Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 468 - Real Deal

Episode Date: November 17, 2023

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Get Merch @ mssecretpodcast.com/merch Yello. TGIF. We're here. Sorry for being tardy. We hope you all had an amazing week. Back at SGs casa - back to BIZ. Hot cast. Please enjoy. Happy Friday. God Bless.  Support the show by going to sheathunderwear.com and use promo code DRENCHED to get 20% off your first order. Support the show & get Lucy Breakers for 20% off & free shipping at https://www.lucy.co promo code DRENCHED Support the show & get up to 40% off of Beam when you go to https://www.shopbeam.com/DRENCHED & use promo code DRENCHED This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try for 10% off your 1st month at betterhelp.com/mssp & get on your way to being your best self Support the show by dialing #LAW (#529) from your cell phone or by visiting https://www.Forthepeople.com/drenched 

You were recording. You were. Welcome to the podcast. I'm sure you've already noticed my sick ass fucking Drake pants. Not a big deal. I didn't know they're Drake pants. Yes, dude. These are Drake pants.

Dude, that's fucking now. Oh, I now I see the nocta. Come on, bro. You know I'm this was a drunk purchase that I. Those are nasty regret as soon as I put them on. No, this is this is proof of the same hilarity. All worlds are coming together. Like a fat fool.

I walked outside, so I'm going to yell that at me. No, I doubt it giant fat fool I drive by you fat fool Hey, I said you get off my guys to keep it moving. This is a neighborhood nobody yells out of cars anymore. It doesn't happen. I just watched a Drive-by insults on YouTube. It's still hilarious. It's unbelievable. It holds up. It's so fucking funny. I mean, especially when you do them in real life,

it's those, you know, we do it for a while. I did, I spent my whole high school years doing that. Movie theater lines. Yeah. What was the movie theater? Oh, yelling. People waiting outside the movie theaters. Just yelling out.

Yeah, I mean, just even just a classic quick driving by and it's like, bitch. Yeah. You can still do it. Yeah. Yeah, true. Although that'd be such a funny thing to get called doing. We're such a funny thing. We'll get arrested for it. Fat bitch. Yeah. Keep it moving. You fat bitch. That'd be funny. Call it guys pussy. Pussy. Fuck you, pussy. Yeah, it activates a dude's lizard brain right away. If you're driving, especially through a college town,

you're like, pussy, you see four dudes like, the fucking invisible enemies all around them, like, activate the, that activated the o-comment when we were in Florida State. It all pissed me off. Someone called on Pussy? Yeah, some fucking Fratude from his top balcony. We were walking to the No-Dane game and some dude was like, you guys are fucking gay.

You guys look like fucking Biden voters and I was like, boom. And then he was like, they were making fun of me for being pale. There's actually kind of, they could have been. From the Frat? Yeah. Jacked, Frat dudes with their fucking gay abs from a balcony yelling down to us. And Chris was like, your white too,

I was like, shut the fuck up Chris. Oh, wow. You're making it worse, don't respond. Yeah, I know that I'd be able to let that go. I'd have to be like, you know something funny back. You would be like, you're white. True, yeah. And I, I mean, he's a classic.

Like, didn't you guys all have to fucking blow each other to get in your club, your little friend club? Yeah, you would yell something like a sane bag. You guys paid money for friends, anything. Speaking of Florida State Frats, there's an Instagram group that I've been, I've been staring at like a psycho in the dark. What?

I've gotta show you these boys. One of these kids, look, I don't wanna make fun of the guy because he's young, but. For sure, it is. You know what, that might have to be like the new thing that we do now that we're elders of like, just completely flaming young people. Because it's like a,

we used to like cut their penises open and make them like put their finger through their penis now. So we can make fun of their accounts. For real. They should be like, there was rights of passage back in the day. Yeah. So I feel like any young man's Instagram is totally open to public ridicule and shame. What are they doing? But really want to pick out a cookershirt start off. Oh, no

I'm excited Just get ready get ready yeah, it gets worse him and his boys him and his boys constantly dress up like army guys at parties They steal valor that's got no dude No dude I Dude that's like I don't get it. Yeah, that's like been on Adderall since birth shit, man They're at a party they the dudes they're wearing bulletproof vest and came up well came up pants Also, obviously there's a thing you can call it, like, a college gig, dude. Not a big deal.

Yeah, so yeah. Yeah. Are they ROTC, guys? I don't think, dude. What do you think of what you just saw? Yeah, I mean, I don't know, dude. It's like a fuck's me up. We're actually, we're definitely old.

Yeah, fuck up anybody to see. Yeah. But we're getting old enough where I can't, like you, I used to see like a kid being a douche, and I'd be like, all right, I see what he's going for. You understand it, yeah. I don't, I can't comprehend. No, dude, dude's wearing army outfits.

Yeah, man, there's, There's dudes now. So we escaped like our personalities formed pre-internet. There's dudes whose personality has like a serious molding effect or the internet has a serious molding effect on their entire personality. And it's like they're like being shaped. They see TikToks and they're like, yes, this is what me and my boys do. We come, here's a fucking catchphrase. He's 12, he has a fucking catchphrase. And he's like, I'ma get ready with you, get ready boy, I'ma get ready boy, it's like nonsense.

Thank God we had South Park. That's all we had. Yeah, it's just South Park. Dude, this is Adderall, and then your mom telling you your handsome, your whole life dude, and your dad's just away on business. I will say those are handsome boys, dude. They are handsome boys.

Oh, that fucking abs and our tame and that fucking TikTok haircut. They're shredded. But dude, they're gonna, one day they'll be our age and they're gonna have to go get ready with your get ready boys. They'll be like, Shut the fuck up, don't bring that up.

Don't bring up the get ready with your get ready boy. Like dude. Holy fuck. Yeah man. I mean, that's catastrophic. Yeah. That's like a life changing disaster to be posting that. Dude, it's like everyone's, they're getting like,

child's. Oh, no, I mean again. We're doing it. True. At least, all stuff has depth. All of this stuff is so deep. That's a difference. But dude, imagine like, they're getting like,

child star brain for no reason. They're just bringing child star brain onto themselves. And. They're just bringing child starbrain onto themselves. And then it's, you know, I don't know. I mean, I guess they're fucking ladies and getting... No, I've found a deep boyhole the other night. And why was it in that deep boyhole rooting around? That kid made another video where he was like saving himself from marriage. He loves Jesus.

That guy, specifically. Yes. Yeah, but dude, that's become like a new hot guy, ploy. I think the boys are into like edging. Now we're getting somewhere. If you're telling me these kids aren't coming, now I'm totally with the militia. A sexy militia.

Good sexy militia. It's just like, dude, we're a sexy militia. We're just trying to show people our abs show our abs work out don't fuck Never fucking yeah, but they're gonna end up kissing each other dude That's the problem that is that is a breeding ground dude's kissing Because they're they're getting like they're watching you watching TikTok. You're like yet We live together with dudes in Philly. I came close to I I almost kissed Beezer. Yeah, I mean, it happens. Woodman would show his abs.

Woodman would be in that crew. Oh, dude, it was, that whole house, the whole time was just all swaking over each other and I'm like, we can't seriously, dude, I know. It's so tempting, but we can't. But we didn't make it. If we were making that much content, we would have definitely kissed each other.

Yeah. So, yeah, being like in a content house, dude, I, you know what I just watched watched the I didn't watch all of it I kind of fell asleep. I watched Jake Paul Jake Paul is the boxer. I watched him on Aubrey Marcus's podcast and he was explaining how he was like a young man in a Content house. He was like it just totally like took over my entire personality. It's pretty wild Good for him. Oh, dude. Yeah, he's like being honest about it. It was pretty tight He doesn't him in Aubrey Marcus. He like fucking toad venom together and shit and it's fucking cry.

