Mike Birbiglia's Working It Out - 93. Rachel Feinstein: Don't Call Your Wife "Big Guy"

Episode Date: February 27, 2023

Comedian Rachel Feinstein is a comic’s comic— the type of original comic who cracks up other comics. In this episode it definitely works. Rachel breaks Mike as she tells stories about her almost-too-supportive parents to her almost-too-unsupportive firefighter husband. Plus, jokes about marrying up vs. marrying down, pushy in-laws, and what to do when your husband’s romantic gifts are mostly from Costco. Please consider donating to Friends of Firefighters

I mean, I remember being like in the car with him, pregnant. I had to throw up, get out of the car, throw up, get back. I'm on the side of the road. My husband goes, you good? I'm like, you good? That's what you say to your pregnant wife? So you say to like a stranger moving a couch that you don't want to help. That is the voice of Rachel Feinstein.

This is such a good episode today. Oh my gosh. This is someone, Rachel is someone who I've known for so long and is a riot. She's what comedians call a comics comic, which is to say, when she's on, comics come and watch

who are at the club because she's just, she's always funny. If you're able to see her on tour, by all means do it. You can see her coming up in Austin, Texas, in Baltimore,

in Jersey, in Milwaukee. She's all over the country. She's at Steel Sacks in Bethlehem, which I love. And while we're talking about tour dates, I should mention I'm going to be in Mesa, Arizona in a few weeks. And Salt Lake City, Utah. My brother Joe is coming along to sell merch, but really to ski.

Anyway, he'll be there. Joey bag of donuts. And then I'll be in Providence, Rhode Island. I'm doing new material. Providence, Rhode Island is the first show. It's the first week where I'm doing, like, sort of brand new material. Working out new material. I put the five shows up on sale.

They sold out. The key thing here is join the mailing list. Because if you're on the mailing list, you sign up for memberbiggs.com, you will be the first to know. And so the same goes for like Indianapolis, for example. There's a few tickets left. Madison, Wisconsin sold out right away. There's going to be a Washington DC D.C. announcement coming soon. So look out for that. And maybe, maybe, fingers crossed, knock on wood, London. So stay tuned on Burbiggs.com for that.

Today we have Rachel Feinstein. One of my favorite comics. You might have seen her half-hour special on Netflix. You might have seen her in Trainwreck, which I was in, or on Crashing with our friend Pete Holmes and Judd Apatow. She's just hilarious. We have a blast today on the show. Enjoy

my chat with Rachel Feinstein. I feel like I might be wrong about this, but I think I was at the audition for your husband from being your boyfriend to being your husband. Really? Do you remember? We were in Montreal. Yeah.

We went to lunch. It was like you and me and like Nikki Glaser. Yes, yeah. I do remember this. You were like figuring out like, oh, is this going to be a person I'm going to stick with or not? I don't know. Yes, I do remember this.

Yes, yes. And Pete really liked you a lot. Yeah. You guys hit it off. Did you have to... You do him on stage quite a bit. Yeah. It's a riot. Because he's a firefighter. Yeah. And he's emotionally like a desert. Pretty worthless.

So I give him a lot of shit on stage. I'm going to butcher this, but it's like there's a point at which he calls you like bro or something. He calls me big guy. That's the name of my special. That's the name of my special because that's his nickname for me. Big guy. He has a song he sings.

When I walk in the door, he goes, hey, she's my big guy. I can't take it. Hey, she's my big guy. And like truly doesn't understand why I wouldn't want that to be my nickname. Like he's just, yeah. No, I trash him. I mean, I give him a lot of shit because it's like not a good, look, firemen, they're all heroes.

Got it. Sure. It's not a good idea for them to live in the same place for like half the week. You think he comes home smarter? No. With like better ideas? Right. No, he comes home and like calls his wife big guy. Right. And thinks I'm going to be into that.

Osmosis can work against you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're just like, they're huddled together. They tried to make my wedding invitations at the firehouse. Now I'm not like one of these wedding twats. I don't even know if that's a term, but I don't care that much.

But I'm like, what is this? And he's like, yeah, Vinny and I really worked on it all night. I think it's pretty solid, you know? It had like, he had like pictures of like Star Wars things on it and stuff like that. I was like, he's like, we do wedding invitations. There's like 250 people at my wedding. I was like, no, we cannot, we can't send this out. Even I know this and I'm kind of an animal.

Like, no, it's not acceptable. I don't even understand. To send out Darth Vader wedding invitations that you and Vinny and Dino at the firehouse cooked up together. fader wedding invitations that you and Vinny and Dino at the firehouse cooked up together. The way you talk about your husband is so extreme that I'm like, is that even real? Like you have a Costco thing where he bought a thing? All of it.

When I tell you, I know what you're talking about, and I talk about it on stage too, because I couldn't believe it. I begged him, don't get me something from Costco. That's all I ask for Valentine's Day, for Christmas, not from Costco. He got me pajamas from Costco, which I put up a picture of them at the end of that video, that said, had tickets on them that said, admit one. They were like Kirkland pajamas, okay? This is the exact thing I told him not to get me. Don't get me something from Costco.

