Mission To Zyxx - 202: The New Norm [ft. Dru Johnston]

Episode Date: June 6, 2018

The crew ventures to Flarn space to seek help from a mighty Flarn crime lord. He and Dar go way, way back. A high-stakes competition ensues. Nermut lends a hand. Featuring: Jeremy Bent as C-53 Alden Ford as Pleck Decksetter Allie Kokesh as Norm Seth Lind as Nermut Bundaloy Winston Noel as Terr’ekk Kestebi and Beano Moujan Zolfaghari as Bargie, Introspective Ne’er-do-well and G.O.R.M. With Special Guest Dru Johnston as Garrett Hornberger Edited by Seth Lind Recording, Sound Design and Mix by Shane O’Connell Music by Brendan Ryan Additional Music by Shane O’Connell Opening Crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley Ship design for The Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz Special thanks to Loren Humphrey for this episode’s recording location, and to our Season 2 Premiere audience at Caveat NYC for crowd chants and cheers Support for this episode comes from ZipRecruiter

It is a period of civil war. The rebellion against the sinister and corrupt Federated Alliance grows stronger, and the fate of the galaxy hangs in the balance. Now, Rebel Emissary Plek Dexeter and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to explore astounding new worlds, discover their heroic destinies, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff. This is Mission to Zix. Hey, Nermit.

Yeah? How's your tail? It's obviously gone. No, I mean, like, I was going to say, how's your butt? Oh, my butt? I should look. Oh, wow. Can you see it?

There's a tiny little sprout. Yeah, a little bud. A little bud. A little nub popping. Yeah, you should call it a nub nub. Nub nub up front. Nub nub up front, nub nub in the back. Nub nub in the back. Yeah, don't actually do that.

Okay, I think Bargy and I finally got Beano back to sleep. Oh, good. I'm going to be flying very gently so that Beano won't have any reason to wake up and exist. Thanks, Bargy. Yep. I'm also still running on dirt, just reminding everybody. Oh, boy. Yeah, we need to find him.

We didn't get very much gas from Park's chip. Well, is there anything we can do with any of these extra parts? I mean, I don't know. Can you, like, fashion those parts into some sort of, like, fuel maker? What do I look like to you? Well, I don't know. I just thought of it. You know machines, so you...

Do you hear that? What did... Sort of a deep buzz? Yeah, what... Dara, did... This is maybe personal, but did you leave out an item, like a device? No, that vibration is way too weak to be one of my many toys. Okay, fair.

Sure, sure. Let's see. Let's just dig through. Oh. Guys, it's a communicator. That's it. This looks like a pager. Wait, is this Hark Tardigast's pager from the pile of parts?

Yeah, that's why he deemed it useless and tossed it out of his ship. No, I think this is like getting a communication right now. Oh. I don't know. C-53, do you know how to work one of these? I haven't seen one of these. Because I know machines. Yes, yes.

It has one. You know machines. It has one button. Yeah. Hark, would you do this? You have received an audio transmission from Rebellion headquarters.

Park! Park, it's me, Sisu. I just want to check in to make sure that you went to the Flarn district and you would be back for trivia night.

We really need your expertise. Okay, talk to you later. Sisu out! End of message. Who is Sisu? Sisu Gundu.

One of the leaders of the Rebellion. Cool. And they play trivia. Yeah, I guess so. It's Sisu again. I just, you haven't returned my call. That's fine.

That's okay. I hope you went to Flarn. Pretty important. And again, we really need you for trivia night. Okay, bye. End of message. I think you should. Where are you? Okay? Tri trivia night. Okay, bye. End of message. I think you should. Where are you?

Okay? Trivia night is in 30 minutes. And none of us know anything about sports. Okay? Also, I hope the Florence thing went well. Better see you in 30 minutes. Wow. Is everyone ignoring the fact that

Clark Tartagas had a mission in the Florence? Yeah, I mean, he mentioned something like that, I think, before he took off, didn't he? Oh, yeah. He was going to meet with a crime lord. Oh, no. Oh, no. Okay, I think we're good. I think we got most of the information we needed.

