Miss Me? - High Brow Duck Fat

Episode Date: April 11, 2024

Lily Allen and Miquita Oliver discuss niche dating apps, taking your kids to concerts and the perfect potato for roasting.This episode contains strong language and adult themes.Credits:Producer: Matt Thomas Technical Producer: Will Gibson Smith Production Coordinator: Hannah Bennett Executive Producers: Dino Sofos and Ellie Clifford Assistant Commissioner for BBC: Lorraine Okuefuna Commissioning Editor for BBC: Dylan HaskinsMiss Me? is a Persephonica production for BBC Sounds

This is the BBC. This podcast is supported by advertising outside the UK. per month on Rogers Internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. BBC Sounds. Music, radio, podcasts. Miss Me does contain some adult themes and some very, very strong language. Mainly from Makita. Mainly from the kids. Mainly from the kids. I'm ill.

Shmilly. Yes, queen. Really? I don't feel like a queen. I have the worst sore throat and cold. Me too. Oh, are you actually ill as well? I'm ill, yeah.

Oh, I thought this was a total London bug. And you are back in Nashville. Did the tornado ever come to Nashville? It did. It came and it passed. It wasn't very as exciting as it could have been. No, but then you went home and encountered a earthquake. Yeah. I was actually terrified.

That text really freaked me out. Yes, it was. It was really weird. I was just standing. I think I just got back to New York. It must have been like last Friday in the daytime. Yeah, it was. And then I was just standing at the island in my kitchen making a sandwich and the whole house just started like shaking. It felt like, you know, when your washing machine is like on the final spin or whatever, island in my kitchen making a sandwich and the whole house just started like shaking it felt like you know when your washing machine is like on the final spin or whatever it felt like that but like times 150 and the whole house was on like 25 washing machines all doing the same thing at the same time so if you went outside to the street do you think you would see the street

shaking was it like i don't understand like because the actual earth is moving i don't know how that if it works like that but i know that like the because i have two rather fancy chandeliers in my kitchen and they were like shaking and like the and the noise of the glass like hitting each other so it was like it was very yeah it felt like in the house like it was wobble it was wobbling you know i just find it weird that you left somewhere that had a tornado coming to it and then encountered an actual natural disaster just at home. In Brooklyn as well, an earthquake in Brooklyn. That was the weird thing was like, we don't get earthquakes here,

so it can't be an earthquake. So I was just confused as to what it was. And then it lasted about 30 seconds. And then I went outside and everyone else on the street came outside and they're like, did you feel that? Everyone was so confused. There's something very strange about being part of an actual natural disaster. When I was in the tsunami, I remember the weirdest part was like,

God, I guess this is what being part of like something that's happening to the world that you can't control. It's a very strange out-of-body stroke. You feel like you're in a shit diehard film feeling. It's like a bit of a mixture. Yeah. I mean, what I experienced, the 30 seconds of, you know, wobbling, was nothing compared to what you experienced in the tsunami.

But it was strange, for sure. It was a bit of a shock. I wouldn't call it a natural disaster because I don't think there was any damage. No, what's it called? What's it called? It's an earthquake. No, it's just an earthquake.

Anyway, well done for surviving. I'm back in Nashville. I actually only got here last night. I was meant to work all day yesterday, but on Sunday night, I didn't sleep a wink. Not one wink. And I was meant to get up and go to the airport at four o'clock in the morning. And like still by 3.30, I hadn't slept.

And so I was just like I can't do this like there's no way that I can go on a plane and then go straight into the studio and so I had to cancel my session which I hate doing I hate inconveniencing people and I did I had to cancel the day and then fly last night and I just I felt insane insane insane having no sleep. I have real anxiety when I have to get up early in the morning. And I know that like, even if I get to sleep now, I'm still only going to have like three or four hours. But that's what happens. If by three you can't sleep,

the last four hours are panicking about the fact that you can't sleep and that you've crossed the threshold into a place of no return. I don't want to talk about my darling puppy too much, but I've been quite sleepless since getting her in that harassed mother way where you've forgotten what a really nice, peaceful sleep's like. And it's really affected me throughout the day. I'm just a bit of a mess right now. So I get why you got...

