Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance

Episode Date: January 8, 2025

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live in Atlanta TOMORROW - SAT @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Yes. We back. Please enjoy. God Bless. Download the PrizePicks app or visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRENCHED today and use code Drenched to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup

Wow. Wow. Here we go. I can't believe you guys got a new camera. Hey, man, dude, it's sad. I bought that months ago. Is it like nice? It's pretty nice, yeah. There's gonna be a clear picture now for the boys. Crystal clear, dude.

Wow. Yeah, I got nervous too. Remember the old one you still like zoom out of nowhere? Yeah. Zoom in on my face for a full episode? Yeah, I was worried. I was like, that thing's taking time off. That's a nightmare to have it slowly zoom on your face for a full episode. Yeah, I was worried. I was like that thing's got things taking time. But it's a nightmare to have it slowly zoom on your face for a full episode. That was the best blows. That was the best. It was funny to see it being like, I think it actually

zoomed in on just your head. That's a good podcast angle, though. Two cameras set up. Just Maximal Maxface total Gordon just dueling Gordon's Especially we got an argument You see the first his face all the time like Yeah, that's what when the zoom in on my face. I was like fuck They're definitely gonna catch me be a little bitch like you say something to me be like oh Yeah, right as if as if Matt it's good to be it's good to be back it's fantastic last time I saw you was Notre Dame I know I was just thinking about Notre Dame I mean broke

was incredible could have been the big kick if I made it that was like so when I was I was on my way there, and I hit up Matt Caffey, cause I didn't, I don't know, I wanted to get the bros on. For sure. And I was like, the only thing I can think of is Matt coming down.

If Matt kicks a field goal, he'll do it. You know what I mean? Like anybody else would be like, fuck no. Like that's like scary. Dude, I don't know, when you told me. And Matt just, I was like, Matt's gonna do it and Matt's gonna try his hardest. And there's gonna be no, there's no pressure. Like he's gonna just be like, I'm gonna do my best.

That's exactly what I did. I had no, I like when I was on the flight, I got the text and I was like, wow, all right. Yeah, I thought about it and I was like, I'm just gonna look at that ball and kick it as hard as I can. Did you know that that's what it was going to be like? No, I don't know. No, I didn't know anything about it. I'm the people watching.

No clue until I got there. And then you're like, dude, it's like a big show. And I was like, right on. And I just stuck to my guns. I told you, I told you. And I did I for real, especially the moment of kicking it, I had zero nerves. I get so nervous on those things. I mean, yeah, maybe, or maybe I just dissociated.

It makes total sense. That's why I spazzed and talked shit on Saban, like the fake, because he was like, what do you think about the game? And I was like, I don't know, fucking Nick Saban cheated. It was just a full spaz. It was so good though. I mean that, I'd like to explain that. Cause that was, so after I said that,

we had to go into the stadium to sit at the desk, which is where he didn't, he wasn't with us when I said it the first time. Yeah, yeah. So then I got in there and right before we go on, he looks at me and he's like, I heard what you said. And I was like, holy shit. And then Herb Street and McAfee were like,

he's just breaking balls, dude. He loves messing with guys. Like he's literally just fucking with you. And I was like, oh, all right. I'll fuck with him back. We can fuck her up. So then I would have never done that if I thought he was serious.

But they told me he was fucking around. So I started fucking with him. And then as soon as we get done, I tell her street and McAfee, I'm like, bro, he was definitely serious. And they were like, no way he was serious. Go talk to him. So I went up to him after news like you think the SEC dominated because we cheated that's bullshit. He spazzed on me. Were you helping him then?

So he was still on the stage and I was on the field. So after he yelled at me, I had to help him down. And he looked around to see if anybody else could help him. But I had to help him down. And yeah, I felt really bad about that. It's got to be crazy too because he's... How old is he? I think he's probably like 70.

Yeah, and he's... I didn't know... He might Yeah, and he's I didn't know. Might be older. Well, I didn't know, too, because I saw him on the screen. I didn't know who he was. And I was like, damn, dude, you should start wearing a hat. Like you look 73. Yeah. I'm like, you could really step into that look that into his coat to wear the whole thing. Next time I do game day, I'm dressing exactly like I'm wearing that hat.

And then just be like, what? What? These hats are cool. We are. This is how I dress. So guys who like sports dress. I didn't realize that was like a legendary coach He's the number he's the greatest coach of all time. So from him it must be like, you know, you go on those shows It's like all right time to get fucking high-fives At a boy, and you just get dickhead shows up. I mean we do roast the ones we love though, dude. We do only The only roast the ones we love so though, dude. We do only roast the ones we love. It's so funny, though, to be a 70-year-old man

just in, like, the twilight of your years, your legacy, and then just be like, dude, your hat's gay. Yeah, your hat's gay and you cheated. What? That was, you were just an agent of karma. There had to have been some, I'm not saying he's a bad guy, but I'm saying there's got to be just, like, there was some kind of equation that needed to be balanced

cosmically, and, you know, you were just there. I think I think I kind of was right though now The SEC is in the only conference that can pay players. Yeah That was the other thing too. It's well known right that like a lot of people were I yeah It's not so that's the thing. I think a lot of coaches can distance themselves from it. Mm-hmm I don't fucking we didn't pay players I don't know how all these guys got Dodge Chargers, but I didn't fucking do it Team has chains and cars But it's also like, you know, you can't like when I hear about like the flight gate and all that stuff

I'm always like good like as a good coach you should Know name was fucking cheating. Yeah, be awesome be awesome They are no name vacated wins because a couple players cheated on like a summer class Meanwhile the SEC was like we'll give cam Newton five hundred million dollars if he comes to this school I don't know man. I think him they did something to that guy. I got like mk. Oh Dude, fuck him. What's his bro? I don't know. He's dressy dresses like a cat Looks like a cartoon cat. I think you got abducted by aliens. It's crazy I was like a top hat and a bow tie every day. I feel like my theory my theory is a house fell on him

I think I think a house fell on him and he became a witch Real which is very witchy. He's huge. I'm Tony bro. I think that's huge I think got either abducted by aliens and sent to the future for five five thousand years beyond he that dude is Yeah, he's in the future. He's wild. He's wearing future clothes. Did you see the clip of, God, who was it, man? Corey Holcomb on his show. And Corey Holcomb just kind of like, he broke something down to him. I don't know what it was. It was about Trump or this or that.

I don't know what it was. But Corey Holcomb kind of owned him. And dude, you really believe it. Kind of like schooled him. Is Scamalib? Yeah, dude. Scamnoodle, yeah, I guess you can tell by the fucking outfit yeah bro otherwise it's good but it was a gory

Holcomb said I forgot I wish I remember what he said but he's like you can't be you can't really believe that he was like I don't like it was someone's like fuck I never thought he's like you've clearly thought about this before and he was like, yeah. And you can tell I definitely did. Devastating. Yeah, it was. I mean, I don't know, just see, I was,

but it was funny. Scam Newton, I was wrong about him though, in the NFL. I remember having a very intense argument with my college roommates being like, Jimmy Clawson is a professional passer from Notre Dame. Cam Newton can't run like that in the NFL dude this guy's gonna get fucking killed he dominated his whole career he was incredible changed the game yeah he was nasty you see him throw hands at one time yes he's also terrifying so that was kind of nice just joking around scam yeah scam I'll stop

calling scam cam you're the man. Oh, scram. You can be scram Newton. Scram Newton. Yeah, scram. Yeah, he those there, man. He really like it's wild to be that old and get like into like, I mean, I would say the bleeding edge of fashion. Yeah, it's like that's the bleeding edge of fashion is like borderline

cross-dressing. It's all for real. Looks like a Mary Kay. My it's crazy. It's also weird to be that big. Yeah true. You can't be like giant and wearing cool stuff. It looks nuts. It's very erotic to be threatening. You see Magic Johnson's son? I just saw a video of him yesterday. He's still going nuts dude. Yeah. What's that kid's... I mean dude. Oh is it a daughter now? I do you want to talk about a balancing act in the universe? imagine

Well, I do this is no disrespect. I'm this is more of like just kind of put yourself in someone's shoes But imagine if your dad had AIDS from getting too much pussy He got all the pussy that guy couldn't he like got like Multiple generations worth of pussy So like you got it. You got to be that gay when you come out of being his son You know what I mean for sure it would've been crazy if his son came out You know it's not a diddy son diddy sons are these womanize. I was they were the apple did not fall far from the tree Yeah, dude, I'm like fascinated by those guys

That's a why he's had two twin daughters just celebrated 18 year old, their 18 year old birthday or something. Who, Diddy? Diddy has twin 18 year old female daughters and it's like, I just, what a world. Yeah. To be, A, having a twin's weird enough that to be like, Diddy's son, is it him or?