He got me Kirkland pajamas. You get those. It sends a strong sign. It's like saying, yeah, like I'm not romantically interested in you. This is what I'd like you to wear to bed. And it's wearing like, it's like a thick, dense corduroy curtain between us. Yeah. They were so cheap. They were crunchy. And they had tickets on them that said admit one like he absolutely gave me pajamas from Costco I'll text you the picture gave me a $50 Amazon gift card oh my god no for Valentine's Day when I was like when I was pregnant and I was like no the answer is just no the answer is no no and and wrapped it when I tell you I'll send you again a text with this wrapping.

He wraps presents like some sort of rat or something. There was a ball of like crumpled up paper on top of the present with weird pieces of tape and stuff. I was like, what is this? He's like, yeah, looks like you might have tried to open that one. He tried to blame it on me as if I wouldn't know. I was like, no, I didn't. You wrapped it.

You can't use me to lie about this. Like, it looked like it had been attacks. Like, there had been some sort of attack or fight around the present. Rips of paper open, clobs of, like, tape on top. I was like, was this wrapped by, like, a wolf with rabies? Oh, my gosh. But, again, I think he probably, like, wrapped, maybe he wraps things at the firehouse. Something is missing.

Yeah. There. You know what I mean? Like something's not there. Did you have like the talk early in the relationship of like, I'm going to talk about you on stage a lot. Here's the thing. Not only does he not care, Mike,

he thinks that that's good because it's getting laughs. So it has made him worse. So when he sees the big guy bit, he's like, what? He fucking loved it. And I'm like, no, they're laughing at you. It's at you. And he's like, no, come on. I got a nice pop right there.

It was solid. Oh, they loved it. Come on. Doesn't understand like at all. And I'm like, but they're laughing at you. He doesn't care. He just likes that they are laughing. You know what I mean?

Like doesn't care he just likes that they are laughing you know what i mean like doesn't care at all you were saying on stage that he he misses out when he's not at a fire oh yeah they're obsessed with the fire and he's like he's like oh that was a good one he's like oh gorgeous job beautiful fire you know he he doesn't like to miss them and then there's like competition he'll get mad because this firehouse that was supposed to be our job you you know, come on. It was a good barn. A place was blazing up. And he gives me quizzes about the fires in history. So we'll just be laying in bed. This is a regular occurrence in my home. He's like, tri-fi fire. And I'm like, first of all, I'm not doing this with you. He's like, come on, tri-fi, triangle fire.

It's an important fire. And I'm like, why would I need to know the stats of a fire? But he reads about fires. I mean, they're obsessed. He doesn't want to go to like a, you know, some lady thinks she smells gas, husband answers the door, embarrassed. Those are the calls he complains about. Some

lady thinks she smells gas. His husband answers the door, he's embarrassed. We go in their boots. Apparently it's just some old fish they had in their apartment, you know? Oh, my God. He's like, I thought we were going to get to go to a good job today. Nice 1075, you know?

Like, nice burner. He wants, like, everyone on fire. Look at the fires. The whole family on fire. Yeah, yeah. Everyone. Literally the nightmare of all of our lives. Of all of our lives.

Which is all of us being, any of us being in a fire. Yeah. That's what he relishes. Yes. And their first do. So they That's what he relishes. Yes. And they're first due. So they see it all like right away because their response time is faster. So they, he's always like, what do we do?

We do the ABC. By the way, he drills me on this. Why would I need to know this? Like, I'm going to go do an A10 at the cellar. He's always like, what do we do? ABC. Airways. Breathing.

Like, I can't remember the last one. I think it's circulation. I don't know. Somebody correct me it's circulation. I don't know. Somebody correct me in the comments. I don't know. But yeah, he's always like, ABCs. But basically the first three things that happen, they stabilize until, you know. But there's a lot of drills at our home all the time.

He's like, all right, find me the windows. And I'm like, no. Somebody else will find the windows. He's always like, what was the roof like if I go someplace? I'm like, I don't know. I don't look at roofs. But he thinks about buildings all the time because he's thinking about how would he approach a building if it was on fire. If I come down the stairways, he'll be like, open interior stairwell.

Go to bed. I'm like, for me, it's fine. You know what I mean? I don't know. I prefer an elevator. He always is giving me these never-ending fire drills. Oh, my gosh. He's like, fire prep.

Come on. Let's do it. When you, so you're, you have such an unusual foray into starting comedy because your parents weren't ashamed of it. Like, your parents were, like, seemingly supportive. Yeah. How about you? Were your parents supportive?

No. No. No, no. My dad, well, it's funny because your dad's a lawyer. Your mom, wait, your mom... My dad was a civil rights lawyer and my mom,

now he plays blues and he teaches civil rights law. He prosecuted a lot of like, you know, KKK cases and hate crimes and things like that. My mom is a social worker that just retired like a week ago. Oh, wow. But she, you know, they're both like aggressively like liberal social action.

