Mission To Zyxx - 205: Allen: Resurrection [ft. John Robert Wilson]

Episode Date: June 27, 2018

The crew responds to a distress signal from the long-haul cruiser Dezel Maschh. Bargie goes hatch-to-hatch. C-53 takes some photos. Allen goes to the checkup. Featuring: Jeremy Bent as C-53 Alden Ford as Pleck Decksetter Allie Kokesh as Dar Seth Lind as Nermut Bundaloy Winston Noel as the Dezel Maschh Moujan Zolfaghari as Bargie & Mel With Special Guest John Robert Wilson as Allen Edited by Seth Lind Recording, Sound Design and Mix by Shane O’Connell Music by Brendan Ryan Opening Crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley Ship design for the Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz Special thanks to listener Rebecca Pridmore for additional foley!

It is a period of civil war. The rebellion against the sinister and corrupt Federated Alliance grows stronger, and the fate of the galaxy hangs in the balance. Now, Rebel Emissary Plek Dexeter and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to explore astounding new worlds, discover their heroic destinies, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff. This is Mission to Zix. Hey, C-53.

Yes? How's the new bod? Um, I'll be perfectly honest, it's taken some getting used to. Yeah. I mean, it's taken me some getting used to. Even though my skin is gray? Yeah, no, that's the weirdest part. Does it give you any special abilities? Or does it just look weird?

I mean, I can feel sensations more. Oh, it actually has like nerve endings and stuff in it? Yeah, like here, I'm going to touch your forearm. Wow, clammy. Yeah, here, do it to me. Like this? Yeah, I can feel that. Oh.

Feel your individual digits. Congratulations. Oh, also there's this. Oh, that happens every time someone touches you. Can I hear music in here? Are you two? No, it's C-53. Are you two doing something? No.

Come on. Wait, what's happening? C-53 and the pink one, are they doing it? No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, didn't you hear his pelvis playing? I know you all have feelings for each other. I feel it. I know the tension.

But we won't have to stop. Someone could just hit the switch from the... Yeah, sorry. This is a professional place of business. Barge, you know... To the professional. I wouldn't jock anybody on this ship. Good.

So wait, hold on a second. Dar, I mean, I don't want to get too personal right now, but when Nermit was on this ship, you guys never... I said at present I would not jock anyone on this ship. You guys never. I said at present, I would not chuck anyone on the ship. Interesting. Wow. Hey, Bargey, I've heard you talk a little bit about shipping. Does that is that when two ships chuck or was that when two people chuck on a ship?

It's when you hope two people on a hollow get together. Oh, you ship them in a relationship. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. Now that makes sense. Okay. All right. Fair enough. Fair enough.

Oh, sure. Okay. So far. Oh, sure. Okay. For far. We don't want to see them really get together. It's all about the storyline.

Once it gets resolved, it's not interesting anymore. When would you say that, like, the main character, or, like, one of the main characters, like, the one who's looking for love on, like, a great show, when would you say that that character should find love? When he's had no prospects? Yeah. The whole time. Like, say for the first, like, season and a third, no prospects. Usually, um, usually they die. Sorry? Usually they and a third. No prospects.

Sorry? They die. Disappointing. Huh. Don't answer it. Don't answer it. Wait, why not? I've been avoiding his calls, so it'll be really awkward if you take it now,

and I'm standing right here clearly not busy. When's the last time Nermit called you? Maybe 4432 on Friday. It's very specific, darling. I'm sorry, Dixon, right? Still have it. Oh, yeah, sure. You know what? Pick it up.

Pick it up. Yeah. Hey, Nermit. Hey, guys. Hey, guys, sure. You know what? Let's pick it up. Pick it up. Yeah. Hey, Nermit. Hey, guys. Hey, guys. Yeah. Wait, are you walking right now, Nermit? Yeah.

I mean, you guys really should do this. A lot of research shows that you really shouldn't sit too much. Yeah, here at the Rebellion, they have good ergonomists. Nermit, our job doesn't involve being in a desk. Oh, that's a good point. I mean, honestly, Dar and I spend quite a bit of time running from hostels. Hi, Dar. Hi, Nermit. Hi.

Hi. So, yeah, just, um, uh... Everything alright? Yeah, yeah, yeah, everything's fine. Are you able to concentrate on your job when you're walking on a treadmill? That seems... Yes, absolutely.

And, you know, they have this beanbag chair for me over here, and we have, like, unlimited drinks. It's just, like, a really... It's a real hip office. ...very good work culture here. So, anyway, we have a pretty big mission. Let me just spin my camera around to this wall. Do you see that blinking light?

Yep, yep. Great, that's a distress signal. You seem really happy about that distress signal. Well, we get to answer it. Okay, yeah, sure, great. How long has it been blinking? Let's see, I'm 22 minutes into my 30 minutes of treadmill. Are you prioritizing your exercise over this distress call that's come in?

