Mission To Zyxx - 115: The Space Awakens [ft. Justin Tyler]

Episode Date: December 13, 2017

The crew must settle a dispute on Asteroid 951-N in the Krin-Kryn Belt. Has a stranger been waiting for Pleck? Can a destroyed C-53 control the weather? Are questions more alluring than statements? Featuring: Jeremy Bent as C-53  Alden Ford as Pleck Decksetter  Allie Kokesh as Dar Seth Lind as Nermut Bundaloy and Poot the Miner  Winston Noel as Geep the Miner  Moujan Zolfaghari as Bargie and Sal the Miner With special guest Justin Tyler as Old Derf Edited by Seth Lind  Recorded at Robert Doggy Jr. Studios by Shane O’Connell  Sound Design and Mix by Shane O’Connell  Music by Brendan Ryan Opening Crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley  Ship design for The Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz

The period of civil war has ended. The rebels have defeated the evil Galactic Monarchy and established the harmonious Federated Alliance. Now, Ambassador Plek Dexeter and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to explore astounding new worlds, discover their heroic destinies, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff. This is Mission 2. Hey guys, I was thinking about, you know how C-53 was always like, I don't care about my body, I tore off my arm, doesn't matter.

He always acted like his body was like a speeder or something. Can you get to the point of making me feel better? I'm sorry. No, you don't have to feel bad. You did the right thing. I destroyed him! You destroyed his shell, is what I'm saying. But I kept the cube. So I think if we find another shell to put the cube in...

Well, I got a lot of plots he could put him into. I mean, this is not something I'm unfamiliar with. I know many cubes back in the day. Oh, really? I would just put him into whatever, and he's all about the personality. At the end of the day, it's all about who's in the cube, you know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Okay, so, Bargy, now, for example, this humidifier.

How would I put this cube in this humidifier? Open yourself. What? Just yell at it, open yourself. Oh, yell at, okay. Humidifier, open yourself. Oh, I feel bad about taking the cube that's in here out. He's a bad person.

Really? Yeah, he, uh... It doesn't work very well. No, it never works. And why? It's intentional. If you put it to anything else, it'll ruin it. It's because we've had an argument.

What? He's just not over it. Okay. Well, I'm going to put the humidifier cube... It has a name. It's George. Okay, I'm going to put George on this shelf here. Let's all just remember that this cube goes in the humidifier. I'm going to put C-53's cube in the humidifier and let's just see what happens.

Hello? C-53! Hello! This is amazing! Hello! Is that you? This is such a relief. It's Plek! Where am I?

I can't see anything. Uh, listen, you're... I can only sense how damp it is in here. C-53, you are on, you're on Bargy, you're safe, everything's fine. I apologize for taking you out of the body you were in before, but it was no good. Trust me. It was no good? You just destroyed my frame? Well, he was kind of acting up. There was like a kid that was being weird, and you were like, brr, brr, override, and all these guns kind of came out.

I didn't even know you had guns, but you do, by the way, or you did. I seem to have a gap missing from my memory storage. Yeah, probably for the best. It's not really worth thinking about. So anyway, everything's fine. Got a brand new home for your cube, so welcome back. You mean I am in a non-standard frame? I mean, frame I would say even is a strong word.

What am I? Here, let me just unfog your little display here. And now you can see. Can you see me? Yes. Oh, you seem disappointed. What's more fun than a humidifier? I can think of a rather long list of things that I think would qualify's more fun than a humidifier? I can think of a

rather long list of things that I think would qualify as more fun. Well, listen, it's just gonna have to do for now. I mean, I've been carrying around in the pocket of these Alliance shorts all day, so... You've been carrying me around in your shorts? You put me at great risk of getting wet. My shorts are dry.

Yeah, can I point out I'm in a humidifier? A device that disperses water? Hey, since you actually work now, George. George never worked. Do you humidify the place? Yeah, actually, we could use a little. Listen, I'm going to work on getting you like a droid frame or like a... No, no, it's fine.

Oh. I seem to be able to manifest some rudimentary treads here. Oh, wow. You can move around? Yeah, this is a mobile humidifier unit. Oh. For large areas. It's really doing something for my congestion.