It's tight. He's like brother dude, the all-remarkers podcast is my favorite thing in the world. I've never heard of it. He, it's just him talking about plant medicine journeys and him being like, it's tight. It's, if they're on, I would have seen it by now. It's just him being like, the devil's real. I'm like, I've done so much fucking I will ask you. I know the devil's real and people being like,

dude, I mean, too. I've done Ioska, dude, I know the devil's real. I'm like, dude, I knew it was real his whole time. Yeah. But yeah, it was making me laugh. It was kind of, it was refreshing to see old fucking Paul just up there and being like, yeah, dude, I was a fucking dumbass.

Nice. Yeah, he saw him as a father being a masculated. He's like, I watch my father just lose everything. What to his mom? No, not that. It was just, I mean, probably too, but like, he just like tried a business and it failed. And he's like, he came to me when I was a young boy

and he's like, just like beside himself, like, I failed. I, we have to move. He's like, I watch my father being a kid. You can never tell your kids you failed. No, you have to be like, turn off that bullshit. We're moving to a smaller house. Yeah, yeah, you can never do it. Yeah, after this would be like, yeah, man, fucking. That was like the whole point of catching me if you can't. You ever see that movie?

Yeah, I don't remember him. Yeah, in the beginning his dad like can't get alone, shit like that. Yeah, and he spazes. If you're a dad, you can't tell your kids you failed or let them see you fail No, no, you know we've talked about it like you're just falling down in front of you. You're like Your dad gets drunk and falls Oh, dude, what a loser you got it. You got to hide that it's fucking jarring dude You see your dad fall in your little you're like yo what the fuck that guy supposed to be like walking in stuff The janitors set a keys falls out of his fucking light dungeries and stuff. The janitors set a keys, falls out of his fucking light dungries.

He learned he's just been chained to the school. The janitor key ring goes to the school. He can only go 50 feet away from it. As far as I can come, son, good luck in your game. Yeah. Yeah, dude. No, you have to just, here's the thing. If you're a dad and like, it's shit's not going your way, you just identified an outside force and demonize it. Being like, I was going, everything was going well, but then these motherfucking X, Y, and Z, filling whatever you want, you know what I mean? And then there's gonna be a thing. Yeah, blaming outside force,

then raise your kid to hate those people for no reason that he holds you in high esteem. Yeah, don't take that out. Yeah, that's the key. Yeah, it's the key to life. For sure. For sure. Yeah, this is an R-F. For sure. For sure. For any good nation. Yeah. This is an awful. This is not our fault at all. We are the best.

We're actually the good guys again. In every conflict again, we're good again. Can you fucking believe it? I know. And then we should just have the most. That's all. It's that simple. We should have the most. Yeah, man. But those kids will do all right, man. They're gonna be fine. They've just thankfully they're wearing all that face paint. True. Hopefully no one can identify them in a few years.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, there's the good thing behind that, there's such a like a day loose of just fucking bullshit that like, it'll just all wash out. I hope like yeah, it was just a hot ab guy for a while, I'm like, come on, it's cool. Yeah. I was better than what I was doing. Yeah.

Tril's just drunk crying. So, yeah, but that comes with like, he squeezed, I'm like, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna shit on this kid, but that does, I wouldn't be surprised if like that, that stuff goes hand in hand with like grabbing a girl's face as hard as you can and be like, fucking look me in the eye.

He really does, dude. I see that, I go home. You're painting a very vivid picture. That's every one of those dudes screams in women's faces. Oh, dude, at some point, it's just like, what the fuck is heeey? You can't do this to me. Yeah, you can't do this to me. But again, I've been there.

I've said some fucking gay ass emails. Yeah, the emails. I've said emails. Dude, the emails. I've been there. I've sent some fucking gay ass emails. Yeah, they even have emails. Dude, the emails. Dude, I fucking miss you. I love you so fucking much. Emails are a good venue for that though. It wasn't. They're out there somewhere.

They're very embarrassing. Even text is not formal enough. You gotta send them a night. That's basically writing a letter. Yeah. You said break up emails. Jesus Christ. Fuck it, fuck it.

Oh my God, I'm thinking about the things I've sent. I've never once thought about the whole. Oh my God. Dude, oh my God. I was like, oh my God. It is funny. That is something that's funny, though. How like, you know, that's that I don't I get you know, it's it's not even like necessarily

cancel culture, but like it's some point, the media just started like, cancel culture, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was the pendulum swing, and the pendulum swing, but the switch, so quick. It's gonna swing, like, we're gonna become fascists. True. It's gonna swing so hard. We could come a right wing naturalist.

We're just gonna finally find a leader. We all love in the door, who's like, you know, manifestation of divinity in the next guy. The next guy's gonna look so good. Whoever's next. I know. After these two are out of the way. Dude, it's still bizarre.

How are we locked into this? How is there no one else? Everyone's like, but what happened, they do it every year. They go, well, he's gonna fuck up his chance of this guy runs, we need this guy, because this guy's gonna run. Yeah, I was gonna say, the reason there's no one else is cause the two parties, make sure there's no one else.

Talk about the duopoly. Yeah, or a better breakthrough. The duopoly. He better break. Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum. He better break the duopoly, dude. Yeah, there's been like a, maybe it always was a case,

cause there always was scandals in media, but now they're like, you used to be like, you'd have to like steal $10 billion and like, you know, cheat on your wife and they'd be like, hey, you know what's fucked up? Now they're like, this guy was mean. And everyone's like, you're just fucking mean. It's like, meanwhile, dude, I drive on the road.

Everyone's behind me. Fuck you. I don't know the generous was mean. She was mean. Yeah, she got that was weird too. She got canceled for being mean. She was the mean mean she was mean. Yeah, she got that was weird too. She got canceled for being Meen is fuck dude. Yeah, words a totally false accusation, but She must have been mean dude. You got to watch these assistants, dude You gotta really watch big willy styles dealing with a fucking wopper right now. What's going on big willy?

His assistant came out and was like you're like fucking way no air Dwight Howard or whatever came out and was like, you only fuck the way in a way or Dwight Howard or whatever. I get confused. He's like, he fucked the way he's like, here's a assistant just came out of nowhere. I was like, yo, I saw him fucked. Why don't you do that? I don't know. I was trying to figure it out. I'm like, what's the fucking?

Must've tried to extort him. Must've tried to blackmail him and big will say, no, dude. I'm not paying you. You can have that. I be happy if fucking well Smith fucked white Howard Just a stick it to his wife is mean ass. He said real Smith fuck Dwight Howard. Who's the one who keeps getting Dwight Howard was one of the He's the guy he's in hot water. He's busted. Then a guy came out. It was just like bro Yeah, there's like a yeah, I've been avoiding it. I have the video about it I wanted to delve in but I'm like I don't want to I can't get involved

It's too much on me emotionally the whole slap of the Oscars threw me into a piss for a while. It did fuck up our entire country. It did, dude. The slap of the Oscars fucked this country up. That was just like a weird, I think that, yeah, true. I mean, there was the Trump thing for real, like, ruined people's lives. Yeah. Slap of the Oscars were just like, that happened and people just got like unsettled. Like, what is the Oscars? This is a fine institution. It's not how you conduct yourself. Not at the Oscars. No, not in front of the entire cat. Supposed to fake smile about empty inspirational speeches. And then some type of activist speech. Yeah, dude, that was

a yeah, man, but yeah, dude, that's it is funny. The more I watch those, anyone getting in trouble for anything now, it's's like yeah, I've done that anything I'm like oh, yeah, I've done that there. We're gonna trouble for that Who was Dwight Howard and he also slept with a diddy at the same time He's fuck diddy and Will Smith at the same time. That's what the article saying boys can be players too Boys you totally be played dude. that's kind of an accomplishment Here's next I think that's the peak That's every Every black conspiracy is just Jay's black Every black conspiracy. Eating babies, then every entertainer having sex with Wilson.

