Miss Me? - Listen Bitch! Lil’ Did We Know

Episode Date: August 12, 2024

David Harbour joins Miquita Oliver to answer your questions about Lily Allen.Next week, we want to hear your questions about EDUCATION. Please send us a voice note on WhatsApp: [phone]. Or, if you like, send us an email: [e-mail] episode contains very strong language and adult themes. Credits: Producer: Jonathan O’Sullivan Technical Producer: Will Gibson Smith Production Coordinator: Hannah Bennett Executive Producers: Dino Sofos and Ellie Clifford Assistant Commissioner for BBC: Lorraine Okuefuna Commissioning Editor for BBC: Dylan Haskins Miss Me? is a Persephonica production for BBC Sounds

This is the BBC. This podcast is supported by advertising outside the UK. on Rogers Internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. BBC Sounds. Music, radio, podcasts. This episode... Yeah, say listen, bitch. Makita, please let the professional work. This episode of Listen, Bitch

contains strong language and adult themes and lots of questions about Lily Allen. Oh, it's great to have an actor here. I love the way Americans say adult. Adult. What do you guys say? We say adult. Film.

Adult. Aluminium. Okay. Adult. What do you guys say? We say adult. Film. Adult. Aluminium. Okay. Listen bitch. That's right. That's right. Okay. The theme for listen bitch is Lily Allen. Lily Allen set by

Lily Allen. Well done, set by Lily Allen. Well done, wife. Yeah, first question, please. Hey, David and Makita, it's Ned. I'm 23 from Walthamstow. My question to you is, are there any annoying habits that Lily has now she's away we can finally spill?

I'll say one that um I get a lot for my twin brother is when I'm eating I like just grunt quite aggressively but like I'm not going to apologize for enjoying my food you know but yeah that's my question is there something that she'd never admit to that you guys might be able to uh spill to us now she's away thanks so much have a nice day i don't even think the mountains of british columbia is far away enough for me to really say what annoys me she'll still hear some way come on give me one you're probably involved in it lily has this fucking irritating thing that she's done with every boyfriend, which is she likes to have really intimate conversations with her partner on loudspeaker in the car with loads of other people in the car

and actually anywhere else. And everyone else has to shut up and let this, not intimate, but just like private shit unfold. And the other person sometimes in the past partners have been like, can you take me off the speaker in the car? she just likes other people to hear I think have you been the you've been the boyfriend in that call haven't you oh god absolutely and in fact I've learned that the first thing I ask because a lot of that now it's the iPhone so it's FaceTime but the first thing I ask is are you alone and then she'll just span around the room and they'll be like the girls

her mom you know some guy from the coffee shop there's like eight people room and they'll be like the girls her mom you know some guy from the coffee shop there's like eight people always and i'll be like let's just talk on the phone so you're craving that privacy but lily's like they can hear i don't mind if everyone in my life hears this exactly okay i got a unique one she does this all the time okay so she'll be downstairs in the kitchen like maybe cooking or like doing something or whatever and i'll be trying to live my life do various things and she's like she'll call me into the kitchen and it'll be for some reason like david yeah david david do we have any cheese or something you'd you'd be like, yeah, there's cheese here. And then she'll be like, where are you going?

And I'd be like, I'm just going to go like live my life. And she looks, she goes, oh. And she just looks at me like disappointed that I was going to go do my day. And so I sit at the banquette of the kitchen table. But she doesn't want to talk or interact. She just wants me to be there. Why do you think she does want you there? Just as a presence. I know exactly why.

I know exactly why. But it is a deeply psychological thing that I don't know. This is one of those moments where my wife said, do not reveal too much. I get it. Well, she just likes the comfort of people being with her in a room. I think she really values that, but she doesn't want to directly interact. She really values it though.

She told me about a time when you guys were on holiday and you were having, I always think about this and you were having dinner and you'd probably been on holiday a few days. And I feel like, you know, it doesn't matter how much you love each other. After a few days, you don't really have much to say to each other.

