Miss Me? - Listen BILLIE EILISH!

Episode Date: June 10, 2024

Billie Eilish joins Lily Allen and Miquita Oliver for LISTEN BITCH to answer your questions about GHOSTS, ghosting and all things spooky.Next week, we want to hear your questions about KINK. Please send us a voice note on WhatsApp: [phone]. Or, if you like, send us an email: [e-mail] episode contains very strong language and adult themes.Credits: Producer: Flossie Barratt Technical Producer: Will Gibson Smith Production Coordinator: Hannah Bennett Executive Producers: Dino Sofos and Ellie Clifford Assistant Commissioner for BBC: Lorraine Okuefuna Commissioning Editor for BBC: Dylan Haskins Miss Me? is a Persephonica production for BBC Sounds

This is the BBC. This podcast is supported by advertising outside the UK. on Rogers Internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. BBC Sounds. Music, radio, podcasts. This episode of Listen Bitch contains some very strong language, some very adult themes and some very famous pop stars. Welcome to Listen Bitch. Hello, welcome to Listen Bitch. I am Lily

Allen. Hi, Lily Allen. I'm Miki Tirolova. And hello, I am Billie Eilish as well. No big deal. I'm in town. Yeah. And we've got some shit to talk about today. We are. Do you know the concept of our show? I heard the concept, yes. So we do two shows a week. One of them is just us two chatting shit. And the other one is us taking questions on a theme of our choice.

Right. How do you not get in trouble, though? Because I know you're like childhood best friends and it's just you talking. It's happening. We tried not to listen to the noise. No, but I also, yeah, definitely get messages from people. Are you talking about me? I love that now.

I'm like, shit. So that's how we're dealing with that. But we are kind of no filter and it's very enjoyable. Like, I don very enjoyable. Like, I don't know. I personally, I feel like, and you know,

maybe you can relate is that I've done a lot of this stuff on my own and it's really nice to be able to do something with your best friend because it gives you like the confidence in the back. Yeah. She looks at me and she's like, yeah, sure. You can say that.

Yeah. I'm like, thanks. I'll carry on. Do you do that with mum? Do you go, mum, can I say? Yeah. I'll carry on. Do you do that with mum? Do you go, mum, can I say?

Yeah. My mum is amazing. She's definitely always looking out for me. Yeah. So it's not always like, go ahead, say that. It's more like, I don't know if you should say that. You know? Yeah.

Protecting. Protecting me. Yes, exactly. Right. This week's theme is ghosts. So we obviously, yeah, yeah like spiritual supernatural shit um but ghosting to be ghosted which is actually quite a new term uh well i asked for notes on ghosting and it really is quite new how new is it it came in with dating apps oh yeah i guess so that's when ghosting sort

of became because people would talk to someone within that realm and then they would disappear. But I think of ghosting more on, I feel like WhatsApp crystallized it with the blue tick, because that's what I think cuts when you see that. Because even if it's my cousin that I trust, if I see that she's red and hasn't got back to me, I go, what did I do to fuck her off? And I'm like, it's just that blue tick.

It represents so much. Don't you feel? I think I might be a bit of a ghoster. Oh! I do to fuck her off? And I'm like, it's just that blue tick. It represents so much. Don't you feel? The WhatsApp blue tick I think I might be a bit of a ghoster. Oh, that's why you're all quiet. But it's actually just my ADHD.

Like I read something if I'm not like immediately like captivated and interested or it doesn't demand a response and I'm like, I'll do that later.

Obviously, forget. Yeah. Are you like that as well? Yeah, I have. Let's see. Oh my God, are you just leaving all these people up there? This is not good. So you like that as well? Yeah. I have, let's see. Oh my God. Are you just, no, literally.

Look at this. This is not good. So you two could be close as a needy person. No, we couldn't because we won't respond. This is how many I have. I have, you have 1,993 texts. Stop. That I haven't read.