If you don't have your health, what do you have? I mean, ask whoever sent that distress call. I can't. That's part of the distress signals. We're not getting any communication. Nermin, I feel like, did you change your hair? I don't think I've ever seen you slick your feathers back like that. Oh, this?

I guess so. I gotta say, I don't like it very much. I don't like those black frayed glasses that you're wearing. Yeah, I have to agree with everybody. This new look is really bad, Nermin. Oh, thanks for telling me. Narm?

What? Hi, Narm. Hey, Mel. Hi, we're going to get a drink. Aren't we? I'm going to worry. Do you want to come? Totally.

Thanks for inviting me. Yeah, you want to do it? Disconnect the call! Um, like, oh, four. Disconnect the call. Oh, no. Dara, is everything okay? No, it's fine. You just got really...

All of your talents stuck out when you said that. I'm going to walk out of the room. If he calls back, I am no longer on the ship. Oh, wow. C53. A rather involved cover story for that to be true. C53, I think, I think Darcy's a little jealous of Mel. I think you're probably not wrong, Emissary Dexter.

You're wrong! Wow. I have an incoming transmission from Missions Operations Manager. You're so funny. You're funny, so I totally got it on my calendar. I'll see you there. Okay, bye. Okay.

Hey, Nermit. Hey, hey. I don't know. What were we talking about? The distress call? Oh, no, these glasses. It's probably been a good 25 minutes. Well, no, I just wanted to say that pretty much all the glasses you can choose from here are frames like this,

and it's what almost everyone's wearing. I thought it looked okay. Do you even wear glasses? Are you usually impaired at all, Nermin? I mean, do I wear glasses? I'm wearing glasses. No, do you have to wear glasses? Nobody, what do you mean have to?

There's not rules. No, people have to wear glasses. Well, there are people who have. No, I have perfect vision. Also, Nermin, your eyes are sort of on the sides of your head. Like, the glasses cover up sort of the middle part of your head. Before they reach your eyes. Well, yes, that would be a problem if I needed glasses.

Yeah, that's... Okay, good point. Fair enough. All right, the three of Dar's... What? Dar had to leave the ship. Hmm. To... Maybe she's leaving to charge her phone... What? Dar had to leave the ship. Hmm. To...

Maybe she's leaving to charge her phone. What? Yes, that's why she's left. She's charging her phone. Great. So anyway, guys, there's a distress signal. No, listen, we're on it. Just send the coordinates, Nermit.

That's all you need to do. Nermi, get in this car with me. I'm gonna put it on my hologram I can't understand you but that sounds awesome is she speaking regular yeah but it's like she's got she's so cool that her accent is like basically

unintelligible hashtag forever wow Mel I agree and that's awesome do a little high five yeah oh wow Mel, I agree, and that's awesome. Do a little high five. Yeah. Oh, wow.

Anyway, the rebel long-haul cruiser, Dazzle Mosh, is sending this distress signal. That's all we're getting, distress. Listen, Nermit, I never thought I would be the one to say this to you, but we got to go get to work now. Yeah, you do. So, guys, you know what? I'm gonna extend this workout ten minutes, because why not? Alright, man. Talk to you later. Alright. I don't like this at all.

Don't you hate the new Nermit? I gotta say, he's acting straight up whack right now. Yes, exactly. I'm not jealous of some, I don't know, some creature with marbles in her mouth. I'm... Well, that must have been why it was so strange. I'm mad that he's changed. Yeah, I don't know if I like it either. Well, we should probably help whoever sent that distress signal half an hour ago.

Send these coordinates to Bargy Bargy. We're going to deliver them to the Dazzle Mosh. Long haul cruiser. I hope whoever we save is a babe. Oh, boy. Possible. You have received an audio transmission from Rebellion Headquarters. Playback will follow decryption.

Hello, Rebels. This is Commander Rolfus Tittle with a few critical announcements. First off, I'm fine. A lot of rumors out there and old Rolfus is straight up okay. Listen, relationships are a lot of rumors out there and old Rolfus is straight up okay. Listen, though, relationships are a lot of work. Okay, okay, more importantly, due to overwhelming demand, I have written a field guide to dealing with clints,

which you can find on our official rebel website, therebellion.space. It's even accompanied by a highly accurate illustration of a couple of stupid clints. So, head over to the Rebellion.Space, the amazing site that we built using Squarespace. Seriously, it's a real site that you can visit. There's also a brand new post from our trusted rebel, Advice Columnist Hark Targast. He's, what? What's this just in? We've intercepted a new, highly encrypted message from the disgusting Federated Alliance.

