Mission To Zyxx - 105: A Critical Vulnerability [ft. John Murray]

Episode Date: October 4, 2017

The crew has an unexpected encounter at the Tiger Nebula Strip Mall. Dar takes a stand by sitting. Pasts are reckoned with. Pleck gets a Blue Julius. Featuring: Jeremy Bent as C-53 Alden Ford as Pleck... Decksetter Allie Kokesh as Dar Seth Lind as Nermut Bundaloy Moujan Zolfaghari as Bargie With special guest John Murray as Zwog Tambouie Edited by Seth Lind Recorded at Braund Studios by Shane O’Connell Sound Design and Mix by Shane O’Connell Music by Brendan Ryan Additional music by Shane O’Connell Opening Crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley Ship design for The Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 The period of civil war has ended. The rebels have defeated the evil Galactic Monarchy and established the harmonious Federated Alliance. Now, Ambassador Plek Dexeter and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to explore astounding new worlds, discover their heroic destinies, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff. This is Mission 2266. Ambassador Dexler, you look confused. Oh, I'm just trying to make my way through this briefing of yours.
Starting point is 00:01:07 Oh, are you having trouble? Well, no, it's just it's a lot of history. So I'm trying to kind of, you know, parse it out. I'm reading about the Council of Seven. An excellent subject to read about, Ambassador Dexler. They are the group of seven best friends who founded the Federated Alliance. I mean, what a coincidence, right? That they're seven best friends. Oh, were they friends before they founded the Alliance?
Starting point is 00:01:34 I suggest you read on in my informational briefing. Oh, it says here that they became seven best friends after agreeing to unite the galaxy with a federation of alliances. It seems like founding a galaxy-wide government would be a great way to bond with six other people. I guess so. The six other most powerful people in the galaxy. Exactly. Well, I for one am glad they're friends, you know? I am as well.
Starting point is 00:02:01 But how close are they really? Well, Tower, you are welcome to read my informational briefing as well i mean but that's information that they put out there i'm just saying i'm someone that could only really have one best friend i couldn't have six best friends i mean it says here they have a standing brunch date sure every week i have a standing brunch date. Sure. Every week. I have a standing brunch date. And you guys always come. You have to sit there while I pour my heart out to my fellow best friendship.
Starting point is 00:02:32 I mean, the best ships of all are friendships. Ugh. I don't get it. I don't understand. Come on. Ambassador Dexeter, I have an incoming transmission from Junior Missions Operations Manager, Nermit Dondaloy. Hello, Nermit.
Starting point is 00:02:49 You start every call with a sigh, Nermit. Well, no I don't. You need to relax. No, I, you guys understand that a sigh is a response to something in one's life that is very stressful. It's a way of trying to let out an emotion that you're trying to hold in so hard. I mean, yeah, that's true. Why hold it in any longer, Nermit? Okay, I'm sorry if I'm stressed.
Starting point is 00:03:10 I just, just before dialing you, I got a note that I'm supposed to be with my superiors about the, quote, Keck situation. So I'm not exactly... All right, well, thank you. It's true. Nermish is not the righteous manager. Nermit's not the liar. Right. So I'm not exactly... Right.
Starting point is 00:03:27 So, I'm not exactly looking forward to that, but I'm sure I will be able to represent us as having done the best we could. After all, we repelled them. We did repel them, that's true. Dar repelled them. Yeah. Is there a mission we are about to undertake? Yes.
Starting point is 00:03:40 The mission is... Furnishings Replacement. I like this one. I like this one. We love this one. Yeah. Oh. Our mission is to buy new furniture? Exactly.
Starting point is 00:03:51 So if you look around you, you can, of course, see that that couch in the middle is 70% devoured and 22% burnt. Yep. I don't know. C-53, that was a guess. That's actually fairly burnt. Yep. I don't know, C53, that was a guess. That's actually fairly accurate. Hey, hey. 71% consumed and 19% burnt, but, you know. Not bad.
Starting point is 00:04:14 That's a pretty good eyeball. That's actually very, very close. Yeah? So, anyway, between the Keck eating the furniture and Dar in heat burning them up, we obviously need to outfit Bargy, and I've cut a deal where only 50% of it has to come out of your pay. What?
