Mission To Zyxx - 111: It's Hard Out Here For a Blimp [ft. Jordan Carlos]

Episode Date: November 15, 2017

The crew embarks on a risky rescue mission on the outskirts of Zyxx. Pleck gets a nickname. Dar considers a career change. What does a son mean to a mother? Featuring: Jeremy Bent as C-53 Alden Ford as Pleck Decksetter Allie Kokesh as Dar Seth Lind as Nermut Bundaloy, Space Slug and Councilor Runff Winston Noel as C.L.I.N.T and Blimpie Moujan Zolfaghari as Bargie and Tillion Runff With special guest Jordan Carlos as IQQ Edited by Seth Lind Recorded at Braund Studios by Shane O’Connell Sound Design and Mix by Shane O’Connell Music by Brendan Ryan Additional music by Shane O’Connell Opening Crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley Ship design for The Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz

The period of civil war has ended. The rebels have defeated the evil Galactic Monarchy and established the harmonious Federated Alliance. Now, Ambassador Plek Dexeter and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to explore astounding new worlds, discover their heroic destinies, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff. This is Mission 226. Plek? Yeah?

You've been in my room again. I... I... I... I... I... I... Can you tell me what you were snooping for? I wasn't snooping. I would never snoop in your room, Dar. You know that. Then what were you doing in my room? I... I wanted to look at the gun. You wanted to look at the gun? Yeah, I just wanted to... I wanted to see it, because I've never...

Oh, fine. Look at the gun all Yeah, I just wanted to see it, because I've never... Oh, fine. Look at the gun all you want. Oh, where was that? Where was it? Yeah, where was it just now? I keep it in a very special place. Okay. Inside of me.

I guess that's... Listen, I'm sorry I went into your room. First of all, it's much larger than mine, which seems fair because you're so much larger than me, but also, like, I have to sort of sleep at an angle. I basically have a closet. You're welcome to use my charging cabinet if you prefer. Is it bigger

than my room? It's much smaller. Oh. Now, see, that's not really... I can... I don't want to alarm anybody, but my son's gonna be visiting me today. What? My son. You have a son? Yeah, he's coming over, so if you don't mind, you clean up your language, okay? Yeah, yeah, totally. What? You have a son? Yeah, yeah, totally.

Bargy. Yeah. I thought Blimpy and you weren't talking anymore. He decided not to be a ship. He decided instead to become an amusement park. But once a year, he comes over and visits me, and today's that day. Wow, that's great that you have a relationship with Blimpie. Yeah, we're happy for you. Barjee, can I ask, how does that work? What does it mean when you say you have a son? That's a very... I'm sorry.

Extremely personal question. I don't understand how the mechanics What does a son mean to a mother? Is that what you're asking? Do they not have sons and mothers?

No they absolutely they absolutely do they absolutely do I just were you like did you build Blimpy? Did I build

my son? My son is its own person Honestly sometimes I want to throw you off the ship and have you explode No no no no I don't Like I'm I want to throw you off the ship and have you explode. No, no, no, no, I don't. Like I'm this close to throwing you off my ship. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I just feel like I know less now than I did when I started asking. Ambassador Dexeter, all of this information is in freely available personnel files. I guess. What do you do with all your free time in your small slanted room? Well, okay, so the data pad that the Alliance gave me, it has this... Have you been playing Flappy Garfunkel? Yes. What level are you on?

I've gotten to like 16. 16? Yeah, that's pretty good. That's very low. You're spending all your free time and you're only at level 16? I can't move my... I can't get a good angle on the data pad when I'm in my room, so I have to. Ambassador Dixon, I have an incoming transmission from Junior Missions Operations Manager, Nermit.

Oh, okay. Hey, Nermit. Hey, guys. Hey. Why are you whispering? Why are you so quiet? What? Well, okay, just hang on one sec.

