Miss Me? - La Dolce Feeta

Episode Date: July 4, 2024

Lily Allen and Miquita Oliver discuss the Euros, five-star feet and postnatal depression.Details of help and support if you’ve experienced postnatal depression or the loss of a child are available at bbc.co.uk/actionline Credits: Producer: Flossie Barratt Technical Producer: Will Gibson Smith Production Coordinator: Hannah Bennett Executive Producers: Dino Sofos and Ellie Clifford Assistant Commissioner for BBC: Lorraine Okuefuna Commissioning Editor for BBC: Dylan HaskinsMiss Me? is a Persephonica production for BBC Sounds

This is the BBC. This podcast is supported by advertising outside the UK. on Rogers Internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. BBC Sounds. Music, radio, podcasts. This episode of Miss Me contains very strong language, issues around childbirth and very adult themes. Allora! Ah yes, buongiorno! Ah yes, of course, buongiorno!

How are you in Italy? I'm good, how are you? I'm back from holiday, so I'm quite happy to be home, but missing my new home, which is your home. Yes. In New York. Tell me how that went. Which part? Because there's just so many thoughts. Well, first of all, just tell me how brilliant and tasteful and lovely I am and generous for letting you stay in my house while I wasn't there and how lovely it was and just the attention to detail that you were just overwhelmed by that's a good place to start let's let's over

over to you these are all the thoughts I've been having like you've been giving me a sort of grid to work with uh you generously with your generous open heart, said that me and cousin Sasha could stay there. And I really didn't think that was a good idea. I just I assumed I'd be a lot happier in a hotel. No way. Because not only is your house nicer than a hotel, it was beautiful to be in a family home in a city like New York. It makes you feel like you're there in a really different way. And then it's this kind of house that's just like it's just like a beautiful place for everything me and sasha like i don't think

there's anything you could say i wonder where blah blah is and it wouldn't be in its perfect place i took a few pictures of the stationary cupboard that's okay because i have a label maker and i have not done what you've done with yours it's's just that, do you know what it is? It's like the drawers in drawers. Like even in the incredible kitchen, which has the most amazing chandelier, which I've taken so many pictures of as well. But then we went to get some kitchen foil

and it was like foil or bags of three different sizes. And it was like quart size. Sandwich size. Sandwich size. I took a few sandwich size bags home with me um and then there was even a thing to cut it if you put it like i know this doesn't sound that good but it was really beautiful details all throughout and then i i stayed in your bed you know your marital bed yeah i guess tell me how comfortable that fucking bed is it's outrageous isn't it well i guess this

is probably like having a big beautiful house or hopefully not but like got quite used to it after about two days this is just how i sleep i sleep in a bed that feels like this came home in my bed last night i was like oh that's the difference between a few hundred grand i can't tell you that bed is possibly like the most extravagant expense. I mean, grotesque how much money it costs. Do you mean the mattress, not the headboard frame? Just the mattress and then there's a mattress topper that goes with it. Oh, I see.

And, you know, I really had to like convince David that it was worth it. And he was not convinced. But then we've been sleeping in it for nearly a couple of years now and he's got a place in atlanta and he went and bought himself a really another really fancy bed and told me when he got here that actually he's just ordered another one of the ones that we've got in new york i was like wow okay so yeah he's been princessed in the peed he can't stay any on any other literally cannot cannot yeah and even when we were talking the other day he was like how

did you find my bed makita i was like it was great and this is also a revelation so sorry if we're boring people but this is it's a big house carpets in the bathroom now there is actually a framed picture on the side uh a blow-up of a twitter now i hate saying this but now known as x and it said uh even david harbour couldn't make me have carpets in my bathroom yeah right well you're a fucking idiot because it's so luxurious and like it makes everything feel regal but can i just i just need to just because i do think that like carpet in a bathroom where there is a toilet and a shower is a different thing okay let's just be specific there is no toilet in that bathroom there is like a tiled room to the side that homes the toilet and the shower so let's hygiene is not really an issue you get out of the bath there's a

