alcona and then panicked myself into thinking thinking like you know when you're over at least in your dick you go to stand normal is that normal? Is that new? I had an ingrown hair that I like called a doctor and demanded he like

amend his medical schedule to see me yeah and I just like came in showed him my penis he's like yeah that's an ingrown hair dude. I was like thank you man you're a good shit. I'm a big shit. Yeah, as long as not AIDS, you're just, oh god. Yeah, AIDS isn't even a big deal anymore. No, not anymore, no. I think there's no real herpes. Herpes isn't a big deal, no one cares about herpes. They're all kind of fine fellows, I think. No, HIV's just kind of like a, it's not ideal, obviously.

No, it's not how they're doing. Yeah, it's good. But you can get it down to like the point where you won't even spread it to people If you're at a zero, but it's also a tough pitch you like trust me. Yeah, yeah, you won't even get it Yeah, it's a bad one. Yeah, it's a tough one still, but then you get the day all the other people at HIV true It's true. I'll do it. Help you. It's like an arranged marriage Yeah, I'm gonna have to marry you now

Yeah, you're gonna find your sweet AIDS queen Yeah, colds must hit you know if you like skip your medicine. Oh, yeah, it was a cold. You're like Tell everyone I love them I got pneumonia they all die from pneumonia right yeah, yeah, hey guys, hey guys Hey, it's guys and girls. It is a tight club though. Yeah, yeah Dallas He's guys and girls. He's guys and girls. And it's a tight club though. Yeah.

Dallas, Dallas, Polly. Yeah. All right. You can make the, I made the mark. I gotta ask you were fucking drenched down in that special. Oh, yeah. Oh, it was crazy. It was, I should have wore short.

I'm, look, are you, was that the night you had the bag? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was in that special. I was in the draw, I was in the draw. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was a weak like that. I mean, a funny, but it was every that time. I was in the draw, Siljoons. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a week like that. I mean, a foie. Come on, Tully.

But it was every single special. There was literally a part of it with those like draws. I saw those so far. Oh my God. I mean, it was also which kind of whatever, but I guess. But I guess too much into it too, but like there was like one of them I was sweating so bad,

but my hair, whatever way I rolled my head, my hair went down like a hitler. Oh. So then, we like it was, it was a bat. I don't know, no one stopped the show. Just so much sort of like, hey, fix your fucking hair. You look like a midi. So they were just like, we kind of can't use that.

But I was like, but that's bad. I didn't know the other one. You should have proactively drenched the hair in the burr. That's what I see. Yeah, I should have swimmed. You could have just poured a beer on your head and been like, I'm crazy. So for the rest of the special, the reason I'm drenched

is because I'm having fun. But yeah, does it just need a drip? There's a drip right there's a huge drip hanging off my nose. I like it. It's like Jordan. You're like Jordan. It's okay. Yeah, you should be.

In fact, I'm not sweaty or I'm kind of ashamed. But everyone was sweaty. Kurt mentioned that. Yeah. I've got sweat towel in the middle of the fucking special. I mean, a sweat towel. Could they of the fucking shower. Like a sweat towel. Could they allow the venue to be? I don't know.

It is funny. It is. There's just a lot of great things. And sometimes he misses, there's nothing they could do, I guess. Yeah, it was fucking, I don't know why they decided July, like right in New York and July. It's crazy. Who would have thought that a venue wouldn't have working air conditioning? Well, I think it worked.

I think it was just one of those bad venues that couldn't get going. No, that guy. You and him would be like that every once in a while. You and him would go through entire summers and be like, our fucking air conditioning broke. We got to fix it next year. Just would never get fixed.

Yeah. 200 degrees every fucking show. Kind of like looking at people and they're like, they can only sit there for so long. And they're like, yeah, they're like, it's so uncomfortable. You've been in a fucking chair, sweat and just, yeah. And it's kind of cool though, to get everyone that hot

and start doing stand-up, there's something about it. I should have wore a white shirt. It's literally the worst. I should have, I'd rather it be freezing. I should have wore a white shirt and a sweat, right, and you can see my hairy nipples. It's just a burst and true. And my hairy nipples and shit tattoos just come straight here.

Well, I'm trying to make a point. Nothing but barbed wire coming through. Well, I'm trying to make a point Nothing but barbed wire coming through. Yeah barbed wire everywhere This nice how much it takes a white comic is sweat to use a towel Great a black comic would have dabbed himself long ago Do you really not used to it? Yeah, you made yeah, you made it a long time into your special before dabbing I would have been Daven on your shoulder and I Should have actually yeah, I daughter. You should have given her on your shoulder. I should have actually, yeah, I still get in my back pocket

like a bartender. That was nice. Nice. Well, yeah, I showed this, I don't know, it was hot. So there's nothing you could do. I mean, I was like, what I wear shorts and then I was like, I'm not like, I just think that's crazy. Also, did you notice you were sweating?

Like, of course, of course you could feel it, but I'm saying like, oh, did you know how bad it was? I knew it was going to be that bad. I didn't know it was that bad. And then I wore that shirt. What's pretty heavy too, which I probably shouldn't have done that. Sure it was. Sure it was. That was like a weighted blanket or thing.

Sometimes you're pale enough. You're pale enough that you can't really see it until you like turns. Yeah. And then the light would show how it's stretching. In the thumbnail, there's a line going right down my face. I was like, of all the pictures He's he can see this huge Swet my trip and all my head is

It's a generous commercial the song is special. Yeah, sweat and bucket. Yeah, it hurt opens with he's like I'm glad we said that it's I like it to be a fucking buy you Swamp Quartz specials great check out Kurt special Oaks. Oh specials Yeah, it's a good idea to get everyone on there to have now yeah, it's a swamp. Kurt's special is great. Check out Kurt's special, oh so. Check out his special. Oh, yeah. That was a cool idea to get everyone on the great half now. Yeah, glad, yeah. It's tight.

I did get it all about. I got to do, it was great. Yeah, who is the best? Gomez is the man. So funny. Every single thing about Luke. When's Gomez, did he release his yet? Yeah, yeah, nice.

I don't think I love Lewis, like nearly more than anyone else in the world. Yeah. He's so funny. I hope for him one time, and we got into a street race, street race with the kids. We pulled up a red light, these kids pull up, and he just, Lewis decides, we're having a Zenzion at him. And then they went, and then we went to do

some residential estate flung out, and he had to pull over, and it's like, I'm probably getting trouble. And then I brought it up to him, and he was like, oh yeah, that did happen. I was like, here's a twin.. And then I brought it up to him and he was like, Oh yeah, that did happen. I was like, he is like 20 things like that a day happens to him, which is like a highlight of my year. Remember when I was having a go in the street race?

