Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 465 - The Prestigious Award
Episode Date: October 26, 2023Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Get Merch @ mssecretpodcast.com/merch YO. We're back and we're at SGs... crib! nbd. We have a very prestigious award (that is not a lamborghini) to present to you all. The cast is HOT. The award is prestigious. Please enjoy. God Bless. Support the show by going to https://www.hamiltondevices.com & using code DRENCHED15 for 15% off Support the show & get Lucy Breakers for 20% off & free shipping at https://www.lucy.co promo code DRENCHED Support the show & get 20% off & free shipping at https://www.manscaped.com with the code DRENCHED New customers can score $200 instantly in bonus bets for throwing down just $5 on the NBA. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app & use code DRENCHED Â
Transcript
Discussion (0)
He said leave us. Please leave us in our chambers.
He must peace. God. Don't make us tap.
Yes. Welcome. Welcome to the show.
What a velvety hell we fucking. I mean, brought upon ourselves.
Golden handcuffs. Dude, speaking of which,
Patreon dude, sounds like you're speaking about handcuffs.
Yes, speaking of which, they sent us a gift.
The creative journey is full of unforgettable
blah. Yeah.
You fucking get down.
Let's talk about the creative journey.
It's a joke.
The creative journey is full of unforgettable moments. And today we're celebrating a special
one. You've created one of the biggest communities on Patreon with the people who love what you
do. That's huge. Here's a gift from us crafted by artist Tina U.
To mark this incredible achievement.
Congratulations on being one of the first ever winners
of the Creator Milestone Award.
We can't wait to see what you do next.
That's from Jack Conte, CIO of Patreon.
I was honestly, I didn't want to say this,
but I was like, if you're not Lambo Keys,
I'm going to be fucking furious.
These are definitely not Lambo Keys. What the gonna be fucking furious. These are definitely not Lambo key
The fuck kind of guy
Wow
Share they better be two of these things in here with the. What the fuck?
We got one. We need to get to share. This is here. We
next week. Obviously. No, dude, we got to share. How does it
paint your creativity wars? We came up with the super creative
podcast. It represents the creative mind.
That's us thing about different slurs.
What are yo?
Or maybe this is us, dude,
we're in the box and then we came outside of it
with our thoughts.
Creativity.
You're thinking on time.
Creativity, there's a destructive element to creativity.
Does it stand up?
No.
All right, my wife, my, my, my wife might like this fucking bull crap.
No, it's very, very tough.
It's fucking sick, dude.
It's better than Lamborghini.
I bet you this thing's worth a ton of money.
I guarantee it is.
Those are real jewels.
Those are real jewels.
No, they're not.
They are real jewels.
The West Washington has a Lamborghini yacht, dude. What the fuck?
No, he doesn't. There might be Lambo keys inside of it.
Smack it.
This is a real fucking heavy. It is heavy.
It might be a bomb. You have to come up with creative ways to
set it. I don't know. There's nothing else in that box.
Dude, I don't think so.
There's a ton of just like this stuff.
Dude, give us like a hundred dollar gift-traving it, dude.
I don't think there's anything else
that's a ton of this paper stuff.
That's it, dude.
Well, thank you, Patreon.
Thank you, thank you for this.
Miss you for your work.
You're wonderful art. Beautiful, beautiful. I'll subscribe you, Patreon. Thank you. Thank you for this miss you for your Your wonderful art beautiful beautiful. Oh
Subscribe to your Patreon miss you. I'm sure you have one miss you probably has a patreon
Scrap to miss you's patron. I guess the hell did we got
Thanks, patron
We should send them a gift too. Yeah, we should have your daughter craft to something
I know that is beautiful of the scour my fridge. That is beautiful. It'll go nicely next to my collection of blue books that I've assembled
Damn, this thing's fucking nuts. I
Think
What?
I think,
what? Let's see if Tina.
I got chill in the mattress, make sure.
She is a very famous artist.
Yeah, she is, dude.
This is actually very,
whoa, she's big, dude.
Yeah, what is it, what's it, what are you talking about?
This is it, I think we were,
I think that we were set up with a fine piece of art.
Oh, that's what's up.
All right, I'll take it.
I'll take it. Can we get a,
thank you. We get a price on this thing? Let me see what her art goes for. What's the last
thing? Tina, you. Tina, why you? I think it's, oh yeah. Oh yeah. These things are expensive.
Nice. That makes me feel so much better. These little tiny ones are going for $6.50. Oh, yeah, these things are expensive. Nice. That makes me feel so much better. Just these little tiny ones are going for $6.50.
Oh, nice, dude.
That makes me feel so much better.
Look at that.
That's a nice piece as well.
If this isn't worth $10,000, I'm going to kill myself.
I think this is probably worth two grand.
Oh, thank God.
Grand piece.
And that's only going to go up in value.
True, I have to be honest.
We are in our Jay Z phase of Out the hood. Now it's time to assemble art and
we are we'll teach you guys about money. That's what our next album is about is how to get out the
hood how to pull your pants off a balance of jet book how to pull your
damn hardself dude we're gonna get these guys to pull up their car hearts dude a lot of mechanics
sag a lot of white mechanics
There's a lot of those guys car hearts are sagging when I go in there
It's like I think it's from like their type 2 diabetes like wasting away their muscle muscles on their body
But a lot of those guys sag too. Yeah, so just think about that. That is something to consider so beautiful
Wow, I take it back. I thought I thought I didn't think it was great and then I found out it was.
It's hard, dude.
It is hard.
Some people don't like this bodyass, but then they go, wow, oh, this is actually...
I thought it, this was crap and it turns out it's good.
I honestly, they, they, I've, when someone's like, dude, trust me, you're going to want to
see, I'm like, okay, maybe we got fucking...
It's way better than a fucking plaque.
You're talking about his and his four wheeler.
I'm thinking his and his four wheelers dude. I'm thinking raptors dude
They did know we they should know we moved to Texas. They should have provided us with some photos
It's gone. We're just hollow points. Yeah, gone it bullets. Yeah grenade Tina you
Thank you so much. Thank you Tina. No for real. It is a good job. Tina. You did a fantastic job
I didn't know what the follow. Interesting. Oh, Josh.
Sorry. I have a Josh. What the fuck was that?
You pervert.
Just one picture of Tina and hit.
Yeah. You want to Josh? You want to take this thing into the bathroom?
You want to tribute this? You want to fucking this thing?
You creed in that. That was crazy.
You did that.
Sorry. We have a screen now and Josh,
we're seeing Josh's activity on the internet.
This will be up on the screen.
We can pop this up.
What'd you just do?
My best of my sunglasses.
Just ease the crap.
Oh, thank you, Chris.
If they broke our precious Tina U.
No, I'm telling you, there might be keys inside of that thing,
though.
I think I could curiosity
and get your cat when I'm not around.
I think a hammer is going to that thing.
Don't you dare.
I would never.
All right.
I would never.
So what the hell is up?
How was how was Faker's field?
California?
Faker's field was a fucking nightmare.
I told every single comedian I told I was like, I'm going to Bigger's field this weekend.
They were like, why?
We're like, oh, get ready. And I was like, I'll shut up. It was all like LA guys. I was like, you guys are to Bigger's Field this weekend. They were like, why? We're like, oh, get ready.
And I was like, I'll shut up.
It was all like LA guys.
I was like, you guys are being posted.
Yeah, true.
You guys don't know what it's like on the fucking East Coast.
Where is Bigger's Field?
Uh, it's like an hour and a half.
Dependent, I mean, I was depending on that
fucking LA traffic.
It's like an hour to north of LA.
Okay.
Our south of Fresno.
It was, uh, was everything they said it was going to be
and more. What was it just? I was just a fucking, it's like a oil town. It's like an old, so I think
there was a lot of the, the boys were working, a lot of working men. Sure, sure. We're ready to let
off some stuff. Guys don't stuff like this. You're saying guys that would be fuming if they saw that.
guys that would be fuming if they saw that. You got to get that out of my house.
Not disrespect to you, just saying, if I have visitors,
they come in and there's the only, everything else in here
is beautiful blue books.
Sure.
And beautiful blue art.
This is a good pop of color.
This is my art.
I got a little iPhone 56 house going.
Oh, blue house. I need a blue car. I need a blue car. This is my habit got a little iPhone 56 house Blew house
Blue I need a blue car
Biggers field was fucking crazy dude they were crazy
This is a crowd moza so before me he got on stage
Before he said his first word to guy, I was like, where's she?
Then I got on stage and that guy left during my set.
The guy was being a cuck.
So I finished a joke.
A guy in the front row goes, you stink.
And I was like, what?
And he goes, no, I said, you stink.
And I was like, no, what the fuck are you doing, dude?
And I was like, a bad dream. It really was. And then I was like, well, fuck are you doing, dude? It was like a bad dream.
It really was.
And then I was like, well, I mean, security's obviously doing nothing.
They're just sitting there because there was a guy sitting next to the side of the stage.
I was like, so don't worry, you can say whatever you want.
Security or sucks.
And then I look back and security's fighting a guy.
I was like, never mind.
Security's going hard as fuck, dude.
It was chaos.
And it was hot and it was hot.
It was hot on the theater.
They could build some of the rules.
The security all have flashlights.
Oh, they were, hey, who, what do you do another?
They were, security was going fucking nuts in there.
There was fights dude.
It was, boys just got off the theater.
It was fucking awesome though.
And I like, I like the town of Vegas.
Did you really?
It's like an old shitty town. It's very nice. It's kind of nice. It's fucking awesome though. And I like the town of Vegas. Did you really? It's like an old shitty town.
It's very nice.
It's kind of nice.
It's one of the few towns I've been to
that still looks like a unique place.
Yeah.
You know, that makes sense.
Vegas feels good, but the shows,
the boys were just rowdy.
That's all.
I think that I could be wrong,
but I was, I went to that theater,
the Fox Theater, and then I was on the flight home.
