Miss Me? - A Bridgerton Too Far

Episode Date: June 20, 2024

Lily Allen and Miquita Oliver discuss jellyfish trauma, the plight of festivals and watching sex scenes with parents.Credits: Producer: Flossie Barratt Technical Producer: Will Gibson Smith Production Coordinator: Hannah Bennett Executive Producers: Dino Sofos and Ellie Clifford Assistant Commissioner for BBC: Lorraine Okuefuna Commissioning Editor for BBC: Dylan HaskinsMiss Me? is a Persephonica production for BBC Sounds

This is the BBC. This podcast is supported by advertising outside the UK. on Rogers Internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. BBC Sounds. Music, radio, podcasts. This episode of Miss Me contains very strong language and adult themes and possibly Lily murdering mosquitoes out of nowhere. Hello, I'm in Greece.

Wait a minute. You're my little Gucci boo and I'm your teddy bear. Together we are Gucci, Gucci, Gucci, Gucci pair. Film? Chitty, titty, together we are. Gucci, Gucci, Gucci, Gucci bear. Film? Chitty, Chitty, Bang, Bang. Correct, correct. A slightly niche scene from Chitty, Chitty, Bang, Bang,

but still an important scene, part of the narrative. Is that the kinky king and queen? Yeah, they are quite kinky. It's when you realise that they have a truly fucked up relationship. Dark Chitty, Chitty, Bang, Bang. Dark, jiddy, jiddy, bang, bang. Anyway, how's Greece? Greece is a total revelation. I've never been to Greece.

Me neither. And I don't know why I haven't been because I'm literally never going anywhere else ever again. What is it that's so great? Well, it seems to be pretty empty for a start, where I am. And I'm not going to tell you where I am because i don't want people to know um but i'm in greece on an island and me and the girls have been getting up every morning at like 8 30 and just going to these beaches and there've been like three other people on the whole beach oh my god the dream. And the water is completely clear.

I haven't seen one jellyfish, which is my like big sea nightmare. I hate jellyfish. Do you know why I hate jellyfish? I'll tell you my little trauma of jellyfish. Once upon a time, I believe we were in Malta. We? Yeah, me and my family. I was talking about me and you.

I was like, we weren't. Yeah. Although actually, I don't think I was because I don't think I've ever been to Malta. But for some reason, it's saying Malta in my head. And I swam into a swarm of jellyfish and I was very little and my dad pulled me out and pissed on me in front of the whole beach.

Oh my God. Without any explanation. So imagine being a small child and being in extreme pain and then your father just taking his dick out and weeing on you in front of a whole beach full of people traumatizing as usual thanks keith um well i learned uh that that's what you do only from the friends episode where she's like you have to joey's like you have to pee on it and they're like oh oh, gross. So I don't know whether that had come out yet.

Okay, well, I didn't know why my dad was peeing on me but it seemed pretty unfair after I'd been stung by a large amount of horrible, horrible see-through fish

that looked like jelly. Anyway, there are none here which is great. Great. And we love snorkeling. We've seen these like rare rainbow fish while we've been snorkeling. We've seen these like rare rainbow fish

while we've been snorkeling, which has been great. We went out for a day out on the boat. There's been much sunburn. Both my children are very, very sunscreen resistant, shall we say. Have they been burnt?

Do they know what it's like to be burnt? Oh no, they are burnt now. They are burnt. Oh, okay. Currently burnt. Marnie specifically, what it's like to be burnt oh no they they are burnt now they are burnt oh okay currently burnt they Marnie specifically the two things she hates more than anything are being sunburned and having lots of mosquito bites but what she also hates more than anything is sunscreen and anti-mosquito repellent she hates having like the like greasy stuff on her skin she absolutely hates quite a challenge for her being on holiday in general so she literally just looks like a clumsy beekeeper

lobster hybrid because she's so red is she dressing like clothed fully clothed covering all her body to protect herself from the sun no No. Okay. You know, I've been, obviously, I've been, like, you know, following her around with the, like, aerosol one because it's, like, the least offensive. And she's just like, get off me, get off me. I mean, what are you going to do? I mean, I'm trying my best, but they're not really letting me help them. But anyway, we're having a lovely time, an absolutely lovely time.

