Mission To Zyxx - 216: Oh, Zima's Back [ft. Justin Tyler]

Episode Date: September 12, 2018

The crew return to the Tiger Nebula Strip Mall with varying intentions. Pleck runs into an old friend. Dar does some grooming. Intel is gathered and maybe processed. Featuring: Jeremy Bent as C-53 Alden Ford as Pleck Decksetter Allie Kokesh as Dar Seth Lind as Nermut Bundaloy and Bliff Winston Noel as Beano, Mikey and Bruce Moujan Zolfaghari as Bargie, Mel and Ruce With special guest Justin Tyler as Older Derf Edited by Seth Lind Recording, Sound Design and Mix by Shane O’Connell Music by Brendan Ryan Opening Crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley Ship design for the Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz

It is a period of civil war. The rebellion against the sinister and corrupt Federated Alliance grows stronger, and the fate of the galaxy hangs in the balance. Now, rebel emissary Plek Dexeter and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to explore astounding new worlds, discover their heroic destinies, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff. This is Mission to Zix. Hey, C-53, where's Nermit?

Oh, he went back to Rebellion Headquarters. Wait, what? When? Well, I guess almost a day ago at this point. A day ago? How did I miss that? You didn't even say goodbye? I guess you were asleep when he left in kind of a huff, to be honest. Oh. You were too busy practicing that song of yours.

Well, it's a ballad, for one. It's not just a song. But, yeah, I wrote it, and now I need to memorize it. And now you need to sing it. If I sing it, I don't want you guys to hear it until it's ready, okay? We've been hearing it because you've been practicing it. So at this point, we know it as much as you know it. Bino loved it.

Thank you, Bino. Bino loves a lot of stuff. I want to keep busy. Let's keep busy. Let's go. Let's go. Let's do something. Dar, Dar, why are you carrying all those bags?

I'm ready to go on a mission. Okay, we're going to get one at some point. You can just calm down. Nope, we've got to take one now. You know what? Let's just create our own missions. Let's... I don't

care. Okay, wow. Listen, Dart... The thing is, it's like once you go through heartbreak, you want to distract yourself so you don't have to think about it again. So I totally know what Dart's going through. You want to keep busy so those memories don't just keep coming back.

You just go out there. And I want to agree with you, Bargy. Bargy, we're on the same page. But if we talk about this anymore, then we're talking about my relationship. That's right. Let's keep busy. I want to keep busy. You want to keep busy.

Let's keep busy. Whoa, guys, guys. Let's do it. I want to do something. Let's just do something. What do you want to do? I want to feel like I've accomplished something without having to do too much. I want to put my croon into something and get something in return for what I'm giving my croon to. We're going to go shopping.

Shopping. We're going to go shopping. Shopping trip. Be no warplanes, stage capitalism. Great. The mall. I love the mall. Let's go to the mall.

We're going to the mall. Guys, listen. We're going to have a mission at some point. We can't just really go to the mall, right? I mean. I have an incoming transmission from Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundeloy. How do I look? Fine, fine. Put your flaps up!

Put your flaps up! Okay, alright. Okay, answer. Hey, Nermit. Hey, guys. Hey, man, I missed you. I thought you were gonna say goodbye before you left. Oh, sorry. You know, I had to get back and you were sleeping and I just, uh, you know how it is. But yeah, it was great being on the ship and I'm, uh, looking at my office. It feels good. It was good to see you guys. Yeah, I guess, you know, as crazy. But yeah, it was great being on the ship. And I'm looking at it. I'm just back in my office.

It feels good. It was good to see you guys. Yeah, I guess, you know, as crazy as the last few weeks have been, things are kind of back to normal, huh? Yeah, totally. Yeah, totally normal. Nothing weird's happening. Right. Right.

Like Bino said, totally normal. Yeah, yeah. You know, like, I came back. I hung out with Mel. Okay. That was, why would you start? Why would you lead with that, Nermin? I said things are normal, and I just, like, I hadn't seen Mel in a while. Mission! Nermin, do you have a mission for us?

Yeah, totally. You know about drama? Okay, so, let me pull up a mission. Oh, hey, Mel. Sorry, guys. One sec. We're gonna find a dinosaur, and we're gonna kill it or not. Um, you know Sorry, guys. One sec. You know what? Why not? Guys, do you know what she said?

No. I have no idea. Okay. I agreed to do something. Cool, Mal. See you there. Maybe write it out for me. Okay.

All right, guys. So this is exciting. Actually, you're going to go on a mission that is based on intel that you gathered. It's exciting. What does that mean? Well, so the Rebellion finally, you know, processed the information from the Totopo Casino. They processed the information? Yeah, like... We got that three months ago.

Well, you know, when I do a mission briefing and then I send it into the data processing center and then they kind of like factor it into the existing Intel. Nermit, we learned at Totopo Casino that someone has a Planet Crusher crusher. Yeah, it was... It took them three months for that information to reach the Rebellion? Well, they thought the second crusher was a typo, and so it... No, we told you... I know you told me. I felt it right, but they deleted all the second crushers.