I gotta, I'm gonna shut my door. Okay. Okay. Just one sec, I'm gonna to shut my door. Okay. Okay. Just one second. I'm going to pull down these blinds. You have a window in your office? No, it's just, it's cover. I'm going to cover this poster.

Why do you have blinds in front of a poster? The poster to be spying on you. With what I'm about to tell you, you can't be too safe. I'm just going to turn down my monitor brightness. That doesn't. That doesn't. All right, so this is a mission unlike any mission we've been tasked with. It's top secret. That doesn't... That doesn't... Oh. Sure.

Yeah. I, uh, honk my oar three times and go backwards for 30 seconds. It's very conspicuous. I also possess only two digits. Just that thing. Shall I raise the second digit? It sounds like you shouldn't make us put up our pinkies. I was specifically instructed

if we just whatever the closest thing to a pinky is. Update my popcorn is broken. What? Does that mean you're not swearing? I don't know. Oh, gosh. Well, time is of the essence, so here's the deal. Dar has a pinky. Oh, Dar, Dar,

Dar, that's not, don't hold that up. Can you put that, Dar, put it away? Do you want me to put it away? Yes. Nermit. I mean, no, what will make you do it? Put it, just put it back in the chute or flap or put it back.

Okay, fine. As we have discussed, Junior Missions Operations Manager, and I'm at Bundle-Up, chutes are for moving things out of Tara's body. Okay, I bet he... It would be inappropriate to return it to a chute. All right, sorry. I'm just a little worked up because I've never been trusted with this level of classified information,

and it's going to blow your minds or processors or whatever. So here's the deal. Pinky's out. Pinky's out. Swear. I have extended my rightmost digit. All right, here's the deal. Pinky's out. Pinky's out. Swear. I have extended my rightmost digits. All right. Here's my pinky. I'm going backwards.

Okay, that's as good as we're going to get. And swear. Oh, my horn works. Oh, I like that. It's very kitschy. All right. Obviously, you know the Council of Seven. Yeah, we all know the Council of Seven.

Well, not personally, but we are familiar know the Council of Seven. Yeah, we all know the Council of Seven. Well, not personally, but we are familiar with the Council. We're familiar with the seven best friends that run the Federated Alliance. Okay, so, Counselor Runf. Which one's that? Four or five? Four. Oh, okay. As you may know, her son, Tillion Runf, sometimes ends up in the tabloids and... Did his son become an amusement park, too?

I have no idea what that would mean. Bargy has a son. He's coming to visit today, actually. Yeah, he's coming, huh? Oh, Bargy, that's sweet. Thank you. The days I forget he exists because obviously he's done nothing good. Okay, well, that's fun.

Tillion Rumpf. Okay. Is lost in space. Space? No. No. Tillion Rumpf is lost in the Zank District of Zix. The Zank District? Yes.

I assume you know what that means. You've been in Zix for a while. It's basically where all the, you know, the really, really dicey stuff goes down. It's a lot of dealing and a lot of doing. Ambassador Dexeter, can I assume you have not read my presentation on the Zink District? Listen, that Garfon is not going to flap itself.

C-53. Ambassador Dexeter, the Zink District is equivalent to what you might know as a red-light district. Yes, exactly. Oh, okay. Young Tillion Rumpf went there with a lot of croons in his pocket. He was due back at his college,

and he has not returned. He's been there for two months longer than he's supposed to be, and you guys... Two months? Yes. He's missed many of his classes, and you guys are... Tillion Rumpf is a notorious bon vivant.

Yes, you could say that... What language is that? Bon vivant? Bon vivant? What language is that? Isn't that Tullerian? I don't... I don't think so. Maybe let's stop translating correctly, then. Huh. So anyway, he's been missing in the Zank district for two months.

Barji is the closest ship, and so we've been entrusted with this information. You need to get him out of there. Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundle, might I say that this is an operation perhaps slightly above our pay grade? If we save Counselor Runth's son from the... the what district? The Zank District. There's a whole report about it in your room. Also, Fleck, I'd like to point out,

I've been playing Flappy Garfon this whole time, and I'm already at level five. You guys, focus. I'm sorry. Okay. Listen, if we save Counselor Runt's son, then we should get something, right? I believe I misunderstood.