I will say you do look nothing like a new mother. You look absolutely glowing I have makeup today I asked for some makeup that postpartum depression is looking good on you listen to me but you did fly a lot because you last time I chatted to you you're in Nashville and then when I talked to you last week you were a few days ago you were in New York just for the just for like two nights and now you've come back. That's not going to help you feel good at all. Because you took the girls to Olivia Rodrigo.

Is that an Olivia Rodrigo's merch? Olivia Rodrigo. Is that official Olivia Rodrigo merch, that purple T-shirt? Damn straight it is. What does it say? Guts. Guts World Tour. I know so little about her and I think

that might be an English thing. I don't think she is a huge superstar in the way she is in America over here. She's pretty big in England. With a certain age group. Oh yes, maybe I'm just a bit too old. 40 year old

woman. Yeah, it's not really geared towards us. But I really appreciate her I think she's great I think she's a great role model and also she's just got really well-crafted pop songs they're just really she's just they're just really great I just really love her I really love her I love her music my kids adore her It was like a very moving experience taking my little girls to... Ethel has been to a Taylor Swift Eras concert, but I didn't go with her. David took her.

And so this was like the first time that I've seen them in that environment. And it was just absolutely heartbreaking. It was so heartbreaking. No, but why is it so heartbreaking? We did speak as you were getting ready to go and you had your outfit on. You were a bit worried about it. I know you actually made me take off my go-go boots. You were like, no, looking a bit cosplay. The boots were a bit cosplay, a little on the nose. So we changed the nice ankle boot.

But I did feel, even when you turned the camera on, Ethel and her friends and they were in there kind of like, I'm turning into a teenager and going to a gig. Because it's quite a short window where you want your parent to take you to a gig. It's about a year or two of that. And then that's something you really very much do on your own. But I was quite moved by the whole experience as well. I thought, why? Lily's been a mum for ages. Why is this particularly emotional?

But it was. Well, it's just a sort of coming of age thing isn't it and it's like we all know what it feels like to like be in love with a musician or you know to like have a role model suddenly and it's very life-affirming watching that in in real time and it was really interesting I mean my youngest was so sort of overwhelmed by the whole thing and she just kept like turning around and looking at me and just like beaming with joy and then just wanting like really long hugs like throughout the what Marnie yeah oh she just wanted she just kept putting my arms around her and just wanting to like sort of sway she was just in heaven and then the others I mean I took four of them, four girls. And what was interesting was watching them be so overexcited and clearly like feeling

all of the emotions and not knowing what to do with them and just getting their phones out. Oh. Yeah. It's kind of sad. It's kind of sad in a way. It's just like, oh my God, we're feeling all these things. She's really up there. She's really up there. I better record this. And we left and Ethel was like, I got an 18 minute video. I was like, what are you going to do with that? I mean, you can't shame them, but you're like. Yeah. Be in the moment. But how did you decide you decide well maybe it wasn't thought through but how did you do mum at a gig I love Olivia Rodrigo I mean I wasn't like you know like

a couple of songs where I was like you know singing along and getting quite into it but I when we first went in I was sitting like closest to the stage and then when she came on I was like actually I want to swap so that I can have a view of them and I can take pictures of them with her in the background. So we did that. They thought I was pretty cool. I've meant to have a date and I don't know. I don't really know the uh the protocol of going to a date ill like snotty and cough but like you can't go to a date contagious yeah I don't know

maybe wear a mask but I mean I think I think it was making me think about the difference in the way that me and you have dated because I haven't, I'm not really like a massive dater. It's not like something that I've done all my life. And I don't think you really were either. I think you've probably been on like two or three official dates. David was the first date that I ever went on. That's what I mean. That's kind of what I remember is like, oh, Lily's got a date.

But not usually dates turn into marriage. I remember Googling when I was with, when I first started seeing David, like how many dates are you meant to go on before you sleep with someone? And there was a different answer for, depends whether they're English or American. I think English was five and American was seven.