He's like, no. That was not even a move when you first get your license to fucking pull up in the red light and go, oh, I'm just trying to find someone to race you. Fucking tight. But then you're like, you know, after you're like 17, you're probably not doing that. You know, this is like an impulse of 16 year not doing this. He's like an impulsive 16 year old kid.

And his is strength though. Yeah, yeah, it's so to be that Spencer's gift shop that large. These false fences. Give the first. I'm first on my ever saw. Louis, he crashed a drone into a car. That's like the creak.

I swear to God against first interaction. And then he goes, oh, I have some off. He's just always like that. Everything he ever does is just wild. Yeah. He's a man. Yeah. Really? It's the mother fucking real. So check out Lou's. What else is going on besides the comedy? Smash? Me? Yeah. What's going on in the personal life? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, girl wants to get married in Ireland now so really I haven't proposed yet but you know you know they are I was just over there yeah oh yeah how? Or what a room. That's like my dream place was perfect. Yeah, that's the like place that all the comedians

for homecoming. Yeah, and that's my, I don't know what you call it, but that's the goal I'm always, I've always wanted to do it. Yeah, but I'm not the best at any ticket. You could tell a thousand tickets in Dublin. You think so? I do.

Maybe that's specials out. Yeah, yeah. But you did a late show, which is unheard of. No, in, when they add shows, they usually just add second, like the next day in Ireland. It's very rare. It's more of an American thing to have two shows in the same day. And when, and I, because Tim Dylan did his at the late show, he said it was, he couldn't. There was a fight broke out immediately.

Someone, Tim Dylan came out to a late show, first person said something like, and fuck Catholics, someone said in front of the row row and then the whole crowd is like boo Is that Trump or something? Closer. It couldn't even yeah classic Ireland dude. Yeah, no one would remember this stuff show What they waste it ready they were they were hammered, but it wasn't anything no too bad. They were No, cuz Irish crowds are funny. Yeah, yeah, like smart even while they're hammered in yelling shit It's still kind of fun. Yeah, yeah for some reason was, it made me a lot less angry than an American crowd. Because when they, when they hack those, like, fucking late show and do the crowds hammered.

Foo! Like throwing up, screwing, puking everywhere. People throw up every single show. I was there the next night after someone, you were in, where were you when someone puked up, Fort Worth, Texas? Fort Worth, well that was no, no, took four work Texas. Well, that was no No, that was for Wayne Indian. That's for Wayne. Sorry. That was iconic bad show. That's cool. That's your beatomania though It's just you may is 35 year old. There's me like

Girls, that's it. They fucking huge. Oh shit Where was I this week? Detroit people threw up. Wow. They're like, this is good. The people that are on the venue were like, it's really great to have you, but they were, there were so many people threw up. Dude, you can't have each other. Then I get, they always tagged me before the show. It's like 10 a.m. They're like You know That guy's gonna make the show Showed sell out monster events and then I get there. There's like 500 Polo shirt everyone wore

I get up early putting on the shangilus Okay, I get up early putting on the shangilist pull up. Yeah, the whole thing. Tonight's gonna be sick. Tonight's gonna be awesome, dude. Oh, I got a good one. How many clubs was way worse than theaters? Because theaters I can't see. Yeah, true.

And there's not like a rush of like waitresses and staff, but the old, when I was doing clubs, it would be throw up into your glass. That was a consistent. That's a gentleman though, that's kind of a problem. That's true. It was like, is it the rewind on the night? It was a natural thing that people just instinctively were doing. Like no one was communicating.

This is just a common thing where dudes will just throw up right back into their buying glass. It's instinctive. And they did it at like back to back shows. I remember it, I was like, this is crazy. Why are they doing this now? No one even rushes to go to the bathroom. They just sit at the table. Straight on to the walk of the floor.

There was a lady in New Jersey. It was my favorite because she threw up and I was the only one that could see her throwing up because she was doing it. She was in the front up and she was the I was the only one that could see her throwing up because she was doing it She was in the front row and she was doing it very quietly, but she was she was drinking red wine She was just going Fountain of red but I just put it down the show going. He's throwing up right now. Oh Fort Wayne a guy Straight onto the floor it was so loud Up right now Fort Wayne a guy It was so loud

It's a funny Good I've been ruining the tire show. Oh, that's all time though. Good. We got this burbot. Oh, fuck it. I should go to the bathroom. Fuck it. You're in the middle of a bit. You know, four way and I ended the show.

I was like, 25 minutes into a set. Now, he's like, this thing's done, right? Everybody, we're done. Yeah, they were miss the civil war guy in the fray He lived half the crowd looked like they were from the civil war like just beards. Just pieces of shit From Indiana the guy in the front was so blacked out. He just hit his head down the whole time and occasionally Like all right, man waitress was doing the fart noise. That was that same show. Waitress, literally, Wal-Tommy was on stage,

a lady went, real loud. I thought it was a fart noise. I thought somebody actually farted. I mean, I was like, that's hilarious. And it was a waitress walking by me. I was like, I did that.

Waitress literally heckled a comedian. Oh, my God. And then she bragged about it. And then she told me that and the whole staff loved it. They were laughing. Oh, she's not going to show. And then then I got on stage as soon as I got on stage I heard the part No, he's again. I was like was that the waitress? And they're like the owners leaning as well like yeah

Lady in the back just kept going show us your dance Actions kept going show us your dance. Oh, dude, show us your dance. I was like, guys, look, the show is not gonna be good. We're 30 minutes in. This is it. The guy threw up, they were like, should we clean it? Should we clean it? I was like, yeah, you should.

Yeah, you should be able to charge them like an Uber driver. Oh, yeah. By the way, if someone throws up during your set, they should pay you 250 bucks. There's no repercussions. You can go into a venue and puke on the ground. Did you know the driver only gets like, I think, $100 of that $250 from Uber? I found out, dude, I feel like Uber fee like they take a look. Uber takes like half of the puke fee.

So if you're a driver, you get like $100. That's crazy. This is not even, dude, I set my, I thought it'd be funny to set my chat preferences I do Uber comfort and I set it to happy to chat Just to see if dude The drivers see it you watch them click it go Hey, man, they start conversations the funniest fucking. It's so fun. That's nice. You're like Mexican guys They're like oh something man. I never think gosh cool man Yeah, man, it's cool, man.

