Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 463 - Cedar Point (feat. Tony Hinchcliffe)

Episode Date: October 11, 2023

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support Tony & See Him Live @ tonyhinchcliffe.com Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com YO. We're back. Hope you're all doing OK. Matt beasted the cast this week from ATX with some help from the bro Tony H. Despite all the trials and tribulations during these hectic moving times we'll continue to deliver pipin' hot casts. Alhamdulillah. Also shout out to Josh Cabazza for hookin it up w/ the stu - elite lad. The D.A.W.G.Z. will be reunited soon - do not fret. In the meantime please enjoy. God Bless.  Support the show by dialing #LAW (#529) from your cell phone or by visiting https://www.Forthepeople.com/drenched  Support the show and get up to 34% off some sweet new metal art with the code DRENCHED at: https://displate.com/mssp?art=6247403451297 This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try for 10% off your 1st month at betterhelp.com/mssp & get on your way to being your best self

All right, we're here. Welcome to Matt and Shane's secret podcast. Shane did last week. I'm here with Tony Hinge cliff dude Hell this pro ass studio Founded by Josh Kupasa Thank you, bro. Thank you guys for doing this man. This is fucking awesome. Hell yeah. It's nice, dude It's nice to be in a pro setup like this too. I always makes me turn it on You guys are normally on like a slouchy couch or something like that. I'll slouch in You guys are normally on like a slouchy couch or something like that. Slouch in. We had a fan called microphones on a couch and you're like,

uh, it works though. Yeah. It does work, but you're thanks for doing this. I appreciate it. Of course. We're moving down. I was telling you we got settled in. It's, uh, dude, it was the flight.

The flight was interesting as we flew with two kids, two dogs in my wife, which was like, I had talked about it a week before and I had ordered like the vest like dog vest, you know, they put the fucking like this, yeah. Fake service thing, I'm all fat. And my one dog's going blind. So like he, we were walking through the airport and people, I might just be paranoid,

but like I think there was people, everyone in the US air vest or whatever, I could have sworn was like saucing my dog out to see if they were legit. And I had to act like, like do like pro dog trainer shit. It was like the most stressful fucking, it was terrible. And I like the microdose too. So I took like my little mushroom microdose

because that was intense man. That's a lot. Does the blind dog have like the creepy gray eyes? He's again, they're getting cloudy. So and I was trying to act like he was all legit. I would watch him about to walk in his shit and I would have to pull his leash. So, I was kind of like leaving him through the year.

Just a reverse service animal situation. I said, get him here. Blind dog with a seeing eye man. Yeah, dude, for real. And it's like his vision's going. He ate 14 chocolate cupcakes last year and dude, it fucked him up. Yeah.

He's never recovered. He's ate some gnarly shit. Like he's accidentally ate mushrooms before. Damn. Little time bit, but he, yeah, he's, he's been through the ringer, but the chocolate, the chocolate cupcakes were on him, for real. Yeah, that'll fuck me up.

And ate a lot. Dude, it fucked him up. Were they edibles? They're just normal chocolate cookies. Oh, they're regular chocolate cupcakes. Chocolate frosting. It was chocolate cake cupcakes. And I think specifically for dogs, theobromine,

is like there's caffeine and then there's theobromine. Theobromine just wrecks dogs. Yeah. So he's going blind now. So damn. I know, I feel bad. At least, we got him down here. He loves the sun.

So he's just been laying in his son's butt. Yeah. He made the trip. That's what blind people love. The blind people love the sun. They true. They feel like the sun. It's gotta be the best dude. Yeah.

Well, he was born, we rescued him, so he was born in North Philly and was just like circling like a YMCA eating trash. So it's just crazy. I always look at him like, damn dude, you're an awesome. Yeah. Who would have thought? He made it. Who would have thought he'd make it out of the hood, dude?

My dog fully made it out of the hood, eating trash. Yeah. Now he's eating like probiotic, pup treats, laying in the sunlight in Texas. He has no idea what the fuck he is, but yeah. Amazing. The flight was cool though, man. It was fun, man.

We actually, we had to ask someone, we were like, what was to ask someone to switch seats with us so we could all like sit together? It was fucking, it was Bernard Hopkins. Oh shit. He was the executioner. So my wife's like, yeah, I was pretending to be a dog trainer like throughout the airport. So I'm walking around and my wife's like, yeah, they're saying it's like some guy.

He was like a boxer or something. Like, I'm just going to talk to myself and I was like, dude, please stop. Don't say anything. Yeah, dude, he was the nicest guy in the world. He was coming down here, I think, to do Rogues' body. Yeah. One of the all-time greats, the executioner. Yeah, dude, he was super nice, super gracious to, you know,

he was like, yeah, no, but he was actually, he's allergic to dogs, but he was just, Really? Yeah, that was a fuck. He felt like the biggest asshole, and dude, it's like a allergic to dogs, but not actual service dogs. He's just sneezing and coughing.

It's actually a legal ADA requirement. It's a legal for you to be allergic to these dogs, but not actual service dogs. He's just sneezing and coughing. It's actually a legal ADA requirement. It's a legal free to be allergic to these dogs. Yeah. But yeah, that was a, that was a track down here. Two little kids, two dogs, and just fucking, it's crazy when Bhop, who's been hit, tens of thousands of times has better eyesight than your dog.

I know, I know, dude. And especially my wife was like, I'll talk to myself. I'm like, dude, please don't start talking shit to this. She has no idea who he is. Like, I'm gonna get my ass kicked in the airport with my fake dogs, dude. Yeah, do not talk shit to Bernard Hopkins.

I'll be just like, this black guy is quite the attitude to the next part. Yeah. My wife's black, dude, she has the attitude. Oh, yes, she would have popped off. She would have went and popped off. It's not like a white lady going up to an old black dude. This is a youngish black lady going off and popping off dude.

Just no fucking respect dude. I should you know, damn. Sorry, but either way, thanks for doing this man. No, of course. Pumped. Yeah man. So how is it down here? Is this good you're saying?

I love it. I love it. It's the fucking best. Everything that, you know, I spent almost two decades in Los Angeles and I thought it was great until the fucking best. Everything that, you know, I spent almost two decades in Los Angeles and I thought it was great until the shit hit the fan, you know, when you're at a place and then... COVID shit or was just like that?

And political stuff? George Floyd riots hit my neighborhood specifically. All that shit that was on the national news, that was literally my street. Like that is my actual little, like, I'm talking about like a 20, 30 step walk around the corner was third in Fairfax. Damn, especially those cop cars that are on fire

and everything that's literally, I mean, I'm talking about not like people say, like, oh, down the block, oh, I live a walk away. I'm talking about like, oh, God. I'm talking about like a 15 second walk I'm talking about like 15 second walk. So all that shit, that's my Chase bank, that's my coffee shop, that's my whole food, that's my Trader Joe's.

How dare they? Yeah, I lived right on the other side of the, just on the other side. So you're not talking about just like a harsh vibe. This was like, got them sitting. Seriously, fat shit all the way. We had it, we had it in Philly a little bit. It was like a couple of the cop cars did get like torched and stuff, but it wasn't as bad as this,

but it looks like, but it was pretty gnarly. It was part would have been like the struggling actors being out there. I mean, like, get the fuck out of here. You fucking sacked it out of here. They were all fucking, they were in the tornado position in their homes, these cowards. Me and my buddy Rick Kossick, who was my longtime neighbor and he's the camera guy for the Jackass movies. You see him all the time back there throwing up and fucking getting fake come thrown on him and shit. But anyway, we were homies and we were very close as neighbors and the whole thing was happening.

You know, those are all daytime pictures. So what you're seeing there is like 3 p.m. 5 p.m. That's the sun out. What you don't see is what we saw, which was we went out for a walk at fucking 8, 9, 10, 11, 12. And it was like the craziest shit you've ever seen in your entire, every single inch of everything was covered in graffiti.

And people without license plates were just pulling up and breaking a window that was existing of a business that we all know the owners of. Again, that's our dry cleaners, that's our barber, that's our coffee shop, that's our cupcake shop, that's our blind dog cupcake shop. Yeah, everything. And to watch it happen and to know the owners

and to know what they went through and then they built it and then they were thriving and then it's crash or fire. You know, they lit the Trader Joe's that was literally, there was just an alleyway separating our apartment building from this Trader Joe's. They lit it on fire. It is funny thinking about all those dudes

and Hawaiian chairs being like, ah, dude, stop. Ah, dude, seriously. Yeah, ah, dude, dude, seriously. Yeah, like a true Joe's, that's. Yeah, come on, the cheap shit's just flammable. It got a hate crime, dude. It burned out a whole foothold. It's like, all right, dude,

that's kind of politically part of it. Yeah. But it was crazy to see and it kind of like ruined it for us. I don't know what it's like. Yeah, I have like a wife get raped in front of you. Yeah. I'd imagine this is like 3% at least. I'm afraid there's some guy that's watched his wife get raped.

He's telling stories. Yeah, you don't even know what it was like. Oh, that's a good sign. I don't use that as an analogy. I watch my wife get raped. But what it felt like, you know, if you're out there, that's terrible. Yeah. And although it is a good thing,

because that is, that's where that's starting to go. Yeah. So like as soon as everything's on fire, it's like the next thing on everyone's mind is like, and all it takes. Yeah. But all it takes is one time of watching your actual neighborhood, like have that happen to it.

That's what I learned. A lot of other people, you know, that didn't live in my hood state and they're there and whatever. They rationalize still enjoying Los Angeles. Yeah, I had more like, I would look outside and I'd see a bunch of like stocky lesbians trudging up my street and I'd be like, what the hell are these guys up to? And then I was like, okay, and I saw him, mine wasn't that bad. But there were the fire bomb,

I would talk to guys who were down there at those fire bombings and that was fucked up, but it was kinda cool to see it. I'm like, well, it's pretty fucked, dude. That's not a good, especially if it's that widespread. It's like, because Philly keeps having, looting and all this stuff and it's like, dude. Yeah, just, the gigs kind of up.

I had to reschedule a theater there for the first time in my life, a couple weeks ago. The flight got delayed by four hours. All the backup plans were New York, New Jersey, Baltimore, and that was the day that they all flooded out. And then it's like, okay, we were gonna get a jet for the first time ever. And I'm like, okay, we were gonna get a jet for the first time ever. And I'm like, okay, I'll just fucking break even get the jet.