You said, you were like, I'm scared. Are we okay? I feel like we don't have things to say to each other yeah you said uh you're like i'm scared are we okay i feel like we don't have things to say to each other and she was like no this is exactly what i want just you here you don't even need to speak to me just be i know and it's kind of i think she's maybe said this to you i'm like i'm like let's get into it let's talk about the universe and what we're meant to be here do it Yeah. It's very yin and yang.

It's kind of sweet though, isn't it? It's kind of lovable. She just needs us close, David. I know, but silent. Yes, we're fucking silent. So she can concentrate on what she's doing. And awaiting instructions. Exactly.

Very annoying. Thank you, Ned. Thank you, Ned. I don't think anyone's getting divorced or unfriended from that one. We're good yet not yet next question please hi nikita and david it is jada from west london i was just wondering what are you guys like what are you most proud of that lily's done in her like career or her personal life because she's done a lot she's acted on screen she's acted on stage she's obviously done music and she's done a lot and she has a lot to be proud

of but I was just wondering what are your guys's like what are you most proud of she's a high achieving bitch David how do we do this thank you Jada I love you I mean I have a quick simple answer go on let me do my simple answer and then you can sort of think about maybe one that's more deep i'll do the emotive life one i mean my simple answer is just like probably a lot of you listening like i'm a fan and i i think her last album sort of start to finish was pretty extraordinary. No shame. The songs like The Fear is like a masterpiece. I think that as a musical artist, she's just a genius.

So I'm so proud of her work. No, I'm so happy you said that. I know it sounds simple, but it's really not. Because she forgets and like forgets that she has this in her not to be like ridiculous but it is a fucking gift that woman knows how to write a song properly she really is like musically gifted and she will not have that and I would hope that one day she will accept it because it's such a huge part of her being and like actually can I ask now were you like a Lily Allen music fan

before you married her and met her? Well, I'll tell you what, maybe 15 years before I met her, 10 or 15 years before I met her, there was a music app that was like pre-Spotify that was, it would create a radio station based on something. Sounds good.

So I go through phases of female singers, but they're usually a lot cheesier than Lily. Yeah, she says you liked Meredith Brooks. Is that true? I mean, come on. That's like top shelf compared to what I like. Oh, come on. Natalie Imbruglia.

I mean, they're all of a... You love a female singer songwriter though don't you yeah oh i love a girl with a guitar wow like i just love a girl that gets on stage with a guitar i'm just like oh yeah oh my god everything in me lights up so she there was i think i was listening to like fiona apple yes yes radio and And that LDN song would come up. And I was like, I remember thinking, who's that cute girl on a bike? Like that cute girl with bangs on a bike. Like life is so weird.

Well, it is weird when you're in the entertainment industry. It is super weird to grow up watching movies. And then you're working with those people and you're on set hanging out with them and you're like oh like this is weird i was in the movie theater watching you like a couple years ago and now we're standing together talking about how bad this coffee is yeah well also that girl on the bike became your wife david exactly exactly very strange so but i didn't know much about her i only knew that one song LDN and I thought it was a great song but it's the only thing I knew and then when I saw her on Raya I uh did you join the dots you were like oh okay so that's that girl from the bike and and she's

single she's on Raya who messaged who sorry are we allowed I don't want to divulge too much of your private life but did you message her first? I think I did, but I will say she was pretty aggressive herself. She seemed pretty excited to talk to me. I remember about two weeks or maybe three weeks before your first date, she had a really bad date. And I think she was just well excited because she liked you and I think you know when you just know it yeah I mean I had the same impression when I came across because there's something about those dating apps where it's kind of like you're kind of

like oh yeah like I could date blah blah and there's something coming across her profile where I was like oh I was not looking for it too because I was in London shooting Black Widow and I was like going to go back to New York. I was not looking for something. But I was like, I can't really pass this up. God, your life is an inspiration to us all. That's a fucking story. You weren't even going to. You were going home.

And now look. Wow. Thank you for getting David deep. Thank you, Jada. I'm really enjoying the details. Thank you, Jada. Little shit with details of stuff like this. More questions.

