Mission To Zyxx - 204: Pro of Cons [ft. Nicole Drespel]

Episode Date: June 20, 2018

The crew is sent deep into Alliance space to pull off a high-stakes con. Pleck makes a speech. C-53 puts his new digits to work. Bargie lands a gig.  Featuring: Jeremy Bent as C-53 Alden Ford as Pleck Decksetter Allie Kokesh as Dar Seth Lind as Nermut Bundaloy and the Triplo Triplets Winston Noel as Mark Moujan Zolfaghari as Bargie, Connee and Li’l Boop Boop With Special Guest Nicole Drespel as Tresedora Lonlée Edited by Seth Lind Recording, Sound Design and Mix by Shane O’Connell Music by Brendan Ryan Additional Music by Shane O’Connell Opening Crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley Ship design for The Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz

This is SeaRed IT5 with a special announcement. Mission to Zix is coming to Los Angeles for our first ever West Coast live show. Join us on July 29th at 7pm at Dynasty Typewriter at The Hayworth as we record a brand new episode right in front of your eyes. Featuring live sound design and extra special guests. Tickets available at DynastyTypewriter.com or our website, MissionToZix.space. Hooray for Hollywood!

It is a period of civil war. The rebellion against the sinister and corrupt Federated Alliance grows stronger, and the fate of the galaxy hangs in the balance. Now, Rebel Emissary Plek Dexeter and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to explore astounding new worlds, discover their heroic destinies, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff. This is Mission to Zix. I'm sorry. You got the camera on you?

Yep. Okay. Rolling. One, two, three. Welcome to Bajie's house. This is Bajie's house. Boom, boom, boom. Zoom in to like all the electrical things.

Just like get everyone to have access to inside of me. Got it. Boom. This is the area where everyone hangs out. Bajie's house. Boom, boom, boom. Hey, Bajie. Sorry. Wait, wait, wait. We're rolling. Click it out of the frame. Got it. Hey, uh, Bar- Hey, Bargy? Sorry. Wait, wait, wait.

We're rolling. Get out of the frame. Okay. Bargy, we can just edit around that. Sorry, can I just ask, what is going on? What is this? What's the camera for? Switching ships.

What? Yeah. Emissary Dexeter, are you not familiar with the program Switching Ships? I don't- No, I have no idea. It's extremely popular. What is it about? Oh, it's window. Residents of ships. I have no idea. What is it about? Oh, it's like two...

It's like two crews. Oh. This is like that show Ship Flippers. Where somebody buys an old ship and then flips it and resells it. That's a little different. That's a little different. How is it different? There's only one ship in that program.

Oh, I guess that's true. Okay. Emissary Dexeter, I have an incoming transmission from Mission Operations Manager Nermit Bundeloy. Hey, Nermit. Hey, guys. How's the new office? Check it out. Nermits. Hey, guys. How's the new office? Look, check it out. Nermy.

Ho, ho. All the data cables go through these trays on the ceiling, and there are, like, quotes on the walls. Can you see down that hall? There's, like, bimby pong tables that you can just use whenever. And there are, like, little meeting rooms with whiteboards. And did you see how someone just went by on a little scooter? It's very rebel-y looking.

Yeah, yeah, and look and check out this chair. Oh, man. I can go really low and then really high, and I can stand up. Okay. Well, congratulations. Thanks. Yeah. How about a mission?

Yeah, let's do it. Great. Okay. Give us our mission, Mom. Yeah, you know. Missions operations. Missions operations manager. Now we can just call you Mom. No, you know. Missions Operations Manager. Missions Operations Manager. Now we can just call you Mom.

No, that I think. Missions Operations Manager. Yes. I do not realize the letters M-O-M-M. No, I get it. I just don't think that you have to say that. Now that it's a much shorter name, you don't even have to shorten it. Mom just rolls right off the gas.

I mean, it's sort of. You only remember your name when you're young. It's one of the first words we learned, so it's pretty easy for all of us to say. Mom Bundeloy. My first word was death.