I was watching Once Upon a Time in Hollywood,
and I think she goes to that theater.
In the movie?
Yeah.
I did the Once Upon a Time in Hollywood when I saw it.
I was, there you go.
I was laughing all weekend thinking about you coming out
and being like, what's up?
Fakers field.
Fakers.
That would have resulted in chaos. They're about you don't cause that. We're not
fake or skew. We're not fucking fake. They were whistling. Really? Guys kept whistling
in between jokes. I was like, I'd please stop. And then of course that resulted in non-stop
whistling for the rest of the show. It sounds like you took a time machine, like performed for Cowboys.
I did.
That's crazy.
They were in Root and Tune.
But then I'll be back.
True.
I need revenge.
You got to go back to Faker's field.
And then I did the celebrity theater in Phoenix, which was a dream come true.
I was afraid of the round.
Oh, how is that?
It was great.
First time I did it, I was very nervous.
And we used a mic with a cord.
Yeah.
Which made a big difference because when you're walking around,
that you got a last-odd tripping up.
It took a last-odd of myself.
I just only turned left the first time I did it.
But this time it was wireless.
And it made a world difference.
Yeah, that's got to be nice.
I also was talking shit, which I have since been paying for it was in Phoenix and the fillies beat them that night
And they all somebody yelled out there like Philly socks. I was like scoreboard pussy is 6-1 dude
Yeah, now you got to go back to Philly. That's it good season
Those at least the cardinals are good good season. No, those are the fillies. I know though. Just were the fillies we needed, dude. Just blowing it.
Oh, yeah, I heard yesterday.
How do you feel about your fillies?
Don't jump out of them, man, they made it that far.
I'm proud of my fillies for making it that far.
I really am.
I mean, dude, getting up six and one and blowing it's kind of
losership, but you know, that's what we do.
They know they won that game.
That was six, one was a score.
They were up two nothing in the series.
Oh, my bad, my bad. Then they went back. I thought that would Oh my bad. My bad. Then they went back to Phoenix lost the first two. So it's two two.
Then they won game three and Phoenix to make it three two fillies. That's what it was.
And now we got six and seven back in Philly. They blew it. And they fucking blew it.
Fucking blew it. Yeah. Yeah. Your friend was there. It was funny too, because he took it was his
thing. His cousin was supposed to bring his wife,
but his cousin's wife is pregnant.
So I was telling him, I'm like, yeah,
it's actually not good for pregnant lady to be in there.
It might be, you know, pretty crazy.
And he was like, honestly, I don't feel comfortable being there.
I'm like, it's a girl, man.
Yeah, yeah.
It's like, I don't feel comfortable being there.
Yeah.
What is this a delicate flower, dude?
Blues is very delicate. Is a delicate flower?
I can't imagine him at that game.
He was there.
He was like the places he was either going to explode or implode either way.
I think it was probably a very solemn exit.
I'm glad he got to go there and witness a catastrophic loss.
Yeah.
You got to get into that, too.
Just getting into like the heat.
Just all I see, dude.
Watching how many people were there at the citizens' bank? 42,000, I think. I can get into that too. Just getting into like the heat just all I see do watching how many people were there that the citizens
Bank of 42,000 I can get into that just watching like 42,000 people spirits to flate
I do it all the time. I'm one of the people every no name game I go to. I'm like, why you why not us, dude? Why can we get fucking one?
I'm going back to the hotel
Takes five hours to get back to the hotel.
You're just furious.
Oh, Super Bowl, same thing.
Oh, that was tough.
Oh, that was tough,
because it's 50-50, so.
Yeah.
The attendance.
Oh, you get to watch people,
you get to watch people in purillation and ecstasy.
It's night and day, yeah.
While you're walking out hungover, sad.
That's a tough game.
And then you're like, why do I care?
Why do I care so much?
Why do I care about this?
I got my own problems.
These guys are supposed to help me get rid of my problems
and they're fucking causing more problems.
And I lost money too.
And I fucking lost a lot of money.
They fucked up my investment.
Don't worry, it's all looking up now
that we've got our hands on this fine, Tina U.
True.
We're back financially
This is the eagle's dog fucking drop that shit dude. It's meant to be dropped. It's set up to break it's hot to do it's set up to break
There's probably fucking recording other shit. They're here. This is this is going to the McCusker house
I gotta get this deep bug kids are gonna love it. Yeah, my fucking yeah, they love it. dude. This is going to the McCusker house. I gotta get this deep bug. The kids are gonna love it.
Yeah, my fucking, yeah, they'd love it.
I mean, one could make an argument,
those made for, there it is, now it's standing up.
Oh, nice.
I mean, yeah, my, actually this could be
in fine decor, although I do want it out of the house.
Yeah, it really does seem haunted.
And I'm here alone.
True.
I'm afraid of ghosts.
True.
The ghosts have been acting up lately.
Really? Is it still spooky here?
Are you settling in?
It's still spooky.
Yeah, because I don't realize it,
because last week I was just doing shows,
so I was coming in and a little fucked up.
Yeah, true. No ghosts.
I had a...
That is the ghost remedy.
I was sober last night and...
Try the farmer took to the whiskey.
Yes.
We scare yourself.
It's so scary.
Dude, you're on a fucking farm by yourself
because there's a bunch of little kids, you're on a fucking farm by yourself.
There's a bunch of little kids, you're like,
damn, I'm the sole representative of this family
against all the forces in nature.
I'd take to the bottle, too.
Stop looking at this lady.
Stop looking at this lady.
You do.
It's distracted us.
Damn, that's fucking sick, though.
Goche, how do you say that word?
Goache. This is a trap.- how do you say that word? Go cha?
I'm a tramp. I fucked you say go sh. Go sh. I think go sh you say anything is go sh. That's a different thing
It's a gochee. It's ble- I think go cha means bleeding hintay
I had a feeling the screen was bad
The hell is not you can put up there. That's not good.
Yeah.
I'm still gonna stare at that.
But we're talking ghosts and see if you think there's ghosts.
There could be some ghosts.
I hope there's none.
I hope there's none.
Wish your ghosts for your house.
I got it, dude.
I got something scarier than ghosts recently.
I went out with me and Brittany went out.
It was our anniversary makes no sense.
We have like, there's like a range from like two weeks
where it's like this day, then that day, and this day we got married in real life, and then we had like a court together.
You guys have your lay the pipe anniversary?
She would remember. I wish I knew. I'm gonna get it out of her. Dude, we might have been last night,
might have been lay the pipe anniversary. Dude, I, I mean, I'll blush telling the details, but it was
just like, when women go off birth control, they get locked in this natural cycle,
where they're just like, you know what I'm talking about?
They're not horny at all, they get me there in the period.
So it's like, how does he know?
He knows?
Yeah, Mary, this is about a week they're really horny.
Yeah.
When they go off that thing, like they get,
they just want to bust, dude.
It's crazy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She's on that point where she just wants to, and it's one that they could get pregnant. So like, it's like, it's fucked, dude. I pray. I pray. I pray. I pray. I pray. I pray.
I pray.
I pray.
I pray.
I pray.
I pray.
I pray.
I pray.
I pray.
I pray.
I pray.
I pray.
I pray.
I pray.
I pray.
I pray.
I pray.
I pray.
I pray.
I pray.
I pray. I pray. I pray. I pray. I pray. when they go on their natural cycle, it's pretty wild, but they get so fucking herni about that.
And dude, so she like last night was like,
we had sex, like she was like,
it's like you flip,
like it's like, you know when you bother a girl all day,
like can we please have sex today?
And it's like you're like,
at lunchtime, like we're having sex, right?
They start to do that.
You're kind of like,
all right, yeah, like I'll be like.
They're not gonna wanna do it.
Well my thing is like I will,
just like we definitely will, just chill.
We're definitely gonna bone.
Like I'm definitely down to bone.
We'll definitely bone.
So last night, dude, I'm sitting there.
We're bone and I was like,
How hard did you go, bone?
What do you like?
She wants it.
I'm gonna give her the extra fucking.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, dude.
I mean, usually it's, it's total fates of favor.
Just, she's just kind of like, yeah, man,
just do what you gotta do.
Poor guy.
And I'm like, thanks, babe.
So I'm like, you can get into that. I mean, yeah. It's something that sometimes is yeah, man, just do what you got to do. Poor guy, and I'm like, thanks babe.
So I'm like, you can get into that. I mean, yeah.
Sometimes it's a little hot about that.
There is something nice.
There is something nice.
It's a prairie wife, dude.
It's like, like, hurry up, hurry up.
Yeah, get it in, get it out.
Get the evil out of your boy.
But yeah, no, it's like, I was fully locked in.
I mean, I was sensei, dude, I was fully in my head.
She answered your dojo.
Yeah.
You agree?
And we have this big thing now is we're like,
we have a wine rack at our house
so we're always drinking wine now.
So like in my head, I have like-
Please dude, please.
We call a fat truck.
It would make me so happy.
What happens usually is I get placed on such a vicious no-fap,
that like by the time it's time to bone, I'm fucking crumman.
But I had-
You got a bigger house now, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, you can find, you can slink off, dude.
I know you.
True, I mean, dude, I have options.
And at the time, I mean, I'm talking to downstairs bathroom,
I can kind of look out the window and like see stuff outside.
Is it-
That helps?
It's kind of nice.
It's kind of nice.
It adds an element, You know, I'm
just saying it adds an element. I mean, there's a fence. I don't think anyone can see. And
if they can, that's, you know, you could have a Wilson. I'm talking like the moon is beaming
right arm. You could have a Wilson over there. Just true. We got Wilson already. Really?
A guy like leaned over and was like, Hey, just say no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, And Josh a studio with Tony with Tony and glove We were I was coming to the pony turning the pony dude. I was like I was all jazz
I think that went kind of well. I call Brittany like what are you up to and she's like?
