Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth - 2132: Six Reasons Men Today are Weak

Episode Date: August 3, 2023

In this episode Sal, Adam & Justin lay out six reasons why men are getting weaker. What sparked this conversation? (1:19) Six Reasons Men Today Are Weak. #1 – Pornography. (4:49) #2 - Substance abuse. (17:50) #3- Lack of physical strength. (26:20) #4 - Video games. (31:22) #5 - Lack of good role models. (39:49) #6 – Loneliness. (47:25) Related Links/Products Mentioned Visit Seed for an exclusive offer for Mind Pump listeners! **Promo code MINDPUMP at checkout for 30% off your first month’s supply of Seed’s DS-01® Daily Synbiotic** August Promotion: MAPS Anabolic Advanced 50% off! **Code AUGUST50 at checkout** Your Brain on Porn and Other Sexual Images - Scientific American Mind Pump #1610: Testosterone… The Hormone That Divides Men & Women With Carole Hooven Mind Pump #2092: How To Cultivate Amazing Relationships With Adam Lane Smith Strength Of Grip Declines In Young Adults : Shots - NPR Mind Pump #1217: Five Surprising Benefits Of Weight Training The Epidemic of Loneliness | Psychology Today This Is How You Prepare Your Children for the World – Jordan Peterson Mind Pump Podcast – YouTube Mind Pump Free Resources People Mentioned Adam | Relationship Psychology (@attachmentadam) Instagram Jordan Peterson (@jordan.b.peterson) Instagram  

If you want to pump your body and expand your mind, there's only one place to go. MIND, MIND, MIND, MIND, MIND, MIND, with your hosts. Salda Stefano, Adam Schaefer, and Justin Andrews. You just found the world's top fitness health and entertainment podcast. This is Mind Pump. Today's episode, we talk about why men today are weak in every sense of the word. Six of the main reasons why men are weak. Now this episode is brought to you by our sponsor,

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50% off discount. All right, here comes a show. Men today are weak. Here's the six reasons why pornography, substance abuse, lack of physical strength, video games, no good role models and loneliness. Those are the six reasons why men today are not like they used to be. I know. And they don't deadlift. This is gonna be a hot one.

You know, I was talking to our editing team. And so people know we have an editing team that puts together our videos. And it's largely made up of young men. Young men in their late teens, early 20s. Great guys. Not because we're sexist, mostly because women don't really apply for that position.

Yeah, well, I mean, that's true. That's actually quite true. But they're great guys. Like, we're really blessed, they're hard working, very purpose driven. That's why they came to apply, to work with us. And I sat down with them and hung out with them last week. And I said, you know, what are some things

you would like to see us talk more about? And you guys are all fans. You all listen to the show. Before you came to work here, you guys have been a part of our growth more recently, added our videos, like what would you like to talk about? And they're like, man,

like the issues that are plaguing young men today are not talked about enough. And they're talking about how, you know, it's like demonized to be a guy these days and everything's so toxic and you know, how challenging things are, they were talking about things that they were aware of, like suicide rates and depression, anxiety, all true, all higher than they've been in the past. So I thought, you know what, let's do this. Let's talk about this. This is definitely something

that needs to be talked about. And it's not talked about enough. And we do have a large audience and a decent percentage of them are young men. So, do you think that when you say week, are you implying just physically or you mean like in general week? Like just low morals, low integrity, low strength, low drive. Yeah, like is it like all to get like everything? Yeah, so let's think of the opposite of what we're describing.

Think of a quote unquote strong man. In all senses of the word, right? This is typically someone, and these are the, by the way, these are the kind of men that women tend to want to be with. These are the kind of men that women want to follow their children. These are the kind of men that other men want to follow.

Okay. They're typically confident. They are disciplined. Discipline is a big one, right? Because every man can be undisciplined. We can easily be ruled by our desires and emotions and all stuff, but discipline is really important. And men know this. We respect other men that have lots of discipline. Principled, you know, men with values. We respect other men that have lots of discipline. Principled, men with values, why? Because they stand for something. You know, you want to, you respect people you know are going to be honest with you, tell you the truth and have principle. Not someone who just says one thing to you and then says something else to someone else. So basically men that are solid and strong. The opposite of that is a lot of what we're seeing, and the result of that is a lot of depression,

a lot of anxiety, a lot of loneliness, and the numbers, the data on this is crazy. When you look at what's going on with young men, having less relationships or dating less, they're, it's just really sad. So, and these are the main reasons that the data is showing, and like I said, I had that conversation with the fellows last week that we talked about.

Well, on the top of the list has to be pornography. And pornography's been around for a long time now, forever. But the access to it has radically changed in just the last decade and a half. I mean, it's so different today than it was, like, because it existed when we were kids, but the access for the average, you know, adolescent, you know, what's in it. Oh, it's, it was a lot more barriers around it beforehand. I mean, it was pretty difficult to see this type of imagery and, I guess it was less socially accepted in terms of it being

And I guess it was less socially accepted in terms of it being something that was sort of the norm. And we've seen just like how this has affected a lot of young men and like it's either a erectile dysfunction was another alarming statistic that was going around. And this is just I would never have seen this coming. Yeah. That's part of the reason why it's so dangerous is because we've always thought of it as kind of a bad habit, but it's somewhat innocuous, it's not like drugs, right? And that's precisely because we've never had a time in history where we have this much

access to this much novelty of imagery and videos and stuff like. It's never been this way. I mean, you could have been a billionaire when we were growing up in the 90s and you would not have as much access as you have today. You could have bought all the videos, all the magazines and you still wouldn't have the same amount of novelty that you have access to right now on your phone.