And he's something they have to talk to you. And it's so fucking funny. That's actually sick. No, I'm thinking. Dude, happy to chat is the move. I just, I just get fucked up when I get the wrong, when you miss, you don't know what his politics are. You get a quick judge.

You're like, all right, this guy's obviously against the Vex. Dude, I whiffed on it. He hit him with it. He's just like, what? Yep. I never mind. I whiffed on it. He hit him with it. He's just like, what? Yep. I got it, never mind. I whiffed on it hard. I whiffed on it recently when I was like,

the guy was talking about, oh, I was getting my, picked up my car. I got, you know, new shoes on the CRV, dude, pretty tight. Sick. I got a new fuck, you know, I put some new boots on that thing. Do some Ds on it. Do some good years on that. Yeah.

Now, talking to the guys running the lot and it was like, the cars were locked up in this like chain link to compound looking thing And I was just like dead sucks man. I was like, yeah, well fucking we were like agreeing on everything I was like, yeah, well fucking covid everyone covered their face for two years the guy holding a mask I was like, fuck he was like, yeah, well, you know, yeah, I guess so I got it. Yeah, I was like just shit My bad. Yeah, that was I ran into that in Texas The like the first show I did back

was at Hyena's and it was packed. And I was, I was even like, god damn, this is, there's a lot of people in one room. Yeah, remember that dude, he was fucking like, they were like, we're at a quarter of a time. I'm telling you, there's a lot of people there. And then I went out to the bar and this jacked bald bar tender from Texas.

I was like, this guy's, this guy's gotta be against it. I was like, fucking everybody's afraid of COVID. I'm not afraid of COVID. This shit's for pussy. He's like, I was in the hospital for three months. My bad. I was like, who's getting sick? Fucking old people in pussy's, right? I was on a ventilator. It's also funny not to keep that to himself. Actually, I was actually on the guide. So I guess I'm a pussy. New COVID, new COVID guys. I like this new stuff.

New COVID's good. I'm still sick. What's going on? COVID for three weeks. New COVID now. Yeah, new COVID. Is it? Yeah.

We should just mask kids. I can't. I already, I got COVID two years ago. Yeah, I got COVID two years ago. It's coming back for everyone. I can't get a toy. Well, yeah, maybe, yes, you can. Oh, I got govin to come back for everyone. I can't get a toy. Well, yeah, maybe yes, you can but I might not have

You get back to have a cold. Yeah, I got one I got one of them. I got back to you. They got me once too Did you yeah, I feel it's a regret but whatever Just one six. I just went with the crowd. I just thought you know, my girl was going down Yeah, I went down in my girl was going down. I was going down. Yeah, I went down. Yeah, my girl was going down. I was like, I might go ahead and then with you. Yeah, got it. And then there's a, I never cared really. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I wasn't staunchly against it when I got it. Yeah. It's just kind of like I just don't feel like walking to Walgreens. You never got the set. You never

got the set. It's kind of a long walk. I walk past it every day. Yeah. No. I'm pure blood. Yeah. You still got the good one. Damn it. I'm not gonna be so mad when I can't I heard women are there someone was telling me women have been getting their periods twice a month now Oh my god. Yeah, it's tough stuff hell what hell is this? What is big farm? It done? Truly unleashed the market the beast that is oh my god now that's big time pond was a fall that that's I got it now that's big time pond was a lot in that that's that's taking I might rise up if that shit hits my house I'm rising up you have to I might get the cap to that hits you have to cap if that shit if I get hit twice a month I

Hate to say this because it was a serious matter of her country. I'm hitting the cap. Yeah It was a serious matter. We don't joke about it. Don't fuck around. But that's how serious like we would hit the Dude if my capital gets stormed every time fucking every time the pee comes through I'm getting two periods a month. That's my January six January six she could not show me every single time Carrying shit out of the house for some reason Carrying shit in true. I found this at home goods. It's like what is it? It's a rusted bucket It's a whole fucking marbles

Sweet I'm gonna order marbles off Amazon now. Is it nice? Yeah, it looks cute crap. Yeah, there's a flea market near our house We drove by it and I was like dude one day. I'm gonna I'm gonna get like a 30 yard dumpster and buy everything the flea market and throw it out Straight in front of everybody. I'll pay for all the stuff. Then it's taken team of guys just put in the trash I think about that pretty consistently with guys selling art to just spend a lot of money to buy the piece of art and just in front of them To just spend a lot of money to buy the piece of art and just in front of them Punch right through the frame Just our stomping on it should be like I'll have another one I guess you

Don't sell it. They're not they don't have that much integrity. That's that they don't care do whatever you want But I guess I heard that's me just Mean I guess that's the hurt that's me just Mean the Bies great piece were happy. I got a sale by the whole table big brown buying your whole collection And then he's like I cool then he's rocking the sheets, too. We all right I'm not I don't know what these at these are Shama yeah my father-in-law got that might become my father-in-law got me these for some reason because they're like You are mayor are you engaged well? No, I'm not engaged, but close enough. We've been together for like six years, so it's good.

Yeah, yeah, true. Is she a father-in-law? Yeah, but we will do eventually. It'll be tough. She's gonna leave. Like, it's gone to the point where she will leave now unless I actually do it, so I'll say. Yeah.

But you do, you know, you always drag your feet where they've written, right? It was the last second. Yeah. But the idea of getting, I don't know if I have the mental capacity to like get married, that you're saying. Why? Just because I was getting, I don't know if I have the mental capacity to like, get married, that you're saying. Why?

Just because like, what about these flowers and then the complaints and I'm like, none of this matters. You know, dealing with that shit? Matt's done it. Yeah, you got to do it. You just do it, I think.

You just sit there. They say a man without a woman becomes a pig and a woman without a man becomes a lunatic, so. You have to fucking plan work. Point blank. Point blank. Point blank. You know, a woman without a man becomes a lunatic. So you have to fucking plan work. You know, pigs are the cleanest smartest animals. True. And they are very intelligent.