Does it not give you anxiety, the number? No, I gave that up. It used to. Okay. It used to. It's really tough because I also like, want to respond I want it I want to do whatever somebody is saying or asking of me and I just don't I see it or I don't even sometimes I don't even see it but sometimes I see it and I'm like hold on let me do this thing for and then I just never yeah do it always forget

onto the next thing yeah so much Seb calls me on to the next. I do ghost. I do kind of ghost people. I don't ghost my children, though. They text me often, and I get right back to them. I wouldn't want me fucking being a mute. No, but it's like, you know,

they're the only people that I'm like, respond, respond now. I have to make a mental note. But then I will text you and go, why are you ignoring me? You're like, did I? Yeah. Anyway, shall we have a question?

Yeah, let's see what kind of bitches you are. These kind of bitches are like me, just needs more. First question for this unbitch. Hi, this is Helen Souter here up in Edinburgh. Could you actually explain to this old lady, what is ghosting? Is it not just ignoring somebody? What is ghosting? Helen, you've come to the right safe circle.

Correct. Biddy, tell me about what it means in America and in your life. Well, if I had to explain it to someone that doesn't know, ghosting is when, usually on the phone, not always, but it started with the phone, when you're talking to someone and you're some you have some sort of back and forth with someone and then you just completely disappear and you ghost them you become a ghost and you're gone this is so fun here you describe this like i'm obsessed with ghosting like just just just how much of a kind of new phenomena it is but it's based in such old things, which is rejection. Right.

And confrontation and cowardice and fear. Oh, God. Do you remember the rapper, the hip replacement rapper? Yeah. So I was like. He didn't ghost you. No, this is the thing. I was really in quite a messy period of my life and I was quite into this guy.

And, you know, we had a sort of like back and forth and then it just stopped and then a few weeks later i said to a mutual friend of ours i was like oh can you tell so-and-so to stop ghosting me and they got back to me and they were like he says he's been trying to get hold of you for ages so i must have like drunk one night blocked his number that's a good one been like why is this bitch not getting back to me yeah because you blocked all pathways that's a good trick self-ghosting self-ghosting never heard of it before incredible have you ever been ghosted yeah as in romantically chatting because also on my notes it said it has to be ghosting is only in a romantic setting. Although I think people ghost friends now.

No way. Yeah. I've been ghosted for sure. I had a crazy ghosting happen actually this December. Shut the fuck up. It was insane. It was the craziest one. It's probably the craziest one that's ever happened to me.

It was so, I was like, did you die? Did you literally die it was like somebody that i'd also known for years and had a plan day of on the phone making a plan this is my address be there at three never heard from him again ever never heard Never heard from him. It was literally, I couldn't believe it. I was like, what a fucking little pathetic man. What a tiny little man. Like also, and then it was like. I was in shock.

I can't believe this. It was literally unbelievable. To this day, never texted me again. Somebody I had known for like years. I want to know why i did see that he was dating someone okay oh and then i was like oh but i didn't know people still did that i genuinely didn't know people did that is this real quick one for everyone and everyone in the house billy's team you might need. When someone shows you who they are,

believe them the first time. Yeah. Don't make them show you again. I don't know. I feel like I've done some really mean, nasty things and I've changed. Shit. Really?

Yeah. That fucks up my theory. That's been some growth. Yes. Okay. Okay. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time, unless it's me. Unless it's Lily.

No, but unless you can see any signs of growth, which is rare. I know it's true. But also there's like a quote my mom always says. It's something like, you know, when someone like friend dumps you or like makes a big dramatic, like, fuck you. I'm Lily. You know, they all, they almost always are doing you a favor by doing that oh yeah that's what i've learned say thank you i know i think what's difficult

you might have experienced this with the person that did this to you last christmas but i think what's difficult is um to be left with everything so when someone says nothing and disappears you are left with all the questions right yeah and that is a very hard thing to just brush off because there are no answers. There is just silence. I really hate cowards. That's my thing. That's my thing.

