Mission To Zyxx - 112: Jumped by a Shark [ft. Josh Patten]

Episode Date: November 22, 2017

The crew has an unforeseen encounter on Do’Jamn, a moss planet in crisis. Nermut gets medical attention. Ranguses are compared. A shark pursues. Featuring: Jeremy Bent as C-53 Alden Ford as Pleck Decksetter Allie Kokesh as Dar Seth Lind as Nermut Bundaloy Winston Noel as C.L.I.N.T, LaCraine LaCrosse, and Finniford J. Ryan Moujan Zolfaghari as Bargie With special guest Josh Patten as Maginak Edited by Seth Lind Recorded at Braund Studios by Shane O’Connell Sound Design and Mix by Shane O’Connell Music by Brendan Ryan Opening Crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley Ship design for The Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz

The period of civil war has ended. The rebels have defeated the evil Galactic Monarchy and established the harmonious Federated Alliance. Now, Ambassador Plek Dexeter and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to explore astounding new worlds, discover their heroic destinies, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff. This is Mission 2. I'm sorry. Bargy, you're the swellest ship I ever saw.

And I just want to tell you, I'm in love with you. Oh, Jojo. You know how sweet nothings they mean nothing to me, not after you left me that time before. Hey, that happened. I can't erase that. You don't love me. You never did. What can I do to make it up to you?

I know I'm just a humble space architect. Do you want the moon, Barchi? If you get me the moon, I'll let you enter my hatch. All right, then. Initiating space lasso protocol. Oh, you darling boy, get in here. Get in here. Barchi, you won't regret it.

I love you. I love you, too. I love you. I love you, too. I love you. Wow, one of the best endings in history. You know, I always forget, La Crane La Crosse was so good. And, Bargy, you looked so young. Was that one of your first films?

It was my first film. Wow. Wow. It's interesting, though, that your voice, I guess I just expected your voice would sound different. Why would Bargy's voice age like a Tullerian voice? I don't know. I really just assumed, but Bargy, you look great. Your paint is so smooth. Your hole is very shiny.

Oh, wow. You were really eyeing her hole in that one. No, I was... Shiny. Why would you describe my hole now? I mean, it's like seeing some battle, like seeing some action. Who thinks I should be offended? I think all of our hands are raised.

No, but you literally have been in battles. Yeah, I've been in many battles. But does it affect my whole? I don't know. I don't think it makes any sense. Imagine telling a Telerian woman, hey, you look like you've seen a lot of battle. Do you think that would go over well, even if she had?

As a ship, I feel like... Clek, answer his question. Yeah, I would not do that. Yeah, okay. Also, I should just clarify, I said hull. H-U-L-L, not hull. Oh. It definitely sounded like hull.

I have a Rangus accent, so people always say hull. Very close. My hull is my hull, though. My hull is in my hull. Therefore, my hull is my hull. Yeah, that's a good point. Ambassador Sugarcane, I have an incoming transmission Yeah, that's a good point. Hey, Nermit.

What's up? Yeah, hey, guys. What? What's going on, man? Yeah. So we got a mission, and... Why is your face so swollen? I... Let me look in the...

Oh, yeah. Okay. Are you all right? Yeah, I'm good. I just have, like, some deficiencies because there's a bit of a situation where I'm under performance review and you don't get rations during that time, so I'm... Yeah. Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundle,

when was the last time you ate? Oh, boy. Okay, so the day before yesterday was two days ago, and the day before that was three. Wait, Nermit, they're withholding rations from you? Yeah, they tell me it's normal. Just during the process of review, it's supposed to be fast, but then the reviewers are on vacation, so I'm...

That seems, like, cruel. That seems cruel. Especially for someone your size. a review it's supposed to be fast but then the reviewers are on vacation so i'm that seems like cruel that seems cool especially for someone your size like your metabolism is probably pretty fast right like you're i'm just saying i found a i found a um binder in my desk that was made of some kind of skin and i ate that so i'm good i think you're having an allergic reaction to it you can't just eat a binder oh you, you can. I found out you can. I did it. Ate it. Man, Dermot, I'm worried about you, buddy.

You want us to send that bean? You know, I was gonna say I wanted to thank you for shipping it, but then the box was empty. Oh, haha. Yeah, we didn't send it. We thought it would be funny as a goof. Oh. It's probably better if it was just eating that bean. Anyway, I'm good.