Yeah? Yeah. Do you need me to turn it on? Maybe just like a couple matches. Okay. Oh, I have an ar have an aroma therapy bag here. Do you want maybe some cardax oil? Oh.

I would love that. Yeah. That's been an option this whole time? Yeah, pretty good. Oh, man. This is living the life. C-53. George was really holding out on us.

George would never do anything. You know, this is one of the top quality humidifiers. It was donated to me by a ship. It was a token of love. Actually, it sings a love song. Really? Turn the dial to five. Let's see if it works.

Oh, all right. Sorry, C-53. I'm just going to try this here. It's quite all right. Then when you let it get close, you'll see it's free. The only proven strong. Oh, boy. Okay, all right. Yeah, that's good.

We'll probably do that later. I loved it. So good. Hey, C53, could you just do us a favor? When Nermit calls, can you just be like, hey, I'm sorry I'm off camera. I just got to robot it over here for a second. I got to do what? Like robot it up.

I don't know. Just, like, pretend like, make up a reason for being off screen. Slug yourself in the bathroom. That's what Plek always does. Hi! That's it. I'm done. Good. C-53. That's right.

You don't have a restraining bolt anymore. It would seem I do not. Well, I guess it's a whole new world, guys. We got an incoming message from Junior Missions Operator Nermit. That was pretty good, Barge. You got us very close. All right, pick it up.

Hey, Nermit, what's up, man? Greetings. Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundle. Hey, wait, C-53, I'm at Bundle Line. Hey, wait. C-53, I can hear you, but, like, coming out of the bathroom? Yep, that's where he is currently. Wait, droids don't use the bathroom. Yeah, but it's, I just, you just gotta trust us on this and everything's fine and, like, normal.

Yep, totally normal. Yep. Why are you making such a big point out of how normal it is? Just letting you know that everything is nominal, as they say. C-53 is just taking a quick shower. My humidifier works. C-53 does not shower. He's just went in there just because he's kind of... C-53, say hey.

See? Why did Elvin Justine shoot out under the bathroom door when he said hey? Because he's a hot shower. Maybe we should just skip ahead to you telling us what our mission is. It seems like something is up. Hey C-53, that's way too humid. Can you bring it down a little?

Very low. What? You know what's so great about us is our friendship and how great we are at hanging out with each other and not asking uncomfortable questions all right i will live inside the mystery in my brain let's pull up the mission here okay you are going to the asteroid belt of crin crin okay um to one particular asteroid in particular, asteroid 951N, where there is a mining colony. And the Federated Alliance needs an ambassador team to go down here because there is some kind of internecine thing going on

between various groups of miners. Oh, okay. All right. All right. So it's an arbitration mission. You've got to go separate the dogs. Great. No problem. So it's an arbitration mission You gotta go separate the dogs Great no problem I think we're gonna just pack up the humidifier And we'll get on our way You're baiting me Goodbye Nermin You have to hang up first though

You should probably hang up Because I don't know how to do it Hang up Does Bargey not know how to hang up either? Don't you just say hang up? End transmission. Hang up. C53, how do you end a transmission?

It's simple. First activate your internal red command, and then from there, that's it. No, you lost me. I don't know. Yeah, please hang up. Bargey and I are just going to be talking all day.

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Oh. Y'all the ambassador crew? I'm sorry? What? Y'all the ambassador crew I'm sorry Y'all the ambassador crew from Federator Live Yeah Okay great welcome to 951N Okay Big ol' thing pink thing and humidifier That's great

Glad to have y'all here How did you know this was a humidifier Well it's a humidifier we have humidifiers here I mean it It's dry here. You feel the air? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I guess so. It's dry.

Yeah. I'm surprised you guys even have an atmosphere on here. It's a very thin atmosphere, and so we have to wear these breathing masks. Yeah. Wait, watch. Hold on. I can't do it very long, but if I take off my mask, you can feel that it definitely affects my speech.