So we view it like, oh, it's like whatever because we've never had to deal with this before. But the data is coming back and it's very clear. First off, the way that it molds the brain is very similar to drugs. Your brain actually starts to downregulate receptors and change its shape and its function because of this extreme excitement through novelty. And pornography itself, people who follow this have followed how it's become more and more extreme over the years because people's tolerance is going up. Like when you first have a cup of coffee and espresso so powerful, you drink it every day,

then you two, three, four, whatever. It's got classic drug-like signs. You watch some, then you do more, then you do more, and then the brain shapes itself and molds itself. And there's even data that suggests that if you're watching a lot of porn, especially as a young man when the brain is still shaping, you're teaching your brain to be aroused by watching other men have sex with women and that yourself. Well, I think too. I mean, it's really shaping the behavior around interactions with women in terms of like,

okay, so you figure out what works, what doesn't work, opening lines, like communication, like skills, like being rejected. Like, so you go back and you self-assess a lot. You have to grow. You have to get better. You have to improve. Pornography is just one of those other options that it tends to kind of feed a certain impulsive need. And now you're not motivated to grow and to work on a lot of these characteristics that actually the other sex is attracted to you. Did you know, so ancient teachings, I mean, spanning different cultures, refer to sexual desire as also creative drive, and historically, artists, athletes have done this for a long time, Epstein from sex for 30 days before a sporting event or whatever. It's a driver for men. Now, yes, in the obvious sense it drives you to go try to have sex or talk with people, but it also is just a driver in general.

So in essence, it's like we're neutering ourselves and turning young men into docile, like just at home, here's your processed food version of sex. Don't go out, don't explore, don't do those things. Here's the question. That's a cool way to put it right there. The processed food of sex, you know, the kind of, and the same thing that we've seen in nutrition with people, right? Like I remember experiencing that with like fruit, natural fruit, like not eating

natural fruit for so long, eating so much sugar and candy. Fruit became almost tasteless to me. I had to abstain from candy for an extended period of time before I could reintroduce fruit and fruit taste normal again. Well, good. Let me ask you so because we're all business owners. We've all own multiple businesses. This skills and that are required to go learn how to get scary if you're a guy. It's very scary to go We're the ones that typically have to approach the other person the other sex. It's usually not women approaching men It's usually men approaching women and There's a process of learning that goes through it. You gotta get over the fear.

Then you're gonna suck, then you'll get better, you'll know how to communicate, you'll learn the other sex, whatever. That, those skills carry over to business, carry over to just taking risks in general, just being brave in the world. In fact, the first scariest thing I ever did, I think was approach a girl when I was a kid.

Oh yeah. You know, I didn't start a business when I was 12, but I walked up to the girl, I think was approach a girl when I was a kid. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I didn't start a business when I was 12, but I, you know, walked up to the girl I thought was pretty. Um, and you're finding men are doing less and less and less of that. And part of it, they've now, they're showing is that because they're quelling this driver by being at home, you know, watching pornography all the time. Well, I had to mention erectile dysfunctional as a thing. I was going to say, I was going to go that direction because obviously we've seen the rise

in ED and young men and I would also speculate that we've seen low testosterone. Do you think those are connected? Do you think that the pornography also plays a role in the decline in testosterone too? That's a good question because that's a very good question. I think if you connect it to the behaviors that it contributes to, probably,

like less likely to go out, less likely to take risks. Yes, not the actual, you know, activate itself, maybe, but what it contributes to in terms of other types of behaviors. This is a big issue that nobody's really sounding the alarm because we've always considered it is not that big of a deal, but we're seeing now an entire generation growing up on it, and there's a lot of problems. In fact, there's data that shows that if you've viewed pornography, I think it's before

the age of 15, I want to say, or viewed it consistently, that your odds of having a normal sexual relationship as an adult drop, like a significant percentage, something like 80%, or something like that. One out of four men hide it from their partners, one out of three women in long-term relationships say it's a problem in their relationship. So just say that this isn't an issue, it's stupid.

Now I know it affects some women as well, but it's mostly... You want that thing. And these are also people that are reporting all this stuff. I would make a case that there's a lot of people that aren't even aware, but it's causing issues in a relationship or aware that they're even addicted or have a problem.

Like anything else, right? I mean, how often have you met? So how often do you meet someone addicted to anything that admits that they're addicted to? You know what the test is for that? The Saul do this to myself if I'm using something too often. I'll say, can I go 30 days without this? Yeah.

Wait for my visceral reaction. So if you're listening to this right now and you're like, poor, not a big deal, okay, go 30 days without looking at a single without using imagery at all in that way. And how does that make you feel and how do you feel a week into it two weeks into it Can you make it 30 days and I think a lot of guys?

Well have trouble. I think our I think our brains just haven't evolved fast enough to keep up with what happened in that leap right like I Could literally count on one hand under the age of 18 how many times I saw a playboy magazine? Yeah, yeah on one hand I can count and. And you can count, because you remember. I do. I'm not, I do. I remember each instance. Right? I can think of three actually.

