Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 509 - Butt Spazz (feat. SWIM, Billy, & Spud)
Episode Date: August 20, 2024Support SWIMs (Tom's) Patreon!!!! @ https://www.patreon.com/TheRoundTripProject Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support Warmode @ https://www.patreon.com/warmode Go See Matt Live @ m...attmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Get Merch @ mssecretpodcast.com/merch Hello everybody. Good afternoon!!!!! We're back with the weekly installment of the broadcast! The McCusker brothers have been united (matt via zoom) along with Shang and Spud. We join one another in Warmode HQ to shoot the breeze classic style and play some guess that tune. The paytch has the full Billy v. SWIM $1000 showdown though. Please enjoy. God bless you all. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/MSSP and get on your way to being your best self. Support the show & get Lucy Breakers for 20% off & free shipping at https://www.lucy.co promo code DRENCHED Download the PrizePicks app or visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRENCHED today and use code Drenched for a first deposit match up to $100
Transcript
Discussion (0)
All right. All right. All right. Cool. Well, well, your podcast. Good. What's that?
Your guys podcast. Yeah. Thanks for having me. So happy to be here. Yeah. It's good to have you.
So proud of you guys. You know, you've come so far. How do you feel about the
meteoric rise of war mode? I mean, I'll get to that. I'm gonna go with you and Matt first.
Last time I was on a podcast,
you guys had me in some fucked up Airbnb.
Yeah, that was my best.
You were just starting to make a little bit of scratch.
Whose Airbnb was that?
I think that might have been Matt's.
I don't know, some dirty ass, it was yours.
You were like living in it?
No, that was yours.
That place was cool.
That was cool.
No, that was another time.
Oh yeah, I guess I lived in Philly.
Yeah, Matt lived in Philly.
You still lived in, or no, I forget, I don't remember.
Yeah, that was just a place,
no, I think that was a place we rented, just like we needed a spot. No, I think there was a place we rented just like we need.
No, I think Shane was staying there.
Oh, yeah, it's true.
That was in Fishtown.
That place was fucked up.
The place sucked. The loft.
Yeah, I wasn't into it.
Yeah, Matt.
Oh, wait, that place was good.
I thought you were talking about the other.
Yeah, but I heard so much of your media.
I've heard so much about you that I was expecting so much more.
And I get there. I'm like, dude, I could have ran this place.
And I fucking make 300 bucks a week.
Nah I try to keep it humble. I try to keep it humble.
But then yes I mean the rise is just as big and then these two it's like I can't even you know it's my little bro so.
What the fuck?
Alright let's play, let's play, guess that tune. All right, here's the first tune.
What, what are you?
Rick James, Super Freak.
Yes, baby Billy.
What the hell, I didn't even hear it.
You can't hear it now.
Oh shit, dude.
Matt, you can't play it.
Let's try it, that's fine.
Just guess.
I will.
Can we just play it into the microphone?
We can share audio with him, I think.
You fucking.
Yeah, why don't I just play it in the microphone?
Yeah, play it in the microphone.
That's fine.
Fuck the road cast.
It's gonna sound like a hill.
Hold on.
I mean, dude, you only hear it for like two seconds.
All right.
I do it all the time, Tom.
Yeah, it's true.
Yeah, it'd be better to play it in the microphone
for the YouTube algo bots anyway.
Going in the mic, just disconnect from Bluetooth.
So wait, why can't I hear?
I'm just curious, why can't I hear it? I have wait, why can't I hear? I don't know. I'm just curious why can't I hear it?
I have no idea.
Maybe you're not.
I don't know.
What the freaking heck?
I'm maxed out, RPMs wise.
No, you know what, Bill?
It's probably right because you're
going through your Bluetooth.
I'm not hooked up to you.
Yeah, that's probably what it is because it would be insane
if it sent it all the way to him.
Do you want me to play the...
Prill them in the ear, Steely Dan.
I heard that.
Matt's on a bit. You're on a bit of a delay though.
Oh, it's just whatever.
Yeah, all right.
Didn't you want?
That's fine.
Matt, let's talk about your lymph nodes again.
Dude, my lymph nodes are good, man.
I've never got them drained before.
Brittany was getting her lymph nodes drained a lot
and I was like, what's that all about?
She's like, dude, it feels awesome. And they just literally they just pump all the like they start from your head and move
down to your neck and then they go to your stomach and you have them in your armpits
and they just like grind your armpits out and then you have one like Peter Gabriel.
So wait, so where's all the fluid go? You piss it out and you shit it out.
Is it like clear liquid?
It's like a different type of like smell.
I have a pee pee.
No, but you'll take a very nasty shit.
There's a huge chance I wake up in the middle of the night.
What did they tell you this?
Yeah.
Okay.
I don't understand how that works.
How does it go from your armpit into your bladder?
The nodes are all connected.
Toxins?
Your lymph nodes, a lot of them are on your joints,
kind of like your neck, your head, your elbows,
your hips and knees.
So like if you're running a lot, you're naturally,
or like moving around, you're naturally kind of flushing them.
But if you're still a lot, the water,
that shit just like pulls inside of you.
So you gotta get like a,
you gotta get them like manually pumped out.
Yeah, I know, but my question was just how does a toxin
from a lymph node go into your fucking-
Yeah, how does that make you shit?
Shitter.
How does it go out of poop?
How does it get into your intestinal tract?
It's just the, yeah, it's just the exit point for them.
So it's like, it's not like your circulatory system
where it's kind of like a closed system,
it's open and you're like pissing it out. It's like I guess you're I don't know much about it.
I think your lymph nodes are feeding into your urinary tract and your butthole.
So there's just like two X's. I don't know. No, I've never got a colonic, dude.
If you want to take a huge dump, it's this chill.
I don't just want a huge dump. I just, I just,
yeah, but like when you get a colonic in real time,
you see how much shit's coming out of your tracks.
So you go in there with an empty stomach and you'll shit like
19 bowls of shit out.
Don't they like show it to you too? And they're like,
that's me. Yeah. You watch it.
There's like a lit tube under you and you watch like weird
fucking shit just come out of your butthole.
It sounds fucking gay.
What's gay about it? It's you by yourself. How's it possibly gay?
Who? Wait, how do they show you?
What's the song?
Evil woman.
Fuck.
No, it wasn't.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Juan shut the fuck up.
I know you're like,
you're sitting like this and there's like a tube under you with a light and a mirror.
No one else is in the room.
It's just you. And they show you the shit you can see tube under you with a light and a mirror. And no one else is in the room? It's just you.
And they show you the shit you can see.
No, you look down at a tunnel, there's a lit tunnel under your chair.
And you're watching like...
You're looking at the thing that's inserted in you.
That's like saying shove Nadildo up your ass, isn't it?
Not this.
The only thing that's gay is sex with another man.
True. I agree with you.
Anything else you do, if it's by yourself or with a woman...
I've had this argument a million times.
It's not an argument, it's a fact.
Votiful beliefs, Celie Dan. It's not an argument What a full belief silly damn, no, I'm sorry, um Michael McDonald doesn't count does not count. Yeah, that's minus one
Mr. The music man
If you want to get into some cleansing do that, can I get a wider diameter pipe up my butt?
to get into some cleansing, do that.
Can I get a wider diameter pipe at my butt or
poop to come out from around here? It's only like it's like as skinny as like a big pen in your butt.
Genesis.
Someone did.
Oh, give me another taste.
Hold on. Come to air supply.
Dan, you're kind of close. Starship. Ah, I don't know that shit. Yeah
Say well, I'll do it for real on the patreon. I'll have it all fucking set up
You should get a you might just want to get one of those like to see you should make those
So every dump you take will you just shove it up your ass real quick?
Watch it
If you wipe your ass with toilet. You get to fucking watch it fly out. Yeah, bidets are nice.
If you wipe your ass with toilet paper,
you're a fucking freak.
You know what I do is I turn the bidet on
as soon as I sit down.
You get a pre-wash.
I just let the water hit it and dude,
it comes out, you never get to watch.
You splash your shit all over the place?
No, no, I sit down, I line up,
I turn it on, I shit into it.
And like, it makes everything spotless.
And it kind of gives you a good tick.
You might have a butt there.
You're scat man.
I'm open about it, I do.
That's fair.
It happened when I was young,
I got imprinted at the age of 19.
What happened when you were young?
I got dunked.
I got surprise got dunked. Well, I got surprise finger dumped. That should be fucking criminal, bro. It happened. Born in the USA.
Yeah, Bruce Springsteen. Bruce Springsteen, yes. What year? All the right way.
Fucking 1969. Damn, that's pretty good. Friends. Sing it. Sing it the best you can. That's my that was pretty close.
The Beezer had an absolute unbelievable showing last night.
Yeah, I got some images debut debut at the mothership crushes.
And the whole time I was on the balcony.
There was multiple two different girls going.
Does he have like a huge dick or something?
He was just fucking completely just just out.
It was completely displaying on stage.
And it was the while he was crushing, it was the funniest thing ever.
There's a fucking hot bees packed.
The bees packed.
They were saying he turned the mothership into the rocket ship.
I never knew about that.
He's a beast. I think the lights might have been hidden at night, but I don't know.
These bees keeps it hidden.
It's probably why he never swims with us.
Might be too big.
That's embarrassing.
That's usually what it is.
Someone's hiding it that hard.
It's either huge or we did you ever see the do you ever see Howard Stern doing the small dick thing?
No.
Dude, this is nuts.
He did a small dick contest.
You could see it.
It's fucking wild.
And dudes came out and showed their dongs.
They show up.
I vaguely remember this.
They show up naked.
I remember this on E and it would be blurred out.
The one dude has to pull his fucking fat back
to see the dickhead.
Literally has like a clip.
1% of the population micro penis,
it's a fucking medical condition.