Your first word was death? Yeah. Wow. I would go by that. Death? That's a really cool rebel name. Huh? Nermid, what's your mission?

Okay, so here's the deal. This mission is coming from Rebel Commander Sisu Gundu herself. Yeah, so here's the deal. They were so pleased with the mission on Gash, I suppose, is where we ended up retrieving all the water, which the rebels are very hydrated right now. Their skin is looking great and they're thankful for that. And so we're going to do a high level multifaceted infiltration mission. Operations manager, are we cleared for that kind of work? Is the team they're referring to us?

Yeah. What did you say? What do you mean, what did I say? No, they were just really impressed with the water mission, and I also told them how we were, like, one of the best teams in the Federated Alliance. That's not really accurate. No way. We were below dead and missing teams. We were sabotaged and never got to reach our full potential.

Sabotaged by our own. Yeah, mostly me. Usually me. Sure. Yeah, you know what, Nermin? I'm on board with this. Give us a big juicy mission. Let's sink our teeth in and kill it.

So keep going, buddy. Okay. So Bargy is going to fly you deep into Federated Alliance territory so you can steal something of incredible value to the Rebellion. And you are going to, at some point, meet up with a serious artist. Oh. Of cons. A conner?

Yes. A swindler? Yeah, sure. She's gonna get you inside. Charlatan. That's another word. Yeah. A confidence woman. Is that a longer version of that? Oh, yeah. Sure. Her name is

Tresadora Lonley. I don't know. Well, I love her already, so I can't... Where are we meeting her? So, yeah. That was weird. It doesn't say where you're meeting her.

Because she's meeting you. Whoa! Whoa! Oh, yeah, sorry. Someone else is in the... I always forget to tell you. Bargy, how long has she been here? Like, three days.

What? What? How have you camouflaged yourself like that? First rule of a con. If you're not already conning, you're getting conned. Wait. If you're not already conning, you're getting conned. Sure.

No, that makes sense. I mean, yeah, I guess, no. Think about it. Yeah, always be conning. Exactly. Your costume is incredible. Thank you. You look like a totally normal, you know, steam coupling.

Part of a ship. Yep. Wow. Master of disguise. Incredible. Trezor allowed me to introduce myself. I'm Emissary Plague Dexeter. This is C-53 and Dar.

And, of course, you've been hiding inside of the Bargerian Jade for three days. Gang, you're telling me stuff I already know. Any con artist worth their salt would, of course, have done extensive research before hiding out on a ship for three days. Yeah, it's time to actually get to work. Are you ready to work? I'm ready. Absolutely. Let's do it.

Okay, the second rule of a con is everyone's involved in the con. Guys, I have a day chock full of meetings here, so I'm going to sign off. I just could not be more excited for you. You're going to go in deep. You're going hard. You're gonna... I don't... Yep. Bye, Mom. Why were you making such strong eye contact with Dar when you said

that? What? No, I just... I was looking at each of you individually, and I... Death signing off. So, Trezador, I'm afraid... You can call me Trey. Trey? Yep. Trey, I'm afraid... You can call me Trey. Trey? Yep. Trey, I'm afraid the exact details of the con were left out of our mission briefing.

Sure. Have you, uh... I gotta ask this. I'm getting a sort of a new kid vibe. You guys pulled a con before? Good question. Well, you know... I once conned, uh... You know him.

The spaceship, Spealship. Yeah, the director. I conned him into falling in love. With you? With me. Oh. We had 14 wonderful years together. We made a couple of hollows.

Bargy, that doesn't sound like a con. That sounds like a relationship. Yeah. He's, uh, he's my son's father. Wait. Yeah, Bargy, that's not a con. Bargy, Blimpy is the illegitimate son of Spaceship Speelship? Yep.

That kind of explains why he wants to be a theme park. Yeah, it sort of puts things into perspective. I've always kind of thought you gave Blimpy sort of too much of a hard time, but man, he's got a lot to live up to and he's not doing it. He looks like his father in a ton. Anyway, let's move past why he be talking about me. Well, you know, C-53, you have a long history. You've pulled a couple cons in your day, right?