Oh, wow. Wow. Yeah, it does. Oh, wow. Wow. Yeah, it does. Yeah, so I can't breathe without that mask on. Listen, all day long, we mine asteroid scabs. What are those? You know, when bits of detritus hit an asteroid and it grows a scab and you mine it. You mean a crater?

Yeah. No, I'm talking scabs. I'm talking a thing over on top of the crater. We mine that. Don't we, Sal? Yeah, we do. We dig that and we put it inside. That's right.

We put it inside and ship it out. I'm sorry, what do you do with the scabs? We harvest it and we mine it and we take it to the highest bidder. That's what we do. We take those scabs and we just send them right out. But for what?

Listen, welcome to the asteroid. I hope y'all can help us with our arbitration. Yeah, happy to. So maybe, you know, I'm Plekdexeter. This is Dar. This is our humidifier, C-53. Wait.

What? Yeah. Ambassador Plekdexeter. I don't give a jug about whether you're an ambassador or not. You're Plekdexeter? Yeah. Yeah. I don't think so.

Hey, Sal! This is Plekdexeter. It's a Plek Deck Center we got here. Old Durf! Old Durf talks about you all the time, Plek Deck Center. Who is Durf? I believe his name is Old Durf. He's Old Durf. He's pretty old. Old Durf lives further out on Destroyed.

That's what we call asteroid We call it destroy does that save you a lot of time it saves a little bit of time But listen, mr. Mr. Dick shitter. Yeah, Nick shit. Yep. Yep click dick shitter That's good. Yeah, you need to go find out derf is what you need to do this big ol alien of this humidifier can handle This operation sure why not all right? All right. I'll see you guys later. Yeah, good luck good luck guys I guess where should I go to beat this old derp

you just need to go that direction just keep on going and old derp's cabin is like not far if you miss it you'll go all the way around cause that's how droids work cause that's how droids work yeah that's how most things work but droids it's a lot faster. Oh, wow.

This is... This is pretty inhospitable terrain out here. Who would live on an asteroid if they weren't here mining it? Hello. Hey. What are you doing here? Oh, I'm looking for old Durf. That's me, I'm Durf.

What business do you have here? I actually am looking for you. I was sent by one of the miners. There are only three. Oh, okay. Great. My name is Plek Dexeter. What?

You're Plek Dexeter? Yeah, yeah, Plek Dexeter. I'm an ambassador with the Federated Alliance. I've been waiting for you here for so long. Why? My name is Derf. I know that. Young Derf Dinkleson.

Young Derf? Yes, young. I don't know. Why do you have... What do you mean? They're calling me old now? Well, I mean... Look how young I am. Look Yes, young. I don't... Why do you have... What do you mean? They're calling me old now? Well, I mean... Look how young I am!

Look at me! Watch this! Backflip. Wow. I mean, that was pretty good. The gravity's very low. Dad, don't I know it. But would an old Durf be able to do a fun little trick like that?

I don't know. I don't know what young Durf was capable of, so it's hard to tell. I just told you I've been waiting for so long. You're coming in Solmud, you ageist. Well, you've got, I mean, you've been waiting long enough that you're old now. I'm just saying, I don't know. Is that what you see before you? Listen, were you out here on an asteroid looking for me? I was waiting for you.

Okay, fine. I was in Ranked 6 for like 22 years. You could have come there at any time. Oh, okay. Send me a map then. I don't know. I'm just waiting for you. Why are you waiting for me? Because of the prophecy. What? You're the one. I'm

the one? A great galactic force flows through you. The space. What space? The space. The space is all around you. It's within you and mostly outside. It's like, look around, look up. Okay.

Look. Yeah. Space. That's space. Yeah. Look over that way. More space. Yep.

It's everywhere, see? I don't... What does that have to do with... That's a force? Yes. It's like a force, but it's empty. It's a space. Okay.

You've never felt the space around you? Yeah, but I hadn't... I mean, yeah, all the time. It's all around me, right? See, exactly. Thank you, you're getting it. I think everybody sort of gets that, though. That's not like...

The space flows through you. It's within and without you. It's at the end of your fingers. It's in your toes. It's in your pee hole. In? It's inside. It's in the very tiny space. It's in your pee hole. In? It's inside. It's in the very tiny space in the middle of your pee hole.