I just had to ask the neighbors for money
I was like what the fuck
We had a guy come hang like a TV and do other shit and the dude he was the weirdest dude
He's like an old slim Texas cowboy kind of guy. He's like probably 65.
So he came by, so I had to help him.
I was like, dude, because I wanted to like get him out of the house.
He's like, you know, obviously Bernie's doesn't like being in the house.
So they strange men.
It's too much of a fuck.
I get it.
It's too much of a temptation.
I get it.
Let me relieve you.
Cowboy coming in.
Dude, he was slim.
He was out of man.
Dude, he was so slim.
Fuck.
He came in and so I'm like, fuck fuck I want to get this guy out of here
So that I can leave and I won't be late
So the dude was like I gotta hang this TV, but he was like I don't know man. I did this bracket fucked up
I was like what if I just hold the TV the whole time or she's like you're gonna hold the whole TV and I'll get dude
No problem. Yeah, dude. I'm the fucking it left divots in my arm. Yeah, I'm holding the TV and this dude
He couldn't use a wrench. was so tight so he's just
Ratcheting down with a hand ratchet and like dude. He's post dudes pouring sweat and I'm sitting there blocked by the TV and finally we move
So we're face-to-face the TV moves and I was like how you like doing it the old-fashioned way
He just trips that off his face look Looked at me in disbelief. It was fun.
Jesus Christ.
It was so funny.
It was so funny.
It was so funny.
He kind of laughed.
He had a moment of disbelief and then he just fucking gave it and shook his head and
laughed.
It was so funny.
Jesus Christ.
But then this guy, I asked him, do you take memo?
He goes, no, he goes, I got beat on memo one time, which I'm like dumbass, but I was like, how?
I think someone frills, like I'll memo you.
Just don't think that.
I'll repeat it.
So he's like, I'll take cash or check.
I said, cool, I cash, I'll mail, I'll pay you.
Then I forgot I just left.
So I left, he finished, dude, it was 65 bucks.
Yeah, I'm not trying to big dog him,
but it's 65 dollars.
Bernie was like, I'll write you a check. He goes, no checks, just cash. I'm not trying to big dog, but it's $65. Yeah, Brittany was like, I'll write you a check.
He goes, no checks, just cash.
I'm like slam.
That's kind of the type.
I mean, it's a cowboy.
Yeah.
So then I didn't know this, so I call her like,
yeah, what's up?
And she's like, I had to go to the fucking neighbors house
and ask for money.
We'd been there for like three days.
So I'm like, damn, that's, I'm like,
good on you for even doing that.
That's crazy.
I would've told the guy, fuck off.
Like, I will pay you, but I'm not going to ask for money. So she had to go ask for cash from our two of our neighbors. The first
lady's like, I don't have cash, but I'll take you to our other neighbor's house. So
that was the guy who Wilson dust let us borrow like 70 bucks. Then I had to come back,
which was funny because I got to knock up and be like, yeah, my wife is out with the
arms bowl. Let me fucking make her right. Dude, she's out begging again. Did you say that? You're a little bit.
They heard my wife took up arms, dude.
Sorry, I was like, thanks for pitting us and there, there's laughing.
So I had to, I gave them seven.
I was like, have 70 bucks.
You guys are off to a wild start in the neighborhood.
It was.
It was a bag.
You got it.
No.
Poor form, dude.
No, it's good to let the neighborhood have to have three days.
We're sorry for three days.
There's a new family of disruptors.
They've begged for money. They disrupt their family has moved in. moved in and I'm beating and looking out the moon in the window
dude, so that's actually the moon is nice jacking off because then you get to imagine like a hot chick is looking at the same moon right now
That's thousand times. I mean, it's literally that moon is just like calling four threes and stuff. I mean, I'm totally tapped in
Totally tacking off to the moon dude my stomach pimples went away for some
At the end you know, I'm totally tapped in check it off to the moon dude my stomach pimples went away for some
At the end you lose it's like the zen thing where you just a finger pointing to the moon and eventually become the moon itself It's just that's my bone or do you think her that points us to the moon?
God damn that's the teachings the teachings the finger teachings are fucking knots the teachings the finger pointing to the moon
But the moon's the thing itself, not the teaching,
the teaching's a vehicle.
Of course, but dude,
I wish I could take myself seriously enough
to believe in any of that.
I can't.
I mean, Zen is not serious enough itself.
I know, yeah, you're what, just zero, you go,
or whatever, but still the idea of me standing
and pointing at the moon.
Well, you don't have to physically point.
Yeah.
Damn, you know as much about Zen as I know about sports,
dude. Like the game was seven to one series. No, I mean,
but what is this pointing at the moon? No, physically point. The teachings point in the
moon, the teaching shouldn't be made take what's the teaching? Just a sacred teaching,
dude. Well, I know that I can say that. I can say, yeah, it's just a sacred teachings.
I mean, it's too much to go. Now, give me a fucking summary of the sacred Zen teachings. I mean, it's too much. You know, give me a fucking summary of the sacred Zen teachings.
All right, let me thank for a second.
I mean, the whole thing is that you're not separate from it.
It's a very simple.
It's you're not separate from the universe at all.
Your idea of separateness is just an illusion that causes a bunch of pain and confusion.
And once you ditch your separate self and you just say, um, that and this, you just chill.
you ditch your separate self and you just say, um, that, and this, you just chill. Hmm.
You're just, you're just part of an ancient, eternal form that's swirling around that you
can't comprehend.
Yeah.
And you're experiencing it as a separate self, but in reality, the separation is an illusion.
And you are, it's like that.
Or that taught from a policy, you are the universe, not your separate self.
Hmm.
And you're both, it's not two, it's not two, not one.
It's the two. It's not two, not one. It's the north. So well, that's a bunch of fucking total mumbo jumbo. They can fuck themselves.
Because when something bad happens to me, I don't think that tree gives a fuck out there.
I mean, yeah, wouldn't it would be like, don't be, don't worry about it. I wouldn't
think it's shit. It's a piece of shit. It's a self organizing system, dude. Yeah, wouldn't it would be like don't be don't worry about it. I would think it's shit. It's a piece of shit
It's a self-organizing system, dude. Yeah, who cares? Where was the tree inside the siege?
true, I haven't even fucking considered this
Yep, that's me
Makes perfect sense that's gonna handle business
If I focus on that things will work out
of accents that's gonna handle business. If I focus on that, things will work out.
We're not at your point yet.
That's why the Hindus had it all separated to where you're
in professional mode.
You're in professional mode, dude.
Yeah.
And then once you've become like 50, 60,
then you can start to think about it.
You shouldn't think about the stuff too early.
Kind of kind of like this.
That's the Hindus had it to where like you were like a baby,
then you were school age people, then you were professional
from like 20 to 40, then around 40, 50,
and you got the chill, and you got to handle business.
Now you guys have to support me,
and you just go sit in the hut and just fucking chill.
All right.
It's kind of nice.
I do agree with that.
People can come consult you, but you're like,
dude, I did my time.
So retirement.
Yeah, but it was more,
the retirement was more so focused primarily
with like shedding entirely your sense of self
rather than like watching TV
and just fucking sitting there and fucking wasting it.
What a better way to shed yourself
than watch a TV show.
True.
That is true, dude, I'm not knocking it, dude.
I know, no, no, I'm just contributing to the conversation.
We're the same dude.
True, I mean dude, that's very zen of you dude.
I am very zen.
No, for no bullshit, you are very zen.
Yeah, one point in this of mine too.
Other than ghosts, well, other than being afraid of ghosts lately.
They should catch you though.
It is just the Halloween season true
I went out I opened the door last night. There's neighbors have pumpkins
You should tell them like you please. He please remove those
I came outside and I know the sounds are ridiculous, but they did give me a fright. I was he be jeepied out
The late hour. Oh dude. I got fucking so scared the other night me and Brittany when we out for anniversary
We were like, she took, dude, we had, it was a nice
sushi dinner, we were drinking, it was a fun time, and then she
took, she was all gung ho to smoke some weed. Took a one hit,
dude, had a total girl panic attack. So now I'm sitting there,
just I'm like, I'm just down with this, this girl having a
panic attack. Yeah. Now, I'm sitting there being like, dude,
it's all good, we'll just go go home not worried about it. We're on the way home
This guy this poor Uber driver picks us up. She's like
And he's thinking that she's gonna throw up so I was like dude
We just smoked some weed. She's bugging out like yeah, we're not gonna throw up so be deal because you started blowing red lights and shit
I'm like dude. We're good
So I'm tall. I'm the whole time like brit you're good
So no, I don't feel right. I'm like rush dude She goes you don't understand. I'm like oh dude, we're good. So I'm tall, I'm the whole time, I break your good. I'm like, no, I'm not. I don't feel right.
You got a rush, dude.
She goes, you don't understand.
I'm like, oh, but I do, dude.
I was like, you don't think I've went through
the old funhouse myself?
I did.
She's like, that's not fucking funny.
Yeah.
I was like, I spent some time in the funhouse myself.
She was like, that's not funny.
Oh, you're making it.
Dude, here's what's going to happen.
We're going to get home.
You're going to lay in bed every time.
You're going to instantly pass out. Yeah. Every single time she home. You're gonna lay in bed every time. You're gonna instantly pass out.
Yeah.
Every single time she's a weed panic attack, she gets into bed.
She's like, I'm dying.
Call the hospital.
I go, no, I'm not.
Lay down.
She goes, it passes out.
But then I got in the fucking room.
I laid down and I didn't realize how high I was.
So that all of a sudden I'm way there and I'm going,
this ceiling could follow me.
I'm like, there's the building could collapse.
I had that thought. Dude, I had that. Dude, how fucking scary's the building could collapse. I had that thought dude
I had that dude how fucking scary. Wait hold on. I had that thought last night. Hey, my mind was like too nice to go dude
I was late. Wait, why are we both thinking about that? I don't know
Dude, I don't know man. I was why these big-ass beams above me. I was like this is a tall ceiling
I was like Texas get earth
This is good Earthquake. This is a blast and smash me.