My mom's always like outside with like a sign she made about diversity that no one asked for. Like she's always outside with just like something like diversity now or something like doing like a jazzercise lunge on like a corner somewhere you know yeah my mom is like and so that my parents were very much just like you know they had should have had more follow-up questions about pretty much everything i did but they were just generally supportive because my parents were like they were very confused by the idea of becoming a comedian they didn't understand it your parents were like fine with that i think in school like when i was growing up they were all worried about me because i was like failing so badly and everything but in terms of my career choices yeah they were just like first of all like

mike like they didn't know that i mean i had nothing else on the horizon so i was finally failing in school. Oh, interesting. I didn't go to, I wasn't going to go to college. Everybody agreed, like, she's not going to get in anywhere. Right. There's no supply and demand. There's a real supply and demand.

So you were, like, rock bottom in high school. Rock bottom. Were you failing? Yes, like, barely graduating. You'd get, just to be clear, you would get a report card, and it would have, like, Ds. Ds and Fs. No.

And, like, some Cs, like, just enough Cs to pass with, like, you know, clear you would get a report card and it would have like d's and f's and like some c's like just enough c's to pass with with with like you know like i had to go to summer school and all the rest of it and yeah so like i barely graduated you would look at a report card and it would be like biology d minus like that's what it would say always yes really yeah and so what did you think when you were in high school? Were you like, what am I going to do? I was terrified. I was like, what am I going to do?

Like I'm like, it's going to be some kind of gray garden situation at best for me. Like I didn't know, you know, like I could barely function. I just had like debilitating ADD where I was just losing everything. I mean, you saw even the way I walked into this room. Like I could see you were just like, it was a lot, you know. That was me, but times like a thousand. There's always like a bag and like a food and a fork. Yeah, yeah, rushing in, a little late, yeah.

It's too much debris, just like it's a lot. It's a lot. Sweet green bag. Yeah, like I often spill things on other people. Like somebody was like, it was great to see you, but I think you got like grape juice on me. You know, I'm like, I'm sorry. Like that happens a lot. No, I'm similar, though. Like,

when Atsuko Akatsuka was on, she noticed that at the beginning of the interview, I fell into this chair into the wall. She's like, that's what happened. Just so everyone listening knows, that's what happened before this interview started. And then, like, I got up and I'm like, all right, let's go, you know. I feel like that's fundamentally like there's a group of us comedians, not all of us, but there's a group of us comedians who are just kind of a mess. Yes. And then we figure out how to bottle it into a thing and bring it on stage and be like, here's what happened. Yes, absolutely. That's me.

I mean, my hair would be dripping down my back sometimes to school. Like I would just have like a dripping back. What do you mean dripping? Dripping with what? Water? Water. Like I would just have like a dripping back. What do you mean dripping? Dripping with what, water? Water, like I would be able to dry myself properly and then I would just go to school dripping down my dumb back. Then they call me wet back at school. And my mom thought they were using like racial slurs.

So you can imagine my parents, they were like up in arms. But I was like, no, my back's wet. My back is wet. Yeah, like always, there's always dripping. Like I'm always was like, no, my back's wet. My back is wet. Yeah. I, yeah, like always, there's always dripping. Like I'm always literally like, like when I put, when I walked in, I was like, well, let me check my bag. Cause I was like, I don't want to stain his couch. Cause there's always something leaking, you know, like there's just, things are very much awry.

Yeah. I think that's one of the complex things about being a comedian is that, is that people are like, ha ha ha. That's so funny how you're talking about this. And you're like, yeah, I have to go home and live in that. And live inside of that. Yeah. Yeah. I mean. Like you're joking about your husband, like getting you like a $50 gift card at Costco for Valentine's day. And then in three days, that's what you're going to get. That's what I'm going to get. If that. Yeah. Yes. Like he got me like yeah yes like he got me like for for um Christmas he got me like an extra large North Face jacket when have I yeah like he's like he doesn't even know my size yet

no it was just that um and and he write he'll write the cards when he writes inside of a card he'll be like wife comma and I'm like maybe just rachel rage perhaps or even big guy might be better than just wife comma you know they'd be like wife comma you do the best he writes cards like the way like a kid's giving a book report he'll be like well first it all started when we just met then we got married like that you know now there's a baby i'm like yeah i was there for all of that you don't actually need to fill me in on those three chapters. He was like, and now why here we are. Yeah. Yeah. He's emotionally pretty decrepit. And he would agree with that heartily. so i'm curious because like a lot of creatives a lot of like uh people who write listen to the show it's like how do you go from being the mess that you describe yourself as in high school

to where you are now which is like you have specials, you're touring comic, you're like great. And it's like, how do you get from there to there? You know, I found something I love to do like you, but in my head, I am unwell. Okay. I am doing my best. You know what I mean? It's like, takes a cocktail of things to prop me up to function, you know, just like I'm trying, but in my head, you know, it's like when you just said all that, I'm like, bullshit. Like I, you know, I only see what I haven't done. So I'm like, yeah, I sold a special, but that's only because like I've always, I always have an excuse in my

head about like why I accomplished. Really? A, B, or C. I try to combat those voices and go to therapy and work on myself and do all that stuff. But, you know, in my head when you have a large crowd and everybody's laughing and there's, you know, one guy with his arms folded, he's just like, eh, just like not really quite buying it. Like that's the one I believe. Yeah. You know what I mean? But I'm working on – like it never ends.