And they're right though. I mean, dude, his, so they literally every famous black person comes out and there is the black and conspiracy that they're gay every time. And then it's actually, this is like Alex Jones. Yeah, I mean Dwight Howard, they've been after, I heard things, that's been ongoing for you. Yeah, and I heard years ago that Will Smith

and would go to like Dwight Howard, like mansion parties and swing. By the way, if you swing, this is just what happens. If you get into swinging, you're going to do gays stuff. It's just going to happen. You're gonna be like, yeah dude, I'm gonna have sex with so many ladies. Yeah.

Then the dudes is gonna start like pushing your shoulders into going to have sex with so many ladies. Yeah. Then the dudes is going to start like pushing your shoulders into your wife and your mate, thanks bro. Yeah. And then he's just going to kiss you. You know, that's the third point of pressure. That wasn't there a moment ago. They describe it as murderous sex. Murderous sex.

Who describes it? The article out here at W Wolfsmith on having murderous sex with these, oh, there's a few men on here actually. Why is it murderous? That's what I don't know. That's how they described it. What's the website? Black sports online dot-tom.

I could have just went with sports online. It's a little redundant. Black sports online dot-tom. We need to went with sports online. It's a little redundant first. Black sports online. We need to start white sports online. Also, they can just be black, it could be sports.com. It's online, obviously.

Yeah, true. Blacksports online.com.com. Sports.com, what's sports.com? That's gotta be, well, Smith kissing. It's like they're waiting. Sports.com. Yeah, I've never visited sports.com? That's got to be you You should well Smith kissing Sports.com. Yeah, I've never visited sports.com. It's gotta be sick, dude. It's gotta be just Tennis balls. Is there sports.com? There is a sports.com, but it just goes to a blank page It's a dude sitting on the fucking hyperlink. It's all says sports. It's a fuck yeah, dude. It's a good website

Well, we need to know for sponsorship This episode is brought to you by sports doctors. Yeah, this episode is brought to you entirely by just sports in general Sports comm and also black sports online dot com HGDP slash black sports On the internet dot com full Vicious rumors going around murderous sex murder. I still want to be sex. Yeah, I mean, it's a journalist That's like losing journalists the credibility is like unless he's talking about those cheeks clapping You know what we say? There's literally describing is like destructively gay Powerfully gay

That would be a I mean Dwight Howard's a monster. Yeah. We saw him. We saw him against Oklahoma City Thunder that day. Yeah. He was huge, that's a sleepy couple. You remember that sleepy couple? Now I know why they're probably sleeping. They're even structively plowed by the way. They probably got dougged out, dude. Oh my God, Dwight probably had his way with them.

He was huge, dude. Dwight Howard is fucking enormous. Yeah. It is, there is something kind of like uncanny about to do that big being enormous. Yeah. It is, there is something kind of like uncanny about to do that big being gay. Just like the sheer scale of his gay sex is just nothing to do with being gay. It's just like, man, that's...

It strikes fear into us honest cis men. True. If I think about what he could do to me, I go, Yeah, gay giant. I shudder. Six then. Six then. Yeah, it would change your life, dude. Yeah, it would alter, it would alter you physically for a while. six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six Oh shit, big Willie, what the hell? Diddy pops out. Diddy's been on some weird now.

They've got a stew going. True. You get all those boys in the pot. Now we've got a stew going right now. I'm gonna start writing for black sports online, Doc. Yeah, it'd be easy. Just making shit up. Totally makes stuff up.

I saw meek Mill, you know, just meek Mill is slipping in the Kanyeville, dude. I saw that interview about testosterone. I didn't see that. I've been watching his tweets whenever dude start being like I'm sick of these 300 page contracts It's time for us like dude You're slipping the contracts are big the contracts are just getting the contracts I get to trust the guys. Yeah, for sure you have to trust Those guys your stones throw away once you start talking about the contracts

It's like yeah for sure dude fucking do a new contract. What's just I mean like these contracts are bullshit It's like yeah, dude. Yeah, they probably are Money stuff's bullshit, too. Yeah, I don't know anything about money stuff Yeah, it's really confusing man. Yeah, I mean they make it confusing True otherwise the half these people don't have jobs. The whole point is just to make it, so they have to be able to be, they're the only ones that can read this fucking document. Yeah, you need like a finance lawyer.

The finance stuff makes no sense. And then you get guys who will sell you finance products where you're like, they're like, yeah, do this is a shit. And then you look at it and they're making like 12% commission. Yeah. And you're like, well, this sucks for me actually. Yeah, that's like the hazy, it's a the surround with all and a lot of the dudes who sell financial

Products have no real background in like financial. They don't understand how the products work So they're just giving them they're giving like products to sell and they're just making a bunch of money and the whole thing It's like them being like yeah, that's a good investment. You know a lot of it either Yeah, that's where I lose and it could not pan out no I understand the economy Yeah, I don't understand. Nobody does. I'm gonna stand anything. Dude, what I've heard is you buy stocks that pay dividends

and you buy them in companies that have paid dividends as long back as like through the great dividends. Dividends. And you just like, these guys paid through the great depression. But then usually you're buying them that are like, they're tied to like, they're like buying up lakes now. So you have to pick a team. You gotta get in. You have to pick a team. You gotta get in.

You have to pick a team. Okay, Nestle can have the lakes. Just give me six months. Flints not getting water. Nestle's getting the lake. That's a good deal. Whoever, whoever the guy who owns the lake is, who's a quality deal.

Yeah, I mean, I'll sell you that fucking lake. That's a good one. Yeah, they keep saying dough gates is buying up all the farmland. It's like, shit, man. Good call. What's he gonna do with it? Dude if Gates controls all the food better not control my father. Although Bayzo's he owns Amazon

So maybe you'll have like a billionaire food battle that'd be good Also, it's like then you buy the food dude you buy the food He's buying all the farmlands like okay, why don't get on a start farming. It stop bitching about it. Yeah, don't don't not farming be bitching about the farmlands Dude couldn't agree more although people could swoop it I don't know I get I'm out of my debt because if some farmers out there going like dude gates came to me with the ultimate offer What the fuck do you want me to do you have to He'll start wrote maybe I'll start robo farm. Oh, it's so nice to get the offer you can stop fucking farming Yeah, I mean, I'm sure there's got a lot of them find it peaceful They'll start Robo Farm Island. Oh, that'd be so nice to get the offer. You can stop fucking farming.

Yeah. I mean, I'm sure there's a lot of them find it peaceful. But I've seen those. That's the fucking chicken farms. So hard. Well, then either you either merge with machine, and then it's just like, you come out to just a sci-fi horror all day of just like a machine,

lopping chicken's heads off, and you have to just sit there and be like, all right, what do I got going on today? It's just like, life on the farm is kind of laid back. Me, I just tossing animals in the meat grinder. Good lord. You open just a small cube and there's just chickens like Here eggs. Yeah, that's a it goes straight to me

Hmm, all well. They just throw them in there and then I'm sitting there with a delicious plate of buffalo chicken wings I want to get into that though of like study a restaurant where it's like, this is all GMO, the chickens have like, the least possible legal space to move. Like this is the most efficiently farm foods you can think of. So I wanna say, because every restaurant's like farm to table, I wanna have pictures of just like a commercial

industrial farm set up for chickens. Yeah, all over on the wall. Eat chickens with this squashed in. It's a gloomy factory. Just headless cow. That would be nice. Dude, having the slaughter floor would be, that would be a six day cows on the slaughter floor.

It's like, Gluckers. It's like, you're eating steaks, you're watching them, it's going, you're going, Oh, yes.

Just slaughterhouse reminds me, I tried to watch blade on the plane. How was that? It was a huge mistake. I get fucking head in the first scene. What? I was sitting next to people. On Blade? It's like a freak, dude.