These people need to laugh. And then one of my openers, Cam Patterson's dad flew to Philly and got there super early. And he's like, it took me three hours to get from the airport to the hotel downtown. And this was like one 30pm. Yeah. But everything was so fucked 1.30 p.m. but everything was so fucked up in the afternoon that it took him three hours during the main looting that are happening there.

So we're just like, fuck it. Where it's impossible to fucking make it. So we had to reschedule a theater because the looting is in Philly. Yeah, that's not it. People just letting people take shit. It was the Apple store. Although someone was brought,

Meatball was brought to justice. Did you see this story about the, she was like an influencer. She'll get 21 year old chick who was filmed herself on camera, on social media being like, fuck yeah, we're here. She got caught right away, obviously. Oh shit.

Yeah, her grandmother, her chastiser though, her grandmother went on camera like, this is bullshit, we shouldn't be doing this. Damn Meatball. Yeah, I mean, dude, yeah. And that was me, Philly. That's a sorry, meeple. Yeah, meeple came out.

She's technically your... Top it on Instagram, I think she's got more fucking followers. So at one point, in Philly, your dogs eyes were cloudy with the chance of meeples. Yeah. Meeple is good of guy, yeah, she could have gotten my dog. Now, she was there like cheering on people stepping on iPhones, which is even like, dude, at least just take the fucking iPhone, and I'll break it. Take it, at least do something with it.

Jesus Christ, man. I was break iPads. This is so crazy. It's literally the dumbest place to loot. You've seen what they do, right? What Apple does if you loot them. No. They send an alert.

This is another thing that happened. I lived next to an Apple store. I mean, again, like a minute and a half walk from an Apple store. And that night they trashed it. And then they showed the alert that Apple puts on all the devices. They send out a thing that literally says, we know that you looted this phone, return it or we're sending the police directly to it. They give it like it's like, this phone is inoperable. We know that you looted this. Oh, yeah.

Pretty sci-fi dystopian too. Oh, yeah, of course. Very blade runner-esque. Yeah, it is funny. It's just like a 12-year-old kid like, what the fuck is going on? Right. Yeah, I just bought this for 50 bucks. This sucks.

What the fuck? I mean, tracked by Skynet. Yeah, man. Yeah, me and Josh were talking extensively about how bad things are looking for, you know, a lot of people right now. And it's like, yeah, dude, it sucks, but got to figure it out, man. You can't be smashing. It just doesn't work.

The smashing grab doesn't fucking work. I know, I knew kids, I worked in a high school for a little bit. I knew kids that were trying to do like, like frauds the big thing now, like scamming. I always tell these kids, I'm like, dude, you're going to get caught, dude. Yeah. These guys are spending, they'd be like,

high school kids on like Venmo. Like I got like 50 bucks from another account. It's like, dude, these banks spend hundreds of millions of dollars. They're gonna get you. Oh yeah. They're gonna get you're not getting, and there's people now that just scam young scammers,

because it's like, it's hard to sell drugs now. Like you can't really do it like that anymore. If you're like a young kid living like the inner city, it's like it's not really an option to like, bust down a fucking kilo of coke, and at least, you know, not anymore. It's like it's everything's tracked, everything's getting cracked down.

Yeah, I'm excited. Yeah, and it's a fed, someone fed actually, it's everything's tracked. Everything's getting cracked down. Yeah. And the end of the null. Yeah, and it's a fit. Someone fit actually is probably pretty profitable for young kid. Yeah. It should be someone fit in a motherfucking, breaking these fucking. Yeah. Exactly.

You gotta go with where the market leads you. The hell, man, as much as fentanyl's in there getting cold, do you need to move that? Yeah. You mean they're breaking in the fucking stores? And yeah, it's, it all comes from China. Everything we're talking about fentanyl iPhones. Yeah, China did cause these riots,

if you think about it, they really did start to looting. Uh-huh. Yeah, they didn't make this nice fucking shit. They made the easily breakable glass in front of all these stores. Except, no, they have, they keep the good glass for themselves, though. Oh, yeah. It gets deeper, dude, because that glass you can't break.

Right. To hit the restaurants. Yeah. It is crazy. They're still able to chill behind the ballproof glass. It's pretty shitty. I walked in like a big and

penitual bubble in a black neighborhood. People were like, yeah, man, knock that the fuck off. Dude, you can't. If I walked in like a ballproof technodrome, people were like, dude, you can't, you can't be doing that. Yeah.

But I've been trying to get, I'm gonna start petitioning little like Chinese stores in the hood, just like remove the bowl of the glass now. I don't think I'll think it'll work. All right, anyway, all in the other things, dude. Well, no, man, yeah, that sucks. That's actually, I never thought of it like that.

That is like terrifying like seeing What looks like third world level unrest? It was kind of crazy than third world because it was so concentrated in that neighborhood They really wanted to leave their imprint there granted, you know, the next day all the local like good people were out there It was kind of crazy. They were all scrubbing the fucking sidewalks, the telephone poles sweeping up the glass. I mean, the recovery was so fast, and that was just like the spirit of the neighborhood. But the damage had been done.

You know what I mean? Again, it's like if you watch your wife get raped and then all of a sudden the doctor's just stitching her pussy back together again. You still know. The analogy actually makes more sense now. You still feel the stitches when you put it back in there. Yeah, true. It's creepy. Yeah. They haven't disintegrated yet. The true. Yeah. Again, obviously you're not going to wait.

Again, if there's anybody listening who watched their wives get raped, again, I apologize, but it's the perfect analogy. If you check that, you sometimes you check the graphics and shit on lips and whatnot, and you do see like these weird little islands in the Pacific and you're like, damn, who the fuck's listening from there? Could be that guy,

could be on that island, be on the fuck you do. Yeah, fuck this. Never again, just being like, you know what, I'm not listening, this isn't for me. I've gave this podcast a chance, it's not for me. I'm gonna go do other shows. It was all fun and games until.

Yeah, well, it is funny to think about, like, you know, you caught on those YouTube holes of like, there's been like moral decay and we've all fallen so far. And it was, I was talking to my brother today. today and he was it was kind of like a weird story But he Don't unrelated note mushrooms are getting way stronger now a lot of people don't know this everyone's always like oh like we do not be that strong now It's stronger mushrooms are getting like Like five times stronger, so like now people get a gram of mushrooms

It'd be like you're taking like an eighth so we were talking about that because he was actually testing out. He like tried these mushrooms then of being like two and a half grams ended up being what he's like this felt like fucking a quarter ounce of mushrooms totally. And the whole the whole point of that is like he after it kind of broke, he was sitting there listening to like 60s do-op music for whatever reason. And he was like, dude, I just couldn't get over like this used to be you'd be at a high school dance with the lady you'd probably marry All like your last hurrah before like hitting the army or a fucking factory and that was your whole fucking life Yeah, and I was like, damn that does kind of make that music hit a little harder dude. Yeah slow dancing with the one You're like, I'm gonna go I'm done. This is it. I'm in high school. Now it's total drudgery.

Yeah. Death probably drudgery. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, it's not that anymore. I was saying his problem is bullshit now. Right. Problem was like a real thing.

Like, we were talking about prom yesterday. It's like, prom was like a momentous occasion now. It's like nothing, dude. Oh, yeah. Anyone at prom, you can hit him with like plus probably 15 sexual partners. That's nothing. Yeah, so. No doubt.

And I've been going to these things. Might raise awareness of proms. That's what gets out of the whole group of class and you're like, just so you guys know. Yeah, the times have changed. They had nothing back then. You used to have to dial a rotary phone to get pussy back. Yeah, maybe get pussy, yeah. And they had to pick up.

You didn't want their parents to pick up, whatever. I mean, you know what I mean? Like, there's a whole different, whole different time now. That would have been exciting though, to just like call, you'd have to call people and be like, I have my naked penis.

You'd have to basically autograph it. Or show up to their dick-fick. Yeah, I have a naked penis is out right now. I'm sorry, Mrs. Mule. Ha ha ha. Little penis is out right now. Or you'd have to show up with like a boom box outside of their actual house. True.

Playing music with your naked penis out. True. You'd have to flash. Yeah. You'd have to flash women back in the good old days. Flashing's a wild one. Crazy. Flashing is like a code or something.

I'd pay money not to show people my penis. I can't understand when dude just like Yeah, is it like a people flash have like gigantic penises or so? I don't think that's the case You know, I've only sent one dick pick in my entire life ever and And I was very very nervous about it. So what I did was is you know how about it. So what I did was, is you know how, you know how big lighters, like there's the normal size big lighter, and then there's that little big lighter. So for, I think you already know where I'm going. So for, what do they call it? For size, what's that call? Scale. For scale. I put the little big lighter next to my erect penis. Yeah. Oh, that's kind of nice.

Uh-huh. So it just looks like it's like a fucking forearm. Yeah. It's like one of the most brilliant things I've ever done. It's a good move. Yeah. It's a good move. What is it like waiting the response for that?

Uh. Because the normal text is like fucking pins and needles. But if I put my penis out there to go, well, I knew I had an advantage using the little bit. If I used the normal bit, I would have been really. Yeah, that's about the response. You grill later. Like fuck.

It's just the size of the trigger. Yeah, I might start at getting into sending dick pics to my wife. Now, because I can send to her one on the minute, she can't really say anything about that. Right. It's totally fun. Because they try to say it's bad now. That's not what stopped me.

My incredibly small penis stopped me. I'm not saying it was like a mortal stance against it. I just didn't do that. Well, I mean mean the only people that can really break into it, you know, the Chinese make these phones. And if they see your dick, that's basically a black cock to them. True. That's just massive.

Yeah, dude. It's a, I think it's a misdemeanor. Yeah, classy misdemeanor is sent any basically nudity to people that is not requested. Penal code. It is the penal code, dude. That's a perfect name. And finally, a good use.

Well, that's to a minor too. Oh. Can you get trouble for sending dirty pictures to, oh, of yourself? It's sex, sex thing has to be legal. Texas. I'd like for someone to strike that down. Yeah.

Someone's like, I'm hot right now. I was like, don't do this. Yeah, hit that one. Can you get in trouble for sending dirty pictures of yourself? That's what I want to know. Sexiest. I'm about to send my, I'm going to send my picture of my butthole to my wife right now.

