Mission To Zyxx - 212: Crystal Boo-Boo Persuasion [ft. Arnie Niekamp, Adal Rifai & Matt Young]

Episode Date: August 15, 2018

The crew pair off for an unorthodox mission on the planet Vorbom. C-53 waxes paternal. Dar has a talk behind a rock. Pleck does some introspection. Bargie and Beano bond?  Featuring: Jeremy Bent as C-53 Alden Ford as Pleck Decksetter Allie Kokesh as Dar Seth Lind as Nermut Bundaloy Winston Noel as Beano, the Sentinel, and Continent Representatives Moujan Zolfaghari as Bargie and Continent Representatives With special guests: Arnie Niekamp as Gavin Boo-Boo aka Drake Fistkin Adal Rifai as AR-33 aka Alpine Nightly Matt Young as Veteran Missions Operations Manager Vulm Sunblighter Edited by Seth Lind Recording, Sound Design and Mix by Shane O’Connell Additional recording by Brett Boham at Forever Dog and Dan Farnsworth at Gravity Studios Music by Brendan Ryan Opening Crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley Ship design for the Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz

It is a period of civil war. The rebellion against the sinister and corrupt Federated Alliance grows stronger, and the fate of the galaxy hangs in the balance. Now, rebel emissary Plek Dexeter and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to explore astounding new worlds, discover their heroic destinies, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff. This is Mission to Zix. Nermit, hey.

Hey. I got your heat rock set up again. Are you serious? Yeah, well, you know, we still had it around and just figured, you know, let's plug that bad boy in. Oh, I'm going to just hop up in there. Oh, man. Yeah. It's good to have you back, buddy.

Thank you so much. It's good to be back. Wow. Bino loves heat rock. No, Bino, stop. You can't. You had it out for Bino? No, no, no, no, no. We. Bino loves heat rock. No, Bino, stop. You can't. You had it out for Bino? No, no, no, no, no.

We. Bino loves heat rock. Okay, occasionally we'd plug it in. If Bino couldn't sleep, we would put Bino on the heat rock. I initialed it. I wrote my. Missions operations manager. Boy, you must understand how difficult it is to get Bino to relax.

Okay, okay. All right. Well, I'm just going to stretch out on it and. Yeah, okay. All right, well, I'm just going to stretch out on it and... Yeah, cool. All right, well, you just chill there and we'll... Bino, stretch, too. Okay. Okay.

You know, Nermin, you're actually good. I think you and Bino might actually really get along. Really? Is that a size thing? You just think because Bino and I are the state closest? Yeah, Bino, big spoon. Nermin, little spoon. Okay.

Honestly, I think Dar is big Spoon, let's be honest. Hey, Dar? Yes? How are you, I don't know, I probably shouldn't say this in a room with all of us in the same room at the same time. I wouldn't say it then. Okay, no. But I was just going to say, like, it's great, right? Things are great now that everybody's all together again.

Plek, could I just talk to you? Sure, yeah, absolutely, yeah. Um, Plek, could I just talk to you? Sure, yeah, absolutely, yeah. Um, yeah, Plek, you know, things with Nermit are a little weird right now. What? Why? Well, it's just, we had already agreed that, you know, we didn't like the long distance thing, so we were just gonna, you know, see other people.

Oh. And now he is on the ship. Wait, are you, like, actively seeing somebody else right now? I'm not actively seeing one someone else. Oh, no. You don't want to know what's going on. Bino? Hmm? Do you want to play our fun game?

Mm-hmm. Wait, what are you guys doing? I hear something with a game. I like to remind everybody I hear all conversations. Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. I like to remind everybody I hear all conversations to site location. I'm maintaining my distance. Thank you, C. Just for reference, I can hear everything. Yeah, of course.

Fine, fine. Be no love asides. Guys, can I just say something since there are all of us in the room at the same time? Yeah, of course. I think there might be too many of us here at once. I would have to agree. What?

I let some more people in. There was no one waiting for me down in the shuttle dock bay and I invited myself up to this level. Did we have guests and you didn't tell us? I don't want to tell you everything. What am I, huh? Your mom? I'm the mom. Yes, you are.

The only one there to greet me was Bargy, because she's everywhere all of the time. You're welcome and woke. Thank you. Sorry, I don't believe we've met. I'm Emissary Plex Dexeter. Oh, I'm Veteran Missions Operations Manager Volm Sunlighter. Oh, hello. Veteran?