Dude, yeah, I was getting head in the beginning. How graphic of the head scene was it? It was pretty wild. He was kissing a girl and another girl was sucking his dick. Whoa. Yeah, I did one of those like, I should have been watching porn up there. Ha ha ha ha.

Anyway, I didn't mean to throw that off. No, not at all. Blade. That's dude, that's that terrifies me if people watch me watch, because I'm judging everybody. I want to play. What the fuck? Everybody's watching superhero movies. Yeah, true. We're all we're fucked.

Yeah, those things are pretty bad. The Bill Gates food, he supplies McDonald's with all the potatoes for all their french fries. Fuck. I heard Russia was like big on that too. The Bill Gates food he supplies McDonald's with all the potatoes for all their french fries Fuck I heard Russia was like big on that too Russia has his black soil. That's what I think Ukraine do Yeah, that's like so rich that it grows potatoes like none other But yeah, so Bill Gates supplies McDonald's he's the plug a hundred circle farms is where they buy it from Bill Gates owns the farms that gives the potatoes to them. He's growing potatoes? Yeah, and you can see the potato farms from space, it says. Who the fuck's looking at potato farms or spades?

Also, they grow underground. There they are. I see the potato farm right, fuck. So they're just gigantic potato farms? Yeah, just huge circles of potato farms. They better not fuck with potatoes, dude. They fuck with wheat, now I can't eat that. Now they fuck my potatoes up, I'm gonna be pissed.

Also giving an empire like Bill Gates access to our potatoes. Our people have done this before. Our people have true. If Bill Gates decides to take all the potatoes and sell them somewhere else, we're fucked. Yeah. And everyone's like, oh, you guys, all you need are potatoes. Yeah.

They make fun of us instead of acknowledging our genocide. That be bullshit. And then they enslave us again. They'll be fucking bullshit. Never. Also, I wonder, and I don't want to speculate wildly, but I wonder if Bill Gates is saying he's doing a potato farm but he's really growing cabbage-patch kids. It's the rule of the side of the island.

Remember that? Remember that, remember people are fist fighting over those fucking things on Christmas. Well, he was at the island. I wanted a cabbage patched all. BG was at the island so many times. My family never got a cabbage patched all. They wanted one, dude.

Wait, you guys a cabbage patch? Yeah, they're cabbage patched. The one that people were going insane over. No, it was Tickle Miyama. No, yeah, cabbage patched. Cabbage patched. Cabbage patched. Cabbage patched.

Were they hot back then? My sister's actually had a cabbage patched up. I was about to say they were, yeah, you. They go inside and I would kiss it at night. Yeah. I was too young. Were cabbage Patch babies just like little babies that were like laying on like, like what was their whole origin story?

It was just a, they're like, it had like plants on their head or something? They would grow out of a cabbage, of course. And then, yeah, this is what Bill Gates is growing. BG's growing cabbage. That's what Bill's done, he's going. We don't need a fresh batch of children. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Yeah, that really fell away really quickly. Episines, I don't know. Episines, I don't know stuff. Yeah, that was the only attraction that's ever gotten his dudes on podcasts going. Well, that was weird. No one cares. Well, dude, he got jammed up by a reporter being like,

why did you keep talking to him? Like you knew he was a butterfly and he was like, well it's dead. Well, he's dead now, so. Yeah, there's that. He's dead now. Yeah. Geez, that must feel good though to be a billionaire.

I'm like, yeah, you know he's dead right? Yeah. I'd be like, yeah, you're right actually. You weren't there. You didn't do any weird shit at the end of the bill. You know that guy you're talking about? He's fucking gone now, but yeah, go ahead. Keep asking me about him. I'm like, no, you're right actually, you weren't there. You didn't do any weird shit at the end of the bill. You know that guy you're talking about? He's fucking gone now, but yeah, go ahead. Keep asking me about him.

I'm not gonna be like, nah, you got it bro. I'm not gonna lose potatoes, you got. It's kind of, that is kind of cold. It's top-jee. It's truly top-jee. It's top-jee. God damn, I can't believe how much I've come around on edge. Oh, the top-jee, he's quiet now.

He is a little quiet, but I'm still getting clips. I'm into the hot dude algorithm. Yeah. And it's pretty good. Yeah, dude, fucking dude speaking of it. I was actually on the same flight I was watching Blake. I got a friend of mine sent me a vine or a reel of him saying,

he chugs water all at once. And I had just gotten done doing that. Anytime I get one of those little bottles on a plane, I chug the whole thing. Yeah, sometimes it takes longer than I think it's going to when I chuck for like a very long time. And I just must look like a fucking, I must look insane. I chuck my glass watching blade chugging over as far as you can. It's fucking out of control.

Yeah, I drink so much water on flights. And I'd sleep like five different times. I wake up Chug water My house has never been more open than it is. I don't know what I think it's because it's the only time I sleep sitting and there's just vampires 69 I have My screen I have glasses on I'm going I'm gonna wake it up, we go. Ah! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You know, like, no, and it's like, and they get kind of like, as many as you want. I guess it's all right. I didn't pay for the fucking roasted pistachios.

I know. Not to be honest. I'm good, I don't want it. But yeah, but I take, so I usually, I'll be like, yeah, just keep giving me water and they keep coming back. I'm like, yeah, I guess I get more water and they're always like, you drink a lot.

Yeah. Like, thanks, babe. Obviously, lady. Hydrating up. I am hydrated. But yeah, dude, that's what I tell them. I say, well, you know, when you're this close to the sun, yeah, you should put on touch. I'm trying out. No, I'm telling her. Yeah, dude. That's why I tell him, I say, well, you know, when you're this close to the sun.

Yeah, you should put on a ton. No, I'm telling her. Yeah. I'm about her. I'm saying I'm this close to the sun. Just button up the 50 year old lady. I had a bad interaction with the 50 year old lady last night when I did the bucket show. The lighting meter looked like a serious senior citizen.

Oh, no. And I was like, oh, you've been around since the depression. She's like, I'm 50 fucking five. And I was like, oh, shit. I was like depression. She's like, I'm 50 fucking five. And I was like, oh, shit. I was like, you do it. And I took a step back and I was like, yeah, you know what? I was like, it's just a lighting. And I was like, and you have that old ass dumbass haircut.

Yes. Oh, I missed it. Damn, you go wild. I've been doubling down. I came across a fucking old respect. I came across a one-armed man in my travels as well. He was leaned against the wall like this. And I thought he had his arm in a sling.

There was five minutes in to a fucking set. This dude had an arm in a sling sitting against a wall, and he yelled out like twice, and I was like, aha, the second time. Oh, he yelled out twice? Well, I didn't know what he, I was like, what did you say? And he was just like,

and it was just like, when people yell a thing out, and he was like, oh, that makes no sense. I was like, okay, we're, then I just looked and I was like, the fuck's up with your arms. I thought he had broken it. I thought he broke it, I thought it was in a sling, and he just went like,

I went, oh shit, you don't have it. And he was like, no, and I was like, oh fuck. How do you lose it, did you ask him? I talked to him afterwards, car accident. Like a long time ago. Oh, fuck. Yeah, dude, it was just like, it was five minutes in. I was just like, fuck.

Couldn't stop thinking about it. Yeah, it's bad. Talked to him afterwards, he was a man. But I still, I still, you have to double that. I ran into a one-armed man and made fun of him for not having an arm. How I specifically said what those fucks up I thought he broke it and was like a slaying his shirt and I was like what the fuck's up with your own any adult breaking the arms Lies

What were you doing? How'd you break your arms? And I said I knew you was a good sport about it because I kept being like I don't know I fear what I said I was like well if you want to keep the other one I suggest you shut the fuck up I don't know if you're afraid of what I said, I was like, well, if you want to keep the other one, I suggest you shut the fuck up. You have to double down. And then apologize profusely afterwards, but then I regret it as soon as no one else in the crowd laughs. Yeah, yeah, I was talking. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, everybody. Yeah, especially the coming right out. I've been doing that a lot lately. I got to stop. I got to shut up. You forget. I mean, dude, when you're flying so high, creatively, you forget.