Starting point is 00:04:31 What? Yeah, normally if this happens, it would just be completely out of the ambassador team's pay, and I'm getting the company to pay for half. But they should pay for all of it. Little bugs. We were ambushed by bugs. And frankly, also,
Starting point is 00:04:46 burning the furniture is a medical condition. So I feel like I'm being... Yeah. Also, I'm gonna interject here because if you're gonna furnish me, we're not gonna get some cheap couches, okay? I only have one inside of me and I want it to be furnished with the finest
Starting point is 00:05:02 material. That makes sense. Your body's a temple. Well, Plex, since you agree, why don't you cover the half? Okay. Okay? Sounds good. Yeah, they're willing to have it on credit where you'll just owe them however many weeks of labor. That's fine.
Starting point is 00:05:18 So, C-53, if you just want to project the list of nearby malls. As we are within a few light years of the nearby Tiger Nebula strip mall. Oh, sounds high quality. High quality or not, it does contain a furniture store. Shall we proceed there? Junior Missions
Starting point is 00:05:38 Operations Manager, Nermin Bungaloy. Great, totally. Yeah, your call on which mall, as they say. As they say? Who says that? No, I just said the sentence that happened to rhyme. Okay. So it's as you said.
Starting point is 00:05:50 Right. Well, this is very exciting. We are going to go. We're going to outfit Barge with a brand new couch. Are you excited for a mission where we buy a new couch? Well, think about this. This is a mission that has a seriously high probability of success. You guys are buying couches.
Starting point is 00:06:08 What could possibly go wrong? What could go wrong? Seems like we're tempting fate by saying it so many times. Hello? Can you hear me? This is Rebel Leader Rolfus Tittle.
Starting point is 00:06:27 Support for the rebellion against the lame Federated Alliance comes from MeUndies. Being a rebel involves a lot of calisthenics and a lot of desk work. Either way, the most annoying situation possible is uncomfortable undergarments. Luckily, the official underwear of the rebellion comes from MeUndies. MeUndies will be the most comfortable pair of underwear you will ever own, made from sustainably sourced, naturally soft fabric that is three times softer than cotton. Unlike Alliance issue skivvies, which are 20% as soft as rusted iron. Not soft. And get this. MeUndies comes with a 100%
Starting point is 00:07:07 satisfaction guarantee. You will love your undies or you get your money back. Order now and get 20% off your first pair, plus free shipping. Just go to meundies.com slash zyxx,
Starting point is 00:07:19 Z-Y-X-X, for that special offer. That's meundies.com slash zyxx. Rolf is Tittle in very soft underwear. Drop in the hot mic. Y-X-X for that special offer. That's MeUndies.com slash Zix. Rolfus Tittle in very soft underwear. Drop in the hot mic. All right, guys, here we are. Z's Furniture.
Starting point is 00:07:40 The chair was broken already. Here, you sit on your own chair. Miss, I... You sit on that chair that hasn't been sold yet right now, and you tell me it's still functional. Well, you know, I have a policy. No sitting in the store. I think...
Starting point is 00:07:53 You know what, miss? If you could just leave my store, I think that would be better. Well, I hope you get the black death disease. You know what? I've already had it, and I beat it, okay? I'm in remission. Thank you very much.
Starting point is 00:08:03 Well, you know what? I'm going to sit on every single chair at this place. Don't, don't, please. I'm going to sit on every single chair. Don't do that. Don't,, okay? I'm in remission. Thank you very much. Well, you know what? I'm going to sit on every single chair at this point. Don't, don't, please. I'm going to sit on every single chair. Don't do that. Don't, don't. I'm sitting on one. Oh, I almost fell because I turned into sand.
Starting point is 00:08:12 Okay, all right. Get out of here. You get out of here. Get out of here. You know what? I'm going to throw up. Please do it outside. That lady was super upset.
Starting point is 00:08:23 She seemed very angry. I apologize for that. She didn't punch him very angry. I apologize for that. She didn't punch him, though. I apologize for that. You can't please everybody, you know? Sure. You can't please everyone. I mean, I gotta say, this is beautiful furniture, but that lady seemed to have a real gripe.
Starting point is 00:08:36 The thing about building is that you gotta embrace the flaws, and I just, I feel like that, you know, I leave things open. I wanna leave things just a little bit mysterious that you know i leave things open i want to leave things just a little bit mysterious you know what i'm saying sure shouldn't some things be closed you know whoever built you must have been a real tight ass okay robot man because guess what they had to make you all perfect so you could have all these smart answers with me right now who knows i'd like let you cry and feel things i I'm afraid I cannot cry. You should have come to me first.