His son's rap, one of them's really wrapped up. One of them played football at UCLA. That could be the wrong, I could be thinking somebody else and I think snooped on He did hit his strength and conditioning coach in the head with like a kettlebell Like attempted murder. It's probably just trying to get some If I saw a guy doing jumpin Jackson What if you get to quit it what if he gets acquitted it was all made up what that would be crazy No, I was right about that Did he did he attack the UCLA football coach with a kettlebell?

What? Yeah. Primal? You think it was a primal on it? It was probably, yeah, it was probably a basic gorilla head. I mean, he definitely wasn't swinging anything. If you're going to attack somebody with a kettlebell, it's probably like a 15 pounder, like a 10 pounder. Damn, his son was pretty good it looks like. Really? I don't know if he played ever, because his dad attacks him with a kettlebell.

I feel like that would get you off the bench. True. I wish my dad wasn't such a bitch about, you know, he could have got up and told me first. Yeah, he could have helped. I mean, I was playing both sides of the ball in seventh grade, so. True.

That was my, I peaked, like, I started out at my peak of football and was just like, yeah, you're Travis Hunter. I was never to a star. Tevin said special. Don't forget about special teams, bro. Three way. Yeah. I mean, all facets of the game. You had to say been say anything about me, actually.

Saban mentioned he said, he said, who was that guy who kicked that ball? I'd like to give him $500,000 tonight. Yeah, was that the guy from the BYC Bulldogs I saw there kicking the ball? True, I do wish my father had held it down like Diddy like that. Yeah, man. Came down to Elon with me the whole year

I was riding the bench just attacked our strength and conditioning coach with a kettlebell. Got his ass beat by our strength and conditioning coach. Yeah, dude, I'm telling you, it's a... I really love delving into the kind of just psychosis of fathers and sports and coaching. It's just like, it gets really, it's like a dark world, dude. Yeah.

It's pretty nuts, man. Phil held it in pretty well. That's good. Because I've seen... Occasionally he would come watch practice, which was little was he quiet though He didn't say anything you just would look over and you'd see a car in the parking lot. How bored is this fucking guy? No, he probably loves it dude. He liked it. Yeah, if you're quiet and chill more power to you It's one like dudes start dudes get weird. Yeah about like the high school sports like my son

Yeah, you do down to like way young people start spaszing and it's a we that's a weird trip to get on It's a weird trip to get on like yeah, my kids the best. Yeah, it's like not dude. It's clearly we're watching watch the field Yeah, watch the tape. We're gonna grind on the tape. It's all right But that is you know, that's that's a thing where it's not coaches playing their sons. That's what it does get a little like But that is, you know, that's that's a thing where it's not coaches playing their sons. That's where it does get a little like Yeah, quarterback every time quarter. Yeah, who knew every coach's son was a quarterback But yeah, that's I mean I could I could get into girls basketball coaching dude. The path is set for me The path is set I've thought about it So could be your mentor. That would be nice. Phil could mentor you. He probably could.

I think my mom just had knee surgery today and my dad's not home helping her because he's going to like a girls basketball practice. We'd be like, Phil, skip the fucking practice. No way. She just helped him the entire time. I was about to say it was probably. The whole time he was recovering from that.

I mean girls are so good at that. Day two. She got surgery yesterday. Really? And he's already, he's like, I gotta go to at that. Day two. She got surgery yesterday. Really? And he's already, he's like, I gotta go to the practice. Duty calls. It's like, dude, stay home. Women do wait on you hand, like they,

there's nothing they love more than you being like incapacitated. Yeah. If they had it your way, they'd be dead. Yeah. If they had it their way, you'd be dead ideally, but like you laying in a bed and needing them, they can't, they love that so much. Tucking you fucking your blankets. It's very nice. They love it, dude

If Brittany has anything wrong with her a I like kind of question her to make sure she's not faking first and foremost Yes Yeah, I go oh wow your knee really hurts and they're like, oh my god, just making sure not making this up And I have to go Oh, wow, your knee really hurts. And they're like, oh my god, just making sure you're not making this up. And I have to go. Yeah, it sucks, man. I told you, when I broke my nose and I got my deviated septum fixed while they had to put my nose back together,

I came out of the hospital and Brittany picked me up. She's always happy to do that. And they put me on fentanyl. Fuck you. Dude, I think it was I came. I came. F the hospital and like, you know, Brittany picked me up. She's like always happy to do that. And they put me on fentanyl. Fuck yeah. I do that because I came, I came. Fentanyl? Yeah dude, they put me on fent. I fucking, I came up.

I remember coming to, cause like, you know, they knock you out and like, boom, you're just back. Yeah. Just instantly to be continued. And I come back after hours of them just like, you know, cutting my nose. They, they cut your septum out, like the part between your nose

and then straighten it out and resew it. It's disgusting. But I came to, and once I realized where I was, I was like, hey, great job, everybody. Hey, everybody, great work. And everyone's like, all right, you can sit down. And they were like, we gave you something for the pain of the way home.

And I was like, what did you give me? I'm just curious. I am curious about, they give you ketamine to put you down apparently So I was curious about the cocktail and they're like fentanyl and I was like, huh? So hit me with a pick up. I just somewhere Fucking get a mean somewhere billion through the worst. Yeah true gave me some of that trunk dog But they wet young man. Yeah But I like I was like, alright and I was already so fucked up from everything else

They gave me but that that Fenton hit me and Brittany picked me up, and I was just like Anything she said I would be like would you just shut the foot I was so mean dude. Yeah, it's like I had opiate rage for sure Apparently that happens if you're on perks like you get mean dude Super mean also right now the mayor Black dudes are getting crushed by percusses black dudes are getting crushed by opiates right now. Yeah, opiates and galaxy yet I like to guess galaxy gas galaxy with its Use discovered with this year's covered with just discovered with its and it's not good They're getting fucked up you if you do too much nitrous

Apparently it stops your body from being able to produce vitamin B Which is like important for your nervous system. Yeah, it fucks you up Yeah, and dudes are calling off first of all they all say smoking or you're not smoking anything Yeah, you're just huffing galaxy gas and it's like dude it rocked Whippets rocked black people's hurting the community. It's crushing them. But their voice does get deep, which is sick. So you can be like, shh, I don't fucking know.

You get like three seconds of just like the ultimate OG. Then you fall over in like the fucking best mic part you had. Shit, I don't give a fuck. You just go down. You just go down. Yeah, that's nice. He just dead in the charger. Oh, shit.

Oh, four. Four. Ain't nobody can drive. I've been watching a YouTube guy that you've probably watched or would enjoy. There's like a Pakistani English guy. I think he's Pakistani. I don't know. There's like a Pakistani English guy, I think he's Pakistani, I don't know, some. For sure. But he goes to America to go to hoods

and interview people. Really? In the ghetto. Dude, that's a huge honor right now. So, brav, when did you decide to jump off the porch? That's not, oh dude, that's the best. When did you jump off the porch? They all use like yeah, so funny

Oh, what'd you just hit a lick and they're like no no. Yeah, it's all that It's through those guys Brandon Buckingham apparently got like wrapped up in like a shooting He was another guy who was like he did like I think he did like Skrilla and all these names like inside the most dangerous School was he interviewed school on one of them and Skrilla was therilla is the man. So far everybody in Philly was like, Mr. Disrespectful. Oh, I know, YBC Duel, RIP, he got killed. It was the funniest interview I've ever seen. He's like, so what do they call you,

Mr. Disrespectful, bro? He's like, I'll just really be disrespecting everybody. It's like, all right, you fucking asshole. He was digging up the Ob's Graves. He digged up the Ob's Graves. He got killed, dude, in West Philly. Yeah, he got killed right after that interview. Yeah.