I'm so happy that you guys are there. I was meant to be talking to you from my holiday. Yes. meant to be in antigua uh but i'm not i'm still in acne just wondering where my holiday is but um it's coming it will come next time i talk to you i will be in antigua um but i had a very like london town week last week week with work, including going to the Royal Academy Summer Exhibition, which is like... Ooh! I know, it's quite fancy, isn't it? La-di-da, quite fancy of you.

It was quite la-di-da of me. You know why I went? I went because it's been going since 1769, so that just intrigues me immediately. Steeped in history! But also it's great because it's, I think it's the world's oldest open submission, so anyone can enter their art and it's kind of bred a lot. It's not just a party, it's important. And I had a really good time, I went with Ellie,

who I work with, and we sort of just went in to see all the beautiful work. But there were a lot of different people there from London, lots of different writers, actors, singers, wonderful people. And, oh, God, I fucked up. And it's been sitting with me all week. Basically, I said the wrong thing to someone. I really wanted to say something that was intelligent and smart. And I knew what I wanted to say. Zadie Smith as well.

Out of all the people, it was Zadie Smith. So I was a bit starstruck. What did you do? I've been listening to her This Cultural Life, her interview on This Cultural Life, that brilliant BBC show that you did. And I've been listening to it to go to sleep Lily she's been like my lullaby

and she was talking about her brilliant new book The Fraud she talks about North West London obviously places we know very well Kilburn, Wilsdon, Kensal Rise but she talks about them in like the 18th century so they're villages and they're fields and it's just for me that is like so exciting to me what did our area look

like 200 years ago this might not get you like it gets me but this revved me up and that's what I wanted to talk to her about the history of London and how what we see if we look a little deeper everything we see tells a different story but no I just panicked and said to her um I've been listening to this cultural life and she went okay and then I said I thought it was really interesting what you said about aging which is not what I thought was interesting and then I sort of had this quite face value slightly shallow conversation with Zadie Smith about aging that I didn't want to have and she sort of she glazed over and I really wanted to be like no no zady we're very much equals

we're very much thinkers um who want to talk about historical references um in britain but i fucked up oh no i know it was embarrassing but the art was good it was lovely to be at the royal academy again because i love old buildings so i was very much looking at the architecture of the Royal Academy. It's such an extraordinary building, don't you think? Yeah, it is. I've been to that event a couple of times. Haven't been for a while. I bought something there once.

Oh, that's classy. That's who I wanted to be. I can't remember the name of the guy. But basically the picture that I bought was like of three different views from bridges in London. Oh! It was just like an etching, like a drawing. But it was quite big and it lives downstairs in the basement in my house.

I really love it. So how do you decide what art you're going to buy? Because people say that it's just like a feeling, right? Like, I know what I like everywhere. Food, music, film, people, Like, I know what I like everywhere. Food, music, film, people, stories. I know what I like. With art, I'm like, I don't really know what I'm meant to be looking for. But then I like see old Francis Bacon.

I'm like, yeah, this I like. Basquiat, this I like. Rembrandt, this I like. I think you just buy what you want to see on your wall. So that's the only ever metric that I've gone by. What do I want to look at? Yeah, if you feel drawn to something and you can afford it, then, you know, buy it.

I actually bought these two paintings for not very much money. I think in about 2009 at Freeze Art Fair by this artist called Shara Hughes, who's now become yes really successful and her art sells for like millions and millions and millions and i frequently get messages dms from people on instagram from art dealers and stuff saying can i buy your shara hughes it's for like quite extortionate amounts of money. Like, and I bought them for really not a lot, like 15 years ago.

