Mission To Zyxx - 211: Shmorby and the Beast [ft. Bobby Moynihan]

Episode Date: August 8, 2018

The crew returns to a hostile planet, hoping for a warmer welcome. C-53 and Dar dig into some YA. Pleck finds a dance partner. Nermut takes a personal day.  Featuring: Jeremy Bent as C-53 Alden Ford as Pleck Decksetter Allie Kokesh as Dar Seth Lind as Nermut Bundaloy Winston Noel as Beano, The Grand Kula, The Zellnaaz and Rolphus Tiddle Moujan Zolfaghari as Bargie and the Criminals With special guest Bobby Moynihan as Shmorby Edited by Seth Lind Recording, Sound Design and Mix by Shane O’Connell Additional recording by Brett Boham at Forever Dog Music by Brendan Ryan Opening Crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley Ship design for the Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz

It is a period of civil war. The rebellion against the sinister and corrupt Federated Alliance grows stronger, and the fate of the galaxy hangs in the balance. Now, rebel emissary Plek Dexeter and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to explore astounding new worlds, discover their heroic destinies, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff. This is Mission to Zix. You know, I gotta say, I know we don't need to have it read until the book club meeting tonight,

but I really enjoyed It's the Stars. I loved it. I just can't stop thinking about it. Yeah, me as well. When did you guys find time to read it? I just got started. I couldn't put it down. I read it all in one go.

I did as well, but reading is a little different for droids. Oh, I guess that's true. I got an audio book where I was the narrator for it. You read it to yourself? Yeah, I was the audio book voice. Oh. I did it a couple years back for some crew. Yeah, cool.

Pluck, if you haven't read the book, how do you plan to read it by tonight? I just figure, you know, like... Are you thinking just because it's a YA novel, you'll be able to read it by tonight? I just figure, you know, like... Are you thinking just because it's a YA novel, you'll be able to read it quickly? Well, yeah. Excuse me, a YA book instructs AIs how to show and feel compassion. Okay, I just don't have a lot of time these days. If you must know, I have been meditating on my place in the space.

And we have a clip of how that sounds. Yep, that was it. That's not always the sound it makes. How long do you do that a night? You could have been much further into this book if you had not wasted your time meditating on the space. Listen, guys, I kind of

feel like I'm starting to, like, feel something. Ow! Why, you just poked me right in the eye. Did you see that coming at all? I would have if I had been focusing. I don't know if I bet. Alright. Well, anyway, I haven't read the book.

Well, you really must. It's an exception. It's a must read. Alright, alright. I'll read it the book. Well? You really must. It's exceptional. It's a must read. All right, all right. I'll read it on the way to our next mission. Emissary Dick's Center, I have an incoming transmission from Missions Operations Manager, Mermit Buckalore. Hey, guys.

Hey, Mermit, what's up, man? Ah, you know. Did you read the book? What? Did you read the book? What? The book club the book? What? The book club book. Uh.

What do you mean? Ahem. Oh, boy. Oh, man. We really. This is supposed to be a book club for only people who are on the Bargerian Jade. Yeah, it's sort of a BJ book club. I mean, I'd like to petition to join the BJBC.

Well, then we'd have to change the name. I feel like I'm a honorer. We'd have to wait for you to read the book. Nermit. Yeah. Do we have a mission? Yes, we have a mission. So this is cool.

We are going into a, I guess, open arms type situation. You know, we're going to a place where the... What? Yeah, no, that's good. What does that mean? Well, it just means that. You know, we're going to a place where the... What? Yeah, no, that's good. What does that mean? Well, it just means that, you know, when there's a planet that is so against the Federated Alliance,

you can know that they're just going to have basically the rebellion flag already flying when you land. So it's going to be cool. It's called FLIRP. FLIRP? FLIRP? Oh, no.

Wait, that? No, we can't go back there. Yeah, no, I don't think... I thought that sounded familiar when I actually... I think we've actually been there. That place... Oh. That place hates us.