We've thrown our best cryptographers on this thing and can't figure out diddly. Maybe you can decrypt it. The message is up at therebellion.space, along with Hark's advice, my guide to neutralizing clints, plus other way cool Rebel stuff. And while you're at it, listen Rebel, click on Make a Site for a free Squarespace trial and 10% off your first purchase. When you visit squarespace.com slash Zyx, Z-Y-X-XX and use offer code Zyx. That's all at

therebellion.space. Rofus Tittle. You're totally stable and super commander. Signing off. End of message. Wow, that is a big ship. SeaFish Theory, do you know anything about this ship? Well, it doesn't matter.

She's, of course, a long-haul cruiser. I know this ship very well. We used to hang out back in the day. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm surprised to see him, you know? I thought he perished. Well, hey.

It was a hard-living ship. You think I go hard. This ship goes hard. Wow, okay. He was a hard living ship. You think I go hard. This ship goes hard. Wow. Okay. Well, can you. Bargy, can you like hail the ship and see if everything's okay? Okay.

Hey. Hello? What's up, man? It's me. You remember me? Wait. Is that the... That's right.

Is that the Bargerian Jade? That's me. You remember me. Oh, man. As I thrust and land the Bargerian Jade. It's been a while, BJ. I thought you were gone. I thought you...

The way you used to live, man. It's crazy. Look at you right now. How are you doing? You look horrible. Where's the left side of your ship? Oh, right there. The whole left side's missing, isn't it, man?

Do you still make music? What's up? Oh, yeah, I got together with a couple other chefs and we were you know, it was done. I'm sorry to break in here, guys. Hey, Dezel Mosh, we got a distress signal from you. Is everything alright? Yeah, man.

Probably from me. Yeah, not really. My light skin is a fuzzy and, you know, as you can see, the left side of my hull is missing. Yeah, that seems like something you would take notice of. You seem pretty chill about it. I mean, come on, man.

You know, it's just like this and that. Sometimes you eat the asteroid, sometimes the asteroid eats you. I don't know if either of those things ever happens. Yeah. I've cordoned off the parts that are missing, so you should be able to board and check out what's happening. Oh, boy. You have no idea what took the side of your ship off. C-53, should we just go? I think that's the only way we're going to get anything in for you.

We are going on that ship. Whoa, darn. Darn, darn. I open my hatch to you, fellow travelers. This little guy's vibe just puts me on edge. Are you ready for the hatch-to-hatch? Yeah, hatch it up. Oh, man.

Oh, yeah. You know, C-43, I've actually never traveled between two ships in space. Really? Yeah. You've never gone hatch-to-hatch? No, I haven't. I guess I can picture it, but... It's pretty simple.

Margie, are we safe to travel through the hatches? Hold on, let me put this fabric over my hatch, because his is full of... I don't trust him. So I just... I need you guys to just... Take this fabric with you. Oh, you're getting the other one on me?

All right. Okay. Are you? So does every ship have a compatible? Okay. What's up? You in? Yeah, you just don't feel anything because you're numb.

Okay. Okay. All right. Let's go, you two. Hustle, hustle, hustle. Okay. All right. All right. Yeah.

Off the ship. Off the ship. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go, let's go, let's go. Alright. So much fun. Yeah.

Hello, friends! Welcome to the Dazzle Mosh! You're not terrible. Hello. Hello! All of you look like my friends. Welcome to the Dazzle Mosh. You're not terrible. Hello. Hello. All of you look like my friends. Oh, hi. I'm Alan Fazehugger. Welcome aboard. Alan Fazehugger? Alan Fazehugger. That's my name.

All of you guys look like really cool people, especially you. Me? Yeah. Thank you. I mean, I don't even know why you're here, but would you like to just throw the Zyball around with me later? Oh, yeah, definitely. Oh, that sounds like a great time. You know, Zyball grass comes from my planet.

That's amazing. Yep, yep. That's my planet. Rang is six. I'm a huge Zyball fan. Oh, well, the grass sometimes came from my farm. I hate to cut through the pleasantries here, but Alan, your ship's roster says there are over 700 people on board. Oh yeah, they're all sleeping right now.

Shh, everyone be quiet because everyone's sleeping. Oh great, we'll be very quiet while uh, C, could you take a couple photos of me and Alan together? Sure. Okay. Alan, get close. Sure. Okay, great. I'm gonna pick you up for this one. Oh, wow, you're so strong. Now I'm gonna put you over my head for this one.

Oh, my goodness. All right, and now just lovingly embrace me. Okay. Okay. You know, Dart, listen. I think those pictures are probably good to make Nermit jealous. We could probably get on with the mission. I'm sorry, what?

What? Nermit jealous? I'm just saying that's your goal. I'm just saying if the- If I wanted to make Nermit jealous I would ask that you take a photo of this

wow did you did you take enough of those I mean I had to that's a potential you know SR violation

please upload those to Nermit wow thanks that was really enjoyable wow that was weird to see I mean your mouth is sort of like the size of his head. That actually happens a lot with partners.