But Skrilla was the only one that, because every time he always asks, he's like, would you put the guns down if the ops put the guns down? And everyone's always like, no, we got to exterminate the ops. Yeah. Skrilla was just like, yeah, for sure.

Well, he's. I think he had a nice upbringing. Or nicer. Well, his dad was in the picture. I've watched seven Skrilla interviews. Yeah, he kind of rules. He does in the picture. I've watched like seven Skrill interviews. Yeah, he kind of rules. He does rule, dude. Other than?

I've messaged him before. Did I tell you what happened the one time? Yes. So yeah, I was watching him on a Kensington live feed. I had to tell him. I was like, bro, if they got the drop on you, dude, you better get out of there. Did he respond? Yeah, he talked to me. He was like, that's crazy. I was like, bro, I'm watching you on a live stream on YouTube, like talked to me. He was like, that's crazy. Because he was like, I was like, bro,

I'm watching you on a live stream on YouTube, like your whereabouts. That's awesome. And then I'd watch him go into the bar he was going into. Then I'd watch inside the bar on his Instagram live. It was crazy, dude. But yeah, he is the absolute man. But his thing was he works with a bunch of other,

he just works with all these different gangs. And then he would surprise guys and put them on the same track and They would like spaz because they were like, you know They're the ops the ops and he was not tell them and put them on the same track and they'd be like what the fuck dude He's the man. I love that guy. I was I did like mr. Disrespectful I love yeah, why we see pretty fun to look how he handled himself What's funny too cuz they're young as fuck dude, how he handled himself. Yeah, true. Well, it's funny too, because they're young as fuck, dude. They're like 22, 23.

Just get the bag, dude. I'm rooting for them, dude. I hope they do well. I need Skrilla, dude, to not die from drugs. All those guys, dude, when you watch like Million Dollars Worth a Game, it's just those two dudes, Gilly and Wilo, whatever, just talking to dudes like,

they did the Kodak Black episode, and the dude's just like dipping out. He was so hot. Yeah, Kodak's unfortunately very fucked up right now. Did you see when he threw a pill up in the air on, I think it was Kaisenat. Yeah, it was on Kaisenat, yeah. That was a little twitch for the itch or something. It was a little glitch for the twitch.

He wouldn't leave. And he caught it. He wouldn't leave though. Kaisenat, I was trying to get him to leave, and he was like, ah! I was like, holy shit. Dude, fucking NBA young boys, same thing. They did a thing for him and he'd just be like, yeah. He was so fucked up he couldn't talk.

And they were like, listen to me. Yeah, it was a really moving speech, man. He talked to Kodak Black and gave him a speech and I was like, damn, that's actually very moving. But yeah, dude, you guys can't do the fucking fucking I try to warn my black friends a long time ago So guys the white what the pills came for us, dude. We felt it was winter for a long time Don't make the same mistake and they're like nah, bro. I'd be fucking on these things forever. I'm like It's not gonna work out that way dude. You're gonna be a junkie

But yeah, I'm shame. It's a goddamn shame dude but dude the Notre Dame game I told you I saw the funniest thing I've ever seen because I was sitting in like there I was sitting near a lot of Indiana fans it was like you know it's in Indiana or whatever and I had the SDI hat on which is red so a lot of Indiana fans thought I was repping Indiana so I was just like sitting with them and then there was like these Notre Dame fans. It was like three early 20 something kids with like a 50 something year old dad.

And when they scored that, like that one run early on, the Indiana guys are like yelling stuff. And then like nothing crazy. But this one kid Notre Dame fan turns around to like an old man in decked out Indiana Indiana gear and goes fuck you Dude like you know close everybody Yeah, he was like right here in this man's face screamed at him double bird to the face, and I was just like oh Dude, I was like it was the funny and the old man was like no hey no don't say that to me

it was a fucking funny, and then the kids dad was like, don't don't say that to me. It was a fucking funny. And then the kid's dad was like, do that. Knock that off. And it was so funny. You see, I've gotten in flights at games. Bro, that was I I'm surprised. The crazy how people think they can talk to you during a football game. I'm surprised one of because I think that guy had his kin with him. Some relations you would say that someone have been like,

because you can just destroy somebody and just shove them. I had some Michigan fans a while ago Did you mean my cousin? My cousin's nuts And these guys were talking shit they're like oh, what are you guys gonna do about it? I was just like fucking kill you they have the high ground they did they were the row behind us See this guy would have fucked him up. Okay, so one row is not bad Yeah, scoop him down, but dude this guy his dad He was like humiliating his dad his dad obviously brought his three him and his three four two friends of the game The whole time was it was kind of funny. I guess I have been in every game I go to

Real high state Notre Dame game. They should separate the sides like a high school game. Yeah, that's crazy the way they do that But this guy so finally his dad like shamed him in Apologizing turn around he's like I'm sorry sir that wasn't appropriate for me to do that nice It was nice, but he turned but I'm like all right. He wasn't sincere Yeah, his dad got up to leave and I saw he popped his phone up in a group chat He was like I just said fuck you to this guy behind me my dad got mad. What a pussy That's mr.. Disrespectful young behind me, my dad got mad. What a pussy. That's Mr. Disrespectful.

That's a young, disrespectful, totally Mr. Disrespecting everybody. He was. And then he just every play, he just yells shit out. But, you know, that was that was that was so far. Too bad, though, because Indiana, they're not really the ops. Yeah, but the Penn State's the ops. I know, dude. This is the game.

This is it. This is the ultimate game. This Pennsylvania might break out in the Civil War. Pennsylvania will go crazy. This is like this is this is the most stressful game possible They gotta beat him bro. They got to do it for those kids. I agree, although What about the Catholic Church you like dude no names its own thing That's why we need his teachings even more even you know all men fall yeah, so we do they did all disgrace the teachings But yeah, that's true. What about the Catholic Church? It's like now dude. Don't fucking bring them first of all that's different

That's different. That's different. We all know that's there. That's a family business. That's a fast in-house. That's in-house. That's family business They were being weird, bro. They were being weird as fuck. Yeah, dude. When religious, dude, we used to chop virgins' heads off and kick them down the altar. People are going to catch them strays in the church. People are going to catch them strays.

After all we did for the whole world, the Catholic Church, what did Penn State do? One title in 60 years under Joe Poff? I mean, dude, that's the thesis of that book. You get fired for that around Notre Dame, dude, that's the thesis of that book. You get fired for that around Notre Dame, what? That's the thesis of dominion. Apparently every abolitionist movement early on was tied to Catholic Church.

Where's he going? I think that's mine. Ooh. What are you doing with it? Let's get him out of coffee. Just in time, bro. Just talking about worldwide. It's too big. So when I was living here, just in time, bro. Just talking about world-wide. It's too big.

So when I was living here, I started to like, not like Penn State, but you know what I mean? I'm like, I know some of the guys that played for him now, and it's like, especially in the South, where they're like, the North can't play football. So then you start to be like, now Penn State's actually not bad. And then I went back home for five months

surrounded by my friends. Yeah. I fucking hate Penn State's actually not bad. And then I went back home for five months surrounded by my friends. I fucking hate Penn State. I fucking hate them. I hate them, dude. Yeah, that'll be a huge, that's not the championship. Is it the- It's the semi-finals. Okay, then the championship.

So we're down to four. It's gonna be Ohio State, Texas on Friday. Kind of want Texas to win that. Definitely need Texas to win that. Yeah, we can see that. Ohio State's very good. Oh, that's a perfect little treat for that. Definitely need Texas to win that. Yeah. Ohio State's very good. Perfect little treat for me. I wanted you to have a little treat.