English was five, American was seven. Seven dates is, I think you know if you want to sleep with someone before seven dates. But listen, that was like the Google protocol that I read. That's what Cosmopolitan said. But wait, I asked a gay friend of ours, groomy, and he said that it is different in same-sex relationships. There is less, he said, I think it's different for women.

Oh, okay. To sleep with someone earlier. Well, my thing had always just been like, when I drank, it was like you go to a pub and you get, you know, not even with the intention. Like sometimes you just go out with some friends, you get really, really drunk, you meet someone, you'd end up sleeping with them.

And then either they called you back or they didn't that was how my dating experience went that kind of dating softened the hard edges i think what we were doing was protecting ourselves by dating like that because that's exactly how i used to do it to the point where eight years ago or something someone said you have to go meet this person you like on your own because i'd be like let me let me get 10 people tell them to bring 10 people we'll make it a group hang it's like no you've got to stop doing that yeah but when you wake up with a stranger and your the alcohol's worn off that is the moment where you're like can i tolerate this person no i'm out of here and you give them a wrong number or they don't even ask they're like that was nice thanks yeah bye bye I can't do I just can't do apps and I know that you met your

husband on Raya and but I despise the sentiment of Raya I just I can't stand the idea of and I know this isn't why you went on it and I'm sure not all people let's just say Raya is the app for eek famous people to date no it's not just famous people I don't think it's famous people it's like people in creative industries yeah there's a lot of model bookers from like germany on it yeah but then also there'd be like you know fabian investment banker from brussels there's definitely a lot of guys called such a rare name but what i don't like the idea of is i'm from this world so i'm looking for someone also in that world because I feel like that's the frequency me and this person should stay at. It's like, what about a fit plumber or a hot tree surgeon? Yeah.

Go for it. I did go out with a stonemason. That was great. I think you should probably be trying to find a doctor at this point. No, I don't think doctor if there was an app that was like fit men with real jobs i'd really like that there is it's called tinder no that's not that fit men with real jobs wow yeah like tree surgeons wood cutters you know things with your hands electricians plumbers i've been out with a lot of those kinds of people.

Handyman. There you go. Handyman. Exactly. The handyman app. But for dating purposes, not to fix something in your house. I think, you know, if I was single again, which, you know, God willing, I would hope that, I think a sober app would be good

sober dating app so you could meet other people that are sober because that was always a struggle i think finding somebody that wasn't you know mental um but but listen they have apps for like people who are into horses i don't mean like that i mean like i i spend my time in the equestrian world so the specific specific what's that word specificity that thing that that is um it's really important i think i think people want to feel like they're having a particularly bespoke experience as crockettett said to me, our friend Charlie Crockett, he said, you just love a hospitality br'er. And I was like, oh my God.

But it's so true. A hospitality br'er. But it's very different in America. That would be a whole different ballgame. Because in America, you date multiple people and that is dating. And I think that's still quite a new notion to us. Yeah. And also it's acceptable to be dating several people at the same time as they're dating you. Yeah. It's like what you should be doing to be finding what you want. That's a very

American way of looking at it, I think. Yeah. Like no shame. Like I'm just seeing what's out there. Right? I need to, I know that. I know that bitch and I need to be that bitch a little bit more. I think when I started dating David, he was doing that. And I remember saying to my therapist at the time,

I was like, I think he's seeing other people. And I was like, and I think I'm okay with it but if you asked him would he have said yes I'm currently dating yeah but I wouldn't want to ask the question out that was way too vulnerable for me because we're English yeah I've sort of remember us talking about it on a date and me being like yeah yeah totally fine yeah totally fine. Yeah, of course. No. And I think he was attracted to me pretending to be fine with it. So our whole relationship is based on a lie. Based on that lie. And we've continued throughout. Just sounding nice, isn't it? This show, everyone. But hey, what a special treat this is for anyone tuning in.

I think we should take a break and I'm going to go take some actual medicine and see if I can't come back a little bit more sultry. Actually, I feel like I'm too sultry, a little less sultry. Hmm. Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit Rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. I did that thing last night when I got here. It was so embarrassing.