Good with sleight of hand. Now, this frame, regrettably, doesn't have quite the finger dexterity that my previous frame did. Here, watch. Take a card. Okay, great. All right, great. Put it back in the deck. You got it?

Oh. Yeah. The fingers are very sticky. That's the Oh. Yeah. Sure. Permanently sticky. It's not a problem. Because one of the most important things we need for this con is sticky fingers.

Great, great. So, C-53, you're going to be sticky fingers. Oh, that's your... It's your con name. It's also what your role in the con is going to be. Great. Well, Dari was, like, practically a con person for a while. Perhaps you're aware of my most famous con. There were 11 of us.

We were all out of the game, but this one old friend really wanted to get us all back together. I haven't heard of that. No? No, I haven't heard of that. I don't busy myself with other people's cons. Oh, sure. One of the cons is if you're worrying about other people's cons, keep your eyes on your own con.

Oh, that makes sense, yeah. Right, yeah. The fourth rule is the most important rule. Why would you write about the first rule? Because you don't want to overwhelm people with the most important rule. You want to build up to it? You want to build up to it. That's a tip, not a rule, what you just said.

No, no, she was setting up the rule. Yeah, I'm explaining why I'm getting to the most important. Uh-huh, fourth. It's not going to work if we're not friends. It's not going to work if we're not friends. That's the fourth rule. Yeah. Is that the fourth and final rule?

Yeah. Huh. And I would actually say the first three rules were a con. Oh, wow. Okay, you're good. You're good. There's only one rule. Wait, do we have to be friends?

I've never heard of any of these rules before. Well, how well those cons go? I mean, at first... You did get captured by the Alliance, and now you're here with us. Okay, I was gonna say, at first it seemed like it wasn't gonna work, and then it did work, and then it worked, and then

it didn't work. think that sounds like a textbook long con i mean yeah i was the only fall person i'm the only one that was captured and true may i ask is that why we must all be friends so that if at any point during the con the con is exposed that we won't flip on each other exactly uh. Billy, that's kind of folded in to rule number four. Yeah. Being a good friend involves not conning your friends. Yep. All right, let's get down to business. Okay.

Dar. Uh-huh. Marry, Juck, Kill. Plek, C-53, Bargy. Oh, right. I thought you meant get down to business. Business, business. What is the fourth and only rule?

Yeah, be friends. Gotta be friends. Easy. Okay, obviously. Marry, C. Thank you. We. Be friends. Gotta be friends. Okay, obviously, Mary C. Thank you. We have great chemistry. Yes, naturally. Juck Bargy, because talk about a story.

And then Death to Plague. Yeah, no, that makes sense. Yeah. That's sort of a softball there. Trey Lonely. Yeah, I mean, I'm not going to be rude. Wait, is your last name pronounced Lonely? Yeah.

Oh. Why? I'm just curious. Your name last name pronounced Lonely? Yeah. Why? I'm just curious. Your name is Trela. Yep. Okay, okay, my turn, my turn. Chuck Marykill, Banan Forensic, Jordan Borgorkin, or Gork

the Sork. Oh, boy. Oh, boy, wow, that is... That's tricky. Well, Gork is so charming, but... Yeah, marry... I think marry Gork. See? I think I would chuck Gork. But then who would you marry?

No, no, no. I'm not going to marry a man, but I don't feel good about that. Can I ask you a question? Yeah. When you guys play, does marrying mean no chucking, or does marrying include jucking? Oh, this is a good question. I've always thought that Mary... It's like you have to learn the culture, right?

Sure. Sure. Sure. Yeah. Well, you know, I always thought just for the purposes of the game, Mary was like, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I don't get to juck you. Right. That's what...

Okay. Those are my rules to which I want to check. Oh. Yeah. I mean, that's true of my own planet. You marry someone that you spend the rest of your life with, but you only reproduce with other people. Did marry, jerk, kill originate on your planet, Dara? Oh my god, I think it did.

Yeah, that must... That makes sense. Yeah, that really makes sense. We marry and never jerk the person we're married to. We jerk everybody else. And then we kill at least one person every X-Mars. Yeah. Okay.

