Mission To Zyxx - 206: Dependents Day [ft. Laura Willcox]

Episode Date: July 4, 2018

The crew heads to the Sentient Resources planet to celebrate Dependents Day! Dar and Pleck bond. Nermut day drinks. Bargie busts a move. Featuring: Jeremy Bent as C-53 Alden Ford as Pleck Decksetter Allie Kokesh as Dar Seth Lind as Nermut Bundaloy and Delamp Moujan Zolfaghari as Bargie With Special Guest Laura Willcox as Takk’Sys, Florgorg, and Bargie’s S.R. rep Edited by Seth Lind Recording, Sound Design and Mix by Shane O’Connell Additional recording by Brett Boham at Forever Dog Music by Brendan Ryan Opening Crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley Ship design for the Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz This episode features the new hit single “This Dependents Day” written and performed by Shane O’Connell and Alta Finn, available for download at TheRebellion.space Support for Mission to Zyxx comes from ZipRecruiter

It is a period of civil war. The rebellion against the sinister and corrupt Federated Alliance grows stronger, and the fate of the galaxy hangs in the balance. Now, Rebel Emissary Plek Dexeter and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to explore astounding new worlds, discover their heroic destinies, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff. This is Mission to Zix. I'm sorry. Everybody wake up, it's Dependence Day.

I'm watching, it's very early. It's Dependence Day, it's the best day of the year. Everybody wake up. Uh, great, yeah, you know, we didn't celebrate Dependence Day on my planet. What is Dependence Day? Emissary Dexator, Dependence Day is when any ship that contains sentient beings gets to declare their dependence, which they can write off on their taxes. Oh.

All right, well, um... We get extra crew that day, and also they fill us up with sweet gas. That is also true. Sweetest gas you ever had. Oh. It's like swimming in a bowl of cherry soup. Cool. Alright. Um, is anybody

else really cold? Everybody's pressing body temperature. It's like hovering around like 140 degrees or something like that. No, no. Are you okay, Dar? Yeah. I'm just not...

I don't... Oh, no. Yeah, something's wrong. I'm fine. Dar, one of your scales just fell off. I need to see somebody. Oh, boy. Dar, do you have a primary care physician?

What? I think that's probably no. Dar, I don't want to be indelicate, but is it because you jucked that corpse? I don't know. Well, that's actually a pretty strong probability that she picked something up, yeah. Fleck, I want you to look me in the eye, one open eye that I have right now. Okay. You have to promise me something. Yeah, anything. You have to look me in the eye. One open eye that I have right now. Okay. You have to promise me something.

Yeah, anything. You have to kill me. What? Right now? Yes. No, no, Dar. I can't. I can't promise that.

You're the one. No. Half open eye that I have. I'm recording this. Promise me. If I'm not. Okay, can I give like a time limit or something? You have 12 hours.

Okay. Oh my god, Dart. I'm gonna fix this, okay? I'm gonna figure out a way to fix this for you. I'm not gonna kill you, but if it comes to that, I will because I promise because I'm your friend. Okay, thank you. Okay. Would you just rub my head

a little bit? Yeah, that's the thing I can definitely do. Dirt, are you drinking enough water? My species doesn't drink water. Oh, of course. I'm so sorry. Are you drinking enough sand? Hmm. I have a glass of sand by the bedside

table. Alright, I'm gonna go get that glass of sand. Huh. Dirt species need silicates to keep their life cycle going. Sure. Interesting. You can put my head a little harder. Okay. We're just going, really going at it.

I feel like I assumed you had a skull, but I'm not. I don't. I'm not. Should I? How hard should I push? As hard as you can. Okay. Am I going to hit brain or something?

No. My brain is not up, and that's part of my body. Okay. All right going to hit brain or something? No, my brain is not open. That's part of my body. Okay, all right. My brain is here. Oh, yeah. So you should know that when you kill me. Okay.