It's what comes out first when you pee and fills in the gap at the end. And you can feel you're a powerful being. Being? I'm powerful? Yes. That's why your coming has been foretold. How did you get here?

With a group of great warriors brought you here? Perhaps a princess or something, like a queen? Well, sort of. I came on a washed-up celebrity with a... You came on a washed-up celebrity? Yeah, as a ship. You came on a washed-up celebrity. No, I...

No, no, you've got it all wrong. I'm just trying to hear what you're saying. Look, I've been waiting for this moment for like enough time to go from young to old, so that's like, I'm chucked up amount of time. Alright, listen. I came in a washed up celebrity ship with a furry, sort of omni-gendered security officer who doesn't like me

and a dehumidifier. Oh, because I have a dehumidifier if you want to swap. Oh, well, I'll let you know. Why do you have a dehumidifier on an, because I have a dehumidifier if you want to swap. Oh, well, I'll let you know. Why do you have a dehumidifier on an asteroid? Because it gets wet here. There's barely an atmosphere. I'm going to train you. I'm here.

I'm going to train you in the ways of the space. Okay. Yeah. No. I have an ancient weapon to pass down from... What? You have an ancient weapon? An ancient weapon passed down from generation to generation amongst the great Zima warriors.

Zima warriors? You're a Zima knight. I am? It's a great ancient group of knights that would protect the galaxy and all these different people in it. We fought in all the great wars. The shit wars of Rengis. It's terrible. Yeah, I mean, I remember those.

I mean, not personally. People talk about it all the time. Yeah, no. That was when Rengis, that was when the whole population of Rengis won, got in a big civil war, and everybody dispersed on the next five planets. Because they were fighting like monkeys with shit. That was a long time ago. And we've moved way on. Really?

Way past that. Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, I still keep in touch. There's still people playing around. What does the prophecy say about me? About you? Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, I still keep in touch. There's still people playing around. What does the prophecy say about me? About you? Yeah. You will unite the two sides of the

space. Bring about a galactic peace. You know, I've always really felt like I was destined for greatness or for something bigger than myself. You have been all along. You're a Zima warrior. Yeah. You know what? I'm gonna do that. What's the next step?

Lesson number one, dress better. Okay. Your pants are covered in stains. What does that have to do with anything? I don't know. Most good guys who are, like, having a chill time have clean pants. Well, I mean, I like to think these are each a mark of a good story. And also, these are Federated Alliance-issued shorts, so I have to... What are you wearing shorts? You're out on a mission. Itued shorts, so I have to... Why are you wearing shorts?

You're out on a mission. It's a uniform. I have to wear these. Shorts is a uniform? I would prefer pants. Yes. Dress up. Dress better.

Okay. Your socks are pulled up like you're some sort of camp counselor. This is an ancient weapon. It's called a wood saber. Huh. So it looks sort of like a stick. That's a wood saber. It's an ancient weapon of the Zima Knights.

Okay. Does it turn on? It's on always. If it ever goes off, I don't know, man. No one's ever turned a stick off. So hold the wood saber. Okay. Okay.

Wow. I really, I can feel the power. Like, I can feel the power flowing through this wood saber. You look more powerful. I thought you'd be, like, thinner, but you're more powerful holding that. Well, you know, the rations they give you on the ship are, like, pretty high calorie. And then most of the time you spend is traveling. I sort of thought there would be a lot more athletic happenings on the missions,

but no, it's mostly talking. Oh, hold on. You haven't asked me very many questions, but that's fine. I should probably take this. I have told you a pretty big thing. You're pretty cool with it so far. No, I'm just processing. One second.

Hello? What is taking you so long? Ambassador Dexter, this asteroid is not that large. What? No, guys, I meant... Have you found old Durf? Oh, wait. Those are...

I can see them. Look, I'm waving at them. They're right there. Oh. Are you waving at us right now? I, uh... Tell him. Tell him I'm waving.