Veteran? That's right. I've come today with a mission for all of you. Plus, these two young boys here. Oh. They must be scared straight. Oh. I just don't like anything I hear from an adult.

I'm sorry, if we could just quickly touch on, how old are each of you? I'm 17 and a half. Okay. And I'm 17, if we could just quickly touch on, how old are each of you? I'm 17 and a half. Okay. And I'm 17 and a fourth. A fourth, I see. These two young men have gotten themselves into all kinds of trouble, and I have to say that 17 is far too old to be counting half birthdays.

I mean, that's true. That's absolutely true. We count quarter birthdays. Certainly. Yeah, yeah. half-birthdays. I mean, that's true. That's absolutely true. Yeah, yeah. Well, your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to deliver these three crystals to the planet Vorbom. Oh. This is boring. Now, these

two boys, this teen Tellurian and this teen droid... Wait, do they... I'm sorry, do they have names? Yeah, you can call me Drake Fiskin. Ooh. Wait, is that your name? You can call me Drake Fiskin. I mean, all right, for lack of a better alternative, we can call you Drake Fiskin.

But if you wanted to tell us your real name, you could. Well, I'm... It just sounds like a made-up cool name. It is a made-up cool name. I mean, you nailed it. You absolutely nailed it because it's very cool. Thank you. I thought it was pretty cool.

Is the fist part of Fiskin too much? Oh, is it? It's Fiskin? I'm Drake Fiskin. So much better than my real name, Gavin Boo Boo. Oh, yeah, that's definitely... That's not like a real name. That's self-awareness, though.

That's good for a 17-year-old to understand. And what's your name, kiddo? My name is AR-33, but you can call me Alpine Knightly. I'm going to call you AR-33. Well, I wish you wouldn't. I've already forgotten your fake name. Alpine Knightly. I'll keep saying it.

No, no, no. AR-33. All right, guys. I got this. I got this saying it. No, no, no. AR-33. All right, guys. I got this. I got this. Everybody be quiet, okay? I know this is a scared straight situation, and I did a couple movies where I scared some people straight.

Yeah, Bargy really laid it on these two, huh? What you do is bad, but the world out there is worse. So why don't you... What was the rest? Oh, Barge, you were so close. Okay. For a second, I was almost scared straight. Yeah.

Wait, AR-33, how is it that a droid needs to be scared straight? I was made with flaws to make me more angsty. Oh, yeah, sure. Relatable to other teens. It's a controversial production line, but, you know, they wanted some versatility. Yeah, so I could relate with Drake. And my dad gave me this disposition.

Yeah, that's... I was made to be Drake's best friend. That's how I got disposition. Now, now, now. There are three crystals to deliver to three different continents. Disposition? That was awesome. Now, as veteran missions operation manager, I must insist that we focus on our task at hand.

Honk shoo, honk shoo, honk shoo. He's suggesting that he's been put to sleep by your speech. Yes. Watch your language, first of all. Never use that combination of goose sound and footwear again to embarrass me. I'm just chugging deprogramming now. I'll splice my own wires. Oh, boy. Okay, listen.

So we got to, we'll deliver the crystals. That's fine. We got to hurry. We got to do this. That's what you sound like. Yeah, that is what you sound like. Oh, that was so good. That was very good.

That was actually pretty close to what you sounded like. Look, my name is Jack Fuddrucker. Hello! That's pretty close, actually, yeah. Emissary Duxeter, I insist that you get this mission on point. Sure, yes. Deliver the crystals. Yeah, thank

you, Nermit. Can I just stay here and send my Jaxx? Sure. Dar, that's not how you... I'm sorry. Do you have something to say to me, Nermit? Yeah. I've been obviously trying to hug you, and you are like...

About this mission. Oh. We're trying to scare these kids straight. You want to send jecks? You know, check texts? Yeah, I love those. Well, sure, we all love those, but he's 17 and a half. Yeah.

We're very aware. Like, everyone is aware. Yeah, I'm Jexting, like, butts. So, you two nerds have never Jexted in your life. No, I've Jexted. Jext re-butts. If you're putting a subject line in your jex, you're doing it wrong. Wait, send me one.

All right, here's one. Yeah, read it out loud. Come on, Drake, you got this. Come on, Blitzcrank, you got this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going for it. I'm totally going to go for it. This is going to be the dirtiest jex I've ever done.

Just like, Kevin, we're still waiting. Jism. Jism... Gavin, we're still waiting. Jism. Jism, yeah, Jism. Did you just say the word Jism and nothing else? Jism. Okay, what was the Jex before that one? Hi. And the Jex before that one?