I laid it bed for like 40 minutes to be like, dude,
then shake it.
How is it falling?
There's gotta be, yeah.
There's gotta be something internal there.
I think there is.
I remember,
I think it's a manifestation of anxiety.
I work with the kid one time.
You're not feeling falling in on you.
Well, yeah, I think when things are unstable,
you start to distrust structures.
I worked with the kid.
He was like, I was like, I work with him, he was a failure of heights. And he's like, well, it's not so much the worked with a kid, he was like, I was like, work with him,
he was a failure of heights.
And he's like, well, it's not so much the heights
is like the building might fall.
And I was like, well, damn,
but I don't know how you say that way.
I was like, this motherfucker could fall, I guess.
We're fucked.
Yeah.
But yeah, he had a very unstable setup.
And I was like, damn, that's kind of crazy.
He's like, he doesn't trust physical structures
because he's so emotionally unsound.
And there I was three weeks later,
years later, just like,
this ceiling could fucking fall.
Yeah.
There's a crack up there and that's ceiling.
My problem's high on that.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
That's right, man, if this thing shifts a little.
How cool is the brain though to be like,
it's nothing wrong with me.
It's just building it possibly.
Yeah.
It would crush me.
I'm doing everything right.
I'm handling my business.
I don't trust the engineering.
Dude, you got the beams of my room are heavy though.
I was laying right underneath and like,
Jesus Christ, it's squashed me like a bug.
Holy shit, dude.
I mean, I did keep myself from Googling.
Building sounds about to be like, they gotta fall something.
They gotta just fall.
I mean, they build millions of houses around the world. Some of them probably just like oops. Oh yeah, completely
crushed. Yeah, although shut up and Hindus bro, they get hit with earthquakes. Shout out to Nate
Lamar, dude. They need to focus more on structure instead of true outer space. They could need to focus
on roads and infrastructure. Then we can figure out whether or not us. Dude, I mean, though East can learn from the West as well. There's no mistake in that.
For sure. Certainly.
The mayor and Nate were talking about that when they came on one week when you were gone.
How dude, there's all these videos of dudes in India just like that. Parties leaning against the
wall and falling seven stories. Yeah.'s structures are not sound.
That'd be so scary.
They need sound, dude.
Sound structures are, it is pretty cool.
Yeah.
I don't want to, you know, get to.
I don't want to start too hard on them.
You need colonial housing.
I do.
It's crazy, man.
I'm talking just a square box, fucking sloped roof.
You can put a big modern window in the front of it, too.
No one's, you know.
Yeah. I mean, colonial house, the modern too. No one's, you know. Yeah.
I mean, Colonial House, the modern flair, it's like, why don't we just air drop those, dude?
Modular colonial style houses with modern flares.
Yeah.
The awesome.
We'd have to have a lot of them.
Yeah, have they examined the whole thing of like, how much, what's the square footage
of the house is over there?
It's like, you guys square footage is tough.
I haven't square footage of houses in India.
Yeah, no one do you guys are pissed. You guys can't barely entertain.
I think the Indians are kind of chill. I think they live on that compound.
The Indians are chill. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
The Indians are chill.
Many are fucking chilling out.
494 square feet. Okay. 103 square foot for person.
405 square feet.
Yeah, that's, okay, that's not the best.
Damn, 33% of Indians live in less space than US prisoners. Hmm.
God.
Jesus Christ.
No, one of theirself fucking horny.
Drew, Drew.
Truly shit dude.
True.
I mean, you can't even. You never get to jag off and then you get a fucking horny. True, truly shit dude. True. I mean, you can't even.
You never get to jag off and then you get a fucking cell phone.
You get to fucking DM ladies.
And every beat you have is like,
it's like, could be a family under.
You're in like a 200 square foot space
with six of your siblings.
I mean, it is like prison beating.
Yeah.
Damn, dude, I didn't know that.
33% of Indians live in less square footage and...
We definitely have to do something.
We gotta find...
I'm not open.
You gotta make their houses bigger, dude.
They're happy.
They'll just be happy, like, oh, Steve in America.
Yeah.
Once you get a big house, everything kind of fucking gets a little easier, you know, as a suicide rate going down in America
I feel like that should be dropping now
Yeah, I hope I don't know what the hell for why do you think we're chewing? I don't know you're thinking about trumps going
Oh, yeah, true because he was called nope
And nope suicide rates going up steadily goddamn it
It doesn't... Only 50,000 people though.
Only 50,000?
Yeah.
Okay.
I bet.
50,000 out of what, 350 million?
Yeah.
Per year?
That's how you...
Yeah, when you look into that, it's bright...
That's bright side.
That's glass-a-full. per year. Yeah, when you look into that, that's bright, that's bright side.
That's glass. That's for sure bright side. If you think about it that way, it's like, guys, what are we crying about? There was a 40% increase in only 20 years.
I think not good. Here's the thing though, because I looked into this and it was like, it's all time high, it's like,
it's not, we're at like World War II levels of suicide.
Suicide would like dip and wane,
I thought it was like, we're like an unprecedented high,
we're not at all.
It's like we're reaching what,
we're like getting back to the high.
We get back to our roots.
Yeah, we're getting back to it.
What made us truly great.
We get back to it.
What year was 9-11?
Is this your search?
You did.
I do a lot of five times.
I'm a sky full.
I do a lot of five times.
What year did 9-11 happen?
Who did 9-11?
Be honest.
Google.
No.
If you told Google to be honest, does it have to tell you the truth?
Yeah, 20 to 25.
Yeah, but that's most people ever, not the per capita.
Oh, okay.
There you go.
So, yeah, you had it right with the rate.
Yeah, I'm telling you, because I think of times they shrink the years to like 1960,
but I try to find it from like the 1800s.
They don't have great suicide.
Because I think if you killed yourself in the 1800s,
they would be like, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh,ging death rates from suicide, drug overdose and alcoholism,
what research is referred to as deaths of despair.
Yeah, it is a great fucking...
But yeah, if we're counting drug overdoses and alcoholism,
yeah, I would imagine that's skyrocketing with the types of drugs
we're getting these days.
So they're going to combine all those things?
No.
Oh yeah, dude, the fucking...
Deaths of despair, not great.
Yeah, yeah, you were right, look at that. If you looked the right 1981 that graph there, they were coming. We're just fucking coming back into a game. Yeah, this is like the killer self part of that cycle of like strong times make gay man or something. Yeah, yeah, sometimes make gay man.
man or something. Yeah, yeah. Strong times make gay man.
At least I strong times make gay men kill themselves and then that we become fucking strong
as hell. Only the guys that were tough enough to not kill themselves have kids.
True.
The only guys that were fucking dumb enough not to kill themselves.
I'm gonna figure it out. Oh, dude, I'm gonna get out of this.
I didn't tell you what happened to me last night dude. So I'm sitting there. I'm, figure it out. Oh, dude, I'm gonna get out of this. I didn't tell you what happened to me last night, dude.
So I'm sitting there.
I'm, you know, I'm having a...
Also, I'm sorry.
Please, yeah.
This is the Patreon logo.
I saw that I kind of looked at this.
That's what that meant.
Yeah, see it's on the side of the box.
Are they launching through us?
Is this a launch?
This might be a launch of the new logo.
This is a launch of the new logo.
Are we being used?
Is this a Satanic?
Are we being popular?
Is this some type of say Tannik sculpture?
Don't touch it, dude, you gotta get this.
It does remind me of something if I have to say so myself, dude.
True.
It's got this shape to it, I fucking wreck you down.
It's about right.
That's absolutely about right.
It's me and Annie Paragym, short stick and straight
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Thank you. That's so hard to do.
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Now you didn't skip any.
Let me tell you my picks dude.
What are your picks?
I would just go all the friends of the podcast touchdowns.
Yeah true.
Just put money on Gabe and Christian,
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That's a good move.
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Oh yeah.
Is then you're betting against the single gambler there.
You know the problem.
And they're a loser.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, find one of your friends with crippling, gambling,
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And just call them and be like, what are your picks?
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All right, what else do we got? Just bet against them and just call them be like what are your picks you're really good at this
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Dude, so speaking of my teen history, last night I un-sheathed it. I literally pulled it out of my sheath box. I pulled it through. No, I wish I have yet to be a good bird for the lady.
Dude, I'm in it.
I was sitting there like I was like worried I was gonna bust super quick.
I was like, no, I got this.
I was like, I'm in full fucking control.
I worked all the way to doggy style off the edge of the bed, which I'm like, dude, this
is an edge of the bed king dude.
You know me. I'm just, when I'm, when I'm horizontal, I'm just in my head going, I'll get to the edge of the bed, which I'm like, dude, this is not the edge of the bed king dude. You know me.
I'm just, I'm what I'm horizontal.
I'm just in my head going, I'll get to the edge.
I can't start edge of the bed.
There's not enough friction to gain enough power.
You need to bring down.
Yeah, exactly.
Once you're edge of the bed, you're kind of like, dude, laying
down having sex.
You shouldn't nail like two little like basically like started
blocks on to the start about it.
My starter blocks on the floor.
Dude, well, my old room was set up in a way
where I could catch the baseboard.
The bed was close enough where I could catch
the baseboard for traction.
Now we're generating some force.
That's the best.
Now your wife's paying for it.
Now she's, yeah.
Now she's realizing how wrong she was
about so many things.
But obviously, I'm dude, I'm ahead.
I'm gone. This will go on forever.
I'm literally, I'm gonna enter, I'm gonna get into like go on forever. I'm literally, I'm going to enter, I'm going to get into tantric stuff.
I was like, I might be a tantric master, dude, she reached from behind herself and grabbed
my nuts, gone dead, dead in the water, dude.
I was like, what the hell?
