Mission To Zyxx - 110: The Worry with Wiffles [ft. Lorraine Cink]
Episode Date: November 8, 2017The crew basks in the afterglow of a successful mission. Pleck shows off a keepsake. A bet is made. Nermut receives a letter from a… fan? Featuring: Jeremy Bent as C-53 Alden Ford as Pleck Decksette...r Allie Kokesh as Dar Seth Lind as Nermut Bundaloy Winston Noel as Fluff Moujan Zolfaghari as Bargie With special guest Lorraine Cink as Poof the Wiffle Edited by Seth Lind Recorded at Braund Studios by Shane O’Connell Sound Design and Mix by Shane O’Connell Music by Brendan Ryan Additional music by Shane O’Connell Opening Crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley Ship design for The Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz
Transcript
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Enjoy the show.
The period of civil war has ended.
The rebels have defeated the evil Galactic Monarchy and established the harmonious Federated Alliance.
Now, Ambassador Plek Dexeter and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to explore astounding new worlds,
discover their heroic destinies,
and meet weird bug creatures and stuff.
This is Mission 226. Oh, man, guys.
We finally did it.
Ambassador Dex Hunter, if I may say kudos to a successful mission.
Yeah, honestly, great job.
They loved you.
I think they really did, you know?
I feel like I was on today.
That is the first time I have been party to a ticker tape parade.
Right?
That was super fun.
There was all the confetti.
And they laughed at your joke.
Yeah, the one about the Tellurian and the
Flarn. It was wild.
I'm still working on what the punchline is going to be.
Most importantly, Ambassador Dexeter,
we secured mining rights for the
Federated Alliance. Man, yeah, that's true.
I really just feel like
I feel like I know what Turkmanikid
must feel like all the time, you know?
Just like going out, going to a planet,
telling people like, hey, we're here for you.
They're like, yeah.
And then we just get on the ship and like, so long, everybody.
And they're like, yeah.
I mean, that's all conjecture, right?
What do you mean?
I mean, we don't actually know how successful Turk Mannequin is.
Well, he's the most successful ambassador in the Federated Alliance.
I imagine his life is like that every day.
Wow. I mean, have is like that every day. Wow.
I mean, have you seen Tiny Toots?
Tiny Toots is one of the most formidable ships
in the galaxy.
What?
The second most formidable ship.
Oh, sorry.
I'm the only person who can say Tiny Toots.
You realize that, right?
I don't want to bring back bad memories.
You're right.
I'm so sorry. Yeah, obviously. I'm so sorry. Listen, Bargy, I didn't want to bring back bad memories, okay? You're right, you're right. I have bad memories all along.
Yeah, obviously. I'm so sorry. Listen, Bargy,
I didn't mean to stir up any bad memories.
I was just trying to compare myself to, like,
an ambassador who really knows
what he's doing, which is rare for me.
I'm Ambassador Dexator. I have an
incoming transmission from Junior
Missions Operations Manager Nermin
Bundamoy. Hey, Nerm.
Hey.
Mining rights.
Man, it just feels good, right?
Yeah, feels great.
Yeah, well, Plek, empty your pocket.
Show them the paperwork.
Yep.
Okay, here.
We got this treaty that we signed.
Amazing.
Hold it up.
Yep, see?
Wow.
Scanning and digitizing to you now.
Yep. And check this outizing to you now. Yep.
And check this out.
The king of the planet, he gave me this little guy as a gift.
Oh.
I, uh, excuse me.
It's like a little pet for the ship.
Also, I'm a female.
Oh, I am so sorry.
Did I call you a guy earlier?
Yeah, it's okay.
It happens to me a lot.
Okay, well, this...
Ambassador Dexeter, that is a whiffle.
Oh, a whiffle?
A whiffle.
Oh, well, great.
So, yeah, the king gave us a whiffle.
Ambassador Dexeter.
What?
Who are you talking...
Why are you talking like that?
I can hear what you're saying.
Ambassador Dexeter, whiffles reproduce at an exponential rate.