Wow, this is still happening. Yeah, I don't know. This seems like it goes a little deeper. Pager has a lot of data. There's still things happening. Do we really think it's about trivia, or did they hook up? Yeah, I don't know. This seems like it goes a little deeper. Pager has a lot of data. You and the bark at the coordinate of 55B to XX, Simon and Robin, good times. Oh, yeah, it's definitely a relationship thing. Yeah, it's really important.

Was she just saying the coordinates? Yeah, they're slurred a little bit, but I think I can translate. Yeah, this checks out. This is Florent Spade. We can do the rebel mission ourselves as rebels. Us. I mean, C-53, is this safe for us to go to? No, the Florent Zone is notoriously very dangerous. Sure, but Florent crime lords have very little tolerance for interlopers. Yeah, my movies don't do well there.

It's all criminals. Criminals don't like sweet, sweet, poshy films. I'm just saying. Didn't you do movies about being a criminal, though? Yeah, they said it wasn't authentic enough. They're very... I don't know. I try.

Planet of criminals. C-53, aren't Flarns like a gelatinous... I mean, what, like two-ton monster? On average. Guys, you don't have to worry. I'm a big deal in Flarn. like a gelatinous, I mean, what, like two-ton monster? Guys, you don't have to worry. I'm a big deal in Flarn. Really? Really?

Yeah, I'm a huge deal in Flarn. From your smuggling days. Well, yeah. Of course. The leader, uh, Territ Kostebi, he loves me. Wow. You know Territ Kostebi? I do. I always thought he was like a larger-than-life mob boss.

Cliché, almost. He is and let me tell you, we're very good friends. I used to run campaign after campaign after campaign for this guy and I'll tell you, he was always happy with the work I did. Wow. I'm treated like a king when I visit

Flarn. So we have our ticket in. I mean, yeah, I guess. It might still be dangerous, but what's a rebellion without danger? We gave Hark our word, kinda. Did we? Did we? I don't know. There's no danger. I've been on vacations with Territ.

I've seen him in a two-piece. Wow. That feels like at least one piece too many. Yeah. Interesting. Well, guys, listen, if we're gonna go, I should probably consult the space just to see if there's... Yeah. Okay.

What? Oh, no, no, go. Go do it. We love watching the ritual. Okay. Have a fun time. Have fun. I'm just going to...

Take your wood saber. We were holding this window open with it. Oh, the shade. Yeah. Okay. Guys, listen, there's no reason to holding this window open with it. Oh, the shade. Okay. Guys, listen, there's no reason to make a big deal about it. I'm just going to reach out with my feelings a little bit and just make sure that, like, there's nothing we should be, you know, worried about.

Okay. All right. Oh. Oh. Mm-hmm. I'm a little hungry, but other than that, I think I'm feeling pretty good. Okay. Beano hungry, too!

Oh, crap. Beano hungry! Beano, hey, listen, can you wait till we get back from the mission, buddy? Beano no can wait. Okay. Beano want food now! Oh, jeez, Beano. How about this, Beano?

We're going into the Flarn Zone, and we're going to get Bino some food. Bino want all the food. Bino hungry. Okay. Listen, Bino, we'll pick you up something, okay? Okay. Do it for Bino. Should we head in?

Oh, we already... We started heading towards Flarn when you started your ritual. Yeah. You know, we're sort of supposed to be at impulse zero for that. Yeah, that's probably what messed it up. Yeah. Now, order! Order! Order! The Council of the Pristinian has something he wishes to bring to the table. Now, for some reason it's been increasingly difficult to fill sub-positions in the venerable and just Federated Alliance. For the life of me, I don't know why the Alliance is so

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Ross, what are you doing in here by yourself? The sensors have turned off all the lights. Oh! Norman, are you getting enough oxygen in there? I mean, I can use it. Like, if you can unzip this a little. Yeah, no problem. But thanks for carrying me. I mean, you're really only supposed to unzip that, like, to reach in,

because otherwise you might escape. That's a worry for a pet. Yeah, a pet. Yeah, that's true. Hey! Hey! Oh, hey! You must recognize me.