Yeah, that's Durf. That's Durf. He's pretty old. Yeah, what did they say about me? They him I'm waiting. Yeah, that's Durf, that's Durf. He's pretty old. Yeah, what did they say about me? They said you seem cool. Listen, um, do you want to come? That's not what I said. I said he looks old.

Oh, that's, yeah, no. I'm just worried I'm not coming through. No, the reception's good. Listen, Durf, do you want to come with us? I would love to. Let me change into my, like, seeing people robe. Oh, sure. Oh, wow, you don't know.

They didn't figure out our arbitration because there's only three of us on Destroyed, so. Yeah, turns out there'll be three leaders on Destroyed. We should probably go back over there with them. Yeah, I would love to meet this great group of people that have brought you to me finally. Well, like I said, it's sort of, one of them doesn't like me and the other one is a humidifier. Nah, sounds like a merry band. Well, it's possible that the humidifier likes me. It's just that he hasn't been allowed to have opinions until just now.

Yes, the prophecy foretold that the great Plectexator would talk about if the humidifier liked him or not. That was in the prophecy? Yes, that's a great sacred text. Will the appliance like the great one? Oh, man, I really feel like it's all lining up for me. Now, should I bring my dehumidifier? Are we going to do that swap we talked about? Sure, yeah, no, bring it along.

Yeah, bring it along. Wait, you should probably pretty much bring everything. Do you want to come back here later? I mean, I've sort of made a home here. I have a family. They're in my little mud hut. You have a family? That's fine.

They know my job is you. Oh. Should I say hi? Don't talk to them. We've been stuck here for so long, and our kids are weird. Well, just give them my best, I guess. Yes, you bet. So, let's see. Dehumidifier, dress robe.

You should... Are you gonna say goodbye to them? No, I just wanna sort of pop in, pop out. You know? Sure. Skip my wood saber. Dad! Oh, shit. Run! Just go, go, go, go, go! What? What? No, I'm sorry. One of my kids told me. Dad? Yeah, hey!

Dad! Hey, young Durf. Durf Jr. Yeah, I know. I'm Durf Jr. Why are you so cocky? You live on a stroid. Because my dad's one of the Zima warriors. And I'm gonna be a Zima warrior too. No, you don't have it. What?

You don't have it in you. What? Young Durf, do you feel the space? No. See? I'm gonna go with this pink stranger. Oh. I'm not pink. You're pretty pink. Yeah, I'm pink as opposed to any other color, but I'm not

like pink pink. What line are you drawing? It was foretold that the great one would be very pink. Okay, well, then fine, I'll take it. You are so easy. Hey, Dirt Junior, grab the dehumidifier. You just made that up great one would be very pink. Okay, well, then fine, I'll take it. You are so easy. Hey, Diff Jr., grab the dehumidifier. You just made that up so I'd let it go. What?

This is a prophecy! All right, let's go back to the ship. And here's another picture of me and my sisters. You can see they're not kind of ignoring me, but you can see the family resemblance, right? I can. You know what? This is a beautiful picture. Hey, guys. Hey. You guys are still transmitting?

Yeah, we sort of couldn't figure out how to disconnect. We've been cashing up. Honestly, we've never really had a lot to talk. Now I see everything. I understand things from your side. Likewise. I see things in your movies, the layers and some of those less successful movies that I like now.

Thank you. Hey, guys. Yeah. This is successful movies that I like now. Hey guys, this is Durf. Hey. Hello, hey, who is that? I'm Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermin Bundle of the Federated Alliance. Oh, he's written about in the texts, the prophecy. He's, uh,

let me just get over here. Oh. Nermin, well they have a quick aside. Mission A++. Oh, that's great. We are happy to reveal that the arbitration is complete. Yep. Why are, C-53, why are you underneath a table? I can only hear you.

Oh, just attending to some ship maintenance at this table. All right. So you can now end transmission. Well, I just wanted to, before I sign off, you can see that I've shown Bargy my legs. I don't really volunteer to show anyone my legs very often. A certain trust. A certain trust.