But it's – and especially as a mother, and I start all my sentences that way. I just go, as a mother, and then I just kind of pass out drunk. But yeah, like I don't want to pass that down. But yeah, I mean it does something. Everybody has down. But yeah, I mean, it does something. Everybody has their own stuff. So many comics have so much worse situations than I had. But when you are the kid in school, like I had two parents that loved me. But when you're that kid in school that everybody's just like, what in God's name is wrong with this?

I was getting scanned, re-scanned. I mean, brain scans, everything. That doesn't ever really go away. When I even smell a school now, it brings me back to just all the testing, the meetings. I feel like there was probably graphs about me. Oh my gosh. You know what I'm saying? Wait, you're telling me that you were doing so poorly in school that you were getting brain scans?

I got brain scans, yes. Really? Brain scans. There was suction cups. Yeah, I was suction cupped. Wow. They thought it was, I fainted a lot when I was a kid. Oh my God. And they thought my fainting

was connected to my stupidity. So I know there's a better word for it. I remember my parents talking about, well, she's like, well, maybe the fainting is the reason that she's failing. Maybe they're all connected. Oh my gosh.

She's like, well, we got to get to the bottom of this. How are you fast? Oh, my gosh. So they would be up trying to figure it out. And they thought maybe that was why I couldn't learn. They thought I had something called figure ground disorder where you can't tell the difference between one person's voice in a – you can't hear one person out of a sea of voices, you know. And so she's like, she's got figure ground,

you know? It's always good to have a therapist parent because they're just watching me constantly, like taking notes, you know? Yeah. Like when you give therapy, you do something called give a process report, which my mother explained to me when I was like six or something or five. After your sessions, you write down everything I guess you remember about the session or my mom did at this time. So I remember my mom loves to tell this story fondly. She's like, well, Rachel was so funny because we would have an argument over something or something I didn't want her to wear to school. And then she would write her own processing report about it. And she would say on the top processing report, and it would be mommy, Rachel, mommy, Rachel, and she'd write the whole conversation.

And we just thought that was so funny. And I'm like, and why did I know what that was? Wow. But so like she would tell me about like all this stuff. You used to do that when you were six? She said when I was six, I would write processing reports and leave them in my bed. So, yeah.

Well, that's a funny thought because it's like, because that's a lot of what it's like that because that's a lot of what uh comedy is in a certain sense the processing report yeah i mean i don't even i didn't know what processing report was until you said it just now i didn't ever heard of that but it sort of is that right it's like you go through your day yeah you write down sort of things that occurred and then you try to find something humorous in it i never really thought about that like the way you said it but yeah it's like this little bin where we place everything that doesn't quite fit or that still irks us.

Yeah. I do. I'm very grateful for stand-up for a lot of reasons, but, like, also just the fact that I have that place. So, like, when something insane or humiliating happens to me, it immediately could be my closer. Oh, of course. So, it's like, oh, it changes pretty immediately into, like, a gift, potential gift. So, I have a place I can put it right away in my closer. Oh, of course. So it's like, oh, it changes pretty immediately into like a gift,

potential gift. So I have a place I can put it right away. What's the thing that in your life, because I talk in my show about how I write in my journal every night, like what makes me angriest or saddest? What makes you angry day to day? You have anger streak? I don't get like scream and yell, but yeah, I feel like my act, because a lot of people are always like, wait, your husband really does that? Like, are you okay? So yeah, I'm obviously furious about all of these things. The Amazon gift card. Yeah.

The Costco pajamas. All of it. I'm angry about it. All of it. Like, you know, everything I talk about on stage, I'm like, you know, like I'm furious. I'll be like, I remember like, I mean, these are all bits in my act. Because it's funny. It's hard even for me to tell stories because I'm a storyteller. So all of it is like ends up on stage, but like, he'll be like, meaning it's hard for me not to repeat material

because, but like, he'll be like, I'm like, do I look okay? You know? And we were going to this big FDNY, like, you know, dinner dance or even at even on my wedding day. And he always goes, bring it. I'm like, yeah, this is what you say to a running back, you know, like not your wife on her wedding day. But like, so that will infuriate me, you know. But then I go and I talk about it on stage. So he infuriates me. Of course, I love him, but he infuriates me regularly, you know, pretty much daily. Bring it.

Yeah, his responses. I mean, I remember being like in the car with him, pregnant. I had to throw up, get out of the car, throw up, get back. I'm on the side of the road. My husband goes, you good? I'm like, you good? That's what you say to your pregnant wife? So you say to like a stranger moving a couch that you don't want to help.