Oh, what are you doing?
She, it crushed me.
Yeah, that's why you were just recently awarded that.
True, the T-Tee.
That's what I was like, I was like, we got done. She it crushed me. Yeah, that's why you were just recently awarded that. True, the T-Tee.
This is what it is.
This is what it is.
I was like, we got done.
I'm like, dude, what, you just busted out some fucking
host stuff on me, dude, what the hell did that come from?
Tricks.
She busted out the tricks.
I'm like, damn, dude, I went in my head.
I'm like, this will go on forever.
And she was like, chump.
Yeah, she, they have their tricks.
Oh my goodness.
I've had enough of this.
Yeah, but it was such a...
Tap him out.
For sure, but it was such a nice ending.
I was like, she is, oh, you like that.
I was like, what do you, of course I do.
You reach around to me.
First of all, I was like, oh, her hand's going,
right away I'm going, what's she doing with her hand?
I'm all, I'm so excited.
Yeah.
And she grabbed my balls and I was like,
well, that's my butt hole.
Oh my God, I get back to my butt.
Because she was, you know, trying to find my nuts, Zach.
So she reached around and she went a little too far and I went yo
Then she grabbed my balls and I was like oh
Did the bun hole get excited at all? It was the general area, dude. I know, but yes, dude
It was the way she was grabbing my balls and then her fingers hit my fucking dragon skin on the back
And I went yo and then she went to the balls like that's my b-hole and she came back to the balls and I went
NAMT ON
It was just the whole journey, dude.
It's all about the creative journey.
So.
Yeah, she had to be fucked up last night, dude.
I just laid there a fucking gas, dude.
I was like, what the fuck?
It was nice.
Yeah.
Told her I said, bust that back out on me, dude.
Yeah, I'm not into pen-intertrued anal sex.
I don't want her to penetrate.
I just, I'm just saying,
you like a little knock it on the door and then go,
whoa, that's forbidden.
Exactly.
Or just just-
That's wrong with some forbidden stuff.
But you know what I'm telling you,
it was just, you know, like when a girl's hand touches you,
you're like, whoa, what the fuck?
It was just girlfriend,
or it's just traversing just a whole bit in area.
And I was like, yo, what the fuck?
Out of nowhere, too.
Was she gentle with your testicles?
So gentle, dude.
That's what you need. The worst thing on a lady just fucking man-handles you your testicles? So gentle, dude. That's what you need.
The worst thing a lady just fucking man handles your nuts.
Dude, dude.
I had a dark herb.
She used to fucking grip my fucking balls,
a hard sell.
I've received somebody gripping my balls.
I don't get it.
I'm like, well, that's the end of that hurt.
You know, I lost a boner.
Oh yeah.
Nice.
Or is just next level now.
Or is just next level. Maybe I'm into pain.
I'm not. I don't like it. I'm such a baby because in my end, then I start instantly be looking
if I fucking do that to you, you be fucking furious. If I squeeze your balls like that, you be furious.
Yes, yes, yes. Yes, last night I was tired, dude. I fucking, that is cool. I was scared. I was shocked.
Yeah. I was sh- I know a total. I said, dude, I was stupid. I was shocked. Yeah. I was shocked.
And I told her I said,
dude, I was totally, I was totally controlled.
Dude, I had them remote.
I was going to take you to Tantric Bliss.
Why did you do that?
I was talking to me.
Dude, I was about to take you to Tantric Bliss.
Then you fucking, you ice skated across my testicles.
Have you done it?
How many times have you been doing it?
She did it 360 actual all my butt hole.
That's great.
I'm like, yo.
Yeah.
Tens.
Well tap. It was crazy. Yeah, that makes perfect sense. Yo. Yeah. Dense. Well tap.
It was crazy.
Yeah.
That makes perfect sense.
It was like a meander.
It was just like, she was playing a harp, dude.
She was a maiden.
Did it?
Did it?
She played like the Doh Remy Fosolati, Doh, back and forth.
I was like, what the fuck?
What is this song?
In other news, I will tell you that the acoustics in this house are this is fart heaven.
Oh, I just by myself hitting church farts in here.
Oh, it's wonderful.
Oh my God.
You don't even consider it until you hit one and you go, oh, I never even thought about
that.
So that's something to consider going forward.
I have to do it.
I don't know what it is.
I think my body's adjusting to the meat down here
because I've been hitting like a farmer's market
and getting like, I had that lamb.
I gave you some of that.
I was like, you can taste it, dude.
It tastes like you're just like eating the hay of a barn.
Some of the fat, I'm like, damn, this is like,
this shit's fresh.
Oh.
Some of the farts I've been grabbing off these fucking lambs
and these beef stewed down here are my-
Well, thank you for blessing me with some of the fart lamb tried here. I will have the fart lamb
I didn't know if it was the lamb itself. I was eating some other stuff. I'll be sure to keep you updated
I'll see I'll check you a phone. I'll have a clipboard tonight. I'll give you a phone call say the lamb works
Pretty more than
Not in my heavy chairs
Not in the heaviest fucking chairs you've ever seen in your life. True.
Why don't they make the furniture so heavy?
I told you, because that way, if you're, you know, if you have enough means and enough wealth,
you want to see people fucking die.
Oh, yeah, you do die.
Yeah.
Just get trapped under one of your chairs and you go, most unfortunate.
The effort must go on.
My stuff must be moved.
I do have more stuff in here. I'm sick of the view. We're in the heaviest fucking cherry you've ever seen your life
I'm no longer stunned by this view. I want to be stunned. Yeah, I guess
It's not a very stunning view
I mean it's yeah, true. Well, that's this is that this is what happens
Yeah, that's very cool. This is on now I'm looking off the edge of a cliff and you go all right
I've seen this cliff every day for fucking two years what now someone goes do you want to come to my island?
You go you go. What's there? What do you do?
Don't worry about it. It is probably something you've seen a lot, but never even thought of
Any an upsetually blackmailed
Damn, and that's how, you know, the whole Western world backs, you know, stuff going on in the world.
Yeah, what if, what if, I mean, the only thing is, the only thing is a couple of guys stepping up and being brave
and being like, yeah, dude, that is right, that is what I did.
Yeah.
And I'm not saying that.
And here's a video of it.
Yeah, dude.
I'd actually like to copy that video.
Send me that evidence for my personal files.
Yeah, I did that and I'm proud of it.
Yeah.
That's got to do to imagine you're a senator from Iowa, dude.
It wouldn't even have to be, they could have footage of me having sex with a perfectly
of age woman.
And I'd be like, dude, I will sign whatever bill you want.
Don't ever show anyone me fucking please.
Imagine your pants are like some pants derivative and you're like I'm gonna come and there's watching the video
with you and you're like Jesus fucking Christ are you talking yeah and you
still believe in hell your pants and you're like dude I'm gonna fucking hell
fuck pants would never go to the island he wouldn't know he would never
pants might be the only good politician we have dude this is be quickly
becoming a very pro-pants.
He's an electrifying speaker.
Did you see him on the debate?
I haven't watched him in a while,
and I never popped into the paint.
I didn't watch it.
He's so fucking funny.
It's the dogs not in it.
I'm not watching.
I hate watching them without the dogs.
True.
There's all those guys like taking shots.
A lot of paling mutations,
the truth of the chosen one, dude.
Completely. Pants is funny in the debate. a lot of palimitations, the true of the chosen one, dude.
Pence is funny in the debate.
I do wish Trump went there to fucking debate pants, because out him, verse, Pence might be a pretty ultimate debate.
Pence is like, I stood up from the constitution.
I would be a bloodbath.
He would just make fun of him for being as he'd call him like his little bitch.
He was so mean to our sweet pants.
Pence fucking dominated, uh, what's the name? because he'd call him like his little bitch. He was so mean to our sweet pants.
Penn's fucking dominated what's the name?
You know the VP, Kamala.
Kamala and the,
did he, remember that?
He debated it during the last election.
I don't remember.
Flyland on his head.
So everyone was making fun of him.
Yeah, he's destroying that lady.
Obviously, Penn's knows his stuff.
I mean, that's kind of unfair.
They should at least start, they should let let if it's a boy versus a girl debating
They should let the girl debate like for 30 minutes. Yeah, I'm gonna rub it so that's fucking because you can just be like wait
What you know?
Hold up, huh? You're getting angry
Relax, I don't know why you're so loud right now
I don't fucking fly land on my head and everyone fucking that's the only thing people fly
I was right Photoshop dude. It didn't move
Remember it just sat on his hair for
Died to be fair his hair. It looks perfect for a flight
No, it looks like a nice soft
He's got crush for having a fly on his head. Yeah, I was fucking focused dude
I Mean you don't see anyone with a fly on it, Seth. Yeah. He was fucking focused, dude.
I mean, you don't see anyone with a fly on their fucking head in part of that long, yeah.
Fail on mistake, dude.
But then again, if he like swat,
he could have done a cool politician joke.
And he's like, it flies down in Arkansas or something else.
Yeah.
Trust me, I love Arkansas more than anything.
One thing I love, it's fucking Arkansas.
I love to talk about the constitution here. But yeah, hopefully we don't again
Hopefully we don't get dragged into a world war. I've been watching Chris seems like it. Chris don't talk. Oh, yeah
Yeah, they're they're they seem to be worried that we're gonna end up in a fucking global world war. Yeah, it looks like that
Yeah, I was people hollering about it. I ran we finally attack although this does come up every few years
Yeah, it's time to finally attack I ran it's like yeah, why do we have to I mean I understand they're destabilizing force in the region
Yeah, but we don't need a fucking
I don't know my thing is every chilled with them and try to be boys. I
Don't know they're pretty fucking intense. Are they nasty? Yeah, they hit a lot of death to America's
They're pretty fucking intense. Are they nasty? Yeah, they hit a lot of death to America's. We have a dude
You know the ancient beef is that they thought they were going to be like Nazis and they weren't allowed to be
Yeah, they thought they were the I ran thought they're the true Aryans. Yeah, it could be honestly They still hold it down like that you ever talked to a person. No, they're like yeah, we're white either air
Yeah, they're Aryans chill, bro. I dude. No, no, they throw up the hitlers at fucking soccer games.