My hands are puffy, so I can't. C53, is he going to be all right? I'm not 100% certain. Would you like me to dispatch a medical team to his office? You can dispatch. From here? Dispatching now. No, no, no, no, no.

You know how I take the... Get down on the ground. Get down on the ground. The medical dispatches are clinched. Can I end the video before they don't have to see this? Get down on the ground. Nermit?

Mommy. Hello. crew? Hi I've sedated your junior missions operations manager We watched you do it It was pretty great If there is a transmit button If there's a transmit button on his console

you could just send whatever mission he was So do I have to hold something when I hit transmit, or is it just transmit? Just transmit. Okay, I'm looking here, and there's a few buttons here. Is there... Is it a say transmit on the button, or is it...

Hey, hold on, just what... Is he saying something? He's saying dar. Dar. Nermit, finish that sentence. And ha! Seems like a lot for such a small creature. He's out. I really thought I was going to learn something, but...

Yeah, me too. Okay, so transmit. Just press the transmit button on the console and it should deliver that information to us right away. Okay, I get your tone. I'm not a 2574. You know, he's a real idiot. Yeah, we don't know who that is. We don't know who that is. You've not met him before? No.

He's an idiot. Yeah. Fair. I think I have an idea. I can conjure an image of what kind of an idiot he might be. Yeah. Is it a round button or is it a square button? Oh, okay. Is it the big red one? Yeah might be, yeah. Huh. Is it a round button or is it a square button? Oh, okay. Is it the big red one?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I'm gonna... I think I'm in a... Inside that flap. Hit him again. Got him in my face room, too. And, okay, big red button. And transmit.

Great. Great. Thanks. Please take care. I'll have a federated alliance. Yeah, sure. I'll have a federated alliance. Yeah, sure. But take care of Nermit for me. Hey, Dar, I think your concern for Nermit is really sweet.

Just want to say that. It's not so much that I care for Nermit. It's just that I've never, you know, jucked someone of his species, and that would be a real coup to check that off the list. Dart, listen. The species is very fragile. Incredibly. Could you imagine 19 inches of him and me? They have hollow bones, though.

The risks to Nermit would be considerable in that situation. You know, I think he'd die doing what he liked, though. A bunch of papers just fell. Oh. We are receiving printouts of our mission. Hello, does anyone copy? This is Rebel Pilot Hark Tardigast. I've ejected from my stasis pod, and only this badly torn parachute is keeping me aloft

above the vast sea of lava below. As I descend to my fiery demise, my final consolation is that I will die wearing my favorite t-shirt. Sure, it features a ship from the fleet of the Pathetic Federated Alliance, but I don't care because it's the Bargerian Jade, my favorite movie star of all time. Wait, what's this on the label? It says you too can possess this shirt by simply visiting mission to zix dot space and clicking merch? Amazing! Ah! There goes a parachute cord! No!

Well, if I have encouraged just one person to acquire a t-shirt this stylish, my life will not have been in vain. Ah, the heat! My boots are catching fire! As I am consumed by this alien inferno, I shall declare with my final words that this t-shirt makes the perfect X-Mars gift. Order now at missionto6.space! So, C-53, can you explain to me what we're supposed to be doing here? Yes, we are making contact with the dominant species of Doja. Oh, and what is that?

It is a sentient form of moss. You can see it growing here and here. Here. Here. Okay. And here. Plechids everywhere. Yeah. I guess let's get started.

Dara, you brought a koozie? Yes, I brought a koozie. Yeah. I guess let's get started. Dara, you brought a koozie? Yes, I brought a koozie. All right. People of Doe Jam. Sorry. Mosses. Is it like one moss? Ambassador Sugarcane, if you read my report about Doe Jam,

you would know that speaking to them will have no value. They cannot hear. Oh. They are moss. Okay. The moss on Rangus 6. Hear? Not to my knowledge, but. No if they cannot hear. Oh. They're moths. Okay, yeah. Do moths on Rangistix hear? Not to my knowledge, but... No, they can't.

Well, I guess chalk it up to a wash, I guess. If you had read my report, you would know that manipulating the moths with your hands in a soothing manner is how you win their trust. Okay. Allow me to demonstrate. Soothing manner is how you win their trust. Okay.