My implication was that we are actually not cleared for a mission of this gravity. Well, technically that's true. Dealing directly with family members of the Council of Seven is at least a Senior Missions Operations Manager responsibility. Of course we're not cleared for this. If they assigned

it to a Senior Missions Operations Manager, they'd have to admit that it's happening. You know what I mean? I'm going to show you something. Do you see this? Whoa. What? Cool. They don't even want a record of this. I am now compiling a false record for our activities for the next 24 hours. Oh, can you put in there that I'm doing something real cool? I would seem out of character and perhaps raise suspicion at the Federated Alliance Archives. Okay.

Fair enough. Already up to level nine? C53, do you have the coordinates? I can't even tell what's been transmitted to you. I have received information. Okay, okay, okay, okay. You know what? This team is flying into the deep, dark heart of the Federated Alliance.

I could not be more proud of you. I am shaking. Yeah, it's very obvious. I would say quivering maybe would be. Yeah, it's very obvious. I would say quivering, maybe, would be. Yeah, yeah. Trembling? Yep, quaking. Yep, pretty scared.

Nermit, thanks for entrusting us with this. You know what? We won't let you down. I could not be more excited for you, and I'm going to be sitting here with this shades drawn, ready for info. No, you could probably just go about your day. Nope, nope. I'm going to sit. I'm gonna pee in this jar. against the corrupt Federated Alliance comes from Casper. You spend a third of your life sleeping, so you should be comfortable. Casper mattresses combine multiple supportive memory foams for a sleep surface with the right amount of sink and bounce.

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and get $50 toward any mattress purchased by visiting casper.com slash zix and using promo code zix at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. That's casper.com slash zix. Promo code zix. See Sue Gundu. Till next time. Whoa, this place is cool.

Yeah. I don't think I've ever seen a hangar bay with, like, velvet on the walls. Get down on the ground. Oh, wow. Get down on the ground. Okay, okay. Jeez. Get down on the ground.

All hail the Federated Alliance. Yeah, all hail the Federated Alliance. I'm just jucking with you. What? I'm just, um, Juck, I'm dusted up. I'm sorry. Whoa. I'm serious dust.

What the Juck? These mother Juckers won't anyway. Oh, look. This is the big boss. The head guy. Oh, wow. This is IQQ. What's up, y'all?

How you doing? Spread love. Oh, hey, IQ is IQQ. What's up, y'all? How you doing? Spread love. Oh, hey, IQQ? Yeah. Is that your first name? Yeah, it's my first, it's my last, it's my everything. Oh, wow. Cool, cool, cool.

Hey. Come on in. Thank you, thank you. Yeah, man. This is a very, I have to say, this is one of the most intimate hangar bays I've ever been in. Thank you very much, intimate hangar bay. Yeah. Hey, IQQ?

Yeah, man? Can you set me up with my regular tonight? Oh, absolutely. Andromeda? Yeah. I can do that. Well, hold up. Hold up. Let me check your iCal. You're good. All right. Yeah. Hey, you guys, this guy's the best.

Yeah. Well, he said. Well, uh... This is highly unusual behavior from Clint. Yeah, that was the most laid-back Clint I've ever seen. When you go looking for the Clint, you find it. I get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's a sexual joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I made a sexual joke. Do you get it, Cleck? Are you sure? I think I do. We could ask him to explain it. I think I sexual joke. Do you get it, Plek? Are you sure? I think I do. We could ask him to explain it. I think I do. Now, you explain it, Plek.

That's your name, Plek? Yep, yep, yep. Plek. I don't know about that. No? You need a new name. Oh, sure. Yeah. Sugar Cane. Sugar Cane? Sugar Cane. Come on in here, Sugar cane? Sugar cane. Oh.