They just thought it was the Planet Crusher, which was a known thing. It came back to me for fact-checking. I found it right, but they deleted all the second Crusher. They just thought it was the planet Crusher, which was a known thing. It came back to me for, you know, fact-checking. I put the Crusher back in. So now that they know it was a planet Crusher Crusher, we need to visit. This is a name, a blast from the past. You ready? Zwog Tambui. Okay.

Remember? Yeah. Adventure on the planet Crusher. That makes good sense. Yes. So you guys are going to the Tiger Nebula strip mall to liaise with Swag Tamboui to figure out who he's building these things for.

We were already planning on going to the mall. We were actually planning to go to the mall. It doesn't matter. You don't tell me where to go. I've already decided that we were going to the mall. And guess what? That's where we're going. I don't know where to go.

It's my actual job, Dar. I just have my own thoughts and feelings. I didn't say you didn't. Speed up up the drama. I mean, you did. You did say that earlier. I have no feelings. Okay, well then, great.

You can continue going to the mall because it's the actual job. Great. And I'm going to knock this job out of the freaking park. Great. That's what we here at the Rebellion are all about. So you guys have your mission, and I have my mission here. Yeah, what is your mission again? Hanging out with Mel.

Where? That's for me to find out and for you to wonder. Okay. Couldn't care less. See you, Nermet. Bye. I don't care less. See you, Nermet. Bye. I don't like this. Hey.

Hey, you. It's me. Finneford J. Ryan. Board-certified loan shark. Whenever I loan out some of my precious, precious croon, I reach into the pocket of my mechanized water suit and hand the borrower my stunning VistaPrint business card. See here? It says Phinepper J. Ryan on it. And my tagline, you owe me a lot of croon. Feel that card stock. Look at that gorgeous ink. People take this card and they're like, no way I'm going to scan Phineas J. Ryan.

I've even loaned a lot of prune to one of the Council of Seven. How much does it cost to make a first impression like that? Just $10. How about that? And if you don't have it, old Phineas J. Ryan might loan it to you. And then you'll owe me a very small amount of crone. With Vistaprint, you can easily upload your design or start with one of dozens of professionally designed options. Add your logo and your contact information with just a few clicks.

Check out this deal. Vistaprint wants you to do something great with your business right now, which is why you can get 500 high-quality custom business cards starting at $9.99. Use code MTZ at Vistaprint.com. That's code MTZ at Vistaprint.com. MTZ at Vistaprint.com. Great.

Hey, wait a second. You, it's me, Jennifer J. Ryan, board-certified loan shark. Whenever I loan out some of my precious, precious croon, I reach into the pocket of my mechanized water suit and hand the borrower my stunning FistaPrint business card.

See here? It says Jennifer J. Ryan on it. Huh. Put J. Ryan on it. Well, this is where Octavio's furniture store was the last time we were here, but this doesn't look good. Yeah. Welcome to Pierce Anything, where me and my partner, Bruce, we pierce

anything. Yeah, no, we're good, actually. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We're good, we're good, we're good. Uh, I actually could use a few piercings. Okay. I just got my kidney pierced. It's awesome.

Looking, joking, fantastic. Cool, bleeding out. Yeah, shouldn't you, I don't know, sew that up? We don't believe in sewing. It's all organic. What a square. Not part of piercing protocol. All right, Bruce, great to meet you.

You don't happen to know who used to own the shop that you're in now, do you? Me or Bruce? You. My name is Bruce. Your name is Bruce? Bruce and Bruce. Bruce is my protocol robot. You're initiating pierce protocol?

No, don't get close to me. Bruce, do you happen to know what happened to the... Oh, they foreclosed. Ugh, money. It was extremely mysterious. Initiating Pierce Protocol. No, get away from me. Furniture is out and piercing is

in. Okay. It's all about piercing. Two different markets, really. Yeah. Well, Bruce, thank you for the information. Well, here's a certificate. One piercing for the price of one. What'd you guys get pierced? Nothing.

Calm down. Do you just hang out outside the piercing parlor between piercings? Of course, yeah. I'm going to go get my midsection pierced. The whole midsection? Yeah, torso, baby.? Of course, yeah. I'm gonna go get my midsection pierced. You have the whole midsection? Torso, baby. Bye. Oh, boy. Seems like you have to watch out for the spine.

And you have blue Julius and Drummer's. Yeah, you know what? Actually, blue Julius sounds great. Have blue Julius. I think a blue Julius will go great with my new piercings. You got the talent, Pierce. Yeah, wow.

Yep. Hello, welcome to Blue Julius. It's worse than a milkshake, but it's drinkable. Wait, where's Tom? Tom? My manager's always busting my balls. Wait a minute. Pull your hood up, sir.