Yeah, that... Oh, no, but they hated the Alliance. That was when you... That's back when you were using cue cards. Oh, we're responsible for them hating the Alliance, though. Yeah, they may also hate us personally. I can't imagine. I mean, they... I can imagine imagine. I mean, I can imagine.

Okay, listen, what's the plan exactly? So you're just going to go in and you're going to establish relations on behalf of the rebellion as an emissary. No, I know that part. A.K.A. literally the job description. Sure, sure. So yeah, I think that this is just... We sort of murdered the leader's daughter, if you remember correctly. Is no one angry about that?

I mean, I think as far as they know, the Grancula's daughter got to meet Bargy, her hero. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a great time. I have only good memories about that meeting. Sure. Sure. No, she also was released into the vacuum of space. You know that's their own decision.

Everyone makes their own decisions in life. What am I going to do? Stop them? Come on. We're free. We're free. We're free. Nermin, sorry, just to clarify. Do they know that we're coming?

Like, I don't want to surprise these guys. They're sort of this, I would say, like maybe a war-like culture. I don't think you need the word like. Oh, yes, sir. A war culture. A war culture. Yeah, no, they know that there's a scheduled meeting with representatives of the rebellion. But they don't know which representatives.

They thought it was best to just have it be kind of general. Just in terms of all the other emissaries were scheduled up and so... Sure. Alright, well, you know... Well, you know, I think it's worth mentioning, I think

the space is going to look out for us on this one. Right? Well, if you want your little wooden toy you're going to have to ask Bino for it back. Why does Bino have my wood saber? We gave it to him. Bino? Bino loves wood sabers.

What? Is it in his mouth? No, stop. Bino. He's teething. Bino. What else were we supposed to give him? Bino. He's teething. That's an elegant weapon, Bino. Drop it. That's an overstatement, but still.

Bino love elegance. Bino love luxury. Bino love elegance. Bino, just give... All right. All right, Nermit. I got my wood saber. Let's go.

Great. Good luck, everybody. Rebel Emissaries. Pluck Dex Sector. Oh, hey. I was sort of hoping we might meet again yep hey right yes listen as you know i am the cooler of this yeah yeah it's the that's a war chieftain. That's right. Hey. So, I just wanted to let you know, listen, I feel, we all feel pretty bad, and I just wanted you to know that- Guards! No, hold on.

Wait, wait, wait. Seize them. No, no. Oh. Oh. Yes. Listen, um. I have a special.

All right. Okay. Okay. Okay. I think we've grunted enough Everyone get their grunts in That's our Alright I have a special punishment For you Dexeta

And your crew Okay I will throw you I really think this is a punishment You should reserve All of you have crossed the Kula But you know he shot me The last time we were on this planet

So I feel like I've been punished enough I will feed you to a beast Infamous on Flirt Uh Okay The Zelda I'm sorry wait hold on What is it called on flirt. Uh, okay. The Zelda. I'm sorry, wait, hold on.

Hold on. What is it called? The Zelda. Sorry. Every time you say the name and then the growling starts, can you just say what the name of it is again? Okay. The Zelda. I can't. He's right on this one, guys.

I need you to dial it down. Just like two ticks. I need to get the name out. I'll throw you to the dreaded Zelnaz. It's Zelnaz. Zelnaz? Okay, okay.

Just making sure. A beast. No, guys. Sorry, it's my first time. No, I know, I know. Whose ferocity is beyond measure. Okay, yeah, sure. What if I challenge you to one-on-one combat, though?

Nope. And time has passed. Too late. Throw them to the Zelnar. What was that? C-53, what do you know about fighting these guys? It's a bad idea. Okay, yep, sure. Be careful.

What? What? Be careful. Oh, what? Be careful. Oh, absolutely. I was hungry. Okay. Hey, Joel. Hello.

Oh, are you the Xel'Naz? Because I could easily take you in a fight. What's that supposed to mean? I mean, look at you. That's very aggressive. I could stick my piece on you immediately. Oh it's very clear I think it does there's a giant sign oh it's kind of like a little degree. Yeah, I have a degree in Zong-Las-Keeping, yes. How many years of school is that?