So that's quite, that's quite a thrilling part of buying art to be part of kind of like the journey and the history of an artist that, cause everything's a risk, right? It's like, this makes me feel good, but I don't know what journey this artist will have. And then suddenly they blow up. Yeah, but I've never,

I've never sold a piece of art either. Like everything that I've ever bought is something that I've you know wanted to keep and you know I've never even really been interested in asking people how much they are offering like I like the pieces of art I mean I'm not saying like listen there maybe will come a point in my life where I need to start selling things and yeah it's cute but you have to live off it and we can have that conversation but right now I'm okay and I like my investments but they're not really investments they're just like things that I've bought for my house yeah I think that getting involved in buying art is great and I don't think necessarily just because you want to turn a profit or you know I don't think that when

you go and look at things you should be thinking about you know are you going to make money on this in the long term I think that it should be about what you want to see on your walls. And I think it's a truly enjoyable thing to get involved with. Yeah, I wanted Basquiat and I was like, well, that's not going to fucking happen. And then Lauren was like, our friend Lauren Jones is a wonderful art curator. And she was like, just get a print. I was like, oh, right, yeah. And now I've got Basquiat's crown above my bed, bitch.

When I go to New York, I'm going for our friend Phoebe's art show at the Sculptors Gallery in Queens in New York. And I was like, oh, God, what the hell's the art scene like in New York? I feel like that's going to be, like, quite serious, kind of uptight, a lot of money, and a little intimidating you know i think if i was stepping into the yba uh glory art days of yore in the kind of early well no that's early 90s was yba's early 90s you know the young british artists actually uh they're kind of intertwined through our family some of them damien hurst and matt collishaw and um sarah lucas tracy emin angus

fairhurst yeah and i watched this great i watched this brilliant documentary it's so badly named called the bad girls and boys of the british art scene um for channel four and your dad narrates it actually and um it was really interesting seeing kind of what the art world looked like before they bulldozed through and the kind of um just the the fact that they just had instinct and put things into action yes they a lot of them ended up becoming multi multi millionaires but at the that the core of it was a very kind of grassroots old school sensibility of like let's just make our shit and then build galleries and put them out and do parties our way like quite punk i suppose i wish i was in my 20s for the yba

time they knew how to party that's all right our parents did it for us that's true they were there for us i'll never forget waking up at a boarding school that i went to on a sunday and walking into the dining room and there being the Sunday papers and I guess one of them was like it must have been I think it was like the Telegraph magazine or something and there was just a picture of my dad and Damien Hirst and I think Alex James all with their dicks out with a couple of sheep on the cover I was like like, that's, that's cool. That is cool. Happy weekend for you at boarding school.

Yeah. Did you think, oh, I want to go and be with them and all the ruckus and all the crazy shit they're getting up to? No.

I was just like, it's got nothing to do with me. Nothing to do with me. Don't know who that is. Father? Who? No, not mine.

And I think the headline was like, you know, I only sucked his dick to prove I wasn't gay. Oh, my God. Cool. You know what? It is lucky that we're even here and rounded human beings, those crazy fuckers that raised us. Arts Council have cut funding just more and more.

It's just a steady decline since sort of 2017. It's just been going down and down, which is worrying for sure. Terrifying, actually. Yeah, I mean, you feel it everywhere. It's very, very very middle class you know I mean essentially I think that in order to be able to thrive and to put the time in in the arts well you know it's specific in music you know when I thought was sort of started out and you know I come from a pretty middle class background you know I was able to support myself where people from more

working class backgrounds were not able to so you know I'd still have to foot the costs for like rehearsal rooms and session players and studio time whatever and all those things are there are bills that the artists will need to foot I'm like mincing my words here, but essentially the arts are full of a bunch of rich kids whose parents are paying for them to live their lives. Anyway, but with festivals, I think what's going on is the politics are seeping through to the summer we're going to have. Well, I think that like Enter Shikari,

we're about to pull out from Download Festival on account of Barclaycard being a sponsor for any Live Nation live event. So a lot of artists are taking a stand because of Barclay's bank and their links with companies that deal arms to Israel. I think Live Nation own like 50% or something of all of the live venues in America.