Sorry, this is standard Blue Julius uniform, a hood that covers my face. Dirt? Old dirt? The prophecy. It's come true once again. What are you doing here? I'm waiting here for you. That's, I think you just have a job at the Blue Julius. I can wait and work at the same time, earn a wage while... Do you think it pays to wait around and fulfill the fabled scrolls of the Zima warriors?

No, but you could be doing anything else. This is one thing. Oh, what have you been doing? You're still palling around with these D-bags. Well, co-workers and friends. D-bags? What is a D-bag? A, co-workers and friends. D-bags? What is a D-bag?

A dentamite bag. Yeah, there's explosives. Yes, it's an explosive bag you throw at enemies or into a small hole you want to make into a large hole. Do you not know about casual mining? I don't. You picked up a lot from that stroid. Yeah, I lived there for 40 years. I went from young to old, now I'm older. Wait, you were waiting for me before i was born yes bad plan i don't i know it you don't have to tell me tell my family it's stupid yeah they know a solid 18 years before i was even born

you were in the prophecy there's a you know it's wide range. It's not like they give you a date and a time. Hey, be here at 4 p.m. No, it's just like, wait around until it happens. Did you get ejected into space? Yes. And you're alive. I'm most comfortable in space. I use the space.

You use the space to survive in space. Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't you? Also, I had the oxygen tank. Okay, of course. Why wouldn't you? Also, I had an oxygen tank. Suit. Jetpack. Shot over here. Got a job.

Making some cash. And yes, I am older. Fine. Watch this. Hey, wow. That is good. The gravity is higher on this. Did you hear my bone crack? Yeah, it's the spine.

Yeah. You all right? Yeah, I'm good. I'm just going to sit up. Are you worried at all about your wife and children? No, they're getting destroyed. They have a controlling vote because there's only three other people, and there were three, so it's pretty good.

They're a voting block. That place sucked anyway. It's like when you good. They're a voting block. Because that place sucked, anyway. It's like when you know you're having a bad time. You know, it only can get worse. I mean, yeah, I guess that's true. Well, no, it could get better. Why are you still here with this droid? He's got a bad attitude.

We work together. This is not the droid you're looking for. Okay, all right, great. Listen, Durf... Are you looking for a replacement droid? Can you tell me? No, no, I would never... Was you the same guy from the humidifier?

Yeah. Wow. You got this dude a nude body, and you're still palling around with him? Yeah. Get a nude droid! There's a million droids! Why you still got the same guy?

I mean, I don't know. We know each other. We have a rapport. We're friends. Listen, Plank, how has the training been going surely you've been able to master the space um yeah i mean you know it let me see your wood saber oh yeah of course what this is the same same one it's broken taped together with whatotch tape. That's not even the best tape.

Let me be honest. Make a new wood saber. What are all these teeth marks? Oh, that's Beano. Oh, it's Beano. You've taken on someone to train to be your next assistant in the Zima War. No, not exactly. No, Beano is this bean.

It used to be really warm, and now it has eyes and a lack of language. Okay, that checks out. No questions there. So, uh... No, I get you. A bean that cooled off and then grew eyes and hands, and now it's teeth, I guess. I don't know. Listen, Turf, are you still a Zemanite? What's happening?

Of course I am. But why are you here? Platt, don't you understand? When you become a Zemanite, it is happening? Of course I am. But why are you here? Pat, don't you understand? When you become a Zemanite, it is a lifestyle. It's a commitment. It's something that informs your life in every choice you make. Are you guys in line? Yeah.

Actually, you can go ahead. Excuse me, sir. I will take your order. I am technically on the clock here. What can I get for you? I'll get the medium. Oh, good choice. Right in the middle. Thanks, man. Hey, man.

Live your life. Oh, that's really good advice. See? Look at that. I just helped him, and he's not even in the process. That's not anything. What? Just live your life.

Yes, that's good advice. Look at him. Look how happy he is. He's got two sparklers, one in each hand. That's fun. Hey, robot, what's your name? It's not a name. It's a number.

What does that tell us about you? What does the name Durf tell us about you? It's old Durf, so there's an adjective there. I don't know that we needed the word old to figure out old Durf. Oh, really? Because my name is olderf, but I'm older than that. I'm sorry, you guys are lying. No, no, go right ahead. Just a loose climb.

Welcome to Blue Julius. I am the Zima Knight, obviously. Can I take your order? Obviously. Look at my robe, and it's over my eyes. Okay, hold on. Sorry, I'm actually a PD. I'm a personal droid. I can tell because you're literally shaking. That's part of the programming.

That's very good. I'm on cleaver setting right now. If you want, I can turn up to tremble. No, no. That won't help anyone. All those settings are a waste of energy. Anyway, I just need to put an order in. Okay. I need a large for a waste of energy. Anyway, I just need to put an order in. Okay.

I need a large for Nermit Bundle-y. No problem. Wait. What was it? Wait. What? I'm not Nermit Bundle-y. It's under the name Nermit Bundle-y.