I want more questions, yeah. This is Lauren calling from Hastings. Loving the podcast. Love you guys. This question is taken from an old episode of Friends. What does Lily say her favorite film is? And what do you guys think her favorite film actually is thanks guys oh oh jeez this is honestly the question where her green card gets revoked because our marriage

is a sham this is what i was not looking forward to the gerard debardieu movie where it's like i got to know the toothpaste and the it's like when they say what shampoo does she use and then he doesn't get a green card i have no idea i have no idea i just have to say shout out to lauren asking the question that's our childhood friend and oh god she's gone right in hasn't she i remember that you guys were doing your oscar film watching and a lot of that lily was like god i've never seen network i've never seen i think maybe all of the godfathers and stuff so she it's hard because she's in such a sort of heightened arty cultural place so i don't think she's lying when wait lily in terms of viewing stuff

hold on hold on go back a second you think she watches good stuff yeah i feel like it's you think she watches highbrow stuff that's what she tells me oh Oh, my God. I don't live with her. I'm keeping the green card. Her favorite thing is a crime drama, very poorly produced and lit, I'll say. Kind of acted well with some good British actors, but just boring as hell. A detective in an interrogation room. We know you did it. Come on, Michael. Right. It's like, I mean, she watches, that woman watches.

Trash. Yes. She likes trash. She really likes trash. No, no, crap, but not trash. She's not watching Real Housewives, right? Because then I feel like I don't even know her. She watches so much stuff,

but of course she watches the Kardashians. It's like one of her favorite things. Oh God. David, are you lying? Cause she comes to me for Kardashians. Does she actually watch Kardashians? Cause I will come for her.

Wait, she pretends that she does it. Oh my God. I've ruined everything. You've ruined Miss Me. Her fear has come true. She's trying to pretend that she's this big watching like patty chayefsky movies every night no it's like her and ethel snuggled up in bed watching real

housewives of atlanta dance moms dance moms exactly oh yeah for sure okay she's a trashy bitch okay i'm gonna fucking use that later. All right. Oh, Brady. Oh, who are you, Lily Allen? Let's have another question so we can find out more about this stranger. Hello, Makita and David. It's Phoebe and Leo. Hello. From Brighton.

Which words or phrases... And Roland. And Roland, sorry. Which words or phrases does Lily most overuse? And Keith, you could answer from, you know, back in the day. Like, what was her, like, naughtiest catchphrase? And what words or phrases does she most overuse now? Oh, cousin Phoebe.

That's our cousin, David. That's family. I'm terrified because, again, I'm stumped i i don't know what she yeah i don't even know my wife well interesting i was just thinking that it's so funny so stupid the thing that was the biggest in our lives was listen bitch and it really is a real thing it's like we she got her peugeot 206 which was her first car none of us could drive and she was like you know at the helm of everything where we went she was in control of everything where we went what we listened to and how we were going to do things because you know it's lily and so we all started talking this was so embarrassing we're like 15 but

everything became basically we just started talking like the rude boys that we'd grown up with but like not lily's version of it She basically like created a whole new dialect out of already quite a diluted dialect. And listen, bitch was the kind of the queen of that. Well, yeah. Okay.

So what I was going to say is I'm much more into the how than I am into the what. So I do think that there are certain ways that she speaks that I know much more of. Like she'll go, bye. Bye. That just made me miss her.

Yeah. You know, but it's much more of those those things it's like her turns of phrase maybe it's because she's musical or something than the actual words i can't believe listen bitch has become this show that other people people say it to me in the street now david i'm like this stupid thing that me and lily used to get drunk and scream at each other listen bitch is now this fucking thing. Can I hear how you say it from your heart? Listen, bitch. Oh, it sounds dark and scary.

Serial killer or something. I don't like it. I don't like it. I did see in my research that you have played a child serial killer, haven't you? Oh, God, yeah. Several. Several? Yeah. Well, there's a show in New York't you oh god yeah several several yeah like well there's a show in new york because you're a new york actor and you're doing plays your whole life and their law

and order is a big show in new york and they got law and order special victims unit law and order criminal intent my mom watches them all oh she does so to pay your rent you'd get paid as a guest star like fifteen thousand dollars and you could live on that for six months and you'd get paid as a guest star like fifteen thousand dollars and you could live on that for six months and you'd play like a some kind of horrible pedophile serial killer that vincent donofrio was very upset with very upset i even know you're fucking talking about that my mom does watch that show okay god that's actually really good to know but it must feel a bit shit after a while if you're like sorry do i just give off this head like do i have the face of a child i mean i will say it's the only thing that you can rest assured is it's flattering because you are the second biggest part in the show so it's like