Fifteen. Wow, that is a long... That's a big beast. 450,000 croons. Okay, well, that's not... Oh, it's one of those... You don't have to make it about that. It is about that.

I paid a great deal of money for it. Oh, that's how much you paid. I thought that's how much you got paid in your... I paid, yeah, I went to school. I paid a great deal of money for it. Oh, that's how much you paid. I thought that's how much you got paid. I paid. Yeah, I went to school. I'm sorry. I thought that's how much you got paid to be a Zelnas keeper. I wish.

I'd be out of debt, but no. Oh, no. So, wait. You spent 15 years and spent 400. I'm sorry. I digress. There's a lot of back story. I apologize, but just be careful of my beast, because he will eat you.

And if you make fun of me or get in my way, I will stick my beast on you. Oh. And you'll die. Really? So is there an option where we just leave peacefully and do not interact with the Zelnots? I don't think so. I wish. That's a shame.

But there never has been. This may be the time, but I doubt it, because already I feel like it's not going great. Wait, so it's up to you? It's not up to me. It's up to the beast. Nothing's up to me. The only thing I do is give him food, shelter, love.

I sing. I do think. And you went to 15 years of school for that? Yeah. Does that sound so crazy? Do you know how long it takes to perfect singing? Actually, no. Yeah.

Fifteen years. Okay, yeah, sure. I mean, I guess that makes sense. Yeah, yeah. It's a very hard job. What do you do for a living? Oh, well, we're emissaries. Oh, okay.

Well, yeah, no, so you get it. Yeah. It's hard. I mean, doing things are hard Especially this Sure, could you give us a little sample of the song To the beast? It goes like this The beast

Is my boy The beast Is my little boy The beast The beast is my little boy. Huh. The beast, the beast will feast on your spine. Oh, Dar, Dar, wake up. 15 years. I'm sorry. 15 years.

I'm sorry, that was, what? That was very soothing. Dar fell asleep. Ooh, that was deep. I was in a deep REM cycle. Good morning. I hope you slept well because that was 15 years worth. Now do you feel a little silly?

I get it. I mean, I got to level with you. Sorry, what is your name, sir? My name? Yeah. No one's ever asked me that before. I am just the Xel'Navs Keeper, but my true name? Shmorby.

Shorty? No, Shmorby. Oh, sorry. Sh Shmorby. Shorty? No, Shmorby. Oh, sorry. Shmorby. Shmorby. Now, what's your relationship to the monster? Like, do you, are you guys friends? Are you asking, get to what you're saying. Get to what you really want to say.

No. Everyone, it's the first question everyone asks. No, that's not, no, I don't think that's, no. No, do you think, what do you think I'm thinking of? No, I don't think that's... No, what do you think I'm thinking of? No, I don't want to ask. I don't want to ask what you think I'm going to ask. Fleck, ask him. Just do it, because it's wasting time at this point.

I really wanted to know, like, is the Zalnaz like your friend, or is it like your pet? That's really the first inquiry. I think you wanted to know if I have... If you've jucked the... If you've jucked it? Pardon me? Is that what you... Now, see, now I feel weird for asking that

because you're making me feel like that's not what you wanted me to ask you. I didn't want you to ask me anything. I just wanted to make sure that my beast is well kept and alive. I think the problem here is you were sent down here to die by the hands of the beast that I take care of. So it's always awkward for me because, like, you seem like nice people. We're having a conversation. I've never told anybody my real name was Schnorby before.

Sure. Yeah. I've never told anybody that was my name. Ever. So you guys seem great. But now I have to feed you to this beast. Yeah. Is that a contract situation?

Like, what's your obligation to feed us to the beast? My obligation? It's my job. I get my paycheck for it. I keep this beast. And he's trying to pay off student loans right now. Yeah, I'm not killing you. The beast is.

I'm just making sure the beast is a well-oiled machine of death. Yeah, that makes sense. I guess so. It sucks. I don't want to do this. Are we holding up your day? Should we die? Would that be easier for you?

C-53? Come on, C-53. I'm just trying to, you know, I feel a little bad for Schwarby. No, you're not holding up my day at all. I mean, like, every day is the same for me, but I'm just trying to explain my feelings. Well, thank you, Schwarby. I appreciate that. If you have other feelings you want to talk about with us, we can really dive deep.