bath mat before you tread your water all the way through the carpet you dry yourself off so let's hygiene is not really an issue you get out of the bath there's a bath mat before you tread your water all the way through the carpet you dry yourself off so it's not as um as unhygienic as it sounds let's be honest that room that we're discussing that's crafted is more of a sort of extension of the womb of the bedroom and it has a bath and a reading area i mean it's just ridiculous it was so nice i read my book on that pink chair one night. It made me feel like I was looking at the life you've built for yourself from the inside out, Lil. And I think that's quite good that you weren't there

so I could be more nosy, but also so I could really look at what you've built without the kind of distraction of you guys in it. It was sort of like, this is your world. Yeah, without me going, and this is my lid and this is my lid and look at it I was just like oh I mean every cupboard's amazing then I did open the cupboard to the left and realize it was David's sort of tech clothes layer yes he's got a little man cave that's very sweet of you it's about the quarter of the size of mine.

Nice he's given that. But I feel like when I speak to you on FaceTime now, I will kind of know where you are more. Especially with the neighbourhood that you live in in Brooklyn. Well, in the first days, we were like, this is so nice. There's like four good places to get juice on your corner. I preferred the place on the right. Really good menu.

It's very Italian, my area where I live. Yeah, yeah. I had some really good spaghetti and meatballs. There's lots of different Italian places. Anyway, you know what? We should probably move on from telling our listeners just how great my life is. What? Not sure how interesting everyone finds it. All right.

Well, I hadn't been to new york for um 14 years so what is that 2010 yes and uh i was i didn't really think about it the fact that it of course has changed monumentally as a city since i was last there but simple things that um have happened all around the world have kind of like homogenized everything. Like I remember having to get a token to get on the subway when I was last in New York. And Sasha was like, right, let's get on the subway. And I was like, oh God, all right,

we've got to get that token thing. And I was like, of course not. You can just pay on your phone. You can just tap your phone like everywhere else in the world. I just love the idea of you getting off the plane and being like, where are all the horse and carts? No, but I was like,

I even did call you, didn't I? And I was like, do you have a car company I can call you? You're like, just get fucking Uber. I was like,

oh, of course they have Uber. It's New York. Okay. How ridiculous. So I feel like everything's easier now because a lot of everything is the same. We have a universal language of phone.

And Apple. Yeah. Sad, isn't it? I was actually reading a book written by a mutual family friend of ours, Rose Boyd, which is called Naked Portrait, I think. And she's the daughter of Lucian Freud.

And actually there was a passage in it about her traveling to New York, I guess in the late 70s. And it was interesting to me because she was talking about turning up in New York and not really knowing anybody. And the hotel that she was staying at, she'd come back and there'd be messages from people so like family friends that knew that she was in town that called

just called to check in on her and she had a few numbers in her address book of people that you know acquaintances people that she'd never met before that she'd call up and she'd say hello um I'm Rose I'm so-and-so's daughter and I'm in New York and so-and-so the other person would be like let's meet at this bar at this time and I was just like imagine living in a fucking time where like you'd put yourself out like that do you know what I mean well I suppose we have one toe in that past I remember traveling like that so when I first came to New York I went to see our friend Cheyenne who I'd had a summer with in Spain with my cousins and when I left I was so devastated to leave Cheyenne and she would write me letters every sort of four months and they were

the most exciting thing to arrive ever I know what you mean but it is funny how just phones have just completely changed everything like that like imagine I don know, I can't imagine like Ethel going somewhere, you know, in a few years time and calling up like some friend of yours and being like, hi, I'm Makita's goddaughter. And that person being like, oh, my God, you're in town. Let's let me take you out for dinner. Just like not going to happen in this day and age I think that the phones has just filled up all of our space like there's no spare time anymore and I feel like in those days there was all of this like time to space to space to fill and so you would you know give some of that space to people you'd ask people for directions

and you and a relationship would start like it's just yeah there's just not much opportunity for chance happenings you know like like yes and and I feel like we are worse off as a result I'm sorry I do yeah well I mean that's what I mean when I left I felt like I'd done a lot also Sashi has never been to America I didn't know that no

and so she wanted to do things that I would have poo-pooed before because I would have thought of them as too touristy and embarrassing and naff

and I was just so like go with the flow I'm in New York whatever she wants to do and we went to MoMA I've never been to the Museum of Modern Art oh lovely museum

wow that's what I want my flat to look like. I can't eat it like that. With the same sort of Eve's Klein art on the wall. It was great. I was very curious about the weed legalization because I've been to Texas this year as well. And it's not been decriminalized there. But it is, I think it's 23 states now out of what, 52? How many states are there in America? I can tell you there are 50 states in America. Okay. Well, 50 states in the United States of America.