if you're playing the nice janitor you're only gonna have a couple lines so at least they know that you're kind of you feel good about like oh oh, I got the second lead. He's creepy as fuck. But what a talent. Yeah, I get it. Exactly. Let's put more screen time. OK, let's take a little break, David. Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable Internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. And we're back. Everyone's had a break. Everyone's had a breather. Everyone knows what we're here to do.

So let's just get on with it, shall we? More questions. Hiya, my name is Ryan and I'm from Manchester. This is a bit of a weird one. I just wanted to ask if you could both guess or if you both know what Lily's choice of order is at a chippy. Thanks, bye.

At a chippy? What's a chippy? This is a fish and chip shop. I'm sure she eats in a much more refined way in her new life with you in New York. She doesn't go into a chippy is my order because she doesn't like fish. She's not that fast foodie. I mean, in terms of fast food, like she did for our wedding even too, like she'll pound an In-N-Out burger. Isn't she eating it in the wedding pictures? Like a demon. Inhale it. Yeah, she'll inhale an In-N-Out burger,

but that's the only real fast food I've seen. Yeah, because she probably thinks that's quite a classy burger though because it's like they make it to order. Things like that would probably be quite important to her.

Exactly. Yeah, that makes sense. God, we really do know her. I wanted to talk about your wedding, but I swear there's a wedding question coming up so okay let's have another question and maybe it's that one oh here we go hi me loves this is rihanna from liverpool i had two questions and they are centered around your wedding to lily allen david which was truly iconic by the way and I have to say that seeing Lily outside in an albergue in a Dior dress on her wedding day was that picture it just made weddings seem all the

more fun and made me feel like it is something that can be done and doesn't have to be boring so firstly what was the moment you knew that you wanted to marry Lily Allen? Was this a moment or something she said or just a moment in time? Secondly, was this always the plan for the wedding? And what were your thoughts going into the wedding? And was it also always to be Vegas? And why were those choices made? I'd just love to hear more. Thank you. Thank you. Because I don't know this. Oh, really? So the I'll start with the last question. The Vegas choice was logistics. It was COVID. We were having a lot of trouble getting back and forth from the States because they weren't American citizens and American customs is very difficult. So we thought if

we got married during this COVID time, it would make it easier. We tried to do it through London. The wait time was like a year or something to get a marriage license. We thought about New York. The wait time again was like a year. It was insane. And Las Vegas, you could get an international marriage in a day. So we went to, we had to go to a neutral country or something because it was COVID. So we went to Croatia for two weeks. And then we were able to fly to America and we flew to Vegas. We got the license. And the next day we got married by Elvis, by the king himself.

And we got three songs of which my favorite photo is ethel covering her ears as this guy sings um because it really was just you ethel mani and lil and then we had witnesses too okay cool and then the vegas thing was complete logistics but i loved it too. Because I. Did you enjoy your wedding? Yeah. And I really loved the fact that it was about us. Because, I mean, when I go to weddings, I see all the work that it becomes about other people. That, like, this couple is just constantly, like, going around and talking to people and having to work the room in certain ways and having to be available. And both of us do that so much in our normal lives anyway, that for this to be just about us and about us being able to look at each other and say, let's do this with that simplicity was very precious to me. You know, she called me on the morning.