Give me a crude. Oh! Give me all the crude you've got. Just give it to me. Look, look. I know, looking at me, you remember me as, like, a really big shot. I me a croon. Oh. Give me all the croon you got. Just give it to me. I know looking at me, you remember me as like a really big shot. I don't know who you are. Everybody, give me a croon.

Wait, hold on. Of course you know who I am. Open up that bag. Give me what's in that bag. No, there's a person in there. Our boss is sort of in there. Hey, listen. Sorry, I don't have any croon on me, so you're just going to have to.

You got a croon card? I'll take croon cards. You'll take so you're just gonna have to... You got a crew card? I'll take crew cards. You'll take... You're gonna... Charge us? Yeah. Yeah, I got my machine here. You're a mugger who accepts chip cards?

Yeah. I don't know, that seems... I guess for us, the question is, why would we do this? Yeah. No one's... No one's really asked me that. But before... Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, okay. It's okay. Here, here. Take this. Take this crune. Thank you. I mean, I mean, I hate you. I hate you all.

Thanks. Wow, that was... I feel better. Foreign space is, I guess, not as tough as I remember it being. No, no, no, it's super tough. That was a fluke that I didn't know who I was. Yeah, I was sorry she didn't really recognize you. Well, perhaps we should find our way to the turret,

because Debbie's palace is in there. Yes, let's do it. Is it this... Is it the enormous palace in the center of the city? This seems like a good idea. Yes, let's do it. Is it this... Is it the enormous palace in the center of the city? Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's exactly where we're headed. Oh. Hello.

Announce yourselves. Who are you? Yeah, I'm Plek Dexeter. This is C-53 and Dar. Oh, and you may not know me as Dar here. You may know me by another name. What? Norm.

Norm? Yeah, Norm. No one here knows a Norm. If we could just see Tarot, I feel like we I feel like we would clear up all this confusion. No one speaks to Tarek unless they speak through me. I am the eyes and ears of the flan. So Tarek Kastebi is inside. Tarek?

Tarek Kastebi is inside, yes. But Tarek Kastebi. What? Tarek Kastebi. Who is Tarek Kastebi? Tarek Kostebi is inside, yes. But Tarek Kostebi. What? Tarek Kostebi. Who is Tarek Kostebi? Tarek Kostebi is Tarek's little brother. So what happened to Tarek Kostebi? He was eaten.

Oh, man. What can eat a flarn? What can eat a flarn? A bigger flarn... Oh, yeah. A bigger flying. Oh, wow. So his little brother is bigger. That's how it is. Listen, if we could

just talk to Tarek, we can explain everything. We're just here to kind of... I don't know if you know this, but I'm kind of his right-hand man, so you can tell me everything you need to tell him, and I'll let him know. Oh, great. And I'm sure you would have known about me,

because if you're so high up, you have known Tarot and all the... Oh, wait a second. I remember a Norm. Great. Did you go to Eastside? No, I'm known for being a crime assistant. Norm, you were at Eastside in class of 4052. You were the one who couldn't finish a hot dog.

You tried to eat a hot dog. That's what you remember about me? And you made your tummy hurt. You don't remember how I smuggled in an entire ship? Oh, sure, sure. Oh, yeah, that ship that broke immediately? Oh, you guys are with Norm? Norm sucks.

We actually don't know a Norm. What's your name now? I answer to Dar now. It's not a good name. Listen, sorry, what's your name? I'm Garrett. Garrett. Cool. Oh, Garrett Hornberger.

That's right. Garrett, can we please just talk to Tarek? You want to speak to Tarek? Yeah, that's sort of the whole point. I should let you know, he does not speak your native tongue. He doesn't speak regular? He doesn't speak reg. He only speaks weird.

Okay. Can we just come in? Will you unzip me? I think I can. Okay, sure. Garrett? What is this? I manage this team. My name is former Junior Missions Operations Manager,

Nermit Bundeloy. Did they name you Junior because of your size? No, and it's not my title anymore. Because you're small. No. I'm still a manager. You may know Hark Tardagast, who indicated that there aren't even Junior Missions Operations Managers in the Rebellion, just Missions Operations Managers. It's going to be what I am. The whole point is, we are a serious team.