I feel like my feet are gigantic, and I hate it. Oh, no. I actually would never have... They're big feet. When you guys came in the room, the first thing you did was look at my feet. I could see it. I don't like that. I don't like having big feet.

Listen, I mean... I can't change it. I just don't even know what your species is, so that might not be... It might be totally normal. Look at these things. Just look at them, because they're terrible. That's why they keep me down here, in a way, I think. You think that's why you're down here?

I don't know. I mean, I'm not a pretty boy up there, tripping the night fantastic in my spaceship. I'm down here, the keeper of the beast. Oh, boy. Wow. What sort of people are down here in the pit about to die? Thieves, criminals. Sure.

Just general deadbeats. One time there was a baker. Sure. Wow. I know, honey, I know, I know. It's starving. The beast is obviously attached to this very long leash, and it's back there in that cave out of sight.

When does it come? It likes to stay in the dark. It's kind of like we like to keep it in suspense so you don't see what's going to happen, because if you saw what it looked like right now, if you could actually physically see the beast's features, you might die just from seeing it. I've seen it happen.

Really? Really? You saw someone die just by looking at it? Wow. Yeah. A straight system overlook? Yeah. And that's the only exit out of this pit I'm going to hazard, I guess.

Well, that and the secret back door that I have. But, I mean, other than that, no, yeah, it just would be death through the anus of the beast. Specifically through the anus of the beast. Specifically through the anus. Yes. And then we will come out the mouth hole many days later. But hole. Also hole. Not butt.

Right. It's terrible. Yeah, it's a lot of clean, a lot of clean up. Yeah. I mean, knowing that information, it makes it even scarier. Because, you know, if you have to pass through the, you know, sort of the butthole on your way in. Okay, yep. Nice.

Okay, that seems, that seems extreme. Yeah, that definitely seems to be on the agenda. No, see, you shouldn't... It's mine. I went and just squished it. I got a little knife. Oh, look at it. Get the big monster. Look at it stab me with its tiny little knife. Oh, it tickles.

Are you okay, Darth? No, this is such a cute little... Anus first. Oh, wow. Yeah, gets you every time. Did you see the way that its anus puckered and just sucked that little criminal right up? Oh, boy. Wow, that was very quick.

Is it normally that fast? Yes, especially when he's hungry. Yeah, I guess so. I've never seen him last this long. Wow. Without eating a creature or a droid or anything. Well, you know, Swarby, I got to say thank you for keeping the beast at bay, I guess you could say.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're here to collect a paycheck. We get it. I get it. I get it. We're just all just doing our jobs, you know. That's it, man. Just working for the weekend, bro. Yeah.

What do you do on the weekends? A lot of reading. Curl up with a good book. Really? Have you read It's the Stars Fall? We're all reading it right now as a book club. Shut up. No, you

shut up. I can't. This is, I just started this past weekend. Yeah, no spoilers. We don't know. We just, we all started it, yeah. I would never, no. It's such a treat. I can't wait to talk about it if you'll have me. Oh, yeah, you should join our book club.

Fantastic. I'm in. You know, Shmorby, I gotta say, you seem like a pretty cool guy. I'm not so bad. Have you ever thought about a career change? You could come with us, maybe become a rebel emissary, travel the galaxy. Gosh, I don't even know what to say about that. I've spent so much time down here, and once again, I don't even know what to say about that. I've spent so much time down here, and once again, I spent 15 years on a prestigious, hard-to-get position.

You sort of feel locked into this career. Well, I'm also ugly and have giant feet, and if I go into the sun, I'll probably die. I've been down here for so long just with this beast. I smell terrible. But that leather vest is so cool, though. I like it. Thank you. But, I mean, would you still think it was cool if I told you I took this off a dead man not but three years ago? Honestly?

Yeah. Yeah. That gives you some cred, you know? I did not kill him. I found him, and I just took his coat. And also, I just sewed part of his pants to the coat so it would fit. Well, that's... You didn't have to tell us that.