Who sent you? Well, I'm Nermit Bundle-y. Initiating wink protocol now. I don't know. What a great nervous wink. Okay, droid. Where's Nermin Bundle, yeah. Initiating wink protocol now. I don't know. What a great nervous wink. Okay, droid. Where's Nermin? Huh?

Where is he? He's very important. I can't actually say where he is or what he's doing. I know. I know why you're here. I know exactly why you're here. Updating the tremble. Don't you guys get it?

What? Nermin doesn't think that we're going to knock this mission out of the park. He doesn't believe in us. Darn, darn. What? Well... Yeah, and, uh... Yeah. Okay, uh... Plek! Zeman. Zemanite. Yeah. I need to speak to you of grave importance. Okay. Sure. Is it alright if we just come pick you up later when you're done with your friend?

Yeah, sure. Fine. Yeah, good luck. Let me know if you need anything. I'm not just a friend. I'm more of a teacher. Alright, goodbye. Alright.

Take care, guys. Hey, Droid, what's your name? Peavy. Peavy? I think all of this is his name. Just let him finish the whole thing. Oh, it's Peavy? Yeah. P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P- later, I guess. Please come with me into the back of this blue julius where I've built a Zima temple. You've built a Zima temple back here? It's actually a very easy retro.

What did you do? I just put up some columns, lit some candles, put a tree in. Oh, yeah. It looks good back here. And some microgreens. Huh. Those are more for me. I'm trying to, like, eat a little healthier. Sure. As I get older, I went from old to older, like, ugh. Yeah. Older Durf. Yeah.

Hey, Black. Nurmit Bundaloy is the avatar of the wack. What? We're friends. He's the person you must defeat to bring the space back into balance. Durf, I think the prophecy might be wrong. I mean, sure, Nurmit's kind of a dweeb, and he can kind of get carried away in things, you know, especially

with Mel and his situation with Dar. I don't really understand, but like... Oh, is he creating drama in your life? Yeah. That's the wedge. That's how he works. But see, we've always gotten along really well. You and him? Nermit and I, yeah.

That doesn't mean you can't become mortal enemies that one must kill the other. But it's fine, because I'm sure you're, like, really working on your training. You've come so far. Like, are you a Zemanite technically yet? Maybe. How would I know? Talk to me about your mastery of the space. Are you able to influence other people by gesturing at them? Like, you point at someone and be like, hey,

let me in front of you into this hollow. Oh, no, yeah, I don't. I usually let people go ahead. Okay. Can you lift stuff with your mastery of the space? Yeah, I mean, yeah you lift stuff with your mastery of the space? Yeah, I mean, yeah, lift this syrup container, the blue syrup that you put in the Julius. I know this door very well. Okay, all right, yep, see, up and down, there we go.

Hold it up. You're barely even lifting, you're shaking, you're like that quiver of water. What's a big container? Let me look you up. What is this? I don't know. You're like Plop-Eye pre-spinish. Plop-Eye? Plop-Eye,'re like Plop-Eye pre-spinish. Plop-Eye?

Plop-Eye, yes. Plop-Eye the spaceman. Hmm. Listen, is being a Zemo warrior about being fit? Plop-Eye, he's in love with... No, I don't care about Plop-Eye. You should! Why?

He was a Zemo warrior! Okay, geez, this is all just letdowns. Uh, you're still wearing shorts, obviously. Didn't take my big advice of dressing better. It's very hot on the ship. Are you still with the, working for the Alliance? No, no, no, we're with the Rebellion now. And you're still wearing these shorts?

Well, they don't have official uniforms for the Rebellion, so I... You're still wearing your old shorts? Your bad guy shorts? You've done nothing! What have you done? You've only gotten worse at everything. What was I supposed to... You took my dehumidifier and left. You gave me no information.

I told you to let the space flow through you. What does that mean? Plek. I am your father. What? Father's dentist. Plek, I am your father. What? Father's dentist. My father's father's dentist.

Yes, your grandfather's dentist. Dentist, yeah. What does that have to do with anything? Oh, that you don't care? That's a fun coincidence. Yeah, I mean, it's sort of fun. It's certainly not significant. It's very significant. The most important space is the space between your teeth.

Yeah, well, that's why you're supposed to floss. Exactly. And the floss that I use is minty fresh. Keep going. Now you've got it. Fresh minty fresh floss. And you use the freshness to get rid of the wax stuff that gets in between your teeth. Wow.

One, two, three. Whoa! Now, excuse me, sir, while you're down there, I'm looking for a very specific shape for you to wax me in uh huh great dar I have to say the way that you

and Nermin are interacting I'm not sure it's healthy long term for either of you I know you saw what happened today he sent someone to the blue Julius he got in my head dar I know the Nermin may have No. You saw what happened today. He sent someone to the Blue Julius. He got in my head. All right, now the nerd may have put you off a little bit,

but we don't actually know where Swag Tamboy is. Woo-hoo-hoo! Hey, hey, hey, hey! Be careful with that pocket universe. Don't break it. Label it Swag Tamboy. I'm sorry, what did you just say? I said label it.