1%?
Yes.
And you're saying your boy Walls has one?
Supposedly.
That's the word around DC that all balls,
Walls has a fucking micro.
I was around some women that were discussing,
this one girl was talking about a guy she hooked up with.
She was like, she went like that to her other friend.
And I was just like, Holy shit.
That's fucking dead. I was like, you guys shouldn't be doing that. This I was just like, holy shit. That's fucking dead.
I was like, you guys shouldn't be doing that.
This is like really mean.
I can recount every time a chick has brought up
any dude's penis size.
It just stays with you forever.
It fucks you up.
It fucks, it stays with me forever.
Every chick I've ever talked to or any.
Wait, she talks about another one?
Any of them.
It's like, I can name you every dude I know
that has a fucking big hug.
Bill said he heard some chicks talking about how like,
oh, thank God he's bi. Oh yeah. I was like some weird conversation.
I was grabbing. It was just like a wild thing where it's like, Oh my God,
I hate playing that waiting game where you're just like, if you're by,
just tell me like it's going to save me so much time. And like,
thank God he was for what like beating around the bush,
but she wants no pun intended. Yes. It was very weird. It's fucking.
20, 20. Why is she, why does she want them to be by? I'm so confused. She wants no pun intended. Yes. It was very weird. It's fucking 2020.
Why she, why she wanted them to be by so confused. That's what,
that's just what they're rolling with.
What's a chicks want? Huge penis by guys.
Yes. Are you showing guys?
Look at this dude. It looks like a fucking, let me see.
Oh man. That's crazy. Feel good about yourself, bro. It's like looking fucking. Let me see. Oh, oh man, that's crazy.
Feel good about yourself, bro.
It's like looking at a nugget.
Is that a certified micro bird?
Yeah, certified.
Some of these guys in the back.
I could have hopped in that line.
Dude, these guys.
See that every day.
Yeah, but that's probably like worked.
Yeah, it's's probably like worked.
Yeah, it's like he probably fluffed it into that.
Here, you'll see back.
There's a guy back right.
This is just Irish dudes.
Oh, fuck, he's still covered it.
Wait, hold on, this guy, that's about right, dude.
That's not that crazy.
Yeah, that's why he probably just thought it was some some of them are micros though
So the first legitimate like till the king got up there that guy's dick was crazy
The who that guy's the king of the micro. Yeah, it's a fucking yeah. Yeah, this dude just has a regular bird
It says a regular tiny bird
anyway
Shaggy Shaggy.
Fuck.
There you go.
Billy got it.
I thought that was like an acapella version.
So did I.
It's a microphone.
I can set it up righteously for the Patreon.
Don't worry about it.
Yeah, I might put a I actually might put a giant like a micro bird on my wall and just
tap it every day when I walk in a little play, like a champion,
or like a little thing on your dashboard.
If it's just like incredibly like a realistic micro bird penis,
it just kind of doggles around on your,
while you drive, just calm you down in traffic. Be like, dude,
it could be so much worse.
Why you guys so hung up on your birds? I'm not, I know, but that's like,
that's like, that's right. Yeah'm just trying to see if you can say something.
But wait, doesn't Bill, what was the number you had?
Did you have a?
Seven was seven.
Seven inches, three fingers, seven point five.
Seven point five.
And he got a double blow job at a movie theater.
Wasn't a double blow job.
Someone gave me this after a show in San Jose.
That's hilarious.
That was just the fucking insane thing that grown men were doing to a child.
Wait, what?
You guys were all just like,
oh, how'd they see your dick?
You made me go into detail.
No, you came home and you were like,
hell yeah.
It's eighth grade, 17.
You came home and I was just minding my own business
and you were like,
yo, I got a double blow job in a movie theater.
I didn't say double blow job.
You didn't say double.
You got a double blow job. Two girls blew it. I didn't say double. He got a double.
I would never say that. I said a girl saw my dick.
I said how big my dick was you guys. You're lying. I was like, how are you lying? I was like, she had her phone and I measured the phone later.
She used my phone. So wait, you didn't get a double blow job. Hell no.
What movie was it? I couldn't remember. Probably ATL.
I saw that in theaters. That movie is good as shit.
ATL is a good movie.
But you were getting a blow job. I wasn't.
You got a double.
Two girls.
I never, I never, I never received that.
So did a lady, did a lady just inspect your penis?
No. What's that?
Did you just got your penis inspected?
No, I was just talking to you guys and then you were like, well, how do you know how big it is?
And I thought it was weird that I measured it. So I just fucking made up a lie.
Oh, so you just measured your dick.
Yeah, he just measured it.
It's not a big deal.
But fucking.
What'd you measure your dick with?
Tape? Tape measure?
No, a school ruler, 12 incher.
Did you flop over it?
What?
Like, what'd you come up with?
From the top, not from the fucking underneath your balls.
He came at 7.5.
Yeah. In eighth grade.
Yeah. Biggest my dick probably ever was.
Oh, so you're saying that was actually a fact?
That's true.
In eighth grade, yes.
You had a seven.
You had a seven.
Like centimeters?
I don't think it is ground at all.
If anything, it shrunk.
You had a seven in eighth grade.
Eighth grade.
Seven and a half eighth grade.
It was seven.
CM.
No, so pumped up.
You might have done some math on that
to get that up there.
You might have been jabbing yourself
in the balls of that ruler, dude
Whatever it takes
I said this as an eighth grader and they lost their fucking mind
He said double blowjob Hey dude, cause your brothers were in shambles. I have a whole nother memory of this.
He said double blow job on my 10 inch cotton.
And they both couldn't get enough. I believe Tom cause Tom's like a good grownup.
I've got a very strong memory.
He's done drugs, bro. You can't trust his brain.
Tom would have been like 25.
Don't take a PA like that.
You don't take a PA like that.
First of all, you've probably done more drugs than me.
Hell no.
If you add up the amount of nights you've drank.
No, dude, because I barely drink.
The amount of Nick you've vaped.
You're going to count Nick now.
You're going to grasp it.
It's a drug.
You grasp it and fucking strolls.
I'm on a once a month drug schedule.
Yeah, I barely even drink.
No coffee.
All right, you win.
No Nick.
Matt, do you think Ye is doing nitrous or no?
Ye? Probably. He he's doing nitrous or no?
Yeah, probably he's definitely this a he said the Henny's what made him go wild about the Jews. You know that
He blamed blamed it on a truck. Yeah, did you order pizza fucking relax? puff some. You should go puff some. I ordered pizza. Calm down. It should take 20 minutes to get here.
Dude, go puff some nitrous. No dude. We have more tanks in here.
You used to be able to get go puff hookahs. That's how it started.
Go puff was a hookah delivery. You get hookahs and shit. And when I was a temple,
you get like hookahs and Coles and shit like that.
I never smoked hookah. It's fucking atrocious. It sucks.
I went when I was like 18 to West Chester to a hookah bar. Ites and shit like that. I ever smoked hookah. It's fucking atrocious. It sucks. I went when I was like 18 to Westchester to a hookah bar.
It was so fucking bad.
It's fuck.
It's like, it tastes like shit.
It burns your throat.
I'm not a hookah guy.
Matt and Billy, I just sent you the most fiendish fucking meme of all time.
Oh man.
It's devastating.
Oh no.
Don't send me this shit.
What is it?
Don't send me that shit.
Oh man. It's devastating. Oh, no, don't send me this shit. What is it? Oh, man, that's terrible. Is that devastating? That's terrible.
I can't look at that shit.
It hurts. It hurts so bad.
If you're in love, it hurts.
Oh, dude.
P.S. She said this your pussy do.
And remember, at one point it slipped out and she put it back in. Oh, dude. P.S. she said this is your pussy dude.
And remember at one point it slipped out
and she put it back in.
Yeah, fuck you can't enjoy anything anymore.
You can't even have fun anymore.
You can't even fall in love with girls
because of the goddamn internet.
I'll be on Twitter and something like that will pass by
and I'm just like what the fuck, bro.
Yeah, I saw a vicious tweet from this lady.
She was one of those girls,
you know how there's like girls that just tweet
like horror, horror tweets? Yeah, yeah, tweets. She tweeted one. She was like,
when I'm on top of him bouncing,
I shake my head to let him know I'm not happy cause I'm not single.
And it's just like, Oh Jesus. She was like,
I shake my head to let them know that it's not okay. Cause I have a boyfriend.
What the fuck?
Just a lady tweeting like shit like that to bother the dudes.
Work talking about exactly
Yeah, all Twitter is is like only fans fucking ads and then like anti-semitic memes
When the liberals were policing it it was a better place you get some information and now articles and stuff
Oh, dude. Now I did it it's a bedlam
It's just porno ads and fucking yeah, like post your best hits and it's like fucking 50 thing of tits
And then after that it's like if you look at the angle I got nevermind
going on that
Yeah, it's X X has gotten kind of fucking wild, actually.
You're right. Mine was pretty chill for a long time.
Now it's just like you see that plane fall out of the sky and yeah, that was a
bomber. Eight cancer doctors.
I was eight cancer doctors on the plane on the plane.
They were going to a thing. Talk about turbo cancer.
And the fucking plane went down.
Yeah, dude, the plane. It lost lift.
It lost lift and just went flat down out.
It was free.
That was a tough way to go.
Those people in there were spinning on the way down.
Not knowing which way is up.
That sucks.
Fucking hate planes, dude.
Every time on this bird stank.
I'm the guy who dies in a fucking plane crash.
I don't know if it's because I got older or what, but every time I'm on a plane, I'm like, dude, this is it.
You really think they're gonna crash?
All the time.
I never thought about it on a plane.
All the time, dude.
You're more likely to get in a car accident.