Yeah, you didn't have to tell us that. This is really a leather vest, but the back is the... Your secret is safe with us, Schwarming. When you turn around, you can clearly see the pants. Yeah. Yeah, I don't see a lot of pockets on the back of a vest. But that's resourceful. You have a skill.

You have another skill. I don't know why I'm trying to convince you about how terrible I am. It's just so terrible. I can't believe that I've been accepted by others. It's shocking, to be honest. I mean, well, hey, you know, listen, we're here. We're just a few emissaries in a dark pit about to get eaten by a monster saying, you know, you're okay with us.

That should be lyrics to a song, man. I'm telling you, that was beautiful. Thanks. Could you use it in one of your songs that you sing to the beast? Yes. Yeah. Oh, what is he doing now?

Right now, he's actually doing the dance of acceptance. He has taken you in, so he's at his most vulnerable. I've only seen this once before. Oh, wow, that's amazing. This is unprecedented. He's only done this with me a handful of times. Oh, is that part of the dance? No, that...

Nighty's Hell Nause. Okay, don't do that. I am Azima... No, you... Plek Dexeter. You have to stop doing that. This wood saber is not an instrument of war. Please! Take it. No, you can't do that, because you're not... It's not a strength to you.

Plek, what did you do to that beast with your wood saber? I was trying to Why would you do that? I was trying to sort of like Oh, that tiny criminal Did you see how he crawled right out of his anus? That was fast What have you done? Oh, no.

Oh, Shmorby, listen. Don't fucking call me Shmorby. But that's... What have you done to my beast? Uh, listen, I apologize. No, I won't listen. Okay. I won't listen.

Okay. Shmorby, we feel extremely guilty about this. Yeah, listen, that's not what I okay you're right you're right okay all right sure you're what should what should we call like what beast beast master

I I listen yeah sure Beastmaster? No, I never would ask such a thing. I just want to be called the keeper of the Zalzah. Yeah, sure. But I can't do that anymore because he exists no more. Oh, boy. You've taken everything. You've erased 15 years.

And 450,000 croons. That is a lot of croon, yeah. Who's going to pay that back now? Why? All for naught, all for nothing, because you came. Listen. The people who decided to be friends that killed my friend. You're tricksters.

We need to get another Zeldas for you. Oh, why don't we just get another one? Why don't you get another life? I mean, that's a good question. The whole technique we see is a droid, so he's had... Yeah, several. I don't know if this is the time for a semantic... You're right, you're right, you're right.

I'm sorry. Listen, what can we do? You know, the offer still stands. You can come with us. Maybe this is a good chance for you to kind of change gears. Oh, why? Because I have nothing? Because you took it all from me?

So now I should come with you? Yeah, sort of. I mean, you live in this pit. Yeah, no, when I said it, it sounded more right than it should have. Maybe it's... Maybe it's time. Maybe it is time. Who knows, even... Oh, boy.

Wow. Listen, I really... Oh, boy. Wow. Listen, I really... Oh, boy. That's... Listen, Schwarby, I get what it's like to lose someone you care about. You do? Because one time... You're making this up.

It's so clear you're making this up already to make me feel bad. No, I wouldn't do that. You stalled for like three seconds. You would remember. I mean, no, it's just there's so many things that I could choose from of this. Okay, I, one time,

there's this... I'm sorry. You know what? I should actually... Or, in the star's fault... Oh'm sorry. You know what? I should actually... Terrible. Or, in The Star's Fall... Oh, yes. Good. Hansel thinks he's lost Gretel.

The best part. Forever. But then he travels to the most distant star and finds a mirror of her. It's like this. You're Hansel. You just need to travel and find your next best Gretel.

You mean it? Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Yep. They won't make fun of my feet? Uh, no. No, see, no. Listen, Shmorby,

you know how to sew. You've got an expensive degree. You're a reader. You're a reader, yes. Correct. Stable. You've got low center of gravity with those feet. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Boy, let's see. I know a lot about typewriters. What? Typewriters? Typewriters, yes. Oh, sure. They're ships. Yeah.