That's a perfect little caffeine treat. Dude, I'm so going on the caffeine, man. I'm telling you, dude, my level of secret buzz. I've always been looking for a secret buzz during the day. But I've been getting just atrocious with like. What's up with weed? How's that going? I so weed? How's that going? I so I was that for a secret buzz

I've taken a huge sabbatical from weed But I have found these mints and that you know everyone likes to fucking milligram mug everybody else Yeah, I like to do 50 years like whatever you do you but I found these mints There are two and a half milligrams and that way you can kind of titrate the dough So you don't just get like, thwacked out. You know, before I would try it on a playground with my kids and you just get like, wobbled on a plate. It's not a move.

It's not the, you know, it's not the road to successful parenting. But a little 2.5 milligram, perfect. Yes. And it just, especially if you're out drinking, I take one with every drink. And it's like, that way, like that fourth one hits, you're in the 10 milligram zone,

which isn't nothing crazy, but it's enough to give you the Jiminy Cricket on your shoulder in terms of drinking, because it's like, man, that ball rolled away from me in Boston, dude, and I got... What happened? I just got, I was in Boston, I was, like, my cousin met me up there.

What, you got fucked up? I got, dude, I got fucking hammered. It was a while ago. To the point where, where like they do those tours in like Boston does this Paul Revere tour. They're like, Ooh, this ancient fucking graveyard. It was actually sick. Me and my cousin were out there.

We've been drinking all day and then we were smoking cigars near a graveyard. But you couldn't get in. We were trying to get in because it was fenced off. It was like an old drunk trying to get into the seven drunk smoking cigars on a billion of those mints. I was just eating all day. Oh, no.

And I was like trying to get in because they had like these candle lit tours and like this ancient graveyard. I'd be sick. So I try to get in the door. They wouldn't let us in. So we got in this other area where we could get like real close, but we were like a little bit gated off. But then the tour came by.

Freedom Trail is now what it's called? No. It's probably something like that a guy was dressed like Paul Revere. Yeah what's his name? He's Sam from Boston. No he used to do the yeah same like you see that. Did he really? He used to be a reenactor on that. Yeah. It was kind of sick on that we were like sitting there we already we're just sitting there puffing our stugs. Just me and my cousin was like hammered to sit in there. And they're like, he was saying how like Harvard, like in the early days of America,

would pay grave robbers to go dig up people's loved ones so they could examine their dead bodies. Oh, nice. It was like a weird job, like a black market job you get. You could just dig up dead bodies and sell them to Harvard. Mr. Disrespectful. It was a way of life. It's truly a weird job, like a black market job you get. You could just dig up dead bodies and sell them to Harvard. Scum. It was disrespectful.

It was a way of life. It was truly a way of life. And so we're sitting there, we're on the edge of the thing and I was like, yo, let's get it. Can you get us inside? I wasn't even part of the tour. I was like, can we get inside? The guy who's the Paul Revere guy was like, no.

And I was like, oh, that's fucking lame. Then they were like, moving on. I was like, fuck. I was like, fuck. But I did see, I saw two or three young bros on city bikes Oh, that's fucking lame. Then they're like, moving on. But I did see I saw two or three young bros on city bikes. And they were like, I was talking to them. They're listeners of the podcast. I was hammered.

There's these two girls over there. I was just doing like the old guy thing of like, bro, I talked to those fucking bar. You guys have a wife. I'd be talking to the girls are getting loud. And I was like, they're just acting up, bro. They're desperate for your attention, man man They see you on those fucking city bikes They want you guys to ride over like you want to come to Fenway with us and I was like strongly considered

Yes, I gotta go Like get a city bike. It's like a five-mile ride. I was like, mmm, I better go inside But yeah, I got I woke up with the worst hangover Possibly it was like the the didn't, the alcohol won. But those weed edibles were still, because I don't know, I was just. Were you drinking liquor or something? Yeah, I was drinking liquor, ciders, wine.

I was drinking everything. You're doing it all. I was doing it all, dude. We went to the Cheers Bar. You gotta go to the Cheers Bar. So funny, dude. We went to the Cheers Bar. My cousin's wife was like, I know this is stupid guys. I really want to go.

We're like, no, no, no, it's not stupid. As soon as we got there, like, wow, so cool. But once we got in there, it was like, it's hard to get seats in there. And we just, it was like, it's actually kind of an aggressive place. Everyone's trying to like get to the bar. It's honestly, I don't want to talk badly about the Cheers bar, but it wasn't all that it was cracked out to be. But we actually got to the bar it wasn't all that it was cracked up to me. But we actually got to the bar and it was it was like kind of a hard thing to do. And it was just a stroke of luck. And once we dug in there, I just was crushing draft ciders like I couldn't stop. It was fun. It was so it was a bar, bro.

Exactly. And they have things of normisms and whatever the guy. So, dude, they have they have. Oh, God, they have those dumb plates you can buy. That's exactly what this fucking dipshit brought. Well dude, they have. You wanna hang it in here. They have like a bucket and they have little like. Day one during his panic attack from moving.

He thought he was dying. He was laying on my couch like I'm dying. He was like, you're just nervous from the move, bro. It's okay. How many, didn't you drink like 10 Jake Paul drinks on the way down here? And then took mushrooms and then thought he was gonna die It was a good time. Yeah, it was New Year's Eve. It was a good time. Yeah. Oh wow Yeah Yeah, it was you would love it, dude. You can pull in this bucket. It's just different norm is there's another ism

I don't know what character that was with the norm isms do hit kind of hard So we were just pull them out read them to my cousin's wife and go typical norm Classic norm classic norm man. Cheers. Nothing better than it. Yeah, it was very fun But then I got kind of hammered there then they went our wives went out to like do something so we sat at that was I didn't tell you I didn't tell you about this. So then we stood we sit So then we go me my cousin go to this like fancy looking like cavernous Mexican place It was like you can upscale Mexican place. I just sat there just crushed margaritas. The bartender was attractive full disclosure Attractive yes, maybe 26 year old bartender is pretty wild awesome

And so we're to be my cousin are sitting there just cool just two old-school players chillin out Max It was chillin out chillin out Max being normal as hell and like So then like we're sitting there drinking and then the guy next to us finishes his drink So then like we're sitting there drinking and then the guy next to us finishes his drink Stands up shakes the bartender's hand peace and I was like, bro. That is the horniest shit I've ever seen and mind you she had made me custom Margaret not a big deal Nothing because she was like personalizing. Yeah. Well, she was like, what do you want? My thing is is I go when I'm at a bar. I go just hit me with some crazy shit I know you can dream stuff up you go full mixologist hit me with the crazy shit. I know you can dream stuff up. You go full mixologist,

hit me with a passion fruit margarita. I mean, I think she was kind of sending me, you know, when a woman gives you passion fruit or anything, she's trying to tell you something, but I was just kind of like, hey, chill out, lady. Yeah. So then, so I'm sitting there like, man. You made no friendly advances.

Not at all. I, she could have been a obese 40 year old man. I would have treated her not differently at all. Yes, strictly business. Straight from the Cheers bar You were nothing but serious trying to remember Norma's to say to her She's gonna love this one But then I'm sitting there and I'm like tell my cousin like do is that not the craziest thing?

He's like that was pretty nuts to stand up shake the lady's hand So then finally I after like three margaritas there. I was like three margarita That's what it my god. He does after you know, yeah Well, I was I I just I had to ask her I was like, you know Just just for my understanding of the world was that was that kind of nuts how that guy shook your hand and she was like Oh, it's like one of my old co-workers I was just jealous he touched her hand. Yeah, of course.

Who does he think he is touching? Obviously my wife. Yeah, but I asked. She likes me. She has a crush on me. I asked, bro. I asked and I was just like, yo, just, I was, that was weird, right?

There's the horniest guys on earth are guys talking to car girls, like golf. Those are the horniest guys. There's videos, There's videos. You can find it. There's some good videos online of guys coming up to car girls and like, you understand how beautiful you are, right? Like what you do, you brighten my day.