I do, this is the shit I go through the whole fucking time
and I'm just like, oh, that's the ambulance, here we go.
Plane never crashes.
It'd be like the best way to die, though.
No, it wouldn't.
The best way to die would be in your sleep.
It would suck.
Die, it'd be like a terrible. A fucking plane die would be in your sleep. It would suck
So bad better than fire so much time on the way down to be like
Yeah, but that's like being all the people around everyone screaming one's brutal Yeah, that's a peek into hell. Do you imagine getting like diagnosed with like lung cancer? Okay?
Go through all the chemo then they're like it's intermission psych you're dead. You got to fight on it. It'd be like a year. Now you got to fight it. You go through all the chemo, then they're like, it's intermission. Psych. You're dead. You just
said the best. What? You said that would be the, at least. No, I said the flight. I'd rather die
on a flight. Than cancer. Yeah. They get cancer or something. I'd rather have cancer, dude. Really?
You wouldn't want to try to kick cancer's ass. Yeah. Bring the bell, bro. I'm saying when they
give it to you and then they start giving the false hope and it's getting worse and you're going like the medicine's killing you for like
a year and a half. And then they're just kind of like, Oh, well you're going to
die. At least people being nice to you.
You've been like isolated from your family for a year.
That's fair. Now let's, let's consider falling out of the sky.
I would immediately go into it.
40s out. Yeah. You say,
bro.
I'd have the tank with me.
I'd take the nitrous tank out immediately from it.
That's supposedly what the guy from a free bird did. What?
When they were going down the bird, he fucking took a seat, looked at everyone,
smiled. I think the lead singer Vans aunt. Is that right? Yeah.
He smiled at everyone, just fucking sat back and let the plane crash.
People survived that. Yeah. Some people survived. Oh. You would never.
What would I do?
Scream like, aah!
My pants would be wet.
You would lose any control.
I would take a deep breath and be like, here we go.
That's what I like.
Look, we've all had that fantasy.
That's like saying you'd storm Normandy.
I wouldn't storm Normandy, that's different.
That's terrifying.
Because with a plane crash, it's like,
there's no other way out of this,
except your death now, you have 30 seconds to deal with it,
and you're like, okay. dude, you're on one.
Now you ever hear what they yelled to it's fucked up.
The Stortus is how you listen to them to, and they're like, brace, brace, brace.
Have you ever been in like a shitty plane situation?
No, he listens to turbulence too.
I've, I've gone through some wild ones where you were like, I might die.
Yeah, there's been nothing like, nothing like, uh, I don't know.
I had one coming back into Philly through a thunderstorm that was fucking crazy.
There was lightning everywhere. It was so scary.
Tom, it's like baby screaming. Fucking nobody knows.
Yeah. But like, I'm saying like, okay, so let's say I went to the doctor, right?
Yeah. And they were like, you have cancer, go home so let's say I went to the doctor, right? Yeah.
And they were like, you have cancer.
Go home and tell your kids,
explain to your son you're gonna die.
I'd rather my son wake up and be like,
daddy died in a plane crash.
That whole situation's avoided.
Yeah, maybe that's better for him.
I don't know, you could just say goodbye to your family.
Not if you're like, I might die, I might not.
And then you're like, I think I'll make it
to your graduation, so like.
Or you can never say bye to your kids
and they have no dad and never. Yeah, but then it's like, you died in a plane no dad never like your dad's a charred fucking man you'd go out on top
you're out on the bottom you die and you go on Twitter and everyone goes yo you
fucking see that that's not way bro plane crash would I'd rather do plane crash
than a car accident because the car accident would have been something I fucked up.
Like, oh, you look to change your song real quick.
Boom, you died.
I think we saw we saw a car accident today and it was it was like it hit a truck.
It was fucked up and it was just a little girl.
We didn't see the parents.
Oh, there's just a little girl with like police officers.
And I was like, pretty sick. Where's her parents?
I was like, she should have been driving.
Yeah, I saw a dude die I was like, stop blocking. Stop blocking. Stop blocking while you drive. Yeah.
I saw a dude die last week on Spring Garden Street.
Oh, that's crazy.
It looks like God just like took him.
He was walking like an old man with a cane,
just dropped, head hit the pavement.
I mean, he might've lived,
it might've been like a stroke or a heart attack or something.
Well, I think he died, yeah.
That's how you want to go.
The whole point of what I'm saying is I'd rather
check out in a plane crash, I'm all hyped.
I'm like, oh, I'm about to get down here.
We're going to get, you're done.
Lights out.
Don't die right away.
What if you hit the ground and you're like half burned?
That's different.
That's another subject.
If you're like eating people and you're in alive and stuff,
I'm not talking about like you're up and they're like,
hey, everyone, we're dying.
I'd be like, all right.
Wait, wasn't that, you just tell me what's his name
died in a helicopter crash?
SRV.
He crawled for a while. Don't laugh Steve Ray Vaughn a tough one
It was in one of Eric Clapton's planes
He it was to Eric Clapton's helicopter stevie ray Vaughn was trying to get home to see his wife because he was now sober
And living a different life. I think it might have been a sacrifice, but I don't know
I wouldn't I wouldn't put that on slow. Oh, dude. He was the goat
Yeah, but he was like steaming technical. He, they wouldn't sacrifice. He's not worth the sacrifice.
Dan, that's you are showing our, he told me to fucking kick.
Let's dance. Wait, what? Oh yeah. You don't know that. Do you know how good
Steve Raybould was? Let's dance. He's a guitarist on that. And then see,
he was like, dude, come do your tour with me and try to give him fucking no
money. He's like, dude, fuck you. tour with me and try to give him fucking no money. He's like, dude, fuck you and roll slow hand sacrifice. I'm not saying that.
I wouldn't put that on. It's what he's alleging. I wouldn't put that on Clapton,
but I'm just saying fucking,
I just don't think Stevie Ray Vaughan would have been a worthwhile sacrifice.
Dude. He like to take his power from him. Damn. What power is a good guitar player?
He's unreal at guitar. It's like everyone in the fucking trash.
I'm not worth sacrifice. You're so damn That dude had talent. He didn't tell,
but I'm saying he wasn't like every guy at guitar center.
It plays like Steve Ray Vaughn. No, please play.
They play like Steve Ray Vaughn because he did all that. Yeah.
But that kind of guitar playing doesn't really tickle my pick.
So you don't like it. So he's bad. Okay. I didn't say that. I just said,
it's not like he's on Olympus. He's on Olympus of guitar. Who else is on Olympus of guitar players on
Mount Rush Joe Satch, not Satriani. He's good, but I just like not my bag, but I
won't hate on him. But if someone killed Joe Satriani, I could see that as a, um,
uh, a sacrifice. I think it was a helicopter top guitars. Fuck. That's how
many you can flying real high and it malfunctioned and he died. Maybe. But who knows? Are you going to give it to Jimmy?
Jimmy Page. Now that you know more about a guitar. Jimmy who? Jimi Hendrix. Hendrix lot of Hendrix He's not the greatest guitar player
But I'm saying when you take in what he was able to do to a crowd with a guitar
Yes, like Jimi Hendrix who put on a show with his guitar that no one could yeah, Stevie Ray Vaughn
Could be that he would like steamy was a backup. He was like a guitar lesson
Steve Stevie Ray was just trying to trigger me
There's a reason why Jimmy Hendrix watch. Watch him play Little Wing, dude.
You'll say sorry to him.
Watch him play Little Wing live.
I think it's a Montreux Jazz Festival.
No, you didn't watch it.
I was watching Jimi Hendrix videos yesterday.
Hendrix is good.
I love fucking Peter Green.
He was gone too soon.
They took him.
I'm sorry.
I just want to be able to see Bill.
I need to be able to see Bill.
I would say early Fleetwood Mac, early Fleetwood Mac.
Peter Green is fucking good. I love Peter Green.
Actually, Eric Clapton took his spot and John May on the Blues Breakers.
So he rolled and then Peter Green started Fleetwood Mac humble man.
He was like, dude, I don't want this band to be about me named after the other two
bros. I gave him that. I love Peter Green. Love Clapton.
One of the best Ingui Malstein or however the fuck you say his name is unreal dudes unreal
He's not my cup of tea, but the guy's just an unreal guitarist
Fuck it's so hard. You'd be a big fan of who's the guy who plays guitar for Bruce Springsteen
Little Stevie little Stevie. I like I mean I like he's given Steve Ray Vaughn. I kind of lumped them together
Yeah, cuz you're the dumb. What about Tom Morello from Rage Against Machine how he goes Wow. I
Wish that he's of all time took a helicopter
Lived took ten more helicopters
Tom Morello
Every bone in my body is a fucking pussy. Why he's like, oh my god
He's like he has like the communist shit on his guitar and he's like, oh dude fuck
Capitalism's like our dude give away your money give away your money, give away your money.
And then just keep your stupid guitar.
It keeps scratching with your fucking pick.
I like, I like rage against the machine.
I like the first they put them on the top guitarists list of, um, uh,
Rolling Stone and it fucking made the new Rolling Stone list makes me so fucking
mad. What about the chili pats though?
For Shanti is good. I like him a lot, but you know.
Kitas is a pedophile.
What?
You ever see the pedophile?
Yeah, he's got a new chick.
That's like 19.
But you're like supposedly in his book,
he's talking about.
Seinfeld did it.
Yeah, he did.
How he scooped up a 14 year old.
And then once she told me he was 14,
he's like, I hit it one more time and sent her packing.
Ooh, that's devilish.
Yeah, he wrote it.
Apparently, his autobiography is great from what I've heard,
but he does, he kind of pedos but calls safety because he's like, he tells on himself. Apparently his autobiography is great from what I've heard. But he does.
He kind of pedos, but call safety because he's like he tells on himself.
He's like, yeah, he's like, I did this.