Some of those dudes in Iran toss up fucking Seagales.
I kept it low key, obviously.
Not from the team, dude.
When someone throws me a Seagale, I go,
oh, scat you.
On to the next guy.
Go low.
Yes.
Sook.
Those are me and motherfucking nuts.
They do.
I saw Wes Watson and Adam 22.
What were they up to?
Wes Watson was on no jumper, dude.
What was he talking about?
Just as fucking how his parents hate him
because he's rich and he's just like,
this is so detached from this world
and like he doesn't even give a fuck
but he also does buy like cool shit
because like that just pumps him up.
It was the funniest dude, the interview said,
it made me love him again.
I loved Wes Watson when he came out
and I was kind of like I don't know whatever
The interview's so fucking funny he's so fucking fucking yeah he always seemed pretty funny dude he he is
Yeah, but it's like hold us be talking and talking and be like I mean that's why I'm just like I I'm on an energy level that just can't be
Fucked with he's like yeah, yeah my bitch has fake tits in a bbl dude. He's like tired as fuck. He's like if you don't ass fake tits in a BBL dude. He's like, it's hard as fuck.
He's like, if you don't like fake tits,
he's like, what the fuck, shut the fuck up.
He's so funny.
And he's so tired,
because he wakes up at 2.30 in the morning.
So he's always just like, yeah, I just, you know,
it's just big ass fake tits.
Like, I can't have a fat bitch with me,
because I'm thick enough.
He looked like a couple of fat idiots.
What?
He's like, this guy is so tired, dude.
He's just so, I've been making $100,000 a day for longer than I can even fucking remember
I don't fucking leave you
he's so sleepy he was telling Adam
Adam 22 he was just like because it's funny the whole time Adam 22 is going I don't know man
he's like I like eight hours sleep he's like you don't need fucking eight hours they tell you that
to keep you fucking down
why would they ever try to keep us down like that?
they don't want to make it $100,000 for your fitness.
You can make $100,000 selling fitness programs with us.
Watson, no day.
And you can move next to him.
Come and have it.
You can't sleep.
You can still do that.
No, did you move this?
Sleep.
Where are you going to be at the Lambo yacht, dude?
You move next to him.
Like, you can do it.
His two neighbors are boys on his program that have
mansions now, dude.
He has, there's like four Lambo yachts, dude.
He's got one of the four Lambo yachts.
He drives his bitch as fucking fake tits in a BBL all the bitches in my
army have BBL's dude the ratio of hot checks to dudes is just it's off as someone's wrong
down there yeah and it's just dude everyone's winning everyone's driving
porches like everyone's winning in the whole city the whole city everyone's driving
porches fucking everyone's jacked and has BBL's dude dude, it's, it's dude, it's, he might be my him.
Describing that is cool.
His is really funny.
That for real sounds like fucking hell.
I was just everyone like, we're winning.
Shut up.
Miami is a creator's paradise.
It's a content creator's paradise, apparently.
For some reason, they're all like going to Miami.
Texas.
No, yeah, that makes sense.
Yeah, that makes sense, Texas. Oh, yeah, don't. Don't make sense. Yeah, that makes sense.
Fuck.
Yeah, the interview is kind of fun.
Just that.
And the whole time Adam 22, he brings up Coke constantly.
So they start talking about haters and then fucking Adam.
I mean, Wes Watson did talk about it a little bit,
but he keeps re-bringing it up and then Wes Watson
talking about like, these motherfuckers are talking shit
on this and that, you know, they think of it.
And then Adam 22 is like, yeah, dude, like if I even mention Coke, and then, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know,
I'm like, yeah, do you like,
if I even mention Coke, everyone thinks I'm a Coke kid,
I haven't done it in like four fucking years.
Ha ha ha ha.
And he'd brought up Coke like 10 times.
I said the podcast, like if I even break it up,
I don't think so, I'm a fucking Coke kid.
Truth is, I haven't done it in four or five fucking years,
dude.
Like, it's, dude.
Everyone fucking says I'm a Coke.
You remember, there was a promoter
that used to do that in comedy
Yeah, he'd he'd come up to you after a set drenched in sweat screaming. Yeah, like I don't even do coke
All right, I get 50 bucks. I just drink coffee late at night
Yeah, everybody thinks I'm on cocaine all the time, which is fucking crazy
I'm not even doing that, but you had a good set tonight
but you had a good set tonight when you woke him up. I know.
It was just so fucking funny, dude.
He's like, yeah, so right before he said that,
he's like, yeah, it's just like,
you're the guy who was talking about like harnessing the energy
of he was like,
West Watson was claiming,
he's like, I don't need carbs at all
until I want to go to sleep.
Cause like, he's like, if you eat all meat
and then right before bedtime,
he's like, I just pig on, I eat like apple pie ice cream
and he's like, the insulin spikes and you pass out.
He's like, then I wake up at 2.40.
He's out of 22.
He's like, exactly man, that's like in the 80s,
when Coke came, everyone was on Coke.
And like, yeah, obviously it ruined some people's lives,
they ended up like homeless crackheads,
but if you could have harnessed that power
in that energy, it's like people who are
just an energy.
It's like people who are just an energy.
It's like people who are just an energy. It's like people who are just an energy. It's like people who are just an energy. It's like people who are just an energy. It's like people who are just an energy. It's like people who harness that energy. It's like people who harness that energy. It's like people who harness that energy.
It's like people who harness that energy.
It's like people who harness that energy.
It's like people who harness that energy.
It's like people who harness that energy.
It's like people who harness that energy.
It's like people who harness that energy.
It's like people who harness that energy.
It's like people who harness that energy.
It's like people who harness that energy.
It's like people who harness that energy.
It's like people who harness that energy.
It's like people who harness that energy. It's like people who harness that energy.
It's like people who harness that energy.
It's like people who harness that energy.
It's like people who harness that energy.
It's like people who harness that energy.
It's like people who harness that energy.
It's like people who harness that energy.
It's like people who harness that energy.
It's like people who harness that energy.
It's like people who harness that energy. It's like people who harness that energy. It's like people who harness that energy. It's like people who harness that energy. It's like people who harness that energy. It's like people who harness that energy. It's like people who harness that energy. It's like people who harness that energy.
It's like people who harness that energy. It's like people who harness that energy. It's like people who harness that energy.
It's like people who harness that energy. It's like people who harness that energy. It's like people who harness that energy. it's like people who harness that energy. True. I might just suck that thing later. It looks like it'd be a fun
texture to lick. I might suck lines off that. It might be flavored. There's only one way to find out
if there's keys in there or if it tastes good. Take a bite out of that thing. I don't even eat
go. I got drank my whole fucking matcha damn. Yeah, you're flying. Drink my whole goddamn matcha.
I've been drinking a lot. Austin's a good down for you. Dude, my stomach pimples one way,
I also need a good town for me.
Super cool to free.
Grunt and freeze, there's all types of like matcha and shit.
Yeah, do you matcha?
The bone broth?
A lot of like-minded bros.
There are.
Yeah.
I told you, there's that guy.
I don't know, fuck, I wish I remembered his Instagram,
but he does a thing where he, I sent you the real,
where he's like, I live in Austin, bro.
He calls everyone brother.
It makes me, dude, I sent you a thing a while ago. He's very funny
He has these real sort of these things where it's him as an Austin guy
He's like only let leather leather and wood touch my body brother
Have you ever listened to Aubrey Marcus's podcast brother? He's like you open up your mind this guy needs to be
Executed so funny. He only let's leather and wood touches by he's kidding. He's a joke. All right. That's fine
Yeah, he's it's like it. Yeah, it's all a joke when it was killing me because I always do say brother all the time. So I was watching. Yeah, goddamn it
Yeah, it's like brother brother you know I hung out with too many Muslims for a while and I was saying brother non-stop
Really? Like yes brother. We need to go there my brother. Please
Yeah, which I got remember the guy's name. It was very funny. It was not even it was a homad wine bird. Oh, yeah
Yeah, and who else might have been naive. Oh, yeah, he was was very funny. It was not even, it was a homin' wine bird. Oh yeah, yeah. And who else?
It might have been 19.
Oh yeah, he was.
I was out with the teacher.
Oh, you had a Muslim, we did.
I had a Muslim crew.
Oh, we talked about it as brother.
Yes, brother.
So, the prophet brother.
Yeah, Islam's pretty tight.
Oh well, you know what I'm saying.
It has this, sorry.
Sorry.
Oh sorry, maybe tape my mouth shut, dude.
Yeah, call me.
Yeah, call me.
Yeah, call me.
Censor.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I'm trying to censor you, dude.
Yeah, we got to go on a Sam Harris tip, dude.
We got to just erase religion in general so we can all think about science and be nice
to each other through that instead.
Should be nice to each other.
That what you've been up to.
He has always been up to that.
It's a big thing.
If we could just drive, if we could,
he's like talking shit on dudes in third world countries
just stuck in the Paleolithic age,
meaning like if they discovered of their religion,
they can do this science.
It's like, yeah, dude, maybe.
Yeah, maybe if they weren't making less than a dollar a day.
Dude, I'd get real religious as far as that.
True.
And you get on the internet and you see West Watson being like,
I make fucking $100,000 a day, I lift and I
you fucking buy it night.
I mean, I would be out here.
I would be out here.
He was sitting there, he was like, dude, in the parking lot,
before I came in here, I made $15,000.
He's like, I'm making, as I'm bringing,
why is this the thing on podcast now,
it's people bragging about making money,
but that's the entire identity.