They're having fun. Bigs and slop. They have a good time. True. Yeah, you just got to use that to the letter do or stuff. Yeah, it's just for the most part. It's a fine line because you have to letter do or stuff and certain other stuff. You have to be like, you can't do part. It's a fine line because you have to let her do her stuff and certain other stuff you have to be like

It's just you can't do this. It's just not feeling them when you're a kid and like your motor would drag you shop and Or something that you'd bring you to like some candle oil I used to crying You can also not go though. That's the thing I I guess I guess I could Yeah, you can get out of it eventually. Yeah, but you got to be really Yeah, you got to be god damn it with these horns fucking New York don't know how to be cool. Yeah You got to open up the lines of communication to say I don't know to the fucking jets game It took four and a half hours to drive from here to fucking yeah, let life stadium sucks cock dude. Yeah, yeah

Is that did you see the game where I did the injured and Rogers immediately got a while. I didn't. While we were walking to our seats stopped at the TV to watch him hand the ball off for the first time. I was like, Dan, that was his first snap got to our seats. First play we got in our seats. He's got his career ending injury. Well, that was even gambling. I was the saddest. I mean, he who knows? We just don't have to coach basically. He's gonna have the visa day, he's gonna teach it. He's already taught that young guy a lot. Zach Wilson.

Ernie taught him a lot. What do you think of the Jets this year? Dude, I think they're gonna go double digit wins this year. That's a good guess. I think dude, I like that, let me see. We're listening to a camera on a Macy's podcast. Which one? Camera on a Macy's podcast.

That's the funniest podcast. It's my favorite, dude. Yeah. It's easily my favorite. It's my favorite. Yeah, it's easily my favorite I like how we sometimes I we take criticisms for saying gay too much dude people like that's not funny Watch camera on a mason watch the true masters dude. It's unbelievable. It's all they do is say pause Yeah, Paul's Paul's Paul's Paul's They talk about the way it was funny every single time it's unbelievable Yeah, was that the way who was the guy who got busted for sending nasty messages? Was that that wasn't way in way way it was funny every single time. It's unbelievable. Yeah. Was that the way, who was the guy who got busted for sending nasty messages?

Was that, that wasn't the way in way. It was a, Dwight Howard was getting nasty. Well, it was some accusations. Yeah, he was getting nasty. So Paul's accusations. He's, but there's the text that I came out where he was like, I'm not gay, I'm just a little nasty.

Yeah. Paul, that's what he said. Yeah. Fuck. That's a way he said? Yeah. Fuck. That's a way to slush. Let's talk some that red out. Allegedly. Allegedly.

I mean, dude, if you can stick to it and be like, I told you I was just a little nasty, you ever gonna be like, all right. That's what Cam was basically saying. Like, Joe Paul's just like, Paul, just like, dude, you're like, Paul's bro, I don't even care. It's funny every time. They'd even say anything.

They put out a clip talking about it where they laughed for two minutes. They even talked, they went, yo man, you're a boy. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I mean, what's funnier than that? What's funnier than grown men laughing about another grown man being gay? That's so funny. Also, but they were kept being the fucking eggplant emojis, because they made the girl read it, and she was like, I'm not gay, I'm just a little nasty.

Let me see that eggplant emoji, crying, laughing emoji. Dude, it's so fucking... And they'd be like, oh, you're so shit. Yo, I got gay family members,'d be like, oh, yeah, it's so shit. Yo, I got gay family members, but Real pause I do do you I do like that take though. It's like, yo, I don't even care what you do But like just like it is It is We need to know what's up with you. Yeah. Oh my

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let me tell you my picks dude. What are your picks? I don't know. I got to take a look here. I'm going to start with some college football. No names minus 34 and a half against central Michigan. I'm staying away from it. But God, I liked that. I like taking the Irish. I wouldn't dare put money on that. I like, oh, you know what a nice one is, I was minus 28 and a half against Western Michigan. I think I was obviously gonna kill him, but they usually don't score that many points, unless this is a new Kirk Ferrent's offense, I don't.

I'm trying to think of the fucking good games. What's the pick? If my pick is, let me see the big football matches this week. There's not any fucking really great games. Uh, uh, I'm gonna put this one over there. I'm gonna sleep. That fucking week. There's not good football. Colorado's minus 23 and a half against Colorado state. You big on the buffs have a pretty good offense that doesn't scare me. All right, sorry I'm wasting time. Let's go to the NFL because yeah, I know you like your birds minus

six and a half against the Vikings. That scares me to death. I don't have any picks that I'm any good ones. I mean, the Niners were an easy one last week. That was an easy victory. These lines are a little fucking psychotic and scary, man. I would just go all the friends of the podcast touchdowns. Yeah, true. Just put money on Gabe and Christian, Cafe Kettle, choose to play, find it.

That's a good move. Spencer Brown, Fumble Recovery, touchdown. Plus 900,000. You can put 20 bucks on that. With gambling, if the average gambler loses a lot, what I would say is find someone you know who gambles, ask them what they're picking, just pick the opposite as them. Oh, yeah.

Is then you're betting against the single gambler there. You know, I'm telling you. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, find one of your friends with crippling, gambling, debt, just bet against them. And just call them, be be like what are your picks? You're really good at this What else we got

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this weekend 915 and 916. Comedy at the Carlson in Rochester, New York 922, 23 Tacoma Comedy Club, Spokane Comedy Club, the Comedy Zone, Cap City in Austin, Comedy Zones in Charlotte, North Carolina, Austin, Texas, and McGubby's Joe Cal, so on Matt McCusker. Not at all. Not at all. Please. Please come to Indiana University. I'm going to be in Bloomington, Indiana, South Bend, Kansas City, Sue City, Iowa Bakersfield, California, Phoenix, Arizona, Montgomery, Alabama, Baltimore, Maryland, Wilkes, Bear, Pennsylvania, Columbia, South Carolina, Charlotte, North Carolina, Oklahoma, City, Sugarland, Texas, Evansville, Indiana, Louisville, Kentucky.

And then for some reason, again, two city Iowa at the bottom of my website. When you went Charlotte, one of these days we're going to fucking our big silver birds are going to cross paths. It's going to be a party December 2nd. Damn, thank you. When are you there?

9th. Damn, I'll be in Sugarland, Texas at the, man, whatever. Smart financial center. All right, good bye. Back to the podcast. Oh, man. Hey, guys, also get in here. Get closer. Get close to the camera. Hey, everybody, September 15 to 16th, if you're in helium in St. Louis if you're in St. Louis Please come out. That'll be nice. Do you have anything to say to women?