I was interested because it feels like very austere places weed has been legalised. Germany, for God's sake. Weird weird south africa but it's just such a strange thing because here if you smell weed in london our big progressive city you'd be like what sort of criminal is walking past and now in new york people are sitting in soho outside we went to a very nice restaurant called san ambrose and people were just smoking spliff and i was like god it's so civilized civilized weed smoking whereas here we're happy to let people drink a massive pint at 8 15 a.m and no

one says anything it just made me realize about the disparity on what drugs we class as what and why and who told us that in the first place all right well anyway thank you new york and hey thank you host thank you for hosting me and Sashie so nicely, truly. Because we sat on that stoop every night and just like had a few drinks and sat in the sun and just had a very different experience. All because of you. All because of you and your generous big heart. Aww.

We haven't talked about Glastonbury, have we? Yeah, we haven't, have we? Did you watch any of it on the television? I only saw Scissor, actually, but only because I was flying. Everyone said that no one turned up for Scissor. I know, but that was such, it's such bollocks. Like people are just such hating bastards. It's a huge, huge fucking crowd. And you know what?

I actually, sorry, I will talk about this. I think because she's a black female headliner, the first story they immediately went to was, it was a failure, no one cares. It's like, fuck off, that just wasn't the truth. She did a bloody brilliant set. And what was very interesting was to see white middle-class England be so in love with her.

The audience was very, like, young and white and a lot of girls, a lot of teenagers that would have maybe been into boy bands when we were all 14. And it was nice to see how much she's crossed over. over i thought scissor did a splendid job and those in factual damaging press reports are dangerous because they're just trying to block more of what she's about being in such a big place she threatens the status quo absolutely i actually can't believe that's the first thing they said she did so brilliantly it's so depressing it's like. Who's telling the history? Who's telling the stories? What actually went down? I'd rather ask some fucking ravers that were at Glastonbury what really popped off.

Than the Daily Mail or some weirder on Twitter. I don't believe you Daily Mail because you don't know how to rave. You don't know how to party. Why am I listening to you? Should we talk about the Euros? I actually know absolutely nothing except for... You didn't even watch it, did you?

I'm not watching it. I don't know the name of one player except for Harry Kane. And I spoke to my daughter Ethel the day before yesterday and she said, basically, she's on a sort of like holiday with her dad and their stepmom and their little brother. And they were staying in one hotel for two days, but then they had to check out of that hotel and go to another hotel because it had the football on.

Oh, wow, Sam. Okay. I'm serious. So unlike my ex-husband to plan his whole life around football. Anyway, so I called her. I said, oh, did you watch the football? She was like, yeah. I said, did they win? She said, yeah. They didn. I said, oh, did you watch the football? She was like, yeah. Did they win?

She said, yeah. They didn't deserve it, though. So that's all I know is that we won, but we didn't deserve it. I'd say a little harsh from Ethel. You think? You know, it's been going okay. It's been a bit drawy. Oh, I think there was one draw.

And then we've been winning, but just like not possibly. Everyone was waiting for kind of a moment the pizzazz is not it's not been goalie enough has it it's spit drawy and not goalie look at us watch out watch out john watson jesus i think he was a commentator like 50 years ago it's gary lillica let's just say gary Lillica. But it hasn't been going well. It's making me feel really bad for Gareth Southgate because I heard someone explain it really well the other day. They said, thing is, he's a good manager

at sort of like looking after the boys and their kind of minds and their hearts. But he's not a good manager when it comes to what they're doing on the field physically. I've literally zoned out i've literally switched off i could talk about football for hours okay please do but do another podcast with one of your friends that gives a shit um oh my god i you know what in this i think you're the minority i believe the country might care i'm sure i am i'm quite used to that

um i seem to remember the last time i actually was into international football or at least england playing international football was when gareth southgate lost it was actually playing no stop i remember that was the joke at the time was like what's the quickest way out of the euros via southgate oh my god still as relevant as ever no no don't i'm not no that i'm not here to badmouth gary southgate i think he's done a beautiful job with these boys but they have not been winning yeah so therefore it's not a beautiful job there's another point you can't positivity your way out of this one. Like, it's... But they all really care about each other.