Label the pocket universe. What do you want? I'm sorry, I was just overheard something. I don't know nothing. I'm just a mover droid. I can't tell you where I'm taking this furniture and this pocket universe that belong to renowned galactic architect, Zwang Tamboi. So, does that mean you can't tell me any of the information? Whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm just a mover, droid. All I do is move things and give clues.

That's all I do. I'm not telling you nothing, all right? But what I am going to do is go behind the small and continue packing up these boxes, Zswog, Tambui, into a spaceship that might go somewhere. While loudly detailing the hoes and rarefors of this moon.

Alright, but you really can't tell me. I can't tell you anything. Listen, I don't know what I was supposed to be doing, but I was thinking about the space a lot. You were thinking about it? Yes. I'd look out the window and I supposed to be doing, but I was thinking about the space a lot. You were thinking about it? Yes.

I'd look out the window, and I'd hold my wood saber, and I'd think about what is the space. Wait, hold on a second. This isn't like a homework assignment in elementary school. Okay. This is the greatest single thing in the universe. You don't know what's coming down your way. Have you read the scrolls? I left a bunch of Zima scrolls.

Those were... What did you do with the wooden box? Full of ancient scrolls. We ejected it, but not on purpose. It was sort of like a... Bargy will just open her hatch sometimes and stuff flies out. You lost the ancient scrolls?

I mean, you might say the space took them back. Don't use that again. Don't say shit like that. You can't just trick me. Can you just like sum up the scrolls for me? Oh! Sum up? The ancient Zima warrior scrolls. Yeah. Okay, yeah, let me give

you the little short version. Okay, sure. Well, here's what it is. You, Plank Dexeter, are the Chosen One, and you're about to face off against the Emperor. And you have... The Emperor? Let me tell you what.

The Emperor's been working on this space. The wax side. The wax side of the space. Wait. Hold on. Who is the... What is the Emperor? The Emperor is the most powerful warrior in all of the universe. But... Look at me in the eyes. The Emperor of what? What? the Emperor? The Emperor is the most powerful warrior in all of the universe.

But... Look me in the eyes. The Emperor of what? What? The Emperor? Yeah. The Emperor of the universe. Okay.

The galaxy doesn't have an Emperor. We have a Council of Seven. I don't know all the politics. I don't follow politics. What? So I don't know about all this garbage. I'm just telling you, there's an emperor coming for you, bro. And I'm here to help.

I've been trying to help you from a distance. I thought maybe me going out into space and dying would maybe leave an imprint on you. But apparently it did not. I mean, listen, I just didn't know. You haven't even changed your shorts. I didn't know there was a timeline. Oh, when I left the airlock, I was in like, hey, take your time, bro. I'm dying.

Well, you didn't, for one. Oh, sorry, I didn't die. I was teaching you a lesson. That's what a teacher does. It was a fake lesson. You literally put on a jet pack and got a job at a Blue Julius. The teacher puts on a show and then goes home, and then they have their own life. And my version of that is working in this mall. And yeah, I'm hooking up with people.

You didn't have to say that. Oh, well, you're really coming at me with like, I'm not doing a good job here. And I thought you're married. You have kids. That's that's my destroyed life. This mall life Totally different Like I'm down there at the pretzel place Those things, very caloric But I'll tell you what They hire very good looking older women Older than you?

No one's older than me Do you know anyone older than me? See how long my fingernails are? I mean Beano's Wow Don't bring up this bean What is this? Beano is significantly older than you.

Do you know how you sound? Bringing up Bino all the time? Yeah. Listen, I know a lot of the things that exist in my life. They sound like someone made them up. Maybe it's worth mentioning, Durf, that you think there's an emperor? I don't think there's an emperor. I know there's an emperor.

Okay, you will do battle with this emperor, and the fate of the entire universe relies on your winning this. Do you believe in freshness? Or do you believe in whackness? You're still palling around with the ultimate whack? Nermit Bundeloy? I mean... Have you been seduced by the whack side? What are you talking about?

Because honestly, I look at you, and I'm like, whoa, that dude's whack. What? How so? You got a really jucked up eye. You don't wear socks. I don't understand why. You told me I pulled them up too high and so I took them off. No, that's, you overcompensated.

I just said they looked stupid pulled up high and let them be on your feet. Your feet must stink. No wonder the robot's always making fun of you. You stink. Okay, fine. I'm doing everything wrong. Tell me what to do.

So when inevitably you pretend to kill yourself again, I would never do that again to you. You never do that twice? I would never do that again to you. Okay, great. I'm here to be your teacher. You know, Durf, you have not given me a single concrete thing that I should be doing

besides make a new wood saber, which you told me was an ancient, elegant weapon. It is that, but yours has a bunch of scotch tape around it. What are you gonna do with that? Well, I killed a Zeldnaz with it. Well, congratulations. It was an allergy thing, so I didn't, like, skewer

him or anything. Oh, so you're cocky because you got lucky? This does seem to be our family's furniture. You can tell by the way it falls apart. It's disintegrated underneath me. It's difficult to move, I'll tell you that much. Sure, and where are you moving it to? Oh, I can't tell you that.