I don't have anything. Please. I'm spoken for I Well send her a message tell you that I'll see you when I get back from St. Louis lady lady What are you gonna do to her when you get back from St. Louis? Just nasty times. What are you gonna do to when you get back from St. Louis some nasty times what are you gonna do to it oh there's just some girl stuff say to the camera tell her what you're gonna do to it we're gonna have sex in our furry costumes now for real what are you gonna really do to it I'm gonna cut a hole in my furry suit how you gonna are you gonna pie yeah I'm yeah I'm a CP are you gonna pie her yeah do I'm a CP. Are you gonna pie her? Yeah, do I'm a CP, dude? Nice. You're gonna fill her with your gap. Yeah.

Well, they said that, but Rodgers and Clawzett, that's a rumor. Rodgers? Yeah, that's cool. That's cool, shit. No, because the ex, well, first of all, it was Breath Farve started, I think, when he was a rookie.

Oh, really? Or something like that. Well, Breath Farve's a beast, so obviously, he's gonna call his back up. He's not, he's in the car. His car's always competition, yeah. Yeah. But then, like a bar was a beast so obviously he's gonna call it He's like he's in the car. It's all his competition. Yeah, and but then like a true beast master Oh, we were just talking about it. Where are we? Yeah, he's the he was like the first dick pick I could dig into pain pills. Oh, was he yeah, and he was playing games of people like god damn this guy's taking risks

He's a gunslinger now. He's just on pills Uncle Rico dropping back. I got his genius. Yeah, bust every the dick. He was the way he was. He was the first people to ever send a dick pick. He's like, he was up there. First bust.

Yeah, the baby sent it to his hot, though. Oh, yeah, forget a name. She was pretty wonderful. And then and now we now, everything's turned on him because he stole all that COVID money or something. He stole COVID money. I don't know. Yeah, he scammed his daughter's body. He got some of the muscle. No, he's got Southern.

He's came to the state of Mississippi to get Southern Miss volleyball. A nice fucking volleyball facility. Oh, that's what he spent it on. Yeah. Oh, I thought it was just, oh, he's still spent it on the, I mean, technically, it's a's a state University did spend the money He's now a donor of girls volleyball obviously, there he's a beast. Yeah, he's a legend. What is the man Dude, he's sitting he just sits up in the box and is like nice obviously. It's the sickest job possible Yeah, my good. I'm gonna yeah, that's the move You got to make your girls play college volleyball so they can, you can meet their friends.

It's a summer party, what the fuck? It's you're, I have a couple drinks, I'm gonna go down to the summer party and I'm gonna say, girls, what are you doing down here? You guys wanna wrestle, lose wrestling? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Mr. Farve you sent us a picture of your crooked penis. By the way, it's your penis. Shouldn't you be able to send it to whoever you want? That is an argument. It's your penis. Where's all the body positivity now, dude?

Your revenge pointing yourself. What's wrong with my fucking, why can't I send you my penis? Dude, if you don't like it, obviously, you don't have to look at it, decline it, but it's my penis, my phone. Some people do make, make out seeing a penis, they act like it's the worst thing at they they blow it out proportion

It's not was the man dude. I'm looking at his dick right now. Oh, yeah, it's curly, right? All right, you know, he said a classic did pick I think so what a fucking piece what a legend He said there he said a repurctic Oh, I said another one. He's a little harder in the second one Oh, God a little harder to look at really yeah, flash of penis. You can look at that's yeah. Oh, it's set another one. He's a little harder in the second one. Oh, God. A little harder to look at. Really? Yeah, a flash of penis you can look at. That's it.

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's like a reaction that it's hard to look at. But you're doing the classic fucking push the base down. It's hard to can. Obviously, dude, it's crazy. Even a fucking hall of Famer has to do it. It doesn't matter who you are. You're still pushing the base down.

Like, from the bottom angle. Yeah, bottom. I'm Yeah, my base completely removed the You get that just totally like the result of discussing shit Oh, yeah, yeah, it was embec that area and just light bow it and it's having my base Dude fat with a push down base I With a push down base Yeah, it's unbelievable I mean, yeah, I'm gonna trade if I had a son I would train them like Chinese women used to do like Tyler

Feet together I'd bind his base you find your son's cock Bind his base dude, so fucking bride would see it make well wait. Why is the end Rogers gay? Oh, yeah true Oh, that's just a rumor interrogers is not I think is ex-girlfriend said something to about We've gotten the fact to the was gay. Yes. Yeah. Exactly point. Yep.

I rest my that might have been why he didn't get it though. That's the end of that. Oh. Now it was this X. A little bit of months had something on the podcast when she goes like they did a footballer who would only ever have sex from behind in the dark. Sounds like a blackout. Yeah.

Yeah. There's a picture of her with his comon or back like from 2012. Right. The mother of John the Lainey's child. Oh my God. Where's Dylan Dynas when you need him? Yeah.

Sounds like I can jump the Lainey. No, you're dating a whore. Yeah. Oh. Hey. I've never, I've never sent one of those dick pics out from your faces. And I could do the idea of that. Which your face in it now.

But it does make it look bigger. But I can't ever have that be you. Just me in the background like this. And my face like what do you do? You're in hunting trick. Yeah, you lay the bear out. Yeah, yeah. You sit behind it and go.

Yeah, exactly like that. What are you guys looking at? Well, I was a while face you maker. You like smiling or trying to be sex is crazy. Yeah, I'm putting bite my lip. You got a smile. Then it looks like you're real weird. I was like, you save it. I'm not the kill. What are you looking at? And Roger shooting down the gay gossip. He says, yeah, I'm just going to say I'm not gay. I really, really like women. That's all I can say about that. Straight to hell, dude. I like it. I like it. I like it. That's hard. It was not to be homophobic right? It was like, yeah,

it's all I'm going to say. He was biting his foot. He was just towards the kill. He's dude. He goes me. I love me. Yeah, me me me. Paul fame NFL quarterback dude. I'm definitely gay sure It's tidy sat a root he sat like a study for four hours. I was like how do I dress this he's like? He's yeah, I'm just not gay. I'm not I love women's there. I'm not fucking it's a rage I really Really study I have fire just like nah.

Is he is he just go through. No, you can't say that. I'm not going to say. Hey guys, here yes. Oh, I don't want to come anywhere near them. Yeah, that's a tough allegation. Is these took some, is these took some pops out of him on his special.

He called him a big dumb joke. He wouldn't get vaccinated. He's like, guys, don't listen to him He's just a moron who's involved in sports. He's like, you know, they all these Jocks and stupid stuff. It's tough. It's tough. I don't think quarterbacks are stupid though, right? Smart down the field. I'm technically pretty smart. Yeah But yeah, it's tough back then true when the special came out we're in the middle of COVID. Yeah, I'm on the right side of history.