Did you watch him on Dornab?
What did you see?
He doesn't do it.
He doorknobs basically.
Yeah, he was like safety.
Dornow, would you watch one, Rogan?
No, he's a fucking freak.
Like he talks and he's like 10 miles away mentally. He's like he's doing heroin since 1991
Yeah, that's the boys party. I will say this it's hard to say Rushmore
But currently top two Marcus Gang matches interviewed him and Billy strings. They play summertime at this guitar place
It is the cleanest sound shit you ever heard in your life. I listen every time we go on YouTube. I listen that shit
It's there those dudes are fucking goats now
We'll just have to young rush a lot of math rock guys out there now, but those brothers have soul great
Yeah, top four. They're your top four guitar player. It's so hard to fucking pick cuz that hards one two, three four
I understand that there's page
Knopfler Clapton Knopfler is very good. Jeff Beck mark Knopfler dire Straits
Jeff Beck is also up there his live at Ronnie Scott's is fucking awesome. If you watch him play the day in life
It's one of the best
I'll give you that one. That one was nice. Yeah, it was fucking awesome. Jeff Peck's a guitarist guitar player
Yeah, I like Jeff Beck. I mean, I don't know. Will you please play? No, I'm fucking atrocious
I'm in the first position. It's been six months. It will plug in that right? No, can't you can barely hear?
We got four mics on the roadcast
Yeah, I'm playing some stupid shit, but I'm also learning how to read music so I can fully understand so it's hard
You're end goal. You're gonna put a concert on no mind gold is just like if I'm fucking chillin
It's just mastery not even mastery if I'm just chillin like I need you I need you to shred at Wells Fargo
I can't I need you a man. I need
Fuck yeah that video of you playing live wasgo. I need you and Matt. I need you and Matt. Oh, Matt, fuck.
Yeah, Matt, that video of you playing live was nuts.
How do you do that?
That was, I don't know.
Were you drunk or high or anything?
I don't need substances.
Stevie Ray Vaughan didn't need them either.
Yeah, he did.
He actually fucking used them a lot and they would have to wake him up when he was blacked out
and he would just come on stage and rip like a guy from Guitar Center, allegedly.
I saw an interview with him where he was like like I learned I didn't need that stuff anymore.
Oh that's the best. Yeah he plays he plays a song for that dude and he got clean him
and his brother Jimmy became friends again. They were warned for a little while. I had
I just got lucky I knew they were playing in A minor because I think I heard them say
that and I go oh yeah A minor. Oh man. I had some pitot paws on myself. But yeah so you
just you just jam out once you learn the little what's your favorite key, man?
I'm an e guy
Like to play any just open up just ease when you open up the yes
It's sitting next to oh we can't hear it can't hear it's not picking up breath
Shredding dude Oh, we can't hear. We can't hear. It's not picking up breath. Not even. It looks great.
Shredding dude.
We'll get that. The cardinal toss in that open.
Just toss in Ben.
Cardinal toss in some.
I mean, what about Van Halen?
Unreal, dude.
See, I'm not into these tech.
I'm not. I'm not into it, but I can just recognize that that dude.
Yeah. OK, I'll get you on that one.
That's what I'm saying. Like you're you're sitting there. You're like a Rolling Stones conlet. Or no, no, no. I'm not into these tech. I'm not, I'm not into it, but I can just recognize that that dude. Yeah. Okay. I'll get you on that one. That's what I'm saying. Like you're, you're sitting there.
You're like a Rolling Stones, Conn's. No, no, no. I'm talking about the,
well, she's also a black woman. So that gives her seven points over Mark Knopfler.
Yeah. That would, that'd be good.
Mark Knopfler and Aaron Clapton are in the thirties for the top hundred.
I'd say Clapton's top four. Yeah. But that, like, they put some like chick.
John Mayer is good.
You used to love John Mayer. He's a fucking good guitarist. Yeah, he probably loved me
I think you love it. I think he's I I respect his music bill's body
He's dead. He does deading company now. Yeah, he's a dead man. I just quit
Not not my bag. Honestly, what the dead dude, what jerry jerry's top four?
Not, not my bag. Honestly. What the dead dude, Jerry Jerry's top four
lead singer of the warlocks not into it. Have any of you guys found your way into becoming a dead head?
I did a stint in like eighth. He was a fish. Yeah, I was like a fish head.
Eighth, ninth grade. Okay.
Well that was mostly because like we were like trying to figure out how to find
weed and we're like, we gotta go to the fish shows. We like got into fish.
I remember you guys such Such a funny age.
It's clearly not playing sports.
It's going to come and fish.
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chemical. Back to the show. Oh, by the way, guys, real quick, while I barely have your attention,
let me direct you to my comedy shows. I'll be in Providence, Rhode Island, Cleveland, Ohio. I'll be
in Boston at the Wilbur, Milwaukee Improv.
Also the big one, here's the big whammies.
Capital One Hall, Tyson's Virginia,
that is November 15th, 2024.
And I'll be at the New York Comedy Festival
and New York City obviously, a town hall, November 16th.
So those two dates are the big ones guys.
Come on please Virginia, come on New York City, please come please come
All right. Thank you. Also Shane m gills comm that mind doing beating over that with a big source. I
Am wildly out on that. Yeah, you never you stopped sports in eighth grade, right? I stopped in seventh seventh grade
I begged my parents. I'm like, please shut it down
I stopped in seventh seventh grade. I begged my parents. I'm like, shut it down. And they were like, I thought you played baseball. I played baseball up till seventh grade.
Okay. Yeah. I did track basketball, baseball. What was your track race? What was your,
I used to not compete. They stopped the mile one time. They pulled them off. They didn't let them
finish. Dude. I used to go to track and always tell every other coach I was doing something else.
I'd be like, I'm doing shot put, I'm doing distance.
And I would just fuck around the whole time.
And then they caught me at the end of the year.
So funny to retire from everything at seventh grade.
Just fucking unblocked.
I was like, I knew I sucked.
It's been done.
Become a Wulk.
I remember telling my parents, this is beat, there's no shakes.
I would be like nine and I'd come in and be like, Hey mom, like so and so up the streets had like
baseball's canceled today.
Cause the coach has to take a block.
And I'll be like, okay, cool.
Then she'd come out like screaming like
baseball's not canceled.
I'm like, fuck.
My favorite, Blizz was talking.
Blizz played freshman football.
Yeah.
He would just get level.
I felt so bad for those kids, man.
There was, there was like,
Why did he play freshman? Was he trying to be a sports ball guy? He was a freshman. There was, there was like, why did he play professional?
Was he trying to be a sports ball guy?
He was big, big dog.
Wait, Blizz was big.
Blizz was fat.
Blizz was a unit.
Damn.
You want some friendship.
That was the worst dude.
When we played football,
there'd be like kids that like were either JV
or like juniors on the varsity team.
And we would like fucking get the scrimmage in practice
and they would be like, go full tilt.
And like, I knew like the one kid I was like,
bro, I'm not gonna fucking hit, like I'll hit him.
But it's not gonna be like serious.
And they like made me like hit him fucking dead serious.
Cause the dude screamed, he goes, you're a pussy.
You're a pussy.
What is this for, like BY series?
No, it was Sally's.
Sally's.
Dude, fucking relax, man.
Do you see it in your boy?
Does he have F-
He has zero athletic ability. Ah, it's tough. No, it's good. Cause I'm not gonna push him in that direction. relaxed, man. Do you see it in your boy? Does he have F- He has zero athletic ability.
Ah, it's tough.
No, it's good,
because I'm not going to push him in that direction.
Right, right.
Like he told me, he was like,
I was like, you want to sign up for soccer?
And he's like, I'm not into sports, dad.
And I was like, all right, good.
Oh, wow, cool.
You know what he told me about dad?
That was fascinating.
I wonder if he's like coming online faster than you are.
He told me he wants to smoke pot when he gets older.
Holy shit.
The other day we were out,
and he was looking for caterpillars in my hemp plant. And he's like, dad, I think I'm going to smoke pot when he gets older. Holy shit. The other day we're out and he was looking for
caterpillars in my hemp plant and he's like, dad, I think I'm going to smoke pot when I get older
or I'm going to smoke hemp when I get older. I said, good. We'll talk about this when you're 14.
It's my boy. Looking for a body high. He likes to look for bugs in the plants. He's already
stoned.
So he was just like,
dad, I think I'm gonna smoke this when I get older.
And I was like, all right, dude, like.
He's gonna love finding bugs.
I support that.
He's gonna be so pumped.
I'm gonna raise them with like a open door policy
where it's like, you can do whatever you want
and like, we will talk about it as adults.
This Biden's America, dude.
What?
No, it's just like, I'm not gonna be like,
you're not allowed to do that.
White guys for Harris, everywhere.
It's definitely white dudes for Harris type shit.
I've never, I voted once.
What if he's feeling like a woman one day?
They were already gonna know.
What if he's feeling like a woman?
Dude, I told my dad I was playing tennis once
and he beat the shit out of me.
I can't believe he's allowing this type of shit.
I mean, the thing is, if you ever play tennis again,
shut it down. I would have been terrible. Anyway. Who's right.
Yeah. Did you ever hear of Padel? It's a fucking crazy sport.
It's like tennis with a plexiglass wall. No, dude. It's called Padel.
Something. Yeah. P. A. D. L. Yeah.
Something. They're going hard to pick. Oh yeah. I was in New York.
I was in central park. They set up where the ice skating rink is. I heard they're going to start turning balls to pickleball. Oh yeah. I was in New York. I was in central park.
They set up where the ice skating rink is.
I heard they're gonna start turning balls
into pickleball courts.
They gotta do something with those things.
Those things are fucked up.
It's the scariest place.