Starting point is 00:09:07 I'd have you crying, getting depressed. It is a moot point. I could not have come to you before I was invented. You see right there? Oh, your creator. If I could meet that guy, I would kick his ass. This here, this basket chair, you call this a pom-pom? A pom-pom, yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:22 It comes with the ottoman? It comes with the ottoman, yes. You gonna sit in that? I don't think you should sit in that. I don't. That seems like sizeism. It is, it is. I'm blatantly, I'm gonna be honest with you, you're gonna break all my stuff.
Starting point is 00:09:32 Well, it sounds like it breaks no matter what. Okay, look, your size isn't gonna help things. I am the size of Darshal. I try sitting in this chair. Yeah, you try it, see. Okay, alright. Alright, it's really, I got no sitting policy, but okay. It has turned into... Is this time? All right. Really, I got no sitting policy, but... I got to say, I feel like almost everything in here,
Starting point is 00:09:51 there's like one part of the chair, the couch, the pom-pom. You touch it and it just falls apart. I know. Okay. I feel like all you need to do is just cover up that one thing. Or reinforce that one area. Yeah. need to do is just cover up that one thing or reinforce that one area yeah you know but if did if you went to you know architecture school or any contractor i mean i think that's just
Starting point is 00:10:11 closed-minded thinking i gotta be honest with you guys i gotta be honest i've i've been in some crazy circles okay i used to be okay i used to be a big time deal okay i used to be a big time deal you made you made chairs that fell apart for celebrities? Okay, okay. I make more than chairs. I'm more than a chair and table guy. No, you know... Does the name Zwag Tamboui mean anything to any of you?
Starting point is 00:10:37 Of course. The architect of the planet crusher weapon. You're looking at him right here and flushing. You're the Zwag Tamboui. I'm Zwag Tamboui. You design the planet crusher weapon you're looking at him right here in flesh you're the i'm zwogtan boot you know you design the planet i design the planet crusher yeah i'm a big deal okay uh tons of fun i'm a big deal this wow what a this is huge uh wow what an honor uh c53 can i talk to you for a second can Yes. Can I just stand behind this big chair? Go ahead. Don't touch it. C-53. Yes.
Starting point is 00:11:06 This is the guy who built the Planet Crusher? Yes. The monarchy's super weapon. Yes, the crushed planets. Yes, the Planet Crusher. He's like a war criminal. He's not like a war criminal. He is a war criminal.
Starting point is 00:11:19 Well, we caught him, right? We don't catch anybody. We are a diplomatic relations team. We don't have the authority to bring him in. Wow. Okay. All right. All right.
Starting point is 00:11:30 I guess we'll just keep talking to him then, right? Yes, of course. Then it's a deal. Fine. Fine. Twist of my arm. You get the couch. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:11:38 You bought a couch? I did buy a couch. I think Bargy would like it. It's a beautiful couch. Yeah, I would say don't ever touch it. Sit on it. Yeah. I must ask you.
Starting point is 00:11:51 Yes. Swab. Yes. Why would you leave the planet with such a massive critical vulnerability? The exhaust port. You see, the way it works in construction, guys, you build something and then you've got a seven-month period
Starting point is 00:12:04 where your client can come back and be like, hey, I've got problems with this. You've got to fix that and stuff like that. I gave the monarchy a good seven months there to have any complaints about any structural design problems. No one complained a bit, okay? But they blew a small fighter and blew up the entire thing. Yeah, the reactor was, like, visible from the outside. You know, the things you're describing, you know what? I'm disappointed.
Starting point is 00:12:29 It was my work to see it destroyed. But I said to them, I was like, is there anything you want me to fix? No one in the monarchy ever complained, even near the end. Everyone was very... Yes, they did. It's hard. I mean, I feel guilty about that. Do you really?
Starting point is 00:12:46 I do. I gotta be honest. I built it, which is kind of, you know, I just build things. I don't figure out the purpose for them, you know? I designed and I built. But the planet crusher's entire job, it's a cube that opens up and then, like an enormous mouth, crushes a planet. True. That could be used for many things.
Starting point is 00:13:05 It could. Exactly. See, Robotman gets it. Come on. What other thing is it going to be used for? Come on. Imagine crushing a smaller planet crusher with a larger one. I would have loved to have seen that.