Was she scared? Of the wedding? Yeah. Yeah. No, sorry. No, I was i was i was like what the fuck are you doing because i didn't know you were just in croatia you didn't tell me this second part of the trip was happening so i just been facetiming you lot on a boat for a bit and then and i recorded it so i have it and it's just her smoking a fag in this dior dress in vegas going i'm about to go marry david and i was like wait a minute wow we don't even know this guy no yeah yeah but i was like you seem so calm she was like i wish you were here i'm having a

fag i'm gonna go do this i was like you go you go do this and then sort of lay in bed going can't fucking believe lily's getting married as we speak and then how did you know you wanted to marry her david how did you propose i remember like the third date is when I really like fell for her. We just had a conversation and there was something about, as I say, this generosity and this idea of partnership where I've been in love before. I've had, you know, relationships before. I've had, you know, relationships before. And there's something about the idea of like a trusting partnership where you truly care for another's well-being. I've experienced aspects of it, but I just felt in this moment on our third date, I was like, whoa, like this is a person who would have my back and I would have her back. And I don't know, there was just something very profound about it. And I was like, wow, this is really real. And then the mayor's thing, I don't know.

We were, I mean, it was funny, like, because we had talked about, you know, and then we went to Harry Winston's in New York, which is a big like diamond ring shop or something. Of course you did. Of course she dragged you to Harry Winston's. She loves dragging me to like really expensive she really likes spending my money um i don't i don't blame her i got nothing really to do with it we literally said she was like look david doesn't really love spending money i don't really know i really know what to do with it it's true so it's a beautiful

partnership and i was actually fucking yes yes like that house that when i came to that house i thought it's quite an overwhelming project i asked to see the pictures of the way it looked before you guys did it up and so jesus christ and that's the kind of thing lily's like i got this yeah and it's really nice when she has resources because she picks out nice things and i was like all right i just need like a sauna and a cold plunge and i'm good i know the sauna and the cold plunge in the garden but the um the till we went to harry winston's and she was looking at really expensive rings i guess she just saw one she was like oh my god she tried it on i was like oh that's really nice and i took it off and i just

but how do you propose i just said to her there in the harry winston or whatever i got down on one knee when she had the ring and i said like will, will you marry me? And she was like, of course. But it was very chill. I mean, in a sense, like our wedding, like it isn't an overproduced moment that we talk about or that is talked about. And I think there's some people that want that in their lives, but we have so many of those produced moments in our lives

that I wanted it to feel almost pedestrian. Yeah, normal. I mean, there's something about the expectation of having to tell the story whatever we got enough of that with like doing interviews and yeah there was something about that that I was like let's just have this be like a thing that we do and there's something about that that makes it feel more precious to me no I totally understand but also I love Lily for taking you to jewelry shops when you hadn't even proposed yet. Unbelievable. Oh, man.

Choosing the most expensive ring in the shop. And by the way, by the way, the woman said this, too. I loved it when she handed it over. It was like so I was like, wow. She was like, and if the marriage goes well, you can always upgrade it. And I was like, really? This is like a lease program. You can come back to the thing and trade it in for a bigger model.

This Harry Winston bitch knows how to sell diamonds. Come in for a bigger one in a year or two. Exactly. Excuse me, lady. Exactly. I was like, we're good for now, right? You could just kick the fuck back. I'm about to spend a lot of money.

Okay, I never knew those things. And that's made me know so much more about your relationship. Next question, please. Hello, Makita and David. Hello. This is fun. My name is Josh. I live in Asbury Park, New Jersey. With Lily's music, is there any songs that she's released that have revealed maybe something to you that you didn't know about her before ones that I think maybe caught you by surprise in a way you're like I didn't know that about her that's not something she's ever like talked about with me but put in the song and then have had like

a deeper conversation with her afterwards or maybe that's what the song just said everything it needed to and you're just kind of like proud of her vulnerability because I know her music is quite vulnerable just so just curious about that yeah you both great. And I hope you have a great day. Bye. I think what I learned from, I think probably just the first album, maybe it was the first time I heard Smile, which isn't even a sad song, but it is a sad song. It's about a sad time.

And I just, I think I realized that Lily really does hurt and go through things because when we were young, Lily wouldn't divulge that very often if she's in pain. She doesn't, I think maybe when she was really young, she didn't feel like there was anyone listening to whether she was. So, oh, it makes me feel emotional. Talking about that a little bit.

I think it's good for her to like say that sometimes, that she's hurting. I don't think she finds it easy. But I think a lot of that's in her songs, being able to say like, this killed me, this hurt. Even when she lost Georgia, it's just, it's hard for her to say that she's in hell and that she hurts like all the time, like all of us.