Yeah, a bunch of my friends call me Big Mouth, but my name's Alan. You can call me Alan. Hey, Alan. I was actually referring to Dara's mouth, but I'm sure that for a Tellurian, your mouth seems... I have no weird features about me at all. That's a strange statement to make. My body is perfectly proportional in size. Congratulations. Thank you. Your friends call you Big Mouth?

Yes, my friends call me Big Mouth. My friends that are sleeping on the ship now. Yeah, I'm sorry, Alan, can we talk about that? Is everything okay? Everything's fine. Alan, you're missing this side of your ship. Those are renovations where the missing this side of your ship. Those are renovations where... The entire port side of the ship is gone.

Those are renovations we've been making lately. Renovations, safe for travel, safe for the ship. I mean, I guess that makes sense. I gotta say, I don't know how often you communicate with your ship, but the Dazzle Mosh does not seem to be aware of what's happening. Hey, you guys on the ship now? Oh, hey, yeah, Dazzzel Mosh does not seem to be, like, aware of what's happening. Hey, you guys on the ship now? Oh, hey, yeah, Dezel Mosh. All right.

I guess I better take that hatchet. Barger, is it cool for me to take the hatchet? Yes, I already have been up in a cross for you for the past five minutes. Oh, have I just been having my hatchet? Slapping in space? Slapping in the lack of breeze. All right, good job doing that. Sorry, guys. the lack of breeze. All right, good job. Sorry, guys.

Get back to it. Don't mind old Des. I gotta say, your ship's sort of like a weirdo. Yeah, it's an old, weird ship. But we have a good time anyway. Alan, perhaps you can answer some questions for us. What do you haul aboard the Desilor? All sorts of raw goods.

That's a very vague, unspecific answer. A sorts of raw goods? That's a very vague, unphysic answer. A variety of raw goods and materials. You know, Alan, I gotta say, I know that we've never met, but you seem very familiar. Something about your voice or something?

I feel like I know you, too. Yeah, Alan, I feel like we've met- Something about the timbre of your voice. Very familiar. Yeah. I mean, people say I have one of those faces, one of those voices. Yeah, maybe that's what it is. One of those faces or one of those voices?

People say I have one of those faces and one of those voices. I don't think I've ever said that to somebody. You have one of those faces and voices? I don't know. Alan, what do you say to another location, and why don't you put this on? Oh, thank you, a shirt. Mm-hmm. Where did you get that? Is that my. A shirt. Mm-hmm. Okay.

Where did you get that other? Is that my shirt? I'm improvising here. Okay. Hey, we're twins almost. A couple of good-looking guys. Oh, stop. Come on, Alan.

Show us another room, Alan. Yeah, why don't you show us one of the barracks where all your other crewmates might be sleeping? Sure. Follow me. So your crewmates are sleeping. Why are you the one that's awake? It's the night shift. Oh.

I drew the short straw. Yeah. It's just me. That makes sense. On a ship of 700 people, only one person works the night shift? That's right. Everyone's got to sleep sometime. It's statistically the same.

Yeah, a third of the time, probably. Hey, are you guys on the ship yet? Dazzle, we have been on here for 10 minutes. All right. And we've had this conversation already. Okay. Hey, Bargy, are you out yet? I am across from you.

Wait, is my hat still flapping out? We've been talking about, you forgot exactly what we, what did we talk about? What? I'm just, okay, I'm sorry about that. Don't mind all this. You guys just get to it. Your ship is cool, but... Oh, man.

The distress signal makes a little bit of sense now. It makes sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this is the barracks. Yep, this is where everyone's sleeping soundly in their sleeping pods. We're not sleeping. Wait, what? Sorry,'s sleeping soundly in their sleeping pods. Wait, what? Sorry, Alan, could you just excuse us for just a shirt? Alan, could you join me on one of these sleeping

pods? Yes, I will. Can you continue to take photos? I mean, I'll do it, but just be careful. Are we gonna make out some more? Yes. Alright! C53. Emissary Dixon, look at these sleeping bags. Does that person look like they're sleeping?

No, they're all covered in some sort of goo. Yeah. Is that like a cryostasis material I'm not familiar with? No. Also, you seem to be ignoring this down here. Oh, yeah. The ribcage. Yeah, that's straight up open, yeah.

I thought maybe it was a species I wasn't familiar with. No, that's a tellurian. Yeah, that's straight up open. Yeah. I thought maybe it was a species I wasn't familiar with. Yeah, yeah. This seems... I'm getting a little bit creeped out here. Are you getting all of these? I'm giving you gold right now. No, I'm just not looking directly at you. It doesn't mean I can't take a picture.