Why aren't you responding to my Jex? So the chain was, why aren't you responding to my jecks? Hi, Chisholm. Okay, that was a beautiful recap. Oh, back in the monarchy when I was a grand plot, I sent the most disgusting jecks everyone ever saw.

Gross. Okay, now, if you wouldn't mind reading a couple of your favorites out loud. I would certainly be pleased to. Girl, you up? I'm going to eat that ass. That's pretty good. Pretty good.

Cogent. You know, that's a trick. What, you can do that to an ass? Yeah, that's cool. What? This is not acceptable behavior for young men of your age. You can't do these things for another six months and nine months. Veteran missions operations manager. Boom, subliner. I have no idea of what you refer to, C-53.

Is this usually how the Scared Straight program goes? Do they talk about eating ass this much? Every single time. You know, Gavin, what did you do that you needed to be scared straight? Did you, like, break a rule? Did you get in a fight? What happened? I got this eye patch. Uh, that was an

infraction? That is one of the early red flags when a young man puts on an eye patch. You must beware the next actions. We must look for the warning signs. We're still trying to figure out our personality. Try it on some different patch, you must beware the next actions. We must look for the warning signs. We're still trying to figure out our personality. Try it on some different things, you know? Yeah. Wait, so if you put on

an eye patch, what did you do? Remove my eye? Wait, what? My optic camera? Okay, so that actually does sound more horrifying than... Well, no, I'm still pretty dangerous. Like, another day, I came to school with a cane. Yeah, he walked with a cane,

and then at the last minute, he did a forward roll. Yes, these sorts of affectations are exactly the sorts of things that we must be wary of. That seems sort of, like, endearing, though. Where do you guys keep your hats around here? Where do we keep our hats? No, don't encourage his affectations. He's chosen a large

top hat. Okay, uh, hey, we've landed, so not that anybody cares, but I took the coordinates, and I've landed, and we're here to do the job that we're supposed to do. Thank you, Bargy. Thank you, Bar-Jerry, thank you, Bargy.

Thank you, Bargerian Jade. Thank you. You know, V-Mom, Sunbliter, I think maybe Gavin and I should go out and deliver these crystals. Well, there are three different crystals that need to go to three different locations. If you'd like to have different members of the crew split up and deliver them simultaneously.

That's probably a good idea. It seems like a way we could really cut through some of the chaos. Yeah. Sure. Beano think the droids should go together? Gavin and Plank should go together? And Dar, Nermit, and Vom, some biter should go together.

That's what Beano thinks. Yeah, let's just put the droids together. That's a little... C-53, could I speak to you for a moment, please? Absolutely. I think it's very important that AR-33 has a role model such as yourself. Alpine. Yeah, well, I'll deal with that.

Has a role model such as yourself. Someone who has years of experience. But he can see himself reflected in you. Very well, I'd be happy to accompany you. Hey, guys, this is fun. Should we just keep talking about splitting up? Yes, let's go over the plan one more time. Okay. Very good. Alright, I'll be

the note-keeper. Thank you. Let the note-taking begin. Alright. So, Emissary Dexatl will accompany Gavin Pumbu, and they will deliver one crystal. Myself and Alpine Knightly will deliver the second crystal, and Veteran Missions Operations Manager Volm Sunblighter, Missions Operations Manager

Nervid Bungalow, and Dar will deliver the third crystal. Okay, great. Sounds excellent. Nervid, do you want to read that back? Oh, I... Ah, dang it. I didn't hit save.

Oh. Attention, this is Captain Hark Tardigas transmitting from halfway under the seat of my fighter. Here's hoping I can use my foot to steer around the temporal rifts while I rewire this hyperdrive. Looks like someone took a Therousian hammer to it. But I believe I've got the thing nearly fixed. Escaping this haunting no-sentience land is a top priority.

Second only to writing my advice column. Yes, indeed. Over on therebellion.space, you can read my answers to tough questions sent in by confused, searching rebels. And heck, send in your own question and receive some tough love back from Hark. I don't know everything, but whatever I've learned in the aerial trenches of this noble rebellion, I am honored to share. And while you're at therebellion.space, why not check out the gorgeous poster for Turk Manikin's Reb Talk? I am honored to share. the offer code ZYX, Z-Y-X-X, to get a free Squarespace trial and a discount on your order of a site or domain. Because why not turn your cool idea into a beautiful website?