That all checks out. Wow. We often played at the beginning of any Academy semester. You went to Academy for cons? Yeah. UConn? UConn, sure. Wait, did we, I'm sorry, did we finish the mission?

Can I go to sleep mode now? No, sorry, you're right, you're right. Let's get practical. Okay, great. Plek and C, do you grab this rope? Yeah. Okay. sorry. You're right. You're right. Let's get practical. Okay, great. Plek and C, do you grab this rope? Yeah. Okay. Put it around your wrists. Alright. Great. And take each other's hands.

Sure. Unknot the rope without letting go of each other's hands. Okay. I just have a small helper arm that I can... Yeah. There we go. Nice. Okay. Did that violate the spirit of the game? I mean, no, because that's who you are. And so that can't violate the spirit of the game.

That's great. The rope is now tied around my hands. I'm not really sure what to do. Dar? Yeah? I want you to come over here. Okay. Grab Fleck's hands and get the rope off of his arms without letting go of his hands.

Can I break his arms? No, no, no, no, no, no. No. Dar, please, please don't hurt me like that. I'll just... Oh, wow. Sliced it right in half with one of those chest talents. There you go.

Thank you, Dar. That was much cooler and much less painful. Thank you. Wow, I really feel like I'm closer to you guys now. Sorry, do we complete the mission? Actually, Bargy, don't go into sleep mode, but shut down your sensors. Everyone, close your eyes. Oh.

Oh, okay. Okay. The ship has crashed. Oh. What happened to me? It's a hypothetical. No, it's a thought. After the crash, you find an escape pod.

Sure. It only fits you and one other member of this crew. Okay. Point at the person you're taking. With our eyes closed? Yep. Okay. Everyone's pointing?

Yep. Open your eyes. Okay, yeah, you're all pointing at C-53. Okay. Let's go con. Oh. Wait, what? I felt like you got us really close together Then you drove us apart real fast

Yeah, and the con is going to be about Finding your way back to each other Who are we conning? Who's the Connie in this situation? Yep, the Mark Yes Is she a Connie or is he a Mark? It is

Are we conning a Connie? Yes The recipient of a con Yes It is. Are we conning a Connie? Yes. Connie? Meaning the person named Connie. The recipient of a con. Yes. Or the name Connie? Right.

We're conning a Connie named Connie. Yes. Okay. And Mark. And Mark? Yes. A Mark named Mark? Yes.

Seems awesome. That can't be right. What do we want from them? I'm sorry. Do you want more information about these people so that you feel bonded to them? Oh. Oh, yeah, okay. Because once they become friends, they're part of the con, and we can't leave them behind.

Oh, wow, Plek, yes. Yeah. Wait, Plek just figured something out? Hello and greetings, citizens of Milch. It is I, your most esteemed governor, here with a public service announcement. As we enter the ninth year of our Milchian winter, scores of citizens are suffering from what can only be described as a bone-deep malaise. Luckily, we have a guaranteed pick-me-up, the new podcast, Nerdificent, comedians Danny Fernandez and Ify Waterway deep dive into exceedingly fascinating nerdy subjects. Be it the mind-expanding frontiers of virtual reality or the surprising renaissance of tabletop games, they take you from the origins to the exciting future of each thrilling, nerdy

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your podcasts. It is infinitely more enjoyable than listening to the haunting winds that howl through the endless canyons of Milch. Not effing sin. Now I'm going to go. My dear wife is making soup. I'm going to go. And my dear wife is making soup. I'm so happy! Does everyone feel like they know their roles?

I gotta tell you, Trey, I have no idea. Want to do a quick recap? Yeah, I'd love that. Great. Dar, you're back? I'm back. Yep. You get that? Great. Plek that. Great. Dar, you're back? I'm back. Yep. You get that?

Great. Plek? Yeah? Plek, you're on the up. I'm on the up. Yeah, I don't get... Excellent. And C, your sticky fingers.