Come on in here, sugar cane. All right. Wow. Wow. Your shoulders are so high. Oh, yeah. That's because I'm very nervous most of the time. Bring him down.

Okay. All right. Yep. Everybody, come on in here. Look. Oh, Lord, look at you. Now, this is Dar. Me. Dar.

Dar, you a star. Come on in here. I don't mean a red dwarf. I'm talking about a giant. Yeah, Dar is very large. Yeah, you are. I could use somebody in this facility like yourself. Oh, thank you. Yeah.

What's your ship's name? Oh, this is Bargerian Jade. Bargerian... Woo! That's right, I'm just hovering above. Oh, you get Bargerian Jade. Bargerian... Woo! That's right, I'm just hovering above. Oh, you get your ass in here. Quit hovering. Get your...

You turn off... I really don't like to get involved, but... You turn off those magnetic fields. Get your ass in here. Oh, he's a sweet one. He's a sweetie right here. One more direct hit to the rear deflector shield. I tell you what.

Let me drop some of my oil on you. No! That's her whole thing. Margie loves that. How did you know? Well, y'all are welcome. Y'all are welcome. Thank you, thank you. Hey, listen, you know, I'm with the Federated Alliance. This is C-53.

This is our protocol droid. Oh, what's up, my man? How you doing? How's it going? You know, I can't tell it, you know what I'm saying? I'm just a tellurian just trying to make as many croons as possible,

you know what I'm saying? This is an extremely involved handshake. Rod damn right. Well, I'm familiar with many types of handshakes. You can keep up. It's still going.

You all right, man. You can hang out. And the rest of y'all can hang out too because let me tell you something about the zinc district, man. Do you know about the zinc district? Uh, no, because let me tell you something about the Zinc District, man. Do you know about the Zinc District? No, actually, I hadn't heard of the Zinc District until—

Many come, few conquer. Oh, yeah, yeah. Many come. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you get that plaque? Yeah, I think I get it. How deep you like your puns, sugar cane? How deep you like your puns, sugar cane?

I mean, let's go all the way, man. Why y'all come here, man? Well, you know, we're just here to... How do you like them? What? Like what? You know, your thoroughbreds. Oh. Yeah.

You like that? Oh, who are these? Greetings, I will do it. It's a very early model sex droid. That's true. That is an early model sex droid. The OS system is terrible. Yeah.

But some people get off on it. Yeah, many people enjoy a retro experience. Yeah, people like that. You know, hey, man, you can get freaky on the doorknob if you want to, and here, it don't matter, man. Sure, sure. You know? So what do you want?

What do I want? How many croons do you bring? You celebrating something? Yeah, you know, I don't have a bunch of croons. My job is sort of terrible when it comes to payment. Okay. So I'm just sort of in it for maybe just looking around. Looking around. Yeah, just looking around. Looking around. Yeah, just looking around.

Lex, turn off the streaming and listen to you. Yeah, well, you know, just looking around. Who window shops? Yeah, exactly. You window shop. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You came all the way to the Zinc District to window shop. Ambassador Duxeter, it may be necessary for you to go forward on this planet.

And if we are to find Killian Rance. Yeah, you're right, you're right. So, listen, IQQ, very excited about this. Just show me to the hall of... Yes? The old client room. Sex hall? The sex hall, yeah.

Come on in, y'all, to the sex hall. Can I ask you a question? Please. Is this whole planet like this? Not yet. It's gonna be. Oh, great, great. So you're building an empire here. Empire?

Oh, that one I understood. That one I understood. What about you, friend? Sorry? Dar? What you in the market for?

I'm almost at level 19. Dar's been playing this. What? What you talking about? Flappy Garfunkel. Oh, Flappy Garfunkel? That shit is easy. I agree.

But no, thank you. I don't pay. You don't pay. Let me ask y'all. Let me ask y'all. Let me ask our question. Do you like what you do for a living? That's a really good question. I like it in theory, and I think that the adventure really appeals.