And we're three very specific instances when a kid under the age of 18 got ahold of that magazine, and we snuck somewhere to look at it. And what's even crazier about that to me is that you can find more on Instagram, or free on the internet internet than what we were looking at on a magazine, which was one little blip in the entire year where that happened in this moment,

where it's just crazy to think that the young men today are and women are getting inundated with nudity and pornography at such a young age and so much of it so fast. Yeah, not to mention the pornography, legal pornography, whatever, it's connection to sex trafficking and illegal activities. It's actually alarming the connection. It's you're supporting an industry that's not great. In fact, what was that show on Netflix? Oh, the poor hub one. Yeah, where they're showing people

who are trying to monitor that. It was like, they get way more views. They don't have enough people monitoring. Not even close. Yeah, so yeah, they can't even keep up with that. So it's the point of the whole thing. It's not like this nefarious type of energy there's just that they don't have the manpower to really like go through all of those videos

And I think the reason why you you hear us on a health and fitness podcast talking about this is it's now and it's in pitting our health Totally it's like this was maybe a social issue say 10 years ago when we're talking. Oh, should you or should you not do? No, yeah moral social kind of line, which is kind of really our wheelhouse, what's the other, but it is now, it is now bled into our space. It is now affecting young men with erections, with their sex lives, which is relationships. Yeah, exactly.

And so now at this point, it's like, okay, we gotta wake up. We have to realize like it's unhealthy for us. Regardless of where you stand morally on this, like you need to recognize that it's unhealthy for us. Regardless of where you stand morally on this, you need to recognize that it's unhealthy for us to continue doing this. And lastly, just to add, and by the way, this probably goes with a lot of what we're gonna talk about today.

Self-mastery is a very important thing that a man needs to train or to work on, or to focus on, or to concentrate on, and women are attracted to men with self-mastery, and men want to follow men who have self-mastery. Now, why is this so important? Because men are capable of terrible things, like the most violent crimes and most terrible things,

there's a larger percentage of men that do those than women. We know this, everybody knows this. When you look at the extremes, there's a higher percentage of men on those. So a woman wants a man who is capable of defending her, who's could be physical, but who's also got self-mastery because I don't want him to beat my kids or hit me. I also want a man who's attractive, and it's attractive to me that lots of women are attracted to him, but I want him to have self-mastery because I don't want him to father other people's children. This is an innate thing, and this is something that men have through thousands,

for thousands of years have had to work on and focus on. So pornography is just one of them. It's like avoiding this, and it is training a part of self mastery. It's a discipline. Yeah. It's right. Yeah. And you have to work on it just like anything else, and it's a definite pull. I mean, this is a very strong one for young men Absolutely going through puberty and just having all those like crazy

Feelings that that lead you to all these decisions that you feel Definitely like you're under the influence of something because it's such a powerful new Experience with this testosterone. It's a bit challenging to actually even have a conversation around because I don't even know how I would have handled it if I was a teenage boy right now, where I'd be at in my life. I know where I was at. Imagine if you had access.

Yeah. It's just the way it is. I try and come from a place of empathy, right? Because I don't know if I would have had the level of self-awareness, to self-mastery, the discipline, to refrain from that. I mean, I see as a 40 year old man,

how tempting it is to go down the rabbit hole of Instagram. You know what I'm saying? And I can recall back to being a horny 16, 17 year old boy, and if I had access to that on my phone or on the internet with my boy, it would take a lot of self-awareness and discipline to really harness that. Well, one of the points we're gonna get to

is just the lack of good role models. And without going into that, because we'll cover other ones first and we'll get there, but I think if us as kids had really good role models. And without going into that, because we'll cover other ones first and we'll get there, but I think if us as kids had really good role models that talked about its virtue and self mastery, then maybe because I worked hard and avoided parting because I idolized successful men in that sense. I didn't need garbage and I worked out because I idolized men in that sense, but there's no like good, good role models right now talking about, you know, that particular thing.

We'll get there. We'll get there. All right. So the next one is substance abuse. This is actually on the rise as well. And really what substance abuse boils down to is you are either distracting or numbing or running from something. You're willing this to not face some of your challenges

or issues, and this is also on the rise with young man, and this is, I mean, it could be weed, it could be certain supplements, and then of course the illegal drugs that are out there, you know, can fall in love. Yeah, this one of all the ones we're talking about, I feel like this has been the most prevalent for the longest, right? More of the more still awareness maybe. Yeah, I one of all the ones we're talking about, I feel like this has been the most prevalent for the longest. Right?

For the most awareness maybe. Yeah, I would agree. You know, like I do agree that it's on the rise, right? When you think of things like a Adderall and stuff like that, that young kids are getting medicated with it. That's where I want to talk about, because I think there's certain substances we don't put in this category.

Like I say, heroin, that's a game. Definitely still. That's why I wanted to bring that up, right? Cause I feel like, I mean, back into the opium days and like there's always been drugs, hard drugs that people would utilize to escape and get away. And there's that category of people that most of us go,

oh, I would never be like that. But then there's this other category of things like caffeine, like adderol, like things that we've food, that we've now agreed as like an accepted substance that we can start to abuse also because it's not heroin or opium or any of these prescribed. That's right. So there is this rise in these, you know, quote unquote, accepted

drugs that I feel like we're abusing. And that's why this is growing even more. I think there's, we've always had a percentage of people that like, you know, drink their sorrows away, smoke their sorrows away. But then I think there's a, a, a growing population of people that are justifying their, well, it's the accepted list of substances that we don't really look at. I mean, full disclosure, this one for me is the hardest. Now, I've never had an issue where I've needed, felt like I needed to go to rehab or anything like that,

but know thyself, right? I know myself, and if I go off, or this is where I tend to have the biggest challenges, now why? So I'll speak from a personal standpoint because I don't like to feel bad. I don't like to bad feelings, right? I like to distract myself. That's a very alluring thing. Like, you don't want to feel bad here.

Feel good. Take this. Oh, this boring, whatever that's going on or this challenging issue that's going on right now, here's a great way to distract yourself. And I think that's a lot of what's happening because young men aren't challenging themselves, they're bored or they're depressed or anxious because they're unhealthy.