It seems to me when no one else is excited about Dependence Day. I guess I just don't really understand what it is. Like, it's kind of just a big party. A tax party? Well, all the ships get to write off their dependents, so they get money, and they also get a free tank of gas. It's just part of Dependents Day. Yeah, I mean, I guess that's cool. But what does it mean for the, you know, for the every Tellurian?

You get to be written off. I feel like that happens to me almost every day. They give you a hamburger if that makes you bubble boasted. Yeah, when they fill out the forms, usually there is a big cookout, so that's fun. Okay, great. And then we explode people who aren't dependent

into the sky. What? I'm sorry, Dexeter. I have an incoming transmission from Missions Operations Manager. Okay. Hey, Nermit. What? Oh, okay Hey, Nermit What is going on, Nermit? Sure, yeah, happy Dependence Day, I guess It's amazing. Oh, is that the Dependence Day light show that's happening? Well, it's not just a light show.

They're shooting people who are not dependent up into the sky, and they're just exploding them. People who are independent people? Independent? Yeah. It's really a lot of fun. Oh, well, feels like vindictive a little bit. Emissary text center, consider that a person who can claim no friend among any ship

is really the sort of person you want hanging around. I guess. I don't know if I'd shoot him into space, though. But anyway, so... Listen, Nermin, I hate to interrupt. Something's wrong with DAR. I feel like we need to find like a weird alien doctor. Well, preferably just a good doctor. Yeah, they don't need to be weird.

This is fortuitous because, Bargy, I've sent a lot of printouts to you. Do you see? Yeah, they're printing out right now. Hold on. It's taking a while. So another part of Dependence Day is obviously this is when there's open enrollment for the Rebellion's health care plan, which, Dar, we need to get you on it immediately. We could probably just send her to a doctor

first, and then... Well, no, but the cost will be so... Yeah, you should try to be in network, um, if you can with the Rebellion. They have preferred providers. If you guys can just gather up these printouts. These are real hard for us. Grab

the, um... Is there a digital copy of these, Nermit? I are a lot of forms. Grab the, um, the SR. Did you get a copy of these, Nermit? I read it in a paper. Um, okay. Okay, well, they have a printer on SR headquarters, so what you're gonna do is you're gonna fly to SR. SR?

Sentient Resources. Yeah, Sentient Resources. And also, Plek, I think you had Tideye, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, the egg. It's gotten bigger, but also my vision has gotten a lot better. He's about three times the size it used to be. So everyone, get to SR because Plek needs an ophthalmologist. Dar needs probably a...

Plek? Yes? I need Plek. Yeah, what can I do for you?... Black? Yes. I need black. Yeah, what can I do for you? Yeah, you're maybe delusional. Something's wrong. Where'd you go? I'm right here.

Don't go far away. No, okay. This is very strange. All right, Bargy, can you take us to SR? Already going. I'm so excited. Patecki, can I have a blankie, please? Pedecky?

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ziprecruiter.com slash zix. That's ziprecruiter.com slash zix. That's ziprecruiter.com slash z-y-x-x. ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. But there's, of course, a position you need not hire for, as they can only be one queen of the bebe. Me. Goodbye. Goodbye I just can't believe the rebellion Has such a deep bureaucratic system

In place Well healthcare it's famous weavers nest Spread tape I mean yeah but the rebellion I always sort of thought Was like this bunch of rag tag system in place. Well, healthcare, it's a famous weaver's nest of spread tape. I mean, yeah, but the rebellion I always sort of thought was like this bunch of rag-tag freedom fighters, you know? No seeing ship 448. Hi, y'all. I think you're coming over here.

Window B? Oh, yes. Uh-huh. Hi. Hello. Come on, take a seat. Happy Dependence Day. Thank you very much.