We just got off the bar. Jerry and Jade, and there's an annoying bean on there, and we're here to meet Tarek, okay? And we might have something to do with the Rebellion. Nermit. Nermit. What? Guys, this is going really well. You know, Nermit, I should probably just run you back to Bargy.

Just real quick. You and Beano can hang out while we just do the mission. Come on. I feel like it kind of blew up our spot. I'll stay in the bag. Listen, Junior. No. If you want to speak to Tarek, come on in.

But I don't think you'll like what you hear. We'll take our chances. I feel like if anyone's going to know who I am, it's Tarek. Great. Did you ever meet Tarek? I don't honestly remember, but I'm sure he probably remembers me. He was way cooler than Norm. Oh, Tango, Tango, get it?

Ah, Tango, Tango, la Tarek. Listen, Garrett, I know that Tarek doesn't speak regular, but can he understand regular? No. Why would you think that he would be able to understand regular? No, I don't know. Just because we all speak regular. Obviously, there are aliens who don't. Whatever language he speaks is so complex that my auto translator can't get a beat on it. We sort of have to go through you both to understand him

and for him to understand us. I am the tongue. I am the tongue of Tarek. I thought you said you were the eyes and ears. Yeah, I'm all of the senses. I'm the tongue, I'm the eyes, I'm the ears. Why would you need a translator to see stuff? Yeah, are you his nose as well?

I could be. Can you ask Tarek if he remembers Norm? Okay, yeah. Yes, I can do that, Norm. Great. Tarek. What? Taseko kolo shataya this little Norm.

Shataka. Little Norm? Tingle baba for Norm. Yeah, he doesn't remember a norm Ask him if he remembers the norm Who couldn't finish a hot dog I know Oscar Mayer. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Sind a fa-fa. I know Oscar Mayer.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ah, yes, he remembers you well. Listen, uh, Dara, can I talk to you over here for a second? Yeah. I don't feel like I'm earning us any kind of capital here. Dart, I thought you said you ran a bunch of campaigns for this guy. I did. I was the campaign master.

I ran such sick campaigns. I was so jucking clever. I never repeated the same move twice. Dart, we thought you were talking about military campaigns not role-playing games. No, I knew terror when I was young. I wasn't ready to be a... How young? Like middle school. Yeah. How young?

Oh, no. But you said you stole a ship for Tarot. Oh, no. Oh, no. Dar. Okay. Tindal, Batu, Derrick, Tindalfar. Dorothai? Tindalfar. Come back over here. Okay, yeah, sure.

Yeah, sure. I don't know if you heard what Terek just said. I mean, we heard it, but we didn't understand it. Yeah, we don't speak weird. Ah, yes, the native tongue of the Flarn. We speak weird. What he just wanted you to know was that if you have anything you want to say to him, you can say it to me. Is that for sure what he said?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He said, I trust you, Garrett. Huh. Huh. Okay. Seems like something you wouldn't say to someone you trusted. You've known him for years. Why is he still saying that to you?

I'm sort of compulsive in our relationship. No, but he... Okay, well, what do you want to say to him? I'll let him know what's going on. Okay. Okay. Yeah, all right. Let's see.

Mighty Tarek. Mighty Tarek. You can probably just wait until I'm done and just say the whole thing. No, don't say that. Stop. Don't say that part. I'm just telling you, Garrett, you can wait until I'm done with my sentence before you say the whole thing. It's going to be harder for me.

How's that, Garrett? Garrett. Maybe it's gone. Okay, fine. Mighty Tarek. Tower's hit, though. Oh, stop. Mighty Tarek. Tawa, is it though? Oh, stop. Why is he going to say stuff?

Because I feel like we're never going to get anywhere. He said, what's up? Fine. Hi, it's I. Mighty Tarek. Is he speaking Jontawa now? I thought he was speaking weird. Does he speak Jontawa? What? Do not attempt to address him. Jontawa now? I thought he was speaking weird. Does he speak Jontawa?