And this is not the first time that I've done it. But I landed here at like 8.30 and then I got in and the woman said, there's only an hour left of room service. And I was like, okay. So I came up here and I couldn't decide what I wanted from the room service menu. So I just ordered a load of stuff and then when the guy came up the shower was running because I was about to jump in the shower and when the guy came up and I opened the door it it had um like you know cutlery for two people because there was so much food they'd obviously assumed that it was for two people and I pretended that there was somebody else in the bathroom.

Oh no! I was like, babe, the food's here! Oh my God. It's okay. Thank you for sharing that with me because you could have just kept that to yourself. I'm like, what am I doing? Why are you trying to convince this room service person Lily what the fuck did you order

I didn't even order that much I ordered like crispy fried chicken it was like little appetizers and some guacamole and a chicken noodle soup but they bought two glasses and a big bottle of water and two sets of cutlery and I was just like, oh, God.

Okay. Babe, food's here. Babe, dinner's here. What are you doing, you insane person? But do you miss being at home and cooking for yourself? Everyone was very proud of their Sunday cooking this week. You'd made your own Yorkshire puddings. Yeah.

For your roast. And our friend Phoebe had made some mushroom gravy. I don't know what it was. Everyone was just very proud of what they'd cooked for Sunday lunch this week and felt the need to tell me. Yeah, and also I've had, this is going to be so boring for our listeners. Oh,

bring it on. I've been here for like, you know, sort of four years now and I've really struggled to find the right potato variety for a roast potato no this isn't boring this is this is gold and I found it I found the potato I actually feel like for all of the crazy like weather maybe it's got something to do with the eclipse I don't know but so the the potato planets aligned for me this weekend.

Can I just say, we did talk about this in the week. So we really did need to return to it. They don't have Maris Piper or King Edward potatoes in America. Listen, I'm sure that they're similar varieties, but I just don't know what they are. And the internet hasn't been very generous because obviously in America, like Sunday roast potatoes, like it's not priority for them. But anyway, I found a potato. It's a russet for anybody out there.

Great. Great. Good. Good. It's an Idaho russet potato. You know, I'm parboiling those motherfuckers for like a good 15, 20 minutes.

And then I whack them in the fridge to get all the air out of them for a couple of hours. And, and yeah, it and yeah it was it was perfect they were perfect I cooked them in some duck fat I actually did a high I did a high brow of chicken fat and duck fat as my as my roasting fat and they were they were excellent my gravy was on point. I did Yorkshire puddings from scratch

because you can't get Aunt Bessie's here, obviously, or any other brand of pre-made Yorkshire pudding. You're such a little host. You loved a bloody host. You really do. You're just a very good homemaker. Also, your mum told me about why my cauliflower cheese had been watery

and I paid attention to what she said. Did you? They were perfect, yeah. And what else did I do? Honey roasted carrots. No, no, no. I think we get the picture. And leeks braised in white wine.

Anyway, the whole thing was just amazing. Well done. Well done. Yeah. Did you take a picture? No, I didn't. I picture no i didn't i lived in the moment i lived in the moment i've been ill all weekend actually this weekend i was like right i'm just sitting on the sofa under the cover and i'm watching 90s romantic comedies and it did the trick i watched the truth about cats and dogs with uma thurman and that lady with black hair.

Oh God, what was her name? How do you say it? Janine Garofalo. Do you remember her? Janine Garofalo. Yes, I do. It's just the most unbelievable premise. It's how can a woman have it all? Can she be smart and also beautiful?

And the idea that she could is absolutely ridiculous in this film the only way they make her unattractive is short hair because by the time the end scene comes where she's meant to be the interest her hair's just longer that's all they've done because i was very interested i thought what will they do to make her blossom in this incredible way sort of like she's all that all they do is cut her hair. There was a real kind of like, this is ugly and this is beautiful 20 years ago, which I think was quite damaging

for quite a lot of us that grew up with that. But I wonder why the conversation was allowed to be like that at that time. And when it changed, like just the idea of like telling people what is ugly and what is beautiful and not really having to do much apart from say that this person has brown hair and it's short. Or, you know, I don't know. I just thought it was quite a weird difference in the way that we're spoken to about beauty ideals today.