He's like, you good? Oh, my God. And that's the other thing with being with like a first responder is that like they don't register like a normal – they're the people that are supposed to show up checked out when somebody is emotional, right? But that comes – that extends everywhere. So it's like the moments where I might need like a hand on the back or something. You know when you listen to like forensic files and somebody will call like 911 and it's like, you know, the moments where I might need like a hand on a back or something, you know, when you listen to like forensic files and somebody will call like 911 and she's like, he's chasing me.

Like he's got a knife. And they're like, ma'am, ma'am. Right. Your address, ma'am. That's what it feels like to be married to a first responder. You know what I mean? Ma'am. Yeah.

It's ma'am, ma'am, your address. You good? Wait, but I want to close this loop, which is, because you describe yourself being a mess in high school, and then you have this great comedy career, and it's like, how did you convince yourself to get on stage when you moved to New York when you were like 17, 18 years old? How did you convince yourself to do it? This is like the hardest place in the world to do stand-up.

It is scary to do stand-up. I had a vague idea that I wanted to do comedy, to do something with character. So I knew I wanted to do something, some comedy thing. And I was at a bar and I met a comedian at that bar, this guy Matt Graham, very funny comic. And he introduced me to Karen Burgreen as well. Oh, yeah. They were running like a room at a bar, which since I heard like – I remember Matt Graham. Wasn't he a Scrabble champion? Yes.

He won like second in World Scrabble Championship. Again, just like a rare genius. Yeah. So he – her, Matt, Karen Burgreen, a few other comedians, they were running like a show. And I went up on that show and I said, can I do, you know, stand up? And I remember that day being at my nanny job, like just scared all day, like just like inventing any excuse not to do it. Like I was trying to come up with this weird, I was just running, racing through just different lies that I could tell, which included fire. I remember saying like, what if there was a fire? What if I could say there was a fire somewhere? Like, you know, so I was like,

oh, maybe there'll be a fire and I can't like, I needed a reason that I couldn't do it so much, you know? And then, and when I went on stage, I was terrified and very much regretted it for like my decision to do it. Really? Before getting on. In the moment, yeah. I regretted that I had agreed to do this. Oh, right. And then when I went on stage, had so much fun, didn't realize that I was bombing like terribly. What was the name of the place?

It was called Prowl. It was like a bar on the Upper East Side. Okay. And I remember being on stage thinking, like, this is amazing. I thought afterwards, I was like, well, I guess I'll be getting some offers after this. People are going to be castings. They're going to need me for casting. I was like, how soon do I tell the people I work for that I probably can't pick up their kid tomorrow because I'm a fucking star?

And then afterwards, I found out that not only did I bomb pretty, pretty badly, but I was a real problem on the show. Like the microphone was like up in front of my face like this. It was like obstructing my face. So it was like, I was sitting there like this. It was just pointed like north. I was so excited and the adrenaline was so out of control that they probably couldn't hear me really. I mean, the microphone was just like this in front of my face. And I was just like doing characters and leaping around. God knows what, you know? You're like, when are the offers coming in?

Answering questions no one asked me. I was just like, when did I know that I was spitting? It's like no one asked, you know? I was like, the early years? Oh, here. I'm like, well, I was singing songs my grandma sang to me as a kid with no context. I was like, your smile is my umbrella. And everybody was just confused.

And then I remember they had to wave me offstage because I went like eight minutes over or something. Insane. And then Karen ran a room. She ran like a bringer show. And she was like, do you want to do my bringer show? And I think that she was probably just like want to do my bringer show and i think that she was probably just like she's gonna get scolded pretty heavily i'm assuming i can't speak for her about tonight maybe by that time she'll know that she has to be under five minutes or

whatever um she just bringer shows are when you have to bring a few people and then you're allowed to perform so yeah that was not any she didn't offer me that out of um i'm sure out of any admiration of whatever shit show just happened on stage. But she was probably just like, maybe she'll clean this up and, you know, she could do a bringer or something. Or maybe she felt sorry for me. I don't know. But thank God I got to go on after that. That's like the perfect description of doing stand-up for the first time typically.

Because I feel like the whole thing with stand-up is. What was your thing like? Well, it's the same thing. It's like it didn't go well. I always say you have to be delusional to start out in stand-up. Yeah, you do. You have to convince yourself it's going well when it's really not going well

because otherwise you would never do it again. You would just be like, I guess human beings don't like me. You know what I mean? Yes. This is called The Slow Round. So one of the questions is like a lot of it's memories. Do you have a nickname growing up that was like really good or really bad?

Let me think. My brothers call me Ray, but when I was really little, I bought this – my mom got me this purple and gray jumpsuit that I thought was real cool. And it said – she was an aerobics teacher as well at the time. And it said workout, exclamation point on it. I remember when I got – I was like, things are going to change after I start wearing this. So I was like, yeah, my life's going to – things are going to take a sharp left after this. And so I remember going to school in that green and purple jumpsuit, and it said, work out. And I was just like, boys will start kind of – people will start noticing. And I just remember walking down the hallway and some guy was like, work out.