I just need to make sure. Yeah, listen. Dara, forward all of these pictures to you. I'm happy to do it. Yeah, listen. Dara, I'll forward all of these pictures to you. I'm happy to do it. Not me, Nermit. He needs to see every moment of this mission. Dara, this feels like maybe the wrong time. This is a bad time.

Did you see her? Did you see Mel? Mel? Yeah, I know. Did you hear how she sounds? Yeah, I don't like... She had cool earrings. Yeah.

We're all friends right now. Does anyone want to talk to me for a Yeah. Yeah, C-53. I think C-53 had something to talk to you about real quick. Dark, can I talk to you for a second? Fine. It's like going to the checkup. Yes, going to the checkup. Going to the checkup. Yes, going to the checkup. Going to the checkup.

Just keep repeating that statement. Going to the checkup. That's what we do. We Tellurians go to the checkup. Dara, listen, I totally get what you're trying to do with Nermin. I mean, I don't blame you. I think it's actually kind of sweet that you're really upset by... I didn't like it either when we talked to him on Hollow.

But now suddenly he's too cool for me. For me. No, Dar, that will never happen. Nobody's too cool for you. He said so in his phone call on Friday at 4434. I just think I'm too

cool for you, Dar. He said that? Yes. Hey, Dar. Sorry I didn't call earlier. There's been, the AC has been on so strong in my office

and I've just been so, like, I've been too cool to call you and... Oh, hey, Dar, listen. I don't think that's what he meant.

No, no, keep listening. And also, I just got a lot going on. So... We're gonna go fast fire, guys. Do you want to come? Yeah, totally, Mel. Yeah, I'm coming. Sorry, once this AC gets fixed and I have, like,

less awesome stuff going on, I can totally have time to call. You're so cool. Oh, yeah, I don't like that. Now do you see what I'm saying? Yeah, I get it. But listen, Dar, just real quick. Have you noticed something about these bodies? What bodies? The dead bodies next to us.

These people were murdered. Oh. Well, I can see how self-absorbed I've been. I mean, I don't want to call you out like that, but you brought the ion cannon, right? Yeah. Okay, just making sure. Wait, no, no. Wait.

No. No. Wait, no. It was inside of me, and now it short. Wait, no, no. Wait. No. No. Wait, no. It was inside of me, and now it's not. During our photo shoot, I think it fell out. Oh, no. Going to the checkup.

All right, Alan, I have just about finished up that scan. This is like a hug from a friend. It's very unlike that, which is so strange that you'd say that. Dart, I'm going to say, Dexter, do you want to take a look at this scan that I just did of Alan? I would love to. I'm going to busy myself on this computer console on the wall. Okay, you notice how he's just flailing his arms in front of that console? Yeah, the console's off, too.

Yeah, it's not on. Let me turn your attention to this scan. Oh, wow. Okay, so that's the rough's off, too. Yeah, it's not on. Let me turn your attention to this skin. Oh, wow. So that's the rough shape of Alan here. Yeah. Notice anything unusual about the skin? Well, it's full of insects. Yeah.

Yep. Got a big old body full of bugs. Hey, fun, fun quirky fact. He may have swiped the ion cannon that I was storing inside of me. That's sort of rule number one. I have many jobs as security officer. I think all of them fall under the realm of security. Fair. However,

my chief job today was get back at Nermit. It was. Fleck would agree. Listen to the rest of this recording. So, Mel. No.

We just met, but I just feel like I've known you for a long time. You know what I mean? No. Yeah. I'm totally sorry. Okay. I think that was a nub dial. I think the nub of his tail accidentally dialed you. Oh, yeah.

That's got to hurt. Yeah, that's painful. Fair enough. Sure. Man, that's painful. I don't think we can all discuss this after we've dealt with our new friend. Fair enough, sure. Alan, can I ask you to do me a favor? Sure. Just cough? Yeah.

Okay, that didn't resemble a tellurian cough in any way. That, no. Yeah, why don't you try again? Arguably worse than that. We're bound before the thrower bar. This is what I was getting at. Okay, yeah, that's sort of what, yeah. Future children, prepare to be assimilated. Soldiers, forward!

We're employing perfect battle tactics to assimilate you with all the different units in our perfect caste system. Okay. Come behind the needles. Weavers, form around the royal drones. Through millions of years of evolution, we've perfected all of our castes. Okay, listen, never mind. This is not our first encounter. No, don't you remember us?

I'm a Plek Dexa, C-53. No, no. Dar. Dar. All of you look the same to me. No, we were on the Bargerian Jade you used to date. The Bargerian Jade? Yeah.

She's here? Are you guys on the ship now or what? Dez, we're here, man. You guys made it? You guys made it all right? We're fine. All right, well, let me know if anything weird's happening. No, we're here, man. You guys made it? You guys made it alright? We're fine. Alright, well, let me know if anything weird's happening. No, we will.

