Mike Birbiglia's Working It Out - Pete Holmes and Mike Make the Definitive Christmas Movie List

Episode Date: December 23, 2024

In this special episode of Working It Out, Mike’s old friend and frequent guest Pete Holmes sits down for a holly jolly discussion about classic and new classic Christmas movies. Mike and Pete sing the praises of Elf, examine the dark underbelly of A Christmas Story, and take the Gremlins to task over their many nonsensical rules. Plus, Pete breaks down his own performance in the new film The Best Christmas Pageant Ever.Please consider donating to Homebody Industries

Hey everybody, it's Mike. We have a very special episode of Working It Out today. We've never done this one before. It's my old friend, Petey Holmes, back on the podcast to discuss holiday movies because Pete is starring along with the great Judy Greer in a new movie called the best Christmas pageant ever we talk about that today It's in theaters now. You can also rent it on a video on demand, which is what I did I watched it with my family. We loved it so I

Called Pete a few weeks ago and I said hey, do you want to record an episode where we discuss our favorite Christmas movies? And that's what we did today. Really fun. We argue it out. We figure out our top five. We burn each other a little bit. If you haven't heard me and Pete talk to each other before, fair warning. You can also go back and listen to the other episodes with me and Pete Holmes, but we're good friends. We burn each other a lot. So if you're like, why are these people being so mean to each other? Don't worry.

We love each other and we're good. Everyone's okay. Thanks to everybody who's come out to my shows lately. I have had such a great time in Asheville, Knoxville, Nashville, and Louisville performing The Good Life. That's what the new show is called. I'm doing the final performances in New York City in March at the Beacon Theater, all of it on birbigs.com. Thanks everybody to come out this year. I mean, it's been super, super fun. I'm doing a few more cities. I'll be in Iowa City in January. I'll be in Baltimore, Northampton,

Burlington, Vermont, Ontario, a handful of other places. All of it on birbigs.com and of course, the Beacon Theater, March 19 through 23. A few tickets left, but let's get to the Christmas movies list. Fair warning, we're discussing Christmas movies, but just like not all Christmas movies are family friendly, this episode is not necessarily family friendly. Joe Brighlia called me today and said, should we bleep out the curses? I was like, there's not that many. He goes, there are three.

They're not bleeped. So it's gonna be wild. It's gonna be wild three curse episode. That said, enjoy my chat with Pete Holmes and listen to his podcast, which is called You Made It Weird. We're working it. Here we go. Congratulations.

I called you a few weeks ago. I go, you're the star of a Christmas movie. And I love holiday movies. I'm guessing you do. And you know more about Christianity and Christmas than most friends I know, which says a lot about the comedy community. And so I was like, let's talk about our favorite Christmas movies. You said sure thanks. So here we are. Well, I'm honored that you like the movie. I laughed meekly, which is very in tone with the season. My meekness and my humility is very, you know, right on point for December.

That Judy Greer is the star and maybe the kids, but I'm in it. Judy is fantastic. And of course she was in your shadow. And I say that because you're just such a large, disgusting man that you are shadowing everyone in the movie throughout. A lot of the children were worried that I was going to eat their bones. There was a lot of like throwing rocks at me while I was sleeping. At one point a hornet's nest fell on my head

and I just ran around until I found a lake or as I know it, a puddle. It's so fitting that you're in this Christmas movie that is, I have to say, if I'm being completely honest with you, I feel like this is the place to do it. I did not think I would go for this movie. Yeah, no, that's fair.

I thought you were great and I thought Judy was great. I thought the kids were great and I choked up at the end. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a fiery, it's very religious Christmas movie and I'm not a very religious person. It's funny that, yeah, there is like Jesus Christmas and then love actually Christmas. This is Jesus Christmas for sure.

But what I love about it is it's not judgmental and it's not dogmatic and it's not even, it's not really centering about ethics as much as it's about inclusion, which is the Jesus message that everyone can feel in their hearts. So when I read the script, I absolutely was like crying. I didn't know the book.