Like cutting her off from getting back in the car and being like, I love you. There's a yeah, I go to there's a golf course near me that I go to that they also they serve fucking Like fantastic taco the food is awesome So we'll bring the kids there and let them run around after like the driving rain shuts down that gives a run around Yeah, and that grass we just crushed tacos But I didn't know that was a thing because I saw a lady driving a golf cart Yeah, and just just out of like like literally innocent the hottest outfit possible. Yeah, it's kind of like skirt and polo I was trying to figure out of like literally innocent. It's the hottest outfit possible. Yeah, it's like tennis skirt and polo.

I was trying to figure out, I was like, is this a thing? I thought it was just like a one-off. And she comes to give you drinks and snacks. Really? While you're already hammered on the golf course and you go. See, I didn't know that. And while your wife is saying, where are you?

You've been gone too long. You go, bitch, I'm on the third fucking hole. Yeah. That game seems designed to just like absolutely crush wives. It's so long. Yeah. It's so long. Yeah, it's so long. And it's just the bros and they split it up. Yeah, no, no, no.

There's a girl's golf. There's guys golf. Something I'd love to get into, but I just don't have the time. I went to the driver's range a couple of times with Garabies. He loves it. It's all Garabies talks about. Could I walk the grounds with a walking stick and not play? Yeah, you could just walk on. That's what I'm saying. People might come up and be like, who are you?

I'm hiking. They got to find the car girl. My daughter was I'm from Pennsylvania. My daughter went missing. I think she's a car girl. She fell in with the wrong crowd. The club pro here took her under his wing. She fell in with some caddies.

Some tough caddies. Now she's a whore. My cousin was caddying for a long time and he like got nasty at golf. Yeah. I think he's like sub 80. That's pretty good. Yeah, I'm always blown away.

That's as good as it gets, yeah. I hear about people going sub 100, I'm like, damn bro. Yeah, you can play. People ask me to go golfing all the time like bro. I'll hit a 250 yeah, I will hit it. You won't believe the number all hit well I heard I was talking about I was talking about this as someone they're like no you do Pairs best ball. That's well. It's kind of fun. Yeah, and you just do nine holes. He's like don't 18 is crazy Unless we're drinking. Yeah That's part of the back nine you blacked out

It is a safe haven for drunk driving so fun But yeah dudes whip those things too because I did feel bad Xyo I'll unleash like the kids on the putting green and like usually I'm there late enough where no one's on there But the other day there was a lot of people in the putting green They were just trying to do putts while like girls are doing like cartwheels around. It was so fucking funny Usually I'm there late enough where no one's on there, but the other day there was a lot of people in the putting green. They were just trying to do putts while girls were doing cartwheels around. It was so fucking funny.

They gotta figure out how to hit it under pressure. That's what I was saying. I was like, hey man, sorry my kids don't do polite golf claps. Like you gotta earn it around here. There was a guy, I was like, dude, it was actually like, I think it was like two days ago. He was working on chip shots and there was,

dude there was like for real like seven little kids running around, he was chipping it and I was like, man, this guy must be confident. Dude, he fucking just sunk it. Like, he just sunk a hole in one chip shot. I was like, what the fuck? I'd be so worried I was gonna crack a kid in the head with a ball. For real, dude, I'm not, I was like,

he was hitting it hard enough to where I was like, damn, bro. Yeah, that golf course is the chill spot though. Tacos, chill. You gotta hit the range. I do, I hit the range every now and again. I'm not bad dude, I can hit it. And I don't know where this came from.

I can hit it straight somehow. Not with the driver. Driver's so hard. Driver I've sent a couple out into the road. And they're like, if you send it in the road, you're financially responsible. It's like, I don't think so, bro. Pretty sure I'm hitting golf clubs at your business.

I'm pretty sure you're the one with the insurance policies. If I hit a car, I'm obviously leaving and not telling anyone I did that. Yeah, I'm gonna be like, that one, you see that cart, it fucking shot it out like a long road. That wasn't fucking me. But yeah, dude, I've weirdly got better at sports in as I'm older, it's bizarre.

That happens a little, you slow down, you're not as... Just chill. You're not spazzing, you're not nervous. Exactly, dude, I'm telling you, that field goal kick, I didn't, wasn't nervous. Field goal kick you had, bro. You booted it. And all I could think about, I was telling you,

was that quote where it's like, it's like some Chinese Zen thing where it's like, as soon as the archer thinks about the prize, his mind becomes divided from the target. And I was just like dude, all I gotta think about is the target. I was totally. You were locked in.

I was totally locked in. I didn't, if I made it that would've been sick but I was like just happy I got it up into the air and moved but it's like dude, ping pong. Then I played ping pong that night. Me and James were playing ping pong. That was so fun. I'm good at ping pong now.

I was hammered just watching them play ping pong at night. Yeah, that was. It was great. I just sat on the pong now. I was hammered just watching them play ping pong at night. Yeah, that was great. I just sat on the couch, watched you guys try your hardest, diving, people were laying out. Were you surprised about the fucking- It was really good. But then I did, when you went to bed, I said, I'm gonna bring in my old workhorse, Chris O'Connor.

Get down here, I know O'Connor's gonna be good at this. O'Connor was nasty. Yeah, I believe it. That was my favorite part of the trip, probably. I was talking you and James into going back down and competing again Well the craziest he beat me and then I beat him and he came up and he's like I beat the second I'm like, yeah, like Matt told me who won they played three games Yeah, we did two sets of best out of three and he won the first I won the middle

He won this the second or the third I guess. Okay, it was very it was it was an easy one Even even hammered to just be like James Didn't you just say you won the game? He did it was great. They both are like no no We had to go back to settle it you got rich and to play anyway. He played great, but dude out of nowhere We like we're fucking around. I was like It was Crazy, bro. It was on this exciting times I'm telling you man, getting better at every sport

and nearing your 40s is like, it's kind of been a welcome. And it is, it's all mental. It's like, I just don't care about missing basketball shots. Yeah, hit a baseball. I'll see you out there on that. I'd like to see you on the home run derby. I bet you can hit it. I don't know, man.

That was my greatest sports weakness, was the swing in the back. Yeah, because it was scary, because someone was throwing a fast pitch. Yeah, now I don't care. I'd love a ball to hit me in the fucking head right now. Yeah, knock me. Just kill me. Knock me the fuck out.

I'm done with this day already. Charge the machine. Yeah, dude, I've been skateboarding fearlessly. I'm worried about that. You said in the videos, I said you better slow down, man. Bro, I might get a helmet and start going. You might break a fucking collarbone or something.

I'm not worried about bones. I'll break bones. I don't want to fuck my head something. You're not worried about those. I'll break bones Dude I Would be kind of lies. Yeah broke my arms skating It's do the pump track is like you drop in and then you like You have to like move your legs in a certain way to gain speed through the hills Dude, you come up to the last hill, the really good guys hit it and get air and then come down.

But just getting to the top of that thing, you're going, then you gotta come around a little wall and dude, you're literally going, you're leaning and you're like, ugh. And my uncle, dude, he does it with me, he's like 50. He was like, he took a video, his son, my cousin, freeze the video video took a picture of my face like it looks like he's experiencing g-force because I'm like

Do the skate park it's so hard Like physically I would do it like effortlessly when I was a kid. Yeah, you get destroyed just like winded Yeah, I'm just like pumping your legs and like balancing your body. It's like when you're skiing. Not for a long time. It fucks you up. It's gotta kill you. Day two you're like, oh shit, my legs don't work.

You gotta be dead, yeah. I was doing an hour and 10 minutes of skateboarding. My legs were fried for like two days. It's pretty fucking eye-opening, honestly. Yeah. It's pretty crazy, but dude, once you get decent at it, it's so sick. And then it's like, I try to like,

I've been really trying to like stamp this part of myself out, but it's like, you see the other parents with their kids and you're skating, and you're like, hop on the board, pups. Hop on the board, bro, but I try not to do that. What, make the other parents? Just be like, it's just gotta be funny, because it's like, I'm there watching parents

with their toddlers. Yes, it's you and the toddlers. Same kid's my age, I'm ripping the skate park. And I almost want like you're, I'm there watching parents with their toddlers. Yes, just you and the toddlers. Same kids my age, I'm ripping the skate park. And I almost want to tell them, I'm like, bro, grab the board. They're afraid to live free like you. Grab the board, bro. Yeah.