I just it made me sad for us as young people. But I loved the film. The film was absolutely excellent what was it called it's called the truth about cats and dogs okay I'm gonna watch it it's got Ben Chaplin in it I don't know who that is oh my god Lily where have you lived under a rock I just don't remember things like you do you don't do you I remember the details there There is this scene in The Truth About Cats and Dogs where they have phone sex. Ugh.

Why would you say ugh? You've had to actually film sex scenes. I'd much rather film a phone sex scene than a sex scene. I've never filmed a sex scene in my life. Yeah, in Wonderland. Dreamland, and no. Dreamland, sorry, Dreamland. It wasn't a sex scene.

I just had to be in bed with Kyle but I didn't actually have to have sex with him. And I kissed him. Yeah, I remember. I did watch it and I remember you had to do like a kind of, it was like sexy scene and I was like,

this is intense watching her do this actually. Actually, this is quite hard to watch. But you haven't had to do a stevie sex scene as an actress yet no i haven't thank god there must be nothing worse actually no i know it'll be worse recording the adr the additional noises no don't really no don't you're like

this is awful no don't actually let me just check how do I sound when someone asks me to make sex noises because I'm traumatised

by my this will affect people differently it depends how much sex you had to hear from your parents as a child.

Oh my God. Can we talk about the broom? Are we allowed to? No? Oh my God. Oh my God. I don't know. I don't know.

Yeah. She's going to kill us. She's going to kill us. My mother was a young mum. She was a young mum. Okay. She was a young mother. She was 26

when we were six and five and still wanted to have a life, especially a dating life. And, oh God, her bedroom was next to mine and she didn't give a shit. Even if I had friends around. Even if I had friends around. Even if you had friends around. We had a broom specifically. It was not, definitely wasn't for cleaning the room. It was just for hitting the wall with to say

shut up no but no but now we're adults can you imagine being in a bed having sex with someone and the kids are next door and then they start banging the the wall with a broom screaming for you to stop like mood killer sorry about that sorry about that i have a lot more empathy for my mother now because she just wanted to have a life but unfortunately slightly traumatising for me well I mean I love that you want to have empathy for her but I hope she could also have some empathy for you not wanting

to have to like sit and listen to that when your friends are around but what was she meant to do if she wanted to have a life I don't know wait for us to go to bed you know or like you know But what was she meant to do if she wanted to have a life? I don't know, wait for us to go to bed. You know? Or like, you know, have us go over to Phoebe's for a sleepover. Sure, because she had a date that night.

Good point. Yeah, right, would she do that? I mean, it wasn't really about logic at that time. Anyway, I don't want to shame my mother. I really understand that she was 27 and just wanted to have a life and a dating life and a sex life. And that must be hard as a single parent with a small irritating child with a broom in her hand banging the wall sorry mom but yeah back to phone sex could never be me i'm just not no not my vibe not my dad but i guess like in that film was it like video phone sex because i guess

maybe it's now because we've got video phones. Like that just seems a bit much for me. Well, actually, it's really interesting because it's about falling in love with someone's character and not their outward facing appearance, even though her outward facing appearance is totally beautiful and fine. But he gets on the phone to her and they talk all night. They have like kind of a brilliant date over the phone. And then they're like, let's do this. And it's actually very romantic and sweet.

When I was a kid, I was like, my God, that's so sexy. And it was still sexy when I watched it this time. He's quite fit, Ben Chaplin. Okay. I'm going to have to watch this movie. Do watch it because you don't really rock a romantic comedy like I do. No, I don't. You're right.

Some of them are better than you think this is one of the better ones i'm gonna take your word for it and i'm gonna watch it yeah you can give me something highbrow to watch in return if you want have you watched the west wing from start to finish i was thinking about starting something like you have to watch it immediately because it's great writing, right? Oh, Darren Sorkin. Yeah, I love The West Wing. I could watch that show over and over again. I love it. And there's some actors I love in it. Yeah, I think I could do The West Wing from start to finish.