I was very moved. And I think, you know, it's something that we got a lot during press, but it was like, do you think now more than ever? And I was like, yeah, kind of throughout all of known human history, including our time, we need more messages about like,

it's not what you look like, it's not like, do you look like one of us? Are you clean like us? Are you polite like us? Everybody needs to be folded in and included and given a shot because the kids who are ne'er do wells in the end are celebrated. And I actually think that is not just Christianity,

I think that's all of spirituality in a nutshell, is you think you're this outcast with dirty fingerless gloves and nothing to your name, and in the end, you're on stage and everyone's clapping. I really think that's a good way to put it. By the way, I showed, I watched this with Jenny and Una. Jenny said, this movie is an instant classic. And then Una says, knowing, you know,

we don't raise her in this religion, so she just goes, wait, so I don't get it, is I get who Jesus is, but then what's his relationship with Santa Claus? And I'm just like, you're doing my act. You're doing things for jokes. Turns out the act is hereditary. She got Jenny's eyes and she got your act.

So let's talk about our favorite holiday movies. Cause I thought that this would be a fun, I thought let's debate the merits of favorite holiday movies? Because I thought that this would be fun. I thought let's debate the merits of different holiday movies as what will make the Mike and Pete top five holiday movies list. The definitive. The definitive list, which everybody's been asking for. Everyone's been clamoring for.

Yeah, Reddit is on fire with what are Mike and Pete's collectively agreed upon favorite Christmas movies. And I think honestly, I think people can only understand things in terms of lists. I would agree with that. I think you really need to say, this is the top five. And then people can ingest that and go, okay, that's their top five. Now I can go on with my day. I agree.

I'm worried we won't get to all of them the way that we are with our yammering. All right, Peter, why don't you hit us with some audio? Now, get upstairs. I am upstairs, dummy. The third floor. Go. It's scary up there.

Don't be silly. Fuller will be up in a little while. I don't want to sleep with Fuller. You know about him. He wets the bed. He'll pee all over me. I know it. I'm going to say something. This has to be right off of Culkin's voice. Brad Pitt talks like Macaulay Culkin when he was a child. It's the same kind of, there's a cool, there's almost like, do you have a bite of apple

in the back of your cheek? I'm telling you, I'm right. You could side by side it with some Brad Pitt. First of all, I literally have no idea what you're talking about. I'll say, we're talking about Home Alone, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you didn't know that that's Home Alone.

Was this on your list and my list? Home Alone isn't on mine, but I do love Home Alone. I have a slight issue with it and it's fun to put this to you. It's not, it doesn't have to be Christmas. It just so happens to be Christmas. True. And there's a lot of, I watched it with my daughter.

We watched both one and two this year, and there's just a lot of violence to explain. And even in that clip, they're so mean to each other. They're like, what's up dummy, stupid, like, you know, and then at the end of the movie, they're so mean to him. It resolves, but only slightly. All that being said, I agree. I think Home Alone is a fantastic

and even is a Christmas movie. Yeah, but I think we take, I don't think it makes the top five based on the fact, even though it was one of mine that I put forward, based on the fact that what you're saying, I think is true, which is, I think if we create qualifications,

if it has to be a Christmas movie, or a holiday movie, if it's dependent on that for the movie to exist. Yeah, I think it should be Christmas. Meaning, Jingle Bells, I don't acknowledge as a Christmas song, that's a snow song. It's about a sleigh ride. I need either Christmas, Santa, Jesus.

I need gifts, I need family, I need heels, I need fire. It can't just be, oh, what fun it is to ride and let it snow the same. Let it snow is just about, it's winter. Let's just, instead of just putting up with it, let's be glad that it's here. You know what I'm saying? By the way, there's a series on Netflix

called The Movies That Made Us and it's essentially the making of classics, a bunch of classics. Each episode is a different one. They have a home alone one, and I couldn't recommend it more highly, particularly to the people who listen to this podcast and are aspiring filmmakers,

because you realize, you go, oh my gosh, this classic movie that people have watched over and over and over again, basically was filmed in the suburbs of, I think, Chicago Oh my gosh, this classic movie that people have watched over and over and over again, basically was filmed in the suburbs of, I think, Chicago and completely shouldn't have gotten finished. Like it was a disaster, they lost funding, they made it for no money

comparative to other movies at the time. And it was just kind of a miracle of a movie to be made. So I highly recommend watching that. I'll check that out. Yeah, there's also, it's one of those movies, my last Home Alone observation, that you do kind of have to look the other way on the concept.

Home Alone 2, especially Home Alone 2, the same burglars that were in Chicago also happened to be in New York when he's in New York. It's spokeless. And then they run into each other over and over and over. The big one for me is they want, in Home Alone 1, which is what we're talking about,

they want to rob his house. They get in his house and then they become completely sidetracked with killing the kid. Because at what point he leaves the house. He like gets on the rope and he slides off. They have free rein. They could take everything out and leave and make a lot of money.