Alright, bye. Everyone prepare for egg laying in your eyeballs. No, no, no. Suckers, soldiers, beetles, orange, foals, weavers, prepare for egg assimilation. Can we just, okay. Listen, grower mind. You summoned grower mind? I mean, I don't know, summon, I just.

Are you willing to come peacefully? No, I mean, not really. I just feel like, let's try to find some sort of common ground. You know, you went your way, we went ours, and we decided we were going to have a peaceful parting. I feel bad a little because I just don't remember that At all Not even a little bit Not even a little bit Because the Seamers don't remember

Yeah it was a huge deal The workers don't remember The soldiers don't remember The pirates don't remember The Beatles don't remember We are the hit I've omnipotent and assim assimilate beings millions of times per cycle. Of course I would have forgotten you.

I mean, sure, yeah, I mean that makes sense. Statistically, fine. But I will never forget... The Bargerian Jade. Oh, okay, yeah, great, well that's us, that was us. Yep, yep, remember? Wait, the Bargerian Jade is here? Yeah, that's what we told, we've been telling you that. Look out this part of the air.

Oh my gosh, she's here. I've felt so bad since the last time. I've really kind of cleaned up. I was in a bad place before. Really? And I was, a part of my brain was not in the right brain space. Are you saying you, like, regret what you said to Bargy last time? Really? Are you saying you, like, regret what you said to Bargy last time? Yeah, wow. That's, uh... Oh. You mean Rebellion and Federated Alliance? Is that what you call them? Some pitiful war that you've been busying yourself with, I've absorbed from both sides. Oh, you mean rebellion and federated alliance?

Is that what you call them? I mean, yeah. You're just wearing different clothes. I mean, there are some key ideological differences, I think. Not to the grower mind. Okay, fair enough. Yep, great. Listen, Dart, you know, I feel like you and the grower mind are kind of going through the same thing right now,

which is that, you know, you have this thing, you feel a little weird about it, and you're trying to figure out how to fix it, right? I think what I'm going through right now is I try to make Nermit jealous by hooking up with the grower mind, and could anyone tell me where the ion cannon is? Oh, this ion cannon? That's it. Ah, delight. We should have more than one weapon. Hey, so listen, Grow Our Minds.

This has been great. Catching up again with you. Again, I don't remember you at all. Yeah, well, for us, it's very cool. We're just going to get back to Bargy. So good luck with the rest of your assimilation. That's right. You flew here on the Bargerian Jade.

Are you friends with the Bargerian Jade? That's actually a really good question. Yeah. Is anyone? If you were in mortal danger, would the Bargerian Jade come to your aid? Yeah, you know what? I thought about that a lot. And I think, you know, I think she probably would.

I don't think this line of questioning is going to end well for us. What do you mean? My children, seize them. Oh, no. Seize them. Workers, seize the pink one. Soldiers. Make a perimeter, soldiers.

What about the oryx? What does the perimeter do? It's a battle tactic that your pitiful mind cannot understand. We are the king! Royal drones, seize the largest! Seize the big one! Seize him! Bulls, seize the great one!

Next! Sorry, I don't want to control a whole lot of it. If you could just hit that button. We are the king! My minions only take orders from the grower mind. My children hit the button. Weavers, form a perimeter around the hut. Wethers, press the button. Bulls, draw a mirror. Just one. you just need one

To press the button, yeah, no Listen, grower mind You cannot escape the grasp Of the grower mind Sure, Bargy doesn't Have a whole lot of strong feelings for us I don't think you killing us Is gonna really help anything

As soon as I insert this egg into your skull My chariot will show up and come to your aid. I should just open a jail to the Bargerian yet right now. What? What do you want? Bargy.

Hey, you know, the ship we're on turns out there's a lot of kek here and we've got some sort of, I would say Overposers might be the word Sort of heading towards our eyeballs Are you talking about Dez? Yeah Dez

And it's like I get it This isn't a Dez? Yeah, Dez. No, no, no. And it's like, ugh, I get it. You know, go be in music. This isn't a Dez thing. Yeah, no. This is a Keck thing. If you want to look at the video feed, honestly, there's a lot of Keck. Okay, good. Fine, I'll help you.

Just promise me that Dez will not talk to me again about the glowing universe. What? Hey, BJ, you still there? Here's the thing, it's just that the universe is still big, you know? Did I ever hear you say that I have the cat? I have the cat? Oh, man! Game over, man!

Game over, man! I canhuh! Game over, man! I can feel it going into my eye! I guess I'll have to set myself to strut. Get a couple people out of you before you do that. Okay. No! Now that he must be assimilated into the brute! We are the cat!

Okay, hold on, hold on. Sorry. I know what this is about. Girl of mine, good to see you. It's been a while... again. Do you know what lakeside had to go through just to be able to talk to you? It's a thing. You messed up a couple times and I'm not... we're not doing this again, okay? So just give me back the tiny people inside of you and one big one. Plenty of all the things you can infest. You know, have fun.