Get ready. Yeah. Does she know what your butthole looks like exactly? Dude, she has a weird obsession with my butthole. Really? Yeah, she's always asking. if I have anything up with it, like we both had pretty vicious diarrhea. I was in Rochester two or three weeks ago,

brought my whole family up. Me and her just had the most ridiculous diarrhea. And if I'm on the toilet that much, I've been known to get a hemorrhage. So I had like, I get big boys too. So I was like, I'm watching my ass, I'm like, oh fuck, I know I have a hemorrhoid. She has to see it.

I like, I was like, no, you can't see it. She's like, let me look, there might be something and she has to just like check it and be like, yeah. She's a big ass hemorrhoid, you have like shit in there. I'm like, all right, get the fuck out of my asshole. She's obsessed. She actually taught me, I've talked to this before, she taught me how to clean my ass.

I didn't know. How do you do it? You get a wet fucking rag, you get like a wet towel and you put soap on it and you're supposed to clean your asshole every day. I didn't know that. Yeah. I didn't know that. What? I was like a dog ass. No, I was just like a, you guys knew you're supposed to clean your asshole every day?

Yeah. I thought you just wipe it. That's what wiping it was. Oh shit. I'd never cleaned my asshole until I was like 30. My wife basically like bent me over in clean my ass. Wow. I didn't know, dude, no one taught me how to clean myself. I didn't know.

Wow. Who taught you guys out of wipe your ass holes? It's just itchy all the time. Yeah, always had an itchy ass, dude. I thought that was just like man shit. Are you the oldest kid? Are you the oldest son of siblings? Middle of six.

Middle of six. See, I'm the youngest of five. So by the end by a lot, there's like a big gap. So my mom was like a very, very like black belt mom at the time. And she always made cleanliness a really big deal. But I have kind of an equivalent to that, which is she never taught me to drink water. Oh, dude, yeah. So I was raised like on like, you know, Pepsi and Coke.

And I literally, I'm not kidding. I was dehydrated until like three years ago. And I'm 39. But like I didn't know I was dehydrated the entire time. You were just fucked up. Totally. Yeah, that was, that was, that was, and I was drinking especially in my fucking 20s

at the comedy store where the, where the Thai bartenders would literally laugh as they poured you a glass of whiskey, like drink, drink, and like we would. I used to, you know, what I mean, back in the day, you would have like fucking 20 drinks or whatever in a night. And I just, I'd wake up kind of hungover. My body was just absorbing it. And I had no idea that water would have helped. That, yep, that got me in college in my college when I was in like my early mid 20s. I thought that people just drank like beverages

to push food down their throat. So I didn't know you needed it to live. I think it's a Midwest thing, by the way. I think it's like the Northeast. Oh, okay. So I was just kind of like, like upstate New York. I like Philadelphia, like outside of Philly. So I was like, you know, I was like,

oh, I thought you just like drink stuff to push your dinner down your throat. So I didn like, you know, I was like, I thought you just like drink stuff to push your dinner down your throat. So I didn't know you're supposed to like hydrate your body either and I told my mom, I used to try things where like my cousin tried to not sleep. He was my cousin was like, I don't think I need to sleep and he like stayed up for, I think he did like maybe 48 hours and just fucking crashed.

So now I was like, yeah, you definitely need to sleep. And then I, when I was in my 20s, I was always trying to save money and shit and I was obsessed with like trying to save up money. And I remember being like, I, you definitely need to sleep. And then when I was in my 20s, I was always trying to save money and shit. And I was obsessed with like trying to save up money. And I remember being like, I'm just gonna not buy beverages that way. I'll just buy lunch and I'll save money on baves. Like thinking I was like denying myself a luxury or whatever.

Dude, I got like a, I just didn't drink anything for like a day. And I got a splitting fucking headache. And I was calling my mom like, dude, I have my head is killing me. She like, have you drank water? I was I was like why the fuck is that gonna do? She's like you need a drink water. I was like okay. Yeah, I looked it up. I'm like yeah, you need that It's crazy. It's the most simple thing. It was never told to me. No never taught to me and

Imagine if iced tea wasn't so delicious. We'd both be dead right now Yeah, it would have been dried on the side of the road Just like yeah from fucking uneducated dehydration. But yeah, dude, I got a... And now, by the way, when I drink a lot of water, and for a while, I mean, I started doing hot yoga a couple of years ago, and I'm like, man, this hot yoga is the shit. I feel so good.

It's unbelievable. And it is. And it was. And it is. But I realized only when I'm doing hot yoga, am I drinking a couple of liters of water in a day. And now, if I don't do hot yoga, and I drink that amount of water,

I feel like I have super powers. Because all the really half of it was the fucking water just drinking water It was just I didn't want to die in hot yoga. Yeah, it's wet so much You're like I have to drink water. So you're enjoying your blood like moving through your body Yeah, this is a lonely. Yeah, it's not a thick paste Yeah, the hot yoga is crazy. I tried that years ago. I would have left. It was so hot in there. I was like, I was gonna leave. And it was just a bunch of like moms sitting there.

I was like, fuck, they can't be tougher than me. Well, there's tricks to it. A lot of people like eat beforehand and you can't do that. What? No, yeah. And you have to, it has to be water and it has to be like an hour before

you can't just chug it right before. Yeah. I see it happen to people all the time. But when I, there is something to like getting your, like a flu, it's like an oil change. It's your factor. If I don't sweat for like a week, dude, I feel disgusting.

Totally. It's gross. Yeah, when you get that like oil change, you're moving the flu. Yeah, it's kind of like. I took a buddy, Keith Ray, he's a door guy at the comedy mother ship and he is just, I don't even know how to describe it. He was, I don't know, I think he's sober right now.

Right now, he's one of those guys. But, sober up, he's like, oh, you're saying like, trying. Yeah, I knew a guy were making fun of him because I think we're making fun of him as his dad was a drunk or his boss one the other. And he was like, he's not an alcoholic, he quit drinking literally, quit drinking all the time.

And I was like dude. I fucking serious He was like 18 he's not alcohol he quit drinking constantly I see it was a funny shit. I've ever heard it was his boss dude. He's like your boss is a drunk He's like my boss isn't a drunk. He's a good guy like he's a fucking drug He quit streaming all the time. Oh my god. It was like a dialogue, like a comedy scene. And he like stood by it.

I'm like, dude, don't you understand that makes him an alcohol? Right, if someone's, if you know that they quit drinking, if they're talking about how they're not drinking, that means they have a terrible problem. Yeah, yeah, not just the Lent. I know a lot of people,

I got a lot of people in my family like I'm not drinking for Lent. Lent's a big one. That's kind of like, I got a lot of people in my family like I'm not drinking for land. The land's a big one. That's kind of like, yeah, I got a lot of uncles white knuckling land. Yeah, fuck. Oh, yeah, it's crazy. But I took this homie key three to a hot yoga. I'm like, you know what you should do? Because he's like, man, I want to quit drinking. I mean, he's like, you see like black holes in his pores. Like he was like, disgusting. And I'm like he was like disgusting. And I'm like, you should come, meet me here at this time.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. And I show up and I had to like part kind of far away that time. And I remember because I was looking at the front door of the place and I see a guy out there smoking a cigarette, like right out front of the front door, which in a yoga world is kind of like, I'm like, I'm like, dreading.

I'm like, oh God, this is my guy that I invited and the fucking instructors know me. You never saw cigarettes either, because you're gonna stink like that, too. Oh, totally. And, uh, belong story short, he fucking did it, he pushed it, and he literally came out, he walked out, literally looking,

like five to 10 years younger. Yeah. In an hour, he changed his, it dumped all of this fucking shits. Oh God. Yeah. Well, the worst is like, I did that a lot for a while. And like, you feel so loose and kind of light.

And then like, I would get angry and feel myself is be like, oh Jesus, no, and you turn back into your shitty self. And you're like, I'm a place right down the street from that. I'm gonna start going to. Yeah. Is that was like, do those my favorite things I've ever done? I've done, you just do got a place right down the street for me, I want to start going to. Yeah. Because that was like, dude, that was my favorite thing I've ever done.

I've done, you just do for a while, that was cool, but it was like, that was just, it becomes like an obsession. Yeah. And I can't remember the moves, dude. I just can't, they're like, your leg goes here, and I'm like, bro, let me try to choke you, man. And then you're sore all the time. You're fucked, you're fucked, you're fucked,

and that hurts, you're all the time. Yeah, you're all fucked up. Yeah. Yoga is like, nothing but just benefits. Yeah. Someone could come beat your fucking ass, but it's like, whatever. Yeah. I is like nothing but just benefits. Yeah. Someone could come beat your fucking ass, but it's like whatever. Yeah.

I like, I, someone could always beat my ass. Totally. Get a gun. That's the thing that crushes you just, you used to be like, I gotta go. Yeah. If you got hot yoga and a 9-millimeter yoga. And your body feels great. Yeah.

That is a fun thing to do. And your brain feels great. True. Yeah. Not getting bludgeoned. Although it is fun. It is fun to wrestle. Yeah. It's fun to wrestle, but I can't do it, man. I saw Keith's lowest point.

They're handing out waters to homeless people, and they saw Keith and I'm like, here you go. Oh, you know Keith, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, he was like, thank you. Thank you. I peeped the table though, and Philly, I had to walk every day.

I'd walk past this table like the homeless buffet, and I'd peep it, I'm like, oh, he's got it. He was like, all right. It was like super hot dogs. I was always like, yeah, I'm bad. A little hot sauce. Yeah, they did it.

Yeah, they had this condom inside, and I was kinda like, I'm saying, it's so fucking bad. I've thought about it before. I'm just getting out there, and it's like, it's gotta be brutal. Just like, you know, like you were saying, like getting raped and like a tent and shit, whatever, that sucks. But like, once you get that down, it's gotta be brutal. Just like, you know, like you were saying, like getting raped and like a tent and shit, whatever, that sucks.

But like, once you get that down, it's gotta be kind of chill. Oh yeah. You know what I'm saying? Kidding me, no worries. Kunimata, it's a totally cool one. Kunimata, it's a Kunimata. If you can do it right, if you can do it right,

if you can keep like an abscess and check, you have like a huge fucking hole in your leg. Right. They shoot heroin. If you can get like an abscess and check, you have like a huge fucking hole in your leg. They shoot heroin. If you can get that thing under order, and just cop meals and like soak up son rays, yeah, that's not bad. I see the draw, I see the draw. It's a lifestyle.