Starting point is 00:13:16 You may not have emotions, but you get me. You know what? I like this idea. Whoever programmed this part, this is... I'm down with it. Well, it's just too bad. All those planet crushers were destroyed so easily. Look, I know you're trying to get a rise out of me, okay?
Starting point is 00:13:32 I know I've been poked and prodded about this before, but you want to know what? You know what? I went through some dark periods after the monarchy got thrown over. I got... I got down. I got low. I got low. I got low. I was on the brink of doing myself in.
Starting point is 00:13:49 But then I thought, you know what? Maybe I'm going to start being the best me. And I'm going to get out there and make things right. So I started doing a 12-step. Started going to meetings. A 12-step what? Recovery program. Do you know of those?
Starting point is 00:14:02 No, I don't. Okay. You go and you meet with other beings. Other, like, super weapon weapon designers i met with a well you know it's anonymous i don't want to get into it too much but i did meet a lot of people from the monarchy around that time a lot of the major players do go to these meetings you deal with the uh they have guilt they have guilt you deal with the atrocities that you did and you're just trying to find a place in the Federated Alliance world now where you fit in and how you can make up for the mistakes that you made.
Starting point is 00:14:30 I mean, you're one of the most unlikable people maybe in the entire universe because not only did you help the monarchy, you then ultimately helped the Federated Alliance. I mean, you have no friends. And not by being a spy or something. Yeah. You weren't a turncoat. You just did very bad at your job.
Starting point is 00:14:49 You know, these words are all true, all right? And they're all things I've come to terms with, all right? I have faced these things. I mean, all I can do is say my name is Swag Tambouie, and I am sorry. And I wake up each morning, I'm like, how am I going to make it better? All right, I spend countless hours writing apology notes. I'm just, I'm sending out stationary left and right, trying to make up for all the people that were murdered on the planets,
Starting point is 00:15:15 the people on the planet crushers. How many apologies have you said so far? Right now, rough number, I'm at about like 20. You know, I really try to make them personal. Well, then it will take some time. Yeah. Could you give me a number on that, Robot Man? How long will it take you? Yeah, how long will it take?
Starting point is 00:15:30 You will be dead long before you finish that. All right. All right. So I'm going to prove you wrong. I don't think so. The race is on, Robot Man. Swag, I have to say, I mean, I appreciate your optimism, you know. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:15:42 As someone, as a fellow optimist, I think it's really important that you look forward to those things. You want to make things better for yourself. You gotta find a little bit of the universe inside yourself. You gotta forgive yourself, you know? You gotta look at yourself, right? You think, I'm overweight, nobody likes me, you know?
Starting point is 00:15:59 You gotta forgive yourself. Are you talking to Darth? I don't think that. You know what? You don't think you think that, but I know you think that. I'm gonna touch all your tears. See, all right. You know what? I don't have to look at myself to know that after doing that, I love myself. Okay, you know, you tell yourself that.
Starting point is 00:16:16 Yeah, man. You know what, guys? I think things have gotten a little bit heated. I mean, we're talking to a mass murderer. So, I mean, it's bound to happen at some point. Why don't we all just go get a Blue Julius and just relax? This is a strip mall. All right.
Starting point is 00:16:32 You know what? I really like you guys. I don't want you to go running away. How about I buy some Blue Julius? I get a discount, I know. I know Tom next door. That's very generous of you. Okay.
Starting point is 00:16:44 Hey, I'll take you up on that. That's the least you can do. Can you do me a favor, though? Can you just tell Tom that we're, like, really, really good friends? I'm not comfortable. No, absolutely not.
Starting point is 00:16:53 Okay. Hello? This is Rebel Leader Sisu Gundu with an important announcement. A lot of life as a rebel is spent doing what I'm doing right now. Huddling in a culvert, waiting out a seemingly endless alliance airstrike. And how do we pass the time? Well, we listen to one of our favorite podcasts with special guest Lauren Lapkus in this completely improvised comedy show. Do you like audio shows where everything is made up? Is that your thing?
Starting point is 00:17:30 Well, in this show, guest comedians invent a radio show on the spot. Ow! Oh, that one, that one hurt! Hilarious comedian Lauren Lapkus has no idea what character she'll be told to play. It is so fun. We barely even notice the perpetual aerial bombardments.