Oh, great. They all feel very seen as a team. But... She's not translating. Sunday. The Sunday match, that was great football.

Well, wasn't it just one minute of great football? In fact, I think we can rephrase that and be there was one minute of sunday where some great football was played correct but you know what we're like that's all we needed we're like we're kings don't get me wrong if we get to the finals like i'll be there with my with my england shirt on pretending that i I've been there all the way. Singing Vindaloo. Yeah. You know me.

No. No, no, no. I don't think we've ever done that. After the glory of the Bellingham goal, he's now, you wait for a look into it, but he's now maybe going to be suspended for grabbing his, I think thrusting his crotch in the face of the Slovakian team. And I didn't really know there were guidelines

on the celebration dance, but you're saying yellow card for shirt off. Yeah. Right. So what's going to happen? Ban? A suspension maybe or a fine, but it's just a bit annoying because he's playing really well.

And also he should be able to enjoy this day. What, by grabbing his crotch? No, I mean, just today he should just be someone who got us to the quarters and things are good. Well, you don't think that he should be punished to enjoy this day? What, by grabbing his crotch? No, I mean, just today he should just be someone who got us to the quarters and things are good. Well, you don't think that he should be punished for his actions? Oh, my God, not within celebration. I don't think he meant anything offensive. He was probably just caught up in the moment.

Where have I heard that I was only having a laugh before? No, don't put me in that camp. Don't put me with those guys but Belly actually tweeted a response he said it's an inside joke gesture towards some close friends who are at the game nothing but respect for how that Slovakia team played tonight

nice save alright I'll see you at the pub for the rest of the Euros you obviously are on the edge of your fucking seat literally quite literally should we take a break I'll see you at the pub for the rest of the year as you obviously are on the edge of your fucking seat. Yeah, literally. Quite literally. Should we take a break? Should we take a break?

Yeah, let's take a break. I'm such a football scrooge. Do you know, I put sports on our list of shit to talk about every week. And every week I think, maybe this is the week. And this still is not the week to talk about sports with you. One day, how about Wimbledon?

Can I talk about Wimbledon? That started this week. Can I talk about Wimbledon? That started this week. Can I talk about that after the break? Sure. No. Don't expect me to respond. That's all. That's all. school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers internet.

Visit rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. Welcome back to Miss Me, Lily. Hi. How's it going? You know, this is Miss Me. This is what we do now. This is our life. Miss Me. Once a week, it's our life. Following you around all your summer holidays.

And mine. I'm not complaining. I enjoy it. It's a good respite from the sunbathing. And I feel like we're kind of reinventing the holiday show genre. Which, to be honest, needs a bit of a kick up the arse. So think of us as the new wish you were here lily today you know i quite wish you were here white sofa sort of um a loose pant you could be gloria hannaford palazzo pant exactly telling us all about italy have you

noticed i'm i've been i'm wiggling my feet suggestively oh my god by the way i didn't even know natty you know natty who i work with you know her she just said to me oh so it's cool that lily's got um a dedicated page for her feet now and i was like no no we just talked about that missing she's like no she has a page now what no you didn't i have been creating foot content for the past week or so. No. For a select group of foot enthusiasts on a specialist social media site. Nishi Space. Nishi Space.

My toe daddy is very happy with the content that I am supplying. Where will this end, Lily? Oh, I know where it ends. It ends in the same place as it starts. It's Only Feet. I'm very, I've got very strict guidelines. And believe me, these guys are all up in my DMs telling me that they want, like, bespoke content and asking me for all kinds of crazy stuff. And I take such pleasure in just saying only feet.