Of course. It's a lifestyle. Of course. If I had, if you were given like two lives, I would waste one on that. I would, I would, I would live this one is my like main life and then I would just try all the drugs, live on the streets. There's food, I mean, it's crazy.

So the thing about Austin's, you know, people complain about the homeless here, but I mean, New York, they're absolutely everywhere. Yeah. And there's migrants and shit, which are basically homeless people that can't even speak English. Yeah. And there's migrants in shit which are basically homeless people that can't even speak English. True. So, but what's weird about Austin is at some point I found this out. Some liberal, ultra liberal mayor took over and decided to put the homeless feeding place in downtown.

So like, they call the feeding place, I don't know what it's called. I call it a feeding place. It's technically a feeding place. Yeah. That's the big thing down on six street. Yeah, that's the one. That's the meals. Yeah, that's the one. The meals off wheels and put them in the building.

Yeah. And they put it right near the fucking tourist. Like the, the, the, the, the first time I came here, I was like, this is fucking nuts. Right. I just came right down to the creaking cave. Is the whole area. I'm like, man, this is fucked down here. And the creaking cave, you know,

they're wondering why they got such a good deal on that. Literally right across the street from the epicenter of it all. It is. I mean, that is the place. So that, that, that feeding place, the, their trough, the human trough, you know, that's, that's, it's, that's the whole thing.

So the reason why there's people down like Congress and six is because they walked from the trough to there. And they're heading right back. And there's a ton of alleys right around there too, which is also perfect. There it is. Yeah, dude, I came up. Look at them with the little rainbow font. Oh, nothing crazy here.

Is that the party? Oh, shit. That's dude. No way. They're fucking bonking like that. Oh shit. Dude, but here's the thing though. So like, bright side in this, you just, I mean, double helping the chili. Now you're at the sleepover, that's 50 fucking beds.

Yeah. There's so much drugs. That would be, I could see people making the most, that's all I'm saying. I don't want to sound like, you know, like a leadist or whatever, but like, I don't know, man, I feel like once you get your feet underneath, man, I feel like you could really have, you'd have some fun times. Yes.

And then it's just like the worst shit you could imagine. Yeah. They're like, I can't even, Mondays or whatever, must be like nasty shit, dude. Oh, yeah. Just dude, just drop it. Your boy would drop dead. What's crazy is all these people know that they need to wash their ass.

Dude, we actually, I saw a lady piss on a bus stop when I was here sat on a bench, poured her bands down, pissed on it, and then she got up and wiped. And I was like, that's not bad. I saw a video of a chicken Vegas sitting at a slot machine pissing. Can you look that up real quick? Did you see that? Yeah. Oh, you can get into that.

Dude, you're gonna love this. Probably jerk off to that. It is kind of hot. Yeah, you're gonna love this. Well, she losing money because I don't think I could, I don't think I could come unless she was losing money visibly. Oh, yeah, this is the one. Look at this, dude.

Stop. Oh, she's like a rich lady peeing. Oh, yeah, she's got the nice perus on the phone just letting it rip. No. Thinkin', she's like a rich lady peeing. Oh, yeah, she's got the nice, per- Stop dude. Oh, my phone just letting it rip. No. Thinking she's being sly. That's gotta be fucking Photoshop. No. She's just fucking peed.

Yeah, just peeing in Vegas, baby. That's kind of nice. Yeah, she's kinda starting to trend. Yeah, dude, what happened in Vegas, dude? I'm gonna start peeing and shitting myself. Yeah. It's like a promo for Skankfest. Yeah, true happened to Vegas, dude? I'm just sort of peeing and shitting myself. Yeah. It's like a promo for Skankfest. Yeah, true.

How was that? Were you down there? It was fun. Yeah, so much fun. It's crazy. Yeah, it's gotta be, it gets bigger every year. So I imagine this year was just like fucking insanity. Well, I do this thing, I not on purpose. My managers and agents always double book me for some reason. Even though I tell them, I warn them like, hey, keep an eye on Skankfest.

Don't schedule me for that. But two years in a row, I end up going in on the Sunday. So. Do you pop in for that last day or something? Yeah, but I go extra hard to overcompensate for not doing the whole weekend. So I do like two podcasts and four stand-up shows and then the comedy jam at the end, like I'm an idiot. I end up getting like half sick every time. Everybody was sick this year. It was basically COVID fest. Yeah, I know. That's what I heard. I heard there's like, and there's always unfortunately,

there's usually like, there's a lot of like, you know, drugs and stuff. There's almost always somebody who brings something back from there and kind of place the bullet, by said dust. Yeah. But you know, not their fault, but it's like, you know, I've always, I would always, I would always see a rumor about that. Like, oh, someone died, someone brought some shit back. I could die at fentanyl. Oh, shit, I didn't know about that.

I could just be making this up. I don't know. I feel like I heard that before, but somebody did, I think I was just reading too many YouTube comments. It's like somebody died from error, that's kind of ass. I just made that up and put it out in the internet, but yeah, it happens. I know someone who lost two kids from a coke fentanyl,

and then it was like the good kid, to fentanyl. Oh, terrible. So shitty. So shitty. Yeah, I don't do coke ever, but. Yeah, me either, I don't do that stuff, man. I never did it, too.

I mean, I've never done it. I never was always like, dude, I'm like, no, I had no, I was surrounded by it too. I used to sell coke when I was younger. Yeah, I was cool to do that because I listen to rap and I was like, yeah, I'm just so fucking coke. It's it seems like a theme is oblivious things that we didn't notice until we were older, but here's one for you is that I didn't notice that everybody around me was on coke forever. Oh, no, I'm like a late night guy. Like I thrive at, I really don't wake up until like 10 p.m. So 11, 12, 1, 2, 3.

Those are like the hours that I'm really having fun. Yeah. And I mean forever. I've always been that way since I was a kid. I couldn't sleep. I'd be watching Letterman when I was like six years old. Anyway. But like since I was a kid. I couldn't sleep. I'd be watching Letterman when I was like six years old anyway. But like since I got to the comedy store, a lot of my favorite times, obviously midnight

to like 4 a.m. and I'd be cracking up with people. All my favorite people were all on below and I had no idea. And they like kept it secret from me because they all knew that like, Otoni's already got the energy. Like, he doesn't, we better not. With no one wanted to be the guy to get me hooked on shirt plus I'm like an addictive personality. Coffee and cigarettes all day.

Yeah. Bit of drinking at night. So like, it would pair. Yeah, that's, that's why I'm so happy I've never done it. Oh, totally. It's like, coffee. I like, I can hardly handle coffee. I'm super sensitive to caffeine.

I still can't not have it. Coke would have crushed me. Oh, yeah, absolutely. It would have annihilated. Same exact boat. If I feel like if I would have tried just a little bit once, I think about it a lot. The little bit is deductive.

Yeah. Just a teeny, because then you can draw the comparison. There's that guy from Columbia University. He's a professor. He's like, I do heroin, I do Coke. Coke's even cleaner than coffee. If you can just do a tiny little bit of it. Wow. He's all about it. I figure this guy's name.

He loves it. Columbia, I think that's a little bit different. Columbia and Sixth Street are two different things. Yeah, true. When it comes to cocaine. Yeah, dude, this guy just like does. He's like, there's nothing like a little bit of heroin by a fireplace. Wow.

He's like, yeah, he's just fucking, you know, it's like fair enough, man, maybe. And that again, that does sound awesome. And from what I hear, from 100% of people that have done heroin, there's absolutely positively nothing like it. Yeah, another thing you're saying that, it's like, yeah, everyone does get a pretty good rap

for being awesome. Oh, yeah. He's trying to say like, we can totally, guys, we can totally do this though. A 100% batting average heroine has over everything. And I've taught you some of my heroine addict recovered friends. And I'm like, okay, so let's say you just found out

you won the lottery and you're getting your dick sucked and you're eating your favorite food at the same time. They're like, nope, nothing like it. Not even close. Yeah, what? Oh yeah, there's nothing like it according to them. God, dammit. So that's another thing. Like, if I had that second life, I would just be out there, f**king darning the spoon. And then you get to get off of it and be like, guys,

I'm all, I'm all fish. Yeah. Nobody's ever real. Heroin's one of those things that they think about forever. Yeah. If they ever enjoy anything, they're like, wow, this is like one percent of heroin. True. Yeah. I was researching enjoy anything, they're like, wow, this is like 1% of heroin. True, yeah, I was researching the dopamine, like I was trying to figure out how much dopamine I get every time I look at my phone, because I'm like super addicted. I mean, I'm okay with it.

But the, because I think like if you have a piece of chocolate, it increases your dopamine like 10% in your brain. I think meth is like 5,000 to 10% dopamine. Heroin's gotta be even more. And it's like dude, you're ramping up the dirt, which is supposedly like the enjoyment thing in your brain. Totally.

By 10,000%. That is tough to come back from. Yeah. Cause I'm not hitting 10,000% on anything. So I'm safe. I can deal with like Monday and shit and just be like, all right, this is fine. But yeah, it's a, oh yeah, hell yeah.

Dude, you're fucking fast as hell, dude. God damn Josh. Yeah, look, that's in your arms, I know those ones. It's a synaptic cleft. Oh, cool. Do you believe in that shit? You have a little balls of shit floating around between gaps in your brain shooting sparks at each other

and if you just fucking change the colors of the balls, you'll be happy. I wish it was that easy, man. Yeah. More red, less blue. Yeah, dude, I need more blue up here. Dude, yeah, I don't know. But yeah, I'm telling you, I tried to Google this.

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to get 10% off your first month. That's better help, help.com slash MSSP. Is there a meth here too? Is it like, because I know meth is more West Coast, heroin's East Coast. Did they meet in the middle here? I'm not sure what the fuck these people are on. I don't think it's a meth.