And a lot of these substances are prescribed. You talked about Adderall, that's a big one. All of the benzos, like Xanax, that's now, those are being abused. Then you have over the counter supplements like Cratum, that's one that I've had challenges with even because it does affect the body like an opiate, and it's sold as like the safe alternative, in some cases it is, but it's addictive, and it can cause withdrawal type issues. Caffeine, like if you find that you can't get going if you don't have caffeine, like if you're not,

if you're like, man, I just can't be, I'm not myself without it. Well, you might have an issue with a substance, but this is, it's on the rise and overdoses are on the rise among men. And I think this is more of a symptom rather than cause of the weak thing. I don't think this is making man weaker,

but this is more a symptom of the fact that they're already feeling weak. They're feeling unintentionally. I think there's going to be this underlining theme for all of it, and I like how you place it as self mastery, because that's how I would position that too, is that a lot of those things, a lot of those things on that list, I've indulged

in myself, but I've always had this thing where, and maybe that's because I grew up and I've seen a lot of drug abuse and I saw stuff like that. I never wanted to go down that rabbit hole. Then I got to an age where I felt like I'm old enough and mature enough that if I want to try this, I can try this and just be mindful of what I'm doing. I've always had this kind of check in with myself, even if it's as simple as something like caffeine, it's just like, if it's been a while,

when I haven't abstained for extended period of time, I always want to challenge myself with, okay, can I go 30 days and it not be torture? And can I do that? And I think that check in on all those substances is so important. That's exactly how I do it. Because you and I are very similar in that sense.

And that's how I stop myself as I'll say, do I need this? Yeah. If I feel like I need this, then, okay, I should probably stop. And then it becomes a challenge. Yeah. Like, am I too weak to stop this? Am I not strong enough or brave enough or whatever enough to stop this?

And then that becomes the The challenge for me. Can I can I do this without that? Can I go through this? Feeling like tired crappy because I'm not having my caffeine or whatever it is Or can I go to sleep without you know having weed or whatever You know, can I do this am I strong enough and then that Positions that puts this in a position that I think is very beneficial for young men because I think a lot of young men, this gets them motivated.

When it becomes a challenge, when it's me versus that, who's going to win, I think that makes a lot of young men feel excited. Like, you know what? I can meet that challenge versus they're like, this is bad and you should it because then it's like, well, I'll do what I want. Type of deal. Yeah, because I mean, there's because then it's like, well, I'll do what I want. Type of deal. Yeah, because I mean, there's a lot of things like for me, I can easily justify caffeine because my productivity,

the way my mood changes for the better, but you see patterns and you see these patterns where it becomes a conversation of, I need this and I have to have this and this is the first, it's like an identity thing at that point. And to that point it's, I'm worried about stuff like that where it will have a bit of a foothold and if you're going to allow something to now, I did, like you identify as that person, that's

something that I need to address that and know that I can at any moment, I can not have it, I can operate just fine, I can go through and work on myself and my health and maybe I'm not hydrating enough and maybe I can do other things and alternatives that will produce the same result, not better. I still have to explore that and I do like caffeine, so I'll probably come back to it, but I just have to intermittently go in

and make sure that it doesn't have this hold on me. Yes, that'll be ruled by it. It's interesting that you guys are both, you're highlighting something that one, I kind of figured out on my own, just trial and error and it worked for me. And then I felt like that was confirmed when we had that great conversation with Adam Lane Smith. And he talked about how we're doing things wrong in therapy with men. And the way men handle or handle challenges

is show me the problem, tell me what it is, give me a goal to overcome that. And give me a way to do it. And give me a way to do it. Yeah, and then let me go do it, right? And so I really feel like that's how I've looked at all those things. It's like, oh, wow, I didn't, I had a hard time

getting rid of that caffeine or I had a hard time getting rid of that caffeine or I had a hard time kicking that cratum. Oh, that, here's my challenge. Challenge myself 30 days. Can I do this? And I'll, even if I have to suffer for some of those days, like I will because I have a goal in mind. Yes, now I wanna add this to that, okay.

Sometimes being strong means you know, you need to go ask somebody for that kind of help. So when it comes to substance abuse, if it has such a grasp on you, and you're strong enough to admit to yourself, like I can't do this alone, because that takes a lot of strength, too. Then you reach out to somebody in a real way.

Listen, I wanna do this thing, I can't do it by myself, I need your help. That sometimes requires more strength than being like, oh, I can't do it, but I'm gonna try to do it on my own anyway. That's essentially, that's a good point. You gotta be honest with yourself, that requires a lot of strength.

But for most people who kind of teeter, which I think is a lot of men, I think a lot of men are not full blown, crazy substance abuse, but if they're honest with themselves, they don't have a healthy relationship with certain things, you can do it by toughing it out, literally sit down and look in the mirror and say, does this rule me or do I rule myself?

And okay, this is gonna be hard, so what? That's what I'm here to do. I'm here to do hard things, and I wanna master myself, and that'll turn me into a better man. All right, the next one, which we talk about all the time on the show, and we can spend a lot of time here, but I don't think it's necessarily necessary,

but it's a lack of physical strength. This is an interesting one because, I mean, God, there was a study that came out not that long ago. Men between the ages of 25 and 29 have lost roughly 26 to 30 pounds of grip strength in a squeezed test. That's a lot. Yeah. Okay. in a squeeze test. That's a lot. In fact, a 19 year old today has the grip strength of a 60 year old

in 1980, just to give you an example of how physically weak we've become. Now, lack of physical strength is not a great feeling, or let's speak of the opposite. Let's reverse this so people understand what this feels like. If you're listening to this or watching this right now and you're a young man, imagine if somebody snapped their fingers and made you twice as strong instantly. Okay, and you got up and you started moving things around and you started lifting things and you started just going about your day. How would that change? How you felt, right? Tremendous difference in how you feel. So lack of physical strength is not just about your physical body. It literally makes the world harder for you. And it makes you more vulnerable, literally.