This ship could be full of wiffles inside of 20 minutes if there is another wiffle aboard.
No, no, no, no, no.
Ambassador Dexeter, this is not the way to come off a successful mission.
It was a gift.
It was a gift from the king.
No, you don't want me.
Oh, no, that's okay.
No, it's fine.
Hey, listen.
I don't want to be in any trouble.
Listen, Wiffle, what is your name?
Poof.
Your name is Poof?
My name is Poof.
That is very cute.
Poof.
Listen, Nermin, can we just...
I'm mad at this.
Are you flirting with me?
No, no, no.
Nermin, can we just keep her for just a little bit?
I'm going to disconnect. Figure this out. Can you keep her for just a little bit? I'm gonna disconnect.
Figure this out, okay? That's all
I have to say. I've got a couple little
nippers of booze. I'm gonna just celebrate
this victory. Nippers?
Nippers.
It looks like you're holding a full bottle.
Well, he's 19 inches.
It's a Tellurian nipper.
It's for me. This is the last weeks.
Oh, man. Figure this out this out poof nice to meet
you bye
hey can i say something right now right here yeah let me just say this one thing okay one thing that tiny toots
did to me again i think you want to say that name okay you cannot do not say that name after we were
let's just say quote unquote together i was full of whipples okay they took over every part of my
body because those little people they mate mate. They mate like crazy.
So if I see two, and if I see that two turn to four, I'm going to eject you out of the ship.
Please stop putting so much pressure on me.
There's no pressure on you to reproduce.
It would actually be our preference if you did that.
I'm just taking a little time for myself right now.
Sure, okay.
It's just my mom said it's time for me to now. Sure, okay. It's just, my mom said
it's time for me to leave the nest.
Oh, so you're
getting pressure from your parents to
Yeah, it's hard at home.
Oh, I'm sorry. That's okay.
Poof, Matt might ask,
how old are you? 400.
That's middle age for
a wiffle. Yeah. You're 400
years old? Yeah.
Wow.
This is part of the problem.
Wiffles reproduce very fast but live very long.
Can you imagine being single for 400 years?
I bet Plek could, yes.
Yeah, no, I could pretty much.
I'm well on my way.
Oh.
It feels like 400 years, honestly.
Tell me about it.
Yeah, I mean, see, poof gets me, guys. If I have to go to one more birthday party for their little wiffles. Right, honestly. Tell me about it. Yeah, I mean, see, Poof gets me, guys.
If I have to go to one more birthday party for their little wiffles.
Right, yeah.
Also, Poof might inquire you're 400 years old but still live with your parents?
Yeah.
Oh, C-53, that's...
I'm just saying.
The wind is so high.
Sure, sure.
If that's a problem, galaxy wide.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, Plek was still living with his parents before he took this job.
Oh my gosh, Plek.
Yeah, I know, I know.
They told me I needed to get out, so I did.
Yeah, me too.
Oh, wow.
See, now we have a lot in common, I think, you and me.
Wow, I've never had a connection like this with anybody before.
Wow.
Oh, that's great.
Well, you know, I am glad.
Do you want to get married?
I don't know if it's a special.
Nah, I don't know if I would a special. Nah, I don't know.
We're probably soulmates.
Ambassador, text her.
Oh.
This is an optimal situation.
If you enter into an exclusive relationship with Pooh,
she will decline to mate with another Wiffle should she encounter one.
I don't know.
I feel weird leading her on.
You can carry it through if you want that's not
what i meant i just can't imagine myself being able to like be with like a ball of fur two organic
beings what's the difference are you serious i mean a little bit i'm just saying like i don't
feel it feels like a weird thing to act like i want to do. It's nothing personal, Poof.
Like, you don't have any eyes.
Oh, I'm getting the talk.
No.
Oh, boy.
Oh, wow.
Ambassador Dexter, you have a great thing going, and you immediately ruin it.
I just don't know if I could ever have a relationship with, like, I mean, Poof is literally a ball
of fur, like a featureless ball of fur.