Grab the board. Because I've talked to a lot of people who are like, I want to do it. I'm like, do it, dude. It's so scary when you first start dropping it. I'm never, ever, ever. It's so scary. Just for the record, I'm never going near it.

It's so scary. And I'm not saying, I'm not like shaming the dads I'm more talking about like covertly seducing their wives From my father wives there while you're skating and you're just like it's wives. Did you see that? It's the worst domestic setup where it's little kids like little kids on those little zoomie bikes We're like they don't even don't you have pedals? There's like a small beginners kind of like bowl looking thing and then there's like the advanced pump track and it's just kids meeting their demise And then just moms freaking out at dads me

Just dads in hell and I'm just fucking right floating. I'm just a variety in the way Yeah, six thousand milligrams of caffeine and like a little bit of weed just going, brother, grab the board, brother, get on the pump track. Wait, that is funny. I am just kidding, too. I'm not thinking about seducing men's wives, but the thought has crossed- It's a fun joke. It's a fun joke, and the thought has crossed my mind,

like, dude. How nice it would be to have sex with people's wives? No, not that. I'm all about just getting that attraction and getting that energy. Bro, it's skate life at this point That's what I'm talking about. You're a skater boy. It's you're obviously gonna seduce women I'm not gonna well come on. I'll look all here's what I'm about if I see a guy on the board

I go honey. Don't look honey. Close your fucking eyes. Don't look There's got the pump track going one mile an hour don't look This guy on the pump track going one mile an hour. Don't look. Don't look, babe. Well, you need enough speed. Otherwise you peter out on the pump track, and that's embarrassing. And it took me three days. How many bales have you been bailing out, Gnarly? Oh, I've slammed, dude.

I slammed hard the other day. I don't know what happened. Like, when you come back up, I leaned forward a little bit too much. If you zone out for a second, you're fucked. Yeah, I kind of zoned out and you know again doesn't matter at all but there was just like lady skating with gigantic tits and Lady with gigantic tits skating You know you see people and you're like you definitely have five and that's it's hills right? I was she knows she was a youngster. She was a youngster, but I was it was like it was a guy

it was a young skater couple in love, but the lady was significantly better and I shouldn't really be talking. I shouldn't be talking skate park confidential stuff But like but it was just a funny dynamic cuz like dude. I was watching this lady You know you see people like if you're a girl who skateboards you have like colored hair and you know yeah bosom you probably have 500,000 Instagram file you know That shit translates to Instagram so well. But they were holding down the skate park pretty hard. You should dress like the bully from The Simpsons. Kind of, yeah.

The skull cap and the hair comb, yeah. Like a little skull cap. Is that Ralph's, is Ralph the bully? No, Ralph Nelson, but Nelson's friend. Nelson's friend is who I was thinking of. Yeah, yeah. Doesn't he have a friend that, Nelson is the bully. I'm thinking of. Yeah. Yeah. Doesn't he have a friend that Nelson is the boy. I'm thinking of dressing like Nelson and you were kind of spot on.

But again, I shouldn't. I'm being a gross pig. I'm just you know, there's obviously, you know, I have dual natures. Yeah, this guy I was thinking of Jimbo Jones. Oh, I was thinking more like the other guy. I feel like all the skater girls look like Jimbo Jones and Dolph Star Bean it was it's definitely big pants, but you know there was a tank there's a tank going on but the But my whole point was it's like you know again. It's like I'm not trying to be like gross or weird

But it does put a pressure when there's a young lady watching you do a physical activity So I was just like you know you party there's that part of you. That's just kind of like bro. I'm killing it This is so much better than your boyfriend not a big deal much fucking Mal. They were way better than me, but the I like lean forward real quick and just I don't know what happened I was going up a hill as I show off my skateboard stop you showed off for the Slammed on the concrete had to be like, oh yeah, dude. You're trying to show off for the little kids You're there. They're a skate dusky.

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Also, please come to Atlanta this weekend. I'll be at the Helium Comedy Club in supposedly what's Atlanta, but apparently I've learned it's 40 minutes outside of Atlanta. Oh. Yeah, little different there, but it's in the greater Atlanta area. I'll be there Thursday till Saturday.

Please come, thank you. I have San Antonio, Dallas, Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, Vancouver, Seattle, Minneapolis, Tampa, Jacksonville. Be on the lookout. Let me see who's not selling tickets. What the heck's going on here? Whoa, 60, Birmingham, Alabama, I need you.

I'll be in Birmingham, Alabama, April 26th. What else you got, let me see, go ahead. Hey. Take a name, take a name, take a name, take a name. Hey everybody, hello, it's me, LaMare. January 16th I'm gonna be at Hilli-Philiam. Hilli-Phili, come to that, that'll be sick. Hilli-Philiam.

January 19th, the Emmaus Theater, please come there. Yeah, LaMare lead off fun. Didn't even flinch at all. Didn't even flinch at all. Walk straight into the- I'll be in St. Pete in Las Vegas in February. Please come if you can. Thank you. You mean Las Vegas in February?

Why the fuck are you doing it? The wise guys in Las Vegas in Coastal Creative in St. Pete, Florida. That'll be fun, get you down there. Valentine's weekend. Ooh, nice. Please for the love of God, come if you can. Bring your sweetheart.

Bring your sweetheart, come watch me. All right. Stand up, goodbye, thank you. Let's get back to that fun episode. Hey. Sean, no, you decide. Stop rolling your eyes, dude. God.

I'm just joshing you, bud. Hot motherfucking day. I mean, it's been so wonderful to be back. It's been nice, man. To see the fellas. It's been nice man. You see the fellows Fuck man. It was you know look it's a cold mean world out there, bro It is it's a cold mean world, but but now they're back now the bros are back bros are back dude morale is fucking So I was at an all-time high it is soaring right now now you're back now you guys run the mothership Now that I'm back you guys get to walk around

with your chest held a little higher. You go, do you know who my friend is? He does Bud Light commercials. True, you guys should start really throwing your weight around. You should, dude. Why not, dude? You guys gotta do battle throwing your weight around. You should, dude. Why not? You guys got to do battle with the Kill Tony crew.

Yeah, you guys have to. We can't do that, dude. Why? You have to battle them. They think they own you guys. They think. They think. Yeah, you guys should at least challenge one.

A public beef would be nice. Yeah. Don't get me started. You don't do it You're gonna do it without us even fucking asking and I'm not defending you I'm gonna side with the The kill Tony crew of mutants versus Guard dog You're gonna have to take on the mutants. Yeah. Damn. Yeah, I mean, definitely 2025

is here for major moves. So it's time for me. You guys got to crack a couple of skulls, sacrifice some people. You guys should not. I mean, like physically, I mean, like, yeah, you guys should be at least two beefs by the end of the

year. I'm going to need some beefs, probably beefs or or hear me out by the end of the year. Public. I'm gonna need some beefs. Public beefs. Or hear me out, spaz on the mothership publicly if you don't get enough spaz. Yeah. Oh, have you been publicly spazzing? No.

You gotta spaz, that's a strong move to be like, this club hates me, they're not fair, fuck them. I have not publicly spaz. I've independently, I've privately spassed. Privately spassed? I've privately spassed a lot. I'm not getting enough staged, huh? Such a nice move.

Like yo, for real, I think they fucking hate me. They hate me over there. You know what the beef, this is the beef, I'm gonna manifest it, Hans Kim versus Nate Marshall. Ooh. I need that beef. it Hans Kim versus Nate Marshall. Oh I need that beef. I think good beefs a good beef. That's a great. It's gonna be such an easy one to start Just immediately have Nate be like I'm not gonna he didn't say shit, but what if he did? Yeah, get in there we gotta we gotta start I'm gonna you know, I'm just taking cues from Mega Man. We gotta start infighting.

It's, if you're not infighting, what are you doing? We gotta pick some point and just start fighting over it, dude. Dude, was that the thing that ran again? Yeah, that's your air, bro, your air's back on. No, there's a fucking creature that lives in my house that sprints across the roof, dude. It literally sounds like a man. It sounds like it's two feet. It's just like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. It'll stay still for an hour.