Well, yeah. And when you're not strong enough, it tends to lead towards being fearful of more things. Of course. And so it, and this is what I've always, I don't like the narrative about like strong toxic, you know, toxic masculinity. When in fact it's the weak men that are the most toxic,

they're the ones that are fearful. They're the ones that are always looking at everybody as a threat. And so when you're in that state of fear and you're constantly feel threatened, your first button is violence because you feel like you're cornered. And to have that kind of self-confidence and that strength

and know that you're gonna be fine and you're gonna be able to handle yourself and operate accordingly, you're gonna be a lot more tempered in your approach. In the defense of the, you know, the past few generations, not all of this I feel like is their fault or our fault, right? Cause we're part of that generation.

Because it is now required that you go and you seek out these hard physical things to build that. That was 100%. There was a time just 50 years ago. You were default strong. Yeah, because you were doing, you know, it was part of your hard labor.

Yeah, I was out, I was out, right? Country last week or like that. And just because you're doing that, you have to do physical things. Those moving big, heavy rocks sometimes, carrying all this stuff down to the lake and hiking a mile to get in. And I'm just thinking to myself, like,

wow, this is such a rare occasion for me because we live in this such a comfortable, climate-controlled environment most of the time that just didn't exist for people just 50 years ago. And so I think a lot of that has to, I don't think that we're like, you know, they were like super, you know, gym goers and like lifting weights.

What people go to gyms today? Yeah, it's literally that just the everyday life has changed so radically that you now have to go seek those things because if you don't, the body will adapt and you'll just get weaker because we're replacing all the hard things with easier shit. In the spirit of self mastery, it's not your fault, but it is.

It's not your fault that society changed and things got physically easier. That's true. That was progress in the sense of becoming more efficient, making things less injurious to your physical body, less demanding on your physical body. But it's also your fault because if you're aware that you're physically weak,

it is your job and your duty to go out and make sure that you're not. By scheduling time or doing things that strengthen your body, strengthen your muscles. So, it's, yes, things have definitely changed, which means you just now have a responsibility to add this to your list of things that you do that you focus on because otherwise, you're not the same person. I can't stress this enough. I used to love training kids for this very reason.

When I would train like teenagers, okay. I used to love pointing this out. It was my favorite thing to do. They would do five pushups this week, next week they do seven. And I would always make this point. It was like such a powerful point. And I'd say, wow, you did seven pushups last week.

You did five and they'd be like, yeah, that's cool. It's a no, you don't understand. You're not the same person. You're literally not the same person. The you last we could only do five, who you are today can do seven. Now, that's both literally true in the sense that your body isn't the same, but it's also true in terms of how you view the world and feel things and move around changing your body changes you or changing yourself requires you to change your body. So physical strength is a big one.

And the changes that lifting weights a couple days a week, literally, like two days a week, the changes that makes in young men today is incredible. Just that alone makes a huge difference. All right, here's another one. This one we're going to get the most negative feedback on. Video games. Just saying YouTube, it's like they just jumped off. Video room called duty.

Yeah, here we go. So this one is, it's become a distraction and numbing agent. It's become a replacement for going out and taking risks and talking to people. It's become a way to just kill the time. Video games are fun, they're entertaining, but it's guys that have issues with video games. It's not girls. So yeah, I'll be honest about this. I'm going to, I'm going to once again come to the defense of our generation, like just

again, you know, the games have changed. Just like the world has changed on the physical side. The game has changed today than what it was just 30, 30 years ago. Like I don't know if I, I think I told you guys, I told you guys I don't know if I brought them there or not. Then I bought the original NES for Max. And we took it up to Truckee.

So we have it up there. And I don't know, once every other day, I let him play for about a half hour. So so easy to not let him play, to pull him off of it. So with that, because the games just we weren't there yet. Like, it was such a big deal that we could create these animated characters that you could play with these two buttons at that point, where the science was, we hadn't evolved it into getting into the brain of the gamer, right? The science in the gaming now is like processed foods, the science and processed foods have come.

It wasn't like that. Back then, it was like, can you make this thing work? Oh, not only can we make it work now, now it's like, how is the gamer's brain working and how do we keep them in this loop and not make them Why don't we fully immerse them and all of their attention all their senses like every bring all their friends in there Everything all in one place. It's so wild to have a young child right a four-year-old Who has got this just you know? Almost like a like a clean slate, right?

Like, he's not biased in any way, hasn't been indoctrinated by anything, and to be able to compare and contrast this for me is so wild. To see, so his very first game that I ever introduced him to was Angry Birds app on the iPhone. And I told you guys, this is what led to me pulling the iPad and removing it because it was like, he got up and he was thinking about it and he wanted to play it and he kept asking about it and I realized, oh shit, this quickly became a problem.