I've infested and I've assimilated and I've destroyed so many things, but nothing's like you. I'm opening my heart to you. Bargy, look, look at this kek's heart, how it glows green for you. Can you see this glowing green light? This is the kek pouring his feelings out for you. You see this glowing green light? This is the kick pouring his feelings out for you. Actually, that's not my heart. There's something inside of me. That's my ion cannon. Run!

After them, my children. After them. We have to take weavers. Begin to run. After the intruders. Bulls, also begin to run! Run strategically! Orcs, don't run yet! Wait, take a career!

Weavers, have you started to run yet? I was committed for this. Excellent decision on your part. That was really cool. I'll admit, it was very embarrassing to have let my heart get in the way of protecting you guys. Good shot. I feel alive right now. I'll protect you guys. Good shot. I feel alive right now. I remember what's important.

You are shooting those kek as quickly as they can appear in front of you. I just imagine they're all mal. Oh, wow. Found some real motivation there. It's one of those visualization techniques that can help sometimes. Sure. Hey, guys. Des here.

Sure. You started a self-destruct... Oh, sure. Yeah, okay. I would be very surprised if you did. Ah. All right. If I may interject here, I think I have an idea that could work out. Uh. Let's just go into the hatch here.

Okay. Des, you're going to shut the blast door behind us. You got it, Gray. What? Uh, no, Darth. You're going to just take that ion cannon and fire away. What? What? What are you doing? We're just gonna... We're just gonna ride the hatch back to Bargeman.

Alright. And the plaque is... There is air in the hatch. Let's do it. Oh, my hatch, man! Sorry, Des. Sorry, Des. That thing... Oh, man, look at it man. Sorry, Des. Sorry, Des. That thing. Oh, man.

Look at it go. Just flying away. Bye, hatch. Des, you are an interesting ship, my friend. So are you, man. You're an interesting ship, too. I am not. You guys are all interesting ships.

Hey, Boop-Bop, the cat is really in me right now. Hey. Hey. All right, time for bye. No, we're still in the hatch. Oh, no. All right, it's open. Just hurry up. I hear you. The Keck are making a bridge with their bodies. Oh, no. Steven, come to the legs of the ladder. Wait, I got a way to fix it. Okay, grow a mic. One word. Commitment. I'm changed. I'm ready to commit.

Look at what I'm doing. I'm using my children to build a bridge to you. Workers, convince Margie that my commitment was going to be strong. We share silence well together, you know. Now, Bulls, show them our emotional strength. We are not afraid to cry. Now, Weaver, lay crystal eggs and imbue them with space magic. Space magic? Gross.

You're in a door. Please trust your head. I'm sorry. It's too late. Gosh, the jewels have reached the ship. We've got to get out of here. Yeah, party. All right, everybody. The jewels look great.

I appreciate it. Thank you so much. Goodbye. Great seeing you. Mark's look great. I appreciate it. Thank you so much. Goodbye. Great seeing you. Mark Seriachi. Mark my words. One day, you will be mine. Mark my words. This is it, man. Dad, good times. Farewell. No, don't leave me with him. No!

Here's the thing. I'm becoming one with the universe. It just keeps going, you know? Wow. With just... Whoa. Man, for an old, weird, hippie ship, that was a powerful self-destruct. Yeah, you gotta be careful around those old reactors. Yikes.

Hey, uh, see? You didn't send those photos, did you? Dara, I did, and I'm gonna tell you why. No, no, I think that's for the best. Could you just send them to me, though? I'm gonna just remind myself not to get so caught up.

I'm forwarding them to your account now. Thank you. You know, Dara, I'm sorry that was such a hard time for you with Nermit and everything, but I think he'll come around, you know? And honestly, it doesn't matter if he doesn't. Really? Yeah, it's not even really about Nermit. It's just about having the upper hand.

I mean, that's a really good thing to know about yourself. Yeah. That's, yeah. Should we get out of this hatch? Oh. I don't know, I was starting to get comfortable in the hatch. Yeah, I feel like. Well, there is a smell, right?

Yeah, we gotta get it. There's a death smell. It may still be my frame. I was trying to clean it, but there's just something right over here. We gotta remove that skin, C-53. I mean, I would feel the pain of removing the skin. Ugh. What if we take out the cube, remove the skin, put the cube back in?

Okay, well, what if I turned off your nerve endings, tore off all your skin, and then turned your nerve endings back on? Huh. Yeah. All right, fair enough. Well, Bargy, should we get on our way? Yeah, why wouldn't we? I don't understand the question. I don't know.