I don't know what the statistic is for the rest of the world. But, you know, Live Nation are a huge company that turn over about $1.5 billion a year. So I don't think that they're, you know, I think they're going to be okay. Yes. That's not to say that there aren't much smaller festivals, you know, non-Live Nation backed festivals that are going under up and down the country in england um but i think that's more because of inflation and brexit and the cost of living and also funding the cost of everything has gone up so artists are not able to um to be

able to afford to turn up at these festivals and play them, which means that the promoters are struggling to find people to book, which means it's harder to sell tickets. Which is why we have the same people playing at all festivals. It's like Coldplay, headlining Glastonbury, is already such a snorerville, fine, but actually the fact that they played Radio 1's Big Weekend a couple of weeks ago, it's like, oh, this is even less special now. I could have seen them in Luton a few weeks ago if I wanted to.

No, but I'm not even talking about those festivals. I'm talking about festivals that are for 5,000 people, bands that you and I will never have heard of. But they serve a purpose because where are the bands that are supposed to end up at Glastonbury or are supposed to end up at Radio 1's Big Weekend? They have to start somewhere. And if all of these festivals start to go under, then, you know, where's their platform?

Because also small music venues up and down the country are going under left, right and centre as well. So there's not very many places for people to start out their careers anymore. And develop and evolve. And also, I mean mean with record companies they give you one chance one chance only so it's like it's all a bit one chance saloon out there like there is no time to become what anyone could be because the environment is just kind of against it i mean does it feel starkly different to when i mean i remember you i felt like you did quite a lot of small gigs and small festival actually maybe, maybe it went straight to V Festival.

Do you know what? It's funny, actually, you say that because just today, somebody posted a picture of me 18 years ago to the day playing at T4 on the beach. Shut up. And they also posted a screenshot of one of my MySpace blogs at the time, which is where I talk about me being really nervous because it was only my seventh ever gig. And my way of dealing with my nerves

at that particular juncture in my life was to drink. And so it was, I think, 11 o'clock in the morning and I was absolutely hammered and I got sent home by my management at one o'clock in the afternoon. You came to my festival in Western Supermare and got pissed before your gig, your slot at 11 a.m god but yes in answer to your question it was different for me i never had to do the sort of

like the round in the music business you call them the sort of toilet the toilet tours but uh because my music had sort of become big on the internet before I'd learnt my craft in that sense. I'd made a record, but I hadn't played anything live. My first ever gigs were my residencies that I did at the Notting Hill Arts Club. Now I think about it. Yeah, you didn't do the rounds like others. But now the internet is supposed to be too crowded for someone to use just the internet to stand out in that way. Yes.

And I think, you know, those were the sort of like the internet in its infancy when actually, you know, it hadn't been sort of corrupted. It wasn't like real estate in those days like it is now. Like now I think that you basically buy up space on the internet and on social media. the internet and on social media and so most of the real estate is bought up by major label artists that we are you know just inundated with like endless bits of content this is what you said you said that record companies often they are sort of running those fan accounts of artists I don't know if that's official but oh right that's just a theory I suspect that a lot of the fan accounts that repost you know bits of content from some of your favourite artists are actually run by either record companies or marketing companies. That's alright. That's like when, you know, Andrew from Wham's mum ran his fan club. The Wham's fan club. It's a bit like that.

No, it's absolutely nothing like that. It's nice and innocent it's not innocent because i think that what happens is you know you you see posts all over the internet from what looks like you know genuine fan accounts so it makes you believe that there is these huge fandoms for your artists that you're supporting but actually it's quite manufactured and it takes up all of the space. There's only a certain amount of space on the internet, right? So, yeah.

Or is it endless? I don't know. Actually, I think it's like space. I'm being bitten to shit by mosquitoes. I was going to say, sorry for going so deep when you're on your holiday. You probably just wanted to talk about like Agadou and holiday dances

and favourite things to eat by the beach. I was like, no, let's talk about art. You're right, Keats. I really wanted to talk about Agadu today. That was my main... Are you at one of those hotels that has, like, entertainment? No, I'm not at a hotel. I'm at an Airbnb.