Allow me to demonstrate. Oh, I think I'd be really good at that. Let me give it a shot. Huh. Yeah, I'm really good at it. It's just that simple. Mm-hmm. All right.

So just like this? What are you doing? I don't know, I was just pressing on the moth. Have you never touched something else? What, I was supposed to... I need to caress. Oh, yeah. Okay, let me try this again. So, caress, you say?

Yeah. Okay. Okay. Listen, I feel like I'm making this moth uncomfortable. Mr. Shuriken, what are you doing? Yeah, just let me back it up. Back, no. I feel like I'm making this moss uncomfortable. Oh, okay. Yeah, see how C is doing it? Okay. You know, when I was a kid, C-53, I always thought a robot would teach me how to love, but this is not how I pictured it.

Is there something I should be doing to help you? No, I think we're good. If you guys got it all figured out, then I guess let's... I'm sorry I didn't read your report, but what's the... Should have expected it by now. Yeah. What should we be looking for here? A dojo?

Yeah. Well, you have a mattress to board the Bargerian Jane, don't you? I'm supposed to, but it hasn't arrived yet. Well, when you do, it will be full of dojo moss. Really? That's correct. So mattresses are filled with sentient moss? No, of course not.

They've long since deceased by the time they become mattresses. Oh, I feel weird about that, I think. Plek, does this mean you'll cancel your mattress order? I have to sleep on... I can't get any non-sentient mattresses? Dojam mattresses are not only some of the most comfortable

mattresses in the galaxy, but also the most affordable. Really? So, wait, C-53, there's no other intelligent life on the planet? Actually, I seem to be getting a sense in reading there is another life form. Really? Yes. Excuse me. Excuse me.

Which one of you has been agitating the moss? This guy. No, I was just trying to caress it, but I don't know what it is. Yeah, you don't look very likable, but it is nice to see another Talorian. Yeah, hey, likewise. You live here? No, I'm just here for work. Oh, yeah, us too. We're with the Federated Alliance.

That is correct. This is Ambassador Sugarcane. No, my name is Plek, Plek Dexeter. Ah, but on the streets you're real sweet. Nah, I just updated my personal file because I thought it would make me feel cool. But actually, now that someone I don't know is hearing it, it seems dumb. I'm into it. Yeah, okay, well, this is Dar.

Oh, hello. My name's Maganak. Oh, Maganak. Yeah. Hey, what are you doing here on Dojam? I work for the federated, well, the regional banking system. You work for the bank? Yeah. Oh, that's really fun, right?

Well, you know, it takes me from here to there, and it's not fun right now because this planet is in a heap of a financial crisis. The Dojam is in a financial crisis? Dojam, look around. The economy's falling apart. All I see is moss. Well, just, okay, scratch under the moss real quick.

Okay. See that? Okay. Okay, Plek, you just scratch under the grass. It's Plek, actually. Plek? Yeah. Where are you from?

I'm from Rangus 6. Oh. It's a farm plant. No, no, no, I know where it is. You've been there? Yeah, well, I'm from Rangus 2, so I get... Oh! Yeah.

Well, they're pretty different. Okay, well, no. It's cool to be neighbors. I wouldn't say that we're neighbors. I mean, we're four planets apart. Yeah. It's hot there, though, right? Oh, it's hot and it's beautiful. The grass is as blue

as the sky is orange. Uh-huh. Mwah! Yeah. I've heard it's really great. I never got to go. When I was a kid, when my family had enough money to travel We'd just go to the other side of Rangus 6 to visit family Okay, yeah We don't let you come That was the other part of it

I guess we'll get the main stumbling block Because we have a very strict immigration policy If anybody from Rangus 4 and above is not allowed Yeah, yeah Well, it's great to meet you No, it's great to meet one of you One of me? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, it's great to meet you. Dad's, no, it's great to meet one of you. It's, uh... One of me? Yeah, one of you. On Rengis 2, we do feel like you're a little bit sub-Talorian.

Huh, interesting. Yeah. So why are you, how did you become a big ambassador with the Federation? Do you have some sort of disease that they feel sorry for you? Oh, yeah, no, no, it's nothing like that, actually. I enlisted, and they took me. Yeah. I got this cool security

officer. This great droid follows me around. You said Dojem has a financial crisis? Dojem does have a financial crisis. Okay. Again, back to the moss. Okay. If you scratch underneath it, you can see there's... I'm scratching. Yeah. And just, you feel that? That's a croon.