They're blinded by the... And then Joe Pesci wants to bite his fingers off. These guys got what they deserved at the end. I'm not on their side. Also, the dad, when he sees Kevin, we just watched it. The mom, I cry almost every time when the mom comes in and says Merry Christmas and then she goes, I'm so sorry.

Which is really what the movie is about, is parents learning to apologize to their children, which is incredibly moving. And Kevin, with his orange lips, they're very cute, but they're kind of orangey, forgives her and they hug. Then the dad comes in, having caught a flight that was, she could have just waited for, he walks in and just goes like, hey, you're all right.

And I'm like, that's mom and dad in the 90s. That's what it was. Hey, you're okay. All right, Peter, do you wanna play another clip? Oh my God, no, no, it's all right, sweetie. Let's just get this off, you're gonna be fine. You're pretty hair. I'm just as good as any of you.

Of course you are. Better, probably. Ben, I'm You're bad. I'm gonna get Everett. When I do, when I do. Everett, Everett, come on. Hey. Oh, oh, oh.

Sorry. I don't know if we've met. I know. Too late. Get him. Somebody's gonna get her. What's so great about you guys? Nothing.

It's just that we're all we've got. We're not so great. And you, you're the worst. I'm the worst. Ah! I love it. I can't guess it, I can't guess it. It's my favorite Christmas movie. It's my number one.

It's the family stone. It's a perfect Christmas movie. It's a perfect, it might even just be a perfect movie. I've never seen it. Can you pitch me the movie? I'll pitch it to you in one sentence, and I'll say it's, have yourself a merry little Christmas, the movie. Meaning, you know how have yourself a merry little Christmas kind of melancholy?

Mm-hmm. There's something heavy about it. It touches on the sadness. Christmas is a winter holiday. It's a family holiday. It's new beginnings, but it's also endings. It's celebration, but it's also winter holiday. It's a family holiday. It's new beginnings, but it's also endings. It's celebration, but it's also dark outside. And have yourself a merry little Christmas.

Is that so? Here we are as in golden days. It's like very forlorn. Keep going. And that's what I want. Keep going? I'm just saying, Al, for... No, keep going with the song.

That was really wonderful. Oh. Happy golden days of yore. Here's my impression of Bill Murray's Christmas special, which I really feel like he phoned in. Jingle bells, jingle line. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Dashing through the line.

He's reading. They just shouldn't have made him do it. He didn't want to do it. He clearly didn't want to do it. So anyway, it's melancholy. Elf is jingle bells. You know what I mean? I want a movie about the holidays

that touches on the sadness and the complications of family. And this movie is a tearjerker. It's fucking Diane Keaton is the voice you just heard. It's Sarah Jessica Parker. It's an incredible ensemble cast. It's also beautiful. The house is beautiful. It takes place mostly in a house.

And it's one of those close, close families that love each other and love each other fiercely and imperfectly. And a guy is bringing a girlfriend home for Christmas and hilarity ensues. It's incredible. I love it. All right, well, it's not gonna, look,

it's not gonna make the list because I've never seen it because it can make our mutual list for that reason. That's interesting. I'm gonna see it. No, I think I, unless you're gonna- That's an interesting theory. Oh, you're saying that it has to make the list because it's your number one.

Yeah, I'm open to the possibility that someone's number one just goes on the list. And if I hadn't seen your number one, I must say it goes on the list, it's your number one. But let's talk about Elf, because you were touching on Elf. You were kind of throwing Elf under the bus. Meanwhile...

No, no, no, no, I'm not. Elf is my first, but Family Stone is my last. Last being closest to Christmas. But you start the season with the espresso that is Elf. Elf espresso. It's upbeat, it's just positive, it's just fun, it's just silly, it's wonderful. And it has some Christmas. I think it belongs on the list for sure. Okay, people. Tomorrow morning, 10 a.m. Santa's coming to town.

Santa! Oh my God! Santa here? I know him. I watched Elf again yesterday. I've probably watched it 10, 15, maybe 20 times in my life. Of course. It is a classic.

I went to my coffee shop on the corner after I watched it yesterday and just talking to the baristas, I go, yeah, I just watched Elf with my daughter. She's nine. And they were just like, we love Elf. Meanwhile, they're in their twenties. The movie's 20 something years old.