Yep. On the up, okay. And I will be master of disguise. Now, see, that I understand. I could do that, maybe. I mean, it's sort of a riskier position. And Plek, I wouldn't want to put you. Yeah, you're right. I'll be on the up. Get down, it's sort of a riskier position. And I wouldn't want to put you. Yeah, you're right.

I'll be on the ground. Get down on the ground. Get down on the ground. Even in formal wear, of course. What brings you to Gemino? Oh, we're here to... We're here to attend the party? Yep.

Okay. We're invited to the birthday party. We're old friends. Oh, old friends? Yep. Yeah? We're old friends. Oh, old friends?

Yep. Yeah? Well, if there's one thing a clit will let through to a party full of high-ranking VIPs of the Federated Alliance, it's an old friend. Are you being sarcastic? No, what? What's wrong with you? No, good, great, because we're old friends. Are you?

Just from way back. Oh, you're old friends from way back? Yep. Oh, once I found out that you're old friends from way back. He sounds facetious. He sounds a little bit facetious. Can we get up? Can we get off? Oh, you can get off the ground.

Thank you. Is there a lot of Clint detail around the party? I would say maybe 500, 600. Great. And Dar, could you turn around? Absolutely. And on our back, could you just draw a map of where everybody... Well, yeah, I'm happy to draw a back map. Yeah.

Here we go. A lot of people don't know this, but I'm kind of the guy who's the best at drawing maps. You're sort of a cartographer, Clint. I don't know. Okay. Oh, could you just... Yeah, I've got a knot there. Okay, great.

This is compromising. Drawing over there. Well, okay, yeah. See, that was very important. The scale is sort of... This doesn't seem super accurate. Well, enjoy the party. Thank you. Old friends from way back.

I don't need to see IDs. Get on in there! Oh, wow, that was... Thank you, 0521. These must be some old friends. My name is Terrell. I welcome you to the party of Connie and her twin brother, Mark. Oh, wow. And this is my twin brother, Mark. Oh, wow.

And this is my twin brother, Terrell. Thank you, Terrell. And here, of course, on Gemino, we are all... Twins. Well, can you really be twins when you're attached to each other? You know what I'm saying? Well, yes, you literally definitely can. Come, let me take you over here.

Your speech is to begin very soon. Hello! Let me take you over to your speech is to begin very soon. Hello. Welcome to our birthday party. Today is the day we were born. Both of us at the same time. As you know, I am Mark. And I'm Connie. The Patsy Twins.

And as you know, here on our birthday, as is custom on Gemino, Connie and I are leaving our most valuable safe open. For you to peruse through all of our most expensive jewels and such. As a show of trust to all the other twins on Gemini. Seems almost like a setup at this point. Yeah, this feels like a card. For some of you it might seem like a setup. But I assure you, Connie, is it a setup?

Let me answer that. No. Is it a setup? Let me answer that. No. Oh, we see that. And as is also custom at these parties, the person who's the most pink gets a say of speech to us all. Oh. Oh, that's...

That's coming. It's me, Tyrone and Tyrell. Let me escort you up, sir. You're very pink. Thank you. What happened to Tyruff? Huh? Oh.

With triplets. But you are a happened to Taroth? Huh? Oh. We're triplets. But you are attached. Attached? Triplets said we somehow didn't see Taroth. No, look from the other angle. It depends on which way they're at. Out us. We were perpendicular.

Gemino. We were born on triplo. We snuck into Gemino. Okay. Okay. This is a lot of backstory. I feel like we don't need for you. Fine.

You called me out. I don't know that we called you out. Give me your pink friend. Planket. Pl is a lot of backstory. I feel like we don't need for you. Fine. You called me out. I don't know that we called you out. Give me your pink friend. Pluck. Pluck. Get up there and give a speech. You're on the up. The deus.

The pinkest. What is your name? Say your name. My name is Pluck. Welcome, Pink Pluck. Yes, Pink Pluck. Yeah, so, hey, just wanted to say, as a guy who just goes way back, way, oh man, way back with Mark and... All right, perfect, while he's up there, uh...