It is such a creative endeavor It is talking about jacking off First every night to take talking about jizzing every night. You have to dude You have to talk about jizzing dudes forget about it. They get so locked up with stuff They forget about you know jizzing they forget about talk forget about how fun it is talk about jizzing with friends It's the best yeah, then your girlfriend has to hear people talking jizzing and then she eventually breaks the ice melt and she's like, yeah, jizzing does a rule.

I want jizz on me. It's a whole thing. It's a whole thing. It's a big jizz commercial. So like dudes, you maybe. I stand up as a jizz commercial. It's a joke. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. This reminds me of my, this is not funny, but sorry to everybody trying to buy tickets to this. Oh, yeah. Scalpers go wild. I set my tickets prices as low as I can. Yeah. The lowest by a lot of anybody doing touring.

And yeah, scalpers keep getting them. Dude, the fucked up thing is they... Oh, there's me, because somebody pays $300 to see me up there talking about jizzing. Yeah. And I feel bad. True. But whatever.

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And then flash their thing in the description showing yeah, I flash in Morgan Morgan so Morgan Morgan Fine print your also a fun video on YouTube is you type in Morgan to Morgan It's just a montage of them going Morgan Morgan Morgan All right, so that's fun. She's dude. We're back. Sorry, we're talking a little inside baseball about the edges. True. And how fucking lame scalpers are. I feel bullshit. Makes me feel bad. It makes me feel what's their penalty 20 years in jail. They get no, that's totally legal. What? It's totally legal. They can't stand outside and sell them.

Don't like, doesn't it comp like punch you in the stomach if you can't outline them? I think it's legal to scalp now. Really? Yeah. Someone decrimmed it. Yeah. I was told truthfully that one of my only options was to write to my

congressman for real. Because I was like, why don't you guys fucking regulate this? Yeah. They could sell somebody buys a ticket online, They can't resell it for more. That has to be the easiest program possible to make. Oh, that's actually really easy. Why not make that? And they're like, it's illegal.

Free market, yeah. Yeah. Capitalism, bro. Elon Musk tried to do that with the cyber truck, $50,000 if you sold it within the first year. What do you mean? He would sue the owner. Oh, you can't have to pay 50 grand if they sold it within the first year

Oh, because they buy the cyber trucks up and then they would flip them. Oh, yeah So but they had to take it out because legally he could not do that damn So do you just bought up fleets of cyber trucks? What the hell? What do the cyber trucks? They're like electric trucks Yeah, yeah, damn you can't shoot an arrow through Broken proof that Yeah, damn you can't shoot an arrow through them Roken proved that He tried to shoot a fucking bone arrow at it. Did it bounce off? Yeah, how why are they so error is this thing? I don't like bulletproof. Why? I mean obviously for fucking sick itself

He's gonna get a war with Bill Gates obviously for the potatoes. That would be tight Yeah, why can't we just not have a president and just say, whatever billionaire we're behind kind of supports us futilely? What do you think we have, dog? True, well they should just come out. We're the top ballers. Like, fuck these guys, we have the most money. I think they essentially have.

Yeah, it's right there. True, but then they have these governments you have to listen to Pfizer. True, obviously, Pfizer's. But they should come out and it's be like, they should come on emergency broadcast and be like, they should like come on emergency broadcast and be like, I am your overlord. You're like, fuck, they don't have to.

True, yeah, they just doing it. They can trick you into being like, you're a bad person. What? What? That was a fucking bad joke. What else is going on, Matthew? Oh, I gotta tell you, I lifted with the rock yesterday.

Dude, how was it? That guy's awesome. That's awesome. I feel like such a fool. I was, I did, here's the thing. Yeah. I made one of the rock a while ago. I had bad on that.

True. Of course that clip exists on the internet. Nobody clips me two years ago going, I was wrong, the rock's cool. That clip's not out there. It's just me going like, fuck the rock, fucking working out, fuck that. He was flexing in your face.

I was hung over, I was in a hotel room. He was flexing in my fucking face, talking about Clangin' and Bangin' in the Iron Paradise. He would care, he's like, dude, you're in the Iron Army now, dude. Now I joined the Iron Paradise. I was in the Iron Paradise. Now that I've seen the light of the Iron Paradise. Dude, he is massive.

He is huge, dude. Yeah, he is massive. He is huge. Yeah, let's fucked up to see him in person. Because he's got to be. Dude, I had guys from, uh, we're, and he was the coolest dude. That was like a nice, sweet guy. Yeah, it was cool. Dude, I guys from Wisconsin's football team come out to a show and like, dude, I want,

I wanted to stand on a box. They were all six, five. It's fun. It's fun when the big boys come, right? It's nice. I just took a show and like dude I wanted to stand on a box. They were all six five fun when the big boys come right? It's nice. I just see the picture in shook hands and I was like Jesus fucking Christ tiny hands. I feel like a girl dude. Yeah. So he was the man. He was the absolute least. Was one of the coolest people I've ever met. That's awesome. As far as just being nice. Really? Yeah, it was awesome. We were sitting in the sauna dude. I got to watch the rock. I got to watch my body. Yeah, it was awesome. We were sitting in the song. I do like I got to watch the rock I'm so much sweat. Yeah, I'm sitting across my body. His body. We're just staring at the

You should have caught. I mean, I know I got a star being gay about him But you should have caught like a thimble of his sweat in this one. I'm gonna I didn't it didn't cross my mind Like dude, don't be weird about this. You've been so cool the whole time I'm just gonna be as I have some of your sweat? Give him a thimble of your sweat. Yeah. He was, we were just talking, he was asking about comedy

about how like, what was the first bit you did that you knew you could do stand up? No, I can't. And then, because for him, it was promos in wrestling. And he was like the first one I did, and yet it was funny the way he talked to it was like, I didn't know. And he was like, one of the things I used to do is I would say what's your name?

Then I would say it doesn't matter what your name is. That's fucking. And I was like, yeah, dude, I remember. It doesn't matter what you're not. Oh, yeah. That shit fucking. He did, dude, he was kind of an out you bring that up. He was a genius with that of like, Gibroni.

It doesn't matter. He said Gibroni. I said Gibroni. I was like, that was the first thing I said. I was like, Gibroni caught thing I said. I was like, Gibroni caught on. He said that was Iron Cheek. That was one of the Iron Cheeks.

Oh, they could say that. Yeah, he would say Gibroni. To the Iron Cheek. He took the Iron Cheek. But yeah, it was, it was like him talking about like, uh, it doesn't matter was dude, that hit dude. So extreme.

Like mankind or like those guys that would jump off the road so like go through a table And shit so he was like I didn't want to do that so I needed to get good at promos Good call and he was like that's how I did it. Yeah, they gave it He was also yeah, he's fucking jacked and they got yeah, does he do you have to interrupt does he had to like make up his own Finisher to is that like a thing you sit and brainstorm? Yeah, probably rock bottom was so nice rock bottom was tight It was very easy to do to little brothers and the people's elbow.

People's elbows. I mean, dude, anytime someone was laying down, it was just real quick. Yeah. People's elbows. I got into a mandible claw. You know, that was a fucking stick my hand in people's mouth. That was a fuck up. What a real fuck up.

The stunner was also that he has a visionary. Yeah, that's a visionary move dude. Kick to the gut. Of course I'm going forward and it's like where's he going? Oh shit. Oh no. Now my next broken, my curbsong, myself on his shoulder. Whatever.