You go like, oh, okay, this is fully a classic. No, what it is is, so often comedians never play the part that everyone wanted them to play. You know what I mean? Like, they're too busy, and God, I hope I'm not this way, but they're kind of too busy doing their own interests. Yeah, no one's casting you in anything.

So I don't think you're a great example. Appreciate that. And I'm keeping in mind that you're a filmmaker, but seeing as you'll never find funding for any projects, I know I won't even hold my breath for that. But your ideas sound great. Really small, subtle, kind of like very niche. I think that's the market. Looking at the film landscape, you're the niche idea.

I blame the market, I blame the market. Ha ha ha. You get the film landscape. You're the new shit. I blame the market. I blame the market. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. You are the antique store of filmmakers. Like, you might find like a quirky old metal toy

that might cut you. Somebody will want that. You're the only person who's put John Mulaney in a TV series, but then no one watched the TV series. This is pre-Big Mulaney. Mulaney was fairly big. We made him big. It was because he was on Crashing. That's what made him big. People don't know that. I just feel like I wanted to finish my thought on Elf.

You know, a lot of bands do this. They never make the record that the fans make. They just get caught in their own spiral of self-exploration and they want to push themselves and challenge themselves. And every once in a while, Jim Carrey will do Eternal Sunshine and Will Ferrell will do Elf. They'll do the movie that they were made to do. You fucking lose it. So I would say Will Ferrell doing Elf,

and we know all the moving parts being available, the script being written and all that sort of stuff, just a perfect storm leading to a perfect movie. And I love it. I've heard rumors that Will Ferrell thought the movie was going to be like darker, like twisted. And that he was disappointed when he saw it. I mean, I think Bill Farrell thought the movie was going to be like darker, like twisted. Yeah, yeah. And that he was disappointed when he saw it.

But I am like, Favreau, you salty dog, you knew what the movie had to be. And also, I don't know how true that rumor can be if he's eating cotton balls in the doctor's office. Also, like, here's what I like about Elf. We'll move on from Elf, but I just want to say one thing I really love about it, re-watching it again, they're really pure on the Santa Claus universe. Like, it's really, it's very straight-faced. Like, Bob Newhart plays the head of the elves. Yeah, Papa Elf. plays the head of the elves.

Yeah, Papa Elves. And he is completely serious about it. And even like Zooey Deschanel, it's like, she sings, she sings in the shower and it's great. Her voice is incredible. And every single person, the guy who's his boss, who's his boss at the mall, is totally serious about, dude, you're going to be in trouble. This is really serious. They play it as a drama. They play it as a drama.

They do play it as a drama, which is essential to allow Will to kind of tap dance on top of that. Can I say this though? And I said it on stage the other day and people did not like me. Perfect. Perfect for the podcast then. Yes, perfect for the podcast. It's a better podcast bit because I can't hear people reel in.

I just want to say that saying with full self satisfaction that your favorite Christmas movie is Die Hard is over. It's over. It's over. It's on my list. It's the same thing as correcting people when they say Frankenstein and you say Frankenstein's monster. It's the same level of smug cuteness that you're like, oh, you didn't know Yakatami Plaza's at Christmas?

That's a Christmas movie, baby. Like, get the fuck out of here, it's over. Okay. I hear your point. First of all, it's on my list. Second of all, why do you think because thematically it doesn't match up with Christmas?

I think it's a, look, I watched it. And I'm not even saying we can't put it on there. I'm saying the smug satisfaction as if you're the only person that's ever said that, that's over. There was a time that it was very interesting and very cool. Now it's just someone trying to have a personality, like a just-ad water, like, my favorite Christmas movie? Die Hard, of course.

Like get the fuck out of here. It can be, you just can't say it with your smug satisfaction. That's what's over. Because I, Mikey, in this moment, am saying... That's what's over. Put it on the list because I think it's fantastic. I just don't think it's unique, cute,

or oh so peculiar that it's on our list. That's over. I get that take. I know what you mean though. I mean, if I'm really interrogating it as a holiday film, I don't think it has to take place on Christmas. No, it's sort of a after the fact Christmas add on. The thing I'm noticing as we're talking

about these Christmas movies is that certain movies, the Christmas element of it is used partly from the marketing of it. It is marketing. Yeah. What I was just considering though is Die Hard, I'm going to say would be 17% less good if it wasn't at Christmas. So it does help. He tapes the gun to his back with Christmas tape. Obviously there's an ode to joy, but there's other Christmassy kind of thing.