Me too. And when I smell somebody being cowardly, it just makes me so furious. And the problem is that sometimes that's what ghosting is it's just cowardliness yeah you know it's just like being afraid of like saying how you or say saying something you know but to not spare the person of waiting is yeah that would be the intent where the intent lies because um when i was ghosted i believe that the fact that I was left with everything and was waiting in some ways

didn't that didn't bother them so that I think that takes a certain type of person if it sits with you and you don't want to put someone through that

always just say bruv I'm not feeling this but sometimes it's important to ghost others i.e. they don't deserve

your breath anymore or your time. Sometimes you just got to ghost people. That's right. Some bitches got me. Sometimes it's mean. I've ghosted people and it's a little mean. Yeah.

But you probably felt that cause you're not actually an asshole. Do you know what I mean? It's like whoever goes, someone goes, Oh, whatever. Like, yeah,

that's true. That's true. That's true. You felt it. And I've ghosted people that like, I know it hurt them, but I'm kind of just like, I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to talk to you.

I sometimes ghost my personal trainer and my therapist. Right. See? Yes, it happens. Right. Question, please. Mine's a ghost story. I've been living in my house now for 20 years.

Bought it off of a family member that passed away. And in the first month of living in the house, I was home alone in the bathroom brushing my teeth. When I felt a tap on my shoulder and someone say, Mummy, yeah, shit my pants. Don't really know what to make of that. Never happened since. Interesting.

What are we supposed to do with that? Yeah, there's no question. It's just a story. What is this? It's just a story time. Have you ever had a, what's it called? A night terror? I mean, yes.

No, no, no. Every Thursday night with you. No, no, no. Every Thursday night with you. No, no, no. A night terror is different than a nightmare. Exactly. A nightmare is like a bad dream. Whereas a night terror is when you're like screaming in your sleep and you have like... The succubus thing. That's sleep paralysis.

Okay, sleep paralysis. The girls don't know what they're talking about I've had that That's what I've had Is that someone's hitting on my chest Where you can't move Yes Yeah, that's sleep paralysis

I have had that It's very deep Because I was having it really badly In my mum's house Which is a place you should feel really comfortable In the back bedroom And it was like I would feel like a nail

Of an animal Of some kind Sort of take a long scratch Down my arm. So I started looking into all that succubus. I mean, if you see like the old depiction of it visually, it's literally like a woman with this evil troll sitting on her heart on the top.

But I don't know the origins of where all that... We're talking sleep paralysis, right? This is sleep paralysis. So when you had that, you couldn't move at all? Not at all. Yeah. It's horrible. it's the worst when i like talk to people who've never had sleep paralysis about it i can't i'm like you actually don't know how horrible it is it's truly like the scariest thing in the world

i've never had anything like that though i've never like seen a goat any sort of like creature or felt anything have you i used to get sleep paralysis a lot in my 20s and a lot on planes as well but i then figured out i read somewhere and it really works wiggle your toes oh because yes that's how you can bring yourself out of it is wiggling your toes because a big part of it is you it's like locked in syndrome you're there and you but you know you're suffering but you have to wait to be taken out in a way. So wiggle your little pinky. Wiggle your little toes.

Everything will be fine. I thought it was more like burn things and burn sage to get rid of the evil spirits. No, wiggle your little toe. Wiggle your toes. Have you guys ever had something like that though happen? A freaky ghost thing? Like a little scary.

Yeah, I had once. I was really young. I think I was probably like six or seven and we were gone away to like a country house like with my grandparents and my aunt and my uncle and my nan and granddad were in the room right next door to me and there was like this crazy storm in the night and I was in my bed and I was absolutely terrified and the lights didn't were out and I was like I'm just gonna get up and I'm gonna go and switch the lights on I had to like really like get the the will to get out of bed to go and switch the lights on and I did the lights wouldn't go on and so then I was

just stuck there like absolutely terrified I thought my nan and granddad in the room next door I'll just scream really really loud so I screamed really really loud nothing and then I like got the like you know uh courage to go next door and wake them up went in there and they were both sat there with the lights on reading the newspapers oh my wait they hadn't heard me screaming it's like uh in the sixth sense it's like you were dead or the whole time or something couldn't hear my hear my voice and hear my scream like where were you taken for them to not hear that I don't't know. Could you hear your screams? Yes. I mean, I was very young. Like, you know, I could have like created the whole thing.