I just fell over. This fuckers are never, yeah. Now this guy pulled me forward. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, that was cool. That's fucking awesome. Yeah. You told me that yesterday and I was like,

what the fuck? Yeah, and then they broke and posted a photo of it and I was standing way too close to the camera. I looked fucking, you look on the side of everybody. It's awesome. It's very embarrassing. That's fucking sick. You should get someone to like set you up like that

and never do it off. You can do it if you take a step forward and every, I didn't do it on purpose, it was an accident, but you can easily do that. I might like, start doing it. I've accidentally done it in several pictures. It's fucking nice. Especially when you're in a group and it kind of bows. Yeah. And then I tried my best to avoid the outside because I literally look like it look I take up half the photo. It looks like I'm the size of like three other people next to me. It's pretty tight. It's never flattering. No, dude, that context.

I mean, every comment on that Rogan picture, it's like, holy shit, shame the fucking giant dick. Yeah, but that rules. To be fucking moggin' the whole squad, dude, from the photo. Did I ever talk about the Indian bots getting me? No. Oh, you didn't, dude. Yeah.

That is, what the fuck was that? It was just a wave, dude. Somebody must have sicked them on me. Who? I don't know. Some evil motherfucker must have contacted you. I guess you can use Indian bots to just spam somebody don't like.

Why am I starting to know? Somebody got me with just Indian dudes calling me fat. It was like a five minute span of a thousand comments from Indian dudes talking shit. But you are pathetic. It was like, nobody will respect you with your body. Like shit, and then one of them that stuck with me is so funny is big seats.

They kept talking about, because I'm fat, I need big seats. And they're like, how could you find clothes? Big, big pants, big seats. I'll just let them out count, one night. I got 10 million notifications at once. I was like, what the fuck is going on Oh, I can probably find them there. It's nasty. Yeah

Damn, dude What are the boys doing? I need to know their fillet affiliation with the Uh, which one called armed services because it's like If they're troops, I take it all back. They're hot troops. That's nice Yeah, I mean dude, it's It is kind of not to think about now to like choose a life path around like maximum virality where it's like I'm a born-ing-ank Christian. I'm a troop I'm a fucking I'm a single guy. That's like a good single guy tick-tock and all that stuff's pretty nice I'm a fucking I'm a single guy. That's like a good single guy tick-tock and all that stuff is pretty nice

Be who's the other there's another guy that that guy who's in his 50s is really nice now somebody's spamming it with Israel Give Israel is coming at you Israel is the largest recipient of US 4 and 8 this is just a picture of me with Naim and Ahamad That makes sense. All right Israel is the largest recipient of US 4 and 8 American taxpayers pay $13 million per day to Israel, which uses it to slaughter, pal, studying children while the world watches in silence. All right, thank you for the comment on my picture.

Hold on. Oh, okay. God dang. Yes, here they are. One guy commented discipline. Discipline was my favorite. Don't sit near them. They might eat you. Chubby, you should be allowed to die at 247 discipline fat man. You should eat less. Why load? Loose some weight, wait man.

Holy fat fatness lose weight. You're the reason there are plus That's a good one. There are plus Yeah Lose them Who was it dude? I don't know who organized such a fucking you are too big to be respected You'll never fit into that chair? Big seats. They saw big seats. I got big seats. How do you even get through doorways?

What the fuck did? Oh my God. Yeah, the Indian bots swarmed me. That's just one. That's just are they still are they still on like fourth grade insults in India? Is they are all fourth grade insults in India as they are all fourth grade It's gotta be just Google translate. Yeah, yeah true Indian that probably sounds good true large pants Large seats in Punjabi big seat don't come near them. They might eat you

It's very real though. I shouldn't have brought this up now. I know every single comment that I'm gonna get It's very real. Well, I shouldn't have brought this up now. I know every single comment that I'm gonna get Funny I have no I've yeah, that's the one that got me. There's no discipline discipline discipline discipline was a tough one Talked that dude. I'm cheering for Pakistan Pakistan's in the bag baby true, dude. They should have fucked around Pakistan That's how I'm gonna reply to them West wants the next time the Indian me, I'm gonna go. I will be pilot and destroy all of India. Grab! You're pilot, grab!

Grab! Grab! I will give my life a Pakistan! That video is so good. Might be number one. Yeah, grab. Yeah, grab. It might be number one video. Why would they they speaking English that video? I don't know I mean they have to scream in English

Thank God they did though. They need the world to see it it worked So good propaganda for Pakistan it makes me love packet Pakistan's number on Pakistan is in the back Yeah, Pakistan number one Yeah, that whole area man. Someone is anyone, I mean, obviously, besides the United States and stuff, what country's like totally dominant though over there? Is it Iran? Iran's, I forget which one, Sunni or Shiite, and then Saudi Arabia is the other one. And the Iran and Saudi Arabia don't like each other. Oh, that's the beat. And then those two kind of work on controlling the whole area, the whole Middle East. And East and we So I guess we fuck with everything over there. So I'm I guess Saudi must be

Sunnis is only fuck it doesn't America fucks with the Sunnis and the Shiites kind of get the shit end all the time Give me a look. Just look up which one I ran as yeah ran might be those Shiites Because that's uh that's been the. The Shiites are like the direct, they claim to be the direct descendant from Fatima. It's just those. The Sunis are like. The Hamids.

Yeah. And the Sunis are like, we rule. We know. They're 95% Shiia. Yeah, like we got all the- Who I ran Shiia. Yeah. In Saudi Arabia as a Sunis,

they're like, we got all that motherfucking bread for all that. I don't think it was Shiite. I thought it was Shiite. It's spelled Shiite, but they pronounced it as Shiite. Yeah, that's the big, they have a beef over like, they're like, yeah, we're like descendants of Muhammad's babe. Yeah. The Sunis are like fall back, bro.

Yeah, shut the fuck up. We own all the fucking full wheelers and other cool shit. Yeah. You guys can fall the fuck back. Yeah. Yeah, they it's all like blood lineage shit of like, we're descended from the guy. That seems worthwhile. Yeah, it's pretty tight.

It seems like a worthwhile cause. Yeah, you know? Oh, dude, did we talk about Martin Luther with that boy who was up to? Martin Luther the fucking, the guy started Lutheranism. No, Protestant effort, just to show you how evil Proz are. What do you know? Go ahead, look up.

I think he wrote a whole book on how much he hated Jewish people. Did he really? That they deserved to be in hell and like, yeah. Oh, just so you know, shouts my Lutherans, you should become Catholics. True. The one thing. Yeah, he broke away.

Didn't he like print at the Bible for everyone to read? He was like, yeah, we should be able to read the Bible. The first thing that pops up is the Jews and their lies. The Jews and their lies was the... That was his template. The treaty? How do you even say what that type of book is? Yeah, they used to write pamphlets back in the day and... Yeah, he wrote a long pamphlet on the Jews and their lies. Oh.

Oh, there's a little Lutherans out there. Really? Yeah. Yeah, a little nasty group. Yeah, what's Lutherans old deal? Don't they like real bread instead of the actual like flaky cardboard. I don't know. They're all, I think Martin, he was almost entirely Catholic. Obviously he was Catholic, but it was like

broke off. His church was like didn't really deviate that much. Yeah. He's like, we want to, I think his whole thing was like, we should be able to read the Bible ourselves. I also doubt the Catholic church was much more enlightened on Jews at the time. I think they're probably getting rowdy on them. Yeah. Acquisition and shit. Even the Pope though. I think the Pope was probably what's up, bro? Pope is probably like chill. Everybody chill. Our new Pope,

apparently, is chill as hell. The new Pope's a little too chill, dude. I need a, I need a good fire and brimstone. Fre freak pope. He's coming. I want a freak pope He's coming dude. I mean, this might be the freakyest pope though. Like what about? That's probably a big guys. He might have got him. Who might have judged you? You the pope motherfucker. Jolly the pope apparently just calls people like randomly, too. Really? Pope yeah, apparently the pope just like hits people up and is like yo, what's up? Chatting up like it's me the fucking pope. Are you gay if so? What if?