Thank you, Bargy, for honestly answering that. Here, come on, let's walk and talk. Okay, okay. Okay. Now, now, you know, you're seeing everything, and you see that I have the best in all the land, right? But let me ask you a question. Have you ever thought, for a second, I don't like going around to different systems, to quasars, to moons, to gaseous balls.

Sure. Could I possibly do something else? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Dara talks about that all the time. All the time. Don't you have different sex bits that could... You could tell just from looking at me?

I got the eye. Don't I have the eye? Yeah, you got the eye. Damn, I got six on my head. Now, let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. Looking at a specimen like yourself, you could fetch a very fine

price at market. Oh. A very fine price. You're saying selling my bits. Selling your bits. Not disembodied. How much are we talking? Oh my, how many croons? Oh my god.

At least. What at least? At least. I'd say like maybe 320 croons. Kabam! 320 croons. What do you think? Ka-ka-ka-kow.

Once like up front or like every time? Well, it's up to you. You finance it, whatever you want to do. Dara, 320 croons is like more than I make in a week. Yes. That's good. Um, Dad? Yeah, go ahead. We're having some trouble with the, uh,

rich, the rich boy. Oh, not him. Yeah, he's been throwing up. He's been throwing up. He's been throwing up and crying. Wait, throwing up? Yeah, he has a lot of hot vomit, this kid. Hey, you know, we could go maybe just talk to him if you wanted us to. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

We should just go see what... You want to pay for that? For the rich boy? For the rich kid? To see him throw up. No, no, no, no, no, no. Is this what you're into? No, no, no, no, no, no.

That's what blows your hair back. That's not really... Tellurians are crazy. I's what blows your hair back. That's not really. Tellurian's crazy. I like it. Come on back here. It would be best if you pretended you were into it. Yeah, yeah. Listen.

So you're not into it? You into it? Yeah, I mean, I'll just check it out. I'll check it out. I do it. I do it. You like to J.O. the Violent, don't you? Yep, that's me.

Come on back here, boy. That's me. Old sugar cane. All y'all like that? Not as much as Plek So he should definitely be front row Sugar cane, come on Yep, yep

Now, you know, I haven't had this business going on in 10 years That's really crazy, man You know, you have no idea how many hang-ups you have And problems and outflow of income And people coming and going and raids and things like that It's crazy, you know But it's the best business in the world.

Whoa, is this a glory wall? This whole glory wall. If you like anthropods around your thang, do it. Oh, I knew it. Wow. If you like tentacles around your testicles, this is the wall for you. This wall

is unbelievable. Thank you. This wall is unbelievable. Thank you. There are a lot of electrical sockets here at C-53. Well, not necessarily a USB port, one of them. IQQ, do you mind if I engage with one of these ports? See, when you're not streaming, you're bad. If I'm not streaming, I am allowed a number of liberties that are not permitted while I am streaming.

Sure, sure. How many amps do you want, new friend? Next, my memory. Whoa! C-53! This is the reason why we kept the USB port! Finally! Oh, boy.

Listen, C-53. We have reached completion. Oh. We can continue. That was very Listen, C-53. We have reached completion. Oh. We can continue. Ambassador Jack Sutter. Great. That was very efficient. I like to watch that.

Oh. Oh, come on. Oh, man. Is that the guy? Yeah, right there. Is that the rich guy? Come on, come on. Get your weenie out.

Let's go. No, you know what? I just... Oh, you like to do it over your clothes? No. Oh, you nasty, you know what? Oh, you like to do it over your clothes? No. Oh, you nasty. You know what? I think what I kind of like to do is

look at it and then think about it way later. So I'm just going to look now and think about it later. Let me hit the code here. I'm sorry. I didn't know there would be people watching me. Well, we got you an audience, young man. How you doing, 1%? It's such a lovely day, isn't it?