I just remember, it was like, I remember thinking, there's something here that's stopping me from being able to be heard. Ooh. Let's move on. Next question. Don't worry, they're usually questions. Thank you for the ghost story. That was nice.

But we're not just having like a campfire ghost session. We need questions. Thank you for the ghost story. That was nice. But we're not just having like a campfire ghost session. We need questions. So come on, lick our question now. Come, come. Hi, Lily and Makita. My name's Alice and I'm from Gloucester. My dad unfortunately passed away when I was 17 turning 18 and I was living in his house

and I kept like smelling his smell and hearing how he would walk down the hallway but he wasn't there and a few times I like caught glimpses of him um in the corner of my eye and I just felt his energy I just knew he was there so my question is if you ever had anything like that happen to you from like a friend or a loved one or something like that thank you for your question I don't know but my mother said her brother passed away when she was when he was 25 and everyone our parents were like 23 and uh it was a really big death that broke the entire family because they were all such babies um and I think my mum had to do a lot of dealing with what happens

when you lose people very early. And she said it does feel like they go into the ether and they kind of surround you. Right. I don't think I've lost someone as close. Well, I know I haven't as a brother or a parent. Have you lost anything like of those levels? No.

Like grandparents? No, I didn't really have any grandparents um so I never I really haven't lost you know knock on wood like anyone I've been close to and like this is a I've heard this kind of thing you know where you lose someone so close to you that meant so much to you and there's like little things like that that happen I think that's it's so insane I don't know it's interesting though because to me it's really scary but I feel like when people talk about it like that I don't forgive me if I'm wrong whoever just said all that but it seems not scary it seems more like comforting I think for a lot of people and I think it absolutely would be

yeah I can imagine the weird thing about death I think is that it makes you think about how magical and ridiculous even existing is in the first place we were even here and then we go yeah what's going on it breaks it all up suddenly it's like oh no now I don't understand anything I know and it all it's all just fucked up you know like i actually can't believe there's a day where one of us will die don't say that and like i have to live this life without you like that's it makes just okay nobody's saying that she needs to die and i think it'll probably be you first i'm like no but you know i mean it's like imagine if death scared us too much to get close to people

the idea of losing them because it's so scary that it could be enough to make you not even want to love better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all actually this may be dark but i had a son who died who didn't make it before ethel was born my first oldest daughter so when george died i was pregnant with ethel three months later and i always like mourned the fact that i'd never met him or got to know him and got to know his personality and i did some like trauma work with a shaman quite recently and uh this came up was that i was sort of like mourning this like non-existence of this um you know character that means so much to me but there's nothing nothing tangible to hold on to.

And he said that Ethel, my daughter, it wouldn't be physically possible for her to have been here if he'd have gone full term, so that he sort of exists within my oldest child, Ethel. I've never thought about that like that. That's amazing. It did give me a lot of comfort. I'm so glad damn next question yeah

let's have another question next question hey lily hey makita my name is michelle i live in a small village in a small town in somerset i have a question about ghosts and more so ghosts from your past so i'm nearly 40 i work in a primary school. I'm a teaching assistant. And but prior to this, 15, 20 years ago, I was very sort of bar heavy, cocktail waitress, all that kind of stuff for years. And I sometimes think about whenever there's a new intake of children, is there going to be a dad that is like, oh, I know that woman. She used to dance on the bar and give up shots. And here she is. She's going to be a teaching assistant for my child. So do you ever think about that now from your wilder days to what you're doing now you know your different circles like lily with

parents makita you know new job roles do you ever bump into someone i think oh god they've got this this image of me or do you not care and it's like that was then this is now wow good question i see a question does it change does that affect us all differently? Because there are different ages, because with I'm 40, Lily's 39. Yeah, and you're 23, 22, 22. So feel like anyone who met or knew me in like 2018, I'm a little bit like, a little bit. But I also appreciate all the different kinds of versions of ourselves. You know what I mean? Yeah. It makes you who you are.