And then they all started saying that to me. They would just call me workout, you know, because of that. And then I probably threw in the trash after that. But I thought it was going to be like the new tide in my life. Workout. So, yeah, they would all call me workout for a little bit at school, like workout girl or whatever. Everybody just thought this wetsuit was so dumb. And it was like, I remember so excited when I opened it.

I was like, I'm going to be hot as shit now. Do you have like an early, like what's your earliest memory being a kid? I don't know if this is my earliest actual memory, but I remember doing a face very little, something called the bagel face. And I remember everybody asking for it. So I remember the attention I got for that. Bagel face would be like making a big O with your mouth? Some weird face, maybe it was an O. I don't remember the face itself, but I do remember like in kindergarten, maybe first grade, somebody being like, do the bagel face, you know? And I do remember that high

off like, I can do this thing and like get some attention. Yeah. Yeah. So I do remember people asking for the bagel face pretty young. And I was like, you know, get off my dick. I'll do the bagel face for everybody. But no, I remember liking it, honestly. I remember being like, okay, I do this face, this thing. And that was exciting. Can you remember a first friend you – this is a question my brother Joe asked. I think it's a good question.

Do you remember the first friend you made as an adult, like after you moved to New York? Yes. Yes, I do. I was so excited an adult, like after you moved to New York? Yes. Yes, I do. I was so excited because I wanted a friend so bad in New York. And I used to go out and just like sit alone at like restaurants, you know, like just like hoping to have an interaction. Wow. Yeah. I would go sometimes sit at the bar because I was like, first of all, how do people have the money to have full meals?

I'd be sitting at the bar. I was like, who are these people? They're in New York and they're sitting in restaurants and they can like afford the tip. I used to bounce checks to like, I bounced like a check to somebody's like wedding once. So I just sit at the bar and like maybe get a coffee or like a Sprite. Right after I would get off my nanny job, I would go and like either I would go straight to like Rainbow and spend my $280 for that week or whatever it was, or I would go and like either I would go straight to like Rainbow and spend my $280 for that week or whatever it was. Or I would go and sit at some kind of restaurant like on the other side. What's Rainbow?

It's like a dumb like – it's like Daffy's. It's just like Marshall's basically. Okay. Just like I would try to find some sort of whoring thing I could wear to get a guy or something. I would sit at the – my plans were very faint. I would sit at a bar and I would just talk to somebody, get either like a drink or a coffee or something and hope I could have an interaction. And then I got this other job at this place called Star Magic on Broadway. And they sold like little stones and crystals and things like that.

And this guy that I work with, he was in drag a lot and his drag name was Kenny Wonder. And he would take me, he was so funny and he would make me laugh so much. We were always in trouble at work for talking. He would do this impression of Nancy Drew. It was a narrator and being, but Nancy was like a whore in his impression.

So it would be like the Nancy Drew mysteries, but he'd be like, Nancy was sure. It was this coc Nancy Drew mysteries, but he'd be like, Nancy was sure. It was this cockeyed narrator. He'd be like, Nancy was sure when she went through the courtyard. Something was awry. The Bobsy twins had let out some crumbs and it looked like there'd been a crime

that had happened there. But she got distracted and ended up on her hands and knees as Nancy often did. Oh my God. And so every story, Nancy would just be distracted by Dick in some way, but she'd be about to solve a crime that she'd be like,

but she knew at the end of the day what she wanted was one thing, to lay down in bed and be punished. So we would read these stories back and forth. He came up with this idea, and I had never in my life met anybody funnier or more creative. I was just like, this guy is fascinating. And he had never in my life, like, met anybody, like, funnier or more creative.

I was just like, this guy is fascinating. And he had friends. Like, he had a real New York life, you know. He had a drag show that he would bring me to and all this stuff. Yeah, he was hilarious. And one of the first, like, performers in New York that I met. Yeah. And we were always in trouble.

But those friends are so fun, the ones you're always in trouble with. Yeah. are so fun the ones you're always in trouble with yeah so this is called this is a section we do called From the Notebook, and it's just sort of like working out new material. And this is tied to, you and I were both in Trainwreck, our friend Amy Schumer's movie, and I played Brie Larson's husband. And every once in a while, people will remember that this happened and they are angry like they'll see the movie on tv and they will go on the internet and they'll be uh very angry they'll write mike berbiglia is brie larson's husband in in ridiculous I know they're like, in what, this is a real quote, direct quote, in what universe?