Even Cleck doing his worst job will probably distract them for at least five to ten minutes. That's all we need, right? For sure. That's it, that's all we need. Dart, turn around, let's look at that map. Um... This, uh, this residence has a certain labyrinth-like quality. For sure.

And we don't want to lose our place. So, see, it's probably good if you run your hands along the walls, wherever we go. So that we'll know from the trail of stick that you leave behind. Okay. If we've been somewhere before. Sure. Is that why I'm sticky fingers? Yeah, why else?

I'm just, I could have just, as we walked along and recording the whole time. Okay, this is important. We can't turn down this way. There, when he was drawing, I felt on this top chute that there's a whole squad. Hey, you there. What are you guys doing back here?

Get down. Get down? Oh, okay. You want me to get down? Yeah, you get down here? Get down. Get down. Oh, okay. You want me to get down? Yeah, you get down. Yeah, yeah, get down. Oh, okay. All right.

Show us your fake. Oh, all right. There it is. Oh, it's a good fake. It's a good fake. Pretty good fake. All right, just leave me alone. All right, on your way.

All right. Wow, that felt so good. Yeah. I never thought to do that. Oh, great speech. That was such a wonderful speech. Smashing speech. Smashing.

Thank you. What a lovely night. The loveliest. The way that the night is structured. Yes. It's... I feel funny for even saying this, but a crack crew could really come in

and do some real damage if they wanted to. Not that that would ever happen, but... Well, the first thing that would happen is that they'd have to have a fall guy who would create a distraction. A fun distraction. What's so fun? Sure.

And then maybe a person who's very large knows for their muscles. Yes, they would need a security person. Oh, yeah, totally. Okay, now, Trey, what is the thing that we need to grab while we're in here? Oh, wait, what? No, get out of the vault. What? Why would we walk into the vault?

Why wouldn't we walk into the vault? Didn't that seem obvious? We're at a birthday party. What do you think the most valuable item here is? The cake. Yes. I guess I don't know. All right, we're wasting time.

Young man, young man! Connie and I would like to invite you to our personal table. Please come with us. Please! Oh, no. No, you must come with us. I couldn our personal table. Please come with us. Oh, no. No, you must come with us. I couldn't possibly. No, come with us. Oh, yeah, sure.

We'll come back behind the stage. Behind the stage? Yes. There's a party in your honor. Yes, of course, but we want to talk to you. Okay. Please, everyone, enjoy, enjoy. Come with us, Fleck.

All right. Fleck, I'll tell you this. When I think of the things that we have in that vault, Lots of valuables? Well, sure. We've got the jewels, and the jewels are all conflict jewels. Conflict jewels, yes. Oh, boy, wow.

Also in the vault are all the checks that we have for all, you know, the murders that we've committed. We are hitmen for the Federated Alliance. We are rich hitmen who do it for sport. We don't even cash the check. Only on the weekend. It is just fun. It's a weekend thing. Wow. Just happy birthday,

guys. Happy birthday to you. It's better than the alternative, am I right? We're having fun! Happy birthday! Happy birthday to you. It's better than the alternative, am I right? Uh, yeah. We're having fun! Happy birthday! Happy birthday to us! Alright, yes. How are you hiding so much stuff? I have a luggage.

Wow, I didn't even realize. It's right there? Yeah. Your fifth rule of a con is walk like you should have luggage. Fifth? You told a... You said that there were four rules to a con, and the fourth rule...

Was the only rule. Was the only rule. The previous three rules were cons. Yes, and the fifth rule is walk like you should always have luggage, and the sixth rule is I lied about the number of... Hey, get down on the ground. Get down on the ground. Get down on the ground.

Get down on the ground. Get down on the ground. Get down on the ground. Get down on the ground. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. I can't believe that works just twice in a row. I can't. Even in a group.

Yeah. Now go to sleep. Okay. Okay. Okay. We could have just been telling them whatever for so long. I feel like such a fool. I do feel a little foolish right now.

I'm the Clemson's best sleeper. I'm the Clemson's best sleeper. Clems are so sad. I'm the Clemson's best sleeper. Yeah, I think the saddest thing about Clems is that they should all be friends and the only thing they can't be is friends. That's extremely true.