I don't think that I could.
Oh, my. Ambassador Dexter. You know, you can use some work.
Poof, it's nothing personal.
I just feel like I'm...
I bet when you were on Rangus 6 and had a dating profile,
you were the type of Talorian that specified that you were only looking for a certain
type of species.
Yeah, I mean, I guess I was.
Yeah, it feels pretty specious in here.
I mean, no, I feel like I've
grown a little bit since I left
Planet, because before I left
Rangus 6, I'd only ever met other Talorians.
And, like, you know, horses
and stuff, but now...
Oh, right, the horses that you shoot if they get hurt.
I personally did not shoot them.
It's just that on Regus 6...
You were fine with the idea of a horse being shot.
You agreed that the injured horse was useless.
Yes, I guess in a grander sense, I was complicit.
Well, I guess I dodged a literal bullet.
I would never shoot a horse.
I just don't know how I would treat a horse with a broken leg.
Speaking of that,
does anyone here treat
a small rash?
I have this small patch
here, and it's
real scaly under there.
Can you see that?
Yeah, there's a smell.
Maybe they'll lift the scales?
Just really get in there and
take a look at it.
Wow.
I can confirm that at 30 times magnification, this is a very unsettling case.
Projecting now.
Oh, you didn't need to do that.
You didn't need to do that.
Oh, that's what's going on in there.
Wow, honestly, now I'm kind of into it.
Okay.
It makes me want macaroni.
What?
What is that?
Does anybody hear that?
Yeah, there's something
warping its way out of your pocket.
Oh, Fleck.
Oh, I should have told you.
They gave me two.
I was going to keep one
because I just liked having it around.
Pacific Dicksitter,
is that a male?
I mean, maybe it's a different color.
I assume. I don't know if that's a... Is it bluele? Maybe it's a different color, I assume.
I don't know if that's a...
Is it blue?
Yeah, it's blue.
Then it's a male wiffle.
Yeah, that's me.
Hey, what's up?
My name's Fluff.
Hey, Fluff, this is Poof.
Do you guys know each other?
No.
Hi.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
What's up?
Hey.
What's up? Hey. Hi. I'm What's up? Hey. What's up?
Hey.
Hey.
Hi.
I'm fine.
I have gas.
What?
I'm sorry.
The moment where two wiffles would have started.
Already?
I'm sorry.
I just.
That's how they.
Oh.
I should eject them, but this is very interesting.
Uh, you're.
Uh, I like your fur.
Thanks.
Some of them are plugs.
Oh, really?
Really?
I have a bald patch.
Okay.
Well, yeah, it's, I tried the spray for a while and.
Oh, yeah, the hair growing spray.
Oh, my gosh.
Yeah.
I have four of those.
Really? Yeah. Females have four of those. Really?
Yeah.
Females never usually have those.
That's repellent.
Yeah.
No, I do.
Hey, C-53, can I talk to you for a second?
Of course.
Should we be worried about these two wiffles?
Absolutely.
Let's discuss what might be the most humane way to eject them into space.
Oh, no.
We don't need to eject them into space. They're no. We don't need to eject them into space.
They're just heaven.
We absolutely need to eject them into space.
If they start procreating, this ship will be full in 15 minutes.
15 minutes?
Allow me to show you an exponential chart of wiffle growth.
No, I mean, I understand the idea of an exponential curve.
Hey, hey, hey.
Are we over here whispering about how plucky these wiffles are?
What do you mean?
They're so plucky.
They're just so awkward,
and they keep saying things that just turn each other off.
Oh, yes, they're continually blowing all the good will that they've just acquired.
Hey, are we all whispering in this corner?
Yes, we are.
Are you seeing what I'm seeing?
I mean, I was going to let them be ejected,
but honestly, I don't see anything happening right now.
I know.
I mean, when he did the total pleck move.
Okay.
And then she countered with an even pleckier move.
I know.
I guess let's just see how it plays out.
Yeah, we shouldn't leave them alone.