I just literally introduced this to this kid. The Nintendo is not like that. Like, I have to tell him, hey, do you want to go play Mario? Oh, okay, Dad, where the Angry Birds game, he'll sit in front of that, for as long as I will let him sit in front of that. It is the craziest thing here, and it's because they have been engineered now

to suck you into these games, and young men that grew up in the 80s and 90s and above, man, they really, if you got introduced to it at a young age, you don't even realize you got sucked into that thing. So here's a crazy thing about video games, because men are much more likely, many, many times more likely to become addicted or create problems that are the largest purchasers

and users and consumers of video games. So you gotta ask yourself why, why men and why not women? Now there are women that have issues with these as well, but it's like, way, it's disproportionate, okay, to men. Why is that? Because men are driven to pursue a goal

and to accomplish a task. Okay. So when you're playing a video game, what you're doing is your satisfying this need, except you're actually not doing anything. Yeah, you're simulating what you're playing a video game, what you're doing is you're satisfying this need, except you're actually not doing anything. Yeah, you're simulating what leads nowhere. You're simulating something you're supposed to do in real life.

And real life. One of the things that I think has made me the most success in my life was cutting off that. Yep. I remember, and I've told the story before, on the podcast, my buddy who was about five, six years older me, who was teasing me when I was still in my late 20s, still fucking around with video games.

And he kept looking at me like, when do you drop this? And in my head, I'm like, I have my house, I make six figures, and I play video games. I got it all figured out. And he's like, bro, you understand how much that's keeping you holding you back from reaching your real goals that you say you have in life.

And it took me a long time for that to really make that connection. And it's silly because when I think about the math on the amount of hours per week that I was putting in to playing conquering levels and beating people online, if I just replace that with books, just, that's it. Just trade the hour of video games a night for an hour of reading something

that is gonna teach me a skill or make me better at my craft, holy shit to that accelerate my financial growth. And that's all I needed for that switch to go off for me, then I went, oh, okay, live-ball moment. So that's what I like to communicate to, first two things, one, this is an innate drive and desire that men have.

Men are the builders, we're the pursuers.ers, you give us a goal, like you said, you give us a way and you give us some purpose and we'll drag ourselves over broken glass. Video games do is they quell that, except you do nothing, you're playing a game. They quell that. So your potential becomes much lower as a result. It's much lower as a result because you're playing the game and you're quelling this driver. Imagine if you took that away, what this driver may propel you to do or what it may propel you to become. And I know the argument's like, well, it teaches me hand-eye coordination skills. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. You know you can learn that. You can learn that. You can learn that.

You can learn that other ways and much more productive and more successful ways. That's just an excuse. A lot of those articles are written because this is also a massive industry now. They have their own people out there trying to make it look like it's like, by the way, there's nothing wrong with having fun. You're hanging out with your friends. We're not talking about like the occasional, but there's a lot of guys that spend hours a week playing video games, doing stuff, building stuff, or pursuing goals on a game and not doing those things in real life.

Listen, I feel like the, at least for me, that was such a light bulb moment, like if everybody has their range of what's justifiable, like as far as the amount of time. I just said that I played video games with my son, right, half hour every other day or so we played, whatever. Okay, so if you can be honest with yourself and say, whatever a lot of time that you supposedly justifying your week, if you were to replace that with reading something

or acquiring a skill, ask yourself, how long would it take you to become fucking great at something else or great at what you currently do, if you were to just dedicate yourself to replace that time with that craft. Like, I know that we didn't add this one on the list, but it kind of goes in conjunction with this is just like mindlessly scrolling.

Sure. Yeah, because I just see that. It is the same thing, really. It's the same need in terms of like just being able to kind of Go through and and get get these sort of hits of dub mean and be able to see like Everything going on and it's giving you that kind of same stimulation But yeah, it's not providing any substance. No, and I'll tell I'll say this here's what's interesting With some of these like video games for example when you start to master this you actually stop wanting it

Yeah, like you love video games. Yeah, I love that. Let me ask you how often these like video games, for example, when you start to master this, you actually stop wanting it. Yeah. Like you love video games. Yeah, I love these. Now, let me ask you how often you play video games? Really ever. Yeah, really ever. You stop, why? Because that drive, you start to apply to other things

and they actually, they feel more satisfactory. Way more satisfactory. You get more satisfaction. It's not like I said, the process. I mean, that was the kind of Jesus moment my buddy had for me. He knew, like we went way back. And so he knew how ambitious I was

as far as financial success. And, you know, and he was looking at me like, dude, as ambitious as you say you are and the things that you're trying to accomplish, you really think that this is getting you closer to that. Like, and if you didn't, if you just replace that with reading books, like, and it was just like, it really was like this, and then when you, then when I was like, okay, like anything else and it was just like, it really was like this,

and then when you, then when I was like, okay, like anything else I like to do, like, okay, well, maybe there's a little truth in what he has to say. Let me go apply that for a period of time and see if I see a return. And of course, you know, it didn't take long of knocking out a few books in the replace of that time. I put my video games to realize how much knowledge

I was starting to gain, and then it was like, oh my God, this was the hack for life. Get rid of video games, add in books, and also I'm going to be way better. All right, the next one is that we have a lack of good role models. Now, there's good role models that are out there, but they're not the ones getting all the attention. So the message here is to find a good role model, a good male role model, and look at how they're living what they're doing, and men do very well with this. Men do very well with having a mentor, following, seeing what they do.

Now, the problem is, is that the role models that are out there for men are terrible. They tell you either you gotta be the version of masculinity that drives fast cars, sleeps with everybody, parties all the time, like fast cars, sleeps with everybody, parties all the time, like this weird billionaire character that any, but he's also super happy and satisfied with life or whatever. That version, or you get this other version where it's like this emasculated, weak, docile,

subservient, you know, kind of whatever type of dude. When in reality, the best role models show you that they're good fathers, they're good providers, they're good partners, they're disciplined, they're consistent, they're honest. And it's like... They have integrity. Integrity, like like media does not highlight that at all. You don't see any of that.