And I'm like, uh, a movie? Like, do people, do people understand they're watching a movie and that I am a person who is on social media a lot? And you didn't even use my character's name it's tom no last name no that fucking you have to talk about on stage because it's so funny do you think so yes because it's such a popular thing and people are always like so this wouldn't whatever like a lot of things like in the guys drives me nuts and it's one of those things that like in the guise of like feminism or whatever like you end up being like weirdly like hurtful, which is, which is hurtful initially, like so many funny things, but hilarious. You know what I mean? You have to talk about that on stage. That is so, because it's so true. It's like, I mean, it's, it's such

a funny thing that people are like, yeah, I was there and, and it's false too. Yeah. Right. I also wrote down, it's worth noting the film was directed by- Don't think you're like some trailblazer for body acceptance because I'm here reading the comments and I'm on well. Yeah, it's fairly funny. I wrote,

I think it's worth noting the film was directed by Judd Apatow, who's married to Leslie Mann in this universe. Yeah, you have to tell that story. But also- Also, it's interesting to people because it's behind, it's like something that really you did and shot. Right.

And also, I wrote down this thing in a general sense. A lot of times with jokes, I feel like you sort of zoom out and zoom in and zoom out and zoom in and just kind of find what the funny part is. But I think a possible exploration area is that this idea that you can't punch above your weight class in terms of looks is kind of bizarre. You know what I mean?

It happens constantly. Yeah. Of course. Like I did it. My wife is much more attractive than I am. So I always say like I married up and she's always very generous.

She always says she married up and it's the nice thing to do. It's like the right thing to say. And we were with another couple one day and we were like, we met, we're married up. And they go, we married down. And we were like, you shouldn't be a couple. Wait, they said we married down? What was their reasoning? They both said, I think I married down about themselves. I know, it was very awkward.

It's a very awkward conversation. I know, it's brutal. I know, isn't it brutal? I've never been able to make a joke about it because it's one of those things, we were talking about this earlier, sometimes something in your life is so strange, you can't even come to make a joke about it because it's one of those things we were talking about this earlier. Sometimes something in your life is so strange, you can't even come up with a joke

that's funnier than what happened. Yeah, than what actually happened. Do you feel like you married up? I do. I mean, look, technically, yes. He's the better looking person. I had a joke about this on stage because he's the better, like emotionally, no, I bring on stage because he's the better like emotionally no I bring more

to the table I mean I win like every round in therapy I'm just winning yeah because he also doesn't argue like the therapist was like I'll be like yeah you know he you know I ask him if he can just try to say these certain thoughtful things or maybe like a goddamn compliment

or something like that you know I'll be like and the therapist will be like and this is one of the reasons I probably like fell for him because the honesty is like so refreshing and strange. I've never seen the likes of it really. They'll be like, oh, have you ever experienced that before, Pete, that, you know, a woman has been felt with you in other relationships or situations kind of sort of on their own emotionally or that you haven't been thoughtful he's like oh yeah everybody says that yeah he's like it's like they all say like i'm not thoughtful

and like it's like a certain kind of like uh like they're alone in it yeah like that thing right so like he doesn't argue like he'll tell you the truth now part of that is acutely painful but he doesn't he have you done that no i should maybe yeah yeah you should write that down yeah no that's super funny like have you ever experienced this before like and you you know i could think the therapist is waiting for his side a lot of times like she kind of stops and she's like this is therapy and then he gets to tell his version of events. But he's eclipsed. So he's like, oh, yeah, yeah, everybody says that. I'm like not there for them, like emotionally.

And I'm kind of just like vacant, you know? Yeah. Yeah. So he'll just agree. You should do that this weekend. Okay. I mean, that goes straight in the act. That's right to stage.

Do you have anything that's like a half premise, half idea in your notebook that you're kicking around? Let me look right here. I do. I will say this is, yeah, this is very, very half thought out. But my mother-in-law is very worried about my house cleaning, you know, that I don't clean well or properly. Okay. So I have like, I hire a housekeeper now

because like I'm on the road a lot, you know? And so she's wept about this. Wept? Yeah. She's worried about it. Yeah. She's like, you know, she's like, Peter comes home. There is nothing on the tables.

There is nothing. Oh my God. You know, like she was like, he comes home. There is nothing out on the table. He comes home and it's a mess. And like, well, it's either there's not enough cooking, which I cook, but obviously when I'm gone, I can't. But, you know.

So she wants you to be like a 1950s housewife. And she thinks he would bang a potato against his head if I wasn't there, like, making him something, like, frying him something. She's like, he comes and she's frantic. She's like, he comes home, then what can he have? Like, what will he do? Like, he'll just drool and stand still. That is great.

And still be throbbing with hunger and then the father brought me over a cleaning magazine wow a cleaning I didn't even know

there was a cleaning magazine I didn't know that was like a thing I don't know if it was an insert but it was something about cleaning at the time I was furious

and I threw it out but later I was like that was pretty funny now that I think about it I might be able to talk about it on stage yeah I'd say because he's like

and he doesn't know he's not supposed to repeat all the shit people talk about me so he'll be like yeah apparently they say Because he's like, and he doesn't know he's not supposed to repeat all the shit people talk about me. So he'll be like, yeah, apparently they say, you know, you should be cleaning more, you know, and that's probably it. Oh, my God. And he's like, I brought you something, you know, and he got a little different stuff in there, like, you know, lemon stuff and like lice oil and stuff. He gives you some tips, you know, apparently they say that's why you, you know, when Peter gets mad, that's probably why.