Okay, there you go. Or House of Cards. I love a Washington, you know, political drama. I remember once being on my tour bus driving through America and driving into Washington and I had a star bus so like my bed was in the back and it had like the big windows on either side and when the curtains were drawn you could just like see the city that you were arriving into around you and like seeing like the capital and watching the west wing it was like a million we've arrived I'm here we're here HQ okay I will take

that and I will watch the West Wing from start to finish because I want to write this script anyway I'll tell you about that later

don't give your ideas away babe what I want to write a script to drama don't tell them someone's going to steal it it's the first ever I'm joking

is it about two girls that take over the world with a podcast no it's the first ever i'm joking is it about two girls that take over the world with a podcast no it's the first black british female detective and that is saying too much also i don't know if that is because kush jumbo's just done one done a detective program no i've done the research she's also done one and so is mira syal but they are not detectives as it were. Okay, not like a sort of silent witness type vibe. Do you know, I need to research that more,

but I do keep checking to see if anyone's written one. They haven't yet, so I'm good, I'm good. But what I need to do is watch a lot of well-written television. West Wing it is. West Wing for me, truth about cats and dogs for you. No, but in terms of detective, great detectives, Cracker is a cracker. Cracker is a little too much for me, but I will watch it in terms of research. It's not too much.

It's great. I love Cracker. I love going back and watching things like that. See, that's the thing. I mean, you go back and watch an old rom-com, but I'll watch Cracker. Well, do you watch Taggart? No. Taggart's too much for me.

That's not my kind of vibe. But I'll go back and re-watch Broadchurch. You know, the David Tennant one. Oh, yes. I can't do anything with kids being taken. Do you remember what detective you were in our game? We do actually have a game in our family of which detective are you? I know we've also said we did this with pubs.

I haven't been in part of that game, but I'd be really interested. I think I probably am Robbie Coltrane. Oh, we did it. We just didn't tell you about it. You are Sherlock. Oh, I was hoping you were going to say like Inspector Morse. No, because name is Columbo

because she always has a different coat on and she asks a lot of questions. I'm Miss Marple because I'm quite like gentle and let the person talk to me, let them hang themselves. And Sherlock, too smart for his own good and his mind can be his enemy. Okay.

I don't want to be Sherlock Holmes, really. Like low key. Tough. There was a conference about it and you got Sherlock. Okay. Just to clarify the detective game, you must really think about the person's characteristics and how they really would try and solve things, how they usually solve things. If you want to play this at home with your family.

I think we should have a detective party where we, like a murder mystery party and we all have to come as our assigned detectives. Well, I'm not going to do it for my 40th, but we can do it for yours if you want. Okay.

Deal. In Italy. The detectives party. Okay. I really do sound terrible, Lil. I'm going to go. I feel terrible. Are you taking supplements?

Are you looking after yourself? I did just take a load of drugs for it because I was like, I can't. I need to just get this gone, done, did. So I've got a life to live. I've got a life to live. And a puppy that's not going to raise herself. So I've got to stay strong.

Damn straight. Damn straight. I'm not saying anything more about the puppy today. Yeah, I'm going to raise herself. So I've got to stay strong. Damn straight. Damn straight. I'm not saying anything more about the puppy today. Yeah, I'm going to go. I feel terrible. Oh, babe. I'll see you for listen, bitch. I'll see you for listen, bitch.

Did you finish your ambition song? No, I didn't write a song about ambition. You did? No, I didn't. Me and my ambition is becoming a condition. I've been humming it. Yeah, that was the beginning and the end of that song. I didn't expand on it.

I don't want to make it a tradition. But also there's a famous song that already there's, I just dropped in. To see what condition my ambition was in. Yeah, I like the Big Lebowski too. Okay. I love that song. Love that song.

I just dropped down. To see what condition my ambition was in. Thanks for listening to Miss Me with Lily Allen and Makita Oliver. This is a Persephonica production for BBC Sounds. Spenny, we've managed to rinse all of my contacts now for this podcast. Well, fortunately, my black book bulges way more than yours. Wait, wait, wait. It's quality, not quantity, my friend. You keep telling yourself that.

I'm Spencer. And I'm Jamie. Join us in our mission to reach a celebrity and find new friends using six degrees of separation. Who do you think we will snatch next? All will be revealed. I mean, we don't even know who we're chasing yet. Oh, the suspense,

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