Oh, I like a hotel more than an Airbnb. I love the entertainment section. My mum loves a buffet, as you know. As you know. She lives and breathes the buffet. If she's not at the buffet, what's know. She lives and breathes the buffet. If she's not at the buffet, what's she doing, Lily? Talking about the buffet. Talking about the buffet.

And when she might return and what she might get next. Or what she wishes she'd ate last night at the buffet. You probably needed a bit of a buffet-free holiday after that one. Okay, shall we have a little break? You're on holiday. Let's have a fucking break. Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night.

Save up to 20 per month on rogers internet visit rogers.com for details we got you rogers welcome back to miss me lily's on holiday, and I'm not. But I do have something a bit... I thought I'd bring something to the table. Make me feel a bit juicy and fresh. So I've got a big bowl of fresh cherries, Lil. Oh, my God, I bought some cherries. I've got cherries downstairs.

Just rub cherries. People forget. I thought it would be rude to bring them upstairs because I thought you'd get jealous, but little did I know you had your own bowl of cherries. I know how to fucking party, OK? I know how to have a good time well i've actually got some white peaches as well so now you're talking a white peach in the grecian sun is not the same as a cherry in hackney i must say so i need to talk about something everyone in um the family says

that i'm um a prude and a prude with like, talking about... Is that after listening to last week's podcast or just generally? No. I guess last week's podcast was like an example of... Cemented it for everybody. Yeah. But like when you, like you talk about such sexual stuff in front of my mum

and dad and I'm like, Lily! And the P.S. your auntie and uncle as well. And they're all like oh everyone was like keats god just like get over it we can talk about blow jobs like come on and then me and my mom do um a show called goggle box together and uh we did goggle box last week and the fuckers made us watch bridgerton okay now bridgerton sex scenes are a particular energy of all of their own. They're long, they're labored, and they're somewhat ludicrous. Yeah, I know. By the way, I watched Bridgerton while I was here in Greece. And it was funny

that you talk about the sex scenes because there's a sex scene with Nicola Coughlin, and whoever that guy is that she has sex with in it and I was freeze framing it because I was like there's absolutely no way that the dick could be in the vagina like they're sort of like the positioning was just like there's just no way unless he had like the most monstrously sized penis like known to man Colin there's absolutely no way that that penis is anywhere near her vagina right now so you're talking about Colin and Penelope on the chaise lounge okay so this is the set you know this is said sex scene it is long and she's also like losing her virginity and um i found it i was like i can't believe i actually sorry i just have to stop you because i can't believe that it is the bridgerton sex scenes that have made you feel

uncomfortable out of all of the sex scenes that you've probably ever had to watch no no no there would be worse i know worse i know ones i could never watch with my mom but this in the grand scheme of things wasn't easy because it is a long one and she's losing her virginity so my approach was like you're a 40 year old woman you can do this no i can't i didn't really no i can't my mom was like you've gone red i went completely red then i had to hide behind a pillow and um when it finished finally this like 10 minute sex scene when it finished my mom went yeah i didn't like that i don't want to do that with you anymore i was like i fucking told you it's uncomfortable we shouldn't watch sex scenes with our parents. No, I... Makita, I think we need to talk to your therapist about this.

No, see, no, I knew you'd come for me, and that's why I've got this... I'm not shaming you, I'm not shaming you. I just think that, like, there is some... You know, you're embarrassed by sex. I'm so pleased you're saying this. It proves my point so well. I'm not embarrassed by sex.

I don't want to watch sex scenes with my mother. But to be honest, you're right, because I was thinking I don't really know how many people I would wanna watch sex scenes. Probably my cousins, I wouldn't care. And probably you, I wouldn't care. But there are some people, like a parent, you don't wanna do it with.