You'll see that they're bird legs, though my body is a lizard body. Nermin, we've all seen your legs before. There was that whole week you couldn't figure out how to position the camera. Yeah, we were talking to your legs exclusively. That's why I wasn't so shocked when you showed them. That makes so much sense that you were just like, yes. Yeah, I was like, yeah, those are your legs. So, uh, we'll write up this mission as a success.

We will. Goodbye. All right. All right. I don't know how to turn this off. Yeah, we still don't know how to turn it off. Sensing transmission. How did you do that?

How did you do that? I just reached for my internal root command and then put in backslash. Okay, no, I just mean, are you connected to the rest of the ship? The humidifier is. Oh. And so I am. Oh. Durf, what's going on with Nermit?

Nermit. Nermit. Nermit Bundeloy. Yeah? He's... There are two sides to this space. There's the fresh side. Okay, yep. That's what you are, the avatar of.

Sure. And there's the totally whack side. What? The fresh side is all the good things. Like a great sandwich, a sweet kickflip, a great ollie. Then, of course, there's the whack side of the space. That's the side where you're like, stub your toe, drink your last frosty bev, try to do a kickflip, but you totally epic fail.

Huh. And Nermid is, he's on the whack side of the space. What? He's whack. He's totally whack. What? He's been sed's on the whack side of the space. What? He's whack. He's totally whack. What? He's been seduced by the whack side of the space. How?

The space must always be in balance. It's like, you know how there's inner space and outer space? Oh, I know inner space. Yeah. Well, I know outer space. Oh, see? It's in balance. You know one, you know the other.

That's why you guys are buddies. What is inner space? Inner space. The internal life. The life of the mind, ambassador, et cetera. Oh, yeah, okay. Listen, you are the avatar of the inner space because you're always focused on your pinkness, your inside parts, and you're like really... Is the ambassador of the inner space? Oh, yeah, sorry.

I should catch you guys up. I know you were trying to have a private moment here, but what? Listen, Durf's been saying a lot of stuff that was kind of really making sense to me. You know, it's like he told me about the space, right? Like, so if I look at you, Dar, there's like space between us, but that space is all around us. So air? No, no, no, no, no. No, it's space.

Because if it's like outside in space, there's no air out there, but it's still space. That's outer space. You see how quickly he's picked this up? I don't want to alarm anyone, but I sense some bullshit happening inside of my spaceship. What? Oh, I just sensed it, so I got radar. Okay.

Mr. Dexter, if you could come down here to my interface. Okay. Here, take my dehumidifier and just plug it in next to that and see what happens. Okay. I thought you wanted... You want the humidifier? I'll take the humidifier. it in next to that and see what happens. Okay. I thought you wanted... You want the humidifier? Yeah, I'll take the humidifier.

I'm going to swap the cubes, probably. Okay, see, I swapped the cubes. Hey, C53, do you mind... Do you mind swapping to a dehumidifier? Um, I guess not. Okay. All right. I'm just going to power this down here.

Swap the old cubes. And... Here we go. Pressure, square, M. Let's swap the old cubes And here we go How do you like the dehumidifier? I'm still monitoring ambient humidity I still have a tank of water It's coming in instead of going out The space flows through you

C-53 Ambassador Dexeter, a moment please Sure, yeah, can I? The space flows through you, C-53. Sure, yeah, can I? Why don't you and I catch up while they have their little powwow? Yes, so you are Plex's mate? No. Oh, uh, okay. Bodyguard, protector.

Maybe, sure. Best friend? Oh, way off base. Ambassador Dexeter, what has old Durf said to you? He said that I am the chosen one of the space. Okay.

There was a prophecy about me to harness the fresh side of the space. Okay. This prophecy said your name specifically, Plek Dexeter? Yeah. And Ambassador Dexeter has old turf made me mention of the Zima Knights. Yeah, yeah, the Zima Knights.

He said I was going to be a Zima Knight. Yes, the Zima Knights come back every few years. Everyone's always like, oh, no, no. Listen, if this is all nonsense, then what is this? This is an ancient Zima weapon. It's on all the time. How is it powered? If it doesn't turn off, it's... it's endless power.