Welcome to SR. Can I have a lollipop? Sure you can get a lollipop Do y'all have a hamburger? I'm not super hungry, I'll probably get one later Oh Do I need, should I, I mean I can I mean that is custom here on SR

Alright, yeah, I mean you know, sure Just be careful though because the guy who makes them, um, flaxoid I heard he doesn't really wash his hands after he goes to the bathroom. It's just what I heard. Please don't tell him I said that. I won't. Yeah, no, I won't.

What is your name again? My name is Taxis. Taxis. Great to meet you. So, y'all ready to declare your dependents? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm Flax's dependent. No, that's not right. Yeah your dependents? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Emissary Plague Dex Center. Uh, no, that's not right.

We are all, which is to say, Emissary Dex Center, myself, C-53, and Security Officer Dar, declaring as dependents for the Bargerian J. Okay, and I assume that you have the appropriate forms. Of course, you'll have known that we have upgraded our system to paper. And I seem to have filled those up. When you say upgraded to paper, what was it originally? It was digital, of course, but we found

that to be full of flaws. So we've upgraded to paper, actually. It's very hard against, like, cyberterrorism. It's true, but it's not paper. Yeah, well, you could steal it, though. What if somebody loses the binder? Well, don't tell anyone I told you this, but Seraxon in Window A has lost the binder.

Really? He's lost most of his stuff. Yeah. You know, taxes, it probably helps for you to work at a desk job because you've got all those sort of arms that can be filing multiple forms at once. Everyone on my planet, we're really good multitaskers. It's just sort of what we do. Yeah.

And your eyes can point different directions, too, so you can keep an eye out on your fellow office mates. Yeah. I like to kind of know what's going on at all times. Like down the hallway, way behind me, and to the left. Someone's getting fired. Right now? Get in here for me, though. What?

I worked here until just now. Oh, gosh. Rod, help us. I guess, uh... Well, we have, I think, most of the forms, but, uh, we ran out of paper. Trying to print them all out, so I think we're missing our 1222 and the 4171.

I got these right here. You guys can fill them out right here. Taxes. If I don't know what my pre-existing condition is, what should I write down? I would just write down that you seem a little misshapen. That's sort of always... This is actually my constant shape.

Okay. Yeah, I would just list your species as a pre-existing condition. That's really not for me to say, but yeah, probably. I did hear that some people are getting turned away just based on the mood of the person reviewing their forms. So like, your mood? I guess

you could say, yeah, my mood. Oh, okay, yeah. Is that a roundabout way of saying that we want to stay on your good side or you're not going to approve our forms? I really have disclosed too much at this time, but yeah, pretty much. Okay. Wow.

That's, uh, sure. Taxi, taxi, did you hear something? It might make you real angry. What? Do you know Charlene down in 1818-5? Yes, I know Charlene down in 1818-5. Apparently she got together with Florgor. Get the jerk out of here.

I'm just saying. Florgor. Your ex, Florgor. I'm just saying. Florgorg. Your ex, Florgorg. I'm just saying. What do I know? Bye. Who was that?

Well, that really does rankle my tankle. And my tankle does not get rankled very easily. No, I was going to say it's very straight. Thank you. I had a little work done on it, but. Oh, yes. No, it's. I would never have known. Thank you. I had a little work done on it, but... Oh, yes. You'd never know. I would never have known.

Thank you. I guess I just want to make sure that we're not wasting our time here. We really need to get health care for our security officers. You're not wasting your time, okay? You're not wasting your time. Unlike that biatch with floor gourd. Here's the summary of the meeting where we talked about the new phone system. Okay, thank you so much. Hey, real quick. Yeah?

Did you hear a little rumor about FloorGuard? Well, I'm not one to, like, repeat guests. No, no, me neither. I would never, but can you just tell me everything you know? Sure. Sure. So I heard that Florgor was doing some decently deep hanky-panky in the supply closet with both Echelon, Binkle, and Da Lamp. Da Lamp? Wait, I'm sorry, did you say a lamp? No, no, no.