Yeah, it is. It is a lovely day. And we brought some people that want to, you know, they want to watch you do your thing. This is what I love about this place. There are absolutely no rules. I go in here. I have the time of my life. People watch me have the time of my life. I could vomit freely without somebody judging me, like my mummy.

I can do whatever I like. And you like vomiting. I love it. You know why? It's the most organic thing you could ever do in your entire life. You're bringing out part of yourself and placing it on the floor. It's like Tellurian gardening. Sure.

Where you are, in fact, the... We've had to pitch the floor a little bit. I'm never going back home. Nothing can ever convince me. Listen, IQQ, could you grab me a towel? Yeah, okay. You know how to jerk off, right? Do you know how to jerk off?

Do you? Yes, yes, I know how to do it. I just want to do it later. We have space slugs available. Oh, no. We have space slugs available to jerk off. No, I'm fine with... Don't be ashamed.

Yeah, this is Dandu. And we'll do it for you if you want. Slug's available to jerk. Don't be ashamed. This is Dandu. And we'll do it for you if you want. I'm really not interested. It's just a couple of crumbs. Alright, you know where to find us. Thanks. Alright. It's embarrassing you don't want to get jerked off by

a space slug. I just want a moment alone with this. You want the room. You want the room this you want the room you want the room yeah that's all you want the room you want to even just say that can i have a room please i will be i will i will get that towel for you iqq you're the best all right you're the best sure yes please wow that was very fast. Your answer, very soft. Jeez, never punch me. Hey, Dar, can you lift him?

Yeah, but we can't just walk him out of the building. We need to hide him somewhere. We need to stash him inside of me. Oh, wow. Can you do that? Yeah. See, could you just help me real quick? I can't get the shoulder up in here.

Does this help? It does. Alright. I got your tail out here. Oh, hey, just one second, IQQ. How long is it going to take you there? Listen, guys, what are we going to do? He's going to notice that... It takes a while because I do it weird, man. Hey, so if you give me two croons,

I'll go under the blankets of that Tellurian boy and pretend to be sleeping. Just two croons. I mean, okay, sure. Just stick it to my slab. Just stick it. Okay, okay. You gotta scoop some of my slop under it. When I'm done, they'll see my slop coming out.

Scoop it under the blanket. Just get under the blanket. Yeah, come on in. Come on in. Hey, listen. He fell asleep. So, and we're all good here. We're just going to take off.

Okay. Everything seems to be on the up and up. Yep, yep. 320 croons, please. 320 croons? 320 croons for the pleasure. That seems high. Well, you can always work it off.

Oh, does anybody come to a place like this looking for a person like me? That seems high. Well, you can always work it off. Oh. Does anybody come to a place like this looking for a person like me? I can create a market. What would that entail? I don't know. Marketing is hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He helps play on his innocence in general.

Now you've got something. Because I don't really know. I'm never jucked to anybody before. You've never jucked to anybody before? No. Hit the alarm! The next jockey will be for a better shot game. Shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot. Can I say something now? I guess so.

Are you talking about you've only made love? No, no, no. We haven't talked. We've never talked. We've never talked. We've never talked. We've never talked. What about you, Dar? I've been with over 173 different species in the galaxy, and I just accommodate them with my genitalia.

Wow. You're calling me impressed. Thank you. How do you do that? Take me to Knowledge College. I mean, I'm fortunate enough. Where am I? Huh? What's this place? Oh, boy. It's so dark in here. that take me to knowledge college I mean I'm fortunate enough to take many different shapes, and right now... You've got 1% in your body. They have shapeshifted into a... Why they shapeshifted to that? Annoying boy.

I'm going back to his room right now. Oh. Uh... Space Slug, what the hell are you doing under the bedsheets? Are you trying to pass off? In this moment? Yourself? I hear what you're saying, but the evidence is to the contrary.

Well, thanks, IQQ. Great time. Really fun time. Thank you so much. Y'all taking my merch? Y'all taking my merch? No, see you later. Anybody in the room?