Are you with the DeLorean?
Because it sounded like you guys.
We had a thing for a little while, but it didn't really seem to work out. Are you with the DeLorean? Because it sounded like you guys...
Honestly, we had a thing for a little while, but it didn't really seem to work out.
I mean, that's fine.
I've got a very strong male, you know, like a lot of male friends.
Oh, yeah.
I have no friends, but I have two parents.
I actually don't have any friends.
I was just kind of thought that if I countered with male friends,
you might think that I was an alpha wiffle of some sort.
Yeah.
Hey, C-53, Dark, can I talk to you guys for a second?
Yeah.
Guys, listen, you know what?
Honestly, I'm a little bit offended by your conviction
that these two aren't going to make it together.
Yes, sir, Dickson, I will bet you...
I'll bet you my salary.
Let's say a dozen croons that these two will not get together.
I'll bet you the next two weeks of my salary.
Well, that's what I'm saying.
I'm going to try to make it work with these two
because I refuse to believe that they're as plecky as you say that they are.
Oh, wow.
A pleck trying to help two plecs get it together?
Could there be anything plec-ier?
I'm rooting for them, okay?
I'm rooting for them, and I'm rooting for myself,
you know, by proxy around them.
Hey, can I get it on this wager?
I'm going to just wager all my gas.
Like, for sure, this is not going to happen.
Please don't bet your gas, Bargy.
So plec, two plecs, meeting in a plec place. Plec times plec. Please don't bet your gas, Bargy.
Oh my god.
So Poof, are you familiar with the Nebula Chronicles?
Are you kidding?
Yeah.
Are you kidding me right now?
I've been to literally every single signing.
What's your favorite character?
Praunch.
Well, everybody knows that Praunch is actually one of the...
No, it's one of the lamest characters.
King Zellwan is actually the best character.
Anybody with half a brain...
Are you kidding me?
No, you're actually not a real fan.
No, if you think Praunch is a real fan, you're actually not a fan.
He's literally the worst character.
The worst character?
Yeah, he's all ego, and he has nothing to him.
Are you kidding me right now? Wait. Honestly, you just seem like every other blue you know what i mean like every single blue is like oh the king i want to be like the king is like what you know
what's wrong with me i'm just trying to find a hot pink that will take care of me
okay hold on a second hold on wait fluff what come on what i just on a second. Hold on a second. Hold on. Wait, Fluff.
What?
Come on.
What?
I just want a hot, shapely, like just a super round pink.
Like just like so round and so pink.
You know what?
A lot of ovals are fine.
Ovals are fine.
You're so oval.
You're so oval, though.
Don't oval shame.
No, but what I want is like.
Fluff, you are also for a blue.
What?
You are very shapely. No, but what I want is like... Fluff, you are also for a blue. What? You are very shakily at all.
What?
No, see, what I want...
You're cool and everything, but I want a pink that's like...
Do you...
I want a pink that's like perfectly round, you know?
She's like just totally like a perfect circle.
That's an unrealistic ideal.
But also she like cares for me and like takes care of me.
Honestly, like pinks don't even look like that in real life, you know?
No, but the pinks in the Nebula Chronicles are entirely that way.
They're fictional.
The pinks...
Nebula Chronicles are fictional.
It's based on true lore.
It's based on true lore.
If you were even a real fan, you would understand that this is all commentary on society.
I am a real...
How dare you?
How dare you?
You're a fake fan.
You're a pink fan.
That's not real.
You son of a...
Oh, you're gonna call me son of a gorp?
Yeah.
How typical for a pink.
A pinkanista always coming at me.
You know what?
I don't need your blue-splaining, okay?
All I want is just like a firm, round little pink, but also small somehow.
You know what?
You don't look bristly at all like the other blues.
I'm incredibly bristly.
No, you're not. You're downy.
I'm not downy.
Can I talk to you privately really quickly?
Can I come?
No.
Okay.
Okay, now I think it's building to a hate-junk situation.
Oh, no, you're right. We've got to defuse that somehow.