So I think it is a Christmas movie. Right. And I'll say this. Well, he's trying to learn how to apologize to his wife. It's another apology movie. Right. His arc is realizing his role in the problems. You have an extraordinary memory for movies, by the way. This is absurd.

And yet you make that. This is a movie you've seen on your list. Yeah, exactly. I look quite pretty. Oh. Oh, you picked the creepiest moment. You picked the creepiest moment. You stayed rather close, haven't you? I wonder why.

Is this your wank tape? Is this your wank bank? I don't know this. Love actually, baby. Yeah, I haven't seen it since it came out, I think. Wow, that explains your cold, cold heart. Um. That's what it is?

I wanna say Love Actually is a thrill in that it's the very early 2000s and there's just so many little Easter eggs of things that have been dated. The guy with the spiky hair when Colin Firth is going to the house. The hip-hop dancers at the end of the pageant. Classic Hugh Grant. It's a great movie and it's great because there's so many things to hate about it.

I'm based on this conversation I'm going to see the movie because people recommend this movie all the time, but I just haven't seen it since it came out. I'm going to say it's a deeply confusing movie. I don't even think it's going to be on our list. You're not even making a good case for it. No, no, the confusion is what makes it great. Is like, there's like harsh language,

like really out of nowhere, like hard fucks. There's nudity, there's like unnecessary sex. Then there's like the most beautiful heartbreaking story with Hans Gruber, he's in it, Alan Rickman is in it. So it's a lot of different flavors and a lot of different tones and they're all thrown together. Could you watch with your whole family?

Could you watch Love Actually with your parents in Massachusetts? That's exactly my point. No. I think one of the qualifications we should consider as our holiday movie top five, which is eagerly awaited by pop culture and critics and film lovers alike, is that I think you should be able to watch it with your family. And Lev actually is out. Okay. Do you think that that would be part of the qualifications?

I agree. I'm agreeing to your terms and I'm immediately cutting Lev actually. One of the weirdest things about Lev actually is Martin Freeman, who's incredible, is in it and he's playing a stand-in in an adult movie, which is like quirky, but there's so much like humping and like weird, like they're practically like in a 69 doing their lines. And it's like, you just alienated so much of America, and yet love actually remains. It's an enigma. And as someone whose act, this isn't, I'm not forcing this,

my act, I like to talk about God and the meaning of life, and I like do hard sex jokes and stuff. I kind of relate to a movie that's all over the map in the same way that I am. Okay, let's play another clip. No, no, I want an official red-eyed or carbonated, in the same way that I am. Okay, let's play another clip. No, no, I want an official red-eyed-air carbonation. Do you want to get ready by the late arrival? You'll shoot your eye out, kid.

Classic. Merry Christmas. Okay, look. Ho, ho, ho. I want to be very careful here. One, I agree this goes on R5. It's, I'm ride or die for this movie. No, I am agreeing with you.

I also just want to say with full respect to it, there's something so dark about this movie. There's something so... Well, it's a, it's a crick. Even the refrain that we're hearing, you'll shoot your eye out is insane. It's fermented. There's something fermented and crisped about it.

There's something off about this movie in the same way. And it's one of the reasons why it rings true. The father's love affair with the leg, the way that the boy wants a rifle that's very Freudian. His brother gets a blimp, which is also Freudian. They want to be men. The mother making the boy eat the mashed potatoes in this weirdly, what is that scene? It's so uncomfortable. And the boys and leaving their mothers. There's so much going on there and there's so much hardship. There's so much like bullying and blood and like you can't get what you want and you're

going to poach you. It's like a, that movie has guts. Like it has blood and fucking, it's a real thing. And I agree. I just want to acknowledge that it is sort of got a nefarious sort of dark thing going on. The reason I like A Christmas Story is that I think what you're describing, it's a little dark. It's a little bit like it almost feels like alt comedy made a movie. I agree.

It almost feels like Rafifi in the early 2000s got together and made a movie about Christmas? Even down to Faraharara. And I know that's like, doesn't age well, but the way that that would be like a hipster kind of joke. Like I could see every joke in that movie today still happening. Yeah, I will say though, in terms of top five,

I think we have to cut back so far on what would be a cliche list. Like if you have Elf Die Hard and A Christmas Story and that's three out of your five, I think you're not breaking any ground at all. I think the part of the list has to be opening people's horizons to new movies that they might not have seen.