Those righteous URLs, once again, squarespace.com slash ZYX, offer code ZYX, and therebellion.space. Ha ha ha! Oh, baby! In the words of my favorite musician, Jordan McCorkin,

we're flying. Clark Ternagast, signing off. All right, now, Gavin, I'm going to entrust you with this gem. This is what we have to deliver to the you know, the representative of this continent. All right. I guess I'll put it in this fanny pack. Perfect. That's actually ideal.

Is that a rebellion-issued fanny pack? Yeah. But I also got one for the Federated Alliance. I got it in a thrift shop. Okay, yeah. That's fine. I spent a lot of time there, like, just looking for stuff. Like, a lot of times I like shirts that have, like, designs from things, like, before I was even born. I don't even know what they mean.

Oh, well. Hey, you know, Gavin, you seem like a sensitive kid, you know? No, I'm tough! You have two fanny packs and a vintage t-shirt on. Yeah, right. Why are you staring off into the distance right now? I'm just thinking about a poem. Okay, wow.

Gavin, you know, I think that this is the right work for you, you know? You're out here, you're having an adventure. This is a great way to connect with yourself, you know, and figure out who you really are. Yeah. Mr. Decksetter? You don't have to call me. You just call me Plek. That's fine.

Plek, can I ask you a question? Yeah. Like, how did you become an adult? Like, what happened between when you were young and now? Wow. You know, that is a really interesting question, Gavin. I continued to be the same, and then it used to be people were like, you're a kid, and now people are like, I can't believe you're acting like that as an adult.

That's sort of what happened. It's just sort of, people started judging me differently. Oh, Rod. Oh, no. Did I? Oh, Rod. I probably upset you with that, didn't I? Adults don't know anything more than I do.

Yeah, no, that's actually super true, especially in my case. So, yeah, if you think suddenly, like, a switch is going to flip and you're going to Uh, yeah, no, that's actually super true, especially in my case. So, yeah, if you think suddenly like a switch is gonna flip and you're gonna be like, you got it all figured out, wow, watch out. Uh, hello. Oh, uh, yes. I am the representative of continent

number one. Oh, yes, how convenient. Great, uh, do you just always stand here at the border? I am the representative of continent number one. Oh, yes, how convenient. Great. Yes! Do you just always stand here at the border? I am the representative of Conrad at number one. Great, yeah, good. That makes our job super easy. Looks like I have two children in front of me.

Oh, well, I'm actually... I'm not a kid. I think I have two children in front of me. Well, you've got one, you know, technically a child and a technically adult. You're both children. You, acting you got one, you know, technically a child and a technically adult. You're both children. You, acting like a child and you, a child. You are very much a child. Mr. Dexeter, is it possible that this creature's

language only has about seven words in it? That seems like what it's maybe. Two children, continent number one. Like, at first I thought he was coming at us pretty hard, but I think maybe. Yeah, no, I think he's... Continent two, children one. Oh, at first I thought he was coming at us pretty hard, but I think maybe... Yeah, no, I think he's... Continent two, children one. Oh, is this a...

Is that the score? What are you... What is happening? I think... Maybe do we just, like, walk past him? I think... I don't know if this is actually the... Oh, wow.

Continent two children. One continent, two children. Oh, man. Children one. Continent. Children two. Wow. You just. Oh, man. Children one. Continent. Children two. Wow. You just communicated with that guy. I had no idea what he was saying. Yeah, I don't

know what I said either. Oh, man. Gavin, see, this is what I'm talking about. I think you really navigated that well. You fake it till you make it. Yeah, yeah, good, good. Hi, did you guys just pass the sentry there? Yeah, we were.

It took us a second. Only speak seven words? Yeah, yeah. A lot about children and continents and stuff. Is it always the same? It's always the same. You know, I gotta say, I don't know how often this happens, but we really thought he was talking about the two of us specifically.

For a second, it was really bracing. Great. You guys make a great team. Are you both emissaries? Well, I'm Emissary Plucked Exeter. This is Gavin Boo Boo. He's emissary in training, I guess you might say. Maybe someday.

Well, young Telerian, you seem less like an emissary in training and more like a real emissary today. Wow. Just put the crystal right there. That'll power the rest of the continent for the next few cycles. Really? Wow. Let me unzip my fanny pack. There you go. Great. Very practical. Very cool.

Thanks. Right. I'm getting a lot of validation from adults. Yeah. Yeah, well, is there anybody we need to fight or any kind of... Well, you got past the century. Did you learn a lesson? Kind of.