Yeah. If you dig deeper, you'll find more and more. Wait, this planet is covered in croons? It's covered in croon. Wait, when you say croon... Croon. I've been saying croons like it's plural. You Rangus 6 idiot. No, everybody says that.

Everybody on Rangus 6? No, I'm pretty sure almost everyone says croons. Oh, really? Your friends who are paid to work with you? Okay. Yeah, we're paid in croon. Yeah. Okay, anyone who works with someone is paid to work with that other person.

That's just what a co-worker is. But most co-workers would hang out outside of work. Well, we hang out outside of work. Yeah, and if I don't hang out with you, I'm just on my two mattresses hanging out alone in my room. We get two mattresses on the ship? Ooh, that's a lot of moss. Nice. That must be extremely comfortable.

It is. I sleep like a dream. Dar, are you sure that one of those mattresses is not mine? Positive. Is the other mattress mine? They're both mine. I just had to check. I sleep on both.

Give it a rest, Plek. I don't think I should take it. It's Plek. Okay. All right. Anyway, back to the croon. Listen, I just feel like we need to agree to disagree about what the plural of croon is.

Okay, well, I disagree to agree because it's croon. Okay. Yeah, in my dictionary, croon is the preferred word, but croons is noted as an informal popular version. Yeah, C-53, you're the expert on everything. You say croons. To make you more

comfortable. Me, personally? Yes. C-53, are you programmed to cater to my ignorance? Ambassador Sugarcane, have I not been performing up to your standard? You know what? Change the name back. Re-update the file. I just want to be Plek Dexeter again.

Updating file. Dar, how do you say croons? Am I an idiot? Not... Don't answer that. Don't answer that. Not generally. Are you an idiot? Dar, Don't answer that. Don't answer that. Not generally. Are you an idiot?

Oh, Dart, come on. I'm just saying... Oh, boy, where do I begin? You've shot me. You've insulted nearly every person we've visited on any planet. Okay, listen, Dart, I have heard you say croons before. Do you even know what croon are? Yes, obviously I know what croon are.

I don't think you do. Okay, it's a coin minted by the Federated Alliance out of a precious metal, and it can also be used in electronic chip cards that we transfer electronically or over a... What? No, no, no, that's not at all what croon are. Croon is the alliance-wide standard of currency that we use. It's based on gold, but it can also be uploaded to a credit chip, so it gives dual use of either a hard currency or a soft currency. It's then distributed from

planet to planet, depending on their economy, and can then be used by those planets and those individuals to shave off and operate their own gold standard so it's sort of a double decentralization system that keeps the economy afloat so if i'm the central bank i can make the croon that you have like the one you have in your pocket or you can become your own central bank and shave off the precious metal portion of your croon and what i guess you would call them bit croon, your initial croon is the basis of that financial system. You're sort of the arbiter of the whole thing. Duh. But doesn't the bit croon, isn't that just pieces of croon? Well, yeah. Or a lot of people call them croons. That's what you call croons? Yeah, croons. You acted like what I was saying was insane.

We were talking about croon. I don't... What is this? What is this coin that I am holding in my hand right now? Wait. Let me see that croon. There you go. Oh, no, this is counterfeit.

This appears to be a kek. This is a kek croon. You see on the back of the croon, there's the council? Yeah. All seven of them? Yeah. You notice anything different about this one?

Oh, yeah, one of them's a weaver. Yeah, I'd recognize one of those anywhere. So we'll just toss that one out. Okay. Listen, your job sounds really interesting. Congratulations. Well, it is very interesting, but this is a very stressful situation right now

because the problem with this planet is that the moss can't physically manipulate the croon. So the whole economy is completely out of whack. How does the money, how do the croons get here? They're delivered by the regional representative of the central bank, who you are looking at right now. You don't think the Alliance just takes the moss to make mattresses out of it, do you? Yeah, we're not going to just strip a planet of its moss. So you harvest the moss?

I don't harvest the moss. The mattress companies harvest the moss. Okay. What would a banker be doing stealing mattress filling from a planet? Man, this is... Listen, Maganac, I guess I still don't understand why this constitutes like a financial crisis. Like, why can't the mosque just keep the croon? Well, why would they do that when they have much better opportunities?