Are you familiar with a typewriter? No. They're very small ships. Ah. Very, very small. I know how to build them. Okay. Paper thin.

Really? Huh. What function does a typewriter serve? It's a small ship that carries letters to people from different galaxies in a quick fashion. Okay, sure. Yeah, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Oh, no, no, Shmorby. I just remembered that for a second when I saw the pot he's got for him.

Oh, yeah, it's much difficult to ignore. It's sort of taking up half the cavern in here. Yeah. I must take it with me. Yeah, it doesn't seem... I have to. I will take it with me. Uh, yeah, it doesn't seem... I have to... I can't leave him behind. What kind of keeper would I be if I left it?

So, yes, I will come with you. I will make the leap. I will find a new life, but I also have to bring the dead body of the species. Oh, yeah, no, I don't think we can... No, no, it's gotta be the half-jack. Yeah, oh, no, come on. Just give me a hand, please. Stop, that's too... All you have to do is can... Oh, no. Yeah. Oh, no, come on. Just give me a hand, please.

Stop. That's too... All you have to do is just... No, ow. Just get right there. Yeah, you're just going to want to nuzzle up right in that tiny... Okay, that's not... And just give it a big old push, just like you mean it.

Okay. Please just get him up on... Yeah, sure. On the count of floor. Okay. Okay. Mm-hmm. Okay.

Floor. No, all right. Okay. Okay. Mm-hmm. Okay. Sure. No. All right. Yeah. No. Thank you. Listen, Schwab, what are we going to do with Zelna's corpse? Yeah, we're probably going to have to lose some of your stuff in order to fit.

No, I don't think that's... You want us to push it through this secret back door? If you can, that would be great. Yes, just try. How did the Xelnas get in here, though, inside this cave? Well, it was built around it. Oh, that's smart.

I built this cave around it myself. So, Shmurby, you also know construction? Correct. I do. I'm a jack of all trades, as they say. You could work anywhere, Shmurby. Well, I mean, not anywhere. I mean, sure, I'm a pilot. I'm a cook. I'm a politician. I'm a senator of all trades, as they say. You could work anywhere, Schmorb. Well, I mean, not anywhere. I mean, sure, I'm a pilot.

I'm a cook. I'm a politician. I'm a senator. A singer. I was a mathematician for 16 years. When I was a child, I used to be a scientist. I used to do surgeries on people. I've rebuilt buildings, droids.

I created the money system for the Goltars. Wait. I've done it all. But what I'm best at is being a keeper. Yeah, I mean, but Shmorby, listen, it sounds like you've got a long... Galaxy is your oyster.

Shmorby, if you could be anything right this second, including out of debt, what would you want to be, Shmorby? The best friend to a live beast. Okay, yeah, no, that's, you kind of walked into that one, Darla. That's not, besides, besides that, take the Xel'Naz out of the equation.

Besides that, probably, it's impossible, it's stupid, it's an impossible decision. No, come on. A shoe model. That's not so crazy. It's not, yeah. A shoe model. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, mail yourself somewhere. head out, strike out for the nearest shoe store and just start modeling them shoes.

You mean like freelance? I don't know. How would that work? How would that work? If I understood how the industry worked, I would be a lot further in my own shirt. From what I understand, you go to a shoe store, you put on the shoes, you walk out,

and you show people, and hopefully it happens for you. And, Torby, that is what you have to do. You've stayed in this pit too long. It never seemed like a viable option, but now... But now you have yours ahead of you. Yeah.

Why not spend them happy, mopping shoes? Yeah. Why not spend them with happy feet? Never really thought of it that way. Thank you. I'm just thrown in here. I'm a criminal and I hate everybody. You're a lot like the last criminal that landed in here. I'm a tiny knife and I'm going to stab, stab, stab.

Okay, all right. Let's just... Hanging off my exterior. Instead of stabbing, why don't you take a look at these shoes? Um, okay. Huh. You know what?

Crime is bad. Oh, snap. Emissary Dexeter, I must say I am impressed. No one has defeated the dreaded Xelnars in combat. Yeah, listen, I am sorry about that. We really... I bow in respect to you. You have proven yourselves in combat. Yeah, well, you know... No one has figured out his allergy to wood.