They're a little bit slouchy. It's a little bit like. That's good. Yeah. You want to do it? That's opiates to the masses. Yeah. I'm telling you, I'm telling you,

that shit out. And like I was out in the Pacific Northwest and it's like, those dudes are tweaking out there. Oh yeah. Like every time I walk by, I'm ready to do it. I'm like, dude, what is fucking me? It's a full street fighter. Both of my older brothers live in Venice Beach, California, which again,

you know, when I was hanging out around there, really goofing around 15, 20 years ago was the most chill. I was like, what's up, man? So like hippie, hippie, so cool, tie dye, everything. That's right. That's what I thought I made. It's like California, California. Like what you think of when you hear like a red hot chili pepper song, and now it is like a guy with an axe chasing normal humans. Like they are, that is messy. It's messy out there. They're gonna have a battle.

We got to have the West Coast, West Coast, meth versus the fucking heroin guys. The meth people are gonna be the like, it's gonna be the bike. Versus like this like this is war true You're the Bieber just fucking yeah, yeah, it would be like Vikings raiding Nepal It would be very I'd be a gruesome fucking battle. It's marijuana and fentanyl. Oh really? Yeah, all the I heard all the coke here has fentanyl

Yeah, you got to test it. It just has to have the right amount of fentanyl to get you Oh, you're saying the right amount to be good. Do right amount to be good. So the real coke guys have Testors. Yeah, see that's the thing for me if I'm partying and I got to do like a fucking experiment in the middle of it It's like I'm done totally. I'm going home. Right. I don't want to have to fucking like get a beaker and swish around I mean that is kind of like sick ass shit from a movie. Like purple and be like, pure, perfect dude. That's like, yeah, that's kind of where the fun stops

for me, man, where I'm like out at two in the morning, trying to like, remember the chemical indicator and being like, this is purple, I should be good. But it's mainly rich guys to do that because the other people, you're wasting your Coke testing it. Right. So you can't do that. You just gotta put it on the line.

And you have to remember that a lot of these people are trying to sober up. Like they're like, oh, I drank too much. I need a little bit of blow to fucking. Yeah, true. So they're not going to pull out a beaker. True. That's the thing. It's not the beaker people.

The people that drank too much aren't pulling out the beaker. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it is, I just, yeah, for I'm such a fucking pussy with all this shit, I'm such like a health weirdo, that I just can't believe it, that you roll the dice on that. You know, it's like, dude, I just, it just drives me nuts, it's like, dude,

what are you doing, dude? Go to bed, yeah. Go to fucking sleep. Exactly. Why would you wanna counteract alcohol and be like, I need to be sober again, because I got too drunk and it's like, dude, go to fucking sleep. Exactly. Well, I would do an account or act alcohol and be like, I need to be sober again, because I got too drunk. And it's like, go to fuck the sleep.

Never understimulate. I don't understand. It boggles my mind. Like you got drunk to get drunk, and now you want to sober up. And they're like, yeah, that's the best. You can drive home. Yeah.

I can do the ice water god if I'm drinking, and I can smoke enough weed where I can kind of like, I kind of do feel like I'm kind of floating. On the last time I did that, I was in a nice green place. Like I left the bar and I was in a nice green place and I was like staring at the board like dude, get it together, pick something. And I was like, I'll have peanut butter crumble

and dude, that's a topping. I was like fuck. Fuck, I blew my cover, I blew my fucking cover. I was like, what, I was like, God damn it. God damn it. Oh, yeah. You know butter crumbles. Love the beat of butter crumbles.

He's like, okay, on what? I was like, oh, fuck. Oh, man. We should leave, yeah. But yeah, I never understood either. It's like, dude, just, what are you doing? Yeah. I need to, I need it's three o'clock.

I'm hammering now. I gotta conduct business. It's like, dude, go to fuck, oh man. I need to snort. Yeah, I get it. If you're again sloppy and you continue to, but I'm happy. I think that never got it. Soaks in me. Yeah, that's the whole point of getting drunk so that you go home and you fucking, you know, eat some leftovers or whatever the fuck and follow us. Like, yeah, be be gross. Be shitty. Yeah. Just be yet is this lug it's better to just be shitty then to shove stuff up your nose so that you can

What like be shitty your puncher hooker, I guess yeah It's better like be drunk go home and eat leftovers then to be drunk sober up go home and like cook an actual full meal and then Yeah, yeah, true than to be drunk, sober up, go home and cook an actual full meal, and then go to bed. Yeah, true. You know what I mean? Like, what are you repairing yourself for? I never understood it. Every time I saw it, I was always kind of like, I know dudes who would do a lot of Coke

would also buy zanis because they wanted to pass out. Yeah, that's the point. That do sleeps the goal. That's every day. It's like, I'm trying to get to sleep. You get to sleep that's the goal. I can't imagine artificially prolonging that for your own out. Yeah, that's the point. That's the goal. That's every day. It's like, I'm trying to get the sleep. You get the sleep that's the goal. I can't imagine artificially prolonging that for your own pleasure.

Yeah. I knew, I remember there was a, a lot of my friends got into drugs and we were in this apartment complex and this whole place was just like a, it was a nightmare. It was all of these kids moved in near each other and they're all are doing tons of percusses, pills,

it turned into like heroin, coke, all this stuff. And there was these girls that like started taking ambient and then they would take Adderall. Because like if you force yourself to stay awake on ambient with Adderall, you start to like just lose your mind apparently. And they were trying to sell me on it. They're like, you should do this.

And I was like, no, I don't even want to take ambient to go to bed. I'm like, I'm good on all of that. And they're like, dude, it's sick. And they're trying to, and like five minutes later, one of the girls just collapsed, fell down. It was funny being that young where you'd see a person collapse and be like,

ah, I was like, whatever, I'm out of here. This apartment sucks. Right. Yeah. Yeah, we just left. That's what happened in Youngstown, all my homies that were just drinking beers ended up, they mean it just goes.

That's just one direction. Yeah, that is crazy though, because I do get that though, because if you try your drugs are bad, and you're like beer rules, and you're like weed rules, and then it's just like, bam, there is that level of hit you with that, and you're like, I'm functioning pretty well right now.

Yeah, this is like, yeah, your co-getting out, it's okay. Yep, because that doesn't, you don't age out of it. I know, I've seen that like, Pester dudes into their thirties, were like, I knew someone who, you know, they would do it here and there all the blah blah blah blah. Then it's like, you just assume they stop. People don't, people become like 35, 40 and they're still trying to rip lines. Like my, I knew someone who got kicked out of their friends wedding because they were just

doing coke in the bathroom. And I think their, their friend had to be like, dude, what the fuck man? He got like someone discovered it and kicked him out and he had to be like, dude, what the fuck man? He got like someone discovered and kicked him out and he had to be like, dude, get it, go home man. Yeah. And it's, you know what really sucks is the people that end up, you know, doing coke after they drink, it ends up ruining drinking for them because then they can't drink without thinking about coke.

And now all of a sudden you can't drink anymore. Yeah, true. And you ruin drinking for yourself. It's, it's greedy. Yeah. There's no like Willie Nelson's of Coke. There's no like charming 80 year old, just like a little ball.

You know what I mean? Never see that. 100%. You got to age into stuff, dude. And that's, I always tell people like, that's the ultimate sucker drug, dude. Coke is bad. Yeah.

I, I just, I don't know any good store, it never played out well. Yeah. My older brother's, I'm so lucky to have a brother that's 12 years older than me and 16 years older than me. And we were supposed to go to Cedar Point one summer. You ever been to Cedar Point? No.

It's the world's greatest amusement park. It's in Sandusky, Ohio. And I was like eight or nine at the time. It literally has the world's tallest roller coaster, the fastest roller coaster, the world's fastest standing roller coaster. the world's fastest standing roller coaster. The world's fastest sitting roller. All they claim a lot of records out there too. Like we have the biggest mall in the world.

It really is. It really is fucking nuts. Like that's fucking great. You can't tell the scale because everything is a record setting thing, but it really is. And I was like, we would go every summer for one day and uh, the fuck is that thing? Yeah, that's the top real dragster right there. Oh, so you just fall down that hill? Oh, it shoots you. It launches you from the normal pace. You, you, it's a record setting thing from the get. I think that's what that is unless that's a new one.

Oh, my God. That's the real shit. that map right there. Yeah, that's the shit. So that shows you everything. It's a fucking island with all these crazy rides. That's sick. The world's fastest. Wooden roller coaster up there, all this shit. Anyway, 40 bucks, you can buy that. I'm gonna put that in my house.

That's the shit. So a clubby, a sick thing to frame. But I used to, my brothers used to take me there. One day, every summer of the the year forever. And I was like 10 or 11 at the time, which would put them at what, 26 and 30 basically. And they lived in Columbus, Ohio, Ohio, Ohio state. It's just like dads basically. Exactly. That's kind of nice. Totally was nice, especially when you don't have a real daddy. He's splitting, he multiplied himself as a, so one year.

And you know, when you're like 10, your mom buys you like an outfit for like a thing. So I remember I had like this like blue polo and blue shorts and new white shoes with white tube socks laid out. And we get a call, they were supposed to drive from Columbus to Youngstown to pick me up a two hour drive and then we were gonna drive three hours to Sandesky, Ohio.

I mean, that's heaven for a little brother dude. Exactly. That's all. Exactly. And I get a call. My mom goes, they wanna talk to you, Tony. She like, sounds sad at like whatever, 7am or 8am whenever they were supposed to pick me up.

And I get on the phone and my older brother or one of my older brothers goes, hey man, we party to little too hard last night. I'm gonna tell you something, we're not gonna make it to Cedar Point today. Oh no. And it crushes me to tell you this, but the reason why we're not taking you to Cedar Point

is because we did so much cocaine last night. And this is a lesson for you because there's nothing we would rather do. There's nothing we would rather do than to take you to Cedar Point. But we did so much cocaine. And this is a lesson for you. Don't ever do cocaine. What? Don't ever touch it.

Not even a little bit. Whatever you do. Never try cocaine. So they had an intervention for you basically at 10 years old. And I'm literally like, what? What's cocaine? But you know what? They're getting their dick sucked. They're on the edge of an infinity pool. Listen to the listen. You never see. But to their credit, that's also fucking worked. It stuck with me.