Starting point is 00:17:49 Episodes include guests like Nick Kroll, Kate Burlett, Bobby Moynihan, and other stars of hit comedies. That's with special guest Lauren Lapkus, L-A-P-K-U-S, on Apple or wherever you get your podcasts. Long live the rebellion! Well, you know what? That was delightful. I really feel like after a Blue Julius, I feel great. You can't go wrong with the Blue Julius. Tom is a nice guy.
Starting point is 00:18:26 I told you. I told you. It's good that he's going to hang our wrong with the Blue Julius. Tom is a nice guy. I told you. I told you. It's good that he's going to hang our picture in the store now. That's nice. Well, I drank the whole thing. You did. You did drink the whole thing. I didn't know that was uncommon.
Starting point is 00:18:36 Am I going to feel, like, weird? Not a lot of people do that. I don't know. We'll see how it goes. You will probably feel weird later. You're going to call Tom. I just need to know that now. Am I going to call Tom? You're going to give him a call because he's very delicate.
Starting point is 00:18:49 That's really none of your business. Man, I hope you do. When Tom hit on you, I thought that's interesting because he's looking for a partner in life. Oh, I can assure you I will not be a life partner. Am I wrong in thinking I'm bombing? Oh, yeah. It's by this backspace. It's where I work and sleep.
Starting point is 00:19:10 It's where I stay. You guys, you want to come check it out? If you got to go to work, I understand. I mean, we've hung out. We're sort of at work, I think. You sure? Yeah. What do you guys do?
Starting point is 00:19:22 We don't work for the Federated Alliance, do you? Oh, good. Oh, man, I tell you right now. I wouldn't want to run into those guys. I'd get in a lot of trouble. I probably had a couple of wanted lists with that bunch. My bad. Oh, you're pretty knowledgeable.
Starting point is 00:19:40 Let me get my keys. I'll unlock the workshop here. Okay, here we go. Let me get my keys. I'll unlock the workshop here. Okay, here we go. The inside of your apartment is much larger than it looks from the outside. Yeah, it's bigger than the store, yes. I figured out a way to bend matter.
Starting point is 00:20:01 It's bigger than the entire strip mall. Oh, yeah, totally, yeah. It's pretty big. I don't actually know the square footage. It keeps expanding on its own. Yeah. How did you do that? Oh, man, you know, physics, quantum physics, that stuff just comes easy to me. Let's keep, here, so you got to kind of swim.
Starting point is 00:20:23 Can you swim? Yeah. Okay, yeah, just got to kind of glide around. Okay,? Yeah. Okay, yeah, just gotta kind of glide around. Okay, I don't, you know, you're probably like, oh, where's the oxygen coming from? I'm pumping oxygen into this place, so we're gonna be okay on it. You know what?
Starting point is 00:20:37 I leave the architecture to the architect, am I right? Okay, all right. So, yeah, if you swim, see that over there, that kind of star thing we're swimming towards that's that's a planet crusher oh my god you're making another planet yeah i got another planet crusher yeah yeah for what purpose well i was working on it the last time you know because one and two kaboom yeah So that was like monarchy. They just, you know, they had so much money, just a slush fund of cash. They were like, can we build this?
Starting point is 00:21:10 Very corrupt. Yeah, very corrupt. Yeah. They were like, build another one. They were like, we need another one. Because, you know, it's like funding. Even though corrupt, it's funding. You know, it's like they get so much money.
Starting point is 00:21:20 If they don't spend that money, someone else takes that money, puts it towards something else. So they were like, we got this budget, so build another one. And of course they were like, this time get it right. But, correct me if I'm wrong, I believe I still see an exposed exhaust port on that planet crusher. So you're talking about this thing we're entering in right now. We're literally swimming through a massive vulnerability in this planet crusher. It's bigger than the last two, honestly. The last one was big enough for a fighter.
Starting point is 00:21:48 You could land a ship in here. You got me. This time I was like, you know what? What happens if I make it bigger? Because the last two have been smaller. So this time everyone was like, that can't be the way in. Right? That can't be.
Starting point is 00:22:02 That's why I made it bigger. So like, you're hoping that the first two planet crushers have set up some sort of, like... People will be looking for an extremely small hole. Right. And then we'll be surprised to see a very large hole. So they'd probably be like,
Starting point is 00:22:16 I can't be. I'm gonna go. They'll fly around. I think that's a flawed logic. You think so? I mean, I don't want to do your job. Can I ask you, can I ask you, who is, do you have a buyer for this? Well, you know what? I got it on, I got it on some message boards. I'm looking.