Uh... Oh. Okay, I see allergy to wood. Uh. Ah. Oh. Ah. Okay, I see what happened here. Yeah. Yeah, okay. I'm impressed.

Yeah. Even though my peacekeeper is now a shumado. Yeah, we did not mean to kind of mess up your whole thing. Emissary Dexeta. Yes, yes. The Flurp is at the service of the Rebellion. Wow, really? And we shall also die for the Rebellion. Long live the Rebellion.

Yeah, sure. Yeah, long live the Rebellion. As a token of my appreciation, I give you this Federated Alliance koozie, given to me by a weakling of the Federated Alliance. Yeah, okay. Thank you. I appreciate it. Yeah. What?

Nothing. Nothing. I must say, in recent months I have been heartbroken because my daughter has gone missing. Uh, yeah. Oh, boy. Wow, really? But I feel that the rebellion has given me new purpose. Oh.

And seeing a mighty warrior like you defeat the Zeldas gives me hope that one day I might find my beloved Kulata. And one day we might topple the sinister Federated Alliance. Yep. And one day we might topple the sinister Federated Alliance. Uh. And finally by Jerry and Yate again. Hello. Yes. Hi.

Hey, Bargy. Everyone calm down. It's me. I know. Um. My daughter. My daughter. My daughter loved you.

I know. Here's the thing. So I came because I all of a sudden feel guilty. Pargy, yeah, he doesn't know. I guess she may be alive. I do not know. This may not be a great time for this. Actually, at first I was like okay with it because I was like, you know, she's a fan and fans can do whatever they want. You know what, Pargy, let's just open the hatch.

All right, let's go. Let's go. Let's go., all right, let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Bargy, now they're shooting at us. Honestly, less grunts. You make us all look bad.

No, you make us all look bad when you do it. I've got that. One new message. Likely annoying. Your Excellency, it is Bordoff with troubling news. Using an advanced technology known as a search engine, I have deduced that The Rebellion has its very own website, therebellion.space. And I fear that it is incredibly well made and was clearly easy to do so using the designer templates and award-winning customer support of Squarespace.

And it is my duty to report that on this site they have posted encrypted messages that their pathetic codebreakers cannot crack. Messages intercepted from the Federated Alliance and also from me. But they will never crack them, Your Highness. There's also other critical intel on the Rebellion.Space, such as a detailed guide to neutralizing Clintz, and an advice column from Hark Tardigas, their square-jawed pilot who is thankfully lost in a hyperdrive netherworld.

Now, I figured it must have cost the Rebellion critical croon to build a site of this quality, but it turns out that anyone can get a free Squarespace trial by visiting squarespace.com slash zix, and then get a special discount on their first order of a site or domain, and the sites include free and secure hosting. After your ascent, we shall squash amazing deals like this. I just make people too happy. But until then,

this deal is sadly available to all at squarespace.com slash zix. And the deal is also conveniently linked to on the Rebellion's shamelessly elegant website, therebellion.space. May my next news be happier. Sender removed from favorites.

Okay, Dar, I think I might actually do this. I think I might be able to finish in time. See, I told you once you started reading it. It's very good. I got a couple chapters in. It just hooked me right in. Wait, how far have you gotten? I am...

We don't want to spoil your work, are you? Because the ending is... Okay, don't talk to me. I don't ever want to spoil this for you. Are we starting book club? No, no, no. I just... Oh, guys, we got to call Nermit and let him know how the mission went.

Sounds good. Why are you calling me, crew of the Bargerian Chains? Rolfus, hey. Sorry, I thought we were trying to call Nermit. Is everything okay? Yeah, he's on personal leave. He's taking a couple days out of office. What?

Oh, he's recording all of his calls to you. What did you want to talk to me about? Oh, uh... The audition on Flip was a resounding success. Was it? Fantastic. Well, technically it was a success to a point. I mean, when we were leaving, it felt like we may have overshared.