No, not a lamp. Da Lamp. Da Lamp? Yeah. Are y'all almost done with your paperwork right now? I'm sorry. I'm just getting... I need to... My break. I need a break. I need to take a break. Oh, we're trying here, but there's just...

These forms are quite long. Yeah, there's a lot. Okay. Now, the Bargerian Jade has to fill out some forms, though, too, right? Yeah. I mean, absolutely. They kind of have their own bureaucracy that's sort of separate from ours. Oh, so she's in a different SR that's just for ships.

Oh, ship resources. Okay, the number of people inside of me. You know, it could be three or four. It's been five at some point. You really should know this. Yeah, I just think it's two. I'm going to say two. Two?

Yeah. Okay, if you get this wrong, the consequences are dire, but I trust that you're right. You know, let's put the infinity sign up. That's a good catch-all. Yeah, okay. Okay, um, next question. Is morale generally high or low? Oh, very low.

Low. I mean, you're a ship. You understand. I get it. I mean, you're not doing what you want to be doing. What's your dream? I wanted to be a singer. Yeah.

I was a movie. You know who I am. We all know who I am. Yeah. Look what I'm doing. I'm sitting across from you today. Yeah. Neither of us wants to be here.

No. So my morale is, could it be better? Yes. Yes, we all know that. You know that. So we'll say mid to low? Mid to low. Mid to low.

Sometimes very low. Okay, so we'll say... Infinity sign. Infinity sign. It's a good catch-all. I just don't understand how Floor Court could do that to me. I mean, we broke up

because I was overly satisfying him, but it's fine. Wait, you were overly satisfying him? I don't have a whole lot of relationship experience, but if I... He doesn't, but he should, because he's such a good boy. I would think people would love that big, beautiful eye of yours. Thank you. It's so swollen and glistening. It's not even his best feature.

It sees real well. Yeah. I sort of feel like it sees so well, it's not even me seeing it. It belongs to our friend. The kek is watching. Hello. Yeah, that's true. So you have a giant eye that's not your own eye.

That is going to count as a double pre-existing condition and might disqualify you and any of your progeny. You're going to check that box on the form. Wait, I have to check a box that says my kids don't get health care? Yes, I'm afraid so. Oh, boy. States that pretty clearly. Texas?

Yep. Texas? Yep. We both wanted to give you the news. We printed out an email from Florigorg. It was in Florigorg's drafts folder. What's it say? It's a picture, actually.

Mm-hmm. Oh. Probably could have just sent that email, just forwarded it to taxes. That could have been hacked. Papers the future. I guess so. What is it? Just show me.

What is it? It's the lamp without the lamp on it. Oh, my. So the lamp is a lamp. No, the lamp without da lamp on it Oh my So da lamp is a lamp No, da lamp is a da lamp It's a da lamp He's just got sort of like a conical head And a very long skinny body

And then like a round flat circle at the bottom And he emits light But he's not a lamp But he's also an asshole Yeah I'm sorry I'm sorry, no this is not in the spirit of dependence day But he's not a lamb. But he's also an asshole. Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

No, this is not in the spirit of dependence day. Wow, these characters aren't even halfway through their forms. Listen, Texas, if you could do anything at all to help, we just really need to get to a doctor. These are all my forms. Take these, Texas. Oh. Like as my daddy. Here you go. Oh, no.

Take it, take it, take it, take it. Oh, wow. Don't file those. Say she finished. Please don't file those. What? I'm sorry. They've already been filed.

Oh, boy. Tara, you listed your race as Tellurian. No, he is Tellurian. No, but you're not Tellurian, Tara. Listen, taxes. My body doesn't even want these scales anymore. They are falling out. They're really coming right out.

You are shedding all over the place. Taxes. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, My body doesn't even want these scales anymore. They are falling out. They're really coming right out. You are shedding all over the place. Taxes, I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but if there's any way you could just expedite this process, we might see a doctor immediately. Taxes, tell us the truth. What's the bribing situation like here on SR? Oh, that's a good point.