I do not want to lose my salary to play.
I don't have 12 croons. I don't even have 12 croons.
I just assumed I would win them.
I can help out, guys.
I'm in the circle, too.
I can make it really cold.
Really cold?
If the temperature is cold, people do not want to jerk, regardless of how they feel about each other.
Sometimes people jerk when it's very cold.
Just for the sake of it.
It'll bring them closer together.
Take that back, okay?
No, Barge, we've got to think like Plek.
Hey, Plek. Hmm? It doesn't look like it's going so hot over there.
Why don't you help them out?
Yeah, thank you. I think I will.
Yeah, poof.
Man, you're just getting on me all riled up.
You know what? I wouldn't chuck you with her flip-flip.
Oh, yeah, you wouldn't chuck me? I bet we would chuck at her.
Hey, guys, guys, listen.
We gotta stop fighting.
We gotta stop fighting each other, you're never going to realize how perfect
you are for each other if you keep all this back and forth.
What the Chuck?
What the Chuck are you talking about?
Yeah.
No.
No, we're not.
We're just mad at each other.
Yeah.
Okay.
We're not perfect for each other.
No.
I mean, just because we like all the same stuff.
Yeah.
I want a pink that's like No. I mean, just because we like all the same stuff. Yeah. Like, we're both ovals. I want
a pink that's like...
Brown. I get that.
So I live with my parents. You both
live with your parents? Yeah, we both live with our parents. So?
It's not a big deal. So what? It's not a big deal.
It's a very... How old are you?
I'm
420 years old.
I'm only 420.
How old are you?
400.
The perfect pink is like 180, because it's just like...
Oh, for the love of...
A 180-year-old pink is barely even a fully-formed wiffle.
Can I talk to you for a second?
Can I talk to you for a second?
Fine.
Honestly, I'm here, and I'm just going to intrude all the time.
Sure, no, yeah, that makes sense.
Hey, guys, I think it's I'm just going to intrude all the time. That makes sense. We've accepted that. Hey, guys,
I think it's going pretty well over there with those two. I think you guys
should get ready to lose those croons.
Ambassador Dixit, are you still
pursuing this over the sake of a few croons?
I mean... Imagine, if you will,
having no room aboard the
Bargerian Jade for anything but wiffles.
And when I say room, I mean
the interior of your lungs. You'd be inhaling wiffles. Well when I say room, I mean the interior of your lungs.
You'd be inhaling wiffles.
Well, you know what? It's a matter of principle
at this point, okay? Because you guys
said that two plex couldn't
make it work together, and I'm gonna be
the plex that comes in and makes it work.
Okay? Because a plex can fall
in love, okay? A plex can be happy.
So, I'm gonna prove you guys
wrong, and I'm gonna be right i think you
will derive small satisfaction from being correct when you are choking on a whiffle that has entered
your windpipe so what do you even mean we're talking about blue privilege do you know what
i mean like what are you even talking about like as a blue you have things that pinks don't have
i don't think that's true you know what i mean i think if purples if purples and pinks don't have or purples you don't have. You know what I mean?
I think if purples and pinks wanted it,
they could get it. You know what I mean? I don't think that...
See, that's the thing. Like, if you were
sitting at the front of a
heme whore, right? If you were sitting at the front
of a heme whore and you're trying to throw
a piece of paper
at the front wall, right?
If you're sitting in the front row, it'd be easier.
And if you're sitting in the back row, you just don't realize you're sitting in the front row,
not the back row.
You know, I've never thought about it that way.
You know?
Do you know what I mean?
You know what?
I really appreciate you having this honest discourse with me
where you're being open and receptive.
Hey, guys, I just want to butt in here real quick
and say it's going great.
What? Are you butting in?
No, I'm sorry.
Would you just shut up?
Just go away. Just go the fuck awayting in? No, I'm sorry. Would you just shut up? Just go away.
Just go away.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I don't even know where we...
Yeah.
So...
Never mind.
No, I thought we had a moment, but...