Yeah, it doesn't matter anymore. We don't care anymore. I don't even care, dude. I mean, like, please like us again. It's not my thing per se, but like whatever two guys do, I don't give a fuck. Also, I can't believe it. Dwight Howard have sex with him.

That's what God doesn't even care with. We're not as sex. Yeah, I wonder how vicious the gay sex was. I mean, we're back onto it, but Dwight must've been fucking dishing it out. Dwight was dealing. The thing he was taking it a little. You think, did he was getting in there a little?

Did he might have just been fucking height man and the whole thing? He might have just been like, ha ha ha ha. I can't believe it, did he? Dude, he's been the subject of this room for the longest time. Yeah, did he's been subject? He's pretty wild too.

He got like, again, everyone thinks Kanye's the only dude. He's like the only like super rich black dude who's completely out of his mind. Diddy's been pretty weird for a while. Did you remember his fucking weird ass Joker costume? And that was actually, it was really good at it. That was actually a pretty scary to go that hard at it.

Yeah, I don't know what the fuck those guys. I mean, you gotta think you're diddy. It's been, you had the hay day in like the 90s 2000. Yeah, and he told us he wouldn't stop. He can't stop. He can't stop. So now he's just a billionaire walking around places. It's gotta be weird though, because now it's just like he's just like a super rich billionaire guy. Yeah. It's got a pop bottle. Yeah, squash rumors that you and fucking Dwight Howard got nuts. I think all roads lead to sucking Dwight Howard eventually. I think eventually if you just grind hard enough, you're just going to be at a part. You're invited to the sickest party because there's so many fucking... Did you say gay dudes have the biggest dicks too? They're statistically... So

if you're a 6-10 black dude, gay guy, it's gay. It's the top of the mountain. He's dick. Dwight Howard's dong must be. It's top of the mountain. Yeah, they say statistically gay guys have bigger penises than straight guys. Cause it's something like one more thing. Guess who's straight as hell partner. True. If you ever wondering.

Yeah. Guess who's straight as hell. I had a like a startling microflacid bird today. That was like, usually I'm like whatever. I'm pretty body pause But I caught this one today and I was going what the fuck? It's like my scared what am I right now? What the hell is going on? Yeah, it's funny. You mentioned that I took a little game to this morning myself

Might be like they might have to do it like son flat something with a Texas I think we're just getting acclimated our penis is probably hiding until it's time to come out And it's fully acclimated because I did literally the exact same thing this morning. You peeped. I was I yeah, I had to go somewhere this morning and I woke up early and I was just looking in the mirror my hair like I'm getting like bald enough that like the side stick out and only the You know what I mean? Yeah, so I had that my my gut was out and just a tiny bird was sticking out. I was looking at the mirror and I was like, oh fuck, dude, discipline, big pants, big pants, small penis, large seats.

The Indians were right, dude. I was real, it was like, and I had like red, dark red eyes. It was hard. Oh, no. I mean, yeah, I just woke up. It went to brush my teeth. I looked like a fucking gargoyle. I looked fucking insane. I look scary. It was like scary. How ugly I am. It was an off-putting, it's so fucking real. If somebody saw it, it would be like, people would be scared of me Which I guess is pretty sad. They sort of walked in on a naked guy like oh shit my bad

Walked in and be like oh Fuck what is that it's the red eyes Dark red eyes the most pale you know just veins tiny bird Got just the most pale, you're just veins, tiny bird, got just, it ain't gonna get out of here. What you're doing? You're watching the door. I knocked next door.

Oh my God, yeah, I just got out and was like, I did the peloton, it's got all the shower and I was just like, Yeah, that'll do it, though, workout. I was a workout shower, you do a lot of time. What the, it was, How about the post-cold plunge dick, dude? Dude, it might have come. That got rivals that rivals Adderall yeah Yeah, that's my yeah mine was I mean it was I I think I just confronted my minimum limit

I was like this is as small I was like that's kind of nice. I was like okay my penis can't get any smaller than this Yeah, this is as small it was penis just baddest things get it was rock bottom. It was penis jerky It was all the liquid was out dick rock bottom. It was penis jerky. It was all the liquid was out. It's dick rock bottom. So I went I went down a Dwight Howard rabbit hole and back in 2018 bar still had a whole thing about that he was having sex with transgender women. Yes, I remember that. He was the bottom. Oh, yeah, Dwight Howard the bottom in this. What do you think of that man? Is that something you could even consider? Bottoming out for trans women? I don't know. The other titties on your back?

Titties on the back would be nice. Titties on the back is nice. I just couldn't get my whole dugout. I couldn't get exhumated. Yeah. It's just dude, I'm telling you. It's just like, it's gotta... I don't know. That's one I could kind of foresee. I was like, I'll see you, you would probably

be using a condom. Yeah, hopefully. Hopefully, safe sex. So now you've got just a rubbery don going in and out of your fucking butt. I mean, dude, it's lose, lose, because if it sucks, just getting your fucking bottom blown out by the guy. That's what I'm saying.

If they give it sucks, it sucks. It's like, damn, I shouldn't have got butt fucked. I was foolish. Yeah, when the guy's, when the fucking guy on top, you finish, this guy feels so bad. You're gonna do like, I don't know, what about not finishing, though, you'd be like, no, not finishing what hurt you feeling is a little.

That was tanky. Dude, you're my first one. That should be tight. Just get fucked in the ass and do it wrong. Yeah. Like, no, I got fucked in the ass wrong. Such a fucking idiot. Or it's like total unimaginable pleasures

and now you're Jones and to get bottomed all the time. It's lose, lose. Yeah, there's no winning in this game. You just fucking keep the lid on the pot and you just say, not today. Not today, same. Just take it one hour at a time. I take minute five minutes. I'm not gonna get fucked yes. Minutes. Yes hour. If I can get through this hour. It's also

It's got to be the most humiliating and if it gets caught on cam Gotta be the most humiliating footage Matt. I don't even want to imagine the idea of a video camera of me on all forced it. I can't I can't. The idea of a video camera of me on all four state. I can't. I can't. Oh, oh, shit. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh You like that John John although John's get bricked up over Although again imagine that coming out of like your tiny penis butt fuck video coming out You're free for the rest of the world you're out of the No home on this for sure. It's got to feel so good coming out We'll pull out the third giant. Don't turn turd turd turd. Yes. That's probably what makes you come

Turn, turn, turn, turn, turn. Yes. That's probably what makes you come. So it's like, out, and then out is not, it's probably, yeah, it's got a, it's got a, turn, turn, but you know, good things coming, which is a turd.

It's going to feel like the biggest turd. And obviously you're fapping, imagine. I don't know if we're going to make it through this hour, by the way. We might be experimenting. There I throw in you fapping yourself, too. While you're turning. Imagine shitting, try next time you're shitting fapping yourself too. While you're turning.

Imagine shitting, try next time you're shitting, try to jerk off while you're shitting. While you're shitting, jimbole diarrhea. Ha ha ha ha. Ah. That's the true test. That's the true gay test.

Try to jerk off while you're shitting. If you like it, bad news. Bad news you are. Yeah. And we don't care if you act on it, but. That might be the most wholesome, for your family, for your it, but. That might be the most wholesome, right? For your family, for your family's sake, that might be the most wholesome route you can take.

For your latent homosexuality, it's just be like, hold on baby, I'll take a shit and just be like, oh fuck, oh shit. Fuck, I got hard shitting. Just OD and just Elvis sing fiber gummies to the point where you're like building the biggest dogs inside of your body. Your's mass producing, I have been

the scrawls of fiber gummies.'s mass producing. I do, I have been. It's probably five of us. Mass producing. You're just trying to produce Dwight Howard's dog, dude. You can't. True. It's not a turret in the world. There's only one. There's like photographs of turds

that maybe rival Dwight Howard's dog. There's only one. That's crazy. That's so awkward. I know. Where is the time? We need to. 55. Fuck hell yeah, we did it. I got a so awkward. That's enough. What is the time? We need to... 55.