What do you guys, what's your worst ghost? Oh, God. I can't even. Of ourselves. what's your what's your worst ghost oh god I can't even of ourselves I just I have such a like low sense of self worth and shame around how promiscuous I was

in my twenties that if you know when you meet someone and you're like you know when you meet someone and you're like I recognise that person my brain immediately goes

yeah you probably slept with them yeah probably probably slept with them is that really true do you really have like shame about the fact that like we had sex

when we were young you ever write it down like you could write them all down if you want no I couldn't I absolutely could not you mean the list

the list I love a good list I love a good list we did a reframe on the list which is well it's basically you can't change the past

and you can't change anything can't fight even if you want to. So all those people do make up your life or your sexual life. So to write down the list rather than every name be some shameful, embarrassing memory.

Right. It's just that these are like just bits that make up your history and your memories, unfortunately, for some. Okay, we can do the list. Do you think you remember all of them? Absolutely not. Because also I've tried to like make mental lists and then sometimes I'll just remember a night unfortunately for some okay we can do the list do you think you remember all of them absolutely not because also i've tried to like make mental lists and then sometimes i'll be something i'll just

remember a night and i'll be like oh i know i think that's tight i think that the shame around that is so unfair and stupid and i just don't believe in it agreed i think that i've lived with that shame i'm coming to a point because i'm doing you know a lot of work myself I've been sober for five years so there's a lot of like forgiving of you know my behavior stuff that I used to carry around I'm letting go of so I do I do feel like I'm getting better yeah but what about being really famous is there space to be messy like I mean your 20s and mine a bit very well documented and so was our mess yeah and we can't unfortunately can't erase google um but what about you Billy now like is there space to be messy or naughty honestly I gotta be real I think that becoming famous at such a young age almost protected me from the messiness of like past because I became famous

when I was like 13 14 15 16 17 yeah which made it so that I kind of couldn't really do insane messy stuff which then meant I didn't have much of a teenage life but I don't think I'm messy I think if you know how to how to move through the world I also like I feel like getting famous young made it so that I was able to like understand how to move through the world and like right yeah be able to find my ways of being messy within my life but not within like other people's lives or like the world you know what I mean I do know, I have to reveal something. So last night I, I, I cried. No way. Because I was like, you know, I tend to ignore stuff. And then I got an email about today and the people that were coming with you and, you know, just things that were on your rider or,

you know, just normal stuff. And it just catapults me back to a time rider or you know just normal stuff and it just catapulted me back to a time where you know what you're saying is that you felt protected within what it is that you're doing where I felt completely the opposite so like the idea of like my mom even like being anywhere near me when I was working is like so foreign the idea that people were thinking about like healthy snacks like to keep me nourished like I felt like I was lost and navigating this insane world under you know and it's and not even half of the like sort of microscope that you live your life under but yeah I just I suddenly felt like very sad my youngest self I was like the rider brought it up nobody it's triggering it was so weird I was

Henriette's my godmother who lives in this house was like are you okay and I was like the rider brought it up no but it's triggering it was so weird I was Henriette's my godmother who lives in this house was like are you okay and I was like no oh my god that's sweet

but that is I'm happy for you no but I'm glad you had a good cry about that because your younger self needs that that hug from you now we're doing some healing

because if anyone understands Billy surely you do know what it's like to do all of this without that oh yeah and how hard that would be no I know well and also it's it hasn't all been smooth no I have had a lot of that yeah but I think like I do have an amazing mom and I have an amazing family and I do have a team that does look out for me and I'm like so lucky when

I think about like people that came before me and oh my god also the world is a little bit different then and I don't know I feel so much empathy and also I really get it like I really I know what that feels like I'm really lucky that I have people that look out for me, but it hasn't always been like that in every... I'm very happy for you that you do. Yeah. By the way, I didn't tell you the Billy thing. We have a dog here called Billy. Okay, yeah.

And also, my name was Billy for the first few days of my life. What? Which I only found out today, which is really weird. I was called Billy and then my mom was like, no, she doesn't read it like a Billy, she's a Lily. She's Lily. Makita's middle name is Billy. Yeah.