Are you all willing to kill? What? Who do you want? Are you talking about us killing your ex-boyfriend? Black is ready to kill. He looked me in the eye today, and he told me he would kill me within 12 hours. Oh, that's just true.

He said you would kill her. Where do we find this person? Well, I heard this, and don't repeat this. You didn't hear it from me, but I heard that Florgorg's going to be in the alleyway. Right? You see this dark, long alleyway that leads to the little cubicle I'm sitting in? It's a long, complex maze. It connects the whole bureaucracy of SR.

Huh. You want us to head into the maze, find Florgorg, and take him out? I would never say something like that, but if that were to happen, that would make this process much faster. Also, you need to let me know what kind of sweet gas you guys want for your... I think she said cherry. Yeah, we got cherry. Like a sweet cherry soup? That stinks, Mack.

That's my favorite, too. Do you drink gasoline? Wait, how do you know? Of course I drink gasoline. Look at me. I mean, yeah, I guess. Yeah. All right.

Next question. Do you have any dependents that do not reside inside of you at this current time? I have a son. Okay. His name's Blimpy. He's in an amusement park. Mm current time? I have a son. Okay. His name's Blimpy. He's in an amusement park. Mm-hmm. I have a manager I don't speak to anymore.

Mm-hmm. There's been a lot of people, you know what I mean? Yeah. Boy, do I know. A lot of people coming in and out from inside of you. And they wear shoes. What's that about? I wouldn't have.

I don't want you disgusting. If I had feet, I would never. Well, first of all, I have long legs. Yeah. And that would chop my feet off. Yeah. Absolutely. So I'm just going to put an infinity sign so I can pay.

Okay, quiet. Man, this is a long hallway. I mean, this is like a tunnel. Yeah. Also, we didn't really get any description of Florgorg. I feel like we didn't get enough information. Yeah. Do we think this is Florgorg in here?

Uh. I mean. I mean, I don't think so. I don't think so. Sorry. I'm so sorry. She was so loud. Did it hurt everybody else's little baby ears? Maybe just don't

open random doors. Maybe get back to barging and take it easy until we sort this out. No, I'm dependent on Black. I can't go anywhere. Okay, you can just keep following me. Are you guys lost already? You guys okay? Uh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. You look sort of lost. Can you help us, please? Of course I can help. Give me one sec. I'm just wrapping up a phone call. A hospital of childhood cancers? I just wanted to make a donation.

Yeah, happy Dependence Day to you, too. Okay, love you, bye-bye. Sorry about that, guys. That was so rude. You didn't even say what your name was to them. It's an anonymous donation? No, they know me. I do this a lot.

Oh. That's... But my name is Flor Gorg. What's your name? Oh, uh... I'm Steve 53. I'm a protocol and diplomatic relations coordinator. Emissary Plek Dexeter, and this is our security officer, Dar.

It's wonderful to meet you all. Have you just gotten a little lost? I know these mazes can be so confusing. Yeah, you know, we just came back here. We were actually looking for DeLamp. Oh, I can show you to his cubicle if you want. You can just tell us where he is. You can just tell us, You can just tell us.

Yeah, we should probably point us the way. No, I'll walk you over. Any excuse to see my friend DeLamp. Okay. You and DeLamp real close? We're lovers, in fact. Oh, really? You and DeLamp?

Yeah, I found a deep kind of love with DeLamp that I've never known. It's like my life has finally begun. Do you know that feeling? I do. I do know that feeling. It's like my life has finally begun. Do you know that feeling? I do. I do know that feeling. That's so beautiful. Oh my gosh, the lamp. How are you, sweetheart?