Oh, it's because you're a bad droid and you don't know where you're taking it. No, I can't tell you that. I'd hate to tell your boss that you are directionless. Wait a minute. No, it's in a secret location within the Federation Alliance space. Oh, yeah. A secret location? Oy, oy, oy. You really don't know where you're going.

Hey, boss, I'm supposed to label this Quintaris Center? Yeah, label it Quintaris Center. Those are going there. And you still won't tell us where he is. Listen, I was programmed with an NDA. I cannot speak on these things, but I can tell you, however, that he has an office on Quantaris, but he is clearly working for one of the

Council of Seven, who I cannot name at this time. I just wish you could give us any information that might help us. Listen, the pieces are set on the board, the time is almost right, and the endgame is about to go in motion, but me? I don't know nothing.

Well, Dara, I guess we're out of luck. Wow, really? Ugh. You know, can I have your manager's information? Initiating outrage protocol. Oh, hey. Oh, hey. How dare you?

He's going to be like this for a couple hours, Tor. Come on. For Bollia. For Bokshan. We're just going to be like this for a couple hours, Doc. Come on! The booyah! It's your book, Shay! What's this guy's psych up for? A bunch of different languages. Oh, I don't go into your work and say, give me your manager.

Oh, hey! Just backing up. And... Oh! Oh! Oh! Hey! I've communed with the space And I need you to put me on your shoulder and run around the mall

What? Put me on your shoulder and run around the mall, we're training you now You're like six feet tall, how would I ever do that? First off, use the space Okay, so I'll just Take your shirt off Why? Look, I'm just the conduit from the space

Are you shy? A little. Well, that's one thing you're going to have to get over. You're the chosen one. So let's do this. Okay, never mind. Put it back on. Too pink.

What? You're very. You're pinker than I expected. All of my body looks the same. No, I think it's pinker around the torso. Okay. All right. Shirt's back on.

Great. I'm going to do a backflip onto your right shoulder. Please don't do that. What? Why? Backflip. Okay, alright. Shirt's back on. Great. I'm gonna do a backflip onto your right shoulder. Please don't do that. What? Why? Backflip! Okay, good. This is tentatively good. You're so heavy. I know. I'm also very sweaty.

Alright, well, I guess let's head out. Run. Walk a little bit. Walk fast. Okay. How is this building my connection to the space? Let me be honest. I don't know. So, how will I know the Emperor when I see the Emperor? He'll be the known ruler of the universe, so that's a thing.

There's a battle coming, so there's a great astral conflagration coming. Everything that you know will start to fall apart. The reality that you've grown comfortable with, clearly, because you just, like, go around to planets and, I don't know, what did you do? What have you been working on at home? Like, what have you been working on earlier today? Earlier today?

Yeah, what great task were you accomplishing earlier today? I was working on a song. Oh, a fight song. A song to inspire the troops that you will command. Okay, let me hear it so that I may let it resonate through the ages. Since you've lost the great scrolls, the Zima scrolls,

I will start a new scroll with this great song that you've created. Oh, Dirk! The concert that Ma was going to put on was cancelled because the main star didn't show up. What are we going to do? This canceled because the main star didn't show up. Oh, but this is perfect. Don't you see how the space guides us here? Look, look, right down here in the food court, there's a teeming crowd of people,

potential soldiers waiting to be inspired by you, the great one. I'll make a short announcement, and you'll come out and sing your song. Thank you for telling me, young woman. Of course. I mean, we're going to shut it down. It's not ready. It's not ready. My song. You are ready. This is your moment to shine. And like I said, I're going to shut it down. It's not ready. It's not ready. My song. You are ready. This is your moment to shine. And like I said, I will never abandon you.

But if you blow this, I'm going to straight up kill myself right on stage. What? No, I'm just telling you this right now, okay? So this is going to be great. Ready? Greetings, food court participants. Thank you for dining at the bourbon Chicken spot, the multiple taco places. Anyway, thank you for coming here.

This is an important announcement. You're all the first soldiers in the great army that will bring the universe back into balance. The space has brought us all here. And I want... We can't wait to see Blif no more! Oh, okay. One quick update on that.

Blif couldn't be here. I think he... No, no. He's totally whack. Bring out Blif Namor. Blif. He leads on his collaborators. It's really... That dude's on the way out, okay?

You're a hater. Blif. We're all Blif heads here. No, clearly. I'm going to blow your Blif heads right off your Bliff necks because I got the future. What? Is he threatening our lives? No, you said Bliff heads.

I'm a family. I strained my Bliff neck. I can't. If you're going to put some kind of pressure on it. No, don't strain your Bliff necks. Crane your Bliff necks for our next guest. Okay. Hello. pressure on it. No, don't strain your Blifnecks, crane your Blifnecks for our next guest. Man, you guys are dedicated fans. You're not even listening to literally the words I'm saying.