This is an easy joke. Yeah, everyone did that. Everyone's like, he's fucking idiots. The worst one's still doing it. Yeah. See a special come out and they're like, oh, sorry, I'm not eating elk meat and taking horse medication, like a dumbass.

Yeah. It's like, are you sure? Oh, dear, dear, dear. Because for healthy, you just beat the shit out of me the other day. Yeah. Pretty strong dude. Oh, God, I w, the other. Yeah, he just beat the shit out of me the other day. Pretty strong. God wailed on me. Yeah, I mean, they're pushing for it.

They're going to, I think they're trying to get another nice COVID scare going for the dams. Yeah, that's good for the dams. Have a nice COVID scare. Great for the dams. And then they could potentially be like, we've cured it right before the last. It's also kind of, it's also kind of good for the pubs to true.

The pubs like a good yeah then you get to be DeSantis became a hero true although dude he's yeah I watched him in the debate he's like he's like a pull string he's a child he's a total pull string and like and everyone knows that I stop that yeah they're trying

to tell you that there's black kids are better than that but I don't think it's like yeah these little these guys are having fun, dude. Yeah cats away Troubles are having fun at the debate true. They get to have a little fun before the cat shows up I do like scary Dude that's gonna be scary when he shows up. He said he said he's not he didn't I guess there's more on him Is there another debate dude? He's like he's more on it. Yeah, he's got a new voice weird and quiet now He's got a new voice

Now he's in his whisper mode, which is even scarier. I do like that Vivek is making a lot of like fundamental Christians in the South have to like research Hinduism Yeah, I like what the hell they got a research that, nine headed elephant gods and stuff. And they put in the hell. I like what he's saying, but what the hell is that stuff? I'll tell you, yeah, that's what that's all about. Who's that blue lady? It's working. Who's that blue lady? She's actually kind of perry.

Yeah. It's not a jacking off to a Vita Bobby or whatever he is. A Vita Bobby. They're doing good with the Vex killing with the with the if it's if it's reaching Phil, the Vex doing good. Yeah, man, I'm getting some Phil pull me aside. I mean, I'll tell you who I liked that Indian fellas. He's got a lot of good points.

He's going to be a president. That guy's sharp. Yeah, he's sharp. It works. Oh, yeah, whatever he's saying, it's got Phil. I mean, who's that skinny guy with a tie dude? Who's that skinny weird guy with a tie? Yeah, he hit that line. It was pretty nice But yeah, he'll he'll do something and we'll get it elected to something or the other. He's I think he's he's he's

He's complimenting Trump quite a bit. Oh, I love you. I have a good Veez that that's a good VP. He probably would be although he's too much fire and flash Trump needs a pants Trump does need nice pants Me Trump needs a smooth chia pet dude. Yeah, pants is fire and brimstone dude. He is he's you watch that debate Pants. Yeah, pants was on stage dude recently or the old one the first the one they just didn't come out Oh, no, I haven't watched the one Vivek Pence all the bros all the bros out But dude Pence is so funny. He loves the Constitution dude Constitutionists everyone's like you fucking turn your back on Trump the crowd's like Oh, he's like I love the Constitution. I made a promise

It's did it's insane. Fuck you. It's crazy. Guys throwing up. It's my exact crown. You guys are just like, Vivek, Phil, Phil, say Phil. Yeah, it's as unhinge. I don't know if I'm just getting older or if it is that truly getting more and more unhinge. You watch it and you're just like,

dude, tuck your tuckers bringing in a fucking crackhead yeah I watched that one I watched that He sucked him twice And he could tell he's been he's done this before he knew Dude you know look And he said he didn't know who he was

As soon as I saw him wearing the double wrist brace I knew this guy was a valid Dude I knew this guy was legit Why would he lie? I don't know. The story is the son is legit. He fucking hit up a limo company. He was like, I'm trying to party with guys.

The limo driver was like, I got just the guy. I got the guy for you. He goes, Barack Obama. Barack Hussein Obama. He was just waiting outside the jazz club. That is exactly where Barack Obama was hanging out. The cool jazz club in the back of the limo. With little, he had the connection to cocaine?

Yeah. Is any wet and ball coke and then he smoked it. Tucker started calling it crack. The guy was like, no, he smoked coke. Tucker's like, smoked crack. And he was the guy who was like, yeah, sure, whatever. Fine, we can say that. You can say he smoked crack, it's all right.

I did love Tucker's face the entire interview. He was very like, so serious. Dude, at one, did you see when Tucker talk goes it's fair to say he left the bad taste in your mouth didn't even flinch and I went talk you next you know you're a little weak to go safe to say you're left with the bad taste in your mouth so the yesterday I did shelter's podcast and we were joking that Obama was gay and one of the one of the guests was one of the co-hosts who's upset about it. Really? And it's funny that you can't, if you say Obama's gay, people are like, you

can't say that. Come on, man. Meanwhile, you can go, Pence is gay. Yeah. Yeah. Like that's a funny joke. SNL was doing that joke. Yeah. Yeah. But if you like, I heard Obama suck someone's day. I remember like, the guy who was free all pissed off. Yeah. Not pissed up, but he was like, come on, come on. Don't do that. Yeah. Might have even sucked that guy's dick too. It's like,

He's saying something's wrong being gay. Exactly. The same reason I didn't make fun of pants for being gay, there's nothing to make fun of. That's totally acceptable. Dude, that's a thing. He, that's a 50-50 shot. He might have blew that guy.

Whatever. He was fucking stressed out. Dude, he's only campaigned trail. Might smoke the little coke and blew that guy. He got on one. That's a lot of stress. I believe the whole time. I believe that guy. It does keep in line with his like aviator. Cools can be like. Yeah. Suck you guys. Wait, he was cool about it. So cool, dude. saw he would suck you'd smoke crack or Coke whatever was Didn't even affect him. He just got more zoned out and kind of he was like chill and get you real you fork Then be like all right, let me get some head So cop head and it's be like all right. I'm out. Yeah, he's a Obama out

So got blown by this gay guy allegedly And that was it. He didn't know he got blown in the in the limo. Legally, he didn't give any to him back. No, that's that's what I'm saying. That's actually a whole thing. And he went and got ice cream with Joe Biden. Yeah, yeah. They come swap.