All the models we get in media are terrible. They teach men to be either violent assholes or docile sheep. Very interesting. Yeah, I feel like social media has done a good job of highlighting the superficial things that we desire, especially as a young boy. And I think that was the appeal to that character, right?

The guy who had the fast car, the guy who has got, you know, the Dan Bill's Aryans, these characters that have these material things that we think that we want so badly in our life, and they're not necessarily good role models. And you don't maybe even realize that you're admiring them like that, or you're following them like that, but you're consuming their content or their stuff. And that's what you're learning. You're learning those behaviors.

And what you're not seeing is the other side of that or the dark side of that or the empty side of that, right? How many times have you guys met somebody who has this, portrays this life of, oh my God, it's so amazing. And then we hear they're on drugs or so they commit suicide, or they're like, wait a second, he had all this money, and all this women, and he had all this stuff, and it's like, how could he commit suicide?

By the way, I wanna address real quick why young men can easily look at that, and think that that's awesome. There's two reasons, let's talk about the money and the women. The reason why the money looks so awesome is because it's evidence of potential value, hard work, consistency, and discipline.

It doesn't guarantee it, and so we worship the money, but the reality is the reason why it looks amazing to us is because it's like, oh, that's a guy that has a lot of value. That's a guy that provides something that a lot of people want. And that's connected to the second one, which is he's got all these women. Why is it that men who could potentially have lots of women? So I'll say it like that. something that a lot of people want. And that's connected to the second one, which is he's got all these women. Why is it that men who could potentially have lots of women? So I'll say it like that. Why is that such a, why do so many guys think that's a cool thing? Because that's not a small feat.

Like women are very good judges of character, okay? You look at all the dating apps, look at all the guys that get the attention. It's like very small percentage. So if you're a guy that gets a lot of women's attention, that's not, you probably doing a lot of things right. Like I said, women are very good judges, a character. So we look at those men and be like,

that guy, he's doing awesome. Now the difference is a lot of women want the guy versus the guy who sleeps with a lot of women. Very different. That's what we tend to idolize in media is the guy that does sleep with all the women and has no relationships, no real ones. When in reality what's really cool is that, oh, a lot of women like that guy.

That's different. I'd argue that you have way better chances of finding that guy with good character that's nowhere on the media. Probably right. No where. Yeah. The one that's just consistently puts the hard work in is, you know, good, good to his wife is a good father.

Just continuously does the right thing is helpful and considerate and strong and puts in the work. And it's like, it's so unfortunate that we're looking to these screens and we're looking to all this shit out there to find that. And it's probably right next door to you. Yeah. No, that's a good point. So I think that probably back to this self-mastery theme, if you're a good man, a good father,

and you realize the pitfalls of technology, phones, social media platforms, you probably abstain from it a lot, you know? I mean, I was this last week when we're up and trying one of my favorite things about going up there for my week vacation Is it's so easy for me to abstain from that? So it's like so easy to just put the phone in the in the living room or in the bedroom and then just go about my day all day long And be with my family be present with my friends and so yeah, I would imagine that Most really good men probably aren't spending a lot of their time making Instagram posts. Yeah. Yeah. And you know, here's

the other one, Justin, you said it, I think that these role models exist in your life or you can find them in the real world and not through media. I was lucky that my father was my first great role model. But then I found other role models in real life. These were men that I worked for. These were mentors. And many times they didn't know, this is the other thing. It's not like you go up to a guy and you're like, hey, you're gonna be my mentor, is that cool?

No, no, no, I don't even tell them half the time. I just watch them see what they do and they just kind of become a mentor of mine. And I had several of those coming up through the gym industry, people that I work for that I admired for different reasons that I learned from. And I think this is an important thing

if you're a young man, find those people that are, and by the way, you're not gonna find someone that's perfect, that's just not how it works. Don't do that, because that's like self-defeating, okay? Like, oh, well, he's also not good at this. So I'm not, that's not necessarily what I'm talking about, but let's say somebody is successful entrepreneur or somebody's a great or consistent with their workouts

or something like that, something that you need help in or you wanna get better at, watch what they do and allow them to become your mentor. Watch what they do. And again, and I think that's why this is so difficult to point to an example. And there's not a whole lot of them. I could tell you guys, like, oh, I know for sure

it's a good, moral person to follow and to listen. Because most of the time people, when they're on this stage, are trying to portray themselves a certain way. And they're trying to drum up this example that they think everybody wants to hear. And then they portray themselves in that direction. Meanwhile, life is in shambles right behind me, you'd never even know this, right?

And so there's so many examples of that, and you just gotta embed yourself more in the community. You gotta, you have to put work in, you gotta get out there and connect with people, and that's hard, that's another hard thing to do, especially in today's age, is to actually physically be somewhere, and the hard thing to do, especially in today's age, is to actually physically, you know, be somewhere, and the easiest way to do that

is to volunteer somewhere and be a part of something. Well, another great strategy along those lines is actually continuing to pursue personal growth and be better yourself. Because someone like that attracts other people. Like, if you put the work into... You start becoming aware of people around you like that. That's right. Yeah, if you put the work into... You start becoming aware of people around you like that. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. If you become this man, if you become the person who is growing,

is learning, is reading, is improving their skills or craft, is refraining from temptation all the time, from being a better person, having more integrity, you'll find more and more people because you'll attract more and more people that are like that. Now, the last one actually ties in to kind of what you guys talk about, which is loneliness. There's an epidemic of loneliness for all people, but especially for men,

and it gets worse as we get older. It's actually bad right now for young men. It's worse for men our age, because men, we just, we don't tend to not want to go out and just meet and hang out with people. If there's nothing to do, and there's no one out there, then we'll just kind of, we can, we don't tend to not want to go out and just meet and hang out with people. If there's nothing to do and there's no one out there, then we'll just kind of, we can become hermits

and be okay with that when it's really not okay. There's this kind of epidemic of loneliness and modern technology has only enabled this or made it much easier. Now a lot of people are like, well, I talk with my friends when we play video games together or we get on social media. The data's clear on this as well,

but I don't think I even need to cite the data. Because, come on, let's use common sense. Real relationships are within person. That's how you build real relationships. And real relationships require work and consistent work. So it's like, you know, I want to have my family over. We're all going to have dinner together. Like, oh my God, so much work, so much mass.