Well, that's why I'm saying I need the Family Stone on it. I think Family Stone actually kind of has to go in, even though I haven't even seen it. Sure. Well, let's play another one. Hey, man. Hi. Hey, dude. Excuse me.

How's it going? I'm Isaac. Hi, Isaac. I hate to bug you. I lost my phone, and I'm using this app to try to find it. Yeah? I'm kind of having a hard time using this app to try to find it. Yeah? I'm kind of having a hard time. It's confusing me a little bit.

You think you can maybe help me out? Yeah, sure. Hold my cane for a second. Awesome. Yeah, yeah, sure. I'll hear you. Yeah, I'll hold your cane. Hey, Merry Christmas, Isaac.

Oh, yeah, Merry Christmas to you too, man. Ah, thanks. Oh, I've been having a pretty crazy night. I'm going to level with you. I'm a little fucked up right now. No way. You don't say. Yeah, yeah. What's your name? Spencer. Spencer. Cool.

That's my family over there. Hi, I'm Isaac. Nice to meet you. What's up, man? You have dogs. Okay, so Seth Rogen, but I don't know the movie offhand. Well, this might be useful in the spirit in which we're trying to be useful. First of all, the movie is The Night Before. Val and I have talked about this a lot. We actually think it might be Seth Rogen's best performance.

I'm not just saying that. I love Seth, I love Seth Rogen. So I'm going to watch this. I'm going to watch this this week because I haven't seen it. You should watch it. I don't think it's a perfect movie, but I do think Seth Rogen is perfect in it, like absolutely perfect.

Michael Shannon is brilliant in it. It just blows me away and it's really, really funny. That scene that we just listened to, he's on mushrooms and he's talking to a Nativity scene and he's talking to Joseph. And the fact that Joseph says his name is Spencer is one of the big laughs of the movie. It's perfect.

I think that I'm gonna watch that for sure. And I think that maybe makes it on the list. Let's roll another one. What do you want? Santa? Yeah, I'm Santa. Come on, what do you want? Barbie? Say cheese. Okay, fine, Barbie. Yeah, I'm Santa. Come on, what do you want? Um, Barbie? Say cheese.

Okay, fine, Barbie. Oh, thank you. Ow! Watch the toenails, kid. Shit. Next. Next. What do you want?

Fraggle stick car. What the fuck is that? Fraggle stick car. Well, I heard you. Fraggle stick car, fine. I know what this is. It's not the bad thing. It's the good thing.

It's the good thing. It's the good thing. It's the good thing. It's the good thing. It's the good thing. It's the good thing. It's the is that? Fraggle stick car. Well, I heard you. Fraggle stick car, fine. I know what this is. Bad Santa, right? Bad Santa. Fucking incredible. But I think, okay, I'm going to throw this back at you.

Because you can't watch it with your family. In the spirit of burning, people, I'm going to say this is a hack pick. Hack pick? It is a hack pick. Hack pick? It's a hack pick. It's the... No, it's a hack pick. It's the movie that everybody goes, no, what you think is about Christmas is a Christmas story,

but really it's about Bad Santa. You're like, all right. No, you're dragging Bad Santa because of the other bad movies, like Bad Teacher and stuff. Bad Santa on its own stands up. It's so funny. No, I think it's funny. Look, I like the movie. I like the movie. I'm just saying.

Here's my- It's every frat boy's favorite Christmas movie. And so as a result, I'm kinda like, ah. It's another instant personality. My favorite Christmas movie is that Santa. Instant personality. ah. It's another instant personality. My favorite Christmas thing is that Santa. Instant personality. Yeah, it's an instant personality. I want to say this about people

because people do love Bad Santa. I have one fun fact about it. You can tell by the kid's age, the kid who looks like Fortune Fumster, she has a joke about that. That's not a burn. That child grows up during the movie because they're doing reshoots.

Like you can tell they're doing reshoots because he jumps up like a foot. And it's really helpful to see what scenes are reshoots based on the kid's size because someone gave fantastic notes to that movie because every reshoot is the heart, is his growth, is the warmth, and it's really fascinating to watch.

It's really interesting. Oh my God, we have this ice sculpture of a child that's letting us know that was a reshoot and it saved the movie. It's incredible. I like that, I like that. Okay, let's go to another one. No, no.