Yeah.
Here.
Yeah, I don't know.
Is that a rash?
Because I have a rash.
I already...
Yeah, see, I'm sorry.
I already have...
I'm already seeing another wiffle.
She lives on...
She lives on Kornak.
Oh, yeah.
I'm sure you do on Kornak.
No, I have a picture.
No, she lives on Kornak.
Everybody's got a wiffle on Kornak.
No, she lives on Kornak, but she's super round.
Ugh, right.
I'm sure you have a super round.
She's 200 years old.
You wouldn't know her.
What is her name, Fluff?
What's her name? That's three, a super out. She's 200 years old. You wouldn't know her. What is her name, Fluff? What's her name?
That's three, two, one.
It's taking too long.
Yeah, there's no Wiffle.
Okay, there is no Wiffle.
I don't have a pink friend.
I don't have a mate.
There's a lot of pressure to be blue, and it's just like.
Can I be honest?
I haven't...
This is embarrassing.
I haven't reproduced before with anybody, so...
Really?
Yeah.
I totally have.
Really?
So much.
Oh, yeah, I guess most wiffles have.
I just haven't.
Yeah, no, I totally filled a sector with all my progeny.
It's crazy.
A whole sector?
A whole sector?
That seems, that's not possible.
You don't have to lie to me if you don't want to.
I've never reproduced.
I've never reproduced.
That is all right.
Ambassador Dexeter has never reproduced either.
Oh, I could get that by the time you...
He's also a virgin.
Yeah, I mean, nothing to be ashamed of.
Yeah, get in there and talk about being a virgin. Come on.
Poof and I are both, I would say, ashamed of being virgin.
Oh, am I supposed to be?
I'm feeling like I'm taking my time and that's fine by me.
You know?
Hey, let me give you a little advice, okay?
Okay.
Love isn't real.
What?
It's a fake thing.
Oh, boy.
Created by, I don't know, an old wizard.
If I've learned anything from my time with Tiny Toots,
it's just go for it, put your thing into another person's things,
have no regrets.
At the end of the day, we're all going to die, right?
Whoa, Parchee. That is a, that's an intense philosophy.
Well, uh, I mean, I will say that you,
the reference that you made to the Nebula Chronicles earlier was very accurate.
Um, and I'll admit that it was, um, pretty impressive
that you immediately knew about the king.
And also that you took the words right out of my mouth before.
Can I just talk to you for a second?
I would like to let you know that this is going pretty well.
I think Bargy's little pep talk did some good.
And I think I'm going to win this bet.
Ambassador Techsetter, are you a dingus?
If you win the bet, the ship is full of wiffles.
Honestly, I just regret saying what I just said.
I was just saying it because it's natural to me,
but I'm realizing the implications.
All right, all right.
Barj, we get it.
Plek provoked you by bringing up Tiny Toot so many times.
Yeah.
Okay, guys, I admit it.
I went to the mat on this one Okay, guys. I admit it. I went
to the mat on this one just on principle.
I take it back. Bet's off.
Let's call these guys off and
then we can get back to work.
You can't call it off.
Oh, no.
I was lying.
Your shape is perfect.
I like this log.
It's great.
Hello.
Your shape is perfect.
Oh, I like this vlog.
It's great. Hello.
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Hi. Hi.
Hi. Hi.
Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Attention, attention.
This is Rebel Leader Sisu Gundu with a vital communication.
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Signing off!
Poof.
Thank you for understanding that we had to just bring you back to this planet.
It wasn't anything personal.
You know, it's not you, it's us.
It's us and our tiny little ship, and we just couldn't hold all of your 30,000 kids.
Oh, I understand, you know.
If it were up to me, you'd be on the ship for the rest of the missions, you know, for...