And your name is Billy. What? Let's get that bloody dog in here really have a billy i know your middle name is billy i've never even heard that billy holiday after wow and your billy is after anything or just they love my grandfather that i never met oh yeah there are the grandparents yeah there they are okay we're gonna take a little break because it's getting hot in here. Oh, yeah. It's getting hot in here. We'll be back with some more questions about ghosts after this short break. Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet.

Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit Rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. Welcome back. Can we have our next question, hi lily and makita this is ali from hastings i personally have never had a ghostly apparition or experience or anything um although some family members of mine have in houses i was living in um i find this a real shame because i love everything to do with the supernatural and horror, especially films.

I just wondered if you did. And if so, what is your favorite scary movie? I like that question. I feel the same because I've never really had a supernatural experience, but I believe in them. Really? And I'm also so scared. I'm so afraid of something happening, but I want to see it at the same time. But when I was a kid, I was like completely mortified that I was going to see something. And somebody who has had a lot of supernatural experiences did tell me once that like, I was probably so like opposed when I was a kid because I was completely just so terrified that I probably like repelled

it somehow. Wow, that's some powerful shit. I know. Actually repelling the supernatural world. I know. No mean feat. Are there any films that you, because I remember Phoebe watched The Omen when we were too young, our cousin.

Whoa. And it fucked her up for ages, forever I would say actually. I think she's still fucked up from it. Whoa. Yeah, my sister made me watch Candyman when I was way too young and that was a bit much. I couldn't sleep for about a year. I'd go back into my mum's bed to get to sleep. Yeah, well.

I think there is something weird about what you're most scared of. I get quite obsessed with looking at and I know it's going to fuck me up a lot, but I just need to know more. In a way want you kind of want to be close to your greatest fear to see how strong you can be with it yeah face the monster maybe i remember in candy man being like i can't watch this anymore i don't want to watch it and sarah being like if you don't then you'll be even more scared what if you don't watch the end if you

don't like let let it resolve itself so not logic while you're strapped to the sofa you're fucking watching it yeah basically yeah no i love i love horror movies and i went through a period of like wanting to watch every single one but then being terrified and i couldn't sleep but then i wanted to keep watching it but they like really get me like they're they're they're spooky what do you find scary what stuff scares? I've always been like really freaked out by like possession. Like when people are possessed. Yeah. Yeah.

There's something about it where when someone in a movie is like their eyes turn a different color and their voice is like, and they're like saying crazy shit because it's like the devil. That is so scary. So the devil stuff gets you. It kind of gets me, but I think it's also hot. This is what I'm saying. It's like, do I want to fuck the monster or am I scared of it?

And actually, this is my whole life. Well, to hop back to the sleep paralysis, when that animal was drawing its nail down my arm you were like it was a weird part of me was I meant to have sex with it do you know what I mean not really

this is my supernatural journey I don't like jumpy things I'm not really that scared you're like a little jump scare I'm such a wuss even my phone ringing sometimes that's just how on edge you are all the time like we just i'll be in the kitchen and he'll like walk in and i'll be like

i live oh you get startled easily yeah yeah i'm a real my childhood best friend is like that yeah literally anything anything she screams. There's a really funny, um, Catherine Tate sketch where, um, I've tried to find it on YouTube, but you can't find it, but it's where she's sitting in the living room and the,

she's got the Christmas tree and you know, with the flashing lights and every time the lights flash, she's like, ah! It's so funny. Next question. Whoa, whoa,

whoa. Should we ask Billy? Oh yeah, do you want to ask for the next question oh yes i would love to hear the next question please hi lily and makita i love your podcast and i am so glad that you've mentioned ghosting voice noting you right now feels like i'm just voice noting a friend however i am currently being ghosted by my best friend. The best friend who was my maid of honour at my wedding, probably 10 months ago. And on Christmas day we had a really nice phone call, sent each other some photos, and after that I've not heard from her since. I messaged her on New Years, I messaged her on New Year's, I messaged her

just throughout the months, I heard nothing from her on my birthday and yeah I just do not know what's going on. I'm at a point now where I try to communicate with her but I feel like she doesn't want to talk to me. I've tried to phone, I've tried to voice note, I've tried to WhatsApp, I've even spoken to her partner and her partner's just said she's going through a funny phase at the moment but he also said I could not let her know that I had messaged him and reached out to him. I have no idea what's going on. It makes me incredibly sad because so much is happening in my life right now and I can't talk to my best friend about it. I don't even know if she is my best friend anymore anyway sorry for the background noise I'm running around as always but I just saw this and I was like I have to message