That was very brave. Yeah, they didn't have to. They totally didn't have to call you to do that. Right. But it's really stuck with me. So like that's also well, that's young enough, that like burn that into your head too, because you have Cedar Park or Cedar Point,

and you're just like, dude, that's crushing. You're like, now Coke, you're like, yeah, that should actually suck, dude. Right. You don't get to have fun. It literally, and I thank them probably 50 times each throughout my life. I go, you know, it's gonna, and I, all the time,

I literally go, thanks for that fucking thing because I'm positive I would have tried it. For sure. Even post that, there's been so many ridiculous temptations. Rappers, celebrities, famous comedians, just good friends late at night that are like, come on, just try a little as a wildly cool, successful people that are like, this is 100% pure. This is literally the best

cocaine on planet. It's just do one little tiny and it's on like a golden spoon with a diamond on it. And you're like, uh, this wouldn't affect anything negatively. But the last second, I'm like, nope. Yeah. And it's all because of the cedar point, 10 years old fucking morning call, which was traumatizing at the time, but ended up being correct. For real, that was the move, man.

I'd ever pictured them getting their dicks sucked on the edge of an infinity pool, kind of changes everything now. If I would have seen what they were actually doing at the time, I probably would have done it. Also, they could have been standing over like a dead lady and been like, right?

So they could have nopped in that. They could have like, bro, trust me. We got it. Fuck my area. It could be either or. Yeah. But yeah, my dad claimed that he had a trailer pull up to his house when he was a little kid.

And this would have been in like the early 60s. And he said they just, they have like a morgon wheels where they just kid, and this would have been in the early 60s. And he said they have a morgan wheels where they just let little kids walk in there and there were just dead bodies in a trail and that guy did drugs, that guy did drugs. This guy did drugs and he said his dad made them just look at dead bodies. He's like, that's what happens to be do drugs.

So they were that strict about it when I was growing up there. Like if I got caught drinking, I would get grounded for like a month. I got caught a bunch of times though. So I was like, I got caught back to back, but if I got caught smoking weed when I was growing up there. Like if I got caught drinking, I would get grounded for like a month. I got caught a bunch of times though. So I was like, I got caught back to back, but if I got caught smoking weed when I was younger, which I did all the time, he was like, you're grounded for a year.

Wow. Yeah, so that at least like, I think that kind of helped too. And I knew people in high school who got in a Coke. I remember being like, nah, nah, I'm good on that. That's, I'm fine. And then I got to watch them so young get kind of strong.

They had like a period where they got, everyone thinks they're fine on Coke. And when you're not doing it, you watch people kind of like escalate themselves and you're like, I'm good on that shit. I'm cool. Right. So few people can do it calmly and cool.

Have you seen a cocaine booger? No. Where they do so much Coke that it burns their septal. Oh, no dude. And then when they take it out, it's like just blood. And it's just really their skin, it's all dead. And if they're really big coke addicts, they'll eat that bulgur.

Oh, no. Yeah. I just got my deviated septum fixed, by the way. How'd you end up with work? It sucks, bro. I just get hit in the face, I think constantly. They say it can happen to like birth trauma too. They say like on the way out, you can kind of just,

because I went, I was getting sinus infections and my wife was going to, it's the only thing I do health wise, my wife was going to ear nose and throat guy and I'm like, yeah, fuck yeah, I'll go to one. I think my nose is fucked up. I went and he's like, dude, you got like an 80% obstruction. It was on this side. And I've been, I used to play rugby and shit

so I know I got just waffled in the face at bazillion times, which they say that. And they don't also, they don't really understand either But so I had a mine was fucked up from whatever, but it's just getting smushed It was just like curved From the guy told me it was like just got kind of curved over and then like it like fluctuates during the day Apparently like 20 minutes this nostrils open this nostrils open so I'd have like times where there's just I can't breathe at all Because it was this type of one's turn. But yeah, the fucking surgery sucks, dude.

I watched that Rogan thing from years ago and he's like, yeah, it's okay, nothing. And I was like, yeah, this is gonna be sweet. I was fucked. Yeah. For like six days I was laying there like, dude, I must be the biggest pussy in the world. I'm like, this shit sucks, dude.

One thing I've learned from being friends with him for a decade and a half is that if Rogan says it's easy, that means nothing. It sucked, dude. I was like scared to do it, so I watched that like 10 times. I mean, it's easy, I know it's definitely easy. And dude, it fucking sucked. So bad.

I had silicon plugs in my nose for six days. Oh. And it was just fucking blue, dude. Every time I'd swallow a sip of anything, my ears would pop and fluid would pop out. It was disgusting. That's not terrible. I tell people all the time,

everyone's always like, dude, it's like when they pop those out, it's just amazing. I'm like, no, my nose felt still shitty. Yeah. I'm happy they did it in like after months of it, but like dude, that shit fucking sucks. Like it's cool to get air through your nose,

but I'm almost like, did they put you out for. Like, it's cool to get air through your nose, but I'm almost like, did they put you out for that? Yeah, did they put me under? They actually gave me fentanyl. When I came out of it, they're like, we're gonna give you something for the pain. I'm like, what are you giving me? Like fentanyl, and I'm like, what?

And dude, I was vicious. I was so mean. My wife came, I mean, there were some stuff bubbling on the surface anyway, but like, she gave me a hint for you. And I was fully just like, literally the in, I mean, there were some stuff bubbling on the surface anyway, but like, she came and picked me up. And I was fully just like, literally the funnel out, dude, I turned it. That stuff is nasty.

Oh, yeah, I was very, very, and like, it was like I would try to talk and like my temper would just go fucking flying. Wow. I'm like, why did you guys, I was fine too. I didn't, I didn't even like, I wasn't in pain.

They're like, we're gonna give you a little something extra. Oh, they love it. Plasting you with the doctors. Yeah, doctors love trying to give you shit. Yeah, that's you a little something extra. Oh, they love it. Plastamy, yeah. Doctors love trying to give you shit. Yeah, that's just a little something for the pain. Dude, we're just gonna give you a little bit of, and I was like, what is it? Like fentanyl.

Oh, dude, stuff's got a bad rep right? Why are you giving me this? Yeah. I had a wisdom tooth out. I've never been put under, I've never had a serious surgery. It's creepy. Even when I broke my leg into two pieces,

I got run over by a car. Oh. Yeah. I was a chick driving. It was my girlfriend in high school and she dropped me off at home. And my backpack was in her trunk and she forgot that I was getting my backpack out of the trunk. And she starts backing up and I'm like, oh shit. And I almost made it out. I almost fucking went back and pivoted.

But my just the back of my left foot got stuck under the tire and it went all the way. And it went, it went. Correct. Into, I mean, completely into two pieces. And I was laughing. It was weird. Like there wasn't really pain yet. Really at all. Yeah. It was weird. Like there wasn't really pain yet at all.

Yeah, it was just shock and, yeah, but the fuck was I just gonna say? Oh, sure, I didn't even take any pain pills for that. What? But when I got my wisdom tooth taken out, man, I can't remember when was it. Like 13 years ago, who gives a phone? They didn't put you under for that?

They didn't look like I wanted to stay up for that too. I have a weird thing where I'm like, I don't trust these fucking anesthesiologists. True, it's fucking creepy dude. They're not you right out, dude. And it's trust any of these motherfuckers. True. You know what I mean?

You're in a fucking airplane. It's a bumpy landing. You're like, if that was an anesthesiologist, I'd be dead. You're a little bit off on that shit, you're dead. That's true. I don't trust anybody. And dude, everyone's different.

My wife has a thing where she pulls herself out out of anesthesia. So there's like, everyone's body's different. Cause they ask you, like, have ever had anesthesia before cause they're that first time they don't know how you're gonna react. She came out of her wisdom teeth. She was like, on a thing that would have knocked me out.

She came out of it and was just like, I'm like, started Godzilla and they had to be like, dude, chill, they had a cancel or surgery and she had to do the localized for, so they got one of them out and she had to go back and do it all again. Yeah. I went local, local, local.

They're just fucking shooting it up and they pull it out and the dentist or the oral surgeon goes, I'm giving you, you know, these 10 pills, feel free to, you know, take one if you're feeling pain. It's just a little something for the pain. That's what they say. I can't remember if it was vikin' or the other one. For example, Tramadol.

Tramadol's bullshit, dude. Don't get me started on Tramadol. It took even after my nose. That stuff is weird. Doesn't work. It doesn't, it's like, they give it to dogs. It took you even after my nose. That stuff is weird. Doesn't work. It doesn't, it's like they give it to dogs. It's like dogs, it was like I told the guy,

when he did my nose, I was trying to hardass it and I'm like, no pain pills, bro, I don't want any of that shit. And he was like when I came out, they gave me Tramadol, I was like, yes, I'll take that. Yeah. And it like, it just makes you, I've taken percussettes, I've taken Viking in before.

And they're at least, I see why people get addicted to those. Tramital is unpleasant all the way. It feels like you're just on like a weird, I can't explain it, man. It's not, it's technically not chemically an opiate. It just like hits the part of your brain and makes it kind of like turn on an opiate receptor, but it feels weird. It feels like a dark shitty, confusing. There's nothing comforting about it, which is probably why they're good to give people is an undictive at all. Well, the thing that they gave me wasn't that. I think it was...

When, what year was it? This was like 13 years ago. Oxytoc. They gave me the oxycodones or the perksets. The man... The man's perksets are like... Codone. Yeah, I know it wasn't the cotton,

or I'll say what I remember that. Oxytoc. Maybe it was oxycodone. Oxytoc. Oxytoc. It's oxycodone, what it's just like a cuter name. Yeah, it's real. So I take a half of one, I'm like in pain a couple hours after the thing, a few hours after when the local thing runs out and I took a half of one

because I'm like I'm kind of reactive to everything. I'm that guy, we're like really shot up to Keela and four hits off of a blunt and I'm like already feeling it. I'm like that guy. I'm a sensitive instrument too. Yeah, I don't need a lot. Exactly. So I'm like, I'm gonna take a half of one of these,

my first pain pill of my life. And I start immediately, fucking 15, 10 minutes later, I'm just sweating and smiling and the fucking, the feeling of just overall destiny comes over. This is what you were meant to do. This is true happiness. This is you. Thank God you took a half. Exactly. Yeah. And I immediately had the fucking sensibility to fucking take that ball. I dumped it while still on it while

literally just in all my glory. I dumped it in the toilet fucking flush that ball. I dumped it. While still on it, while literally just in all my glory, I dumped it in the toilet fucking flushed it. Because I'm like, this is everything. Yeah, they say people are wired. I took them, again, I had a friend who got real into them like very young and I got my wisdom teeth out in high school and he was like, he was like savvy enough to be like, oh, you're getting wisdom teeth out. I'll buy your script off you. And I was like, he was like savvy enough to be like, oh, you're getting it, was him to eat out?