I think I learned that you shouldn't be scared of what people say to you because you just are you inside no matter what. Oh, man, you got all of that? Yeah. Did you not get a lesson at all? No, I was just sort of... Pluck, you didn't get anything. No, I really didn't get anything.

The young one really seemed to come into his own in this mission. Man, yeah, I guess so. And you just, nothing. Yeah, no, nothing. I don't know. Well, you seem like a jacket idiot to me. Oh, that seems rude. Hey, kid. Yeah? You got a future. Huh. Thanks. I don't know if I like this very much.

Well, I mean, it's what's happening, so... Alpine, are you dissatisfied with this mission in some way? Yeah, I just thought this would be a lot more exciting. And I just feel like I could be doing any of this at home. Like, in my brain. Well, you can't deliver a crystal in your brain. You sound like a white noise machine. I hate you!

AR-33, I'm getting a lot of aggression, all right? Oh, yeah? Well, I'm giving a lot of aggression, Dad. Well, that's why I'm getting it, and I'm not your father. Yeah, we'll see. We'll see if I'm your father. I'm going to make you my father. I mean, that would be a surprise for me.

By the end of this journey, you're going to be my dad. Dad. Alpine, if that's what you really want, we could... I don't know what I want! Okay, now that sounds right. I mean, I guess if I'm being honest with myself, I want you to listen to my poetry.

Alpine, I would love to listen to your poetry. Okay. Braham, Braham, keepers, a proper cup of coffee I'm fine I would love to listen to your poetry Okay Braham Keepers, a proper cup of coffee in a copper coffee pot Okay Metal What the junk

Are you going to listen? What you were doing sounded like a poem No, it's a vocal warm up Okay Okay, here we go. Red leather, yellow leather, red leather, yellow leather. Metal? Oh, I'm sorry. Come on!

It's hard to know where the poetry begins. Metal. Metal. Welcome to planet continent number two. I was in the wheel of poetry. Yeah, we were sort of having a moment, so if you could excuse us for just a moment. Me and my daddy were having a moment.

Okay, I'll just, I'll be here. Dad, did you ever write poetry? Me? Yeah. My daddy tells sexy little lies. I mean, I can try. I haven't used this subroutine in many years, so it may be a little... Oh, warm up.

Yep, no. Toy boy, toy boy, toy boy, toy boy. Toy boy? Ilamo, did you get the crystal yet? Everyone below is about to die. Nope, I want to go, and I'm just standing here with my arms open. Maybe we should. Yep. My home continent is moments from death.

We've been waiting for a crystal. Thank you. Okay. Alright. Uh, well, uh, Alpa, do you have the crystal? Do you have nightmares? I have nightmares. I would say... Are George supposed to have nightmares? I think no.

I'm sorry. That's okay. That's all right, Alpine. Here, come here. What was my mic? Alpine, I know we're getting pretty deep into this fiction that I'm your father, but I don't think I'm actually... I mean, I assume you, like me, rolled off an assembly line. I'm from the Ranka Cybernetics Corporation. I'm from the Ranka Cybernetics Corporation. I'm from the Ronca Cybernetics Corporation.

And I'm from Planet Continent number two. Do you have that crystal? Here, it's in my second mouth. Will this do? Is this what you're... Yeah, thank you. Sorry, you didn't... No, it's fine. It's just you came right up to me and you just

were four inches away from me having a conversation. Have you ever dealt with an at-risk team? Yes. Yeah, we just ship them off. Oh, so that's very different than what we do. So, Veteran Missions Operations Manager, um, Volm. Sunlighters. I'm so sorry. It's all right.

I'm just nervous because I honestly, like, I don't need a lot of veteran missions operations managers, and I just want to climb up on this rock to shake your hand. Oh, well, it'll be my pleasure to shake your hand. Nermit, was it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a missions operations manager. Nermit, what do you say for the

rest of this mission? You ride on my shoulder. Oh my gosh. Honestly, I was going to ask, and I thought, he'll never say yes. Oh no, please, jump aboard. Wow. Before you came over just now, I was telling Dar about my days in the monarchy, and the sort of truly depraved

orgies we would have back then. I really felt we were getting close to something until you joined us, Nermin. So, Crystal? Yes, it's only about 40 clicks from here. We should be there in no time.

But, uh, Dar, you have never engaged in an orgy before? Um, I have never indulged in such a small, intimate orgy as you have. Oh, there is something about a double-digit orgy that is just so intimate and life-affirming that I can't really describe it other than to say I don't care who lives under the thumb of such an oppressive ruler. All I know is my needs are being met in every possible way I could imagine, and some I couldn't even conceive before.