I was just talking with some strangers and they asked me about you and I was explaining how we're lovers. Oh my gosh, that's so funny because that is actually exactly what I'm doing right now. No way. We are so psychically linked. Crazy. Love you. Love you, Florgor. Anyway, here's the lamp, and here I am. What can we do you for? Oh, uh, just, uh...

Pluck? Uh, yeah? Can I talk to you and see for a second? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, just one, one second, Florgor and the lamp. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just one second. Absolutely. You can't kill him. I know. I think he seems like a really good... I kind of thought he was the villain in this situation. I think taxes...

Sure. Sure. Yeah, yeah. Bad person. I think we may have gotten this whole situation all wrong. Florgard, do you think we have room in our house for even more adoptees? Oh, no. I think we do. I mean, would you guys

want to be our dependents? Yeah, would you? I'm sorry, are you talking to the three of us? No, no. We're on speakerphone with our prospective adopted children. Oh, sorry. Listen, Florgor, can I ask you a question? Yeah. What do you know about taxes? Taxes?

Oh, I'd still call her a dear friend of mine. Yeah. Even though we might have ended on not so good terms. What happened? Oh, well, I just broke up with her and she didn't really like that. Oh, yeah. Okay, that makes sense. That makes a lot of sense.

Yeah, that kind of makes a lot of sense. Well, you know, I think we found what we were looking for here. We're just going to head back to our desk where we were filling out some forms. Okay, well, make sure you guys stick around for the light show. Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah. It's really something special. Are there any moral concerns about the... Yeah, I was gonna say, does that bother you at all?

That you shoot non-dependent people into the sky? You know, I just always assumed if there are people in the world who don't love anyone, then it's probably a great honor to die. And in your death, you make so many people happy. Right? That's an extremely positive way of looking at that.

It really is. Also, DeLamp, I feel like you, you of all people, really value illumination. What do you mean? What's that supposed to... What do you mean by that? I don't know what you're trying to get at Dr. DeLamp There's a patient here

Wait DeLamp you're a doctor Yes I'm a podiatrist Listen DeLamp I hate to ask you this Can you take a look at my friend Dar Sure Oh Oh boy Can you take a look at my friend Dar? Sure.

Oh. Oh, boy. Has your friend Dar been exhibiting a... It's weird to say it on this day when we're celebrating this, but maybe an extreme sense of dependence on you? Yes. Really? Yes. Hmm.

Did... This is a really touchy question. Yes, yes, yes. Hmm. Did, uh... This is a really touchy question. Did your friend Dar, um... How to say this? Have sex with a corpse? Yeah. Yes, yes.

That all checks out. You're a good podiatrist. Uh, Dar, can you lay down and show me the bottom of your feet? Luckily, this happens to be actually a... Oh, you're kidding? No. It's a... It actually a... Oh, you're kidding? No. It's a... Oh! Foot disorder.

I don't know if this was in response to your request, or she was just passed out, but these are her feet. Alright. Florgorg, hand me that syringe. Of course, baby. Thank you, baby. You're welcome, baby.

Thank you, baby. There you, baby. You're welcome, baby. Thank you, baby. Love you, baby. There sort of feels like there's a time crunch here. There is. Black, come here. What? Come here, please. Come close.

Okay. Time is almost up. You have to kill me. No, we're about to cure you. Oh, no. We've got a doctor. We've got a doctor. There's a doctor here who can help you.

You promised me. We're just going to stab this in the foot? Hachi machi. Tara, are you feeling okay? Yeah. Hey, great. Whoa. Dr. DeLamp has done it again.

Listen, Dr. DeLamp, I really can't thank you enough. And I've got to say, great healthcare. Well, unfortunately, I'm not in network. What? This is gonna be very costly. In network for the rebellion. Come on! This is gonna be incredibly expensive.

Last, have you been rehearsing for the Dependence Day dance? Yes. Great. I've memorized it. I've added a couple of my own additional moves to it. I know. I know. I know.