It's like, it feels like-
Chick-fil-A, Annie-annes, Zoomies.
It was just funny to see dudes like,
and it's also like a social club.
So you go down there to like meet,
it's all single people playing pickleball and just dudes shirtless going as hard as they can. If you ever played- Like screaming. Yeah, I played, it's also like a social club. So you go down there like meat. It's all single people playing pickleball and just dude shirtless going as hard as
they can. Like screaming. Yeah. I played. It's fun. Nice. It's really fun.
I haven't played it. I heard it's nice. Yeah. But it's just, I don't know.
It made my boy. I'll get into that. I was walking through the park and I was just,
I'm like, I like games like that. Like pickleball, like things that are fun.
You pick it up and put it down. You forget about golf and jam hand, can jam.
Yeah. Can't you fucking get Golf handjam hand can jam. Yeah
Get your kid into fucking can jam. I'll get it. He liked like I like sports where it's like Matt What's can jam? We drink while you play? No, I don't change it
Yeah, but you know I'm talking about drinkable sports bowling
Hole in golf drinkable. I like games that like you play once in a blue moon
And as you get progress into the game you you get better and better. And then you forget about it. Like bowling.
Like if you bowl third nasty,
third game is impossible to no one gets the third game.
Third game is where endurance kicks in and everyone goes, my fucking arm hurts.
This sucks.
I haven't bowled in a long time. I'm very bad at bowl. I got two 19.
Yeah, we were on a bowl to 19 is It's crazy. Yeah I was nasty. Yeah, absolutely nasty. Yeah
He's a play. We were playing other restaurants
He's a survivor. He's a natural-born autodidact
And that man anything I'm not retarded
Through pool bowling anything with like a
And it is not sports you get down with ray a. And it is not sports. You get down with Ray Gun.
Oh, that was great.
James McCann all last.
All that dumb fuck out about Ray Gun.
Is it a troll matters if it's real?
Break dancing.
She's like a I think a legit
or whatever Australian
academic thought I was like an Australian
joke. She's a break dance professor.
Yeah, she teaches Asians. That's a rich,
can't be real. That's real. It can't be a real thing, dude. That's one of those
things like rich people choose her. It's a, um, score zero, some chick from
Australia. They did break dancing in the Olympics and it's some chick that
literally it was like, you know, remember Jonah from tackle or whatever that guy,
Christopher Lilly, his shows where he's like New Zealand, everyone's
a fucking legend shows. Yeah, I know. Yeah. But he, they were all about
breakdancing in it. Chicks. So does the kangaroo. Uh, I need to see breakdancing
at the Olympics. Yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah. The lady scored a zero cause she's
trying to make his, I think she was trying to dismantle the skills hierarchy
and break dancing.
Nice.
It's just rolled around on the ground.
I like the one move where she touches her toe.
Yeah.
She hits the V ups.
She did good.
I thought it was a joke though.
I thought if somebody did that at a wedding, I'd make fun of him.
I'd be like, you's sucking breakdancing.
He's fucking hammered.
Wait, so she made it to the Olympics and then threw that out there?
Because her dude was one of the guys.
OK, yeah.
Yeah, they were coming out being like, well, leave this lady alone.
This is our best breakdancer.
I thought the country of Australia was playing a joke on us.
It literally looks like a little kid pretending to dance.
It looks like they remember that one club. You sent me a little kid in like second grade dance, an astronaut in the ocean.
It looks exactly like that, dude.
Did you watch ping pong at all?
No, it's fun to watch.
France beat Japan.
It was that's insane.
It's like a miracle.
It was, dude.
If I was sitting there, we're like eating dinner at a bar before he went on. I was just watching
France win over Japan. Like this is on fucking real. You get to watch the basketball. No,
I didn't see that. It was fucking awesome. I heard there was a close call there. He honored
us. He honored America. Really? Yeah. How so? It's a drain threes on a bunch of frogs.
I was pretty sick. I saw LeBron James fucking afterwards
diss the fuck out of a kid.
I didn't think there was anything wrong with that.
That was killing me.
LeBron's like fucking 40.
LeBron James.
Did he not play?
No, he played.
Oh, okay, they booed him pretty hard.
Why?
France, I don't know.
I think he was hitting him with like sockets and shit like that.
Yeah, he's an asshole.
Wrestling thoughts.
Yeah, he does.
He doesn't suck it. Yeah. They're yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
probably yeah I think it was in Paris if I was a little French kid he was like
dude stop I'd be like all right that's sick it's all he did yeah that was a
little French boy yo dude shut the fuck yeah Tom Tom Cruise jumped off of a
fucking thing to close the Olympics jumped into a road or motorcycle into a plane then
Skydived out to the chili peppers. It was fucking nuts. What?
You know that he's like six years old. Yeah
Blinded into the stadium why surprise everyone like hey, it's Tom Cruise
Dude, he's yes, and then he's like for exactly that reason for his age like he can still run and shit
He like rams because he's clear. That's what I said
He's a high-level Satan. Jerry doesn't fuck with his kids on his end
What do you mean like like like the ones with the girl from Doss's Creek?
They're ones with the girls are supposed to be like he doesn't talk to them and like if they try to reach me
He's like no
He like our on hub or wrote a book Dianetics, it's the other way around. He like, I'll run a hub or wrote a book.
Dianetics.
It's a great technology.
Ever since, ever since I've had that argument
with O'Connor that Tom Cruise sucks,
I've been hearing nothing cool shit from Tom Cruise.
Remember the Navy SEAL said he's legitimately good
at driving fighter pilots.
Yeah, I got to back that on on this argument for a while.
His argument was crazy because he said,
he is like the best movie.
There's the best actor. He's the coolest dude on the planet. He's not the coolest dude. He's a
fucking freak. He's not. You get confused with like people that can do like autistic skill levels.
When are you doing your masculine? I was supposed to do it tonight.
Tom, if I walked up to you and was like, I can drive a fucking fighter pilot.
I'd be like, yeah, whatever the fuck that is. I'd be like, when's the last time you talked to your kid?
Yeah, I mean, he's not the best father.
The first time I talked to him was just a butt spaz.
He's a fucking spaz.
A butt spaz.
He's like the dude, like you're all chill and he shows up.
What is a butt spaz?
I know what a butt spaz is. He touches body spazes.
A butt spaz is exactly a guy that's like, I'm really good at doing fighter pilots. I'll jump a boat. Yeah, chili peppers
It sounds cool skydiving the red hot chili pepper
I'm not a nerd worshiper Scientology is he's a butt smacks
He's like that dude in high school.
Your days are numbered, Matt.
They're coming for you.
Remember that dude in high school
that no one ever killed him?
No, that's exactly right.
He is.
Matt's worthy of a sacrifice.
Yeah.
Watch yourself.
I would sacrifice Matt before Stevie Ray Vaughan.
Matt, I might sacrifice Matt.
I'm saying.
Tom Cruise is the only way to keep this going.
Did you invent butt spaz?
That's a fucking good, that's a veryiser one way to keep this going. Did you invent butt spaz? That's a fucking good,
that's a very good psychological term.
It's like that dude who can't chill, no matter what,
he's somehow telling you how he jumped out of a fighter pilot
and you're like, dude, shut the fuck up.
I keep calling him fighter pilot.
Does he know what I mean?
He called it that.
Donimo.
Donimo's is locked.
Did you order Donimo's?
No, order it right now.
It takes 20 minutes to get here.
Fucking relax.
Go find the Donimos. What kind do you want? Go fuck a tank. I don't give a fuck at all. Dude, go puff a couple tanks. Did you order right now? Take 20 minutes to get here fucking relax
What kind do you want? Go? I don't give a fuck at all dude go puff a couple tanks No, dude fucking all I'm saying is if a random fucking nitrous. No, I've never done you've never done nitrous. No
You take a man on the pod like
Yeah, like that like screw is super deep. Yeah, it's Tom 22
Yeah, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, Like wife swap in and all that kind of gel. They call it the way you haven't met the right couple
Huge black guy don't tell you that might be in that lifestyle. Yeah, you got some wild-ass friends tonight
Every time I go over there those young hot-ass fucking
I'm about to spread the rumor Matt's on Roy's and a swinger. He's a swinger It's three boulders in your front yard, you would know bro the neighborhood
Screams he's in the lifestyle. You got to get a boulder
I was there when they first moved in so they hadn't established their swing of roots when they when you go over there
It's them and there's the couples it's there going
on there you're picking up a lot of good I'm at a point I don't judge anyone's
activities so if you want to swing you swing you know do whatever you want
there's just because Matt's gonna have to hang out with definitely gonna listen
to this no I don't steroids andids and swinging. Dude, Brittany thinks it's funny to bring up swinging every time we're out with people.
That's how it starts.
Yeah.
Would you fucking stop?
She's trying to tell you something.
She's trying to tell you something, dude.
No, I don't.
I get that.
You got to get that wheel going.
No.
What if you like it?
True.
True.
Actually, that's totally true.
If I can get my size up, I'll be totally down.
Yeah, you know what?
Now.
Yeah, you're gonna get stuck in the small hole.
I haven't fully, I need to be, I need,
I'm still loading right now.
I'm like, I'm still on my load screen.
It's like, let me put the wheel on.
You're two boulders.
There's still one more boulder on the way.
Once my girth's up, three boulders.
You gotta get a dude that's exactly your size.
True.
Exactly.
No, treat your queen, dude. Treat your queen. Slightly smaller. True. Exactly. Treat your queen, dude.
Treat your queen.
Slightly smaller.
Slightly smaller.
Treat your queen, dude.
Huh?
Treat your queen.
That's thinking like a swinger.
We might have swinger in us.
What?
I just don't tap into it.
Dude, if you have that in you, you're a sick fucking punk.
I'm just saying, you never know what lies underneath.