Blif is over. Blif is dead? No, he's just... Did you kill Blif? They killed Blif! Let me be honest. They took his head right off his Blifneck. Who's singing? Okay, great. Thank you. Good. We have a great guest for you.

This guest is going to be the leader of the fight that will bring the space back into balance. Hey, guys. It's me, Bliff. So I'm late. Hey, everybody. All right. Coming home. I know, Bliff.

What? What? What? This is my show. Yeah, I know. Sit down. I know. What?

Your patented rap rock style is just going to have to wait a second. Bliff. Okay, one sec. Bliff, I have an opening act for you. Okay. That's destined to be the headliner of the universe. What? You won't understand this now, but there's an emperor rising in this quadrant that is... Just get to it!

Wow. Oh, big attitude all of a sudden. Please welcome to the stage, you're the... Bliff! Not Bliff. Bliff, you know what? Bliff, why don't you come with me first? You want a Blue Julius?

Ooh, yeah, I'll take a large. It's like a milkshake, but not as good. Let me just take you back, grab a quick Blue, and I welcome to the stage the Chosen One. He's got a song that's going to inspire you to rise up and take down the Emperor. Please welcome Plak Dexeter, Zima Warrior. Woo-hoo!

When I'm flying through space, it makes me feel great. I love it in space, because I have a couple mates. A second mate called C-53 and a big dar Boo! Boo! And my buddy... That old guy just set himself on fire!

Oh, dear! Black, you did this to me! Oh! That was like a reverse inspiring! That was like reverse inspiring. That was like a song parody of a good song. And now I will burn. You did this to me. Durf, what are you doing?

That's the song? That's the song? Yeah, it's a work in progress. Well, progress has stopped. All I can tell you is master the space you must. I can't be here master the space you must. I can't be here anymore because you really embarrassed me in front of the entire mall. Why can't you just come with me and actually teach me for once?

No, take what I've taught you already. You taught me almost literally nothing. This is a high-stakes way to end our lesson. You need to get ready to face off the emperor that is rising even now as we speak. As these flames crawl up my robe. Don't. You don't have to do that. It's lit! What's it lit? I cannot light it.

My wood saber is like all burnt up. Durf. Preck, I wish I could be with you, but I'm instead going to be dead. And these are my last words. Please. Punch me out from Blue Julius. I don't want to run up the payroll. Durf. Durf! Hey guys, it's Bliff. What a mess. Making a show. You have received an audio transmission from Rebellion Headquarters.

Playback will follow decryption. Attention, Rebels. This is Commander Rolfus Tittle. We here at Rebel Command know that the Rebellion is stressful. Sometimes you just need to escape this harsh reality for a bit. That's why we recommend that all Rebels listen to Imaginary Worlds. It's a great podcast all about science fiction and other fantasy genres. A super bingeable deep dive into an array of geeky topics. You can start with the

first episode that looks at what makes a good origin story or check out the miniseries episodes about Star Wars, Doctor Who, and Harry Potter. I'll tell you, losing yourself in those fantastical stories is a wonderful salve for the psychic toll of battling the Federated Alliance and the jucked up Six Squadron. And also, you know, if you happen to be in any dysfunctional personal relationships or in ever-faltering denial about a clone army being made from your genetic code, I've heard it's a great little getaway from those things as well. little getaway from those things as well. That's Imaginary Worlds, exploring the fan experience, what makes us suspend our disbelief, and what happens when that spell is broken. With host Eric Malinsky, through years of public radio experience, Eric brings a thoughtfully produced voice to the far out and the fantastical. Listen and subscribe at imaginaryworldspodcast.org

wherever you get your podcasts. Long live the rebellion! Tittle out. End of message. Wait, so this is insane. So we know that Zwagtan Bui, the architect for the Planet Crusher, and the Planet Crusher Crusher is going to Kuntaras, the capital of the Federated Alliance. He shipped his pocket universe there where he can actually produce multiple planet crushers

and it's all in service of some member of the council. Excellent recap. Listen, Nermit. I'm going to put this in for processing. No, Nermit, listen. You have to just take it straight to Rolfus's office. This is important. I know, he hates that. No, but just... I'm going to mark this

middle high priority. What? Just high priority. No, that's really reserved for... For what? What event would be above this? They really tried to... Like, you got to be sure.

You don't want to... Nermit. Yeah. Nermit. Yeah. Take it in your hand over to Rolfus right now. Okay. I'm going to put it on my list.

What? What is on your list besides that? Nothing, but I wrote it on the second line in case one more important thing happens. What? What? Why are you? More important than this. I don't know.

No one knows what happens in the future. That's a good point. I don't know. That's a good point. Okay, sure. But I will tell you this. Yeah. The prophecy states that there's a good point. I don't know. That just seems... But I will tell you this. Yeah. The prophecy states that there's a battle coming

and that I'm going to be very prominently featured in it. That's my nephew, right? How did you... Yeah, who told you that at the mall? An old, older friend. An older... Mm-hmm. All right.