Jesus you know what we're talking about romantic love but if it was me and Lily if she did that to me I would it would I think it would actually cut a different kind of deep rather than a boy. Friend breakups hurt worse than like anything in the world. First of all, can we make sure that the partner of this girl didn't literally murder her? Yes. I was like red flag. Like, hang on a second. How do we know that she's

not dead yeah and she's the ghost it hurts oh my god billy i thought that maybe the husband and the friend had an affair oh wow and he was like i feel like no you think murder don't kill cold blood that's a really worrisome one that's not not a normal one. Because I feel like, you know, a friend kind of breakup or whatever. Like it's usually like a happy birthday. Thanks so much. Hope you're well kind of thing. Yeah. But then they don't want to see.

Like it's usually a little less harsh than just completely MIA forever. Yeah. Have you ever done a friend's cull? Because I did one. I needed to to what does that mean oh my god makita's has some of the worst friends oh no no no guys there are so many people are gonna be upset with you my friend literally don't care i just have a lot i just have a lot i've accumulated more people over the years than lil and i've been a little less um

picky you know whatever anyone can come in Keita will be like meet Portia I'm like hi Portia no no no no no one called Portia no I've got friends with horrible friends it's okay I don't have horrible friends they're all our friends as well we share the same family they literally are not and you don't talk to any of those people anymore because I was right and I have a good judge of character so the cull no thank you so i did a cull what do you mean what is like i was just like who do i actually like want to spend time with if i don't want to spend time with people then i'm just gonna stop spending time with people and and feeling like i had to this wasn't gross feeling i had to get back to people like i have to say though makita had her 40th birthday party a few

weeks ago and i was so shocked at like the people from the past that still showed up i was like i have not kept contact with anyone if i had my 40th birthday party which i will in a year um i'll have literally my kids my husband you my mom phoebe that's bad so right family you will so but i've i've this is quite an interesting thing to talk about like old friends I find it terrifying to feel like I'm not going to be close to someone that I was close to when I was like nine

I don't know why I find that stuff so important but I really do in a way that you don't but that's why the cult was even harder but now I love everyone in my life like everyone's nice It was a really great party it was really nice to see everyone everyone was like in really good spirits and they were alive and like wanted

to show up for you but you're very good at maintaining your relationships i'm you're a ghost and no i'm i think it's like the adhd thing and also because i i live in america and i have you're married with kids exactly i mean that's a whole different yeah yeah but i don't have spare time to like go out for dinner with people and actually i do when i come back to london and my kids aren't here that's when i reconnect with everybody what about old mates in your life because you got so busy so early yeah well i lost all of my friends when i got famous like literally all except like one my best friend zoe who i've been friends with since i was like two and she is still like my girl she's she's like probably have a podcast with her in 20 years i know it's so cute i thought that when i heard

you guys were childhood best friends um but she's the only pretty much the only person that remained, you know, just like I suddenly was famous and I couldn't relate to anybody. And it was really hard. Did you try, Vinny? Did you try and like sort of call people when you got back off tour and people just like weren't answering? I tried, but I think I felt resentful that I didn't feel like, I don't know, I was so young.