Those clicks aren't going to click themselves, right, guys? We should, we're not, we're just standing here. Yes, no, let's just go for it. Okay, yeah. Sure, sure, sure. Hey, guys, guys. Hi. Oh.

Welcome to continent number three. Oh, man. Okay. It's great to see you guys. Hi. Oh. Welcome to continent number three. Oh, man. It's great to see you guys. We're just a couple of... We're just a couple. We're just a couple. We're a couple, and we're just... We are in love.

In love and into it, and just making it work and trying to empower this continent. That's crazy, because we're sort of a couple, and then this is... You are. You're a couple. Well, there are three of you, so that's by definition not a couple. Exactly. None of us three are a couple. Yes, that is correct.

We are an envoy of the rebellion and it is our pleasure to give you this crystal today. It's incredible. Thank you. Do you have anything to give us? Just some advice about love. Oh. We do have a little bit of advice. Yeah.

Great. Just a little. Maybe Nermit could stay here and hear that advice. Okay, yeah. I would really like to just, you know, pick your brain just over here privately.

Oh, behind the big rock? Yeah. Dar, I'm going to take great notes about all of this love advice, because I know we're having a moment right now where there's some tension, but I'm just going to take it all in. Take great notes. Okay. Let me take you off my shoulder here.

Okay. Sit you down. Oh, okay. Yep. Great. So they're going behind the ass-eating rock. And while they do that, we'll just give you a few quick pointers. Crazy.

Okay. Please about how to make it work. You can. We're very big influencers here on the continent. And one lesson I think we know is just listen. Just listen. Just listen. Is the ass-eating rock what it sounds like?

Bino want to hear the story of Bino. I'll tell you the story of Bikie. It all started when I was 14 years old. Bino wanna hear the story of Bino. I'll tell you the story of Baji. It all started when I was 14 years old. And an agent found me in the middle of space and he said, Baji, I'm calling you Bajarian Jade and you're gonna become the most famous ship in all the land. And I said, who are you? You're a creepy person. But I went with him into a dark other second location. And you know what he said to me?

Me no no. He said, sign this contract. And I couldn't read, so I was like, I'll go for it, even though every instinct inside my body said, don't trust a man who just picked you out of this bar in space. Yes, I was in a bar when I was underage, but I had nobody telling me what to do. You know what I mean? I was an independent ship since day one. So I went to him to another location and I met some more men.

You know what they said? They said, Baji, we're gonna put you in the movies and they did. And I went all the way to the top and then you know what they said? They said you were too old. So that's where we are now.

Be no hungry. You know, Gavin, I know you're feeling pretty good about this mission. Nice job, but... Yeah. I gotta say, I feel a little bit, like, distressed. What's wrong, Plek? I know, I don't... Can I help?

I know, I appreciate that, but I just feel like I like I kind of took what that sentry said to heart, and even though I know it was just an automaton that only knows seven words, I really started to think, you know, what makes me an adult and not a child? I don't know. Well, you know what, Plek? I feel like I've done a lot of growing up in the last 15 minutes. Yeah, I think you're taller than you were before. Yeah, and you

know what? I think I have a goatee now. How is that possible? But you know what, Plek? If I've learned anything, it's that if you see yourself as a boy, you're always going to be a boy. It's like you're giving yourself permission not to be an adult. Yeah. I think you're right. Thank

you. Yeah. Here, hold my top hat. Okay. Here, take my fanny pack. Okay. Yeah, sure. I'm just gonna, just so I can hold your fanny pack, I'm gonna put this top hat on so I have a free hand to hold your fanny pack. Yeah. Here's my eye patch. Oh, okay. You know what? Actually, to hold the eye patch, I'm gonna put this

fanny pack on. Here's my other fanny pack. Okay, I'm gonna put on the eye patch to, uh, I'm just out of hand, so I gotta put Is this? Okay. Child! Child! Okay, he's pointing right at me when he said that. That's... Child! I feel like I'm taking a step backwards, Gavin, I gotta say.

Look, it's alright, Plek. It's like a horoscope. You can look into it and think that it's talking about you. Yeah, you're right. You're right. Black Decksetter Child. That doesn't seem right. Alpine, I was very affected by your poem.

The one? Yeah. The part where you said, Metal Clang? You were really listening. I mean... You were really listening to me. That's true. Metal does clang. I feel heard. I mean... You were listening to me. That's true. Metal does climb.