Much better opportunities than? On Dojam, they have much better opportunities. How? Well, take me, for instance. Okay. Okay, here we go. So give me two croon right now. Give me two of your own croon right now.

Okay. Do it, Fleck. Okay. Thanks. So here's where it gets interesting. Okay. So now that I have two of your Kroon, what you need to do is you need to go to two of your friends and ask them for two Kroon. Uh-huh. So then

you have four Kroon, minus the two Kroon that you gave me. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And then you tell them to get two of their friends. Okay. And so on and so forth. Uh-huh. That's a very exciting business opportunity, and the growth just multiplies. That sounds like a tetrahedron scheme to me. A tetrahedron scheme?

Yeah. Wow. No, a tetrahedron scheme is when four people ask four of their friends. That's what tetra comes from. It's the same thing. That's what tetra comes from. It's not the same thing. It's not the same thing.

Words matter. Ambassador Dixit, I would advise you not to get involved in Magnum's case. I know. I know that. That's very obvious. I just don't see why this is so hard. I mean, you have two friends right here. You can ask for two croons.

I am not going to. Oh, no, no. I would never give him money. I guess I'm just out two croons now. Croon. Yeah, croon. You know what? I'm having a great time here on this moss planet are you no are you no why because you've never lived yeah you've never lived okay all

right do you even know how many croon i have i've taken a croon bath on a space yacht that's yeah it was not comfortable but I got some great photos from it. Okay, well, congratulations. Have you ever bought a space yacht just so you could crash your space yacht into it? Have you ever jet snorked over both space yachts while they both crash?

Just dust it out of your damn mind. No, no I haven't. Did you really jet snork over two yachts crashing into each other? Yes, I really jet snork over two yachts crashing into each other? Yes, I jet snorked over two yachts crashing into each other. That you owned? You owned both, yeah? Yes, yes. I bought the second yacht so I could crash my first yacht into it. McGonagall, if I may, that seems somewhat wasteful to do with your crown.

Oh, yeah. Are you kidding me? It's all wasteful. Is this money that you earned through your job? No. What? Where did you get the money? Where do you think? From the council. And I'm managing a lot of money from the council into my pockets.

How is that? I mean, that's illegal. Yeah, well, and I'm just the regional representative of the bank. If you think I'm wasting money, you should just see the council. The council of seven. Yeah, how much are we talking here? Trillions. The whole system seven. Yeah, how much are we talking here? Trillions. The whole system, from top to bottom.

There's a mound of space yachts crashed right outside of Alliance headquarters. It's funny because when I was growing up, I always thought it really was unfortunate that I, you know, a Rangus 6 normie, grew up poor, stuck on that farm planet. I couldn't visit any other rhangus planets and uh you know all these people in the core worlds are just flying yachts into each other we're just i took a bath in dust in dust in dust all right and i was already high on dust when i did it i didn't even do any of the dust in the dust bath you now that sounds wasteful. It's very wasteful. Which is why I'm here. Wait, why are you here? To take some

of these croon. Just take them from the moss? Yes. I thought you said you were regulating the local economy. Yeah, I say a lot of things to a lot of people. But see, Maganak, look, the croon on this planet belongs to this moss. I can't believe I'm saying that, but you can't take

croon from an sentient plant. Of course I can. That's consent. I just think that's the noise they make. No, that counts. This whole thing's a croon grab, baby. Come on, stuff your pockets. Take all you want.

Take all I want? Take all the croon that you can fit. Oh, Juck, Juck, Juck. Everybody shut the Juck up. What? Shut the Juck up. Is that a loan shark? Shut the Juck up. A loan shark?

Wow. Magnet. Magnet. I know you're here. Yeah, Finaford. Yeah, it's me, Finniford J. Ryan. Yeah, I know your full name. We know each other.

You don't have to say that formally every time. You owe me a lot of croon. But here you go. I have some croon here. You can take it. Is that decentralized croon? What's the... You're the arbiter of that.

Okay, so if I take this, now I'm the central banker. Yeah. Right. So now could I borrow some croon? Just shave off however much you think I deserve. Right, okay. So I just want you guys to know that loan sharks are very aggressive, but very, very gullible.