Because you have strong feelings for me
despite our special differences
totally that's part of it
listen what we had is over
and I need you to accept it right now
okay
I have progeny now
and I need you to not stand between our
relationship
I'm broken up about it but I'm setting you free
you know if you really
say it yeah I mean if you really If you really
Say it yeah I mean if
If you really love someone you set them free
And that's sort of like the situation
I'm just saying that that could be
Yeah totally totally
But anyway thanks for understanding
I will see you
Maybe later
I don't think I don't know
Okay yep
Alright goodbye bye floof
bye that's not my name bye poof take care i love you okay
huh well that wasn't so bad right guys huh
not too bad everybody Everybody's safe?
We got all the wiffles off the ship?
Everybody's happy?
Okay.
Well, I will say, even if you're not going to talk to me, you gotta fork over those croons, buds.
C-53.
Dar.
Okay, you know what?
You can just tell me. That's fine fine but i will say that we figured it
out everybody's fine i mean i guess they're probably on the planet reproducing right now
which is i mean kind of not our problem at this point so mining rights right guys
well you know what i you know what fine keep money. It doesn't matter. I can sleep better knowing that I was right,
and it just, I needed a win.
You know, I just needed a win today.
Who had 34 seconds?
Me, I did. I won.
Duh! You are so good at this, Margie.
Yeah.
What?
We all put a bet in to see how long it would take you
before you realized that the silent treatment
was going to crush you from the inside
and you would give us back all of our money.
And I won.
You won?
Yep.
What'd you win?
A coming message from Nermator Balagor.
I get to say that.
Hey, what's up, Nermator Balagor?
Hey, Nerm.
We're going to do a little detour back to Planet of Coal.
Yeah, I heard.
And guess what I'm holding in my hand here.
What's that?
Your hand has to be in frame.
Sorry, I'll stand on my desk.
That's not anything.
Yeah, exactly.
You know what should be in my hand?
The mining rights agreement, which has now been canceled.
Why?
Why?
Because you returned 30,002 wiffles to the planet.
Is that a lot?
Apparently, they gave you those wiffles to get rid of them,
and now they've ripped up the mining agreement.
So they hated us.
I mean, they hate you now.
They hate the whole alliance.
But they hated us before. So any agreement to get the. They hate the whole Alliance. But they hated us before.
So I need agreement to get the wiffles off the planet?
This makes so much sense.
Yeah.
They didn't find his joke funny.
They were faking it.
This checks out.
Oh, gosh.
I was...
I've been thinking about that all day.
Yeah.
What's the difference between a Teleria and a Flarn?
Is it an inherently funny statement?
No, it's not just all... The answer is just a long list of attributes. Yeah, but some of those attributes are funny.
Well, onwards and upwards, I guess.
Yeah, okay, so we have some other paperwork.
We actually have a...
We have another mission?
No, we have, as you may know, a lot of the ambassador teams get lots of mail.
I walk by the mail room every day, and there's a lot of the ambassador teams get lots of mail. I walk by the mail room every day and there's a lot of mail.
And the missions operations managers spend a lot of time reading fan mail to the teams.
Well, we haven't received anything.
No, that's what I'm saying.
We got our first fan letter.
That's what I'm saying.
What?
Yeah.
This came into our crew at mission2 six dot space email address oh yeah email email
electronic mail no i know what email is yeah we've been using it for forever yeah decades at this
point so this is this is actually it's a question so it doesn't count as fan mail i think it should
fans ask questions no fans make statements yeah that's true that's mostly
mostly fans right to be like i like what you do it could be an inquiry from a critic i don't know
sure sure go ahead all right i think we should take it okay yeah now let's take it so here
look at this is to you c53 C-53, why do you address
Junior Missions Operations Manager
Nermit Bundeloy, that's me,
by his complete title
and full name, but only
refer to Ambassador Dexeter
solely by his title
and last name question mark?
You wrote that, didn't you?
No, no, no, this is from
Benjamin Sin.
Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermermin Pumboi.
Is Benjamin Sin an alias of yours?
No.
No, no, this is like a real, it's a real letter.
They really want to know a pretty boring question.
But do you write books as Benjamin Sin?
Because I want to read things by Benjamin Sin.
It's a pretty sexy gnome de plume.