Yeah, I mean, because the whole thing is,
his whole thing is that he will,
if you pay him, he'll teach you how to make that much money.
So his whole thing is like, oh, damn,
I just mean hundreds of bucks.
Oh, yeah, that's obviously it.
Yeah, then you can just be like,
oh, should I want to make him pay him $50?
If you can pay me $2,000 a month,
I'll get you, he's like,
I mean, it's just not even a question.
I'll get you to make $100,000.
Yeah.
So it's just so unfortunate. Once he trains you in fitness programs, then like you're really good. Once you get jacked, he's like, I mean, it's just not even a question. I'll get you to make $100,000. Yeah. So it's just so infinite.
Once you change you in fitness programs,
then like you're really,
Once you get jacked, everybody's gonna hire you.
Yeah, for real.
You're gonna become a CEO.
Yeah, literally.
Think about it.
Think how many CEOs are jacked?
Jacked and detached.
Most of them.
You gotta get jacked and detached.
Most of them are fucking bodybuilders huge.
Big time.
Yeah.
I mean, dude, Tim Cook, swole.
Jack.
Elon Musk, swole.
Jacked. Zuckerberg. They're all doing Jitsu now though. Yeah. I mean, dude, Tim Cook, Swole, Jack, Elon Musk, Swole, Jack, Zuckerberg,
Zuck.
They're all doing Jiu-Jitsu now, though.
Yeah, which is a good thing for them to work on,
yeah, as if their bodyguards aren't gonna kill anybody
that ever touches them.
It's time for them to focus strictly on hand-to-hand combat,
whether the other guy doesn't have a weapon.
Are is Zuck in,
if only Abraham Lincoln had learned Jiu-Jitsu.
True. You would have survived the assassination. Are is Zuckin only Abraham Lincoln had learned jujitsu
Survive the assassination he could have decided survived the fall from being shot he could rolled He could roll it away gone straight to an ankle lock on the ground shot for the legs of booth
Booth was deal with a broken leg afterwards, too. What's it got? Yeah, he jumped off the balcony
He shot him and then jumped down out of the stage
It's kind of it's kind of he's he's like, he's like, he's six-sempere tyranists.
It was like, what a dork.
It is funny. He said six-sempere tyrant.
Was he, he was like against freeing the slaves, I guess?
Uh, no, well, he was more of a state's rights.
States rights. He was against, I'm sure it was obviously against freeing the slaves.
He's shouting.
But it was more so like give us a better
Pretty though straight states, right? Yeah, don't tell us. Yeah, don't tell us how much is all down for yeah? I did a yellow six-sempeterious
I think that's actually like the Virginia motto. Is it really?
What you think they might have
changed that
Six-sempeterious
Is that the oh yeah?
Caesar oh,. What's the
supergenius state flag look like? Sixth tempered tyranus.
Let's see, let's see what's the motto there? Yeah, we're curious.
Yeah, see six tempered tyranus at the bottom. Damn, dude. But
so kill Caesar.
Yeah, become a backstabbing weasel.
Cool Virginia.
And then they tried it again.
Dude, they tried to stab American in the back
and they got what for?
Yeah, true.
Now they're for lovers only.
Now they're just for love.
They look, we don't want to assassinate leaders.
We tried assassinating leaders.
That's kind of wild.
That's their fucking state flag. It's like a call to assassinating powerful figures. I actually
like it. Death to times. It's cool. But it's just like, man, that's aggressive. It is aggressive.
We're the keystone. Pennsylvania's the keystone state. Yeah. Our motto is like uh...
burden the hands. Fuck to the bush. bush. Liberty and... Justice for all.
I think it's just like two words.
Oh, really?
I could be wrong.
Liberty's own.
Bertry Liberty and Independence.
Nice.
Delaware's just we're first.
First dibs.
The first, first.
First date called it.
Here first.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Uh, state motto's a nice dude.
Yeah, they're right on my alley. I'm not gonna look away from this dude. There you get, friend, she have uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, Nice man, I like that. Fuck man. I thought Texas is logo would have been way more aggressive. It just went to state motto.
That's actually a good idea.
Mars has got to be pretty low.
Pennsylvania is kind of gay.
Accelsior is pretty sick.
New York.
Accelsior, that is kind of nice.
Derika is California.
That's nice.
That's nice.
Derigo Latin for I direct.
Orro and Plata is tight for Montana.
It is.
Utah industry.
You don't industry, that's a crap one. Yeah Tennessee
A girl trying to call me agriculture and college.
And the hit fucking for Virginia with 46 6th tempered to ran us.
That's always the time. I don't I hope tight.
Eureka is nice. There's for the gold dude. They found the gold.
Dude with God all things are possible. Okay. That's just cheating. You snarky little blogger.
Shut up. There's a sick under God, the people rule tight.
South Dakota.
Oh, hi, this is awesome.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
With God, all things are possible.
That's what I'm saying.
That's a fucking shit.
That's the second one.
South Dakota, under God, the people rule tight.
Florida and God, we trust, dude.
Nice.
Yeah.
The state models are awesome.
Look at Colorado's nothing without the deity.
Yeah, that's kind of Neil Seale.
What the fuck?
See, you're gonna, God enriches Arizona.
Yeah, dude.
Let it be perpetual Idaho, let's go.
Whoa, what is this?
Michigan's Cures, Peninsula, Mimmonum,
Circumspecies, Tubor.
If you seek a pleasant peninsula,
look about you and I will defend.
Michigan's is gay. Yeah, Michigan's is about peninsula.
Fuck that peninsula.
Viral, that's cats of Paul's, dude. Why are you to fight?
Yeah, that's a big Paul's, little overings, dude.
If you see a fucking peninsula in my pants, just touch it.
Ooh, I like New Mexico, that's mine.
Hey, gross, that's a good, I'm gonna say, oh no, how do you pronounce that and
Cresciate, how do you say that you think? Cresciate.
Cresciate. Even though,
Cresciate Mattel, 80.
It grows as a girl.
It's a whisper in here. I'm gonna have a Cresciate.
She's saying, what? It's a little Googled after.
Damn, your organ's nice too. She flies with her own wings.
These seem to be getting worse.
Yeah, maybe it is the number one.
Indiana, the crossroads of America is kind of tight.
Yeah, like that.
Jersey, Liberty, and Prosperate, all for our country.
Yeah, they're definitely getting worse.
Yeah.
Stay sovereign.
Yeah, what's the number one?
It's gotta be lived for your die.
Yeah, they do the thing he had on that,
that's fucking bullshit. Yeah, best for got to be lived for your die. Yeah, they do the thing he'd on that. That's fucking bullshit.
Yeah, best for me. See number one union justice and confidence Louisiana
To the stars through adversity. All right, Kansas. I long to see what is beyond Minnesota. This is nice. Yeah
Excelsior is fucking toxic. Excelsior is great. Yeah, I kind of like that
While I breathe I hope South Carolina
Washington is just buy and buy
Foggy
North of the future
Damn dude, we're number two on the rankings. This has to be worse. Why only equal rights?
New Hampshire live for your dad knew it was number one. I knew these mother. So that's this is number one though
Just I can't tell what's the best and what's the worst
What else now they're saying it's good. Oh tight
Yeah, live for your diet side virtue liberty independence. I think they're just ranked
Or they're just being like yo this fucking stinks
Well live for your diet does rule. Yeah, I mean give him that
Well, live for your diet does rule. Yeah, I mean, give him that.
Okay, fuck you.
You're trying to find a timing.
Does it say it on there?
It says don't tread on me, I wish.
I mean, it's like pretty close.
It's like the same for tyrannas, don't tread on it.
It is.
That's also new answer.
Yeah, where is it from?
It's one of them.
It's one.
Yeah, I think it might be from a,
I saw a dude with a tank flag.
I saw a dude with a tank on the other day
and I was just like, you're so bro.
He was rocking a tank top.
Yeah, it's a fairly though.
This is like a far right hate simple now.
So I'm kind of like, God dang it.
Certainly.
Oh man.
I told you, but it's what I get.
Yeah.
Because I was at a college party and a dude had a big iron eagle
on his leg.
He's like, he's like my German heritage.
I'm like, dude, you got a Nazi tattoo, dumbass.
And I was making fun of him in a room full of people. Yeah. All affidavits
dudes tattoo. And then I hear I go and get a fucking this. I'm like, this is cool. Five
years later, like, what's the supremacy for? Fucking Nazi. God damn it. That is what I get
though. For dude, I was crushing this dude. That might come back around soon and be very
liberal and cool to be. True. To be atec in a Nazi so if you play a card right you're gonna be very liberal
here in a couple years true yeah yeah it's gonna wait and buy my time I am ready
to come back around I'm ready to be lib dude you are libbed as fuck might fall
apart the whole thing might come crashing down dude independent part not dude not the
fucking silly I'm talking about the duopoly of the two parties. I know, but what a metaphor.
True.
This is it.
True.
Oh no, the duopoly.
The duopoly could fall, dude, if K.
RFK is about to ruin Trump.
Yeah, you think so?
He's gonna take those votes, brother.
Yeah, dude, what about my-
Take the Trump dog's votes.
What if the Trump could tap, I'm dude, like brother.
Just join me, do your time, you'll come, you'll be right. I'm dude, like brother, just join me.
Do your time, you'll come, you'll be right.
I'm doing one more time.
Damn, that's a CIA fucking wet dream.
Dude, both of those guys in a car together.
Oh yeah.
But like, well, we're gonna drone strike it.
And IAD must have made it back over here for Matt.
You know, some of the bitches over in Palestine over here.
Fucking flew a drone and blew up the car.
I'm not blew up, I'm not gonna do it.
God damn it.
Yeah, true.
Yeah, their force one would be stay off.
Just blown up a video.
I was on a plane with Rogan and I was like, yeah, dude.
True, they shoot back when he's he a fucking, yeah, he's a dude,
especially in an election year.
It's like, yeah, someone would love to see that dude's
playing explode.