Then it'll spray. Dude, when you get a raccoon on your roof, it sounds like a grown person. It sounds like a raccoon or a possum. I've seen a couple possums. I do like the possums. I've seen them crawl across the fence back there. That's very nice. We had to tear up our little, we had a little a trex deck area that we like tore up and put stone down possum dude, we had to tear up our little, we had a little trex deck area that we like tore up and put stone down. And dude I had to get like, there was possums living under there. There's Mexican dudes, we're like trying to catch them

in the t-shirt, it was so fucking funny. They're fearless dude. It was a mother possum and a baby possum. Oh no, you had them executed for your porch? Hell no, no, no, no, they were just, they were sent on an exodus. Cause there was nowhere for them to live. But like we were like, we ripped it up and it was like,

alright I know there's possums under here, so like be careful. So we didn't know there was a baby, so like the mom was just going nuts, we were like dude here's the road to freedom, get out of here and it wouldn't leave. They might have found their way to my roof. Hopefully.

That was one, there was a dead possum in the front yard when I first moved here. Yeah, and that's when I was like, that's why the house smells like shit. It was probably a dead animal. Yeah. They're good for you though. They eat snakes, they eat bugs.

Did you hear it again or something? Oh. No. Did they move it? No, it's not moving. It was, what, the smell? Yeah. No, it couldn't be a dead animal on the roof.

That smells bad for a year. Yeah Dude Jackson fart castle, dude Jackson God our neighbors put rat poison There's the possum that we had under our porch our neighbors can't stand it cuz like it just shits and it like chills in Our yard and shits in their yard. Yeah, I've ever even seen possum shit, but apparently it was just shitting in their yard Shit in their yard hung in our yard That's not it's really funny. So they laid out a ton of rat poison for it trying to get it Mmm. I know these people there's our neighbors there

Shit in their yard and I was like, hey man, your yards your yard, but a dog's gonna eat that immediately Well funny you say that Jackson, of course you urged we didn't know was out there gorgeous on rat poison Jackson gorge on rat Please just Christ and dude he lives again He wants to go quarter pounder. No he just wants to grow up. He does like to go. He just wants to grow up He seemingly wants a way out. He just doesn't care do you like how's his legs? How's his surgery? He's legs good. It went well finally the dude is stopped. He stopped limping, but then he just instantly gorged on rap He ate a bunch of chicken bones from the dudes who were working on the porch through chicken bones everywhere So he munched them was like shitting out bones and throwing up and then like during that crisis

Went and just crushed a ton of rat poison Brittany called me I was like middle I was like doing something. She's like Jackson ate rat poison. I was like, she's just fucked He's dead. You would imagine he did I looked it up. I was like fuck. All me, I was like doing something. She's like, Jackson ate rat poison. I was like, Jesus fucking Christ. He's dead. You would imagine he'd die. I looked it up. I was like, fuck, all right, let's see here. I looked it up. You have to eat, I think, at least 5% of your body weight

in rat poison would die. So Jackson, he only had, I was like, how much did he eat? He ate like one puck. Yeah. Started for the second and got pulled off. But he was throwing up like chicken bones and lime green rat poison. It was, bro, it was trouble.

It's very funny. But he's good now. He's cool. He's better than ever. I like it. I'm always a fan to hear what he's up to. It's never good. It's never good, bro.

It's never good. He's had three chocolate breakouts. Mushrooms once, low dose. Yeah. Edible rat poison. He's for real a psychonaut. He's crazy. He's done it all. He has done it. He truly has done it all. Yeah, edible rat poison he's for real and psycho not He's done it all he has done it truly has done it all but dude he uh

He's good though that he was thrown up for like literally like a week or so Then I just switch his food and everything I gave him I was giving him chicken rice for like weeks So now I give him like good. Yeah now I'm feeding him like it's fucking better than I do Yeah, cuz if you have a dog with diarrhea the rice just like Stops him up. He was shitting he shit like everywhere the one morning. We woke up and there was just like puke puke Shits all in his bedness and he like pointed his ass out of the cage So we were like going around and do nothing sours a wife in the morning just like dog shitting I mean it'll get anybody. Yeah, that would fire me up a little but yeah, it's it's rough man

So like that's when it's that's your dog. No, oh dude. Yeah, he couldn't be more mine during that time yeah, granted was both of our idea, but when he shits over his mind, but the Dude, he and actually to her credit, she handled the shit mornings really well because it was the most shit he'd ever done. It was everywhere. It was so much. Bro, there was so many spots. We just set up our Christmas, it was whatever.

But he, yeah, it was handled. It was handled pretty well. And then, so like that happened, we're like cleaning it up and my kids are watching me and they're like, what are you doing? I'm explaining what's going on. The one night we went out to see Moana too, and me, Brittany, my Chloe, Chloe, I didn't know, you know, we're in the dark.

So we have like all, everyone has all their stuff. She was hitting French fries off Brittany's plate, hitting French fries off my plate. No, she was working both of us. We didn't know that she would hit both plates so hard. She she ate so many French fries that that morning I go in her room. She's just like, she's just crying like five in the morning. I'm like what's up? She's like I did a yucky thing. And I was like we talking about she's like like I did like Jackson did on the carpet and I was she just threw up. She thought she stuck her ass out. But she just threw up all over the floor.

And she does if you leave her by herself, she'll start trying to wipe her own ass and she just smears it It's the fucking worst We had a convince her so we have to get Brittany was like cuz I was like going in I'm like don't wipe yourself and then she's like I have a booboo on my Johnny and I was like what and she's like I told her she has a booboo on a vagina. So she won't try to wipe herself Oh nice, probably not good for long term to be like your vagina has a wound something's wrong with your vagina Yeah, that good for long term to be like, your vagina has a wound. Something's wrong with your vagina. Yeah. Yeah, that might affect long term.

Yeah, well, I've been telling, I'm like, But it might be even weirder if you're like, no honey, your vagina is great. Yeah, true. I think you couldn't go wrong being like, it's great. Yeah. Women have a massive insecurity about like, what's up with it?

How is it? Yeah. Is it good? Same. Yeah, true. Yeah. Women have a massive insecurity about like, what's up with it? How is it? Is it good? Same. Yeah, true. Yeah. You know. I always try to tell my wife, I said,

baby, you got nothing to worry about. Let me get in with it. Let me gobble that fucking thing. I'm trying to get in and snack a little. I've been sweating. I'm like, bruh. Give me the sweat. Bruh.

Let me eat it. Fuck. All right, all right. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Give me the sweat. Let me eat it. All right. All right. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. But we're talking about, you know, but yeah, that's, you know, so yeah, it is one of those things where it's like, dude, I drop her off to do like her like her daycare. And it's like we have to like give her pretzels in order for her to go in. And I'm like, man, this is definitely set up some neural pathways that aren't great. You're like, oh, you're feeling overwhelmed eat some pretzels Just munch pretzels, but yeah, she's piece pump right now She's on she's like on this new thing where she's Ariel's mom from Little Mermaid That's just came up with it out of nowhere, and yeah, she's been hit me with that every morning

Yeah, what she said you just yeah, dude Yeah, she woke me up yesterday fucking well Maya woke me up at five in the morning and Chloe. It's six I just never went back to sleep Chloe woke up has to pee take her to the bathroom Yeah, she woke me up yesterday fucking well Maya woke me up at five in the morning and Chloe at six I just never went back to sleep Chloe woke up has to pee take her to the bathroom She goes I don't have to pay and I'm like you motherfucker and then I'm like all right come to bed with me No talking go to sleep. She's like yeah for sure Lays down next to me do they get like two seconds of silence and you're just like you know something's coming and out of nowhere She's like yeah, I'm Ariel's mom and I'm like dude shut up and go to bed

Stop and then like she'll just and then like you'll squash that and you'll feel just a hand to speak Whap right in your eye. You're thinking the dogs. I'm like ow fuck Like dude, let's get downstairs. I'm done. We're not gonna try to fall asleep It is that was been like bugging me out lately with like Cuz it really is people like you know having kids like it's the best thing in the world. Yeah, it is It's very it's like uncomparable to anything else, but then you break down like what you're actually doing It's like insane. It's like dude like literally like you I've gotten shit on a couple times. Yeah Pete on I mean dude I had like peed on underwear. It's like when Chloe peas in the toilet

She likes to like really see what she's doing, but then she'll arch her back. So the piece she's out. Look at what was going on. I've done this to myself as an adult when you like poop and you pee through the toilet and so it hit the back of your pants. Done it. Yeah, she did it. We were out doing like something and she peed all over her fucking pants.