Only feet. Don't even go there. This is a foot only page. How dare you? Marcus from SoConTrent, only feet. Okay, that's all I'm willing to give. We can talk about what I can do with those feet as long as it doesn't involve any other parts of the body.

So how acrobatic are you having toe spreading is a is a big big thing they really want to see me spread those toes and apparently i've got a good spread listen to me lily no don't you listen to me i don't care i don't feel like it is sexual how it is received is another thing altogether and let me just tell you something i'm finding this actually quite empowering because having been like very sexualized from a very early age and literally everybody else in the process profiting from that sexualization it's actually really fun to be like in power and in control of something that I find so silly. And my feet. Interesting spin, yeah.

And I'm really enjoying it. Now, listen, you're casually going on like anyone could do this if you had a profile in the media. But not everyone. Not everyone's got the arch or the spread. Not dirty three-starers like me out here you could try your luck some people you know have got a thing for you know crusty old appatigan foot and pigeon and that's what my grandma she goes you just got pigeon foot like me and i'm like what is that it means that we walk with our feet turning inwards but we do have a good arch yeah

so yeah there's any there's any market the pigeon foot it was a very like myspace pose wasn't it like feet facing inwards it was very um oh sure yes it's uh quite libertines. Quite klaxons. Thames beat. It's not. Sorry, libertines. Sorry, klaxons. It's a Thames beat stance. The pigeon footed, like the cocked knee into the middle. Yeah. If we looked at album covers of that time,

I bet you Razorlight are standing like this. Hands in the pockets and the knees facing in and the toes out. They're all doing the pigeon foot. So, yeah. So my time is probably mid- is oh babe it's all about me and my five star feet yeah yeah yeah well i'm happy that you've put an incredible spin on it and made it an empowering moment for you and if that is how you feel i'm truly happy it's actually creative as well and also also. Fuck off. Fuck off. No. How dare you? How dare you? I am.

Okay. I'm thinking about what I'm going to do next. I'm thinking about how to please my toe daddies, what they want. I'm thinking of like. How does your husband feel? Is he all right? Yeah, he is. He thinks it's great.

Wicked. At first he was like, not turned on, but like, like is this a is this a kink for you and i was like no it's totally not a kink but maybe there's something in the power element of it that's slightly kinky for me i think attention and power will always be a lifelong kink for you so rude and we're just kind of surfing both so yeah i bet you're having a great time well you know what it's because in childhood I was devoid of both. So look, I'm just having my day in the sun. You've got a spin for everything today.

This is actually healing a lot of childhood trauma. Now spread your toes. Healing the trauma. Check it out. Look at my spread. Look at my spread. Oh action soul action don't mix your miss me audience with your feet uh niche space audience they are two separate things and let's not blur the lines okay here we talk about things like airports and post-natal depression which one

would you like to start with this is a serious space okay fucking around showing our feet well we can talk about postnatal depression i kind of wanted to touch on it just because i was talking to david about it last night over dinner we have lots of conversations about madness david is um bipolar and has been sort of, you know, institutionalized a few times in his life. And he has quite an interesting relationship to how madness is defined or talked about in the world and how it can be sort of like a perception thing because quite a lot of people,

or I don't know if I can say quite a lot of people because I can't speak for other people, but certainly him feels as though, you know, sometimes it's the rest of the world that is mad, that we can sort of like stand by and watch the atrocious things that happen in the world, that we can be so sort of like led and governed by money and power and be so sort of self-serving, whereas it's people that are quite often diagnosed with mental illnesses that are, I don't know, more empathetic, can we say? Sensitive to the things that are going on in the world. And so this kind of led on to a conversation around postnatal depression.