Let's just forget about it. Like, it takes work. It takes work to have them come over. It takes work for us to hang out together. It takes work for me to clean up afterwards. But the dividends you get in terms of your mental health, physical health, physical health. Men who are lonely are far more likely to die

of chronic disease than men who are not lonely. There are several times more likely to have depression. Anxiety commits suicide. This is a huge one. In fact, this one contributes to the rest. The more lonely you are, the more likely you are to have challenges with all the other things that we talked about. Yeah, I know. What do you think is the major contributor to loneliness?

What do you think that it's tech and social media? Do you think it's how divisive the society has become? Do you, what do you think is like the main contributor? I would say we have more effective distractions and then just technology in general. So when we were kids, you know, you were bored if you were at home. Before I got cable, I had to go to your friends house.

I remember when my parents got cable, because when they got cable, I went out less, because all of a sudden I had 50 channels instead of just the two that came in with the antenna. But when we had the shitty TV with the three channels, or two, first of all, I had to wait for a show to come on that I liked, it was like I could go search, like watch what I want.

It had to be broadcast. And nothing was on at the times I wanted, you know, what, it's so I was like, what do I do? I'm just going to stay here by myself or go outside. And I had to go out and meet people. You know, it really struck me was that, that great, great talk that we heard, Jordan Peterson do. And he talked about ages, basically three to five, right, or the three to four range, right? Yeah, four years old with the... Yeah, right, that range, right? The cutoff was four, right?

Two to four is what he said. So two to four age range. And I think why it's blowing up like this is because he talked about the importance of them playing. And playing with other kids is really what they're doing. We look at it as play, but really what they're doing is acting out real life, but they're going to be it and how they're going to be introduced into society. And this generation, the last generation and a half was the iPhone generation.

And many parents use that as a babysitter and I don't think realized how much that made them enable to use these skills that we're talking about, to go over to a friend's house and say, I wanna go play, I wanna play, knock on their door and be afraid to be rejected or they're not be home or what if they're not home and they're gonna go play by myself. That's all things that most kids before the 80s all had to figure out.

You had to figure that out and it made us better actors in society. And now you have a generation of kids that have grown up that got to skip that. Yeah. And if you miss that kind of, you know, you get ostracized. No. It's really hard to integrate at that point because the other kids who've had those interactions learn play they learn those boundaries they learn like You know what they can say how physical they can be and like How to interact appropriately when you don't receive that feedback and information

Now you're trying to jump into that group of kids like it it's just, it's disaster. I've seen now enough gatherings with teenagers, right? I have two teenagers. And something remarkable happens sometimes. These are all kids, friends, right? We're all meeting up together. And at some point, everybody will get on their phone and nobody's talking to each other. This is not uncommon.

In the same room. Yeah, yeah. We had my niece and nephew visit. We took everybody's phones away. And then they all started to interact. Now people are like, well, what's the big deal? The reason why they're not interacting on their phones isn't necessarily

because the phones are more entertaining or fulfilling. That's not the case. It's because interaction with others requires you get over some fear, you got to stop being shy, you got to kind of build some skills. So it's just, and that's for a teenager that's hard and challenging anyway. Now as you get older, it gets even more challenging because you're not in school. So how am I going to meet other people?

So someone watching, especially young man might be like, well, okay, what do I do? Go outside and just talk to random dudes. No, that's not going to work. That's the only thing. Hey guy. Yeah, let's try and make a different kind of friend. That's not gonna work. But probably the best thing to do, and this is just what men have always done,

that's been successful, is you sign up for men's groups. Now what does that mean? Typically, it means you sign up for some kind of a sport, or something you do together. Poker, basketball, baseball, softball, or there's also men's groups now at churches, community centers, like where men just get together and talk about, they like cars,

we'll talk about muscle cars, or we all like working out, we're all gonna be at the gym, whatever. Men's groups are the best ways to do it, it's scheduled, it's disciplined, and I know myself that if I didn't do this for a living, so we get to hang out every single day, if I did this, I would have to join some kind of a group, because I wouldn't go out and just go do it on my

own. It would have to be something structure. I would have to sign up for some kind of a, you know, men's something, maybe not a sport, but something like that. So look, that's what this episode was all about. And I do want to be very clear, we're not all speaking from ivory towers. This is, these are all things we've all had

or continue to have challenges with ourselves even now. But this is a pursuit of growth and discipline. So we hope this episode helped you out. Look, if you like this show, check out MindPumpFree.com and look at all of our free guides. We have free guides that can help you with many, many health and fitness goals. You can also find all of us on social media,

justin' is on Instagram at MindPump. Justin', I'm on Instagram at MindPump, the Stefano and Adam is on Instagram at MindPump.com. Thank you for listening to MindPump. If your goal is to build and shape your body, dramatically improve your health and energy, and maximize your overall performance, check out our discounted RGB Superbumble at MindPumpMedia.com. The RGB Superbumble includes maps and a ballad, maps for performance, and maps aesthetic.

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