He was making his making his legendary playlist, dude. Yeah, he was getting sucked. He was listening to vampire weekend. Spitting vanilla ice cream in the brain Biden's mouth Barry come on Barry Well, how are we? Once the last time you think Joe Biden fapped oh

I bet it's either nonstop or it's been a while. I mean, he's in reptile brain mode. Yeah, where it's either nonstop and they have to be like, Mr. President now. It's just instinctive. He's just, yeah, even know where he is. Yeah, yeah. He's got a, when you're old, you're,

you got a family at least once a month, I'd imagine or maybe once every couple. I mean, they're all, isn't it a lot of STDs in, all the folks, all the stuff, because they're all isn't that a lot of STDs in all folks homes and stuff because they're all just fucking yeah, they might just be helping organically because their bodies are just disintegrating. Do they find that do do do all people find each other attractive or as a kind of like look at me. Yeah, you just accept what you go. This is what I got. Yeah, look. Yeah, although it must be tight. There are some hot kind of hot old ladies. Oh, yeah, they save up

Joe Biden's an attractive older woman true. I'd slam her as hard as I could I Would go as hard as I possibly could for five seconds. I'd be nice Now I go goddamn out of breath man. Yeah, the first lady would get it out of you right away. First lady. Oh my God. It's an honor, ma'am. It's an honor, ma'am. I'll fuck. I'm sorry. She's just an avid. Just for the story. Yeah. Would you have to swear secrets? Would you hand job at every president ever? Hand job. Would you hand job a president? I think I could. Yeah. I think you'd have to. I think you'd Yeah. It's a good story. Honestly, I'd say no now, but I think it, I think it faced a face. I'm, I'm buckling to the pressure.

Of course. Yeah. I wouldn't do a head job. I'm the daughter of the office, dude. You think you joking? You go, huh, he's like, I would do mutual masturbation. You both jack off. Yeah.

It's the awful office. They've all jacked off in there. Oh, you'd have to. Who do you think was the, I mean, I guess the George Washington was right away? Yeah, correct one. Out now. That was before they had the Oval Office. Let's talk to jerk off back then. You're gonna take off like nine pairs of thermal pants. Yeah, and then there's a waft of that old fucking dirty penis. You're pissed. You're so cool. Wow, this whole thing. That might get you going though. Maybe you're into that. Yeah.

Disgusting dick. You're like, fuck. Yeah, sometimes. Disgusting. It's so dirty. Yeah. Sometimes disgusting stuff does get you going, huh? Do you have a dick?

Yeah, I guess. You got like shit on your dick or something? No. Do you have a joke? Do you have a no joke? No. Do you have a no joke? Do you have a shit on your dick? No, I'm not. Got something no shit. Hello. Wait, do you get married you should on your dick? No, I'm not stop shit. Shit everywhere in the house.

No, in a period twice a month or shit everywhere I'm telling you. There's shit. Yeah, I never got never got shit on my penis. I've got shit on my dick. Shoulder dick. Yeah, I like it. I kind of it's disgusting, but it kind of in the moment kind of gets you going like this is disgusting. I never got no, never got shit on my penis. I've got shit on my dick. Shoot on your dick. Yeah. I don't like it. I kinda, it's disgusting, but I kinda, in the moment,

it kinda gets you going like this is disgusting. It kinda gets you like, after all the big. And then afterwards, it's just like real like, oh god. Yeah, I can't believe it. Yeah, shit on my dick. Even like a butt thumb, I'm like, I walked into the shower like, yeah, but in the moment, just like, oh dude, the moment, there's nothing better than having a butt thumb.

Yeah, yes fucking All five gemstones are in place He was good got yeah, do that little fingerprint this yeah a little scan. Yeah, I'm scaredy door Nice where we at You facial recognition. Open up. Nice. Where are we at? Did that good? Did you do anything in Ireland? Or did the shows?

What did the shows? We were staying down by kind of outside the city a little closer to the docks on the south side. Oh yeah, I'm not sure exactly where but yeah, yeah, yeah, the newer area, the new they were just kind of making building up just getting ready. But we actually we're close to the bridge, the harp, the fucking brapening. That was nice. Oh, the harp bridge, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I've never been a double as good trip, right? It's probably my it's probably my favorite

city. That's awesome in Europe. Well, and I'm getting married. Tell you what, it's no fucking Detroit. Yeah, they were not lying. That's crazy stinks. It's just a bandit. Lamar, that's your city. Sucks, come on.

Is that what you're from? Yeah, I thought you were from Philly. Everyone there is a man. No, I'm from a truck. It's not, it's not. They're all the mess. It's a corpse. There's just the morp so everywhere.ps everywhere. So eight mile was M&M

It's just him last night. Did you really watch it? It is corny I was like dude oh, I was on a more watch so Yeah, I love to this. I realized yeah, lose yourself is this is so kind of corny, but but the last battle Yeah, yeah, so nice. Yeah, it helps you up so nice lights. It's so nice to get one. They give us one. We can be that true. We can show lyric, Kism. Yeah, Lamar, what do you have to say about Detroit? I was staying in the motor city casino.

Fucking hell. Just writing the middle of the city Can you show by house is there for like 20,000 bucks? Yeah, yeah, but there's you've no neighbors right because I'm always being demolished Sir just like yeah, it's like it's actually kind of not perfect That's what I got to shit ol' and I thought they might be lying a little yeah, no Yeah, that is that is the new number one worse city. I've been to Some parts of Baltimore fucking Harbor

I'm sure there's some nice parts in Detroit, right? That has to be every It's probably like it's rich people Hipsers moving in there like buying up Yeah, Greek town Get up. Yeah, I just didn't go anywhere nice. I was only there for 24 hours. And we were staying, they were like, there's no real,

that there's not that many nice hotels. You might stay in this casino. And of course I said yes, four months ago. Yeah. And then I get there and I'm like, why the fuck am I staying in a casino? And I'm like, cause you said you wanted to,

like, the food was, there's no food in there. And we had a car, we had to eat like, the vending, it's all touch screens in there the food was there's no food in there. We have a car we had to eat like The vending it's all touch screens in there. There's no you can't even order through people Everything was broken everybody's angry really Everyone's angry. It's all angry black dudes really. Yeah, my aunt peaches