Interesting. Yeah. So he's tracked me down throughout most of the galaxy. Right, he has a scent on you. Yeah, he's either sort of a chum. Well, loan sharks, if there's like one croon in a whole system, they can smell it. Put something into a frenzy. Yeah. Yeah.

All right, yeah, this is good. I got some shavings here. Okay, so Fenneford, we're good? Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're good, because what I'm going to do is give this to two of my friends, right? Yeah. And then I'll give the... Wait a minute. And then they ask for...

Okay, we guys have to go. Wait, we've done this before. Guys, we have to go. Come on. Nobody scams Fenneford J. Ryan twice. Meganek, I think I'm going to leave you to this. I don't want to get involved in any kind of... Give me one second. Phineford? Yes?

I owe you some croon, don't I? That's right, Magnac. You owe me a lot of croon. Okay, well, here you go. Take this croon. Okay. Now, is this decentralized? No, it's... You're the arbiter of that now. Alright, so I'm the central banker now? Yeah. I feel like we saw this happen just a moment ago.

So you just shave off whatever you need and then we're weak. Alright, let me go shave off some right now. You need to take me with you because this cycle will continue. I've been trapped on this planet and I'm doing the same thing with this loan shark.

Vic, why don't you just return to your own ship? I sold my ship. To who? A dust dealer. How do you think I took a dust bath without having a ship's worth of value? Yeah. So I'm going to take this and give it to two of my friends,

and I'll give them to two of their friends, right? Yep, that's right. Hey. Okay, we need to go. Take me on your ship. Wait a minute. I feel like you just got to stay here and figure this out with this guy. Yeah, I feel like I can't get him.

Magadac! Ah, Fidiford. Nobody scams Fidiford J. Ryan. Yeah, I know your full name. You don't have to say it all the time. What? All right, so I owe you some croon. Fidiford.

Fidiford. What? Who are you? I'm Ambassador Black Dexetter. I work for the Federated Alliance. Formerly known as Ambassador Sugarcane. It's not normal. Oh, Sugarcane. You like to give it up sweet, huh? No, I don't. Dexetter. I work for the Federated Alliance. Formerly known as Ambassador Sugarcane. It's not normal. Oh, Sugarcane, you like to give it up sweet, huh?

No, I don't. Stop. No. Listen, Finifred. Finifred J. Ryan. Can I ask you, how does your species ever collect a debt? I'm in this kind of suit that's filled with water. No, no, no.

I don't mean how can you survive outside of water. I just am wondering, like, how do you generally go about collecting a debt? We pursue and pursue and pursue. Yeah, see, there's... Yeah. We gotta keep moving, baby. But if you... How much

does Maganac owe you? He owes me a lot of croon! Alright. Hey, Pinniford, how much croon do I owe you? You owe me a lot of croon, Magan Hey, Pinnifern, how much croon do I owe you? You owe me a lot of croon, Maganac. Alright, well, here's some croon. Are we square? Alright, wait, so is this decentralized? Well, you're the arbiter of that, so... Okay. Alright, well, let me go and I'll scrape

some of this croon off right now. Alright. Where is he going every time? He's, well, he has to keep moving. He should just be turning around. Just speaking of him. Alright has to keep moving. He should just be turning around. Just peeking along. All right. This seems square. All right.

So we're good? Seems like it. All right. Great. Wait a minute. Maganek! Guys, come on. I'm begging you.

Take me with you. I need to get off this planet. No, listen. We gotta go, Maganek. No, come on. You know what? Imagine that I'm Rangus 2 and you're Rangus 6. You don't get to get on my ship because you're not a good person.

No, come on. Where are you going? No, no, come on. Please, please, please, please. So long, Maganac. I'll give you anything. Good luck with anything? Yeah.

You want some crew? Maganac! We should go I guess I still don't really understand how croon works. Oh, here, I'll show you. Watch out, because all of these shoots are evacuated. Oh my, wow. Oh, how is that? Now that is a lot of croon. Woo! Huh! Wow. Oh my How is that? Now that is a lot of crew.

Woo! Ha! Wow. Oh, my. That was... I was filled to the brim. Dar, can I just ask, how much of you is, like, empty space? Empty space inside? Yeah.