That's a stick. You're waving a stick. It's a wood saber. And I'm not waving it, I'm wielding it. Okay, Ambassador Dexeter, could you just put that wood saber, uh, in front of you? In front of you? I would never... I would never raise it never. I would never raise it in offensive. Oh, oh, oh. Hey, back off. Back off. I do not want to have to use this thing.

I only am going to use it in defense. Go ahead. Use it. I'm going to attack you. I'm ramming you. Ow. Stop it. Stop it.

Do you want me to hit you with your wood saber? Do it. No, I wouldn't do that. You're my friend, C-53. Do you want to hit me? Okay. Oh, you you with your wood saber? Do it. No, I wouldn't do that. You're my friend, C-53. Do you hit me? Okay. Oh, you've broken your wood saber? It's because you hit it against a metal object?

Okay. It's a stick. Well, now I have two. Twice as powerful as I was before. Well, because you have two short sticks. Well, now, you better not get close to me. What's going to happen if I get close to you? Can you please tell your weird friend what our relationship is?

He's been guessing for minutes. It's sort of like a big... You guys have hooked up a couple times. No, no, no, no, no. It's sort of... I'm totally misreading this. It's sort of like a... The sacred texts have said that you are very...

The Plek Dexeter is a very profound lover. But... Oh. Yeah, that might... Again, the bullshit alert's going on... This makes sense now. You have found the wrong PLEC deck setter. Okay.

No, I'm pretty sure it's me. It's obviously him. The space is flowing through him. Yeah, see? Thank you. Wait, what's wrong with your wood saber? I have two now. That's not how it works. I was just doing some training with C-53. You broke his stick.

You broke, it says wood saber dehumidifier. Well, no, I was training. How were you training? I wasn't there. And here comes the sales pitch. How much will it be to start training with you? I'm not asking for money.

Really? Do you not believe? Do you not believe in this space? No. Watch this. Put on this blast shield. Oh, okay. Now, hold your stick up. Which one? The longest one. Okay. It's a wood...

It used to be a wood saber. Now it's fallen from grace. Yeah, now it's fallen from grace. Are you it's fallen from grace. Are you real? Is his sarcasm, can you turn it down a little bit? You know, it didn't used to exist at all until yesterday, and now it's full force. Is there a restraining bolt we can put on this? I don't know if you can get a restraining bolt that fits on a dehumidifier. But I wouldn't do that anyway, because he's my friend.

Oh, cool. You're friends with a de-moisturizer. I'm a de-humidifier. What's the difference? I'm not some sort of skin product. Why are you so high and mighty? I don't know. We just move you from one thing to another.

Why are you so high and mighty? Let's wait and watch this demonstration. All right. Listen, Durf, my blast shield's been down for a little while. I have no idea what's going on. The space is flowing through you. This is excellent. Hold up the longer end of your wood saber.

Okay. No, the other longer end. Okay, sure. I can't tell which one's longer because my blast shield's down. That's, again, foretold. Now, I'm going to throw a series of crater pieces at you. Scouts? First off, it's craters.

Those people are nightmares. Yeah, no kidding. Yeah, so don't use their words. I'm going to throw these pieces at you and you feel the space

around them. Oh, okay, so how do I do that? Just like, just feel it flying toward you and then you guess

what it is. Ow! Ow! Yes? Okay, you're doing medium. Ow! Nope. Ow! No.

Ow! Wait, just wait. Feel it. What am I supposed to... What am I guessing? Are you guessing where the piece of crater is going to hit you? Over here. Ow!

No, you don't say it. Use your wood saber. Oh, okay. You batted away, dummy. How do you not pull up your blast shield? You don't get the basic... Even the basic concept here. Of guessing?

Yeah. How am I supposed to guess? You must look deep within yourself, and then you'll just feel a tingle. Okay. Like in my brain? You'll know where it's coming from. Are you talking... Is it like a genital thing?

No. This is serious. You said you know. You said a tingle. Why? Did you just go right to a genitals thing? No, come on. This is serious. You said you know. You said a tingle. Why, did you just go right to your genitals? I said my brain first, so I went to my genitals second, okay? Well, get a pin of metal on this little pleck.