Boss, you want us to kill them? Please. No, no, no, no. We got to go. We got to go. Bye. No, no, no. Somebody bring me my sex gun so I can blow the shit out of these people with sex.

Here it is. Thank you. Kill the power of this sex gun! Get on the ship! Get out of here! Bargy! Get out of here ship! Bergy! Bergy, we gotta go.

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Just go to MeUndies.com slash Zyxx, Z-Y-X-X for that offer. That's MeUndies.com slash Zyxx for the softest underwear you will ever own, guaranteed. Rolfus Tittle, over and out. The Alliance sucks! Alright, so that was fun, right? I think I was hit by the sex gun. I was definitely hit by the sex gun.

I don't think I was. Of course not. We were trying to shield you from the blast. Thanks, guys. You have a very weak constitution. That's true. You couldn't handle the sex gun. Maybe someday, right, guys?

Oh, sure. Yeah, sure. Sure. Anyone have a sandwich? Oh. You should probably let him out. Yes. All right.

Out of the soup. Wait a second. This is not the... What is this? Where are you taking me? Do you know who I am? I'm very important. Just play Flappy Garfun on this data pack. Here you go.

I've been on level 19 the last time I played. You're on 19. Well, I'm already at 38. What? That was so fast. Your mother Juckers is going to be on level dead. That's right. I snuck on this ship with a six gun.

One more blazing glory. I got this. I got this. Wait, what? Normally I would have to report this, but as I am not streaming, this is yet another ejection into space. We need not report. Wow.

Poor IQQ. Yeah, he wasn't that bad. He was not a bad guy. No. I feel somewhat guilty about this one. He's the only person I ever met who gave me a nickname. Oh, Sugar Cane. It just doesn't fit. Why not? Ambassador

Sugar Cane. Worse. Huh. Hey, listen, can we, C-53, can we call Dermot and let him know we found Tillian? Very well. Establishing contact with Junior Missions Operations Manager, Dermot. Hey, Nerm.

Dermot, we did it. You got Tillian Rumpf on board? Tillian Rumpf is safe and sound on the Bargerian Jade. Wow. Wow. Honestly, I had complete faith in you, but I also thought you might mess it up. Okay, sure. Thanks.

Okay, just don't look at all the jars. I'm going to move the camera. How many times did we... We were there for like two hours. I drink water when I'm nervous. All right, so this is the next phase of the mission. Tilly and Rumpf needs to be dropped at a nearby amusement park. It's a mobile amusement park.

That's my son. Oh. That's him. Okay. Wow, okay. So you're going to drop Tilly and Rumpf onto Bargy's son, and his mother is going to surreptitiously pick him up, and this will have never happened.

Shall I upload the record to you? No, no, no, no, no. I wasn't streaming, but I was, of course, recording. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It has to be destroyed. I will need to see the seal of a member of the Council of Seven to delete the footage. I used the paper with the seal to clean up a spill.

Why did you do that? One of the jars overflowed. All right, Nermit, listen, we'll drop Tillion off. We'll talk to you later. Okay, amazing work. We literally work secretly for the Council. Hi-yah! Oh, I don't know.

You did a little chop there. Yeah. I've been training with videos here. Watch this. Hi-yah! Oh, I don't know. You did a little trap there. Yeah. I've been training with videos here. Watch this. Hi-ya! Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. You spilled a lot of urine on yourself.

Yep, okay. End transmission. Bye, Nermit. son hey mom you're looking good you look thinner thanks mom you're still doing this amusement park thing that's good yeah mom i'm still an amusement park i don't you know you always go back to being a ship mom i'm i am not doing this with you today. I am in amusement park. I'm proud of it. I've worked really hard at it.

Mom! Oh, come on! No. No, I'm not. I'm not, okay? Oh, okay. It's my dream. It's my dream to be in amusement park.

Sometimes. Sometimes, you know. I'm fine. Okay, here we go. Here we go. Yes, because you've told me so many times. I'm leaving. I'm leaving. No, wait, no.