What happened? He hates bright lights. I like that. I like that. Okay, let's go to another one. No, no. What happened? He hates bright lights. You know, there's some things I forgot to tell you guys. I never remember. Number one, he hates bright lights. We know that. But you've got to keep him out of the sunlight.

Number one, he hates bright lights. Number two, keep him away from water. Don't give him any water to drink. I want to leave it on the bath. I can't believe Gremlins is on your list. First of all, it's almost as a joke because I turned it, I'm not making a case for Gremlins. I turned it on recently because I was like, is my memory deceiving me?

Is that movie any good? And I turned it on and because I was like, is my memory deceiving me? Is that movie any good? And I turned it on and I was, I mean, no offense to all the people involved, but I think Spielberg is a producer on it, one of the great filmmakers of all time. It's terrible. I mean, it's absolutely unwatchable. The first 15 minutes of the movie

are repeating over and over again. The rules of the gremlin thing are don't have a bright light, don't have water. It's like this movie's just exposition over and over and over again. And then eventually, there is bright light, there is water. And it's just like, get the fuck out of my house

with this movie. I just watched this great clip where Quentin Tarantino was talking about gremlins and he just like, get the fuck out of my house with this movie. I just watched this great clip where Quentin Tarantino was talking about gremlins. And he was like, so you can't feed him after midnight. What if a gremlin is on a transatlantic flight? And he's eating and we lose time. And now it's past midnight. Is the rule like from where he took off? Midnight. That's a Christmas present from a very dear friend of mine.

Look, Daddy, teacher says every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings. That's right. That's right. You know what, Mikey? As we're listening to that, I'm realizing with a very heavy heart, and I'm not trying to take away from you and it's a wonderful life, because that's a good choice, I feel like the way the kid says that line, but I'm a sad, and it's a sad,

like that is like, remember the woman that read the verdict for OJ and she stammered? Like the whole world is watching and she's like, Orenthal James, like she messed up. That's how I feel about that kid's reading of that line. It's something that was the best take they had. I couldn't disagree more. I think if you have a line that is that seminal

in popular culture for essentially 50, 75 years. What year is that movie even? Yeah, you're absolutely right. Of course I'm joking. I feel like the first part is a little chunky and then she really nails the landing. I just think like, talking about a movie that is 75 years old and it holds up and people quote that line.

I just think like that's an example of the kid did it wrong, but wrong is right. I agree. The problem I have with It's a Wonderful Life, It's a Wonderful Life as far as I remember is he feels the call to adventure. He has the briefcase. He wants it covered in all the stickers and come back with my stories, because he's tired of living in this little small town. But he never goes. He never goes.

And the message, it almost feels like slightly propaganda, like almost like a movie that they would show in the theater in the Truman Show. Like, don't leave your tent. Like, the characters in the Truman Show. Like, don't leave your tent. Like, the characters in the Truman Show would go and see It's a Wonderful Life, because the message is, don't leave, can't leave, stay home, Christmas is at home, stay with your parents, stay in your town, don't leave.

And as someone who watched that movie in my 20s, when all I was doing was I was on fire to like live my life and express myself and go on an adventure. So that I just found challenging. I'm at home going like, he should go, he should go on his journey and he keeps getting stopped and he never gets to leave. So that's what troubles me.

Okay, I'm not going to make a case for it, but I do think like we're starting to get to a point where is there anything we haven't alluded to that is in your top five? for it. But I do think we're starting to get to a point where is there anything we haven't alluded to that is in your top five? Yes, it's a Buppets Christmas Carol, which is a fantastic, perfect adaptation of that story. It's actually surprisingly in line with the text, with Dickens' text, and Michael Caine is incredible and it's got great music and it's a little bit scary and it's a little bit funny. It's fantastic.

Yeah, I think that that should go on the list. It's all, and it's also, I think you mentioned this, but any audience can watch it. I think it's an underrated quality, I think. I agree, I agree. That you can have, and I think the Muppets had this, I think the Simpsons has this. You know, I think The Muppets had this, I think The Simpsons has this,

I think certain Pixar movies have this, where it can play for different age audiences and it can be actually profound. Like there's moments of profundity. Yes, I think that's right. Okay, so I think Elf makes the top five, I think The Muppets makes the top five. Well, I was gonna say Family Stone is my vote. I think Family Stoneuppets makes the top five. Well, I was going to say Family Stone is my vote. I think Family Stone.