I would say half. Half. Fifty? Fifty percent. Fifty percent. Whoa. Man, I think there is a little bit of Something on those croon I feel

Crazy right now Well it's a well known fact That all croon Contains traces of dust Oh yeah Sure Yeah No that makes sense

That makes sense That makes sense Hey I got Time for your mail Delivery time Oh Oh Dog you got a letter

From who Am I supposed to I don't open your mail C-53 got a couple of cords in the mail. Oh, excellent. Pink one, you got the giant package. Oh, hey!

It's from the Federated Alliance. Maybe my mattress has finally arrived. That does appear to be a mattress box. Yeah. Great. And, huh, it's empty. Ambassador Dexeter, I have an incoming transmission from Junior Missions Operations

Manager Nermit Buntaloy. Hey, Nermit. Hey, Nermit. Hey. Oh, you're looking better. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. I'm keeping liquids down. I finished my review, so I'm technically allowed to eat if I can physically pull it off.

Well, congratulations. Thanks. It is a swelling go down. I haven't. Yeah, pretty. I mean, mostly. What about my hands? Oh, not those.

All right. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Do you remember anything that you were trying to say before you were, I don't know, shocked for the third or fourth time? I remember eating part of a bulletin board. I don't remember saying anything. I ate a cloak.

A cloak? Where did you find a cloak? It was in the cloak room. Tricks out. Hey, thanks for the mattress box, by the way. Yeah, why did you send me an empty mattress box? Because you guys sent me the empty bean box.

Wow, Nervik, good prank back. Excellent prank back. Thank you. Ambassador Dexeter, perhaps you can fashion the box into a sort of mattress. Yeah, yeah. Maybe I'll do that. Hey, speaking of pranks, you guys want to see the book memorial for Ship, Ship, Send to the Ship? Sure, yeah. Maybe I'll do that. Sure, yeah.

There's only the blooper reel remains? As famously, the movie was very controversial. They were forced to burn all copies. This sounds like a movie I'd watch during my private time on my pile of mattresses. Pile of mattresses? Darn, how many mattresses do you have in your room? I really have never bothered to count. Anyway, here's a scene in which LeClaire Lacrosse was incredibly drunk and aggressive. Oh, wow.

Nermin, if you want to stay and watch, you're more than welcome. Can we keep the transmission going? I'll make some zinc corn, see if I can keep down a solid. Yeah, you can sit right next to me. I mean, I'm obviously here on a different ship. Position the hologram right next to me. And if you feel like you want to tell me anything during the movie, you know, feel free.

Shh, it's starting. The crane looks in very bad shape wow I've never seen a ship like you at a high society party is he wearing a shirt as pants he's vomiting while he's speaking you'll never I'm a newspaper man

and I always have been for a ship you can really put down a martini. Pretty serious bloopers. Oh, and this is the ad lib this part. These are the bloopers? The ad lib this part. Okay.

I can tell by the way your aft of thrusters wiggle out the room that you're a whore. Okay. Boy, oh boy. That was just about me. See Red IT-5 credits and attributions join commencing outro protocol. Ambassador Pleknek Center was played by

Alden Ford. C-53 was played by Jeremy Bend. Security Officer Dar was played by Ali Kokesh. Bargy the Ship was played by Muj. Security Officer Dara was played by Ali Kokesh. Bargy the Ship was played by Mujan Zalfagari. Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermin Bundeloy was played by Seth Lind.

Cloned Light Inventory Nomadic Troopers LaCrane LaCrosse and Finifer J. Ryan the Lone Shark were played by Winston Knoll. Maganac was played by special guest Josh Patton. Josh is a writer for Saturday Night Live and a performer with UCB weekend team Grandma's Ashes. He has also written for the Emmy Awards, the White House Correspondence Center, the ESPY

Awards, Comedy Central Roasts, and various other TV things that hopefully made you laugh. Follow him on Twitter at the Josh Patton. Mission to Six is recorded at Bronze Studios in Greenpoint, Brooklyn by engineer Shane O'Connell. This episode edited by Seth Lind. With sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell. Music by Brendan Ryan. Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley.

Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Gois. Mission to Zix is brought to this galaxy by Audioboom. Thanks, Audioboom. Have you noticed a critical error in our canon? Send an email to crew at mission6.space. Alright. This seems square. Alright, so we're good?

Seems like it. Alright. Wait a minute Oh my god I can't do this We literally did that like Eight times