He sways millions of votes.
Yeah.
It's like, yeah, they could easily put the button on him
and be like, all right, that's about enough of that.
I've seriously, like dude, he's, of course.
I literally sat on a plane and thought about it
for two straight hours.
Jesus Christ. It was in the middle of the vaccine thing
Oh, I was like oh shit, they're gonna blow this plane up
For how about that they made out like band is off that they what the vaccination. Oh my god
They're trying they're trying to play it back
Now it now it's like Jason goes I will say I got wrecked by whatever that fucking cold I had was.
True.
I mean, I think it is going around again.
Yeah. But guess what?
Yeah, I'm fine. Look, I'm back, dude. I'm stronger than I was.
Stronger than ever.
Hearts great. Where are we at time wise, Josh?
We're at an hour four.
All right. Great. I got to lose anyway.
Yeah, let's switch over to the beautiful Patreon.
The motherfucking Patreon. Thank you, Patreon. Oh, I have a, I have
something I'm going to talk to you about the Patreon. Oh,
that's exciting stuff. It's a Patreon only thing too. I'm
going to do something for the bros. Okay. Hold me to it.
You'd hold my feet to the fire. I'm making a promise. Don't
make me hold your feet. My feet are digital fire. I'm making a
promise, dude. Now, I will delete those powerful rocks and
crystals in there. Those are real diamonds. Yeah, obviously do certainly
Stone from the mummy's team. I can't wait for a cold day down here in Texas. I can warm my
All-A by my digital fire with the fur blankets. That'll be nice lovely fur blankets. Just vape just fucking jack off in front of the digital fire
Oh, you got a nice view. I'll be outside from here too. I could oh my God I crank went out right this window. Oh, yeah, you'd see all the foliage. Yeah, your fence is just like my fans duty blocks your
Nate your neighbors like it's just enough bitch ass neighbors trying to watch me jack off by that digital fire
It's pulled the curtains go pull the curtains my guys. Yeah, slam these see through curtains
That's how that's the scariest part dude what oh, oh, laying on his couch trying to watch the baseball game thinking God.
Yeah.
I was gonna sneak back here and have their way with me.
I might give you a hollow in front of you.
I do have a handgun now. I will put you down.
I'm holding the trigger dude.
I watched TV with a gun like this.
I want to get a ladder to like the high windows up there.
Just a hollow in there. I'm gonna get a ladder and go up to like the high windows up there. Just a Halloween mask.
If you do that, I'm gonna wear a ski mask and break in your house.
And hold your family hostage.
It'll be a fun prank we both do to each other.
I'm gonna repachate.
I'm gonna fucking kill you if you do that.
I would die.
I'd be a goat. I'd be a fan to go. If you, if I was in this kitchen and saw you up there, I would die. I'd be a goat. I'd be a fainting goat. If you if I was in this kitchen and
saw you up there, I would faint. I would lay on the ground. I'm gonna rent a horse and he had a suit
right now. I told you we did that to a kid. We went to my friend friend of mine who is since
who is since gone to prison for murder. Oh no.
So I thought it was more of a fun game
at the time when we were kids.
He took it into real life.
We went to this other kids house that
we kind of knew, we didn't know in that well.
We had a BB gun.
He was watching TV in the basement.
We still did his sliding glass window
and tapped on it with like this.
So we were kids.
For the record, we were very young kids, but I'll never forget the kid did the right thing.
He like spaz and then slammed the lights off and hit.
Whoa.
He was smart enough to turn the lights off.
So funny.
It's epic.
Just be like, ha.
It's like, dude, that's the scariest thing of all time.
I didn't do it.
The guy who eventually got arrested for murder.
He's really good at it.
Told you, we spoke to my friend. We told him him we like, first of all, we just watched him.
He was in a finished basement wrapping alone to M&M.
We did it by the way for the record.
Oh, true.
True. Yeah, true. Am I not?
Of my friend was, we like spied on him in his, he was in a basement.
He would see what's sitting down there like in a mirror wrapping alone to M&M.
So he's watched him wrap along.
He just watched it.
Just howling laughing through his window. Oh my God. And then he, we started like making noises and stuff. Then he's watched him rap. Oh, he just watched it. Right. Just howling laughing through his window.
Oh, my God.
And then he, we started making noises and stuff.
And then he went upstairs and we went to his brother.
We started like throwing rocks at his window.
So he got all like kind of freaked out.
And we went to his brother's window.
We were like, your friend is this.
Bert.
Yeah.
I'm going to have Bert back and reprise the door.
Friends have been in and out of the deal. Dude, I got him.
And then that's when we went to his brother and we're like,
yo, it's us just, just play along.
And we had his brother tell him that there were dudes outside
with pandanas that wanted to beat his ass.
They're like, he, like, he talked shit to us
from the public school.
That's one of the beat his ass.
That's what he did.
He was just giving messages to his brother.
They're like, yo, ask him what the fuck they want.
I'm like, we saw you rap and you fucking talk. He was just kidding messages to his brother like yo ask him what the fuck they want
Ever like we saw you rap and you fucking talk
Fuck you guys He really can he could take he could take it better. I think that anyone else paul as a joke
Yeah, he he could just fucking lay into him and he just laughs. He's like fuck you dude
Just caught cold rap and Eminem out. I mean that can happen happen to any of us. I know, of course, dude.
Obviously, I've listened to music and rap.
In the basement, dude, in the mirror.
In the basement by yourself, just.
No, no, no, no.
Fuck.
Just cold busted, dude.
Yeah, it was the best.
What year was this around eight mile?
Yeah, it was like we were in high school,
so it was probably four pre-eight mile.
Maybe, yeah, that would have been eight mile.
Why was it with the year to come out.
O for.
Oh, yeah, that would have been about.
Okay, because I was in college in O for 2002. You're right.
So I would have been you're absolutely right.
That's why it was freestyle and down there.
Did you absolutely was?
Yeah.
What else is losing himself?
He was losing himself, dude.
Oh, you did a good, you cleared that search before you came down here.
I do a lot of podcasts.
There's a lot of weird searches.
God damn, if my Google search was out there.
Crazy.
You know, that's what I'm Google.
True.
I lay on the couch and I think of something in my mind.
And just bring it right up.
Yeah.
My self-safety bullshit, my ins minds are like is turmeric anti-inflammatory?
Just black pepper with turmeric help absorb better. Yeah, I think our Google searches are exactly what you think
Mine's like what you did what college did my goal stock
From my yourself
Dude, I did.
Oh man, nevermind.
I was looking at the NFL's top players, top 100 players.
I was like, I wonder how many colleges I could get.
I didn't get any of this.
That's how I was like, oh yeah.
Oh yeah, I knew that.
I won that counts.
Oh yeah.
I also thought I was good at Jeopardy.
I've been watching Jeopardy every day.
I thought I was good at it. You are pretty good at Jeopardy. Yeah, I'm good at jeopardy. I've been watching jeopardy every day. I thought I was good at it.
You are pretty good at jeopardy.
Yeah, I'm good at jeopardy in my own head.
Better than me.
When you do it publicly.
Oh, yeah.
You're like, I knew that one.
See, I thought I was.
You do it by yourself in your own head.
You're right.
I knew that one.
I got that right.
I thought I was nasty at jeopardy until I watched it with you
and I'm like, Shane's actually nasty at jeopardy.
I'm pretty good at jeopardy.
Yeah, I was like, you're actually pretty nasty.
I was like, I definitely know this stuff.
I don't know anything. That's how it happens. If you watch it by yourself, I was like, you're actually pretty nasty. I was just like, I definitely know this stuff, and I don't know anything.
That's how it happens.
If you watch it by yourself, you're like,
I knew that one.
Oh yeah, yeah, right.
As soon as they say, like, I would've got that account.
So far, I've gotten every single one right.
Right.
All right, go.
Where you going to next?
Let's call it the show.
I'm going to, oh, I'm going to Alabama.
Now that being gay is the new coolest thing.
True. I'm headed to the gay estate in America. Alabama. I'm going going to Alabama. Now that being gay is the new coolest thing. True.
I'm headed to the gayest state in America.
Alabama.
I'm going down to Alabama.
I'm headed down Alabama way.
Noise.
On a Thursday and then Friday Saturday,
I'm gonna go to the LSU Alabama football game.
This week.
Next weekend.
This weekend I'm gonna go to the Texas BYU football game.
Here in lovely Austin.
I'm visiting my nephew's birthday party this week. You got to go back to Philly
Yeah, I was gonna invite you to come to the Texas UYU football game. What day you going sad?
Sad day. I'll be on a goddamn flight. Um, I'll be in Madison, Wisconsin. Oh comedy zone Charlotte, North Carolina
Cap City's gonna sell out here in Austin, Texas way. McGuys are all great clubs. Yeah, McGuys
out here in Austin, Texas way. McGubbies.
These are all great clubs.
Yeah, McGubbies,
Timonia Maryland, Zainey's Nashville,
and Hyena's Fort Worth, Dallas, Texas.
Ethan's got, Ethan's doing good job.
Those are for real.
They're awesome.
Those are like the best clubs.
That's gonna be a blast.
Yeah, those are gonna be awesome.
You're gonna get done with that stretch and go.
I'm ready to film.
Yeah, I'm gonna.
Make sure you toss in a dud club in there.
Oh, it's,
McGubbs can keep you humble.
McGubbs can keep you. I went to the the last the last three are pretty humble making clubs. Yeah, the last three were Rochester
Vegas field was a humble maker
Rochester was humble pie my Pacific Northwest trip was a bit of humble pie. Yeah, you know
Tall-sealing rooms laugh are disliked like people are people are cracking up out there
I just can't really be you can't feel the last
It's like people are people are cracking up out there. I just can't really be can't feel the last.
Yeah.
Well, yes, so that'd be fun.
All right, let's switch over to the patch now.
Let's go.