Everything I felt then I don't know I was so young everything I felt that then I don't think I would even stand by you know the literally the world was being handed to me on a silver platter like would you like this I actually met you when you were really little oh my god at a dinner for Rolly do you remember those those like electronic pianos and you and your brother came to a dinner here, you were wearing all yellow. Well in London, yeah I bet I was. You were sitting like two seats down from me and I remember. Did you talk? No, I just remember just thinking, oh my gosh, this girl's got like a real air of like something

about her. Something nice. She's going places. She's going places. I love that. Yeah, I was, but I didn't have any friends. Going places alone. she's going i love yeah i was but i didn't have any friends yeah and so honestly all of my friends became my employees which i felt like was fine and i was like what do you mean i have friends i have so many friends and then it was like my 20th birthday and i remember looking around the room and it was only people that I employ on the payroll and I was

like hmm you know in all 15 years and more older than me and then one of my best friends like who worked with me quit out of the blue and didn't talk to me and like it was the worst thing that happened to me and that made me realize like oh wait this is a job right and these aren't really people that are like if they left me they wouldn't ever see me again and I kind of had this realization like oh no I might be actually alone for real so since then I've become very distant in that way from people that I work with. And I have a very weird relationship to being friendly with people that I work with because I'm very freaked out by loss. And I have a lot of abandonment problems. Also, like then I would get into relationships and then that would be my only friend.

I would be like in a relationship and that would be my one friend even if it was like a relationship i didn't necessarily really want after a second i'd be like well they're all i don't that's all i have and then i worked really hard on like friendship and making friends and making new friends and rekindling old friendships and about exactly a year ago i like i reconnected with a bunch of old friends and now i have so many friends i have a crew now i have friends i could literally cry about it it's been like the greatest thing that's happened to me i was at coachella almost two months ago and we went to this party and we got back into the car and actually like security that, that has been with me forever would be like, Billy, you have like friends.

We're like, there's like other people with us right now. And Phineas was like, Billy, look how deep you're rolling. And I was like, I know. And we get in the car after this party and my friends were like, what, what's going on? Are you okay? And I was like, totally fine. They were like, are you tired? And I was like, no, I'm fine. And I burst into tears and they were like, what's going on? And I was like, guys, I have friends. And I, you, I was like, I just, I love you guys so much. And it's been so long

since I've had friends and I cried and they like held me there's like a photo of me my friend Alex like hugging me and I'm like crying looking into the camera and it's literally because I was like I actually have friendship now again but you did it for yourself as well like you like oh yeah no I couldn't go on I could not go on right I couldn't go on without friends my friendship is like the best part of my life. And what's interesting, and it's funny that it's you, literally in Smile, you have that line that's with a little help from my friends, I found the light at the tunnel at the end. And I used to like want to cry hearing that line because I didn't feel that way because

I didn't have friends. And I remember thinking like, I want to feel hearing that line because I didn't feel that way because I didn't have friends and I remember thinking like I want to feel that way and I want to listen to this song that I relate to in every way and hear that line about friends and be like my friends got me through it and instead I was like raw dogging life when that lyric came out I was like she fucking better be talking about me I was there for that breakup right yeah yeah thank you for this

thank you for that I didn't know I wanted to talk about friendship and that was really interesting I didn't and I've sort of done something similar I didn't really think about it

like that like you know when you go out intently to get your people back in your life feels good it's also so much work.

Yeah. And it's hard. And I feel like it's only the beginning and I can't believe I'm saying that, but I feel like I found my people and I'm going to just keep finding them. That's really great. Hard-working.

Collecting brilliant people. It's really good to have like meaningful, one of the, when my first marriage broke down, we used to haunt me that like, you remember my wedding and how packed it was it was like you know 350 people or whatever and when things hit the fan and I was in a really really bad place no one to be seen and so I would just my brain would go back to that day

and think about how much money I spent on that day how much of a good time everybody had why these people were on the like list to come and watch our nuptials in the first place. And none of it meant anything. They were all just like gone. Except for you and a few others. What was there? Literally a handful. It's so important.

But Billie has to go. I do. And we have to say thank you for coming and dropping by. Oh wait, I want to ask ask Lily will you do one thing because every week one of us comes up with a theme for next week Lily is never prepared

there's no way you're prepared this week is it my week this week I don't see okay what about what about kink love it

say it again Lily you can come back the theme for next week's miss and bitch is kink she says it so special The theme for next week's Miss and Bitch is... Kink. She says it so casually. Thanks for listening to Miss Me with Lily Allen and Makita Oliver.

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