Starting point is 00:22:36 Right now, I'm living in it. All right, right now, I'm just using this as a crash pad. I mean, we can go in. You know, I got like, you know, if you guys want to spend the night. I don't know. I don't know. I just feel like I just feel like if I were on a super weapon, I would feel, I don't
Starting point is 00:22:54 know how I would, I would feel bad about myself. I mean, hey, this doesn't have to be a super weapon. This could be a super hotel. Is it filled with all your shitty furniture? You know what? Okay. I know that you have so much self-hate inside, but okay. I love myself. I just hate you.
Starting point is 00:23:11 I'm not taking the bait. Okay. Guys, guys, guys. Let's calm down. I mean, can we both agree that the real evil is this enormous cube machine that is designed to eat planets? Created by him. That's not fair to the machine.
Starting point is 00:23:27 Oh, yeah, Robot Man, stick up for your cunt. You gotta do that. You gotta do that. I can't say this ship is inherently evil. Yeah. I mean, you know, we don't know each other. I had a family. I got kids. You had a family?
Starting point is 00:23:40 Yes, I had a wife. I got wife and kids. Where are they? They divorced me, of course, after the crash. I know my kids don't speak to me. I killed most of their friends. Their friends got killed by the planet crusher. You betrayed the things.
Starting point is 00:23:53 No, yeah, I mean, it was just, you know, part of the job. My wife, you know, she was used to a really high standard of living once the divorce came. I got that black death disease. Sure. I got back into the heavy addiction. You got that black death disease. I got back into the heavy addiction. She couldn't stay anymore. She couldn't stay anymore.
Starting point is 00:24:11 I feel like the machine you need to be working on, Zwog, is the machine of the relationships in your life. I thought that was going to be a very beautiful metaphor. It didn't need... I don't...
Starting point is 00:24:25 Yeah, you kind of tripped down the steps on the last part there on that metaphor. Yeah, well, I just didn't... I mean... I thought you were going to compare him to a machine. No. His relationships to the clocks within it give him machine. Okay, yeah, I'll try it again. Okay.
Starting point is 00:24:41 Okay, so Swag... Yeah, yeah. I feel like you've made all these machines. I have, yeah. I feel like what you really need to do is make a machine that will crush the planets of the people around you, but in a way that... Is that worse? That's worse. I'm more confused.
Starting point is 00:24:57 You know, you're bringing up weird feelings. I don't want to... You're making me want to go out and drink again. Stop talking. Have you thought about making a machine that will create life? Oh, man. Am I right to say this is a pocket universe? This is a pocket universe, yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:15 What's crazy is I've got a planet growing, too. For what purpose? What does that mean? No, it just naturally happens. You create a universe, and all of a sudden these kind of scientific collisions happen, and then like a star slowly kind of burns out, becomes kind of a landmass from there, atmospheres kind of develop.
Starting point is 00:25:33 Like, yeah, I got a... There was a fucking planet. Yeah, yeah, my last place, I had a whole colony of people. Yeah, tough. What happened to them? Oh, well, I sold it. I sold it, I sold it. So, just to clarify, you were a person who created a weapon of mass destruction.
Starting point is 00:25:51 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Two. Two. Two of them. Yeah, two. Three, if you count this one. I do count this one. Are single-handedly responsible for the downfall of an entire empire.
Starting point is 00:26:01 Yeah. Sort of on accident. Yeah. And you also sold a civilization of people as well. Well, I sold it to a construction company that was building condos. They had demolished that, so that universe probably collapsed under that construction. That's a shame. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:16 You know, it was a time to sell. I'll tell you right now. The fact that you beat the Black Death Disease. Yeah. I mean, I gotta say, I wish you hadn't. Hey, man. Hey, that's... Oh, no, no. I think that is... That's pretty low.
Starting point is 00:26:32 I have to say, this is the first time I really, really like you. That's pretty low. Thank you. I gotta be honest, that's pretty low. Or I got you invited. I mean, I was gonna, you know, I'm inviting you into my... This is basically my home right now. We at least root for him to succeed against Black Death's disease. Nermit, you will not believe who we just met.