I'd suffered with postnatal depression after Marnie was born. So I was just going to say, because I was going to ask you, because I didn't actually know specifically if you had and with which child, because obviously we had a horrible loss with your first child and then Ethel not being well when she was born. So I felt that you were just in general in deep trauma for a long time with your first babies and that journey. So after all that, you then had Marnie and then suffered with postnatal depression yeah I don't know how you can necessarily prove that your depression is related to having had a baby

or not right but I was incredibly sad after both my kids uh well all three of my kids actually uh one you know I had a still stillborn son in 2010 and then I you know I was on bed rest for the majority of my pregnancy with Ethel. And then she was born. She was very, very sick, which obviously created a lot of anxiety and or depression. And then three months later, I was pregnant with Marnie. And when Marnie was born, I didn't really have much time. I'd only really planned to take out you know nine months or you know however long I was going to have after George was born off of work and because of the three back-to-back pregnancies we'd sort of run out of money and so I had to go back out on the road so I sort of incubated

these three children for you know the best part of three years yeah and then it was like right you've got to release an album and get back out on the road. And so I was ripped away. How old was Marnie when you first went back on the road? Six months old. So I was like ripped away from my children and sort of sent packing. And I, you know, was incredibly depressed and spiraled. My life sort of like became sort of quite out of control. Yeah, I remember that tour. But I do remember my mum saying this thing to me because Ethel didn't breastfeed and I all I'd wanted after the death

of my son was to be able to connect with her in that way and um and it just wasn't happening and I felt like we didn't bond necessarily in the way that I would have liked to from the get-go and I remember sort of saying to my mum that I was worried about it and she just said don't worry darling it will all just slot into place and I've you know she was trying to be helpful but I don't think I found that helpful because it didn't and it took a lot of work for that bond to be created and you had to work at it yeah you had to work at it? Yeah, I had to work at it. But I guess like in relation to like postnatal depression, or maybe that's not the right, you know,

to label what I'm trying to talk about as that. But I do think that there is not much space for women to feel dissatisfied with the situation they find themselves in after giving birth. Even now, if I talk about anything that isn't positive around my kids, I'm bombarded with comments from people saying, you know, there are so many women that can't have children. How dare you? Your children are going to read this when you grow up. So there's not much space for women to voice their dissatisfaction with um yeah having kids and

it's something that's irreversible right so I was not prepared for the sense of um loss of the life that existed before my children came along and there was no space for me to have that conversation with anybody and so you're sort of mourning your old life while you're completely directly headfirst into this new one yes and I don't think that there is any support like let's say that you come to that realization that you feel like oh shit you know I'm not happy and um and I've done this thing and I'm in this situation and I know that I have a responsibility to this child but there isn't a space for you to voice those feelings. It's like, get back in your box.

You do not talk about this in that way. Dissatisfaction of motherhood, no way. It's unacceptable. And so do you think that maybe postnatal depression sort of starts to just go in circles and get worse and worse because there's no outlet? Because there's so much shame. And also no space for it, yeah. and it's all on the mother as well you know I don't know what happens

in schools today in the UK I certainly know that you know nobody's really talking to my children at school about motherhood what that means what that means for what happens to your career when you decide to embark on that journey. You know, if it is talked about, I think it's probably directed at girls more than it is directed at boys. So, you know, when you are a woman and you find yourself with a small screaming child

and it's not as rosy as it has been made out to be in the movies or in the books that you've read or whatever, then what is there to do but to internalize that shame and to make it a you problem rather than a problem with the world actually that's something about being older and not having had kids yet because i've heard the stories and seen the experiences i haven't lived them but i feel like i know a little too much now about the realities of motherhood. I should have just done this when I was 26 and it was all just fairytale.

I'm going to be a mum. Now I'm like, oh, I know how serious this shit can be. Just in that sense of like the complete and utter loss of everything that was before. Of course you gain so much more, but hopefully we are living in a time where there is more of an outlet there is gaslighting it's like no one tells you how fucking hard it is like when i got pregnant you know i was i was like number one in the charts and like flying around the world no not one person

took me aside and was like this is gonna be like a different thing with a child. Not one person. Yeah, but in the Lauryn Hill song for Zion, you know, now the joy of my world. And it's about Zion and it's all very like, look at your career, they said. Lauryn, baby, use your head. I feel like it's quite standard that a pop star gets pregnant and people go, don't do this now. Did you not have that?