What? Do not attempt to address him in Jontawa. Don't speak it. Mighty Tarek, we are here as ambassadors for the rebellion against the Federated Alliance. We seek a rebel pilot known as Hark Tardigast who came to your planet to plead with you for information

and or supplies in our fight against the alliance. If you can take us to him, we will be forever grateful to you. We have a shared interest, you and I, Tarek. He says you're taking a long time. Were you translating what I was We have a shared interest, you and I, Tarek. Zekar, what are you doing, Tarek? What's happening? He says you're taking a long time. Were you translating what I was saying to him? I heard Oscar Meyer again.

What? Oh, hello, Junior. Yes, yes. We were just remembering how funny the hot dog moment was. Give me a hot dog right now. I'll finish a hot dog right now. I'll finish 89 hot dogs right now. Yeah, let's not go crazy.

Yeah, Dart, it seems like... I'm proving this to you. I'm proving this to you right now. Yeah, let's not go crazy. I'm proving this to you. I'm proving this to you. Proving this to you, now get me 89 hot dogs. Tarek, I'm going to ask you to give me 87. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on a second.

Hold on. I just want to... Can I just quickly. Is Flarn language for 89, 87? Yes. Weird. Okay, so in regular, when you say 89 and you translate it into weird, that is 87. That's what I just asked.

I'm super sensitive. I just asked. I think we're saying something. I think 82. I think I'm about to die. Ah, we have 101 hot dogs here for you. Do you not understand how this works? I'll take those. Let's think about what we're doing before we do it. Yeah, really, you just need to eat one, right?

No, I'm going to eat 101 of these now. That's a lot of hot dogs. Yeah, really, you just need to eat one, right? No, I'm going to eat 101 of these now. That's a lot of hot dogs. Yeah, wait, can I just ask, Garrett, when Dar failed to eat a whole hot dog, how many hot dogs had Dar eaten at that point? At that point? Yes. 132.

Well, okay. Okay, I'm very confused. I mean, if she'd already eaten... Why are you here? I tried to explain that, and you told me it was taking too long. Quinoa final. Ah, so quinoa. Bubble, be back.

Hark, Tardigast. Ah. We recognize that. Did he just say Hark, Tardigast? No. What? He didn't just say Hark, Tardigast. It sounded like Hark, Tardigast.

It sounded like Hark, Tardigast. It sounded like that, but he was just reminding me about, we watched a movie last night, and I said a really funny one-liner. What was the one-liner? What? What was the funny one-liner that you were just talking about? Look, I don't know what you're here for, but Hark Tardigas is not here,

and there's no looking for him. Okay. In the absence of Hark, we'll act in his stead as emissaries to establish a connection between Tarek and the Rebellion. Oh! Tarek!

Listen, Garrett, what Hark was going to come here to tell you is that the Rebellion hates the Alliance as much as you do, so if there's a way we could work together, maybe we could figure this out. I'll let him know. Tarek. The Colton-Chongo-Kinwa

has a good federated alliance at the heart of the Rebellion. Yeah. Ah. Ha ha. People. Baggins. Fifi. Concha. He said he's interested. Really?

If you are fighting against the Federated Alliance as hard as we are. Great. Yeah, cool. So, you know, listen, this is sort of not really my jurisdiction, but I would say, like, if you've got any extra guns or, like, maybe some, like, stealth ships you could spare, we could probably take those. Yes. Yes. What?

Garrett, Garrett. You definitely were not. You were definitely referring to Dar eating hot dogs and not to what I just said to you. No. The mighty Tarek has a proposal for you. All right. Okay. We'll get you what you want, but the one we know as Norm, you'll have to engage in a hot dog eating contest.

But that already started. You brought out hot dogs for me to start eating. No, the hot dog timer hasn't started yet. But I started eating them as soon as they brought them out. None of those count? Like, not that many hot dogs. No, they do not count. well hello and greetings from the very edge of the sooty festive land of chimnesha gather around will you i'll tell you a story i'm no rip Rip CISO, but I'll do my best.