I'll buy your script off you. And I was like, yeah, fuck it, I don't want these things. So I, he just like bottom off you for 200 bucks. Actually, it's the worst thing I ever have into him, but he, yeah, he didn't have that with him, but he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he's good now, but he had a tough time with that shit. But he, yeah, so he like, so then I was like,

damn, I can make 200 bucks with these things. I'm like, I'm gonna get some, we both were like mutually attracted to them for different reasons. This is much better than not buying beverages. I was like, fuck this, this is awesome. But then, yeah, so I like, I sold Parkersets when I was younger and I like, he was like,

you gotta try him, dude, because I never tried them. He's like, just see what they're like. And I luckily, they didn't, I took him and I was like, I guess he's cool. I was itchy and I remember taking a nap and feeling like I was like floating off of a futon and being like, that's kind of nice, I guess. But I remember thinking like, I'd rather have five,

they were all five bucks a piece. I was like, I'd rather have five bucks. That's not worth five bucks. It came down to economics for me. I was like, that's not worth five bucks for me. And there's nothing that, but everyone's different. He took it.

He was just like, again, he was like, this is it. And I know this sounds lame to people that do a lot of drugs, but like there is nothing that people have described to me that I've not been able to obtain from smoking marijuana. Yeah. Either, you're just a couple hits away.

Like I've always been really lucky to be around great weed. My friends in Youngstown were had the guy and then when I went to LA, I mean, it was just game on. Medical marijuana was just becoming a thing and then legal marijuana was a thing. Again, this was fucking 20 years ago, 21 years ago. That's a cool. So like, you know, what the fuck? To me, I was fucking tripping my balls off on this shit. Everything was hysterical, watching fucking fear factor in South Park cracking up.

I mean, to me, I'm like, it just doesn't get any better than this. Yeah, that's what I always said. Because again, I like, you know, my friends got into Coke. I remember watching that being like cool on that. I tried Perker sets being like, I don't really like, yeah, for me, it was like a couple beers and a little bit of weed. I was like, that's perfect, man. Yeah. I guess everyone cool on that. I tried Perkisets being like, I don't really like, yeah, for me it was like a couple beers and a little bit of weed. I was like, that's perfect, man.

Yeah. I guess everyone's brains different, but yeah, I remember thinking like, what else, what are you, what are you trying to do with this, man? Yeah. You can kind of have a good time, you can function, you can do stuff. Totally.

I'd be watching dudes just like sweating in an apartment on Perkisets. Like, I haven't slept in a week. Can I get some more? And it's just like, he's crazy. He's brother, I have to smoke some. Yeah, I always said that too. It's like, smokes a fucking weed. Yeah Yeah watch South Park. Yeah, lemme wings

But I think the opiates specifically hit people who have been like With like the heavy emotional abuse. It's like just a weighted blanket and they hit some and they're just going Finally because there's dudes again if you get too ramped up in childhood Yeah, you don't know what being relaxed that you think you're relaxing but but your brain's just going, they test kids for, what is it? Not a adrenaline, cortisol. Yeah. There's kids that, I went to school for social work and they teach you about identifying kids

who have problematic backgrounds and there's kids who will be letting shit on fire, a bunch of people is like, your shit's probably fucked. Then there's kids that withdraw inside themselves. So you think these kids are fine, they started giving them cortisol tests and you've there to be kids who are quiet, not moving.

Cortisol's through the fucking roof. So these dudes come across the fucking, you know, an oxycodne or whatever, and they're just going, their body for the first time goes, oh, thank God. And it's like, you can't compete with that. It's either done.

Yeah, cortisol's the fighter flight response. It's part of it, yeah. So it's like the stress hormone Yeah, and if you're like you're in your mother's stomach she was like fighting people at a bus stop doing drugs You get out and it's like you're getting abused from the time you're an infant and then you're like 13 is one hands you that your body finally goes Oh, thank God. Yeah. What was that called again? What is this thing and you're fucked? Yeah Were you on Ritalin as a kid? No.

I should have been, I wasn't on it. Actually, I don't know if I should, because I took Adderall in college and it didn't make me folk. Everyone's like, it calms me down. I was like real social in the library. I'm like, shit, sucks. Yeah.

I also, I crunched the time release balls. I remember being like, yeah, someone was like, just, yeah, but I was never, that was never, that was never my thing. Yeah. I got manic on that stuff. So maybe I didn't have 80, I don't know the fuck worse. I think I do have 80D.

Yeah, it's, it's weird looking back on it. Like they say that it's supposed to calm you down if you're hyper, but what the fuck are they talking about? I don't know. It's like they were taking the hyperactive kids and giving them fucking math. They, they do say, and I've heard people say, like, yeah, I just make,

I knew people who would get quiet from Coke. They'd snore Coke and like, it gets me kinda quiet. So like, maybe I had 80D. Right. But also, it's like, I don't know. I, I, I don't know how that, that is another one, dude.

You gotta stop doing that at some point. Yeah. Like, if you're like a kid, you can't just, you can keep taking Adderall in your 40s, but it like, it dehydrates you severely, and it's like, they put me on it when I was a little kid. Oh, so you were on it.

Yeah, they put me on it, and I'm pretty sure it fucked me up for life. I'm pretty sure the coffee cigarettes thing comes because I'm a recovering without even knowing it, methodically. And what's crazy is that it caused more problems, I think, it's solved,

because I did have a lot of energy. You know, I was like a fucking bastard kid. Which is good though. Right. I don't understand why you don't want kids to have energy. I know. And so like the thing was, is that at school, they would call you

over the loudspeaker after lunch. If you forgot to go to the office to take your pills. Whoa, like a one flu over the kukus nest stage. Yeah. And it mixed in. And it mixed in. And it mixed in. And it mixed in.

And it mixed in. And it mixed in. And it mixed in. And it mixed in. And it mixed in. And it mixed in. And it mixed in. And it mixed in.

And it mixed in. And it mixed in. And it mixed in. And it mixed in. And it mixed in. And it mixed in. And it mixed in. And it mixed kid. And it like caused so much stress that it was like, it was like embarrassing. Yeah, it makes sense. Fuck, man.

They would call you down like, come get in the car. Over the entire, the entire, it wasn't just like specific to that classroom, it was like over the entire announcements. Like, you know, tomorrow we are going to be having the football, whatever the pep,

pep rally and also Tony Hinchcliffe come to the office. Come get your happy, you're going to be having the football, whatever the pep rally, and also Tony Hinchcliffe come to the office. Come get your happy, you're special pills. Yeah, dude, that would suck. I would have been jealous of knowing myself back then. I would have loved to have walked to the hallway, and been like, psh, yeah. Society can't fucking hold me.

I need to get out. Yeah, that's, that's gonna fucked up. Yeah, it was. There's a lot of of little tiny traumas that I think I'd never realized until I was older. Well, people didn't even know that was a thing. People didn't know you could alter your brain chemistry pretty much forever by being severely stressed

when you're not, because everyone was, coming out of nature, that's how your brain works. You're just severely stressed and it kind of shapes your responses. And now the last 15, 20 years, they may start to be like, oh everyone's severely fucked up. And like people are fucked right now.

And they're just figuring it all out. There was a book, the body keeps a score by everyone talks about a better vandal clock or whatever his name is. He was, this guy was a goat psychologist. And they pulled some bullshit, like me, two-ish kind of stuff on him where he was inappropriate.

They spoke for anyone who likes this kind of stuff. It's like in psychology, there's a trauma-focused field. I think it's one of the most important things anyone can learn about at all, who somewhat feels like their mind might be somewhat out of sorts, which is probably pretty much everybody Dude, it's crazy the stuff they talk about how like you get just zapped as a kid not realizing it You build your whole personality on these like marbles and they just get like irritated throughout the day and you're like what?

What totally it's fucked up. Yeah, it's fucked up But yeah, do they talk about like your body even like in soldiers like there was guys who would like They would they would have like a verbal tick because there was guys who would have a verbal tick because there was a thing that happened, they'd be replaying subconsciously in their mind that had to do with the right arm and they'd just process it out and their arm starts and stops moving, it's fucking crazy.

Wow. Yeah, there's a thing coming out now with people physically massaging this stuff out of you, which is, I mean, that'd be cool if that worked. Yeah, that'd be the ultimate heavy heavy ending at the end of it. Yeah. It just relieved your childhood trauma and then they's fucking... Fab you off.

That's so much calm. That's for you, Dad. Yeah. Fuck you, Dad. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck you, Nana. Ah. Yeah. Just whispering in your father, get no lower. Ah.

Between that and the lady peeing at the fucking slot machine, that's too hard to come. Seeing her lose. 1500 bucks. Oh my god. Well, shit, dude, we did an hour and a half, man. Wait, really? Yeah, that fucking flu. Wow.

It's always awkward at first. I'm always worried when I'm podcasting that my face is doing terrible things, or I'm sitting across someone being like, and I don't realize it, but hopefully I didn't do that with my face. It's a concern. I got to stop microdose emotions. I don't think it works. Everybody's doing it now. It's good. It is a good thing, but stop microdose emotions. I don't think it works. Everybody's doing it now.

Dude, it's good. It is a good thing, but you gotta make sure, you have to test them on days where you're not doing anything, but then you'll get new ones. And so I get to myself a two hour window, where I'm like, all right, because the onset will throw me off.

It's crushed me today. Some guy had a com hell of hangin' TV, and I was in my house like a tall slim Texas man. I don't look at my fucking arms. I know how. I had to hold the TV up for the guy. She says in a rush, I didn't want to be late. So I was like, he was like, I'm gonna have to unscrew it.

I'm like, I'll hold it dude, just go ahead. I'm like, these mushrooms are kicking in. I'm like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, in. I'm like, just go, dude, I gotta go, go on. It's amazing. Everyone is doing mushrooms now. At the mothership, some inside information, but I'll leak it. Everybody's on fucking mushrooms now. You heard it here now. And it's so like everybody's on mushrooms for months. And I'm like, okay, so like I was doing mushrooms here

and there, you know, nibbling on them. And then one night I see Ron White with this like, Vile, White, Vile of stuff and he puts something under his tongue and I'm like, what's that? He's like, it's liquid LSD. Oh, God. And I'm like, what? You're just doing that?