She's getting better at it. Sorry literally that just maybe maybe it's because she's not here so i'm like feel like she's died or something she was actually alive and in our lives we can still touch her and tell her we love her right david we think i don't know she's up in canada off grid looking at whales if she got eaten by an orca we don't know but i think she's okay um that's beautiful i think that's so beautiful i mean i would say the same thing around like i remember listening to that no shame album and the first song is like you know i'm a bad mother i'm a bad wife you read it in the socials you saw it online like as you say like she has suffered so much in this misperception of her and in this weird media shit storm that they created around her and there

was something so beautiful about her bravery of being able to speak that out and continue to feel it. Like that was another reason why I fell in love with her is because I do think she's a true artist in the sense of I'm always wearing a mask when I act or when I create something to a certain degree. And I threw the mask, I tell a story, but she just kind of speaks a lot of her truth and that embarrassing reality of like, how do I live with no shame when I feel so much shame is,

you know, that album is sort of in my mind, like working through that idea. And I just thought that was profound. Like, I think that's a profound way to live is to share with people, make them not feel so alone in these uncomfortable horrible things by revealing the fact that you are deeply human and flawed and in pain fuck yeah that's the

courage and bravery of my best friend and your wife i feel like we actually have to stop i feel like i can't talk about lilly anymore it's actually feeling a bit weird. I'm like, where is she? I think we've literally only got time for one more. So make it a good one, universe. What you got? Last one. Listen, bitch. David Harbour special. Yes, yes.

Yes. Hi, Makita and David. It's Will here from Devon. This question's for you, David. Just wondering if there's anything big or anything funny, really, that yourself and Lily just don't see eye to eye on from yourself being raised in america and her being raised in england two very different places culturally whether it's food or anything really big fan of you two as a couple so don't break up cheers

so don't break up i mean you know i think that i love uh things about her country that she doesn't fully understand how great they are. For example, Stone Island sweatpants. I don't think she quite gets it. Makita, please. You don't understand this. Don't start talking about things you don't understand. Look, I hate

yelling at a woman, but this is important. Stone Island tracksuits are one of the greatest things to land in Britain in a long time. You guys created Shakespeare and you did Stone Island tracksuits. Well done. Thank you.

I have to stand up for us because I feel like we know the importance of Stone Island tracksuits. Oh, do you? She always makes fun of me that I wear too much of it. Okay. No, no, no. We talked about this. It's because it's the incongruous notion of an American in the Stone Island. That is hard to understand.

I have no understanding of what it means, but I just love the feel. I love that you love Stone Island. Yes, you juxtaposition bloody marvelous thing you know i think there's cliche like emotional stuff that we deal with like the thing about britain and america i think i am a lot more um sappy and i want to talk about my feelings and i want to really get into the reality of the subtext and lily just kind of thinks that's boring. And so, yeah, we have some fights about that. And Lily just kind of thinks that's boring. I feel you.

I feel you more than you know, David. You get it, right? I want to talk about the subtext of my relationship with her as well. She's not interested. Oh, look at that. Come over to America. They'll listen to my bullshit. Exactly.

Well, David, what can I say? We did it. We listened, bitch. We listened, bitch. Oh, David, before we say goodbye. Yes. Your wife is notoriously shit at this, but could you give us a theme for next week's Listen, Bitch?

Yeah, I got one that I'd like to know more. Okay, the theme for next week's Listen, Bitch, as chosen by Lily Allen's husband, David, is Education. That's so good, David. Well done. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for everything.

Thank you for being in our lives and thank you for marrying my best friend. Thank you for marrying her and making her an honest woman out of her. Yeah. You're very welcome. It's been my pleasure. To marry her or to do Liz and Mitch?

To marry her. No, Liz and Mitch has been my pleasure. That is really fair enough. All right. Bye, David. But we'll do Lily buys. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Thanks for listening to Miss Me with Lily Allen and Makita Oliver. This is a Persephoneca production for BBC Sounds. Brown girls do it too. You know, for most brown people, sex chat is off the cards. Not us. We love talking about it. From online dating to offline mating. I'm feeling fresh, you're feeling fresh. Let's get fresh.

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