No. Where was that care system, Lily? Where were they? No. I thought we'd organised some sort of care for you around that time nope no but you know i'm not saying that i would change anything i absolutely adore my children and i don't know what my life would be without them but i do think that yeah you know as with any you know problem psychological or otherwise you know talking about it is the best policy and And I just, I do worry about women who find themselves in that position

and feel like they're not up to the standard. They can't do the job properly and feeling like there isn't any space for them to talk about it. To say that, especially with competitive Instagram mothering, I can't even imagine. I wanted to say,

I thought it was interesting that you started this conversation with the fact that you and David were discussing this over dinner. Because I've just been away in Antigua and then New York. So a lot of traveling and a lot of airports, a lot of holiday restaurants, as it were, restaurants on holiday. And so many couples I see with nothing to say to each other. That's why I used to be scared about going on holidays because there's so much pressure on them for them to be magical places

that nothing bad happens here. And I feel like a lot of people put so much pressure on themselves and then get to their holiday and have nothing to say to each other. So it's good that you two are still chatting away. Yeah, we have a rule that the phones stay in our hotel room at dinner time. So we are focused on each other and not distracted by our phones. And actually, I've been in the habit of leaving my phone in the room during the daytime. So I've just been sitting by the pool, by the sea with my books and reading.

And it is really nice not having that distraction, not having that option of escape because it's quite often those moments of like difficulty within our relationship or, you know, the conversation gets to a hurdle and I think, where's my phone? I can escape this. And this is what I mean when you see couples, especially in the airport and people are waiting, each member of the couples on their phone,

I thought, what did people do before photos? Did they just stare at each other? No. Or look at the floor? They talked. Or did you talk more? Like, do we actually talk to each other less? Because my mum and Garfield,

that's my stepdad of 30 years now, and one of the greatest things about Garfield and my mother is they never shut the fuck up. They are constantly chatting shit to each other and they really make each other laugh and I swear it's a huge part of why they're together from the beginning and to now. I think that's literally all I want in a partner,

just someone that I want to talk to for the rest of my life. Isn't that, that's really the only thing we want. I think that's a pretty good starting point, yeah. That's a good one to stick on the list. Yeah. Someone I'd like to chat shit to for the rest of my life. And keep learning from yes there you go yeah sorry i'm just thinking of david wanging on at dinner about something

intellectual always learning you picked the right partner he'll quite often like lecture me on something not or not lecture but like talk about something and then i'll be like he'll be like not really getting what a brilliant mind I have or how impressed you are with my theories on Western civilization. I'm like, sorry, darling. Yes, of course, you are brilliant. You're a brilliant mind. Is that what he wants to talk about?

That's so interesting. I love that. Like I'd quite like a partner that wanted to discuss maybe the Druids. Maybe, yeah. He's not, we haven't gone there yet lots of philosophy lots of philosophy david reeds yes he wants to solve problems you know it's like uh it's like yentl it's like a little bit yeah but he david finds it quite hard to switch off and to relax you know so there's always like a problem to be solved.

And sometimes he'll create a problem within our relationship that needs to be solved immediately. Just to busy his brain. Yeah. I get it. But he does it, you know, with himself and with the world. He's an intellectual. This is what makes him a bloody brilliant actor and man, I think.

Shall we end today with We Love David? Aww. Well, enjoy your holiday, babe. Yeah, I will. Can't wait to get back and vote. So you're going to come back and vote and then you're going back to Italy. Look at you.

Yeah. This is a place to say, everyone get up and go vote, please. Please go and vote. Vote for whoever you fancy, but get up and vote if you care about the world around you. It's up to you. Bye, darling. I'll see you at the Listen Bitch.

It's, um, what did you say you did the theme? What is it? Revenge. Revenge. Oh, I've got some good, not from me, from people from history. Genghis Khan. Got some good stories from him.

Called him up. Spoke to him last night. Gave me a couple of corkers baby thank you what you're saying i feel like people think they know but they don't really know it's like oh gangers can't it's like but what did he do and what's his story i'll be telling you on next week's edition of listen bitch this is me auditioning for a new history show, basically. We'll see you next week. Bye.

Bye. Thanks for listening to Miss Me with Lily Allen and Miki Sir Oliver. This is a Persephoneca production for BBC Sounds. If you're affected by anything in this episode and you want more support, you can go to bbc.co.uk forward slash action line. The life of a celeb can be a right old roller coaster. So sometimes you're soaring sky high upwards. And sometimes you fall face first and flat into the tabloids.

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