I feel heard. I'm glad to hear it. I'm glad it happened. And I know you're not my real dad. Like, I know that. But it just feels good to say those words sometimes. And to have a presence that, you know, is accepting. I understand.

I don't want to be like this. No? I feel like I got bees inside me. Do you have bees inside you, is that... Yeah. I found a hive and put it inside one of my mouths. I know that's a cool thing with young droids these days, but... Maybe it's time to let that hive go.

Yeah. I'll let it go. Okay. Bye, bees. Yeah. I'll let it go. Okay. Babies. Goodbye, bees. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye, baby. Why are they saying bye, bees? I don't know. Why are the bees saying bye, bees? Bye, guys. Bye, guys. Bye-bye.

Bye. Yeah. Did we say happy summer just now? Maybe. Oh, that's nice. one say happy summer just now? Maybe. Oh, that's nice. Oh, that's good. Never forget camp. That was beautiful.

I won't forget camp. No. No one should forget camp. I don't... I feel weird that I'm so emotional all the time and you... It feels like you got it figured out. I know it might seem that way all the time, but... To be honest, I'm just as emotional as you.

Yeah? I just maybe have a little more experience dealing with those emotions. So you're saying I should temper and hide my emotions? Let them build up inside me like a hive of bees that's not there? A metaphorical hive of bees? Oh, yeah, go. Get out of there. Get out. Yeah, get out. Get out of here.

Get out of here. I'm not a metaphor. Well, Alpine, some droids are fitted with a restraining bolt. And then their emotions... Can you leave the house? No. They can leave the house, but they can never express their emotions. The bolt prevents them from feeling anything.

Whoa. Can I get one of those? How much? I don't know. I know it sounds cool to have no emotions. I'll eat your ass. Give it to me. How much?

Okay, well, I don't have one to give you, but I'm here to tell you that a restraining bolt is not a good idea. It's very uncomfortable to live a life where you can't express what you actually feel. Hey, can you guys move? Oh, I'm so sorry. I have to leave for lunch, and I just can't move because you're just four inches. I still have locked arms in front of the circle around here. I feel so bad about that. Yeah.

And then we released a cloud of bees, actually. That was great. I'm just doing a very low-paying job. But they were affable bees. They were very nice, but they still stung. They were very nice, but they still stung. One of the big things is just, you know, have fun. Have fun.

Just have so much fun. Yeah. Second, just be honest. You know, say whatever you want to say and just say it because life is too short. Have fun. Have fun and say it. Did we say be honest? Be honest.

Got that one. But the thing you need to do is have fun. Okay, that was the first one. Part of it is just having fun with one another. It's really about having fun. Just being honest. Have fun and being honest. Got those two. What?

I just didn't hit save, but luckily it was really a small amount of advice. Okay, so we're done talking. Yeah. Yes, we are all set. Are we good to go? We've got the crystal. And we're having fun. Oh, we're just being honest.

Wonderful. Well, it's the same number of clicks back to the ship. Okay. Let us be on our way. Let us be on our way. Dar, I just wanted to say that I had the most magnificent time with you. I'm sorry? No, just you guys had so much fun talking.

Nermit, I truly value honesty, so I'm afraid I must tell you that Dar and I behind that rock, we did many despicable, unspeakable acts to one another the likes of which I haven't felt in 10 or 15 years.

Oh, how I wish I could go back to those days, and now I have just a little bit, by sharing this moment of pure depravity with Dar. Well, I honestly am not having fun. I'm very sorry to hear that. You should have come behind the rock. Forget what that couple said. The lesson is, always come behind the rock. Forget what that couple said. The lesson is always come behind the rock.

I did. Got it. I did. I came behind the rock. And I'm coming in the sky, so come on, who's coming up? Well, guys, you know, I feel like we all learned a lot of lessons today. And, you know, sometimes in the opposite direction than we thought. We don't want to hear the lessons. Okay, great, cool.

Well, first of all, I learned that, you know, growing up is not as simple as getting older. Gavin learned the same thing, but in a positive way. And C-53, what did you and AR-33 learn? Well, I think we learned a lot about sharing emotions. How repressing them can be bad. Yeah. Hey, AR-33, can I ask you a question? Yeah, and thank you for calling me AR-33.