He's like, yeah, you want some? And I'm like, nah, and I like held off. And then I saw Duncan do like two Viles the week later. He's like, Ron, can I have some of that stuff from last week? And like, so then I'm like, okay, if Duncan's going to, I'll try one. And I had the fucking time of my life. From the LSD.

Oh, man, it wasn't what I thought it would be. It wasn't like all like, it was like a microdose. It was just pure happiness. Oh, that's, yeah. Pure joy. I do have a microdose, I have a thing set up for microdosing in like the alcohol, like where it's kind of like, what have a thing set up for micro dosing like in like the alcohol like where it's kind of like,

what's it called volumetric dosing? I've been too nervous. I'm gonna start incorporating that because yeah, I gotta, I gotta, you know what it was? It was all, it was everything that I love out of mushrooms without any of that like, that's what, creepy stomach fucking. Yeah.

I think I ate too much. I'm like my own doctor sometimes. My theory with mushrooms is that my dad ran an Italian restaurant. My mom made the best spaghetti sauce that like even my dad always tried to get her recipe. Her sauce literally like causes arguments in the family because she'll make it for some people's birthdays. And this and that literally it's unbelievable. You hear the stories of like, you know,

dip the bread in the sun. Yeah, it's so good. It's that again, it's like the heroin version of that. Yeah. So my theory is that my, like, and I don't have stomach problems, but my theory on mushrooms is that it hits me crazy because like I burnt away from the acid of the tomatoes

forever because I would literally eat my mom's spaghetti sauce fucking five meals a week. So I have a theory that like mushrooms kind of hits me weird because it just feels that way. It feels like it just goes, boom, boom. Yeah. Explosion. There's no real micro dose for me.

It hits you, yeah. Well, it's, we need to hit comes on. You release no like, oh, an edible's kicking in. Mushrooms are more subtle for, especially when you're taking low doses. So like, I was sitting there today and I could feel it. I'm like, you release no like, oh, an editable's kicking in, mushrooms are more subtle, especially when you're taking low doses. So like, I was sitting there today and I could feel it. I'm like, oh man, dude, let me chill out. I'm gonna collect my thoughts.

I sat down to do like a little meditation. And I was sitting there and my eyes were closed and I'm like, nope, this is worse. And it was like, you gotta go do something, busy yourself. And you start to go down the rabbit hole of like, all you ever really do is busy yourself. You think I'm like, shut the fuck up dude?

I'm stuck to do this! Story of dude? I have something to do with it. Story I got something to do today dude. Daily shit right there. Yeah, Joe was telling me because I told Joe we've had this talk a couple times actually where I'm like, I can't do edibles at all, at all, at all, at all. I can smoke blunts with snoop and with fucking Doug Benson

and with Willie Nelson. All this shit I can hang with anybody. Smoking weed. Blunt after blunt. I have three blunts in my pocket right now with fucking Doug Benson and with Willie Nelson, all this shit I can hang with anybody smoking weed, blonde after blonde, I have three blunts in my pocket right now in a special container, but I cannot have the smallest amount of edibles. And he explained to me that there's actually a thing, a chemical that's in our system. It's some blonde fancy word and some people have it and some people don't they the edibles Christ to be all about them, but like I do they it's it's a especially now to they hit me if you take you can take

Edibles that are in an alcohol tincture and then it kind of like it kicks in faster and more like You don't wait like an hour and a half and it hits you out once it kind of gradually on sets But even that it'll get away from you where it's I don't do anything anymore I don't do the one milligram. No, I'm telling you the point five milligram. I'm, I have given up all together. Yeah, there, honestly, I, I was weighing to them for a while,

and like, you just might as well just take mushrooms. If you're gonna do a wee getable, just take mushrooms. In my opinion, exactly. Weed getables, fucking crush. Right. I'd be in a bathroom, like just being like, so zoned out that I'd have to be like I would forget I was in a bathroom I'm like how's that helping me? That's how all of my Edibles ended up ended up with me on the cold bathroom floor and it's better to just have a bad trip on mushrooms

Then it is to always have a bad trip off of edibles He's kind of sound like a pussy especially back then then before, you know, like before this like everything's measured out medical. Oh, yeah. I used to make of myself. Right. Dude, that's when I figured out. So I used to make like cakes because I sold weed. So I had like a ton of fucking weed and I would make these big cakes. And it was be, again, no one would fucking milligrams worse. So I'd have all my shape. A quarter pound of shake and I'd cook it into a cake, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm once, I'm like, now this stuff's bullshit, gobbled it dude. I'm on 95 in my truck with this whole cake,

like I'll just bring it to my friend's house, hits me. I felt like I was in claymation, just driving like what the, I mean, it had to have been like a thousand milligram edible. And I get to my friend's house, I give it to them. I'm like guys, try to be, and they just gobbled up. And I remember sitting there for the first time, like realizing I was an animal,

and it devastated me dude. I've never recovered. I was 19 years old, they all went out and like did shit. I, like realizing I was an animal, and it devastated me, dude. I've never recovered. I was 19 years old. They all went out and like, did shit. I'm like, I'm gonna stay here. And I like, we're just thinking about birds that sit on telephone wires, and I'm like, that's what I am.

And it just fucked me, dude. I couldn't get over it. It's still to this day. I'm like, what the fuck, dude? Oh, fucking animal, sucks. I'm crazy. Yeah, it's pretty wild. If you don't have the thing to handle those, then it's just fucked up.

It's all mine ended up with my side of my head on the bathroom floor, and I'm like looking at like the grouting or what to call the grout. And I'm just like, what is, you know, what is, where is, what is, what is, I couldn't even like finish questions. How just how do they lay it down in the front yeah, yeah, it's oh you're just doing like pre-verbal It is just the dumbest simplest nothing and my mind is blown outside It's like the ground. How do they measure it? They put it there? They're like a measuring what? That's the worst the worst part about weed is when you actually do have a profound insight that you forget. And then you go, what am I doing?

What's going on? I figured it all out, where am I now? And you go, oh, fuck yeah. It's what time is it? And you're like, yeah, I'm not a fan. Well, that's a thing with like my writing process is super fucking weird, which is, you know, really almost everything that turns into a standup thing with me

is between midnight and 3 a.m. And I have to literally, it used to be I would try to remember to write it down and I always would go, this is so good, there's no way I'm gonna forget this. And that's what happens, 100% of the time you forget it. Yeah, I have people all the time, like you're not gonna, and my dude, fuck that, I've forgotten a good stuff,

I've forgotten a good stuff all the time, you have to write it down. Now I just have my right hand man, like my like producer, who's almost always within, are reached to me, like I'll like literally be like, Yoni, write this down, and it literally has paid for itself. Yeah, having another human to write it down is a whole thing.

For real, dude. There was, you ever get into sci-fi with like L. Heinlin, Robert Heinlin, Roach Stranger and Strangeland, but I remember reading one of his books and it was like, he got a lot of money writing books, but he just eventually started dictating books. He had a guy sit there and he'd be like, once upon a time, he'd be like,

come on, fucking write this shit and he was just a hawk and he started just talking book. I'm like, that's gotta be the sickest shit in the world. Yeah. That's going to the top 10 stuff of just getting chicks wet. Taking a novel to another person and being like, I'm tired. I'm just laying, it's awesome.

Yeah. That shit rules. I've just gotten to the realm of like paying people, because before you're like, I'm gonna lose my fucking money. I can't pay people anything. Now I have a bro and he doesn't, I explain it to my wife's like, what does he do?

And I'm like, I pay him every week when I need him, I call him. Sometimes I don't need him for a couple of weeks and that's fine. But when I need him, it's worth every fucking penny. Yeah, bro. Life changing shit. It's cool.

He literally pays for himself. Yeah, do. In fact, he doesn't know this, but I make way more money than he I even pay him for. You need to. Yeah. Otherwise you have to borrow. But I pay him for. You need to. Otherwise, you have to borrow. But I give him raises every three to six months, and he can't believe it. And that feels good too.

Yeah. I can somehow give you more money. So you have more money. You're like, oh my God, that is a nice feeling. It's amazing. Oh, I turned out, I didn't starve or die. So you can have a little more money. That's so much.

Yeah, I'm like, all right, I hope this doesn't blow up in all of our faces, but you will be open for now. Well, dude, thank you so much. Thank you. Oh, yeah. Thank you. From time. I appreciate you. Welcome to Austin, Texas. A lot of fun times ahead.

Thank you. I'm pumped, man. Thank you. Appreciate you. Josh. Sign up. Do you want to plug it? You guys want to plug it? Josh plug anything? Oh, I'm going to be sorry. I don't want to ask. When does this come out? I got a huge, crazy tour that I'm in the middle of and announcing.

Yeah. And it's all happening. All the dates are at TonyHenchcliff.com and also newly announced fancoover Portland, Seattle, LA, Denver, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Boston, Baltimore, Salt Lake City, San Jose, Dallas, Houston, the fuck is Chesterfield, Montana. Oh, that's outside of St. Louis. Nashville, Tennessee, Fort Lauderdale, and Orlando, and a bunch of other stuff. But that's all me doing stand-up, taking some of the regulars from Kiltoni with me. So that literally goes on sale this Friday.

I don't know, is this coming? This will come out tomorrow probably. Sweet. Yeah. So yeah, tickets are on sale this Friday. Thank you. Hell yeah. Yeah. Also, I'll be in Spokane this weekend at Spokane comedy club, the comedy zone North Carolina, Charlotte, uh, Cap City.

I was going to fly here for that. But now I'm here. So I'm in the Cap City in Austin and, uh, McGubby's Joe Cows, Timonium Maryland. I also announced I didn't announce him yet, but I'm going to be in Chicago, uh, a bunch of other places. I'll put them on the website. I just locked down to Monia Maryland. I also announced, I didn't announce to me yet, but I'm going to be in Chicago a bunch of other places. I'll put them on my website. I just locked down a bunch of days. So pumped to finally get eventually here now that you guys are here.

You and Shane on Keltone at the same time. Literally the most requested guests in the history of the show. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't Really? I don't want to give any secrets away, but it might be an extra extra big one that we get

you guys on. That'll be a lot of fun. Dude, that'll be a fucking blast. Yeah, I can't wait. Hell yeah. All right, man. Rock it later.