Starting point is 00:27:02 Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermit. I think you are going to be very proud. Yes. Zwog Tambui. Arrest him now, please. Creator of the hate planet crusher. Plek.
Starting point is 00:27:19 Yes? Can you please tell me according to Federated Alliance guidelines, how long do you have to report a criminal of this magnitude? Oof, boy. It's either not very... It's four minutes. Okay.
Starting point is 00:27:36 Shorter than I thought. We're all literally guilty of treason for colluding with this character because we did not call in the Clint's immediately within the four minute window. I will mark this particular transmission low priority. Please do that because if this is actually reviewed by anyone above me, we are all going to be literally lit on fire. When you say literally, you mean... Literally, like burnt up. They'll make Barge into ingots. What? What happened? They'll melt you down.
Starting point is 00:28:07 I was asleep. What happened? Do you realize that because the Keck attacked us, I was literally bent over my superior's desk and spanked? I mean, literally, I was... Describe it. Paint me a picture, Nermy, please. Well, he invited me in and he said, don't bother sitting down. I'm going to add some music under this.
Starting point is 00:28:27 He said, take down your trousers. Now take down your under trousers. I don't need to explain. I got spanked. You are stopping halfway. Just finish the story. He said, have you been a bad boy? Yes, I've been a bad boy? I said, yes, I've been a bad boy.
Starting point is 00:28:46 That's how it went? That's the official way they interrogate you after. And the sick thing is he knew I had been a bad boy. I knew I'd been a bad boy. He didn't have to ask me the question even. Well, he did, according to protocol. In any case, he hit me with a mallet on my buttocks 14 times. That was the number. It's with a mallet. Listen,tocks 14 times. That was the number.
Starting point is 00:29:05 It's with the mallet. Listen, I'm sorry to interrupt, but can you get rid of all this sand? Oh. Oh, that was the couch we got. What is all this sand? I told you. What were my rules? Bargy is right.
Starting point is 00:29:17 You need to eject any bit of sand that came from an object made by Zwagtambui, if there is a Clint that scans that sand and sees that it had a origin source of a war criminal who created the planet crusher, that's, again, they're just gonna torch us. Literally. Literally. Why, are you making fun of me? I just need to understand, sometimes people use literally but they don't actually mean literally.
Starting point is 00:29:39 They literally will burn us up. Also, I used to date the planet crusher. You dated Zwagtambui? No. Also, I used to date the planet crusher. You dated Swamp Tim, Bowie? No. Yeah, I date the planet crusher. Of course. Which one? Number one? Number one. Number one, baby. I think number one was the better looking one. I agree.
Starting point is 00:29:57 Do you fly into the weird opening that was... I flew in. So you had an opportunity to destroy it? Things were destroyed. My heart was destroyed. At the end of the day... Now paint me a picture.
Starting point is 00:30:14 I flew in. I flew out. I flew in. I flew out. Can we add a little music? I flew in. I flew out. I I flew in I flew out I flew in I flew out See you next time. call. Ambassador Plank Dexeter was played by Alden Ford. C-53 Diplomatic Relations and Protocol
Starting point is 00:31:05 Droid was played by Jeremy Bent. Security Officer Dar was played by Ali Kokesh. Bargy the Ship was played by Mujan Zulfagari. Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermin Bundeloy was played by Seth Lind. Swag Tim Bui was played by special guest John Murray. He has appeared on such shows as 30 Rock, Broad City, and Difficult People. He performs regularly at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater in New York with Goat. Follow him on Twitter at TheJohnMurray. Mission to Six is recorded at Bronze Studios in Greenpoint, Brooklyn by engineer Shane O'Connell. This episode edited by Seth Lind with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell. Music by Brendan Ryan.
Starting point is 00:31:42 Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley. Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Gois. Mission to Ziggs is brought to this galaxy by Audioboom. Thanks, Audioboom. Have a question for the crew? Send an email to crew at missiontoziggs.space. Follow us on Facebook, Instagram,
Starting point is 00:32:00 Twitter, and even Tumblr at Mission to Ziggs. If someone would like to show us how to Snapchat please follow us on Instagram I was gonna, you know, I'm inviting you into my, this is basically my home right now. Etiquette would dictate we at least root for him to succeed against black death disease. I'm not crazy to say this.
Starting point is 00:32:42 Robot man. That might be the end. Oh, that was so good. Oh, man.

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