That's my given name. Oh, yeah. Cool, great. What you a question? Yeah, and thank you for calling me. AR-33, that's my given name. Oh, yeah. Cool, great. What was your question? Are you... You didn't have a question, did you? That's okay. We're both adults, and we can admit that sometimes we think we have something to say,

or we just try and be interesting, but we fail. That happens to me all the time. As an adult, I recognize that, and I respect that. Just because my dad could kill your dad doesn't mean that... Wait, who? That happens to me all the time. Wait, who? Why? I don't get it. It doesn't seem like it. Uh, yeah, I mean, I do feel like I kind of look up to you.

That was a, I mean, you really killed that mission, Gavin. Oh, well, thank you. You know why you helped a lot, champ? Thanks, man. Emissary, what are you wearing? Oh, uh. These are several of the warning signs that I mentioned before. I just feel, yeah, well, I gotta say that mission, that mission made me a little bit angsty. I feel like I kind of doubted myself.

I didn't feel very good about it. And this eye patch really reflects who I am now. Also, it's covering up the eye that Keck laid an egg in. It's actually not covering up that eye. Yeah, it's just sitting on top of it. Emissary, since you are not a teen, I cannot force you into the Scared Straight program, but I can offer you to join voluntarily,

or I can join you in your quarters and have a private talk. Yeah, Plagg, if I could give you a bit of advice, say yes. All right. All right, everyone be quiet. I figured I got the rest of the speech. All right, you. All right, everyone be quiet. I figured it out. I got the rest of the speech. All right, you ready to get scared straight? I think I am, yeah. Hey, you might think this place is bad,

but look outside, it's worse. Why don't you go down, and there's a discount on, oh, it was a commercial. Oh, it was a commercial. Oh, it was a commercial. It wasn't a scared straight video? It was, but it was... Scared straight to the store to go shopping. But it still speaks volumes.

Still very effective. Oh, I'm getting a message. I'm sorry, we have to leave now. We have a new mission. We have been tasked with getting a group of bees back together who spent one wonderful summer together. Well, I hope you boys learned a lesson today. I did.

You hope us men learned a lesson. Well, you're still a few months away from that, AR-33. I want you to come with me. We have more missions to accomplish to bring back the monarchy. And now that I'm an adult man, I'm more effective than ever. Excellent. And I made the other droid on board think he was my dad. Yes, I'm so proud of you, my two natural-born sons. This is C-Red IT-5. Credits and attributions droid commencing outro protocol.

Emissary Plek Exeter was played by Alden Ford. C-53 was played by Jeremy Benn. Security Officer Dar was played by Ali Kokesh. Bargy the Ship and Continents 2 and 3 representatives were played by Mujan Zolfagari. Bino, the insulting Sentinel, and Continent 1 and 3 representatives were played by Winston Null. Missions Operations Manager Number Bundaloy was played by Mujan Zolfagari. Bino, the insulting Sentinel, and Continent 1 and 3 representatives were played by Winston Null. Missions Operations Manager Narmut Bundeloy

was played by Seth Lind. This episode features special guests Arnie Niekamp, Adol Refai, and Matt Young, who co-host the hilarious improvised fantasy podcast Hello from the Magic Tavern.

Subscribe now! Veteran Missions Operations Manager Fulham Sunblider was played by Matt Young. Matt leads the crew of the USS Sisyphus as Captain Baxter in the improvised Star Trek podcast. And he's one of the co-creators Thank you. the blue. Gavin Boo Boo was played by Arnie Meekamp. Arnie has designed and directed games like Drawful and Trivia Murder Party for Jackbox Games. He's currently working on a new You Don't Know Jack game, which will be out this fall in the Jackbox Party Pack 5. Follow him on Twitter

at MrArnie. AR33 was played by Adol Refai. Adol co-hosts the brand new puzzle podcast Hey Riddle Riddle and plays Adam on the podcast Siblings Peculaire. You can find him on Twitter at AdelRefi. This episode edited by Seth Lind with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell. Recorded at Robert Doggy Jr.'s Puppy Pound in Brooklyn, Gravity Studios in Chicago, and Forever Dog Studios in Los Angeles. Music by Brendan Ryan.

Opening call narration by Jeremy Crutchley. Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Gois. Mission to Zix is brought to this galaxy by Audioboom. Thanks Audioboom! And a very special thank you to our Patreon supporters I'm sorry, we have to leave now. We have a new mission. We have been tasked with getting a group of bees back together who spent one wonderful summer together. And I just got two

brain jacks back from the girl that I sent my finger jacks to. Hey, congratulations! And I actually don't have to be anywhere, so I'll stay on the ship and I'll definitely be on the next episode. AR33, I'm so glad you're a member of the crew now. It's canon.

You may not always hear me, but I'm always here. We love it.