You are blowing my jucking mind. Plek, it is just so refreshing to talk with someone like us, you know? Yes. So refreshing. Yeah, no, I'm basically just like you guys. Yep, just loving that alliance and killing... Even though you don't have a twin, we still like you. Oh, yeah, well, you know, it know, good old Fleck, old Tech.

Fleck or Tech, which was it? Sorry, it was Tech. Fleck is a different guy. Is it your triplet? We have a strict anti-triplet policy. No, absolutely not. No, it's just the two of us, just me and old Tech. Right.

Okay. Connie. Yes. Do you think he's a triplet good rod no that's not actually guys i was i gotta i gotta love with you i'm just me i just don't i don't have any any siblings at all i'm an only child i was born on a farm planet and uh what what connie let's kill him. Oh, I'm sorry. You're going to kill me. You, because you're an only child, witch. Witches. It's despicable.

It's despicable. Are you sure that's the tradition, though? Because that seems sad. All right. How do we get Plek out of here? Yeah, I don't know. He's supposed to be on the up, and he's in deep. Yeah, he's not great at cracking things.

Subtle messages. If one person is lagging behind, the group goes and gets them. Okay, that's not great at cracking things. If one person is lagging behind, the group goes and gets them. Okay, that's fair. No friend left behind. Listen, Connie, Mark, you can kill me if you must, but I just want you to do it slow. What?

You want us to kill you slow? Yeah, I want you to, if you could kill me in a way that would take like 8-10 minutes that would be ideal. Yeah! Wait, huh? What? Yes, what? Oh, so guys, before you kill

I'm just gonna climb up this ladder. Seize him! Save yourselves! Trey has, Gar, save yourselves. Trey has taught me something about friendship. I'm gonna sacrifice myself. Oh, boy! You flattened

Connie! And I'll do that to you, too. Try it. Oh, fuck! You flattened me! Yeah, really. Thank you. You were supposed to be up See, I didn't really realize that physically meant I thought I was going to be like up in their face That was our meeting place, up

We're escaping through the roof There was a lot going on, guys This got really weird Well, just every other name turned out to be very literal, so I figured that was going to be pretty easy to... Sure. Well, if you want to get up to where we are, just follow the sticky fingers.

Oh. Is that what that was about? Yeah. It'd be very easy to follow a trail of sticky slime on the wall. Sure. Listen, guys, thank you for saving my life. I thought I was going to be the one to, like, sacrifice myself, but it turns out I was the one who got saved because you guys are friends with me.

So, regardless, I feel like we really learned something from Trey about friendship today. Okay, okay, let's go. All right, all right, sure. Trey, did we lose your crown by exhibiting the power of friendship? Yeah, guys, this was really incredible. It's been awesome working with you, And I'm gonna take this stuff and get out of here. What do you mean?

Just the cake, and I'm just gonna... What are you gonna do with luggage filled with cake? You know, just head on out. Wait, Trey, hold on. Yep, yes. Is the cake important to the Rebellion in some way? For sure. Hugely.

I feel like the Rebellion can make their own cake. The Rebellion thanks you. Okay. Trey, I feel like there's something unspoken. Guys, you know, the most important thing about friendship is secrets. So... I thought the whole thing... No, no, no.

Secrets are no fun if you don't tell anyone. What is happening? Trey! I was in that cake. What? Who are you? Trey's best friend. Best friend?

Yeah. Trey, I think you have to explain what's going on now because I'm very confused. It feels pretty straightforward, but, um... Yeah, what? Guys, don't be mad. Um, I... I conned you. What?

You conned us? Yeah, this was an unsanctioned con. This con was actually a rescue mission. This is my best friend. Hey. But we are all friends. You told us that friendship mattered most, and we trusted you, and you conned us.

Guys, don't you think best friendship sort of trumps friendship? But, Dave, the whole point, the whole rule of conning was that we were all in this together. Right, but close your eyes. Okay. Okay. Okay. Oh, where'd she go? Oh.