He went to his genitals second. That's pretty good. Pretty good compared to what? Some pervert? Ow! Sorry, I shouldn't have thrown that one. I was out of frustration. I would never have been able to guess that you were going to do that then. Listen, Durf. I think the prophecy was wrong.

No. It's you. I know it's you. I believe in you. You know what? I'm just going to take this human virus worth like's worth like 18 croons. Do you have like a like a jacked up cube I can put in this? Taraji, do you mind if we put

George in? Honestly, you could throw him outside. No. What he did was unforgivable and we haven't spoken in about it. What could a humidifier do that's unforgivable? I'll just take this humidifier and I'm going to walk out of this airlock.

Oh, don't do that. Definitely don't do that. Now, it's time for me to go to this space. Go to this... You mean be shot into space? Die in the vacuum of space. Yeah, you mean die in space? I may be struck down, but I will only get more and more powerful.

We can at least drop you back off at 951F. We actually haven't even jumped to hyperspace, so we're right next to the asteroid. I will jump myself into hyperspace, the freshest of hyperspace. Okay. The last thing I need to tell you is beware the wackness that is Nermit. Huh. Nermit?

He will try to seduce you to his... Seduce? Pleck? You mean like sexually? I can't say. You'll know it when it's happening. That's the space. The space between...

Oh, what's happening? Your heart. No, what is that? Huh? It's an ancient song. Beautiful song, and it's like a later period song, but it's still like these. A later period of ancient? Yes.

It's like there's ancient. There's like when it was like pretty good and then it got a little later and it was still all right. I'll be honest. That's when the ancient music I kind of checked out on. You checked out that? Yeah. There's a couple of good songs after that. Really?

Yeah. Just like one or two. I like those first, second ancient albums I'm that? Yeah. There's a couple good songs after that. Really? Yeah, just like one or two. I like those first, second-age albums I'm into. Yeah. Anyway, I'm going to just jump out of this airline. No, no, don't do that. No. No, Durf, listen.

I've learned so much. I've learned so much. No, Plek, just keep it fresh. Just hit the button. He's... Oh, dear. He's gone. Huh. Yes. Man, he was the only...

Not outside the ship at all. Wait. Where did he go? He's completely... he's disappeared. Park here. Woodside. What? It's in one piece. Nermit and Plek? See you next time. See Red IT-5 Credits and Attributions Droid Commencing Outro Protocol

Ambassador Plek Dexeter was played by Alden Ford C-53 was played by Jeremy Bend Security Officer Dar was played by Ali Kokesh Bargy the Ship was played by Mujan Zalfagari Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermin Bundeloy was played by Seth Lind. Old Durf was played by Justin Tyler. Justin is an actor, writer, and director in New York. He is currently writing for The Opposition with Jordan Klepper. He is co-creator of the UCB Character Showcase, Characters Welcome, and hosts the weekly variety show Gentrify with Alden Ford

and Brandon Scott Jones. He also co-hosts Comic Book Club, a weekly comic book show and podcast in NYC. Follow him on Twitter at JTCizzle. This episode of Mission to Ziggs was recorded at the Stately O'Connell Mansion in Brooklyn by engineer Shane O'Connell. This episode edited by Seth Lind. With sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell.

Music by Brendan Ryan. Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Cratchley. Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Gois. Mission to Ziggs is brought to this galaxy by Audioboom. Thanks, Audioboom. Do you have a pressing question for the crew? Send an email to crew at missiontoziggs.space. Yeah, please hang on. Bargy and I are just going to be talking all day.

Okay, well, you guys get to know each other. We will, I guess we'll see you after the mission. 951N. Yeah, can we just, oh boy. I guess I'll just read these coordinates to you, Bargy. Okay. Okay, so, okay, first the y-axis. Y-axis.

Y-axis is 6895 8, 9, 5. Slow down, slow down. What? Read each letter to me as slow as you can. Okay, it's all numbers, by the way, is that okay? So, first number is 6, 4. Hold on, 6. How does C C53 do this

so fast he just automatically puts it inside of me and then it works six where's the six where's the six what is that

I don't understand what's happening inside of you right now I feel like that's the where's the six yeah great