And I got a 185 bowling while everyone was gone. Oh, that's pretty good. Yeah. That's pretty good. They put up those inflatable things on the sides. Yeah, that's actually pretty low for bumpers. Honestly, I'm 19 inches tall, guys. Throw me a bone.

Sure. Okay. I bought a hat. At the mall? Yeah, at the ship mall, which is next to it. Oh. No, I didn't realize that's the ship mall. Yeah, I bought a hat.

Oh. So that's a thing that happened to me. Also, I booked Bargy, great. I don't know. I just wanted to... I gave Beano power of my profession because I've kind of been in a bad place. And Beano, why don't you tell him about my new role? Beano booked Bargy a under five in a space cop procedural. Yeah, it'll be a spaceship that's moving boxes.

It's telling these two detective people just what happened, but like under five lines of information. Because if you do over five lines, you get a higher rate, and this is a low-bud 45 yes that seems high bino yeah well that's what you gotta do in your career in the beginning when your beginning starts over again bino no hollow business anyway we're shooting it right now so everyone be quiet i and then I'll do my first take. Wait, are we in this show? Yeah.

Well, you're inside of me. You're not visually. Should we duck below the windows? No, just be quiet. They are not looking inside of me. Great, great. Channel, channel, and action. So where were you that night? What can I say?

I was here in space just waiting for you to come here. And I found a box, and inside of it... Oh, you just found a box? Yeah, I found a box. Well, I guess that's all we need to know from you, isn't it? Goodbye. Bye. Can I do a second take, or...?

Oh, we got it. You got it? Yeah, we got it. Thank you it? Yeah, we got it. Thank you very much. One and done. Yeah, that's what they say before they... I think we're going to lose that scene. Yeah, they're going to lose it.

Oh, yeah. All right, Nermit. Well, you know, let us know what we can do with the, you know, impending conflict. Enjoy your Blue Julius, by the way. What do you mean? The Blue Julius that you... We met your guy. Oh, sure. You guys all enjoyed Blue Juliuses, and I didn't get one.

That's really nice. I said you enjoy your Blue Julius. I don't have a Blue Julius. I wasn't at the strip mall with you. Why would you order a Blue Julius? What are you talking about? You know what, guys? I'll talk to you guys later. I'm going to be in my room. Blue Julius?

What are you talking about? All right, you know what, guys? I'll talk to you guys later. I'm going to be in my room. Uh, Beano. Oh, Beano found this box. What do you mean? Beano found this box. Beano loves fine woodwork.

Beano, these are Durf's ancient scrolls. Where did you get these? Beano knew. All right. Well, thank you, Bino. Read the scrolls. What? DERF?

I knew you faked it. You did it again. I'm dead. I'm just a voice now. Yeah, from where? Space. Easy answer, but space. All right, fine.

I'll read the scroll. It's what I was going to do. I'm not going to sit alone in my room and open the box and then not read the scrolls. I'm kept very indignant for, like, a pretty amazing thing I'm doing right now. Okay. Did you punch me out? Oh, you know what? The payroll's going gonna be a nightmare. This is SeaRed IT5.

Credits and attributions to our commencing outro protocol. Emissary Plex Dexeter was played by Alden Ford. C-53 was played by Jeremy Bent. Security Officer Dar was played by Ali Kokesh. The Bargerian Jade and Roos

were played by Mujan Zulfagari. Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundeloy and Blift Damore Thank you. speak character showcase, characters welcome and host the weekly variety show, Gentrify, with Alden Ford and Brandon Scott Jones. He also co-hosts Comic Book Club, a weekly comic book show and podcast at NYC. Follow him on Twitter at JTCizzle. This episode was edited

by Seth Lind with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell. Recorded at Robert Doggy Jr.'s Puppy Palace in Brooklyn, New York. Music by Brennan Ryan. Opening crawl narration

by Jeremy Crutchley. Ship design for The Bargerian Jade by Eric Boyce. Mission to Zix is brought to this. Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Boyce. Mission to Zix is brought to this galaxy by Audioboom. Thanks, Audioboom. Do you want to be a Zima warrior? Join the other defenders of the space on Patreon

and get custom ringtones, free merch, and more. Go to patreon.com slash mission to Zix and fulfill your destiny. Okay, yep, fair enough. Get off the stage! Whoa! That old guy just set himself on fire! Oh, Dirk! Black, you did this to me!

Oh! That was like the Weird Al version of a song that we needed to hear. It was reverse inspiring. That was like a song parody of a good song Like a strange owl version of it And now I will burn You did this to me Oh, Dofer's really cool about being on fire That was awesome

Great I mean, I don't know I just thought that was funny To have him killing himself again somehow I mean, I promised multiple times I wouldn't die So I was definitely going to do it Yeah