You just got in your relationship,
so you're still brand spanking new.
It gets a little boring, bro.
I turn to God and pray.
No, you don't, bro.
Say Hail Mary right now.
I'm not that...
Say the Hail Mary right now.
Can you do that?
You got to separate prayer from the institutional Catholicism.
Wait, you don't even know the Hail Mary.
I rejected the entire...
Try to do it then. I rejected the entire chat.
I do it.
No,
yeah. He dropped God. We dropped sports. Listen to fish.
I dropped corporate God,
Tom Hillman.
Just explain one thing to me.
Explain what? Who was in the garden. What's that?
Who was in the garden with him.
What do you, which garden?
Don't you dare.
Getsemane?
Getsemane?
Wait, what are you doing?
There's this dude.
There's this dude.
Hold on, where's he going with it?
Jesus was a pedophile.
Jesus, I'm not going to come on here and take Jesus.
This guy, Amon Hillman says that.
Amon Hillman says Jesus was a pedophile.
Jesus is a personal hero of mine.
I'm not going to stand up.
I came back.
I'll leave the podcast.
I just watched passion of the Christ.
You're going to hit me with stupid shit like that.
I didn't hit you with anything.
He died for us, bro.
He died for exactly what you're doing right now.
Yeah.
So he would forgive you right now.
He would still love you even though you call him a pedophile.
I'm not sinning.
I didn't call him a pedophile.
I said he's not.
He's a personal hero of mine.
You said Jesus is a pedophile and you want to die in a plane crash.
I didn't say that.
Tom, the definition of sin, sin means to miss the mark. You said Jesus is a pedophile and you wanted to die in a plane crash.
Sin means to miss the mark. You're missing the mark, brother.
Tom's not getting any planes. I don't fly much. You're not flying anywhere. That's why I'm so cultured. I don't fly that much. I fly down to like see him once in a while. It's about it. Yeah.
I'm on Hillman's wild. He's like, Jesus rolled around the group of kids and gave them drugs and
like, yeah, they were doing drugs and they were like boy prostitutes.
The apostles were like,
he's a YouTuber. He was on Danny Jones, formerly known as concrete pockets.
I don't know any of that. It's not worth it.
You're better off not knowing. This is demonic.
I was reading up on it and I got service to self lifestyle.
I got into the gospel. I got into the gospel of Thomas and I changed my mind. I no longer like him on
Hillman. Oh, you're done with them now. I think he's, he's a click baiter. Oh, yeah. I don't
support what he's saying. He's a pod goblin, dude. He's a pod. He's a pod goblin. He's just coming
up with a crazy. You're coming up with the juice tonight.
Butt spaz might be the greatest thing of all time.
Tom, for real, he inspired pod goblins.
He was telling me about this guy and he was like,
yeah, there was like a little boy in the garden when Jesus was
discovered by the soldiers, a little boy
fleed, therefore he's a pedophile.
The guy's like, I also speak Greek. It's like, dude,
you're a pod. You're just coming up with the craziest shit
to say. Matt, I got some juice for Kamala.
Call her a comedy.
La Trump hasn't thought about that.
Commie.
La.
Yeah.
I mean, you should get what's his name's old job.
Banning.
Banning.
I'd be a good propaganda.
You'd be a good propaganda.
Nasty, bro.
Yeah.
You bet.
The next is better locked up right now.
No, he's loose.
He's back out.
I think so.
They tried to lock his ass up, free him.
See, ever see American Dharma?
It's a sick Bannon documentary.
Yeah, I have, it was great.
I wonder if they're gonna let Bannon wear two shirts in jail.
Yeah, he always wears two shirts.
It's fucking awesome.
Two button downs.
Dude, the whole point we got into Jesus,
I was telling you is,
once your relationship starts to get a little cold.
He might be a pod goblin. He's controlling this
Yeah, I'm just trying to tell my breeze texting in the middle is very
Turn towards prayer and meditation don't start swinging obviously not this kind of looks like swinger vibes
You're kind of going to the room. There's a blue room. This is a very comfy large room
It's a very big couch for people. I love say you got the swing of dogs to the watch.
RIP to swing your dog.
There's a lot of stuff at play right now that could lead you into the lifestyle.
Not even these might be swinger fucking.
These might be like porn couches because you could wash all these individually.
They're for help. They're for you can wash these.
You're a host individually. You can wash these. You're a host. Individually. You can wash.
The porn couches.
I mean, I don't think for hosting, dude, I think those losers from Brazzers will get a poor love sec. Oh dude. It's just make sure you test, bro.
Please make sure you test. Promise me.
Stay clean. I don't know. I don't know how this went on me, bro
I was just saying we all might have swingers. Yeah, I think you just do bro. I think I don't even think you're a swinger I think you're a cuck
Yeah, I think you might be a cuck bro, you know they call the chair in hotels the cuck chair now
I don't even entertain this conversation. Yeah, Right. I'm a one woman, man.
I'm a fan. Don't mind me. I'm just watching. I don't even know how you know about this.
Where do you know about this stuff? The net? The net? What?
I've been on the net since I was a wee young ward hog.
I have no TV and very little internet. Yeah. Cause you use bro. No.
It's like a hammer and I won't have any heroin in my house. I can't use it.
A couple of newspapers on the floor. You get the internet and it's a W W W dot P
right now. Open your phone up and just hit Google search.
P X Shane. Shane, did you know that Google has been saying if I put P I get DOM in the Psychonaut Wiki
Dom
Nice dude
Look dude, P, Philly's, Patreon
Pizza near me
Yeah dude
This is the autophilia
Look, this is the autophil
They're right, they're right, ping pong tom
You think I'm looking up Philly's Philly's schedule?
These are my P's Patreon, PhoenixCaspian Ping pong, Tom. You think I'm looking up Philly's Philly schedule?
These are my piece.
Patreon, Phoenix Caspian.
What's Phoenix Caspian?
Phoenix Caspian.
It's a porn star.
No, no, he took it.
It's got to male porn star.
He wrote a book about solo MDMA therapy.
So doing MDMA by yourself for therapeutic purposes.
Yeah, Tom, did you know that Google had the fucking
incognito this whole time?
They had, they just got a lawsuit where they had to get straight to porno.
Do you guys want to keep going through my peas? No, no, you're good.
Number 68 Dom from PCAL.
I don't know if you guys know what Dom is. Guy from Grindr.
Is that the guy who comes over? No, Dom is a psychedelic
phenylethamine that I'm very interested in. Oh, Dom is a psychedelic phenylethymine
that I'm very interested in.
Oh, DOM.
DOM, S-T-P.
I'm going to get some by the end of the week.
Oh, wow.
Try it out.
I bet you will.
What are you talking about?
You bet.
There is no bets.
I'm speaking clearly of what I'm doing.
Do you ever think about your sexuality
when you're on these trips?
Do you?
I've gone deep into every core aspect of my head.
So what I do is once a month,
I have a hammock or a fireplace, depending on the season.
And I go out and I do like deep self assessments
of like how I got here, what's in my brain, all this stuff.
But I'm a heterosexual male.
Have you experienced,
like have you delved into homosexuality?
Have you explored that?
Like the cores of it?
Yeah.
I think what it is is like. Whether or not you could.
Nah, I have no homosexual attraction in me.
I know a kid that got, he's past now, RIP,
but I know a kid, he did like LSD,
or like one of those, they were doing a lot of synthetics
when I was in college, and someone was like,
you're gay, you're gay, and all this stuff,
and he got it in his head for the rest of his life.
He said, dude, I'm not gay.
And for the rest of his life, he just had little ink'm not gay. It's for the rest of his life.
He just had a little inkling in his head that he was gay.
But it's cause he might've been a little gay.
I don't think he was.
Didn't you get called gay a lot growing up?
Mm, literally until you came here.
Your older brothers didn't call you gay.
No, I mean, not at this, not at this rate.
I don't think you're gay.
I don't think he is.
I mean, obviously not.
I don't think Billy's gay at all.
I think he's, I think he's, I think he takes after his older brother. He's a one woman family man. Small dogs. Yeah, true. Where are the dogs? They're at my girlfriend's parents house. I have washable furniture myself. They had to stay over there after what you did to them. Oh, dude, that was bad. Did you drop him? Yeah, he dropped Reggie. He dropped Reggie on his head, then spazzed, bought spaz, then took him to the fucking bed. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. Did you drop him? Yeah, he dropped Reggie.
He dropped Reggie on his head, then spazzed,
butt spazzed, and took him to the fucking vet.
That was the butt of my girlfriend's butt spazze.
That was crazy.
These dogs are getting two little baby dogs.
Butt spazze getting two baby dogs?
That's called balling out.
Sweet dude.
I have a fucked up house.
I'm just fucking with you dude. Ever since I got a small dog, I love small dogs.
They're the best.
They're so fucking sweet.
Yeah, I was holding it, and then I was picking off shit
it rolled in, and then it used its hind legs
to jump off of my chest, and then it face planted
on the concrete, and its mouth was stuck up,
and I'm like, ah, and then just dead silent.
I was like, oh my fucking God.
You thought I killed it.
Were you fapping at all?
Was I fapping?
You were fapping when that dog jumped. I was in my girlfriend's parents' backyard. Obviously, I wasn had fapping at all. Was I happy when that dog jumped?
I was in my, I was in my, my girlfriend's parents backyard. Obviously I wasn't fapping girlfriend's parents house. Yeah.
It must be fat city. Never faps in there. You did never get a load of shreds.
You get horny over there. Wait, wouldn't have to. Never fapped. I believe it.
Yeah. Yeah. That's fucking hedonistic.
That's weird as shit.
Cause you, I assume you're always there with your girlfriend. Yes.
Yeah. That'd be insane. Okay. Never get in a fight. You got to catch a fab.