Yeah, we shouldn't have done that. We really trusted her right up until the end and she screwed us again. Bargy? That's not- Bargy? What? What'd he call a ship? Bargy? That's not Bargy. My name's not Bargy. My name is Little Boop Boop. I'm your ship. What? Little Boop Boop.

Switch ships. Hey, but she got the gig. She got the gig. Good for Bargy. It might be a tiny ship made of wood in space. Sounds like a bad idea, but I have a lot of fun. She's made of wood? Bad idea. Little Boop Boop? Little Boop Boop. We should have a lot of fun. She's made of wood? Bad idea.

Little boop boop? Little boop boop. We should probably get out of here. Yeah, we've just murdered the two hosts of a birthday party and stole the cake. I'm going to throw down some string. String? I know we're all friends now, but this is really tight quarters. Yeah, it's all rocking chairs in here. Why are there so many rocking chairs?

It's time to hear my little yodel. No, no, come on, little boop-boop. I don't want to hear it. I'm little boop-boop. I'm a little old chick, but I've got a big heart. I'm little boop-boop. Oh, boy. Sometimes I catch a fire, and that's really weird to say.

No, no, what? I'm little boop-boop. How often does that happen? Once every boop, how often does that happen? Oh, hey, guys, Nermit is calling. Hey, Nermit. Okay, I'm so glad I reached you guys in time. Trey Lonely is not who she says she is. You guys need to abort this mission immediately.

Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. We figured that out. Oh, I'm glad you figured it out in time. So you want to come back to... We kind of got conned. Well, anyway, what is all that wood paneling? I don't...

Listen, could you arrange sort of like a pickup maybe before this ship catches on fire? Sorry, I just heard a joke. Do you want me to tell you? I love you guys. You guys are my friends now. Wait, who was the crew that used to be on this ship? Where are they? I assume they're at Bergy.

And I assume they're a bunch of little wooden boys. Where are they? I assume they're on Virgin. And I assume they're a bunch of little wooden boys. Um, so, uh, welcome to my ship. Ho, ho! Yay! Oh, I just heard a joke!

Well, tell it! No, I just heard it! Alright, opening hatch! Opening hatch. Whoa! Beedle finally feels seen. This is C-Red IT-5, Cretaceous Attribution Stroid, commencing outro protocol. Emissary Plek Dexeter was played by Alden Ford. C53 was played by Jeremy Bent. Security Officer

Dar was played by Ali Kokesh. Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundeloy and conjoined triplets Tyrone, Tyrell, and Tyraff were played by Seth Lind. Bargy the Ship, Connie the Mark, and Little Boop Boop were played by Mujan Zulfagari. Cloned Light Infantry Nomadic Troopers Mark the Connie and Beino were played by Winston Knoll.

Trey Laleh was played by special guest, Nicole Dressbell. Nicole is a writer for The Chris Gethard Show and Wet Hot American Summer 10 years later. She's appeared on 30 Rock and Broad City and performs every Friday night at the UCB East Village with Bucky. She also co-hosts the audio boom podcast, Inbox with Matt Stroup. This episode edited by Seth Lind, with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell. This episode was recorded at Robert Ducky Jr.'s Puppy Pound in Brooklyn, New York.

Music by Brendan Ryan. Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley. Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Gois. Mission to Zix is brought to this galaxy by Audioboom. Thanks, Audioboom. A very special thank you to our Patreon supporters for making Season 2 possible. Do you want to send a physical item to the Zix Quadrant?

That would be rad. Address your parcel to the Zix Quadrant, P.O. Box 180494, Brooklyn, New York, 11218. And our team of trained Zerblins will take it from there. Okay, okay, my turn, my turn. Juck, marry, kill. Lauren Fischor, Dave Jajandu, or Gork the Cat?

Oh, boy. Oh, boy, wow. That is... Oh, that's tricky. Well, Gork is so charming, but... Yeah, marry... I think marry Gork. Marry Gork.

See, I think I would juke Gork. But then who would you marry? I know, I mean, it's tough. Yeah, name him back. It's just that Gork...