I was thinking about doing a little tush shake and a hatch open. Oh, a hatch open. I like that, actually. People don't usually do that because then, you know, all the, you know, stuff comes out. Stuff comes out. They're not stuff people call stuff. They're not stuff. They're our insights. It feels amazing talking to another ship. It does. It feels really good.

Happy Dependence Day. Uh, Taxis. Yeah? Did you kill him? Listen, about that. It didn't. We were not able to kill Florebuck. What? What the hell's wrong? Well, a killed him. Listen, about that, it didn't... We were not able to kill Florgork. What? I mean, for... What the hell's wrong?

Well, a couple reasons. First, he seemed like a good dude. Real good dude. That is exactly what he wants you to think. And did you meet DeLamp? Delightful guy. Great doctor. Of course I know DeLamp.

A great doctor. Well, I mean, he cured Dar. Almost instantaneously. Yeah. Wow, you really do look better. Thank you. Listen, Taxus, thanks for your help. Thanks for filing those forms for us.

You're welcome. Thanks, I guess, for nothing. This is the worst dependent stay since last year. What happened last year? I killed my lover. Oh, okay. Wait, so hold on a second. You killed your lover last year.

Why don't you just do it again this year? Also, if that was a bad dependence day and it didn't happen this year, what do you want, Taxis? I don't know what I want. Okay. Alright. Okay. I am just fundamentally unhappy and I'd like to push Alright. Okay. Okay. I am just fundamentally

unhappy and I'd like to push that on to other people. I'm a bureaucrat. Okay. Okay. Listen, your self-awareness really makes up for a lot of your shortcomings. Taxes. Thank you so much. Did y'all get a hamburger? Did I ask that already?

Yeah, no. We decided against it because of the hand-washing thing. Oh, you're not going to? Okay. All right. You're too good for a hamburger. No, we're not too good. You just made it sound like a bad idea.

I don't have any recollection of that. Hey, everybody. The ships are doing the dependency dance in the sky. Wow, look at them go. Man, I didn't think Barchi had moves like that. Ladies and gentle fellows of SR, Ladies and gentlefellows of SR, please gather around the dais of the super big stage and wonderfully observe the explosions of the independents. Wonderfully observe?

Yeah. I want them. Joseph Reign. Oh, they say their names? It is beautiful. I don't know. Joseph Rain they say their names I don't know oh my gosh I heard he owed the government

a lot of money oh I heard that he was actually a pretty nice guy. It's too bad that happened to him. Very sad. Bleep. I don't know much about him. Just bleep.

And now, gather around the dais of the such big stage for the grand finale of this Why are we still here? Dependence Day celebration Jacob Moore, Alan Boone, Sam Ritou, Taylor P, L.A.A.L., Taylor Moore, Sandy Newby, Do You Never Visit,

Harvey Picard, Courtney DeLauro, Amber Tertullo, Cindy Sidney, Bob the Squealer, Panko, The Banking, The of the Cow, Courtney Delano, Amber Tuttut, Cindy Cindy, Bob the Squealer, Panko, the Banking, the Doorstopper, Rick Rick Rick Rick, Horse and the Cat, Blue Blood, Airbender, Cassifor, Tilla Tiltil, Susanna Susanna, Eric Bande, Jork, John, Susanna Pataco, Eric Tarkey, Brian the Corpmanster, oh wait, no, no. DART, is it weird that I'm your parent now? No, because you and I were both denied coverage, so it doesn't really matter. We get to file again next year. Oh, boy.

At least we weren't shot into the sky, huh? Honestly, I'd rather not have healthcare than be shot into the sky. Yeah, you're probably right. It's ready to burst. I have an incoming transmission from Missions Operations Manager. Hey, Nermit. Hello, Nerm. to burst. Emissary deck setter, I have an incoming transmission from missions operations manager

from Thunderloy. Hey, Nermit. Hey! Nermit, how are you? What is up? I'm good. What is that hat you're wearing? This? This is a dependency hat. It's a

picture of Orangebeard turned upside down. Oh, yeah? Oops, I thought I had beer turned upside down. Oh, yeah. I thought I had it as my hat. Oh, boy. Wow. Having a great time over there. Having a really good time, but it's really lame when Dependent State is on the middle of the week because you still have to go to work the next day.