No, I'm gone. Let me give you some gas. No, no. Let me give you some gas. I'm getting my own gas, Mom. I get my own gas. I am secretly two-year-old onto the amusement park. Good job.

He's very distracted by a sloppy car. I'm on level 18, BB-9. She's calling the letters. Mom, I don't know why we do this. Remember when you were young? Do you remember? Yeah. Who was the one who held you tight when we went through that black hole together?

It was you. I still care for you, okay? Okay. Just take a little gas. I'm not taking gas. I have gas, Mom. God. Tillion? Tillion, is that you? I stay here for you, okay? Okay. Just take a little gas. I'm not taking gas. I have gas, Mom. God. Tillian?

Tillian, is that you? Mommy? It's me under the cloak. Oh, right. I was having the time of my life. What the chuck is going on inside of me right now? I don't know. I feel itchy.

Who's near the cotton candy stand? Mommy, all I was doing over there was vomiting, and people were paying me to do it. You don't know how disappointed we are. I wanted to be known for my opt of the vomit. Yeah, you should just let your son do what he's passionate about.

It's me, it's the amusement park. Yeah, I'm talking to you right now. They can't see me. I was never here. No, I see you. I have a cloak on my head. But the cloak that says seven best friends and I'm one of them. Well, you know. I'll go home, mommy.

Because I'm no longer a virgin. Yeah, that's my not a virgin alarm going off. Something I came up with myself. So, I'm innovating. Proud of you. Okay, thanks, Mom. I'll see you during X-Mars.

Yeah, I'll see you during X-Mars. You guys still get together for X-Mars? Yeah. Yeah, give your mother a kiss. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! That's my boy. Hey, Bargy. Your son seems fine.

He seems like he's making his way in this, you know, crazy galaxy, you know? No, no. Son, turn around. He's got a tattoo. See you next time. and attributions droid commencing outro protocol. Ambassador Plek Dexeter was played by Alden Ford. C-53 was played by Jeremy Benn. Security Officer Dar was played by Ali Kokesh. Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundeloy and Counselor Rumpf were played by Seth Lind. Bargy the Ship and Tillian Rumpf were played by Mujan Zolfagari.

Cloned Light Infantry Nomadic Troopers and Blimpy the Amusement Park were played by Winston Knoll. IQQ was played by special guest Jordan Carlos. He has been seen on Guy Code, Girl Code, The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore, Comedy Central's Live at Gotham, The Colbert Report, Nurse Jackie, Girls, Broad City, and Samantha Bee's Not the White House Correspondents Dinner. Follow him on Twitter at Jordan Carlos. Mission to Six is recorded at Bronze Studios in Greenpoint, Brooklyn,

by engineer Shane O'Connell. This episode edited by Seth Lind, with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell. Music by Brendan Ryan. Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Cratchley. Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Gois. Mission to Six is brought to this galaxy by Audioboom. Thanks, Audioboom.

Don't forget to check out our website at missiontozix.space, where you can contact the crew, buy delicious merchandise, and get info about our upcoming live performances. This week's outro music is a cover of Brendan Ryan's theme by listener Brian Kelly. Juck yeah, Brian! Oh, what's up, my man? How you doing? How is it going?

It's, you know, I can't tell it, you know what I'm saying. I'm just a Tellurian just trying to make as much cloot. Croons. Croot. Croons. I'm just a clint trying to make as many croons as possible. You know what I'm saying? This is an extremely involved handshake.

Yeah, you got damn right. Well, I am familiar with many types of handshake. Oh, there's no God. So God damn is a flip. We can always cut it to damn. So you're welcome to say God damn. It's always cuttable, but you can make up a new God. Absolutely.

Ride damn. How's that? Ride? Great. Yeah, ride damn. You all right, man. You can hang out. And the rest of y'all can hang out too,

because let me tell you something about the Zinc District, man. You know about the Zinc District?