This is a tale called Shameless Begging. Once upon a time, there was a mysterious series of recordings about an Alliance ambassador turned rebel emissary and his heroic crew. Now, the audience of these recordings were famously attractive and intelligent. But some of them, they became woefully addicted to the recordings and learned to hear from this crew more than weekly. Lucky for them, they could receive more communications on social media. Insta-holograms, Facebook and Twitter. Where the crew's handle was at Mission to Zix

they're thirsty geniuses like well like you even perhaps could see fan art, photographs from recordings, free wing announcements messages from individual crew members like really good stuff and the people who followed they became incredibly happy

and some of them, dare we say the best ones, they even logged on to something called iTunes, which I think is where droids get their visual senses fixed. Anyway, on iTunes, these people left reviews of the audio recordings, which, legend has it, helped with some sort of algorithm that led even more people to find, enjoy, and become addicted to the recordings, then in a quest for even more, follow them admission to Zix. The end.

Did you not like the story? I thought it was pretty good. I mean, not perfect, but... The gravity, the gravity is so low. The gravity is so low. Attention! flight! As you know, I am Garrett. The eyes, ears, tongue, nose for the mighty Terran!

He says, that's right! I am here with a wonderful entertainment! A hot dog eating contest! As you all

probably remember, Norm is here to eat 120 hot dogs. I mean, I already ate 50 hot dogs. No. No. Irrelevant. Irrelevant.

If Norm can eat the hot dogs, we will give them the resources they require. If not, we will shame them. Could be worse. And now I will say all of that in weird. No, it's not necessary. Little Noir, Topo Shotolo, 182 Asgagaya! It has no mathematical basis to change between...

Oh, I should start? Yes! Okay. Dara, are you confident you can eat this mini hot dog? Yeah, I'm pretty confident I can eat this mini hot dog. You can do it. Listen, Dar, you're like 50% empty space, right? Like, I just don't want you to hurt yourself.

My empty space is not really made for food, though. I'm glad they let us all sit at this picnic table with you. It's nice. Well, I really probably shouldn't be talking to you while I'm trying it. Yeah, you can eat them. I mean to you while I'm trying it. Yeah, you're going to eat them. I mean, you can all keep talking amongst yourselves. Oh, okay, well, yeah, we weren't sure if that distracts you. No, it's actually calming me down a little bit.

Well, you know, it's interesting that a hot dog competition is just a one person. They didn't want a challenger or anything like that. Yeah, usually a competition implies, you know implies people striving against one another. But this is man versus nature. Hot dog is nature in that case? It's a fungus found on... Oh, right.

Attention! I forgot to introduce the challenge! Wait, what do we... Does that mean none of the hot dogs I just ate count? No! This seems egregious. None of those 17 hot dogs

you ate counted. Let me translate. 42 hosta maya! Is it just a coincidence of sounds? And now, introducing the challenge! I should explain the rules. Is it just a coincidence of sounds? It's not. And now introducing the challenger. I should explain the rules. You have to eat hot dogs faster than this challenger.

Those are the rules. Okay. One rule. It's just one rule. The challenger's a vacuum. Don't spoil it. We're about to wheel it out. It seems to have a hot dog shaped

input on him I have a name hello nice to meet you my name is Gorm I do this every Sunday I'm ready Gorm you're a vacuum station I'm ready

ah the hot dog eating contest between Gorm and Gorm what a wonderful contest little Norm and big Gorm and your mom I'm much bigger than you turn on get set Arguably, I'm much bigger than you. It's gonna turn on.

Get set. And you're hot dog. Eat. Norm, Norm, Norm, Norm. Norm, Norm, Norm, Norm, Norm, Norm, Norm. Norm, Norm, Norm, Norm, Norm. I'm saying Norm. Why would you say Norm? I don Gorm. I'm saying Gorm. I'm saying Gorm. Why would you say Gorm? I don't know.

I've been making distractions. Gorm, Gorm, Gorm, Gorm, Gorm. How far behind am I right now? Don't think about that. Don't think about that. It's not worth it. How many hot dogs has the vacuum sucked up? It's hard to count.

You know, just eyeballing it, like half. I need you to actually move a little tighter around me right now. Okay. All right. Okay. All right. Yep. Can anyone see me?

I think so. Okay. Oh, wow. Oh. This is hard. This is strategy. Very good strategy. I don't know if that counts as eating the hot dogs.