I mean, you're still at work. Oh, that's true. Good point. Well, for what it's worth, Nermit, we filed the paperwork. Dar and I did not qualify because of our pre-existing conditions. Oh, yeah. The big eye and the weird stuff. Yeah.

Yeah. But Dar's mostly better, and I can see real well out of this eye. So everything is great by us. Oh, good. So I'm about to go on this trampoline. You have a trampoline at work? Well, it's like they brought it out for the Independence Day celebration, and I'm going to pop up on it.

Watch. Oh. Don't be nervous. There's a lot of much larger people on the trampoline already. No, I think it'll be four. Oh, you have to watch those hollow little bones, Mermit. Mermit, are you covered? Did you put in my...

We had to file your paperwork? I would assume that you would put in your own paperwork, Mermit. Yeah, why would we file yours? You know what? What? Oh, wow. Happy Independence Day. Okay, all right, all right.

Have a good one, Nermit. Bye, Nerm. Good luck. I feel like we should end this Independence Day with some of the dance moves that I did during... Oh, yeah, those were really good, Bargy. I really liked those moves. All that swooping.

Okay, one, two. One, two, three. You do Okay, one, two, one, two, three. You do two swoops, two swoops, and shake, shake, shake. You can't do that. You can't. Two swoops, and a swivel, and a deep dive into space. And then you go up, you go up, and you shake your little tush, and you open your hatch, and then you close it, you close it, and you open your little tooth and you open your hatch and then you close it, you close it, and you open your hatch again.

Take a look, another cycle gone by Time flies when you're riding it in hyperdrive Clear out that landing pad right next to you Got a full tank of derrick gasoline for two Glow of the fireworks blacked in off your face Coming from those lonely losers that they're blasting into space Take a swig, let those engines detach Maybe later on we'll do a little hatch to hatch

Whoa, it's that time again Declaring cargo passengers and friends Whoa, it's just you and me Finish up that paperwork, just write down infinity Whoa, holes grinding, wings winding, we're flying. For you I got three small words to say. This to Penn and State. This is C-Red IT-5, credits and attributions joined, commencing Outro Protocol.

Emissary Plek Dexeter was played by Alden Ford. C-53 was played by Jeremy Bend. Security Officer Dar was played by Ali Kokesh. Bargy the Ship was played by Mujan Zulfagari. Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundeloy and DeLamp were played by Seth Lind. Taxis, Floor Gorg, and Bargy's SR rep were played by Laura Wilcox. She's appeared on Inside Amy Schumer and You're the Worst, and she's currently writing for The Jim Jefferies Show.

You can find her parody wedding guidebook, I Am Bride, on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Follow her on Twitter at Laura underscore Wilcox. There are two L's in Wilcox. This episode edited by Seth Lind. With sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell. Music by Brendan Ryan. Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley. Ship design for the Bargerian Jade

by Eric Goiz. Mission to Ziggs is brought to this galaxy by Audioboom. Thanks, Audioboom. A very special thank you to our Patreon supporters for making Season 2 possible. This episode features the hit single, This Dependence Day, by destroyed country legend Jordan McCorkin. Written and performed by Shane O'Connell and Alta Finn. Want to blast it at your Dependence Day cookout? Download the MP3 at therebellion.space.

Casted at your dependent stake hookout? Download the MP3 at therebellion.space. Not to paint everyone on a binary spectrum of being good or evil, but taxes seem like maybe not a good person. Yeah, yeah. Bad person. Very bad. Yeah.

Yeah, bad. Very bad. A pack of dogs is chasing her. Sorry, someone's at the door.