She got like so much money in the paint lawsuit for something and she spent all her money at that Motoric Sino's rough dude. It's like low ceilings Low ceilings in slop with dude horses metric for a shitty casino is The holds up where it's the amount of babies you see in strollers past like 9 p.m Ever since he said that to me now I go every time I'm in a casino night time I go wow yeah a lot of strollers true a lot of strollers people hitting the fucking slots with a stroller next to him yeah Jesus yeah dude watching people like limp to a slot machine is just a total joy yeah some guy just like walk his hip displays you fucking save him

prime right guys like picking up his own arm to keep Walking to a slot the Lion King slot machine It's like a bug zapper. Yeah, those are they are those lights Just to get something going just like I need to just lose all my money in the world to feel something Yeah, even naim was scared Naim naim went to a gas station across the street to get some some backwoods and it was like in the Midwest through the gas stations We're all the bros hanging like that's where ever at all It's the ops. Yeah, you got a you cannot be lacking at a gas station. No at all to sprint into the gas station Straight out you should have called me. I would have gave the lay of the land here. I know about the Midwest

You know about Detroit. I mean, I mean, I know about Chicago man's not too far Stone's throw away. I've been to Chicago, yeah, it's Chicago. I've never been where you've been in Chicago. It's chill. It's chill. Ultimately, I'm gonna move my family there. Yeah.

No. You can move it. Southside. Yeah. No. It's good. The Southside, it will get gentrified eventually. But the hipsters are the ones who gentrify everything,

by the way. And they do a damn good job, too. Meaning like they put like nice sweet stuff in there. Yeah. But it's common. They're going to go do it down there. And it's going to be a tough one. That's going to be, there might be.

Then Gary Indiana is going to get packed. Gary Indiana is completely black. That was the shittiest place I've driven through. is gonna get packed. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe. Maybe from here. Yeah. But the South side of Chicago is totally black. Yeah. Yeah. You go into Walmart.

Every employee and customer is black there. It's weird. It's really. It actually does run like every single smart. It runs like this. It's like, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, it, yeah, you go into Walmart every employee and customer is black there. It's it's really smooth. It's it actually does run like every single one. It runs like every Walmart.

Yeah. I was in I couldn't I couldn't like judge the mechanics. I was too busy being like looking around me and like, dude, I can't be feeling like there's no way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm only white dude in this entire world. There's no cheddar bobs. And the only white dude in the entire box and only white dude in the entire It was crazy. I was I watched a mile and I was like they got this right

The way the city looks they got it. They nailed it. Yeah, yeah, I was in all black Walmart in Chicago We had a bite we had a bite cool aid So I'm in the cool aid aisle I'm in the cool a dial I'm trying to lay low I'm trying to plan it and she bought cool a second we need sugar now And I was like they got sugar in this stuff You know I saw people turn their heads and bring these like to shut up I'm like don't have a fuck you put sugar in this shit is already sure I'm like what the this shit. Is that already a sh**? You sh**, you sh**. What the f**king, I just saw heads turning.

You should've asked me if it's outdoorsman gear. You should've said where's the hunting and fishing section? Yeah, I showed my ass in all black Walmart. I was like, wait, you put sugar in this shit? But it's better than Columbus have all black Walmart? Yeah, I swear to God. I think that place is... Well, Columbus have is not all black Walmart.

There's a lot of people going there. True. That place is held. No, this was pretty, it was pretty chill. I wouldn't know. I couldn't really judge. I think I went with you. Do you know, Columbus have it on that thing? That's like the only that's one of the worst. One of the most insane Walmart I've ever seen. There's just hand trucks just less. Who ever was supposed to stack the shelves just stops. I mean, that is quick on this box. It's crazy. It used to be a 24 hour Walmart. They were just like, no, we're not 24.

Now there's until like 11 p.m. now. Yeah, that's about right. Nothing good happens in Walmart. Shot there, left. I bought a video game there at like, I think one in the morning one time. Sick. It's pretty tight.

I went out to buy whatever, I figured it was when we all lived in that house and I sat there for 20 minutes. Called it. I went to another, it might have been COD. And I went to another section. I was like to buy whatever, I figured it was when we all lived in that house and I sat there for 20 minutes. I called it. I went to another, it might have been COD. And I went to another section. I was like, yeah, there's nobody in electronics like yeah, they're probably on break

and I was like, it's been 20 minutes and I was like, yeah, you just gotta wait. So it's not your mom. It's very your opinion. Very your opinion. Very your opinion. Very your opinion. Very your opinion.

Very your opinion. Yeah, just like this, these hours are whatever we want. Dude, it was pretty nice. Yeah, that was,, I'm gonna go back to all my all black one Mark you gotta get down to Detroit. I'll be there. I'll be there soon enough. It's fucking crazy I'll be in Detroit. I think actually pretty shit. Grand Rapids kind of nice. Is it there's areas in Grand Rapids They were pretty nice. Yeah sounds nice. Yeah Detroit lived up to the hype. Can you know where every black dude lives?

Yeah, Michael Jackson, Floyd Mayweather. I could have got that give me another one. We're Charles Barclay He I know where he lives he lives outside of him. He's from Alabama. I think he lives outside of Philadelphia now Oh really? We've got a house out there. Yeah, I thought he was a phoenix man these days Phoenix man these days. I don't know. He just has a truck like golf. Maybe he just has sex with guys on the bill. Paul's dude. Those are the founders.

Those are the co-founders. There's no way. There's no way. Shack and Chuck were the first to like constantly on TV. Be like, Chuck would say something gay and Jack just. Look to the camera. My friend did electrical work at Surtyteralls is how said he's the fucking Chuck's the fucking man. He was like he was like he was like nervous to go in there. He might be the coolest guy. Oh, yeah

You fucking met him. I'm briefly but he was very nice. Yeah, then turn it. Yeah, you miss check. I met no I've never been checked. That's that's the goal. Jack's iconic dog named after him growing up Fuck those the shack used to be my guy guy well, they're an magic shak That was cool as it gets yeah, Shaks the guy everybody thought penny was cool because he was in the fucking black street video Mm-hmm. I was a shak Diesel man. Yeah, penny was cool though dude Tom's shak head from back in the day shaks I brought the Tom bought the you like sports you're a young man. Yeah, I remember he had drafted do thirty-two Orlando Of course I had that dude. That was the sickest. I was so sad when he went to the Lakers.

He had to. He had to agree. He was growing. He had to. He had to. Dude, he called. He had to. All right. Patreon. Go check out Column Special. Check out Matt's special. Check out my belt. Check it out. Oh, check it out. Check all the special boys. Check out the specials. Couple of special boys. All right. Check out the show, the specials.

Goodbye. Thanks. Check out all the special boys. Check out the specials. Couple of special boys. Check out the show, the specials. Goodbye. Thanks.