I don't think it does either, but we need to get them out of the way. Yeah, that's a fair point. Ugh. Would you prefer if we looked away? No. Dar, you only have one more. I can't. I can't.

Dar, you have to. I can't. Dar, this is exactly what happened last time. You have one extra hot dog and you can't get it in. No, I'm filled with hot dogs. Glorm is almost done with the other hot dogs. I am more hot dog than D'ar right now. Guys, step aside. No, Nermin, you can't. Yes, I can do it.

I can do it. If you help me lift it, I can eat it. You could easily eat this hot dog. Why don't I just eat it? I have to do it. I just know. I got to. Nermin just know. I got to. Oh, my God.

Oh, that's much wider than his species jaw is supposed to go. It might never move back to its original size. I'm just going to tap it in. There's a little bit of hot dog coming out of his tail nub. That's okay. That's all right. Hit the buzzer. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I finished.

Now please help the rebellion oh my I'm just gonna go vacuum the rest of this place what happened I don't know I thought we had it in the bag

I can't let this loser outshine me I'm cooler let this loser outshine me. I'm cooler than this little... Yeah, Garrett, you're still talking into the microphone. Oh, shoot. Oh, no, wait. How do I turn it off? Just step away from the microphone.

Just put it away from your face. No, no. I... Tarek? Kona. Oh! Horizon Final. Oh. Horizon Final. A silent good boy.

T-A-T. All right, I have been running a translation protocol for the last 20 minutes or so, and I've managed to synthesize my own Flarn translation. What, really? Yeah, let me just turn it on now and see. Tarek? Yes. Okay. Oh, Tarek? Yes? Oh, it's running now.

No, you should turn that off. That's not allowed here on the planet. Well, no, it's still on. I know. I know that. Yeah, Dar, if you want to talk to Tarek, this translation app seems to be working reasonably well. Hey, Tarek. Oh, hey, Norm.

Yeah. Yeah, I remember you hung out with my geeky brother. I don't remember him being geeky. He was pretty geeky. I just remember him having a really beautiful imagination. Yeah, I guess so. I'm glad you're here. I'm not really sure why we're doing this hot dog

thing. It was not... It wasn't my idea. You demanded a hot dog contest. You didn't demand a hot dog eating contest to establish relations with the Rebellion? I didn't. He made me. Garrett, wait, what?

Garrett said that you demanded to enter a hot dog eating contest. No, look, there seems to have been a bit of confusion. Oh, this is a hot mic. There seems to have been a bit of confusion. This is what I remember happening, is that almighty Tarek, you said... That's right. ...that you would like to see a hot dog eating contest.

That's not what I said, Garrett. Come on, right? Come on. No. At this point, Garrett, just turn the mic off. You don't need to. No. Leave it on, Garrett. Okay.

Because I want everyone to hear your screams when I eat you. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. That was jockey disgusting. Those are the digestive juices, Garrett. Oh, this is like a sous vide and it's slowly cooking me.

What is that? What word is that? I don't understand that word. I don't want you to translate for me anymore. At this point, whoever's running tech in this arena, it's on them. Listen, I apologize. The Florence, we are an anti-Federated alliance. But I'm not sure that we're pro-rebellion. What can I do to make it up to you? What do you need? You know, actually, honestly,

Tarek, we could really use a little bit of gas for our ship. Nermin has a pretty good idea of maybe some of the things we need. If, Nermin, you want to just tell the Flarn what we need? I heard gas, so I'm giving you gas. Yeah, okay, I guess gas is...

Listen, who knows? Maybe the Florence would join the... I mean, somebody help him. Um, here, let me just... Oh, yeah. Oh, man, it's really coming out the other end, isn't it? Yes, not at all, Digestive Dog. We're doing gas, so that's it.

All right. Who knows? Maybe one day the Florence will aid the rebellion, but today it's not that day. Okay, yeah, fair enough. All right, guys. Well, listen, thanks, Tarek. Appreciate that.