Luckily, it hit her just her underwear. So I was like, fuck, I didn't have a change of clothes. Yeah, so I just took her like pee underwear It's like put in my pocket. Oh, no. I forgot they were in there So my whole point is you're doing all the shit. I have like pee underwear in my pocket I'm being shit on and it's like when you break it down by the tasks by like task by task You're like how is this the best thing in the world and really? It's just the power of love it is a powerful and my whole point, if love is truly that powerful, what are we doing with our lives?

Truly such a powerful force. The best thing in the world is literally the most servile and disgusting task, and just zero free time. Makes you think, dude. It does. It truly makes you think. But it also, having free time fucking rules, so.

Free time, I, yeah. It's crazy, dude. Free time's pretty sick. Although, too much free time. Probably if you don't realize how sick it is until it gets taken away from you forever. Too much free time, though. I. Although too much freetime. You don't realize how sick it is until it gets taken away from you forever. I just had too much freetime. Once we finished filming tires

and then I was just in Westchester, nothing to do. That is true, people don't understand that man. That sucks, that drives you crazy. The pinging silence of hours upon hours of personal freetime is kind of fucked up. An empty house, silent, and then they're like, I'll just go across the street and walk along the creek. That's chill.

It was nice. That's chill, but. It was also dead silent out there. You walk back in your house, it's a giant silent, old fucking house from the 1700s. I'm just standing in there like, fuck. I know, I know. I gotta do stand up.

That gets so disorienting. We're like, what am I gonna do? The sun goes down at fucking 2 PM. I'm just standing there in the dark in a haunted house. The house makes noises. I'm scared now. It's dark for 10 straight hours. It's dark.

I'm awake the whole time it's dark. It's scary. I'm scared for hours. It was remote too. It was very remote. It was very remote. And I was very scared. And there's like, I remember I was out there one night remote too. It was very remote. It was very remote. And I was very scared. And there's like, I remember I was out there one night.

There's so many of them. Bro, I'd go outside, I'd piss outside a lot. It's awesome. It was very nice. The stars were out, it was very nice, but there was always a fox screaming. Yeah. And then it would get closer and scream closer.

You gotta fucking hurry your piss off. Yeah. Run inside, because I'm not sure it's a fox. We have a coyote. Ah! We have a coyote near us. You're here, start yelping. And same thing, we're outside.

I have my little makeshift fire pit in the lot. That, pray to God, they never built a house there. They're definitely going to though. But I've taken it over. You took over a lot and put a fire pit in it? Yeah, I just put, I had stone left over from when we did that little patio area. So I just set up a little.

You had a bill on. Just a lot behind my house. You're squatting, you're settling settling technically I could do an easement Yeah, I can be like hey man. I look I told I was so pretty I was gonna chain myself down to my fire pit Or I might go try to find old bones from a museum steal them and bury them in there and be like Yeah, you can't touch this land. We can't build anything on here. But I've been, dude, I burnt my Christmas tree. Do you know how flammable those things are? Yeah.

But I'm sure, I guess that's common knowledge they burn houses down. Dude, I had my little wood, I had it going on, I'm like, let me just throw a branch and some needles. You would've thought I'd put gasoline on the fire. So then I chopped it up into three parts. And I'm putting branches. That's how you got rid of your Christmas tree?

Yes, burning it. It was so fucking sick. Dude, I put one how you got rid of your Christmas tree? Yes, burning it. It was so fucking sick. Dude, I put one, like I say a third of a Christmas tree on a fire, it got, I'm not lying, maybe 12 feet up, the flame was 12, the flame was so bright that the street lights turned off. Jesus. The photo sensors tripped, they just like kicked on

and it was like, oh, it's daytime. You were going nuts. Dude did I show you the flame? No. Bro the flame is so fucking nasty. Sorry. I was doing crazy, I had a couple fires. I had some fires going.

Bro I'm telling you. I spent most of my time standing outside looking for drones. That was a fun nighttime task. I would go ooh there's no clouds tonight, I'm gonna go try to find drones. If you got a sighting that'd be. I wish I saw Several planes that I stood there for ten minutes watching

Could be doesn't seem to that possibly be a UAP. God damn it. I've seen many fucking pictures. Here we go Dude, that's me. Dude Maya takes fucking videos of me That's me on the Peltide I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm lighting the whole thing up Are your neighbors out or is this just you and your family just me and the family just me and the family

Yes, dude, the neighbors must be like what the fuck so our neighbors aren't there a lot They split time. Okay, like two different cities and they they've gotten fire alerts. They have like a security camera Oh, no, that was like is there a fire nearby? Because their phone got pinged, like we detected fire. Near area. But then the house next to me, this boggles my mind. They bought the place and nobody's lived in there for a year, a year and some change. You gotta build some stuff in there. You should just expand throughout your neighborhood.

That's what I'm trying to say. You should start setting up chill spots. My thing is who fucking buys a house and doesn't use it like, there's no renters. Then the one next to us, same thing, but they just started throwing Airbnb people in there. And it's, which is kind of sick, because I get to like local. It's probably the Chinese.

I do, yeah. They're buying up land. But I feel like I've met, I think it was a couple Indians actually. So I met the Indians who did it. And I'm like, I was kind of stoked. I've never had Indian neighbors. So I was like fuck. Yeah They left me high and dry bro. My sister's running into a big problem with Indian neighbors. I

Was by there for Christmas. No lights. Oh Her whole neighborhoods Indian people bro That would kind of chat my ass. It's like bro. Come on slow rough toss up light up some fucking V. Yeah Nobody's cutting the grass yeah it's wild everyone's holding hands walking outside or they hold hands outside or the boss Indian dudes let their wife the wives walk like five feet ahead of them that's where it is kind of lady and then the husband's five feet behind her hands behind his back they did get that right that's nice go on a walk with your lady blows stagger it try to hold hands or or something. It's like I'm walking. Yeah. Hey, I'm walking here

What are those three-legged race? Yeah, and then you get like a narrow part of the path and you slow down to let her go first Then she slows to instinctively stops. Yeah, you go. No Yeah, so this is a single file part of the path It's dude I we have some nice like little walking areas and we've done we like we've done the walks and it's uh the only thing that could be nice if you do like a super long grueling walk because there's nothing better than being like you tired That is nice. That can be nice. I hit I hit yeah hit my lady with one of those recently

It's like god damn i've been sitting around. I have a fucking my the one that's not tired at all I got crushed the other day because we both when we when I found out I was pre-diabetic on the blood test fucking bullshit. Do my a1c will be lower, but it'll be sure it is already I if it's not I'm gonna die cuz like I literally cut out like 90% of carbohydrates But there was a there was when we like first had kit we had to when we first had two kids We'd had this double stroller in Philly. We pushed it up hills and Brittany would get like frilly winded Yeah, of course, and she'd always be like hey the doctor there's something going on. I'm like, yeah, dude, you're fucking out of shape and like She's still salty about that comment

But the and then like she got some blood tests where like they really did reveal some sort of like irregularity about like I don't know what it was, but she was like you fucking asshole I told you there was something they were saying like the side effect could be like getting winded easily and I was like damn That's my bad instantly called out the film like you're faking it Yeah, she crushed she danced in the end zone on me on that She's like you're such a jerk especially like you don't realize how things sound until like she's telling other couples or people Yeah, what she said you're like well hold on let's put the context in there Yeah, this asshole just said yes, cuz you're out of shape, and I was like well. I was concerned for you

Nice yes, sir, orie mother fucker the patreon let's motherfucking see you on the patreon good friends