Fuck. Hell yeah, we did it. I got a whiz. Whiz up. Let's take a whiz break. And then we'll come back to the regular this time. We will, we won't fuck them. And then we'll slide gently into the page.

God damn, I mean, dude, I will say there's something to be said about Tiddy's on your back. Tiddy's on your back is awesome. That's what's up. Tiddy's on your back is awesome. That's what's up. Titties on your back is awesome. That's what's up. But, dick in your ass is not great. Yeah, you can also, there's other ways to get titties on your back.

Yeah, you can just have a girl put her titties on your back. What if, okay, so what if? No. This will take a second. No. What if your choice was you could never touch a boob ever again. Every woman you interacted, you were cursed and their titties are just with her and fall away Or you had it just just just one just feel Dwight Howard's full fucking

money for us just one in and you can never squeeze tits again. Never suck tits again You can never touch his disappear around you Then you see them and it is with her like the fuck it is. Dude, it doesn't disappear for everybody. Just for you. Just for me. Ever enough to join. I would be taking a bullet. I couldn't act like it was some type of selfless act. That's your cross.

I can tell everybody like you. That's your cross. You sit on the cross. No, just for you. I mean, that's an obvious choice. You just treat it like a fucking surgical procedure and say, Dwight, that would be so, getting surgical. Yeah, surgical.

That's been making me laugh. Dude, it was the funniest thing I've ever heard someone say. Which you take to White Howard's deck to save titties? Yeah, for myself, I'd have to, I love to be still about it. And be like, I guess there'll be no more kits. It's like, dude, I need titties, bro. Tits rule.

I need titties. Yeah. And then it could be the solace titties, bro. Tits rule. I need titties. Yeah. And then it could be the solace could be, you would have tits on your back while doing Howard fucking, some, or a girl's tits on your back. I don't think I want a woman in the room, Mom. Screaming. Dude, they would throw themselves at you.

They'd be like, oh my god, this is so brave what you're doing. I think they would not like you. Might suffocate on it all the tits, dude. They'd be like, oh my god, I can't believe we're saving the experience of tits for yourself. I don't think anybody, I wouldn't, I would say everybody get out of the room. This is for me and Dwight.

This is just me and Dwight. Dwight, this is for you. I don't think Dwight would even have me, dude. I'm such a fucking pig. Yeah, you don't say that. Dwight wouldn't even fuck you. Dude, I know we do a grub about don't fucking say that. Don't you dare Matt.

I don't think I genuinely I don't think Dwight would have. Well, he would surprise you. You'd come at you'd be like, wait, I didn't sign up for this. I'd probably be like a surprise. That is awesome. It is a caveat of the butt fucking to save tits. Do you know what's happening? Or is it a, or is it just, it's in the contract, it's like you're going to have tits.

If you sign this, you got to get fucked by Dwight Howard someday. Oh, oh. And it's a surprise when it happens. You could be out of dinner, you could be out with your family. Dwight comes in and picks your ass up. Wherever you are, he has, you could be in front of the whole red lobster, he puts it in.

You call on Uber and he's like, it turns around, it's the way you got tan. Today is the day. Today is the day. Yep, fake taxi. Or you start seeing tits start like pixelating around you, you're like, fuck, it's coming way you got to him today's the day. He is the day. Yep fake taxi or you start seeing tits start like pixelating around you You're like fuck it's coming. Oh, no. Yeah, whenever he gets close tits does yeah, it's a good horror movie. I'm pretty good. Yeah That actually be a sick movie. What if it's not true. None of this is true. That's what that likes I mean, I think he I think he's been fairly open.

He's come out and said, first of all, I think he's been going around saying, dude, it's not in your business. Yeah, which is sick. Also, he said specifically, it's not in your business where I lay my wood. He said that? Yeah, which is like, bro, that's kind of,

kind of a guy's answer you could say. It's kind of alpha, dude. It's obviously it's incredibly alpha. It's so alpha that it's gay. Referring to your dick as your would is I forgot. I was like, damn, I forgot all about that calling it your would. No fucking business where I lay my wood. I don't think it's even his business where he lays this wood.

I think it's this point. I bet that thing's got a mind. I think the wood is. Yeah. I think it's nuts. Yeah, dude, you should go, you know, but yeah, it is, I'm telling you, it is funny because in 15 years,, you're gonna be like reading through pages of just people like, twit, how it fucked a guy in there. So I'm like, yeah, obviously. Yeah, it's nothing to do with it. But this episode is bought to you by BetterHelp. Therapy can give you a much need of boost to make you feel grounded during a really hectic time. BetterHelp's online therapy makes it so easy to get started. Just take a quick quiz and better helps team will match you with a licensed therapist. You can connect with

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You go fucking, it is kind of awkward. I don't like what they said about me. My dad's relationship. Ceasing, ceasing relations with therapists is kind of weird, because you'd be like, I don't want what they said about me and my dad's relationships. Seasing relationships with therapists is kind of weird, because you'd be like, I don't want to talk to you. I think I'm good now. A beam.

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I bet, you sleeped. I drank it too early too. I was like, I was supposed to drink it right before bedtime, so I was like, I'll slog this, put the kids in bed, and I'll sit in there. I was like, oh, shit. I think there's melatonin in there too. That's very nice.

It hit me and I was like, there is melatonin. Yeah, that shit, that shit did knock me the fuck out. And did you feel foggy next thing? I think there's melatonin in there too. That's very nice. It hit me and I was like, there is melatonin. Yeah, that shit, that shit did knock me the fuck out. And did you feel foggy next thing? No, I actually slept really good. Really? I was like, fuck the fuck is this bullshit? I ate it and I was like, all right, I don't give a shit.

That's awesome. I'm always hating, I'm always like, nanosebeteer with the fuck is that. And it hit me all at once and I was like, don't shit fucking nanobots, you got me, dude? Nanobots are in here. Yeah, I'll say, yeah, that one did actually knock me out. I don't always do try to do everything. I didn't even get the delivery. I didn't even get the you might have missed

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I'm gonna forget about that. I'm gonna forget about that. I'm gonna forget about that. I'm gonna forget about that. I'm gonna forget about that. I'm gonna forget about that. I'm gonna forget about that. I'm gonna forget about that. I'm gonna forget about that. I'm gonna forget about that. Did you hear me swallow saliva like a dog? Here comes the tongue twister, get ready. God damn, here comes the tongue twister. If you want to try Beam's best selling dream powder, take advantage of their biggest sale of the year

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That was good. What topics do we cover? Pretty much gaced off. Giz. I address ticket scalpers for two seconds. That was good. Martin Luther. Martin Luther was a big one. That was a big one. Antisemitic Lutheran shame on them. Um. This is the whole game now.

It's about pointing out what everyone else is doing that's wrong in the world. Everybody's bad. And then we are the good ones. We're fine, totally normal. We don't do any bad stuff. People get in trouble. We don't do any bad stuff.

Everyone else is wrong. And if you listen to this podcast, you were in the right. You're right. You're right. And they are wrong about everything. And you'll maintain that to the You're right. You're right. And they are wrong about everything. And you'll maintain that to the death, dude. And you'll die happy now. And I was right about everything.

And I didn't do any of that weird stuff everyone else did. I didn't get in trouble. I wasn't mean to people. I didn't harbor private thoughts towards other groups that were probably pretty negative. Did you need to do any of that? Well, you're saying, yeah, this is exactly Christ's message. It is.

Is it? Judge everyone else. Don't ever reflect on yourself. Don't even ever think to a second. Maybe that guy is uncapable of committing any crime that guy is, and I should treat him like a brother and forgive him and try to understand where he's coming from. Not at all. Nope.

Nope. Fuck that. You just get on black people online Say fucking white hours gay black sports online. All right. Thank you for listening