Oh, my God. So he'll often repeat stuff. And I'm like, Joe, you weren't supposed to tell me that. Everybody talks this specific shit about me. But a lot of it is about my cleaning. Wow. That is deep. That's a deep cut.

It is. They're really going for the jugular. It's so personal. Because really what you're describing is like no one should ever be, not your in-laws. No one. Even your own parents shouldn't be criticizing how clean your house is. You know? I mean, it's insanity.

It's like I say in my show. It's like having a rave at a bakery. Like having a child that young. Yeah. That's hilarious. Yeah, it's insanity. It's just like dough and sparkles, and everyone's like, do you have water?

Yeah, I mean, she just, I also have a very different joke about toddlers at that certain age where they empty every room like they're looking for blow. Like she'll just turn out a room like she has 24 hours to leave the country before like a drug dealer shoots her in the face. Okay, so the final thing we do is working it out for a cause. And I know you do a lot of work with the firefighters organization

and we're gonna contribute to them. Can you tell me what they do? That's so lovely you do that. So I do a lot of work and I'm on the board of this charity called Friends of Firefighters and they offer free mental health counseling, wellness services to all FDNY active duty members

and their families. Because like whenever you work with a first responder, this is for firemen, firefighters, and the EMS specifically, they're going to serve EMS soon as well. They're expanding. But the whole family lives with all the trauma that these guys see. I mean, I joke about it a lot in my act, but a lot of these emotional, it's like everybody kind of lives with all of this stuff. So what's really cool about them is that they give all kinds of free services. And they're right in downtown Brooklyn. And if you're married to a fireman, have any firefighter in your family, you can go there and get free therapy, all kinds of things, free acupuncture, massage, all kinds of lovely things.

So they're really amazing. And I'm going to tape my special soon. And for the taping, a portion of the proceeds are also going to go to friends of firefighters. And we're going to raise money. And also, if you're a first responder, first responder family, send a picture of yourselves in your firefighter shirt.

If you guys ever want to send it to me, DM me on Instagram. Send it through my website. With the release, I'll post and share all of those too. I like to share other stuff for different first responders and their families and stuff like that. It's so nice. It's friendsoffirefighters.org

and I'll contribute to them. The show will contribute to them. We'll link to them in the show notes. And April 7th and 8th is my taping. Oh, amazing. So there'll be a lot of firefighters there from New York. We're going to do a lot of stuff throughout the whole weekend for friends of firefighters.

So like sell their merch there. People are going to give away different free things. That's great. I figured I may as well do something fun while I'm taping my special. Where's the taping? That's at the Midnight Theater on April 7th and 8th. Tickets are going to go up

by the time this airs. Awesome. I'm thrilled that you came on. You're one of the people who I feel like you should hire someone to walk behind you with a notebook writing down all the things you say because you're like a well of material.

I just think you're a riot, and thanks for coming on. Working it out, because it's not done. Working it out, because there's no hope. That's going to do it for our episode with Rachel Feinstein. You can follow her on at Rachel Feinstein. You can follow her on at Rachel Feinstein underscore. That's catchy. Rachel

Feinstein underscore on Instagram. She's great on Instagram. She's got great clips on there. She's just right. If you can see her in your town, by all means, go do it. Thanks for listening today. And by the way, thank you for all your user ratings and things. We're coming up on our 100th episode

in June. And we never would have been able to get here without the support of you listening to the show and writing little comments on Apple Podcasts. That's how people find out about it. Who don't know about the show? So we appreciate it. The producers of Working It Out are myself, along with Joseph Birbiglia and Peter Salamone, associate producer Mabel Lewis, consulting producer Seth Barish, assistant producers Gary Simons and Lucy Jones, sound mix by Shubh Saran. Supervising engineer, Kate Balinski. Special thanks to Marissa Hurwitz and Josh Upfall, as well as David Raphael and Nina Quick.

My consigliere is Mike Berkowitz. Special thanks to Jack Antonoff and Bleachers for their music. Special thanks to my wife, the poet J. Hope Stein. Her book, Little Astronaut, is in bookstores now. Special thanks, as always, to my daughter, Una, who built the radio fort made of pillows way back when, almost three years ago. We're almost at the 100th episode of this podcast,

which is completely absurd. We could have never imagined this. And we have some really exciting guests coming up. Like, really, really, really exciting guests. some really exciting guests coming up. Like, really, really, really exciting guests. I'm not even going to give hints to who I'm talking about. But really exciting.

So you're going to want to stay tuned. Thanks most of all to you who are listening. Tell your friends. Tell your enemies. Tell your local firefighters. Stop by the station. Hey, fellas, ladies, while you're waiting here at the station for a fire, an exciting fire,

maybe put on a podcast where a comedian works out comedic ideas and stories with friends. Big guy? Hey, big guy. See you next time, everybody.