Christmas Story. So, okay, here's what I have. Based on what we're both saying. Family Stone is the outlier. Yeah. Elf is the one we can all kind of agree on. Christmas Story is a classic that it's a little on the nose. It's a grilled cheese.

It's a grilled cheese. Yeah, I think Die Hard, a little on the nose, but I think we'll let it go. Yep. Okay, so we wrapped it up. Those are the five Christmas movies. And do you have any holiday themed material that you are working on or in process?

I sort of alluded to it, which is like there's Christmas songs that aren't Christmas at all, like Let It Snow and Jingle Bells, which are snow or winter songs. And then I was kind of working on something about them. There's the ones that are like too religious, like God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, whatever it's called. But it's like, remember Christ our Savior was born on Christmas day to save us all

from Satan's power. So you get Christ and then Satan in the same line. And we're all like, why are we, this one's heavy. It's a lot. The other bit though, Mikey, that's just an observation, is the first Christmas that I had where my daughter was old enough, we were putting out the presents.

It's so fun wrapping them and just, and then Val put out the cookies and the celery for the reindeer and everything. And I started to go upstairs and Val's like, Pete, you need to eat the cookies. And I swear to you, I was like, Santa eats the cookies. And then in a flash, I go, and it was very sweet. It was like a coming of dad moment.

I went, oh my God, I'm Santa. You know what I mean? Yeah. Are you confused by coming of dad instead of coming of age? I didn't follow it. Well, I could see by your face. You're very, your emotions in your face

are perfectly synced, I could see. I just meant like, when I ate, those were the best cookies of my life. I was like, I'm eating Santa's cookies because I am Santa. Santa is real and he is us, is the message. Are those two independent bits,

one being the Satan's power, Ron, and then the Santa? Yeah. I think the Satan's power one makes me laugh so hard because I mean, I've been doing a ton of bits lately on how these hymns go into my head. And I did it on another episode, so I won't do it here. But basically it's like, the first 10, 12 years of my life were so much about singing hymns.

It's like, it's the only thing I remember from childhood. It's like, it's like- I think they told you that you'd have no hymns. Your modern life has no hymns. You'd be like, what? Yeah, it's- No hymns. It's like telling a goldfish,

no little stones at the bottom of the bowl. It's like telling a goldfish, no little stones at the bottom of the bowl. It's so confusing, because I'm just like, oh, what about if I had learned Spanish? That might have been more helpful. Hilarious. You know what I mean? Like, practical skills. Instead you learn songs that are best sung in a castle. Like the echo really helps.

To save us all from Satan's power. And my Spanish is terrible. Yes, that's very funny. That's very funny. That's your joke. That's your joke. I mean, I'm just trying to riff on what you're saying. But then the second bit, so you eat the cookies and Val calls you on it and you're like, I am Santa. I am Santa. Well, she reminds me to eat the cookies and Val calls you on it and you're like, I am Santa.

I am Santa. Well, she reminds me to eat the cookies. I was going to bed because I still sort of thought Santa was coming, even though we had just wrapped the presents and that beautiful moment. That's more of like a, that's like a little anecdote. No, no, but I like it. I think it's a really nice story.

I just think you need to step out of it and be like, that's how naive I am. Like you're looking at me thinking, look at this big dumb five-year-old who happens to be in his 40s. Like, guess what? You're right. I was gonna let the cookies stay out for Santa Claus.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it's a perfect example of the thing. It was funny, I was listening to Paul Reiser at an interview the other day. He was talking about how it's so hard to come up with an opening line in standup comedy because you have to call out, what do you look like? What's the audience thinking when you walk on stage

so that it matches up? And I think that that's a good example of like, I'm the guy who, when my wife and I put out cookies for Christmas, I'm like, no, no, no, Santa's gonna eat, you know what I mean? Like, I think that's a great example of it actually happened and it is who you are. So the last thing we do is working out for a cause. and it is who you are.

So the last thing we do is working out for a cause. Is there a nonprofit that you like to contribute to and will contribute and link in the show notes? My go-to is Homeboy Industries. It's probably every time. That's right. I've done this. Yeah, when we had you on, and I believe June, that was the one you gave to, we'll give them again,

and we'll link in the show notes. And Petey, I love you, buddy. Thanks for doing this. Merry Christmas, happy holidays, happy new year. Thank you, Petey, Holmes. Thank you, Mikey. Working it out, cause it's not done. We're working it out, cause there's no one.

And we don't have to start making jokes Though these versions might show They'll someday resume