Sorry to hear about your translator. I'm fine. Hey, Bargy, I think we're good to go You could probably just land in this big open arena Oh the Bargerian Oh wow Everybody thought that the Bargerian Jeep was kind of fake But look at that

That's right You all thought I couldn't be a criminal But look at me now I got scars on my whole I'm bleeding out of oil Huh? Whoa I got one teardrop tattooed underneath my windows Whoa! Whoa. Did you kill someone, Bargy?

No time to play the part. Okay, no, I'm sorry. I don't know. It's fine. Love it. Fight me, everybody. Fight me. No.

No, no, no. Very well. No, Bargy, everybody. Fight me. Everyone, take out. Very well. Bargy, Bargy. Everyone in the stadium, fight the crew of the Margarita. Bargy, Bargy. Get us on the ship now. Bargy. Well, we are fueled up for the foreseeable future. Yeah, I guess so. Hey, listen, I gotta say, Dar and Nermit,

you guys really took one for the team on this one. I mean, Dar, you took more than a gross for the team. Nermit took literally one for the team on this one. I mean, Dar, you took more than a gross for the team. I took literally one for the team. Right, but I am torn up from end to end. Oh, man. Oh, gosh. I'm sorry. Nermin, I got to say, you know, this is what it's like, man,

being on the ship through the ringer. It's not your safe cubicle on the delegator anymore, right? Not at all. Although I was, you know, injured there a lot too. Oh, that's true. Yeah, because you were very poorly treated. Yeah.

I will say I was glad to visit that planet as a rebel, not as an alliance member because, oof, that would have been rough. Oh, that would have been rough. Yeah, we would all have been eaten.

Yeah. They would have attacked Bargy more? Maybe about the same. Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty banged up. Are you okay, Bargy?gy yeah no one's really asked me thank you for so much to be the first person um no i'm not okay what a lot of things wrong with me right now what's broken oh my son hasn't talked to me in a while oh this is emotional stuff

unrelated waiting game right now sure yeah but got gas, so that's the thing. It was nice that they let us gas up even after attacking us for like 20 minutes. Yeah. But hey, Dar, listen. I know that I know that Flarn was not really how you represented it, but you really saved us back there, so thanks.

Yeah, it's kind of I think I'm okay with realizing that I was actually a huge nerd. I mean, yeah, join the club. Many young species go through an awkward phase where they're fascinated by imaginative pursuits of all kinds. Sometimes they make it a career and, you know... Well, that would be extremely poor planning.

There's so little use for that kind of thing. Bino hungry. Oh, no. Dara, it's your turn. All right. I'm doing my shoots. Whoa. Oh, Bino eat hot dogs.

Nom, nom, nom. Oh. What? Beano only eat organic. Of course. Beano clean eat. Why do we have Beano? Gotta love Beano. Galapagos! This is C-Red IT-5, credits and attributions droid, commencing outro protocol.

Emissary Plek Deck Center was played by Alden Ford. C-53 was played by Jeremy Bent. The security officer, formerly known as Norm, was played by Ali Kokesh. Missions Operations Manager, Nermit Bundeloy, was played by Seth Lynn. Thank you. Masashis and NASCAT. Follow him on Twitter, at Drew Johnston. Drew is spelled with a U, as it should be. Crowd voices were recorded at our season two premiere at Caveat, generously donated by our live audience. Thank you, audience. And a special thanks to

Lauren Humphrey for a recording location for this episode. This episode, edited by Seth Lind, with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell. Music by Brendan Ryan. Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley. Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Gois. Mission to Zix is brought to this galaxy by Audioboom.

Thanks, Audioboom. A very special thank you to our Patreon supporters for making Season 2 possible. Hey, do you want to send a physical item to the Zix Quadrant? That would be rad! Address your parcel to the Zix Squadron, PO Box 180494, Brooklyn, New York, 11218. And our team of trained Zerblins will take it from there.

I started eating as soon as they brought them out. None of those count? None of these hot dogs. 50 hot dogs in. No, Torriota Corolla. No, 50 hot dogs in. No, Toyota Corolla. No, they do not count. They do not count and they run smoothly like a Toyota Corolla.

But I do like the idea of a hot dog challenge to determine if Dar can eat enough hot dogs. I think that's pretty fun. I love the reveal that Dar was working for the nerdiest. The nerd crime you like?