It just seemed like this sort of segue at the end of a mission. Mm-hmm. The Mystery Tech Center. I have an incoming transmission from Missions Operations Manager. Permit to deploy. Hey, Nermit. Hello, Nermit. What happened to your glasses? Guys, I want to... Oh, no. Hey, guys. What happened to your glasses?

Guys, I want to... Oh, no. What happened? Oh, snap. I broke them in half. I owe you guys an apology. I realized... I just, like, I had become someone I wasn't.

You know what I mean? Hmm. Like, I got excited to be accepted and in, and also the hair gel was really, like, giving me some kind of skin thing. It's not for feathers, Herman. It's for hair? I know, I should have read the bottle. And Dar, I know you were...

Like, I'm going to admit it, I was really excited to hang out with Mel and Mel was fun but I realized at the end of the day like we didn't have that much to talk about Mel's cool but Mel's like not that deep so I'm just this might sound crazy guys but

I'm going to turn off this treadmill oh wow thanks Nerm that means a. Thanks, Nerm. That means a lot. You know, Nermin, if it helps, we really learned a lot about ourselves on this mission, too. Yeah? Yeah. Oh, that's good. Even though I was, like, mired in an identity crisis for

hours, I just was happy that I knew that my crew was out there answering this distress call. Um, so some bad news on that front. No. Everyone on the ship is dead. Yeah, but the good news is they were dead when we got there.

Oh. Yeah, so it was not our fault. Also, the ship has been destroyed. Oh. But the good news is that the ship was sort of a burnout. Now, the good news is the ship was full of Keck, and the Keck have also been destroyed. Yes, well, sure, that probably is better news. I'm just saying, like, we shouldn't weep too hard for Dez.

Dez is self-destructing. The Keck are an enemy of, of course, the Alliance, but also the Rebellion, so, like, essentially you guys waged war against the Keck on behalf of the Rebellion. And sort of won. Sort of won. I did get an egg implanted in my eye. That seems... I say mitigated success.

You actually got one in your eye. Yeah, I got in there. You're going to have to see a doctor. Yeah, that's... Yeah. How long do you think I have? Not long. All that long?

Yeah. All right. How does that eye feel? Bigger, tighter, I would say. Tighter in its socket. And Nermin! Me and a bunch of the other ones, we're all gonna go get some orange beer. Do you wanna hang out?

Yeah, come on, get orange beer with us. Come on. You know what, guys? I just... I'm gonna sit this one out. Cool, see you later. Yeah, no problem. Like I thought a lot about... They've already laughed. They're not there. Okay. But we appreciate the gesture, N you later. I have no problem. I thought a lot about... They've already laughed. They're not there.

Okay. But we appreciate the gesture, Nermin. Yeah, I mean, it feels good to know who you are, you know? Yeah, you said it. I agree. It really feels good to know who you are. Yeah. I think that's what I'm going to caption this photo that I'm posting.

What are you posting it to? What's the photo? Oh, you can just check it out on my hologram. Okay, I'm just going to swipe through. Oh. This may be slightly disrespectful to the family. That host. Yeah, good point.

That was a dead body. Alan had been dead for days. At the time, he was very alive. No. No, he was like a skin puppet. Dara gave it a start. I liked it. This is C-Red IT-5, Cretaceous Attribution Stroid, commencing outro protocol. Emissary Plec Dexeter was played by Alden Ford.

C-53 was played by Jeremy Bent. Security Officer Dar was played by Ali Kokesh. Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundeloy was played by Seth Lynn. The Dizzle Mosh Long Haul Cruiser was played by Winston Knoll. Bargy the Ship and Mel were played by Mujan Zulfagari. The Grower Mind of the Keck and the Animated Corpse of Alan Facehugger were played by special guest John Robert Wilson. JR performs monthly with Thank You Robot and Science Exclamation Point at Caveat in New York City

and co-hosts the Fifth Element and Unlimited Lives podcasts. Follow him on Twitter at John Robert Wilson. This episode edited by Seth Lind with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell. This episode was recorded at Robert Doggy Jr.'s Puppy Pound in Brooklyn, New York. Thanks for watching! Do you have a pressing question for the crew? Send an email to crew at mission to zix dot space. Alan, perhaps you could answer some questions for us. What do you haul aboard the Desolmage? All sorts of raw goods. That's a very vague, unspecific answer.

A variety of raw goods and materials. You know, Alan, I gotta say, I know that we've never met, but you seem very familiar. Something about your voice or something? I feel like I know you, too. Yeah, maybe we... Oh, what's happening?

What was that? Kill me! What? Everyone bow before the undying will of the grower. Oh, my God. That makes a lot more sense. We serve the grower. We serve the grower.

Wait, wait. That was so good. Oh, man. It was so good. That's so funny. I think we need to wait on that. Hold it a little bit. Oh, I don't know.

JR. I do think Alan is so funny. Alan is such a funny character. We might want a little more Alan.