I never fought or like a fap after a fight.
Does it really? Yeah. You'd not, you go fuck that lady.
Any inconvenience if I jerked off again,
I don't need anyone.
One knot gives you 10 minutes of respite from a fight.
Any kind of emotional turmoil I jerk off.
Yeah, man.
Especially if you're like,
oh, you don't want to have sex with me,
I'll show you, and you jerk off over a toilet.
I still beat off your bathroom.
That'll show it.
Always.
Damn.
You still do what?
Bathroom jerks. I'm institutionalized, dude
Man, wait, you try the bed beds. No, I can't it just feels too decadent
Laying down on what I just beat off on the toilet always have always you stand up sit
Every time I like it's not not fucking around asshole out to a toilet bowl. Yes
You sit and like sit weird.
No, I just fucking sit there and beat off.
Like a turn around in the toilet gone.
Yep.
It's the McCuff screw.
How is it weird?
There's no cleanup.
Yeah, cause then like the whole point of jerking off
is to get that released.
So you're like, okay, I got to stand up now
and do my final thing.
Like, why don't you just kick back and rub one out?
I just, I told you I'm institutionalized.
It's not the best way to jerk off. Just how I jerk off.
I could never just jerk off in my bed growing up. One of you fucking retards are always back off.
I know, but I'm just used to doing it one way. I think you like the toilet. I think you're,
I think you're saying you're institutionalized. I think you're a little weird. No, I mean you poopy too.
You guys were in the threat.
You were in the throes of alcohol addiction when I was in the seventh grade.
So I had a fucking beat off in the bathroom.
You definitely fart when you jack off then I shit and then beat off.
And then Jack off. Yeah. Always.
Come on your poop. No, it's what?
You guys told me I'm gonna come down here and play name that tune I said, I don't know
You guys have a very controversial podcast. I don't know if I want to be like, yeah
I don't talk about this kind of stuff that we're gonna do some wholesome family stuff and my bed
Another vicious rumor gets started
You said I have to poopy and then I have to come
I'm gonna cancel the pizza order
I just change the cell phone. We're gonna cancel the pizza order.
Don't get the pizza.
We got a fucking star.
Have you ever have any of you ever shit yourself while you're jerking off?
No, no, no.
You guys have lost the plot.
I almost did the other day.
And I was like, I think this is how people quit.
I think if you should, you're still only way. Yeah, it's rock bottom.
Wait, how did you squirt yourself while jerking?
I squirt. I was squirt.
No, I was just crumming real hard and I farted and I was like, oh, shit.
I had to like clinch.
There's nothing wrong with the comfort, though.
I've had a couple of.
It was out of control comfort that I was kind of like the runaway.
Come fight. I was like, if I shout, I was like, oh, if I almost shit myself now in like 20 years,
I'm definitely going to shit myself one of these times.
I think about that a lot.
I think you get ejected from the game.
I think that's red card.
No more jerking off for you.
It's probably the sweetest release.
I was one time I was jacking off on FaceTime with a lady.
That's so loud.
And I came and all she could see was just my red face,
like a dark room, like, ugh.
Oh, fuck.
And I was like, did you fucking hear that?
And she was like, no.
And she was like, what?
Oh.
I just had to tell her I farted.
I wonder if the NSA has that.
They probably do.
They probably picked up on that.
That's just in your Illuminati packet. How many pizzas did you dump with that?
I'll make you fucking jizz on poop dude. You don't drink soda bro.
When I get the pizza I do. You're on JD Vance. I like root beer pizza combo.
Fuck off. Do you like, you fuck with JD Vance? No, dude's a fucking worm.
He's a fucking worm, dude.
I don't fuck with him.
Are you voting this time?
He's like Lyndon B Johnson.
What?
No, I'm not voting after Operation Warp Speed yet, dude.
I was just questioning.
I was making sure you're staying true to your morals.
I love, I love Trump and I love what he did, but after Operation Warp Speed,
I'll never vote for him.
Bro, after he got shot and stood up and said fight, they had me close.
You're not going to vote.
They had me close and I will fight in my own way. I'm not going to vote.
That's crazy.
Fuck them.
Then he attacked Rogues too, which was hilarious.
Wait, who attacked Rogues?
Rogues won't let me work out, sir.
Trump.
Trump.
Yeah.
What did Trump say about Rogues?
I'm with Trump there.
Wait, what's the Rogan Trump beef?
He didn't even endorse RFK Jr.
He just said nice shit about RFK and then truth them into oblivion.
Somebody clipped it and said, Rogan endorsed RFK.
So then Trump tweeted.
He was like, I hope, I hope, I wonder how much Rogan's going to get
booed at the next UFC event.
Yeah.
I'm drunk with power.
I do wish you turn it on.
Everybody was going to be so mean to you now.
It's like, dude, stop doing that.
Yeah.
Trump's a bunch of buzz.
Oh, no.
The original buzz.
Not after that shot.
What?
You get shot and pop up in one shot.
No, you're blowing on, bro.
I'm not blue.
And I don't like any of your white dude.
You're definitely like, we got chat.
Fucking Cheeto.
I didn't say that.
I said it was fake. You're a white dude for Harris, bro. All a white dude. You never even got shot, fucking orange Cheeto. I didn't say that. I said it was fake.
You're a white dude for Harris, bro.
We're all in the same show.
I hear you.
I hear.
I fucking.
You drove right to side by side.
They're both the fucking shitty side.
I hear you.
Nice cop out.
I'm not really one of them.
He's not a cop out.
He blew it up, bro.
He definitely got shot, though.
He did.
But it was set.
The whole thing was set.
He definitely got shot.
I think we're in a matrix, honestly.
No, dude.
He got shot, but that whole thing was set.
He didn't dodge the bullet. As close to a miracle as I'm ever gonna say
Yo, why do you think they call them weekdays because they get you weak every single true
That's why you say good morning because you're waking up in morning. I
Say grand rise that video I've seen all these videos
No, but nothing bothers me more than when people think words like that. They're like, words have power.
You spell them because they're spells. Yeah.
That's like early onset skits.
That's the highest tier of black knowledge. Did you know they're spells?
If you go back into the waters of newt.
Well, yeah, I think that there's something fishy about that Trump. That's all I'm saying.
Yeah.
I mean, well, you know what?
I wouldn't agree with you if they were still on the news every day, but that shit came
and went.
My thing is if they wanted to kill him, they could kill him.
No shit.
It wasn't like they wanted to kid.
They just let a guy shoot him.
I don't think so.
No, there's guys in the water tower.
There was other people at hand.
I've seen the water tower footage.
It's not, it doesn't hold up.
I hear you.
There's 9 million times.
There's multiple shooters, but that's the thing. Look at it once.
And if you want to believe it at this point, I wanted to believe it.
Who gives a fuck? Yeah. At this point. Yeah.
There was people in the fucking towers.
If people can identify as whatever they want, you can believe it.
Do is on tower. It's called your truth, bro.
Just believe. I mean, I think you're going to vote.
I will. A hundred percent. I won't watch me.
I'll live. They're going to get you to vote.
You're going to get hit with so many white dudes for Harris that you're going to be like, I hope these fuckers lose. And I hope they do, but I won't sit there.
I fucking sat through. Do you think, you think I want to vote? I want to,
I want to vote for Trump.
I sat there with a fucking mask on my chin in line in 2020,
waiting to vote.
Like a fucking idiot.
Like a fucking idiot.
Like Ralph Wiggin with my finger up my nose.
I'm helping.
I'm going to change everything.
You know what happened?
Nothing because I X the fucking bubble
instead of filled in like a re-run.
So I'm done.
You might've gave up PA.
I'm done.
They counted yours.
Yeah, they counted me for fucking Biden. I voted in 2000 once for who?
Ralph Nader.
There's no way. Matt, have you voted yet? Not yet. Yeah.
I still haven't busted my chair yet. This might be the big year.
This might be the big year. I was all hyped on Ralph Nader in 2000.
I was 18. I thought that was the funniest shit to say in school when I was in
grade school. What? Ralph Nader. We all thought that was the funniest. I waited until I'm speaking at the library. I was that was a funny shit to say in school when I was in grade school. What Ralph Nader, we all thought that was a funny.
I'm speaking the library. I was like, this is my man.
I remember seeing Bernie Sanders at Drexel Philadelphia free library,
free library. I'll take it.
Yeah. He spoke at like in one of those halls down there. I was like, fuck it.
Ralph. Ron Paul got me fired up. Spade saw Ron Paul in the airport. No, Rand Paul. Rand Paul. Sorry.
Who's the guy who was attacking Fouchy? Is that Rand Paul? Yeah.
Fouchy just got COVID again. Did he? What the heck? Yeah.
I think he's got six boosters. If you're fully boosted,
I think it's seven to eight boosters you have. It's not,
you should try them and whatever cancer you're currently driving,
they should go in the woods.
Tom says he's going to do heroin. No, I said if I had a million dollars,
I would sit down with Carl Hart, but I would need enough to like,
just if your life fell apart, I don't think it would fall apart at this point.
Like you either have an addictive gene or you don't.
And the fact that like I have, do you think he'd do it and not get addicted? I can take heroin once and I get addicted.
That would be the ultimate fall. I don't drink coffee. I don't smoke cigarettes. I don't get
drunk. Like I have, I don't smoke weed every day. I don't pick up the phone or else you touch.
No, what's that? I could drink six beers right now. I just don't like the way it makes me act.
So like when I was younger, I used to binge drink.
It sounds like a fucking alcoholic.
No, it's not. An alcoholic is someone who can't control how much they drink. So like
the last like 30 times I drank.
That's like saying like, oh dude, I can't do heroin because when I do it, I do so fucking
much.