He signed it all hail the Federated Alliance, which is good,
because if you don't put that in there, I don't think they get it.
Yeah, I think they burn your letters.
Yeah, they burn it right up.
That's a question with a very simple answer.
Junior missions operations manager.
Slash Benjamin Sin.
No.
How can you remember Nermit's fake name, but you don't know his real name?
That is a really good question.
C-53, you were explaining?
Yes, I'm happy to refer to you, Ambassador Dexeter, by a shortened form of address because we are on the same level in terms of the Federated Alliance hierarchy.
However, Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermit Ben-Loi, you reside one rank above me.
Therefore, it is only proper that I refer to you both with complete title and name address.
Oh, I like that.
Okay, so just, sorry, say that all again.
I'm going to write it down.
No.
For Benjamin's sin.
Yeah, it's probably fine.
I am transcribing what I said now.
Oh, okay.
And I'm sending it out.
Great.
I mean, I don't like to feel
that I'm above you,
so I feel like you should
just take the junior out.
We could maybe call you
just junior.
No.
Or I am allowed to shorten
to the preferred nomenclature
of J-Mom,
if that is preferable.
J-I'll remember J-Mom.
No.
I'll remember J-Mom.
Huh.
I bet we're gonna have to beef up the servers now.
What do you mean?
The email that's going to be rolling.
Yeah.
I think that is perhaps an optimistic view of how much email we will receive.
Now that we got one.
I mean, yeah, one first and then more.
I just sent an email.
Who'd you send an email to?
I sent it to the crew.
Oh, wait, it came in.
There it is.
It came in.
All right, let me read this.
Nope, not going to read.
Bargy, that is disgusting.
Bargy.
She just used asterisks to make a butt.
Wait, multiple asterisks?
She's like drawing with asterisks and making a tellurian butt. I can imagine
using that one asterisk to make a butt.
Well, you can't make an entire tellurian
butt with one asterisk.
Just, he means the hole. Well, sure,
the hole, but the hole is not the butt.
That's a fair point.
The hole butt contains the butthole.
But the butthole is not
the whole butt See you next time. Security Officer Dar was played by Ali Kokesh. Bargy the Ship was played by Mujan Zalfagari.
Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermin Bundeloy was played by Seth Lind.
Fluff the Wiffle was played by Winston Knoll.
Poof the Wiffle was played by special guest Lorraine Sink.
Lorraine is a professional geek, writer, and host of Thwip,
the big Marvel show and the Marvel Minute every week on Marvel.com. Or see her
perform live in NYC every Tuesday with Honeymoon at the Magnet Theater or Wednesdays with Hero
Complex at the Pit in NYC. Follow her on Twitter at Lorraine Sink. Mission to Six is recorded at
Bronze Studios in Greenpoint, Brooklyn by engineer Shane O'Connell. This episode edited by Seth Lind.
With sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell.
Music by Brendan Ryan.
Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley.
Also known as the better Jeremy.
Ship design for the Bargeria Jade by Eric Gois.
Mission to Ziggs is brought to this galaxy by Audioboom.
Thanks, Audioboom.
Don't forget to check out our website at missiontoziggs.space
where you can contact the crew by delicious merchandise
and get info about our upcoming live performances.
Oh, I love the king.
I want to be like the king.
What's wrong with me?
I'm just trying to find a hot pink that will take care of me.
Oh, God.
Okay, wait, wait.
No, no, wait.
No, hold on a second.
Hold on a second.
Hold on.
What's your name again?
What's your name?
Fluff.
Fluff.
Wait, Fluff.
What?
Come on.
What?
I just want a hot shapely, like just a super round pink.
Like just so round and super pink. You know what?
A lot of ovals are fine.
No, but see what I want.
You're cool and everything, but I want a pink
that's like... Yes, please. Yep. You have to.
Like perfect.
Do it. Do it. I want a pink that's
like, you know, like perfect.
Do it. Do it. No one look at him okay
you know i want to paint this like perfectly round you know