Yeah, sure, a little bit. Really? You guys? You guys overshared? I messed up. I kind of pretty much told the guy. Oh, really? The ship talking was a bad thing? Huh. Commander Tittle, the tone of your voice indicates you are perhaps perturbed with our behavior.

Is there something we could improve upon? No, I appreciate you retrieving me from the dump. Hey, Rolfus. I mean, sorry, Commander Tittle. How are you holding up? You doing okay? Yeah, I'm fine. Are you really?

Because you can talk to us. You can... Why? Do you want to join our book club? Yeah, we're reading It's the Star's Fall. Goodbye. Where do you think Nermin went? I wish he would answer.

I wonder where he is. Daddy's here. What? Yeah, there's a typewriter that just arrived in my back, and I can sense that it's Norman... Norman Bundle? Joshua. It's getting further. Is it G Norman... Norman Bundle-o? Joshua. It's getting further.

Is it Gorge? Norman? Anyway, that thing is here. I'm not sure this package is big enough. Oh, hey. Nermin. Nermin, what are you doing here? Hey, guys.

Nermin! Nermin, what are you doing here? Hey, guys! The stars are ice, and then Greta says, you know who's... Nermin! Sorry, I've been, I've been, uh, I was behind, so I've been listening to the Bargerian Jade's audiobook version of The Star's Fall. Wait, uh, Nermin, why are you here? Oh, yeah, right, sorry. I got ahead of myself. Yeah, well, I remember you said that you, the book club is only for, you know, crew members who are on the Bargerian Jade. I realized that I had personal days available. You came here for a book club?

Well, and to see you guys, but yeah. That is irresponsible and adorable, Nermit. Oh, well, I take that personally, and thank you. You really hate being left out that much. Well, at this point, we have no qualms for allowing Nermit to join the BJBC. Yeah, sure. Yeah, welcome, Nermit. Did you finish the book?

No, I'm not done yet, but I'm really close. Okay, I'm not done yet either, so let's just... Yeah, okay. You guys open a bottle of Flacari and brandy, and we will finish it up. Yeah. Five, ten minutes. I'm going to put these earbuds back in. All right.

Great. Let's do it. Finish it up. Bino read the book. What? Bino knows spoilers. Bino? Bino, no.

Don't. Bino, come on. Some people haven't finished the book. Stop shrugging your skinny little shoulders like that. Bino knows spoilers. They both died. Bino. Bino. Bino. Wow. Bino. Beena does spoilers. They both die. Beeno. Beeno.

Beeno. Beeno. Beena. Yep. This is C-Red IT-5, credits and attributions joy, commencing outro protocol. Emissary Plek Dexeter was played by Alton Ford. C-53 was played by Jeremy Benn. Security Officer Dar was played by Ali Kokesh. Bargy the Ship, the Flirp Guard

on his first day, and the Tiny Criminals were played by Mujan Zulfagari. Missions Operations Manager Narmut Bundeloy and the Grunt Happy Guard were played by Seth Lynn. Bino, the Grand Kula of Flirp, and Rolfestiddle were played by Winston Knoll. Shmurby, the Zelnest Keeper, was played by special guest Bobby Moynihan.

Bobby is the voice of Louie on DuckTales and will appear in the upcoming series Star Wars Resistance. He was a cast member on Saturday Night Live for nine seasons, as well as dozens of other television series and films. Follow him on Twitter at Vivi Moynihan. This episode edited by Seth Lynn, with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell. This episode was recorded at Bronze Studios in Brooklyn, New York, and

Forever Dog Studios in Los Angeles. Music by Brendan Ryan. Opening call narration by Jeremy Crutchley. Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Goice. Mission to Ziggs is brought to this galaxy by Audioboom. Thanks, Audioboom! And a very special thank you to our Patreon supporters for making Season 2 possible.

Instead of stabbing, why don't you take a look at these shoes? Um, okay. Huh. You know what? Crime is bad. I'm sorry. I guess I shot too far. Yeah, no, I... On my first try with the shoe modeling, I thought maybe I could change his criminal ways.

No, you did. He's thinking it over. Oh, I couldn't hear. My apologies. Wow.