No, no. What I'm saying is like I stopped binge drinking when I was 24.
Yeah.
Because you had an alcohol problem.
No, because I was just a dickhead. I was a party animal. I was young. But then after that-
You're just a rock star. Even when then after that, even when I first started,
even when I first like got married, I would go out and have like four,
like three or four beers. Yeah. But I was like, I don't like this stuff.
I was hooked on like having crazy nights. So yeah, you're high on life.
So I was like, when I was like 15, 16, 17,
the best night to my life because I drank a hundred beers. Yeah.
So I kept that going and eventually I was like,
this isn't where it's at anymore.
Hell yeah, that shit rocks.
You know what I'm saying?
You used to get hammered.
So it's like weed.
I used to think you had to smoke like 50 bong loads.
Tom used to get fucked up.
I've heard, I heard Tom was a menace.
I was a menace when I drank.
Yeah, I'll give you that.
But like the same thing with weed,
like when I smoke weed now,
I'll smoke like two puffs of a bowl.
And I'm like, oh, this is way more,
Your speed? And this is better. So So like what I'm saying is like,
I think you could put any drug in front of me. Like I could do cocaine and be
like, that was an experience, but I'm not going to be like, I need more cocaine.
You sure? Yeah, that's what I mean.
Have you done cocaine? I was blacked out once and I did it.
Trust me. That stuff.
Try coke then heroin and See how it turns out.
I'll 100% do it.
You just go on a better. Yeah.
It's not a better though. You gotta understand. You've got this like,
just hit one. I don't, I wouldn't want to go on a vendor, but it'd be sick.
Like I'm not in a compulsive redosing of anything.
But you w you've never done Coke.
But you can't compulsively redose DMT unless you're Beezer.
Well, you could. I mean, like there's people who are like,
like who are like constantly trying to get fucked up. I don't do that.
Like I'm, I'm a very, like if I go to a wedding, if I go anywhere in public,
I'm always sober once a week or once a month,
I will buckle down batten down the hatches and like get deep into my
subconscious.
You should like drugs lab out and do like pure coke
I would once like if I had like enough like established, right?
Well, I'd rather cover all my bases first. So I had like a strong background to judge them against. Okay, you know what I mean?
So like I'm working on mescaline now that was supposed to be tonight, but I gave it up for you guys
Yeah, thanks, man. So we do that Friday
No one said it was gonna be easy, bro.
It's not an easy life I've chosen.
It's the hardest yoga of all.
What happens when you take mescaline?
So I've only done it in like lower doses.
So on Friday I'm gonna do a high dose.
And it's kind of like,
you've never really taken MDMA.
I think you got some speed offline one time.
I think I did math, yeah.
But like, you know when you take MDMA
and you get that like, that like,
that swell of everything's good.
Yeah.
But it's kind of like, I would be like,
I love Andrew so much.
Yeah, bro.
Well, I'm saying if you're on MDMA,
like, you guys are so fucking,
I'm trying to explain this.
I hear you.
I'm taking MDMA, you're like.
Explain it, let's get it.
It's not gay at all, I love Andrew.
I'll say that.
Your wife.
Okay.
What? I love my wife, I love Andrew. I love you, Shane.
I'm getting to know each other. But, um, so on the mescaline, you don't get that like urge to spill your guts.
It's just that feeling. But you're like internalizing it and you're like processing all the way.
I don't want to say exactly where, but where do you do? We should find out where he does this and we should get, we should get some nice Halloween costumes.
Once you do enough psychedelics,
you don't get scared like that.
You're dying for real this time.
I'd be like, guys, I'm in the middle of something.
Did you say on acid that you fucking thought
someone was taking care of you?
No, well, the one time I took acid, right?
I was in the woods and I took like three hits of acid.
And as I came out of it, I was like so grateful
for the person that takes care of me for like five minutes.
And then as I fully emerged from it,
I was like, oh, that's just me.
But it wasn't like, like if someone had come up in the woods,
I would have snapped out.
But you like, you thought someone was leaving you
all those snacks and treats while you're on there.
There was a guy named Tom. Cause at the time I was connected to my like soul.
Yeah. So like you broke out of the net.
I broke out of like the net, the net, which I'm trapped.
What the ancient Egyptians call it.
So like what I'm saying with mescaline is you get all those MDMA feelings and
like, like see how that lamp looks like that lamp would be mind blowing, but it wouldn't be distorted at all. Right. You'd just be like, like see how that lamp looks? Yeah. Like that lamp would be mind blowing,
but it wouldn't be distorted at all.
Right.
You'd just be like, whoa, those lights are cool.
Everything's cool.
It's just that feeling.
High on life.
High on life, but at the same time,
High on drugs.
You're like, you're processing all of your emotional stuff.
Right.
Without any kind of filter.
So it's like MDMA, but like it goes way deeper into you. Any drug you wanted to, what's that?
Any drug you wanted to off limits that Torah.
I mean like opiates, the Torah, like I'm not that,
like I'd say I would do heroin on the chance. Like I don't want to do heroin,
but like if someone was like, it's not fair that like doctor,
the whole conversation was I was saying Dr.
Carl Hart's argument was that heroin
and methamphetamines are the same thing as psychedelics.
Right.
We just have a different-
I mean, if you take them off of math probably.
But no, he's saying like low doses.
Oh, okay.
So like, I was like, I disagree with that.
And I was telling Andrew, like, if he took acid,
I would take heroin side by side
and be like, these are different.
Yeah.
That was my whole argument.
I wasn't saying like, yo, I need to get a bag.
Do you know where I get it?
You know, the data's in on heroin versus LSD.
I think that you just look at the country and you're like, dude, it's definitely way.
Yeah. But what he's saying is it's a perception thing.
So it's like if you sat someone down in a tent and you had a robe on and you gave them heroin,
you told them this was a mystical experience you can only do once they would walk away from it
and be like, I had that mystical experience you can only do once, they would walk away from it and be like,
I had that mystical experience, I'm good.
But by the time you get heroin,
it's the channel it's coming through,
whereas it's like the same thing with LSD
where it's like people are like, this makes you freak out,
then you give it to someone and they freak out.
It's like the power of suggestibility.
So you're saying like, heroin comes with a thing
of addiction and by the time you get there,
you're already on a train of addiction so you're like doing drugs you're getting
high you do heroin and heroin fills that void but what he's saying is like if you
looked at it the same he's just basically trying to justify the use of
heroin but he's saying like it can be a spiritual experience if it was in a
spiritual framework that makes sense.
But it's also there's probably I think it was like when it
first came out, when it was like opium and stuff, people
like, yeah, this is kind of chill.
And I think they slowly became addicted to opium.
Some people did because some people have that itch to like
constantly like all of China.
Yeah, they got obliterated by the fucking.
But it's like they hit us with that.
What I'm saying is it's like, they hit us with that.
What I'm saying is it's, it's on par with like alcohol addiction in America.
So like, if you could go to a corner bar and get clean, pure heroin, people would
not have all the problems we have.
You are a white dude for Harris, bro.
I don't fuck with voting.
I'm just saying the channels of wit. I mean, this is, this is going to get boring.
This isn't a fun podcast. I can't believe Billy jizzed on his own shit
I just did it dude, even if you flush it this smells like yeah
There's definitely some shit in there and plaster and you plaster the the walls a little bit occasionally sometimes you jizz on it
He's just on some shit. Are you looking forward? Are you like doing that turned around turn around do you bend forward?
No, no, no, no just backward. You're pissing. Yeah. You squat your legs.
Are you like sitting like that? Are you looking at your poop? No, no, no.
I literally stand up. Stand up. Yeah. Stand up. Hit it with the back shot.
Do you make noise? No, I don't. I was literally just talking about this.
This is fate. It's demonic. If you moan while you're jerking No, I don't. I was literally just talking about this is paid. It's demonic if you moan while you jerk off.
Yeah, it is.
Have you ever?
No.
You've ever been like, oh, fuck.
Yeah, no.
Every once in a while there's an accident.
Have you ever, like, right when you're about to lose one,
poop at the exact same time?
No.
Oh, just checking.
No.
I mean, like, yeah.
Like where you simultaneously had a poop coming out?
No, no, I'm not. I'm not that. We had a friend in high school that told us he did this and we
called him dookie jerk. The rest of us, the rest of his high school. I used to jerk off in the toilet,
but I didn't know like that it wouldn't go away. I couldn't really see it that good. Oh yeah. Like
you loaded up on the wall. Yeah, just there. Like my sister would be like, what did you do?
And like she was younger than me. I'd be like, wait, what was in there on the wall. Yeah, just there like my sister be like, what did you do? And like I she was younger than me. I mean, wait, what was in there?
On the toilet and you shoot the wall. I was role
You flush it. I got like water. Oh
He's a full load in the toilets while you remember when we had the biology books? Yeah. From like the Newman Library.
I like took that book and fucking demolished it.
What was it?
I came on that book, fucking whipped it off.
That was a book everybody had, shared.
That's the one you got to return at the end of school year.
Freak.
The book of souls.
The Delaware County book of the dead.
We should switch over the page.
The peach is almost here.
Matt, I'm not going to pause.
Gardini can just cut it just so it's easier for him.
Just back end shit you guys don't have to worry about.
But do you have Spotify on your computer?
Well, let me check.
I don't think so.
Can you log into Spotify on your computer?
Because you can share the audio, but you have to be an honest man not look
I'm gonna look I don't know that I have just go to Spotify calm. Oh
Yeah, that I can do for sure. Yeah, go to Spotify. Do you have Spotify or an Apple music guy?
I'm a Spotify guy. Yeah go on Spotify log in and then you can do it. No problem premium. I hope
Not premium. All right. Thank you
You get some s down there, dude.
Watch, watch, watch all the wires.
Fucking up the student.
I know.