But I happen to watch the Gogglebox back. And of course, it's not just us watching this sex scene. It's a lot of other people. No household could handle it. Let me just say that on the mic. box back and of course it's not just us watching this sex scene it's a lot of other people no household could handle it let me just say that on the mic not one household could handle this and there were parents and children two boys from um diversity they were like i actually feel like really weird bruv i feel like they looked so uncomfortable they couldn't breathe uh fern cotton and goc one got the giggles so badly

i think goc left the room no one could handle this so this isn't just me no one can handle sex scenes with their friends if they really think about it i wonder if it is um a british yes very much i think that in america people can handle watching sex scenes with their family that's insane that it would be a cultural thing. I think it's to do with intimacy and vulnerability. And we just don't do it in England. God, what is wrong with us? But then on the flip side, all I can think about, someone said this on Gogglebox,

the two boys from Diversity said, it's really weird now I've seen it thinking that my mum loves this, loves Bridgerton. Goes, oh, I'm going to go home, get a bottle of wine and watch Bridgerton. It's like, so we're all happy to watch a bit of soft porn on our Js when no one wants to watch it as a group. So maybe it's a conversation between porn and Bridgerton because I don't really like porn. I like sex scenes in films.

I was listening back to our podcast last week and you were talking about being in a relationship and sex as being two entirely different things yes you were like i'm this way in the relationship and then i'm this way in sex it's like sex is part of the relationship yes but you separate the two things i did and i think that that's quite a British thing for us to do because in America I feel like people are having conversations about sex and about intimacy quite openly with each other without shame and without embarrassment and when I heard you talking I was like that's interesting because I definitely have conversations with Americans where relationships sex it all comes under the same umbrella.

Oh, there's a lot to think about there. Why do I separate the two? No, I don't think it's you. I think it's culture. I think it's British culture. Yeah. I mean, we had to watch this sex scene. You've had to, I mean, you haven't had to do a sex scene,

but you've definitely had to do intimate scenes on camera. Yeah, I had to snog Kyle and I had to be in bed with him when we were doing Dreamland. We had an intimacy coordinator. Now, how does that actually work? A lady, because, okay, before I imagine it's just, there was a room with kind of not too many boundaries and there's like sound men eating their sandwiches

while they watch you do it. I don't know. But now there's someone going, right, there's actually something quite difficult happening here. And we have to respect that and be aware of that. Yeah, I don't know how helpful I found it personally. I kind of would have been, would have just preferred to have just like thrown myself in the deep end

and let it happen. But the idea that it all had to be so choreographed and I mean, different intimacy coordinators are different. And actually we had a couple of different ones and the second one I found much easier to deal with than the first one but what I found difficult was you had to like ask the person's permission if they were okay with you putting your hand somewhere before you did it and I just couldn't i'd be like kyle are you happy with me to put my hand on your it was just like i couldn't understand like the the format it was just like a bit of a mind a mind bog i was just like can we just like snog can we just get on with it yeah it's like you're

making it weird yeah making it weird this extra this Making it weird. This extra, this third party that seems to be in the intimate part of it rather than on the crew. that's great intimacy. You're like, thanks. I really needed to be judged

on how good and believable I am at being intimate. How well I snog. As if I'm not judging myself on this every minute of every day anyway. Thanks for bringing it up, Lorna.

What I really needed was a complete stranger to come into the room and tell me whether i'm doing it well or not that wasn't very that wasn't very good you weren't being very you weren't very good at being intimate that would crush me it's even just an intimacy person saying i've been okay i wasn't trying to be intimate i was trying to create awkwardness actually i just wanted it to be it was it is an awkward moment. So, yeah. It's a minefield. It's a minefield. I don't know how actors do it.

I commend every bloody actor in Bridgerton because those sex scenes are lengthy. So I imagine they take days to get on camera. So thank you. Thank you for your service, Nicola and the guy that plays Colin. Thank you very much. Well, enjoy your holiday, darling. I'm'm so sorry i won't take up any more of your time darling okay bye babes bye honey bun um thanks for that that was great i guess i'll see you on monday for listen bitch we're going to be talking about endings i might get a bit sad

is that all right it's okay fine by me yeah i don like endings. I don't even like this ending right now. I don't even want to say bye to it. Bye! You bloody hang up. You hang up. You hang up. Thanks for listening to Miss Me with Lily Allen and Makita Oliver. This is a Persephoneca production for BBC Sounds.

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